The Best of Car Talk - #2455: Kevorkian Motors

Episode Date: July 9, 2024

Jaime from Virginia must be a longtime listener because he's asking Click and Clack how to put an old Hyundai out of his misery. Creatively euthanizing cars on this episode of the best of Car Talk.Get access to hundreds of episodes in the Car Talk archive when you sign up for Car Talk+ at plus.npr.org/cartalkLearn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

If you haven't kept up with the best songs out this year, we've got you covered. On All Songs Considered from NPR Music, we hit pause to look back at the best tracks of 2024 so far. Chapel Rowan is just a complete star on this song and it's been wedged in my brain ever since I first heard it. Listen to All Songs Considered every Tuesday wherever you get podcasts. Hello and welcome to Car Talk from National Public Radio with us, Click and Clack the Tappet Brothers and we're broadcasting this week from the nominating convention here at car talk Plaza now As you may know my brother and I would like to be right in candidates for president this fall on the u BTP party ticket. Yeah UBTP that's the unencumbered by the thought process

I mean, I think it's good that we admit that we're unencumbered by the thought process because we may be the only candidates in history to have ever admitted to this whole thing. Well, we haven't been nominated yet. So how can we run on a party ticket if we're not nominated? Yeah. That's true. We've got to be nominated. Well, anyway, we looked for inspiration to H. Ross Pujol. He's got a new party and he had to come up with rules for nominations.

And we figured if he could make up his own rules, we could make up ours, right? Right, so here's what we did. I have taken the names of all the candidates nationwide whom I feel, who I feel are qualified to run for president, and I've put them in this hat. The hat's empty. Yeah, so in addition to those people, I'm also adding a piece of paper with our names on it,

which I will now drop into the hat. And I ask you, my brother, as an independent participant, have we ever met before? Hardly. As a representative of the American voting public, to reach into this hat and pick the names of the official nominees of the UBTP party. Here, reach in the hat. Reach in. Okay, here it is. What a surprise! It's us! It says Tom and Ray Mallonci.

Well there it is, the official nominating process of the UBTP party and now we, my brother and I, are officially write-in candidates for president with the following campaign slogan. I can see the bumper stickers now. Tom and Ray 96, unencumbered by the thought process. We should also remind people that you can propose a plank or a two by four or anything you want. Or a sheet of plywood, anything you want. A sheet of plywood to the campaign either by writing to us here at Car Talk Plaza or you can post your suggestion in Cafe Doctora which is part of CarTalk.com, the website. The discussion section this is a scourge erudite discussion session

Yeah, or non-erudite depending upon your mood Yeah, so we that's it. It's official now we are Right in candidates. We should have our election like two weeks later Can we do that well, I mean because the election may take place Yeah, why don't we have it two weeks ahead? We could have it two weeks ahead, but I rather think it's better later. Because if you're unhappy with the winner, you get a chance to go and vote for us. Now, if you have a car question, you can call us at 1-800-332-9287. Hello, you're on Car Talk.

Hey, guys. Hey, who's this? This is Jamie from Richmond, Virginia. Jamie? Richmond? Yes, sir. What's up? talk well you guys are do a phenomenal job of helping people picture car but i have a kind of a different twist i need you folks to help me destroy a car

for that you want to talk to my brother i don't know how to destroy a car. No matter what I do, cars last forever. But my brother, he knows I'm expert. He is a wrecker. Tell you what I got here. I have a 1988 Hyundai XL with 147,000 miles on it.

