The Ben Mulroney Show - The Dilemma Panel - Disagreement on Spanking Children

Episode Date: March 19, 2025

Guests and Topics on Today's Show Guest: Brad Smith, Host of The big bake on the food network, former host of chopped Canada. The first contestant on Bachelor Canada, And former CFL Player Guest: David Cooper, Host of The Last Show with David Cooper on the Corus Radio Network If you enjoyed the podcast, tell a friend! For more of the Ben Mulroney Show, subscribe to the podcast! https://globalnews.ca/national/program/the-ben-mulroney-show Follow Ben on Twitter/X at https://x.com/BenMulroney Enjoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

At Desjardins, we speak business. We speak equipment modernization. We're fluent in data digitization and expansion into foreign markets. And we can talk all day about streamlining manufacturing processes. Because at Desjardins Business, we speak the same language you do. Business. So join the more than 400,000 Canadian entrepreneurs who already count on us. And contact Desjardins today. We'd love to talk business. Welcome to the Dilemma Panel.

No question is too awkward, no problem too petty and no opinion goes unchallenged. Our panel of overthinkers is here to dissect, deliberate and sometimes derail the conversation entirely. Grab your popcorn. This isn't just advice. It's a front row seat to life's most hilariously relatable train wrecks. Here's your host, Ben Mulrooney. Welcome back and welcome to the Dilemma Panel. A lot of you think that my opinions in life and the opinions I spout on this show, very unhelpful. So this is my attempt to restore balance and be as helpful as I can possibly be.

And don't forget, we can't do this unless you give us your dilemmas. And the best way to do that is to email us at askbenn at chorusent.com. That's askbenn at c-o-r-u-s-e-n-t dot com. And here for the 70th time is Brad Smith, the host of The Big Bake on the Food Network, former host of Chopped Canada, the first contestant on The Bachelor Canada, and former CFL player. Welcome back, Brad. Ben, good to see you.

And for the very first time, please welcome new to the chorus family, David Cooper, the host of the last show with David Cooper on the chorus radio network. David, welcome. Oh, Ben, what a pleasure. All right, listen, let's be as helpful as we can, right? And let's jump right into dilemma number one.

Dear Ben, my husband is going through what I think is a midlife crisis and it's causing a lot of tension in our marriage. Lately, he's been talking a lot about wanting to switch careers completely. He's feeling unfulfilled in his current job and believes that a change is what he needs to be happier. While I understand his desire to feel more satisfied with his work, I'm really worried about the financial implications of making such a big leap at this point in our lives. We have a mortgage, kids in school, and a pretty solid routine that's built around his current job.

A career change would likely mean starting over, and I'm not sure how we'd manage the financial strain, especially if the new career takes a while to take off or doesn't pay as well as his current position. I want to be supportive, but I can't help but feel like we're not in the best position to take such a risky move. How do I express my concerns without seeming unsupportive? Signed Jane. And look, I think we've done we've done something similar on the dilemma panel before, but let's go to the fresh face for a fresh take. David, what do you make of Jane's dilemma? Well, I did this like I didn't have a kids or a mortgage, but I made a major career

change into media and radio five years ago. The thing that helped me and it's like the least sexy thing in the world is I planned a budget for the next year. I know that's not cool at all. But I think that could help right? Yeah, these unknown anxieties of how much things are going to cost at least turn into real anxiety. So that's where I would start. Yeah, I like that. Listen, it's true. Like if you could sit down and also, cause Jane, if she sits down with her husband

and they try to build a budget, if they sit there and realize they can't make the economics work, maybe that's her telling him, maybe slow your role player just a little bit without actually having to say it. Yeah, I think- It's telling her that without telling her that, you know? I think she answered her own question in her statement too.

You have to do exactly what you said. Sit down, have a conversation. I love what you said. The budget isn't sexy because that is exactly what my dad instilled in me at a young age. And that is the most important part. We're going through crazy times right now. And you have to prepare yourself for every possible outcome,

especially Ben, you're talking about the time that we talked about, this person wanted to change their life, but they had none of these external forces and internal. So you have all these things, you probably know best. You've done it yourself. Yeah, yeah, and I'm still not there yet. Like it's, my reality is far different today

than it was when I had, you know, that steady TV job. It's a completely different thing. It's been risky, it's been stressful. I have a lot of pressure on me, but I wanted to assume that pressure, right? And it feels to me like Jane senses that her husband may not be paying attention to those pressures that his change would bring to their lives,

in which case this conversation has to happen now. Are you saying that the husband isn't listening to his wife? Are you making that assertion? Well, you know what? No, I think we're all saying the same thing. He can't listen if you're not talking, right? Also, just a recommendation, start a side hustle of like drop shipping.

