The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast - The Most Cruel Disease with Sarah Trott

Episode Date: May 17, 2023

Ben and Ashley sit down with Sarah Trott from Matt James’ season of The Bachelor for an honest and candid discussion about ALS and the devastating effects of the disease. Sarah opens up about tragically losing her father to ALS and how she built a community for other caregivers to support one another. Plus, Sarah reveals her possible future with The Bachelor franchise and why she left The Bachelor after only 3 weeks.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious. Wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, luckily, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend's been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone.

Hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That seems inappropriate. Maybe find out how it ends by listening to the OK Storytime podcast and the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, my name is Enya Umanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh, my God, perfect.

And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. I just normally do straight stand-up, but this is a bit different. What do you get when a true crime producer walks into a comedy club? Answer, a new podcast called Wisecrack,

where a comedian finds himself at the center of a chilling true crime story. Does anyone know what show they've come to see? It's a story. It's about the scariest night of my life. This is Wisecrack. Available now. Listen to Wisecrack on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Jenna Lopez, and in the new season of the Overcomfort Podcast, I'm even more honest, more vulnerable, and more real than ever.

Am I ready to enter this new part of my life? Like, am I ready to be in a relationship? Am I ready to have kids and to really just devote myself and my time? Join me for conversations about healing and growth, all from one of my favorite spaces, the kitchen. Listen to the new season of the Overcomber podcast on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. This is the Ben and Ashley I, Almost Famous Podcast with IHartRadio. Hey, everyone. Welcome to the Almost Famous Podcast. It's great to be back. I'm here with my wonderful co-host, Benjamin Higgins. We teased last week, Ashley, that you're on a special project that I cannot wait to tell the world about.

very you know within the next couple months within soon yeah within soon i'm glad you're back i'm very glad you're back i'm glad to be back too i didn't know that i would be back so soon but no i'm glad to be back from my little dawsonator and with her mother's day even though my mother's day had jared working so we just had a nice dinner it's fine you know that's what it comes to it when you own a restaurant yeah let me tease this i'm upset that you're back this soon i know guys Did you, did you tell them last week? No, no. I don't think we can even tell them.

I'll say this. Okay, we can say this. Ben was supposed to be involved in this project. Ben was asked to be involved with this project, and he said it had too much of a time dedication. And then we realized that the time dedication part was flexible. A week later you're back. A week later you're back. Hey, we have a big episode today, Ashley.

We're going to bring Sarah Trout in right now to the episode. If you remember, right, she was on Matt James this season. She left on her own accord in week three. Sarah's involved in a lot of things that have became very personal to me. And also you, Ashley, because obviously we're friends. We sit on this podcast. You've got to hear a lot about it. And so today's a big episode talking to Sarah.

And then we have a lot of headlines this week as well. A couple marriages, a couple babies. a couple things about drama. So it's going to be a great off-season episode. Welcome, Sarah, to Almost Famous. Hey, guys. Thanks for having me. Hello, Sarah. Thanks for joining us.

It's so nice to meet you. It's nice to meet you, too. I feel like I know you, Ashley, from Instagram or something. I don't know. Oh, that's so sweet. I honestly feel like I've met you before, too. Maybe briefly, actually, on Matt's season. But you weren't on that date.

You were, like, watching. Yes. Yeah. Okay. So you were still around at that point? I was. Yeah. That was like the beginning of the end. I have met you in real life. Well, Sarah, we're really excited to have you on today. I have a lot to talk to you about. I know you have a lot going on in your life. You're involved in some very important things.

Some things very personal to me. I don't know if you know this. But my best friend who moved out here to Denver, Colorado with me, 38 years old, was diagnosed with ALS two and a half years ago. and this weekend, just a few days ago, we actually moved him and his wife out of their house. They're moving back to Indiana where we're from to get some more specific care and support around them. We started an organization to support families going through ALS. There's a lot I want to educate and break down here on this episode because you're somebody that has lived through it, became an expert in a lot of ways and a massive aspect. advocate. So, Sarah, I want to start with asking you the general question. Can you give us a

background just in case people are unfamiliar with your relationship with ALS? Yeah, well, first, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. 38 is so young. And ALS is just the most cruel disease, because it seems like it takes the people that have the most going on, the most athletic, you know, people that just are thriving in life. And it really will just come out of nowhere. And unfortunately with ALS, there's not a lot of knowledge and there's not a lot of cure about how to how to cure the disease. But for those who don't know, you might have heard about it from the Ice Bucket Challenge back in 2014, that viral movement, the Ice Bucket Challenge. ALS is amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, also known as Lou Gehrig's disease. It's a neurological

degenerative disease. So that means your body and brain stop communicating with each other. So over time, you lose the ability to speak, to walk, to talk, but cognitively, mentally, you are still with it, unlike something like dementia or Parkinson's where you may lose your mental ability, ALS, it's just like your body is completely failing you. And unfortunately, the life expectancy is two to five years after diagnosis. There are ways to make ALS a livable disease to prolong your life, but it's extremely difficult for the person that's going through it. And then also the caregivers and the support system around them. So I really feel for your friend.

