The Ben Mulroney Show - A sad end to the story of a missing autistic boy / Why dirty lettuce can lead to "issues"

Episode Date: July 30, 2026

GUEST:   Meghan Cobb / Global Calgary GUEST:  David Cooper / The last show with David Cooper If you enjoyed the podcast, tell a friend! For more of the Ben Mulroney Show, subscribe to th...e podcast! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://link.chtbl.com/bms⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Also, on youtube -- ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@BenMulroneyShow⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow Ben on Twitter/X at https://x.com/BenMulroney Insta: ⁠⁠⁠@benmulroneyshow⁠⁠⁠ Twitter: ⁠⁠⁠@benmulroneyshow⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠@benmulroneyshow⁠⁠⁠ Executive Producer:  Mike Drolet Reach out to Mike with story ideas or tips at mike.drolet@corusent.com Enjoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This podcast is brought to you by the National Payroll Institute, the leader for the payroll profession in Canada, setting the standard of professional excellence, delivering critical expertise, and providing resources that over 45,000 payroll professionals rely on. Ready to take your investing knowledge to pro-level? This is Fidelity Connects, your daily edge in the markets. Get deep insights on real-time market topics that may impact your investment portfolio. Listen to Fidelity Connects on Spotify today and power your next move tomorrow. streaming on Disney Plus, the Hulu original series Furious follows FBI agent Alice Black, played by Emmy Rossum, on the hunt for a mysterious and calculating serial killer. Both walk their own paths toward justice, and as their lives start to intertwine, the line between right and wrong begins to blur.
Starting point is 00:00:50 New episodes week over week. Watch the Hulu original series Furious, now streaming only on Hulu on Disney Plus. If you're asking yourself who is BTS, what is BTS, then I really can't help you. Except to say that they are one of the biggest groups in musical groups in the world today and probably one of the biggest groups in music history. And the fact that they come from South Korea and they are apex predators of the K-pop world with over 82 million subscribers, followers, whatever they're called on Spotify. these guys, they move the needle.
Starting point is 00:01:44 They move the needle, whether they're singing in Korean or in Korea or anywhere else in the world in any other language. And so they had their massive reunion this year because you'll remember that they have mandatory conscription in Korea. And a whole bunch of those guys had to go do their military service. And so they broke up for a few years. But they got back together and boy, did they make an impact on their world tour. Well, they are boycotting the Grammy. and they said they will not be submitting music because of this new Asian music category at the Grammys. They say they want their music to be judged as music, not filtered through regional or language categories.
Starting point is 00:02:29 And yeah, it's called the Asian pop category. And their new album, the irony is their new album is sung mostly in English, meaning it probably wouldn't even qualify for this category. but it begs a question like what you know what's the value of well we're talking about in more generally in society when we keep putting people in silos and keep putting people in buckets and keep segmenting and segregating and separating I took issue years ago when the Academy Awards created the best animated feature category and by the way they didn't do this out of the good of their heart. They did that because the year before or the few years earlier, the Beauty and the Beast was nominated for Best Picture. And they didn't want to see that happen again. And you would ask yourself, well, why not? Well, because you want people to tune in for the Oscars. The Oscars is a, it's a, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. You want you, you want
Starting point is 00:03:34 big movies nominated so that big stars show up so that big numbers appear. when people tune in. And as big as that movie was, I doubt you can tell me who the voice actors were in Beauty and the Beast. Meaning they could have been, I was probably more famous than the stars of Beauty and the Beast on that red carpet, even though I wasn't on that year.
Starting point is 00:03:56 So they didn't want that happening anymore. So they created the category of best animated feature. Essentially creating what I liked. It was like an Oscar ghetto for those films. this feels like the same thing to me. And they say they want to just be known as music. And I like that. And that's funny because on the other hand,
Starting point is 00:04:20 you've got the phenomenon of the Latin Grammy Awards, which is an entire Grammy show for all the, as you call Ibero American music. So anything sung in Spanish or Portuguese. And it's all the day. different types of versions of that music. Reggaone, salsa, you know, you name it. A hip-hop, all the different.
