The Best of Car Talk - #24100: Bernsteining the Clutch

Episode Date: December 14, 2024

Alexander's dad loved convertibles and dove them with style. Since dad was Leonard Bernstein does it really matter that he had it all wrong? Click and Clack take on a great American composer(and lose!) on this episode of the Best of Car Talk.Get access to hundreds of episodes in the Car Talk archive when you sign up for Car Talk+ at plus.npr.org/cartalkLearn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

Hi there, it's Ray. Well, the end of another year is here and our team is looking back at all the fun we've been able to bring you in 2024 because of your support. That's right, we're still making this show because listeners like you step up and support our work, either by giving to your local station or by joining NPR+. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, NPR plus is a sweet way to support the independent public media that you rely on from NPR. When you sign up for NPR+, you support our mission of creating a more informed public and you get special perks from more than 25 NPR podcasts, like sponsor-free listening, bonus episodes, access to the Car Talk archives, and even exclusive and discounted items from the NPR Shop and the NPR wine club. Donate right now and join us on the plus side at plus.npr.org. And thanks.

Hello and welcome to Car Talk from National Public Radio with us, Click and Clack the Tappet Brothers and we're broadcasting this week from Murky Research here at Car Talk Plaza. Murky hasn't done anything. You think Murky hasn't done anything? Murky has come through with a ton, well at least a lot of pages. Anything useful? Yeah well actually we are on the verge, we are on the verge of having some very very useful stuff. I already have as you can see before. Oh, this guy, Charlie Chart, Charlie Chart, Charlie Chart. No the truth is that we're

talking about the survey that we do on the website. And if you haven't filled out the survey, we're begging you, because we need another maybe 100,000 people. That's not a lot, right? No, it really isn't. We need another 100,000 people to really have – don't forget, we already have like 25 or 30,000 people who have responded to the survey. But when you figure that we're trying to collect data for like, even let's just say 10 years

worth of cars, and there must be a thousand different cars. Give us a little sampling of some of the useful information that we have obtained from the survey participants to date. This I think is one of the most interesting ones. I have here a plot of the repair and maintenance costs for all cars for the past 17 years, from 1980 to 1997, right? But we have it by country of origin. And it shows two very, very interesting things. One is it proves our theory that people believe in this myth that you have a car and the first year you pay nothing to fix it, nothing.

It changes the oil once and that's it. The following year you have to spend a hundred bucks. The year after that you've got to spend like 300 bucks. The year after that you've got to spend like 500 bucks and people say oh My god, I better sell this because in five more years I'm gonna be spending $30,000 to repair this car and I'll do with your time I do with my time and we've always said that's not true because it levels out. Look at this. I'm I'm looking I'm looking it is in fact levels out at about 650 bucks. And in fact as the car gets older and older,

it costs less and less to repair it because you say, fix it, what are you nuts? And pieces fall off that can't be retrieved and you can't fix that. You can't fix it. You can't fix the taillight if it's no longer there. That's right. So the first thing is it proves the theory

that the repair and maintenance costs do level off at About 600 bucks after about five or six years in which country of origin is the best? That's the second thing that's interesting and we have the average of all cars and that's where the $650 number comes from but we also have the average of all American cars we have the average of all American cars, we have the average of all Asian cars, and we have all European cars. As you would guess, the lowest repair and maintenance costs are for Asian cars, and that levels out at under 600 bucks. And now what would you guess is the worst? Oh, the European

cars. You're absolutely right. The European cars average out and about I don't know ten thousand Well, you have a lot of high-end you have a lot of niche cars in the you have a lot of high-end cars So I mean even though they don't break down maybe as often when they do Yeah, you throw in your Ferrari testosterone. He there, and you've got some serious repair costs. So the European cars have the worst repair and maintenance costs, and the American cars are in the middle. And I have to say, they're not really too much worse than the Asian cars.

It's kind of interesting. So they're really not that much worse. That's interesting. It is good. So we have that kind of stuff. I can see a new advertising slogan for one of the big three. At least we're not the worst. That's right.

