The Ben Mulroney Show - The Dilemma Panel - Unfriendly Nieghbour

Episode Date: April 2, 2025

Guests and Topics on Today's Show Guest: Erin Bury, The founder of Willful, and Globe and Mail Columnist Guest: Morgan Hoffman, Entertainment Reporter for The Morning Show and Global News If you enjoyed the podcast, tell a friend! For more of the Ben Mulroney Show, subscribe to the podcast! https://globalnews.ca/national/program/the-ben-mulroney-show Follow Ben on Twitter/X at https://x.com/BenMulroney Enjoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by FX's Dying for Sex on Disney+. Based on the podcast of the same name, Dying for Sex tells the story of Molly, who is diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. Determined to feel everything she can before she can't feel anything, she decides to leave her unhappy marriage to explore her sexuality with some encouragement from her best friend Nikki. FX's Dying for Sex, streaming April 4th only on Disney+. Sign up now at DisneyPlus.com.

Welcome to the Dilemma Panel. No question is too awkward, no problem too petty, and no opinion goes unchallenged. Our panel of overthinkers is here to dissect, deliberate, and sometimes derail the conversation entirely. Grab your popcorn. This isn't just advice. It's a front row seat to life's most hilariously relatable train wrecks. Here's your host, Ben Mulrooney. My

goodness, I love that we've got two people introducing this segment. That's how that's how big of a segment it is. But of course, we can't do this without your voice. And we want to hear from you if you have a dilemma that you want our panel to answer in the future. Just email us at ask Ben at chorus and calm that's c-o-r-u-s-e-n-t dot-com And today we're joined by Erin Burry the founder of willful She's also a global male columnist and Morgan Hoffman entertainment reporter for the morning show and global news and also a former intern at E talk where I was once a host. Welcome to the both of you.

Thanks. Yeah. All right, so- Thank you so much. So this is the moment on the show where we like to, you know, we like to be helpful. I don't know that I'm always helpful with my opinions. I think sometimes I just anger people, but in this moment, we try to be helpful.

Let's dig into the first dilemma. Dear Ben's panel, my neighbor is very inconsiderate. I oftentimes will help cut his grass or rake his leaves when I see him out there doing it. And yet in the wintertime, he never repays the favor. He has a snowblower and I still shovel my driveway. You'd think he'd remember all the times I've been helpful and come over and save me a lot of time, but he doesn't. I don't know if I should let this go or speak up and say nothing. Signed, Gary. Erin, have you ever had a problem with a neighbor?

Well, then my husband is the guy who snowblows everyone's driveway in the winter. And I know that if we were in a pinch and a neighbor didn't return the favor, he would be just as mad as Gary. So, when I heard this dilemma, I just thought, you know, Gary, neighbors aren't mind readers. It's like our children. You can't expect them to understand. And really, if I'm Gary, there's two options here. You either say something in a nice way, right?

Hey, I've helped you out. I see you have a snowblower would love if you could do the same for me. Or you say nothing and you stop doing the nice things for this person. I'm sure someone else on the street has a snow blower and they'd be more than happy to do a trade. I think that makes a lot of sense. Morgan, what about you? Ooh, here's the deal. You're being really nice to this neighbor, right?

And if you're not getting it back, I agree with Aaron. I would just stop it, but I definitely wouldn't say anything because my concern would be that they would look like they have the problem. The other neighbor might get defensive. Like it's just like, just I would step back and I wouldn't even confront you. You wouldn't even confront. No, but that's when hostility builds up, Morgan. That's when

resentment builds up. Communication is how we build community. I am not a good neighbor, Ben. I don't know if you know this about me. I live in a townhouse and I barely talk to anyone else, but I'm just saying I would back off. I don't know. I think I would go the opposite way. I think, look, if you know this about me. I live in a townhouse and I barely talk to anyone else. But I'm just saying, I would back off. I don't know. I think I would go the opposite way. I think, look, if you've done all these nice things for your neighbor, I don't think there's anything wrong

with saying, hey, listen, it just snowed. You've got your snow blower. And I would say, hey, any chance I could borrow it so that I can clear my own snow. And maybe that's the hint the guy needs to then come out and say, you know what? You're right, I'm sorry. I'll do it.

I know how to operate it. Let me repay the favor, because you've been so kind to me. Maybe he just needs you to jog his memory over all the nice things that you've done for him. But listen, I had a terrible neighbor. We were cool forever until I wanted to build a deck on the back of my house. And she found out because this the city

gave her a notice that I that this would be discussed. And she stormed to my house and said, Who the hell do you think you are? Why didn't you come talk to me about this? I was like, Well, this is the process I was told I was supposed to do like go through the city and this this is you finding out. And if you have a problem with it, we discuss it through the city. And I said, And by the way, you never came to me when you decided to rent your house out to a family of nine. You just disappeared for two years. And next thing you know, I have nine neighbors I don't know.