Starting point is 00:04:44 They have an entire show just for Latin Grammys. So you can be a Latin singer, you can win a Latin Grammy. And then you can also win a Grammy at the original Grammys? Real Grammys? I don't know. Pure Grammys for Best Latin Recording. And so, but this is what happens. I mean, you've got a confluence of all these cultures coming together.
Starting point is 00:05:06 and rather than appreciate that they're all going to mix together and form something new and celebrating those new things, we are, it feels like we're sort of stuck in the past and we just keep adding silos, which, well, we just talked about the Latin Grammys, for me is no bueno. For me is no bueno. I think we all remember if, you know,
Starting point is 00:05:29 if you were the type of person who watched this stuff when who wants to be a millionaire premiered, right? And we kept waiting for that first person to, win a million bucks. And I think we all remember the guy who won the first guy to win a million bucks because he used his phone a friend and then he said something like, hey, I'm calling you, I don't need you to answer a question. I already know what it is because the answer is the final final answer. And then sure enough he won. It was such a boss move that it's sort of seminal in those game shows. Well, we have another million dollar winner on who wants to be a
Starting point is 00:06:05 millionaire, and his name is Ben Affleck. Yes, that Ben Affleck. I guess they do a version of that show for charity, where they have celebrities paired with well, he was paired with a Jamie Ding who was
Starting point is 00:06:21 a Jeopardy champion, and they were playing to win money for Ben Affleck's charity. And they made it to the final question, and they won. Which turkeys have not been pardoned by a U.S. President.
Starting point is 00:06:37 We've got peanut butter and jelly, tater and tot, mac and cheese, and spaghetti and meatball. I don't know how you feel, but I would bet on Jimmy. I would go for it. So we're going to say D, spaghetti and meatball? Yes.
Starting point is 00:06:53 Yeah. Let's do this. Let's do it. D. Spaghetti and Meatball. Final answer. I have such a stomach. I crave.
Starting point is 00:07:07 Yeah, and they won a million dollars for, I think, the Congo, some sort of check. for Congo. Hey, in our next segment, we are going to be talking to someone from global Calgary because two weeks ago, that city and indeed so many people around the country were gripped and worried about a young 11-year-old Calgary boy who was neurodivergent and who just walked away from his parents and they couldn't find him. This entire city has been looking for him for two weeks, and the Calgary police have now confirmed that 11-year-old Parker,
Starting point is 00:07:43 missing since July 16th, was found dead deep inside a culvert pipe system near Deerfoot Trail. After a citizen discovered shoes that looked like the ones he had been wearing when he went missing, they were found near where the body was found. And, you know, I didn't follow this story very closely at the time, but when I was brought up to speed, you know, it's so hard to raise kids under the greatest circumstances. And I just try to put myself in the shoes of his parents who I'm sure, I'm sure, did everything they possibly could to make his life as good as it possibly could, to allow him to become
Starting point is 00:08:29 the best, most, the fullest expression of who Parker could be. And every parent's gone through it where you just blink or you look away for a second and you turn back and your kid's not there. And most of us are so lucky that that panic subsides just a few seconds later where in the corner of your eye you catch your kid who was just, I don't know, saw a balloon. And everyone was hoping, everyone was hoping
Starting point is 00:08:54 that it was going to end that way. The police, we're going to talk about it next, really seems like they did everything, including blaring songs from Disney. Disney movies that they knew he loved in the hopes of him hearing it and following the sounds. But sadly, it did not end that way. And I can't even begin to appreciate the sadness of this family and the unfinished symphony that is the life of this young boy. So when we come back, we're going to talk with Megan Cobb of Global Calgary about these sad conclusions.
Starting point is 00:09:33 Well, twice this summer, we on this show have reported on a missing child. Both times the child was neurodivergent on the spectrum. In the case of Esty here in the city of Toronto, that ended with good news and the family finding their lost, loved daughter. Sadly, in the case of Parker in Calgary, the end of that story is not what the families and not what the city of Calgary, certainly not what the police would have wanted. He was found dead, disappeared on July 16th, and found in a culvert system of pipes. And as the family deals and mourns, we look to how we can avoid this in the future and what we've learned from this situation. And we're joined now by Global Calgary's Megan Cobb. Megan, thank you so much for joining
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Starting point is 00:11:23 Fine. Spider-Man, brand new day. Now playing. News. Yeah, thank you for having me. It's a heartbreaking story for everyone that's been following along, and I know the entire city is breathing today. From what I've read, I struggle to see anything more.
