The Ben Mulroney Show - Best of the Week Part 2 - Ian Lee, Chris Chapin, Alex Pierson, Jennifer Hollett

Episode Date: March 15, 2025

Best of the Week Part 2 - Ian Lee, Chris Chapin, Alex Pierson, Jennifer Hollett Guests: Ian Lee, Chris Chapin, Alex Pierson, Jennifer Hollett If you enjoyed the podcast, tell a friend! For more of the Ben Mulroney Show, subscribe to the podcast! https://globalnews.ca/national/program/the-ben-mulroney-show Follow Ben on Twitter/X at https://x.com/BenMulroney Enjoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply. Welcome to the Ben Mulroney Best of the Week podcast. We had so many great conversations this week, including the very latest on the twists and turns of the tariff war with the United States. Plus, the Dilemma panel was especially good.

Enjoy. So the topic of the day, because this is new as of yesterday, is Ontario Premier Doug Ford is going to Washington to sit down with Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick. In my estimation, it feels like the charm offensive, the constant, the constant presence of Doug Ford on American television, as well as the 25% exit tax that he had placed on Canadian electricity going to three border states of Michigan, Minnesota, and New York caught the attention of the American administration. And it looks like they are finally put their swords down to a certain extent. And it looks

like they will be talking to what end and what we are going to get out of that. Nobody knows. But somebody who has had strong opinions on the Ontario tactic as it relates to these tariffs is Ian Lee, associate professor at Carleton University at the Sprott School of Business. And he joins us now. Ian, thank you so much for joining us on the Ben Mulroney show. My pleasure, Ben. Now, I love talking to you.

You say what you mean and you mean what you say. And at one point over the past couple of weeks, as this debate has gone on, you pointed out that Canada's ability to move the needle in the states relatively insignificant. Ontario is even smaller than Canada's. And yet it does seem like this tactic by Ontario Premier Doug Ford has at least opened the door to dialogue. So what are your thoughts as he goes into this meeting tomorrow? So what are your thoughts as he goes into this meeting tomorrow? OK, great. It's already being spun by people in Ottawa and I think in Toronto that, see, the retaliatory terrorist worked.

I think that what this showed was exactly the opposite. Doug Ford blinked yesterday. I am ecstatic that he blinked. This is not a criticism of Doug Ford. Doug Ford and all our leaders in Ottawa, Kretchen, Trudeau, Carney, Freeland have said over and over, nonstop for two or three months, look everybody, if we impose and we retaliate, the Americans will back down. That's their thesis. That's what they're telling us, why to support it. So what has Trump been doing over the last two weeks? People announce, we announce,

retaliatory terrorists. What does he do? Is he back down? God no. He's come back and said, okay, I'm going to increase it from 25 to 50%. I'm going to go after your auto sector. I think what happened yesterday was that Doug Ford had an oh my god moment. It finally hit him. That guy in the White House is going to shut down the auto industry. He's going to annihilate us. And that recognition that went through Doug Ford's head yesterday, in my opinion, was what he said, oh god, we can't let that happen. This will destroy us.

Ian, I hear everything you're saying and that's a fair assessment, especially because everything that we do is speculation, right? Because we do not, I do not believe there's an honest broker on the other side of the table, right? So we don't know what's actually motivating the president. And because we don't know, we don't know the motivations for the meeting, right? However, let me offer this counterpoint that, yes, you're absolutely right. We are insignificant to them. However, the expectations of the American people

as it relates to what Donald Trump has promised them versus what Doug Ford got elected on are them versus what Doug Ford got elected on are completely different. Doug Ford got elected on a promise that stuff was gonna get bad. Trust me to weather what is going to be an awful storm versus the president of the United States who came in and said, trust me,

these tariffs are going to lead to the greatest economic boom you've ever seen. Meanwhile, he's watching the Dow Jones tumble day after day. The pressure is on him. And so we've sort of leaned into the chaos. Ben, I don't understand anything you said. It's just that that's completely beside what happened. That doesn't, isn't germane to what happened yesterday.

What happened yesterday was as follows. And by the way, sure, we can't get inside Donald Trump's head or Ford or anybody said You're right. That's why I've always been evidence-based in all my research. I look at the actual decisions announced There's no way around that if a government announces a tariff decision You can't say well, they really didn't you know because they've got bad motives, so they got good motives I only deal with the actual decisions on the record bills laws actual decisions on the record, bills, laws, spending, and executive orders by the president. I have no idea why he did it, but we can actually decide and look and see whether he did or didn't.