I'm so sorry to hear that. Now, you do have a personal experience with ALS, right? Your father was diagnosed. I don't know how many years ago. Can you walk us and tell us that story? Yeah, yeah, thank you for asking. My dad had ALS for six years. I was in college when he was diagnosed. He passed away after an incredibly courageous battle in October 2021. And that was just a really life-changing experience for our whole family and did the whole thing of like Googling what is ALS when we heard about the diagnosis. He was having some symptoms where. he was super athletic. He was on a men's baseball league and felt like he had a knee injury that was kind of resurfacing. And then he had difficulty speaking, enunciating his words. And so they're

like, hey, I think we should check this out. So they did a whole laundry list of tests to go through what could this be. And they figured out it was ALS. And that was just devastating. Our family was Like, are you sure? This is ALS? I mean, this is, this is so intense. Are you kidding me two to five years? There's no cure. How could this be? And so it was like our whole world was crashing down that, you know, my dad, this awesome guy, like full of life, just got basically a death sentence. And so during that time, that was really hard to navigate all the ups and downs, watching him decline and just fight the disease and just experiencing that was extremely difficult and coming out of it and then the silver lining of it being able to talk about my experience caring for him

kind of rerouting life plans embarking on my early 20s not knowing you know how this disease would affect him and our family pausing my career and broadcast television coming home to help him and spend really quality time with him in his last couple years of his life. We're all really important things. And yeah, and then having the opportunity to talk about it on The Bachelor and hearing so many other women message me and send me DMs, like, oh my gosh, I can't believe you're talking about this. My dad or my mom is going through this.

Or I didn't know I was a caregiver per se because I'm just doing what any daughter or someone would do for their parents that they love. but putting a name to it and recognizing that the work that you're doing to care for a loved one is real and it's valuable and it matters and building a community around that was the silver lining through it all. So my buddy Brandon had gone through a divorce and he was living in my basement at the time and I was on a work trip and I came back home and we were sitting on the couch watching a basketball game and we cracked open a beer and And we were talking and he was slurring his words, not terribly, just enough where I was like,

man, if you're drinking, because you're sad, alone, let me know. Like, I live here with you. I can ride, I can ride this wave with you. And he goes, no, man, it's not that. He's like, I don't know what it is. He's like, when I get tired, my tongue just doesn't work right now. Like, it's been this way for two weeks. And that was the start of the Bulber onset. And And I say this, to say Brandon hiked 14ers, I think he had almost 20 under his belt. He was my golfing buddy. He did triathlons. This is, it was unexpected.

It was shocking and it still is. To this day, his wife, Sam, has been incredible through it all. More and more people, though. You know, this is something that maybe people were unfamiliar with. And it was relatable for the people who have been. been through it when you were on The Bachelor because you were talking about it and putting a name to it. But we were unfamiliar with it for so long, but it's rapidly growing and rapidly increasing with the amount of people that are being diagnosed with ALS, right?

I think there's a lot more awareness. A lot more people are, there's early detection. There's, you know, new advancements in detection and understanding that, hey, this is ALS. And I just think there's also been a really big social movement behind it that, you know, kick started with the ice bucket challenge, but, you know, there's still a lot more that needs to be done to spread the word about ALS. It's a rare disease. It's, you know, the percent of Americans that impacts is pretty low compared to dementia or Parkinson's or other diseases. But there is a community, a seems to be a growing community of people that are impacted by it. And once you meet someone or you have someone in your life,

that is touched by ALS and you see just how devastating and difficult it is, it seems like then you meet another person who has ALS and you're like, hey, like this person's also going through this and just sharing resources and just being there and knowing how to be a friend to someone who is going through ALS or someone whose parent is going through because it really is such a unique disease. It's not like something where you can say, oh, like hang in there. I hope you get better. I hope, you know, there's going to be a cure.

