The Ben Mulroney Show - The Dilemma Panel - Splitting a Bill Evenly at a restaurant

Episode Date: May 7, 2025

The Dilemma Panel Guest: Noah Cappe, Host. Actor, Host of Bachelorette Canada Guest: Brad Smith, Corus Radio Contributor, Host of The big bake on the food network, The first Bachelor Canada, and former CFL Player If you enjoyed the podcast, tell a friend! For more of the Ben Mulroney Show, subscribe to the podcast! https://globalnews.ca/national/program/the-ben-mulroney-show Follow Ben on Twitter/X at https://x.com/BenMulroney Enjoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Dilemma Panel. No question is too awkward. No problem too petty. And no opinion goes unchallenged. Our panel of overthinkers is here to dissect, deliberate, and sometimes derail the conversation entirely. Grab your popcorn. This isn't just advice.

It's a front row seat to life's most hilariously relatable train wrecks. Here's your host, Ben Mulroney. Welcome back to the Ben Mulroney Show. I always love doing the Dilemma. Listen, it's been all Mark Carney and Donald Trump up until this point, more or less, so it's nice to have you here. And I'm going to be talking about the Dilemma Panel. I'm going to be talking about the Dilemma Panel.

I'm going to be talking about the Dilemma Panel. I'm going to be talking about the Dilemma Panel. I'm going to be talking about the Dilemma Panel. I'm going to be talking about the Dilemma Panel. I'm going to be talking about the Dilemma Panel. I'm going to be talking about the Dilemma Panel. I'm going to be talking about the Dilemma Panel. I'm going to be talking about the Dilemma Panel. I'm going to be talking about the D the Ben Mulrooney show. I always love doing the Dilemma. Listen, it's been all Mark Carney and Donald Trump up until this point, more or less, so it's nice to have the cleansing tonic that is the Dilemma panel where we try to solve your everyday dilemmas. And I got two great guests joining me today. And this is a really

interesting combo. First of all, let's welcome Noah Capp. He's a host, he's an actor, and he was the host of The Bachelorette and Bachelor Canada. Noah, welcome. It's going to be a wonderful little dilemma. It's going to be the best dilemma. But I also got Brad Smith joining us again. He's a Chorus Radio contributor, host of The Big Bake on the Food Network, and he was the first Bachelor Canada Bachelor, former CFL host. So two bachelor guys, but they didn't work together. Noah, it's great to see you, Noah. I've been a huge fan of you. Always Noah.

This was better. So you guys did not cross paths in the bachelor universe. No, we crossed in Food Network though. We did a bunch of events together. I've known Noah since pretty much the first day I was on Chop Canada. What a beauty of an individual. And also too, one of the more talented guys on TV.

Well, Noah, I was always struck by how well you would describe the bites of food that you were about to put in your mouth. I appreciate that. And I didn't get any notes to say something nice back about Brad, so I'm just gonna throw it out. He's the best, Noah. He's the best.

There's no one better. All right, here we go, boys. Let's jump into dilemma number one. Dear Ben, I have a bit of a dilemma when it comes to dining out with my group of friends. There are seven of us total and whenever we go out to eat, they always want to split the bill evenly. The problem is I don't drink alcohol

and most of them do a lot while I just stick to a meal and maybe a soda. I don't want to seem cheap and make things awkward by bringing it up, but I also don't think it's fair to constantly subsidize other people's cocktails. I've tried subtly ordering first and handing the server my card early, but the group always insists on just splitting everything

evenly in the end. How can I bring this up without looking stingy or ruining the vibe? Signed Kelly. That's a tricky one. That's a tricky one. You know, before I endow, here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna have you guys answer first, and then I'm gonna pick and choose the best. Nicely done.

Noah, you go first. Well, look, I lived on the road with six crew members filming Carnival Leads for a decade. So I sat at endless restaurants where there were seven of us at a table and I'm not a drinker. So I can totally relate to this. We had a thing though right out of the gate where everybody got their own bill. I think my short answer would be as you get older, you realize you care less and less what people think about you in these like silly little moments. Just say, I'm going to get my own bill. Let you guys split the rest. Yeah, that's, I think that's, I think that's the most direct way to get the result you

want. That was very concise. Having owned restaurants, worked in restaurants, this is a very simple, we're not writing down on a piece of paper what you're eating anymore. This, you know, they hand around the card machine, it's called a Monaris. You can split each individual check into exactly what that person is getting. These people are, I'm not saying they're bad friends, but to kind of Noah's point, as you get older,

your money becomes more valuable to you, and you understand, we're not at college anymore where I'm buying 40 vodka sodas for everybody. And to Kelly, what kind of friends did you have buying 40 vodkas? It's good for you. Very, very, very desperate ones. Well, Kelly, these are your friends did you have buying 45, it's good for you. Very, very, very desperate ones. Well, Kelly, like these are your friends.