Starting point is 00:11:42 within the system that we have, anything more the police could have done. They mobilized so many members of their police service. It feels like they had a lot of tools at their disposal, and even going so far, as we said before the break, to blaring music that might coax a young boy out of a hiding place. And it was all for not, sadly. Yeah, Calgary police used every tool at their disposal. They called in partner agencies.
Starting point is 00:12:13 They used the mounted unit, the bike unit. You know, Calgary Fire was out there with the technical rescue and the aquatics team. And then there's the complete army of volunteers that dedicated thousands and thousands and thousands of hours searching. And police released a map on Monday when they said they were scaling back to physical search, showing how many paths in northwest Calgary and up to the dear foot that they searched. And there was no inch that someone hadn't laid eyes on. Unfortunately, Parker had just crawled into a complete labyrinth. And he was about 450 to 500 feet up into this network of pipes.
Starting point is 00:12:55 Was it was any effort made to investigate within that network of pipes? Or did, was it just not? I mean, like, what was there? I should just end the question there. Yeah, so police say they did investigate. At the time, there was nothing to suggest they had to go further because he was in quite a confined space quite deep into that network. So there had been nothing to suggest they should go further into there. Unfortunately, it was this week when someone located his shoe.
Starting point is 00:13:26 And then as they traced that further up, the waterways, they realized there were a few signs that hold them to keep going. And that's when they had to call in the Calgary Fire Technical Rescue and Aquatic Cruise, who also faced challenges getting to the point where Parker was. Yeah. You know, for our listeners who are new to the story, you know, Parker was neurodivergent and nonverbal from what I understand. And am I wrong for saying that sort of it's commonplace for children who are in his situation to seek refuge in quiet places if they feel like the world is invading their space? Yeah, yeah. So Parker had autism. He was nonverbal and he wore headphones. So all of the photos that went out were him with his headphones to kind of cut out the noise of the world. It's not uncommon for children with autism to elope and to run. And that is what Parker did. And then he fought or sought refuge in a space that must have felt safe to him. I mean, we don't know the exact task that he took at this point. We don't know what would have led him into there. but it's pretty common for people with autism, for kids with autism, to go find that kind of confined space to cut up the noise of the world. And he was found near Deerfoot, which is an unbelievably busy road.
Starting point is 00:14:48 So there would have been high traffic, a lot of noise, a lot going on around him. I hope this doesn't come off as callous, but what's the protocol when someone is found dead? Do the police conduct an autopsy to determine how and when the person died? Yeah, so there is an investigation that continues at this point trying to fill in some of those pieces, answer some of those questions. Because the last time Parker was seen on CCTV was July 16th at 1252. And there was no footage of him on any camera. And police reviewed tens of thousands of clips. How far, Megan?
Starting point is 00:15:27 How far Megan was the body found from where he was recorded last? Just over a kilometer. So he managed to get a kilometer away without being caught on any kind of camera. So there are a lot of questions. The medical examiner has been called in to answer some of those questions as the investigation continues to try to offer a few more answers and hopefully, you know, not comfort, obviously. No one is happy or comforted by this, but a little bit of closure to a story that gripped our entire city for two weeks.
Starting point is 00:16:01 Megan, I understand there was no amber. alert issued? Why not? And surely it couldn't have hurt to issue an amber alert? There was an amber alert issued about two days after he was reported missing. The problem is there's very specific parameters around when an amber alert can be issued. So it's typically when there's, it's believed to be an abduction or a level of criminality and that a child has been taken. Now, obviously in Parker's situation, he just left his day home. He wasn't taken. there was no criminality believed to be involved. So the police had to go to the provincial government and ask for an exemption to issue that Amber Alert.
Starting point is 00:16:43 And that was in place for about a week. And it expired this past weekend Saturday night, I think around 11 o'clock mountain time. But it is raising a lot of questions as to why something an alert wasn't issued. We have the system in place. People know what to do. And for me, if I see an Amber Alert, I'm not necessarily secondary to the criminality is there's a child who's not where they're supposed to be. Absolutely. So we do have a missing person's system in Canada.
