The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast - Should I Stay or Should I Go with Alexia Nepola

Episode Date: October 17, 2024

Jana Kramer is introducing your mentor Alexia Nepola of Real Housewives of Miami. While the path for Jana was divorce, Alexia reveals why and how she’s trying to make her marriage work after her husband filed for divorce earlier this year. Ready to find love again? Want dating advice?Email us at: [e-mail] or call us at 844-4-I Do Pod (844-443-6763)See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Let's start with a quick puzzle. The answer is Ken Jennings' appearance on The Puzzler with A.J. Jacobs. The question is, what is the most entertaining listening experience in podcast land? Jeopardy-truthers believe in... I guess they would be conspiracy theorists. That's right. They gave you the answers, and you still blew it.

The Puzzler. Listen on the I-Heart. radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, my name is Enya Humanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD...

Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. I just normally do straight stand-up, but this is a bit different. What do you get when a true crime producer walks into a comedy club?

Answer, a new podcast called Wisecrack, where a comedian finds himself at the center of a chilling true crime story. Does anyone know what show they've come to see? It's a story. It's about the scariest night of my life. This is Wisecrack. now. Listen to Wisecrack on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. have another shot at love. I'm one of your host, Jana Kramer, and I am living proof that you can

get love right the next chance around, or the next chance around after that. Today, we're going to be joined by one of our celebrity mentors. You know her as the Cuban Barbie from Real Housewives of Miami, and she's the co-host of the podcast, I pour favor. Please welcome Alexia Napola to the podcast. Alexia, I just have to be honest with you. I haven't had the pleasure of watching the Miami. Honestly, I feel like I've been kind of in a bubble. I'm 10 months postpartum and I feel like I'm now out of the bubble getting out of it. But I'm like, I need to catch up on all the shows, all the things, because I'm just, I feel so out of the loop.

But what I love about this is connecting with you on a human level because, you know, the show is about connecting people and finding love and you have been on such a journey and there's so many pieces of your story that I relate to so much. So I'm so excited to just kind to get into the weeds of all of it. But right now though, are you currently filming, not filming? Like what's going on? So we are. We are filming our season seven of the Reha Hospital of Miami. And I guess you'll get to see my love journey on their this season because I feel like I've had different love journeys throughout all my seasons unfortunately because all I wanted to do is be married on my life by the way well and so

that is so interesting that you say that because I feel like that piece I relate to too because all I've wanted is to just have one wedding one marriage and just be with the love of my life but it's been it's been it's been a hell of a ride to get to that point because I've you know just picked the wrong man, gotten into wrong relationships, unhealed versions of myself. And, you know, finally, you know, on my, I'm not even going to tell you what number it is, but, you know, I'm worth it. But it's like, it's one of those things where I'm like, I didn't want it to be that many. That's not, that's, I didn't go into things being like, oh, I want to be divorced this many times. And so I'm curious with your first relationship with your, with your first

husband that you have your two sons with. How old were you in that marriage took place? I was 23 when I started my relationship with them 22, 23. So I feel like we have, we love different, you know, at that age, or we look for different things, you know, at that age. By the way, I mean, I feel like we look for different things at, doesn't really matter the age, but it depends on what you're going through your life. And that's where you're talking about how we pick, which is so important. So that's what I needed at that time in my life, you know, my father had passed away and my mother had moved to Spain and I was it was the first time you know that I really felt like um alone you know in my life and then I met this guy that was

you know my age he brought me so much happiness I was at a very like vulnerable place very you know sad time in my life and he was like my prince charming he came he sent me off my feet you know he it's like what I needed and that's what you know what I went for you know and I had my two beautiful kids. But, you know, that wasn't, again, he, at that moment, I thought he was a love of my life. But then I realized, you know, soon enough that love isn't enough sometimes that no matter how much he loved the person, you know, because he was going through other things that I was like not okay with. And kind of like kept it a secret, which I know, it's like what's something that we're going to talk about in relationships, you know, that how, you know,

these secrets do affect, you know, us and affect our relationships. Yeah, no, for sure. How long were in that marriage for about 10 years you know we've we've gotten legally you know divorced not because we wanted to but because of the circumstances and i had you know two children with him and i still have you know a friendship and a relationship with him because of my kids my kids adore him and you know i always tell my kids to to love their father you know i wasn't one of these moms that um you know talked like ugly things about their dad you know i always wanted my kids to have a good relationship with their father, you know, regardless what the circumstances were and their father does love them a lot. And, you know, I think the kids grow up healthier that way. And, you know, we don't choose

our parents, you know, and this is their dad. And he's a good man and he's, you know, been there for them as much as he can. And, um, and they today have a good relationship. But what I love about you and I is that despite all these painful past relationships, we're never giving up on love. And like, that's kind of like what, what I did, you know, like, That was that chapter in my life. And then I moved on to my second husband at a different stage of my life where I had two children. And, you know, that makes it so much more difficult. And you look for different things, you know, when you have children.

