The Best of Car Talk - #2460: The Antmobile

Episode Date: July 27, 2024

Christine's hubby has a habit of eating sesame bagels in his Honda. A delighted colony of ants has taken notice and taken up residence somewhere inside the car. Can Click and Clack the entomologists solve this one? Find out on this episode of the Best of Car Talk.Get access to hundreds of episodes in the Car Talk archive when you sign up for Car Talk+ at plus.npr.org/cartalkLearn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

The Constitution, our founding document, says a lot about how our country has evolved and who we want to be. But it's not set in stone. So for the next month, we'll be digging into the history behind some of its most pivotal amendments. Listen to We the People on the Thru Line podcast from NPR. Hey, it's Ray Magliosti here. I want to tell you the exciting news that the full NPR Plus bundle is now available to everyone in the United States.

NPR Plus includes over 20 sponsor-free podcasts and more on the way. You'll get bonus episodes and early access for some shows, plus archive access to shows like Car Talk. The NPR Plus bundle also includes extra perks like exclusive shows and discounts for the NPR Shop and the ever-important NPR Wine Club. This special offer is only eight bucks a month and is only available by going to plus.npr.org,

that's P-L-U-S dot N-P-R dot O-R-G. That's important because there are no app store fees or other charges that result in less of your donation going to support public media. So if you wanna make a bigger impact and get more in return, and who doesn't, visit plus.npr.org and select the bundle option today. And thanks to everyone who's already signed up.

Hello and welcome to Car Talk from National Public Radio with us, Click and Clack the Tappet Brothers, and we're broadcasting this week from the Center for What Women Want Here at Car Talk Plaza. What do women want? The question Sigi Freud asked 70 years ago is being asked again today by whom? Our buddies at Cadillac. Warren, Michigan. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,

beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, at Cadillac. Warren Michigan responding to the economic power and overall influence that today's women wield in the automotive market Cadillac is redefining its products and its approach to marketing. We can never be successful until we totally understand the woman's market as well as our traditional male markets as John Grettenberger Cadillac general manager. Women make up 34% of the total luxury market blah blah blah blah blah And then it goes on to explain, I mean, this is, look at the paper here. It goes on to explain all the different things that they're doing. For example, putting

paper clips on the end of the fingertips of the engineers who designed the inside of the car and the buttons to simulate long fingernails. Thus challenging male designers to experience operating the buttons, knobs, and other interior features in the same way that many women with longer fingernails do. Okay, so we got one, paper clips. Not only that, not just the product, but even the way they sell. Part of Cadillac's effort to reach women involves creating a friend your environment to the deal at the dealerships catalect has made a significant effort to train all its salespeople

in how to demonstrate a sincere concern for women's needs not to have a certain since it concerned you do notice demonstrate ever since the answer but i mean that that's it man well believable we have a few additional suggestions that they really want to That's right. That's been sick. But, I mean, that's it, man. Unbelievable. We have a few additional suggestions, now, if they really want to win over us. I'm sure you do.

One, drop the traditional Cadillac showroom greeting. Hey, Toots, where's your husband? Two, drop the traditional Cadillac service greeting. Hi, sweetheart, you here to drop off the doctor's car? Three, drop the prices of their cars 30% to reflect the difference in men's and women's wages. So if a guy can buy a City in the Ville for 41K, a woman can buy the same car for 2870. I like it.

So I applaud Cadillac for its... As meager as their efforts are I mean the paper clips Well, I mean not that it's meager, but I mean it's it's like incomplete Uh, I mean where have they been for the last several decades and they just figured this out now Well where they've been is hey toots. Where's your husband? I love it You think they'll stop doing it's gonna be tough to be tough to break those guys with that one, man. It is. Those guys with the white belts.

That's what I'm talking about. If you have a question for us, Simone, your Cadillac or anything else, you can call us at 1-800-332-9287. Hello, you're on Car Talk. Hello, guys. This is Marvin calling you'm you from beautiful bar none Wyoming bar none bar none That's the name of the place. That's the name of the town Okay, you and n not no any oh and you and n barn. What does it mean? It was once upon a time a ranch a ranch right man named none none Your name was none you'd name it bar none

that sounds good to me yeah what's up marvin we actually know the ranch out here in boston and people don't realize it but we had ranches here in boston to in the guy who owned the biggest rancher on he was called and grill and grow so that he had bar and grill it he had bar and grill

i'm sorry but what do you want to spot what's up marvin is maintenance schedules operators manual come with every automobile with the maintenance schedule period in miles or more time period. Yeah. Or kilometers sometimes. I've been using the miles and skipping the months.