I see that on Instagram, and apparently you can make 20 grand a day. So, Jane, try the drop shipping angle. on Instagram and apparently you can make 20 grand a day. So Jane, try the drop shipping angle. Okay, here's the next dilemma. Hello to Ben's panel. I grew up in a pretty nasty household. My father had issues with alcohol

and he was physically abusive to me, my mother and my two siblings. While he's sober now after 20 years, our dynamic is not a real father-son relationship, which brings me to the difficult part. I have my own family now and two young boys. My father comes around at the holidays and loves being around my children.

He asks me if he can come more often and I truly haven't forgiven him. I always make excuses for why we're too busy, but he knows in his heart the reason. Am I wrong to withhold my children from their grandfather based on my old trauma? Signed Larry. What do you think, Brad? This is a tough one because my mom actually grew up Am I wrong to withhold my children from their grandfather based on my old trauma? Signed Larry.

What, what do you think Brad? This is a tough one because my mom actually grew up in a very similar situation, except her father passed away when she was at a very young age. And I think there's moments in her life where that was a good thing for her at that time, even though that's a rough thing to say, but I know there's a lot of times for us as a family where we missed that part of knowing where my mom came from and who my grandfather was. So when it comes to the kids, I mean, she's

got to be the one that's okay with having that relationship. Yeah. But also if Larry, I'm just reading what Larry wrote and he said, I truly haven't forgiven him. Uh, and in his heart, he knows the reason. So I'm worried that Larry hasn't taken the steps to process the trauma and then have the ability

to communicate that to his dad. Because I think that like the airing of grievances is really important, right? And if he hasn't done that, then I think that's a step, David, I think that's a step that he's got to take. Yeah. It's not wrong to withhold your kids from your

grandparents, but you got to look at it from a bit of a different angle. Forget about your dad. Are you holding onto this stuff and is it causing you pain? It's not your responsive ability to forgive anyone, but when you do, you can go through a lot of healing. When I see a murder trial, as an extreme example, and I see the victim's family saying,

we forgive the murderer, I'm always so moved by that. I'm not saying anybody has to forgive anybody for anything, but holding onto that anger, maybe doing you a disservice. So I'd look at it more from that angle than from, is it right in terms of what my grandfather, the father, the grandfather thinks? And you're absolutely right. And I hear it time and time again in those situations, I didn't forgive him for him.

I did it for me so I could move on, so I could have the best life possible. And I have to take those people at their word. I mean, why would they make that up? But yeah, look at it from your angle. How would this help you? But also if you're living in a world where your dad is not the same person

and you're withholding the kids because of trauma that happened to you, then your children might be missing out on having the relationship with your dad that you didn't get to have. So I think Larry, you know, I think what you're experiencing is normal, but there are steps that you can take

to possibly find a way through this. So we wish you the very best. All right, dilemma number three. Dear Ben, my brother recently went through a breakup with his long-term girlfriend, but they were very close to me too. We all hung out together frequently, and I actually got along really well with his ex.

Now that they're no longer together, I'm not sure where I stand. I've stayed in touch with his ex, and we've even hung out a few times since the breakup. My brother, however, is pretty upset about it, and says I'm being disloyal by maintaining a relationship with her. I don't wanna hurt him,

but I also value the friendship I have with his ex. What should I do? Am I crossing a line by staying friends with her? Signed, Becky. This is a tough one. Brad, I'm gonna go to you first, because my sense in you when I see you is you have exes littered all over the place.

I appreciate that. Or don't, maybe that says a lot about me. This is a very tough one, because I've actually never maintained a relationship with after, but specifically I can think about one instance where I met a family through one of my long-term relationships that was just one of the greatest families I've ever met. And the hardest part of that relationship wasn't the exit of the actual relationship.

It was not being able to be around those parents because they treated me so well. Now is it right or wrong? That's for the brother to decide. Because that is your brother. And if you want a relationship with his ex and that's more important than a relationship with your brother, then I think there's larger issues here. I agree with you.

But David, don't you also think it has something to do with why'd they break up? I mean, if the brother cheated on the ex, you could make an argument for like, okay, well, you were a dog and so she did nothing wrong. And so you have to figure like, if they communicate it, there could be a path there, but I do think Brad is onto something.

Yeah, I don't know. My brother is still good friends with my ex-wife, like years later, he was at his wedding when he married his husband and I had to hang out with my ex-wife, with my girlfriend. My answer for this that I think is a surefire is every case is different and I don't know. But I would take it back to the last dilemma, holding on to anger is exhausting. Yeah. Forget the murderers.

Yeah. Sorry, go ahead. No, no, go ahead. Yeah. Do you really want to have that anger like blocking you? So at first it was weird. I don't know if I get along too well with my ex, but I'm grown to be happy that my brother and her are still friends. But yeah, this is a tricky and weird one. We make it work though, that's all I'll say. And you're absolutely right.

