The Ben and Emil Show - BAES 45: Horrible business decisions and their consequences

Episode Date: April 25, 2024

Watcher TV made a REALLY stupid business decision. Arguably one of the worst we've seen in a while. So we're picking it apart this week, along with some other absolutely bird brained dipshit business ...decisions we'd like to share with you: the Red Lobster shrimp disaster, the chips that make your ass leak, and more. Oh, plus one really good one because we gotta balance it out. Here's the link for Moomoo mentioned in the first few minutes! Get that Signup offer! Click the link to get a "Mag 7" fractional share bundle for deposits or 1.5% Cash Reward match ($300 max) on transfers: https://j.moomoo.com/00MbzJ __ This week's sponsor is Aura Frames! Save on the perfect gift for Mother's Day by visiting AuraFrames.com to get $30 off plus free shipping on their best selling frame. Use code BAES at checkout to save. We're also sponsored by Rocket Money! Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com/BAES __ Watch the Meatball Special 2 here: https://youtu.be/klaNlKWM2Go See our episode from last week here: https://youtu.be/z1irpgxCTyQ Watch the Taco Bell Taste Test here: https://youtu.be/5wsoc5pieuA This episode (and every episode) was masterfully edited by Dillon Moore. Check him out at https://www.dillonmoore.co and @ dillonmoore on IG We're on instagram. @ benandemilshow @ bencahn @ emilderosa and @ dillonmoore Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 A bit of a somber mood on, on set today. Yeah. We have an announcement to make. Big announcement. Huge. We're leaving YouTube. This is us. Effective immediately.
Starting point is 00:00:11 Saying goodbye. For the audio listener, this makes sort of a lick of different, not a lick of difference. No, we're also leaving Spotify. Oh, yeah. We're also leaving Spotify. We're leaving all free platforms, basically. That's exactly right. If you can get it for free, you won't see me.
Starting point is 00:00:26 That's pretty good. I was going to say, if you can get it for free, you ain't getting it. it no mo make it right baby baby yeah that's right we're we're choosing to abandon the these free platforms um because we've got like a 25 person crew and we're leaving for vimeo we just also rented out a sixth office yeah um but we're yeah you'll be able to find it all on vimeo and and rumble yeah the conservative platform. Not conservative, free speech. Free speech platform. And we're charging 1799 a month. An episode actually. 17. Actually, thank you for correcting me. 1799 per episode or $5,000 a year. The math is good on that. Anyway, so this will be the last free episode. So
Starting point is 00:01:23 hope you enjoy it. Yeah, hope you enjoy it. So we're going to go out with a bang. We got a lot of dumb business moves that we're going to be talking about this week. We've got coffee for dog people. We've got red lobster fucked up with the shrimp. They went shrimp mode. That's going to be the new thing. Never go shrimp mode. Never go shrimp mode. Never go full shrimp mode. Unless you want to be wind up in bankruptcy court. Unless you want to go chapter 11. We're also of course talking about watch your TV. And if you don't know what it is mom, I'm going to tell you. We're going to tell you. If you don't know what it is a meal, because he found out on
Starting point is 00:01:58 fucking Friday? When did this happen? Yeah, I mean, I knew about them, but anyway, we'll get sure. Because you're BuzzFeed's golden boy. Yeah, I am BuzzFeed's golden boy. Next week, we are doing a Q&A, our monthly Q&A, for the, I don't know what tier it is, the name of it, but for you $10 tier,
Starting point is 00:02:20 subscribers at Beninamil Show.com, we're doing that next week. So get in the Discord and get your shit ready. Also, thanks to everyone who sold out the Chicago Show. We're going to be releasing more dates. And if you're nervous about not getting a ticket. You should be. But also, they go out first to subscribers of Benademielshow.com.
Starting point is 00:02:42 But otherwise, just you'll hear about them and then you can get it. Don't worry. Yeah. Also, last thing, we got our partner trading app, Moomoo. It's a commission-free stock and options trading platform. and they're giving away fractional shares of a fractional share bundle, excuse me, of the magnificent seven stocks, Apple, Amazon. Not going to do the clash thing.
Starting point is 00:03:07 I'm not going to do the class thing. Google, Tesla, Invidia, I can't remember what else. So you sign up, you make your first deposit of $100 and more. There's terms and conditions that apply, but you get some free stocks. So that's always a good deal. I'm pissed off, actually today. You're pissed off. I'm so pissed off.
Starting point is 00:03:26 I'm pissed Ben. Don't worry, Mom. He's still having fun. I'm having fun, but I'm pissed. I'm so pissed. I don't know if I should save it for the bonus or what. Should we get right into it or should I express to you why I'm pissed? Whisper it to me?
Starting point is 00:03:40 Day for the bonus. Okay. All right. Could you hear that? Yeah? Oh, fuck. There's more. Oh, I don't want to, I can't save this for the bonus.
Starting point is 00:03:52 I'm driving on the freeway the other day on the 10 freeway going eastbound. Wow. getting a little free action on this one. Doing standard 65 miles an hour as I do. You do a standard 65. I keep it between 65 and 70. That's crazy. I'm responsible.
Starting point is 00:04:05 All of us, I'm just going on, do, do, do. And, brother, I haven't had a shot of adrenaline like this in, I don't know how many, how many years, a rock. I see the rock coming at me, and like, in the second or so it takes my brain to realize what's happening, it fucking slams into my windshield like a damn gun. gunshot and leaves a bull's eye of a thing and I just went, Oh, fuck! I got one just the other day too.
Starting point is 00:04:32 Really? Yeah. Little. Do you call it, are you calling Safe Light? No, it doesn't seem like I need to leave it. Yeah. I need to replace my shit. It's a bad one.
Starting point is 00:04:43 It's bad. How did you feel about that story? Are you glad he told you about that? Man, I hope everybody is. Comment if you're glad he told you about that. Jesus Christ. Also, I showed a lot of restraint when he said Iraq. hit my screen i didn't go the country and then when he said the rock can't i didn't say the actor
Starting point is 00:05:00 slash wrestler so dwayne dwayne the walk okay lead story today watcher tv okay so what is what you didn't know what watcher was no just like when the try guys happened i was like you're making this up all this it always seems like this whenever there's like a streamer or something like you guys are making stuff up. So there's these guys that used to work at BuzzFeed in the editorial department, and I make that emphasis because I worked in the advertising department, and I was so jealous and pissed that I wasn't in the editorial department. They were in a completely different building. We were siloed off, and I, every time there was a new, bless, every time there was a new video that they posted where it was the try guys or like the tasting. Was it a bit like Jocks and Nerds?
Starting point is 00:05:49 um they're coming by to kickson who are the jocks the editorial guys of course well because they are absolutely nerds too though uh yeah kind of they i just never they were the cool guys they were the cool guys yeah and you're the dorks who do who have to handle the business yeah and i i desperately i wanted to be in videos so bad but you can't just walk over and go hey i really think i should be in some i want to be in some videos you can't do that uh because i had a job to do you were like hey it's me the guy everyone knows is with the uh strange ass problem that they uh uh They didn't know me for that. Didn't you say that?
Starting point is 00:06:24 Huh? You said that there was like an unexplained BenCon. Oh, yeah, BCPD. Yeah, no, that was just within my department when I had this weird week-long bout of aggressive diarrhea. But you go over there and be like, hey, it's me, the butt guy. Yeah, Ben Con poop disease guy. No. But so these guys, I think one of them was one of the main, his name is Stephen Lim.