And I wonder if that's going to cause some long-term damage. Well, actually, the reason that they include the months is for the people who don't drive much. And if you don't drive much and you waited for the miles to show up the dealerships would go hungry. Well that's what I figured it was. Or there would be a national crisis. Yeah. There would be an economic, what do you call that, shutdown so to speak.

Meltdown even. We would revert to a primitive state. Yeah, I mean you could reduce the number of miles that you drive but you can't stop the clock from ticking or the calendar pages from turning some kind of money-making scam of course well no not entirely for example you know if you drive your car 2,000 miles a year according to your schedule if you use just a miles and you would change the oil every three years well that's one thing that I do which is an oil price prices plummeting

Right, so you would obviously want to change the oil Using the month schedule which would tell you probably change it every six months but the real question is what are the things that actually deteriorate or wear out as Time passes even if you're not using the car And it's it's not that simple to figure what those are. What about belts and hoses and stuff? Well, I mean, it's possible that the environment actually has some effect on them. So the time for that one does make some kind of sense. But the brakes, for example?

Well, not in bar none. There's no adverse environmental effect. Oh, of course not. In bar none. The air air is pure the sky is big what else what else happens out there and they're going to do it and and no one knows except the animal exactly so i mean you do have to use a little i guess common sense but if you stick with the miles

i think you're great okay and it is it's especially true if you stick with the mile thing when you when you're driving average number of miles per year so if you're driving ten or twelve thousand miles a year forget the other thing or even five yeah i think it's about eight or ten thousand that's what kind of a car is that we never asked it to have that ninety one, got about 40,000 miles. Well, I would Take exception to one thing

the timing belt replacement Ah, yeah in what way how would you take except? I would I would make sure the opposite direction I would make sure that you're right that you err on the side of caution And that is if you if it took you 10 years to drive 60,000 miles, I would certainly want to change that belt before 10 years had elapsed. Gotcha. So every five years is enough.

Good enough. See you, Marvin. All right, thank you. Thanks for the call. Sure. Bye-bye. See, there are little things like that that you just look at them, you don't notice. It says miles, it says months. And you'd...Marv, it takes a guy like Marvin to say, wait guy like marvin to say when the minute five years to get to

this and we have a car for five years now we just read the owner's manual now one eight hundred three three two nine two eight seven whole you're on car talk unnamed car and i'm calling from shillington pennsylvania carol with a k no will see from shillington p a

which and of p a is that and i guess when central p a central p a okay uh... my problem is that's not on this country twenty miles from our own at all yeah where where while we oppose to all the on this uh...

and the only reason is that we know they don't have radios and they don't care for a post-it because they'll find out and we think that's safer from being against like the teamsters and the fact that you know that this is very safe in any of these temporary uh... well

i have a ninety three for that and I had it, it was the first car I owned, and I had it for almost a year when the regulator around the window started gripping at the window and so it was impossible to roll the window all the way up on the driver's side. And then one morning I was on my way to work and it was raining. Yeah, of course. And I tried to roll my window up as far as it would go. And it fell down inside. And I closed the door and the window exploded. Exploded?

Oh, yes. Perfect. There was glass all over, it was on my lap, it was in the back of the car, a little bit on the outside of the car. So I called my called my boss I thought I was going to be late because my window exploded and she said the only reason she believed me was that she knew someone with a Ford Escort and the same thing had happened to that person yeah yeah so I took it into the dealer dirty little secret that Ford is keeping huh huh so I took it into the dealer and they little secret that keeping a uh... uh... i'd like to get into the

dealer and they were playing the window but they only uh... adapted the regulator they didn't replace it and now it's binding again the same thing happening it's been it was okay for about two weeks and now the windows off track again and i think it's gonna explode on me again probably is yet so my question is when i take it back to the dealer,

what should I request that they do? Do they have to change the regulator? Take the door apart. They gotta get in there and take everything apart. Oh, you want a new regulator. Okay. I mean, it may turn out that all the regulators are lousy and that the new one's not gonna be,

that's why they just adjusted this one. They figured the new one's gonna be just as bad. Okay. And the explanation for the fact that your boss knew of somebody is coincidence really I think so that's my brother's explanation of the day that's a coincidence yeah and it probably is a coincidence but they have to they have to replace the thing I mean why this is ridiculous did they charge you for this? Yeah, it was under warranty under warranty. Oh, that's why that's why they did a half

