The Ben Mulroney Show - The Dilemma Panel - Asking for Permission to Propose

Episode Date: April 30, 2025

Guests and Topics on Today's Show Guest: Mohit Rajhans Mediologist and Consultant, ThinkStart.ca Guest: David Cooper, Host of The Last Show with David Cooper on the Corus Radio Network If you enjoyed the podcast, tell a friend! For more of the Ben Mulroney Show, subscribe to the podcast! https://globalnews.ca/national/program/the-ben-mulroney-show Follow Ben on Twitter/X at https://x.com/BenMulroney Enjoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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That's right. Welcome back to the show. The country has spoken and they have decided that is the Liberal Party and Mark Carney who will solve the national dilemma. But here on our show you come back time and time again for us to solve your personal dilemmas every Wednesday. And if you have a personal dilemma that you want us to look into and solve next week, just send us an email at askbenn at chorus and.com. Of course, I can't do this myself. I mean, that could be very boring. It wouldn't be as entertaining. So I'm instead I'm joined by two great guests, Mohit Rajan's, Mediologist and Consultant at thinkstart.ca

and David Cooper, the host of the last show with David Cooper on the Chorus Radio Network. Mohit, David, welcome to the Dilemma. Good day, good day. Oh my goodness, thanks for having me. All right, let's jump right into the first one, shall we? Ben, recently I put a political sign

in my front yard for the election. I knew not everyone in the neighborhood would agree, but I didn't expect it to become a problem. One of my neighbors, who I am close with, told me a few people in the neighborhood have commented on it in a neighborhood group chat, a group chat that I'm not in, mind you. I feel like I should confront them, but it might cause further alienation. The election is now over, the signs are all gone, but I can't stand to look at them in the face. Should I say anything or are politics left undiscussed?

Signed Chandra. David, let's start with you. Well, you can't stand to look your neighbors in the face because they view things politically different than you, and yet you're surprised that they're upset by this? I don't know, this person should have known better. Politics are pretty polarizing these days. Yeah, I agree. They are polarizing.

But I think we only improve things when we discuss things. Mohit? I'm a little confused only because of the fact that I thought every community has multiple chat groups going about multiple topics. And I'm just confused that this is the first time it's coming to light in this community. For example, they probably had discrepancies and arguments, et cetera, about different things. And so just to hear about this coming to the surface

over politicalness is actually a surprise to me. Well, I'm going back to the final line. Should I say anything or are politics best, less left undiscussed? Well, the whole point of lawn signs is to spur conversation, to let you know that we all live together, we have different opinions, you might live next to somebody

you have a completely different opinion on, and the best thing to do is to discuss it. That's why you put those signs out in public. And if you don't wanna talk about it, you don't put up a sign. And so if you're putting up a sign, you're inviting conversation. I would say what I'm saying is that is that these community people in communities are speaking regardless whether the sign is up, you know, on the lawn or it's a Facebook group

or a chat group. Yeah. And so you might not want to look somebody straight in the face because they're opposed to a certain thing that you're opposed to. And you don't have that law of law and sign. You know what I mean? Yeah, I think we have to get to get to a place where we understand that our neighbors because where they're because where they're placed, they're not our best friends that aren't going to agree with us the whole time. No, not at all. But if you are living next to someone, David,

and you don't, you can't stand to look at them. That's only going to get worse over time if you don't address it, don't you think? You're already polarized, not standing to look at your neighbors. But I do think there's another way to deal with this. How? But let's get the serious conversation out first. Arson, are you suggesting Arson? I think put up more signs,

like I voted for Beyonce, or maybe one that says I'm not in the group chat, but I know things, I'm watching you. I love that. Maybe a sign that says ask me about my cult. Oh, dude, I love the I'm not in the group chat, but I know things is a great sign. It's a great idea. I'd wear that t shirt. I wear that t shirt. I think that is great. Listen, I personally don't think there's anything wrong with turning the temperature down and and saying, listen, I've

heard through the grapevine that there is a group chat, and on that, you're not happy with my political beliefs. I'd love to chat with you about them if you're open to that. Or you can go with the passive aggressive sign. I think that makes, that's funnier. But I think if you wanna deal with the problem head on, there's a way to do it respectfully. I still love the lawn sign though, David.