Starting point is 00:17:15 You can download an app. You can sign up for notifications. Obviously, that has multiple steps to it. And not everyone's going to do that. No, of course not. Yeah. But when you get that Amber Alert on your phone and everything's buzzing and dinging, it forces your attention. Do we know how long between the time he was declared that he was missing and the time that the police got that exemption and were able to utilize the Amber Alert?
Starting point is 00:17:38 So he was declared missing on Thursday afternoon. That missing person's alert did go out, but again, you need the app on Thursday. And then the Amber Alert was issued on Saturday. Wow. So a couple of days. So there is a push. There's a Calgary mom who started a petition. I know that has spread and people in.
Starting point is 00:17:59 the autism network are all signing on to create something called an indivial alert. So for kids who are neurodivergent who have taken off to get that Amber alert, our Premier Danielle Smith has addressed this saying they're looking at changes to make sure that that level of legislative approval is removed. So in a situation like this, when Calgary Police or any police department feels that that type of alert would be beneficial, they can go ahead and issue it right away. And I think, listen, you hate that something like this had to happen, but sometimes you need a flashpoint and a tragic one can, it can focus the mind and it can focus the legislative mind because that's a, between Thursday and Saturday, a lot could have been done. And people don't know what they don't know.
Starting point is 00:18:49 And a lot of people would have known that this young, young boy was missing. So if the push, if Parker's death leads to an indigo alert becoming the law of the land, then that will be something. Well, we got a text message, Megan, that said, as an autism parent, it is the scariest thing ever to hear like this. Many autism advocates are calling for something like the Amber Alert for vulnerable children. And it feels to me like that, I mean, I'm sure every one of us would take Parker back today over any other option. but we can't do that so we have to figure out what to do with the sadness.
Starting point is 00:19:26 And if it can be, if it can be translated into something that will help other kids in the future, I think, I think that's something. Yeah, nothing, obviously, nothing will replace Parker. Nothing will ease this grief. But if we can do everything we can to make sure that we don't ever have a story like this again, you know, there's a little bit of comfort in that, I think. Megan Cobb from Global Calgary.
Starting point is 00:19:51 Thank you so much. Really appreciate it. Yeah, of course. Thank you so much for having me. All right. When we come back, our good friend David Cooper from the last show with David Cooper is joining us for our weekly chat. Hi, I'm Jane Koston, former writer and podcaster for places like the New York Times, the Atlantic
Starting point is 00:20:20 and National Review. And now I'm here to hang out with you five days a week on what a day, Crooked's Daily News podcast. That's right. Now who's respected on both sides. Okay, yeah, it's not me. It's probably still just Dolly Parton. Moving on.
Starting point is 00:20:34 These days, it's hard to separate what matters from all the noise, especially when the noise somehow also feels like it's made out of knives? That's why every weekday, the team and I scour the headlines to bring you the stories that matter most to the way you live in just 20 minutes. Listen to the show wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome back to the Ben Mulroney show, and time now for one of the most unpredictable conversations I have every week, and it's with our good friend David Cooper from the last show with the aforementioned David Cooper.
Starting point is 00:21:03 How are you, Dave? I am aforementioned. I am well. How are you, Ben? I've been listening a little. What a show you got going on over here. Yeah, we're having a lot of fun. Although I haven't told the listeners that they will be sad and disappointed to learn that tomorrow in this chair on this microphone. I will not be Ben Mulroney. It's going to be the intrepid one because I'm taking my kids. I always say I can't afford a cottage. And I probably if I could, I don't know if I'd get a cottage. But I love relationships. lying on the kindness of friends if they invite me to their cottage. And we're doing that this weekend. I live in New York.
Starting point is 00:21:39 I'm the same way with the Hamptons in Long Island. I have no money. But if you want to invite. Do you take the jitney? I have to a friend's place who condescends to invite me. Yeah. It's too expensive. And why do you need money?
Starting point is 00:21:53 When you got friends, you can move to. Well, exactly. And they want us there. We're there to enrich their experience of their home. So they should be thanking us, David. Well, I will certainly miss you. What's in store for tomorrow? Well, tomorrow we're driving.