Half baked I would go back to them say look the same thing is gonna happen to this window one You should have done it right in the first place Why don't you do it right this time you want to do it now? Do you want to have to replace yet another piece of glass? Right, okay. So let's do it now. And they ought to be reasonable. Yes, I hope so. It's not. I mean, tell them that you go buy a Cadillac because Cadillac is being more sensitive to the needs of women. Hey!

Yeah, I mean, they're making a big play here. Yeah, they're good. So tell these guys at the Ford dealership that if they don't shape up, you're going to go right out and buy a Cadillac. Now, how about this lousy escort? Right. As soon as you get a $20,000 a year raise, don't forget to add that.

See you, Kara. Good luck. Thanks for calling. Bye bye. Hey, the puzzler answer and more calls are coming up right after this. and more calls are coming up right after this. Do you want in on a secret? Like why bro culture is making a comeback

or why a makeup fad is suddenly sweeping your feed? On the It's Been A Minute podcast, we know these things don't happen by accident. So join me as we go beyond the trends and find out the why. Follow the It's Been A Minute podcast from NPR. So join me as we go beyond the trends and find out the why. Follow the It's Been A Minute podcast from NPR. Here at Shortwave Space Camp, we escape our everyday lives to explore the mysteries and quirks of the universe. We find weird, fun, interesting stories that explain how the cosmos is partying all around us.

From stars to dwarf planets to black holes and beyond, we've got you. fun, interesting stories that explain how the cosmos is partying all around us. From stars to dwarf planets to black holes and beyond, we've got you. Listen now to the shortwave podcast from NPR. On this week's episode of Wild Card, poet Nikki Giovanni says you can choose your family. I recommend dogs. But they're faithful, they're intelligent, and they always love you. I'm Rachel Martin. Join us for NPR's Wild Card Podcast, the game where cards control the conversation. Truth, independence, fairness, transparency, respect, excellence. This is NPR.

Okay, look, I have no doubt that my brother remembers last week's puzzle. Of course I do. So rather than playing any games, I'm just going to go right ahead. Yeah, just go right to it. Yeah, go ahead. Dream on. I'm torturing you, man. You don't remember do you know?

How do you remember you ever written down? That's how you remember it from week to week Next week. I'm gonna ask you and see if you read you're gonna ask me when the show Before the show even starts before the show even starts. I'm gonna ask you what was last week's puzzler And I'll bet you a dollar well a nickel that you won't know either. We'll see. Okay. All right, here it is. It's automotive in nature. Here it was very simple. It was, it was basically a one sentence question. Unembellished, unencumbered by the thought process. I still don't know. Very simply, what is the largest company emblem. I remember it now. To have been regularly displayed in ornamental form on a production passenger vehicle.

Yeah. Okay. It's got to be on the car, not on a building. So the Chrysler building doesn't count. And it's got to be an attachable emblem. So the word Chevrolet painted across the back of the tailgate of a pickup truck doesn't count either. It's an emblem that's affixed. Well, the Chevrolet, speaking of the Chevrolet painted across the back of the tailgate of a pickup truck doesn't count either. It's an emblem that's affixed. Well, the Chevrolet, speaking of Chevrolet, that little stylized map of Switzerland there,

that was... that's not big enough, is it? Not big enough. This is big, man! Big? Yeah, like when the moon hits your eye like a bigger pizza pie. Pizza pie? Was it round? Round and the size of a pizza pie. Pizza pie? Was it round? Round and the size of a pizza pie. Pizza pie? I give up. Small pizza. A ten dollar pizza. An English muffin? No, no it's quite large I would say it had to be a foot in diameter. What was it? The Volkswagen emblem on the

micro bus. The bus. Who's our winner? I ain't gonna look in those. Oh, come on. You don't know the puzzle. I ain't gonna look up the winner. Come on, up two, man. Here it is. Here it is. I got it.