Starting point is 00:06:47 he was one of the tasty guys where they would go around and like taste shit. No, no, I think it was, I don't give a fuck what it was called. It was called tasty. I think that's where they cooked, but there was one where they would go around and try really cheap things and really expensive things and compare them.
Starting point is 00:07:03 And then this other guy was just a random video dude and so was the other guy. Anyway, they left BuzzFeed as everybody. As one does. As one does. As three do. And they started this company called Watcher. And they Who watches the Watcher?
Starting point is 00:07:19 I need to take off my thing. It's getting hot in here. Audio listener, I'm taking off my trademark. What would you call this? Baby Blue? Crew NextWater? Baby Blue thing. So they started this thing called Watcher TV,
Starting point is 00:07:36 massively successful YouTube channel. They've got a bunch of different shows on there. It's all spooky. They're ghost hunting. They're doing presentations to each other. Murder mystery. On couches together. They're testing stuff out.
Starting point is 00:07:50 It's murder mystery kind of shit. True crime, true crime. A lot of true crime and ghosts. Hugely successful shit on... They're doing live shows. Really? I wonder what they're doing on live shows. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:08:01 They had clips of it on these videos I watched. Anyway, they made an announcement just last week in a video titled Goodbye YouTube. It's big and bold. Holy shit, did it? Everything's going to change at Watcher Studios. Now this was probably one of the dumbest business moves this podcaster has seen in quite a long time. Hi, sweetie. It's me. Your mom. Does that sound familiar? That's your mom on Mother's Day, gang. Are you ready to win Mother's Day? Have you forgotten Mother's Day? This is your clue, your cue to get it going.
Starting point is 00:08:35 It's coming. It's May somethingth. It's May 12th. And we want you to knock it out of the park. Yeah. You're going to get the, you're going to cement your reputation as, the best gift giver in the family, you're darn tooting. And I may just be, I'm not lying when I say this is a really cool gift idea, not only for mom, but for anybody. It's an aura digital picture frame, and you can set it up preloaded with decades of family photos just for moms. She'll love looking back on your childhood memories and seeing what you're up to today. Even better with unlimited storage and an easy-to-use app, oh, mom's going to love that. You can keep updating mom's frame with new photos. It's the gift that keeps on giving. Truly. And she doesn't have to mess around
Starting point is 00:09:18 with it. You can just do it and set it and free. She can just be like, oh, you can also have some fun with it and post some photos that might make her laugh. Right now, ORA has a great deal for Mother's Day. Listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting ORAFrames.com to get $30 off plus free shipping on their bestselling frame. That's A-U-R-A-Frames.com. Use code B-A-E-E-S at just. checkout to save. Terms and conditions apply. Their announcement entailed them saying that they were no longer going to publish anything on YouTube, anything for free. They were effectively abandoning their YouTube in favor of their direct subscription website. Which they already had a Patreon. They already had. But so now if you wanted to engage with their content at all,
Starting point is 00:10:07 you had to pay six dollars to get behind their paywall. Sorry, $5.99 a month. Which, Which is, come on, dude. Six dollars. You're not fucking fooling anybody with that shit. I think it does fool six your money. Get the fuck out of here. So they said that they're... But they created like a streaming platform.
Starting point is 00:10:23 So it's no longer Patreon. It's like, uh, it looks just like any of them. It looks like Peacock or Paramount Plus. Sure. Or Max. So they, they were, the reason they said they did this, they said that they were currently relying too much on ad money to make what they want to make. And the C, that Stephen Lill,
Starting point is 00:10:43 guy who's the CEO of Watcher said, quote, well, this, I shouldn't say quote like, no, this is quote. Yeah, no, I'm going to quote him because this is what he said. We're making something for two audiences. We're making it for fans, all of you out there, and we're also making it to please the advertisers. It's difficult to make the stuff that we want to make and also then appeal to the advertisers as well. Come the fuck on, man. What are you making that's going to really turn off advertisers? That's what I didn't understand. It's not like they're making the edgiest content in the world. They're like, sometimes we want to go ghost hunt internationally and advertisers. Like, what are you talking about? Also, their budget. It's like the safest shit I've
Starting point is 00:11:20 ever seen. They were saying that their budgets sometimes are in excess of hundreds of thousands of dollars for like going on. Well, I guess for the total last year, their budgets exceeded yeah, several hundred thousand dollars going on location and getting shooting permissions and all this stuff. They've got 25 employees, which is really mind-blowing to me. Reminds me of another studio that there was another studio that had a similar kind of but it wasn't the same business model but anyway people were really pissed off and they were hemorrhaging subscribers almost immediately everybody's just subscribers to YouTube though not necessarily their uh because I'm so curious people did sign up for watcher whatever it is yeah watch your watch your service watch your
Starting point is 00:12:10 watch her TV um i'm curious how many people actually signed up because i don't want to jump ahead but no just a couple days later oh they backtrack you get a famous three guys on a couch we fucked up we fucked up yeah we fucked up and we are no longer doing this actually we i wonder if it was all a genius ploy to gain um to gain attention do you think i don't know When we were talking about it, I kept coming back and being like, how did they not expect people to be pissed? Yeah, super pissed. And if they did expect people to be pissed, they must have done a calculation of like, okay, some people will be pissed, but other people will just join our thing and get used to it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:00 But it happened so quickly that they were like, oh, no, we fucked up. This is not right. Yeah. Well, so they backtracked hardcore. They said that they're still going to launch. this thing, they're still going to have this subscription model, but, and they're still going to, but instead of not, instead of foregoing YouTube entirely, it'll just be, everything will come out on YouTube a month later. You get early access. Yeah, you get early access. And, I mean, it looks like it worked out for them, but man, oh man, that is a, that is a dumb decision. Really fucking stupid. I mean, also, I mean, the thing I found most interesting, though, was the people who were common thing going, we don't want this. Oh, yeah, yeah, because their whole thing was we want
Starting point is 00:13:45 better production value. And brother, my brother in Jesus Christ, you're already tippy top. You're on a set. You've got lights. You've got 25 employees. How much, what better do you need to make it? So it's a very, I don't know. It just, we're obviously somewhat in this space. It's a very interesting thing to see people be like, oh, we have no interest in that. One guy literally wrote, oh, we don't care if you just scale it all down. We just like interacting with your content, whatever. And I also just find it interesting to want to remove yourself from the YouTube ecosystem for some reason, especially when you have pretty safe content. Maybe I haven't engaged with their stuff enough, but it's truly like murder mystery. Yeah. Fucking weird science. Yeah. Whatever. It seems
Starting point is 00:14:39 like it couldn't be more ad-friendly in favor of basically becoming like a traditional streamer, which seems to have not worked out for a ton of these legacy platforms and they're still trying to figure it out. Yeah. And so I'm like, where is, where is your head on this? Guys, interest rates are too high. You can't get, like, if this was back in the zero interest rate environment of like 2010 through 2019, I would say go for it because you could probably raise some capital and burn through that money instead. But that's not reality. You got to manage your expectation. Yeah. Also, everyone's moving off those things, right? They don't know how to keep people onto those things, onto those platforms and keep them and then get more people
Starting point is 00:15:35 on to them. They should all fight each other. I would pay for that. You know, YouTube is like the most, that would actually be said. I would pay for one month of watcher if those guys fought with them. I would watcher them, try to fight each other,
Starting point is 00:15:49 kick each other's ass. But everyone's on YouTube. It's like the most watched platform. Yeah. And they're like, we'd like to leave this thing. Yeah. This thing that's going so well for us, we're actually going to fuck it up.
