The Ben and Emil Show - BAES 57: Trump Got Shot

Episode Date: July 18, 2024

They did it. They went and did it. They shot Trump in the head. Haha crazy, right? But they missed. Kinda makes me think about how I've been missing you... Anyway, we're talking alllll about it. Our take, our predictions, our reactions, the aftermath. All of it. It's a good episode. Leave a comment to be featured as the comment of the week next week! And also, like this video, please! Thank you! Head to https://benandemilshow.com for this week's bonus episode and to support the show! :) __ PRETTY BOY: Hey man you need to moisturize! If you want to do something simple and effective you need to check PrettyBoy out! Go to https://yoprettyboy.com and use code BAES at checkout for 15% off! MOOMOO: Click this link https://j.moomoo.com/BAES to get up to 15 free stocks from moomoo U.S when you make a qualified deposit + earn 5.1% APY on uninvested cash + an additional 3% APY Coupon for 3 months for new users!! Terms & Conditions Apply. 5.1% APY as of 11/3/23 and subject to change. More info at https://www.moomoo.com/us/support/topic4_410 Options trading is risky and not appropriate for everyone. Read the Options Disclosure Document before trading. http://j.us.moomoo.com/00xBBz EXPRESS VPN: Protect your online privacy today by visiting https://expressvpn.com/baes and you can get an extra three months FREE. __ We hired a fetish artist HERE: https://youtu.be/kjT7zmtnuB8 Last week's episode HERE: https://youtu.be/YyzC6k8O02c Watch the latest Ben & Emil On HERE: https://youtu.be/ZgLZQZ8oeQI This episode (and every episode) was masterfully edited by Dillon Moore. Check him out at https://www.dillonmoore.co and @ dillonmoore on IG Follow us on instagram! @ benandemilshow @ bencahn @ emilderosa and @ dillonmoore Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Did you have the ESPN app? Oh, naturally, for tennis. Okay. Why would it be weird if I had the ESPN app anyway? I don't know. Because you don't, I don't know. I think of it with basketball and football and stuff. But sometimes apps are just good for reference.

Yeah, you love apps. Let's start the show, shall we? Man, what a slow news week. Hardly anything happened. I know. This one's going to be a tough one. This one's going to be tough. We really had to scrape the bottom of the barrel here.

Yeah. We're going to talk about it. Open AI, people are asking the SEC to look into their... I guess that's the big story. Sure, yeah. Okay, enough funning around. We're going to talk about how they... That was us funning around.

They shot the president and... Or the former president. They shot our beautiful boy. They shot him. Look what they did to my beautiful boy. boy look what they did or yeah to my beautiful boy just repeating yeah yeah no we'll just do that so we're gonna we're gonna we're gonna dive into that we're gonna talk about how they shot him and we're gonna talk about the reactions our reactions who the guy was the market's reactions to it because that was a whole

thing uh the aftermath um and if we got time we're gonna talk a a wee bet about the economy about the economy. It's going to be good. I want to talk a wee bit about it. It's going to be good. This is going to be the... It's going to be good, unlike the shooter's aim. His aim was actually pretty good, if you consider...

I think it was pretty good. He just got unlucky with Trump turning his head. And the cops disturbing him. And the cops screwing up his mojo. Yeah. I hope just before his, uh, head exploded he said um he did an austin power's impression to the cops and said you stole my mojo let's go into the comment of the week that's pretty good okay um so comment of the week first one

comes from driggsby on on the ben and meal show dot com which it's important to note there's a whole other uh comment section on we've admittedly neglected on the ben and emil show app and it's very fun. I do think they're very funny on there. There's a lot of funny stuff going on. If you want that, head on over. Trigsby. Drigsby. Trigsby said, we've invested so much in this. We have to see it come. Investing in AI or jacking off on Adderall. He was, that's a reference to something from last week episode. Yeah. And then this one from YouTube comes from Nosra. Noswet. I like when you have to say the names. No, srach, teak.

The last chunk of this episode was very much a caretaker losing steam after a long day with his ward. I think in that case, I'm the ward and you are my caretaker. I believe that's... I believe that is correct. I'm working down town with family to me. Tell me what's going on. Tell me what's going on. So listen to you're not too bad in me.

Tell me what's going on. Tell me what's gone on. Okay. Boy, oh, boy. Anything else to get out of the way up top? We both have gone potty. We, yeah, okay. Oh, he mentioned the toilet.

He mentioned the bathroom. Shut up. Oh, my God. I'm a little. Yeah, I'm a little testy. I'm not. I'm not. No, he's very hungry.

So it's, as you've known, Ben's, Ben's emotion has been very dependent on his drinks, his whatever he's ingesting. I've got a diet Coke. And today it's a lack of ingestion. And Dylan, he's hangary as hell. Yeah. I ate some potato chips.

Let's see if that tides him over. Are they Miss Vicki's? They looked like it. That's my mom's name. Let's see if that tides him over. Don't try and find out where my mom lives. You're not going to be able to do it. I would cut that out if I were, they like love a challenge.

I would honestly cut that. out okay okay okay they're not gonna okay so they shot the president they shot him right in the ear if he was aiming for the ear it would have been a great shot wait can you tell me where you were when this is our jfk moment well because every yeah this is our jfk moment this is our your 9-11 maybe no not quite it's everybody's jfk moment um there's only one american died really i'll never for forget where I was. I was on a rooftop looking at Trump through the scope of my

high-powered mifle. Right as I was about to take the breaths necessary, I noticed that something, someone else had done the thing. This is a bad...

My brother warned me. He was like, you should be careful. You don't want people going after you. I don't care. Anyway, I was sitting in You don't want people going after you for making light of the fact that he got shot in the air? Yeah, I guess it's just not wise to make a joke that I was actually going to try to shoot him first. I mean, you saw what they did to pour Kyle Gas. Oh, yeah, from Tenacious D.