Wow. Okay. Have you told Hyundai about this? What's that? Have you told Hyundai about this? with one hundred and forty seven thousand miles on it okay told me about this what that have you told me about this apparently there they're not available comment they take no responsibility from anything made prior to yesterday however i have a deal with my wife we recently bought her a car nice brand new monster protege all fine and well she can go about her merry way but i'm stuck driving this people hog

and so that we have and we have a deal if i can destroy this vehicle without getting into a major accident but keeping it well you know generally looped and generally well-maintained but can destroy it by way of mechanical failure that i can get the new Jeep Wrangler I want no problem Now before you start tossing out suggestions

I got to let you know what I've tried to do to it sure well traveling down I 95 on a closed race course and getting it up to its to a shutter and Shakespeare and then just oh, you know throwing it in the second gear That's a reverse Couldn't find it It wouldn't let me go there Basically I approach every speed bump and railroad crossing like the Joey Chitwood stunt team

and try to see what kind of airborne velocity I can get Basically if it's raining outside I look for big puddles I mean the James River is nearby but I can't seem to find a road leading right to it They seem to put a road leading right to it. They seem to put a bridge there every time. Yeah, you might get hurt. No, and that wouldn't be crooked. I think the most effective way to end the life of this car is to use what's called the red line theory.

Does this have a tachometer? Nope. Perfect. It's got a clock. It's got a clock. All right, use a clock. It's got a car. I use the clock under no circumstances Are you allowed for the next three days to shift beyond second? I was gonna say first gear I'm gonna give him second. I'd give the engine a fighting chance. I think you can do it in second

Well, I do need to get to work in an expedient matter. Yeah, I think you need to go second gear At it's a maximum highway highway speed that's allowed in your area. We're talking the south here so that's negotiable. That's negotiable. So 65 miles an hour in second gear that'll get you to about 7,000 rpm. That'll be enough to cook it. Oh minutes, in minutes. In minutes you say. Well it'll be interesting to see how far you can drive it in second gear. Well it's been three months now yeah but you've never done this well i i i i i kept it third gear for about a week and a half to know that's

why i wanted to know what that what the dollar figure was because even if you did that you could theoretically you could go to a junkyard and for less than a thousand dollars you could put another engine and so it's not officially dead yet you know so the engine in the transmission it's not officially dead yet. So it has to do the engine and the transmission. Okay well I think what you have to do then drive it in second until the engine starts wrapping until the most prominent noise is this hammering sound that you hear coming out of the engine. That will tell you that the engine is ruined and then when you hear that you have to do everything in your power

to slam it into reverse. And another thing you might want to just try once in a while when you're when you can't get up to highway speeds is leave your foot halfway down on the clutch. Okay. And floor it. That way. You've already given up on oil change. You don't do oil change.

No, no, we had a deal. I have to keep it lubed. You have to keep it lubed. It has to go to Jiffy Lube every so many miles. Well just that in itself might wreck it. But anyway, you know, I think the red line is what you have to exceed. Alright. I mean, if you wanted to take a more passive approach, you could just park it in my brother's garage. That's what I've done with cars that I wanted to get rid of, even

cars that I didn't want to get rid of. You leave it there for two or three days and all of a sudden, years, years, years, you leave it there for two or three days and all of a sudden it's gone. Years, years, years! You leave it there for two or three years! It's gone! It's gone. My brother has a warped sense of time. He asks if he can store a car at the shop for a few days and next thing I know it's been there for five years and I keep asking him, what are we doing with this? I'm going to restore it any day now. And I figure if I send them to the crusher he doesn't even know they're there and maybe years later he figures it out. and the only one he's really remembered so far has been the sleep black no I also remember the Mercedes

oh yeah remember that one yeah I do hey Jamie good luck second gear don't forget you got it see you later hey more calls are coming up right after this have you ever thought about the political leanings of sports fans the most democratic leaning sports fan base was a wmba like by a comfortable distance. But that could change if the WNBA continues with its explosive growth. Because as new fans show up, some of them are bringing old culture war battles. Listen to It's Been A Minute from NPR. Jim and Pam, Janine and Gregory, Carmy and Sydney, Meredith and McDreamy. You know how it goes. Two television characters, obvious chemistry, and you know deep down

that there's only one question, will they or won't they get together? We're breaking down these relationships and why we love them and hate them. Listen now to the Pop Culture Happy Hour podcast from NPR. Here at Shortwave Space Camp, we escape our everyday lives to explore the mysteries and quirks of the universe.