Starting point is 00:16:04 Hey, Wi-Fi. of who I've been with for like, you know, 20 years, mother of my children, who I'm perfectly happy with. I think I'm going to fucking start drinking. I think I'm going to go crash my car. I'm bored. I'm bored. I'm going to crash my car so I can get the insurance money because I actually need it better. This is a terrible analogy. Yeah, no, it's not working. Yeah, it's not working. But yeah, I don't know. I can't stop thinking about these. it's just like a strange environment right now. I'm like very curious what's going to happen with everything anyway.
Starting point is 00:16:37 We were talking about the, it was a couple weeks ago that someone pointed out this New Yorker article talking about the changing Hollywood landscape and all that. And they were, in the article they had pointed out, they had this quote from one of the, a producer who said that streamers and production companies and stuff were looking for content that wasn't super, engaging? Yeah, and you didn't have to follow along closely. And because they called it the second
Starting point is 00:17:08 screenification of content. Hey, it's some fucking Don Draper in an office going, people don't really watch they're always on their phone. Right. So what's the answer? Why are we going to spend all this money making good shows that people are half watching anyway? Let's make them shitty and spend less money. So you can follow along while you're still looking at your phone. And you don't look up and go, wait, what happened? Why don't know? I was fucking reading Twitter. They should just split screen every show with that, with video games. That or just like a slow feed of my Twitter.
Starting point is 00:17:39 So I can, uh, huh, uh, oh. I mean, I second, I sometimes third screen. You ever third screen? No. I'll literally have like tennis on up here. I'll have my phone here and my laptop in my lap and I'm just fully like, this is, I'm in Zen, just like, it's just in heaven. You're like perfectly cooking your sperm or something, too. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:18:00 It's awful. I don't want to be like this, but it's like I can't, it's not enough stimulation. I need to be constantly, I need to have Watcher TV on. I need my boys breaking down a murder mystery. I'm checking tennis scores,
Starting point is 00:18:17 looking at memes. Ha, ha, ha, ha, good meme. Oh, man, so 20 love. Oh, fuck. Oh, Watcher, they caught the ghost. They're never going to catch a fucking ghost either. Hate to spoil it for you. They're not going to.
Starting point is 00:18:30 Oh, come on. I haven't made it. through the latest season yet let's let's move on in the next one the dip shit the the how emil why don't you tell me how easy it is to make a million dollars look here's i if you know anything about me you know i think uh if you don't have a million dollars you're just not hustling enough yeah and you're a huge fucking pussy well you're also a pussy but you're just not working hard enough yeah is the problem hey y'all we're back with another ad this time for rocket money you know what you know what ticks me off amiel when your wife is scrolling through your credit card
Starting point is 00:19:00 and going, what are all these subscriptions you go? I don't even know. That's exactly right. And it's also the robocalls. They just won't stop coming. The robocalls, the texts, the, all this stuff. Say, did you know that 75% of people have subscriptions they've forgotten about? Before we started using Rocket Money, I thought that I had, I don't know, maybe five or six
Starting point is 00:19:24 subscriptions, and I couldn't believe it when they showed me that I've actually got closer to 15, which is. which is borderline criminal. You're doing way better than I was. Yeah? Who, boy, that only fan stuff racks up. Oh, man. Thanks to Rocket Money, I'm no longer wasting money
Starting point is 00:19:40 on the ones I forgot about. Oh, I've been trying to save money for a while. Everyone knows that. I'm saving up for a big undisclosed purchase, but it seemed like my bank account was stuck, all right? Thankfully, I heard about Rocket Money and gave it a try. It turns out I had a bunch of subscriptions I was paying for that I had forgotten about.
Starting point is 00:19:59 Rocket Money helped me cancel some of the money, of them, and now I'm finally starting to see my account balance going up. Yeah, Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, but not just that. It monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so that you can grow your savings. With Rocket Money, I have full control over my subscriptions and a clear view of my expenses. I can see all of my subscriptions in one place and see if I have something I don't want. Rocket Money can help me cancel it with a few steps. I love how the dashboard shows me this month's spending compared to last month so I can clearly see my spending habits. Plus, they'll help me create a custom budget
Starting point is 00:20:36 and keep my spending on track. Yeah, Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of, wow, $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's features. So stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash bays. That's rocketmoney.com slash b aes. Rocketmoney.com slash bays. Uh, no, this was, this was interesting. I'm sure a lot of people saw this. Uh, this. My mom didn't. Mrs. Con probably did not see this. But Eddie Chang, ecom eddy, who's like, who seems to be. He's probably really into ecom. I'm sure he's very into e-com. But these guys, like, keep popping up all over Twitter now with these, like, you know,
Starting point is 00:21:28 he's got 48,000 followers. He's building eight-figure businesses and, you know, co-owner of some company you've never heard of. And he just posts, like, inspirational stuff about business. Like, I also don't think he's real. Real. Yeah. But maybe he is. Ecom, Eddie, if you're real, my apologies for denying your existence. But they're all like, and so, So this one's got 62,000 likes. And he just posts a picture of a guy in a mask. It looks like it's peak pandemic. And he says, look at this guy.
Starting point is 00:22:02 He's a millionaire who went homeless as a social experiment. His goal proved that anyone can make $1 million in 12 months with just a phone. The story of Mike Black and what happened next. And it's this long thread of, which I honestly thought the guy was going to do it, right? Why post it if it's not, if it's not. if it's not proof that anyone can just pull themselves up by their bootstraps. If he really wanted to go hard mode, he would get himself addicted to drugs, too. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:33 Get himself hooked on heroin. Like, anybody can kick heroin and then start a, start a fucking, but the problem is, so the whole thing is like very hard to follow. He taught, you know, he introduces it. He says he drains his bank account to zero, left his seven figure business, went homeless. What did he do with the money? unclear and that's the thing you can go it turns out this guy had a whole youtube channel and followed his journey for months um but he's saying he started he slept on benches battling
Starting point is 00:23:05 hunger but failure was not an option he had to find a way and he's doing all these like weird craigslist hustles hustles flipping furniture and then living in like RVs why would you flip furniture, just leave it, leave it right side up. Reselling it, Ben. Oh, oh. So he's, and then he's like sleeping on a roach infested RV, and I'm like, okay, when does he make on it? Or in it?
Starting point is 00:23:33 On top of it, actually. Unfortunately, on top of it. How did he get enough money to get the RV? Flipping, roach infested. Flipping furniture? Flipping furniture. And so all the while, he's doing this thing. Comfort was the enemy.
Starting point is 00:23:47 This was the ultimate motivator to turn. things around and fast. But then he starts throwing things out there like a $1,500 marketing gig became Mike's lifeline. Yeah, okay. How did you get the $1,500 marketing? And then he's like, who's paying a homeless guy to do their marketing? Remember the RV kid? Mike bought the vehicle back for $2,000 and asked to repay the favor. What does that mean? What's that fucking mean? So none of it's making sense. His dad ends up getting sick and he like quits the whole thing. He ends up making $65,000 throughout the whole thing. 65. That's not bad. Flew of furniture. shy, pretty shy from a million dollars, but the best part is the guy Mike Black chimes in
Starting point is 00:24:26 and says, this is about me. And he does this like nine minute explainer video being like, I was trying to do an inspirational thing to, he had a lot of friends who during the pandemic had to quickly turn around and basically like restart their lives. They were entering new um careers new careers starting new businesses all that he was like i want to get in on this uh get in on this piece and document it so he he had a team with him this whole time and he's like filming all this and and standing um holding these like weekly meetings where they're recapping everything so what was his business idea did he come up with anything yeah it was actually pretty good. I'm probably going to steal it. Coffee for dog lovers.