The winner this week is Judy Restes from Kent, Washington. And for having her correct answer selected at random from the millions of correct answers that we got, our pal Judy will get a brand new Chad's House of Croissants t-shirt. This is the design that won our t-shirt contest last year. It's printed on a beautiful blue t-shirt with the Chad's House of Croissants logo crossed out in the words Car Talk from NPR unceremoniously written in, not printed, but written in instead. Our listeners, or the portion of them who voted at the internet site, said that this shirt best represents the spirit of car talk and boy are we in trouble. Pretty sad. So Judy Restes

from Kent, Washington, you won one of these great I haven't seen this yet, has anyone seen it? Well, no one's seen it. Is it blue? I thought it wasn't blue. Judy won't be seeing hers for a long time either. Hey, by the way, if you do not have a red, white, and blue click and clack in 96 bumper sticker, which features our motto, unencumbered by the thought process... I mean, people may not know that we're running for co-president. They may not, but you can get one for free. All you have to do is send a self-address stamped business size envelope to

Click and Clack in 96, Post Office Box 1600. As in 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, our new address. Yes sir, Lyons with a Y, Colorado 80540. This is legit, it's for real. It certainly is, I mean, we will send you a free bumper sticker. As long as supplies last. Yeah, no strings or real. It certainly is. I mean, we will send you a free bumper stick. As long as supplies last. Yeah, no strings or dodge darts will be attached.

Send us a business-sized, self-addressed stamped envelope with 32 cents postage on the inside envelope as well as on the outside envelope. Oh, right. Right? To click and clack in 96, Post Office Box 1600, Lyon. Oh, bite my tongue, Lyons, L-Y-O-N-S, Colorado 80540. And if you missed that address, you can always get it at our cyber campaign headquarters at cartalk.com.

Just go to the What's New page of www.cartalk.com. It's WWW. The big W. This offer is as good of course as long as supplies last. And we only got 25 so right soon. Anyway, we have another new puzzler, Automotive in Nature. Yeah. Coming up during the second half of Car Talk today. Plus, I know you're not ready for this, Stump the Chumps.

What are we batting on Stump the Chumps? 650. No, no, we're close to... 300? 800. I think we batting on stump the chumps? 650 no no we're close to 300 800 either we got one right In the meantime you can call us at 1-800-332-9287. Hello. You're in car talk. My name is Christine Solomon. Hi Christine I'm calling from Lambertville, New Jersey Lambertsville Lambertville got it

So what's up, Christine? There's a problem with my husband car course he had a nineteen eighty six honda accord packed back with two hundred thousand miles on it we haven't colony that moved into the car in the spring we can't seem seem to get them out. No kidding. There's always the question how did they get in there and why? I mean

of all the places to go why would they go into his 86 Accord hatchback? He's kept that car very clean. He's just there's a large supply of sesame seeds from all the bagels that he usually carries in the car. Ah, that's why. But other than that, it's been very clean. And sesame seeds are just the right size for the average... Full-blooded American aunt to lug. Right, the average adult aunt to lug back to home. Except, how do they know that you're going to end up back home? I mean, he could drive the car, what if that was the day he decided to move from New Jersey

to California? You don't understand. Dad is home. No, we've... Have you seen any TV antennas go out? No, they have cable. We've cleaned out the entire car. We've vacuumed every part of it we can get to.

We've even unscrewed parts of it to try to get inside. They seem to be living in the roof. We've put ant traps on the roof inside and outside of the car. Oh, you know where they're living, I bet? Ignore the headliner. Oh, they're under the headliner. Or above the headliner, actually. They're in the headliner. They're between the metal roof and the cloth ceiling, which

is called the headliner. That's where they are, I bet. Why? Don't ever open that up on a full stomach, because you will be grossed out beyond belief. See I don't have this problem because I make it a point to not leave little stinky little things like sesame seeds. I leave big things like ham sandwiches so that he has mammals in his car. Mammals leave. They don't want to hang around the car they come they get the food and they go

and they go they open the door they call for it but the hands i i don't know what to do with the internet and i get a memo well i'm suggesting that the husband stop eating those they don't start eating nice mcdonald's uh... arch mcdonald's whatever those things actually have stopped eating things in the car, and he stores any food he has in a cooler, but they found their way into the cooler also. Oh yeah, no, ants say they're connected to everything.

