The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast - Wanna Know How To Date? Ask A Man!

Episode Date: July 10, 2025

Real-life single gal Louise is joined by listener favorite, single stud J.D., for more insight into how men think, and this time he's answering YOUR questions! J.D. advises women on a dating habit they should stop doing on dates because it's not as "charming" as they might assume. Plus, in your part 2 era, how do you navigate dating more than one person at a time? Louise and J.D. give their opinions!   Email us at: [e-mail] or call us at 844-4-I Do Pod (844-443-6763)   Follow I Do, Part 2 on Instagram and TikTokSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Hi, my name is Enya Eumanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble.

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I'm Lola Blanc and I'm Megan Elizabeth. We're the host of Trust Me, a podcast about cults, manipulation, and the psychology of belief. Each week we talk to fellow survivors, former believers, and experts to understand why people get pulled in and how they get out. Trust me, new episodes every Wednesday on Exactly Right. and wherever you get your podcasts.

Hi, it's Honey German, and I'm back with season two of my podcast. Grazias, come again. We got you when it comes to the latest in music and entertainment with interviews with some of your favorite Latin artists and celebrities. You didn't have to audition? No, I didn't audition. I haven't audition in, like, over 25 years.

Oh, wow. That's a real G-talk right there. Oh, yeah. We'll talk about all that's viral and trending with a little bit of cheesement and a whole lot of laughs. And of course, the great bibras you've come to expect. Listen to the new season of Dacius Come Again on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. I just normally do straight stand-up, but this is a bit different.

What do you get when a true crime producer walks into a comedy club? Answer, a new podcast called Wisecrack, where a comedian finds himself at the center of a chilling true crime story. Does anyone know what show they've come to see? It's a story. It's about the scariest night of my life. This is Wisecrack. Available now. Listen to Wisecrack on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What would you do if one bad decision forced you to choose between a maximum security prison or the most brutal boot camp designed to be hell on earth?

Unfortunately for Mark Lombardo, this was the choice he faced. He said, you are a number, a New York State number. and we own you. Listen to shock incarceration on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. It's I-do part two, and it's your real-life, normal, single-gal. host Louise. And today, sadly, I am holding down the fort without my partner in crime, Thelma. But I am joined once again and back by popular demand, real life single stud J.D.

I am actually shocked that he is still single and maybe I have a shot. But in any event, he is here to answer all of the many questions that came in from our listeners. And I too am on baited breath because I'd love to hear from the mind of a guy like him. J.D., welcome back. Thank you. Thanks for having me back. Of course. Last time you were on the pod, people loved hearing what you had to say. So this time, we're going to bring you questions directly from our listeners. You ready? Yeah, looking forward to it. Okay. So our first question comes from a girl named Ashley. And she's asking what's something a woman might do on a date that she thinks is charming,

but a guy would find cringy. That's good. One of them might be, she might think it's charming to just not eat anything or eat very lightly. And I think that comes to mind. I've been on dates where either the woman doesn't eat at all or she ate ahead of time. And I think it's kind of fun to share the meal with somebody who actually, so I think that seems charming, I would say.

But let me interrupt, because the flip side is the girl who sits at the table and orders the most expensive thing on the menu. That's true. I think it's just, I think if you get kind of the, you know, I am just going to have a drink and a dinner salad. Yeah, and I'm going to have the salad. It's like, there's nothing wrong with that. I just don't think it's necessarily charming.

It's just, I think it's fine to order, you know, an entree and a salad, whatever. I wouldn't hold back having an entree because you think it's going to give a bad impression, I guess is my main point. The guy should be grown up enough if he asked you to dinner. He shouldn't be upset that you ordered an entree. That would be strange. So don't, it's not cringy and it's not charming to skip the entree. I would do just, you know, just enjoy it, order what you want.

And you know, but what's interesting, is, and I've kind of changed this, this has been a different 4-1-1 for me, is a first date for me, I would rather just have a drink. I don't want to be locked in to a two-hour dinner, right? Because we kind of know pretty quickly if this is going to be explored on a second date. And so for me, I would just like to do a quick drink and then go from there. Now, if the drink is great, and I've had this happen where it pivots to a dinner, then that's cool, but I would rather just kind of limit it right out of the gate.