Like they're your friends, he's not strangers. You can have these conversations with them. And if they view you as stingy, I don't know what kind of friends you have. Like this is a pretty straight up thing. I don't drink, you guys drink. The bill always comes out to more. I shouldn't be, like that's a pretty.

Especially when cocktails are like $25. Yeah, yeah, I think Kelly, one of two things, either do a pretty... Especially when cocktails are like $25. Yeah, yeah. I think, Kelly, one of two things. Either do your own thing or have an honest conversation with them. And if they're not open to giving you what you need here, they ain't good friends. Unfriend.

OK. Now, I'm going to get to dilemma number two in a minute. But I want to bring up a hypothetical dilemma of my own. Ooh. And it's a Reddit, am I the a-hole? Okay. So I've-

Yes, yes you are. I know, but I'm going to give you a- Delement number three. Okay. So here's, just listen to this. So, I don't know if you guys know, but over the course of COVID, I lost my sense of smell. I have no sense of smell whatsoever. Still have my sense of taste.

Still gone? Still gone. I smell nothing. I could tell being in the studio with you. And a few weeks ago, I sort of woke up in the middle of the night, I was like, oh, I have an idea. And I went online and I researched and I found out that losing your sense of smell technically is a disability, which would then open it up to me getting one of those special parking passes. Stop it.

Am I the a-hole if I go down that route? Yes, yes, yes, yes, you are. Why? Now tell me why. Go to one. I mean, what do you mean why? That's one of those where I would literally in the parking lot be comfortable to like yell at you in front of people. You'd have the sticker in your window and people would be like, this guy's yelling at a handicapped person. But I mean, it's smell. I don't see how that ties into you needing to be closer to the door. But that's not the barrier to entry. The barrier to entry is, do I have a disability? And legally, I do. Yeah, but Noah, you have to understand that Ben is very used to people yelling at him. Yeah, people yell at me all the time. I might as well give them a good reason. No, but honestly, Ben, if you have to ask that question, I think we have bigger issues to talk about.

Listen, it's a thing. Listen, driving in this city is a pain in everybody's behind. If I can find a way to make my life a little bit better, and by the way, the government comes and comes and comes for you every day. They're extracting their, they come for their pound of flesh every day. It feels to me like there's an element of like, go get yours. Listen, I'm going to judge you for that question. But I also You're going to judge me? Yes! This is a question. It's not like I did it yet. I'm asking. Yeah, but you're thinking about it. You're in the pro, I bet you

even have the application form. No, I do not. I dated a girl who actually was working around the law like you want to and she had a bike rack on the back of her car. Didn't own a bike, but she could park anywhere in the city with that bike rack. And I always. That's a thing. That's a thing. Well, it was during 2016 to whatever it was, but I always judged her. And look, I'm not looking to look around the law. I'm looking to apply the law This is an app. This is a fair application of the law law 101 Listen, I didn't say I was gonna do it. I asked am I the a-hole if I do it? Yes

All right on I just before we move on and before who cares about the legal part. I have a question Yeah, yes, is this like a, do you find it surprisingly affecting your life in unexpected ways? Because I think the average person is like, oh, you can't smell, la la la, you just keep going on. But when you really start to think about it, like, there's, like, has it impacted you? Yes, of course it has. Of course it has. As a matter of fact, there are studies out there that they haven't done the studies yet, but they know that the sense of smell is very closely triggered to a certain type of memory recall. And there is a worry that the long-term impact of not having access to that recall could lead to cognitive decline. Oh my god, I didn't even think about it. Hey, Noah, look at you. Did you chat GPT that? That was a great question. Yeah, well, there you go. That's why I told you this would be a great panel. Okay, back to the dilemma dilemma. This is the classic Reddit am I the

a-hole for refusing to change someone's baby diaper, someone's baby's diaper. That's better. Okay. My wife and I have been married 10 plus years and have a few kids. My sister-in-law and her husband had a baby two years ago. No major complaints. They just tend to ask people to do stuff that I would think they would do themselves. The other day, we're having dinner at my mother-in-law's house when the baby had a poopy diaper. Sister-in-law looks at me and says in the sweetest voice, can you change the diaper? I answered politely, no, I'm sorry. I don't do that. The table got really awkward and she got up and did the diaper. Afterwards, my wife blamed me for making her feel bad and said I should have just changed the diaper. Not trying to make anybody feel bad, but I've had three kids and I

