The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast - The Bachelor Blues

Episode Date: August 8, 2023

We’re down to the Top 3 guys on Charity’s season of The Bachelorette, and Ben has a shocking admission to make to Ashley about Xavier. Ben opens up about how he felt a connection with Joey when he talked about his “dark days”. And we discuss the sad news of Kaitlyn Bristowe and Jason Tartick’s break-up.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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No, no, no, no. We're not doing that this season. Oh. Well, this season, we're leveling up. Each episode will feature a special bestie, and you're not going to want to miss it. My name is Curley. And I'm Maya.

Get in here. Listen to the Super Secret Bestie Club on the IHartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. This is the Ben and Ashley I, Almost Famous Podcast with IHartRadio. We just started out the morning with Ashley telling me she's got stuff to say. It's the Almost Famous Podcast. I'm Ben. I'm Ashley. My stuff to say is about the episode.

So do you want to go there or do you want to have a little host chat first? I want to dive right in, Ashley. And I think right now in our lives, it feels like Bachelor Nation has consumed my week. I told you before we got on, I've just been feeling blue this week. I don't really know why. There's not like a good reason. There's nothing to point it to. It's not like I'm laying in my bed paralyzed with, you know, anxiety right now.

I've had those seasons. But I'm just blue. And a little bit of it is, Ashley, that I feel like last week, you know, we did two episodes. Obviously, we did the headline episode and we did the breakdown episode. I just feel like there was a lot of headlines that of people I knew that, that like had some sort of emotional effect on me. Sometimes we read a headline, I don't know these people, we're just breaking down a story, we're talking about it, we're assuming things. Last week felt like there were headlines that hit very close to home. And we're getting into some of those headlines and fall ups on those headlines this week or later on.

But it just, I think it just affected me because it's not fun to hear. they weren't exactly good head like they weren't like uplifting headline you have to be specific now then no no no no they have to go back and listen to our podcast that was posted uh on our thread and then later on here in the podcast when we break down headlines we're going to have some follow-ups on some of these headlines that we talked about but if you haven't listened yet i just say pause here go back uh click on uh the episode that was posted right before this one it breaks down some big headlines in bachelor nation Um, Ashley, let's jump into breaking down this episode.

It's episode seven of charity season of The Bachelorette. She has three and a half men, uh, in Fiji. Three and a half men. Well, there's that like one is, it's almost like, it almost like eagles out to three, though. It does almost that. Yeah, because like, yeah, Xavier's not there very long. And then we brought another one in halfway. So we have three people, three, three men in feet.

with Charity. Ashley, going into this episode, if you can go back to before you watched it, I think you and I both assumed that Dotten and Joey

were the favorites. I said Xavier. You have been saying Xavier the entire season. You've been saying he's your prick the entire season. And I have every week been like,

Ben, are you just trying to be different? here. You corky? No. So, okay. So if we were to say, I had Xavier, Dotten, Joey.

You had Dotten, Joey, Xavier, kind of as your leads. I really expected this week to have some turns because... Sure did. It did. Because I felt like this season, even though I've enjoyed it,

I've liked watching it. I've had a good time with it. It hasn't had those. dramatic, like, memorable scenes or those memorable twists and turns, like, you know, some previous seasons. I knew the show was going to try to find some way to bring some type of spice because we're getting late in the season. And yes, the Mintel All usually has some type of spice to it, but it's not really a watched episode by the core fan base. Doesn't usually get great ratings. They found a way to bring in some spice this week, didn't they?

they did they did a good they did a good job and uh that that's the twist i'm assuming that charity had told us remember how charity was like there'll be a moment and you'll know it'll be you'll know what it is i think it is the zavier moment not so much the aaron moment we actually have no idea what's coming with the errant situation she's kind of pressed pause on him um but my assumption is that she's not going to like what's she gonna do be like can you hang her i guess it's kind of what she's doing. She's like, can you hang around for a little while I make a decision? But it's like, it's not like you're going to get extra time. She's not going to like throw them into next week where it's supposed to be the top two. No. I mean, I think it, I think it actually has a bigger storyline than

you think. I would disagree. I think the moment she's talking about was not this episode. I believe it's going to be in the next episode. Oh, really? Why? I'll tell you why, but let's start from the beginning. Okay. So, charity. Charity is in Fiji with Joey. Dotten and Xavier. The first overnight is with Xavier. They have chemistry. Xavier has, I've made it no secret that Xavier has been at the top of my list all season. I feel like.

And it reminded people why you think that is. Well, okay. It started, funny enough. It started during the dodge ball date on the beach. He was, you know, there's some people being pretty, ridiculous on that date. And he was kind of calling it out, not to them, but like in the ITMs. He was also very competitive. He was also very respectful and attentive to charity and kind of how she was feeling what her needs were. So after that date, I said there's something more to this guy.

And then I feel like I was more convinced when Xavier had a very quiet storyline. He didn't get involved in the drama. In fact, he kind of sat on the side of the drama. He was kind of never shown. And I feel like that's a typical thing for somebody who makes it really far. Typically, the person that ends up with the lead at the end. No, because you can say the same thing about Doughton. He's been peaceful.

He had two one-on-ones. Back-to-back. Yeah, but then Xavier had a one-on-one. I mean, you know. Yeah, but he had two back-to-back. And he had the storyline, which is like, just only you know, don't know if I could propose. And then like, I don't know.

You seem like a lot like my ex. There's been like way more. There's been like actual like red flags about Xavier. Oh, I agree. Uh, I would say I will admit I'm wrong. But let's start at the start of their date. I am excited about this date. I will say this is the, this is the week where typically these dates feel very comfortable.

Like when you watch them, they're just like, yes, of course we're the final three. of course we're here with the lead. And the lead is like, of course, this is the guy I'm going to be spending my time with. This date from the beginning felt uncomfortable, not because of the date set up. It was mostly their chemistry. And I will say when they were asked to kind of give each other some nice words, Xavier, it's in my opinion, Xavier from that moment on, I was like, he has a lot of catching up to do. I actually at that point said, Charity, you need to send this guy home.

