The Ben and Emil Show - The Meatball Special Episode 3: The cruelty of others

Episode Date: April 30, 2024

Did you guys know Ben kissed a guy once? It's true. In this episode we've got too much to list so just gather 'round and enjoy because it's a really fun one. Go check out Phil's band HUSHMONEY's new single: https://open.spotify.com/track/4z2O6WfAApjUMENWtpN7uz?si=b287ee45ac8c47f9 Sign up for the bonus episode at: https://www.benandemilshow.com' This episode (and every episode) was masterfully edited by Dillon Moore. Check him out at https://www.dillonmoore.co and @ dillonmoore on IG We're on instagram. @ bencahn and @ emilderosa and @ dillonmoore and @ philorphilip TIMESTAMPS: 0:00-6:00 Song time 6:00-9:20 Ben is insane but not a murderer 9:20-17:00 Summer camp stories 17:00-19:30 Ben's first love 19:30-23:00 Ben was gay + Ben's brother 23:00-27:00 The worst pantsings we've ever seen 27:00-35:00 Butterflies, weird guys that are stuck in our memory 35:00-43:00 Doodoo girl, straight sex is gay 43:00-49:00 Emil pissed himself, sleeping at a friend's house, hearing a friend get hit 49:00-54:00 Emil washes improperly 54:00-59:59 Grandma text effects, mom texts Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I wanted to show you that. I thought maybe you I thought maybe you would resonate with it. Me? Yeah, you. Oh, it's that girl? Me?

Dude, that was the video I wanted to show with the New York show. Well, then you don't have to talk about it. Well, no, but the whole thing was to get Emil's reaction. That's what's always fun. So I guess now that you've already seen it, then we can watch it.

Great. What about this? Fuck. This is what... Oh, it's a sex ed class and the teacher is Bruce Spring. Stee. Babies they were born from come.

That's pretty good. Yeah. I like that. Oh, are we recording? Yeah. Oh, you got that. Good. Oh, you know, I've been doing a little bit of that myself.

Maybe we can do the, um, songs? The fifth grader who, uh, in English class. Oh. Um, this is a little parody song that's, uh, from the POV of a fifth grader in English class. Well, hang on, hang on. The thing is that Phil does this. He's got this. where he's uh he does all these parody songs i don't think they need uh they didn't need that

i could have just done it and then they could have realized that there doesn't no context pardon me uh this is um sung to the tune of i can't go for that i can't spell for crap whoa oh that's pretty good this next song is um a uh it's from the pov of a of a five-year-old lawyer and it's set to the tune of forever young Never wrong I want to be Never wrong This next one

We'll cut that one Now keep it We're gonna keep that The problem is that you didn't have enough syllables This next one is I'm giving you a strike for that one I got a strike

Yeah This next one's to the tune It's also a little kid It's from To the tune of I shot the sheriff I shot my parents Cause they took away my PS3 Okay that's great

That's really good. That's great. Well, I was assuming that they were all like cute little kid. I'm taking a strike. Thank you. I appreciate that. I appreciate that. This is a little kid figuring out how babies are made.

And it's to the tune of Spice Girls, want to be my lover. If you want to be my brother, you got to come from my mom. That's, I like that way. Thank you. Would it be my brother. This next one is sung to the tune of Waterloo. And it's about one of my favorite newspaper comments. dogs uh to the tune of waterloo marmaduke your parles are so big but your brain is small

this next one mama duke is um to the tune of oh christmas tree don't worry folks he's got about three dozen others lined up is it christmas related yeah oh santa's pee oh santa's pee i hear it's mostly egg knock that oh i like that Do you like it? Yeah, that's good. That's got me in the spirit. This next tune is to the tune of Funky Town. You gotta move on, Dad.

You gotta move on from Mom. Oh, nice. Sort of gone through a divorce, Mom and Dad. And that's it. For now. I've been doing those, but with pee and poop. And it's really, really astonishing how many songs it works for. Do I have any off the back?

No, because I can't think of anything. You can maybe give me one. An idea of a premise. Give me a song. Let me try it. Dylan, throw a song at us. Any song title you can think of. Oh, fuck.

Poops, I shit it again. No, no. Next song. No, it's oops. I like that one. I went pee again. I have to go poop. Went to the toilet.

Oh, baby, baby. Oops. I pissed in my pants. Now I got a. Take a shit I got to Take a shit No pissing shit

Because you can incorporate Fair, can give me another That was pretty good I don't know it I don't know it Okay 50 ways to poop your lover

Oh oh oh Or what What? That genuinely sounded like a little kid Like a pee in the toilet water i go pee before i poop like a pee in the toilet water i will lay some poop wow that was really really very honestly our carfuckle was in the room yeah oh is that barbrado on it billy alish

Even the beeps could be. Beep, beep, boop, bo, bo, peep, bo, peep, bo, pooh, peep, peep, boop. Give me one more. Because I got a crap guy. That's good. Poop, poop, peep, I'm good at it. He's just louder. Just one more.

Is that your life? It can be an oldie. Yeah. But a goodie. I don't know it. Okay, with the deep guts. I don't know it. Do you?

Uh, yeah. I don't have it. Oh, nice. Oh, um, hmm. Uh, okay. And she's pooping. No, no, no, no. Uh, and I'm peeing before.

Okay, so basically the one I was doing. And basically just repurposing your other one. He's louder. It's just peeing. Yeah. No, I get it. It's always peeing before pooping. You have to talk about that because that's what I do.

I don't pee while I poop. Everybody knows my lore, which is it. If you want to know it was like going to Japan, um, that's what it was like. I stand, I stand and pee first, and then I sit down and poop. Whoa. Yeah. Oh, it's so crazy. Wait, do you not even know this?

No. He fucking, he fucking rests his dick and balls on a, uh, on the toilet seat while he sheds. Really? And so when my older brother learned that about me, he lost his mind. Sometimes he pisses on his pants by ex. No, no, no, no, no. I did that. I did that one time, all right?

Maybe once or twice. man who am i beetle juice here that's that dog man what the fuck are you talking about the fuck are you talking about shit my pants why is my pants one time he sent me uh um oh great here we go what did i do we were in new york staying at hotel staying in hotel rooms right next to each other and um we were sending each other pictures of our penises and stuff yeah we actually did Well, because I send a picture, I think of me shitting. And then I said, why the fuck is...