I don't know what to do. I don't know about this. Have you considered chemical warfare of any kind? Because they obviously succumb to these various ants and... So we have considered bombing the car, but you're not supposed to use those things on an area that's smaller than 1,600 cubic feet. Yeah, and plus you have to get bombing the car, but you're not supposed to use those things on an area that's smaller than 1600 cubic feet. Yeah, and plus you have to get in the car. It's dangerous. I've got it. The ants obviously leave the car at some point for water. The ants drink.

Oh, water. You think they leave and get water? Well, there ain't no water in the car unless they get it out of the radiator. No kidding. So I think they leave. What you have to do is spray the exterior of the car with the ant killer, which they will walk through. Okay. And that will be the end of them. And that won't damage the finish on the car? Oh, sure. Who cares about the finish? Oh, we're fighting a battle for survival here. Cue against the ants. That's a good theory there, is it true? I have no idea. Well that's how the flea callers work on dogs.

Well I know that's how termites that eat your house return to the ground for water. So that's why they never go more than... They never go beyond the second floor bedrooms. Wow. But I would spray the outside of the car. All the places where doors meet, you know, solid peeling. How do they get out of me? How are they going to get out? Via the weather stripping. They get out.

Then when they get down to the border, what do they do? Take a dive and land on the pavement? No, they walk around, they walk on the axles, they go down the tires. Oh yeah, we see them all over the outside of the car. Oh you do oh yeah Oh, so you know the route oh? If you know the route, then that's the thing to do spray spray the axles and the tires I know this would be like the Burma trail Yeah, let us know if this works because you're not the first person who's called us with one of these entomological entomological problems

Burma Road, that's what it was. Burma Road. Yeah, you'll find them. Yeah. Yeah, let us know if that technique works. Okay, we'll try that. Good luck. Good luck, Christine.

Thank you very much. Don't call back. Okay. We'll be right back with more calls and the new puzzler after these messages. Hey, I'm Robert Smith from Planet Money, and this summer we are bringing you the after these messages. money, banks and finance. There will be rogues and revolutionaries and a lot of panics. Summer School, every Wednesday till Labor Day on the Planet Money Podcast from NPR. New from the Embedded Podcast. Female athletes have always needed grit and talent. But for decades they've also needed a certificate.

There was chit chat about, is that really a woman? And even now they're still being checked and questioned. Their story is the newest series from CBC and NPR's Embedded. It's called Tested. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. New from the Embedded podcast. Elite female runners are being told they can't compete because of their biology. Not only can you not compete, you're not actually female.

Hear about the 100-year history of sex testing in women's sports and the hard choices these athletes are facing now. Listen to Tested, a new series from CBC and NPR's embedded podcast. The Olympics take center stage this summer, this time in Paris. The 1A Podcast dives into topics beyond the headlines with our series, Rings and Things. Take a look at what it takes to prepare for an event like the Olympics, from designing uniforms to new sports making their debut this year. Join us for Olympics coverage this summer with the 1A Podcast from WAMU and NPR. Hi, we're back. You're listening to Car Talk on National Public Radio with us, clicking clack for Tappet Brothers,

and we're here to discuss cars, car repair, and abbreviations. Yes, this little memo comes from J.P. Morgan. Hey, that's a good name. J.P. Morgan. Actually, this letter came via the internet. For some time now, I've noticed how much Tom and Ray love to use abbreviations. Just this last week, there was AHA, which stood for, remember this? Anti-hop additive, remember the woman who had the hopping?

And WBBB, remember that one? Wicked Bad Blow-by. As a courtesy to Car Talk, I've assembled a list of politically correct abbreviations that you may be able to use in the future. NASDAQ, N-A-S-D-A-Q. Well, it can be used in a critique concerning the ride of a car. It stands for nearly as smooth and definitely as quiet. It is almost always used in conjunction with another car that has a Dow, D-O-W, rating, deserving our worship. Some cars of course leave us in a IRS, incredibly relaxed state, while others are a NPR, near perfect ride. Woo!