Yesterday, Doug Ford was told by the Americans, we are going to increase the tariff from 25 to 50, and we're going to go after your auto industry. But the auto industry is our auto industry. It's not just that. It's not just Canadian. it's North American. Sure, sure, fine. And he's seen, but- Doug Ford is the Premier of Ontario, Ben. Yeah. And he said, I, Doug Ford, what's the impact gonna be on me and on the people of Ontario

that I'm elected to represent? It's going to be catastrophically bad. He then backed down with that information available because he announced he's backing down. Okay, so you and I are going to, you and I are going to, you and I on that, on this point are going to agree to disagree

and let's shift our focus to tomorrow. Knowing what you know about the state of play, the what's at stake, what do you think could come out of a meeting between let's be honest, a sub-national leader and the commerce secretary? I am cautiously optimistic, and I'll explain why. The people in Ottawa, and I watched the Sunday night

every speech, including Mr. Kretchen, and I didn't see a flicker, a flicker of recognition of the failure of their approach, which is that we're going to stand up and defeat the United States with our retaliatory terror. So that's the operative belief in Ottawa. I didn't see any recognition otherwise. With Ford, I believe there is a recognition we can't win in a terror war against the United

States. That's what I believe happened yesterday. Now he's going to Washington because Lutnick said, come on down here and let's talk i think he's the voice of reason i think what they've got the part his career since when he was the uh... c o of catapult gerald and turn around that company after that devastating terror tactic killed eighty or ninety percent of all their people on the top floors of the world exchange i've been following his career he's a very smart guy and he said the magic word yesterday

he's mentioned again a cosmoree, which as you know, I've been advocating the only exit strategy from this trade war. But don't you think, Professor, don't you think it's so odd that we've got the Premier of Ontario who does not represent and does not have a mandate of the entire country? He's the one going down there, possibly opening the door to a renegotiation of NAFTA 2.0. To me, that speaks to a vacuum of power in Ottawa. Yes. In fact, right now, de facto, sorry for these academic terms, but the de facto, that

means in fact, not in reality, not legally speaking, the de facto leadership in Canada right now on this trade war is not the government of Ottawa. It is Doug Ford. Yeah. Imperfect as he may be, he is at least showing growth and learning on the job. He realizes Lutnick is a key guy. He realizes that Cosma is the X, I think, I think, I'm interpreting.

I think Ford realizes, Premier Ford realizes that the exit strategy is going to be a a Cosmo agreement. Just if I can digress to Kissinger and I keep talking about Kissinger. Kissinger has pointed out no war has ever ended by yet more bombs and yet more wars. You always end up sooner or later, it may take five years in a war, but you end up at a negotiating table where you negotiate a treaty to end the war. The exit strategy of a trade war is not more trade wars. It's going to be a deal at some point. It may not be right now.

It may not be in two weeks. It may not be in two months. But the only exit out of this is a negotiated settlement. And so he, I have glimmer, I see glimmers of opportunity and hope here because Lutnick is a rational guy's a smart guy and Doug Ford I think is starting to understand the trade war is a retaliatory tariffs is a dead-end Strategy, we got to start talking about a comprehensive deal and look at is why I'm a cautiously optimistic John Oakley on his show yesterday said something

that resonated tremendously with me. You're winning if you're talking. And Doug Ford is talking, and therefore, there's the possibility that we can move this thing along. Ian Lee from Carleton University, thank you so much for your insights today. Hope to talk to you again soon. Thanks very much, Pat, and thank you.