Oh, so you found it out. I true. He, like, as a joke, and I was like, oh, dude, why are you dick and balls on the toilet seat? And I thought it was going to be because, like, because I thought it would be funny for the picture. Yeah, I did. That's how I shit. And I was like, what the fuck are you talking about?

I don't know what it is when it happened. But somewhere in the timeline of my life, I, it freaked me out. felt way too vulnerable fully, fully making it airtight and covering the whole seat. And I also didn't like looking down and seeing the, the water and like feeling like my dick, my penis, sorry, sorry for everybody out there, my penis and testicles. I didn't like it. I didn't like it just dangling free. It made me feel really uncomfortable. Having the physical act of dangling or the, yeah, just like all of it. Looking down, feeling like I'm falling in practically. So, dude you are so crazy it's not that crazy you are I've developed the system I've got a

you're a very interesting person he sleeps with his dicking balls was doing aside touch that's true that's true yeah it's called my musty I call it yeah because otherwise dude okay hear me up you lay on your side right and if it's just If it's just- Oh my God, he turns his side and goes, yeah. And sometimes, I'm not kidding, man. Sometimes it takes me 15 minutes to get comfortable because, you know, it sticks. They stick to each other. They stick to my thighs.

Dude. But laying on your side, think about what your balls are doing. They could twist. Dude. And I know that some little freak out there agrees with me and hears me and is going, yes. And for that, that's why I do it. I do it for that person. I share it so that they don't feel alone

Because you're not alone That's really sweet You know Yeah No I know that I know that I'm not a killer Because one time One time when I was growing up This neighbor kid

Who's dead now Rest in peace There was a lizard In our front yard And we were trying to catch the lizard And he caught the lizard And he seriously Jumped up in the air

As high as he could with the lizard and threw it onto the ground and I was mortified. Yeah. I was like, what are you doing? And the lizard was dead and it was just like, oh.

Dude, that's crazy. Yeah, it was brutal. Kids did that. No. Kids, I had a friend that blew up a frog and I did not like it. What?

How? Stuck like a, yeah. They're pretty easy to stick stuff into their mouse. Why? Because they just got, well, yeah.

The what? What? I think about it was the head kid. You got a head kid. Talking to the mic. I'm purposely not talking about it. Oh, got it. Yeah.

The, yeah, being a kid is weird when you do. So we grew up in New Jersey. And it's funny because we both went and, you know, rich kids got sent away to camp, which seemed so fun. And, uh, but. Oh, it was like fun camp. Like you, like sleepaway camp. Yeah.

You got to go to, and you had a lake and a whatever, um, but it was, it was, it was rich kids that were so rich that got to be Jewish for the summer. Yeah, exactly. And then the, uh, just normal kids would go to, I had rec camp. He had camp rec, functionally the same thing. But what's the difference? Nothing. Just true. No, no, but between, between that and the sleep away. Okay. So sleep away was sick. You got to fucking meet new kids and sleep in bunks and go fucking jet skiing or whatever they do on the lake. we just got dropped off at school still. School would end and they would drop us off

with school and instead of going to school, we would just have counselors. You would just be nuts. Yeah, we would just go nuts at the school. And because it's New Jersey, there's like woods and fucking lawn and whatever. Like, we would just do, we'd play this game Bulldog where we'd all line up

and the counselors would stand in the middle and blow whistle. We would all run each other as hard as fast as we couldn't slam into each other. Are you fucking kidding? The counselors are like 16 too. Yeah, the counselors are high school students. Oh, and they probably loved it.

Oh, loved it. I mean, dude, I remember one time they had this. Gym class, but your teachers are 16. So it's just like, yeah, they had this. Hey, why don't you guys throw baseballs at each other? Try that. True. They try that.

Dodge ball, but with baseball. See how strong your head is. There was an obstacle. There was an obstacle course where, uh, I think they were going to have like the ROTC kids come by and do something. So it was only, those are the future killers. Oh, true. Yeah.

And then, but my counselor was like, yeah, sure, you can go on. if you want I slipped off there was a wire on it the wire cut my leg down the thing and he was like you have to tell them you went on your on your own I was like I will like that's cool that's sick that's cool and uh so it was always that stuff but we were truly always getting into um I remember a kid told us he said I'm not allergic to poison oh because we're all walking through the woods and we're not allergic to poison we went we went we went don't high school kids like okay try this one no we said it was it was we said don't touch that it poison ivy and he said i'm not allergic to poison ivy and we said prove it and he uh oh no he

he's like i'm not allergic started rubbing it all over his body rubbed it on his face no blew up like a balloon uh fucking uh emt had to come oh it was always that kind of stuff but i remember i wasn't there i was gone for some reason and i remember like my friends just uh had this everyone was like so somber the next day and basically it was a poison ivy kid no because it was a poison ivy kid no because Because of what he's about to say. They played manhunt. Do you guys know Manhunt? No, okay.

Oh, no? No. They didn't play Manhunt in California? No. It's like hide and seek, but more aggressive kind of. And you like catch people and you put them in prison. You see the person that you're meant to seek and you just run into them? No, but you do like capture them and take them to jail.

Jesus Christ. It's very suburb. Yeah. And I remember they got. They got someone who was like a friend of ours. I don't know why, but it like devolved into, they couldn't catch more people and they just started kind of like, oh no.

The Stanford prison experiment, but in Coltsnake? Hitting the one kid with, uh, hitting the one kid with sticks and stuff and like, apparently the counselors came on it and we're just like, what the fuck is happening? And everyone was just like,

I don't want to talk about it. Oh, yesterday it got Lord of the Fly. Yes, I wasn't there. Yeah, it is, it is kind of crazy when kids, uh,

just get carried away with themselves and then kind of sit in their shame when they realize what they've done. True. Yeah. Yeah, we've done some stuff as kids. Tell us. Nah. I got really, I got, I got really pissed because there was older, uh, a year older than us, bad kids. I was walking over to my, to where my group was. And, um, they were about to set off fireworks. And I came upon it and I was like, oh, shit. And in camp, rec at rec camp. Oh, this was, no, this was a different camp. For sure, for sure. Yes, like, so in the lawn, and I was like, oh, God.

And I was basically like, I'm not even, and they were like, don't say anything. I was like, I don't even know what. And so, didn't see a thing. I walked away and a counselor, like, said something to me, like, what are they doing? I was like, I don't even know. And they went over, caught them. And then they were like, a meal fucking ratted. And I was like, I fucking did not.