And European manufacturers can't make that statement. So if you have not filled out the questionnaire. And you happen to be at work. And you happen to be at work. Visit our website, cartalk.msn.com. OK. Click on virtually useful data and take the survey I am thrilled absolutely I am I'm ecstatic I love data I mean you give me

a t-test and I'm in heaven it shows you what his idea of the time is well if you'd like to call us about your car the numbers 1-800-332-9287 hello you're on car talk. Hi, how are you? Oh, we're just dancing. Well, great. My name's Terry and I'm calling from Toledo. Toledo, so it's just T-E-R-R-Y. No. Oh, huh?

No. What is it, I? Yeah, but one R. You're not from Toledo. You're not from Toledo. You cannot be from Toledo. Okay, I wasn't born here, but I live here Ah where were you what part of California were you born in I was born in Detroit even worse Really yeah anyway Terry what's up? Well I have an 85 Honda Accord

Yeah, it's a hatchback and sound like a schoolteacher Pardon me you sound like a schoolteacher. No, I'm worse than that. I'm a baker Baker yeah, really. Yeah, like you make muffins and stuff. Oh, I make desserts sticky buns Yeah, well we'll talk about that later All right, let's talk about the accord first I had a noise coming from the back it sounded like a the only way i could describe it would be like a bongo drum and i think it might

be retired hitting but i hope it is i hope it's nothing coming apart on that cut i really like this car but i have any noises coming from the back of an accord because there is nothing in the back i know i know and it's weird it's really strange if i go over bumps. Yeah, and it had boom. Well, yeah, and it's hard to tell

if it's the seal on the hatch, because it makes a god-awful squeaking noise, or if it's something else. Well, here's what you do. Yeah. You bake every day, is that true? Yeah, yeah, I do. You have to take some dough.

Yeah. Okay. And put it around the seal. Exactly. Put have to take some dough. Yeah. Okay. And put it around the seal. Exactly. Put it between, put it where the trunk closes onto the body. Uh huh. Okay, make it into like a long, pretend you're making a long skinny baguette.

Real long skinny. Real long. About four feet. This is gonna be your interface now. And you slam the deck right onto it. And use plenty of yeast because you want it to rise and swell up so that space is taken up in there. And after having parked this thing in the sun for about 45 minutes.

It'll be done. It'll be done. It'll be all expanded. You can drive it and see if the noise is gone. Oh, you know, that would be so cool, but that's the least of my problems. Oh, you got another problem. Oh the problem all cash yeah i think so um... i want to have the noise checked out and he said if my rack and pinion is not good well mine is an either but i'm thinking well they don't have anything to do with

the noise doesn't need to know all of those if you're steering right the rack and pinion is leaking no it's not it's worn it yeah it's getting there today he thought it's not bad enough to do anything with right now i can see it now the guy puts the car up on the left on those to the back and as we know that as we just said there is nothing in the back right of the heart of an

accord we have a great he says i'm not going to make any money here and back right let me know if I can sell him a $700 rack and pinion. Let me go to the front where there's a lot of stuff. Where the pieces are. Because there are no pieces back here at all. So, I mean, did he ever ascertain what the noise was? He just... No....dismissed it as being... But he heard, he said, we went for a little drive and he said that he heard it too. I wouldn't worry about it. If your exhaust system is not falling off... No, no, nothing is....and you don't have a broken

strut No, then I would forget about the noise and I would forget about the rack and pinion and I would just do what my brother Said make the bag get stick it in the bag or and that's it Going back to the rack for just a minute. I mean, it's it's possible that this guy has misdiagnosed it Okay, so you might want to get a second opinion, okay But he may have misdiagnosed it in that one of the inner tie rod ends may be worn out And he's condemning the whole rack for that reason okay? You want to go to a place that does alignments perhaps and have them check it okay?