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We really appreciate you. We can't do the show without you. And it means a lot that we're building this show in this community one listener at a time. The biggest story in Canadian politics today is the imminent meeting between Ontario premier Doug Ford and Howard Lutnick, the commerce secretary under Donald Trump. After days of aggressive trade behavior

by the Ontario premier in the form of a 25% exit tax on applied to all electricity going to three neighboring states in Minnesota, Michigan, and New York. It looks like that finally got the attention of the Trump administration and these two politicians will be sitting behind closed doors to hash something out. We don't know what's going to come from that. But here to talk about it with me,

because I've done a lot of talking on my own, is Chris Chapin, political commentator and managing principal of Upstream Strategy. Chris, welcome to the show. Always a pleasure, Brad. So Chris, there is a lot of debate going on. It's pretty clear to me. My assessment of the facts on the ground

is that this is a home run by Doug Ford. As somebody who sat on this radio station yesterday, you're winning if you're talking and he's talking. So what's your assessment? I couldn't agree more, Ben. And I think that the best way to sum it up was actually the comment, because I think there's been some back and forth about,

well, did Donald win or did Doug win? And I think Doug summed it up pretty well today when he was asked by a reporter. He said, Howard Lutnick called me, I didn't call him. Exactly. I don't think you can take that for granted. They had a strategy that to get notice and have a conversation, we had to push back. And that's exactly what the province did in the absence of really anything else across the country. And it worked. Nobody's been able to meet with Howard Lotnick as the Secretary of Commerce to date so far. I think there have been some conversations behind the scenes, is my understanding, between him and Premier Ford but you know there wasn't a sit down face to face in Washington at the White House and now we have that tomorrow And so I remember enough time in the schoolyard

that you gotta stand up to the bully and I think that's what Ontario did, I think that's what Doug Ford did. And now he's got a meeting at the White House to try to hash this out and come to some kind of an agreement because it certainly has felt for some time now that there's been a lot of talk about terrorists but no talk about a resolution.

Yeah, and look, I'm giving a lot of credit to Doug Ford for getting to this point and moving into a new phase of this trade war. Hopefully it'll turn into trade diplomacy, which will then in turn lead to trade peace. But there shouldn't be any talk of winners or losers at this point because it is an ongoing, ever-changing situation.

And so for people to be saying, Doug Ford blinked, or the, the, the, the four of the Trump administration has capitulated. None of that is true right now. Yeah, no, I completely agree. I think what is happening is that for the first time in months, we are seeing some sort of a progress towards a discussion taking place. And that, you know, unfortunately, you know, this should be, these should be discussions that are taking place between the federal government and the White House. And we all know that, you know, federal politics has been disarrayed for some time. Hopefully that, you know, might find some steady ground

in the coming month or so, depending on whether the feds go to the polls or not. But we're having a discussion and Dominic LeBlanc and the premier are heading down to Washington to meet for the firsts go to the polls or not, but we're having a discussion and Dominic LeBlanc and the premier are heading down to Washington to meet for the first time face to face with who we should be meeting with. And instead of negotiating this trade war on Twitter, it sounds like we're finally gonna be doing it

in the boardroom where frankly, these diplomatic conversations belong. I'm talking with Chris Chapin, political commentator and managing principal of Upstream Strategies. And we're talking about this meeting that could mean so very much to the future of our country. I don't think I'm overstating it. But one thing that has changed,

at least as it relates to Donald Trump and the words he's using, we are so used to him denigrating and demeaning our prime minister by calling him Governor Trudeau, that all of a sudden yesterday, in response to this new happening, this is how he referred to Doug Ford. Now I will say this, that already Canada, and I respect very much, as you know, there's a very

strong man in Canada who said he was going to charge a surcharge or a tariff on electricity coming into our country. He's already, he has called and he said he's not going to do that. Okay, not going to do that. And it would have been a very bad thing if he did and he's not going to do that. So I respect that. But we were just informed that he's not going to do that. Kevin O'Leary often says when it comes to Donald Trump, you have to know how to separate the signal from the noise. The noise was everything that he said with the exception of Doug Ford is a strong man.

And we know that President Trump responds to strong men, whether they be autocratic or democratic. And so this to me is a positive sign that he's going to be, he's got at least the beginnings of respect from this administration. I think it's the first time I've ever heard Donald Trump refer to anybody in a positive tone. I'm trying to think of who in the years

he's been president that he's spoken of like that. And I think there's something to be said about, we all know Donald Trump fancies himself as the ultimate deal maker. He wrote the book, The Art of the Deal. He really does believe that when it comes to negotiations, you do negotiate, you're trying to always win the deal, but you respect the person on the other side

of the boardroom table. And I think clearly the province's actions, Doug Ford's actions on standing firm and saying, hey, we can do things too. We are going to negotiate this, but don't think we're just going to roll over has clearly garnered the president's respect. And, you know, for for Canada's sake, I think that's a very, very, very good thing because it seems for too long. He he looked at us as a bit of a joke. Chris, you've seen Doug Ford behind closed doors, and most of us thus far have been appreciating the work he's doing on television, on radio,

in scrums, with the press. But what's he like behind closed doors when he is negotiating, when he is talking and the cameras aren't on? Because I think a lot of us wanna know, well, like what's his style? What's his angle? How does he communicate in private?

