The Ben and Emil Show - The Meatball Special Episode 2: Pixar Dump Trucks, Time traveling GFs, Murder

Episode Date: March 26, 2024

MEATBALL SPECIAL EPISODE 2. We've got a fun one for you gang. Broadcasting from Phil's living room, we've got a DOOZY of an episode for ya. Go check out Phil's band HUSHMONEY's new single: https://open.spotify.com/track/4ej52LFLy9icxcxPyYTCte?si=6f1ee1196c914fc9 Sign up for the bonus episode at: https://www.benandemilshow.com See our episode from last week here: https://youtu.be/va-DITy7D-A Watch Ben's Taco Bell Taste Test here: https://youtu.be/5wsoc5pieuA This episode (and every episode) was masterfully edited by Dillon Moore. Check him out at https://www.dillonmoore.co and @ dillonmoore on IG We're on instagram. @ bencahn and @ emilderosa and @ dillonmoore and @ philorphilip TIMESTAMPS: 00:00-4:00 - Plonky 4:00-13:45 SXSW, the Magic Castle, spreading ashes 13:45-23:40 Terrifying dreams, our gay passes, AI in movies 23:40-26:00 Doodoo diet, DRIGSBY 26:00-35:30 Time traveling girlfriend 35:30-40:00 Kate Middleton Cancer Coin, memecoins 40:00-46:00 Shohei Ohtani gambling, smoking in the airport 46:00-53:30 Ben talks to a psychic, scams 53:30-1:00:48 - Mrs. Incredible fleshlight, cucks Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey everybody. Welcome back. Welcome to the Meatball special episode two. We're wearing special hats, as you can tell. What's the occasion, Emil? Why? Because the spring equinox, and it's a bit sunnier here than we're used to. Phil is running a little late, and we're just going to go ahead and get started without him because, you know, it's unprofessional.

Oh, who's there? Knock, knock, knock. It's me plonking. Oh, who's... It's me, Blanky. I'm the new co-host of that meatball special. Well, I don't know. Oh, my God.

I love you, too. How you doing, sweetheart? Hi, Plunky. If you've been watching, we've seen each other, how you doing? I don't know. Have we seen each other before? I've seen you in my dreams. You know, handsome honk.

I could just stop flapping right now thinking about you. No, Plunkie. Oh, my goodness. Planky, that's an interesting accent. Where are you from? I'm from Southern. Just Southern? Southern what?

A Southern Baptist. You're from Southern? Chile. I'm from Chile. You're from Chile. Whoa. That's an interesting. I did not expect that kind of accent to come from a Chilean.

I'm Chilean. You got to chill out with a third degree. Okay, Funky. So how long, are you, I'm assuming your roommates with Phil or something? How do you know Phil? Because his wife is out of town a lot of times So she needs someone who looks after him And clean up and do his laundry and stuff like that

Because he's a big little boy He's a big little idiot Oh so that's the kind of stuff you do Yeah, I do all his sort of housekeeping stuff Because he's a little idiot And I'm sort of like his mommy Got it How much does he pay you?

And they don't pay me shit Why? Because I'm sick in the head I'm crazy I just like to have a good time Fuck you know Fuck you know Oh, I look It looked like you were

It's my little paper yet It's not that kind of show Plunky You do have beautiful blue eyes For the audio listener Plonkey's a little A puppet clown What the?

Oh sorry What do you prefer? What's the proper nomenclature? I just keep puppets fine I don't know What else would I be? I'm a bald and puppet Things aren't good

So for the audio listener Picture a Chilean July and first and four of us Start there and work your way out And after a while you get Plancky You get Plancky Well have you talked to Phil? Is he going to join us?

Phil got canceled Yes But that's not good for me Because I'm going to have to look after that sad, depressed man Is he doing okay? Is he depressed? No, he's in the back room trying to tie noose But he's a little boy who's an idiot

He never graduated Boy Scouts He doesn't know how to tie news. Well, could you help him out? I could probably figure out a way. I don't know if you should, Blunky. I keep saying, why don't you truck a toaster in the bathtub with you? And he's like, I don't have an extension cord. He's such an idiot.

He's such an idiot. You're pretty good dancer. Any idea when Phil's getting here? I know he's late. I'll be in about 10 minutes. That's been too long in it. It's been too long. Feels like we sort of ready.

All right. What? I hear in common. I got to go. Oh, great. Bye, Plunkie. It's nice to meet you. Bye, everybody.

Plankis going. I'm going to take the elevator. Bing. Oh, you got stuck. Looks like you got a little bit more Planky time. Oh, shit. Someone suck me off down here. Oh, my God.

Damn. Well, there he goes. There goes Plunkie. And anyway, yeah, it's the spring equinox. We have, oops, I disconnected this. There we go. better spring when's oh oh phil's here hey phil how you guys doing we're talking to your little assistant guy that you're living he is my assistant slave he's your assistant oh hey where's your hat

me with work and stuff like that oh my guy there he goes well because blonkey made it seem like maybe you're not doing so hot and uh bonky says what i need him to say when i dictate emails to him work stuff the like he made it seem more like maybe you uh are falling to pieces and he's here to help you like i would need a puppet to sort of exist and uh take care of myself i don't really need it yeah we're so we're actually coming live from phil's apartment and it's very nice it seems like you've got your act together inside of the i feel like it's tough to call it italian american reservation camp want to give me a caca uh Guinea pizza balls.

Oh, my arm is killing me. From tennis last night. Yes. I'll tell you what. I pulled my, I pulled something in my back. Really? I pulled something in my back, too, playing softball. Wow.

I joined a softball league. We were so old. With Walid and Kenny. And I threw the ball very hard, and I pulled my back. We were playing against a cop team, and we won. Oh, you got them. That's pretty sick. We played against the cop team.

Did you guys say ACAB or I smell bacon? No, but I did. flip off when I got a good hit and I was running flipping off the ball and they thought that I was flipping off the pitcher and it wasn't the case. Oh, that's not going to be good. Yeah. They don't like that at all. But anyway, we do have quite a lot of shit for you guys today.