Starting point is 00:22:07 But today we're talking about, so last week you talked me about Afantasia, which is something you got. But now I'm learning because of you that certain people don't have like an inner monologue. They don't have an inner voice. Yeah. This one surprised me, right? I mean, I'm trying to wrap my head around it because I talk to myself all the time. And sometimes I hear the inflection of my own voice in my head.
Starting point is 00:22:33 Sometimes I hear my dad talking to me too. Yeah. That's something you might want to go. If it's something I don't want to do, it's my dad. He's like, get off your ass, go do it. But it's interesting because in my case, I, like, I know I have an inner monologue because if I'm alone and I'm doing something in my house, that inner monologue gets verbalized. I will actually start speaking my inner voice. So I know I've got it.
Starting point is 00:22:59 Talk to me about what we're, like lay this out for me. because this could be complex for people. Well, it is. Okay, so you were talking about Afantasia. We were talking about that last week. That's the inability to imagine things visually in your mind. That freaks a lot of people out. The idea that others aren't doing that, I myself don't do it.
Starting point is 00:23:15 However, I thought everybody hears their own voice in their head. It's like my experience of listening to myself think is pretty much the same as my experience of talking out loud. It's just as if I have a mute button. Yeah. And I thought everyone was like this. Yeah. Some people think in words or in concepts or maybe.
Starting point is 00:23:32 not at all. And it just shows the diversity of thought. And then when I'm having this conversation with my girlfriend, she's like, I have no inner monologue. I'm like, what? And then I got, I'm like, what's the difference between you and me? And so we started, you know, uncovering the research. Turns out people who have no inner monologue, they might be potentially more impulsive. There's no, like we say, the tiny voice in our head talking us out of doing things. Yeah. That's literal. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, sometimes there's some people view it that way, other people view it. What is it? what's the expression at war
Starting point is 00:24:03 inside every man are two wolves at war and the one that wins is the one you feed right so feed the one with the good don't feed the devil feed the angel
Starting point is 00:24:12 the angel get stronger so there's all sorts of imagery they all come down to the same thing right that voice inside you that knows what you're supposed to do because you know you can't lie to yourself
Starting point is 00:24:22 and and and so so yeah how does I mean I get I understand you know sometimes I'll make a decision because ideas will, ideas will collide in the background, like they're running in the background and all of a sudden an idea will present
Starting point is 00:24:37 itself, but sometimes I have to do a deliberate thought process where I literally work something through and the words of that inner voice are essential to that process. So how do people... Yeah, you rehearse it. So how do people who don't have that do that? They think that they're more impulsive and they think they do it with like some abstract idea of a thought that isn't words.
Starting point is 00:24:57 But for me, Ben, I'm a, I can be a little edgy. I like inappropriate humor. How do I know where the line is? Well, I rehearse saying stuff. So notice how I said stuff instead of some other word that starts with us. I rehearse it in my head before I say it. But I'm like, and that prevents me from crossing the line and getting groans and maybe getting fired for swearing in the radio, blah, blah, blah.
Starting point is 00:25:17 But yeah, the idea that you can't do that, I'm like, I would just say the wildest things all the time if I couldn't rehearse them in my head in my own voice. Yeah. Lettuce is not having a good, a good thing. few weeks. Lettuce is not having good. Lettuce is not doing well. Their publicists are just running around.
Starting point is 00:25:35 Yeah, they've got to get like, who's having a bit? Cottage cheese is having a moment, right? So, but I saw this standup. Rick, do we have this audio for this standup guy? No, you don't have them. Anyway, there's a guy who's like a standup comic was really talking about Iceberg lettuce did not deserve what happened to it. Iceberg is the working man's lettuce.
Starting point is 00:25:57 And it's like this is crunchy, refreshing. Yes, exactly. And, you know, you, iceberg was there for you before you knew you needed iceberg. And this, this is something that should have happened to a roogola that, you know, surprises you on sandwiches. Cale.
Starting point is 00:26:11 Who needs kale? It tastes like farts. Hey, did you know that before kale became something that people ate the way they eat it? The number one purchaser of kale in Ontario was pizza pizza because they used for decoration. Because back when they had, you know, you'd walk in, you'd walk in and they had the glass case, that rounded glass case and you could see all the pizzas.