If you do over tie rod and it's ready to break yeah, you want to get that fixed well sure yeah the rack itself is Hardly ever dangerous if it's worn okay, but if he has in fact It's hardly ever dangerous if it's worn. But if he has in fact misdiagnosed it, and what he did was he jiggled the wheels and you can see a lot of slop, a lot of movement there. And if he thinks the movement is coming from the rack and it's actually coming from another piece which could break and be dangerous, then you want to know that. And that piece would be the inner or the outer tie rod end because the inner tie rod end

screws to the rack. And if that's loose, it could make you think that the rack is worn out when in fact that ball and socket joints ready To break and kill you okay. Is that I would put a lot of baked goods on the dashboard Well, they lack like an airbag yeah This guy doesn't have an airbag no no no no it doesn't. So how is the baking business? I mean, tell us about it. It's okay. I have a real good time with it. It keeps me from having to get a real job.

Do you have your own bakery or do you work for somebody? No, I work for somebody but I do most of it from my house. Ah, that kind of a baker. Yeah. So you have like an oven in every room, right? Don't I wish. That'd be too much work then. No, I still, this is just still a fun thing.

You know, I do for family, friends, and anybody who wants to lay down some money and, you know. Oh, so you don't actually sell your stuff through a bakery. You do it. No, oh, no, no, no. No, I don't. So you're more like a caterer. Something.

Yeah, you could say that. Keep it up. Well, thank you very much. And if you have anything that didn't come out too good, send it to us. Oh, okay. All right. Anything that you burned, send it. We'll eat anything. Nice to talk to you, Terry.

Hey, thank you so much. Get that thing checked out. I mean, there may also be something real bad going on in the back, but I doubt it from your description. Okay. But the bad get will tell. Okay, great. See you later. Thank you. Bye. 1-800-332-9287. Hello, you're on Car Talk. This is Bill from Las Cruces, New Mexico. Bill? Yes. How are you, Bill? I'm terrific. About a year ago

this time I bought a knockabout 87 Isuzu pup truck with 140 forty thousand miles on it and it's great shape mechanically However, I seem to go through a starter can set my calendar every three months Well symptoms turning the ignition key you can hear this solenoid click, but nothing nothing happens Got a rebuilt one from a nationwide Got a rebuilt one from a nationwide dealer, Pep Boys. Yeah. They guarantee they're rebuilt starters for life. So I thought, how can I lose? Right, must be good.

In the meantime, I replaced the battery, both battery cables as a precaution. And Pep Boys even took the truck through their service department and checked out the electrical system, found no fault, confirmed it was their starter. So they admitted that the starter was no good that is correct and even the second starter rebuilt starter I took back and they tested it and indicated that it was no good I was concerned about was is

there something in my truck that could cause this to happen could it be that the starter is still turning after you know after the engine starts you can't hear it no no you'd hear it you'd hear it it would sound like a cement mixer and it would grind the teeth off of either the flywheel or the starter motor or burn up that well that's if the bendix was still engaged it would it would burn up the uh... the bearings of the motor the starter motor is not designed to run at 11,000 rpm.

But it's very unlikely that there is something in your truck which is making the starter wear out. I think it's a Pep Boys problem and not yours. Okay, I agree to a certain degree because once I put in the new starter all the symptoms disappear for three or three to four months now they're using uh... in the remanufactured the starter using some inferior quality parts now i'm not because they don't because that's what they do i'd just in in my opinion they have bought a batch of bad parts and they probably rebuilt hundreds if not thousands of these

within foot with some kind of the fault of the defective or faulty part that burns out after a while and it's very unlikely that you are the only one experiencing this problem and I'm sure that you didn't ask the guys at the store how many other starters had come back huh well one of the parts gentlemen indicated that he had a similar problem with his Camaro. Yeah. With the starter. He went through three or four, he said. Yeah.

I mean, it's very unlikely that something in the car can make the starter go bad. Okay. So, I think it's not you, and I'm sure that by now, they have figured out that they have a problem and they have fixed it. I'm very pleased with that boy honoring their warranty. Well, after like... I can't say enough about him them except I have to change starters. Yeah, that's very good.

