The Ben Mulroney Show - The Dilemma Panel

Episode Date: January 29, 2025

Guests and Topics on Today's Show Guest: Brad Smith, Host of The big bake on the food network, former host of chopped Canada. The first bachelor on Bachelor Canada, And former CFL Player Guest: Erin Bury, The founder of Willful, and Globe and Mail Columnist If you enjoyed the podcast, tell a friend! For more of the Ben Mulroney Show, subscribe to the podcast! https://globalnews.ca/national/program/the-ben-mulroney-show Follow Ben on Twitter/X at https://x.com/BenMulroney Enjoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Calling all sellers, Salesforce is hiring account executives to join us on the cutting edge of technology. Here, innovation isn't a buzzword. It's a way of life. You'll be solving customer challenges faster with agents, winning with purpose, and showing the world what AI was meant to be. Let's create the agent-first future together. Head to salesforce.com slash careers to learn more. Welcome to the Dilemma Panel. No question is too awkward, no problem too petty, and no opinion goes unchallenged. Our panel of over-thinkers is here to dissect,

deliberate, and sometimes derail the conversation entirely. Grab your popcorn. This isn't just advice. It's a front row seat to life's most hilariously relatable train wrecks. Here's your host, Ben Mulrooney. Welcome back. The Liberal Party has the dilemma of which leader to pick. Canada has the dilemma of how to deal with Donald Trump, but our listeners have their own dilemmas and we want to treat those with the same respect and

attention and care and intention that we give to all the national dilemmas. And here to help me solve your dilemmas, Canada, I'm joined by Brad Smith, the host of The Big Bake on the Food Network, former host of Chopped Canada, and the very first bachelor on the Bachelor Canada, and also former CFL player and fan of V-neck t-shirts. Not anymore. Oh, not anymore. No, no, no, no, Ben.

An evolution, is an evolution. Yeah, I think it was my first interview ever, I think, was with you. Yeah. And you were like, you're not wearing a V-neck. And everyone was surprised. I'm like, no, no, no, you get dressed by someone on TV. I didn't choose all the clothing.

It still haunts me. I'm also joined by Erin Burry, joined again by Erin Burry, the founder of Willful and Globe and Mail columnist. Erin, welcome to the show. Thank you so much, Ben, and I don't have an opinion on Vnext, just to clarify. Well, I wanna let everybody know that if they want their questions answered next week,

they can email us at askben at chorusent.com. That's askben at C-O-R-U-S-E-N-T.com. Let's jump right into the first dilemma. Dear Ben, I was once engaged and it didn't work out for a bunch of reasons and I prefer not to get into them. Anyway, that was four years ago and I'm with a new woman that I love very deeply. I'm thinking of proposing to her but I'm thinking of reusing the ring that I proposed to my former fiance with. It's a beautiful ring and I frankly spent too much money on it and you never get your value back when you try to resell it. My girlfriend knows about the other

woman but not that I still have the engagement ring. Is it wrong to be thinking with my financial cap and wanting to propose to her? If I'm confronted about it I think I would lie because she wouldn't see the logic for reusing it. Would love to hear from your dilemma panel here. Brad, you were in the pursuit of love in the public eye. And at the end of the show, I can't remember how it ended, but was there a proposal at the end of the show? You know what? You try to escape this show for the last 12 years,

and it just haunts you. No, no, but I'm leaning on you for the experience of it. First of all, the last part really threw me off, that if his wife or future wife would come to him with the idea he would lie to her, that's a red flag in itself. But I did get engaged on the show and this is the thing, it was sponsored by Tikori. They gave us a ring that I could never afford in my entire life. And on the contract, now that I don't have an NDA, it's a two years, if you guys last

two years post show, not post engagement, but post when the show airs, you get to keep the ring full out. years post show, not post engagement, but post when the show airs, you get to keep the ring full out. We made it to 19 months total relationship, but one month less of the ring being ours. And it was six figures and above. And we still walked away from it because there's no value in the ring, especially for someone moving else down that that ring is associated with something else. And this guy like like, my fervent belief is, is that if you buy a ring and the woman is shocked or not impressed by the ring, then she's not for you.