Let's move on to the next one. This is a classic Reddit dilemma. Am I the a-hole for making my sick husband clean up his vomit? Oh my God. My husband has been dealing with a stomach bug of some kind over the last few days, vomiting, diarrhea, nausea, indigestion, isn't that commercial? I've been taking care of him and the house and kids

by myself because of which it's a lot with two children under five. This morning, my husband wanted to try eating something, so I made him toast as requested. As he was on the couch nibbling on his breakfast, I was making our toddlers their breakfast and feeding them when I hear him violently gagging in the other room. He'd been hanging out in the living room

during this entire illness, so he had a trash can there in case he would puke or whatever. I called him out to remember to use it or go to the bathroom. He didn't listen and he threw up all over the floor and got some on the couch. Husband then went into the room and told me to clean it up because he's not feeling well. I had been doing that for the past few days, but felt this was a step too far. I refused and made him clean it himself. He's now mad at me for not showing him good bedside manner. Who's in the wrong? Mohit who's in the wrong? I am really sorry dudes, but the dude is in the wrong here.

We had we tend to take on all of these illnesses at amplified effect. And unfortunately, our partners take the burden in so many different ways. And I don't necessarily think that he has any right to ask anybody to clean anything. Suck it up. Those are your feelings. You're the one that should be as the dude should be cleaning up. Clean up. Don't suck it up because it's vomit and that's gross.

David, your thoughts? You miss the designated puke zone. There are consequences. I don't know. That's like jumping out of a plane with a parachute and choosing to land on the power lines. If he's really so sick he can't clean it up, she should do it, but then he owes her big time,

like so big time. I don't even know how big time, but he's like in the hole. Yeah, and you know, she's not in the wrong. He is absolutely wrong. She gave him everything he would need to take care of this himself. He didn't listen. He's not a child and he's not a dog.

I've cleaned up vomit from kids. Actually, last week as a matter of fact, one of my kids missed the toilet. I cleaned it up, no problem. That's my job as the parent. And when my dog gets sick, I clean it up and I tend, this man is not your child and is not your pet.

Therefore, they have to do a little bit of something. And if he's mad at you, well, he'll get over it. Because when he's healthy again, you will make him feel the brunt of your ire, I suspect, ma'am. So you are not in the wrong. All right, let's move on to dilemma number three. Dear Ben's panel, so this is directed at you guys, I should just shut up.

I've been dating my girlfriend for almost three years. And I know without a doubt that I want to spend the rest of my life with her. A few weeks ago, I decided it was time to take the next step and ask her father for his blessing before proposing, something I knew meant a lot to her and her family. I'm also a traditionalist that way. To my shock, he said no. He didn't raise any specific concerns about me or our relationship or even the idea of marriage in general, just a vague feeling that, quote, it's not the right time. I left the conversation feeling confused, disappointed, and unsure of what to do next. I love my girlfriend deeply and was planning to propose soon. Do I wait and hope her father changes his mind? Do I take my girlfriend, do I talk to my girlfriend about what happened even though I wanted the proposal to be a surprise?

Or do I go ahead with it anyway knowing it might start we might start the next chapter of our lives without her father's approval signed anonymous okay I'm glad it's directed at two of you because I want to hear what you have to say first before when I say my thing David you go first I got three reads here the father's a controlling jerk read number one number two she doesn't want to marry you. And she's told her family and her father's taking the hit. She just doesn't have the courage to dump you or number three, there's something wrong with you, dude. But I honestly, I don't know how you try to figure out which one is which.

Yeah, okay. Those are all very interesting reads. Wildly divergent. And, and but all possibly valid. Mohit? So I did this back in the day. And while I was reading this, I started to cringe because I was putting myself in the position where I was trying to figure out, you know, what would I do? Right? Would I have changed my destiny and destination? The truth is the plot is twisted now. And so you will forever have on your shoulder your father-in-law,

if you go ahead and go against him, you will have him on your shoulder like Gazoo, warning you that it wasn't the right time to do this. I think the guy's got to rethink his whole plan here. I don't think he should he should be looking at this as as an actual just sidestep. This is a red, red, red flag. Yeah, I, yeah, when went down, when I asked my father-in-law, my eventual father-in-law for my wife's hand in marriage, I was trying to do it while Jess's sister was keeping her occupied in the other room, but the sister didn't tell me

how long she was gonna take with her. She just took her, didn't let me know that she was gonna give me like the five minutes, 10 minutes that I needed. So I had to do it as quickly as possible. And I said, I don't have a lot of time here, but I love your daughter. And I want to marry her. May I have her hand in marriage. And both the husband and wife looked at me and said, well, we didn't know people did the same. I was like, hey, focus up. I need a yes or no. All that to say, I think I think he deserves to get a Oh, shoot. We got to go to break. Oh, I will continue this after the break. More with the Dilemma Panel on the Ben Maloney Show. Welcome back to the Dilemma Panel.