He's not ready. Um, he didn't share, like, I think he said the line of, uh, you like a beautiful flower that I don't want to crush. And, and her response on the ITM was good. Thank you for reminding me of that. Yeah, it was like, why would you want to crush me in general? Like, why would you want to crush any flower? Like that's me. Basically, he was saying like, I can see myself hurting this person. He's just admitting that. And so I had my guard up. I felt like at that point in my mind actually I said Ashley was right. No, you love to hear that, don't you?

I've liked Xavier. Like, that's the thing. Like, I've always liked him and I wanted him to get far. But now that it's down to these three, I'm like, eliminate this dude. I want to know how long their, well, wait, well, let's talk about like the little marriage moment. That also felt weird, right? So they did like the ceremony. It just always feels weird. It was like a Fiji tradition. It is weird for them to ever mock a wedding ceremony. Yeah. This was particularly weird because it just like, you just kept thinking she's probably thinking I shouldn't be mocking this with him.

I should, if I'm going to mock this, we'll do it with the other two. Ooh. I disagree, Ashley. I thought her mind was like, I'd be down to do this with Dodden. I've, okay. So this is a good point for us to skip into then their evening conversation where things kind of blow up, you know, he admits that in the past he has been unfaithful. That is obviously something that Charity has been mortared about and has something that she has experienced in her

life. And so it is something more sensitive to her. I feel like he explained it. And that takes a big person, right? You don't need to do that on national television. He didn't need to do that tell Charity this. It meant, I think, a lot to her that he did. But I feel like his follow-up to kind of telling her was off and felt very distant. And I would have been very frustrated if I was her. Okay. So here's the point that you're saying. He showed no emotion in his face.

Showed no emotion. Kind of freaked me out. And here's to go back to what you were saying where she was in her mind thinking, I should be doing this with her other two. I felt like she fought very hard to keep him around and gave him many opportunities to kind of like smooth this thing over. And he continued to say things. it was like, whoa, like, oh, that makes it a little worse. That's not any better.

I felt like she wanted Xavier around. I feel like she wanted him and her final two. I do agree with you. She definitely tried. And it seemed as if like with almost every comment, he was trying to get eliminated. I think that he kind of wanted to go home. A part of him certainly did. Okay.

We don't know, right? We can't say, but I would say after watching this episode, I would agree with you. I think he sat there. I think he was scared. I mean, the line that he said. Well, let's go through those lines.

Okay. Say some, like, you have them written down. I know that you love to take notes. So say some of them to us. And, um,

and let's react. Okay. There was the one time where he was like, I'm going to try my hardest. Ooh. Not to. Remember? And her eyes like blew up.

I'm going to try my hardest not to cheat on you. Basically is what he said. And I was like, holy shit, I can't believe you just said that out loud. And then she kind of like recovered from that. She did. Because, okay, let's pause here.

Because you and I are both married. Many of the listeners are married. We got married because we are deeply in love with our spouses. However, I mean, I've been open about it. Like when you're engaged and you're leading up to that marriage, like there are those times you're like, holy crap, cow, I'm about to commit to one person for the rest of my life. Now, for me, it was very easy. like to get my mind back in a healthy place to be like yeah but i get to be committed to jessica

like i i love her um you know but you're it is a it is a scary it's fair fair to be scared of that idea because it is one commitment that you're making either for the first time or second time some fourth or fifth but it's a commitment that you're making with the mindset that this is something eternal that this is your partner that is a big commitment you're not used to that as a human. So I give him credit for saying, sure, I'm going to try my hardest because also marriage is a commitment every day you wake up where you say, I'm going to try to be the best I can for my partner. And if I'm not going to be the best I can, you know, we need to talk about it. Yeah, he definitely made it clear that

it's like a choice to be, to be loyal. Yeah, it just came off from. Try as well as he possibly can. airplane and all of a sudden you hear this attention passengers the pilot is having an emergency and we need someone anyone to land this plane think you could do it it turns out that nearly 50% of men think that they could land the plane with the help of air traffic control and they're saying like okay pull this do this pull that turn this it's just like doing my eyes closed i'm manny i'm noah this is devon and on our new show no such thing we get to the bottom bottom of questions like these.

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your podcasts. Hi, my name is Enya Humanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble.

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My name is Curley. And I'm Maya. In each episode, we'll talk about love, friendship, heartbreak, men, and, of course, our favorite secrets. Listen to the Super Secret Bestie Club as a part of the My Cultura podcast network available on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. okay so that was shocking and alarming she kind of recovers from that only to have him say and i had to rewind this part because i wasn't quite sure and i still not quite sure i was like i can't wait to ask ben this he says um i my heart is fully knowing that this is that this is right but my head has doubts okay was that about getting engaged at the end of this or was that about just like her in general like her being the person for him? I don't think it has anything to do with charity. I don't think any of this had to do anything with charity. I think Xavier's marriage in general. Marriage in general. I think this

dude for whatever reason and we didn't get to go into it as much as probably we even could have. Like this is the moment where it would be awesome if the show called in like a psychologist and said, okay, let's sit down, Xavier. Let's talk. Why does marriage scare you so much? Like, what is it about it? Especially with his parents who've been married for 30 plus years. I also think that marriage right now, for a lot of people, has this kind of connotation that your freedom, and he kind of spoke to it, is being ripped away. And in some levels, your freedom is changing. But it's not like marriage means that all of a sudden, like, you can't do anything ever again. Like, you can't hang out with your buddies. You can't have fun. Like, life sex, that's like, that's the opposite of my

experience. Yeah, my social life, I feel like hasn't changed at all. No. And so I do think that the kid does that. Yeah. It's not even the, it's not even your spouse's problems. It's the kids. Um, I don't know if he's been modeled something differently in his life. And he might have been, but it does feel like marriage is the thing that he's most concerned about. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So she's, she's, she's picks up on. this and she's like okay you know he's not ready and i don't want to be with somebody who's not ready and she walks him out and i'm just yeah i am like okay great let's let's let's be serious now would you have anything else to say about that i mean he doesn't even seem that he's not really