We'll talk about that as well if you haven't heard about that. A whole, I mean, everybody's lost their damn minds. Rightfully so. It's really unprecedented to the point where... Okay, where were you? I was sitting in my empty... I just moved, and I was... was sitting in my empty living room, the only thing in there was my folding beach chair

that I had brought up from... So you were full-divorced dad mode? Full-divorce-dad mode. Scrolling Twitter. Sitting there in the reclined position, waiting for the last of my laundry to be done. I hope my kids think this place isn't sad. And my friend sends me a link on Twitter that was from like a right-wing account, so I thought, oh, this is just a meme or something.

and it was Trump got shot and then I click it and I barely kind of sat up and just went oh shit and then you know I that's where I was where were you playing tennis

no I was on the beach in Carpenteria and having you doing up in Carpenteria having a nice time on the beach and I found out from you because I wasn't scrolls rolling anything. Also, my phone was bricked. I finally got that brick thing. Couldn't even access

anything. Whoa. I need to get that. It's great. Yeah. And it just said, Ben just texted me Trump's shot. And so for a, I had this beautiful, because I texted back, what do you mean? Careful. And so for, why? Can we not say it? Can I not be honest that for a moment, I was like, wow, they're going to, they're going to, we're all going to be awoken from this dream. And, you know, maybe they'll get Biden to step down or someone will do the same to him. I was like, we are, we're going to be free. We're going to be so back.

And then you were like, he's fine. And I was, no. Yeah. I had this beautiful little moment on the beach where I was like, it's all happening. We're, we're going to be fine. And then I think you sent me the Elon's tweet of, man, that photo is incredible.

The photo of him with fist raised, blood coming out of his ear in the American flag behind him. It's, um... I know, that's the thing. I'm big enough to... There are a lot of people, you know, liberals trying to be like, it's actually not that sick of a photo. It's like... Shut the fuck up. It's an insane

photo. Not only is the photo good. That doesn't mean that we think Trump is good. Right. The photo's good. When you watch the video, I also have to give it to him that he had the wherewithal to while the, while the Secret Service is trying to take him away, he's going,

No, no, no. Yeah. Fight, fight, fight, fight. Yeah, like, fuck. Well, he probably, whoa, what was that? My voice just did a weird bubble thing. He probably didn't even know what had happened yet. For all, he knew it was a BB gun or as a paintball.

I think at that moment he must have known shots were going off. True. Yeah, true. I don't know if he knew what happened to his ear. I don't. I'll also hand it to him if it were me. But remains got shoes flying off. Yeah, I would have shitted and farted and peed and peed and everything.

I would have been on the ground. Get me out of here. Yeah, get me out of here. They're shooting at me. What they do to my ear? What they do to my ear? My perfect ear. No, I wouldn't have done that.

I would have grabbed one of the Secret Services guns. Who did that? Who did that? Do you think so? Yeah, I would have said, who did that? Everyone, show yourself. Sir, they already shot him. Let me take another.

Let me take a shot of this dead body. I wouldn't have done that. That fucking sucked. Let's see. So, let's recap. It was 10 minutes into his speech in Pennsylvania. He was shot by a 20-year-old guy named Thomas Matthew Crooks. Cool name?

No, it's not. Thomas Crooks is kind of cool. Crooks is, I guess, kind of. Tommy Crooks? Tommy, I mean. He didn't look cool. That sounds like something I would, uh, that sounds like something we would call my friend Tom, who got in trouble for shoplifting at the mall in high school.

We'd go, oh, check out Tommy Crooks. Yeah. It's a pretty cool name. He was in the middle. One could say that illegal immigration saved his life because he was referencing a chart of illegal immigration numbers that have gone up since Biden's been an office or something. And he's referencing it. And right, he, it's, it's what's. That's why he's got that new, new ad where he's gone.

They are sending their best. that's pretty good comment if you like that one they uh they it there's there's many reasons to be upset about this in part because it makes him a martyr without actually dying and but the other big one for me is that especially the evangelicals and all the particularly religious sect of his following surely now believe that he is god's chosen boy because for him to have turned his head at just the right moment I can see for some

being nothing short of divine intervention that uh that reminds me there was a I don't know who this person is they go by signal on Twitter but they have a very funny

Trump is the luckiest human alive the dude is coded in Teflon even bullets don't stick let's break it down born with the right family inherited a fuck ton of money six foot plus I mean I don't I guess he might like the guy

I dated and had sex with infinite models, and women was the playboy of New York, talked about in his book how STDs were his personal Vietnam, never got any, paid porn stars and hookers for sex, never faced any consequences, hung out with Epstein even, hasn't exercised the day in his life and lives off of hamburgers and coke and beat COVID at 70 plus years old, ran for president as a grudge and won against all odds, all while making the most bat-shit insane comments, turned his head by two degrees at the perfect time to avoid a bullet by 0.2 inches. got full official immunity from the Supreme Court for all official acts he did as president

just got his documents case completely dismissed about to be elected for a second term. Trump is literal proof that karma and God do not exist. That is so astute and so, is that the right word, poignant? It's, it's it, I really do agree with it. I, that's, which is wild because for some it means God doesn't exist and for the other side, it means it's definitive proof that God does exist. I think he's right on with, if you're someone in the karma camp,

I think maybe adjust your views. Maybe he was a saint in his previous life. Yeah, maybe. Just an absolute, they're like, hey, you get to have a free one. Just go fuck around, do awful shit. If you're sitting at home thinking someone is going to get, someone's going to get someone who personally wronged you,

I think don't waste your time. I think Trump is proof that you can be in, Abject piece of shit, your entire life. Hey, gang, we got something important to talk about. It's pretty boy. Pretty boy men's skin care. You know, I feel really embarrassed. Actually, I don't.

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And I went, base. Oh, yeah, that's very good. So, hmm, lots of things. Elon, of course, right after what. Just to be, I want to point out, this guy Thomas Crux, there's not a whole lot out about him still at this point. They don't have a, they don't have a clear motive. They don't have a clear idea of his political views.