Starting point is 00:25:18 Okay. He's basically just drop- What does that fucking mean? He's basically just drop-shipping coffee and... And putting a label on it and saying this is a golden retriever? No, and saying, you know, we're donating a couple bucks here and there to a dog? To individual dogs. No, there's shelters and stuff like that. All right. Okay. There's too much coffee out there. There's so much coffee. Everybody, like, I don't understand when these influencers, is it because the margins are crazy good?
Starting point is 00:25:50 Where you get to a point where, like, I know that Emma Chamberlain woman, I think, started her own coffee business. What does she know about fucking coffee that would make me want to buy a bag? Nothing, but she's cool as hell. Do you? I don't think that's what... Bruce reminded me of that Kanye line. What was it, the Lady Gaga? Listen, I like some of the Lady Gaga's songs.
Starting point is 00:26:10 What the fuck does she know about Polaroid? Oh, because she was like the CEO. Jesus Christ. Also, there's a dog coffee place. Exactly that same idea. There's like a storefront in L.A. They don't buy it to dogs? What the fuck?
Starting point is 00:26:22 It's like a paw and it's a coffee store. Yeah, I don't know. Wait, so why did he stop because his dad got sick? Yeah, and so that's the thing. Like, he just completely does not accomplish his goal of like. Making a million dollars. But also this guy expressing like, look, this is the most, he completely misses the mark. It's like, no, the problem is it's.
Starting point is 00:26:44 extremely difficult living on your own, living homeless with no resources and not being able to have a safety net and all these things. And he's just like, this is inspiring. I want to see him go back to school. I want to see him start from a baby. I want to see him, tell you how to get a $1,500 marketing gig. I want to see him go, go go go go go go go go, go go go, and put on a diaper and start fresh. Relearn everything from the start. That's what would really impress me. Go through the United States public schooling system. Billy Madison. But now I'm just obsessed with Eddie Chang. All of his tweets are like, I'm 33. When I was young, I wasted years drinking, smoking, and being a degenerate. That sounds like fun, not always.
Starting point is 00:27:28 Then I discovered Stephen Bartlett, and he changed my life forever. Seven lessons from Britain's youngest self-made millionaire. Two million dollars worth of advice in two minutes. I don't think this guy's real. How does anybody click this shit anymore? You know you're getting the same shit. This is Mayoshi son. Masayoshi son. He's a real person. He was the richest person in the world for three days.
Starting point is 00:27:51 He once secured $45 billion in funding after a 45-minute meeting, then lost $70 billion overnight, the biggest personal loss in history. Here's the story of the billionaire you've never heard of. Yeah, I don't, god damn. All right, I'm fucking tired. That was another bad decision, another bad business decision is throwing all your shit away and being like, I'm going to make a million dollars from scratch. without even getting addicted to heroin. Also, if you're going to start a dog coffee company, don't throw all your money away.
Starting point is 00:28:18 It could be useful for your dog. Yeah, it could be useful. Yeah, it could be useful. I want to buy a bag. I want to try to donate to some, like, why not keep it going? Well, I guess his dad got sick. Oh, nice excuse. All right.
Starting point is 00:28:33 Hey, Emil, have you ever eaten at Red Lobster? I don't think I have. You've never had Red Lobster? Never been to Olive Garden. whenever we I mean I don't do it because I'm a grown man but if there ever is a situation
Starting point is 00:28:45 for a never have I ever I'm always like never I've ever been to Olive Garden and everyone goes ugh I've been to Red Lobster a single time Been to Olive Garden?
Starting point is 00:28:54 Yes Oh yeah endless soup and salad See now they they managed to make that profitable probably because or soup salad and bread sticks because people
Starting point is 00:29:04 you're gonna fill up on bread so fucking fast and you know that they're loading that shit with salt so that you want to drink and then you get a drink. I get, well, also, we're getting ahead of ourselves. What? Because we haven't even explained what's going on with Red Lobster.
Starting point is 00:29:17 Oh, yeah, so Red Lobster done fucked up. They went full shrimp. They went shrimp mode. You never go full shrimp. They did the, what normally was endless shrimp, a limited time only endless shrimp. Some dingus in the C-suite over there decided that they should make endless shrimp permanent. what happens when what happens when every person in america goes to red lobster huh what did you think about
Starting point is 00:29:43 that except for me i guess number one you're going to run out of shrimp like in the world and number two you're going to do exactly what just happened which is you're going to have to go bankrupt yeah someone didn't watch c-spiracy what is that the um what is that an anti-fishing movie yeah like commercial fishing oh yeah yeah they're there i think they just stopped commercial fishing of salmon in california But then, like, it's always, like, six months later, they were like, oh, they're lying about everything. There's so much, Sam, we actually need everybody to get out there and start killing fish. We need more fishermen. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:16 I just saw a guy in TikTok who's, like, a shark fisherman in Florida. He just, like, hunts sharks. And it made me think of our conversation a few months ago where we were looking up how many sharks there are. Oh, yeah. There's so many sharks. It's an insane amount of sharks. We can afford to kill a couple. I'm not advocating for it.
Starting point is 00:30:35 I don't endorse that. I'm not endorsing it. Those are not statements that reflect the sentiments of the Ben and a Meal show. If a shark bit my son, I'm finding that motherfucker. Well, so, yeah, I've eaten it red lobster. It's pretty good. They got, I think they're famous for some kind of butter or something. Not like the melted.
Starting point is 00:30:52 No, the cheesy biscuits. Cheesy biscuits. That's what it was. Well, were you lying? You've been to a red lobster. I had to read the thing. Fucking liar. The first thing it says is red lobster known for its cheesy biscuits and endless shrimp.
Starting point is 00:31:03 Yeah. I get that shrimp's going to, by the way, when I went there after having worked at a seafood restaurant, I was appalled at how cheap the prices were, which told me that it was dog shit seafood. Oh, well, that's the grossest thing. You're going to go and you were like, the thing at all of garden is you fill up on the bread. I would not want to fill up on this nasty-ass shrimp. Yeah. Oh, you know, seafood. Seafood, cheap seafood's the last thing I want. Yeah. I, but so yeah, they lost $11 million last year, which isn't, doesn't seem like that much for them to consider. Is $11 million every year? So they're considering Chapter 11 bankruptcy, and for those of you who don't know or don't remember, Chapter 11 is where you reconcilate all your debt and stuff, and you can come out clean as a whistle, whereas Chapter 7 is where you go full liquidation and you just shut the fuck down. Yeah, so these guys are going to, you know, they're going to be like, we don't actually
Starting point is 00:31:58 have to pay all these shrimp purveyors, you know, that we should cancel all these bills. Cancel these shrimp orders. This is ridiculous. We didn't know we were going to have to shell out this much shrimp. Shell out. I wonder if you can take it home. I wonder if you like, I want one last round of that shrimp. Baby, please bring it and then give the waitress a nice pat on the butt.
