The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast - S7 E5 Paradise Found

Episode Date: September 4, 2018

Ashley and Jared’s engagement episode has finally aired! We get a live call from Ashley and Jared, and they give their honest thoughts about what aired and how they remember the moment. We dive right in with Ben, and he addresses the recent news that his ex Lauren Bushnell has broken up with her boyfriend.   Then, straight from Marriage Bootcamp, Desiree Hartsock and Chris Siegfried stop by! They share some wedding planning advice with Ashley, and they give an intimate look at what it was like dating on and off the show.  But they don’t leave before we hear their thoughts on if Colton should be the next Bachelor, and everyone shares their “no holds barred “thoughts on the state of Leo.   One of Ben’s favorite authors Bob Goff calls in with some valuable lessons on how to get through difficult situations. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, everybody, Ben here. I have a secret for you. For months, Iheart radio and myself have been working on a whole new project, Lady Bosses and Ben with my wonderful co-host, Jesse Draper. This podcast will be a podcast highlighting women that are dominating this world, absolutely crushing every arena they're operating in. If it's sports, if it's business, if it's entertainment, we are highlighting these women, lifting them up, hearing their stories of successes and failures, and then allowing you, the listener to hear every insight into their lives. Make sure you check out Lady Bosses and Ben everywhere. IHeart Radio is available. Hey guys, this is Easton, and we're going to get Jared and Ashley on the line because Ben and Ashley taped this episode earlier today, but Jared and Ashley want to react to

what you all saw on Bachelor in Paradise tonight because this was a really big night for them and we want to get their thoughts on it right now. So we have Jared and Ashley here on the line, and it was such a beautiful proposal, but what do you guys think? Thanks, Houston. Hey, what's going on? Yeah, we feel like so good about our proposal. It was so sweet.

Jared is legit, a magical man. Ashley is the most beautiful girlfriend turned fiancé ever. And just, I couldn't have imagined, I still can't imagine wanting, you know, being proposed to in any other spot. Jared had mentioned that he wanted to make Paradise right for me because he had so many ups and downs there. And it was kind of looked at as like a place of a lot of emotion, not necessarily always the greatest emotion. And he wanted me to be able to look back on there, on that place, such a special place to us, and feel really good feeling. which is why he thought that it would be great to propose to me there, and I could have asked for nothing more.

I thought that was perfect. Yeah, I mean, the opportunity to go back to paradise and to make it right after messing up for so many times. Jared. It's true, though. Oh, baby. It was an opportunity that I jumped at, and I always wanted to propose to my fiancé in a place that was very meaningful for both of us, and there's no more. meaningful place than that beach where we first met two years ago. That's something that he even told me, like, a week or two into knowing each other.

I asked him, I go, where do you plan on proposing one day? And he goes somewhere meaningful to my wife and I, and never when I have thought. That would be me. I mean, I hope. I'm just glad I didn't sound too much like an idiot. You sounded so great. That's good. I appreciate it, baby.

You sounded amazing. Like, it was like he was meant to do proposing. And it was a great, I know, and it was such a great day. It's weird watching your proposal back. A lot of people don't get that opportunity. And so thinking back upon that day and how great it was to be able to go down to the beach where we first met and then, you know, proposed to Ashley in the place where I caused there so much pain and really just make things right.

And then our friends were there too. You know, later that night, Tanner and Jade, we got dinner with them and was able to celebrate. And it was such an awesome day. And so watching it back, brought back a lot of emotion. But it was definitely difficult to watch back at times. As you guys saw, you know, Kevin Ashley's ex-boyfriend was down there in Paradise. Definitely not a normal thing to have to have your ex. No, of course.

Present for your proposal. And I didn't know. And it wasn't ideal. No, of course, it's never ideal. And I didn't know he was going to be. to be in Paradise. I mean, we had weird rumors that he might be down there and Ashley

didn't know I was going down to propose to her and we were keeping it a secret so she honestly thought that we were just going down there and to hand out the day card and obviously none of the cast that in Paradise knew what was going on. So you know I did my best to try to keep that

secret to surprise Ashley so no one could have really planned you know to figure out a way to make sure Kevin wasn't there for the moment because none of us would want him there for his sake. No, of course. And so, and I don't want to propose to ask in front of the next boyfriend. I mean, the night before

we headed down to Paradise, I was on the phone with producers saying I did not want Kevin there. And I didn't know if he was still down in Paradise, honestly. Obviously, I didn't know if he came and left if he was still in paradise or not. And so I remember just being on the phone saying, listen, if Kevin is there, please just do whatever you need

to do to make sure he's not there during the engagement because, you know, this is the moment that every person dreams of, the moment that you get engaged and as a guy for a very long time I'm trying to this moment and what I'm going to say and who's going to be with and

you know, pulling out the ring and getting down on one knee and then the idea of doing that. in front of my fiance's ex-boyfriend is horrible and something I didn't want. And obviously, Kevin wouldn't have wanted either. And so I just tried to make sure that he wasn't there. And that was, unfortunately, not an option for me. And it came down to me either proposing in paradise in front of them. Not, you know, and with making it as less awkward as possible,

and I got certain promises where it was made. You know, very clear to me that they were going to make it as little awkward as possible and as little painless as possible. So everybody's happy. And it was. And it was in the moment totally was. We didn't, you know, we knew he was there, but it wasn't like an overwhelming presence. We said hi to him afterward. But we didn't even know that they were watching on.

We didn't even know the cast was watching on. So, I mean, you guys saw we went down there and it sucked. I'm not going to lie. First walking down and the first time I ever saw Kevin. And it just really sucked because I had to stand there, knowing I'm about to propose to Ashley. while looking at her ex-boyfriend. I mean, nobody in their right mind wants to be put in that position. But having said that, you know, I'm not going to base my decisions based on Kevin's feelings.

And I hope you would understand and respect that because I love Ashley and I want to propose to her on that beach. And you don't get really any opportunities like that. I had one opportunity and I either took advantage of it or I didn't. And to be honest, like I said, before we went down in Paradise, I didn't know if he was there. or not. And I was on the phone trying to make sure that he wasn't there. And unfortunately, that could not be possible for me. And so I did what I had to do. And, you know, and during the day, it wasn't really that awkward. We didn't see him. And when we were, you know, when he was proposing to me, I was totally zoned in on him and on me. And we didn't see anybody else. We

didn't even see the cameras, honestly, and we had no idea that the cast was watching us until they all cured at the end of it. Like I said, watching that moment, you know, it's funny when we were watching back and seeing me walk down the beach with you, I can just see how nervous I was. You feel like I watched myself, and I feel like I would look calmer than I really was. You felt calm walking in the beach, but you also didn't know what was going on. Like, I could tell that I was like... At that point, I'm starting to know.

Oh, yeah, you can tell, like, even when I walk in front of the crowd, you can tell, like, how awkward I am. My head is always down. It's so interesting watching yourself back, because you can tell, oh, yeah, what the hell were you doing? And obviously, I felt awkward, you know, I tried, but, you know, it's very awkward because I didn't want to, like, also didn't want to, like, make it seem like I was showing anybody up, you know, walking in front, holding your hand. Yeah, yeah. You're, you know, you're my girlfriend. You're the person I love most, most. and so I wanted to showcase that

without making it seem like flaunting. No, the last thing I wanted to do. So like I just, I could, you know, it's weird watching yourself back

and like, oh, I can tell how awkward I was and my head was always down. But then it was, it was better awkwardness when we were walking down the beach because then I could just see

how nervous I was, which was pretty funny to watch back. Yeah. So that's the cool part. That's the really cool part. You get to like, you get all those feelings back of how I was feeling in the moment.

Like, oh my God, I can, I remember how awkward I felt knowing that like, holy crap, okay, here we go. Like, I'm pulling out the ring and I'm going to get down on one knee and then open the box and say, Ashley, will you marry me? Just don't screw this up, Jared. I remember being sloppier than it looked, so that was nice. Yeah, no, you look great.

Everything was great. You were beautiful. You were so beautiful in that yellow dress. Thank you. Um. But, yeah, it was good. And, yeah, I mean, I think I, yeah, the only, the only problem that I had was that we had that conversation between Astrid and Kevin aired just after our proposal. And so let's clarify.

Jared and I were really honest. We were completely transparent in telling our. story, through the story of us back in May, we thought that our kiss in the airport was important enough to include it to the public. Because it was a huge turning

point. And I kicked her. Like, you want to put blame on Tony? Put blame on me. I'm the one in the airport that went to Ashley stole her away and kissed her. And yes, it was one kiss and it shouldn't have happened. Actually, I lied. It should have happened because now we're engaged. And it does suck. Like, I'm not saying

that, you know, if I wasn't the guy on the other side, I wouldn't have been mad about it. But the fact that it gets so much. The fact that it's getting a lot of attention now, and we were so honest about it up front. And why were we honest about it up front? Because I had only known Kevin for one month at that point. This was Jared, who I had been in his love with basically for two and a half years. Well, that's basically it. Thank you for letting us share how we felt. It's amazing to have this platform to really get our feelings out there when we have. them totally thank you and we will talk to you soon listen to the rest of the podcast

bye Ben and Ashley taped this episode of the almost famous podcast earlier today with the assumption that Jared and Ashley's proposal would air as they remembered it and experienced it as you know from listening to their live phone call just now things aired differently they wanted to share their feelings once they watched it live as you all did tonight we hope that you will listen and enjoy the rest of the podcast as they taped it earlier today This is the Ben and Ashley I, Almost Famous Podcast with IHartRadio. Ashley, how are you doing? Good. How are you?