Every one of these is particular to itself and unique to itself. Like if it was a toxic relationship and they both brought the worst out of each other, but all things being equal, you side with family. And you give them what they want in those moments. Because maybe the breakup was tough on your brother, and you're making it worse by reminding him

that you're making it work with his ex in a way he couldn't. Hey, more- You're posting this frame of sides on them, which I don't agree with. It's not always sides in a breakup. And you're absolutely right. But I did say all things being equal. Hey, more on the dilemma when we continue including should we ever rekindle things with

an X that's next on the Ben Mulroney Show. This is the Ben Mulroney Show, but it's not all about me all the time as much as some of you think it is, or at least how you see it in my own head. I'm joined now for our dilemma panel where we solve life's not so important issues sometimes, but they can be very important to the people writing in. And so I can't do this all on my own. So let's welcome back Brad Smith and David Cooper. Hello. Hello.

All right, let's go. Let's move. When you introduce two people at the same time, who says hello first? That's the question. I just want to see you guys fight it out. All right, let's go on. Dilemma number four.

Dear Ben, I've been married for 12 years now and we have one beautiful child together who is eight. During the first four months of my marriage, I had some overlap where I hadn't completely broken things off with my ex. Wait, hold on. During the first four months of my marriage, I had some overlap where I hadn't completely broke.

Okay. What is overlap? It sounds stupid, but I was still unsure of who to be with and I was hedging my bet until I was sure my now husband was the right guy. Well, he found out from my sister, accidentally said something one night at dinner. I've tried to explain to him what my thinking was,

but he was still angry. Yeah, no, okay. Sorry, I don't mean to editorialize. He's threatening divorce, but I know it's only because he's hurt. We've had a great marriage together, and then remember they've been together 12 years, and I'm trying to get him to sign up for couples therapy

so we can move past it. I'm in a really tough spot here. Anonymous. Anonymous, I think if he was gonna be hurt, like this would have gone down a heck of a lot easier had you been the one to tell him. He was going to be hurt regardless, but something tells me the fact that he found out

from your sister was the worst possible scenario. Brad, what do you think? This is the worst. I mean, was it written by anonymous or narcissist? Because this is a tough one. And this happens more often than you'd think. And I think the biggest issue here is he's not really hurt about what happened

in the first four months. What he's thinking about is everything that's happened in the 12 years in between and how many other things you didn't tell him. That's where your mind goes. If you can lie to me about that, and we have a family and we have a child, and you lied to me in the first four months,

and you were overlapping, what else could you have been hiding from me? Yeah, yeah. Go to couples therapy. Yep, yep. Please. Well, I think he deserves the right to be angry for a while, David. And if that means being on his own and not seeing her for a while, I think he's entitled to that. I'm going to drop a truth bomb. Anonymous says he's hurt and it's exactly that,

but you've built a life with this dude on dishonesty at the very foundation of your relationship. So he's grieving the person he thought he'd married because you're not that person. You're still a person. You may be able to repair your relationship with him, but you gotta let the guy grieve process. And yes, try to get him into therapy,

but if he doesn't wanna do it, he's entitled to do that. You've done a really bad thing. There are consequences people. And you can't just say, oh, well, let's go to therapy. Let's go to therapy. No, no, no, no, no, no. He's got a process he's gotta go through. And I'm sorry.

And you're gonna have to answer some really tough questions from him saying, explain to me when I asked you to marry me and you said yes, that is implicit in that is your belief that we are right for each other. So explain to me why you had overlap because you didn't know if we were right to be together. That's some really hard conversations are gonna happen. And even after you were honest with him on that,

he owes you nothing at this point. David. I just heard you say, marry me, Ben, and I saw your dough-ass and I got distracted. What was the question? Even after you give him everything he is asking for throughout this process, he still reserves the right to say, you know what?

I'm done with you. Yeah, he can walk. Let the guy walk. You've done a bad thing, and there are consequences. I'll say that again. Sorry, Anonymous, but we can't help you with this one. Let's move on to number five. Dear Ben, I recently reconnected with an ex on Facebook.

We dated in our early 20s and now we're both in our late 30s. We're both divorced without children, for context. The relationship was really good back then, but ended because of trust issues she had. Time, growth, and life experiences have shaped us both since then. We went for a coffee.

It feels like there's something there, but I can't shake the past. She told me her past insecurities won't be a hurdle again. Is it wise to give this another shot, or am I just inviting heartbreak all over again? Signed Ian. Ian, people do change between their 20s and 30s.