that sad he's not that said i think he's frustrated maybe with himself i think he's probably pretty pumped to go home because i'm guessing he was laying in bed at night being like holy crap i'm in the final three. Like, this could mean an engagement to end. I'm happy that Charity did what she did. It did scare me for a bit that she was going to keep him around. And I'm not saying Xavier's a bad dude. I'm not saying that he did anything incorrectly here. He explained to her something that was very hard probably for him to explain. But as soon as he said it, like the first thing that came to my mind was he's just not ready. Like, send him home. You know, if you really want to be with somebody at the end of this and you

have three guys that you're really into, and a couple of them you usually see a marriage with. Like, this is the one guy that is giving you the out. She did seem upset. I did find it interesting, Ashley, how upset she was that, like, they did not get to spend the evening together. Like, she said, this didn't go how I wanted to. And then the next morning, she woke up and said, here I am waking up alone. I do feel like she was hoping to spend more time with Xavier, like that evening, like really bad. Like, she wasn't. like mad at him she was just like i really wish i could have spent more time with him but that reminds me of the other thing that he said that was like whoa he goes like i need to know more about you remember

and she was like i don't know why he needs to know more about me i've been giving him my true self the entire time like he honestly didn't seem sold on her oh you you think that that's what he do do think he was specifically implying sexual chemistry in the past it hasn't it hasn't been um It's been a conversation on the show where people have said, you know, the physical connection is so important in a marriage, right? For some, that is very important to figure that out or I don't know. I think for him, what he probably would have said unfiltered was, yeah, like, we need to like, that's so important to me.

Like, we need to figure, like, I need to see what that's like, like, see if we have that physical connection. It just, if he would have said that, given the conversation. Then it really would have been like, whoa! And so I think he was, I think he was understanding like what place, like where he was sitting and what had already been said. And he was like, hey, here's a deal. Like I have a lot that I would want to figure out before I could commit to somebody. And so it was best he went home. And that brings us then to kind of a scene in the middle of this where all of a sudden Aaron shows up to Fiji. It's not a short flight. They've said it a couple times. It's not a short flight. He shows up to Fiji to try to get charity back. Ashley, we've watched this show for a long time. Our listeners have watched this show consistently for a long time. Do you remember any situation where somebody has gotten eliminated and came back and it's

worked out well for them? Has been accepted? Yeah, or just like even got to stick around. Like, I think this dude's back on a flight tomorrow. I feel like this is like the closest somebody's been to being accepted back because she said, there yeah she was like um i'm excited to see you i'm not mad can i have time that was like shocking to me because i thought that if anything this whole week proved to her that erin left well perhaps she wishes

that she reversed Xavier and Aaron but she knows it's between the other two that's why i'm like why would you even entertain this? You've said, I love you now to these other two men. So like, let's not bring another one into the mix. You've got your hands full. Yeah, this is, this is, uh, yeah. In fact, I think having two this week is actually like very fair. It's perfect.

It's a long week. It's a long week. And I watched it. I watched this episode and I thought back to my time. No, of course you did because it just always brings up Ben's theme of the two I love you. Is that where we're going? No, it's not at all. Not yet, at least. It's, this is an exhausting week. No matter what happens in the fantasy suite, you are up late. Those dates go forever. And then you're up back up very early in the morning to start all over again. It's an exhausting week. And I hear her wake up, she's like, I woke up alone. And I was kind of like, I wish like maybe I just would have kind of done the Zach standard and said, hey, fantasy. fantasy suites off the table. Let's spend a lot of time together. And then we're both going to get a good night's rest. And then we can meet back up in the morning and talk about it and like figure it out.

So like two people is a lot more manageable. Um, however. Yeah, she got a good night sleep that night, thanks to Xavier leaving. Which I think moves into her time with Joey because she's at her best. She's rested. She doesn't have the exhaustion that a lot of leads that you see as this week continues. she actually seems very chipper, has a lot of energy, and very excited for the date, which sometimes this week gets exhausting. She gets annoyed, though, when the ATV wasn't working. She's like, I'm sorry, I'm on edge. I don't like it when things go according to plan, which I feel that.

I'm the worst. When something goes, not according to my plans, I get so pissed and emotional. It's very strange. I need to grow up, but it'd be more flexible. I don't think that's due to being tired, Ashley, as much as it is due to her, like, probably in her life, wanting things to go right. Like, I bet, and if this was not the TV show, I bet if they had a good night's rest before and they had planned this day and it doesn't go right, I bet she's just as frustrated.

Like, I just think that's probably charity and her personality of, I like things to go well, and when they don't, I get frustrated. Yeah. Well, they go to a water, instead and I'm sure it's just as much fun making out in a waterfall Ben understands how that is in a very similar similar week anyway so great time great time and now we have this moment that we know we're waiting for from Joey where he tells her he's going to tell her there's something about him that's worrisome and we find out that it is that he's just like not always the most like

optimistic he's not always in a good mood and that people have always told him that he has a great energy and he always feels pressure to live up to that and then when he feels like he's not then he gets really down on himself so i think what he's saying is that he has like a good number of dark days and he's a moody man and you know what i think that's a fair thing to warn somebody about she's very understanding about it yeah but i think there's one of two things. One, Joey had no real obstacles and it was like time to sort of bring up something that may not be perfect about their relationship. And he was like, oh, well, I'm moody so I can talk about that. Or on the other end, it's actually a serious issue. It's actually led to a lot of frustrated past

girlfriends, and she's taking it more lightly than maybe it should be. What do you think it is? I actually think it's more of the second. I think it's probably more of the second. But we've done this together for a long time, Ashley. You know I'm a fairly, I can get pretty down. Yeah. And it affects not exactly.

To be honest, Ben. Yeah. I thought about you. Yeah. I can get pretty down. And it does affect how I function in the world and kind of how I respond to things and also how I respond in my romantic relationships and my friendships, et cetera. I will say it was like I didn't understand this conversation. I don't know why his uncle would be referring to this.

