The Best of Car Talk - #2472: Rover and Over

Episode Date: September 7, 2024

Veronica's hubby wants to buy an old Land Rover for riding through the jungles of... greater Boston. Click and Clack explain that, while on the surface this idea seems illogical, ill-conceived and expensive, it's actually much worse than that. Join our safari for this episode of the Best of Car Talk.Get access to hundreds of episodes in the Car Talk archive when you sign up for Car Talk+ at plus.npr.org/cartalkLearn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

Sabrina Carpenter has had two of the year's biggest hits with Espresso and Please Please Please. Now she's released a new album called Short and Sweet. It serves up more catchy silliness and high drama. This is almost like a concept album about having a really bad ex-boyfriend. Does the album keep that espresso magic alive? Listen to the Pop Culture Happy Hour podcast from NPR. Hello and welcome to Chir-a-Tarq from National Public Radio with us, Click and Clack the Tapper Brothers. Hello and welcome to Car Talk from National Public Radio with us, Click and Clack the Tappert Brothers, and we're broadcasting this week from the Center for Anglo-Cartaukey and Alienation here at Car Talk Plus.

Well, I mean, we got this big basket here, let me drag it over to the microphone, this big basket of food from a place called A Taste of Britain by Post. Dear car guys, we at a taste of Britain by Post was saddened to hear your condemnation of our national culinary prowess. I don't think it was an out condemnation. Oh I think so. I mean I think it was something like yeah. Oh maybe. Something like that. Yeah about English food apart from the gross injustice of your comments I don't think so We feel that since you have already alienated any French listeners you might have it would be unwise to pursue a course of

systematically lambasting European nations I didn't realize we were doing I think we ought to go out to Dames next. They're pretty vulnerable. As I'm sure you know, we Brits are all highly educated, discerning, witty, sophisticated and cultured. And they all have that good British accent. And they do, yes. We therefore comprise a large percentage of NPR listeners and you cannot afford to lose us. When did we ever worry about that? We only about that? As long as we have six. Six is the magic number. You get below six and you're going to start worrying. We have six and none of them are Brits.

Any more. Moreover, we should be natural allies as the British have been disdaining the French for centuries. Ah, jeez. Why, this puts a new light on us. We have steadfastly resisted their punctuation and and when we order a filet, it rhymes with skillet. Ah, that's right, a fillet. And there is an H pronounced resonantly at the beginning of our herbs. God bless you.

We produce the Rolls Royce and the Jaguar, whereas they are responsible for the Pujo and Renault. Renault, I'm sorry. Renault, yes. To us the greatest of all puzzlers is how come the French got the good food and wine whereas we Brits got Blank. Which brings me back to your caustic comments. I didn't know they were caustic, but they probably were. We love our food We grew up with it. We cherish it. Da da da da da da. They sent us this whole, I mean they asked, they're asking us I just just put the names of them. Well, give one of those things in the red bag. The red bag, they're called Twiglets.

Go ahead, just try one. I tried them and they, first of all, they look like fried small intestines in some, I don't know what creature, and I can only imagine that that's what they taste like because I don't know what fried small intestines taste like, but these don't know what creature. And I can only imagine that that's what they taste like because I don't know what fried small intestines taste like, but these don't taste too good. Well, George Preston, one of the guys here at the station, we were just sitting out there in the cafeteria room with all this stuff and the bag is open.

He thinks it's like chips. And he just casually leaned over, stuck his hand in, and stuck one of these in his mouth. And the next thing he said was, ah, what's that? I mean they gave us things like specialty Piccolilli. That might be good. The pickled onions might be alright, we haven't opened the jar yet. Ginger preserve might be okay and then some weird-looking stuff called Marmite. Oh yeah, you know they mine that in Utah I think.

I suspect that this is something like the Vegemite that the Aussies eat. Oh yes. And who signed this letter anyway? Jill and Joel Browning, in spite of your cruel words, will remain your devoted listeners. Well, Jill and Joel, we really want to thank you. We'll try to be nice to you. I'm going to actually, I'm drinking the ginger beer that Was in here and it is excellent ginger beer. Is it Jill and Joe?

Thanks for the ginger beer. Okay. Now if you have a nice polite question for us about your car Because we are nice and polite guys. You can call us at 1-800-332-9287. Hello. You're on car talk This is Joe from Dayton Joe from Dayton Dayton, Ohio. Yeah, we know you know, Ohio must have more Recognizable cities. Yeah than any other state in the country. I mean for a small state, but you're right, Ohio, man I mean Utah go ahead name me three cities in Utah Salt Lake City, that's it. That's it it man, but Ohio you've got Dayton Toledo

Cincinnati Cleveland For it's for no no, there's more. There's more. Go ahead Columbus Columbus Columbus. Yeah, right Toledo Akron Akron of course Toledo Procter & Gamble at those cities are sister Cincinnati Anyway, Joe, it's been a pleasure. Okay, okay, okay. What's up, man?