It's a bit muddied. He's a registered Republican, but then they have this weird donation, which almost seems like it was a mistake or something. He's donated to like one of those act blue progressive turn-it-round packs. He's probably trolling. I honestly think he did it by accident. He like, he donated the 15 bucks and then like unsubscribed from the mailing. Well, then why would he shoot Trump?

does he think that is it an Epstein thing do you think who know i don't have the um i don't have the answer to that but yeah there's not much you know they found they found bomb making materials in his car like makeshift explosives in his car and then bomb making materials at his at his house you know he's a he's a white kid from the suburbs they said the town he grew up in could be considered as like firmly middle class or upper middle class uh My favorite thing is how it's frustrating the timeline that we're in where coincidences occur that support bat-shit crazy conspiracy theorists. For example, he apparently appeared in a Black Rock commercial for, yeah, for Black Rock,

the investment fund that's now kind of... He's sitting in a classroom as a student that they kind of panned around in a thing they were filming. So what are these conspiracy theories? believe that the guys at Black Rock pulling the strings met him while they were producing this thing because nobody from Black Rock was probably there except for some marketing executive who was too busy on his fucking phone to bother. It's like a middleman at best because it's a it's a fucking stupid dumb little nothing promotional video that probably got viewed by nobody. What is the guy they're going oh man this kid seems really malleable

and really emotionally vulnerable, this is our guy. This is exactly, and he texts up the chain and they work it up. And then the big wig at Black Rock, the Jew, there goes, that's our guy. Let's train him up. Let's make sure he's our Patsy. He's our Lee Harvey Oswald. Yeah, I don't know. I'm definitely, I love a conspiracy theory.

Sure. I'm definitely having trouble following the logic on a lot of these. Of course, because they're nonsensical. Even if he wasn't in that, they would have found a way to tie it back to Black Rock, something. There's always a way to make it work. But nonetheless. Yeah, I also don't know if the conspiracy theory is that they, like, wanted him to, if the conspiracy is that they wanted it to be a failed attempt and for it to be this big moment for Trump or if they actually wanted him to die. That's a good point.

I also, there's not a long history of the CIA removing pro-business politicians. Look no further than what the market did after this happened. Right. I don't think. I mean, so here, so his odds of winning are now at 70%. And just for context, Reagan's approval jumped eight points when he was shot. So it's actually pretty, if you want to talk conspiracy theory, mine would be that it was from within the Trump camp to really

idolize it to make him a kind of martyr figure like this but how I mean he was already you wouldn't be able to pull something like that off intentionally yeah he was already gonna win I mean this is unless unless the Democrats do something

I think this whole instance has wrapped it up for him I saw a woman on TikTok with those stupid divining rods you know those things Do you know divining rods? For those of you who don't know, they're these fucking right angle rods

that apparently can communicate with the spirit world. You ask it yes or no questions, and if the rods point inward, it's yes. And if they point outward, it's no. And just before we got here, I watched this woman ask it. I think she asked, was it a conspiracy theory?

And it said, no. And then she said, will Donald Trump win the end? election in November and it said no and she went whew so maybe the divining rods are correct well i think that tweet has just pointed out that uh god and karma do not exist i don't know if i can buy into this lady's uh divining rods well so anyway Elon Musk also with the uh before we even move on i just want to talk about this guy a little bit more who crooks yeah uh it is very confusing obviously i think trump supporters want to be like this guy

was a liberal. Liberals would love to be like, you know, another Yahoo conservative. Classmates of his had said that he was fully conservative, they would do, you know, exercises in civics class or whatever where the, they're like, stand on this side. If you believe in these conservative opinions, they said even on some of the most conservative issues this guy would, and maybe he was just a troll, it also seems very likely that maybe he was the most likely scenario is that he was a bit disturbed they've talked to a lot of classmates who did you see the video of the kid who said he went to school with him and basically just describing he was like complete loner ate lunch alone heavily bullied damn

stop bullying people i mean yeah and then did you hear the stuff about the he clearly had an interest in guns and stuff he he subscribed to a i forget I forget what the guy's name is. Tommy Guns. Demolition Ranch, a popular gun channel on YouTube, and he tried out for the junior varsity rifle team when he's a freshman, but they said he didn't make the team and never tried again. Another one had a bit more, was a bit meaner about it.

Jameson Murphy, former classmate, he was such a comically bad shot. He was unable to make the team and left after the first day. Another classmate told the post that the rifle team coach had concerns about about crooks based on some crashed jokes crooks made and how he interacted with others our old coach was a stickler

he trained Navy marksmen so he knew people oh wait this is the good one where he really lays into the kid it's a good thing it's going so fast the internet's giving them a little trouble here I think that that's good suspected Trump shooter was once rejected

from high school rifle club two former team members tell ABC he was asked not to come back because how bad of a shot he was it was considered, like, dangerous. Sounds like they probably all bullied him about it, too. Yeah, it doesn't sound like they were very nice. I think if I was him, I'd maybe say, you know what, I'll show them a great shot.

How about a moving target from about 130 meters away? I mean, that's one way to get back there. I mean, that is. I'm just, I thought you were going to go with, like, a school shooting route. Oh, I mean. I'm relieved that you didn't go. that route, but I just did for you. That is, okay, with all the rise,

with the rise of all the school shootings, the loosening of gun laws, I'm, if I was a kid, I was going in high school right now. Careful. Uh-huh. No. You'd be nice to everybody. Bullying would be the last thing I would do.

So truly, I mean, what are these kids? How are they still the most online generation? We've seen, they still bully? We've seen what happens when you push someone too far. You got it coming. I'm going, and I'm talking other kids. I'm saying, you know, why don't we all just maybe chill out with each other because yeah, politicians won't do anything about it.

No one's doing anything about this. It's up to you guys. Stop bullying each other. You're going to get shot. They've got the gun. They've got access to the guns. And if they don't, their parents sure is hell do. I'm not trying to victim blame.

No one should have to feel unsafe at school. But my God, the balls it must take. To be a school bully. What are you going to do? You're not going to shoot me. What are you going to do? Shoot me? You're not going to shoot me.

And he's like polishing his gun. He's like, no, I'm going to shoot someone else entirely. The biggest bully we have in this nation. Oh my God. That's why he did it. Because Trump's the biggest. He's the ultimate bully. Yeah.