My dilemma is apparently is time management. I was in the process of telling our guests here for the Dilemma Mohit Rajans and David Cooper what my solution would be for the previous dilemma of a guy who asked his soon to be father, expected father-in-law for the permission to marry his daughter and he got a very amorphous now's not the right time sort of answer and he's trying to figure out what to do next and so gentlemen my solution what I would say is he needs to go back to that father-in-law and say listen I love your daughter I have told you that I see in her somebody I want to build the next generation with.

I want to build a family with her. This is the biggest decision I would ever make. I demand and I deserve far more respect than what you just gave me. If you have a real problem with me, you need to tell me. If there is a red flag that you see that I don't see, I need to know about it. But I deserve far more than you putting this roadblock in front of me that is going to force me to ask myself the question, do I go around you

and try to build a life with your daughter on an unsound foundation? I think he deserves that. And I think if he pushes back and demands the respect that he should get as somebody who is showing respect himself, I think he'll get a better answer. David? I think David's point about it being,

him might being weird. And it's a read on the father's part is what I'm leaning into on this. Sure, but he deserves to know that. Don't you think David, like that's not, he can't work with the answer he was given. Dads are weird, man. I would confront the dad, but that's just me he doesn't, he can't work with the answer he was given. That's weird, man. I would confront the dad, but that's just me.

But can we just take a step back? It is a really weird tradition asking the father. Like I asked my ex-wife's parents and they just got mad at me being like, why are you asking me? Why don't you ask her? I can't read these people. They're just so different than me.

Yeah, but it's true. We should come to some sort of society conclusion about are we in or out on this actual tradition? Because it sounds like it's one step in the process that not everybody's, you know, cool with. Yeah, you know, that's that's a dilemma for another day. We're talking about personal dilemmas, not societal dilemmas here, guys. Come on, come on. We're going granular on this show.

If you're buying into this, all this traditional stuff and you're willing to ask for permission, you're also willing to hear a no. And it sounds like this guy can't deal with it. No, but he didn't get a no. He got a, I'm just not feeling it. I'm sorry, I need more than that. That's a no.

That's a no. That's a no. From his dad, that's a no. But you need to know why, that's the point. If you don't have the why, it's gonna follow you forever. It's gonna linger in the air like a bad, like a fart. Mm, farts are funny. Best form of humor.

All right, dilemma number four. Dear Ben, I'm engaged to a wonderful woman who has two children from a previous relationship. I have a child of my own from a prior marriage and I've made it clear that I intend for the majority of my estate to go to my child while I care deeply for my fiance's kids and plan to support them while we're together. I feel a strong responsibility to ensure my child is financially secure after I'm gone. I recently told my fiance about my inheritance plans.

I told her that any money we make while together can go equally to the three children. But what I have accumulated before her will go to my child. Needless to say, this hasn't landed well. Any advice? Let's start with David. David, you're coming in hot today, and I like it, so give me your take. Yeah, my parents just confronted me about my will, so I live with my girlfriend, we're unmarried, but we're very much coupled up. No comment on what I'm doing with my will. I don't know, blended families have blended values.

Money, it's never just about the money. It's about fairness and people's idea of future promises. I don't really have like a good answer here. I'm sorry. Yeah. Everyone's different. Yeah, everyone's different, but clearly he can see his answer

that he had an idea in his head. He wasn't willing to talk it through. He sort of said, these are my rules. And that's fine, you can do that, but you have to be prepared that what you're doing is you're setting yourself up for some prickly relations moving forward with the person that you've said you wanna spend the rest of your life with.