There truly isn't a cure right now. And I remember that just being the most frustrating, frustrating thing. Like, how could there not be a cure? How could there not be people who know about this? And it feels like it's your whole world. And so that part has felt really frustrating. But since the show, I feel like I've kind of fallen into this accidental advocate role where I never knew about ALS.

I never meant to be a spokeswoman for this. I never wanted to be. I never wanted my dad to go through this. But since then, just seeing how it has impacted people and just using the platform that I've had from the show to talk about it, to raise awareness, to raise funds. Last week, there was a San Diego, Greater San Diego, eighth annual gala and auction. And, you know, I'm really dialed into that community. And we raised over $150,000 last week for care services. support in San Diego. And that's just a drop in the bucket. There's still so much more that

needs to happen across the country. But that's where I'm at right now. We're just talking about ALS and caregiving and doing whatever I can to help people out. Like you said, I just think it's like the scariest disease just because it basically is a death sentence. There's just no way you could be like, oh, you're going to get better. How did you and your family, your dad and your mom and the kids. How did you deal with it, like, emotionally and mentally for the initial diagnosis and the years going forward? Honestly, at first, not well. It was just shocking. It was like, I think I was in college and I was watching wedding crashers with my friends, just like my roommates on the couch. And there's, you know, the wedding scene and the dad is walking the daughter down the aisle.

and I just completely lost it. I was like, I felt like my whole world was shattering of all of these ideas that I had that, you know, my dad would be around to walk me down the aisle to meet my kids one day to see his grandkids. And just when you're so young and you have this idea of what your life is going to look like and something like ALS comes in and is just, hey, I'm here to just F up all these plans. it's just like so frustrating and heartbreaking and awful, honestly. And I think at the time I didn't reach out to people.

I, you know, I felt really isolated. I didn't really take the initiative to see what resources were out there and just kind of was like, I'm going to deal with this. This is something my family is dealing with. And it wasn't until later in the disease where we got over the shock and the first kind of hurdles of my dad and his decline where we felt like, all right, this is our new reality. What are we going to do about it? And really leaned on my dad's strength and resilience, just being super positive and optimistic, even in the face of this. Like, he could have gone two ways. He could have been

bitter and angry and awful and, you know, been in misery, which is what I feel like the default would be when you have something like this. But he was really optimistic and encouraging. and just truly believed his purpose in life was to be an inspiration to others and to show, you know, this is something that's really difficult. ALS is so difficult. So whatever you're going through in your day to day, you know, it's not that bad. Like, you can get through it. And so that's when I started talking more about my experience and opening up and being really vulnerable on social media, which is hard. and then the opportunity to come on the show happened in 2020 and had a lot of conversations

with my family of like, should I do this? You know, we have a lot going on at home, but my dad was always my biggest cheerleader and supporter and he was like, this is an awesome thing. Like, you know, I go do this, like, you know, support you 100%. And then obviously it was really difficult and at the time wasn't the right decision for me. But the good thing about it was that in my brief time being on the show, I was able to talk about ALS. And now that's just spun into something even bigger than I could have ever imagined that I'm now being able to advocate for it and bring other caregivers together

and stuff like that. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly. And now I'm seriously suspicious. Oh, wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend has been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now, he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Now, hold up.

Isn't that against school policy? That sounds totally inappropriate. Well, according to this person, this is her boyfriend's former professor, and they're the same age. And it's even more likely that they're cheating. He insists there's nothing between them. I mean, do you believe him? Well, he's certainly trying to get this person to believe him, because, because he now wants them both to meet.

So, do we find out if this person's boyfriend really cheated with his professor or not? To hear the explosive finale, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hi, my name is Enya Umanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh, my God, perfect.

And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. Your entire identity has been fabricated. Your beloved brother goes missing without a trace. You discover the depths of your mother's illness

the way it has echoed and reverberated throughout your life, impacting your very legacy. Hi, I'm Danny Shapiro, and these are just a few of the profound and powerful stories I'll be mining on our 12th season of Family Secrets. With over 37 million downloads, we continue to be moved and inspired by our guests and their courageously told stories. I can't wait to share 10 powerful new episodes with you, stories of tangled up identities, concealed truths,

and the way in which family secrets almost always need to be told. I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests for this new season of family secrets. Listen to Family Secrets Season 12 on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Janica Lopez, and in the new season of the Overcover podcast, I'm taking you on an exciting journey of self-reflection. Am I ready to enter this new part of my life? Like, am I ready to be in a relationship? Am I ready to have kids and to really just devote myself and my time? I wanted to be successful on my own, not just because of who my mom is.