Starting point is 00:32:15 And she comes back with like five pounds of shrimp. Are you able to take it to go bag? I don't know. That's a really good question, Ben. I'm getting grossed out. Yeah, that, oh, God. It's like those people who go to the Chinese buffets with king crab legs. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:29 They just sit there all night cracking. I've driven past there's a there's a big Chinese seafood buffet somewhere in Hollywood that just look I think I've seen the red
Starting point is 00:32:43 I should go there actually I think on Yelp it's got like two stars that's good God imagine the state of the bathrooms in there I know I'm going to pee and poop I know surprise but seriously imagine the piss and shit going on in that place why the piss
Starting point is 00:32:57 I don't know stinky stinky fish Piss, stinky, stinky fish. Imagine the piss coming out of that. I used to have to clean the bathrooms at the crab pot, and sometimes there was, you know, for some reason, men, there's something about us men, us guys, we just, we just don't have it in us to hit the target every time. At every single urinal or toilet in a bar, restaurant, stadium, movie theater, there is a
Starting point is 00:33:25 prominent puddle of piss just below every single toilet. come back to me i don't get it i'm sorry i'm sorry i was blacked out for a second speaking speaking of bankruptcy the king of bankruptcy himself donald john john is it john donald uh john trump donald john boy trump he does baseball highlights you know john boy yeah i do no john boy uh so they personally this is just a quick one it's pretty fucking good though Because their business fucking sucks. It's truth social, which is in itself innately just a terrible business decision
Starting point is 00:34:08 to start something to compete with the likes of Twitter all around, all based around Donald Trump. Get the fuck out of here. Also calling them truths. I guess, though. Retruthing. Get to fuck out. As Twitter's kind of imploding, though,
Starting point is 00:34:28 Who knows? Maybe it'll... No, it's not ever... It's simply a vehicle for him to enrich himself by dumping his awarded shares. Also, no one's ever gonna leave. We're all just gonna go down with the ship with Twitter. We had our chance with Threads,
Starting point is 00:34:45 but Threads was too, it was too normie. It was too... It was just like businesses being like, um, chips a whore reporting for duty. And it was like, fucking... SpaghettiOs commemorating 9-11. Yeah. We had SpaghettiOs, respect the troops.
Starting point is 00:35:03 That was a real tweet they tweeted on 9-11 like 10 years ago. Spaghettios, it was just a picture of the animated Spaghettio holding a flag or something or like saluting and it just said like... We support our boys in blue. It just was like, we remember 9-11 from Spaghettios. But like saying it kind of threateningly. I used to eat SpaghettiOs. I'm sure you did. I love those little guys.
Starting point is 00:35:27 So Devin Neunez or Nunez? Devin Nunez is a former congressman, and he's the CEO of Donald J. Trump media. And he was crying and complaining to the CEO of NASDAQ. He was saying that there was some manipulation of his stock because the stock of Donald J. Trump... I'm going to stop doing that. The stock dropped like 50% and wiped out a ton of value.
Starting point is 00:35:53 Which everyone could have fucking seen coming. Of course. Like, yeah. So he wrote a letter to the CEO of NASDAQ adina Friedman asking her to prevent naked short selling after it dropped over 50% from highs. And he specifically called out Citadel Securities, which is a short seller. No, they're one of the biggest market makers in the entire stock market. They are basically the middleman. And naked short selling is when you bet against a stock, uh, it's like illegal. You, you, it's when you're, it's when you're, betting against the stock when there are no shares available with which to short. So, and Citadel
Starting point is 00:36:34 struck, they, they wrote a letter back and it's pretty fucking good. They said, Devin Nunes is the proverbial loser who tries to blame naked short selling for his falling stock price. Nunes is exactly the type of person. Donald Trump would have fired on the apprentice. If he worked for Citadel securities, we would fire him as ability and integrity are at the center of of everything we do. Because that one burned. That one burnt. He's going to need some ice for that burn.
Starting point is 00:37:03 Calling someone a proverbial loser's pretty sick. Yeah, that is pretty cool. He's going to need ice for that burn or he's going to need... That was cold. He's going to need some hot for that cold. He's going to need... But I do find it kind of corny to be like, if you worked for us, we'd fire you. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:19 What does it say about you that you'd ever hire him in the first place, bitch? Stupid bitch. Moron. Citadel. You couldn't weed him. out in the interviews? I've definitely... He's clearly a proverbial loser.
Starting point is 00:37:29 Yeah. I like that word proverbial because it comes from proverb, which is a saying. Whoa, cool. Yeah, bet you didn't know that, huh? I do like that they... I can't tell if they're being incredibly sarcastic because they're... wording it in a way that Donald Trump would speak? I think they're...
Starting point is 00:38:00 By referencing The Apprentice, a show that Donald Trump hasn't even been associated with in like a decade. I think they're having fun with it. Yeah. My mom used to watch that shit. We had a economics class in high school. Did you have those classes where like seniors would take them because they're kind of like...
Starting point is 00:38:18 Stupid? Yeah, and fun and whatever. Oh, I meant the seniors are stupid. No. Oh, so, okay, yeah, go on. It was like classes where it's like, you know, you get, but it was basically... Like art? You straight up just got to like paint in the middle of the day in high school.
Starting point is 00:38:36 That rock. And I was still anxious about getting an A. That I support. Everyone should have some painting time. Yeah. I remember one time my art teacher, I was probably in like third or fourth grade. She painted me and I was behind bars. Like I was in jail.
Starting point is 00:38:58 And then she told me I had sad eyes. That's cool, dude. Wait, so go on about these high school classes? We had economics. I took it, and it was a lot of just watching The Apprentice. Are you fucking serious? Not a lot, but we did. So your teacher didn't know shit about economics?
Starting point is 00:39:19 Truly, he would just like put tin stoffel on the board and be like, there's no such thing as a free lunch. Our teacher put on truck tank all the time. Yeah. That's not, these are business. That would be okay in a business class, but not economics. I'm not standing by it. I'm, you sound like you're standing by it.
Starting point is 00:39:38 I'm pissed about it. I'm pissed about my public school education. You want to, you want to, well, speaking of businesses, and since we're talking about bad, I want to talk about a good business decision. A good banking decision. Have you ever heard of redneck bank? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:52 Redneck, you, get the fuck out of here. You haven't heard of redneck bank. I've got all my money tied up in redneck bank. It's impossible to get your money out of there. I should have never done it. Apparently anybody can start a bank. It's too good. It's redneck dot bank.
Starting point is 00:40:08 It is a real bank where you can, where you can bank. Why do you say it like that? Because you say it's a real bank. Yeah, some of us have our money in there. It's basically, we thought it was cool. What is that fish that sings, Bubba the singing fish? Oh, yeah, Billy the Seabass. It's Billy.
Starting point is 00:40:24 Billy the Bass. singing bass by the bank it's for the audio listener they're also offering insane rates they really are but i got to say their slogan is where bankin's funner yeah when you click to enter it says online bidness yeah it says online bidness and they're they're fucking i don't know what the hell this is it is a it's a beat up old pickup truck they've got a horse driving they've got a horse driving but he's got a crazy face they've got a sheep in the back a pig in the back well no the sheep is holding a spatula for some reason. They've got a goat with a trucker hat on. And then on the hood, they got, what is that, a marmot with a hat on? I actually have no idea what that is.
Starting point is 00:41:06 But they're also, we're here to help you. Serving y'all is what we aim to do. And I'm so sorry for the accident. Our family's been, our family, wait, let me try it. Our family's, our family's been banking. Our family's been in banking since 1927, way before this year Interweb took over the buy you. We started Redneck Bank to give folks the best darn deal online with higher interest rate, higher interest, lower fees, and a whole lot more fun. And of course, we love and praise Jesus Christ. I have made up that last part. He added that. And then, yeah, yep, we're a real bank. They are a... Well, my biggest question was answered, which they say, we're fully insured by the FDC, and they don't leave it there. They say, like all them big city banks. I just scrolled.