always took responsibility. I watched them, I packed for them, I changed for them. I'm not looking to be a secondary parent for this kid who's the a-hole. I think it's a big leap from this person to suggest that changing one diaper makes you a secondary parent. Boy, what do you guys think? I mean, I got a kiddo. I've sat on both sides of the line here. You know, I think that there is things that fall into each side of the of the of the fence on this one and a diaper is in a different category. It's like you want me to grab a bottle, you want me to get something from the kiddo's bag, you want me to pop the stroller, whatever

it is. But there's like a couple of things where it's kind of like, no, that's like that one's all you. Yeah. You know, I mean, it's like even, you know, you say, oh, I can smell my own brand or whatever doesn't bother me. But when you have a kid, even those, it's like I have a I have a flip book of photos of me wearing like t-shirts tied around my face like I'm robbing a train. The smell, I can't, I'm not dealing with your kids. All right, all right.

I'm gonna get, you're gonna respond after the break. We've got more with the Dilemma panel coming up on the Ben Mulroney Show. Welcome back to the Ben Mulroney Show and welcome back to the Dilemma panel. We've got Noah Camp, we've got Brad with us. Welcome back guys. Ben Mulroney Show and welcome back to the Dilemma Panel. We've got Noah Capp, we've got Brad with us. Welcome back guys. Thank you so much.

Let's jump right back into another dilemma. Dear Ben's Panel, so this is directed to you guys. I have a close friend who constantly vents to me about her boyfriend, how he's selfish, controlling, emotionally unavailable, and sometimes even borderline manipulative. Every time we talk it turns into a therapy session where she unloads all her latest drama. I try to be supportive and empathetic, but I've also gently and not so gently suggested she consider leaving him, especially since she's clearly unhappy. The problem is she never takes the advice. She vents, cries, agrees with me in the moment, and then stays with him anyway.

This cycle has been going on for three years, and I am emotionally drained. I care about her deeply, but I'm starting to feel like a sounding board, not a friend. How do I support her without enabling this toxic cycle and without burning myself out? Signed anonymous. Bradley. This is hard because I have,

me and my friends have great relationships. My shortest friend is like a 15 plus year. And you have to have reciprocal relationships. If you're venting or if this person's venting to you, you have to be able to vent back, but it can't be one where you're just getting your battery drained. And the second thing is, is I hate when people like,

every relationship I've been in, I try not to talk badly about my partner to my friends in order for them not to create, because we only go with the bad stories. We never call up and say, oh, look how great this was, what she did for me. So this is a tough one. But if you're not getting back the same effort that this person's putting

into you and dropping this, you know, emotional weight on you, you should just say, So what you're saying relationships are two way streets. That's very deep of you Brad. Yes, that could have been, you co-noted it. So let's just cut all the rest of this. Okay. Noah, you got anything less trite? Listen, whoever, whoever sent this message hit the jackpot with the two of us. If there's anybody who knows

love and how to properly find it. Speak for yourself. It's Brad and I obviously. Listen, again, this is one of those, maybe I'm just like cold and just like I have no heart, but I'm like you can only help you can only try to a certain point and then you have to remove yourself because a Your mental health has to be taken into consideration and be some people just Need to find a different route or a different way and it's not always your responsibility to walk them over the line Yeah, you have to have boundaries too I've been on phone calls at night right before I go to bed where I have to say, listen, I can't deal with this right now. This is not what I'm going to deal with and good friends understand. Yeah, no, absolutely. And I've had friends tell me is like, listen,

you're really burning me out here. You're dumping a lot of problems on me right now. Ben, we don't care about the parking pass. Okay. I remember hearing that from a friend of mine. I was like, geez, I didn't want to be, I didn't think I was being a burden, but thank you for telling me because you're my friend and I love you and I wouldn't want to do that to you. And so there's a level of respect that comes from somebody who has the courage to be honest with

you about something that might hurt your feelings. So anonymous, I would say you go out on a limb and tell your friend exactly how you're feeling. And if, and again, I keep going back to this stuff, if the people don't receive it with the respect with which it's intended, then there's a problem with your relationship. Right. All right. Let's move on. Dear Ben, my wife and I are having ongoing disagreements about lending money to her

family members. She believes she would help them whenever we can. She believes we should help them whenever we can, even if it stretches our own budget. While I think we need to set clear boundaries, especially since some of these loans never get repaid. I haven't exactly minded when it was $1,000 here or there, but the latest is her aunt asking for 10 grand, which frankly we don't have. My wife thinks we should use our vacation funds

for this year. I think that's a non-starter. We work too hard and vacations are our only chance to truly decompress. We've discussed this every day this week and every time it turns into an emotional argument. How can we find common ground on this? Signed Daniel. Listen, my take is like this is your money. Like this is your money and if this is going to negatively impact your ability to enjoy your life and be together as a couple and decompress.