I think you just cracked the case. Colombo. Wow, I'm sitting next to Colombo here. There's just one more thing. There's just one more thing I got to ask you. So there. is some weird thing i mean i was watching something where they they kind of were looking at the the people in the back you know how the people always stand in the back oh don't get me started

and so you're like sure i guess it is weird how some people aren't necessarily reacting to the shots but it's like what they told everyone in the crowd like just so you know we're doing the shooting today don't yeah and then the or the accomplices are like damn it's almost time i've got them dark shut the fuck up and then the those people are just doing it for for clicks and stuff because there's one of a woman literally just I responded to this jackoff on Twitter

because it was getting a ton of likes and retweets and stuff she just sits down it's like a standing ovation or something and then she sits down first and is kind of looking around

and the camera's like zooming in and they're like what did she know she didn't know a fucking thing man nobody did and that's the thing don't come at me being like come on Amelia you love

conspiracy theories you love the JFK assassination it's like it's very different all right you read JFK stuff and they're like, we have three eyewitness accounts of Alan Dulles being like, I'm going to take care of JFK. Oh, that seems like something we should maybe follow up on.

If you show me, if you show me, I'm down. If you show me something where I'm like, that seems plausible, sure, yes, let's do it. But right now they're like, he was 20 years old and didn't have much of a social media presence. He's got no friends. What do you want? Yeah, what do you want him to do? What do you want to have to have an Instagram to give him?

Or opportunity to get bullied, yeah. Nice picture. And someone pointed out that it's a lot of older people pointing out the fact that he didn't have much of a social media presence. I remember someone telling me that Jen Ziers and younger are much different than we are with social media. Where we got social media and we were like, the first thing we do is we go, let me make sure they have my name.

And you're like, great, I'll make my tag, my entire name. And kids were like, no, I'm going to be anonymous online. I'm not going to post my full... So then when I bully the future school shooter, he doesn't know that it's me. Right. But so, you know, it's unclear whether or not this kid really didn't have a social media account. Oh, boy, guys, listen up. Listen very, very carefully.

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about people's reactions, especially with Elon and especially with everybody who sucks him off, is, uh, the way that they got upset at the main street. It's so funny, they love to point out, sorry. They love to point out the mainstream media's failings. Because in this case, within seconds, CNN and NBC at all were putting out headlines that said Trump falls after like loud noises. And they all, Elon and all of these guys are like, look at how the mainstream media lies. No, you fuck. What do you think they're doing?

They're just going to like, oh, man, we got to like not tell people. people that he was shot at and just pretend indefinitely. It's called good journalism. They've got to wait until the facts come out. Yeah, it looks as though it looks a certain way, but you truly have to wait. That's why Biden also didn't say specifically like, because you don't know all the pieces of the story. Yeah, it is very likely that it was an assassination attempt. But if you're a news director, it is your duty as a journalist to wait until the facts are clear before you put something in a headline, which is, it's especially funny because Elon tout's Twitter as like the place for news when it's chock full of misinformation, like these people with huge

accounts pushing these asinine conspiracy theories about a fucking woman crouching down. Curious. Also, the last thing, people, the last one. people point to is the lapse in judgment by Secret Service and law enforcement and all that.

And yeah, I don't know. I mean, it could boil down to incompetence. It is funny. Also, all these commentators just coming out and being like, even a layperson can see, you know, that's a security risk.

I'm looking at the charts and stuff and I'm like, I don't know. If I was in the Secret Service, I'd be like, looks pretty clear. I'm not going, what about that fucking barn over there? Yeah. I think it was a glass, like a glass factory or something.

The poor owner, the poor owner of that factory is at home going, he shot from where? My factory? Everyone's an expert all the sudden. It's just, they're just posting these diagrams of like, here's where the shooter was. Here's what anyone could see. But I'm also famously bad at my job and would be, if I was on the Secret Service, I'd fully be phoning it in. And I would say, looks clear. If I were in the Secret Service, I'd give my life for the president.

That's the job. Haven't you ever seen Clear and Present Danger? Is that Clint Eastwood? I've never seen it. Okay, I've never seen it either, but I've seen the movie poster. That's got to count for something. But that's all to say, I'm open to a conspiracy theory. Just give me something good.

Yeah. Well, so the Secret Service is coming under fire, rightfully so. because apparently there were eyewitnesses who saw the guy climbing up the thing and getting onto the rooftop and there's video of them saying like there's a guy

and they're trying to tell the cops I tweeted about it but I love the video of the guy in the visor with the fake red hair oh sure and I'm like I don't know if this guy was telling me yeah I'd be like okay buddy

why don't you go have another beer all right let me do my job then what's even funnier is these conservative nut jobs as the Secret Service is piling him into the car, there's a couple women secret service agents. And you don't like that. And they've got to make it a point to be like, well,

what are they doing with this? I don't want to throw them under the bus, but Ben texted me, I was like, D-E-E-E, Secret Service. D-E-E-I? I said D-E-I. No, you said D-I-E-E-I. It's hard to say D-E-I.

Yeah, it is. It is incredibly hard. I think I maybe mushed it together. But the joke still stands. He said that. Yeah, I, did you see that they made him take off his shoes? Yeah, I didn't quite understand that. I guess so he can run faster, I don't know.

And then people were saying he was so desperate to get his shoes back because there was lifts in them. Yeah. Why would he need them? They got knocked out of his shoes. They what? I thought they tackled him out of his shoes. No, well, maybe they did tackle him out of his shoes. I've had so many shoes on in my life, dress shoes, especially.

If you tackled me, no way those are coming off. I don't understand. Do you think he farted at all when they tackled? Definitely. Do you think that when they tackled him, he was like, because, you know, when I'm a gaseous guy, I don't remember where I was. I would love that audio.

That might help in the campaign a little bit. If we can hear him do the OPE right as he gets tackled, that's it. I don't remember where I was, but I was laughing so hard a few days ago that I did feel like I was going to shit. And I, yeah. So, and that's me, that's me, a young man. And that's Ben, a young man. Yeah, but this guy, so here he is getting tackled.

