The Ben Mulroney Show - The Dilemma Panel - Co-signing an Auto Loan for a unreliable family member

Episode Date: April 16, 2025

Guests and Topics on Today's Show Guest: Brad Smith, Host of The big bake on the food network, former host of chopped Canada. The first contestant on Bachelor Canada, And former CFL Player Guest: Mike Drolet, Producer and Fill-in Host at Corus If you enjoyed the podcast, tell a friend! For more of the Ben Mulroney Show, subscribe to the podcast! https://globalnews.ca/national/program/the-ben-mulroney-show Follow Ben on Twitter/X at https://x.com/BenMulroney Enjoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Unwrap the early days of your favorite hockey stars with Tim's new retrospective rookies hockey cards featuring exclusive NHL and PWHL players and retired legends. Collect them all only at Tim's at participating restaurants in Canada for a limited time. Welcome to the Dilemma panel. No question is too awkward. No problem too petty and no opinion goes unchallenged. Our panel of overthinkers is here to dissect, deliberate and sometimes derail the conversation entirely. Grab your popcorn. This isn't just advice. It's a front row seat to life's most hilariously

relatable train wrecks. Here's your host, Ben Mulrooney. Welcome back to the Ben Mulrooney show and welcome back to the Dilemma panel because here's a fact for you, ladies and gentlemen. The candidates presenting themselves in this election are gonna look down the barrel of the camera during these debates, and they're gonna tell you

that they have the solution to your problems. They can solve your problems. Baloney, as Veronica Corningstone has said, grade A baloney. We here at the Dilemma Panel are the ones who will solve your problems. And of course, we need to hear from you. We need to know what your problems are.

Feel free to email us at any point at askbenn at chorusent.com. And joining me for the, I want to say, 85th time is Brad Smith, the host of The Big Bake on The Food Network, former host of Chopped Canada, first contestant of Bachelor Canada, former CFL player, and also Bon Vivant on radio. Well, listen, I'm, big shoes to to fill then, even sitting in that chair. Now I know why you have it propped up three feet above us. Yes, it's a position of dominance. And Mike Drouillet, producer and as well, he's a fill-in host here at Chorus.

Mike, welcome to the show for the first time. Thank you very much. I'm just wondering, where are the dilemma PhDs for the wall? Yeah, good question. You need to be able to have some paperwork to be able to show the- Why are we solving your issues? I just need the paperwork. Hey, I studied at the school of hard knocks,

as you can see by my- Selling house. As my delicate features can attest. All right, let's jump into the first dilemma here. Dear Ben, I live with a roommate in a two-bedroom apartment, and when we moved in, we agreed to split everything 50-50. Rent, utilities, chores, the whole deal.

Lately, though, his girlfriend has basically moved in without any discussion. She's here almost every night, using our utilities, sharing our food, and taking up common space. She even showers here and does her laundry regularly. I wouldn't mind occasional visits, but this has turned into a third person living here full-time without paying a cent. I brought it up with my roommate, but he brushed it off saying she, quote, just likes being around. I'm starting to feel like I'm subsidizing their relationship. Is it unreasonable to expect her to contribute to the rent or utilities? And how can I approach this without turning my living

situation into a constant argument? Signed, Ian, Mike, you're new to the dilemma. Introduce yourself with a solve here. Well, let me tell you, I've had this situation. I had this when I was in university. I had a roommate whose girlfriend was there all the time. And it was awkward. It was super awkward. You go in the living room and they just sort of quietly just sort of stare at you until you left.

And I was like, ah. So I probably didn't handle it well because I went in my room and I cranked music on my stereo. Not passive aggressive at all. No, it wasn't passive aggressive. But I found out that the real issue wasn't even the fact that she was there all the time. She mentions that, he mentions in his things that she's there showering.

It's the long hair because then all of a sudden the drain gets filled because you have so many more people there. And you know, it's disgusting it's, it's disgusting. It's horrible. See, I think it depends on your relationship. Cause I had this in the CFL. I lived with a guy who actually played my position. We played the same position, same team for five years and his girlfriend lived with us.