And I feel like your first husband is who you want to have a family with. And it's like that fairy tale story that you want a beautiful wedding. You want to have the kids, the house, the family, and all of that. And I unfortunately got little bits and pieces of it, but not the whole thing. that I wanted and you know 10 years later we separated and I quickly pretty much met my second husband and you see that's what I've learned today that we need to take some time between relationships because we need to heal we need to learn from them we need to grow and at that point I was 34 years old and you know I wanted again you know that marriage

that family that I hadn't that I hadn't had with my other husband so you know within he was older than me he like right away came in also like at a time in my life where I was kind of down also you know I had two small kids I was a single mom you know I was working as a school teacher

and and I was just doing everything by myself and this came this amazing man that was very charismatic very kind very loving and, you know, successful, smart, he was like a problem solver. So he just came into my life like, like, what do you need? What can I do for you? You know, like that kind of thing.

And it was different. Like, I feel like my first husband was like love at first sight and like the butterflies in the stomach and, you know, I was young. And it was it was completely different like from my 30s when I met, you know, my second husband. And, you know, I kind of like knew to love him and understand, you know, and I thought with him, you know, I can have that, not that perfect marriage, because perfect marriages do not exist and we're all imperfect. But it's kind of more like what I wanted, the security, the stability

that I didn't have in my first marriage. I think there is something where what you said about not jumping in right away is not such a huge piece because, you know, a lot of times, if I reflect back on my history, I'm like, I was always jumping from relationship to relationship. And especially, this, you know, this, my last divorce, I was like, I cannot keep putting my happiness in a relationship and with another man because that's where I always said, if I'm happy, that that means that I'm in a happy, loving relationship. And like, that should not be what my happiness and how my happiness exists. And so, and I've even talked to a few of my divorce girlfriends are like, oh, I just wish I could just meet someone. And I'm like,

that is not going to make you happy. I guarantee you, like, you'll have a dopamine hit within the first few weeks, but, like, you will go right back to feeling, why do I feel not happy? Why do I feel, you know, X, Y, and Z? And then I had another girlfriend, you know, she was just like, she was still married to her husband. She's like, I want to divorce him, but I think it'd be easier if I found someone first. And I'm like, no, like, no, no, no, no, no, like, literally no.

Because I'm like, again, I know how that would be easier. And there was pieces of me, too, where in my last marriage, I mean, like, I was, I was so out that I was like, you know what, I hope I meet someone. But it was, I'm so glad that that wasn't the catalyst for my last ending of my marriage because, A, I got to walk out clean in that marriage, you know, not do the same thing that you did. Yeah, I just was like, like, if anything is going to like leave this, like, it's, you're just going to be the only cheater in this. Like, I will not give you that satisfaction of, of cheating on you too. But with, you know, I was like, but also like, having that piece.

actually leaving someone when you don't have someone else was the, it was grueling and it was so hard. But I found myself through that process. And then I took, I did date soonish after. And again, I was solved that I was repeating that same mistake. And I'm like, okay, I'm literally attracting the same dude, the same cast, just a different name. You know what I'm same character? Well, mine have all been different. Might have all been different. Yeah, they've all been way different, right? They've had different problems that I have my first. But I have. have done the same thing kind of you know and then it's funny like you said about your friends because when you're in a situation like that I feel like you have to at one point just like shut off

all the noise because you know all your friends are going to give you different advice and you know oh you need this you need to do that you know how you forget about this when you move on to the next one and in reality we know you and I know that because we've gone through it that that doesn't work you need time for yourself your happiness does not depend on any man you need to find that happiness within yourself whatever it may be you need to self-reflict and to like search for that. And I think that that comes with like age and wisdom too. Because, you know, at 20 something, I didn't know that.

You know, I thought the same thing. I mean, I didn't think so much. I said, you know what? I need like a man that's like older, more mature that's already like settled. He's going to give me stability. And it's not, it wasn't even about the finances. It's just like the way they make you feel. And he gave me that like support and that security that I needed, you know, that I didn't

have in my first relationship. So my son, Frankie, well, I was married. to my second husband, he was involved in a horrific car accident. And he almost passed away, but he's a miracle. He's alive and he's very much healthy and with us today. He suffers from a brain injury. But you see, there's where my husband at the time was really there for me. So my second husband passed away in 2016.

We were separated, but not divorced. But we still had a great relationship. We worked together. He visited the house. He was a stepfather to my kids and he was a great, you know, stepfather to them. And we had a great relationship. It was just like I felt like with a tragic, like, you know, Frankie's accident, your family gets together for many ways, but you also become distant, you know, as a couple.

You know, and I felt that, you know, my main focus obviously was in saving Frankie's life. And that affected our entire family dynamics that affected my older son. It affected my relationship with Herman in the way that, you know, I wasn't really different, you know. So a few years later, that was in 2011 and 2015, you know, we decided to have that uncomfortable conversation, which a lot of couples have to have, kind of like, you're not happy, I'm not happy. And, you know, Frankie and Peter are already well.

It's kind of like I had a moment to think for myself, and I said, wow, what has happened? Like, I lost myself. Like, I didn't know who I was. And so I had the conversation with him, and he said, listen, you've gone through a lot. I'm always going to love you. But, you know, I think it's just better we take some time off. And you deserve to be happy. You know, I deserve to be happy.

And at that point, I wanted to go to counsel. Because my mom was a psychiatrist. She was very therapeutic. And even though she got divorced five times. She was really good at giving couples therapy. Not that that was his specialty, but she was always very, like, adamant about couples staying together, you know, unless it was like physical abuse or even some kind of emotional abuse, which is just as bad as physical abuse. But, you know, she always encouraged if you had a good man and there were a lot of things you can work on to, like, work on that. So with that being said, you know, we had a friendly, nice conversation.

