The Ben Mulroney Show - Comedian Scott Faulconbridge and Ben on the weirdest stories of the day

Episode Date: July 9, 2026

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Only till July 15th. Shop in store or online at metro.ca. Self-penile amputation. I said it. What does it mean? Well, to talk about this story and many others, this is a time in the week. It's a summertime. You know how much I

high regard in which I hold stand-up comics. And so I love having comics come in and just shoot the breeze. And so please welcome to the show, Scott Falkenbridge. Welcome. Thank you for having me, Ben. Thank you. Okay, so self-penile amputation. Your thoughts. I don't think about it much, if I'm being honest. But the world foisted it upon us with this story today. Did the world or did I? Well, you're... You found it. You did find it. You did find it. Yes. Found me.

Listen, garbage attracts garbage. An arsonist, so this is so, it's so weird. Arsonist cuts off penis, then uses it to start a blaze in neighbor's garage, say the cops. There's so much to unpack here. First of all, when one cuts off one's penis, I don't know that you call them an arsonist, even if they use it to light a fire. Well, it seems pretty secondary to the bigger problem. Usually when we used to get these things, it would be wife cuts off.

Yeah, yeah, Lorena Bobbitt. Lorraine Bobbitt, right. But now, I guess the world is more messed up. Guys are doing it for themselves. I'm not sure how to unpack that. Something about, he left it at his neighbor's house. So I'm going to give you the sequence of events. Yeah.

So he cut off his own penis, dumped gasoline on it, and then used it to light a blaze inside the neighbor's garage. So here's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking what he did is because he had an accelerant. He could have just dumped the gasoline. But he didn't do that. He cut off his penis, doused the penis in gasoline, and then chucked it like a Molotov cocktail. Yeah, he gave some personal stakes.

Yeah, yeah. For sure. Yeah, he, did he have skin in the game? He had skin. He had skin in the game. It's almost like he treated like one of those M50s. Like a firecracker? Firecracker.

That's a, I mean, that's a. Or M80, I think they call him, yeah. I just, do you think he thought this through? Oh, no, I don't think there was a lot of thought in this. I think this was manic rage. uh in in some form it's more than that and now look is that there's a picture of him just like he's he's he's arrested and his mugshot is looks like the mugshot of somebody who has been arrested who still has his penis right like that that's not the face of a guy who uh no

thinks he did something unto ward no he he looked determined yeah it's just it's just so hmm like was he not wearing a shirt why didn't he just take his shirt he just take his shirt he shirt off, douse that in gasoline. I would take off anything, anything. Your right arm? And if you're going to cut off a body part, cut off a pinky. You got two of them. Right. Yeah, no, this was of all the choices that he made that day, of which there were a great, many bad ones. Right. This is, this is them. I think he was overestimating the power of his own penis to accelerate the fire. I think you're probably right. I have a hard time taking splinters out of my finger. I don't know how this would have worked. Yeah, and they're calling a autopenectomy.

Yeah, that's, I found that online. That's what, that's what it's called. When you remove it yourself. But removing it implies it is designed to come off. Right. Like, like, you remove, you remove a wart. The wart's not supposed to be there. Bye by, by war. You remove the ward. Right. You don't remove your arm. You amputate your arm because the arm's supposed to be there. This is definitely an amputation. Yes, it is. It is a self-penile amputation. It's worse than any circumcision.

You can get done. I just don't understand the setting everything on fire part. I mean, I don't understand the first part either. But I wonder if there's a back. What's the motivation? I wonder whether there's a backstory that involves his penis. Uh-huh. Right.

There's something about the neighbor and his penis That we don't know. We don't know that story. But they were linked, and he decided that carmic justice required his penis to be part of the fire starting. Fine, fine, you want it, you have it. Yeah, you want it so much.

Now you got it. You can burn with it. Right, which even really brings up the question, what kind of claim did this person have on their penis? Exactly, exactly. And even if you douse it, does it really just stay a lit? Well, I mean, I get that, see, I, that's again, he looked at it and said, you know what's really going to keep the flame alive?

Kindling. My appendage. Yeah. I've never thought of that as a fire starter. I mean. Well, you know, once you're throwing, with gasoline, you can do anything, right? Okay, let's let's talk about this other story. So, beautiful home in the countryside of the U.S.

like a gorgeous Georgian home. I mean, it looks like, it looks like a movie set, right? This is where a Duke or a Duchess would live. But apparently inside this home, the medicine and health care regulatory agency found the largest, the largest catch of illegal weight loss drugs. like Wagovi or Majaru or whatever they're called but maybe I think they're the off market ones. Derivative, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you think that's what they use to pay the bills?

Like, were they house poor? Well, you know the expression house poor, right? When your house is so expensive, you can't afford to do anything but like pay your mortgage. Do you think that was a situation here and they just decided they were going to get in with the bad guys who are trying to get people? I think it's unused real estate that they're trying to find some use for, right? and they're looking for rich, lazy people who don't have time to wait for their doctor's prescription because I can't see people of low and modest income

affording that kind of retreat. No, no. No, but I'm wondering whether the people who own the house had to work with some dirty, shady people Oh, for sure. And this became the clearinghouse for all this stuff because otherwise they were going to lose their house. I'm sure there's some kind of financial distress issue behind this, right? You got to pay the mortgage.