Quite a lot of shit. Yeah, so you just got back from South by Southwest. I just got back from South by Southwest. It was a grand old time. And, yeah, the music, you know, I went there with my little band. Yeah, you were rock and roll band. Didn't they used to do it where it was like tech, then music. then film or something like that now it's more like stepped where like there's a couple

days spill over okay side of it um i went there for the film side like six or seven years ago and it was like fucking animals with a cartoon it was boring it was kind of boring it's like big conference rooms it's like not really i don't know at the convention center at the convention center in the downtown and like everything's in the downtown this was fucking like let me tell you rock and roll is still very much so well really it was like party fucking central It was really nuts Saw Blackies Saw Dinosaur Junior

We played a bunch of shows With scowl End it They were really good Snooper was really good A bunch of good younger smaller bands Super fun I'm still winded from

From what? Tennis last night Oh tennis tennis tennis yes But it was fucking fun and it was like the things that we would read about and like vice and shit forever ago it's like that is there's a lot of Pepsi going around down there everyone's doing Pepsi everyone's drinking

Pepsi's and uh I don't think Ben's I don't get it is that cocaine yeah yeah because because what Coke oh yeah yeah see I didn't get into that I'm just getting into the Zins so I mean I'm late to the game all around yeah you want Thank you, my man. They're three, but. Yeah, don't do this.

I still worry that, like, is this going to cause oral cancer? No, I think we'll be fine. I do want to say before I forget, a bunch of Bennett-A-Mil fans came up to me at the last show. Oh, that's sick. Hotel Vegas. It was so nice. And one guy came to, like, all three of our sets, which was really cool. And they were super chill.

And being in Austin and talking to people about you guys, I don't know. I was just, like, incredibly warm. That's so sweet. And it was so hungover. It was like truly like seven days of drinking. And it was just like in this weird feud space. But like, I don't know. It was very nice.

And they were all so sweet. And I appreciate y'all coming out to that. Damn. All right. I was so hungover. I was touching my, I couldn't feel my face. Like I don't know how you did.

He was a weird dissociation was happening. He also hasn't mentioned that this entire time he was, you were like, you're staying in a flop house with the band. Yeah, we got an Airbnb. You were sharing a. bed with another share in a bet there wasn't any alone time

you were so you know and as a writer as my passion I write for my job I sell female furniture so if my when I do my passion project of writing you're by yourself and you're like

alone for so much you spend a lot of time alone I spend arguably remember that I got a wand a tangent within a tangent but one time I was at Universal studios back when my wife liked me and um you i was getting a wand at the harry potter wand store and

they said what are some of the adjectives about or they asked me three questions do you remember what they were it was number one uh do you like to be with people or be alone i was like to you like to be more indoors or outdoors i was like no i like to be inside a lot more and then i think she asked you if you hold grudges and you said yes yes i like to be alone and stay inside and i hold grudges and then I got a wand from that. Do they like make it or do they say bippity boppity booshit to it or something? First of all, I don't like the anti-magic language that they've thrown around. I was just at the magic castle last night.

Okay, so I'm very... Magic castle last night? Yeah. For what? For wife's birthday. I took her to the magic castle. There were a couple acts that were just like, I know a magician there. There were, there were...

Yeah, just slowly brushing you all over a magician. Don't even... There were a couple acts that were very lackluster, but then there were some, we did some close up in like these smaller intimate rooms and they were so much better. They weren't on the program at all. They were just guys who walk around and like, hey, come in here. And you go in there and they're, oh, man. Have you guys ever talked about the Magic Castle in here? Because I wonder if you should explain it a little bit.

The Magic Castle is a club. Institution. It's an institution in Hollywood. There's one now in like Hermosa Beach, but it's not the real one. The real one, you need to either be a, I think anyone can be a, I think anyone can be a, a member you just have to pay i don't know but you're i knew a guy that was a member to get in you you either need to know somebody who's a member or know a magician yeah it's like it was like it was like 40 bucks for each of us and then you you you but then you have to eat at the restaurant

you have to eat at the restaurant you have to eat at the restaurant and then the restaurant you have to each order one entree and they're like fifty dollars minimum when you're buying cocktails you're in a room that has magic stuff. Yeah, in order to get it in, you're just in the little lobby area, and they're like, okay, thanks. Now turn around to that bookshelf and say open sesame. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you say, open sesame, and it opens, and there's like a ghost piano that I still don't know how it works.

You just say like, hey, play this. And when we got in, someone had asked the piano to play, we are the champions, we will rock you by Queen, which, as you know, is very percussive. Boom, boom clap. And it was playing the boom, boom, clap on the piano by just smashing some Fiskees, and it sounded like shit.

It sounded so dissonant. It was just, bong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong. You think it's a guy on the other side? Yeah, there's a tiny guy in there. Or on the other side of the wall. Yeah. That would be miserable to just be on the other side

playing for nobody. You get a little quiet time, you just play piano all that? I guess. And if you have an ear for songs and you know a lot of songs, you could do it. figured it up.

I'm not impressed. It was fun, though. And I got 40 bucks in my pocket. Yeah. 40 bucks? 40 bucks. Okay. So South by Southwest was fucking sick.

It was super fun. Yeah, driving across the country is always great. How long are you going to get there? Two days. But, um... Two fucking days. What do you guys? That's constant driving.

Well, dude, one day of driving, sleep somewhere and then the next day, you drive most of the day, then you're there. Yeah. Um, so the opposite way we did that. But, like, you know, that's my, like, driving through Arizona and New Mexico is so beautiful. Oh, yeah. It's crazy down there. And we went really south on the way back up where literally the border was right there.

I don't know. It's just like my kind of my favorite part of America anytime I do a cross-country trip or something like that. It's really nice. All of a sudden, you're like, cool. I'm in a Mario cart. Right. Yeah. When I first did it, I remember going through it, driving through it and being like, this is the, this is, like, this is, like,

like the southwest section of Six Flags Great Adventure where we grew up and I was like how weird is that that's what I'm more bombed onto the pastiche of like the real thing I get really bummed about it because that and plus like going to Disney World or Disneyland um I went to that stuff first as a child yeah and now when I go out on like you know and do big adventure stuff in national parks or whatever you're like fuck Disney like kind of got it right and now every time I'm out in nature I'm like it looks like fucking Disneyland. Yeah. Those Imagineers know their shit.

It's so annoying. You'll be like next to this boulder and you're like, oh my God, there's things millions of years old. Yeah. It looks like fucking Disney. I know. I can't get a chair rail out here. Yeah.