Yeah, I love that idea, and I've used that one myself, where you meet somebody at four, like at four or five o'clock for a drink, you have a dinner reservation in the bag. You've already got one locked in for seven, either at the same restaurant or nearby. And if things are going well, you just roll into the dinner. But you're officially meeting for a drink for happy hour at five, but you've got it, if you've got that seven o'clock resi if you need it. I think as a guy, that's a great strategy. And I think, you know, for a woman, it's the same thing.

You haven't committed to dinner, but you could say, hey, I'm really enjoying, I'm really enjoying this. And sometimes the conversation will just keep on going and you blow right through dinner without even thinking about it. You just start ordering food right at the place you were just planning to have a drink, right? So, so yeah, it's a lower commitment, less stress, and then just let it organically either end or move into dinner, right? But start with a drink. I love it. The dinner can feel a little intimidating, like the 8 o'clock dinner reservation somewhere.

Just meet for a drink at 5 or 5.30. And then let it roll into dinner if it does. And if it doesn't, it doesn't. You know, and there's also, and we could pop on because I know other listeners are calling in with questions, but I just find you so interesting to talk to. But there's also a school of thought, which is, you know,

you don't want a first date to go into like this marathon on four or five hours where like all of a sudden it's like you know you've kind of gotten it all at the table and there's almost no reason to go out again in a way right like you want to leave them wanting more um and i know everybody does it differently right but i do think that sometimes it's better just to kind of it's almost like the appetizer and not the not the full entree yeah i i i get i get uh i get that thinking a little bit i i guess i i would say there are very few people that you want to date for months or years that you run out of, you run out of reasons to hang out after a couple hours. So I don't, I don't, I'm not a big believer in the holdback strategy. I think if

you like somebody and it's flowing and you like it, just let it roll. I don't, I don't know. I mean, again, this is a guy's perspective. So I can't, yeah, I can't give you, I mean, a woman might have a brilliant strategy of holding back some, uh, some, um, some different. things to reveal on the second date. And again, maybe that works. Maybe it doesn't. My perspective is if people are vibing and the conversation's flowing, you know, let it roll and enjoy getting to know each other. Like, why not? But again, just a man's perspective. If a woman has a special way to hold things nuggets back and reveal them over time and she's got that down, then more power, like, I can't take away from that. I think it's a combination, but we are here to hear your perspective,

right? Because you are, what I appreciate about you is you are super even, super communicative, super transparent, super mature. Like, you're healthy, right? And so you are kind of a unicorn. So for us to sit here and actually learn and listen, this is great tidbits for us as we are navigating this dating world. Yeah. And I think of a guy's interested in you, the idea that he's going to be like, oh, man, I, you know, the first day was so good, but there was nothing. nothing new to talk about on the second date. I just, I think that, I think that's very rare. So I would say, I would say, you know, do what's natural. You don't have to force yourself to hold back. I would say, don't be like, oh, I was going to tell this story. It seemed like the

perfect time, but I'm going to hold it back now. Well, I don't mean hold back. I just, I just, yeah. Yeah, I would just let it go natural, but just, you know, my two cents. This is from a caller named Kim. When you are divorced and dating again, can you date more than one person at a time? How does that work? Do you have to tell everyone? At what point do you tell everyone? I mean, I would love to hear, I have my perspective, but I would love to hear your perspective.

Sorry, the first part is just that you're single again. So when you're divorced and dating again, right? And you're kind of out there. Sharing that you're divorced. Is that the piece you were talking about? No, no. Sharing that you're dating multiple people at once. Yeah, I've had the one come up a few times.

I think it is, I don't think it needs to come up in the first, you know, few dates or even necessarily in month one or two. I think the times when it has typically come up in, in my experience, is kind of around month three. And are you sleeping with that person? So the sleeping thing, I, hmm. Do you find that there's girl, like for me, if I'm going to sleep with somebody, they're only sleeping with me, right? So there is a pretty clear conversation. Yeah. But I also feel organically when a relationship is moving authentically, you don't even almost have to kind of have the conversation because both people are all in on it.