And I said, well, okay. I mean, I really didn't know what to do with what to do with that conversation. conversation. I said, but you know, let's just have fun. You know, he told me like, you can start going on with your friends. You can, you know, kind of like do what you want to do for now because, you know, I'm older than you and I want to live my life. You know, at that point, he was like going out a lot and I didn't want to go out, obviously, because I wanted to stay home with my kids. So we started growing apart. And I feel like as a woman, you always feel it. You know, like sometimes you say, oh my God, like I never, you know, I never imagined you

would do something like that or like everything was perfect. It's like the signs are there and we don't want to see them. In this case, everything happened appeared to be fine. But when I had a moment to breathe and to realize, you know, what was going on in my life, I said, I am so disconnected, you know, from this person. And when I had the conversation with him, it was, I didn't have like the same, I didn't have the response that I wanted to have, which was like, you know, let's work on this and let's go to therapy. It was kind of like, you know, you've gone through a lot. So, you know, maybe just like start having some fun. Was his alternative motive for him to be doing those other

relationship that he was in? Like do you do you kind of go, wait a minute? No, no, I don't blame myself. I think at this point he had checked out of marriage. I'm saying do you think back and go, was he putting that on you to, so that he could have his other extramarital? I, yes. Now that's a really good question.

And I have thought about that. Because, you know, I feel like sometimes when the men are keeping secrets it's like to protect themselves also to protect me and i always the good thing about me is that i've in my first two marriages i've always thought the men have kept secrets but not to hurt me obviously the first reason is to protect themselves because they're afraid if they share this kind of information whether it's you know you know legal things that that they've done in their past or whether it's you know sexual things or infidelity obviously they know that we're not going to be okay with that we're going to judge them shame them

get into a fight, whatever. So I felt like he was having this conversation with me because he didn't want to be selfish. Like he loved me so much, and I really do believe that, that he just wanted me, he couldn't have the conversation where he was actually going to come out

and say, listen, you know, I am having an affair with somebody and it happens to be a man. He didn't want to hurt me. So this man would have never told me that. So, but at that point, I think that he was already involved with that person. Yes.

So it was easier, like you said, to put it on me and said, you know what, go have fun. And by the way, I did. Yeah, I said, well, you've left me in all the toys. So you know what? And I needed it, Jena. Like, I really needed it, you know. So that's what I did. I started going out with my friends.

We would work together. It was weird. Like all my things have always been weird, honestly, my relationships. It's kind of like we're afraid to talk about uncomfortable things, you know, that are going to hurt us because, you know, we love each other. You know, I don't know about other couples. have, you know, that problem too. It's a communication problem pretty much because we're afraid to say things to each other that are going to hurt us.

Well, I think also, too, it brings up things where it's like sometimes when I say something to my husband, he hears something totally different. Like, he hears me questioning him. I'm like, that's not, I wasn't questioning. I was just asking a question because I'm just curious. But like, because they have their own past things from their relationships where the woman might have been questioning his reasoning for. for things. I'm like, no, that's not at all. I was just more like curious. And so, but how they

react. And so it's, it's learning, you know, the other people's traumas and past relationships and what they had to, and how they reacted to things. And it's, it's all, I mean, like you said in the very beginning, there's no perfect relationship. It's really figuring out how to communicate with each other. And, you know, I think a lot of times when, you know, I've had people reach out to me a lot because my last husband had multiple affairs. And, you know, when I first found everything out, it was everything felt like a lie. And, you know, I think a lie. every like from the wedding to you know the birth of our daughter to our sons like everything you know was meant nothing and it was all a lie and i've i've been able to figure out now that there are

truths and there's lies within things but that it wasn't all a lie for me it was real and you know for not for him to not allow to take away those memories and you know learning that your one ex-husband was um i would say he was he was he was or? He was bisexual. I feel like he was bisexual, like, towards the end, you know, while we were separated, you know, while I was married to him. I had no idea. But how do you, how do you deal with that, that lie of, okay, our marriage was a lie or like, what do you do with that? No, you know, I don't. I never, no, so that's, I never felt like

our marriage was a lie. I felt that he did have the ability to love me and fall in love with me, and he did, and that's how we got married. And, you know, we had, you know, 13 beautiful years and I just think that it was like towards you know the end of our marriage like I said I really do believe that um you know when you go through a traumatic experience in your family your family falls apart and there's you know different things that fall apart and again I'm not blaming myself because I'm a mother before anything and I had to focus on my children and he supported that but with that being said you know he also like you know started going out and you know finding his outlets you know like everybody deals with pain differently And that affected him a lot, Frankie's accident. And, you know, he was also older, you know, and I feel like sometimes, you know, men go through different midlife crisis and they deal with things differently. And I guess it's just something that he had, you know, within him

that he wanted to experience and it happened. I wish he would have told me because, you know, I would have been so open to this. You know, I am such an open person. And, you know, I don't even, and it might find funny, but like I'd rather a guy tea with a guide, them with a girl. You know, that's just me. I may be different. I may be crazy. But for me, it's kind of like, okay, well, I can't give him what a man can give him, you know, physically, you know,

maybe emotionally, yes. But, you know, for me, it's just like, you know, love is love. Like, it could be with a man. It could be with a woman. But, you know, it was really hard for me because I found out after he passed away, like the day after we buried him. So that was, it was like a betrayal, obviously. But then you kind of like try to justify it, right? Like saying, you know how can somebody like this like sit down the wife you know how can a husband sit down the wife and say you know by the way you know i'm in love with another man it's hard especially like a latino man you know that has you know somebody that's like well known in the community you know there were so many prejudices like he could have never done it so i actually felt that

you know i still do you know i'm happy that he got to live that right if you could ask him one question what would it be of he was happy if he thought yeah if he was happy and And I really believe that he was because I got to speak to that person. And he told me like the whole story. And by the way, he told the man also like, this is my wife. He showed him a picture. This is my wife and I love her. And I don't ever want her to find out.