Starting point is 00:26:36 Well, adorning that the pizza to make it look like it was, you know, it was healthier. They had kale. And I have a bit of a conspiracy theory about kale. I have a theory that no one actually likes it, but the power of the mind to convince yourself that you like something when you think it's good for you and healthy has convinced millions of people that they actually like kale. Well, maybe stewed in a sauce with. with oil, but I mean raw kale.
Starting point is 00:26:58 I don't think anyone actually likes it. But like a kale, you know that kale is so tough and so rough that it's very hard to get it to add flavor to it. And they tell you if you're making something, you want to be flavor. You literally have to rub the flavor into the kale. Like the kale doesn't want this. The kale doesn't want this. You are forcing yourself on the kale. You're invading the space of the kale.
Starting point is 00:27:21 Let the kale just be what it is, which is, well, pizza pizza, pizza got it right. It's decorative at best. But let's go back to this outbreak. Let's do it. There are reasons for that, and they're kind of self-evident, I think, but it took someone to say it. You know, leafy greens are leafy. Yeah. It's really that simple.
Starting point is 00:27:42 There's a lot of places for bugs to hide in them. The more roughage they have on the greens, the more likely they are to hide. So I believe researchers took like blueberries infected with cyclosporia, cyclospora, whatever you call it, and they took raspberries, and they ran the blueberries under water, and lo and behold, the germs washed off. Yeah, because it's smooth. But because raspberries have all the little, you know, roughly bits in it. So basically, unless you're washing your vegetables and fruits for like a minute under running water
Starting point is 00:28:10 and rubbing them, you're kind of, you know, well, you're in Canada. You're doing okay. But I'm here in New York, and I'm scared of leafy greens right now. So it's the one time of year I can tell my girlfriend, hey, my terrible processed food diet is actually good for me because I'm avoiding parasites. Do you have a salad spinner? I do have a salad spinner. That should take care of everything.
Starting point is 00:28:28 Get wash it real good and then dry it off. Because that's one of the reasons I think a lot of people just buy the, what they say is that the pre-washed stuff, which even from what I understand, even the pre-washed stuff wasn't getting some of this stuff off. And some people were getting sick and they were getting upset. I thought it was all clean. But yeah, get that salad spinner and do it yourself.
Starting point is 00:28:48 But one of the great joys of being on radio is like there's these rules around decency. You can't talk about certain times. because the average person would be offended. But when you have an epidemiologist, a doctor who treats cyclosporiasis patients on the show, you get to talk about the symptoms in graphic detail and not get in trouble. And so that's some of the joy I had in covering this topic on my show this week. See, I was glad that I missed the big chunk of it last week because otherwise intrepid would have been, during every commercial break, he would have been telling me all about these things because
Starting point is 00:29:19 his mind is born and most comfortable in the gutter. And that's anyone. Well, you and I aren't doctors, so I'm not sure we can talk about the symptoms of graphic detail, you know? But if you have a doctor on, it's a way to get around, you know, the decency standards. But it's such a shame. Like, this is the time of year where I'm like you. I will, if I'm not careful, if I don't plan, I will defer to my laziness and my laziness will take me to eat processed food far more than I would. If I was excited about eating healthy and preparing my food.
Starting point is 00:29:52 So this is the time of year where salads really get a chance to shine in my life. And like I said, the guy who, the PR company that helped cottage cheese become what it is should really get hired for salad these days because they're in trouble. Yeah, I don't know what it is about this country. They can't get this outbreak under control. Left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing, I got to say. We are going to take a break when we come back. You know, you got to be able to name a problem before you can find.
Starting point is 00:30:22 fix it. Well, they've named the problem of, I mean, unrequited love. Is that it? Obsession? We're going to talk about that next with a good friend David Cooper. Don't go anywhere. The Ben Mulroney show marches on. Welcome back to the show and welcome back to our good friend David Cooper. Thank you so much for sticking around, my friend. Let's talk about the movie Obsession was a huge hit at the box office. And we've all been there. Like we've, we've had that unrequited love. You know, we've had that crush. or just an intense crush that doesn't go away. And you can't stop thinking about that person. I mean, in my head, I'm thinking about one person in particular.
Starting point is 00:31:13 Is it me? Is it me? Well, if I told you, then we'd have to deal with it. So let's just move on. But it's, it's, I always just thought it was, it was just a crush. Like at first I was like, it was, you know, when I was 16, 17, I assumed it was hormones. And then, you know, it happens later in life. and you're like, okay, maybe I'm just romantic.