And if you have to have a conversation and there's some sort of a question or a gray area, that's not good. But maybe there are guys out there or there are girls that are comfortable with people who have multiple partners. Yeah, this is one where I think often the woman takes the lead on this one. But I would say I've had people I was dating bring it up before we slept together. Like, hey, just so you know, I'm really only comfortable if we're in a monogamous thing. and they brought it up before. I've had other people bring it up after we were sleeping together

for a month, let's say, and then they brought it up. So my view, and I don't know if that's a, well, my advice to the woman asking the question and to women in general is bring it up when it makes, when it feels right to you. If you want to be in a monogamous relationship

before, and it needs to be exclusive before you sleep with them, then you should say that. If you're like, well, I want to kind of, to see how things are going, what our chemistry is like. I'm not so worried about exclusivity right out of the gate. But if I start getting emotional, if I start, we start getting more attached and we start building a deeper relationship, then I want to know that you're not being

as intimate with other people as you are with me. And so it can happen at different times for different people. So again, it should be what feels right to you, I think, and bring it up when it's right to you. And I think a man can handle the conversation. assume like right out of the gate if some girl sitting there saying, oh, and we're exclusive and you're going to be like running for the hills. Like that's like Glenn Close fatal attraction, right? Like that is just way too much. I think, I guess for me, you just kind of know when it's going in that direction. It just kind of, I don't know, feels. Yeah. I agree. I don't think there's a formula. I think it has to kind of, you got to bring it up when it feels like bringing it up.

But yeah, I would stay away from like the first month. And then I would also. stay away from the opposite, like, you know, waiting six months or some other things. But there's some time when it's going to feel like you should talk about it, right? Yeah, no, it's, it's all super, super interesting. I mean, the mind of a man versus the mind of a woman, it's like that whole book, men are from Mars and men are from Venus. I mean, they were kind of on to something, right? It's like, you say black, I say white.

So this is good for us finding the gray. Yeah, and a lot of times the guy is not going to bring this up. And so the woman often has to take the lead on this conversation. I hate for the guy to get the easy way out in this one. But I do think it's one where a woman might have to lead that conversation. Well, I was in a situation recently, which I alluded to on the previous one where it was like, he was at Z and I was at C. And the more I felt the pressure and the pushback, the more I felt like the guy where I was like going the other direction.

And I just kind of finally had to say like, this pace isn't working for me. Like you're not reading the room with me right now. Yeah, well, yeah, people need to read the room. And I also think, look, there's something fun about it being a little bit light and it was too heavy. It was too heavy. we have our whole life to have heavy relationships. And if you get in, you know, you get past the first few months and then you're dating a year or two, you can, you get to have your whole life to be in a serious relationship. So let it be a little bit light and fun in the beginning. And, and, I mean, there's something. nice about that it doesn't last very long try to enjoy it would be my would be my advice right and that's

on both side the man that was really trying to like come on heavy to you why can't he be like a little playful in light and enjoy the fact that you don't know what's going to happen for a little while and enjoy that adventure uh and the mystery of it it is a rare beautiful thing don't don't let it last one date like enjoy it for a little while right it had been like a few months but whatever i'm just Anyway, but my point is you've got to read the room and enjoy the path that you're on. It was too young of a relationship for it to be that way. My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly, and now I'm seriously suspicious. Oh, wait a minute, Sam.

Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, my boyfriend has been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now, he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Now, hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That sounds totally inappropriate.

Well, according to this person, this is her boyfriend's former professor, and they're the same age. And it's even more likely that they're cheating. He insists there's nothing between them. I mean, do you believe him? Well, he's certainly trying to get this person to believe him because he now wants them both to meet. So, do we find out if this person's boyfriend really cheated with his professor or not? To hear the explosive finale, listen to the O.K. Storytime Podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

Hello, it's Daniel Fischel. Writer Strong. And Will Ferdell from PodMeets World. And we're bringing you Viva Las Content. That's right. We are back in Las Vegas, the city of sin, and giving the people what they want. A full week of Y2K content. Wait, we're back in Vegas?

Tell me, Y. Well, for the Backstreet Boys residency at Sphere, of course. We sat down with Kevin Richardson and 8. AJ McLean just minutes before they took the stage and our very own Wilfredel basically became the newest member of the band. Boy band, please. Plus, the man who has the longest running comedy show on the strip joins us and gets his props. It's carrot top, baby. And finally, we all L-O-V-E-Hur, Ashley Simpson-Ross joins us to talk about her upcoming sold-out Vegas residency.