And maybe it's just because it's how I am that I don't see it as this massive. negative or something to necessarily bring up. Like the people in my life who know this about me, it would be frustrating to me if they would also be like, yeah, this is like a problem in his life too. It's like, well, you're just making it worse. Like, yeah, you're not helping me. Like, if anything, you know, then I'm sensitive.

You know, I feel things. You know, I experience things. You know that, like, at times, like, my mind goes to a place that others don't because, like, I want to, I want to be a too. tune to my emotions and the emotions of the other people around me. To me, in my life, it's something I'm proud of about myself. No, it's not always the healthiest thing, but it is something I'm proud of. And it's something that I'm glad I experience.

And so it would be weird to me, like when his uncle says this last week and then this week, this is what Joey thinks he's referring to, I don't understand it still. Well, it's not precisely what the uncle was saying. He said that, you know, so Charity says, like, your uncle said there was another version of you. And he goes, well, honestly, I was just uncomfortable in that moment. He was like, I was kind of hosting you. I wasn't prepared for him to come. I just felt nervous and not like myself.

He thinks that that's what the uncle was picking up on. Okay. I don't know that he's saying that, like, the uncle thinks that he's like, that his moods are something that worries him. okay well for anybody that knows anybody who is like this yeah you know the one thing i think could have helped hear them that i'm confused by is joey's attitude kind of changed throughout the the episode last week and you would think that charity would see that and his uncle would see that and be okay he was just in a weird funk like there was he was he was overwhelmed or he was a little thrown off.

But he got back on track and he figured it out and we can see how he cares about Charity and how nervous he was when Charity left away, she did. And we understand who Joey is. And we understand that Joey is going to go through these ups and downs. And we just get it. Like we get him and we love that about him. Instead, it kind of, and maybe we didn't get to see that follow up conversation. But it did feel like it kind of was this overwhelming weight of.

of a, of negativeness, and that's not fair to Joey because he's not doing anything wrong last week. He was just overwhelmed. Yeah, I also think we're over right now. I think she like, kind of understands. I think she trusts. I get it. And you know, it's funny. It's like, Jared is very much like you. So I know this and he always told me. He always used to warn me because I used to be like, Jared is so, he's so perfect. Like they're literally like, what? You have like no flies and he was like I have flaws believe me you'll see it and now whenever he's like in his dark zone he's like I told you and I'm like yeah well you know of course it doesn't cheat it's just it's like yeah those those parts of somebody you you cannot see for quite some time but also if

it's true love it doesn't deter you at all it doesn't deter you no but I do think they move on I think this date was really nice really beautiful it makes me think that Joey has a better shot than I originally expected. Hi, my name is Enya Emanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD...

Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. Imagine that you're on an airplane and all of a sudden you hear this. Attention passengers.

The pilot is having an emergency and we need someone, anyone to land this plane. Think you could do it? It turns out that nearly 50% of men think that they could land the plane with the help of air traffic control. And they're saying like, okay, pull. Do this, pull that, turn this. It's just, I can do my eyes close. I'm Mani. I'm Noah. This is Devin. And on our new show, No Such Thing, we get to the bottom of questions like these.

Join us as we talk to the leading expert on overconfidence. Those who lack expertise lack the expertise they need to recognize that they lack expertise. And then, as we try the whole thing out for real. Wait, what? Oh, that's the run right. I'm looking at this thing. Listen to no such thing on the I-Heart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What would you do if one bad decision forced you to choose between a maximum security prison or the most brutal boot camp designed to be hell on earth?

Unfortunately for Mark Lombardo, this was the choice he faced. He said, you are a number, a New York State number, and we own you. Shock incarceration, also known as boot camps, are shorthy. short-term, highly regimented correctional programs that mimic military basic training. These programs aim to provide a shock of prison life, emphasizing strict discipline, physical training, hard labor, and rehabilitation programs. Mark had one chance to complete this program and had no idea of the hell awaiting him the next six months.

The first night was so overwhelming, and you don't know who's next to you. And we didn't know what to expect in the morning. nobody tells you anything listen to shock incarceration on the i heart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts hey sis what if i could promise you you never had to listen to a condescending finance bro tell you how to manage your money again welcome to brown ambition this is the hard part when you pay down those credit cards if you haven't gotten to the bottom of why you were racking up credit or turning to credit cards you may just recreate the same problem a year from now when you do feel like you are bleeding from these high interest rates. I would start shopping for a debt consolidation loan,

starting with your local credit union, shopping around online, looking for some online lenders because they tend to have fewer fees and be more affordable. Listen, I am not here to judge. It is so expensive in these streets. I 100% can see how in just a few months you can have this much credit card debt when it weighs on you. It's really easy to just like stick your head in the sand. It's nice and dark in the sand. Even if it's scary, it's not going to go away. just because you're avoiding it, and in fact, it may get even worse. For more judgment-free money advice, listen to Brown Ambition on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast,

or wherever you get your podcast. Let's talk about a big thing that Charity seems to have absolutely no problem doing and no shade to her at all. She's happy to say I love you to too, man. Like, she has, she's not trying to hold back. She's like, I'm excited that I can do it. this. I don't know if she, I don't know if it's just like now a thing that you're able to like do on The Bachelor or it's expected. I don't know anymore. I don't know if it's going to

affect the other guy to me still and I say it every week. Joey feels like boyfriend love and Don feels like husband love. I'm surprised how she she seemingly is just absolutely torn between the two, but she loves Joey. I have, I mean, I would hope that you wouldn't have any shade when it comes to this. Oh, no. And I know you don't because you and I have talked about this at length over the last few years of what we've done this. So many times this has come up now.

And I've explained, you know, to you kind of how and why I did it the way I did it. Yeah. You know, watching, watching this. This is one of the first time. I would say, where I've watched Charity express this this week. And I'm like, I believe it. Like, how could anybody criticize her for this? Like, she's just living in the moment.