Starting point is 00:41:55 down and I didn't realize that they've got the horse this is their team. Big Buck is the horse. He's the chief stable. Wait, let me, he's the chief stable illity. And they got Billy the kid, the goat.
Starting point is 00:42:13 He's the VP of operating stuff. This is fucking genius. Is it genius? Cousin Porky is the chief. Because before you were making fun of it. Now, I think this is awesome. Cousin Porky is the chief. financial mud visor. And then Miss Mary Lamb is the VP of Woolly Resources. Sammy Nuts is the
Starting point is 00:42:33 chief savings. I need to know if this is real. This is real. It's real. Should we try to call them? Call them right? Let's call them right now. In the Reddit, in the Reddit thing, it says, I'm sure this has been asked, it says too good to be true. I'm sure this has been asked before, but now their checking account rates have been raised to 5.05%, which is crazy for their checking account. I'm calling right now. Hey. Thank you for calling All-America Bank, Brittany. Hi, Brittany.
Starting point is 00:43:04 I thought I was calling Redneck Bank. I'm sorry, you did call Redneck Bank. I just answered it. Wait. What's going on here? I'm going to have to talk to the Chief Stabilility Office. Yeah, what's going on? I thought we're, this is Redneck Bank.
Starting point is 00:43:17 So Redneck and All-America Bank are the same bank. Redneck is just our all-line division for our brick and mortar, which is all-American Bank. Okay, but is All-America Bank is not one of those big city banks, right? No, we are still a small city bank. Okay, good. How much, how many assets are y'all managing? I don't know of the number, but if you needed it, I can contact my supervisor to see if he has that on hand. Is your supervisor a horse?
Starting point is 00:43:50 Sometimes I think so. Oh, man. Is the ground there covered in sawdust? No. Oh, dang. Okay, that's enough questions. All right. We just wanted to make sure it was a real bank.
Starting point is 00:44:07 Thank you very much. It was absolutely a real bank. Okay. You're welcome. Cool. Thank you. Have a good day. I should have asked if the kitchen was called the Slop.
Starting point is 00:44:16 I don't love that when they answer the phone, they say the wrong bank. And then when you go, I thought I was going on Redneck Bank. They'll go, oh, yeah, I just said the wrong thing. It's truly, she was like, Seems like it's funny. And then she called her boss a horse. She practically called her boss a horse. Sometimes I think so.
Starting point is 00:44:35 Is your boss a horse? Yeah. Also, I will say, what? Incredible, no automated thing where it's like, hit one if you want, you get a fucking person. I am ready to move my money out. An American, no less. I'm ready to move my money out of chase.
Starting point is 00:44:52 If I can get an answer right away, that's incredible. By the way, my saying an American is not me being... You know what he meant. It was a fucking dog whistle. He's crazy. I actually prefer the ladies in, like, Southeast Asia. I just... I don't know what their accent is.
Starting point is 00:45:12 I'm blown away. Their accents? Because we have those credit cards where they're like, oh, you get a concierge. Every time something goes wrong, I'm on the phone for 25 goddamn minutes. finally get someone and I'm like hey I got to charge from fucking Morocco can you do something and they're like sure let me call Morocco and I'm like next time I'm just calling redneck bank they pick up right away I like talking and they make little jokes about how their bosses of horse I like that I I like making the the the Asian ladies that chase the the call of center their laugh because you can
Starting point is 00:45:47 tell that they're just dealing with A-holes all day so I'll break it up by cussing but not cussing at them I'll just be like ah hello mister Cod, how are you today? And I'm like, oh, fuck, you know, oh, shit, it's been a long day. Well, I'm sorry to hear that, Mr. Cod. How can I help you with your Chase Sapphire preferred card? Do we need to cut this? No, no, I was all right. Okay. I just, I love those ladies. That's nice, because I'm the, I'm probably one of the assholes. Really? I get, I just, I'm impatient. I get frustrated. I have only gotten impatient with customer service, maybe one or two times because it was it was truly like they had fucked up and several different people
Starting point is 00:46:31 were telling me several different things and I was at my wits end you must be patient you must be coming anyway speaking but I think Reddit has the answer to how they do this because I'm very curious about if it is too good to be true because these rates are pretty wild you know on our checking accounts we're probably getting 0.01% or something like that they're offering over 5% sometimes 5.15% um and And so someone says with all these checking accounts with high interest rates, the point of the account is to generate Visa MasterCard debit fees for the bank. The catch is straight from the source.
Starting point is 00:47:06 You earn 5% APY when you have up to $15,000 in your account. Amounts over $15,000 will earn 0.5%. Yeah, who gives a shit? They're making their money somewhere. Get the, what are you, me? They're making their money somewhere. Yeah, of course. But anyway, you get a real fucking person on the line.
Starting point is 00:47:23 Do you remember when Bank of America implemented foolishly for, they implemented it, or they announced it, and before they even implemented, the public backlash was so strong that they just were like, okay, we fucked up. A regular watcher TV, if you ask me. Brother A. Men. What are you? The horse CEO of Redneck Bank over here? I'm the chief stability officer. They announced that they were going to be charging $5 a month for debit cards. And I think Congress even got involved. and was like, you can't do that or something. And Bank of America said, okay, yes, we fucked up. We'll back, we'll backtrack.
Starting point is 00:48:01 Speaking of backtracking, Tesla backtracked probably... Wait, was it? What? Because I've had ones where... When you're banking when you have no money, it fucking sucks. I've had ones where it was like, if you don't have a certain amount in your checking account, they charged you like, honestly something like $10 a month.
Starting point is 00:48:21 Yeah, maintenance fees. For a checking account. Yeah. And then, which is fucking crazy. It is. And then I've also had, when I had horrible credit, couldn't even get a credit card. And to even start building credit, I had to get a credit card that was secured. And so basically paid them, I don't know what it was, $500 to $1,000 that they basically held on to.
Starting point is 00:48:41 And they basically gave me a credit line. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. How many times did I say basically? And I'm sorry. It's okay. Well, anyway, switching gears, not that Tesla has gears, because it's all just one big electric drive chain full of torque. They announced that they are ditching.
Starting point is 00:48:59 I think that they're panicking because the stock price has just been fucking slip, sliding. Away. Just tanking. The stock is at 15-month lows and is down 40% this year. Is that good? No, that's not, that's actually not good. It's due to sales dips and production slowdown. So they actually, so going into earnings, which just happened today for us,
Starting point is 00:49:23 two days ago for you guys, you little fuckers. I'm just kidding. But all of the bad news was priced in, and they missed earnings, but the stock is up like 7% after hours right now. It's up 12 right now. It's up 12%? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:39 To what price? 161. Woo! I had 150 calls. 150 strike calls. So... Great. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:48 So that's good for me. But so they were going to have this model, too. which was supposed to be, I thought that they already did this, but it was supposed to be the super, super duper economical car that was going to allow them to really, really fully break through to like mass, mass appeal or whatever to even people like us, because it's just so inexpensive. But then they switched, they announced,
Starting point is 00:50:16 there's a really stupid decision, I think. They ditched that, and now they're going full hog into robotaxies. I mean, yeah, we all saw how well the hyperloop worked out, so... I know. Hopefully we'll all just be underground, uh, honestly, it probably will work out for them. We're so fucking, like, car-pilled that people can't even comprehend other options. I remember, I remember being in a, I was in an Uber, in L.A., sitting in awful L.A. traffic, and the Uber driver was like, you know... Voo driver?