It's a full week of nostalgic interviews you don't want to miss. Listen to PodMeets World on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hola, it's Honey German, and my podcast, Grasas Come Again, is back. This season, we're going even deeper into the world of music and entertainment, with raw and honest conversations with some of your favorite Latin artists and celebrities. You didn't have to audition? No, I didn't audition. I haven't audition in, like, over 25 years.

Oh, wow. That's a real G-talk right there. Oh, yeah. We've got some of the biggest actors, musicians, content, creators and culture shifters sharing their real stories of failure and success. I feel like this is my destiny.

You were destined to be a start. We talk all about what's viral and trending with a little bit of chisement, a lot of laughs, and those amazing Vibras you've come to expect. And of course, we'll explore deeper topics dealing with identity, struggles, and all the issues affecting our Latin community.

You feel like you get a little whitewash because you have to do the code switching? I won't say whitewash because at the end of the day, you know what I mean? but the whole pretending and cold, you know, it takes a toll on you. Listen to the new season of Grasas Has Come Again as part of My Cultura Podcast Network On the IHartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. The Super Secret Festi Club Podcast Season 4 is here.

And we're locked in. That means more juicy chisement. Terrible love advice. Evil spells to cast on your ex. No, no, no, no. We're not doing that this season. Oh. Well, this season, we're leveling up.

Each episode will feature a special bestie, and you're not going to want to miss it. Get in here! Today we have a very special guest with us. Our new super secret bestie is The Diva of the People. The Diva of the People. I'm just like text your ex. My theory is that if you need to figure out that the stove is hot, go and touch it. Go and figure it out for yourself.

Okay. That's us. That's us. My name is Curley. And I'm Maya. In each episode, we'll talk about love. friendship, heartbreaks, men, and of course, our favorite secrets. Listen to the Super Secret Bestie Club as a part of the Marco Tura podcast network available

on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. What would you do if one bad decision forced you to choose between a maximum security prison or the most brutal boot camp designed to be hell on earth? Unfortunately for Mark Lombardo, this was the choice he faced. He said, you are a number. a New York State number, and we own you. Shock incarceration, also known as boot camps, are short-term, highly regimented correctional programs

that mimic military basic training. These programs aim to provide a shock of prison life, emphasizing strict discipline, physical training, hard labor, and rehabilitation programs. Mark had one chance to complete this program and had no idea of the hell awaiting him the next six months. The first night was so overwhelming, and you don't know who's next to you. And we didn't know what to expect in the morning.

Nobody tells you anything. Listen to shock incarceration on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, moving on. Yes, moving on. Moving on to Janet. Is it an automatic turnoff when you meet your girlfriend's friends? and they already know everything about you and your relationship. Not at all.

I mean, if you're somebody who is a, so first of all, the answer is no. It's not a turnoff. The fact that the woman you're dating is interested enough to share things about you with her friends is a compliment to you. And if you don't like being complimented, then that's a whole different issue as a man. But if you're somebody who is, I never want to have a girlfriend. I want to be single my whole life and you're a commitment phob, then, okay, somebody talking about you might raise the hair on the back of your neck because you are

specifically not trying to have a girlfriend and you're just trying to move from person to person forever for all time. But for I would say for 99% of men who I would say are normal and mature men, the fact that the person you're interested in is sharing information about you is a huge compliment to you. So just take it as a compliment, smile and move on. Why are you so healthy? Lots of mistakes along the way and a few, you know, some success more recently, but yeah, it took, it took a while for me to get there. So hard-earned wisdom, the school of hard knocks, right? My favorite line from last podcast is when you go, you learned quickly in a shore marriage and then you learned again in a long

marriage or some version of that. I know how to get it wrong quickly. Yes, it was like super genius. Okay. Sherry, what is a date that just does not sound fun to you, but us girls really love. Yeah, nothing comes to mind. I mentioned it last time. I would say the biggest thing I would not be interested in is that that first, that first date that is a coffee or a lunch, that is a turnoff to me. If you're not meeting for drinks or dinner, it feels like someone is so uninterested

that they're not even giving you the happy hour or dinner time. So that is the first date that sounds like. worse to me as something that's not at least at 5 p.m. or later. That's just my view. I'm totally with you because everyone's a little, everyone's a little, like, looser and, you know, liquid courage or whatever, right? I think the second date is a perfect time to go on the hike or the bike ride or the whatever, but don't lead with that. It's a bad lead. It makes it sound like you are, you have other plans that evening. It's just, it's just not great. What about, like, dancing or if, you know, somebody wants to go, like, bowling,

I mean, I wouldn't want to go bowling or to a theme park. But are those, any of those things interesting to you? Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, a theme park on a first date is, I would say, is a no-no. Bowling, I actually don't have a problem with. You get to kind of, you know, you get to have your, you know, your beer, your glass of wine. You get to have a little activity. You get to chat and interact.