And it was a comedy of errors. It was awful. A verbal camp wreck, comedy of errors. Yeah. I had a similar thing on our camp wreck bus trip to waterworks. you ever go there? The shitty... Was that where everybody cries?

Yeah. The shitty water park in seaside. Anyway, we were on our way there and these two bad kids in the back of the bus were flipping off the car behind us. We get to Waterworks. The car that was behind us comes over and says, bad kids in the back of the bus

were flipping us off. And they pull the two kids over, this kid Jesse and this other kid and me. I was just sitting there. I wasn't doing anything. And the camp wreck person was like, you guys aren't going in today. You were flipping those people up?

And then Jesse, I remember going, hold on, hold on. Metter East didn't do anything. And they were like, really? And I was like, I didn't. And they let me go. And I was like, bad kids with a heart of gold sometimes. There was, at our Jewish, like, quarterly sleepaway camp that was, it was our synagogue in Long Beach. And then the three, these three from Orange County.

And they would take us out of school on Friday. and oh boy you better believe all my friends had just they just loved it every time oh you're going to jew camp you're going to jew camp you better watch out you better what they it was a holocaust joke by the way that was my favorite thing about high not my favorite but your favorite thing was holocaust jokes no but yeah every kid who assumes they're just their brain just goes oh you're Jewish oh check this sound I got a joke for you like and you I know them all so I just entertain it and be like I Oh, well, that's pretty good. Good one, brother. Solid joke. But there was this one counselor who, I don't know, was probably in college or just out of college because we were like 16, 17.

And he was that, I always say this, that in any group of, say, 40 or 50 Jewish kids, there is the guy who loves giving everyone massages, boys and girls. And he would just come up behind and just like, hey, buddy, you feel, you know, you feel a little intense. and then just give you a massage and it was nice he wasn't being creepy it was just he was just a that is weird but there's always the girl why is a kid that's what i'm saying man's scary

that's sad and weird then there's when you just touched me right there i almost went oh fuck there's also always a girl who thinks i've said this before i've probably said it on one of our shows but there's always a girl who thinks she can sing but she can't and she's really like she loves to just singing for everybody but then there's the girl who really there's for some reason there's always a girl there's just something they can just fucking belt and oh man they're the best and those are the three types of Jewish kids those are that's it and then there's me who's just dude I well it's always been fascinating to me my Jewish friends going up going to these mythical camps and like even

that Adam's bachelor party of all of them knowing each other from camp or knowing this person from camp, I really do feel like there was a big lifelong friends. Yeah. That like I missed out on you would go quarter four times a year you would go. I think I it must it might have been more than it might have been every other month. Like that's you're making like do you've lifelong camp friends? Uh, no. But I did get. Does that worry you? Maybe there's some friends. I still have some lifelong friends just from from my place but uh yeah it was very funny though we went to we went to adam's bachelor party and it was like so many jewish guys from summer camp and stuff and like it was truly just a weekend of them being like and do you know blah and by like the second day me

and phil were just like we're italian we don't know we don't know about the guy who gives everyone massages honestly i was more focused on sarah singer the girl that i had a crush on who looked like Katie Holmes and just every time man I mean that's so fun it was the it was so innocent and yeah it like it's very the butterflies I would get on my way there like oh my god I'm gonna see Sarah and then when I would see her it was just it fuck I just didn't fuck I was so fuck I I was so into this girl and she like knew that she knew I was in love with her and she had a crush on me too but I didn't learn that until like four camp sessions in and then it just became like oh my is she going to break up with Kevin and finally be with me Kevin was her boyfriend and he was

a soccer player and I was like fuck but uh yeah and I remember sitting with her on a on a field one day when we just had like free time and I said oh I know how to make a whistle with uh you know you can make a whistle with a blade of grass which he still does on dates I'll do it if uh if there's grass But I went and I did it and I missed the blade and I just spit all over her face. And I still remember her just recoiling just like like, oh, she taught me how to do the worm and watching her do the worm moving her body like that. I was like, this is the most amazing girl. Oh my God.

And then, yeah, I remember. For the audio listener, Ben's hard. When she. His laptop is slowly lifting up. When she, I also remember on one of the bus rides home. we were playing truth or dare and my friend my friend jordan dared me to kiss my friend michael and so we we literally just and then oh boy for years uh my brothers and so many friends are like you're gay you kissed a guy you're gay you're gay you're gay i didn't it was the truth or dare

doesn't matter you're gay also oh speaking of gay stuff um don't touch me when you say that so my dad had this my dad's friend was this major league all star for the Anaheim Angels his name was Bob Gritch And you didn't know Bob Gritch

You don't fuck with me You don't know who Bob Gritch What position did he play Center second base I think he actually I think he was either Shortstop second base Well he would switch

It's the Bob Gritch switch I know Bob Gritch The Bob Gritch Twitch, who But my dad and I went to his house when I was like 14 or 15 out in the desert because we were on vacation and he was like, hey, you want to go see Babi Gritch? And I was like, sure. And we went there and, uh, was it a big

old house? Yeah, it was a nice, like, desert house. You know, a rich guy desert house. You know, big. And we got in the, the three of us took a jacuzzi. We went in the jacuzzi. And your brother was like, you're gay. No, no. My dad, my dad got out. And he's like, hey, guys, get together. So it was me with this man in the jacuzzi. So when we got the photos back, oh boy my brother Sam showed it to all his friends and then for years after one of them would like instant message me and be like Benny boy remember this like who's your boyfriend and again like I don't know why I cared so much I'm not gay whatever I heard you kissed a guy too just taking a family friend out of context oh yeah is so brutal

your brother was mean to you no well he was a He was a, I like this word that I recently became aware of again, but my brother was a malcontent and was just, and I think since he was a child, I think he's just born with it. Because one of our old home movies, my dad, maybe he's born with it. Maybe he's malcontent. Ooh, that's born with it. Maybe it's shit and piss. But he, uh, no. He's got me corner. There's a video, there's a video. Writing on, right?

Give him the fucking stand video? Here we go. Next month we'll get him. Next month we'll get him, Philly boy. 20 more. There's a video of Sam. It's my brother Sam and he's like two and a half, maybe three years old. Maybe he's like four or five actually because he could talk and everything, speak English.