And for us on television, we see it and it's like 10 minutes apart, right? It's two days apart. There's a lot of emotions that go into it, a lot of things to figure out within it. And I believe that she feels this way. I believe she's excited to share this because she hasn't yet with, with them. I also believe that she has some confidence in expressing this because Dotten is so understanding.

Like if she ends up with Dotten at the end of this and he watches his back, I'm sure he's going to be like, this sucks to watch. I don't like watching it. I don't enjoy this. But I get it and it's part of the experience. He brought that up to her this week. Like I understand that this week is weird and I understand kind of how it goes. But I just want you to know that I support you in it.

like for a lead that's a very comforting thing to hear, I don't change my stance. And if Charity was on this podcast right now, I don't change my stance where I don't think it's a wise thing to do. I don't think it's a helpful thing to do. I think it is, it ultimately causes more pain than good. And I, at the time when I said,

I was hoping it caused more good than pain. Yeah. I don't change that stance at all. And so, you know, call to criticism or call it a, you know, high, like some hindsight. I would love to talk to her at some point we will and say, hey, was this, do you feel like this was worth it? Did it do what you needed it to do? But you want to say it because you feel it and it's your truth. And that's all

you're trying to do in this experience is live in some sort of reality and truth. And that's the only thing she knows right now is her feelings and emotions. And so she needs to get it off her chest. She wants to tell these people, hey, no matter how this ends, I care about you. And I get that. So, I understand. No, I think it's very sweet because I think that when she's saying it to them, she wants them to know that they were, that like the feelings are reciprocated and that like there's a choice on both ends. Okay.

I think if you do save it till like the final rose ceremony, you're kind of saying like everything here is my choice because you obviously will be here waiting for me. She wants them to know that she loves them back. yeah so that they like feel really like they like just have a full experience i think i will tell you something i think charity um is actually very different than my experience and here's one reason yeah here's the reason why they said it to her first both of them oh and i think their supprication is important that like hey i get it yeah i'm there too um yeah i led with it and

I think that's where, you know, that's where the big difference is. I think she handled it better. I think hers is more fair. It's more understanding. It's coming from a place of, I just don't want you to feel alone in this. And I want you to know that you're not alone in this, where for me, it was more unhealthy because it's something I led with. And I, as a result, led the emotions on. So I do think a little bit different. actually maybe a lot different and that's why I watch this. I'm like I, you know, I don't feel like this might, I don't think it's going to cause as many issues at the end. However, I will say it is wild to me that this show has gotten to this point where it feels like this is a storyline every season now. It's like kind of like boring to even talk about because every season now people are expressing this. And when I did it, everybody was like, how could he? This is unheard of. this is new.

It's not new no more. That's so true. Okay, I was very curious watching this because it just did truly feel like she loves both of them. Mm-hmm. Like, how does that feel to be in love with two people at the same time? And is there like you have to feel like there's a discrepancy? Like, you have to feel more for one person, like, right?

I don't know. I mean, I think you like. different things about each and you've had different experience with each. And at this point, you're trying to compartmentalize each. Um, we'd have to talk to charity and hear her experience. It'd be a great question for her. Um, for me, it was mostly overwhelming. You know, it wasn't like a joy, it wasn't, she seemed to be like very joy filled about. She is. Yeah, for me, it was more overwhelming. It was more difficult. And I think part of that is too. based on what we were talking about with Joey.

Like, I just got really down on myself and on the experience and the pain that something was about to cause. And in a sense, it was like, should I just get out of this thing? Like, is it, am I so unhealthy with my emotions? Should I just like, should we just all try it, like start over and try this some other way? I didn't enjoy it. It wasn't something that I wanted. We see that she won't.

She says, why, why I shouldn't be saying goodbye to somebody that I love. Yeah, but I think there's also this just a personality types. We all have different personality types. Like for me, and we've talked about this, most of the people in my life that I've been able to date leading up to then marriage, like I care about that person still. And Jessica knows this. Like, I don't wish ill will on them. I care about them. I want to see their life flourish. And like, if something like bad would happen to them, like I would still hurt in a way that is like different than maybe, you know, a distant friend or a stranger, I would, I would feel that emotion over because you do care. And so you allow your, I think there's just people that

are sensitive. Again, sensitive to this stuff and allows themselves to feel things differently than others. Where I know some of my friends are like, I never want to see, talk here, speak to my, you know, X ever again. Different situations. But, you know, I've been lucky enough to date some really incredible people. And so, yeah, you still care about them. And I think that's part of, it too is you just you want what's best and you see this and you're like i'm going to end up hurting somebody i care about yeah well um let's go to the other man that she carries and loves doten yeah uh they got to go to a sandbar for their alone time during the day and he's just filling her with compliments sure it's just it's really nice he just can't get over the fact that

like everything is going so well and that she's so beautiful and like the families they love each other it's just it's a great situation and then they talk about how they've like really not had any hiccups along the way and it's true they haven't it's been drama free yeah i i uh this is the first time i've watched their dates together and i've said this is this could go down as one of the best bachelor love stories ever. I've never felt that way. You've said it.

I've never felt it until this week where I was like, yeah, this is good. And it was easy. It was comfortable. It was engaging. It was honest. It was real.

Like it just felt like, yeah, like I can't not see these two together. Yes. Thank you, Ben. Okay. So I was looking forward to it all episode long. I think that they made it the last one so that we'd be like,

ooh, once it coming, once it coming. Because when I watch them together, I smile and I feel like I'm watching a Bachelor love story. Like I haven't seen in so long. It's really thrilling. It is thrilling. I'm very excited for them. I'm going to be shocked if those two aren't together.

They have to be. They have to be. I don't think there's any question in my mind now. Now, I do think that the Joey situation, I think Joey's your next bachelor, one. Yeah. I think he's going to be really hurt. I think he cares a lot.

I think he is going to see this love story play out and be like, it makes more sense now. I understand, you know, why she chose him and I understand how much she cared about me. And I think it's going to be a kind of a point where we go, yeah, he is the next bachelor. Like, I don't think that's a question either. I don't know who else they would choose. And there's a reason why they haven't announced somebody, early like they have in the past because I think they're waiting for him to be eliminated.