We find weird, fun, interesting stories that explain how the cosmos is partying all around us. From stars to dwarf planets to black holes and beyond, we've got you. Listen now to the Shortwave podcast from NPR. Listening to the news can feel like a journey, but the 1A podcast guides you beyond the headlines and cuts through the noise. Listen to 1A, where we celebrate your freedom to listen by getting to the heart of the story together, only from NPR. Okay, look, this is normally the time in the show when we answer last week's puzzler, but since we rewarded our regular listener last week with no puzzler, we must also reward

him with what? No answer this week. That's true. Yes, indeed, the puzzler is on summer vacation for a few more weeks, and while it's away, you can do one of two things. One, thank your lucky stars that you don't have to suffer through one of our lousy puzzlers this week. Again.

Or B, you can visit our website, CarTalk.com, and try your hand at one of our summer series of archival puzzlers, i.e. summer reruns, puzzles from Car Talk programs of the past. Isn't that sweet. It is sweet. It is sweet. Yeah. 1-800-332-9287. Hello, you're on Car Talk.

Hi, this is Mary from West Chesterfield, New Hampshire. Hi, sweet. 1-800-332-9287. Hello, you're on Car Talk. Hi, this is Mary from West Chesterfield, New Hampshire. Hi, Mary. West Chesterfield? Mm-hmm. What part of New Hampshire is that? Right over by the Vermont border. Oh, must be right near Lucky Strike, Vermont. Anyway, Mary, what's on your mind? Well, I don't have a car problem. I have a lawnmower problem. Yay! I, um, you know! I've always wondered how big a rock it would take to stop the blade from running, and I found one the other day. I have a Sears. I think it's a Toro, but I don't remember. I hate to correct your grammar, but you had a Sears.

Well, it's not a Toro if it's a Sears. No, it might be a Sears thing with a... No, it isn't a Toro if it's a Sears. No, it might be a Sears thing with a... No, it isn't a Toro if it's a Sears. Maybe Sears might sell Toro lawnmowers. I thought they did. Sears used to sell just Sears. Oh, well, it's probably... I would guess it's early to mid-80s vintage.

I think when people stopped buying Sears stuff, they decided they'd better sell other products as well. So you can now go to Sears and you can actually buy a lawnmower that isn't made by them. But not in 1981 or 82. No. If you got it at Sears it was a Sears lawnmower and who knows who made it. Oh okay. In any event, it's a lawnmower. It may have a Briggs & Stratton engine. Right, to make a long story short it's a lawnmower with a bent crankshaft. Okay well and then I compounded the problem because it was smoking a little bit when I started it back up again so I thought well maybe it needs oil and it did so i added a little oil

and then i actually started again it started again and and it um... it mode briefly although it vibrated by creating a hand and then it died completely and then i take the oil again i realized i'd overfilled it and then i brought it into the garage and change the oil figuring out how i can do any more hard to get them's like changing the curtain in the titanic you know all right well i can't

uh... but i have been gone for a couple weeks and i thought well you know me i can pick this thing before he gets back at the end of the push more push that self-propelled uh... well it's got the handle thing that you pull down but i think it's partly self propelled although the graph is that they can down, so I think it's partly self-propelled, although the grass is so thick it wasn't doing anything. So a bent crank shaft means no replacement, no repair. Interestingly enough, I bought a brand new Honda lawnmower a couple of years ago under

the recommendation of a neighbor. And it is a superb lawnmower in every respect whatsoever. It is quiet, it's smooth, it's not anymore. Because the first day I had it, I also hit a rock. And now it goes, but I also get a hand massage while I'm mowing the grass. But I didn't hit a big enough rock like you did, so I haven't damaged it.