And look, it's just coffee at this point, man. It's not a high-risk scenario. And the rewards could be great. So my really easy, fast take is do it. Like just see where it goes, Brad. See, as somebody, I'm going to, this is an admission of, I have double dipped every single relationship, every single relationship that I've been in, I've gone back to. That's just because I'm a glutton for punishment. But you have to understand that the relationship that you had with this person, when we date somebody, when we stop dating them, that person

ceases to evolve in our mind. And that person that you were so in love with, you were great friends with is not the same person that you're with now. And you have to understand that that relationship moving forward is with a completely different person. So don't hold onto the past, move forward, enjoy the greatest things of what she was before and just understand that they're gonna be different moving forward.

David, trump that, cause that was a great answer. Well, I'm generous with forgiveness. I'd rather forgive the people I wanna love than be cynical and let one betrayal make me ditch someone. So I would, I'd go for it. I'd even let it develop. And if the person breaks my trust again, I'm not of the mind that it's my fault. I'd rather forgive people when I shouldn't than never trust anyone again when they've done something wrong. And look, the action of the

betrayal consequence, he broke up the crime. He did the time or she did the time. Like there you go. And if, but like I said, right now it's just's just coffee like it take it slow. Don't have any expectations just move forward and enjoy it. Don't put a label on it. That was the first time you've said I've said anything right. Oh correct yeah you're here enough at some point Coffee is the most sensual of the caffeinated drink. So I don't know, just coffee, I don't know. Go get some jobs. That's good. Okay, hello, Ben. My wife and I have a fundamental disagreement when it comes to disciplining our children.

She believes that spanking is an acceptable way to correct bad behavior while I strongly disagree and think it does more harm than good. We've had several discussions about it, but we can't seem to find common ground. I worry about the message it sends to our kids, but she insists it's how she was raised and that it worked for her. How do you navigate this disagreement without it causing a major rift in our marriage or

confusion with our children? David, over to you. I know I just said I'm in a very forgiving person, but I am not forgiving with violence and I'm an extremely nonviolent person. I just think it's totally unacceptable. That's my view. This person, the husband might hate me for it, but I person, I just think it's totally unacceptable. That's my view. The husband might hate me for it, but I would, I don't know. I would let my marriage blow up over something like this. Yeah, I would not want that in my household. Corporal punishment is a pretty,

it's a big rubicon to cross. As someone who grew up in a family where my life was like delirious, when she threw the shoe from anywhere and it hit, my mom had a penny loafer. And you grew up in the 80s and 90s. It was a different time. We didn't know what we were doing to the kids at that time. Now we live in a different world. We have to teach our kids mindfulness, being present, understanding what your actions are and what the reactions are and the consequences. And it's just not acceptable. Yeah, listen, when I was a kid, my dad only threatened to spank me once. He threatened it

and that was enough. That was my fault too. And my mother never threatened corporal punishment. She just threatened to give us a talk, interminable talks where I was told all the things I was doing wrong. You didn't get the penny loafer. But the fact is, and I completely agree with you, Brad, we are not living in the world of our parents. It might've worked then. I do not believe that our kids are being shaped by the same dynamics. So bad behavior today isn't, you can't just say

it's analogous to the bad behavior that you experienced because the world is different. And so I agree, like this is a fundamental issue. And to simply say, well, I'm gonna spank the bad behavior out of you, that is, that's something that you really have to go deeper with her on. It's fine in the bedroom with two consenting adults.

And my parents spanked me as a kid too, but yeah, I'm just so against it. I'm kind of black and white on this one. And maybe that's not the best point of view. But listen, our parents grew up and they were doing what they were taught by their parents, but at a lighter, you know, at not the same pace they were doing.

And our generation is taking away that because it was detrimental to us growing up in a lot of ways. And you just have to evolve. Yeah, there are elements. I'm old school on so many things with my kids. Tons of things. I tell them to solve their own problems.

I'm not a snowplow parent. I'm not a helicopter parent. I'm not a tiger parent. I'm just, and I'm not their friend. I hate it when a parent says they're a friend. Why would you diminish the most valuable relationship? You're like a snowflake, there's only one dad, there's only one mom, I could throw a shoe

like your mom did and hit a friend right now. That's so funny that you say that though, Ben, because my parents were the exact same and then I always wished that my parents would be my friend and to this day I will go back at 41 years old and I am their little baby Oh, my dad's my best friend. Well, that sucks for you because my dad was my dad. Hey Brad Smith I want to thank you very much. Well, I'll see I'll see you around the office David Cooper host of the last show with David Cooper. I hope you're having a great time on the chorus radio network my friend

Oh, what a pleasure. Thanks, Ben. There's no limit to how far criminals will go to cover their tracks, but investigators will go even further to uncover the truth. I'm Nancy Hicks, a senior crime reporter for Global News. This season on Crime Beat, I'll take you from the crime scene to the courtroom and inside some of Canada's most high profile cases and some you've likely never heard of before. Search for and listen to Crime Beat on Spotify,

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