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So cute. I don't know who know who Kahnoo-N is. Hey, what the heck, Ashley? You're engaged? Yeah, you didn't know? I'm surprised. And I'm ecstatic. I get to watch it.

It was really, really cool. It's nice to have, who gets their video, who gets a video of their proposal? No one. So it's like really, really cool. Well, I mean, I once did. Aw. I mean, out of this franchise, okay?

did. I once did. Please don't gloss over that. Why do you go back? Wait, Ben, can I ask you something I've been really wanting to ask you? But it's like the weird elephant in the room. Be careful. Okay, so I'm going to ask it. I'm just going to have balls and ask it. And then if you don't want to talk about it. Oh, that's fine. So Lauren broke up with her boyfriend. Did she break up with him? Oh, I have no idea. I just read what I read in Us magazine. Uh, yeah. I've, I've, been asked about a lot. What are your thought? I don't know. You know, it's, it's so hard. Actually, Ashley was the very first person to reach out and say, hey, how are you doing? I was the first person. Yeah, people don't, yeah, people just kind of like, don't ask. Um, but then press started

reaching out. And so it's not, that's fun. Yeah, it's great. It's really awesome. It's just a really good cycle of pain. It's like, all right, the knife has been pulled out of your stomach. Let's stab it back in over something that you have nothing to do with. And let me open up about my feelings to total strangers. Yeah, it's so crazy. I mean, this is honestly my thoughts and the best way I can process them. One is, I really have nothing to do with their relationship. Like, there's zero part of me that was involved at all at any point in that other than the fact that that relationship at some level, like made me kind of jealous, maybe, or I was like upset about it because it, like, hurt. And I remember at the very beginning, it was only about a week before I found out they were dating.

I was talking to my buddies and I was like, you know what the hardest part about this breakup's going to be? And I was like, when I find out she's dating somebody else. And then it was like a week later that I found out. So it was like the bandaid got ripped off pretty early and pretty quickly. Yeah. Which made me, you know, we've talked about on the podcast before. and I'm sure this is me over speaking, but when you could have a breakup, it's really hard.

You feel a lot of emotions, not all of which are proper right or even logical. For me, I felt a lot of anger, a lot of pain, a lot of hurt, a lot of hatred, just for no other reason.

Other fact that I just wasn't happy that this season of my life was now done. And then I kind of gave that up because I was like, there's no use in me hating anything about this. and Lauren's, you know, a woman that I love and care about deeply. And so I don't want to hate her. That's weird. And if she likes this guy, then as much as it sucks and as much as I'm going to be jealous

about it and I'm going to be pissed off about it, I'm going to be excited that, you know, in life she has somebody that's going to make her happy. And so now that's over. I don't have any clue why. I haven't asked and I probably will never know. And I just know how tough breakups are. And I know how, like, confusing they may be. So I guess now I just, I hope that Lauren is able to process what happened, learn from this breakup, you know, good and bad, and move on with Grace.

Because she will. She's a strong woman. She's a, she's a power player. She's a lady boss. So she'll do really well. But it doesn't feel, this is, and I'll end here, it doesn't, this is the, and maybe anybody out there listening could write in and tell us their thoughts on this. what does it feel like when your loved one that you care about so deeply gets into a new relationship and then what does it feel like when that relationship ends are you happy about it

are you excited uh does it causes a ton of different emotions and then what would you feel like if you were then asked about it all of the time afterwards um because it just kind of like i don't know how to respond honestly i mean i want what's best for lauren she uh she's somebody shared a lot of life with so i don't think i'm crazy for that I would say that the person would probably feel excited, happy about their breakup, only when they had maybe intention on reconnecting with that person. So I know the answer, but I will ask for the audience. Did you have any of those feelings of excitement? Honestly, no.

And I mean, I would say, I don't know if I could, I would answer yes, even if I did because I would make me sound evil. but I really did it. I really probably wouldn't. I really didn't feel excited. You know, you guys and everyone at there listening has kind of been with us on this journey. I mean, this podcast started what the week that Lauren and I ended our relationship. Literally. Like the day.

Literally. It did. So like it was, anybody out there listening has been with me from the beginning on this. And it's been hard to process sometimes what I should feel and what's healthy to feel and what's healthy to give up and not feel and to move on from I mean it with with all sincerity like I loved Lauren a ton and so I was hurt and I was jealous of this new guy like I did not like this thing this was not something that I looked at and was like I'm thrilled to see pictures of this like that is my girl and then I gave that up yeah it sucks and I

think a lot of people out there can probably feel that and relate with that and So I then gave that up because I was like, no, Ben, stop being crazy. She is no longer your girl. She has a different partner. You need to stop being weird. And so I gave it up. I moved on. I then have been a recovering dating or recovering breakup person for the last year.

And so I've emotionally disconnected from that relationship because I just felt every emotion way before now. and so when I heard it was just like you know what kind of sucks and this is definitely me over speaking you know what kind of sucks is that I felt all of these like really unhealthy things towards this relationship with the like with the hope that like

this was something going to be so good because then I you know at the end of the day I would say you know what this has made her happy and so as a result no matter how they got there and I think we talked a couple weeks ago was somebody about how their relationship started and it was through, you know, they were in a relationship and they met

and then they got married, whatever. And now this relationship, I don't know what that relationship means to my relationship with Lauren or my life story because this was a big piece of pain for me. Right. I'm trying to read through what you're saying there. Are you saying had it worked out

with her and this other guy, you would have maybe found some sort of peace like it was meant to be. So I had to endure this pain like, but look that was what was supposed to happen for her so now they broke up and you're like great I had a year of pain and it didn't work out yeah exactly I get that I was having a hard time but then again it's like this isn't about me like and I'm and so I'm reminding myself this is people have asked me I was at an event last week in Los Angeles and the whole press line was asking me about it because I'm not doing anything cool enough for them to ask me about they have to ask me about my ex's relationship but that you know i have to remind my like my remind myself when they ask this question is stop making this about you this is not about me at all it never will be this is her breakup and and and so as somebody that loves her and knows her uh and cares about her i mean i guess joy in life i just hope

she is like okay like i just hope she isn't hurting i hope that she has people around her that are loving on her and wrapping her up in her in her arms and i'm sure she does like she's gonna be fine she's going to crush it it just sucks in the meantime i still think it's a little about you like you're allowed to have feelings yeah you don't have to be so tough that you're not allowed to feel something because it's adjacent to you do you know what i mean maybe it's not directly about you but it's close yeah maybe maybe that's true i don't know maybe i i feel very uncomfortable about having feelings about it maybe that's it no that you definitely shouldn't i wonder what you would have felt if this happened six months ago when you're more in the

midst of recovery. Wow. I probably would have been so excited. I know. Isn't that interesting? There was another breakup in Bachelor Nation that happened this week. Who was that? That was Courtney and Lily from Bachelor Winter Games.

No. I really didn't think they were going to break up. Easton just clasped his chest. That was a sad one for me. That was the one couple, Ashley, you and I said, would really make it from Winter Games. I didn't even think you and Kevin would make it. I never counted on that. I just thought they would make it.

Oh, we all did. Yeah. I think they're going to stay good friends. I actually think that they are. And it's not just something that they're saying right now. Yeah. I wonder what happened. I mean, it makes sense.

I read his Instagram post and he explained it as they're like a best not being emotionally attached to each other. And I get that. You kind of get to that place in life where you like, we're just good friends. Me caring about you emotionally isn't doing us any good. Yeah. She's like so young and wild. She's 22.

she is the kind of person that doesn't want to be locked down so I don't think this is the right time in her life. They were on that crazy road trip, right? Yeah, they've gone on a couple trips now that they've documented pretty well. Well, Ashley,

yeah, I'm going to run out to go get Chris and Desiree. So I feel bad your engagement got overtaken by Ben's. Break up. Ben's breakup? How is this my breakup? I did not break up here.

I am not involved in this. She met that guy on Tinder, which also kind of surprising. But she met him on Tinder way back in the day. well right but still they met on tinder like well tinder has a lot of successful relationships now i feel like 50% of people now be on a dating app tinder included bumble i'm a more i'm a hinge person too it seems a little more depth i wish ben would let me set him up uh you're not setting me up amy

because i have got good tape i'm a cowboy i'm a wild child i'm on my own i'm running i'm running free and and you know i'm a one-man show ever since being engaged all I want to do is set friends up. It's just so cool that like now I get to concentrate on other people's love lives. It's because I really don't think you want to be set up. I truly don't. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know. Sleep is important. You can't afford another restless night's sleep. Okay, so honestly, Jared and I were kind of tossing and turning over in his bed in Rhode Island because we've been here this week and we've been a little bit nervous. He's just like a little nervous as we've had his sister's wedding, and then we had our proposal aired.