And my dad, uh, we're at my grandma's house in Arizona. And my dad was like 40. And as a joke, he like pants Sam. He like pulled down his pants. Like, wait, underwear and all? No, no, and Sam did not, it was like looking at a little adult. He just, like, pulled him up and was like, that's not funny. He didn't say it like that, but he definitely was like,

Daddy, not funny. And looking back, I'm like, damn, dude, what a little bitch. Yeah, well, he's just grown. He's grown. He came out fully formed. He really did. God, if my kid hit me with that after I pants down. him. Oh, yeah.

That would hurt. Yeah, right? That's not funny. I'm truly sorry. My son. But anyway, oh, speaking of a... I remember the worst pants I've ever seen. Oh, yeah? My friend came back from...

He came back from Rome with his family. This was probably like senior year of high school. And he got these little boxers that basically were the part of the David statue. It just, it was just the penis and the thighs and whatever. So it really kind of looked like he was naked if, like, if you look quickly. And so we were like, we're going to pants you in front of people. Oh, no. And, um, I think I know where this is going. Yeah. And so we pants them. And then everyone was like, oh my God for a second. And then they realized. And then people were like, that's so funny. Can we take a picture with you? And, uh, he was like, yeah, of course. And so he

standing there and then someone went up behind him and just ripped his underwear down. Holy shit. Yeah. Did they take a picture of his peepee? Yeah. Oh, that's brutal. We had this trucker hat of my dad's that we found that was like diarrhea yellow, brown

and it just said in a really fun, like, italic font, it just said shit on it. That's fucking awesome. On the bill was a little plastic spiral turd. and I brought it to high school one day in like ninth grade and I'm wearing it around just like I'm the funniest kid right now

but this this surfer bro named Mike Miley who was a cool guy but just just vapid and he he walked up he's like that's a cool hat can I try it on and I said sure and he like put it on and I don't even think he was trying to be an asshole he just kind of walked away And I was like, that's, where are you going? And he walked back to his buddies and they're all laughing and stuff. And then one of them, I could, I just watched it unfold.

And it was like the greatest bit of karma. One kid went on all fours behind Mike to table top him. And then one of the other friends came up and pantsed him and got his underwear too. Oh my God. with his dick and balls with his dick and balls out and he just flopped up okay that's the worst pants that is the worst pants that is incredible and the hat fell off and I just went back and picked it up yeah you get your hat yeah all of those things are so embarrassing getting tabletop is so disoriented thing oh yeah embarrassing getting pants and then just

having your dick out while all that is happening it was unbelievable to watch oh man god damn was he pissed He probably just got up and was like, fuck, dude, why'd you do that? Does he even know his dicks out? Man, that was crazy. Anyway, I'll see you. Just with his pants still. I also went to high school with a kid who looked like Beavis.

He just was a... I don't know the difference between... I know there's Beavis and Butthead, but I don't know which one's which. Beavis is blue shirt, blonde hair. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Butthead is brown hair.

I guess butt brown. But brown. That's an easy way to remember. Is Butthead the smart? What is it Beavis? It's a made-up name, dude. Yeah, I guess it's a made-up name. Also, I got to say, Phil.

I see what you mean, though. Your windows are warped in such a way that when people walk by, it gives them a fun house effect from my perspective. So, like, a lady was just walking out there, and it made her head look tiny. Yeah, her tiny. There's weird shapes up here. It was really great.

But yeah, man, those camps, those were, those were fun. I remember, so we would get to go, we would get to go on a camping trip for like a night or two every summer yeah I forget what campgrounds it was and I remember it was always so horny it was like seventh and eighth graders

just like intense and I remember thinking like damn I can't believe kids get a whole summer of this this is like right I wouldn't have known what to do there were shows remember bug juice on Disney or something like that I remember like every girl in my school

was like God, that would be so cool to do. And, like, they had crushes on certain guys on it and stuff. It's a very different. It affects your entire adolescence. That's why we're so weird. We never went away to camp. I guess.

We're just killing frogs and stuff in the suburbs. When Sarah Singer... Whipping kids with sticks. When Sarah Singer finally broke the news to me that she decided she was going to stay with Kevin and lose her virginity to him, which she told, she's like, I'm going to stay... Because she was like, I'm ready to... to lose my virginity, and I think I want to break up with Kevin and be with you. And I was like,

oh, holy shit. Oh, can you? I, that entire weekend that I would be at that camp would just be the most beautiful, anxious butterflies that I've never, I've never gotten since. But, because, you know, it's your, you're naive and you're a virgin. But then when she told me that, I remember getting home and putting, uh, at the drive-in on my, on my, uh, walkman and just crying in my bed. Oh, that she was not going through you. Yeah, I was just like, oh, it was the worst, man. You probably played with your one arm scissor after that.

No, I did not. I was, I didn't, I don't think I knew what jerking off was yet. I'm, I'm not, I'm okay. You don't like, I have to drive it? I don't even know what you sound like. It was a time, man, when, like, skinny guys ruled the world. I know. Super skinny guys.

I can, I mean, I'm sure you had the same, but it was like, guys were wearing. like girls' pants and it was the worst haircuts you'd ever seen. And it was Screamo and I was very much into like 60s and 70s like classic rock and I was like I don't understand what you guys are all about. Yeah. Hardcore was not something I was into

and so many of my friends were and they were going to shows and doing the, I thought that the dances they did were so silly and funny and they thought that it was the coolest thing in the world. Doing the like the kicks, the spins. The moshes. I was going to 311 shows with my friends. I crossed over both worlds.

I would go to 311 a lot. I would go. I was in hardcore bands. I was smoking dubs. I was getting drunk. Just did a little bit of everything. I remember at one of the first 311 shows I ever went to. We were waiting for one of our parents.

Where was it? I think it was at Starland. I actually think it was at the Philadelphia waterfront. Shit. And they... we were waiting for one of our parents to pick us up, so we were just sitting on the curb, and then, like, I could still say it to these friends in the room.

We talk about it all the time because someone, a car was just driving by, and someone in the back window just went, hey, I suck my dad's dick! Yeah. And we just, we were literally, like, 14, just like, like I say, he sucks his dad's sick. I remember you telling me that 15 years ago.

and absolutely dying. We got to start doing that to teenagers and stuff that we see on the street so that we can get them something to talk about. That's the thing. It was probably just someone fucking being like, hey, I'm going to yell at these kids real quick. Yeah. But for years, me and my friends would go, why do you say I suck my dad's dick? Oh, man. You dude, guess something crazy.