So I don't have a problem with bowling as a first date. But definitely the theme park. It's too, I mean, it's too long. long, too big of a commitment. And so I would save that for like a third or fourth date. But those are the only ones that really would really get. And do you like, okay, so supposing you're going out on a first date or let's call it maybe the second date.

So we've done the drink and, you know, we had fun and we're going to go, do you, I know that you subscribe to chivalry like I do, which is probably our age, right? Are you the kind of guy who plans the date? Or do you kind of leave it up for random, like we get lucky and we roll into a restaurant and we're good? Like, how do you do it when you're prepping for a date? What's your playbook? Yeah, I think this is a chance for, you know, a man to be a man and to step up. And look, plan the first couple dates.

The woman can plan the third date or something, but it's your chance to, you know, make her feel a little bit special and taken care of. and your chance to show that you can you can pull off one of the easiest things in the world, which is finding a happy hour dinner place. Like, that's not a, this is not a high bar. You can pull this off if you're a guy. And again, even if the woman you think is more financially secure than you are, I still think in all circumstances, the first couple dates are on you, the first two. And just do within your means, right?

And if she's not okay with that, then, you know, you've got to kick her to the curb, right? And if you want to look, if you're, if you're, if you're, Yeah, if you go somewhere that's affordable for dinner or drinks, that's great on the first date or the second date. Or if you take her for a drink on the first date and then you make dinner the second date, you can figure out a way within your budget to be the man who's leading the way the first couple dates. And it's pretty obvious if somebody's looking for a bake, right? I mean, it's right out the gate. You pick up on that. Exactly.

Yeah, just do you and take the lead on the first couple dates. That's any guy who can't pull that off has other issues. I think you're right. I think there's nothing more attractive than a trigger fuller personally. And I think that, you know, a person wants to know that they can be taken care of, you know, not in it. I mean, just in a way of like, we're going to do this. I got this. Like, I remember I was dating a guy and literally he couldn't handle anything.

Everything was like I had asked him a question or about a flight or whatever. And we were on a trip and I literally was having my ex-husband do something for me because I was in Europe and I had to get something accomplished. And the guy goes, what are you doing? And I was like, well, you can't get it done. Like I'm, you know what I'm saying? And so it was such a turnoff to me. He felt like a third kid. It's a huge, yeah, it's a huge turnoff.

And I think for people that just can't handle planning a date, like you said, the, the woman doesn't feel taking care of. She doesn't get the energy, that kind of energy, the man being in that role and the woman feeling taken care of, that's, that is part of the spark in. straight relationships. And if if if if if if if if if if if if a guy starts acting like a third kid, like you said, it's very unattractive. This is a this is a layup like making a dinner reservation or this is or figuring out a trail to go hiking on. These are easy things. And if a guy can't pull it off, you have a right to like you have a right to be unattracted to that person. Like you there's no harm in saying, God, I just didn't feel attracted for that. Well, yeah, it's it's on him. Like, you shouldn't feel bad that you were like, oh, I feel weird judging him as my third

kid. You should not feel bad. He's screwed up. So it's on him. Oh, yeah. No, no, for sure. I mean, there's no, there's no two ways about it. I mean, if I'm turning my ex-husband to handle something, we know it was pretty bad. Then you know you screwed up. Can you imagine? I was like, yeah, we got this, right? My boyfriend's professor is way too friendly. And now, I'm seriously suspicious. Well, wait a minute, Sam. Maybe her boyfriend's just looking for extra credit. Well, Dakota, it's back to school week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon.

This person writes, my boyfriend has been hanging out with his young professor a lot. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I don't trust her. Now, he's insisting we get to know each other, but I just want her gone. Now, hold up. Isn't that against school policy? That sounds totally inappropriate. Well, according to this person, this is her boyfriend's former professor and they're the same age. And it's even more likely that they're cheating.