But if we had our sleep number here in Rhode Island, it would have changed things significantly. We wouldn't have a restless night's sleep. So Jared likes the bed a little bit harder than I do. I like to be pretty elevated. I like to have like an incline on my head. He likes to sleep pretty flat. I need a cushy. and our new sleep number is designed to help us each get better sleep.

The new sleep number 360 is a smart bed, and it has never been a better time to get it now. It's the biggest sale of the year on sleep number, and there's definitely a store near you, and all the beds are on sale. Sleep number 360 smart bed lets you choose the comfort and support that's right for you and adjust on each side, so it's the perfect bed for couples. You can actually feel how it contours to your neck,

shoulders back and hips. And it gives you the proper spine alignment. They sense your every move and automatically adjust to keep you sleeping blissfully through the night. Does your bed do that? So come in during the final days of the biggest sale of the year where all the beds are on sale, like I said, plus save 40% on the new sleep number 360 limited edition smart bed now through Sunday. You'll only find sleep number at any of their 550 sleep number stores nationwide, find the one nearest you by visiting sleep number.com slash podcast. And don't forget when you're at the sleep number store, we tell them that Ben and Ashley from the Almost Famous Podcasts on you. Des and Chris, thanks for coming on the Almost Famous Podcast. Yeah, thanks for having us.

You bet. I know life is moving at a quick pace for you all. You have some big updates to share with all of the listeners. But before we do that, Chris, what do you think of the Cubs right? now. Oh, go Cubs. I think they've got six in a row right now, man. It's absolutely incredible. And that's, I mean, that's really the only thing I want to talk to you about was the Cubs. But I know Ashley has a list of things to talk to you both about. And, uh, and I will chime in where I can. First off, congratulations, guys. Number two, how many years apart are they going to be? Two years. Perfect. The perfect amount. Is it a girl or a boy? Boy. Okay. That's our second boy. Second boy. Yeah, two boys. Are you going to try for our third?

a girl? Easy. We will wait and see. You carry so perfect tonight. She's so tiny and then she has her little baby bump. It's the cutest thing ever. You look so pretty. Is there anything you guys are doing differently?

Are you more chill this time around? You're just like, oh, we've been through this before. I mean, I feel like this has gone by so much faster because we're just so busy with a toddler and work that just this past Sunday we did we found out that it was a boy and now it feels like oh yeah we are on to our second child so you already have all the stuff ready we do yeah it's actually really great that's so easy i've had a lot more wine this time yeah that is true he's drinking plenty for me all right you guys are also on marriage boot camp marriage boot camp guys is something that i even i told jared and my agent this week i was like they'd have to pay us i think half a million

dollars to do the show because the amount of stress you guys go through and the amount of past arguments that should be put to bed that are not while filming the show is something I never want to address. Yeah, I mean, it's definitely something that you have to like relive certain things in order to get through the show. Yeah. But, um, yeah, but we're, we're both really strong with where we're at. Exhibit.

Why would you do it? Yeah, why do it then? You know, for money. It's really for the money. Let's be honest. We all know doing marriage we've campus for the money. We went on to work on our communication.

Yeah, so when we filmed it, Asher was only about eight months old. Oh, my goodness. So it's been in the bank for a while. It's been about a year. And so we were new parents. And we had been asked a couple times before that, and I was exactly like you.

And I'm like, hell no. Like, I never want to do it. I don't want to, you know, put our relationship out there. And then, I don't know. For some reason, I just felt like when we were new parents and kind of going through that vulnerable stage,

I thought it would be a good time to reconnect and work on certain things that we needed to. So would you, do you feel stronger now that you did beforehand? Such a good question. I was going to have to do the same thing. I'll say that. I would say, yeah. I mean, it just had to, I mean,

we brought up stuff that we already knew. Yeah. Some, you know, I'm sure it'll be aired. But there's some stuff that will be aired that we were like, we were solid on and we're solid. still on. I think it's just because we were so busy with a newborn, there's things you just, you know that you need to work on

but you just don't because you're like tired and busy. So this show was a good opportunity for us to actually talk about things. They brought up Brooks on the show and that is, you know, that was your runner up. It was your third

place on your season. Just to remind people that are listening, was he the one that bailed? Yes. Yeah. So that's It's annoying. Remind everybody what happened. Okay. I feel awkward reminding everyone what happened.

Oh, it's okay. That was so long ago. So basically, Des liked, you know, she liked Brooks a lot. And then Brooks, she had 25 guys. She liked Brooks. She liked Chris. Then there was a random guy in between. I don't remember his name.

And then Brooks was like, you know, I'm not going. I don't picture myself at the end of this with you. So then he left. And you were quite devastated, but it really opened your eyes to know. like that Chris was your man. Absolutely. So the whole thing is, is like, I mean, Ben knows the show gives you the opportunity. It's not even

gives you the opportunity. It just happens that you are able to fall in love with multiple people. And the only part about my season that was a bummer is that that was the focus. Yeah. Was like the drama of someone leaving rather than looking back at when Chris and

my love story began. Yeah. It just got overshadowed. Right. Because it started way before Brooks left like that had nothing to do with it so it was just a bummer that it happened that way but that is frustrating but you know what the show was exactly how my story needed to unfold so I'm glad was it a stressful I mean I think everybody out there watching I remember this was it a stressful last few days or were you excited about the you know moving on with Chris because I really think this is my opinion please argue with me the love story really

starts on the show and it kind of begins once the show is over. So I can get how you're dating up until that kind of last moment, which just happens to be a proposal. Yeah, no, true. Like, Chris and I, though, we talked about a lot. Like, we knew that before he even proposed that I was going to move to Seattle, we talked about our lives together. So we kind of had that picture in mind before even getting engaged.

And so that was really helpful to know what our life. would look like I think hometowns were really important for us because that's when I also felt so comfortable with his family and just felt like I fit right in and I think it was the same when he met my parents it was just kind of like we just I think we were just meant to be and that's exactly how we were supposed to meet yeah and I to speak for does so the difference been was that when at the end I was the only one there and I had been the only one there for like 10 days or, you know, in bachelor-led days. Oh, that's right.

So I would think that she was excited to get going. You know, it was like a different build-up to the end of, okay, there's two guys, I've got to let one go. They're both going to pour their hearts out for me. I didn't know, right? So I just had to stay strong, but she knew already. Because once Brooks left, Drew got the axe. Sounds so mean.

No, no, all right. Yeah, we're doing it. Everyone's doing good, so. But you know what I mean? He's a little bit different, right? Is he married? I have no idea. Oh, you're not even friends with them.

You guys, did you stay chummy at all with any of the guys from your season? Ironically. Yeah, Brooks and Michael G. Okay. Zach Waddell, shirtless dude. Well, we know Zach because he's Carlin's brother. Yeah, exactly. We know Michael G.

He's one of my favorite people in the world. Right? I mean, those are all guys that were at our wedding. Not to mention. Nuts. Bachelor girls. I mean, you've been there. Ben, you've been there.

It's a different world when you're in it. Like, everything's heightened. Everything is focused on just the relationship or just on that. And then once you get into the real world, you realize kind of what's important. And I don't know. We just kind of just kept going strong with our relationship and building it in Seattle. So it was nice. I have one lat and then we'll dig in more here to.

to everything going on right now. What have you found being important post-batchelor? I've always been interested in what are those bachelor relationships look like five years down the road with kids. What are the some of the things that you hold sacred? Well, I think when we first started, it was the fact that we wanted to focus on each other. Like, we didn't want to put any,

any, like, fame or anything like that in front of our relationship. And I think that's what made us strong. As for right now, I think it's just keeping family in mind keeping what's important like who knows you best that's what's most important

and making sure that your marriage is strong so that your children can be strong and you know I don't know I think that's what's most important to us right now yeah we've done a pretty good job you know for better or worse keeping things separate right like Des was a wedding designer

beforehand and then she got into wedding design and that's what she wanted to do and this was a good launching pad to give exposure. But now she's at a point where she has, her creation is going to take her as far as it can, right? Like the Bachelor promoting her wedding design is building to be so good. Yeah, I think what are you saying is that whatever we were doing

before the show is exactly what we're doing now. And I think that's what was most important. Yeah, and so that for us was what has really helped kept our relationship strong. Yeah. So are you still designing one and girls? Oh, yeah. You are.

Yeah, I know, girl. I told you, last time I saw you, I said I could design a dress. Okay, you guys didn't have a TV wedding, but you were in the bridal industry. I was. So did you, how did you feel about that? Were you like, oh, I want the TV wedding? Or you're like, this way I can have more hands on? Yeah, I think we were kind of 50-50, whatever, like, worked out.