Too much. No, after like the 18th or 20th starter, they're going to have to assassinate you. What happened to Bill? I don't know, he was out there by the truck and he disappeared. Must have been an alien abduction or something. But lifetime, wow, that's a deal. When you get old and decrepit or sick of changing the starter, you could just go to the dealer and buy one of theirs.

Yes, I could. And that'll probably solve the problem. It'll last many, many years. But until then... I certainly appreciate your information and like I say, I was just concerned that was there something in my truck that could cause these things to fail? No. And I'm sure we'll hear from Pep Boys and they'll give us the entire history of

the bad batch of starters that they had and I'm sure that they have fixed it because don't forget if they're giving away starters for life, they don't want people coming back, they want them to last for life. Well we have bought rebuilt starters and alternators for all kinds of cars for 20 plus years and my experience has been that most of them aren't that good, to be honest. Do you want to be any more descriptive about that instead of just not that good?

You want to use any words that start with a C? Like crap? Well, yeah. How about J? Junk? Yeah. That's far enough. No, the S word. No, I mean, A lot of them are, not a lot of them. All

of them have their faults. And the ones I've had the most success with over the years are the ones that come right from the dealers. Okay. So if you want a good one, that's almost a sure fire way to get one. Alright sir. Good luck Bill. Good luck Bill. Thank you very much. Thanks for calling. See ya. Hey the puzzler answer and more calls are coming up right after this. Hey you remember last week's puzzler man? Uh the puzzler ah yes a gentleman well-dressed gentleman goes into a bank and he says, I'm a visitor to your fair city.

Pray, proceed. Is that it? No, there was no puzzler last week. The puzzlers are now at summer vacation. Yeah, so what do you bring it up for? We're still here sweating like dogs over these hot microphones, but the puzzler is sitting on the beach living it up like Don King. Anyway, if a week without a car talk puzzler is, you know, like a day without

sunshine for you, then you should definitely seek psychiatric help. But until then you can satisfy your puzzler craving by going to our archive puzzlers on our website, car talk.msn.com. Just go to the radio section and you'll find the puzzler we have personally, or is that randomly or randomly randomly? Selected just for you, so you can and a hundred thousand other people And of course we will not have a new puzzler coming up during the second half the show because the puzzler is what a vacation Yeah, V a C a T I O N

But we will have a stump the chumps That's all right. That's close to a puzzler. Yeah, in the meantime if you want to call us our number is 1-800-332-9287. Hello, you're on Car Talk. Hi, this is Alexander in New York City. Alexander, do you use the whole name? Most often yell though. A lot of people call me Alex and in high school I was Al. Yeah. Or Yo Al. Al. Or Yo-Al.

Yo-Al. Yo-Al. Okay, you'll be Yo-Al. Yo-Al. Wasn't that Superman's father? That make fun? Superman's father. Wasn't he Yo-Al? No, that's the...

Cal-Al. That's the Israeli airline Yo-Al. Yo-Al. What's up, Al? Well, I have to preface my question by saying that my father was lennard bernstein no kidding yeah well and uh... he had a

life-long quest for the perfect convertible did he really to uh... men if everybody else on the road with shi always do i like that really he was a convertible person. Yeah, in the olden days when his show was sponsored by Ford Lincoln. Maria! Oh, don't get him started. I just met a girl there.

Well, it's great to hear you sing that. But I have to say that of everything he ever did, nothing was as inspired as Puerto Rico, my heart's devotion, let it sink back in the ocean. That was inspired, man. I think you've got to give Steve Sondheim credit for that. Well, yeah, he did the words, right? Most of them, yeah. So, I mean, are you in the music business, Alex?