Like, I felt like I needed to be better or work twice as hard as she did. Join me for conversations about healing and growth. Life is freaking hard. And growth doesn't happen in comfort. It happens in motion, even when you're hurting. All from one of my favorite spaces, The Kitchen. Honestly, these are going to come out so. freaking amazing.

Be a part of my new chapter and listen to the new season of the Overcumper podcast as part of the MyCultura podcast network on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. One of the frustrating things has been, you know, there isn't a cure. People don't know a lot about ALS from the medical side. drugs and test trials take forever to get pushed through and to have any research behind them. It's happening faster than maybe it even was three years ago when I first kind of dove into this world. You know, people now, I just read a study yesterday where it says

Lyme disease seems to be a common thread for people that are diagnosed with ALS. So if you're somebody, and I know a lot of Bachelor Nation, has been diagnosed with Lyme disease, make sure you take care of yourself and make sure you get the help because it isn't just a come and go disease. It can cause great issues. And that's actually what they believe happened to my buddy. He got bit by a tick. The tick was infected and it turned his body against himself. One of the things I want to highlight here is we then move on to what you're up to today and is how expensive ALS is. And I think that's one of the reasons why people who have been affected by it really become great advocates for it too is not only does the disease suck. And

it does. There's no, there's nothing good about ALS. There, you know, sometimes people get sick and they talk about all the great things about ALS sucks. Um, nothing good about it. Uh, it's awful. But it's also really expensive. I think recent numbers have reported that for somebody at later stage, ALS, it can cost up to $150,000 a year, uh, to care for that person. Is that something that you can, um, that you know in your experience as well, um, kind of the cost later on, uh, down the road for people with ALS? Completely. The cost for caregiving, specifically with ALS, which has its own very unique needs and

demands, is just astronomical. And, you know, my family, you know, we luckily were able to pull it together somehow and get by, but it's extremely costly to be caring for someone and the cost of health care. if you're bringing in a professional caregiver, somebody who is credentialed and, you know, is from a home care agency, sometimes it's $60 to $80 an hour. And if you think about how many hours of care your loved one might need, especially if it's overnight care or specialized care where you need to have certain credentials in order to do a Hoyer lift, a transfer in and out of bed or into like a bathing situation, all of those more intense needs. needs of care are extremely costly. So family members end up just quitting their own jobs and jumping into help to save money because you can't afford to do that. And sometimes the person who can provide the best care is a spouse or a son or a daughter who just know that person so well.

So, you know, a caregiver isn't someone that just like sits next to that person and turns on the TV remote. It's somebody who is really putting in hands-on work and nurse. And nursing level care. And so there are just tons of stats out there about the value of unpaid family caregivers, that there are 53 million unpaid family caregivers in the U.S., people who aren't credentialed in doing this as a career, people that are just stepping aside from maybe their own careers to help a loved one. And that specifically, it's disproportionately, disproportionately affects women and women of color, and that if a woman chooses to step away from the workforce, the average lost wages and social security benefits are more than $300,000 over her lifetime.

So making basically a really big decision to step back away from a career, away from other things. It's a difficult choice a lot of families have to make. And then also incurring all of the financial shocks and going into debt just because your loved one has a chronic or terminal illness. It's a lot of things, it's a thing that people don't really expect or plan or something. save for. No one is anticipating, oh, I might get ALS at, you know, 38 or something like that. It's just never really in anyone's plan. Well, I want to take a second and just recognize all the people too that are out there doing this for their loved ones or for somebody they care about. Yeah, if anything, you know, this time with Sarah is a moment and a tribute to you and say, hey, you're not alone.

people recognize how hard it is and how much you've given up and how much you've lost to do this and your work does not go unnoticed and it is incredible work for the people and for yourself. So just take a second to recognize all those people. Sarah, can we talk about how with ALS, how the person's brain is all there, right? And then it's just their body that is falling apart. how was that with communicating with your dad and how like just I don't even know what the word is it's like not sad it's just like it's almost like debilitating pain on your part to know that like he just knows everything that's going on but he just can't live his life um like how how is how is that like how is the communication and and just feeling like your dad is present it was the most gut feeling ever because for a long time he was trying to still speak and it got to a point where his vocal cords you know he's losing that muscle which is a muscle in order to speak you know your tongue

and your vocal cords you don't even think about it it's an involuntary muscle but when all of those involuntary muscles begin to die it's he he was slurring his words and so I would just remember looking at him and you know for a long time I know him so well I know what he needs if he needs to be adjusted or the sleeve on his sweater needs to be pulled down or what he wants or something like that. Just innately know what he wants. But then it would get to a time where he's just looking at me and he can't speak anymore. And I'm just like, I wish I could just read your mind. I wish I could help you because he can't move himself to adjust himself in bed or adjust himself in his wheelchair. He was frozen. And so luckily though, there are adaptive technologies.