No, I think you've got to be able to put your foot down on something like this, especially because you have let money in the past. It's not like you're saying no all the time. You've been generous with family members. And it's all, by the way, right off the top, lending money to her family members. So at some point, your wife's going to have to compromise with you, Daniel. Brad, what do you think? First of all, Daniel, you have to realize one thing right off the bat.

When you lend money to friends or family, expect that it's gone. That is just gone. But also too, like Ben said, if it is negatively affecting not only your relationship, but your livelihood, and the only thing that you wanna do is use this money, not to give it to, you know know your mother-in-law so that

they can have a new deck yeah and you want to go on vacation you have to make yourself happy first and your wife should also want to put your family first for your hard-earned money that you work so see it again. I didn't think you were going to bring that up. I'm so sorry. I mean, no, have you ever, have you ever had to lend money to a family? I've been on both sides of being an actor for a living. There's times where I've had to borrow. And there's also been times where I've been in the lucky position to be able to lend. I would say this is one of those rare answers where I don't have this like just like this is a easy blunt but

Because you're talking about two of the toughest things family and money and you put those two together I would really say every situation is unique. Every amount is unique. Every family's budget is unique. So it's about Communication at the end of the day you your, your partner, you have to communicate. Only way to solve it. Agreed, agreed. All right, we solved that one, Daniel. So there you go. But make yourself happy,

but you gotta do a better job explaining to your wife why this matters to you, right? Like clearly he hasn't gotten the ball into the end zone to use the parlance of your former career. All right, classic Reddit advice column about how to help a partner that is grieving and has shut down. Hi Reddit, I need a little bit of advice. My girlfriend is 26 years old and just lost her mom a week ago. Her mother was her best friend. I want to be there

for her, but she has completely frozen me out. She doesn't respond to texts or calls except with one word answers. I don't know how to support her during this time. We've been dating for three years. We don't live together and used to see each other daily. I don't want to overstep boundaries, but I also don't want to come across as uncaring. How do I deal with this situation? That's a tricky one. That's a really tricky one. Noah, why don't you start us off?

You know, the only thing that comes to mind when I think about like moments where I'm down and out is I receive a text or I get a message and I may not respond, but it doesn't mean that the impact wasn't there. It doesn't mean that I didn't see it, that I didn't read it, that I didn't register it. You may not get that confirmation back being the person that sends that text and you're kind of like, I've reached out a bunch of times, they're not sending anything back, I don't know what to do. Don't assume that your words aren't being heard and that they aren't being felt. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, I agree. Everyone grieves differently.

I lost one of my best friends in my second year university and I actually did the eulogy at his funeral. And what did I do? I did a tight 10 minute stand up to make everybody laugh so they wouldn't feel pain. Some of our other friends totally detracted. You just have to let the person go through their grief process and you can't really force what you can. All you can be is supportive in a situation. That's all you can be and just hope that person comes through on the other side and you're there if they need your

ear. Yeah, I've got nothing else to add. I think you guys both nailed it. So I'm sorry that that's happened to your girlfriend. I wish her the very best. All right, time for one last dilemma. Let's see if we can squeeze this in. Dear Ben. Wait, Ben, hold on. I gotta do it then.

What? This is the final dilemma of the segment. Ah, dear Ben. Dear Ben, I was recently asked to be the maid of honor in my close friend's wedding. And while I'm incredibly touched and honored, I'm struggling with the financial reality of it. Between the dress, the travel, the bridal shower,

bachelorette party, and everything else that comes with the role, I just can't afford it right now. I'm struggling with the financial reality of it. Between the dress, the travel, the bridal shower, bachelorette party, and everything else that comes with the role, I just can't afford it right now. I'm worried about hurting her feelings or damaging our friendship if I say no. How do I turn down being made of honor without seeming unsupportive or selfish? Signed Alina. All right, you guys know all about weddings, so.

Okay, let me go on this one first, Noah, because I actually have an ex that's gone through this exact situation. Where she was friends with very affluent people and she couldn't get to the level that they needed to be in that we're talking about stuff that no normal they know helicopter rides stuff like this and she bit her tongue spent the money and I think the level of resentment that can build from that is you know because you're trying and you're hoping that your friends understand your situation. I've seen bridesmaids. I know how it works. You do not get a puppy! Noah, I'm gonna give you about 30 seconds here.

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