Yeah. But it reminds you. Remember the the movie and now the TV show on Netflix, The Gentleman? That's the basis of it. Like, to me, that's the basis of this. They were going to lose the house so they decide to get in on the illegal marijuana trade and they built all their grow-ups underground. And that's how they were able to keep the estate. It feels like that. But now with Manjaro.

I'm just wondering who they think the clientele is. You know, they can't wait to get the OZEZE or whatever, you know, and they, so they're going to go do this retreat. You know what I think could have happened? It could have, if this place was up and active, it could have saved that arsonist guy. You know, if you wanted to lose some weight, he was thinking of losing something. Yeah, he did lose some weight. You're not, you're not wrong there.

There you go. They did have kerosene in the garage of the estate. Yeah. It was the backup plan. And listen, maybe he, I mean, he could have stuck himself with this and could, uh, There's too much to unpack there. But no, this is one of those fascinating stories to me of, you know, on the outside. You look at that house and you immediately assume a whole bunch of stuff about who's living in there.

And then you find out what's actually going on behind the closed doors. Apparently, not everyone can keep up with their big mortgage payments on these estates. It's 28 acres, I think they said. Oh, it's gorgeous. It looks like a movie set. It's unbelievable. It sold for 2.2,000. million pounds in 2017, 12 bedrooms, eight bathrooms, multiple reception rooms, a billiards room,

and a separate staff apartment. Right. This is why you don't put 5% down. No, on a place like that, right? No, you don't put 5% down. Did it have a Monjaro room? You're striving for 5% body fat. Did I have a Monjaro room? Well, it must have. I think that's, I think that's where the, that's, that's the reception room, multiple. You think so? Yes. How often do you use it, you dig into these sort of stories for content when you're before a show. You know, I'm really focused on normal life. What's not normal about the arsonous guy? Okay, you're right.

Yeah. Yeah. No, I try to find the normal life so people can relate because I don't know how many people are going to go, yeah, I always wanted to cut off my own penis. Like, yeah. You know, it's not a, it's not something that is as relatable. It's not where I go. Yeah, I can't get in this guy's head.

I've tried all day. He's a sphinx. I just, I don't know what he's thinking. I don't know what he's thinking. All right, we're going to take a break. And when we come back, more with Scott Falkenbridge. I want to hear what you're working on. I want to hear what your summer's looking like.

I want to know about your family. Great, thanks. All right. So don't go anywhere. We've got more. We're done with the autoponectomy. But when we come back, we're talking about, I mean, if this isn't an indicator that vaping is addictive,

I'm not sure what it is. Don't go anywhere. This is the Ben Muloney show. Welcome back. I'm joined by Scott Falcon Bridge. Scott, tell me how you got, comedy? Oh, I got into comedy because I was trying to date this girl and she was trying to get rid of me. So she took me to a comedy club to encourage me to do stand-up. And it worked for both of us.

Wait, wait, you were dating her. I was trying to date her. You were trying to date her. She was trying to give you a different path. Exactly. And she thought you would be good at this. Yeah. We did improv together. Okay. So we had that background. Yeah. And we started doing improv at the comedy work. works in Montreal. And she was encouraging me to get on the open mic. And yeah, that's how I started. So you have to thank her. I do.

What happened to her? Who knows? Well, you've got to have a good story. This is your origin story. We've got to know where your foil went. But, you know, on this show, I always talk about sort of two groups of people that I hold in very high esteem. One is entrepreneurs and one is comedians.

And it occurred to me today for the very first time that I think those two groups have a lot in common. You bet on yourselves. You have no safety net. You are, you're building a brand. You build community. If you do it well, you can then grow and expand into other things. How do you see, do you see yourself as a small business owner? I do.

And that was the hardest part for me because really I just love doing comedy. Yeah, yeah. Like it's just an instinct thing. I love going up there. but you do have to treat it like a business. So I had to learn that part. Yeah. The part about doing this, I just love, like, talking.

Yeah. Yeah. So it was, I was just drawn to it. Yeah. Okay, so what do you have going on? You know, summer is between, just for last, they announced their lineup in Toronto for, what, September, October, something like that. But, you know, this is when people love doing that sort of thing.

So what do you have going on this summer? So I have a couple shows at the YECECX, July. 10th, 11th, I'll be in Niagara Falls, I'll be in Burlington later on. I'm teaching a workshop in London, and we teach the workshop. We put on a grad show for that workshop at the London Yuck Yuck Yucs,

and I'm working on the second season of my 5 TV show, Baltimore Bridge is finding out. Oh, wait, tell me about this? What is it? So this is, it's, the first season is on 5 right now. It's sort of a sketch journalism show. Okay.

And I just play this character that pursues stories that don't deserve to be pursued. And, uh, We had a lot of fun and I'm pitching it again and doing the scripts again. That's great. Okay. Now, before we go back to these stories, one more thing, because he said you're doing this workshop and can you teach people to be funny? No.

