The Ben Mulroney Show - The Dilemma Panel - Skipping your Cousin's Wedding

Episode Date: May 21, 2025

The Dilemma Panel Guest: Candice Bergen, Former Leader of Conservative Party & MP Guest: Jeff McArthur, Television Host of The Morning Show on Global If you enjoyed the podcast, tell a friend! For more of the Ben Mulroney Show, subscribe to the podcast! https://globalnews.ca/national/program/the-ben-mulroney-show Follow Ben on Twitter/X at https://x.com/BenMulroney Enjoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Instacart. Groceries that over-deliver. Welcome to the Dilemma Panel. No question is too awkward. No problem too petty. And no opinion goes unchallenged. Our panel of over-thinkers is here to dissect, deliberate, and sometimes derail the conversation entirely. Grab your popcorn. This isn't just advice. It's a front row seat to life's most hilariously relatable train wrecks. Here's your host, Ben Mulrooney.

Welcome to the Ben Mulrooney Show and welcome to one of my favorite segments of the week. It's the cleansing tonic. We talked about politics before, we talked about politics after. So the dilemma is the moment where we can just level set, enjoy ourselves and solve your problems. But we can't do it without you. You've got to email us at askbenn.chorusent.com.

Let us know what your personal problem is and then we will endeavor to solve it. I can't promise that we will make your life better, but we will try. And this week we are joined by someone new to two people who are new to the dilemma panel, but not new to the show, Candice Bergen, the former leader of the Conservative Party and MP. Candice, welcome. Thank you for having me. And Jeff MacArthur, television host of the morning show on global also I should say the number one lifestyle show in the country. Sorry I didn't hear that what was that? The number one lifestyle show in the country. Thank you. And you're back

here we're bringing you back to your radio roots. Yes thank you for the invite it's such a pleasure to be back here on radio and in the studio. Candice, hello and good morning to you. And I thought we were coming, Candice, maybe a misunderstanding on my part, I don't know you. I thought we were coming with our own dilemmas. Oh, wait, wait. Yeah, well I- They inform the solutions that we bring to bear.

But Candice, I wanna like explain to people, because I've had you on the show to talk politics before. How'd you end up on the dilemma panel? Well, I was listening to your dilemma panel and I'm like, I wanna be on that because my kids don't ask my advice anymore. I mean, I'm always looking for care. So George had reached out to me during the election

to be on one of your political panels and I'm like, yeah, sure, I'll do that. But I wanna do the dilemma panel. So he said, all right, I'll put you down on the list. I guess there's a list of people who want to do this one. All right, we're gonna jump in with both feet. Shall we I will start reading right now. Dear Ben, I found myself in a bit of a social minefield. One of my closest friends is getting married on the same day as my cousin. I've been friends with this person for over a decade. We've lived together, traveled together and been there for each other through life's ups and downs. On the other hand, my cousin

and I are friendly, but we're not especially close. When I told my family, I was skipping the family wedding to attend my friends. They were furious. The weddings are a two hour drive apart. So making both on the same night is not feasible. I'm still planning on sending a gift to my cousin, but the family is still P owed at me signed Greg. Candice, what do you think this guy should do? Yeah, he's got to go to his friend's wedding. And you guys sometimes have to say, family, I love you, but sorry I'm not asking your permission. I might call my

cousin and just let the cousin know, you know, so sorry, hoping you'll have a great day. And then tell your family, hey, my cousin's, the cousin's okay with it, so don't worry, mind your own business. Yeah, Jeff, I mean, if you ride or die, it's your ride or die. Well, yeah, but what's the old saying? Blood is thicker than water, right, Ben? So, I mean, this is a family wedding. We don't even know if this is the first cousin.

This might be a third cousin. Still family. Sure. Still family. Yeah, but you're not betraying your family by not going to the wedding. If you're sending a present and you're wishing them well, it's not like you're actively working on the demise

of your cousin's wedding. I think you gotta be there. And I think he can do both because did he say it's a two hour drive? Yeah. Come on, two hours. That's not asking too much between ceremonies. He can do both.

You're saying you would go to one wedding, drive two hours and go to another wedding, even though you don't want to go to the second wedding. Yeah. I might not even want to go to the first wedding, to be honest, but no. Candice, I don't know about you, but I feel. This sounds like you're having a hard time making

a decision. You've got to make a decision. You've got to stick with it. You've got to stand up for what your decision is. That's it. I'm being typically Canadian. I'm trying to find the middle ground, the middle road, the middle road. Trying to it. I'm being typically Canadian. I'm trying to find the middle ground,

the middle road, the middle road. He's trying to make everybody happy except for you. Yes. Yeah, but see Ben, that day is not about me. It's about the others, right? And you've got two people. But it is about you. No, no, it's about them and celebrating them.