Oh, no. Ander? No, I took some piano lessons. It wasn't in your heart. So, I mean, what do you do? I'm a teacher by trade. Of? Of English and drama. Ah, so the arts are still in there. I didn't figure you for a concrete contractor. Sometimes I wish I were. Yes you were, right. I also run a foundation that my father started, Arts and Education. Ah, foundation, concrete foundation.

And you work right in Manhattan? Uh-huh. And you live in Manhattan? And I live in Manhattan. And have you got a car? Yes, I have a car. It always amazes me that you could live in Manhattan and have a car. It amazes me too.

But there are, I suppose, millions of people who do it. Well, we had a call a few weeks ago from a woman who had recently moved to New York and was complaining that her, the spot for her car cost more a month than her apartment. It's true. It's unbelievable. There's something wrong with that, isn't there? Well, it's telling you something though. It's telling you that you shouldn't have a car or you shouldn't be living in New York. But you have a car and obviously you have a question. And then my car doesn't even have a view or anything. Yeah, we've managed to avoid your question for quite a while here, so we'll let you ask it.

Yeah, what's the problem? Alright, it's not a problem. But when I was 12, we spent the summer in Italy. And my father, one of his convertibles, he decided to buy a Maserati. And so he was in love with this car and the guy that sold it to him said that when he downshifted, he should do this thing called double clutching, you know, where you... Right. On the way down while you're in neutral, you... Let the clutch out.

Give it gas. Let the clutch out, then you put it back in again. Right. And then you put it back in. So I thought this was the coolest thing in the world. And then when I got my first car, a horrible Capri, used Capri, I started doing this. And I've been doing it ever since,

because I just remembered how cool it was, and my father did it in Maserati. Now this Maserati was like a 50-something? Oh, it must have been 68, 67. A 67 Maserati was like a 50-something? Oh, it was, uh, it must have been 68, 67. A 67 Maserati. Oh, it was beautiful. So it was brand new? It was brand new.

I think this Italian mechanic gave your father bogus information. No doubt. No doubt? Yeah, I mean, that's a given, isn't it? That was redundant, I'm sorry. Hahaha! 67. That's a given, isn't it? That was redundant. I'm sorry. 67. I mean, it's so unlike... the only reason that you would ever have to double clutch is if you don't have a synchronized transmission. This transmission doesn't have what we call synchros in it. Synchro mesh transmission. And the Maserati must have had a synchro mesh transmission.

By that time, virtually everyone had one. It's certainly a high-end car like that would have had it. Sure. Which would obviate the necessity of- Of double clutching. Double clutching. The reason you would double clutch is to match the gear speed

so that you wouldn't get gear clash when you shifted, especially downshifting. So you would let the clutch out while the thing was in neutral, and you'd change the engine speed, usually thing was in neutral and you change the engines We'd usually bring it up if you were upshifting so that the gears would be turning at the same speed So they wouldn't clash and grind when you made your shift and it would take some practice To figure out exactly how much gas you would have to give it between shifts

Otherwise you would put it into the next gear and as you try to get it into gear you'd get this Right because the engine would be turning at a much different speed from the transmission and you'd have to Gah, gah, gah, gah, that wonderful grinding noise. Right. And I have to say though, that once you have learned the technique of double clutching it is a magnificent way to drive.

Oh, I love it. Totally unnecessary. But it makes you feel Like you're racing. Like you're really doing something. And you will never unlearn this. I mean, you've been doing this for years, obviously. Yeah.

You'll never unlearn it. But it looks cool, doesn't it? I mean, do people ask you all the time what you're doing? Sure. And you say, And it feels cool too. And you say, I'm double clutching. That's right.

And they say, wow. And there's nothing wrong with doing it, really. Oh, that really oh that's it does put a little extra wear on the clutch and the release bearing And the clutch cable and the linkage and and and the in the pedal assembly and all that Have you been running through a lot of clutches on all these cars that you've owned in the past ten years? No, as a matter of fact I never did. You never did. No. Everyone else has gone wrong with that question. So what is it that you're driving anyway? A Saab.