But you have bent the crankshaft, but the solution is not to throw the whole lawnmower away. It's just to buy another engine. Huh. And you can... Well, I work at a landfill, so maybe I could find one here. You might be able to find an engine that will bolt up. I mean, most of them, there are only a few basic lawnmower engines, you know, and they

all have that four bolt pattern. Exactly. Familiar four bolt pattern. So you may be able to get an engine that's going to be the same horsepower. It's probably five horse or six horse or whatever. You could use a larger one but you couldn't use a smaller one. Okay. And you're gonna just bolt this baby up. So you want to do this while hubby's away on vacation? Yeah. You could actually. You could do it. Or alternatively you could go to Sears and

you can order a new engine. Now I only paid 25 bucks for the thing in the first place. Oh. For the lawnmower. first place all for the lawnmower for everything for the lawnmower also what's the big deal you need to just i'll never find another quick but the but the but the but the no you won't well but i mean it has given you many i presume any weeks of service right is it new this year party is it new to you this year now it's a couple i've had it three years now so you paid me get this right Is it new this year? Pardon? Is it new to you this year? No, it's a couple. I've had it three years now. So you paid, let me get this right.

I paid 400 bucks for my Honda lawnmower. She paid 25. She went to a yard sale. Yeah, actually, I talked a friend into selling it to me for very little. Yeah. Why didn't I do that? Well. What kind of a dope am I?

A dope who used to have 400 bucks at his party. And now there's a lawnmower with a bent crankshaft. So if I put an engine into it, that'll have a crankshaft. I'll need to take the blade apart and re-screw it through the blade and that kind of thing. You may need to do some other mumbo jumbo because you have a belt for the self-propulsion thing, but you'll figure it out. And if you can't, I mean, you throw everything away. I mean, there is everything away. I mean, there is nothing to the thing except for the engine. Okay. And I don't know, my brother

knows how much these engines cost. How much does it cost for one of those babies? 200 bucks. Oh. For a new one. 200 bucks, but it'll be, 200 bucks. You could buy a whole new lawn mower for 250. Yeah, well I guess I could find a new one. 180! Yeah. Well, I did an interesting thing this winter. I bought a new engine for my snow blower. My snow blower conked out, or the engine conked out, and I realized this thing was ancient and there was nothing really wrong with it except that the engine was no good, but the rest of it, the controls and the auger and all that stuff, was just fine. So I went and I bought an eight horsepower engine. I

don't remember what it cost about three or four hundred bucks and I have essentially a new snow blower. And it's wonderful. It starts right up. I just can't wait for the snow to start flying again so I can use this thing. So consider renewing the life of this thing by putting even a new engine on it. It would be wonderful. It is a whole new concept, you know, to take something that's broken and fix it. Instead of throwing it away like we all do with everything else. It's not part of our consciousness to fix things.

No, we don't need more. And the fact is there are so many things in our lives that are too complicated for us to figure out. For example, I would never try to fix my vcr nor would i ever take it any place because it always cost just ten dollars less than a new one to find an old one but lawnmowers are within your grasp that's true and i've and i've rebuilt car breakers and stuff before but if i don't and i would i would go for it

well i mean alternatively could buy just a crankshaft but we don't want to go no find an engine good luck mary thank you very much off of the rocks and take them do something You could buy just a crankshaft, but we don't want to get into that. No, find an engine. Okay. Good luck, Mary. Thank you very much. Watch out for the rocks. Paint them. Do something. Put flags on them.

See you later. Bye. 1-800- Did she say she worked at a landfill? What do you do at a landfill? Sort. Maybe she runs the bulldozer. She may. That's good.

I should have asked you more about that. It's kind of interesting. Yeah, well, I should have. I wasn't thinking. 1-800-332-9287. Hello, you're on Car Talk. it's a it's good to have asked him more about that it's kind of interesting yeah well i should have been wasn't think one eight hundred three three two nine two eight seven a lawyer on car talk hello hi who's this account party what are you laughing about uh... lawnmower where you're from cal magnolia arkansas

magnolia magnolia magnolia arkansas sounds like a pretty place all right the night low-lying nice place you know flat no hills flat is good you know hills are anathema I mean I this shouldn't be why would you live in a place where there are hills I know you can ride a bicycle you can ride a bicycle exactly just go straight and flat, no problems at all. Yeah, but it's boring. I mean, one of the things that makes the landscape interesting is the bumps in it.