So, you know, and I know that. Like I, so that's why I'm okay with it because I know how much he loved me. Like his intentions, for me, it's all about intentions. And people could see it the other way around. Well, if he loved you so much, then he wouldn't have done that to you. Right. it's a struggle. I get that. I also understand that. It's true. If they love you, why didn't want to hurt you? In his case, he was keeping it a secret because he didn't want to

hurt me. And I know those were his intentions, and I'll know that forever. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious. Wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend has been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now, he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Now, hold up.

Isn't that against school policy? That sounds totally inappropriate. Well, according to this person, this is her boyfriend's former professor and they're the same age. And it's even more likely that they're cheating. He insists there's nothing between them. I mean, do you believe him? Well, he's certainly trying to get this person to believe him because he now wants them both to meet. So, do we find out if this person's boyfriend,

really cheated with his professor or not? To hear the explosive finale, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. My name is Ed. Everyone say, hello, Ed. Hello, Ed. I'm from a very rural background myself. My dad is a farmer, and my mom is a cousin.

So, like, it's not like... What do you get when a true crime producer walks into a comedy club? I know it sounds like the start of a bad joke, but that really was my reality nine years ago. I just normally do straight stand-up, but this is a bit different. On stage stood a comedian with a story that no one expected to hear. On 22nd of July 2015, a 23-year-old man had killed his family. And then he came to my house.

So what do you get when a true crime producer walks into a comedy club? A new podcast called Wisecrack, where stand-up comedy and murder takes center stage. Now. Listen to Wisecrack on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Have you ever wished for a change but weren't sure how to make it? Maybe you felt stuck in a job, a place, or even a relationship. I'm Emily Tish Sussman, and on she pivots, I dive into the inspiring pivots of women who have taken big leaps in their lives and careers.

I'm Gretchen Whitmer, Jody Sweetin. Monica Patton. Elaine Welterah. I'm Jessica Voss. And that's when I was like, I got to go. know how, but that kicked off the pivot of how to make the transition. Learn how to get comfortable pivoting because your life is going to be full of them. Every episode gets real about the why behind these changes and gives you the inspiration

and maybe the push to make your next pivot. Listen to these women and more on She Pivots now on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Do you believe in monogamous relationships? Do you do believe a man can be monogamous in a relationship? I do. Yeah. I do. I really do believe that.

And I always want to believe that. Just like I believe in love, I want to believe that monogamous. Because I feel like when you have that love and connection and you just can't be with another person, you know, for me, it's that. For me, it's like the whole mind-body. So, like, I need to be connected with the person. so I feel like the time you you find that disconnection with your with your husband or with your partner you have to go because that means you're going to start being unfaithful and you can have like you know the lack of trust and dishonesty in a relationship so then how long so when he passes you guys how does that work does it you have to like do divorce papers or how like no no I was his wife I was his wife I mean I had a pre-nup which I know you The girls have talked about.

So I did have a pre-in-up, but I was, you know, legally his wife. We, as a matter of fact, we never even filed. We never even went to see an attorney. It was kind of like if that's what I'm saying, all of my circumstances honestly have been so strained because with him, we had the conversation and then maybe a few months later, he moved out of the house because he was going out at night and getting home super late. And I was like, you know what?

This is not going to end. Okay. And then by the way, I was going out. too and if I would be home like before him he would call me like when are you coming home I'm like wait I mean we're husband and wife but you know we're you know technically like really not together we're taking a break it was weird that's something I will not recommend to anybody I know some people you know break up and things work for there's different like I could never personally have anyone come in a relationship man woman anything like I I'm like I I know what that does for me having the

years of affairs and stuff um but you know some people are cool with swinging or this or that or having me never no i am so jealous and possessive i'm like Cuban there's no way i know for me it was never about that and he knew that so that's why he had to you know take his own way so that's why he decided you know to move to an apartment so he had just gone an apartment a few months you know prior before he passed away and unfortunately he had a heart attack and and he passed away and it was so sorry. After that, how long was it until you met your next husband? How many years? So, I already knew my husband today while Herman was still alive. And I had dated him. You know, we were like dating for a while. I mean, for a few months, whatever, we were just dating.