Starting point is 00:31:36 Maybe I just have all, I'm full of the fields. But this is different. This is called limerence, which, by the way, is not a good name for something like this. Yeah, it kind of sounds like limerick or something. Yeah, yeah. Like a dirty rhyme. Yeah. Well, you got to hand it to psychologists.
Starting point is 00:31:49 They got to name things, right? You can't call it strong crush. That's not going to look good in some psychology journal with academics reading it. But yeah, it's basically the involuntary, obsessive fixation with another person. It could be returned. In fact, when it is great, but even sometimes when you're dating someone and you're obsessed with them and they're willing to see you, it can still be unhealthy, Ben. Yeah, but yeah. But it says in this New York Times article that it's, it is a kind of attraction, but it isn't love.
Starting point is 00:32:19 So what's what's the bifurcation? What's the delineating line between love and limerance? Desire to speak with them, desire, like inability to stop thinking with them. I mean, to psychologists, and I talked to a psychologist who made his career on this and he wrote a book on this, he basically says it looks and smells. Well, of course, you know, doctors will not diagnose it as an addiction because it's not like in that, you know, that thick manual that psychiatrists use to diagnose things. It's not in there yet, but it looks and smells like a proper addiction. You get the same dopamine rewards that you would get if you gambled walking into a casino is the same as getting a return text message from the person or catching a. glimpse of them at work. And this can take over people's lives. Yeah. Yeah, the stories of them,
Starting point is 00:33:07 like just rereading texts over and over and over again and looking at pictures. But is there not a difference, David, do you think between like those who are experiencing limerence from an unrequited situation, like so it's not returned? And, and then those who are in a relationship that is based where that attraction, that emotional attraction is, is limerance in, in basis. Because because you don't know, like, what, happens to the person who's got the unrequited limerance who finally one day has that that attraction returned. Perhaps perhaps that what we think is limerance in that person would turn into just like I finally, it's finally being returned to me. I'm finally that I'm finally
Starting point is 00:33:49 in the relationship I've been dreaming about and obsessed about and now it can become something normal. Yes, I've been in that. In fact, I'm in that now. I felt that world stopping it'll the world will end if I can't be with this person feeling when I started dating my current partner. And now we're like, you know, an old married couple arguing over what to pick on Netflix. Yeah. It can transition. But for those, like, it's similar to gambling. I think a little crush is fine. If you're the kind of person that can go to a casino once a year with a certain amount of money that you intend to lose at maximum and then walk away when you've lost it and not go nuts and not go back the next day and not ruin yourself over it, it's fine.
Starting point is 00:34:27 But there are people that like it's super unhealthy. And so psychologists have studied it. And I asked the guy point blank, how do you deal with this? And he basically said just like, try not to think of the person. Yeah. Try to interrupt yourself and redirect your thoughts. So it's not really a great answer. It's share from moonlighting or moonlight.
Starting point is 00:34:45 Moonlight? No. What is it? Moonstruck. Moonstruck. Where she slaps Nick Cage in the face and snap out of it. Yeah. That's what it is.
Starting point is 00:34:53 Because he says, I can't stop thinking about you. And she hits him in the face. Like that's what it is. Yeah. It's interesting because Hollywood has been feeding us a steady diet of rom-coms for generations where I think a lot of people would, I guess we've romanticized limerence. Yeah, I mean, obsession is one of them. The guy's super obsessed with a girl and he requests some, make some wish that she'll be
Starting point is 00:35:19 obsessed with him back. And of course, that becomes murderous and insane because she likes them a little bit too much. I haven't seen it, but I hear it's a lot of fun, a little gruesome. Have you seen it? I have not seen it yet. My daughter wants me to take her to it, but she's 13, and I'm not quite sure. Oh, wow. That seems like a bad choice.
Starting point is 00:35:35 Yeah, I know. I took her to see backrooms. She wanted me to take her to see back rooms because she was that generation that fell, went down that YouTube rabbit holder in the pandemic. And these kids live and breathe that, that world that was created for backroom. So her first recommendation was a good one. Maybe, maybe, we'll see. We'll see.