You and your friend. Yes. Your friend, your friend matters to you. I would say, here's what you gotta do, is pick the better party to be at later. So you look at it and you go. Oh, that's fair. That's fair.

This party is gonna be better. Is it gonna be the friend? Is it gonna be my cousin? And if it's your friend, you go to the cousin's wedding first, you bail out of there around like six, seven, nine, nine, 30, you're arriving at the friend's wedding and the party is just starting and happening. And everybody's happy.

Actually, you know what, Candace, that's not a bad idea. That's not a bad idea. This is why you guys not a bad idea. That's not a bad idea. This is why you guys got the popular show. Yeah. How we did. All right, here we go with the next dilemma. This is a classic Reddit am I the a-hole for telling my co-worker her kids are none of my business. School holidays are coming up and I have a co-worker panicking as she left it too late to book

vacation slots. My company has a rule where no more than three workers can leave at the same time for vacation. I already filled in my vacation slot months ago and I haven't taken in nearly a year. I'm single and unmarried and in my 30s. The company told my coworker that her only way to get her vacation is to get one of us who already had our vacation time approved

to trade with her. Of course, I'm the only single one and she came to me. She tried explaining gently at first that her kids were really looking forward to going to Disneyland and that everything is already booked. And if I can give her if I can give up my vacation spot to her, I told her no, as I too already had my vacation booked. She got really pushy and kept on trying to insist. I gave her my vacation spot, saying my kids would be so disappointed.

I blew up with her. I blew up at her after the fourth or fifth time telling her that her kids are going to be disappointed. It's none of my business. Am I the a hole Candace? Well, I'd say the damage is done if you already blew up at her. You know, you're gonna have problems with your work relationship with this woman. Seriously, if if this woman already had her vacation booked,

I wouldn't expect her to change it for really for any reason. But, you know, in the interest of getting along with somebody and being kind, if she could change her vacation and let this woman have it so the kids could go to Disneyland, you know, it just helps all around, right? You could be right and not be right. So I would say, but I think the damage is done. If she said no, and my, your kids aren't my problem, all of that, there's probably something deeper too, Ben. Usually there's something more going on and there's probably something deeper

in this dilemma. I, yeah, well, I don't know, she asked four or five times. I mean, that's pushy. Once it, listen, everyone has to book their own vacation. It seems like it's a first come first, first come first serve sort of situation. And we value our time off. It's that whole work life balance. And she's asking you to prioritize her needs over yours. I don't know that he's the a-hole or she's the a-hole. Right. Having said that though, who is the a-hole for booking their entire vacation before they got the time off? Correct. That's exactly right. Let's start there.

Shall we? I mean, who goes and books airline fare, Disney passes, all of that stuff. And it's like, oh, did I forget something? Oh yeah. I don't have the time off yet. Yeah. As I would, I wouldn't have been, I wouldn't have been this rude,

but I would have said, this is a you problem, not a me problem. Having said that- Which is absolutely true. Yeah. Sorry, go ahead, Jeff. I was just gonna say, having said that, not having kids of my own, I've got like a soft spot

for that and for this employee and worker. And if I could, I would take the step back and switch because I think my plans, my individual plans are a lot easier to, you know, change up, switch up than the family plans. Love to see the kids go to Disney. I'm sure to be a highlight for them and the family. My only proviso, if you will, is if I got to cancel things

that I've already booked and I can't get refunds, then you got to make me whole. Yeah, you got to make, yeah, somebody's got to... You owe me big time. Somebody's going to have to pay you back. And I also think if I'm giving you five vacation days, I want seven in return. Yes. I would drive a hard bargain, but this is the point I'm coming from.

Not whether the person who booked the holiday, you know, for her kids, she didn't do the right thing, but I'm coming from the position of the person who asked us for an answer, Ben, that's where I'm, that's what I'm thinking about. Yep. I get it. Drive a hard bargain or be the nice person. Yeah. I don't think I'm with you, Candace. You're the a-hole for saying no, and your kids aren't my problem, although I wouldn't phrase it that way.

Yeah. I wouldn't phrase it that way either. But I'd also want to be a good teammate because this is somebody that you spend, what, 48 weeks of the year with that maybe you need to rely on to get some jobs and tasks done. And you need that good working relationship. Yeah, but you're not the one ruining it. It's the other person with the kids coming and pushing and pushing and pushing asking three, four or five times at that point you throw up your hands and say, you got to back off because I'm going on vacation. True. Yeah. There's something more going on here. And I think there's something more. And Candace

like I, I, listen, I appreciate the idea of do you want to be right? Or do you want to be happy? But that's, that's within the confines of one's home and with a wife and a husband and kids. That's where you can't escape at work. No, no, no. At work. There are that's why you have HR departments at work. Yeah. Well, having said that, though, a lot of us spend more time at work than we do at home.