And because our relationship was so good, I loved it. I loved when Kelly was over all the time. I didn't care about the, the monetary factor. She just brought great energy and love and life into our like little home. And it just made me so happy and it made Tyler happy. So that's why I love to be, you know, but I can see, you know. I'm going to speak directly to Ian. Ian, your, your roommate's girlfriend is a mooch. You have, you had explicitly laid out that you guys would be splitting everything 50-50

without any conversation about this girl. You need to push this on, you need to push this. You need to have a, and if it means having a meeting with her there to guilt her into realizing she's a mooch, do so. Listen, we're living in an affordability crisis. I don't know what your situation is, Ian, but I have to assume that because you have a roommate

and you've agreed to these terms, it's because you take your finances seriously. And if he's going to be cavalier with your money, then you need to highlight that for him. Especially if she's there all the time. Yeah, I think so. And maybe keep a running tab for a few days and say, this is what I've observed over the past few days.

I'm just looking for other... There's a lot of passive aggressive tendencies right here. You're going to keep a running tab for a few days and say, this is what I've observed over the past few days. I'm just looking for other. There's a lot of passive aggressive tendencies right here. You're gonna keep a list? That's not passive aggressive, that's research. That's research to drop like a truth bomb in the living room. When you open up that little booklet with all, this is what I've noticed.

You start like itemizing stuff. Yeah, that's when you're- By the way, I've made a rubric of the last three days like I got a wonder could things be made better if all if by highlighting maybe she cleans up a little bit or cooks a little bit I don't know does does some of the chores it just makes life a little easier roommates roommates is a relationship just a different form of it and you have to have communication so if Ian's sitting there and not communicating properly what he wants

that's his issue until he communicates. Yeah, Ian, well, it looks like he has already. He's got to push this issue. You have the moral high ground, man. Use it. All right. Dilemma two. This is a classic Reddit, am I the a-hole for not waking my husband up for his once in a lifetime job interview. Okay. So this happened last week and my husband is still mad at me. I'm 29 and my husband is 32. We've been married for three years and together for six. My husband has been looking for a job for months. He finally landed a job interview with a company he's been obsessed with since college. The interview was scheduled for 7.30 a.m. on Zoom.

The night before he was playing video games, staying up late. I reminded him twice to get some sleep and he didn't listen, staying up until 2 a.m. Sure enough, that morning I woke up at quarter to seven and he was knocked out cold. He didn't get up and I refused to wake him up. I was annoyed that he didn't take personal responsibility.

He's saying I'm in the wrong because this job was important for both of us, but I think it's all on him for not being responsible enough to go to bed early. Oh my God. There's a lot to unpack. There's a lot to unpack. All right, Brad.

What's the name of this person? Uh, doesn't say. Oh, it doesn't say? Well, this person is dating a man child. Yeah. Uh, having been there dating a man child. Having been there before in my life, I remember Ben, the first time you ever interviewed me on the CSA red carpet after the bachelor, you asked the girl that I got engaged to,

what's life like after? And she looked at you in her eyes, like in your eyes and said, well, his call of duty kill ratio is going up. If this guy, if this job was so important where it's a life-changing job, how don't you wake up for it? How don't you get to sleep the night before and you're prepping for the job that you want for your entire life? Yeah, if it's that important, I agree. You know what though, first off, sometimes that Grand Theft Auto or Call of Duty-

It's so good. You can't turn it off. I mean, it's not letting you turn it off. But also, married couples have these lessons things that they try to impart on each other. You think about dishes and stuff. Well, there's times when it's like they just, my wife and daughters leave the dishes out all the time, so I refuse to put them away and it'll be three days,

they'll just be sitting there and that'll be my lesson. But there's some things I think like a dream job where I think you have to overlook the lesson and be the better partner. Yeah, do you want to be happier? Do you want to be right? Or do you want to be right? This seems like a toxic relationship though. Why is it like to be right though? They both, the two of these people, I don't even think they were mature. I don't know. Do you imagine? 29 and 32, I would have said 19 and 22. Ben, do you imagine having your dream job and yes, you oversleep whatever the parameters are the night before and your wife doesn't wake you up in the morning.