Someone just spread their relatives ashes on some Star Wars ride. And they had to shut it down and like mop it all up. And there's a picture of just like mopped up looking ashes. God. That's awful. By the way, I know that this is really annoying when people do this, but last night, I had a very deeply upsetting, vivid dream that I murdered two people. Holy shit.

And that I was on the run and I was like going to just take a whole, I had to rush home. I had to rush home to beat my mom home because she was like going to turn me into the cops. She was like, you need to be held responsible. And I was somehow in Las Vegas where the murders happened. I don't remember who I murdered or how. but I just remember being like oh fuck my life is fucked and the cops were looking for me and I was barefoot and my cell phone didn't have any battery and I was just like I'm homeless and on the run I was so stressed out but like in life yeah oh uh moderately did you

kill somebody in life no that would do it no I don't think so I do wonder about what kind of uh it's the $40 you shaled out yeah feeling pretty bad I that financial burden on me $80 down the drain but So, and then I tipped, too. I don't even know why I tipped the girl just like, the girl, the girl was like, here you go. And there was a tip line. But either way, I rushed home and I got a bottle of Xanax that I had because I was like, well, I'm not going to jail. I'm going to fucking eat this whole bottle.

Yeah, I'm going to eat this whole bottle of Xanax and kill myself. So that I don't have to go to prison. And then I ran across the street, just beat my mom home. This was last night. Yes. It was so upsetting. It did so much last night. It was like, it was in real time.

him and I was just oh man and when I woke up it was the best yeah whew oh dude that's the best oh no jail or death for me when it's not real it's so it feels it just waking up and being like oh I don't have to deal with that incredible wait so I wanted to share this uh can I tell a dream yes yes tell me a dream tell me a dream I'm only bringing it up because of what your mom did in your dream I had a dream once that um we'd all live in peace to together ever my entire family was walking towards me and i was walking away from them and there was an ambulance behind them and my entire family all very calmly were going phil you're crazy you got to come with us you got to get in the ambulance oh phil but like really like you're it's

okay you're crazy you have to come with those you have to get in the ambulance imagine waking up to that like the betrayal of every single person you know awful i is speaking of the art not good that's not That's not a good. Are you guys both okay? I'm fine. Mine was years ago, and I was not. I get these vivid dreams when I am smoking a lot of pot and then I stop smoking, and that's what I've been doing.

I didn't smoke in a lot of pot the last couple weeks, and then I didn't. The last couple of night you said you're not smoking weed. I know, but a lot has changed in the last two weeks. We got to catch up meatballs more. But I also haven't seen you guys in fucking so long since it's basically the last episode. I don't know what the fuck happened. Oh, yeah. We both been out of town, and then you guys came over.

Real fast, though, have you ever had those argument dreams where you wake up to pee and you're like, God damn, I want to get back in the dream and finish the argument? Because I've definitely had them up against the ropes. I was like, I got to get back in there and finish this off. But, okay, I have this thing from Reddit. Can I tell a dream? Yeah, go ahead. You don't have a crazy one? Do you dream?

I don't remember. Everyone dreams. I don't remember them that much. But you have aspirations in life. Sure. I had one, I'm not telling it. It's too long. I did watch this movie last night.

What movie? Called All of Us Strangers. Sounds like one of them Oscar movies that I didn't see. Well, no. Well, that was the thing. So I tweaked my, falling. I tweaked my back. And, like, I couldn't fucking move by the time I got home.

And so I just like, and Sarah was gone. So I ordered food and just, like, grabbed an ice back and, like, laid down. And, like, and I just wanted to watch Kirby, Enthusies. as him and HBO wouldn't load so I googled on my phone like is Max down and it was like yep Max is down I was like you have to be fucking kidding me

so I just opened Hulu and the first movie up it was I had never heard about it all of us strangers it was Paul Mascall and fucking Andrew Scott and I was like holy shit I've never heard about this these guys are huge this movie must be good awful all right who's on who's on your

it's just like he's and then Sarah came home and she's like is this good I was like no he just keeps going to see his dead parents I don't know what's happening. Who's on your, who's on your, like, gay pass? For me, I think Paul Mescal would be one. And then Lee Pace, Lee Pace for me. Are you serious?

Lee Pace, really? I was about to tap you because we were big, uh, daisies pushing. Pushing daisies. Oh, God. So even back then, before he started popping a shirt off, working out. He's like six foot five, too. He has a huge snack. Yeah.

A meal, really. A meal. Anyway, okay I got this I got this thing here Lee Oscar Isaac Oh yeah sure

Damn you like him for you huh Interesting dude Interesting dude I get it I like him In circa what What movie

The divorce movie Oh sexy I didn't see it But I know They were on that thing I kissed her arm I didn't see it But I know

Oh yeah Which like I'm pretty sure He's married Disgusting Yeah weird vibe I'd be insane Right here on something Truly, it's like, we have to have a conversation.

Who are you doing? What movie? What's the hottest Oscar-Isaac movie? Dun is pretty good. Annihilation when he comes back all fucked up from... Because he's like an alien. But also, he's smashing her. Oh, yeah.

Oh, I mean, truly still one of my favorite lines of all time is when when Damal Gleason says, he goes into the room when he's got the music playing loud with the robots. and he goes you tore up her picture and he just goes yeah I'm about to tear up the fucking dance floor dude oh that it's so good I think I'll smoke weed and watch that tonight what do you think about Civil War you how do you think that's going to be good people were ragging on it I'm like I think it looks so scary and fun yeah it looks very fun I think it's kind of purgy which I really that's like my favorite shit go ahead Ben what it was speaking of movie sorry I I'm gonna wait to this because this is a we're on a good we're squirm a mutual friend of Dylan

and I just made a post he doesn't watch this so it doesn't matter but a mutual friend of ours has been he he really really and I agree with him 95% he really hates AI and hates any use of AI in anything

Oh are you talking about that new movie everyone's like boycott this movie yes they used AI but they used it like three years ago three years ago and for three small second things and they had their weird transition things graphics design department and on it too

so it's not like anyone lost work or anything like that it was all on the up and up internally for them I don't like this where how the big I mean obviously we're in this weird swing that's about to happen so unfortunately this movie that looks really good

and really cool and weird is getting a lot of blowback for honestly some bullshit I saw this feels like some bullshit and I was like truly who fucking cares who the fuck cares what is the amount of people that do such good work and like this imagine being a set dresser on that well that was the thing i saw someone being like there's so many people who worked on this movie and you

guys are trying to like trash have them not what have them take money out of those people's mouths it's it's not like they get back end on it plus that actor has been back end to the set people who's that texting back who's the actor who's the main guy this is like his first name but he's great he's so great and it's like his first thing let him fuck come on let him fuck That dude is awesome. And it's, you know what, it's a live broadcast of, it's a horror movie, but it's a live broadcast of a 1970s talk show. That's a great idea.