Then we do our job, and I know my job I used to have because you want to get along with it. All right guys don't don't go anywhere we got more with the Dilemma panel right after the break on the Ben Mulroney show. Welcome back to the Dilemma panel and welcome back to Candice Bergen and Jeff MacArthur guys and let's jump right into our next Dilemma shall we? Let's do it. Dear Ben, my husband and I are in a standoff over our kids' weekly allowance. We have two boys, 10 and 7 years old. I think they should be given at least $40, no strings attached, just to help them learn money management and budgeting. He thinks they should have to earn every dollar through chores or they won't understand the value of work or responsibility.

We both want to teach our kids good habits, but I think they're still at the age where they should enjoy life and not have quote a job Every discussion turns into a debate and it's starting to cause real tension between us Is there a right answer here or at least a middle ground signed Lana? I want to go to Candice first because you were in politics. You were all you you had to search for the consensus You had to reach across the aisle and find common cause so make this this make this make sense. Find common cause for these two parents. Look at what a wonderful job we did. Didn't we? Been in opposition. We are always finding consensus. No, I'm going to put my mom hat on first. You know, I think you should teach your kids how to work and the value of money. So I would probably be on the side of dad.

However, again, I have a feeling with this couple, it might be more than just this issue. It's probably deeper and all of that stuff. So I think there is a compromise, right? Give, give the boys or the kids, you know, you automatically get 10 bucks a week or 10 bucks a month, whatever it is, just for being such a wonderful child. But the other part you have to earn, you got to walk the dog, the dog, take the garbage out, do the dishes.

So I think there is a compromise, but I would be more on the side of make them earn their money. They will never regret it. You will never regret it as a parent. Jeff, I kinda like that idea. A flat fee for just being in the, flat family fee of 10 bucks.

And if you want more, you have to earn it. Yeah, first of all, I'm concerned about Candace because every issue of me, there's something deeper behind it. Yeah. They're always hits, they're always hits, Jack. All right, I think, I mean, 10 and seven, right Ben? Yeah.

It's kids age, yeah. I mean, how young is too young? I mean, seven years old, are you really gonna comprehend and get money management at that age? Seems a little young. No, but you could learn the idea, like if I do a good job, I will be paid for, I will be remunerated for it.

Sure. And so you'll, appreciation of a hard earned dollar. Yep. And I'll give you that. And I think to Candace's point, I'm kind of with dad on this as well. There's something about earning that money, just not it being handed to you.

And then you figure out how to manage it. Yeah. No, earn it. And I think, you know, you will learn money management if you actually earn it, because you've had then you figure out how to manage it. Now earn it, and I think you will learn money management if you actually earn it, because you've had to really work with this money and you think about it. I mean, I know the argument these days

is everything's on tap, so you don't have the physical dollars and you don't feel that pain of spending. Yeah, it's just so easy. Right, yeah, exactly. So I think maybe, because I think back, I think I was 11 when I got a paper route. It was my first job delivering the Hamilton Spectator. And, you know, I had to go around door to door

every two weeks and collect the, I think it was like $3 for a home delivery. Meet you at the venue today. Yeah, absolutely. Host of the number one lifestyle show in the country. Oh, that's right. Thank you. I forgot. Let's move on to the next dilemma. Dear Ben's panel. So this isn't even directed to me it's directed to you, I'm a stockbroker who has done

quite well for myself. I've done the job for 12 years now and no matter where I go as soon as I tell people what I do the first question is do I have any tips for them? That includes my family who constantly ask what should I buy right now or where do you think the market's headed? Here's the thing I don't want to give them advice not because I don't love them but because this is my profession not a party trick. I understand the risk when buying stocks and diversifying your portfolio but they don't. They want to load up and go all in on anything I say. If it fails I will of course hear about it forever. There's no upside for me. Tell me I'm not wrong side Max. Jeff?

First of all I'd send the 10 and 7 year old from the last letter to the stockbroker to learn money management. They'd probably be retired by the time they're 15. But yeah, I agree with the stockbroker that this is my livelihood. This is my profession. It's something of value. Just don't come to me and ask me for a hot tip. Plus, I wouldn't want to give out a quote unquote hot tip because I'd be afraid it would backfire particularly if it's a family member and that there are maybe a significant amount of money and then that damages our relationship moving forward. Agreed. Candice what do you think? Well I was going to ask could we get a hot tip from this person before we give him an answer

but I guess he probably won't want to do that. No I think you, you know, he probably should just say to his friends and family, hey, we're here to have a fun evening. I don't really want to talk about stocks. I remember having to do that often in politics because people would want to go, you know, we'd be at a party, they want to get into a debate. And I was like, let's not do this. Cause I, like, I do it for a living.