If it's flat... Have you ever ridden a bicycle? What do you care about bumps? I've ridden a bicycle, but for every hill you go up, there's one to go down. It's true. Yeah, but you never recover. My problem's rain, though. We've had rain.

Oh, you have. Yeah, and it's bad to live places that are flat when there's a lot of rain. You'll discover that soon enough. Anyway, what's up Cal? Well, I'll tell you I've got a 1996 Cadillac concor or concor ever how you post pronounce it. I haven't figured that out yet They let you buy this car without giving you the pronunciation You know how it is if you're're from Arkansas we have trouble pronouncing most everything that way. I mean it should be concourse. Concourse? No it should be but they left the E off the end so it's not anymore so it's going to be some of those stupid French words and why would they do that to you? Well, I don't know why.

Well, they wanted to sound fancy. They wanted to sound fancy, but I mean, the first rule of making up names is they ought to be pronounceable. Yeah, in any event, it's a catalogue. They did the best they could. Yeah. You know, and then they have these other cars come out with a similar name just like it.

Right, and they sucked you in with the name anyway so that's all that matters. What are you working a playground or something? It sounds like... No that's that's Junior he's into Lego. Oh you got no duct tape? He loves Lego. Oh okay. Alright so you got this 96 Con-Core. Con-Core. Con-Core. Is that it? I don't know I made it up either and I'll be driving in the rain I mean I'm talking about when I have a torrential rainstorm I'll be coming down the road and I'll fix to take a turn and the car locks up I mean I could be driving a log truck and it's just like the power steering just goes out oh but it's worse than going out I mean it won't turn yeah

yeah I know what it is so do. Yeah. Yeah. I know what it is. So do I. You mean y'all really know what it is? Oh yeah. Of course we know what it is. You are the lucky man. You get the one right answer of the show. I've got a right answer. You're gonna get a right answer. Even though my Kubota frame broke and Kubota Tractors aren't on the right frame. You're gonna get the one right answer of the show. You win the prize. You're the one millionth caller. I and we know what's going on we don't necessarily know the remedy but you can at least tell your dealer what's going on and all right and I mean it freezes up it's worse than having power steering it freezes well

yeah I have power steering if the power steering pump isn't turning okay steering pump is is a little hydraulic pump that is run by the belt. This car has a serpentine belt that runs everything, the alternator, the air conditioning, the power steering, et cetera. And when that belt gets wet, it slips. Now you wouldn't notice, nor would you much care if the water pump didn't get water pumping for a few seconds. Yeah, the alternator is not charging for those few seconds. However, you will notice if the power steering isn't working for those few

seconds because as soon as that pump stops, instantaneously, so does the power steering. All right. So water is getting out. It only lasts for a second, but it's... Exactly. And then the belt catches up because the friction of slipping dries off the moisture and bingo it's running again it runs again and if you didn't hit a tree you're okay now it may be that there's something wrong that is the belt tensioner is not correct the belt could be slipping ordinarily and when it gets wet like this it just slips a lot more all right they want to have them look at see if the belt

tension is okay and see if the belt condition is all right. But when you find out that they are all right, they're going to tell you that when it really rains like this, you've got to drive more slowly. If you didn't drive so fast, if you went in such a hurry to get out of Magnolia, because it's so damn flat and boring, you wouldn't be having this problem.