And it's, they bring on this girl who previously had an exorcism and then it goes crazy. Like how great is out. You want to see it. Yeah. So stinks. Stinks. Open AI. Reaction stinks.

Open AI has a, they've got a bunch of meetings lined up with some movie studios. That, that I don't. don't like because that means the movie studios are like so how can you help us how can we make but that's the thing who's got to open a i i know visual effects artists who have been using they've been using ai for years to help well these visual effects artists have been using a i to make scripts that would otherwise take them hours like because they've got to use a lot of math they've got to use a lot of coding and they've been saying like it's been making my life so much easier i don't know

Think about compositing, like tracking with someone and having, you know, if I needed my head on fire to track with it, now we can use AI to do the manual labor of A to Z to get to sort of things. I don't know. It's like, obviously that's very different than creating a graphic from nowhere. Yeah, it's, we're in a very prickly transition period. And I think it's, this is just. I saw the graphic and I honestly had people not mentioned, I wouldn't have known that it was. of course I would have had no idea so fucking good and crazy but they also did a lot to it so it's not like they just put in spooky skeletons and use the first take whoa there's spooky skeletons in this movie it's pretty

scary all right wait is it really spooky skeletons yeah yeah that's like one of the graphics it's like a title card got it yeah okay it looks kind of cool skeletons yeah okay because they did a lot of stuff to it they gave it a lot of treatment okay I got this thing speaking of spooky stuff wait one more thing

God damn. Okay. I'm joking. Okay. This guy created this thread. It's too good not to share. He suspected his girlfriend of time travel. Yes. Wait, actually, actually, no.

What? What subreddit is it? It's off my chest. Beautiful. And he goes, I was on Reddit this morning. Yeah. Uh-huh. And someone, this is the worst.

Just never click something like this. It literally said, uh, it said, What were some benign symptoms you had that turned out to be something serious? Sure. And right off the bat, I'm like, Amil, don't click it. Don't click you, but don't go. And I'm like, well, let me just scroll through a few.

Like, and literally, first one, I'm like, oh. Back pain. Back tumor. I don't know if you. Well, I don't know if you remember. I don't know if you remember. It was literally a couple weeks ago on either the main or the bonus. I was like, God, my eyebrow won't stop twitching.

And it literally was the guy was like, I had some weird face twit. Not even weird. I just had some face twitching. Thought nothing of it. And, like, sometimes it was my eyebrow and just... And then it turned out I had MS, and I was just like... I was just going to guess multiple scores. And I was like, why did I click this?

And I truly, I was like, I can't scroll anymore. I have to get off this fucking thing. Just ruined my morning. Why I does that all right? Well, that's... There was replies that was... Because it was freaking everyone out. And people were like, okay, but it's also common if you're just, like, stressed or tired

or whatever, but, uh... There's a guy on TikTok who... Be careful with those... There's a young man on TikTok who's got bowel cancer. and he's been posting about oh these are all the symptoms that i wish i'd been paying attention to and one of them is like a narrower shaped poops and i'm like damn i got little snakey poops sometimes lately but is that due to diet plus i had the whole hemorrhoid thing going on what doodoo diet is that do do do do do diet oh due to diet dillon's a do do do diet he's not on

the mic but you dylan's a little scam oh yeah by the way call it out yet everybody with Driggsby thing you got us and right now we'll play the footage because I maybe they've given him that yeah it's someone put Disgby so now they're ripping on Driggsby driscus Bussy I think it's because you Dylan said nobody even notices me I'm a ghost what does that have to do with Briggsby I don't know maybe they've nicknamed you Driggs I think we have two angles of it Dylan let me in about five minutes before you guys so I filmed you guys

a little bit. Driggsby. They love I've known that they go and there's quoting Driggsby but why are they quoting Driggsby? And if you don't know Check the Reddit, I don't know If you guys, the fucking family These guys were geeked out of their mind

Yeah, we really didn't know I screen shouted it and posted on Twitter and was like What is Driggsby? Okay, so This guy suspected his girlfriend of being a time traveler and i'm just gonna so he said he's 26 he met his girlfriend who's 22 three years ago uh she was kind of odd for certain reasons and he's 26 tweet she's 22 yes and he lays out these reasons he said uh when we first got together she told me she was polyamorous not interested in sex

and then polyamorous and not interested in yeah which is very strange i love uh all different types of meat and i'm vegan this is crazy yeah so she doesn't go into detail she doesn't talk about her family. She's from the rural Appalachian part of Georgia. That's all I know is she won't go into detail. It always takes her five to ten seconds to remember her birthday, and she can never remember if the month or the day is meant to come first. She's always changing her accent, depending on who she's talking to. She says her brain does this automatically, but her sentence structure is weird. Sometimes she uses British slang and says, like, how do you mean instead of what do you mean? She says, cannae instead of can't. I do that a lot. She watched.

ironically yeah she she watches shakespeare she literally talks like shakespeare for an hour after she only has a shakespeare i don't know she watches a shakespeare movie yeah what the fuck question she only has an accent she only you're flicking through loo oh arthello tonight babe she has a southern accent in the mornings she doesn't wear modern clothes she wears corsets and slips instead of bras and stuff uh and then she also wears men's clothing a lot i don't know that's fine that doesn't make you a time traveler when we watch historical movies Okay. She's always... I remember this fondly.

It didn't happen like that. That's exactly what she's... She's always pointing out flaws of the accuracy, but it's not... But it's not big historical events. It's stuff like metal wouldn't have been used until this X year. She's just smart. Yeah. He sounds like a fucking idiot.

That's not how Christmas was celebrated back in. Then the cutlery is inaccurate for the time. She's too old to have her hair down, things like that. And then he goes on. She doesn't shave. Don't get me wrong. Blah, blah, blah, blah. but she said she claims that it's a modern shaving is a modern invention and and working women with lice used to used to not shave something like that

what obviously she's really I've owned her team she loses me obviously she's really into history but when I ask her where she gets her information she can never give me the sources just I don't remember this kind of sounds like a lot too it's like yeah sure where do you get her information it's like she's back off she gets irritated at things on the internet and talks about how much better the old web was. And then when I ask her what she means by that, she said before 2010. But I'm like, wouldn't you have been eight in 2010? And then she says, oh, yeah, I guess I was pretty young. Even though she's always calling out inaccuracy in media, she makes no attempt to be accurate herself, like she mixes up all the eras.