He insists there's nothing between them. I mean, do you believe him? Well, he's certainly trying to get this person to believe him because he now wants them both to meet. So, do we find out if this person's boyfriend really cheated with his professor or not? To hear the explosive finale, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hello, it's Daniel Official.

Rider Strong. And Wilfredel from PodMeets World. And we're bringing you Viva Las Content. That's right. We are back in Las Vegas, the city of Sims. and giving the people what they want. A full week of Y2K content. Wait, we're back in Vegas?

Tell me why. Well, for the Backstreet Boys residency at Sphere, of course. We sat down with Kevin Richardson and A.J. McLean just minutes before they took the stage, and our very own Wilfredel basically became the newest member of the band. Boy band, please. Plus, the man who has the longest running comedy show on the strip joins us and gets his props. It's carrot top, baby. And finally, we all, L-O-V-E-Hur, Ashley Simpson-Ross,

joins us to talk about her upcoming sold-out Vegas residency. It's a full week of nostalgic interviews you don't want to miss. Listen to PodMeets World on the I-Hart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. A foot washed up a shoe with some bones in it. They had no idea who it was. Most everything was burned up pretty good from the fire that not a whole lot was salvageable. These are the coldest of cold cases, but everything is about to change.

Every case that is a cold case that has DNA right now in a backlog will be identified in our lifetime. A small lab in Texas is cracking the code on DNA. Using new scientific tools, they're finding clues in evidence so tiny you might just miss it. He never thought he was going to get caught, and I just looked at my computer screen. I was just like, ah, gotcha. On America's Crime Lab, we'll learn about victims and survivors, and you'll meet the team behind the scenes at Othrum, the Houston Lab that takes on the most hopeless cases

to finally solve the unsolvable. Listen to America's Crime Lab on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Jennifer Lopez, and in the new season of the Overcover podcast, I'm taking you on an exciting journey of self-reflection. Am I ready to enter this new part of my life? Like, am I ready to be in a relationship?

Am I ready to have kids and to really just devote myself and my time? I wanted to be successful on my own, not just because of who my mom is. Like, I felt like I needed to be better or work twice as hard as she did. Join me for conversations about healing and growth. Life is freaking hard. And growth doesn't happen in comfort. It happens in motion, even when you're hurting. All from one of my favorite spaces,

the kitchen. Honestly, these are going to come out so freaking amazing. Be a part of my new chapter and listen to the new season of the Overcumper podcast as part of the MyCultura podcast network on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. The Super Secret Festi Club podcast season four is here. And we're locked in. That means more juicy chisement. Terrible love advice.

Evil spells to cast on your ex. No, no, no, no, no, we're not doing that this season. Oh, well, this season, we're leveling up. Each episode will feature a special bestie, and you're not going to want to miss it. Get in here! Today, we have a very special guest with us. Our new super secret bestie is The Diva of the People. The Diva of the People.

I'm just like, text your ex. My theory is that if you need to figure out that the stove is hot, go and touch it. Go and figure it out for yourself. Okay. That's us. We're in the head. That's us. My name is Curley.

And I'm Maya. In each episode, we'll talk about love, friendship, heart breaks, men, and of course, our favorite secrets. Listen to the Super Secret Bestie Club as a part of the Mycultura podcast network available on the IHartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Okay, so moving on it. And we touched on this before, and I actually really appreciated your answer, but somebody did. call in to ask this question. So I want to address Ronda. You know, kind of like the stigma of, you know, some women feel that when they've never been married or never had kids, that that is going to be a red flag to a potential guy that they're dating. You didn't seem, that didn't bother

you, which I so appreciated. Similarly, when somebody was sober and, you know, obviously you enjoy a cocktail, that didn't bother you either. So, but some women do feel that way. Yeah, I don't, I don't, yeah, I've dated women that don't have children. I've dated women that do. And I don't think it's relevant to whether or not you connect deeply with that person and you enjoy their company. I don't find it relevant. I think it's like number 50 on the list. Like, you're not even, it's not even top 100. For me, personally, I think there's so. many things about a person that are important. I just, it might be nice to have them in common if you do have kids or if you don't. It might be nice to have that extra freedom to travel