So I do think he's the next bachelor. I think he's going to be ready and great at it. But yeah, this situation with Don is... It's unreal. It's so good. It's so good to watch. That's what I wanted to say at the top of the show. Like, I'm very excited about a love story.

And I think it just feels, it's very fun for me to watch them. I get, I look forward to it every week. And, yeah, so let's just briefly talk about the rest of their conversation leading up to the fantasy suite. It's kind of like, this is a fairy tale. I'm scared because it's so perfect, but I shouldn't be scared because it's a fairy tale. And it's real. And it's great. And it's scary, but I love it.

That's basically how it goes. Yeah. There's like, I mean, this date, honestly. It's too perfect, which is why it's scary. But we have to just accept. That is wonderful. It was like one of the most like, for me at least, like forgettable dates. in a long time because it was just too good.

Like, there was nothing to it, like, other than just like, hey, how awesome is that we get to spend time together? Hey, this is really awesome. Okay, see ya. Let's, you know, go spend an evening together and let's do this for the rest of our lives. Cool. Okay.

It just, it's, it's perfect. And it is, it is beautiful. I'm excited for the two of them. I'm going to be shocked next week if it's, or in two weeks, if it's not him. Yeah. That will be one of the biggest twists in, in recent memory for me. me, you know, so, and then we'll finish the episode. We already talk about it. Aaron does show up. And the cliffhanger is that she is considering, I guess, is what we're going to say to as to keep

them around. The previews for next week are the only reason why it confuses me because we see him walking down the beach in a suit, which could just be B-roll that they got while she was thinking about it. And actually, they never really. Totally what it has to be, right? I don't know. I mean, it has to be. It has to be. Yeah. Well, next week is men tell all, Ashley.

Which, ugh. Like, honestly, ugh. Yeah, I don't want it. I got so disappointed when I was like, when I found out that I have to wait two weeks to see more love. Because I'm just so enjoying watching it that I was like, no, I can't wait two weeks, which is a great feeling. But like, oh, men tell all. And I'm looking at these men tell all. I'm like, why is Braden and, Sean, the only ones that I remember from this bunch?

Yeah, the mental every season is, it's a filler episode. We've said it. Like, it's not one that we look forward to. It's not one. Because at this point, we just are excited about the love story and we're excited about seeing this couple thrive and then having them on the podcast to talk to them about how great their life is and how cool this experience was and all those things. The mental all is a filler episode.

It's not one of our favorites. it feels like it just causes a platform for people who were either eliminated on week one through two to speak up and have one last memorable moment so they can maybe make it to paradise. And, but yeah, we got to fight through it. We will be breaking it down here on the podcast. And then we'll be very excited for the following week

where we get to watch Charity's Love Story come to conclusion. Hi, my name is Enya Umanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble.

Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. Imagine that you're on an airplane and all of a sudden you hear this. Attention passengers. The pilot is having an emergency and we need someone, anyone to land this plane. Think you could do it?

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And on our new show, No Such Thing, we get to the bottom of questions like these. Join us as we talk to the leading expert on overconfidence. Those who lack expertise lack the expertise they need to recognize that they lack expertise. And then, as we try the whole thing out for real. Wait, what? Oh, that's the run right. I'm looking at this thing. Listen to No Such Thing on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your

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Be a part of my new chapter and listen to the new season of the Overcomfit Podcast as part of the My Cultura Podcast Network on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. What would you do if one bad decision forced you? to choose between a maximum security prison or the most brutal boot camp designed to be hell on earth. Unfortunately for Mark Lombardo, this was the choice he faced. He said, you are a number, a New York State number, and we own you. Shock incarceration, also known as boot camps, are short-term, highly regimented correctional

programs that mimic military basic training. These programs aim to provide a shock of prison life, emphasizing strict, discipline, physical training, hard labor, and rehabilitation programs. Mark had one chance to complete this program and had no idea of the hell awaiting him the next six months. The first night was so overwhelming, and you don't know who's next to you. And we didn't know what to expect in the morning. Nobody tells you anything. Listen to shock incarceration on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Ben, can we talk about the preview? Yeah. Because it's the chat that she has with her mom that is thrilling. She's like, Charity, you know. You have to know one. You have to know. And she's like, I don't know. And I'm like, Charity, you know.

Yeah. That's a weird week. It's a weird week because, you, I don't want to say this, you aren't really able to express to your family exactly how you're feeling. Oh, tell more. Why? Well, because if you did, then they would be, they be partial to whoever you're feeling. Yes, exactly. So you really just want a neutral point of view? You want a neutral point of view. You might know, but you got to kind of just like, be like, I just want your honest opinions.

Like, I want your feedback based on how you know me and how you know these people. And I want to hear it. And so it's a little weird because I have a feeling charity would really be like, yeah, I really like this guy. But she can't, she doesn't want to do that. And it's kind of, I don't, it's a part of the, not manipulation, but it's a part of the prep where it's like, do you really want them to be just sold out on one person? or you want their honest opinion. If you want their honest opinion, you got to leave it pretty open and you go into it believing that. And I also, I don't see a problem with it as much

as, um, it would just be helpful if you're like, hey, you're meeting this guy and he's the one and like, you should just invest in him. The other guy's great and you should hang out with him. But like, know that he's just a really good time and he's not going to be the one at the end. No, I get this, Ben. But what it seems like with her mom is that like her mom's met both of them. She's using her mom as help. Like, I think she, I think she wants her mom to be like, I'm preferential to this person. Because what else would it be? Because they're like behind the scenes and she's like, you have to know, you have to know.

You do want them to be preferential towards the person that you're preferential towards. Yeah. However, you and I have both watched this show for a long time now. We know that typically the person that stands at the end is not the person that the family rallies a rallies around the best for whatever... But is it appears?