Honestly, we are so happy to be able to have it be intimate and kind of, you know, do our, thing and I don't know have the most special people in our lives yeah that way you can you make sure that you have everybody you need there not just the bachelor cast we had a great wedding yeah we did lots of 90s throwbacks and lots of 90s everyone on the dance floor the music is so important so start working on your playlist I know did you have a DJ or a band we did oh do you know tasos he was on a oh yes yeah so ironically I knew tasos way back in the day like in Denver he was on your season no no he was on it he was on Andy season

so I knew him way back like when we were like 16 and so he did our he's a DJ so he did our wedding that's awesome yeah DJs are I think the way to go because that way you can play all the music that you want to play I don't know it's stuff all those questions that comes to wedding planning

you guys still reel them in though because they'll go on a tangent and like we're not doing requests oh no it's your wedding yeah we got to be careful you told him no request of certain yeah certain songs because we were like we didn't want that typical wedding sound yeah it's very known i know exactly what you're talking about when he's like typical wedding sound it caters more to the um the parents

than it does the 20s and 30s anyway then you got any more questions for christendaz yeah well now i want to move into i was kind of letting you guys talk wedding stuff so i thought we're going to get to commit to a wedding dress but we'll see what about a wedding date my wedding date is going to be probably confirmed within the next 10 days wow yeah yeah Jared and I have his sister's wedding this coming weekend and then the days after that we're going to look at venues in Rhode Island and the one that we really like um we have to get back to them by September 7th so there you go yeah so there I go you should just get married on the same day that her sister his sister is getting married and take it over

no i already feel bad for the amount of attention we're going to get over not over that couple but you know the guests will flock oh i know that's okay yeah um all right well i i'm sue i think as i've watched marriage boot camp i've had a couple friends go on and do it um and i we kind of touched on it but we didn't get a clear answer do you did you find it beneficial are you happy you did it Yeah, I think there's some... Hesidents. Nobody likes it. No, there was a delay.

There was a delay. There's a delay. Oh, like that we did. Okay, there was. Sorry. We were just waiting for it. No, you know what? I think no matter what phase you're in

in your relationship, whether that's dating or marriage, it's always good to stop and talk about it and kind of find out if there's any problems because sometimes they're underlying and you don't even see them until they're brought up. My only quam about the show is that, It's going to try to go back to your bachelor's experience.

And you're going to be like, wait, we overcame that again already. We don't have to revisit that, especially because it's such an unnatural environment. Like, nobody else has to go and watch your spouse date other people on camera. You know, they would have never witnessed that. They could have, like, heard about how it was, but they never saw it. And it's a whole different dynamic. It really is. And I think it's just sometimes disappointing that that's what it always goes back to because Chris

and I do have so many other facets of our relationship that should be shown. And hopefully the show will show that. Yeah. But we do revisit. Yeah, we revisit The Bachelorette, which was five years ago. But we do. But you know what? I think it was good for us.

I think it put us into a vulnerable state for us to both share things about our relationship that maybe we didn't know the other felt. Yeah, we have a very select population or very few population that understands the bachelor bachelor bachelor's those people that go through it right yeah and we have all the fans that go through it with us yeah and have their opinions yeah but you know exactly how it how it goes right yeah because you're inner yeah you all i mean you i think consistently and just because of the people you are and and we got to spend some good time together years ago at a mcdonald's commercial yeah that was fun um but i think you both have been celebrating

kind of as the couple in Bachelor Nation that people can relate with the most. And I wonder if my question for you is, do you think any of that has to do with the way that you two really met? I mean, I guess your love story you said started way before, you know, the kind of leaving of Brooks.

But I think a lot of people out there when they watch that, they really related with both of you and were rooting for you from then on out. Did you feel that? Or is there other reasons why people can relate with you so much? I mean, I think maybe just because both Chris and I were going on the show very just I think it's completely different now than when we were on it

and then when we were on it compared to when Jason was on it right like every five years there's a jump yeah yeah jumps right and I think people can relate to both both what you said like they were rooting for us on the show but they're also rooting for us now and because we're super relatable in that we shoot I do mortgages that's so boring but you know what I'm saying like it's super normal

yeah and you know so that's something yeah I mean we live a very normal life yeah like you guys stay in your hometown often not like Caitlin and Sean

which are constantly on a different like continent or Rachel and Brian are constantly going from like Connecticut to Texas to L.A you guys are like at home with the kids it is very relatable Yeah, it stays consistent and strong

And I don't know I think that's something that just makes us strong too is Not that you can't right Oh totally It's working for us and so we kind of stay with it Each relationship is so different For sure But the other thing too is like the show is just like everyday life

Like you're either gonna work out or you're not And like you said Ben Like the relationship does Technically begin after the show Because that's really when you're seeing other people's like quirks and how they like handle situations how they handle stress because on the show like there is none outside of relationship yeah outside of like the emotional yeah there's not like the everyday stress um so it's interesting no i mean before kids no yeah i'm saying before kids yeah he she means

like you know when you go on the glamour date it's like you don't have any stress but then you get off and then you're like oh wait what real world yeah they figure out how to pay for dinner yeah exactly are like helicopters I mean no I ask for medium rare easily medium are you too are you watching do you still keep up with the shows

yeah occasionally we've actually really gotten into paradise this is the season of paradise I'm here to declare that it's better than any other season of paradise and I yeah I know and I was on the other ones I think it's so lovable golden should be the bachelor no

and was it right for Tia and Colton to break up Hey, but before we answer those questions, let's take a break here. I know we have one of our crazy, consistent sponsors, FabFit Fun. Ashley, you love Fat Fit Fun. I love Fat Fit Fun. Can you tell our audience about Fat Fit Fun? Hey, Des, you love FabFit Fun as much as I do, right? I do, yes.

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so you can save $10 off your first box, making it only $39.99. Again, then it's fabfitfund.com. Use the code almost famous. That's code alone is worth more than $40. The coat alone? The tote. Oh, totally.

I was like, our code is worth $10. But yes, the tote is worth way more than $39.99. Again, Fabfitfund.com, almost famous. Treat yourself. Ooh, girl, treat yourself. Should we talk about Paradise with you guys? No, sure. You light up and like it.

And I think we got to talk about Colton be the bachelor. I think we got to talk about Paradise. But before we close our segment on Chris and Des, I have to ask this. I've been, I had it written down. I'm not going to let us skip over. This is the one question I want to ask you both. If you had one minute, let's say 30 seconds, Des to explain your favorite things about Chris. And Chris, 30 seconds to explain your favorite things about Des.

Can we, can we do that really quick? It's like so romantic, like the notebook. Yeah, let's do it. Des, you start. You got 30 seconds on the clock starting now. Chris is one of the most thoughtful, caring, strong people I know. He makes everyone in the room feel special, and you're my rock. 10 seconds.

Oh, I love it. You're also very hot, and you are a great father and husband, and I love you so much. I feel like my voice got all like quiet and sexy too that's the way to do it like what's her name? Like Crystal can you believe she's getting back into the voice now and she's like getting into a relationship

of all of a sudden I told him that that's funny I told him that yeah all right Chris it's your turn you can go under 30 seconds that's fair it's not over ready go I love Des because she is very driven she's beautiful

she knows exactly what she wants So she's not afraid to voice her opinion or mind. But I love that she's a great mom, a great friend. And I love her artistic side. That's really come out in our relationship over the last five years. Huge into puzzles. Who would have known? That's actually brand new, actually.

No, I've always loved puzzles. But literally, she texts me, she texts me, she's like, I'm going to go buy a thousand piece puzzle really quick. I'm like, what? And now we have a table. Aw, now you have a table of a puzzle. A table puzzle. Oh, my God.

Has anyone seen that Mark Wahlberg movie, Mile 22? No, I haven't. I got to see it. In the movie, he does a puzzle that's all white. So he's like a genius. I like that. That's so cool. He figures out how to put it together.

Yes, I'm a nerd. I like puzzles. Okay. Good contribution there, right? Everybody out there, that is Chris and Des, some of our favorite people from bachelor nation uh that's chris and des as a couple uh catch them on book marriage boot camp coming up here uh very soon actually the details on that it's friday september 7th friday

september 7th on on we tv make sure you check them out there you can see more about the relationship but now we're moving in to the recap of bachelor in paradise also the question of who will be the next bachelor and who believe is the best bachelor and And Chris and Des are going to stick around to join us for that with that team. Let's start with this. Should Colton be the next bachelor? No. You ruined it for me.

I don't think so. I don't think he's mature enough or has had enough, like, dating experience to handle. Oh, I would love to watch him try to figure this out. No, those girls would eat him alive. You guys. Because he just can't handle it. He just can't be the bachelor because I love him with Tia too much. And I don't think we were left on a note where we wanted.

we want to see him move beyond Tia yet. Oh, I'm ready. I missed the last episode. Wait, you guys, how heartbroken are you for Tia if he was The Bachelor? Not. Yeah. Oh, my, Amy, come on. Where's the sensitivity?

I'm sorry. She messed me up in the beginning of the season with all the craziness and the... Pick me, pick me. I just can't. Ladies, never say, pick me, please, pick me. Like, no. I love Tia. Chris was doing the same thing.