Well, I think people need to remember Doug Ford at his core is a businessman. And so well before he got into politics, he was running the family business in offices here in Toronto and down in Chicago. And, you know, he's straight to the point. He wants everybody to walk away happy, but he's always going to protect his side of, you know, his interest in the deal first and foremost. And so I think he's a straight shooter. And I think that's probably where the respect comes from south of the border is that, and I think there's probably a reason

there's that line of dialogue, that open line of dialogue between him and Howard Lutnick is that he's not trying to pull any punches here. He just, let's get past this. Let's do what's in the best interest of both countries and get on with it because what we're doing right now is hurting both of us and nobody's winning.

And so I think behind the scenes, it's not that much, honestly, not much dissimilar to what you see when you see him on press clippings or when he's talking, especially when he's talking to the American press and the American people is like, we're not trying to take advantage of you here. We want to deal just as much as you want to deal. So let's get to making a deal. Yeah.

And I got to say, it really has been a tale of sort of two leaders. On one hand, you've had Donald Trump, who has changed the reason behind these tariffs, and he's gone back and forth on these policies, causing a lot of instability and a lot of worry and a lot of concern amongst investors and people who are looking to build their businesses. But on this side of the border,

in the province of Ontario, you've had a very consistent message coming out of Doug Ford, every time he opens his mouth, I love Americans, we love Americans, we didn't want this, we don't want to do this, we want to build your economy alongside our economy. He has been beating that drum consistently. And I think that will, I personally think that will help him when he sits down, because he hasn't

derogated from that message once. No, he really hasn't. You know, there's something to be said about the premier's message discipline, whether it's in public or private. But it really has, I think helped his cause. And I think it goes back to kind of what I was saying, he's a straight shooter. And it's just like, we don't want this. Let's reach a deal. But recognizing, I think that anybody in business that's ever sat down and

negotiated a deal, is you can't negotiate something if you're not sitting down at the table. And so, Premier Ford was pretty adamant that we needed to get to the table. I think there were some criticisms of him during the snap election of why was he going down to Washington. Well, you can't make a deal with the White House if you're not at the White House. So I think that was really what was, you know, I never had a couple of things on my bingo sheet. The president of the United States calling Doug Ford a very strong man. Yeah, Chris. Go ahead.

Yeah, we're going to leave it there, my friend, but more to discuss after that meeting ends. So thank you so much. When the frustration grows and the doubts start to creep in, we all need someone who has our back to tell us we'll be okay, to remind us of our ability to believe. Because their belief in us transfers to self-belief and reminds us of all that we're capable of. We all need someone to make us believe. Hashtag, you got this. Sick of dreaming smaller?

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wealthier with Quest Wealth Portfolios. Get yours Questrade. Welcome back to the Ben Mulroney show. And now it's time to shake off the news of the day. It's going to come back, it's going to hit us again pretty hard, probably in the face. but for the next couple of segments we want the cleansing palette, we want to cleanse the palette with a nice sharp tonic that we like to call the Dilemma Panel. This is when we ask you, our listeners, to send us your everyday dilemmas and then we as a group try to solve them. We ultimately fail, but we have fun doing so. And so let's welcome to the Dilemma panel, Jen Hollett, Executive Director of The Walrus and my very first colleague in television. Jen, welcome. Thanks so much for joining us again.

Great to be back. So I guess this is less news, more personal drama. Correct. Yes. I mean, the politics can be personal, but I think I think we're going to be politics free for the next couple of segments. And which I don't know how my other guest is going to deal with that, because every time we talk, we talk politics. Alex Pearson, the host of the Alex Pearson show on AM 640. Alex, thank you so much for being here. My dilemma is there's not enough time to get all the news in. But I beat you on the working with Jen Hollett.