Well, I bet this Volvo that I bought, and I love it to death, it's the first kind of car that I've had like this ever. But it's got over 200,000 miles on it and it's got problems, Delore, I can be on your show, it could just be car talk with Joe every week for probably three months. It's a 240. Right it's a 240. It's a station wagon. The big problem I have right now is the idle. It starts out where I'd like it to be right around a grand and then as it heats up it goes to pie and it goes to like 1700 almost two grand. It just like way too high Well goes up. Yeah, that as it gets warmer. You have leaky injector seals. Oh Well, that was easy enough sure well just a guess I mean usually it goes down When things are happening bad, and if it goes up you're getting too much fuel, okay?

That'll be hard to fix No, the injector seals are the way you're getting too much fuel. OK. Is that going to be hard to fix? No, the ejector seals are the way you're going to find this out. Well, you might want to take it someplace, but because of that. Oh, I don't want to do that. No, no. Are you willing to risk a fire? Sure. Actually, this is something you could do in the driveway.

We have a little device which we attach to a propane torch. OK. And you don't light this thing. What you do, it's a little nozzle that allows you to send a very small amount of propane through a little wand. Okay. You open the valve on the propane thing. I don't know where you buy these.

Maybe an auto parts store would have it. It's a vacuum leak detector. And what you do is you go around the intake manifold and near the injectors, and you try to find out where it is that you put this propane that you make the engine run better. I imagine if you brought the idle speed way down by turning the bleed screw, the thing would run very rough because of the vacuum leak.

Okay. And you're going to find the vacuum leak with, in fact, this little wand. You could do it with carburetor cleaner, but that's dangerous. Okay. We do it all the time, but we have a lot of fire extinguishers handy. And they're cowboys, you know, they go for the danger, you know. Sure. Oh yeah, we put our chaps on when we do this.

The evil Knievel school of auto repair. But this is relatively safe, this method with the propane. And what it does, it will suck in the propane and smooth everything out. They'll suck in the, along with the air that it's sucking in through a place that neither product should be entering. Okay. But you will make the mixture closer to correct and that cylinder or those cylinders will begin firing correctly.

And if you, when you notice a change, you'll know that you have a vacuum leak there. Okay. And then it's a matter of, if I'm right, it's a matter of taking the injectors out and replacing the little O-rings around them. Oh, that does sound like a big deal. No, you'll break them all, taking them out, but if you don't it's not a big deal So just get another engine when I go out and get these I would Yeah

Well great, that's if well. There's a lot of stuff, but I don't think you guys got enough No, no, we'll talk to you next week every week. See you Joe I'd like to say hi to my mom. She listens to your show too and loves the the puzzlers. Alright. Sure. Hi mom. Hi mom. Thanks a lot guys. See ya. Thanks for calling. 1-800-332-9287. Hello, you're on Car Talk. This is Veronica. I'm calling from Wareham, Massachusetts. Veronica? Yes. Wareham? I know where Wareham is. Yeah. Isn't there a big dump in where ham no that's that's Rochester oh that's the next town over okay, just checking so what's on your mind Veronica? Well, I've got a good one for you

This is I think it's a guy kind of thing and perhaps only you guys can answer it okay We'll try all right my husband wants to buy an old Land Rover We'll try. All right, my husband wants to buy an old Land Rover. An old one. An old one, like 1963, 1964. Yeah. And I can't understand the appeal of this, Oh my.

This ugly thing sitting in my driveway. Well, I hate to defend. Veronica, Veronica, Veronica. What am I missing here, guys? You gotta help me out. I hate to defend guys in matters like this, but I have to side with your husband. Oh, I think...

I don't get it. I don't get why you need something with a 107-inch wheelbase just to drive through Boston traffic. But maybe that's reason enough, Boston traffic. I don't know. I mean, an old Land Rover. Yeah. How old, 64? Yeah, 64.