I called one of her outfits medieval and she listed every item she wore in what century, decade, even down to the exact year. when I called her born in the wrong time she was very against it she said she doesn't feel like she missed out on any of the eras she uh she jokingly said one time I've lived through the year

2012 three times too many like what the fuck is that she said it was a joke but I didn't really this post is huge I know I'm really skipping through the rest of the episode she struggles to use TV sometimes the remotes and buttons confuse her I kind of like her I want to

I want a time traveling girlfriend. She has a bunch of vintage USSR and American space pins. This is just... Okay, that's sick. I introduced her to a doctor who jokingly asked if she was a time traveler. And she said something like, I've never understood the appeal of time travel. What's so?

He introduced her to a doctor. Hey, come meet my buddy over here. This guy is fucking scary. This part's really funny. Hey, talk to one of my buddies over here in a white lab coat. So he says, probably the weirdest thing, she's five foot five and at, and look, wait, she's five foot five and look skinny, but probably weighs like 150 to 175. That's just an estimate from, I know. Wait, wait, wait. That's just an estimate from when I pick her up. When I, when I comment on this, she says she has dense bones. What does that mean?

She looks slightly underweight, if anything. So why is she technically overweight? Okay, let's pause real quick. Okay, what? Him picking up his girlfriend and going, what's that about 150, 162? No, what's that? 150 or 175? That's a huge.

What a nuts. So then he said, update. I decided to just accuse her of time travel. I literally just called her and I opened with, I know you're a time traveler. she laughed and asked what the fuck I was talking about and she said he asked if she was lying about her age she got serious and asked me to come over because she didn't want to talk on the phone obviously part of me was hoping she was going to reveal

that she was a time travel traveler spoiler she is not a time traveler she did tell him that she's been lying about her age remember we thought she was 22 yeah she's 28 weird yes uh she regrets uh lying um She's embarrassed to tell me because she lied about like when she went to college and stuff. She asked me what brought upon the suspicion and I showed her this post. She laughed for like your bone density. She laughed for like 10 minutes and thinks it's very funny that my first thought was time travel.

She said basically, basically everybody in the post said, your girlfriend sounds like she's autistic. Yeah. And that's what it ended up being. Okay. All right. So the TLDR is, I suspected my girlfriend of time travel. Turns out she's autistic and was lying about her age. That's really quite beautiful.

Did we get to the bottom of why she feels so heavy? He said the bone density. Shillings in her pockets. It's probably related to her intersex. As for the 2012 thing, it was just a really traumatic year for her. She relives it a lot in her dreams. oh holy shit that's really beautiful yeah i um we had a friend in our friend group that lied about her age for a while when i first moved to l. i was like 24 25 26 hanging out with this one group

of people and this one chick was sort of on the outskirts but we'd see her i don't know biweekly something like that and twice a week or once every two weeks actually they're both correct i know so i know but i mean this second one once every two weeks i know it's nuts because at first i was like twice a week man this isn't got me buzzing by the way i feel like good dude i'm not gonna lie dude i'm not i feel fucking god right now is it amil thick is it no i can't get addicted to nicotine no truly it's not good okay go on so this person was lying about she was 40 which doesn't matter but like thinking you know she's like 25 26 27 like us like we were all were and she was 40 years old

whoa she was pretending to be 15 years younger yeah she must look good Must have look really good. She must look really good. I don't think you met her. Guys, I got to pee. I'm sorry, but I have to. Crazy, unprofessional. This is just what makes a podcast.

This is what makes a podcast. Wait, so when you guys, when you guys found out you were 40, you were like, you can't be friends with us anymore? By that time, I got in a really bad relationship, and I wasn't friends with anybody anymore. Sure. Yeah.

You know how laugh can go. Yeah. You get in a bad relationship. You stop hanging out with people. You say, I think these people might tell me that the woman I love is bad for me. So I'm going to stop hanging out with them. Yep, yep, yep. That's what happens.

And unfortunately, you lived in New York. So this is what happens for a couple years. Then you get out here and I go, hold on a second. I think I might have to reevaluate. Amel's here. This feels different. With someone who loves me, this feels very different. Oh, that's what that is.

That's a good feeling. Yeah, I've had that relationship where I'm just like, I'm just not going to tell anyone what she does to me. I feel like they might be like, you shouldn't let her do that. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Nah, for sure. Been there, done that.

And the best part is it keeps happening. I'm looking at our list of stuff. And I'm doing exactly what you told us to do. We got to talk about Cape Middleton and the cancer and the cancer point. I actually don't know what happened. Okay, so Cape Middleton was gone. But it does sound like it's maybe not nearly as fun as people thought it was. Yeah, there were a bunch of conspiracy theories that she was dead or that she had...

Which also, if it's just something normal, everyone's so awful that this woman was maybe dealing with something private and they were just like, okay, here's the tea. Right. She's fucking someone else. Prince Harry beat her up is what I... What a thing I had heard on a different podcast. Jesus Christ. So let's go spread some more rumors. Or like she got a Brazilian butt lift.

Yeah, that was another thing because, oh, she got an abdominal thing. Well, so what's fascinating to me, well, not fascinating necessarily, but I don't know if you guys have been paying attention, but in the crypto world, there's a coin called Solana. You sent us a coin the other day. What was it? Yeah, I did. I'm going to tell you. So on the Cript, on the Solana blockchain, you can create meme coins. Anybody can just mint these new coins.

So with some of the coins. I'll tell you. I will tell you, but so I'm leading up to it. So I have to be very delicate. But the whole idea is to make it me-mey enough to make people go, oh, that's funny. I got to buy that. And it went off the rails this last week.