Oh, really? Oh, yeah, because when she was back at Much Music and I was over at the newsroom, she'd be in the makeup room where we'd all collide. Really? And talk for like 30 seconds. Oh, no, but if she was back in Much Music and I was over at the newsroom, she'd be in the makeup room where we'd all collide and talk for like 30 seconds. Oh no, but if she was at Much Music, that was after I worked with her. Oh yes, we worked together in 2000, 2001.

Well, around the same time. What does that tell us? I know, it tells us we're getting old. Well, I'll tell you this. Alex and Ben, you know that we actually develop expertise on giving advice in the makeup room when you work in TV. So we do have that background. Solicited or unsolicited, you would get our advice.

Okay, let's jump right in to the very first dilemma. Hey, Ben's panel, I've been working at my current job for a while now and recently, I've become increasingly uncomfortable with the situation involving one of my coworkers and our boss. There seems to be an inappropriate relationship forming between them, and it's hard not to notice.

They're constantly spending time together outside of work hours and have this unspoken dynamic that feels off. What's even more concerning is this co-worker's getting a lot of favorable treatment, preferential shifts, assignments that seem to be outside their usual job scope, and even praise in meetings that feels unwarranted. I'm not sure how to approach this. I don't want to make accusations without being sure, but it's hard to ignore what's going on.

Should I speak up or is it something I should just let go? And if I do decide to bring it up, who do I even talk to about this? Oh, that's a really good question. Um, I'm going to put this, uh, well, we'll invite Jen to answer first. Jen, what are your thoughts? This is a tough one. And actually a friend of mine navigated this at her job where she saw her boss tickle a coworker

and knew, okay, this isn't normal. Like that's really flirting and not appropriate in the workplace. And so everyone was gossiping about it, but they weren't sure how to address it. Now we don't know if this is like a big business or a small business. If it is a formal workplace, I would bring it up to human resources once there's more concrete evidence, which they'll probably be able to gather.

But if it's smaller, like maybe start by asking another colleague if they've noticed this. Yeah, I was thinking that as well. I thought maybe there might be safety in numbers and then you go to the boss as a group, but I see Alex is shaking her head. Stay out of it. Mind your own business. But what if, no, and I get it,

but what if it is actually having a negative impact on your, not your ability to do your work, you should be able to put your blinders on and do your work, but if the opportunities aren't coming your way, you are working your best, you are showing up, you are hitting your KPIs and all of that stuff. And yet despite that, this person is getting preferential treatment.

At that point, I think it's incumbent upon you to say something. It's gonna create a toxic work environment. There's a way to do it though, right? Cause a squeaky wheel doesn't always get the grease. And so I would say document it quietly, build your case. If you truly think you're being overlooked for opportunity, always get the grease. And so I would say document it quietly, build your case. If you truly think you're being overlooked for opportunity

because people are playing footsies, then you take it to HR. But the gossip, if you end up contributing through gossip and doing the old, oh, did you hear, you're gonna end your career. You're gonna make it worse. Yeah, I agree. So to Sweeney, what I think we're saying is

approach this analytically, do not approach it emotionally and make sure that whatever you do, you document it so it's backed up with facts and you're insulated. And then, you know, and maybe talk to a lawyer just in case. I mean, or don't listen to people in our business, right? Because when's the amount of time? All right, let's move on to the second dilemma.

Hey, Ben, I'm in a bit of a tricky situation with a family member who constantly asks to borrow money. At first, I didn't mind helping them out when they were in a tight spot, but now it feels like it's becoming a pattern. They always promise to pay me back by a certain time, and even though they do eventually pay me back, it's never when we agreed.

I'm always having to chase them down, send reminders, and follow up repeatedly. I want to help, but I also feel like I'm being taken for granted. I'm not sure how to set better boundaries without causing tension in the family. I don't want to be the bad guy, but I also don't want to feel like I'm being strung along every time. And that's from Sam. I'll go first. Sam, like you're not the one causing trouble in your family. It's the person asking for the money.

And in my opinion, Sam, I think you've got to recognize that in this power dynamic, you have the power. You have the money and they want your money. Therefore, you can set the terms and you can start putting onerous terms on it. Look, if you don't pay me back by a certain date, here's what's gonna be expected. Have them sign a document.