A Saab? Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, well, I would continue doing it. Yeah. Well, I'm relieved to know that I'm not ruining my car. Well... You're not ruining your car. You are ruining your car.

No, don't tell him that. We can be honest. Alex is an adult here. He can take it. You are, but in the long run, what's the difference? You're never going to break yourself of this habit, so it's better that we just tell you that you're not ruining your car, and you can go off happy and just keep doing what you're doing.

Yeah, just forget you ever called us. But if nothing else, it will remind you, every time you double clutch, it will remind you of that wonderful summer you spent in Italy. It will remind you of your dad and the joy he's brought to everyone. And that's the reason why you should continue to do it. And in fact, I think everyone who has a manual transmission should double clutch in honor of one of them I'm gonna start double clutching my car and every time you do it you say Puerto Rico my heart's devotion

One of our listeners in your father's inimitable style will be able to write a song Yeah using his music and putting words which have double clutching I'm sure someone will do that I think it's a great idea we should all double clutch in honor of Leonard and when people say what are you doing I'm Bernstining you mean you don't do that when you drive ah everyone will do so we can change the whole change and then think a hundred years from now when people are trying to figure out What the hell is this called Bernstein in for nobody will know just like now you dial the phone. It's got no dial Right, but you dial it. All right 20 years from now even now kids say why is it called the dial?

It's not a dial push buttons. Yeah, so this will become known as Bernsteinining the Clutch. Or Burning Out the Clutch. Oh, Burning Out the Clutch. Hey, Alexander, thanks a million for your call. Thank you guys, you're my heroes. See you later. Bye-bye. Bernstining the Clutch.

I love it. We'll be right back with more calls and a new puzzler after these messages. I went back you're listening to car talk on national public radio with us clicking clack the tap brothers and we're here to discuss cars car repair and another high level disappointment Indeed indeed we received a letter recently from Charles M vest president of our alma mater

Massachusetts Institute of Technology you may recall that a couple of weeks ago We we hadn't since we hadn't been invited to speak at any commencement exercises. We did one anyway. We did one anyway. We wrote our own and we did it. We delivered it. Yeah.

And rather well, I thought. I thought so too. It was quite insightful and it would have been inspiring to students who would be sitting there bored. Well, I'm going to read some of Charlie's letter. Dear Click 58, Clack 72, I'm sorry to learn of your disappointment at not being asked to deliver the main address at this year's commencement exercise. It had been my understanding that you usually don't care for exercise, especially in the open air, and that you therefore wouldn't be interested in ours.

On the other hand- The president of MIT has a sense of humor. Did you get a little humor there? Oh, yes, yes, yes. On the other hand, as alumni, you will appreciate the fact that we have some fairly eccentric students and faculty here at the Institute, so the idea of having you two gentlemen as graduation speakers is invariably floated each spring. It's floated, all right.

This year, as always, there was a strong butky Undercurrents of support for you as commencement speakers still even your most ardent backers had to admit that there was one crucial area in Which your qualifications could not match those of your fellow alumnus UN Secretary General coffee Anon 72 my class all not really my class. I well you was in so many classes I will everyone was a classmate of yours I have a decade thousand class. I was class of 70 71 72 You got the t-shirt I graduated with everybody He goes on as you know The United Nations has a really spiffy flag because Secretary General Anand was featured

as this year's speaker. We had a legitimate excuse to fly the UN flag on the dais and also to hang it anywhere else we wanted to. You can imagine how useful such a flag can be when you want to cheer up a drab corner of the campus or decorate a really big space like an auditorium or athletic cage. Da da da da da da da da.

Okay. Despite your absence, MIT's 97 commencement was a great success, even though you bozos weren't here, and then he goes on and on about donating money to the alumni fund and all that, but I can't read it, because it must have gotten smudged. Well, thanks, Charlie. We definitely need a flag, though. We need a flag.