So, you know, here's my card. Why don't you make an appointment and come on in? I'd be happy to talk to you about your portfolio. But I don't know when it's close family that might not cut it. Yeah, but what he might just say is a once or twice I think people will back off. Look, I don't understand why he can't say, well, here's what I'm invested in. Like, you know, if you're gonna take a risk, just follow me. I don't know why he wouldn't tell his family that here's here are the three or four stocks that I've been invested in for 10 years and they've grown X amount every year, like the banks

and the energy stocks and so on. And do you even have to name those stocks? Couldn't you just talk in generalities and say, listen, you want to be diversified. Just make sure whatever your portfolio is, you're diversified and you're protected. Ball bearings. That's the future. Plastic. I'm going to say this again. I think it goes deeper. I think he doesn't want to talk to her. Not a party. I think he's involved in a Ponzi scheme and this goes deeper.

I don't know if you think that also. All right. 11 number five, another am I the a-hole for kicking a family out of our condo pool just because they don't live there. I was enjoying my coffee pool side at our condo on Sunday morning, a mother and there. I was enjoying my coffee pool side at our condo on Sunday morning, a mother and her two kids arrived

who were clearly not residents because they drove up with all their pool stuff in their car and changed in their bathing suits in the bathroom. It's been almost a hundred degrees for a week. The kids jumped into the pool and started splashing around and having a great time. Yeah, they were noisy, but they were just being kids. I started thinking about what if all the kids

from the surrounding apartment buildings started using our pool? Was I the a-hole for pointing out to the sign that said residents only and making them leave? The kids were so disappointed that I made them leave and they started crying. The problem is us residents have to foot the bill for maintenance. Plus, if they got injured, they would sue the condo association. If word got out that anyone can swim in our pool, anyone would. And before you go there, everyone involved in the story is the same race. Okay. All right. Well, that might change things. Candice, you go first.

I would find the superintendent or the maintenance person at the condo building and get them to go be the mean person. I would not want to be the person making the kids cry and tell them that you have to leave. And then what if you made a mistake and they go, well, actually our grandma lives here and we're going to come visit her. I just, I just wouldn't want to do that. The person's right. You know, the reasons that they're asking, think

that the kids should leave are the right reasons, but I would not want to be the heavy doing that. Yeah, I agree. Jeff. Yeah. I think for me, Ben, the, the big factor here is it's a hundred degrees and it's been that way for a few days, right?

So I mean can't we just like get along here and it's one day. Well, listen the reasons he bring up the liability reasons are See, but that's on the condo. That's not on you The residents sounds like they're upset because they're there and they just want a peaceful time and I get that but having said that I mean, this is one family and I I'm hearing like, what if every family came? Well, not every family is coming to the pool. This is one family on one day. If it is habitually happening on and on again, each and every day, then maybe I would go

to the condo officials or board and say, hey, this is happening, and it's too much, but one day when they're trying to cool off, doesn't bother me so much. Yeah, look, it wouldn't bother me either, but when I'm on a plane, if somebody's annoying me on a plane, I don't ever talk to the person. I get the flight attendant, because that's their job.

And I would do the same thing that Candice suggested. If I decided I didn't want them in the pool, that's my right as someone who lives in the condo, but I wouldn't do it myself. I would go to somebody who represents the condo association and tell them, they might say, you know what, just leave it, in which case I would go to somebody who represents the condo association and tell them. They might say, you know what, just leave it. In which case I would defer to them. But, but, but if anyone's going to be the heavy, I'd prefer it be somebody else and not me.

For sure. And particularly because if it happened on a plane and you did that, it'd be like a Ben Mulroney did this to me on a plane. Do you know who I am moment? Candice, do you suspect there's something deeper going on here? I think there is. Have you guys ever owned a condo? Yes, there's always condo drama going on. So you bet there's something deeper. For sure. There's something deeper going on.

Yes, I live in a condo downtown Toronto and I can, yes, verify that fact. There's a million stories going on in just the one condo complex. Well, I want to thank you both for joining us. I think we did a lot of good for society, guys. I really appreciate it. Candice, thank you so much. Jeff, thank you so much. I hope you guys come back anytime really, because I'd love to have you back on the Dilemma Panel. Yes, indeed, Candice, I know you've solved political problems in the past and now you have solved personal problems I appreciate you both. The best high concept sci-fi rig of a roll in the universe is back. What the hell? How long was I out? Close airlock seven! Rick!

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