This is good. These obviously put some thought into this. Yes. The new top of the line 4x4s are said to be CBS, Climb Breathtaking Summits. Notice how these all NPR, CBS, next one's ABC. Luxury cars get an ABC, always by class, or comfort rating. And Tommy 63 dodged that as a perfect example of the WBUR. Can you guess that one? WB. Won't budge. Won't budge. What a beautiful use of rust. Okay. Okay. Here's the puzzler. I will confess that this needed a little help, a little embellishment, obfuscation. Which I know you're very good at.

This was sent to us by Bud Onstad from Fayetteville, North Carolina. This came via the internet. He wrote a nice little letter, but I had to chop it up and whatever. Here it is. We helped my daughter and son-in-law buy a nice used 89 Toyota Tercella with air conditioning, five-speed transmission, power steering, da-da-da-da-da. And we took it to our trusted mechanic and he said it looked good. They bought the car and the only thing they added to the car was a little cheap digital

glue on clocks, new floor mats, and a pair of fuzzy dice. When they drove the car home, they stopped at a rest stop and after their rest, the car wouldn't start. They turned the key and nada, no crank. They tried several times and finally the car started. When they arrived home, they called us and they told us the problem. We called the previous owners and threatened the lawsuit and all that. And they said, no, they swore up and down that the car had never given them a problem. And then for a few days after that, the car seemed to work okay one day and then not work

okay the next day. If they persisted and they kept trying the key, it would work, and they just couldn't figure it out. And they finally, in desperation, went to a Toyota dealership and had the car looked at. And the daughter tells dad what the problem was, and these are the hints because you're going to have to tell me what the problem was with the car are the hints because you're gonna have to tell me what the problem was with the car.

Oh, the daughter goes to the dealership, they figure it out. They fix it. Okay, so she reports back to Daddy-O about what the problem was. There was no charge for the service, she says. And number two, the problem was caused by something I did after I got the car, something I bought after I got the car.

And all the information you need is embedded right here in this little letter from Bud, with my help of course, because he left out a few of the essential... Yeah, yeah, I understand. But they've all been... They're all here now. Everything you need to know to solve this. Yeah, but I know what it is, but I don't know why it happened. Well, neither does anyone else.

So if you think you know the answer, write to us at Puzz. Yeah, but I know what it is, but I don't know why it happened. Well, neither does anyone else. So if you think you know the answer, write to us at Puzzler Tower, Car Talk Plaza, Box 3500, Harvard Square, Cambridge. Our first city. Ma, 02238. Or you can email us your answer from CarTalk.com by clicking on the Talk to Car Talk section. Now, if we choose your correct answer at random as the winner next week, we'll send you a Chad's House of Croisants car talk t-shirt and what a beauty it is.

We should mention, by the way, that the reason for the pronunciation of Croisants is that if those Gallic people over there across the water don't want any- The Gauls, you mean? They got a Gaul, man. If they don't want any English words used over there on their side of the water we don't want any lousy stinkin French words used over here we are start initiating a grassroots movement to rid ourselves of rid our language of the contamination of French words. Exactly. Croissants! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Read it and weep! Hey, do you know what time it is? Time for your mid-show medication! No! Ha ha ha ha ha! It's time to play Stump the Chumps! Stump the Chumps is where we contact previous callers to find out if the advice they received on Car Talk was either A, incorrect, 2, erroneous, or Roman numeral 3, criminally negligent.

That's right, like when the phone is answered by the visiting nurse. Yes, then you know it's a 3, so we hang right up and we try somebody else. So who's this week's contestant, Johnny? All right, this week's chump stumper is Ellen from New York City. Ellen called us a few months ago hoping we could help stop her fiance from spending their life savings on performance enhancing upgrades for their 92 Chevy Blazer. You mean stuff like dual exhaust headers, high performance computer proms, all that stuff? Yes, I remember Ellen very, very well.

Do? No, but this is a dream sequence. He tells you about it, does he grunt a lot? Ellen, are you... Right, and he just sits around and he reads the car, the truck magazines, and then looks in the back and calls all the places in california the purchase uh... you're marrying this kind of about it you should be nervous about it this morning nervous about it is really on a plane

well i think i think you know i he needs to be dot that i i was hoping that you could um... deepened intervention to you on proof to him that these things really don't help the car He needs to be stopped. And I was hoping that you could do some intervention to prove to him that these things really don't help the car, or do they? And if they do, please tell me. Well, that's not even the question. It doesn't matter whether they help the car or they

don't help the car. What matters is that he's interested in this. I mean, this guy has got serious problems. Well, he's interested in cars. I mean I can respect that you're interested in cars. No I'm not. No we're interested in people. Cars just happen to be a vehicle. A vehicle for talking to people. Now if I remember, Ellen was actually a pretty good sport about all this stuff. That's right. She tried to approach her fiancé's testosterone poisoning with an open mind. And we told her, hang tough. And in time, he would either move on to boar hunting...