And but, you know, I wasn't ready. This is like, there I knew. You know, I was in my 40s and I have gone through so much, you know, in both of my relationships, and not only in my relationships, but really what changed my life was my son's accent. I can't even imagine. I'm so sorry. Like, it's, second he said son, I'm like, oh, it's like, it's like when a dog dies in a movie. It's even worse. You know what I mean? Like, your kids. I can't like, I love my husband, but my children, if anything happens, like, I, I'm so sorry. Like, I can't even imagine, like, the way of that for you. You're a mom that was, that's undescribable. Only a mom that's been there knows that pain. So I was like, you know what? When Herman and I just decided to take a break, like we said,

or some time off, I was like, you know what, Alexia? Like, you cannot be in a relationship with a man. You need to just have fun. You need to, you know, do things for yourself. And, you know, and that's what I did. And I did meet my third husband. And, but like I said, I was not ready. I knew I couldn't be in a relationship like that at that moment because I feel like timing was so important as well for and you know the listeners out there the girls should be thinking about that because I always had like with my friends like oh it's all about time it's all about timing sometimes the right man comes into your life at the wrong time in your life and sometimes when you're ready the wrong guy comes into your life so like timing is really important so I was very

aware at that moment that I did not want to have a serious relationship but you know I did like him and I did date him, and then it was six months after Herman passed away that we started seeing each other again, you know. And you've been married for how long with him? Legally married two years, together, eight years. Together, we've been living together for eight years, legally married for two years. So I read that he filed for divorce, and do we know why? He did. So I didn't know myself at the moment, why. Why? You know, he would do this. So you had no idea.

He just filed and you had no idea. Like there wasn't like, hey, we should get a divorce conversation? No. No. So there wasn't. And he first left the house on a Saturday and then he filed for divorce on Thursday. And I wasn't expecting him to leave, like to move out of the apartment like that either. So basically it's, you know, a lot of things.

You know, it's just not like one thing. And by the way, with my second husband, it wasn't really about. about his sexuality either. You know, it wasn't like we had that conversation and that's why, you know, we just kind of like drifted apart, like I said, as a couple, because of the circumstances. And then, you know, eventually I found out after he passed away, what had happened.

And with the father of my kids, it was a lot of things, you know, he had gone to prison, he had come back home. You know, you lose respect. And, you know, that respect and admiration. that I had for him, you know, I saw him, like, as weak. You know, it's so hard, you know, to come back into society again, back into your family and to just, you know, keep on living a normal life. Like, that affected us a lot.

I was, you know, single mom for five years. I had two kids. It was just crazy stuff. And I didn't have the tools. I didn't have the maturity. I, you know, I didn't have to support. And that's why we just, you know, we're arguing all the time. We were fighting.

you know, it's never really been more than that. You know, I just think it was like two young people that had those horrible circumstances. We didn't know how to deal with it. And we just, you know, grew apart and just kind of broke off. Yeah, I don't know. I'm just thinking like if my husband just was like filed for divorce. I mean, A, feeling super blindsided, but also I'd be like, okay, here's a, here's maybe why. Like he was unhappy with X, Y, and Z. Oh, okay. Well, yes. Well, obviously, I mean, I don't think anybody falls for divorce. they're happy in the relationship but was I expecting and no so he's yes he's saying that he was unhappy because first of all I'm a public person which he already knew about right and like you

you know that when you're a public person and especially the kind of show that I'm on everybody knows my story everybody knows my life but when he did start dating me he had already done three seasons of the show he already knew who I was and this is the person that he fell in love with he found love with me and my world he knew my baggage which I don't even like to call it baggage because my children are not my baggage. They're an extension of me and they go with me everywhere.

And if you love me, you have to love my kids and be accepting of them. So he knew all those circumstances. Like with this relationship, I can tell you with my third relationship, my last one, there was no secrets at all.

At least, well, there's never been secrets with any of my husbands on my part. And I want to believe that he didn't have any secrets either, like the last one. But what I'm trying to say is that he knew who I was he knew my entire life

and I was so honest and you know I had done so much growth you know and dealing because like once I started dating him again I was still grieving Herman's loss because even though I wasn't physically with him for the last year and a half I was very emotionally connected to Herman

he was a very good person who was a very kind man we spent many years together and I have a lot of love for him and so once again, I get into a relationship six months later and again, I felt like all of my relationships I've gone

into when I've been down. You know, they haven't seen the best of Alexia. It's not Alex's best. They've gotten me when I've been like down and vulnerable and like you said, looking for happiness because I haven't been happy myself because a lot of things, obviously I was grieving Hermes death, right? And all this

new information that I was finding out and I had all these questions and I had legal problems with like Carmen's children. So I was going through a lot is what I'm trying to tell you. Right. But I also, I just want to say this because I feel like a lot of times we take the hit for going through a lot. Like when I, when I started dating someone post-divorce, you know, the guy was very much like, call me when you heal. And I'm like, you know, it made me feel bad for crying when I didn't have my kids, you know, for Christmas. And it was like the first of all the many first that I was having. And it's like,

listen, you made me feel bad for feeling like I had a lot to heal and work on. Like, I know I have a lot to heal and work on, but I don't need someone to remind me that I'm, like, I'm not a bad person for having feelings or for having, for feeling grief or sadness because of a situation. And like, you know, hearing you say, like, you had stuff, well, of course you did. You were, you're dealing with traumas and grief and loss and, you know, separation. Those are things that, you know, the man shouldn't make you feel like, Like, yes, did they get the perfect versions of both of us? No, but also they don't need to shed like, they don't need to make us feel bad about that.

Right. Make it worse. Right. No. And a good partner, right, you're right. You're absolutely right. And a good partner will be there to listen to you, lift you up your feet and help you get through it, right? And navigate through that.