This wife wanted to be right. And now her husband is jobless, right? Like that's okay, congratulations on the peer. You made it worse. You made it worse. Thank you for the lesson. And by the way, I concede to her, she's married to, you know,

Will Ferrell from Wedding Crashers. Ma! Me love! I never know what she's doing back there. Yeah. So I get that, I get that, but you picked him, you picked him.

Yep. Yeah. So you, you, you dance with the one that brung you and you were already up. So you are in the wrong. You are in the wrong. Your husband's an idiot. Both of them are.

Your husband, your husband's an idiot and you're wrong. So there you go. The lemmas. He can't do Your husband's an idiot. Both of them are. Your husband's an idiot and you're wrong. So there you go. Dilemmas. Yeah, but he can't do anything about being an idiot, but she can actually do something about being petty. Yeah, okay, we're gonna go through this one very quickly. All right, dear Ben, my younger brother recently asked me

to co-sign on a car loan for him. Uh-oh, that's not good. Oh, God. He says he needs a reliable vehicle to get to work and help him get his life on track. And he swears he'll make the payments on time. The thing is I love my brother, but he doesn't have the best track record

when it comes to money. He's bounced checks, missed bills, and once even had his phone shut off because he didn't pay it for months. I really want to support him, but I'm also worried that if he misses the payments or defaults, it'll destroy my credit. Am I being selfish or just realistic?

How do I say no without wrecking our relationship? Is there an epidemic of man, manchildism going on? Yeah. Because long story short, my sister, one summer when I was working in Montreal, I was traveling from Hudson to Montreal, it's about an hour in, and she gave me her car for the summer. I made every single payment, paid the gas, made sure it was clean and made sure it was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me. That's what you have to do for people.

Yeah, way to pump your own tires and not solve a problem here. Drill late, your turn. I'm telling you, like, I'm gonna add to the man-child mystery here because I think his tactic should be to just act, when the guy asks him the question, act like he didn't hear it. And it works. Sadly, I've done this before in relationships and stuff.

And when you're thinking about your answer and you're just, there's that pause. And there is a point where you've waited too long to answer. So then you just have to act like you didn't hear it. That's a tough one. I would say your- It doesn't work. Your brother is playing on your kindness.

Do not allow him to take advantage of you. Tell him- He's being a little brother. Tell him to kick rocks and go find a way to pay for his own damn car. All right, more with our dilemma panel when we continue, including have you ever want to spoil a surprise party on purpose? We discuss that next on The Ben Mulroney Show. Welcome back to The Ben Mulroney Show and welcome back to the

public service announcement portion of the show. It's the dilemma where you tell us your problems and we solve them for you. You're welcome. Welcome back, Brad Smith and Mike Drolet, guys. Thanks so much. It's been a lot of fun thus far. You're welcome. Yeah. To you as well and to both of you. You're welcome.

Yeah, and I appreciate that. Thank you so much. Enough with the chit chat. Our job is not done. Okay, let's go. We have problems to solve. Kick rocks Ben, kick rocks. Dear Ben's panel, prom is coming up and my

teenage daughter just told me she and her friends are planning to get a hotel room for the night instead of coming home afterwards. Flag on the play. She says quote, everyone is doing it and that it's just to hang out, take pictures and celebrate the end of high school. Oh good. She promises there won't be any drinking or anything quote bad going on but I'm not naive. I remember what prom night was like when I was a teen and honestly the idea of a group of unsupervised teens in a hotel room makes me very uncomfortable. I trust my daughter but I don't necessarily trust the situation.