That son of a bitch. It'd be funny if he's referring to Trump. Get that son of a bitch off the stage. So there they toss his shoe. That's not a riser. That's just the soul of, that's just his fucking Dr. Scholl's insert. But yeah, I don't know why they toss the shoe. In case there's bombs in them.

I don't know. I mean, yeah, God, can you imagine if he hadn't made that turn, if he had not turned his head and his noggin got blown? I can't imagine. I imagined it for a brief moment in Carpenteria. There are all the, and I know that we've got a conservative contingent out there, and it's, albeit a small one, I mean, no disrespect to you as an individual. I'm talking about the figureheads of the conservative movement these days

who are just total effing idiots. Oh, I equally want Biden's head to pop in the same way. What? I think it would be cool if... If it just popped? No bullet or anything just popped? He got a headache. If Tommy Crooks had better aim and Biden was the one bringing out that chart to Trump

and he just got him, he got a two-for. the magic bullet theory yeah yeah that which was famously the one that would be very nice for me yeah uh my brother was really into the jfk stuff so i watched a lot of documentaries when i was grown up and i it was all like okay so which one's the truth i couldn't keep up magic bullet etc but so that's the thing with political violence everybody's now pissed off because uh well all the conservative people are pissed off because they're like, see, this is what, this is the kind of political violence that the left want. They are the ones who keep constantly touting for like, man, civil war. I don't know. We're going to have. Well, this is what pisses me off. Okay.

All the left has been talking about, not the left, all the liberals and, and the Democrats have been talking about is this unique threat to our democracy and country. And then someone comes in and almost takes care of this unique threat you've been talking about, crying about, warning everyone of, and you're like, this is... I don't think that they mean killing the guy. I think they mean, like Biden said, taking him out at the battlebox. The battle box? Yeah, let's watch that real fast.

This is what Joe Byron had to say. But in America, we resolve our difference at the battle box. And you'd think that that's it. He says it again. It's one gaff, right? You would think that, oh, he just fucked up. But then... You know, that's how we do it.

At the battlebox, not with bull... He also said another weird thing. Joe Byron said a weird thing. I mean, look. No. Okay, we got to talk to you about something extremely important before we continue. There's a big thing here, all right? ExpressVPN is one of our sponsors here, and we want to let you know, going online without ExpressVPN is like not closing the door when you use the bathroom.

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free. Try it out. ExpressVPN.com slash bays. He was coming off he had one big special week where he the NATO thing

was going to be his big moment and then he called Zelensky Putin. Yeah, that was fun. He called Vice President Harris vice president trump well and then he he walked off stage from a thing and did full mr burns and he did full mr burns hands and that was my favorite take of the whole thing is we're we're getting it's our choices between a guy who's mentally mr burns and a guy who's physically mr burns

that was a tweet it's uh yeah that's yeah um okay anyway Elon Musk came out now fully endorses Trump he says he's going to donate also imagine if he had just he says he's got i keep trying to say this go i go ahead go ahead we're talking about no i know i know i know get to the eunuch shit we talk about the guy all the time he's going to donate 45 million dollars the president does not get shot all the time but uh well now i forgot because you got pissed let me try saying it again and see if it'll come out Elon Musk now says he's fully indoor it worked they they could have fully taking the coverage off Trump and just said, you know what, we're making the decision.

We're pulling Biden. We're going to have an open convention. And all the news would just immediately switch. Change. God damn. I didn't even think of that. Instead of the polls just shooting up. You mean the battle boxes?

Yeah. Instead of everyone getting ready to go to the battle box. It's so crazy. Crybaby Bill Ackman. supports him now and he said i've got a long supported him since before this true but he he he in his in this in his true um true to form he said i've got a long post coming like oh great he's gonna and you guys better not make fun of my wife better not make fun of my wife uh like i said his odds of winning are now pegged at 70% uh and then yeah a bunch of people um jack black just that's what we were

alluded to at the beginning yeah remember i made this well so the joke about cow gas yeah tenacious D, Jack Black, and Kyle Gass. They're in Australia on tour. It was Kyle Gass's birthday. They bring out a cake. He says, make a wish. And he says, oh, I wish that the guy hadn't missed or something. And then Jack Black came out and fully just like, I don't know if I would call this throwing

him under the bus, but he posted on Instagram. I was blind. I'm going to try to do it in Jack Black voice. Also, I honestly kind of want you to pull up the video that, because what Kyle Gas says, is so tame, and it's such a, it's, it's nothing. It's so nothing. And it's weird, we've come to the point where, you know, people are allowed to say such shocking things if they've, uh, I don't know, if they're in like a certain political realm.

But then the, the utter shock, I was blindsided by, I mean, he literally just, he goes blindsided. He blows out the candles and says something like, I wish he didn't miss. Yeah, I wish he didn't miss. He says, I would never condone hate speech or encourage political violence in any form. After much reflection, I no longer feel it is appropriate to continue the tenacious detour and all future creative plans are on hold. I am grateful to the fans for their support and understanding. Come on, Jack Black.

Jesus Christ, I mean, just say like, hey, sorry about that. But I guess someone in Australia, some political figure, officially like deported them or something put out something I don't know go home I was never a tenacious D guy as a child I really enjoyed them and I thought they were very funny as you're supposed to I didn't get it I was like is this supposed to be funny what is there to get kilbasa sausage your butt cheeks is warm

I mean what more do you need yeah I don't know I just I come upon my big fat steed then we're gonna ride gonna smoke some weed that killed me yeah Um, so, all right, let me move through here. Okay, so now... Cock push-ups? That didn't do anything for it. That should be the title of this episode.

Cock push-ups is the question mark? That didn't do anything for you. I didn't know it because I didn't follow any of their shit. Man. Jack Black does... I mean, you've seen him do... It's not surprising. He's done all the videos where he's like prancing around in a Captain America outfit

and throwing a shield around and being like, you need Joe Biden. We need him to get out there. And he wants to continue to be like friends with. with all his cool liberal Hollywood buddies and to not be shunned at parties and to get to be able to play, I don't know, Kung Fu Panda 6 or whatever.

And Bowser from Super Mario. Sure. By the way, it's Mario. If you're out there and you say Mario, you're fucking wrong. Any hoomst. Let's see. The markets reacted pretty drastically.