And that's what it happened. That's actually what happened. And that's why we did get married. But, you know, he has two daughters. You know, I have my children. his daughters came to live with us we never blended as a family

it was really hard for him you know like being you know father full time living with us full time we had a lot of pressure you know we went from being like boyfriend and girlfriend you know kind of like on our own

and you know traveling and just like that honeymoon state that we had like the first two or three years of course our relationship was beautiful once again he came in he swept me off my feet I started feeling happy again which is like what you're saying when you're like in a bad place

and we meet a guy and they bring all this joy into our life we're like this is it he's the guy oh my God I haven't felt happy like this in years and it's kind of like you confuse it and then it's easy for you to pick that guy just like not the first one that comes along

but it's kind of like okay you really feel inside like this is the man that's going to make me happy and I mean initially we all want to be happy but like you said we have to be happy ourselves so we can make others happy. Like now I know that I just want them to add happiness to my life. You know, just don't come take it away.

Yeah. And in this marriage, now that he's divorced, I've heard that you guys have kind of hooked up post the filings. Is that a thing where you can maybe get? Well, of course it is. You love this person. He loves you. But I'm curious, like, is there reconciliation within that where you're like, okay, I'm

going to go work on this? and then can we work on this together and can this work? Because I'm a big believer in reconciliation when two people are willing to show up to be their best versions and no. You have to show up. Yeah. That's where we're at, exactly.

Because, you know, and just like therapy that we tried therapy, I feel like for this to work, both of us have to want it. It takes so much work and effort. And I think that today, you know, couples just want to give up because it's easier. They don't want to put in the work. They don't want to go to therapy. don't want to take time for themselves and say I'm the problem or you're the problem and it's

not even about who's the problem. It's like, how are we going to make this better and fix it and own accountability and validate each other's feelings? You know, so it's hard. I feel like it's so much easier today than back in the day to just walk away. And then there's so many options for the other people, you know, like saying like you're saying your friends. Like, isn't it easier? Like, just to like give up on it and like to find another guy. Like, look at you. Because your problems are still going exist and they're going to have problems. So now you're going to have a whole new cruise ship of other problems that you have to then deal with. Yeah, I'm like, I don't even want to see a man. Like honestly, I'm like right now I have not. So, you know, and so this is what's made

it so hard this time around because we were in love with each other. We were like, I think it's like an obsession. Honestly, I don't even know if it's love anymore. It's an obsession and addiction. I don't know what you want to call it. But, and, you know, we do have problems, you know, communicating, but I feel like, you know, a lot of couples do, right? And it's just learning how to talk to each other. So we'll have like the highs and the lows, some good days, some bad days. But then on top of it, you know, I'm filming the show. So that makes it like a lot easier.

I mean, sorry, it makes it a lot harder on my relationship because he never liked the show. That is the truth. And I've always said it. And I've always said it publicly. I've said it to him. I will always pick you, you know, meaning my husband. and Todd in this case and my children and my family

over the show and but you know sometimes I feel like he's using it as an skateboard because he doesn't like it and honestly you know I feel like whatever partner you have in your life needs to support you

and I haven't had that support from him you know I get it he doesn't align with the show he doesn't like it and by the way it's really not a men's show like I honestly don't recommend for any of the husbands to be involved but it is what it is but we never really had that conversation

about you know pick me or the show right so because it would always it would always be him oh it would always be him and I gave him that option I wanted to do it but he's like oh no like I can't you know you can't do that because then you're going to resent me so you know it's been like an emotional rollercoaster I feel like I'm in an emotional limbo

because you know I don't know what to do it's been six months. Does he want to try to make it work? I feel like we're both trying to make it work. But why isn't it working after six months, right? It's like, do how much time do you give yourself? Like, how much time do you think? Right. I mean, that's just a question because it's like you got to address the main issue. What is what is the issue? And then work on that because if it doesn't change, then it's just the same thing's going to keep happening again and again. Then how long do you continue to try. But, I mean, if you guys are dating again, I mean, I feel like, and there's hope for

potential reconciliation. I mean, I, again, I'm always the one that's like, if you guys can get to the root of it and then, you know, plan a new seed with it, it grows. Right. I mean, I feel like whatever problems we had before, we don't have anymore. But just because, you know, his daughters went to college and, you know, and so, you know, I think that added a lot of stress on the marriage. And the show, a reality show, adds a lot of stress on your marriage as well.

You have to have a very, very tight on. You have to be a teen. And even so, you know, I mean, obviously there's editing takes into place. So sometimes you see yourself, you know, on the show and you're like, my God, like, I'm not that person. You know, why are, you know, why am I looking that way? So, you know, I respect all of that. You know, when I get it, these guys don't show up. to do these kind of shows.

They don't sign up for it. We do. But I feel like there's more there. You know, I think that that's just easier for him to say like, well, you know, I don't like the show. I don't like your life. I don't like your world. So I'm just going to like exit it.

Well, but here's a deal. Like you're saying that you'll choose him. So that's my piece. I'm like, why is he trying to push you away when you're saying I will choose you? Right. Well, I've said that. Right. And I'll keep on saying it because, you know, I, that is the real story.

Mm-hmm. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious. Oh, wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend has been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now, he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone.

Now, hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That sounds totally inappropriate. Well, according to this person, this is her boyfriend's former professor, and they're the same age. And it's even more likely that they're cheating. He insists there's nothing between them. I mean, do you believe him? Well, he's certainly trying to get this person to believe him because he now wants them both to meet.