Right. I suck my gosh dick. They got to drive back home. Hey, dude, we got to. talk to you real quick. I thought it was going to be like a fuck you or something, but like you really brought that into this weird or... I suck my dad's dick.

That's insane. That seems like a very East Coast kind of joke too. Yeah, true. Like that kind of... We're doing that kind of stuff all the time. Yeah, we love that stuff in jurors. Remember we're at the Surfer Blood show and that old couple was so high that he... For some reason he was talking to us and he was like,

well, I like buying CDs on Amazon on because it tells you if you bought it already. The highest guy in the world. Sometimes I'll go on there and I'll buy it and I'll be home and I'll be home and but oh, I already have that. I don't even know. And his wife's just going, they were the highest people I've ever seen.

It was so beautiful. We were waiting for Surfer Blood to pay a tiny church. Did you say pay a tiny church? Yeah, he said pay. That's a fucked up. What were they paying them for? I'll take a shirt. right we're waiting for them to play a very tiny church that's what you meant and we're sitting down

just like because we were notoriously uh we saw you know doors open for a show and we're like okay i guess we'll get there then we've been getting better we've been getting better we've been time it getting better tie zingle the other day oh we fucking nailed it walked in two minutes later he's on stage we nailed grateful shred walked in came so we always had time to talk to freaks at these shows and so we were just sitting down and he was like Like, honestly, I's so red. Where do you guys get your music from? Yeah, yeah.

How old was this guy? Probably in his 30s. Yeah. Or maybe in his 20s. Yeah, everyone looks. Thinking about camp, thinking about rec camp, I mean, these were high school students, and they truly felt like adults to me. Oh, yeah.

I remember they were doing a counselor basketball game, and I'd be like, God, these are like NBA players. It's a pro game, dude. How cool is this? Who wants the pros? Like, they were like four years older than me. Yeah. It felt like, yeah.

It's so funny that for that day, they were like, all right, you guys are going to watch us play basketball. Yeah, I don't know why. I remember walking up to one of them and be like, you could start in the NBA and he just like laughed in my face. Yeah. Which is funny because it's an insult to him. No, I fucking couldn't. You idiot. I suck.

We did terribly misjudge a show once, this band Wu life. That only played... Oh, I mean, that's the worst. Only played America once, one tour. Yeah. We're in Philadelphia, and we were on our way to the show. It was at Club Voyeur, which is a gay bar. Really had awesome shows around that era.

Did incredible indie shows. Indian, die Antwer, like... Surfer blood. Surfer blood, like a bunch of shit. And the drums, and we would see... They would have the popular bands upstairs, and then downstairs, they would have these, like, awesome Philly bands. Yeah, right.

Yeah, it was sick. I forgot about even. that aspect but we were on our way there and we were just dicking around and we were doing stuff blowing coke we were doing cocaine and like in a parking lot so close to it we get to the show the drums are up and we're like yeah baby can't wait for rude life like this is pretty nuts and they were like reclusive and like no one knew who they were and shit a lot of hype around that record i loved it um and so the drums rap and then we get up to the front it like fucking opens up and we're like yeah dude let's go and like we're fucking chilling time's going

by we're like all right all right some guy comes out on stage starts like turning shit over and we're like clapping for him remember that and the guy's like for sure thank you I appreciate that because we're getting stoked for the band coming out and then eventually we asked someone and they said no they opened you guys missed them well you missed them they were before the drums two in the morning geeked out. It was so late. Yeah, that one hurts. That one really hurts. And then they broke up and they never toured again. So what are you going to do? Now we get there. We miss that one and we miss Neil Young.

Neil Young hurts real bad. Do you guys want to watch this poop girl? Sure. So, I like your shirt. Yeah. Oh, she's wearing a sub-man. Can I just say the sublime the band that when they played Coachella with his son playing? I thought the son sucked. I didn't think he sung good at all. It sounds like he could. do it, but he, for some reason, chose to do it real shit. I'm with you. So here's the thing. And I remember being like, uh, he's doing the thing his dad did.

Like, because I loved Sublime when I was a kid and they had a live album and some live stuff. And his, Bradley Noah would really like go for that like, like, uh, and do the weird thing. So he was doing that in homage, but it's, this was 1996 and now it's 2024 and no one remember, like Bradley Noah was not that popular where people know what his live shit was So everyone was just like, why is he doing this? And then die hard sublime fans were commenting like, I guess you're not familiar with Sublime's live work.

And it's like, no, none of us are familiar with Sublime's live work. Like, he should have just sung the fucking songs. Yeah. It sounded like a pretty good cover band. Like, we've seen Bad Fish before. Bad Fish kicks ass. Is that a Sublime cover band? Randomly.

Yeah, they're really good. Yeah, that was a good one. So this girl that we're about to show for the audio listener, or she's wearing a sublime shirt, hence all of that. But I really, I was going to show this to you, Emil, at a later date, but you beat me to it because you found it also because we're all part of the same internet. And that is, I think, what happened with Twitter, because you used to follow different people and stuff,

you used to be able to send things that you would see that your friends hadn't seen. Yeah, dude. Pretty much like 90% of the time when someone sends me a tweet, I'm like, yeah, we all saw it. I still get people sending me that t-shirt with the cartoon 737. and it says like call me a 737 because my I'm I got a I'm falling apart and I suck the guy out or sucked a guy off which doesn't quite work because nobody got sucked out or sucked off

anyway it's kind of terrible I and I used to when they changed over that click to the following always so I would see my feed and now yeah it used to tell you who like liked it and stuff it's not uh I just get this fucking it used to be such a fun thing sending someone Jones a lot, I'll be honest with you, which says a lot about it. Yeah, why are you going to go play the fucking booby-Jay.

Okay, so I did identify with this because she, her, well, I'll just play it. As soon as I saw it, I thought I hear. I require all my guests to use the bathroom outside. Hi, my name is Ivy Bloom. Okay, first red flag, Ivy Bloom. That's not your real name. Do you don't think so? Maybe it is, but I guess, if your name is Ivy Bloom, you're obviously a hippie.

So why don't aren't you? Nature versus Nurture. What's her name, Ivy Bloom, and then she became a hippie? This is my outdoor potty. area. I used to let my friends use the bathroom in my house, but I've since learned how unsanitary that is. In what way? I know. You got to, like, put me on then. For me, I get it. I mean, I'm not going to restrict anybody from using my bathroom, but I just know firsthand that guys especially, we piss everywhere. P goes everywhere. And I do have- Especially him. He's never sitting in pee.