Starting point is 00:50:50 Did I say Uvoo? No, no. Go ahead. It's from one of his... videos. Don't do a deep dive by Ooboo Jover kit. No, yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:01 He goes, you know, you know what I think we're going to do to solve this? And I'm like, surely he's going to be like public transportation. But he was just like, we're going to have people doing two shifts. So half the population of cities will be on the night shift
Starting point is 00:51:13 and half the population of the city will be on day shifts. And I was like, but what about if we just built trains? He was like, oh, I didn't even think about that. Did you hear that we're getting a speed rail, like a true high speed rail?
Starting point is 00:51:25 L.A. to Vegas. Yeah. Yeah, it'll hit 186 miles an hour, which is like on par. Which is as fast as this Shinkansen's in, in Japan. Yeah, but ones in, I think in China are averaging about like 211 miles an hour on some of those. Okay. Well, it's, we're not racing them. I mean, it's fucking insane that we can't get up to speed on the, not to do a pun, but like, I know. We're catching up to like 10-year-old rails.
Starting point is 00:51:52 probably older when you're talking about like the French ones or whatever. Yeah. I don't think I would ride this train. You know why? Terrorism. Because it's unbreakable. Terrorism. I would be afraid of someone. When you're riding on the bullet train in Japan, it's sometimes a little terrifying
Starting point is 00:52:09 considering how fast you're going on the ground and you're looking outside and it's just shoot, shoot, chew, chew. Remember the video you took of me and Phil when it goes by and we're like, oh, yeah, because it's terrifyingly fast. And Japan, don't get me wrong, they've got sickos, but their sickos are cute. What are you talking about, dude?
Starting point is 00:52:27 They blew Shinsow Abbey's back out with a homemade gun. That's sick. Yeah, but that's more like anger geared toward a politician. You don't, they don't have the kind of sickos. Oh, they funnel it all into weird sex stuff. Exactly. They've got the panties in vending machines. So I'd be afraid of some chucklehead, some meth guy out in fucking Bakersfield just going,
Starting point is 00:52:49 I'm going to fucking blow up the train. No, that's so fucked. I hope it doesn't happen. Why is that your fear? Because you've got to consider all possibilities, brethren. Sure. But getting in a car is the most dangerous thing you can do. And you do it every day and you don't even think about it.
Starting point is 00:53:03 Yeah, and I do it drunk. But yet you're like afraid of some guy in Bakersfield. Some theoretical guy made up. What are you talking about? Yeah, I know. All right, all right. That's fair. Also, you've been on the record of being like, build the trains.
Starting point is 00:53:17 And then you're like, but now I got to worry about some guy in Bakersfield? But it's going to fucking. Las Vegas. That's the problem with the trains. I mean, build more. I'm not going to be pissed that they got one. That's like a common. That flight is very common. Like, if I was someone who was, who used to frequent that trip and would have the option of driving for at its best four hours, but usually it's like riddled with traffic and probably anywhere from five to seven hours. Getting on a flight, which is expensive and awful going to LAX doing all that shit. And it's stinky. P.U. Hey, you, stinky. We're just going to Union Station and hopping on a train. Because it's stinky there, too. Well, I mean, when that guy from Bakersfield gets on. Yeah, dude.
Starting point is 00:54:00 I have no idea what Bakersfield is like, but our Bakersfield audience is not going to like that. You know what people from Bakersfield call it? Bakeo. Why? I don't know. It's just the, that's all they got. That's all they got.
Starting point is 00:54:12 It's flat out there. A guy from high school, I know it works for, he was into rocks. So he studied geology as one does. And now he works for, like, Occidental Petroleum, checking out rocks in Bakersfield. His poor wife. Why? Because he moved her out there.
Starting point is 00:54:27 He probably makes decent money. Yeah, it probably makes good money. It's desert money, though. He's desert rich. It's better than being city poor. Yeah, it's true. Amen to that, brother. Sheesh.
Starting point is 00:54:40 He's banking a redneck bank. So... But this is the same company that did the, what is it, Miami to Orlando, the Bright Line. Oh, yeah. that's the big deal was because I think they learned their lesson everyone was dunking on them because that one is slower
Starting point is 00:54:54 than these you know decade old or whatever they are trains in Asia and so they were dunking on them it appears that now they're going to do a veritable go ahead land it crossover and make all the haters
Starting point is 00:55:09 break their ankles Ben just watched and one mixtapes on YouTube before we started recording they're going to do a crossover and be like in a fade and a fade away jumper, and they're going to sink a game-winning three in the form of these high-speed rail trains.
Starting point is 00:55:25 Nice. Man. Hey, do you remember those chips that gave everybody diarrhea? No. I think we're going to wrap it up with a little bit of rapid fire. We got, like, a few minutes left. So, for you youngans out there, in the late 90s, diet fads were the biggest fucking deal.
Starting point is 00:55:46 and everybody's talking about Slim Fast, Jenny Craig, they're doing weight watchers. Weight watchers. There was also the guy, the Nautilus machines, the Atkins Diet, Bowflex. Man, holy shit, I didn't really, they were at Fen, Fenn, oh, dude, my entire childhood was just. Diet shit. Getting blasted with. Cumb.
Starting point is 00:56:09 What? His old childhood was getting, no, ads for, for coming. For cum. getting in shape, doing Taibo, doing... Oh, yeah, Tybo. Billy, Billy something's Taibo. Yeah. Well, so they, to capitalize on this,
Starting point is 00:56:28 the enterprising folks down at Frito Lay concocted in their laboratory this fat substitute called Olestra. And they marketed this new kind of chip as it was, wow. So every chip bag you would say, see that had the featured this said wow and i don't even think they lasted a year because they famously caused anal leakage is that good no it's not good unless you want it unless you
Starting point is 00:56:58 want that like if you're trying to get out of a business meeting or something or or get out of something oh no oh what are you know anal leakage anal leakage and yeah which is exactly what it sounds like it's so it which led to warnings being on the bags and then they just pulled the plug but Man, I remember them on the newscasts saying anal leakage, like fully saying that shit. This was the, uh, blood juice. The, like a dog getting its anal glands expressed. Go on. These, these major food companies have been doing this since the 90s where they're like constantly reinventing themselves because all of this diet craze and everything is, they're starting to go, oh my God, people are going to find out we're awful. for them.
Starting point is 00:57:45 And then it's like, well, we'll just release a good version, which is, uh, what do you? I didn't know that when I get up the chair was going to make a saloon door sound. I wanted to pop my Diet Coke as we're talking about it. Because it's just diet perfection. But so it was all kinds of, instead of, they introduced, you know, the baked chips instead of the ones where it was fried. They introduced like 100 calorie packs of Oreos. Oh, those fuckers.
Starting point is 00:58:19 They got me good with those. Why? It's only 100 calories. You thought they were healthy? Well, yeah, that's how they get you. It's like made with whole grain, made with whatever. But now they're... It has protein, a good source of protein.