So I think they're going to just tell you to slow down. But wait a minute, I mean the guy spent $40,000 for a car. He should be able to drive it in the rain. No, torrential rain. A car with a name it's got, you should be able to drive it in the rain. Well the implication is that you could, right. However, I think that you may have just a limitation here that heavy heavy rains and deep puddles

Do you have storm drains in Magnolia? We we actually have them. I didn't how many they all work, but we actually have them in Magnolia. It's absolutely the water There's nothing really wrong with the car except they didn't design it for monsoon season Yeah, but look Cadillac has been around long enough to have thought of this. This is unconscionable. This is a brand new car. It may be that this. It's a 96. I bet you they have a service bulletin on it and if they don't they're going to start

one. Yeah, you'll be the first one. They'll call it the Cal-Party Service Bulletin. Number one. Well, I'll take it to our dealership which I will say we have one of the finest dealerships. I love my dealership. Well you gotta say that because you know that he's listening and it's the only one within a thousand miles to say something bad about him and then you show up to fix this problem and he tells you to go take a hike. So you're right either one of the finest southern gentleman dealerships that we've ever run across.

Magnolia Cadillac. Magnolia Cadillac. There you go. And dumpsters. Hey, Cal, good luck. And fix it, because you'll get killed. This is very dangerous. They may have a redesigned splash pan or some such thing.

And I'm going to get, I'm going to fix the frame on my Kubota. Fix that too. See you, Cal. Bye, bye. You guys are like Concord on my Kubota. Fix that too. See you Cal. Bye-bye. Bye guys. You guys are like concord on a Kubota tractor.

I don't know. You can drive the Kubota to work. Hey stick around for more calls coming right up. Hey there, this is Felix Contreras. And I'm Ana Maria Sayer from the Alt Latino podcast. This week, we offer you a peek behind the curtain into the creative process for one of Latin music's most prolific composers and producers. Ana and I visited with Edgar Barrera in his home studio while he broke down track by track

some of his greatest hits. You may not know his name, but you know his work. On the next Alt Latino podcast from NPR. On the TED Radio Hour, NYU professor Scott Galloway says older Americans have failed to live up to the social contract between generations. We talk a lot about income inequality, but we don't talk a lot about generational inequality. But we have purposely transferred wealth and opportunity from young people to old people. Generation Gaps. That's on the TED Radio Hour from NPR.

Was it just me or did brands seem a little quieter for Pride last month than they usually are? Actually, brands generally aren't jumping at the chance to advertise to marginalized communities or weigh in on politics like they used to. This week, we look at why brands got woke, then unwoke. Why was that so unusual? And what could it say about you? Listen on It's Been A Minute from NPR. On this week's episode of Wild Card, actor Ted Danson says it's possible to embrace your regrets. I wish I hadn't become a liar, you know, early in life, but even your wounds, you kind

of have fondness for if you've lived through it and made amends and all of that stuff. I'm Rachel Martin. Join us for NPR's Wild Card Podcast, the game where cards control the conversation. Hi, we're back. You're listening to Car Talk on National Public Radio with us, Click and Clack the Tapet Brothers, and we're here to discuss cars, car repair, and lighten up! We got this from Roberta Jones. She emailed it to us. In France, Cecile Porc drove for eight miles with a cyclist, spread-eagled across her windscreen, refusing to stop because she thought he was a mugger. Madame Pork, 83, hit the man at a crossroads near Valence.

Is that right? V-A-L-E-N-C-E? Valence. Sure, Valence is good. Catapulting him onto her bonnet, where he clung for dear life as she accelerated to 70 miles an hour. She was shouting, Murderer, murderer! said the victim. I hammered on the windscreen and screamed, I'm a cyclist!

But she just turned on the windshield wipers. She was eventually stopped by a police roadblock, but remained, and this is the French aspect of this, remained unrepentant. My only regret, she later declared, is that I didn't drive into a wall and squash him like a truffle. You talk about being a little hyper here. Jeez!

There must be more to it. My only regret... You can just see this little 83 year old woman. I suppose, that's what fear does to you, you know? It does, it makes you irrational. Makes you irrational. Right, fear and ignorance. So what are all the French people afraid of?

Fear and ignorance. Look, this is normally the time when we present our new weekly Car Talk Puzzler, but I don't feel like it. Look at your own puzzler this week. That's good. You don't feel like it. And why, I ask, should you be obliged to give us a puzzler if you don't feel like it? That's right. Absolutely.