Starting point is 00:35:53 But speaking of one. Oh, I just want to say one more thing. You said that you thought that this happens to young people. did too and this researcher says no it happens to people in their 40s and their 50s who have families could be a co-worker could be the barista and it's it's like a bad thing if it happens so yeah so it's not so much about hormones or passion yeah it can't be because you know yeah I mean no it can it can it can be that but it also can be happened to any adults so be careful out there look out for limerance yes look out for limerance uh but speaking of Hollywood uh the
Starting point is 00:36:28 The NBC news poses the question, why are the same six actors and everything? It's kind of true. Zendaya, for example. Zendaya is. She's in the Odyssey. And in a few weeks, Dune 3 is coming out.
Starting point is 00:36:44 Tom Holland is in the Odyssey. And that's number one at the box office. And it's going to get taken over by his next film. That's going to be number one for what, six years, Spider-Man. And it does seem like there is a select group. of plug and play superstars that you can just throw into everything. It certainly does, you know.
Starting point is 00:37:04 But Sente is great. If it's going to happen to anybody that she's going to be in everything. Did you see her in that one where I shouldn't spoil the movie, but it's called the drama and it's got a major twist in it. I haven't seen that. And it's horrific. There's a part, she's in a romantic relationship.
Starting point is 00:37:19 She's about to get married in some horrific side of her personality gets revealed to the dude. And it's like downhill from there. It's fun. Okay. Why? Yeah, well, I talked to a mathematician about this, and they explained to me something called network theory, basically like strong connection. So our social networks are small. And if there's strong connections, you end up thinking about that person more.
Starting point is 00:37:43 So directors will think about that actor, so they'll get cast. And then the connection gets even stronger. So the next set of directors will only think of those people. And it becomes this really hard to break into circle in Hollywood. And it's the same thing with like rich people getting richer. If you're going to fund $10 million in a business, some guy who you already funded in his last business or her last business and they did great, you're more likely to fund them as well. So it's the same idea around small groups is why this happens.
Starting point is 00:38:11 Well, it's my dad used to say, you know, the defense of, you know, liberals hiring liberals or conservatives hiring conservatives. Like all things being equal, all things being equal, you pick your friends. You know, you pick your friends who help you get to the place you are. Why would you pick someone who was actively working against you when you could pick somebody who's equally talented who's on your side of the, who's on your team? And it's, but somebody also pointed out that there are,
Starting point is 00:38:38 did you see the Thomas Crown Affair reboot trailer? I did not. I saw the original. Yeah, it was, yeah. So the new one stars Michael B. Jordan. And the trailer is clearly visually inspired by the movie Tenet. And it looks amazing. but there's all sorts of things. And but what you realize is Kenneth Branagh plays the bad guy in both movies.
Starting point is 00:39:02 And he essentially plays the same guy. And I got to wonder, if you're a strong personality and a tremendous actor and you're known for taking on meaty roles, like people are going to say, we want a Kenneth Branagh type from Tenet for this movie. And they say, well, why don't we just get Kenneth Branagh, right? Exactly. And if you've got the visibility. The visibility creates demand.
Starting point is 00:39:22 The demand gets you the job. That that gives you more visibility. and the loop just keeps on churning, I guess. But there's also something to say the difference between a movie star and a character actor, a movie star and a character actor, which is that character actors get consumed by the character, right? So they take on the charm and the ethos and all of that of the character, whereas if you're hiring a movie star,
Starting point is 00:39:47 you're hiring that person to bring their personality. You're hiring them not to get lost in the character, but to bring who they are. as stars to the character. And it's a distinction that's pretty important. I think so too, but I still, I mean, this doesn't explain why Hollywood's actor pool is like two people these days. So we had to bring a mathematician on to tell us that Hollywood are jerks, but for a reason that's deeply human. David Cooper, talk to you next week. Have a great weekend. And thanks so much for the chat.
Starting point is 00:40:17 Ben, always a joy. Hey, y'all, it's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. Ever order furniture online and wonder what if, like, what if it doesn't hold up? That sofa was four days old. You should have ordered from Wayfair. With Wayfair, there's no what if. Just style you love and quality you can trust. Visit Wayfair.ca. Wayfair, every style, every home.

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