I mean, if we had had a flag, we could have been here. We'd have been in, man. Yes. All right, this is normally the time when I would introduce the new puzzler Yeah, but there is no puzzler and I would scribble down on a little scrap of paper. Guess why there's no puzzler. You've been saying it all day It's on vacation. All right already. It's on vacation, but if you want a puzzle this week tough No, no If you want a car talk puzzle all you have to do is go to the radio section of car talk dot msn.com And you'll find the puzzle we have selected from the car talk puzzler archives

Are these actually I haven't looked at these archival puzzles are they old ones are relatively new ones or what they're randomly selected From the thousands of their old old Definition oh cool. Yeah, but for the last ten years I mean we don't go back to the real oldies because those we have not recorded. Those are chiseled in, those are cuneiform, those are on clay tablets, right? Clay tablets, yeah. Yeah. Anyway, if you have a puzzler you think we can use in the fall, by all means, either

email it to us from the website or slap a stamp on it and send it to Puzzler Tower, Car Talk Plaza, Box 3500, Harvard Square, Cambridge, Our Fair City, MA 02238. I'll repeat the address because I think I did it rather hurriedly. Yeah. Puzzler Tower, Car Talk Plaza, all you gotta remember is this important part, Box 3500, Harvard Square, Cambridge, Our Fair City, MA 02238. If you'd like to call us, our number is 1-800-332-9287 and we'd love to hear from you. Hello, you're on Car Talk. This is Melissa. Which Melissa is this? What do you mean, which Melissa? Well, we have many Melissa's that we know already had one call the Melissa

Peterson yes get How the heck are you? Are you still a little brat you've always been? Okay, are you a little brat now? No, you're not how old are you now like 15? And that's why I'm calling what's your birthday you want us to No. You're not. No. How old are you now, like 15? Mm-hmm. And that's why I'm calling. What's your birthday and you want us to give you a present? No.

I'm turning 16 at the end of the summer and I need to figure out a way to get some money out of my dad for a car. Suggestions about how to get a car. Yeah, how to get a car. I mean, why should we be helping you? All you've done is berate us and claim that your dog hates our show. He still does too. He still does, you hate our show, you hate us,

you think we're morons. You even flew out here. To tell us personally what morons we were. From Washington to tell us what morons we weren't, to come on the show. I know that, but I want a car more than I hate you. Yeah. So you are still the same little brat that you always were.

Well, I suppose you could look at it that way. I prefer to look at it that way. So now you're going to be 16 at the end of the summer, and you think that a little twerp 16 year old kid deserves and slash or needs a car. Definitely. By what right? Why do you want a car? Because if I don't have a car. I can't drive around. Yeah, I mean you're already a spoiled little brat I mean, I know that I'm an old guy

Yeah, and I know that I don't understand modern things But what and I hate to even use the words when I was your age I mean that's I'm sure your father says that every time he talks to you. When my brother was your age dinosaurs were still roaming North America. The glaciers were moving at a glacial speed. No but you got to be 16 years old and you were thankful that if you could get a driver's license but to think of having a car was absolutely outrageous. You would once in a while, as our brother says, beg your father if you could borrow his car or your mother to borrow her car.

Yeah, but to have your own car. So I don't have to beg them for a car. Oh I know, but that's part of the whole process. And that way if I crash it, then it's not as big of a deal. Because it won't be their car that I crash, it'd be mine. And whose money would it have been purchased with? Well it would be their money, but it's different if it's my car. Yeah sure.

Yeah we'll be calling your father, you know. Does your mother have to like drive you to school every day? No, you don't even go to school. Yes I do. I thought you were home taught. I was, that was last year. Oh, but now? I'm going to a community college.

Oh, so your mother gave up on you. She said, get her out of the house, she's making me nuts. And the other students haven't killed you yet? No, not really. Oh, so you actually have to, and how far away from home is this place? Well, school is across the street, but I go other places,

and my mom gets really tired of driving me around. School is across the street? Well, why can't your bodyguard drive you around? You must have a bodyguard. What bodyguard? Well, I mean, if you were my kid, you'd get a bicycle. Fortunately, I'm were my kid, you'd get a bicycle. Yeah, well, I'm not, fortunately I'm not your kid, you know?