I told her I'd prefer she come home after the dance and now she says I'm being overprotective and ruining her prom experience. The hard part is she's using it against me that I trusted her brother to grab a hotel a few years ago. I think it's different for boys and girls and I have to be more protective. Help me out of a tough situation. Signed Jeff. Mike. Oh my, I've got a 12 year old daughter and that just gave me a, I mean, she's not anywhere near that stage yet. And I'm just, I I'm shaking now because I I'm terrified of that. I that idea, but having to have that conversation. And all I know is this, when we were in school and we were going to prom, it is a far different world

and the kids are into much more, they're far more sexualized. It's scary. I would say, I would say lock her up. See, you made the problem of letting your son do this before, so you set a precedent so that your daughter, but Ben, I think we grew up the same way. You think that my dad and my mom ever let me

even contemplate the idea of being in a hotel room after prom? My mom showed up at our after party at 10.30 and walked into the party, grabbed my hand and walked me out in front of everybody. Listen, I'm going to say something that's good. Oh yes, I was not allowed, they were strict. I was not allowed to have any sort of fun after 10.

I think parents can do what they want. They can treat their kids any way they want. I have been living in a world with a steady diet of stories that I have been sharing with the public for years that, that, that, that I'm sorry, the world does not treat women the way it treats men. No, no, no. And when alcohol is involved and a private

setting is involved. Especially young women too. Yes. Don't tell me that the stories that I read about intimate partner violence and, and aggressive boys and alcohol leading to bad outcomes don't tell me that i have to i i have to shut that off and treat my daughter the way i treat my son they're so my my job is to raise my kids to be raise my sons to be better versions of me and my job is to raise my daughter to protect herself against anyone who is raised differently.

There's a double standard for sure. Of course there is. And my older sister would complain about the fact I had no rules. I'd be able to go out and do whatever I wanted and unlike you unfortunately, Brad, but I was able to go out and they just said well you know he's more street smart. Yeah but that's the thing. Which I was. Imagine alcohol at 16, 17 years old. You don't even have the capability to process what it's doing to you. And then you're having people that are making decisions based on immaturity, like, no, no,

do not let that happen. And hotel rooms, hotel room. No. Jeff, here's what you do, man. You tell your daughter, sucks to be you. You're gonna be out of the house next year. So yeah, you're coming home right after that or I'm coming to find you.

Make sure your location setting is on on your phone because I'm coming to get you. And you know what? Do you know what? It's not mean, it's just parenting. Yeah, sorry. It's the right thing to do. And parenting, so many people don't do that. Yeah.

And why do we have problems? Well, just your reaction to your 12 year old daughter. That's gonna happen in four years. And you have to say, no, you're not doing this at all. All right, dilemma number five. Dear Ben, my family is planning a big surprise party for my brother's 50th birthday. They've been organizing it for weeks.

Venue, guests, decorations, the whole nine yards. There's just one problem, my brother hates surprises. He's never been a big fan being in the center of attention and he gets anxious when things are sprung on him. I've tried to gently bring this up to the rest of the family, but they're so excited and they keep saying, it'll be different this time,

or he'll love it once he sees everyone there. I'm torn between respecting the effort they've put in and wanting to give my brother a heads up and spare him the stress. The thing is, I know if I tell him, he'll keep it a secret and play along, but also can mentally prepare for it. Would I be totally out of line if I told him?

Signed, Kelly. I don't know, Ben, you go first. I don't think he'd be out of line if I told him? Signed, Kelly. I don't know, Ben, you go first. I don't think he'd be out of line. You know your brother better than anybody. They seem to be poo-pooing his anxiety, which is a big deal for some people. It can be crippling, it can be triggering. And if you think he can play along and fool everybody,

then yeah, there you go. He'll appreciate the hard work and there will be no long-term damage to his mental health. And there's a danger of what you said, poo-pooing. You know, somebody who's got serious anxiety issues like that, jumping into a, hey, a surprise, he might crap his pants. He could. He could. It's possible. When you get into those moments of extreme sort of anxiety and stuff, it's a medical thing. You can actually, your body tenses up and boom,

and you better have a camera rolling. Then it becomes a pants party. Camera rolling for the crapping of the pants. And then you just ruin his life every other way. So as somebody full transparency who suffers from crippling anxiety, my ex-girlfriend did this for my 40th birthday. Like a little surprise.

How'd that go? And it was amazing. Oh yeah? Yeah, it was the exact opposite of how I thought I would react. And the emotion from the people that were sitting around the table kind of softened. It was lovely, it was beautiful. And the fact that somebody went to the effort to do that for me was something that no one has ever done and it made me just feel great.