No. So what skills are they developing? So what I do is I help them find whatever they have and hone it to do a five-minute set. Okay. And they take their stories and we talk about what works for stand-up. do get better. I'd say 5% are natural. 5% will never get it. And the great middle,

you know, they can get better. Yeah, because like comedians work hard making sure that they're, the jokes that they write are honed properly. You've got to work out of set before it's ready, right? And so there is evolution. There is improvement

for a comic. I just wonder whether you can take somebody who, can somebody develop a sense of humor? I don't, I honestly don't think, you can and we do we do get a certain percentage of people who we do our best but we really can't help but most people have something that can be honed right and worked yeah and so yeah and do they come in do they come in aware of that paradigm or are there a lot people come in and they are just they're not self-aware they think that they are funny they think

they have to dissuade them of that like how does that work we definitely get people who are not aware enough. So what do you do with them? Well, sometimes they quit. Because I'm honest. Yeah.

I'm, and the way I see it is if I don't tell you the truth, I'm taking your money. Yeah. So what do you say? So if I was in there and I was just this unfunny guy,

and I came in and I was convinced I was the next, you know, I was the next, Jerry Seinfeld. What would you say? I would tell you what you were doing wrong. There's no punch lines here. or I would say what you're talking about is too abstract

or you have these long setups or I would identify whatever the problem was and I'd say this is what you got to do to correct it and then the next week they would come back and do the same thing because they just like the sound of their own voice and that will go on for two, three weeks but what usually happens is by the fourth week most people get better.

Yeah, yeah. And they start to see it. That's cool. And they start to feel it. And so either they make a jump or we get people who just drop out of the class at the like near the end or say, I just want to watch and support the others.

We get runners, people that run the last minute from the room. So that kind of what happens. All right. I want to take you back to a story that we sent you. Sex offender leads police on 85 mile per hour chase without ever dropping his vape. So the criminal, this gets better, led police on a high-speed helicopter chase along windy country roads and then a daring foot chase all without letting go of his vape. And we were saying, you know, if this isn't proof that vaping is addictive, I don't know what it is.

Do you have anything in your life that you, like a talisman that you just, you'll never, you'd always know where it is? You know what, honestly, probably one of my hats. I always have a hat. But I'm not really an addict, even though, like stand-up is my addiction. Yes. Right. It gets me, but this guy, he wasn't supposed to be in a car who's driving. He wasn't supposed to have a phone.

Yeah. He had a phone. He's outrunning the police with a vape in his hand. And like, it's like he piled on all the worst choices. Right? And then I saw his picture. 26-year-old with a comb over. Yeah.

He looks, that's not what I expected. Well, he was wearing a hat too. Maybe he was a hat too. He was wearing a hat too. He was wearing a hat too. What do you look like underneath that? There you go. Solid look, man.

And I, you know, love it. No shame. Now look, let me throw a curveball at you here. So there is this topical cream that's being developed at UCLA that they say that you will start. regrowing hair. If you use it, it is flown through all the FDA approvals. They're at like stage three. They think this could be a product for people to use in the next two, maybe three years. And they say that it has the potential, you rub it on your head and you use it. I don't know what the

routine is. But you use this and you will regrow your hair. I don't know if it's all of it, but a lot of it's regrowing. I think 40% of people saw a massive growth. Would you use that? I would have to say probably not. Unless like I got a role that I wanted to play. And I, you know, my wife has told me that she, she would divorce me if I got hair. Wait. What?

Yeah. Because it suits you. It definitely suits you. Yeah. She's just, she's been attracted always to men that were bald, you know. Marriage self a freak. Yeah. Yeah.

Definitely. You know what I'd be worried about with that cream? you know, you've got to put it on your hair to grow. What if you have it on your, you're putting it on? And then you accidentally touch another part of your body. I'm pretty sure they figured that out. I don't think so. Well, I think the scope is unique.

Like it has certain types of... See, I'm worried that if Drolet did it, he would end up with like... Luscious curls. Yeah, like weird, weird curls, like cherubic curls. And I don't know that I'm here for that. I'm going to wait till they really know all the side effects, too. No, they say very few side effects. That's why they're actually considering skipping one of the trials

because it was so, so effective and so few negative, negative side effects. It's weird. Like, this thing could be the thing. I'd have to change all my branding. Yeah, no more hats either. If you grew it out, what hairstyle would you go with? Huh? I haven't had to think about that in 40 years.

Think about it. Would you go for the man bun? No, I definitely wouldn't do the man. Yeah, you're not a man dump. Oh, no, no. You know, I would love to have that. You know the guys that can, they just like push their hair up? Yeah, yeah, I hate them.

Yeah, yeah, I'd like to be one of those guys for a day. Okay, so before we let you go, remind everybody, how can they find out, do you have a website? Yeah, Scott Falkenbridge.com. You can find out about the workshop and yuck, yuck,yx.com slash Niagara for the Niagara Falls. Scott, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you.