Let's go, yeah. I love Tia so. I love Tia. I think Tia is amazing. But that's why I would say no to Colton. I think she deserves way more. She deserves someone who's going to just know exactly what he wants. When I loved Colton.

Sometimes it takes a while to know what you want. You guys remember the episode, and I don't remember which episode it was. They were laying on a bed, outdoor bed, and she was kind of like ripping on a guy. Yeah. And Colton said, I'm not going to rag on the guy. I know. I know. I really liked that.

Because it's like, I didn't like that she was like dogging some dude. Who knows what? She was really talking, and he took the high road and was like, I'm not going to rag on this guy. I really did her in that moment. That actually is good. Sorry, I was like, she's me.

That's Jared. Here's the one thing I think that the show has to watch out for. And I don't know if Colton's this guy or not. But you all have mentioned your concerns with it. I think The Bachelor really needs a good. bachelor a likable bachelor he's gonna be so good so likable you think he is yes but i still am attached to his previous relationship okay what makes him what makes him so likable to you because i feel like paradise hasn't made him more likable yes are you talking are you kidding me that cheese

conversation where he admitted where he said that cheese gives him gas hilarious when he said that he accidentally zipped up his penis one time hilarious he wasn't gonna rip on people. That alone made me like him. I do like that, but. It's a wide range of emotions. So much wide range of emotions. He's just a little snugly teddy bear.

He's just confused. He didn't know what he was. I liked him when we met him. Did you hear the rumor that Ben was going to be a bachelor again? Yeah. I just heard that rumor. How do you feel about that, Ben? I mean, it's great that people still think that I can hold my own in that world.

It also is great to think that, again, You know, going on 30 and people, they still think those women would be attracted to me. Ben, Lorry was 36 and Nick was 37. Seven, that's crazy. You know, that, you all get it. I feel like if you ever were to do it again, it has to be like three years, four year break in between because it's so taxing. It's very taxing. I'm just now recovering from my time on The Bachelor.

And I don't even know if I am. And you were sick of that entire time, too. Yeah, I was. Yeah, maybe that's why. Maybe I do need to do it again because I had a terrible experience because I was sick the whole time. He lost 15 pounds in his season. He had like a tapeworm.

What? Yeah. Could you imagine having to do that strenuous? That would have been great because then I wouldn't have gained the 15th. I know, right? Every bachelorette can sweat. We'll just think about making out with somebody in the hot, sweaty sand. Oh, are the jacuzzi?

And your stomach starts churning and you're like, oh, yeah, I feel sexy. This girl loves me. Like, I just want to keep doing this. And then it's like, hey, sorry, pause five minutes. Like, I'll be right back. And they know exactly what you're doing. So bad. Hey, but hey, I was the best bachelor of all time.

Yeah. Your self-describing right now. It sounds like maybe the quickest. Yeah. Because it takes me at least 20. Like, and I need my phone. Every morning. Outside of Colton.

And he doesn't have a tape. Outside of. of Colton, who did you guys like as the possible Bachelor coming out of Becca season? Honestly, I'm kind of torn. I'm not sure. Because I'm not sure, I feel like there's this... Grocer Joe. Let's go.

Good dude. I know. I love the Joe Train, too, for Bachelor. I think we are on the Joe train. We love Joe. How many followers he's got, he would carry it. He'd carry it. I agree. And girls will like him. Girls will like him. You know what? Joe is probably the most relatable person

ever on this show. He just seems so down to earth and like kind of just not really sure what's going on but goes with it he knows what he wants yeah he knows what he wants yeah and i like it he just he might be in a relationship i mean i i think him with kendall make it right so moving now we have a couple we've mentioned colton uh grocery store joe uh we know the others uh that are up there for options and two of these people colton and joe are both uh on paradise this year colton you know we saw this week uh he and Tia had broken up. I think we have to, because this is a Bachelor-focused podcast, we have to break down the

recent developments on this season of Bachelor in Paradise. The things I have written down here, the big ones are obviously Leo's meltdown. The guy has gone off his rocker. We've seen it happen. Can we talk about this for a second? I mean, we cannot ignore the fact that this might be one of the most epic breakdowns ever. in bachelor history when he was like Kendall

I think you're beautiful I don't know why you're not taken I think you're a wonderful person and I also think you're a fake actress Oh my god and he threw the drink Oh well then he threw the drink You guys I missed this Sorry

It sounds like he read me the wrong way though The moment he was like talking to Kendall And With the soft arm Arm touches Oh I don't want to watch If it's somebody else It's so hot

And I'm like Okay so let's let me say this my sister my best friend think he's so hot too and my friend called him the rental version of jasonamoa especially when he was like aquaman and like dove into the water and then like emerged and he was like who's the snitch who's the snitch um but yeah so i find i used to think that leo was attractive and now that i've learned his personality more i don't see it anymore it's just really amazing how somebody's appearance can change so much when you learn about their personality. It's very true. One of the things that drive me craziest is that I feel like Leo

knows he's attractive though. Like I yeah, he's a good looking dude. He's tall. He's he looks, you know, he looks like Chris and I. He's tall. He's really strong. He's got long, beautiful hair. Yeah, great eyes. I mean, he's sensitive and sweet. No, um, he knows he's attractive. And he, he uses that to his advantage. And, and it drives me up the wall because he sits there from the very beginning and talking. I'm like, of course he's kind. because the guy the guy's ego is the largest I've ever seen on the show and that's saying something I agree I was upset about Leo I don't I don't know I was upset about it never would have thought that that would have come out of the guy that we knew back during Becca season he was seemed so gentle and just caring and gentlemanly and all the sudden he's just this wild animal in a leopard shirt I just got this side by side of he and Jason Mamawa and And, I mean, Jason Mom was, like, the hottest person of all time, right? Yeah, I agree.

A stunning butte. Oh, yeah. Right? I think maybe he just needs to do another Mission Impossible stunt. And he'll kill. Is any, like, a stuntman or something? He's a stuntman. Just put him on the bachelor.

I just didn't like him because I felt like he, the way he complimented the girls was like, as if, yeah, he had a huge ego. And the way he complimented him was kind of condescending in the sense of, like, oh, yeah, like, needy. trying to make them feel like, oh, I know, I'm making you feel real special. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I got from it. Yes. But they ate it up.

Kendall loved it when she was talking to him and, I don't know. Yeah, I was upset with that. What do we do as fans of the show? We're all now fans of this show. Now, when we have a character like Leo on it and he upsets us all and we're angry, is it fair for us to get angry and to be like, that was ridiculous?

Like, that guy has issues? or as fans, do we just need to not talk about it and do it like we would treat every other human in the world and not judge because we don't know the full story? How do we go about this now? Because one thing, I was just so angry with Leo, we have to decide as fans how we're going to handle characters on this show that we really are angry with.

Love to hate. Love to hate. What's the best avenue and platform to discuss it? Because one thing that the show is always done is it's allowed us the ability to see through people's characters and say, okay, we don't want to be. that moving forward we want to be better than that we want characters on this show to be better than that and so chris and des before we break you here because i know you have to get going how as

fans of the show do you handle people that you get really angry with oh man how do we handle the show that we get really how do we handle people on the show that we get angry with do we give them the benefit of the doubt chris just drinks more wine that's a good answer actually i play yeah i play that I wonder what producers asking him that question. Yeah, we do that too. We do that too. No, he even rewinds to

listen. I'm like, give it out. Jared and I are constantly rewining trying to find like edit points. Yeah. How to handle it? I don't even know, to be honest. It's easy, okay. It's really easy to be critical.

Yeah, super easy to be critical, but then I guess we always have to remember that there's always like if someone's starting to become the villain, right? We know, right? The four of us know that that conversation is now always being had in the house. Like, did you hear that so-and-so did this?

And it's like, why don't you guys talk about that for a second? So everything's just more heightened. Yeah. So maybe they weren't that bad of a person, but now it's become so bad. So we have to remember that. Yeah. I feel like I give people on the show a benefit of the doubt more so because I've been on it. But it's still fun to watch.

Yeah. Like, hey, Des and Chris, thank you for your advice. We appreciate you. We're going to let you go. Thanks for joining the Almost Famous Podcast. Thank you so much. So you guys, think about Selena Gomez hair. Lucy Gomez has the best, thickest, shiniest hair.

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Up next, everybody out there listening, this is an opportunity that I've never dreamed I would have. And I mean that this is a really special moment for me. There's only maybe three people in the world I would be really nervous to talk to. And this guy is one of them, which is weird because he's also one of the most. accepting loving people that I've ever heard about or read from. The next guest on this podcast is my favorite author. He's also just one of my favorite human beings. And I think you'd probably hate it if he heard me say that.

This guy is the one whose book led me to choose to be love. And what I mean by that is his book was the one that made me convicted and also inspired to say, I'm going to choose love above anything else in this world. And I'm going to do it in the name of faith and the name of people. And I believe that love will bring the most joy in life. And so he's the one that led me to that. Our next guest is Bob Goff. Bob Goff is an author of the New York bestselling book Love Does.