and a lot of the ALS funding goes toward making ALS a livable disease. So there's one avenue of finding a cure, which through gene therapy or other ways, hopefully will happen in our lifetimes. But what's the more immediate fix is making ALS livable with adaptive technologies like an eye gaze device. So that was a life-saving device for us because he was able to calibrate his eyes, his pupils to this iPad essentially in front of him, and he could stare at these letters and phrases and be able to write words, sentences, have his saved phrases.

It's amazing. So, like, he would have some jokes. People would come to our house, and it would be, like, you know, 10 a.m. And he would just love to make people laugh. He would say, the bar is open. Please help yourself. And it would be like 10 a.m. Or he would just be cracking jokes until, like, until he really couldn't anymore.

And so he was able to keep a sense of his personality and his, like, I guess, positivity until the, until for many, many more years because of adaptive technologies like that. That's an amazing technology. And communicate with us what he needed. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you have became a great advocate for this. And, you know, there's many people, including myself, that are very appreciative for you using your voice and using your time on the show and your time.

after the show. So before we jump into, you know, kind of your life today, and I know still that has a lot to do with ALS advocacy, for anybody listening that's saying, hey, I've always wanted to know how to help. I've just never known how. What are some recommendations that you have? And I will say this in the same breath. I just posted on Instagram yesterday or two days ago about the move of my buddy kind of highlighting their story and their desire to help family. who maybe don't have the financial means they have to care for themselves. And so that's one avenue that I would like to highlight. Please go look at that post.

You can follow along. But also for you, Sarah, in your experience, what are some great ways for people to support? Yeah, you know, it's there's so many different ways. And ALS is unique as well as we talked about. And it's not always donating. You know, that's not always in the cards for everyone. It's maybe doing some research and understanding the nuances of ALS, if you have someone, a loved one in your life that is dealing with it or a good friend or a friend of a friend, just knowing a little bit more about the disease and educating yourself. So when you are talking with them, you know, you're coming in with a little bit more knowledge about it.

And then, you know, if a friend or someone that you love is going through this as a caregiver or with ALS, you know, ask them how you can help. And a lot of times somebody that's in the thick of it isn't going to exactly say what they need or they might not even know what they need, but something like inviting them to go for a walk or to call them and check in on them regularly or just to drop off food or flowers on their doorstep is just a way that you can show support without having to like come in the home and make it a big ordeal of like checking in and just small gestures like that go a really long way. But yeah, just recognizing, too, that, you know, May is ALS Awareness Month. So, you know, sharing your own ALS story if you feel inclined, if you're going through it or, you know, making sure that, you know, you have the permission of friends or whatever to talk about it. But to just open up and be vulnerable. You never know who else might be going through something similar. But, yeah, those are just some ideas. And, yeah, and don't be afraid to ask for help as well.

You know, May is also mental health awareness. this month. And so people that are going through ALS themselves and then also the family members and the support system around them really probably struggle with mental health. It's really intense. So just checking in on your friends and not being afraid to ask for help or get help is really important too. One of the things I also, because you mentioned it, that I've seen that's so helpful. So many people have done this. And this is, I mean, ALS is our specific topic. of today and we really want to highlight that but this is for anybody who you know has a friend that they know is going through it one of the best things anybody's done for sam brandon's wife as she's

been his primary caregiver and been taking care of him in the house and dogs is to call her and say sam i'm going to come over or i'm going to be there and you just get away for a day like you go sleep somewhere or you go to a spa or go for a walk on your own because you've been so in it, I want to relieve you of having any responsibility today. I'm just here to do everything that you would typically do for you if you let me. That's been an incredible way to help because it's helped keep Sam out into the world and being able to see friends and being able to be on our own. So that's just good advice for anybody. Yeah, for anybody that knows somebody that's hurting. It's like, hey, you know, lay down a little bit and give up a day for them.

I think it would be important. I think it's very valuable. That's amazing. Yeah. All right. Let's take a quick break. And then we'll get into your bachelor journey and where you are today a little bit. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly. And now I'm seriously suspicious. Well, wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend has been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her.