I'm with you, baby. No puzzler this week. Actually, the puzzler is still on summer vacation, and until it returns, you can either enjoy these blissful moments of peace and relaxation, or you can torture yourself by looking up an archival puzzler at our website, Cartock.com. Now I should remind people that the puzzler season will be starting up pretty soon. Any day. And should you have a puzzler that you think we can use in this upcoming puzzler season,

then please, please, please send it to us here at Puzzler Tower car talk Plaza box 3500 Harvard Square Cambridge our first in math 02238 or you can email it to us from car talk comm on the web by clicking on the talk to car talk section yeah and if we use your puzzler and your lawyers valet contacts our lawyers valet will send you a best of car talk cassette or CD. Hey, you know what time it is? It can't be time for your nap already. Nope.

It's time to play Stump the Chumps. Every couple of weeks our producers get back in touch with a random caller from a past car talk program to see if the advice we gave actually helped that person or caused severe bodily injury, in which case we got to contact our lawyers. So if we call and the person who answers the phone says, City Memorial Burn Unit, we hang up. Absolutely right. Got it? All right.

This week's Chump Stumper, reached at home this week is Jeff, I'm reading this now, Jeff from Clovis, New Mexico, I'm reading the following. Back in February when he called us, Doug wrote this for us, Jeff had just moved from New Orleans to New Mexico, he was having altitude adjustment problems. Oh yeah, I remember him. You do? No, I was lying. I just said that's a dougie to hit the harp of a sando.

And we can get on with this. Oh, sure. Very good. Yeah, yeah. So what's up, Jeff? Well, I got a technical problem. I just left New Orleans, the New Orleans area, which you know is like below sea level. Yeah. And I moved over here and we're like at 4,600 feet.

Mm-hmm. And this has resulted in, you know, a really serious dilemma for me. What's that? Well, I've got a 1994 West Bend homestyle bread maker. And I wasn't going to call that Martha woman, but I've read, had such bad press on her, I was afraid she might yell at me All you're trying to figure out how to change the recipe well the thing the darn thing keeps falling on me I mean, I mean I've made some bread that you could play hockey with yeah

Because when you get up at those high levels the pressure of course well actually that shouldn't happen Gonna reduce your baking time. Reduce the baking time? Oh, I think so. It's a bread machine. How do you do that? Why, unplug it! Oh, this is a machine in which you just dump all the ingredients and everything happens inside. It's great. It's a bachelor's dream.

Women love guys who cook. Yeah? Because it shows that you're a sensitive guy of the 90s. Well, you know, I am. No, women love more the guys that clean up after who cook. Yeah? Because it shows that you're a sensitive guy of the 90s. Well, you know, I am. No, women love more the guys that clean up after they cook. There's nothing to clean up. You just leave the stuff in there for the next time. That's why it comes out like hockey pucks.

So the bread has been collapsing. This guy called us about his bread maker. His bread maker? That's like the cream rinds call. What has happened to us? What has happened to us? What has happened to us? Hey, don't look at me. My hair's under control now.

All right, so it says here, we told Jeff that because of reduced atmospheric pressure, he should experiment with reducing the amount of yeast in the dough. That's pretty good. Where'd you come up with that? Oh, I don't think I came up with anything. The only thing I remember is Martha Stewart calling us

right after the show and threatening to rough us up if we didn't stop trying to muscle in on her turf. She's ruthless. Oh, she's a tough cookie. She looks like a sweet little thing. Oh, no she's not. Hey, I think we have Jeff on the line now. Jeff, are you there?

Yes, I'm here. All right, now before you tell us anything, we have to make sure that we have to come and Mirandize you. Okay. Is it true, Jeff, that we have not spoken since you first called? That's correct. Why didn't you return our calls? Didn't the Ed McMahon line at least spark your curiosity? Yeah, it did. Is it also true that you've been offered no cash by us or any

members of our staff in exchange for a favorable response, nor has Martha Stewart offered no cash by us or any members of our staff in exchange for a favorable response, nor has Martha Stewart offered you cash or cookies for an especially embarrassing response. Is that true? That's true, but I will take a bribe. Alright. Okay, then tell us what happened. Did reducing the yeast work?