So like, let's, anyway, she was so terrible that it solidified my decision to leave the neighborhood. And we moved into what I believe is our forever home and I couldn't be happier. So-'s amazing. Yes exactly there's always a silver lining. All right time for a dilemma number two and this is actually from Reddit. A woman boots friend for bringing child to adults only dinner. The Reddit community is in a tizzy after a woman booted her friend from a birthday dinner because she brought her child along. It all started when a 29-year-old woman planned an intimate adults-only get-together at a nice restaurant celebration of her birthday.

One of her friends, Laura, 31, mom of a three-year-old daughter, originally inquired about bringing her child due to lack of childcare. However, the birthday woman politely declined, reiterating that she wanted to be adults-only. Laura seemed to accept that request and said she would figure something out. Then came the night of the dinner. Laura arrived with her daughter. She tried to address the situation, discreetly pulling Laura aside to chat. And then and then she said, quote, Yeah, but I couldn't find a sitter and I didn't want to miss your birthday. Laura was ultimately kicked off. Okay, so was this person wrong? How do you handle people who bring their kids to something without permission? Who am I start with? I'll start with Aaron.

Well, Ben, you're starting with the right person because I have a three-year-old daughter. Maybe this is about you. Maybe Laura's assuming them. You know, I have to say if I brought my three-year-old daughter to a birthday dinner, it would ruin it. She's amazing, but it would ruin it. And if I planned a birthday dinner where I communicated a boundary, no spouses, no pets, no grandparents or siblings, and certainly no children, because mom wants to have some uninterrupted friend time with some wine and someone brought their kid, I have to say I would do exactly what happened here. And in reality, I think it's the not respecting of the boundaries, right? She set a boundary and regardless of what that boundary is, even if she said, wear orange, it's her birthday and she has a right to do that. And so, you know, if I were the friend or if I

were ever in this situation, again, I would recognize childcare is difficult, maybe work with a friend to see if I could find some options. And instead of bringing my three-year-old to that birthday dinner, knowing I can and should be booted, I would plan a separate brunch with or without children and still find a way to celebrate her birthday. Yeah, and Morgan, it's not the woman with the kid's birthday. Like she, oh, I didn't wanna miss it. No, but then you do what you have to do

if you don't wanna miss it. The rules are the rules. And you could have called her before and said, hey, I can't get child care. Can I bring my kid? And you didn't do that. You put her in a difficult position. And I'm glad that she acknowledged

that this woman crossed the line. And she effed around, and she found out. I agree. Here I thought I was going to be cold hearted because I don't have kids. And my initial reaction was like, well, if you agreed not to bring your kid, even when you brought it up, and your friend still said, no, this is adults only,

you are actually disrespecting their wishes. And it's a birthday party. You can miss a birthday party. It's not that big a deal. Yeah. Yeah. It's not a I'm moving to Europe and I'm never coming back party. All right. Here we have time for one more dilemma. Dear Ben, my wife is the worst backseat driver. She's got the awful combination of being highly critical, but also hyper-dramatic if I don't brake fast enough. She has a frenetic energy to her. It got to the point where she stopped saying anything after I confronted her, but she slides passive aggressive comments

after we arrived at our destination. Now we drive to events in separate cars. My wife says it's embarrassing when people see us pull up in separate cars, but I told her I can't handle her critiques. What's worse is when I tell her to drive instead and I'll be the passenger, she doesn't want to. How do I get her to break out of this habit? Morgan, what's your take on this? Oh man, I'm not a fan of people who act like the victim when they cause the problem. So I love that the husband has decided to go in separate cars. I honestly think that is the best

move. But then for the supposed to be upset and embarrassed that they to go in separate cars. I honestly think that is the best move, but then for the supposed to be upset and embarrassed that they show up in separate cars, this is just the way it goes. I think the separate cars is actually brilliant. It's unfortunate, but I think that's a great way to go. So just keep on with that. Or I would say at this point, I'm not going to the events with you.

Erin, she complains how he drives. She doesn't wanna drive. And then she doesn't like the solution that he brought to bear of driving in separate cars. It seems to me that in this instance, there's no pleasing her. Well, I had a business coach who introduced this idea of reasons, options, choose.