Now, he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Now, hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That sounds totally inappropriate. Well, according to this person, this is her boyfriend's former professor, and they're the same age. And it's even more likely that they're cheating. He insists there's nothing between them. I mean, do you believe him?

Well, he's certainly trying to get this person to believe him, because he now wants them both to meet. So, do we find out if this person's boyfriend really cheated with his professor or not? To hear the explosive finale, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hi, my name is Enya Umanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you.

But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh, my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. Your entire identity has been fabricated.

Your beloved brother goes missing without a trace. You discover the depths of your mother's illness the way it has echoed and reverberated throughout your life, impacting your very legacy. Hi, I'm Danny Shapiro, and these are just a few of the profound and powerful stories I'll be mining on our 12th season of Family Secrets. With over 37 million downloads, we continue to be moved and inspired by our guests and their courageously told stories.

I can't wait to share 10 powerful new episodes with you, stories of tangled up identities, concealed truths, and the way in which Family Secrets almost always need to be told. I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests for this new season of Family Secrets. Listen to Family Secrets Season 12 on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. A foot washed up a shoe with some bones in it.

They had no idea who it was. Most everything was burned up pretty good from the fire that not a whole lot was salvageable. These are the coldest of colds in. cases. But everything is about to change. Every case that is a cold case that has DNA right now in a backlog will be identified in our lifetime. A small lab in Texas is cracking the code on DNA. Using new scientific tools, they're finding clues in evidence so tiny you might just miss it. He never thought he was going to get caught. And I just looked at my computer screen. I was just

like, ah, gotcha. On America's crime lab, we'll learn about victims and surveillance. And you'll meet the team behind the scenes at Othrum, the Houston Lab that takes on the most hopeless cases to finally solve the unsolvable. Listen to America's Crime Lab on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. So Sarah, your dad was a proponent of you going on the show. He thought it was cool, which is nice and supportive. how difficult was the decision to say okay let's do it and knowing that you be away from your dad from anywhere for well you got you guys had that quarantine COVID um that the COVID quarantine for the show was like way more intensive than the normal bachelor quarantine is like four or five days um so how was that decision knowing that you be gone anywhere from like I don't know 10 days to two months yeah it definitely wasn't something i took lightly it was a lot of conversations back and forth with my family my mom my sister my dad and just kind of weighing all of the options and having really candid conversations with them and you know even talking to the producers like hey my

situation is pretty unique you know my dad has a terminal illness he's stable right now so you know being away for a few weeks isn't um it's going to be difficult but you know i feel like we could handle this would it be possible to make an exception where i could face time or maybe you know with a producer in the room of course like during the the journey if it's were to be longer than i don't know night one would i have that ability and so the producers that i spoke with assured me i would be able to talk with them and stay in touch with them and when i got there though that really wasn't the case, which was a bummer. Yeah, yeah.

No way. Because normally when people have kids, they're really good with the FaceTime, at least every other day. But you felt like no? No, not once. So that was really frustrating. And I just felt like being there wasn't exactly what I had thought it would be. And so just weighing the options, I'm like nothing compares to my face. family and being with family time and especially during this situation. So it was a difficult

process to leave and leave the show, especially because I had just come off of a great one-on-one with Matt, but just weighing the options and my own mental health, it just wasn't worth it for me to stick it out. Yeah. Do you have any idea why they didn't allow you to speak as much as you thought you were or at all was, I mean, I'm sure you asked, what was the typical response? Oh, yeah. They, you know, just kind of like pushing it off or being like, oh, maybe, like, let me ask someone else who has the authority. Let me just like kind of like diffusing who the decision maker was on that.

And, you know, I had a one on producer who was with me pretty frequently. And it was weird to see how like even. my trust with that person shifted when these basic needs, like, communicating with my family were kind of shuffled around. And so my perception of reality felt like it was flipped upside down. I'm like, who can I trust here? Like, I felt like I was trapped. I felt like it was just a really intense time, of course, like with the filming and being in a new situation like that. Plus, the family stuff, I felt like it was fight or flight. I need to. get out of here. I need to be with my family. It was really hard. I would think that they'd want

you around. And because you just seemed like a great, you're great on TV. You seem to have a good rapport with Matt. You just felt like somebody who stood out to us really early on. I thought, like, I think we probably put you in our top four when we do our guesses at the top of the season. So I would think that they'd want you to FaceTime so you could stick around, but I wonder if their initial thought, which is not good, was that not letting you FaceTime would make you more emotional? Or that I would, my parents would be worried about me and they'd see me stressed contemplating everything and be like, yeah, just come home and kind of what I was already feeling. So, yeah. I remember there was like a point when I was in the room and I was looking at there's like no radios, no TV, no clocks, you know, and I just felt so trapped. I couldn't talk to my family. And we were in Nemecolin and there was this little farmhouse like across the way. And I literally was like maybe I had this thought. Like maybe I could run to that farmhouse and like then I could find like a phone and call my family. Like I was losing my mind. You got to go home. So how much pushback was there when you made the decision to go? home. It was like a five-day process. You know, it wasn't just like, okay, pack your bags. You can