Doesn't even have to be legally binding or do it in front of family members. So you have witnesses who can say, no, I remember you promised to pay Sam back by a certain date and you didn't do it. And then you can hash it out at the dining room table. Jen, what do you think? Well, I remember once reading in the device column is this comes up quite a bit that lending money to a friend or family.

It's a gift. Don't expect to see it back. And I hear Ben Ben, your legal training coming through because unless paperwork or a lawyer is involved, it's someone close to you. And it ultimately is something you gave them, you choose to give them, and it will be hard to get back. You wait. But I don't think Alex, every family is different. Some families you can lend money and others you just give. I don't think that just because it's a family member,

it's an automatic gift. No, absolutely not. And look, the way I've always treated it, I go in with the expectation that I'm not gonna be paid back, right? So if you're gonna lend the money, be willing to lose that money. Otherwise you're gonna lose the friendship.

Yeah, but this is- And family, right? But then it's family even work. Like, let them in. You can't keep coming to money, but you have to say, happy? But then it's family even work. Like, set up, let them in. You can't keep coming to money, but you have to say, happy to help you, here are the rules. But also, how important is family?

You've got to be able to say, I don't need it. But we're gonna go through a lot of this in the next couple of years. This is happening all over the place. Oh yeah, the bank of mom and dad is an expression I've only really started hearing recently. With tariffs and businesses closing and layoffs, you better believe these conversations are being had around the table where people are saying can I have some money? Yeah Accept it. Okay, but on your rules. Yeah, I expect it back Jen

The situation is only as complicated as you let it be in other words It can be the most convoluted complex and be the biggest amount of money ever So long as you lay out a game plan, so long as you have a roadmap on repayment, doesn't matter how complex it will be simpler with that documentation. And even say out loud, this could get complicated. I'm going to be very clear. I'm going to follow up. If you're not comfortable with dealing it like this, then maybe

this isn't the best ask. Yeah. I mean, just accepting that it's gonna be awkward, but Alex, I totally agree, tough times ahead. And you do tend to go to your family and friends first before the bank or a stranger. I mean, you should be turning to your community for support.

Yeah, and look, but as I read this dilemma again, it does feel to me like this person feels responsibility to the family, they wanna help, they allow leniency when the payback doesn't happen at the right time, and then they take responsibility for quote unquote causing tension in the family. No, exactly. That's why I'm trying to look Sam in the eye

and say, you're in charge here. You're part of the problem. Well, no, not part of the problem. But you're in need of. No, but you're in control. Right. Right, it becomes a problem if you don't assert that control. Right. Right. It becomes a problem if you don't assert that control.

Right. Like they want your money, you have the money to lend, set the ground rules. Business is business. Business is business. If you want to bring business into the family, we're going to treat it like a business.

But you, Sam, have to be more assertive in this because clearly your family member has sensed this kindness that they are interpreting as weakness and they have been taking advantage of you. Also what's going on? Ask the bigger question. Hey there's a pattern here what's going on? Yeah but if you're gambling and coming or there's an addiction issue that thing will bankrupt a whole family so what's the issue? Is it a business thing? Can you save the business? What's the plan? Or are you out doing nefarious activities?

Now we only have a minute left before we go to break. So I don't want to start another dilemma. Instead, I'm going to ask Jen, Jen, how are you doing? I'm doing well. And I think what I really like about this segment, and thanks so much for the invite, is we often aren't speaking directly about the things that are consuming us. And I always try to do that in my life, whether it's about news or politics or checking in with folks. And I think also we're spending so much time at home or behind screens that we've lost the muscle to have these conversations. So even just asking, how are you doing? I

think, yeah, prove these types of dilemmas. Well, and also, I find that you get to know people a heck of a lot better when you don't just speak to them on about the same things every single day, I get to know more about Alex, I get to know more about you when I hear you on how your brains work. But when I hear how your brains work on things like this, it makes it so that I understand you guys a little more

and get to know you a little more deeply. All right, more of the dilemma when we continue, including our stepfathers allowed to harshly discipline kids that aren't theirs. That's next on the Ben Mulroney Show. Welcome back to the Ben Mulroney Show and welcome back to our dilemma panel where me and my fun guests, very exciting, interesting guests try to solve your everyday dilemmas. Let's

welcome back Jen Hollid and Alex Pearson. Guys, thank you so much for sticking around. A pleasure to be here. All right, time for another dilemma. Hey there, I'm having a hard time with my child's decision about their university major. They've chosen a field that doesn't seem to have strong job prospects or align with their strengths. As a parent, I want to be supportive, but I'm really concerned about their future.