Bitcoin shot up because he famously has said that I will not touch your. Your bitcoins are safe with me. and then I found it interesting. Solar stocks were down. So here's the real thing. Give us the real thing.

Donald Trump made about $900 million off of getting his ear shut off. Very sick. That's a trade I would make. That's a trade. And how you might ask? Because true to form, I can't say that again. I said that once already this episode. I'm operating off of oatmeal and jalapeno chips today.

I'm very end Diet Coke. Why doesn't he just eat better? I don't like just. Because I just moved. I don't have anything. Just plan around it. You know what I've got? I've got canned mackerel, canned sardines, canned tuna, which I love.

If that sounds pathetic to you, that's a you problem. I'm about to blow your mind. It's tasty. I'm about to blow your mind. You mean my ear? Nope. I'm about to blow your mind. What?

There is this thing called the restaurants. Yeah. You can just go, you can call them sometimes. Sometimes they have apps and you can just order whatever you want. Thank you for that. I'll actually use that. I'll use that. I did eat a banana too, so I should take that back.

And a nectarine. Okay, so I'm wrong about my own eating habits. Donald J. Trump, the truth social, ticker symbol, DJT, everybody knew that it was going to get bid up today because it's now just a, like, if he were to have died, the stock would be down 80% today. But the fact that he survived and now it's likely, it's like a proxy for him. It's a, it's becoming a meme. What do we think would have?

So his value, his shares, the value of his shares went up because the stock went up 30%. We've obviously been joking about it a lot. And to be clear, it's a joke, kind of. And, uh, but what would have actually happened if, if he had died, do you think? I don't think it would have been, I don't think it would have been the, the gleeful thing I'm picturing it as. I think it would have been a very big, oh shit. we got what we wished for, and now we've got to reap the unforeseen consequences of that. What do you think that looks like?

I think it would look like... I think in that instance, there's no way they're not pinning it on some kind of... Liberal conspiracy theory? Yeah. Absolutely. It could plunge us into political violence and widespread... I think it would absolutely result in some pushback from people on the other side. Could be a run-it-back January 6th, Part 2, Electric Boogaloo.

That's a good point. It could be a July 6th, part 2 kind of thing. January 6, sorry. January 6th, did I say July? I don't know. I said July. Only the audience can tell. Only God knows.

Because we can't rewind. This is real time. This is live. This is live. Unlike Joe's. Also, was that statement Joe made? I guess it must have been live. But it looked like something they easily could have pre-recorded.

I think it's probably. in case? No, pre-recorded and sent out to see an... Oh, yeah, there's no way that they had him go online. Well, that's the best part. But the best part is that they had the one where he said battle box twice and that was the best take.

They were like, oh, I think that's as good as we're going to get. It's just, yeah. Hey, Mr. President, can we run that back? Maybe he had a full diaper, and they didn't have time. Okay, Jack, I got a full diaper here. Jill needs to change it. Sir, you said battle instead of not. You know, all things considered, who cares?

I got a dirty dypey. All that matters is I tried my hardest. Yeah, all that matters is it. So here's one of my favorite things. After this happened, Trump truth on truth social. Of course. I'd never gone on this fucking website. I famously have.

But did you read this? Did you? Yeah, you know what? I also want to talk about Melania's statement. Melania? I don't do names, okay? I don't do names I'm just got to read this to you folks

Donald J. Trump truth I want to thank the United States Secret Service and all of law enforcement for their rapid response on the shooting that just took place in Butler, Pennsylvania. Most importantly, I want to extend my condolences to the family of the person at the rally who was killed

and also to the family of another person that was badly injured. It is incredible that such an act can take place in our country. Nothing is known at this time about the shooter who is now dead. I was shot with a bullet that pierced the upper part of my right ear.

I knew immediately that something was wrong and that I heard a whizzing sound, shots, and immediately felt the bullet ripping through the skin. This is my favorite part. Much bleeding took place. Much bleeding took place, so I realized then what was happening. And then in all caps and an exclamation point,

God bless America. So that's what he said. And then, yeah, the RNC is in full swing right now. Trump, he showed. up he's got a funny looking bandage on his ear and oh oh so this is milanias yeah i don't want to that's a long i know i don't want to read the whole thing my husband it's they should not have done that the guy is dead it's it's just an odd thing when i watched that violent bullet strike my husband donald i realized my life and baron's life were on the brink of devastating change

yeah i'm sure i mean she's probably the most pissed that her life did I actually think that she's crazy about him. I think that she's fucking, I think she's madly in love with him. I think she, I think she's very grateful. Well, this part I really love.

A monster, this is so odd. A monster who recognized my husband as an inhuman political machine. She's saying that the... He recognized him. Like, it's an accurate thing. Yeah, that's terrible.

Okay, so a monster who recognized my husband as an inhuman political machine. attempted to ring out Donald's passion. Another weird one. But his laughter, ingenuity, love of music? Is that what we know? Well, yeah, he dances.

Sure, I guess he really likes an inspiration. But the love of music thing makes me think maybe they have a different relationship than we know. Maybe she's like, ah, Donald the music lover. That's why I fell in love with him. What is this, Debussy? What is this? Rock Man Enough. I was just great.

I don't know why you're laughing. at that it's funny oh fuck well what's the butterfly one or the the the the fly oh i love the of the bumblebee yeah there was just some i just found it's a very odd malania put on flight to the bumblebee we don't have to yeah i don't give a shit there was just some i just found yeah i found that very odd Also, I just like the fact that she said a monster recognized him as the political... A monster recognized my husband as an inhuman... I'm sounding like the wife in succession now.

Well, so should we talk about J.D. Vance? Oh, my God. I forgot about J.D. Vance. Yeah, so he just picked a very smart move, I think, picking not only a young person, someone under 45... Sorry, excuse me. Someone under the age of 70 to be... his running mate. It is J.D. Vance.

You might know him as a senator from Ohio. You probably know him as the Hillbilly Elogy guy, honestly. Did they make a movie out of that? They did. Was Amy Adams in it? I think she was. Did she win an award or get nominated? I don't know.