Now when you walked in the room, did they all say in recognition of your anxiety, surprise? No, no, no. I came in and they were just all sitting there. It wasn't like a surprise thing. you walked in the room, did they all say in recognition of your anxiety? Surprise. No, no, no. They did, they, I came in and they were just all sitting there. It wasn't like a surprise thing. It was just kind of like a absolute shock and it ended up being three hours of love. So maybe Kelly, maybe that's the middle ground. Maybe you say, listen, okay, I was going to tell my brother because I really don't think

that he will, he'll, he'll respond well to a big surprise. But if you're all just kind of sitting there quietly and he walks in and you allow that moment to soak over, then that's the surprise. Maybe that's a win-win for everybody. Yeah. I think that actually is sort of the best idea. Yeah. Because you don't want to scare him. You don't want to freak him out. And you don't want to ruin his day. It's his day. It's his day. Exactly. You're doing it for him.

50 is a big one too. Don't push what you want to do on his 50. There you go. On him. Yes. All right. Look, we solved it guys. We did it. I think that was the only one we did perfectly. No. Well, I know I solved it. You guys just talked about yourselves. You guys just talked about yourselves. Here I am doing a... Bigging myself up. I am doing a mitzvah and you're already screwing up. All right. Here we go. Is the diploma in the mail? Yeah. All right.

Hello, Ben. Easter is coming up this weekend and my mother-in-law has once again insisted on cooking the entire holiday dinner. The problem is I really don't enjoy her cooking. Her food is often overcooked, under-seasoned, or just plain odd. Last year she made deviled egg salad casserole.

Oh, yeah. But she takes great pride in hosting and gets very sensitive if anyone even suggests contributing a dish, let alone taking over entirely. I love her and appreciate the effort, but I also dread the meal every year. I've gently hinted in the past that maybe we could do a potluck or help out in the kitchen,

but she brushes it off and acts offended. My spouse agrees the food isn't great, but doesn't want to rock the boat with her mom. How do I handle this without hurting her feelings? Is there a way to tactfully suggest we try something new next year or am I doomed to eat another plate of mystery meat and beige side dishes? This reminds me of the episode of Friends where Rachel made the trifle. It tastes like meat. So is there meat in here? Nice. Jam good, meat good. Joey eats the whole thing.

Yeah so I look I don't mean, you could lie and say, you've got a doctor's appointment, you have to fast. I think this is one you gotta suck up. You gotta suck it up. You don't ruin the relationship with the mother-in-law. That is something that will get between you and your spouse. Every sort of, my mom was a terrible cook, and yet she always wanted to have us over for dinner.

And we'd go over and it'd be like, oh, is this water water with a boiled chicken? Oh, this is wonderful. Yeah. Great. And, but we knew that what we were expecting. And then it would be like, we're going to go take out on the way home. Yeah, exactly.

And you've proven you can eat it and not die in the past. So suck it up for one more meal, make your grandmother, make your mother-in-law happy. Exactly. And move on and get some KFC or some Popeyes on the way home. See, every time I'm on radio, I uniquely feel that I, uh, sewer my mother for something. And she comes from a long line of terrible cooks. My grandmother was the worst cook of all time.

We're talking like vegetables that would disintegrate in your mouth before. And my mother is Lisa, I'm sorry, the worst cook ever. And because I've worked on food network and became a pretty decent chef, she, you know, asked my advice sometimes, yet she doesn't take any of it. And you still have to eat the George Foreman grilled chicken with broccoli that is microwaved.

And you know, my dad, like God love my daddy just sits there for years. But no, you, you, mother-in-law, like Mike, you said, you don't screw with the mother-in-law. No, no, no. Never. Yeah. As bad as the food is, your life will be worse if you're on the wrong side. You shovel that stuff down and you just smile.

May I have some more, please? Is sucking it up for three hours worth it for a lifetime of grief? Exactly, yeah, exactly. Gorgeous side eye. All right, Anonymous, we solved your problem. Hey, Mike Drolet, thank you so much. Brad Smith, thank you so much.

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