Ha ha ha! Or she would learn to love going to the monster truck rallies every Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! Oh, that poor woman. Ellen, are you there? I am. My God. Before we find out if you even went ahead and married this guy, we have to come and mirandize you. Right. Okay, now Ellen, is it true that we have not spoken since our initial conversation some

months ago? Yes. Is it also true that you have been offered no cash or prizes or free passes to any monster truck rallies from anyone on our staff or at NPR in exchange for a favorable response here today on Stump the Chumps. It's true. Would you like some free passes to this weekend's monster truck rally? All right, Ellen. I mean, I don't even remember what we really said to you, but...

You told me to embrace his hobby. I think that was my recommendation, if I'm not mistaken. But what we want to know is, did you marry him or did you dump him and did you force him to live on the streets of New York and the blazer? No, I'm a newlywed. We were married two months ago. No kidding! So you've married him since we've spoken to you. Yes.

Against our advice. And is he still fixing up this blazer? Oh, yes. He is. I hate to ask personal questions, but you would think he would have put things on hold for at least a few nights anyway. Did he bring the truck on the honeymoon? Not exactly, but however- Did he bring the catalogs on the-

The magazines, he brought the magazines. He brought the magazines and when we had to go rent a car, we spent two hours picking out the perfect car to rent. Well I can understand that. Yeah, I could almost understand that too. But two hours? That's cutting into serious honeymoon time. It certainly is.

Yeah, but you've got a whole lifetime to honeymoon. No you don't, you've got three nights. So have you embraced his... I tried to, that's why I didn't say anything at the car rental. Now the problem has escalated though. Because we're back in New though because we're back in New York and we're back you know from the honeymoon and he now I guess the honeymoon's over because at night he stays up and he's on the internet

looking for high-performance parts on the internet damn internet and you know and I have to get up early for work, so it's definitely infringing upon our, his husband's duty. Post-Honeymoon time. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, well you know what I'm saying. Yeah, we certainly do, and we feel to some extent responsible for getting you involved.

Maybe you should have put your foot down right away. I should have. And maybe we shouldn't have suggested you embrace. Whose stupid idea was it? Well, I have to say it wasn't mine And I'm shocked at that It was my brother who told you to embrace it. I think it's hopeless. It is hopeless I think you have stumped the chumps. I think we gave you the bum advice

I think you should have dumped them when they had a chance. Did you get them to sign a prenup? No. What would be the essence of it? Three magazines a week? Yeah, well, whatever. Can you give me, I can't believe I'm asking you this, but maybe you can give me some advice to help me get on into my... Yes, I have the perfect advice.

I'll bet, have we ever seen each other before i discussed hardly ever i know i'm gonna write down what you're gonna say here i'm gonna write down my brother's answer right on alan you you need time consuming hobby of your own something that is so uh... so yeah another guy maybe

you need something that absorbs your energy so much that he will feel your pain he will feel your neglect oh that's very good you need something of your own you took the psychological approach it's more complex than... what did I write Victoria's Secret

catalog that would you could try that too while he's while he's that while he's sitting at the computer you could try wearing some of those outfits oh yeah oh he could try wearing them even we will be calling you again because we uh... right uh... all you can try where the people that you know uh... we will be calling you again because we feel it's to some extent my legally responsible you understand that our lawyers advise against using that that phrase you all do you think even use responsible with we're just in place to rest of it we are just curious about you about your rock condition here well the one thing that does bring us together is

we bond when we listen to your show on the weekends. So in a way, you can compensate for pulling us apart. You bring us back together. While you're listening to us, you're holding hands and going, schmoopy, schmoopy, I love you, I love you. Yeah, you know. Yeah. Well, Ellen, I wish you the very best.