And there were a bunch of, I don't know, how do I even say this? They were N-word, but with the A. Right. And there was like N-word but and N-word something. and there was like and there's one guy laughing about it because he's got this portfolio full of just the various like and he's just making so much money off of this oh hundreds of thousands a dollar so how'd you make your buck well i'll tell you and there was you know what you guys remember the meme of that like intense looking bald guy yeah yeah yeah and it's like my black accountant

when when he asked how i made all my crypto money like what coins i made but so then just like yesterday they transitioned from the the black ones to like jew ones so it was there's like a k-word coin no like jews did 9-11 coin and then there's one that's one that straight up just one of those actual coins there's not a collector's there was a nazi coin that was a full-on swastika and people are buying it and then now it's getting so out of hand that if anything happens in the real world someone rushes to make a meme coin for it in hopes that they'll strike it

rich. But how long does... I know where this is going? So they made a Kate Middleton cancer coin. Jesus. And it's doing really well. It's probably already doing well. Unlike her that's doing really not one. Which is, it's now graduated to like... So she has cancer? Yes. That's why she's been gone? That was the thing. She made

an announcement. She's on video saying I'm really great, you know, thank you for everybody for your concern about me and the reason why I've been gone is I've been dealing with. I think stomach cancer or something Oh God So everyone going so crazy And forcing her to like

Photoshop a picture This woman just wanted to deal with her cancer God that's actually really sad Now that you think about it She was like Can't we just Photoshop a picture together So we could just get them off my back While I deal with stomach cancer

Oh brother Yeah I look by the way Did you just flinch because I touched you? No no I'm just adjusting Because remember I was trying to give you A birthday gift or something Oh yeah

I'm just like, what did I do to you like six years ago? But you look like Tom Sawyer. It's very cute. Oh, thank you. Oh, yeah. I look like your little shoes in the hat. Oh, boy. Hey, can I interest you in painting a fence?

What's my name? Oh, yeah. Oh, geez, Louise. Wait, wait, wait, but so my question is how long do these like, how long do you have to get in before just all collapses? Because I can't imagine that like. It can be a few minutes. It can be hours. It can be days.

So you have to get in and out. Buy it in silver. Well, and then there's a bunch of people who, who there's probably several Kate Middleton cancer coins. It's just you got to hope. The right one. You got to hope that you're picking the right one. But yeah, it's really interesting. As I'm sure that like there was just this terrible shooting in Russia, I'm sure someone is making a meme coin about that.

And it's like now when things happen, people rush to make a meme coin associated with it. Yeah, we're back. And you're kind of like buying the. We're back. oh it's it's it's it's fucking wild man it's crazy okay so speaking of money we got to talk about the show hey otani sexy talk man yeah i would fuck this guy too you like him i like him yeah i want to pinch his chubby cheeks he's kind of yeah he's kind of doughy he's so doy i want like an angular baseball player wise you're more of like an errand judge you ever see aaron judge oh yeah he's he's huge

you'd like him a lot oh you'd like him so much he's got that money Don a gap tooth? I do like a gap tooth. He's got a big gap tooth. He's, uh... I like a skew. Damn. A skewed.

He's six foot seven. Dude, you should see. He's a gigantic... He was catching a ball in the outfield and he ran through a door. Like a locked door. There he is. Yeah.

I'm surprised you don't know what Aaron Judge looks like. I'd like him to run through my door. Oh, geez. I keep unplugging this. He's a fucking bad guy walking into a so... Yeah, exactly. But so a bunch of shit's been happening. It's pretty clear that Shohay Otani might have been actually part of it.

That is new? That's my understanding of it. That's... Okay, so basically this baseball player, Shoheyotani, just signed from the Angels to the Dodgers on like a 10-million or 10-year $700 million contract. He doesn't speak English. He's got this translator who's been with him since 2013. He's got the sickest job in the world.

He's got the coolest job in the world. job in the world. Between $300,000 and $500,000. He chills in the dugout throughout the whole game because he's got to be there. Getting half a million dollars a year to be show his best friend. Yes. Exactly. They became best.

And they became best friends. And to be like every now and then like, oh, they're saying blah, blah, blah. And they're like, oh, okay. Is it? Okay. So if he's, because at first I was really sad because it was like, if you, if we were somehow attached at the hip and you stole a bunch of money from me. No, I wouldn't do that.

No, I appreciate that. I wouldn't do that. You know, it's easy to do to me, though. You know it's happened to me before. I took a dollar from my mom's wallet one time, and I cried because I was so guilty. Damn, that's right. I can't do it, man. I can't steal.

No, I don't think I've ever, I mean, I've stolen from some stores. KB toys, every single tech guy ever had a hat of it. I used to shoplift a lot. How the fuck do you, I, the fear of consequences keeps me from doing anything illegal like that, except for like smoking weed and driving and taking acid internationally. And shit like that. I smoked a joint in the Madrid airport one time. In the airport?

In the airport. I had some leftover hash that I had bought. Dude, that is like... And I got to the airport. Locked up in some Italian prison. I didn't want to waste... I didn't want to...

For some reason, I heard Rome. And then I confessed about it on the radio to Danny Bonaducci. Danny Bonaducci? The guy from fucking... Yes. So here, I'll tell the story. The partridge family? I had this hash that I bought.

Dany Bunch? Yes. He was a radio personality here in Los Angeles. I don't know. Danny Bonaducci, the redhead guy. Yeah. Yoked and now, got a really deep voice. I thought you.

I'll give him a fast pass to my back track. I bought hash. I bought hash. You still on that topic? We're moving on? I still had some leftover, and I didn't want to take it on the plane. I didn't want to throw it away. And I had cigarettes, and I was like, fuck it.

So I opened up my seat. suitcase and i just like down in there nobody knew what i was doing i mixed in some tobacco and i made a little spliff and i was like well i got to smoke this somewhere so i went into the well i have to smoke this somewhere i was 19 i went into the smoking area of the airport yeah you went into the like smoking area with a spliff that had weed in it yeah yeah okay and i i thought you were just like in the terminal just oh fuck no that would be that would be stupid bathroom i was sticking like but then like six months later i'm back in l a tube with the Habrick softener at the end of the fucking...

What are those called? A boof. But I was back in Los Angeles. I was listening to Talk Radio. Bufus Noguchi blows ecstasy up your butt. That's boofing. Jesus Christ. It is.

And he was doing a segment on like, what's the most illegal thing you've ever done? And I called in because nobody would call into his show. It was from 2 to 3 p.m. And I said, oh, yeah, I used my name. I'm Ben from Long Beach. And I was like, yeah, I smoked a spliff in the airport. and one of my mom's co-workers heard it.