Oh, yeah, I never sit in pee. But- Sit and pee, not for me. I do have a friend who suffers from a condition where literally every time he poops, he has diarrhea. Jesus. Oh, it's a whole thing. Poor guy. But when he used to come over to my house and I'll be right back, I got to go shit. And I'd be like, God damn it. Because he wouldn't clean up the splash.

Because, you know, there'd be. Ew, dude. Yeah. Anyway. So maybe that's what she's talking about. Maybe she's got a friend with chronic diarrhea, but. Before entering the potty area, I require guests to put on these foot covers. And first timers are required.

Okay, so the rules are for the audio listener, she's got these rules, rules that she's got pasted to the wall outside her fucking house. Can I say that? Do you think this is tongue-in-cheek or this is real? I think this is a bit. Okay. It better be, right? I think it's fake.

Because it's so fucking long-winded. Read the rules. The most important rule is to dig at least six inches from an existing stick because that's where another guest has dug a hole. It's pretty simple. You just dig a hole, do what you have to do, and put your toilet paper on top. I provide seeds that must be placed inside to keep my garden growing. And once that's placed inside, you cover it up with the dirt you dug up.

And then place some leaves on top. Also, look how many poles are out there. How many people are going over to this girl's house who have to shit? Maybe it's all her shit. Rarely have to shit when I'm at someone's house. And she's got just so many sticks. Is she sitting outside? No, because it's sanitary for her to poop inside.

Yeah, why? I don't know. I don't know what her deal is. Ivy Blue. Ivy Bloom, okay. The last thing you have to do is mark the spot with one of these sticks. I do live in Arizona and it gets really hot.

So I provide a bucket with refreshments and snacks that visitors can stack on while using the bathroom. And yes, there is a privacy curtain. Once that's done, they can take the covers off their feet and wash them in this bucket. Then they have to place them in this jar so that the next guest can use them. Once my guest is done using the bathroom,

I require them to sign. This is what? It's definitely a joke. I really, I don't know, man. There's different... It's 100%. She really went all out then because the...

Dude, but putting... The guest list is... Dude, but washing the little booties and putting them in the jar? Yeah. They're gonna be... Brit to two shit! I was looking at that.

Wait, what? Oh my God, yeah. And she had Lays the first time and then the second time she didn't have any snacks. I think kids are just funny and they're like making a joke. Find this journal.

And I do respectfully ask for tips because maintaining this area can get a little expensive. How is it expensive? That's, it's a joke. Yeah, okay, yeah, you're right. He's getting upset. Well, guess what?

The thing that you succumb to, Andrew Tate, saying that sex is gay, that was a joke. He's fucking joking. Of course he's joking. I got fucking. Yeah, he, someone said like, yeah, this zooby music said the fact that some people take posts like this dead ass seriously and clutch pearls over them for days on end is precisely why they're amusing. I got tricked. Yeah. Oh, no.

Sex. But first off, to be fair, that guy is. is so fucking ridiculous. Can I read this real quick? Sex is for making children. Any man who has sex with women because it feels good is gay. Oh, my peepee feels good.

This is great. In fact, if you are 40 with less than five children, you're probably gay. All that feel good, be sex and hardly any genetic legacy? To me, you can't, you can't be such a ridiculous, like, character of a person.

Like, I've seen him say the most ridiculous shit. Like, so he didn't really get, like, is he, joking? I think he's joking. Yeah. I think that he knows that it triggers, it triggers all leftists or liberals. Right. But I mean, his whole thing is being a fucking psycho, so. I got something about him. It doesn't count. It doesn't, I actually didn't get got, so. A few years ago, I'm talking like six or seven years ago, when I, when Vine ended and I was like, I got to start making YouTube videos, but I don't know what I would make them about. I was bookmarking certain posts that I would

see on Instagram just to like start accumulating topics and I swear to God I saw Andrew Tate when he literally he probably had 250 followers and he was posting insane shit like I'm a top G alpha whatever the fuck shit he was doing and I was like oh this guy's fucking amazing this is gonna be really good shit and I was bookmarking bookmarking because he would post all the time and then I never saw him again it wouldn't be for a few years that I would finally see and I don't You got to let him cook. I don't even remember what caused him to blow up. Like, where did he come from?

It feels like a sci-op. Yeah, I don't know. It really is strange. The algorithm finally, he just knew that... But I, yeah, also, but they just, like, say stuff like that where it's the thing of, you know, you need to be fathering children. I don't know, they're fucking weird. They love that. And I do like my pee-p sex, when my p-p feels good.

Pee-P does feel good. It feels so good when your peepee feels good. It's like my whole body feels good. My whole brain feels good. I just am curious what it feels like to come with a pussy. Oh, yeah, the reference from the first episode. Yeah. Was that the first episode?

Was that the other one that we did? Yeah, Drew Carey talking about fish? I used to be really weird about going to the bathroom as a child. I just felt uncomfortable. What do you mean? Going to the bathroom where? At people's homes and stuff. Oh, yeah, it's weird as fuck.

It's their toilet, their toilet paper? Yeah, but I just also like, I, I was such a timid and shy kid anyway, so like I didn't feel comfortable being like, I have to go to the bathroom. So I would just like always hold it and stuff. And then I remember we went to a, we grew up in New Jersey, we went to a Metro Stars game. Yeah, sick. What's Metro Star?

It is, I think they're now the New York Red Bulls, but it was our pro soccer team, the MLS team, the Metro Stars. And which is way cooler than Red Bulls, the Metro Stars. truly and uh we got it was for a friend's birthday so a bunch of us we were probably i don't know 10 and we got to be ball boys on the field wow and every child's dream i remember being out there and being like holy shit i got a piss but where am i supposed to piss and you're all alone so like and there was no adult to be like where did i piss and i didn't feel like i was able to leave so i was truly just prancing around dancing being like oh my god don't piss myself and then finally just

succumbed to it before. I couldn't make it to half time. I pissed myself. Oh, my God. How old were you? Like, 10 or something? And then I remember... It's pretty pathetic, man. I mean, it was, it was fully... It was fully so pathetic. And then... Because it was probably so much.