So, do we find out if this person's boyfriend really cheated with his professor or not? To hear the explosive finale, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. My name is Ed. Everyone say hello, Ed. From a very rural background myself My dad is a farmer And my mom is a cousin So like it's not

What do you get when a true crime producer Walks into a comedy club I know it sounds like the start of a bad joke But that really was my reality nine years ago I just normally do straight stand-up But this is a bit different On stage stood a comedian With a story that no one expected to hear

Well 22nd of July 2015 A 23 year old man had killed his family. And then he came to my house. So what do you get when a true crime producer walks into a comedy club? A new podcast called Wisecrack, where stand-up comedy and murder takes center stage.

Available now. Listen to Wisecrack on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Have you ever wished for a chance? change but weren't sure how to make it. Maybe you felt stuck in a job, a place, or even a relationship. I'm Emily Tish Sussman, and on she pivots, I dive into the inspiring pivots of women who have taken big leaps in their lives and careers. I'm Gretchen Whitmer, Jody Sweetie. Monica Patton. Elaine Welter-A. I'm Jessica Voss. And that's when I was like, I got to go.

I don't know how, but that kicked off the pivot of how to make the transition. Learn how to get comfortable pivoting because your life is going to be full of them. Every episode gets real about the why behind these changes and gives you the inspiration and maybe the push to make your next pivot. Listen to these women and more on ShePivots, now on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Are you guys living together or part? We're not living together, which is, it's good and it's bad

because I've had a lot of time, you know, for myself to do things. things for me, to heal, to understand things, to read books, to listen to a podcast, to go on walks. And so it's fun. You know, it's hot and sexy to, like, date and see each other again because we still have the chemistry and we like each other, but it's when we start talking about deeper things that we, you know, start, you know, not with the fighting, but with like the disagreements. Will you, will you guys do therapy together?

Like, do you believe in that together? So we tried that. And it really didn't work for us because, well, in my case, I wanted to continue it because I can take it. Like I can take talking about the past, crying about it, and moving forward. But I felt like in his case, he was, he just couldn't take it. You know, it's hard. If you've been to therapy, you have to relive, you know, all those, all those horrible moments that you did fight about and what triggers, you have to relive them again. And so it was, it was really, really tough for him.

But, you know, Alice, he tried. And then we kind of agreed that it wasn't great for us. I don't know if it was a therapist or it was just us ourselves. And, you know, we're both like reading books and talking to each other. We're more, like, I can tell you for sure that I'm a lot more self-aware and educated. And I think that that really changes things because sometimes when you're in it, you know, you don't realize it. But now that we have time apart and we have time for ourselves. you kind of like when we start

the conversation I'm like okay I know where this is going I know what you're doing and you know whatnot but but yeah I still don't know what we're doing you know I know we're liking going out and kind of like the dating but I'm like am I going to go from being your wife to be like your girlfriend like it doesn't make any sense

I mean I still feel like his wife I think if there's love still there and you know two people are willing to try I'm always like such an advocate for that and my therapist one time said don't make any big decisions. She's just, she's like, do a year, essentially. So, you know, you have to trust your heart with that. But I always say to people, again, like, it's not, it's not greener stepping out. It's, it's, it's, you can have a stronger marriage if, you know, if you, and like you said,

you're like, you're, you want to put in the work and you're trying to do it. And so, you know, I think, you know, for our listeners, what would be your biggest tip to them that you would tell them if they were in the situation because that's the times a lot of times I shadow that because I'm like what would I tell my friend because that's the advice then that I would want to take that's true well apparently I give really good advice to everyone else into my friends but then I don't I don't apply it to myself um you know I've always been the kind of person that has followed her heart and even if I had all the obstacles and challenges and the entire world telling me don't do it alexia don't do it

and you know your friend obviously love and want to protect you and want to protect your heart. So everybody has a different opinion, but I've always really followed my heart. So whatever my heart is telling me right now to continue to fight for this, you know, and to try to fix it and make it better. That's another thing about me that I'm like a fixer. Like, I need to fix everything. And sometimes you have to know when there's no more you can do, right? It's kind of like you have to know when to walk away. Well, and you're an insane. smart businesswoman too like you're very smart with all of that so I think you know for our listeners too you're you know when it comes to finances like you are very savvy um what has been your

biggest mistake you've made in that department in relationships and then what do you think has saved you the most um so I feel that the worst thing that I've done is that I've never really been involved in the finances with the men the men have taken care of everything because they've had those personalities and they've usually had more money. So they've taken it upon themselves to pay for everything and to kind of like just share what they've wanted to share. And, you know, I believe like your first husband is different from like your second and third husband. You know, I feel like when you get married together and, you know, for the first time and, you know, you're both starting off. I believe that it's usually more like you share more about the finances and, you know, you kind of,

like a growing your life and building your life and growing so you're more involved but i found with like my second husband it was kind of like he never really shared you know how much he had or how much he didn't have you know i kind of like found out after he passed away and i was but i always made me feel secure so it's not like i had to like question you know his finances but you know i advise every woman that they really need to be involved and they need to know what's going on and you know take that initiative because things happen like divorce or death and then you know they don't know what's going on which is practically really what happened to me after herman's death yeah sure what do you think is the one thing that you need to work on the most for like in the relationship and then also

just you personally like you're one thing that you're like this is what i keep hitting up against so i mean i feel like i need to work more um just being a little bit more guarded with my heart you know I feel like I'm such an empath now I'm an educated empath so it's like I you know I you need to protect your heart sometimes because you can't give it away just to anyone or to anybody and I just need to take my time you know to just feel good about myself and like I said I've gone to like so much in my life and now to the point like I used to be ashamed about a lot of things in my life not about me and me as a person,

but about what was it around me. And so I've done good with that as far as like being, seeing the good about it, seeing my life lessons, learning from it and actually being proud that I am, the woman that I am today because of what I've gone through and learned from. And as far as the finances is like, you have to have your own money.