Holy shit. And he told my mom and my mom, he thought it was funny. And then my mom was like, did you smoke drugs in the airport? And I was like, well, yell. You become a radio guy. Yell? Oh, so So Shohei Otani's translator got busted for all this illegal gambling. And at first, he said, oh, yeah, Shohay was covering my debts.

Yes. And even if that's the case. apparently him being party to him providing the funds for illegal gambling is tantamount to money laundering and it could get him in big trouble so i think they figured out i think they realized that because then the guy backtracked and said show he didn't know anything he didn't know anything i it was stolen which begs the question how the fuck do you not realize that four and a half million dollars of yours has been stolen and also why would this guy have access to his bank accounts he likely didn't either show he was placing bets with this guy or he really did bail him

out and now he could be in trouble and it's it's pretty well they were never betting on baseball they were betting on international soccer the NFL college football NBA but not baseball interesting yeah you'd be surprised though I've had some light identity theft thing happened to me and uh things go out the window yeah you just you uh blow through a lot of red flags I think I might be getting identity thefted This is what love is I had a stranger reach out to me on Instagram And I was going to say why are you on Instagram right now

And it's a stranger and I am not one to not take bait So I took the bait And she's just this random person doesn't even follow me She said I see glory and blessings in you And you are destined for greatness directly from birth I have an important message for you, but I will need your honest permission to proceed because your ancestors have been trying to reach you

by revealing some signs to you, maybe through your dreams, or the repeated numbers that you normally see, 222, 444, 1-11-11-1-3, yeah, around your environment. I also see your throat and sacral energy blocked. So kindly replied to me once you get this message

with a picture of your right-hand palm, my dear, if you want to know the message I have for you, Namaste. So I sent a picture of my palm. There you go. And I'm like, what's the harm that could come from this? Oh, God, there's more.

Well, and she said, greetings, blessing, peace, love, and light will be with you always, my dear. I'm priestess Susan from Shekha Temple, L.A., an ordained priestess who has served Shekha Temple for eight years. I don't follow people if I'm not sent or directed by you and your ancestors to connect you with my love. They've got, you've got an amazing energy filled with light. I'm taking your readings. And she said, I see that you are a very intelligent person, true, full of which. wisdom true you've gone through a lot in life but it has made you stronger a leader and a healer your solar plexus i think that's the ass chakra no i think this oh that one oh shit your solar

plexus is one of your strongest chakras as well i picked up strong bear and cheetah for your animal guides looking at your picture so you are protective of your loved ones she did this for for free well wait nothing stands in your way you're a blessing to mankind fucking true just like a sea you snatch from the water surface and rob your chief competitor the osprey i see in your cards possible travels i am going to hawaii next week exotic exotic life and a comfortable ending fuck yeah nice this could however be physically manifested or spiritually inclined i see you have missed out on blessings fucking a and ordinarily should have been yours i believe this is a manifestation of the negative energy in your bloodline, but not to worry, the energy

will be cleared. And then she sent an emoji of a cheetah. And she said, you thrive off of communication, travel, and it makes you thrive. You have a deep thirst for knowledge. This chick is just blasting. You have an air of mystery. But then she said you have an air of mystery. You only show others what you want them to see. I can see something terrible in your path. And then a little cry face emoji. And I wrote one thing specific. I wrote, uh-oh, what's What's the ospre? True. The asprey of it all.

I said, uh-oh, what's going on? And then she said, someone sent you an attack. Wait, let me see. But your ancestors and the universe got you covered because you've been so good to the people around you. You've got to be very careful and mindful with the people you shared your thoughts. Yeah, yeah. And then I said, what the hell?

Who attacked me? She said, be careful, my dear. And then she said, I have prayed and meditated on your energy. And a lot was revealed. positively and then she sent me this video who dude dude

hell yeah she lit candles for me and has a picture of my palm and some flowers and stuff and a seashell in my palm dude what this is this is why you no way did you hear that music and she said

I have prayed and meditated on your energy and a lot was revealed positively. And then she gave me a bunch more shit. She said she's directing. I'm looking at paragraphs. She's, yeah, she's, uh, but then she said, would you, would you like to donate to me for the readings before we proceed? And I said, sure, how about 20 bucks?

So I sent her 20 bucks on PayPal. And now she's, honestly. Yeah. So things, I got to get down to who's sending me negative energy. So if you're my enemy out there and you're sending me negative energy, stop. because my ancestors are working full time and I want my ancestors to rest I need them to be at rest they got other things to worry about than your negative energy here spends it in my way is it you phil no I was nothing but blessings on your house ah man I'm so confused by this

because so I'm sure you guys both what's confusing well I'm sure you guys both get the thing where someone will be like oh my god I find your picture so inspiring do you mind if I paint this painting of your photos and they say stuff like of course it's paid you know what i mean yeah and you're like no you're obviously not gonna pay me to you just paint it do you don't like no one's gonna know sure um but this she was so willing to do all the shit for free it's how they lure you in because then they're like i got negative stuff now do you want to hear it but like how long did that all go on for like how much last two days just on and off and she only made 20 bucks yeah but I guess she could have had a bunch of you on the hook.

Yeah, probably. She probably got dozens. It might be an AI, I don't know. Oh, yeah. How many followers do you have? Like a hundred. Do you have Los Angeles in your bio or anything? I don't even, yeah, I think I do.

We went to that one temple once, remember that? We did the meditation thing. Then I got in trouble afterwards. Probably for the bonus episode we talked about that. Oh, yeah. What save that? What time are we at, by the way? Oh, wow.

holy shit we're we're plowing through this wait there was a there was another Reddit guy we wanted to talk about yeah we will um wait but fuck I was just going to say something about this the painting thing there's a scam and I think some some people have killed themselves over this but there's a scam

where they will reach out to you and say we've got video we've hacked into your computer and we've got video of you jerking off yeah I've got that email yeah you've gotten it I've gotten it too but also sent out tons of videos but I know people who have gotten like actual footage

well they've done the cam stuff and then they didn't realize it's been recorded the whole time and then after they go okay well glad you had a nice time jerking off and stuff we filmed all that and they like make them do humiliating things

dude I've heard I would just let it I would say you know what go ahead send it to everybody it'd be their Yeah if my brothers or my mom wants to watch that That's on them

That's their problem And also it's illegal It's revenge porn Yeah Yeah but they do it in a way That's uh They're smart They have a lawyer

Well like they just like kind of Notary president They just kind of drop it on people Yeah And then they end up opening it And seeing like a loved one Just like Opening one the butts

Opening like the nasty files Oh yeah Hey check out this cute video And then it's you But thank God Now you could just say that's AI, that's AI generated. That's fake.