Glenn Close was in it. I just remember not giving a shit about that, and it was just all the rage that year. Hillbilly elegy and all the bleeding heart liberals. Yeah, white gilting it to the way to the top of. So I saw that thing, the dominoes with the tiny tiny domino going all the way to the big one. And the first one is like 2016 white. Upper West Side Liberals.

Yeah. Wanting to make a book famous and then that movie was mocked. It was? It was extremely mocked. Whoa. Yeah. Why? It was apparently very bad.

I also think the book and the movie also kind of do this. I didn't read it. I'm not going to read that book. but from what I've heard it. Wow, Mr. Book didn't read a book? Jeez. Are people calling me Mr. Book? Are people calling me Mr. Book?

People call you Mr. Book. That's terrible. Yeah. All right, continue, Mr. Book? No. Sorry, Mr. B. Mr. B. But I think it's that thing where it's like the, you know,

the poor white rage at, there's, like, I've read excerpts where he. Oh, so you have read it. I've read excerpts where he's. I don't know that word because I'm not a book guy. Call me Mr. Excerp. Go on. But where he's pissed, he's a poor guy, you know, he says he's working his ass off but not making a lot of money.

And he's like, I saw a black guy on welfare who had a cell phone and I was working and I didn't have a cell phone. And so he's like, that means we need to kick everyone off welfare. Yeah. What I take away from this is make it harder for poor people. I have a friend who told me the same thing. He works at a hospital, which is upsetting. He's like, you don't understand, man. People take advantage of the system.

I said, what do you mean? He said, you'll see all these people who are on like welfare, but they've got iPhones. Meanwhile, this guy's brother, nine months out of the year, was on unemployment when he could absolutely find work, but he worked for the government and was just like, fuck it, I'm a seasonal employee, I'll just go on unemployment. And my friend would brag to me about it. He's like, doesn't that rock that my brother does that? I'm like, so it's okay when your brother does it, but not when these people.

Dude, I mean, it's endless. I have a family member who is. Who? Out of them. I'm not going to. Very Trumpy. I think I know who it is. You definitely don't.

Shit. Never. I'm not very close with them. But at a family party, it was maybe two summers ago, fully bragging about, fully bragging about how. He's retiring, but he got laid off. And so he was like, well, I might as well take the unemployment well and just fully milking it and like joking about how he has to write an email in every week about how his job search is going. And truly a man who would just talk about, you know, the laziness of people on welfare and government programs.

And it is just infuriating. And you're sitting there going, don't ruin the family party. Just go. damn that rocks that rocks also with these stories it's what is your friend trying to say that someone on welfare has an iPhone so they're fucking living high on the hog we need to

what I don't even know what it implies but so JD Vance it's actually funny someone found I don't know what video game it is I think it's like RuneScape or some multi-massive online role playing game a morph

an M a Morp an M more but they found this guy's profile and it's literally j d vans and his stats are spectacular implying that jd vans is like a major major gamer which is kind of fun wait so you didn't finish why you think this was such a great oh because part of the rights part of uh part of the republican party's problem is the competency crisis competency crisis in quotes um in scare quotes I love to piss people off with that And because, you know, it's all figureheads and old curmudgins and whatnot

Whereas the left is seen as the people who are smart and innovative and in tech And J.D. Vance is a young guy went to Yale. He worked in a, he worked in Silicon Valley. Went to Yale Law School, editor of the law review. He went to work at a, an equity, a venture capital fund or an equity fund or something. in Silicon Valley. Connected to Peter Thiel. Connected to Peter Thiel helped fund his election

to the Senate in Ohio in 2022. So, I mean... Yeah, I agree. It's definitely like a nod to the... I think... The anti-woke tech group. Right. And kind of...

Which is growing. The Elon Musk, the Peter Thiel's. Sure, yeah. And to be a bit reassuring to maybe people who think, you know, Trump's whole thing was picking Mike Pence and he's going for like the evangelical vote, you know? He's getting a guy who like refuses to kiss his wife or whatever because God hates that or something. Yeah. Well, God does hate kissing. And so, yeah, I think it makes sense. My favorite thing has been watching right wing people slowly find out that J.D. Vance's

wife is Indian. Yeah. That has been. Oh, did you see Nick Fuenches? Yeah, going, he has a son named Vivek. Is this, who you think? Is this guy going to help the white race? Holy shit. For those of you don't know, Nick Fuentes is a... Just out-and-out racist, white nationalist, white supremacist, fully admits it and is proud of it. Oh, man, he's such a smug little son of a bitch.

It's not like... Now, there's someone I want to see get in the... You know? That's what I'd like to see. Or st... You know? Or run over by a... The whole thing is very odd to me.

I don't know. These guys are obsessed with thinking that the white race is being systematically destroyed. I don't know where I fall on any of this, but I've... For what has it been close to eight years now, nine years, ten years, people have been calling this man the next Hitler. And trying to convince you that he... Trump? Yes, he is the next Hitler, right? And if you don't vote for him, you're enabling the next Hitler.

but the minute someone takes a shot at the next Hitler we all have to pretend like you know where are your morals where are your yeah that's a frustrating thing about today's political landscape is you've got to because I don't know about you but if I saw someone take a shot at Hitler I'd go I wish they hit him man he had it coming yeah sure and I don't even call Trump Hitler well so that's that's a The Democrats are positioning, they're already going out and positioning J.D. Vance as like an extremist in abortion rights

in a Project 2025 advocate. Interestingly, he was a major never-Trump guy, but now he's done a total 180. Oh, should we, I mean, is it worth pulling up some of his... Nah. Look at the time. I think didn't J.D. Vance call him Hitler? Yeah.

that's worth he put it I saw a great thing he put it with a question mark is he the next Hitler question mark and now

the joke is that he's the next Hitler with an exclamation point like it's a good thing yeah it's so J.D. Vance yeah we'll see

he might be our next vice president and then probably if Trump has a heart attack and dies or gets shot again he'd be our next president so

but there is some good news though Trump and Biden did make peace. Did you see this? They sang a song together? Oh, yeah. Yeah. This is really sweet.