Because your intention was there in the first place. That's a good point. And it's bad juju, right? There's energy attached to the ring. There's memories. Yes, there's memories and you bought it with one person in mind. And if you just decide, well, it's just a thing,

then maybe you're not thinking about it right. But let's put the hat on the other head and let's ask Erin. Erin, if you were going to be receiving a ring and then you found out that it was a re-gift, what would you think? Yeah, listen, I'm all for re-gifting my daughter's Christmas gifts for a toddler birthday party, but I think I draw the line at an engagement ring. However, we're in an era where we want to be more eco-conscious and less consumerist. And so I love the spirit of this question, which is, I have this amazing thing, you know, how can I repurpose

that? For me, I'm with Brad, I feel like there's two issues here. The first is that he said he would blatantly lie to his future fiance, which is a no-no. So let's just take that off the table and be honest. The second piece of it, I actually wouldn't mind if someone regifted the stone. And so my suggestion to this person is go melt down the ring, keep the stones to your point that you're not going to resell it for as much and make that into a ring, add some things in and make it reflective of your new fiance's personality. I personally would be completely fine receiving a ring that has a reused stone and I would actually respect that, but I would not be okay with receiving that ring because usually when you buy it for your intended, it's reflective of what you know about them, their personality. And that's why I wouldn't want the regift, not because we don't want to reuse things,

but because that ring doesn't reflect me. Yeah, Erin, you make a really good point. You could get a new band, you could beef it up with a few side stones. So just adding a little bit of just changing the outlook on it. Well, Ben, I'm sure there's a YouTube video which will teach you how to melt it down yourself. Repurpose it, recast it. Yeah. It'll be like the ring of Mordor.

Yeah. But without that connotation. But another thing that he could do is he could turn the stones into a piece of jewelry for her and go buy a smaller ring and give her a twofer. Or just take a hit on the net purchase of the ring and buy a new one and solve your own issue without lying. Cause I think to Kip, Kip wrote this, Kip,

you know, it's the old adage and it rhymes because it's true, happy wife, happy life. And if you find, if she finds out you lied to her and you lied about re-gifting the ring, I think she has every right to be angry. There is no statute of limitations on that lie. Yeah, that's a deal breaker. That's a deal breaker.

Okay, here we go. Here's dilemma number two. I'm type A and my husband is ADHD, AKA I knock things off my to-do list in a very organized fashion. I like to clean the kitchen immediately after dinner before I relax. Whereas my husband likes to sit and let things digest and clean later, which drives me nuts. I saw a TikTok video go viral about this the other week. Do you clean up right after dinner or later on or do you unpack right when you

get home from a trip or a week later like my husband lol? How do we keep the peace in a house where we have a very different approaches to chores and to do lists? Aaron, this resonates with me because I used to be very, very messy and I am the exact opposite now. The pendulum has swung completely in the other direction and I cannot take it when there's a mess. I can't stand it when there's a mess. So what happens when you've got one person

who's the living embodiment of chaos and one person who cannot live unless they have order? Well, Ben, I'm actually here to learn from both of you on this because this is exactly the scenario in my own home. I am that person who immediately after dinner or any meal is cleaning up and I cannot sit down to relax until it's spotless.

My husband is the opposite. He'll unpack his suitcases two weeks after a trip. His to-do list, there's a really nice grace period between something being added to it and something being checked off. And actually the thing I think that's helped the most in our relationship is articulating the why. Saying to him, hey, it's not about the fact that I care when you clean, but to me, mess and untidiness equals stress. And so for me coming out of a long day of work and then sitting down on the couch and seeing that massive mess, it makes me anxious. It makes me stressed out. Whereas when it's cleaned up,

I can truly relax. And when I shared kind of the motivation behind it, and that it's not just me being a neat freak like Monica on Friends, he was able to then meet me in the middle, understanding that him doing that was more an investment in me not being as anxious. And to your point, Ben, happy wife. Brad, are you clean or the opposite? I'm glad you came to me second on this one because as someone who has ADHD diagnosed later in my life, so it's a dopamine response and people don't get that. They think it's a personality trait of you choosing to be messy all the time. Whereas you're looking at the dishes after you've made dinner or eaten, and you're

thinking about the value that you're going to get from cleaning the dishes versus sitting on the couch in this question. And so the value for him sitting on the couch is relaxing, recharging, not thinking about the mess because the dishes do nothing to spike him wanting to do the dishes. So this is, I'm not a doctor, but I've been

through this enough times to know. Like reordering your mind like you've done is so hard to do because it is a pleasure response, right? And you have to get through it and you have to do these tasks. So she has to come at him in a way where she knows that this is not him choosing to be mean to her. Yeah. It's not him disregarding her feelings.

It's just he doesn't process this in the same moment. But slowly, I mean, it sounds like she's doing it and Aaron to her point her point as well you know if you work hard enough at opening the communications and realize it's not a him problem but you got to help me out it'll slowly yeah see in our life I really I love it's not that I am I must I just love the act of cleaning after I've we've cooked in the kitchen what's the reward system then for you but I tell my wife go upstairs and let me do this it makes me happy right and I did caretakers yeah and I was yeah my love language is acts of service reward system then for you. But I tell my wife, go upstairs and let me do this. It makes me happy, right? So it's a caretaker response.