And if you're not willing to adapt and tweak for, like you either be right or you can be happy, right Mohit? Well, I think that what we haven't figured out here is what was her original take with her family, right? That's the other part of all of this is that I think we can all agree that at the end of the day, a marriage is also a business that you're running together and you're growing something together,

you're running a family and there becomes that idea that maybe on the other side, there's more of a pot to choose from. You know, we haven't thought of it from that perspective. And I think that's another likely scenario we have to stop and consider because unfortunately in his situation, in many situations, people think it is just black and white. You can do multiple things with various forms of your inheritance. In fact, you should be more plotting on how not to give it all back to the government, if anything else. No, exactly.

Yeah. Well, I just think like the end result here, what he's done is he gave, he said, this is what I'm doing. You can take it or leave it. And she's like, she's like, you're setting yourself up to not be as happy as you could possibly be because you've put this, you've put this, this thing out in the air that's not making your fiancee happy. I'm not suggesting you give her anything and everything she wants, but come up with a solution that allows you to live the happiest life you could possibly have.

Because, I mean, you're planning for your kid to be happy when you're dead, but you're not going to be happy while you're alive. Yeah, that's a great point, Ben. I think all of these things are department. I'm full of great points. I am full of great points, Mohit. That's why we do this segment, is to showcase how right I am capable of being. That's how you know someone's full of good points, they tell you. I will tell you, I'll tell you any chance I get. All right, moving on to another classic Reddit,

am I the a-hole for not letting my new neighbor put scaffolding on my drive for two weeks. A couple of recently bought the house next door to us and are having improvements done to it. The house had an extension built on the driveway, meaning they now don't have a driveway and have no access to their back garden. Last week I saw a builder knocking at my door

on the doorbell camera, and while I was at work, he said that they need to put scaffolding on my driveway to have improvements done to the roof next door. I said no, and he asked why. I said firstly, it's my driveway. Secondly, the new neighbors should have come around and asked rather than telling the builder to do it. He said that the man moving in had been up multiple times and tried knocking. This was a lie as I work from home 90% of the time and can see through my doorbell camera. The couple came around the following evening and asked about it. This was the first interaction I'd had with them. My main issue was that they've

assumed they can use my property. Didn't ask themselves. I've got a builder to do it. This was the first interaction I'd had with them. My main issue was that they've assumed they can use my property, didn't ask themselves, and got a builder to do it, lied about coming up and knocking on the door saying we weren't in, and now wants my driveway for two weeks. Who's the a-hole here? Mohit, who's the a-hole? Ben, this is happening to me right now. I kid you not. I kid you not. I wish I could send you pictures of the contractors that are in front of my house. Now this is beyond scaffolding. So it's definitely not happening in the real sense, but this is about permission. Yeah. And this is about this really weird state that we're in right now where everybody feels

like they have the right, whether it's to block the street or it's to block your driveway and use things to get things up, um, up converted or, or fixed. The one problem I have is that at some point you are going to be the neighbor that needs the root. Yeah. So I try to hold back from being the person that calls people out on stuff, but when it's something to that length of two weeks of inconvenience, I think you gotta have a larger conversation

with your neighbors. Yeah, I mean, two weeks doesn't sound like a long time to me in the lifetime of living in a house and living next to somebody. I live in New York and a part of me is like, we all live here, we all share space. I do work on my apartment, my contractor annoys you. You do work on your place, your contractor annoys me.

But what I did before I moved in was I went by every neighbor's house. I knocked, I brought flowers, I was very friendly because I knew my contractors were going to annoy them. A part of me is like, I don't know, share your space so your neighbor can build. But on the other hand, don't be a jerk about it and don't do it without asking.

And so how did that work? Did the honey, did the carrot work so that when the stick came down it didn't hurt so bad? No, the president of the building association banged on my door when I was doing work one day and said you guys are too loud. It didn't work amazing. But you know what? When he does work on his place, I'm going to be annoyed with him. It just happens. Listen, I agree with everything that's been said so far. And Mohit, you're right. Like at some point, this guy who works from home, who is so comfortable in his sort of self-righteousness,

he's going to be the one showing up cap in hand because there's a leak in his roof, or there is a pipe that is going to the street from his house that needs tending to that is running under the property of his neighbor. Like it going to happen karma will come for you and you need to play I have to tell you that that also happened to me I'm starting to wonder if this panel is produced mainly for my dilemmas what is it the golden rule treat your neighbor the way you want your neighbor to treat you guys thank you so much for joining me I hope you get to come back to the dilemma panel again because I think we did a lot

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