I mean, I immediately. It also helps that there's Chinese characters all over the screen watermarks and everything that's Chinese okay great I'm so glad you're an expert god I mean I didn't even think about it but the Chinese must be looking at us like we're insane I think that they're mostly focused on their own country to be honest I don't think the Chinese give a give much of a fuck about what happens here that I take that I'm talking about uh you know Xi Jinping and Chinese officials and stuff like that. Oh, not, not, uh...

Yeah, sure. They're definitely like, damn, they're definitely like, whoa. Did you see the leaked call between RFK and Trump? Um, yeah, I think I've got it right here. Also, I'm so pissed. He was, he was crying on Twitter about how the, he needs secret service. Yeah, he said you can't have a functioning democracy when candidates aren't safe. Wait, what am I doing?

Hang on. So sorry, everybody. You can't have it. function you can wow I haven't done this in a while you can't have a functioning democracy when candidates aren't safe whether or not you support my campaign

please sign this petition urging the White House to grant me Secret Service protection that wasn't very good was it you kind of like honestly much like Tommy Crooks right before you took that shot

you kind of lost your mojo I'd like to apologize to everybody I haven't done the RFK voice in a while because, you know, I just haven't had to. But anyway, yes. They gave it to him, which is so... Yeah. They gave him the women who...

I'm starting to think this country doesn't want anything funny to happen anymore. What do you mean? This was funny in its own right. What do you... Wait, what are you saying... I love the difference... There's shit on...

on a meal's computer there's a Twitter ad it's three seconds long so it keeps looping it's this it's this is he running for senate yeah it's an old democrat uh campaign ad it's an old democrat campaign ad for apparently a gay a married gay candidate it just keeps black children yeah and it just keeps showing them up close kissing and then smiling with the children and it's just unfair of ben to do that because he knows i like it playing during the shows because it calms me It's also funny to see what's trending on Twitter right now. I know. Isn't that funny?

Isn't that funny? So what else do you want to talk about, old friend? We got into it. This is pretty funny, actually. Oh, but I was going to say, Oh, yeah, let's wrap this up. That wasn't what I was talking about. RFK weirdly, I don't know how it got released.

He says it happened because he had a videographer at the house doing, you know, campaign shit for him already and he's he said i should have told them to turn it off turn off the camera when he called but trump called and they basically have r fk junior talking to him in person he's got it on speakerphone and trump's just telling him the first part's cut off but it kind of sounds like they're making a deal to work together yeah yeah that's how it sounded that maybe he was considering it and was just touching base to and that rfk junior is going to end up yeah this is a fucking nightmare I thought you said you didn't like, you wanted funny things to happen, isn't that?

No, that's true. That's true. I need to look at the bright side. It might be funny. Yeah. So let's, so that's what happened, folks. They shot the president.

He's fine. He lost a little bit of his ear. There you have it. And will it affect it? I think it's, I think that everybody's like, oh, he's going to win. If the election were held today,

yes, he would win. But we all have very short. November's far away. November is very far away. A lot can happen between now and then. And a lot probably is going to happen. I'll tell you what, just a few short weeks. I was thinking, wow, what a, not only is it a bad election, it's very boring.

It's the same fucking guys, but worse. Their cognitive skills are even more in decline. We just have to watch them get trotted out. But my God, I could have never predicted that the entire Democratic elites would turn on Joe Biden and make fun of him. And that Trump would get shot in the year. I think the next four months could be very interesting. Oh, man, I had a bunch of dramatic photos of the thing. I didn't pull up.

Eh, who gives this shit? You've all seen them. You've all seen them. You've all seen them. You've all seen them. Man, he looks like, I will say in this photo that I've got right here, you remember, you remember Mrs. Doubtfire? Who could forget?

You remember when he's got the mask sitting on the dollhead? Somebody, stop me. That's exactly what, Robert. William says in the movie. The mask? The Doubtfire, yeah. Oh, you said the mask? No, he's got the mask of the silicon.

Smoking. The mask of the Mrs. Doubtfire sitting on the doll's head before he puts it on. Smoking. I'm going to shoot you with a gun. That's fine. I would just do the thing where I lift up my crotch really high. Woo-hoo. That's extremely good.

It's so good. But do you see what I'm talking about? Doesn't he look like the Mrs. Dalphire? Yes. Don't do it. Doesn't he look like the Mrs. Dauphire mask? Go ahead.

Somebody, stop me. Yeah, all right, all right. Okay. But yeah, there's going to be so much going on. I mean, by the time this comes out, it will already be well underway, but the R&C is happening right now. But the day this comes out, Trump will supposedly be accepting the nomination with him and J.D. Vance.

I hope that I wish, rather, and I should have said this earlier, I wish that the gunman had instead aimed for Trump's dick or his pants. Can you imagine cartoon style? It just shoots off his belt and his pants fall and he goes, Oh! Imagine? If he was a real sharp shot, if I were that guy, sorry. Let me rephrase that.

I wish. In fact, I'm not even going to say that. What would have been funnier to me personally, not wishing this, nothing like that. it would have been funny if the shooter was professional and fast enough to shoot down his pants and then shoot him. Imagine Trump had to do the rest of the campaign,

dickless. I mean, how would the conservatives, I wonder how they would spin it to make it that. That man has done more with no penis than Joe Biden has ever done. It's actually more masculine to walk around without a penis. They would find a way to make it work

and make him win. That's the thing. Just like that guy said on the Twitter thing you read earlier, he's truly Teflon Don. I know. And just as toxic, am I right? You really cannot take this man down. Yeah.

He'll give you microchemicals in your balls, that's for sure. If you're still watching, what the fuck? I don't know what's wrong with you. You're a freak? You're a little freak. Someone said that they miss us calling them a little freak. Well, then this one's for you. You're a freak.

You're a sicko. You're a sick fuck. You make... You make me sick. I really wanted to title this episode how Trump's, you know, something about how he made money off of getting shot, but then I only mentioned it for just a moment. Is that fair?

Do you think that that's... Let us know if you think that's fair. What was that? You pointed a gun at them? Yeah. All right, I want to stop.