walk out. You know, it was a really lengthy process and just having to wrap up some conversations, of course, with Matt and like telling him that was really hard with Katie. And then found out Katie had also gone through a similar situation losing her dad. And so, you know, I'm glad that, you know, I had that conversation with Katie. since after the show we have become friends and, you know, I just look back and it was just such a difficult time. And for that place I was in life, not the right time or place at that moment. So I guess that gives us our reason as to why you haven't done Paradise and probably won't. They, it's funny, they asked if I would be interested in Bachelorette after, you know,

And I just thought it was kind of funny because I'm like, you know, I have all this family stuff going on. And as amazing as that would be as much as I'm a hopeless romantic and I want to find my person, it just wasn't the right time even when they asked after that when they were kind of chatting with like Katie and Michelle. Well, your dad was still around. So I would imagine that at that point, you were definitely like, I'm not going to leave my dad again. Now that your dad has passed, would you contemplate doing the show again? I don't know. I don't know, honestly. So there is, there's hope for us to see you on TV again.

There is hope. There is hope. You know, there are some great people in Bachelor Nation, you know. So I don't know. I definitely want to keep an open mind because I am in such a different place in life. You're totally about to leave for paradise, aren't you? I don't know. I can't say anything. Oh my God.

We got about two weeks before you'd go fly out there. I can't wait. it's not too late honestly i don't know if i can say this or not but i'm not going to be on it but should i just call them up and be like hey guys actually i changed my mind yeah let's let's make the push right now some of them listen to this hey if you're out there and you're a producer for bachelor in paradise sarah is open to a conversation about going to the beach i'll let you know like you won't regret it you won't regret it because even the kids and i call them kids because they're like a decade younger than me at this point

they think it's miserable while they're there and then a couple months later they look back on it and there's like this golden glow of those memories that they have from there so I think that you'll get a lot from out you'll get a lot from it even if it's just like growing involving the thing is though I haven't kept up with it

honestly I haven't watched an episode since the one I left I didn't even finish watching that season So I think I would go in there and I would be just a fish out of water. I'd be like, who are you? What season were you on? Like I wouldn't know all the drama behind the scenes, which might help me or it might hurt me. So I don't know. I think you did just fine in that situation.

Well, let us know if we should push for you. I don't know. People find success through that. They find their person. But I don't know. Maybe I should just stick with. I don't know. I don't know.

Other ways, I'm not sure. I haven't had much luck. So maybe you've got to go back. I never had luck. And then I had a great luck there after quite some time. Yeah. All right. Well, I guess that means that you're single now and you're still.

Have you had anything significant of a relationship since we've last saw you on TV? So when I was on the Help I Suck at Dating podcast with Jared, we were talking about my current relationship at the time. And so I think that would be the most serious relationship I had since the show. And we're no longer together, but wish him well. And yeah, so I'm single. It's but I think, I feel like everyone my age or in the dating pool who was single can agree that dating these days is very different. It's really hard. And I don't know.

I don't want to like give out. I don't want to lose hope. But I'm feeling a little bit jaded about dating life in general at the moment. moments. That's exactly when I found Jessica. I got so frustrated. I told my family, I don't think I'm going to get married. I think I'm good. Oh my God, Ben, you were like 28 or 29? Were you 29 when you met him for her? Oh yes, 29. I was like, I'm done. I'm just giving up. And then all of a sudden she popped into my life. Well, obviously, we're talking about dating. We've talked about your last few years of life. We talked about your time on the show. So obviously today, you are a different

person than you were on Matt James' season of The Bachelor. You've been through it. You've learned a lot. If you could look back and maybe compare and contrast who you were then and who you are now and what you're looking for and what you're excited about in life and what you're dreaming towards, what would those things be? That's a good question. Wow. Thank you. I look back and I would say now I'm a lot more confident and self-assured and feel like I found my voice in my late 20s. I think this is kind of a common thread with women. You know, you don't tolerate as much BS with guys and dating. You know, you hopefully are a little bit more financially stable, more secure in yourself and just who you are and what you like and don't