You have to be independent. And if the guy has money, more power to you. but I feel like a man respects a woman a lot more in a marriage when she comes with her own education, with her own money, with her own skills. And like it's not like she has to contribute to the household

and if she has to, I'm sure she will. But I feel like the full thing changes. You know, they have a different perspective of who you are. They respect you more. As long as they're secure. Because my problem is my past relationships,

the guys always said that was like their favorite quality about me that I, you know, provided that I was the quote-unquote breadwinner. But then that became the thing they used against me too. And I feel like that came from their own insecurities of things. But then I'm like, well, I remember when I got divorced, my husband was like, well, have fun making money. I'm like, is that a bad thing? Like I guess I'm supporting you and paying child support. I wouldn't complain about like, why, like what? He should want you to make more money.

Yeah, I'm like, huh? But speaking of that co-parenting side of things, what is your, and I so agree with you because there's nothing like I could, you know, I could say the meanest things about him to, you know, one day my kids and now I could just treat him terribly. But I'm like, for what, what is that going to help or do? And like, for me, I'm like, you know, they think their dad is the most amazing human on the planet. Amazing. I'm doing my job then as a mom, you know. so they always believe that, you know. And if they want to ask questions later on, they can go to him or us later, like, fine. But, you know, and we, we do kind of high five ourselves at times being like, hey, this hasn't been an easy journey to get here, but, you know, thanks for being a good, you know, because I've been kind to him. He's been kind back to me. So it's like, it's been good, but I know a lot of people struggle on that co-parenting. And since this is I do part two, most people are probably going to come with kids. So what is your biggest tip for co-parenting for the listeners when they start to find love?

You know, I mean, it's not the kid's fault that the parents are no longer together. And our children are always going to want us with obviously their dad. But the moms and dads really don't realize and understand how much they hurt their kids by speaking badly about their mothers and fathers. because at the end of the day, they know it already inside. Like sometimes obviously they grow up and then they'll find their own assumptions.

They know everything that's going on. I mean, years later, my older son said, with both of my marriages, my older son has said, you know what, mom, I know you tried.

You're an amazing mom and I love you. I know how much you tried. And I understand why you divorced my dad. And I understand why you and Herman are separated. Like, there's an understanding there. It's uncomfortable to,

to talk to them, but you need to protect them. And I'm always about protecting, you know, my kids and their hearts. Like, you know, they're not blind. They're not deaf. Like, they're listening. They're seeing. So deep inside, they know. So why put more on them?

It's already hard enough. You know, the parents really have to learn how to get along. And I get it. In the beginning, it's hard, especially a bunch of circumstances like that of, like, cheating or betrayal or whatnot, but you need to move past that and be there for their children. Because no matter what, no matter how bad you're talking about, talk about the dad or the mom, they're still going to love their parents. I mean, or, you know, once they grow up and once they're 18, they're going to have the

right, you know, to go live with whatever parent they want to spend more time. So just why do that to them? 100%. And then what do you hope to teach the listeners through this experience? Well, I first want to say, don't give up on love because, you know, love is there and you just have to want it. You have to be open to it, have an open mind, have an open heart. manifested you know manifest the kind of man the kind of relationship you want um you know what you're

looking for don't be obsessed because you know there's a lot of women like oh my god every time they go out it's like to look for a guy like i have to find a guy you know i find that you find that person when you're least looking for it and that's how it's happened to me like i have not been looking for any of the of my men you know and any of these relationships i just wanted to be out have fun talk to people, have a drink, and I've, you know, and that's how I've met, like, my three husbands. I haven't done the dating online thing. I don't think of, I'm very much like I like to, like, see the guy, like see the person and interact. I don't know how about online doing. I know it's very popular. You're going to be such an amazing guest mentor. So thank you so much for coming on this journey

alongside with us. We appreciate you so much. And I just, I love a girl that loves to love. Like, you know, just we all got a little J. low in us. Yes, that is for sure. Never give up. You know, love is everything. I mean, this is why you fight for everything because of love, love for your children, love for your husband, different kinds of love.

But that feeling of love is just everything. And that's what keeps me going. And we're going to love ourselves first and then everyone else around us gets the love to. Amen. Of course. Alexia, you're the best. Thank you so much for coming on.

Thank you, Dana. So much fun. Bye, honey. Bye. We are so thrilled to have Alexia be a part of our celebrity mentor team on I Do Part 2. So if you are struggling on if you should stay in a relationship or leave it or how to reconcile a relationship, we want to hear from you. Or if you're single and ready to find love again, call us 18444-4-4-4-I-do pod. That's 8444-4-4-4-6-3 or email us at Ido pod at I-heartradio.com.

Follow us on Instagram at I-do Part 2 pod. I-do part two. That's the number two pod. I do part two an IHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the main objective. Let's start with a quick puzzle. The answer is Ken Jennings' appearance on The Puzzler with A.J. Jacobs. The question is, what is the most entertaining listening experience in podcast land? Jeopardy Truthers believe in I guess they would be conspiracy theorists

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