It sorta did. Sorta? It's still kinda hard on top. I still have a few wheelchucks out there. Ken Rogers actually called Laura Brody this is a book by Laura Brody and Millie Aper it's called machine bread machine baking have you got this book? Not that one. Oh on page 20 which I have right here, troubleshooting. It says, why does my rye bread look like a hockey puck?

My god. And she thinks that your hockey puck result isn't an altitude problem at all, but likely a flour problem. If your flour is too dry, it will soak up a lot more liquid. So try a different flour or try adding more liquid more liquid yeah how much more i would add how much how much flour and water and stuff do you start out with it's usually like a couple of cups four cups four cups i would add a half a cup more more of water looking with

uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... I don't get it. Bread maker. I thought you guys were a couple of sins to the men of the 60s. We were. The 60s are long gone, but thanks for being a good sport and playing stump the chumps.

It's obvious that we didn't help at all, but maybe Laura Brody will help. And if nothing else, she may sell a few extra bucks. But I bet we could take that Martha Stewart woman. The three of us might be able to. I bet we could take her. I don't know, she's a tough cookie. Ever seen her dig it in the garden, Mitch? She wields a mean shovel. Bring her on.

She wants the belt, she's gonna have to come and get it. Hey, send us some bread someday. When it comes out right, when you finally get it right, send us a piece of bread with the... and tell us what you did. See ya. Bye-bye. Bread. Bread. I don't know. I vaguely remember talking to him. I do remember. In fact I was quite interested in his problem because I've been considering buying a bread maker myself. I don't know why but the idea just is exciting. I

mean you throw in a bunch of junk and think mean, think about it. Well, if you did it right, you could even, like, get rid of old latex paints you had around the house. Well, you've squandered another hour of your fleeting summer listening to car talk. Our esteemed producer is Doug the Subway Fugitive, not a slave to fashion, Punk and Lips Berman. Our associate producer and Dean of the College of Automusicology is Ken Babyface Rogers. Our assistant producer is Catherine Cathode Patuti Ray. Our engineer is Karen Given and our technical advisor is John

Bugsy, Sebastian, Mr. Height, Sweet Sheets, etc. etc. We want to congratulate once again on his gold medal in the 200 meter buffet last month. Our public opinion pollster is Paul Murky of Murky Research, assisted by statistician Margin O'Vara. Our automotive medical researcher is Dr. Denton Fender. Our marriage counselor is Marion Haste. Our director of new product repair is Warranty Myfoot. Our director of staff pay increases is Xavier Breth.

Our director of gender studies is Amanda man to be reckoned with. Our director of pedestrian operations is Carlos Castaneda, the designer of our clothes casual clothing line is no tie wool. Our nutrition consultants are Eaton, Wright and Livinggood. The curator of Tom's car collection is Rex Galore assisted by Rufus Lekin. Also a new guy. Our director of country music is Stan Beierman. The chairman of our Underemployment Study Group is Art Majors. The chairman of our Joint Chiefs of Staff

is John Shalai-Papa-Wheely. And our timing director is Benjamin Not-Yea-Yu-Yahoo. And our chief counsel from the law firm of Dewey Cheatham and Howe is you, Louis Dewey. Known to the summer tourists in Harvard Square as Huey Louie Dewey. Thanks so much for listening. We're Click and Clack the Tabard Brothers and

Don't Drive Like My Brother. Don't Drive Like My Brother. We'll be back next week. Bye bye. If you want a cassette copy of this week's show, which is number 34, you can order it electronically on the World Wide Web through the Shameless Commerce Division of Cartock.com. Or if you'd rather interact with a real human, you can call 303-823-8000. What if they get John Burke? You promised a real human. You can also order the best of Cartock and other useless Car Talk junk the same way, click on the Shameless Commerce Division at cartalk.com or call 303-823-8000.

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