like. And I think early 20s, it's a lot of people pleasing. It's a lot of, I don't know, should I do this or that? And I feel like in the past couple years, I've really found myself of just knowing myself better, which is awesome and exciting and really empowering. But I think the same things that I were looking for, things I was looking for on the show with Matt still are true. I want to be married. I want to have kids. I want to find my person that I can do life with. I can travel with them. We can literally have fun at the grocery store or just sitting on the couch on a Friday night. It doesn't have to be like amazing trips and travels and romantic all the time. But just somebody who you can do life with in the ups and downs. And maybe

what's hard for me is that I feel like I've been through some traumatic and really painful life experiences. And so to find somebody who maybe has been through something hard themselves or at least can empathize and understand just what I've been through is really important for me. So yeah, that's kind of where I'm at. Those are good goals. And as far as career, you know, you were in the starts of a broadcasting career. And it just seems like you would really excel at that, just getting to know you over the past 45 minutes. and seeing you on TV, you're just a natural. Where are you in that?

Yeah, I don't know. I'm kind of, I'm doing a lot of stuff on social media. The advocacy work, the ALS nonprofit work really brings me so much joy and happiness. Yeah. But that's something I want to explore of kind of what is my next move. I feel like I finally have come up for air after this crazy past couple of years with the show and with family stuff, losing my dad. You know, so I just feel like now I'm ready to kind of explore other career options and what that would be. And so I don't know. I'm maybe restarting my podcast or doing something back on

camera going on paradise. Who knows? You know, the world is my oyster. We don't know. All right. Well, Sarah, it's been a pleasure having you on. Thank you for telling us so much about, you know, ALS and where your life is now and you are, you're a great advocate. Like, I think a lot of people are going to leave this podcast knowing a lot more about ALS and being, in reaching out to anybody who's affected. Yeah, thank you. I really appreciate that. I appreciate having the real conversation because it's not always easy, but a lot of

people are going through it. And, you know, of course, if anyone's listening to this, please reach out to me. join my caregiver community. I have a Facebook group of now more than a thousand, mostly young women who are caregivers, mostly for people with ALS, but other terminal illnesses. We went on a retreat last year to Charleston. We all got an Airbnb and hung out. So you need like a grief circle, a caregiving circle.

Just reach out to me. I want to plug people in and support them. What's the name of the Facebook group? It's called Sarah's caregiver community. or you could just DM me and we can add you to our WhatsApp channel. My phone is always blowing up with, like, you know, friends talking on this WhatsApp channel, all caregivers. So it's pretty cool.

You're doing amazing work. I hope somebody's, I hope you're feeling supported and cared for as well. I hope that as much as you're doing for so many other people, I hope you recognize that your impact and that your sacrifice to them is also coming back on you in some way and that you're feeling, hey, like not only you're doing great work and you're making people's lives better, but that you are somebody that needs to know how valued you are as well. And so Sarah, again, to mirror what Ashley said, thank you. Thanks for coming on. Thanks for the work that you're doing. Thanks for the work that you will continue to do. And if there is a producer of Bachelor in Paradise,

you are crazy if you don't give Sarah a call. You have her number. You should do it. Give her the last minute call yeah Sarah thanks for coming on thank you guys thanks for having me bye thanks to sarah for coming on you know it's one of the the beautiful difficulties of life when you your new passions and your new purpose comes from your past pain and when you when you talk to somebody like Sarah who has been through something unimaginable something that as we said sucks. There's no good to ALS and then decides to use her voice and her life and her presence here in this world to care for others who are going through difficult things. It's not only inspiring, it's humbling, and it's also beautiful. And so Sarah, thanks for coming on here.

Thanks for sharing your story. Thanks for being an advocate for people like my buddy Brandon. and people out there who I don't know the name of, but people that will be listening and have been affected by this terrible disease. Now, this was an interview with Sarah to talk about her experiences and also advocate for ALS because this is ALS Awareness Month. We will still be doing headlines.

That episode is out now. So make sure you close out of this episode. Take some time to process all the things you've learned about ALS and maybe ways that you can care. That doesn't have to be financial, but as Sarah is saying, just with your time and your effort for other people who are hurting. And then, tune in because we got some crazy headlines this week. Someone's to celebrate.

So we'll be back. It's posted now with the Almost Famous Podcast. Until then, I've been Ben. I've been Ashley. Bye. Follow the Ben and Ashley I, Almost Famous Podcasts on IHeartRadio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly. and now I'm seriously suspicious.

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