I think it's appears. I do. You do think that it might be a little bit edited for disaster to be thrown off, right? Yeah, why not? I mean, if it was so, if it was so convincing

and so clear from this week on, then, you know, that, I mean, I guess I could argue that the ending episode would still be as exciting and thrilling and just beautiful. But this show loves to keep people

on their toes. And they love to make it a question until the end. And that's just what the show is always done. It's been a part of their, you know, format and their bread and butter. And so I just, I think based on knowing the show, they're going to keep us questioning until that last moment where we see whoever it is walk out of the limo, you know, first. And we know that that's not the person at the end. So I think the show just thinks that people will want to watch the conclusion more if they don't know. Okay. Yeah.

I know, but then how'd they get her to say that? Who knows, actually? I don't, I mean, the show does wild things. Well, they do dress up Aaron in a tux. Sure. Just for us to think that he's included, which he's definitely not. How wild it would be if, like, the whole conversation

with her mom ended with her mom being like, Charity, it's Aaron. Like, you know it. That'd be great. That would be good. That would be hilarious. So not Aaron. So not Aaron.

Hey, Ashley, we got big headlines to break down. We do have some follow-ups from last week's special headline episode. Let's jump into them now. It's official. We didn't want to make any massive claims. We did have our speculations, fairly confident. And that's why we chose to speak about it in last week's headline episode, that it was going to be coming down soon.

but Bachelor nations Caitlin Bristow and Jason Tardick have split. They call off their engagement after four years together. This is according to Us Weekly. And according to them on their Instagrams as they posted a joint statement yesterday, you guys can go read it, but what you take from it is that like this definitely seems to be a split that was particularly difficult because they both love each other and respect each other so much.

And I think that they still very much enjoy each other. And I think this is just them being like not compatible partners long term for life. But there's absolutely nothing that like went wrong specifically. There's no blowout. I think this will be a really healthy split. I don't think there's going to be any back and forth in the public. You know, we're not going to be having headlines like we do with Caitlin and Sean five years removed. Yeah.

And I think that makes it even more difficult a lot of the times because you can't like look back and be like, like, oh, this, ah, that. And it's just like, oh, well, we just weren't meant for each other. Yeah. I mean, there was obviously something, right? You don't just come to this conclusion because nothing happens. I think it's general incompatibility, but like, this is also me just spitballing. Yeah.

I mean, I think it's telling for me that this was a healthy split, if that even is a thing. because of the pictures they both posted of each other. Like looking back on the memories and looking back on the times together and doing it with admiration. Like that typically doesn't happen. If it wasn't a healthy split, we would see some joint statement that was like, hey,

we need privacy and we just aren't right for each other. And that's where it would end. But then the follow-ups of the two of them kind of sharing, like this was a beautiful thing. And we respect each other a lot, I think shows that, yes, Um, it's a sad split because they, you know, you and I have both been around them quite a bit.

And they did seem really good for each other. But, and we do see them, you know, off cameras and and away from the public. And it did feel like the two of them could work. And I met maybe why their frustration, you know, why it's such a sad thing for the both of them. Because I'm sure there was many times we're like, yeah, this is like the most beautiful thing ever. But obviously, you know, they weren't compatible. Yeah. It is so sad. It was a lot of time.

They were together for pretty much four and a half years. So let's talk about for a second. I mean, Caitlin obviously is somebody who has for, you know, what, eight years now we've seen go through the Bachelorette process and into now this stage of her life. And she is somebody that I know personally, and I know she wants to be a mother, a wife, have a companion. Like it's not like Caitlin is not very interested in that.

And then Jason, obviously I took a huge road trip with him and we've spent a lot of time together. I know he is very excited for that stage of life as well. And I think when I watched and I saw this, that was one of the saddest parts to me. That's what I think of the most.

Yeah, they're not going to be able to do that together. And I think they both believe that that could be with the two of them doing that side by side. and so now that I think that once they move on from this and they're ready to get back on the world, which could take, you know, like we always say, there's not like a time period of how long it should take. I think it's going to be hard.

I do. It's a public breakup. And those are really hard to then bounce back into the dating pool and find somebody that you can connect with and move on with quickly. And that is sad to me because I know Caitlin wants to do it quicker or sooner rather than later. Yeah. And I think that like what we saw with Caitlin last time was really exciting for us. I know it wasn't exciting for Sean, but like for us to see something and for Caitlin, but then for it for like it's seeming like her bachelor experience was all for a reason. And it was.

It was all for a reason. Even if she ends up with nobody from Bachelor Nation, look what she's done and the impact she's had on so many people. But it was just like nice for us to be like, oh, that didn't work out. Well, look, she's with this other guy from the show. It was all meant to be like this. And can we just throw it out there? Bachelor, Bachelorette, 24, Kailen Preston. Holy cow.

But she won't do it. Like, she won't do it. And I'm just kind of joking because, like, obviously, she's not going to do it. But, like, talk about bringing the ratings back. I agree. No, I mean, I think we can probably end it there. It's sad. It's hard.

And we're all rooting for both of them. Ruding for both of them. I agree, rooting for both of them. Well, on to some exciting announcements. Bachelor Nations Amanda Stanton is pregnant. Expecting first baby with husband Michael, this according to Yahoo. Yep. So she put it out there a couple days ago.

I know that this is something that she's wanted. And we don't know if there's a girl or a boy yet. I think it's due, the baby is due in January. I feel like why is like everybody due in January? January. But yeah, I don't, I don't, it's very exciting and we're really happy for them. And she showed off her, her baby bump at the Taylor Swift concert this weekend. We'll have to have her on to talk about everything. Like, I think, I think it was very much like time and they were trying and it was planned. She used natural cycles. But like, I just want to know like all for feelings because it's different. She has the two girls. The two girls are older now. know, I think they're like, I'm like 11 and 9 or something like that. And now new husband, new baby. I think she's probably really excited to see how the girls are going to be big sisters

to this baby. Yeah, I mean, they're going to be great big sisters. I can't see Amanda without a daughter. It's weird for me to think of her with her son. She wants a boy. Like, I've not wanted to even say this because, like, you know, you hate this. There's any sort of like wish. but, like, I know that she wants a boy.