You sound like one heck of a chick. Thank you. We will be checking up on you on a regular basis because we feel that we have a bond with you now. We want to make sure that everything's alright between you and whatever his name is. Oh, his name is Bruce. It is Bruce. I just guessed it was Bruce. Alright Ellen. Hey, thanks a lot. Well, thanks so much.

See ya. Bye bye. She is thanks a lot. Well, thanks so much. See you. Bye-bye. She is a hot ticket. She really is. She's a great gal. Well, you've wasted another perfectly good hour listening to Car Talk. Our esteemed producer has dug the subway fugitive. By the way. Did you have something to read?

I had something from the Washington Post recently, and I've lost it because Berman, I'm sure, took it away. They are cracking down on these subway scoff laws, the people who insist on eating and drinking in the subway system in Washington DC. I read that. I think I read the same article. They have a zero tolerance policy. Zero tolerance.

That means slice off their heads. You do it once. That's it. That's it. Right to the guillotine. No, they throw you right on the third rail. It's very quick. Some of you probably know that our esteemed producer

was apprehended last year doing just that, sipping a coffee and munching on a bagel. And he laughed. Ha ha ha ha ha. And when he was pulled aside to be written up, as luck would have it, a scuffle ensued at the other end of the station. And they were trying to arrest somebody evidently

that was eating an apple and being rather defiant I might add. Berman took the opportunity to grab his license or whatever other piece of identification that they had. And his cup of coffee. And his cup of coffee and his bagel and the ticket book. And hop on the train. He jumped on the train just as the doors were closing and his heart was pounding all the time. And we heard an exclaim as he rode out of sight, bagel this!

In any event, there's an APB out for him. Well I think, in the interest of truth and justice, we ought to initiate the extradition orders. Is there a reward? I think so. Is there a question? Turn him in. Turn him in. It's an ethical question here.

Do I have to split the money with you? Anyway, I just thought we'd keep people posted on the fugitive nature of our producer. Anyway, our associate producer and dean of the College of Automusicology is Ken Babyface, Clean Record Rogers. Our assistant producer is Catherine Cathode, Petutti Ray. Our engineer is Karen Given. Our technical advisor is John Bugsy, Sebastian, Mr. Height, Sweet Cheeks, Free Lunch, Twinkle Toes, Donut Breath, Hula Hips.

I like Hula Lips better. Hula Lips is good. Two Gigabyte, make that three triple cheeseburgers luller. Our public opinion pollster is Paul Murky of Murky research assisted by statistician Margin O'Vara. Our automotive medical researcher is Dr. Denton Fender. Our director of staff pay increases is Xavier breath assisted by Tony von Thinken. Our director of cold weather starting is Martina Never Turnover. The chairman of our underemployment study group is Art Majors. The chairman of our joint chiefs of staff is John Shalai Papawili.

Our chief counsel of course from the law firm Dewey Cheetah Mahal is you Louis Dewey, known to the students overrunning Harvard Square as you Louie Dewey. Thanks so much for listening. We're Clickin' Clack for the Tappin' Brothers. And remember, don't drive like my stinkin' brother. Don't drive like my stinkin' brother. We'll be back next week, we hope. Bye bye. If you find yourself in urgent need of a cassette copy of this week's show, which is number 39, you can order it electronically on the World Wide Web from the Shameless Commerce Division of CarTalk.com or you can call 303-823-8000. You can also order the best of CarTalk and other useless CarTalk junk the same way.

Click on the Shameless Commerce Division at CarTalk.com or call 303-823-8000. CarTalk is a production of Dewey, Cheetahman Howe and WBUR in Boston. And even though Scott Simon runs out of the studio covering his ears screaming, when he hears us say it, this is NPR National Public Radio. On Wait Wait, we ask very well-known people about things that people don't know about them, like what was Malala Yousafzai doing when she heard she'd won the Nobel Peace Prize? I went to my physics class. I said I have to finish my school day because when you get the Nobel Peace Prize for education, you have to finish your school day.

I'm Peter Segel for the real secrets of the rich and famous Listen to the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me podcast from NPR. This summer on Planet Money, we're bringing you the entire history of the world. At least the economics part. It's Planet Money Summer School. Every week we'll invite in a brilliant professor and play classic episodes about the birth of money, banks and finance. There will be rogues and revolutionaries and a lot of panics.

Summer School every Wednesday till Labor Day on the Planet Money Podcast from NPR.