I mean, yeah, I just pissed all over myself. And then it dried. And then I just had to stay like that for the rest of the day. And then my dad picked me up from... Soccer players running by fucking pissed. dude on the way home in his parents car I remember the dad going like God it fucking stinks like and you have to drive through that New Jersey Turnpike part

so he's like I guess like you know New Jersey can fucking smell stuff I got pissed and I was like it's me and then my dad picked me up and we had to go somewhere and he was like we're going to go straight to whatever and I was like oh my god and I had to be like can I go home first and he was like why and I told him

and he just was like why didn't you just go piss somewhere I didn't know where I was always like that I mean I remember getting I remember I hit a single in Little League ran to first base and then I'm just like on first base like and my dad came over

and he was like do you have to piss I was like yeah and he was like come here and he took me to the woods and and I'm pissing and I can hear him just behind me going if you have to piss why don't you just piss he probably thought that something was wrong with you at that point I don't know pissed yourself i was similar i was at my cousin's house once and we were all sleeping in you know

had bunk beds it was three boys me and my sister all there and i was in my cousin one of my cousins bunks and i remember we're falling asleep and we started watching field of dreams and i remember having to piss so bad and i was like you know what everyone's asleep i don't want to wake anybody up i'll piss in the morning i'll take care of this in the morning and like i never wet the bed. And just from being a nice and shy little boy, I fell asleep and I passed that bed. I thought it was a fucking water bed by the time I was done. I woke up being Sharon. I said, babe, we got a problem. I fucking whizzed in that bed, dude. Yeah, that was a big one. It's so embarrassing. And now it's like, even now my uncle Greg, like a couple years ago brought it up. I guess he thinks

I'm like a wee boy because I didn't sleep over their house a lot. but it's like his anecdotal evidence is like one out of a two times this guy's got to piss the bed so yeah i wist i was pretty hard i couldn't uh i couldn't handle the using another peeing in another toilet totally fine but like brushing my teeth in another kid's sink or uh brushing yeah man i was and especially food if i had to like especially cereal oh your foreign ass bowls and spoons and whatever milk weird whatever fucking milk interesting oh man Man, and this one time I slept over at my friend Jason's house and his mom, his mom made spaghetti.

And I already didn't really like spaghetti. And I just remember sitting in that kitchen, round. Guys, we're having spaghetti. Oh, yeah. It's like 12. Oh, well, that's good. No, I was like nine. Also kind of fucked up.

And I'm sitting in their kitchen. True. And it was just the worst, harshest, like, yellow fluorescent light that just made the noodles look yellow and the saw it just looked so gross and i remember sitting there and his mom sharon was like ben honey why aren't you eating and i was like i'm not hungry are you sure is it you know is there anything else i can you get you know so i just went to bed hungry oh that's fucking sad i mean i'm glad you got over it because between episodes i just heard you little rat boy and all my chips and your candy yeah she also uh she yeah we're outside i said listen it out she she she was one of the

of the, I remember that was one of the worst perpetrators of like, uh, the parent getting mad at the kid while you're over there because she, she like smacked him. I heard her just like, and I remember teed off on the boy. I was in the, I was in the living room watching TV and she was like, Jason, you need to whatever. And he gave her some talk back. And then I just heard her spanking him and him and him crying and her yelling at him. And I remember turning to like look in the direction of the hallway. And I just seared in my brain was just Jesus on the cross over their hallway. And I was just like, damn. Dude, that is. Because I also was the, the Jesus thing also freaked me out. Because that was one of my first exposures to like, that's fucking brutal. You got just like this little dead guy hanging

over your, every time I'd walk past, I'd be terrified if I lived there. Like, it's a dead guy. You got like nailed to a thing. It is really normalized. Yeah. We're just. Yeah. For that, I'm dangling on their damn necklace, dude. Yeah. Yeah. If I died that way, I wouldn't want people to, like, for thousands of years. He died for us. He died for us.

Still don't get what that means. Every time someone would say that, I'm like, what does that mean? No. Central City dump. What the fucking you guys are you guys talking about? Did you guys call it that, though? No. That's a good line.

How does Jesus remind you of the dump? No, no. Central City. CCD is what kids would go to. It's like Sunday school, kind of. Oh, okay. Yeah. I went to Greek school stuff.

Hell yeah. Oh, dude, that's extra crazy. Yeah. Yeah, Spanacopoda and shit. Is that what it is? How many Greek kids are in Central New Jersey? Was there like a bunch of kids? Well, at least one.

There was. There's a decent amount. We had a Greek church and, no, there's a few Greek churches. Hell of yeah. Yeah, we had some Greek kids. Not a ton. It was all Italian. Yeah.

It was all Italian, Irish all the way down. Would you call yourself a Grecian? Is that right? Greek. What's a Grecian? Oh, I guess like that would be their Domenim, maybe? Deminine? The fuck is that? A Domenim is like what you call a person, so like a Californian. It's like an evil M-N-M.

How do you spell D-O-M-O-N-Y-M? I would just say M-N-M. I got Eminem's on the brain because Phil's got a three. That was the worst version of my name. Did you literally just say that? I said he's an evil M&M. Oh, whoops, I didn't hear you. Like, Demon M.

Oh, that's pretty good. That was pretty good. Hey, what's your favorite kind of M&M? I fucking am nuts about M&Ms recently. They're so good. But here's what grosses me out. Imagine eating just the candy shell. Everything grosses you out.

No, not really. But imagine eating just the candy shell. Wouldn't that be gross? It would be insanely gross. It would be so sweet. I can't tell you the last of my own Eminem. Try one today. Do you on one right now?

No. You guys are children. You're nuts. You're too much. You're too little. I'm too little. I'm this sweet soup. Remember that Reddit post?

The guy was like, the guy was like, dude, how do you guys shower under 15 minutes? I fucking, it takes me two minutes to wash my hair. It takes me one minute to wash my body, 15 minutes to wash my asshole. And then it takes me another three minutes to wash the rest of my body. And everyone's going, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. You spend 15 minutes. Washing your asshole? Remember that one?

Yeah. And everyone was like, dude, see a psychologist. It was like, nothing about showering. It was just you need to see a psychologist. That's got to be a fake one. That's got to be one of those things. I thought you wrote it. That's fair.

No, I got, I got one. Anytime I see someone with the shower that doesn't have the removable arm, I'm like, how do you wash your ass? Because I take that thing and I blast it up there. Oh, you need a removal thing? I like to do that. I mean, the water just goes down there. No, but this is pointed and directed.