It's just weird to think about because she's such a girl mom. Like the... I know. You know, her girls are so maturing and, like, grown up now that it'd be weird to think of her with a boy, but it would be,

it'd be spectacular either way. We're excited for them. Ashley, um, we're really kind of like, um, sandwiching good stories with bad. But Michael A says he and Daniel Maltby are keeping things private amid split.

speculation. This according to us weekly. The reason that this is somewhat sad or concerning to me is in this article and we'll have you break it down here. He does talk about a public relationship and how it isn't fun and it's difficult, all those things. And they want to keep things private. Typically, though, that isn't a great sign in Bachelor Nation. And they're over. I mean, I'm sorry. They're over. It sucks. You don't go from having a public relationship that formed on the show and then being like, oh yeah, I don't want to talk about it. I guess

Rachel Lindsay has done this. She has decided and been pretty clear that she's not really going to share a lot about Brian going forward. She kind of cut that off a couple years ago. Which I think does make people like whenever there's like a rumor like a blind item that says there's a bachelor

couple that is on the rocks. A lot of people will go like, oh, Rachel and Brian, well, that's, they just don't share that part of their life. But like, In the case of Danielle and Michael, they had shared so much of their life. They have been sharing so much. And then they just stop and it.

It makes you go, huh. So we'll wait and see for, like, if it's official, if it's not, we'll keep everybody attuned. But he does speak to it. And he is answering questions about it. Yes.

I mean, like, all we could say is he said this on August 3rd. So just a couple days ago. He said, Danielle and I both agree. The only people that should be in our relationship is the two of us. So we think that just the health,

way to have a relationship is to keep it private they very much love each other sure um yeah but sure yeah love each other as humans at this point and i just don't think it's romantic anymore then this one hurts for me because i know i know i know i'm like very much sounding like oh it's over it's over like no emotion i really like the two of them they will seem so amazing and we don't want to be like we we don't want it to be over um just seems like it very much is and you know in this situation where he has a son, they've been together for a year. If it's not going to work out, you know, don't drag it out, I suppose. Yeah, don't drag it out.

I feel bad because she also moved to Cleveland for him, the area. Yeah. I don't know. It's just sad for me. I had a lot of high hopes. Ashley, final headline, exciting for me, actually, is it seems like Jesse Palmer is the host of the Golden Bachelor, which makes me happy. I'll tell you why.

Yeah, I know. makes sense. The only reason that I was pushing or, you know, begging, some would say, for an opportunity or a shot at that show was when I believe Jesse wasn't going to be involved because football season, you know, he obviously has his analyst job. And I thought there was no way he could pull off both. The strike? We thought that maybe he was affected by it. And so I just thought, hey, like if they're looking, I would want to make sure that my name was in the, in the pot. But if they weren't looking and it was Jesse the whole time, then it makes sense for how things progressed and why I never heard a word or never got an interview or any of that.

And so I'm happy that it's Jesse. There was no like, hey, I want to take Jesse's job in this. And hey, I think I could do a better job than Jesse. That was never the thought. It was, I don't think Jesse's going to be involved in the show. I don't know how he does it. I still don't know how he's going to do it with football season coming up around the corner in less than a month. like, how is this guy going to do that?

Well, there's also the Bachelor, you know, because it's usually from the Bachelor late September, early October. He's like the new Ryan Seacrest. Like, he's across the country. Somehow he shows up in L.A. for a show. Then he's in New York the next, like, in like five more hours. And he's hosting American Idol. And I don't know how these guys do it.

I don't know, like, what their life looks like or how they get sleep or how they get rest or how they have any fun in life. I don't know. But it's impressive. And it's, it's at some level admirable. I would have loved for Jesse to say, hey, you know what? I really like that Ben guy.

I don't want this job. Let's give it to him, but he didn't. And so it does seem like from recent social media posts, he is the host of the Golden Bachelor. I wish they would have just told you that. I agree.

I don't know why they did. Like, why not just be open and clear? But I also think that because there was secrecy and because there was some weird assumption that he wouldn't be, that there was actually some debate as to whether he was going to be or not. I agree.

So I just want to come out publicly and say this is this is a great scenario. It is his job. He is the host of this franchise now. He should be the host of this franchise and any of their spinoff shows that he can and wants to do. But if this Golden Bachelor thing is ever a thing he doesn't want to do, just know that I'm still here. Ashley, that's all the headlines we have for people today. We'll be back next week, breaking down the mental all. Hopefully maybe next week we can try to get Amanda on the podcast. If not very soon. That would be great. Amanda, and because it's Mentalaal producers, I would love to have one of the guys that were there just to make it a little bit jazier because we all know that all of us aren't super thrilled with Mentalaal, but if we can get a little inside scoop, that would be fun. That would be fun. But until next week, I've been Ben. I've been Ashley. See ya. Follow the Ben and Ashley I, almost famous podcast on IHartRadio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. Hi, my name is Enya Yumanzo. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom.

If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now.

What would you do if one bad decision forced you to choose between a maximum security prison or the most brutal boot camp designed to be hell on earth. Unfortunately for Mark Lombardo, this was the choice he faced. He said, you are a number, a New York State number, and we own you.

Listen to shock incarceration on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Every case that is a cold case that has DNA, right? now in a backlog will be identified in our lifetime. On the new podcast, America's Crime Lab, every case has a story to tell, and the DNA holds the truth. He never thought he was going to get caught, and I just looked at my computer screen.

I was just like, ah, gotcha. This technology's already solving so many cases. Listen to America's Crime Lab on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I just normally do straight stand-up, but this is a bit different. What do you get when a true crime producer walks into a comedy club? Answer, a new podcast called Wisecrack, where a comedian finds himself at the center of a chilling true crime story.

Does anyone know what show they've come to see? It's a story. It's about the scariest night of my life. This is Wisecrack. Available now. Listen to Wisecrack on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an IHeart podcast. Thank you.