Here are the reasons you're driving me insane when we drive together and here are your options. None of those options is continuing with the status quo. We can take separate cars. You can work on it and, you know, try not to criticize my driving. Or you can start driving, which you seem reticent to do. Either way, we're not going forward as we do and let her pick so that she's in the driver's seat, pun intended, of the decision. But it seems like he's done all of those things and she's still not happy like this is

Well, then she can't be a passenger princess anymore Ben. I don't know. I don't know what he does and listen I've been in the car with my wife who doesn't appreciate that I can see in oncoming traffic I know how to break you just don't like how I'm doing it and and and she'll get very good She thinks I'm gonna hit things. It's like, I remember Jim Carrey saying, he's got that voice in his head that has to remind him, uh-uh-uh, driving into oncoming traffic is counterproductive.

We all know these things. And if you really want to take the wheel, take the wheel. But it can add stress. I do like the fact that he did communicate those things. But that's the first half of our panel. More from our Dilemma panel when we continue, including what do you do when your niece destroys your expensive coat?

That's next on the Ben Mulroney Show. Welcome back to the Dilemma panel. We are solving your problems left, right, and center. Joining me on the panel of problem solvers, Erin Burry, the founder of Willful and the Global Mail columnist, as well as Morgan Hoffman, entertainment reporter, and for the morning show, as well as global news.

Welcome back, guys. Thanks, Ben. Thank you. Okay, here we go. Dear Ben, my best friend and I are having problems because I no longer want to hang with her when she's with her boyfriend. She has the habit of leaning on me when she's having problems with him, but some of the things she has said have repulsed me while she has forgiven him is hard for me to accept

that and pretend to be friendly with someone who's treated my friend like crap. It's driving a wedge between her and I because I just don't want to hang with her when she's with her boyfriend. And now we hardly see each other. She says he's genuinely changed his behavior, but I can't shake the negative impression I have of him now. What should I do? Signed, Frenelin.

And Morgan, have you ever had a situation where a boyfriend, you know too much about the boyfriend? Oh, man, do I ever. I live with my sister. This has happened with my sister and her last boyfriend. They have since split, so I think it's okay to talk about this, but yeah. And my sister's my best friend. I'm not gonna lie, there's not a whole lot you can say, because I even found my sister would just defend him. And so at this point, you sort of just have to back away and accept that this is kind of the way it is until they see reason.

But it is tricky when they come to you for advice, you tell them and then they don't listen to it. Yeah. I actually took a bit of a step back. Yeah. Erin, isn't it sort of incumbent on the one with the boyfriend? Look, if you are living in a world

where you could possibly reconcile, you should probably keep the most sorted things to yourself because you're poisoning the well. You're poisoning the well, you're putting ideas in your friend's head that when you then go to them and ask them for advice, that's gonna inform anything they say. Absolutely, but I mean, we've seen it in movies,

I've seen it in my own life. Morgan, you know, just highlighted a great example. People wear rose colored glasses when they're in relationships and they don't see it that way. They expect you to go back to just acting like nothing has happened. And it's really hard to do that when you've seen the other side of a person,

but you're never, it's never the right idea to tell them the truth. It seems so natural. We'll just tell them that they're dating a jerk and they'll obviously listen to you. You're their sister, you're their best friend. That's never how it goes down. The person always gets mad at you. You end up being the bad guy. And inevitably, as in Morgan sisters case, they come to their own conclusion anyway. So I have

learned over many ill fated times doing this, stay silent, be supportive and wait for them to see the light. Yeah, no, I, I agree. But but listen, I like almost everybody. It takes a lot for them to see the light. Yeah, no, I agree. But listen, I like almost everybody. It takes a lot for you to get on my bad side. And one of my best friends had a girlfriend who was so terrible. She was just such an awful person that she is the only person in the history of my life that I have gone up to when she was invited back

into my friend's life. I went up to her at a party at his house. I looked her in the eye and I said, I hate you. She was invited back into my friend's life. I went up to her at a party at his house. I looked her in the eye and I said, I hate you. I hate you for the way you've treated my friend. And it's a good thing they didn't really get back together. It was just sort of, she was invited to this party, but I made it known to her that the way she had treated

my friend was disgusting. And she's the only person I've ever told that to. So you gotta be really careful with the information that you share because as friends, we are there to defend fiercely. We're not there to forgive. That's somebody else's job. And so there you go.

I hope that helped. Good for you, Ben, good for you. Thank you, I hope that helped, Friendly Lynn. Okay, this next one is from Reddit and it's a classic, am I the a-hole story? I'm a 28 year old female with a 16 year old niece. She is my only sister's only child. Two years ago, I married a very wealthy man

and my mother-in-law gifted me a coat that is worth more than $20,000. Last week I wore it while I was visiting my sister. While I was putting it back on to leave, I felt something go splat on my back. And then my niece started cackling at the smell of paint as it hit me. I was so pissed off while she was not apologetic at all.