They're excited about it now, but I worry they'll regret this choice once they're out of school and facing the job market. I've tried having conversations with them about exploring other options, but they're very set on this major and aren't open to suggestions. I don't want to push them too hard, but I also want them to make major and aren't open to suggestions. I don't wanna push them too hard, but I also want them to make a decision they won't later regret. How can I best support them

while also ensuring they're setting themselves up for success in the long run? Alex, as you sit here, your son is next to us. And so what would happen if your son came to you and said, I want to study, look, I won't pick one out of thin air, but something that you know is not reflective of what the market is going to want in 10, 15 years.

And he'll pay for it himself. Yeah. Right. That's how that goes. That's the conversation we've we've had these conversations or we're having more than I want them to get a trade and he's going to get one just to have it because you can never go wrong being able to do jobs when you lose another one and you can pick up stuff, right?

That's key. He can go to do what he wants, but if it's not gonna lead to a job, then he can pay for it. We've got education money set aside, but that is for a job to be trained in life. If you wanna go off and do 30 years of philosophies and all these sites, there's value to it,

but not value to get a job. So you pay for that on your own. Jen, your thoughts? Friends of mine adopted their first son. And if you know anyone who's been on adoption journey, courses are required as part of the process. And they had to do this exercise where all the soon to be parents were asked to write down

your dreams for your adopted child. And then they said, now rip them up. These are your dreams, not your kids' dreams. And I wish everyone could take this course because I think so often parents have ideas of who their children should be or what their interests are and it doesn't always line up. I also have no problems with kids paying for,

well, I have no problem with that. And I contributed to paying all types of different bills growing up. I think that's a great way to teach responsibility. Yeah, and look, I think there's, I think a lot of things can be true at the same time. I think we wanna support our kids and we want them to dream big,

but you also have to realize that reality is gonna smack you in the face one day. And reality trumps dream when it comes to, you know, paying your bills and responsibilities in life. And we all have dreams that go unrealized. We all have dreams that become other dreams. And we are the parents for a reason. And so I have my own personal experience.

Like I was a history and a political science major. And then I went to law school and law school was not, I realized I didn't want to pursue law, but I was, and I really hated being there. My parents forced me to go and I didn't want to go, but I'm so glad they forced me to go because it opened up opportunities for me and it actually changed the way my brain worked.

So I think to this Melinda person who sent us this dilemma and I thank you for sending it, I really do think it depends on how you've been raising your child. You may have missed the boat on having these important conversations earlier on. I don't know what kind of sound like you care and love your child. And that's great, but you may have missed the opportunity to remind them that

these are discussions that there are practical aspects of an education that go beyond. I'm following my dreams. And if that's the case, you know, it's a sink or swim sort of situation like, uh, okay, you're going to become a gender studies major. Uh, studies major. Good luck when all the jobs are in IT. Right, see, my son, who can't hear me right now because he's got headphones on, following me around on March break, he keeps saying, well, I wanna be a YouTuber,

to which I'm always responding like hell. That's not gonna happen. But I'm trying to say, look, if you want to be one, you have to understand how much work it is. To be a successful person, to do that kind of stuff, you have to really grind, you've got to understand the business behind it. So you do need to get some skills. Having said that, I'm like, if it were so easy, I'd have been doing it. But I'd be grinding it out in hard news for the last 25 years. But get the expectations. What do you want from this? Where do you think you're

going to go? I think a lot of younger people think things might be easier than they are. At least you say it's not as easy as you think. I'm 49, I can promise you. It's a lot harder today than it was a few years ago. Okay, let's move on to I think probably our last dilemma. I've been a stepdad for just over eight years now to two wonderful children aged 14 and 12. My relationship with my stepchildren has been positive. I've always tried to be a supportive father figure, but now that they're hitting their teenage years, things are starting to change.