Yeah, and my love language is acts of service. I love taking care of things. I love grocery shopping. I love cooking. I love keeping the kitchen or the bathroom clean. But I have this inability to go to bed. I can let something be messy for a few minutes or a few hours, but by the time we go to bed, I need to know that everything is clean. And I view it as a gift when

she lets me do those things. But again, to Erin's point, we've communicated those things. We've communicated those things. And also, you know, she's, listen, women have more stuff than men. Oh, it's the end of the segment. More Dilemma next on The Ben Mulroney Show. Welcome back to The Ben Mulroney Show and welcome back to the Dilemma Panel. I'm joined today by Brad Smith and Aaron Burry. Welcome back both of you. Thank you so much. Brad, how do you stay so trim when you eat so much food on TV? Well, that's a great question. I was empathic. No, I'm kidding. To be honest with you, I have a hard diet off TV. When I shoot, I let myself go to the ninth degree. Just a quick anecdote on that on Chopped when I got the job, I was like 186. I was in shape. 36 days of eating and Lynn Crawford spoon feeding me

right beside her every day. I was 202 by the time I left. They did like close the buttons on my shirt because it was so bad. Erin, are you a someone who watches those food shows? I have to admit, Brad, I am a Bachelor fan, or I was, but I am not a Food Network person. Ben, I'm the opposite of you. I absolutely detest cooking, grocery shopping, meal planning, any of that. So my dream is also that Lynn Crawford would come to my house

and feed me and my two toddlers dinner. But sadly, you know, but I also haven't put on 20 pounds due to that. So I feel like, you know, it's a good medium. Yeah. But you know what you wasted 90 minutes of your week watching me and the worst thing that's ever been put on Canadian television. So you, you know, you haven't seen some of the stuff I do. You'll never, you'll never. No, you haven't seen some of the stuff I did. I'll never get that time back, bro. You'll never. No, you haven't seen some of the Halloween specials we did on E! Talk. Oh, no, I'm very aware of them, yeah. All right, back to the dilemmas.

Here we go. I have been working, dear Ben, let's start with that. Dear Ben, I have been working with someone in an office space that I've started to grow fond of. He is quite kind, funny, and the type of person I could see myself being happy with. I happen to know he's interested in me as well. The problem is, I've tried the office romance thing before

and it ended really badly to the point one of us had to leave. Given we work in an office and see each other frequently, this worries me that it could end badly again. And I really like this job. Things being uncomfortable would be awful. Do office romances ever work? What's a girl to do? Signed, Jane.

And again, I'll go back to you, Brad. The whole point of you on TV was having a workplace romance. Yeah, but let's go to Erin on this one because it's a female question. I want to hear a female's perspective first because I might mansplain being the bachelor on this one. That is a good point, Brad. Well, I mean, I don't know if I'm the authority to speak on this because my husband and I run our company Willful together. So I am fully, I mean, we were in a romance before it became an office romance, but, you know, we do work together every day.

And I've knew lots of folks who have, you know, fell in love. My mom actually has been married to my stepdad for over 30 years and they met when they were working at Nortel together and, you know, sneaking peaks at each other in the office gym. So I'm not anti-office romance. I will say in my first job back in 2007, I engaged in an office romance that was quite short lived, and I can tell you it was very awkward seeing that person at

the water cooler every day. So, Jane, here are my thoughts. Number one, it depends on whether you're in office versus virtual. If you're fully remote like my company, you won't have to run into that person too much, and I'd be more apt to take the leap. If not, you better sit down and create some terms of reference for this relationship. What happens if it does not end amicably? Are you leaving the company or are they? How do you set out some rules around whether this goes really well?

Great. If it doesn't go well, how are you going to carry yourselves? And are you both on the same page about remaining professional even when the personal is out of the picture? That's good. I mean, you described it perfectly. Yeah. It was very academic. It was very thought out. Very thought out. It's almost like a conch. And completely agree. I was going to say before you even said it, Aaron, that you would have to create an exit plan before you even enter the strategy. But it's a prenup. But having my dad be an office prenup, but having my dad run a few companies and being, you know, having been told some of the stories. Yeah, they never end well. And the weird part is, is that it's a double edged sword because you don't want to dip your pen in company ink, but also you like, we work so much, our lives are so busy. So where are

you really going to meet people if you're, you know, if your life is nine to five, going home, making food. That's what the apps are for. I'm told. Okay, Ben, I went on one for the first time in my life. I made it to 41 without going on one. First of all, you should see the message I get. That's a different thing. Yeah. Second of all, they are awful. It's like we're taking away the idiosyncrasies that make people great and posting the best with filters. It's worse than Instagram. Well, I would say to Jane, past is prologue. And if you had a bad experience in the past, you're probably going to have a bad experience in the future. I had one office romance. It was during the summer. I was working at Just for Laughs, I was flirting with this girl all summer long,

we finally go out on a date, and I made the decision midway through the first date that the date was over because she was mean. She was so mean, and I was like, that's it, I can't stay here, so I paid for dinner and I left, and I decided I was never gonna have another office romance in my life. You didn't get that backstage.