Her mom screamed at her and she was grounded. She then said she will pay for the dry cleaning. While I was in my car, still in shock, I got an alert that my niece posted a reel. It was of her doing a prank of me. And she said, I'm gonna hit my aunt's $20,000 coat with a paint-filled balloon to see how she reacts. I saved it on my phone, sent it to her mom

and told her that a week's grounding is not enough. She did not reply and I saw that my niece took it down. The next day I found out my coat could not be saved by the dry cleaner, so I called my sister and told her that her daughter has to pay it back. Well, we got into an argument and she said that they will not be paying for it And if I wanted a new one, I should get my husband to buy it for me

I think that they should pay for it. However, we did not reach an agreement So I told her that I will be suing other family members think I'm out of line. So am I the a-hole? Oh, this is a tricky one because it escalated it and I kept thinking that at each level There was a reasonable outcome that could be achieved. And now I think the gloves are off and I think they have to duke it out. Morgan, your thoughts. Oh man, listen, I don't think you're going

to get anywhere with sewing. I really don't. I understand. But unfortunately, you will be painted as the bad person, even though you're in your right for that. This is what I would have hoped. I would have hoped my sister would have made my her 16 year old daughter get a job yeah specifically to help pay this back no matter how long it took even

just for six months or year just just for the yeah just helping to do something to own responsibility but if that's off the table and they're now fighting I do think suing is not the right move but it would be sad that this is what causes a massive risk between them. So this is a real tricky one. I wouldn't sue though. I wouldn't sue. Yeah, Erin, it feels to me like the right way for this to end is, well, I think what Morgan said was the mom recognizing how egregious this was and how gleeful the daughter was and, oh my God, she needs to be taught a lesson. She has to get a job. And whether or not she ended up paying the 20,000, the onus being on her, the responsibility,

the burden of her actions would have taught her the lesson that really should have come out of this. Absolutely, but it sounds like her sister's not stepping up and taking that role. She's instead making excuses for her daughter. And I totally agree with Morgan. If it were me and my daughter did that first, I really want to know what kind of coat cost $20,000. Like the world's most amazing, like the Technicolor dream coat. But either way, that's not the

point. The point is, she is as Morgan said, she's within her rights to pursue legal action. But if she does that, she's going to lose more than a coat, she's going to lose her family and listen, every family is complicated. We've had lots of those rifts over the years in my family and my husband's family. And I always come back to the same thing, which is you only have one family. These relationships are priceless. And at a certain point, you have to swallow your pride and pick your family or the hill that you're going to die on.

And so, you know, if she sues, that's gonna make for some awkward holiday dinners for the rest of her life. Maybe the solution here is the threat of a lawsuit, right? Just like, I'm willing to do this, but I will take it off the table. I am within my rights. I will collect the money.

You will have to pay, but I don't want to poison the well. I do not want this to ruin our family. What I do want is for this not to happen again and so if you can we can come up with a solution here I will take the lawsuit off the table I wonder if that's the way forward Morgan it's true but the sisters already in defense mode like if this had happened to my daughter I wouldn't be in defense mode I would be like listen I can't afford 20 However, let me try something where we can, you know, work this out. But if the sister's already in defense mode, I think even the threat of suing is like it gives them more power to be even angrier with them and take the onus off them, the fact

that it was her daughter. Okay, we only have a little bit of time left. So I'm going to read this quickly. And then I'm going to get really quick advice from you guys. Dear Ben, I'm about to get married later this year and I'm having problems with my Italian family. It's customary to have a lot of your relatives in the wedding party, but my husband doesn't want to have many groomsmen.

So I told two of my cousins I can't have them as bridesmaids. Of course, this started a huge fight in my family. Do I stick to my guns on this or do I appease everyone? I feel like this wedding is more about keeping everyone happy other than myself. Erin, this is, I mean, this is a, it's a unique problem, but not, not a unique problem. And marriages and, and, and, and weddings can cause this sort of thing. Absolutely. I faced this in my own family, relatives who wanted me to put other people in my bridal party. And I'll tell this person, Isabella, the same thing I told my family. My wedding, my choice. I appreciate your opinions. I am not going to listen to them.

And if you don't like it, you don't have to come to the wedding. And in this case, I'd be wondering why these relatives were even invited in the first place. Morgan, the last 30 seconds to you. Oh, yeah. I mean, my brother just got married at City Hall, so telling anybody. So my family is not into major traditions and so I say it's your wedding, same as Erin. And you know what, people will get over it. They'll get over it eventually. Morgan Hoffman, Erin Burry, thank you so much for joining us on the Dilemma Panel. I really appreciate it and my take is if both sides, if one side wants to have two groomsmen and the other side has a big wedding party, who cares? Enjoy yourselves. Have a great wedding.

I hope you join me again for the Dilemma panel. Take care, guys. Thanks, Ben. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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