He's also the U.S. Department of State recognizes Bob Goff as a diplomat. And he is known as the Honorary Consul for the Republic of Uganda due to his work with Love Does, formerly known as Restore International, a nonprofit organization. He founded. Bob Goff is on the line now. Bob Goff, are you out there? Hey, good to hear your voice. How are you doing? Oh, Mr. Goff, you don't understand how excited I am to talk to you.

This guy is busted out of his chair right now. He's just, he's so smiley. I've never seen him so smiley. I'm so glad you guys are connected on here. Oh, this is really good. I'm so glad we're talking a little bit. It's hilarious, Bob, because as we were prepping for this conversation. One of the people that help out with this show, putting on this

almost famous podcast, Tori, texted me, and she says, I'm going to cry. I'm so excited for you. I'm also a huge fan of Bob Goff. And so you have fans, I mean, obviously all across the United States, my friends and Denver and my friends that I know were so excited for this moment for me. So Mr. Goff, I want to start with this by saying, you know, what has inspired you in your life to write these books based on love. Yeah, I think I agree with you. It's kind of like faith, hope, and love. Those are the things that are going to last.

And I spent my entire career as a lawyer winning arguments. You'd know if we were arguing because I'd be winning. But I just decided at some point along that that isn't going to actually last all these arguments that actually loving some people. and loving people without an agenda. Like as soon as your love has an agenda, they ain't love anymore. It's just another program.

And so we just started helping people out. You don't have to go across an ocean to do that. You can go across the street. But wherever you go, just make the moves and find somebody and then just actually see how you can be helpful to them. So simple concepts. People have been doing it for centuries. They were doing it long before you and I got here and long after.

But there's something about being super purposeful about it, just to say, I'm going to actually take one thing and they just go a little bit deeper with it. And for us, it was schools and countries that had conflicts, that there was an ongoing civil war, that we would start a school there. And actually, we're the students most of the time. We're learning a ton as we go. Kind of told them the blame while we're blind while we're blind at most of the time. it's it's absolutely incredible and a lot of people on this podcast uh you know we have half a million listeners every week and a lot of them have kind of walked this journey with with ashley and i and one thing they've always asked is you know what has inspired you what books

inspired you and i know i don't know if you know this or not but love does and you've recently came out with a book uh called everybody always that i'm right in the heart of right now but love does is the book that really did as i said at the beginning i was on a mountain uh in Wyoming, Buffalo, Wyoming, and I was reading it, and I said from that moment forward, even though it might be tough at times, I'm going to choose to love because you convinced me in your argument that love was the best answer. And so I want to ask you, why do you believe love is the answer to life? I think what I've noticed, and I know you and Ashley have noticed as well, is that people have tried all these other solutions for the most difficult questions that are out

there. But the one that seems to work is loving people. Even when it doesn't appear like it's working, there's something that like outlasts all of us if you actually love people. And if you've got you're going to give away love, you need to understand what love is. When my daughter was in high school, I actually wanted her to be at none. But you like that. So when the boys come by and ask you out to the prom, I told her to ask them what you're done. of love. And because they're guys, they won't know. So send them home. And think about what love is. And when they know what love is, tell you, and then you'll decide if you go to the problem with them. And if they come back and say it's like

butterflies, love it, you can get that from bad pizza. But love is sacrifice and commitment. And if we can figure out and we know that loving people sacrificing commitment and just get past how it feels at the particular time, then that's been super helpful to me. It helps me when there's been a couple days where I've tried really hard at something and then it actually hasn't turned out. And I go like, no, no, I'm not doing it for the applause because if you want to applause, join the circus. If you actually want love, just be prepared to just commit to something and do whatever it takes to get there. And I think that's where the longest relationships I've had and you've had have been founded on like

people that sacrificed and were committed to us. What did the prom day come back and say? Oh, yeah, yeah. The boys would circle around. And actually, what's beautiful is there's a beautiful vetting that happens. If you can actually kind of define the terms of your discussions by actually having vulnerable conversations to say, like, this is literally what I'm looking for. And if it's just the feelings, all that, and let's go bowling. But you actually want to go do life together, then let's understand what we're aiming for. What's that beautiful thing on the horizon they're dreaming for. I met Sweet Maria Gough about 32 years ago. She wouldn't go out and a date with me for three years. She's going to be what I look like, this crazy air and all that.

But she saw who I was turning into, and that's one of the things that's been helpful for me. If there's somebody that's been kind of difficult, I just think to myself, I wonder who they're becoming, not who they used to be. The people that I think have shaped me the most were people that believed in me, and that even though it was kind of a rough draft of the person I was going to become, they saw the guy turning into. And that's what people who are, like, to your point, Ben, people who are turning into love, one of the hallmarks about them, they see who the people around them are turning into. I mean, Bob, you know, we have a lot of people that listen to this podcast and write in about

relationship advice, just in terms of both romantic and personal and their life with their family. Um, you've been known to deal with people in some of the most, some of the life's hardest situations, um, be that from divorce to sickness to illness. Uh, in your book, everybody always, there's a, there's a beautiful story of, of how you, you loved on your neighbor during an illness. And one of the things that, that we've been asked, uh, as people write in is how do you maintain a joy or how do you find fulfillment in life's hardest situations? Um, and, and oftentimes I struggle answering. that. So I was going to push that to you to see if you could help our listeners out. Yeah. The first thing that occurred to me when you framed that was to look beyond the obvious. So sometimes there would be an immediate obvious answer, even to one of the most

difficult circumstances. And to say, is there something deeper here that I can understand? One of the things I've learned from writing books is that the best chapter title come later. So when I turned in, everybody always, I turned it in. There was no chapter titles. They're like, buddy, do you forget something? I'm like, no, no, no. The better title will come later. And so let's say there's a circumstance where some of your listeners you've experienced rejection

and where you would say, you know, that's the title of that chapter. Actually, if you give it a little while, you'll probably retitle that thing more accurately released. for some time where you've had something that you really worked on. I built the lodge. It took me 20 years to build this thing. A couple of guys made a mistake and burned it to the ground. And one of the things, I would have titled that chapter, I'm out,

but I gave that a little while. We're rebuilding this thing, and I would more accurately title that chapter, I'm back. And so one of the things that has been super helpful is to just stay to slow down and to say there's a better chapter title for this than the one that occurs to you right away. For everybody out there listening, I love reading from Bob because he has this infectious joy about him and this sense of humor towards life. And he's been involved in so many different stories. Bob, you constantly write in your books about these interactions with people and you're able to kind of process the interaction and then then tell you. tell the story clearly and concisely so that the reader can learn from them.

I think as I read your book sometimes, I get envious, honestly, because your life has been full of so many interactions that are so meaningful. If I am asking you, I want to have these meaningful interactions. I want my life to matter. I want to leave a legacy. You've been able to do that, and you do that in a way that's ensured with so many. How? Oh, I think

like perhaps you and Ashley and the people listening I'm paying attention to what's happening. I get easily distracted. I'm like that dog in up. Oh, that's so funny. I was

I hooked up. We got this old 2001 suburban and I hooked this trailer up to it. We started driving from San Diego towards Canada and I was driving up the road and if you ever had it happen to you were you wondering if you lock the door, turn the oven off. And I just couldn't remember putting the latch on the trailer.

So I didn't slam on the brakes. I bumped the brake. I pulled off to the side. And this is after having traveled quite a way. I pulled off to the side, sure enough, the latch wasn't on the trailer. And I was one bump in the road away from having that thing passed me in a fast lane. And while it looked like I was hooked up to that trailer, I wasn't actually hooked up to that trailer. And so we're all looking for the same thing in our lives, love and purpose and connection and a couple authentic relationships.

And I think the way that you put a latch on it is to be intentional and purposeful to say what's actually going to outlast me. What are some of the things like this idea that you're known for your opinions, but you're remembered for your love? Like that would outlast me. So what I'm trying to do is put a latch on those things. And we try to do it in different things, big and small. And what you do is you'll find the things you're looking for. I wanted a 1971 Volkswagen bus. I haven't even thought about one of those for 30 years.

As soon as I decided, I wanted a 1971 Volkswagen bus, every third car is a 1971 Volkswagen bus. Because you'll just find this thing you're looking for. So if you're looking for great stories to help you make sense of your life, then all of a sudden you'll go like you'll have a way to like in context to say, I want to put a latch on these things that I believe. For some of your listeners, faith might be a big deal for it. Put a latch on it by actually doing things.