They're beginning to talk back, challenge rules, and push boundaries in ways they didn't before. I feel like the respect we had for each other is slipping, and I'm not sure how to handle it. I know this is a normal part of adolescence, but I'm feeling a bit stuck. I don't want to come across as overly strict or authoritarian, but I also want to maintain respect

in our home. Plus, my wife always told me it's not my place to dole out harsh punishment. I'm not sure how to navigate this shift in the relationship. How do I balance being a stepdad, who's both a friend and an authority figure during these challenging years? Kirk is in, he is in a little bit of a pickle.

Alex, how would you solve this dilemma? I had such an amazing stepfather. I was so, so lucky to have an amazing stepfather who's no longer with us, who I would always call when I got into trouble, like when the cops caught me with beer. So I would call my great stepfather Ted. We had a wonderful relationship. But yeah, absolutely.

He's paying my bills and raising me with my mom. He has a say. So I think this guy absolutely has a say. I don't agree with the wife. You've brought this person into your life. If he's good enough to pay the bills and raise this child, then it has a say in here's what we've got to do. Having said that, it's a balancing act, right?

My stepfather was a friend to me, but he was also kind of a father figure in the sense that there was a balance. And Jen, Kirk hasn't given us the whole picture. We don't know where the actual father is in this dynamic. That being said, I agree with Alex. This is a home that they've built together. Whether you like it or not, he is an authority figure

in his own home that he is paying for. And I wouldn't accept anybody talking back to me in my own home, especially when I know how hard it is to keep a roof over everybody's head. And the fact that the wife has sort of tied one hand behind his back, limiting his ability to be who he needs to be in his own eyes, right? I think is a little bit of a problem.

It depends on the details and the setup. So I have a mom and I have a stepmom. I was a teen and I remember as a teen, it was really hard for me to have two moms because my mom was raising us as a single mom. And I was seeing my stepmom just a few times a year with my dad. So I would say something for Kirk to consider

is like his role as a parent in the setup. I would argue might not be a friend, but a role model and a partner. And I think by being a partner to the mom, then you are actually the person that the kid may call like Alex did. And that's a very special, valuable role. And you know, I've, I've left a lot less grief. I've often said, and it applies to parents more than step parents. I can't speak to step parenting, but I always tell my kids, I say, I don't want to be your friend. Yeah. Friends are diamond dozen. You could throw a, You could throw a stone and hit a friend. I am the only father you will ever have.

I am as unique as a snowflake. This is the most special relationship that you will have next to the relationship with your mother. Do not diminish this relationship by saying that we're friends. And far too many parents sort of bootstrap themselves by, or hamstring themselves rather, by saying, oh, I'm not just their parent, I'm their friend you you are you

are diluting your relationship by saying that and I think only appreciate it possibly putting roadblocks in front of you later. Jen thoughts on that. Yeah, I would agree I think it's really tough to be around teenagers, I say this is a cool and because they're full of hormones, they're testing limits they're getting there Alex thinks we're like just being true about how it is to be a teen. And it is really tough and parenting styles and trends have changed. I've become a back of my day person and as someone without kids,

of course, you know, I'm an expert on parenting. But I actually think to have these conversations and to really define roles, I think there is a really special and valuable role for step parents, but it is different than being the father if the father's in the mix. Yeah, so back to Kirk's actual problem. I mean, maybe a family meeting, maybe a sit down family meeting, and they sit down and Kirk says, Listen, I'm, I'm, you all know your roles, they were, they were defined by biology, mine is defined by society. And therefore we as a, as a mini society in this house,

we need to hash this out. He has to talk to the wife too. He should have a private conversation with her. Like I'm either in this or not. And if I'm a part-time. A pre-meeting. Yeah, a pre-meeting. A pre-meeting.

You're either on the same side or not. Well, you have to be, regardless of whether it's birth parents or step parents, the authority figures have to be singing from the same hymnbook. United we stand. The kids are very sneaky and they know how to find the seams and use those seams as leverage. And so like don't do your kids job for them.

Their job is to figure out how to sneak around you. Your job is to create a united front. But anyway, I wish we had time for more dilemmas. The good news is the dilemma panel will be coming back again next week, but to Alex and to Jen, I say thank you and keep those dilemmas calling. Have a great week, guys. Thanks for listening to the Ben Mulroney Show podcast. We're live every day nationwide on the Chorus Radio Network. And you can listen online to the Radio Canada player and the iHeart Radio Canada apps. And make sure to follow and subscribe on

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