Yeah, unfortunately I do have a kid and he's getting a bicycle. Poor guy. I can't, I simply cannot side with you, Melissa, you know, as much as I love you. And you know that's true. I can't side with you on this because a 16 year old kid does not need a car. Use your feet, use bicycles, use public transportation. A country is getting lazy enough already. Everyone in the world is lazy enough as it is. Yeah, everybody else has a car except me. Well that's true. Bummer. In which case, why do you need one? But if everyone else has a car,

you should be no trouble getting rides. That's right. Come on. I mean, this is just another example of everybody wanting everything right now, and everything has to be perfect. I'm sorry it doesn't work that way. If you were to get a car, what would you want?

A bug. A Volkswagen bug? A Volkswagen bug. No, your parents would never allow that. No. Too dangerous. And I wouldn't allow it because it's dangerous. We could never condone that. My mom said that too.

Well, then it's, it's, it's, kiss that one goodbye. What else is on your list? I don't know. Well, you got to have a backup. Four wheels. Say this, if I can't have a bug, I don't want anything. No. I almost, I almost had the little twerp.

I figured that if I asked for the bug, and you're my mom, you'd be like, no, that's too dangerous. I'd really scare her, and so she'd get me something safe. Yeah. Oh, like a Mazda Miata with an airbag. Yeah, maybe. You'd like that, wouldn't you? Yeah.

Well, we'll talk to Dad. We'll do what we can. Yeah, well, Melissa, it's been nice talking to you. Just don't bother us anymore. Okay, fine, I will. I'm sick of this. I'll never even talk to you again I'm sure we'll hear from you. You said that last time too

You're not getting a car when you turn 16. That's it. No 16 year old kid is getting any car That's right in the meantime buy yourself a new pair of Reeboks. You'll be doing a lot of walking this summer, baby I know we're dreadful. Don't you love it? See you, Melissa. Okay, bye. It's been a pleasure talking to you, as always. Little twerp. Whew! Oh my God. While you've wasted an otherwise perfectly good hour listening to Car Talk,

our esteemed producer is Doug the Subway Fugitive Berman. Our associate producer and dean of the College of Automusicology is Ken babyface Rogers Our assistant producer is Katherine cathode ray our engineer is Karen. It's a given our technical advisor Spiritual advisor menu advisor and all kinds of other things bon vivant man around town seldom seen We forgot what he looks like his John Bug, free lunch milk carton man loller. Our public opinion pollster is Paul Murky of Murky Research, assisted by statistician Marginal Vera. Our director of new product repair is Warranty My Foot. Our staff butler from the Car Talk Mumbai division is Mahatma Kot. Our change to Mumbai. Mumbai, yes. About two months ago.

I wasn't about to say that. Our document security expert from the island of Jamaica is Euripides Uppman. Our director of upward mobility in Eastern Europe is Zibignu Chrysler. And our customer service manager in Great Britain is Sir Lee Manor. Our evasive driving instructor is Vera Bruppley.

Our marriage counselor is Marion Haste. Our head of used car purchasing is Will B. Hoofinett. The manager of our weekly shrimp buffet is Sheldon Devane. The curator of Tom's Car Collection is Rex Galore. And our chief counselor from the law firm of Dewey, Cheetah, and Howe is You Lewis Dewey, known around Harvard Square as Youy Louy Dewey. Thanks so much for listening.

We're Click and Clack the Tappet Brothers, and Don't Drive Like My Brother. Don't Drive Like My Brother. We'll be back next week. We hope. Bye-bye. and don't drive like my brother. Don't drive like my brother. We'll be back next week. We hope. Bye bye. And now, with an important announcement, here is Car Talk Plaza's chief mechanic, Vinny Gumbatz. Now, if you just want a tape of this here show which is at number 27,

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