And it's not because, like, I want you to do them a big one and, like, you know, a favor by doing something nice. But it's like you put a latch on everything you believe by actually putting it into action. And so that's what I'm trying to do every day. And I write down, I have a practice, and I think that's what I've noticed about people that have, more clarity on why they're doing what they're doing, I write down the things I'm observing during the day. I bet I send myself 100 emails a day. Isn't that crazy? I get home. I'm like, damn again, walk. But what I'll do is take everything I think about everything, and I'll put it all in one place. I have a document that's 1.6 million words long. Isn't that crazy? It's everything I

think about everything. So even this morning, I spent the first hour. just reflecting on some of these things to say, like, who's the guy I want to be? Like, what is it that I want to leave behind? Who is it that I want to do? And that gives me some focus on what am I going to do today. I know why I'm doing what I'm doing. I wear, if you ever see a photograph of me,

you'll always see me wearing a Boston Red Sox hat. And I'm not a Red Sox fan. I've actually never to go on their game. But my neighbor across the way, Carol, who you mentioned, Ben, was a huge Boston Red Sox fan. And she got cancer, and we knew she'd start this eternity long dance with Jesus at the end of the week. And so I made a deal with her. I said, Carol, I'll wear your Red Sox hat for the rest of my life.

It represents the Red Sox here on Earth. But in exchange, every time Jesus walked by you in heaven, you need to mention my name. I know I'm going to buy you to the deal. And so one of the things that if you know why you're doing what you're doing, it'll give you some great perspective. You start seeing what you're looking for. I've got no left pockets in any of my pants. Ben, try this. Ashley, you too.

Cut out all the left pockets in your pants because everything you believe, everything that your life is the sum of everything you're hanging on to and everything you're willing to let go up. So if I want to hang on to something, I put in my right pocket. If I put my car keys on my left pocket, I'm taking Uber because I don't even know they're gone. And that's a beautiful thing. Somebody says something's kind of hurtful to me. Somebody, there's a misunderstanding. I just immediately think to myself, left pocket. And so this whole idea, if you have these practices that have become like routines for you,

those will be the ones that actually will continue to give context for your life. Do you really cut your pockets? He doesn't, literally. No suits, no jeans, but jeans I've got on right now, no left pocket. Interesting. I'm telling you, Ash. It's like a bad, bad, it just goes up. He is the best.

This guy, he will rock your world, and anybody out there listening, make sure you pick up love does or everybody always, and just either listen to it or read it. It has completely transformed my life and not this weird way, like a really good way. I'm not asking you to read this so that you'll come. I'm out of it like some, you know, crazy Christian that you've never thought you'd be. No, it's just like it enhances life to a level that I never knew existed.

Bob, I know that you're a busy guy. I really appreciate you coming on. But before you go, our good friend Ashley Ikenetti, who is the co-host on this podcast, has recently gotten engaged. We've all witnessed this engagement on TV this last week. She's getting ready to enter into a life with one of my favorite people in the world, Jared. Do you have any advice for Ashley as she begins this new season? Oh, absolutely.

One of the things that I thought I needed to do is be really active. And I substituted or mistook having a purposeful life or a really active life. And what I did is I was running all over the world and trying to help out people and all that. And I pulled into the driveway of our home. And this woman, Twigmarie Gop, who's been, has never really. raised her voice or said a crossword to me in the 35 years I've been loving her or the 32 she's been loving me back. She had proven the driveway and in the window is a help-wanted sign. She wasn't saying she needed help. She was saying, I needed help. And so one of the things

that I do is I go somewhere to speak during the day. She'll drop me off at 515 every single morning. I fly somewhere and say something and I fly home for supper. And the next day, she jobs me up at $5.15, I go somewhere at fly home. And we never talk about geography. She doesn't know if I'm in Cleveland or Cleveland or Denver or wherever. Because when people ask her, where's Bob? She says he's on his way home. And so my hope, my like blessing on you in this beautiful marriage will be that you would continue to run home to each other.

Oh, that's so cute. Don't be efficient in the way that you love each other. Be present. It's like, you must be. present to win. So, and I was learning that, that idea, if you guys have a family in the future that not get confused, that providing for your family means going everywhere else, because sometimes you run away to do these things, providing for your family, and you're actually not providing

for your family. So just keep running home to each other. I know you will. Oh, I love that advice. Thank you. This is a great time. Hey, and do they're geocash everything. Geocash, great.

My daughter, when she was getting born, Maria had some, she was in a lot of pain, so I was writing a note. We knew his flavor my daughter was going to be. I said, dear Lindsay, I forgive you for wrecking the car. And I dated it and I said, I love dad. I put it in a pickled jar, and I buried it. And then 18 years later, my daughter wrecked the car. Instead of saying the predictable thing, like, be more careful and all that, I gave her a shovel, in the latitude, longitude.

I told her where to dick. And she does this jar up. She's like, Dad, you forgave me before I was born. Oh, that's adorable. Do that. GeoCast them. Great. You could write notes to your kids, your future children,

and they were paying for all your student loans. And if you change your mind, just don't tell where it is. That's so cute. Oh, Mr. Goff, we appreciate you, man. Thank you so much for coming on here. Hey, before you go, Ashley, you want to hear the, and everybody in the studio, you want to hear the coolest thing I think about Bob? What? On the back of his very first book, Love Does, which was, again, a New York Times best-selling book.

And he hears this all the time. He put his real phone number so people that read the book could contact him to ask him questions. No way. Oh, it's been terrific. I get a hundred calls a day. I can't get a big gun. You're a very special man. Well, that would be another idea in terms of, like, people.

People who are turning into love, people don't follow a vision. They follow availability. I don't mean Facebook follow. I mean, just the impact that people have had on me were the people who are most available to me. And so if we could be, I'm never the smartest guy in the room, but I could be the most available guy in the room. And if we find our sweet spot in that in terms of availability, I would just live into that. And people feel really loved. Absolutely awesome.

Bob, thank you again. and anybody else are listening, make sure you pick up, love does, or everybody always, I mean, wherever books are sold,

which is probably Amazon these days. This means so much to me, more than you probably understand, you have changed, enhanced, and spoken into my life from a very far distance, and today I got the opportunity

to speak to you in person, and I will sleep very well at night with a big smile on my face. So Bob Goff, thanks for coming on the podcast. Thanks, and thanks to ask. and you guys just keep spreading hope and love like they go in a hole in your pocket. I just let it get everywhere because you've got to go cut those left pockets out.

All right. Thanks, Bob. Bye. Everybody thinks that I'm like so obsession prone, which is probably the truth. But I just need you guys to listen to my new obsession thread up. If you haven't checked them out by now, what are you waiting for? Threadup is the largest online consignment and thrift store with up to 90% off estimated retail prices, 90%

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There are so many cute outfits, and you can find them all in an amazing deal, like an anthropology skirt for $10, a gap dress for only $8, Steve Madden booty, $16, free people tops, $12, it's nuts. every item is an excellent condition and even some have tags on yeah completely new threadup makes the hunt fun again you get personalized emails so you know all about the latest fashion styles

and brands up on thread up it's so easy you filtered by size and you can get stuff that fits you the right way just search shop checkout and you're done plus if you sign up now you'll get an extra 30% off with your first order at thread up slash almost famous make sure there's no A in there. It is T-H-R-E-D-U-P dot com slash almost famous. That's Throatup.com slash almost famous for an extra 30% off today. I'm so excited. I mean, the guy, he just is infectious. And there's so many times in my life now where sometimes what happens doesn't quite always make sense on why you're doing it. And what Bob has taught me personally is that sometimes love doesn't make sense both romantically and just personally and sometimes these

things are confusing but if you choose to love a crazy impactful beautiful story seems to follow it's it's absolutely incredible what that guy has done for me so that was a special moment and I only have the almost famous podcast to think and the platform this gives us so that he actually reached out and he said hey Ben I hear you're a good big fan I want to come on your podcast um so yeah thanks iheart thanks almost famous ash thanks for being a co-host that was cool for me it was so cool looking at your face and hearing his little anecdotes what a adorable guy who makes me want to um bury things for my kids you know one thing i take away and we can move on from bob and for anybody out there listening and this is good for for the bachelor franchise it kind

goes back to what we're talking about um one thing two things that i really take away and i'm convicted of often is I need to be slower to speak, which is funny on a podcast, but I got to be intelligent with my words because I really got to say what I mean. And part of that is being intentional. And I think when he talks about bearing notes for his kids or the way he loves his wife or the things he does, all of it has intention and purpose behind it. And that's one thing I've taken with me is making sure that everything I do from the biggest to the smallest things have an intention and a purpose. And when they do, I will care about them a little bit more and they'll make more sense to me.

So yeah, I think that's cool and it's good for anybody listening. And the next Bachelor, whoever that is, that will be my advice to him on the show if I get to go on and speak to him or before when I give him a call. It'll just be make sure that everything you do on this show,

every single decision you make from a rose that you hand out to a breakup that you're part of to a date that you're in that it has intention and it has purpose because if not, this whole thing will be meaningless.

And we don't want three months of your life to be meaningless. That's too much time. well back to that topic yeah ben i think we need to touch on two things before we go about bachelor in paradise leo made a huge deal about kevin quote tattling on him by accidentally you know telling kendall without knowing that she didn't know yet that um he also kissed chelsea the same day that he went on a date with kendall i don't know how leo thinks he was going to get away with this like tattling and he made a huge deal

of it, it's like, dude, you're living within, I don't even know, like a noughty, like an eighth of a mile radius with 20 other people you don't think she's going to find out, you're going to call this tattling. Yeah, I mean, I think the whole thing's kind of funny too is, I mean,

there's definitely no perception here of the fact that it's all on TV. Right. Right. Yeah. Like, that's the crazy part to me is you know this is being documented. That's such an amazing point. At some point. Kendall would have found out, yes. Or like the camera person tells a producer.