That's scammers. That video of me, that's AI. That video of me jerking off. Our entire last episode that was AI. Me fucking the toilet, fake. We're good guys. Holy shit. What else we got?

Well, speaking of the jerking off, I just thought you would appreciate this, of all people. For the audio listener, it is a fleshlight that has been... It's a fleshlight? It has been modified with a Mrs. Incredible. action figure. I feel like all my Pixar potential writing jobs are going out the window right now.

Ew. His voice is gross. Yeah. Ew. Just like the movie. Ew. Ew. She can expand or whatever.

She got stuck in this dude. She got stuck in these dude. Man, these gooners, man. They are. I just want to. everyone to know I invented Pixar dump truck ass you did you guys know you did we've been out and someone's come up to you and said are you the

are you the Pixar dump truck ass guy yeah and uh I think we were like Zebulon one time and someone was like I used to drink a lot no I remember and then we danced on my coffee table we did well do you want me to do that coffee table do you want me to do this last thing yeah the guy who which guy the bull oh we're leaving on a down note it's the bull yeah yeah yeah let's do it let's do it so this is from um cuckled reddit it's another reddit thing don't worry it's not gonna be a regular thing it's not like that's what the show is but it's just too much fun to um to not look sometimes

you come across them and yeah but it's from the subreddit one that's like hey do you want to hear what benign um well i when it reverberates through us all yeah of like dms where It's like, oh, you've got to talk about it to somebody else. This subred is called cuckold psychology. And the user I just... I'm a mod on it, but it's just a hard time. The user is the wank stank. I just realized.

There's so many good subredits out there, man. There's just some fucking maniacs. But the title of this is Bull treats me like a child. And for those of you don't know, a cuckold is someone who likes when their wife, her partner gets fucked by another person and that person is usually called a bull who comes over and plows your wife and wheelbarrows her and you just sit there and watch and you jerk off I think you get off on it yeah of course you get it yeah that's the thing no no I hate it well it's hard for me to comprehend and as someone who spent a lot of time on reddit I remember a very popular

post where a guy was like made a huge mistake watched a lot of cuckled porn thought it was my king had my wife get plowed by some guy and now I think it's all over I can't move on from this but like truly and he's the one who asked for it so he's like I'm typing this from my car I'm having a fucking meltdown I'm like you know and I don't I don't want to pose it to my wife because I'm the one who I don't know what to do I like I can't get mad at her that's like the same deal with it's the darkest that's like when couples who've been together a long time try to do like a three-way, it can ruin marriages where I, I, I, a friend of a friend, dangling fruit.

Yeah, man, just jerk off, just jerk off. But so he says, uh, I get he's the alpha, but it's kind of annoying how he treats me like I'm a kid when I'm 32 and he's 35. Whenever he's not with my girlfriend in their room, he'll come up to me and say things. That'll be addressed later. This stresses me out. I know. It's incredibly stressed.

He'll come up to me and say things like, how's it going, little man? Or if I show him something like a game or a movie or whatever, he'll over-exaggerate and say, wow, that is so cool, dude. Or if I tell him a story, I'll get a response like, whoa, that's crazy, buddy, even when the story wasn't that crazy to begin with. Then he goes out somewhere with my girlfriend. Yeah. Him not in his room later, in the corner of his living room.

Then when he goes out somewhere with my girlfriend, he'll say, we'll be back in a bit, champ. he acts more like a dad than a friend not that i really want to be friends with the guy to begin with but i just find it kind of annoying even though he's nice most of the time just kind of seems fake though you know wait this last paragraph is too good about that sentence oh jesus christ right now he's living with us since his wife kicked him out so i'm so i'm forced to interact with him more our room ended up becoming his in my girlfriend's room his his our room ended up becoming his in my girlfriend's room ever since he moved in i didn't get much of a say my girlfriend made me horny my girlfriend and i barely ever get alone time now so maybe that's also

making me more annoyed by his antics i don't know but wish he'd stopped treating me like a kid anyone else dealing with something like this anyone else dealing with something like this is their cuckold with their bull cuckled psychology i also it's just like it's weird he's framing this in a king thing and being like i need help on how to get him to talk to me better. And it's like, my guy, your girlfriend's boyfriend is fully living in your house rent-free because he got kicked out of his house. There's about six or seven things to take care of before that. Where are you sleeping? Maslow's hierarchy of knees. Like, are you feeding yourself? What is happening, my God? Who cares that his tone is kind of weird when he's

told him stories? And also, nice. He's like giving you what you want. Wow, it's a crazy story, buddy. The buddies? Yeah. That's real nice. That story wasn't even that case. He's like, yeah, I don't get to sleep in my room anymore, but he's being kind of weird about it. That story was not that crazy. Well, I think that's a good place to end it. And we'll go into the bonus. Ben and Emile's Show.com.

We got a lot. Let's see. We're going to talk about Phil being attracted to wrestler women. Well, we don't have to. You sing a pretty cop. A lot of Phil stuff. We're going to read. We're going to talk about books.

We're going to talk about, we're going to play the campfire game with Emil maybe. We're going to talk about Bamargera. the Rudy Mancuso movie Maybe Phil getting blackout With his parents in Palm Springs Okay Phil getting black out with his parents And stuff coming my way

And then We're gonna play my favorite Uno Miles Top 10 you know Miles songs You're gonna love them You guys are gonna fucking love these songs You guys got anything to plug I don't have anything coming up

So I don't have any shows I'm gonna grab a little A little snack one of your Aussie bites If that's okay Yeah of course Oh I don't know I don't No that I go to the poor

food store I mean, things aren't going good. I don't know if there will even still be tickets left at this point, but the venue said there are under 10 tickets left to the Benademia live in Brooklyn. So if there are still a couple left, we'll put the link in the description if you want to come. Oh, also, Hush Money, our singles, still out. We've just put up a bunch of merch that we brought with South Buy to us, and then we have another single coming out April 22nd.

probably we'll have another episode of this out by then so that doesn't even matter but thanks everybody for coming out to those shows i really do yeah i love that i love ben and emil guys coming out to the shows that's fucking great it's really cool and yeah hell yeah all right we love you bye