I also put the bars up in my butt I mean I do too I wet my hand and then credit card No I put the actual bar in my butt That's gonna be a thing of the past When uh How are kids gonna refer to

To washing your ass What with the the tap to I've actually never really heard credit card Are you? You never heard of that? Well I put the bar in my butt Okay that's what that's unnecessary You don't need to put the whole bar in your ass

It's just how I like to do it God golly dude Is this? Yeah, I mean, I would imagine. So we... Okay. Do you share the same bar? Yeah.

You should let her know that you stick it in your ass. She's seen me... This would be an interesting conversation. You're not supposed to stick. She's definitely... Wow, is this what it's like being on the receiving end of a conversation with me? I'm like, you're not supposed to do that. You don't put the bar there, dude.

You lather up on your hands. That's what I'm saying, dude. She's definitely seen me do it multiple times. It's probably too embarrassed, too shot, too embarrassed for you. be like, honey, what are you doing? She also uses the body wash more often than anything. Oh, yeah. Well, women do be loving body wash.

Women do be lathering. And doing lufes and stuff. Oh, and they've got, oh, don't be getting me started on women's bathrooms. They got so many bottles of different shit, potions. They got all sorts of wacky potions. So many. It's like, what are you doing? You could, why do you need this different brand? You've already got this ones.

Pick a brand and stick with it. Be loyal. I do miss it. My wife's out of town. And she took all the bottles with her. But when she was having her bottles here, it's fun. You just go,

let's see what this one does. Like, whatever. It's all expensive too. We're going to have to put Phil in a mental institution soon. My wife's coming back. She's coming home. She goes to another school. She's cool.

She's so hot. She's not dating Kevin no more. She's going to give me her virginity. What time are we at? That's just a regular Billy Madison voice. What time are we? I would love to see both of your screen times in the bonus just to see how much you use a certain app. No.

What app? I give you my screen time. That's enough. Should we do this? You know what app? I guess. Okay. Instagram?

Is that? No. Twitter? He's his way off. Okay. You know. Is it a porn app? I don't want to.

I don't want to talk about. about it. I don't want to do it. I gave you my screen time numbers and we're all going to work together. We're all working together. We do really need to reduce that screen time. It is really alarming. Should we talk about the day in the life middle class man or the my grandma recently learned how I messaged? Oh yeah. We got to go grandma. We'll end on grandma. We got to go grandma. Can I somehow present this to you? Yes. Because I would like to show you. Don't look. Careful. It's plugged in. I'm doing it very gently. Okay, ladies and gentlemen. This is a tweet title. My grandma recently learned how

iMessage text effects worked. So naturally I've been documenting her using them inappropriately. So should I read what the things are and then show him how she sent it? Is that the funniest way to deliver it? What are the eye message effects? Like the surprise confetti and stuff like that. So this first one is the grandma says wait an hour coming back from the doctor. She says, is everything okay? Then she says yes, I slipped and fell

and look how she sent it. I Yeah. Okay. Uh-oh. Sorry. Now we plug back in. I'm just feeling like this is not the right person to surprise people with. No, no. It'll work on me.

Okay. The next one, she says, um, any news? I tested negative. That's great. Everything going okay. She wrote, my cat is missing. And look how she sent it. She did it with the echo where it just gives you.

My cat is missing. My cat is missing. She had to have done that on accident. Oh, sweet old lady. Okay. Then the next one, she goes, that bird. burger place you used to take us to announce their closing and then she wrote hello and then sent it with confetti.

The last one is quite simply what is Antifa sent with the laser effect? The club laser. Wait, I don't understand what the first one was then. The first one is the spotlight effect. Oh, oh. Yes, I slept and fell. My favorite one of like a boomer. I love that shit.

My favorite one of like a grandma texting or some shit was, um... Was she's voiced to texting it? No, that one's real sweet. We, we show, I showed a meal that one. That one was, I am nuts about that one. It makes me feel crazy. No, wait, I can't do it. Can you stop it?

Is that, is she saying that? Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But, no, it's, uh, uh, there was one it was like, uh, guess what or something. And then what? And then it was like, Jerry died. And the person was like, why would you ask me, why would you ask me to guess that? Or like, our neighbor Jerry died.

Yes, I think I have seen that. My mom, my mom does those. Hey, do you remember so-and-so who you used to carpal with? And I'm like, yeah, she goes, she died with just the single-tier emoji. Like, mom. And I know she's not meeting anything by it. It's just, it's really endearing and sweet. My mom did that with like a family friend.

She was like, you remember Jim when we were going up? I was like, of course I remember Jim. She goes, he died. I was like, Jesus Christ, wow. But I guess how else can you word it? Wait, we never did the, we'll have to do it the next time. My mom quotes? Yeah.

I didn't want to read too much. Well, save it for my next time. Okay. Okay. I kind of feel like we should make this the main episode. We had a lot more giggles than laughs, huh? Way more. I don't think.

I had a lot. I had fun both times. I did too, but I just, I'm just thinking, man. I know you're, I truly don't even remember what we talk. about in the in the other one old people opal it was funny i think you do which one do you think should which one do you think should be the main one yeah the main one okay well this one's special then because it's uh it's real good yeah you guys are getting this super giggly one god yeah felt a little super giggly oh you know what i can't wait for i can't wait till for to go home

and sit on my new couch that is fun that is nice watch i fucking hate it no you've sat on it You sat on it. No, I didn't, I sat on it in the showroom. It looks just like Phil's, but it's like nicer. It's newer. What was that about? That was crazy. It's not, it's new.

It looks just like Phil's, but it's nice. But mine's nicer. That doesn't make it nicer. Yeah, sure it does. I don't know. I don't know about couches. Brand new. Couches wise, you want it to be a little lived in.

It is true. You know who I wish we could get on this show is Beetlejuice? Um, we could. Do you think we could? Do you think we could? If we went to Jersey, we could link up with him for sure. Does he live in New Jersey? We're from Jersey, as you know.

He lives in New Jersey? I believe so, yeah. I don't know anything about that. I don't know. You ever show them the T-shirt I made you? I don't know if I have. D-A-A-A-Y? I should wear it.

It's incredible. It's such a good shirt. Oh, my God. Phil's a really good gift giver. You know what? I am. And I think that's cool. I'm a bad gift-giver.

I like to think about it and then give my boys specific stuff. I'm a really bad gift-giver. I'm trying to get better. Well, we gave you this gift, everyone, and we hope you've enjoyed it. And I think we're going to end it here. And we'll see you next month. See you next month, everybody. Have a good month.

Bye.