You all know that the producers are working with and against you so the producer can do it in an interview segment and just go, what do you think that he kissed the other person if no one, quote, tattled, right? They would have probably waited for her to find out organically through the cast, but yeah, I mean, dude, she's going to find out all the girls talk. Well, yeah, and I mean, who is he trying to prove?

What is he trying to prove? I mean, that's a crazy part of sometimes when I'm watching this. And this is kind of what I was trying to get to with Chris and Des. Is I'm sitting at home and I'm like, I just, and I'd handle it so poorly. I wish I had a little more Bob Goff in me when I did this. But I'm like, I just want this guy to be better. Like, be better because none of this is going to be fulfilling. None of this is going to is making him a better person.

All it's doing is hurting people along the way. So it's just like this destructive path that is being caused. because honesty isn't the first response. And I had a tweet the other day that it kind of came to my mind as I was watching this exact scenario was it said the best part about dating on TV. And I just thought was that it keeps you honest.

It keeps you authentic and it keeps you genuine in all situations because you know it's going to be showed back. Mm-hmm. And that's great. That's great. That is so true. Profound, Ben.

Quite profound. Yeah. I'm feeling profound today. I am. Hey, you know what else is profound? Ashley, clean teeth. My teeth are wider than ever, and it's due to one of our sponsors, Quip. The truth is, most of us are brushing our teeth wrong. Ashley doesn't. She has beautiful teeth. Her breath smells fantastic.

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Q-U-I-P-com slash almost Amos. Ben, one more thing about Paradise. We need to talk about the Eric Cassandra and Angela Love Triangle. The guy said, I'm all in with you, not interested in dating other guys, woke up the next morning, said yes to a date with Cassandra, and then Angela goes, you told me last night that you were all in and didn't want to date anyone else. And then he goes, yeah, well, I woke up this morning with a changed mind.

And I was like, oh my God, no, you saw Cassandra and you changed your mind. Yeah, I wish he kind of just would have said that. I know. Like, yeah, I told you that, but like, just Cassandra grow came in. I mean, because Angela was kind of the unspoken sweetheart of paradise, in my opinion. She's so underrated. And we thought that she's going to be such a big deal on night one. I think like all the guys were into her.

And then she's just quietly entered a relationship with Eric. and we really haven't heard from her much since. It's a beautiful dilemma too because they really got us fire up about their relationship. It was so cute. Their date was so meaningful and they were just all bubbly and kissy

and talkingy and doing everything that cute couples do. And then all of a sudden, things change so quickly. And I mean, I wasn't a fan of this situation. I'm a fan of Eric. I've been around Eric a couple times. I'm a fan of Eric.

I would love to ask Eric at some point. and listeners out there, I wonder if Eric is proud of the situation now. I wonder how he feels about this, because this was, from my standpoint, this was a really not a manipulative situation. It wasn't an angry situation. It was just one that hurt watching. Also, why did he say yes right away? Why didn't he at least say, I'm going to go talk to Angela first and I'll get back to you

with an answer? He was so eager to say yes. Yeah. Where does this play out? I don't know. We will find out soon. I mean, like, what do you think it does? How do I think it plays out?

I think he's going to end up breaking up with Angela. Oh, I was so excited for her and him. I don't know. I really got into this one. You're right. Maybe this is the best paradise ever because, like, I was really drawn in to Joe. I was really in favor of Joe, which I think, geez, can that guy lose? I mean, the whole country was in favor of Joe.

It's like poor guy. Yeah. James Franco smile. Well, like, just he's got it ear to ear. And then the Eric Angela relationship was one I was really rooting for. I thought it was the one. I didn't feel like they had a ton of chemistry, though, to be honest, on their date the night before. Yeah.

It didn't seem like. It seemed like they were like playing the part of the couple on the good day on Paradise. Like they really wanted to like feel that chemistry, but they really weren't. Maybe Eric felt that. I mean, let's give him the benefit of the doubt here and say maybe that's exactly why. Yeah, but then why tell her that you're all 100% in the night before? Oh, because she was looking good and he got mixed up in his emotions. I don't know.

And she had the rose. Who had the roses on that episode? On this coming episode, the guys had the roses. He gave it to her or she gave it to him. She gave it to him. And now and now with Cassandra, now he has the rose. Right, Captain Aviya. Yeah.

And so finally the T and Colton breakup We mentioned it before Ashley your heart broken over this You love their relationship Yeah I just think you know Maybe you'll see them again on Bachelor Paradise 6 And who knows what will happen there

They're doomed to fail from the start Well that's what people said about me and Jared If he's the Bachelor If he's the Bachelor Oh No she will not She will not embarrass herself like that She will not do that

She would not do that No Why if she loves him so much. Yeah, well, she knows that she's been rejected by him and that he chose to not be with her. So she's not going to go on. I don't know.

I don't know. If now there's 24 other girls. 24 other girls to could be with. What if he asks and he's like, I'd like to you to be there so I can further explore my confusion? I'd like you to enter in the competition. I'll really know

after going through 25. or not you're the one i have a really nice proposal for you how about you come on to the show so that we can continue this relationship amongst everybody else because i'm just not sure yet actually actually i before we end here what a cool podcast uh we got to talk to chris and des um we we got to talk to um one of my favorite authors one of just my favorite people bob goff i mean that's that that that hits deep my hands were actually sweaty the whole time um but we we kind of skimmed over it and it was a little bit on purpose because I need to take a second to say it was so cool that you allowed the world to watch the I don't know if you really had a choice I wouldn't have wanted to be proposed to any

other way I got I got the opportunity to see you get proposed to and I want I want you to have a little bit of a time here to tell the audience that the listeners who have been with us really since the beginning what that feels like what that felt like and just remind everybody that you still are very much in love oh there is this point in paradise two where I just thought that Jared and I were I was like oh there's no hope but I'm going to ask this guy random questions and he

goes I go where are you going to propose to your future wife one day and then he goes probably someplace that's special to both of us and you know never would I have thought that I would ask that question legit on the sand of the place

that three years later we would be getting engaged on so it was the most special place we ever could have gotten engaged and I mean you guys he I tell him every day and I'm flabbergasted by it every day but he is my romantic comedy character come to life I don't know how that guy is so wonderful to me he's the best and I love him so much when Ashton and mila freaked out to meet you yeah did you get excited oh my god we lid we turn to each other after we're like okay that was the pinnacle of our life nothing else is going to be cooler after that no way Oh, I think you have some cool moments coming ahead.

Oh, thanks. Like Bob Goff said, you're always going to be coming home to each other. It's so sweet. I love that idea. Is that awesome? Yeah. Just you choose to always come home. When you come home to Jared, you want to be looking good, right?

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and you'll get 20% off your first month. Again, that is latote.com. And enter the code, almost famous, for perfect fitting clothing delivered right to your door. Did you see that your boyfriend, Taylor Hanson, is expecting his sixth child? I didn't see that. Was that announced today? Well, it was announced last week. Sixth child. Sixth child. That's an He's also like 37. I don't even think he's like 36. Yep. Really?

Crank them out. Six kids. He's got his own Brady Bunn. They're going to make an orchestra of Hans and Children. Oh, yeah. Acquire, acquire. Ashley, when you are 37 years old, how many kids will you have? Probably two.

That's fair. That's fair. Hey, everybody. We appreciate you listening. We love you dearly. This has been fun. The Almost Famous Podcasts. used to surprise me even uh we have an awesome team around us so when you get a chance send an

email to bit and ashoremedia.com and thank the great staff the producers the editors um the engineers in studio helping this thing happen the sales team even helping this thing happen every week also make sure you give a little love to ashley ikenetti on twitter tagger she responds she reads i know she does um she has a little bit of a bob golf in her she makes sure she sits down and pays attention to everybody mentioning her name. And we also want to say thank you to Modcloth.

Enter code famous at checkout to get 15% off your first order of $100 or more. Sleep number.com to find one near you. Quip, NYC. Go to getquip.com slash almost famous to get your first refill pack free, bad bit fun, use code

almost famous to get $10 off your first box, threadup, threadup.com, almost famous, get an extra 30% off your first order and sugar bear hair go to sugar bear hair.com backslash almost famous today. Ashley, thanks for letting us watch your engagement. Amy, I just got an email from a friend that sent me a link to Taylor Hanson's sixth child. If you had asked me a couple minutes later, I would have known. And Ben, I'm glad you got to smile as big as you did today because of golf.

That feels nice. That feels good. Everybody needs a smile now and then. Bachelor in Paradise continues. Bachelor in Paradise, thank you for being so terrific. It's just such a fun thing to talk about. With that, I've been Ben. I've been Ashley.

Next week's finale week. Goodbye. Follow the Ben and Ashley I, almost famous podcast on IHeartRadio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.