No, no, now look, we worked in TV, attractive women everywhere. I had a policy when I was a host of Canadian Idol that I would not fraternize. I wouldn't even talk to the interns because talking to them could lead to something else, which could lead to something else. It's a slippery slope.

And so I never, ever, ever, ever, ever dip my pen. And I have a colleague on one of the shows I worked on who dated another one of my colleagues on that same show I worked on. I'm not giving you any more details than that. They had a they had a torrid, torrid relationship, passionate relationship, and it ended as passionately. And you should have produced it.

We all suffered in the office. There was this mood, especially with TV people. There was this mood change and it made things awful. So I would say if it didn't work out for you in the past, and more than likely, it won't work out in the future. So govern yourselves accordingly. We got time for a word. Or you know what, Jane, maybe find a new job,

apply for something new and you're not colleagues anymore. Exactly. It's free reign. Or get him fired, better. Exactly. Yeah, just plant a story, get him fired and then call him and be like, listen, we can do this now. This has been the Dilemma, excellent advice.

Well, we have an audio Dilemma from Martin. Let's listen to what Martin's Dilemma is. Hi Ben, this is Martin from Shelburne. I've talked to you before. My Dilemma is I've been a widower for two years, and at my age it is so hard to meet people. And when you do meet them, they're not genuine. And it's really, really tough out there, trying to meet

someone just to have a dinner and go for a walk. So put your thinking cap on and see what you can come up with. Martin, God love you. God love you. Aaron, let's start with you. What advice do you have for Martin? Oh, my goodness, Martin, I'm so sorry for your loss. First of all, you know, my company is online estate planning. So I actually speak with a lot of widows. So you put the right Martin, I'm so sorry for your loss, first of all. My company is online estate planning. I actually speak with a lot of widows. You put the right person on the panel for this. I actually interviewed

a wonderful young widow last year named Julia. She faced the same challenge. Her husband passed away when she was a new mom. She was really missing that human connection. To your point, Brad, I've heard the same thing, although I've not been on them. The apps are kind of a cesspool. Brad, I've heard the same thing, although I've not been on them. The apps are kind of a cesspool. Uh, but Julia actually took it matters into her own hands. She founded a community called widowsfire.ca. Uh, dot com rather. And it is a website specifically, a community for widows and widowers,

and not just for love connections for just companionship and connection with people who have been through the same thing. So my advice would be check out wid's fire, make a profile, make some connections, whether for friendship or for more. And I think that would be a great starting point, Martin. Yeah. I can't say anything better than that, except for just hearing Martin's voice. Oh my God, it's heartbreaking.

The guy sounds as genuine, like he leads with they're not genuine and you hear his voice, the genuine connection. I mean, it makes me miss that I didn't grow up with my grandfathers because The guy sounds as genuine. When he leads with, they're not genuine, and you hear his voice. The genuine connection, I mean, it makes me miss that I didn't grow up with my grandfathers, because that old sound, like wisdom voice, just resonates. So I don't think he's gonna have a problem finding anyone. It's just, at that age, it's getting yourself out there.

And knowing where to go. Like to Martin, I would say lead with who you are because it came through in 20 seconds on this show. And I would say, there are groups out there, there's organizations, there are clubs that you can join. So take advantage. I mean, it could be a walking club. I would go online, not to find someone online,

but to find a club or a group or some group that comes together at a coffee shop where you can have a human in real life connection where it's maybe there's a walking group. You said you want to go for walks. Here's my suggestion. You go on Instagram, get your granddaughter or whatever you have access to you and you put a minute long reel together of that and Martin together, it's going to go viral and someone someone's gonna find Martin. Yeah, but Martin wants- Or you know who's gonna find them, the producers for the Golden Bachelor. I mean, is this Golden Bachelor camera?

Oh gosh, Martin, you know- No, no, you can't take away my job. I'm only four or five years away from that. Hey guys, this has been so much fun. I hope, Erin, you'll come into the studio and we can do this in person one day because it's been a lot of fun. Would love to, and thanks for having me. And Brad, I gotta say, you'll come into the studio. We can do this in person one day, because it's been a lot of fun. Would love to.

Thanks for having me. And Brad, I got to say, you're more than welcome any time. I think that's been so, I mean, we haven't seen each other in a really long time. Yes, but I want to say this to all the people that are listening to Ben, maybe for the first time, this is a guy who I went into the industry and we were doing the exact same job,

and you had every right to treat me any way you wanted, and you've been nothing but nice to me. You were honestly one of the first guys to invite me out to things. So I'm so happy for all that you've done and where you've ended up and you're a kicking bum. Well, thank you, thank you, brother. I mean, I did tell producers if he steps out of line. She has partial retrograde amnesia. She can't remember the last eight years. Tuesdays.

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