Starting point is 00:58:32 Now they're facing their final boss, though, which is O-Zempic. Oh, I was going to say, a great big fat guy. It would be fitting, but it's going to be a weirdly skinny guy because he's all jammed full of ozempic and he's just like i'm not hungry i'm actually i don't have any desires anymore yeah yeah i have no desires and it's actually but they have internal memos where they're like we're gonna figure out a way to get these people hooked on our shit still just don't you know what they you know what actually they could do is go back to retro packaging package design that would get people buying because it's a novelty it's a novelty okay that's gonna work the classic recipe just like
Starting point is 00:59:13 how Coke has Mexican Coke that uses real cane sugar. It's like that's a novelty, having it in a glass bottle. Bring back milk, man. Bring back milk, man. Bring back milk. Man, who the fuck is drinking milk anymore, though? And look at what happened to this country. Yeah, everybody's, yeah. You know, we're just about done, but why not, why not go? This one's for all the real freaks out there. Give me. Well, no, we can do whatever we want because no one's watching. Oh yeah, nobody's watching anymore. And everybody who lied to us and said in the last episode in the comments section, we know you weren't watching.
Starting point is 00:59:47 We know you weren't watching. I wish that there was a comment section for the audio listener. Like, why doesn't Spotify have comments? They do have a thing where you can leave a feedback thing. Yeah, but that's like review. I know, it's like to me. It's like, don't say it to me. Say it to everybody.
Starting point is 01:00:00 Do you have something to share with the class? Yeah, I got one. I actually like my insurance now. My Kaiser Permanente, that's a good business decision they made, which is delivery of my perception. prescriptions. They deliver it to my door. I think... I don't have to go into the worst grocery store in all of Los Angeles anymore to get my prescriptions. I also have Kaiser and I like certain aspects of it. It is still insurance and
Starting point is 01:00:25 it's a fucking pain in the ass. They suck in a lot of things. But I do like their closed loop where it's all one system. Yeah. Where... Judge, jury, and executioner. Exactly. I go in there. They're going to sentence me and kill my ass. The... But the... it's so confusing when you go to the doctor and then they're like it's got to get approved by here but when they tell you to go do something
Starting point is 01:00:50 and they recommend a doctor it's always a Kaiser doctor so it's just in the network the closed network thing is so when you get your dick medicine there's no questions about which doctor you're seeing which pharmacy it's coming from
Starting point is 01:01:04 yeah I appreciate that you know what's up yeah this fucking thing thing on my windshield AAA won't cover it Well, they would, but it's, I've got a $500 deductible. And even then, it's $500 per incident. So the lady was like, yeah, if you get, even if you pay, whatever it is. How big is your crack?
Starting point is 01:01:23 You want me to bend over? Have you ever seen that image of that Photoshopped image of John Lennon and his ass crack? The first time I saw it, I thought it was real. And I remember staring at it and going, there's just no way. Yeah, his ass cracker. Here, I got it. For the audio listener, oh, come on. Just click it and unblur it.
Starting point is 01:01:45 Yeah, there we go. My God, what a long walk for this. Yeah, seriously. Oh, my. This is a fucking... Did they make her ass smaller, too? I thought it was real, too. And for some reason, I'm like,
Starting point is 01:02:07 oh, yeah, British guys definitely have long ass cracks like that. Oh, baboo. Oh, man. I feel like every time I see someone talking about it, I get embarrassed because I'm like, I can't believe I was like, damn, that dude's got a crack. Yeah. Well, no, my crack is on my windshield. It's like the size of a baseball.
Starting point is 01:02:27 Oh, mine's not like that. Mine's not like that. You know how every industry, whenever you get like, you know, a plumber comes over or whoever an air conditioning guy and they've got all kinds of lingo that you're not privy to? because of course you're not you're not in their business well i had that with this because when i went on the the safe light um uh website they were like what kind of uh what kind of crack do you have is it a half moon john lennon or more of a yoko ono very good no no they had names for all the different types there's like a spider crack uh whatever a half moon a full moon a something
Starting point is 01:03:04 something this was the lingo you couldn't grasp no it just reminds me of like the guy comes in and goes oh yeah I see a problem you got a classic half moon they had all this lingo spider web you could imagine what is you know what I fucking mean half you know what I mean like if the plumber comes over oh you've got a classic spring a ding leak or something whatever their lingo is they everybody's got lingo yeah but if he was like it was spiral shaped I wouldn't be like whoa buddy slow down I didn't go to plumbing school I cussed. See, now I got the AAA lady laughing, too, because I cussed at her.
Starting point is 01:03:44 I was like, man, just as an aside, you're how this shit happened? I was driving and just like all of a sudden, wham! And I said, fuck. And she laughed. You got to cuss more at customer service representatives, not at them, but to them. I'm not cussing at you. I'm cussing with you. Cuss with them.
Starting point is 01:04:02 Shit, fuck. Yeah. Like, oh, man. Yeah. I've definitely gotten to, like. Stop cursing. Really? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:09 Well, because were you mad? Yeah. Yeah, that's the problem. You got to cuss happy. You can't be like, what the fuck is this? They have every right. It is within their,
Starting point is 01:04:17 it's usually in their handbook, their employee handbook, that they can hang up on you. But the problem is I've been like... Mean? No. These are things where it's like insurance companies where I've been charged double for things
Starting point is 01:04:32 and they're just going, I don't know. On our end, it looks like, See, now you're making me paranoid because I don't check that shit ever, ever. I just trust. You don't even look at the fucking bill when you go to a grocery store? Yeah. I mean, I do now that I've been buying those sumo oranges because they're so fucking expensive.
Starting point is 01:04:52 They're like $4 and orange. Ain't no amount of vitamin C is worth $4. They are delicious, though. They're so good. And they peel so perfect. I actually just had one yesterday morning. Stone fruit season is almost upon us. Dude, we're so close.
Starting point is 01:05:05 cherries too. Well, cherries are stoned. Ah, fuck. No, it's too late to cut it. Plus, we're at the end, so I think that's it. Nobody's watching, actually. Yeah, nobody's watching. Also, they, that's it. That's it. You know, Excite.com passed on buying Google in 1989 for movie. Did you know that Excite.com still exists, though? Check this shit out. Look at how dumb this website looks. Would you really qualify that as still existing? Yes, excite.com still exist. They still have their dumb little fucking logo. And all they exist to do is reference you to other website. Hey, actually, do you really want to be here? Why don't you try out Amazon or eBay or stuff up? Or maybe even get your ass to Casper. Yeah. And they've got like entertainment news. I don't think this is real, though. Get the fuck out of here.
Starting point is 01:05:46 When websites are like this, it's like. This is, wow, this is, you scroll down to autos, for example, and it takes you to This is for the real freaks. Questionsanswer.com. Give me. The website for 65-year-olds. The internet has to be such a scary place for older people. Oh, gosh.
Starting point is 01:06:05 Did you end up on stuff like this? Ask.com. Experts and pets? Experts on pets. For pets? Let's see, health. What does health take us to? Thehealthfeed.com?
Starting point is 01:06:18 Jesus Christ. Okay, at this point, we're holding them hostage. Oh, my God. I used to use Excite. And we're going to go to the bonus episode now. And if you would like to join us, that's at. Ben and Emile Show. Oh, I'm going to be talking about why I'm pissed off.
Starting point is 01:06:33 Let's see. We're going to be talking about a. Goat. I'm going to be talking about... Taylor Swift's... Oh, boy. New album. Oh, boy. Okay. Okay. Maybe. I'm going to be talking about that NBA.
Starting point is 01:06:46 No, I'm going to be talking about why I can't talk about Taylor Swift's new album. We're going to be talking about the WNBA, Tucker Carlson, and a whole bunch of other... Who knows what's going to happen? We might get naked. That's not going to happen. That's never going to happen. Okay, bye everybody. Bye.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.