and all that. But assuming you're in the same town and you're not on other sides of the country, I would say that the, I would say women, don't worry about whether you have the same children and no children status as the person who's asking you out. They're interested in you. It's not a problem. So one thing I'm super curious about just to ask a question is, you know, I'd love to understand why there's a lot of men who subscribe to that cliche of like, you know, they're the wealthy older guy and they want the young piece of ass with like the six pack. When they have virtually, I don't think anything to talk about, but they look good on the arm. So it's, I guess it's some sort of an agreement, right? And then there's men like you or, you know, other men I know,

that they want to be involved with somebody who has, you know, shared life experience. And there's like that kind of like, you know, um, synchronicity or that, you know, kind of connection point. But why do you think some men want that? Like, is it something to do with how they feel about themselves on the inside? Yeah. I mean, I've, I've been wondering this because I've seen some of my friends as they've gotten older, the women they date have gotten older. And then other friends, it's kind of stayed, stayed young. And I, and, and, and what's interesting for me is I find it I find it really odd when you're looking for somebody that you connect with that is somebody that you have those deep connections with them that you really

feel close to that you think somebody who's 20 25 years younger is going to be your person I think that's very strange I again oftentimes I will tell you sometimes those are the people I know who have you know the fancy car and they are worried about their car and their image and they're worried Their house. And so what they are, what they are saying is it's way more important to me what people think of me than how I feel. Yeah, right. The most important thing is my image, my brand, how people think of me. And my depth, my depth of connection with somebody is secondary or tertiary to my image out in the world. And look, there are people like that, for sure. Is it also potentially a situation where a man like that?

who's used to being in charge and calling the shots just doesn't want to be challenged and just figure that they'll be happy to be at the party, throw them a designer bag, take them to a couple nice restaurants, and they'll look good. Yeah, I mean, that is the other part of it. It's actually you bring up a really good element because I have a few friends that are in that, in that, and they, I would say they are, their personality is not wanting to be challenged, not wanting to have that back and forth. they kind of just want to call all the shots.

They really like just running the table, making all the decisions, and they really don't want a partner as much as someone who's going to go along with their game plan. And look, that is some people's deal, and they like it. And there are people that want to just go along with someone else's game plan. I don't want to have to make decisions or have to be, have an equal seat at the table. That's just a, for me, that's a, I don't know, that seems like that's the, that seems like that's the 10% it's not the 90%. It feels like

it is out there. I'm not going to say it's not out there, but I don't feel like it's the norm but it is a thing. I'm not going to say it's not. Well, there's definitely an ask for every saddle. And so one of the things I'm super curious about is so I am, you know, I am one who believes

in, I mean, call it hokey, but I believe in the universe, right? And I believe genuinely that people come into our paths for a reason, right? I don't think it's random. It's a lesson or a blessing. You might not know it until you're looking in the rear view mirror. But I do believe there is a reason. I wonder if men subscribe to that or they just think it's some kind of fairy tale, you know, bullshit. Like, what do you feel about that kind of

like? Yeah, I don't know if the universe is organizing itself to deliver somebody in front of you at the perfect time. I don't know if I believe in that theory, although I'd like to. I think what I think is that when you're ready, when you've like worked through a particular lesson and you've gotten to a different type of maturity, different people, you start to connect with different people because you're in a different place. And so I do believe your character, your maturity, you processing lessons that you don't want to learn anymore. Like you're like, God, I screwed that up.

I'm never doing that again. Once you've really gotten over some bad behavior. you will be attracted and other people will be attracted you. They're completely different. And so when you're in those different stages, I mean, the universe, yeah, it does put different people in front of you. So that's nature versus nurture in a lot of ways. Well, you connect, you're open to connecting with a different type of person and they're

connecting with you differently. So when you change everything that is in front of you and all of your options change because you changed. And so I think, yeah, your lens changed, your perspective changes and everything. that attracts to you and that you're attracted to changes. So that is 100% I believe in that. J.D., I have to put a pin in this conversation because there is so much here that I think we're going to be lucky enough to parlay this into two episodes. So I know our listeners are going to stay tuned for part two.

Hi, my name is Enya Yumanzoor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes.

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Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Super Secret Festi Club Podcast Season 4 is here. And we're locked in. That means more juicy chisement. Terrible love advice. Evil spells to cast on your ex. No, no, no, no, we're not doing that this season. Oh, well, this season we're leveling up.

Each episode will feature a special Bestie, and you're not going to want to miss it. My name is Curley. And I'm Maya. Get in here! Listen to the Super Secret Bestie Club on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. This is an IHeart podcast.