There's one that he's looking at. It's a 63. It's been a frame-up restoration. Oh, yeah. Which scares me, but how does one get parts for this thing? Well, that's the charm of a vehicle like this, that you cannot get parts. And it's that challenge. Men need challenges in their lives. And they need insurmountable challenges. He knows that parts are not available for this. He knows that it'll sit in the driveway much more than it's driven, but he knows also it's going to infuriate you seeing it there every day. And that will be a challenge in itself dealing with your emotions and your hatred for this

car to keep your bond, your marriage together. So guys need challenges and this is just one little thing. One little thing. Yeah, I don't think I'd let it get to you. There'll be others. Well, either that or he's just trying to get you ticked off. No, no, I don't know. Maybe it's like when you watch Born Free at a very young and tender age. I don't get it. It's like from an African safari or like- Well, he has romanticized this vehicle from watching Marlon Perkins.

Yeah, yeah, you got it. And what was that show, Wild Country? Wild Kingdom. Wild Kingdom. Right, he's watched Marlon Perkins, and which guy on the planet couldn't admire and envy Marlon Perkins as he stalked big game. His buddy who had wrestled a tiger. Right, as he wrestled a tiger for the microphone. So obviously when he sits in this thing and

puts on his cocky jacket which he's got stuffed under the seat and his helmet it's only the reason he only wants it for the hat no no it's gonna be one of those hats with the brim that goes up on the side style hat Aussie style hat okay that's probably the only reason he wants the vehicle that you'll give him an excuse for wearing that he may even strap on when he leaves the house is his Lone Ranger six shooter I mean guys like to relive their their their days of freedom from the past I don't know if women like to do this But I I'd venture to say that there are more guys that listen to all these radio

Then there are women that listen to all these radio. We've discussed this at great length before in fact There was a joke just a couple of weeks ago that my brother got the answer to right away. What's the difference between men and government bonds? No, I don't know. Well, the answer is that government bonds mature. Right. Eventually.

And we know that men never, but I mean, when they say that men are just little boys in bigger bodies, and that's it man, we just never grow up. So I have to look at this ugly thing in the driveway and just say, well it's my husband just being a guy, doing what guys do best. That's it. That's it. And you've got to think of all the other things that could be worse than this. Um...

And you can still... Gambling, drinking, carousing, you know them all. All right, all right. All right, count your blessings, will you, Veronica? I am, I am. You got me convinced. I'll let them get the thing. I'll let them get the thing. All right.

Best of luck. Thank you. See you later. Bye-bye. Guess what? The Puzzler answer and more calls are coming up right after this. Need a binge listen? Check out the latest series from NPR's Embedded podcast. It's called Tested. Since long before the Paris Olympics, women in sports have been asked to prove their gender.

There was chit chat about, is that really a woman? Listen to Tested, a new series from Embedded and CBC about the history and future of sex testing in sports. All episodes are out now. If you're hearing this, that means you haven't gone sponsor free with NPR+. Join us on the plus side for awesome podcast perks across more than 20 NPR podcasts, including bonus episodes, behind the scenes content, sponsor free listening, and more. Learn more and sign up at plus.npr.org and never hear this promo again.

The Constitution, our founding document, says a lot about how our country has evolved and who we want to be. But it's not set in stone. So for the next month, we'll be digging into the history behind some of its most pivotal amendments. Listen to We the People on the Throughline podcast from NPR. When it comes to your health, Shortwave is a science show you can count on. We bring you clear information rooted in the best research to keep you and your loved ones safe and well.

Listen to the Shortwave podcast from NPR. Okay, Tommy, amidst all your Christmas shopping and planning for the New Year and all the other commitments that you have in your hectic schedule. Did you happen to solve last week's puzzler? Do you remember last week's puzzler? Yes, I do. He does? I do.

He's been coached. Catherine, coach! No, she didn't say a word to me. Petuti, I'm going to watch you like a hawk from now on. You can watch her. Last week's puzzler had to do, are you ready for this with exploding distributor caps? Boy, am I glad I didn't offer a prize this week. Exactly right.

Who coached you, Burman, huh? Here it is, a customer came into the shop and said his older Honda, I think it was a Honda, I don't remember what it was, wouldn't run. It was, I don't know, like an 87 or 88, 89, 90, da, da, da. He said, I went out to start my car the other morning. I turned the key and it cranked, but it wouldn't start. I said, did you open the hood?

And he said, no, I just called the tow truck and the car should be pulling in here any minute. Well, sure enough, the tow truck arrives and we turn the key and the car cranks pretty good. Raa, raa, raa, raa, raa, raa. Sounds like there's compression in the cylinders. And we can even smell gasoline, but no start. So we open the hood and we see something unusual. I might, I might say we see that.

You mean low and behold? Low and behold. Moreover, we see something unusual. The distributor cap is broken into many pieces. Smash to smithereens, one might say, totally demolished. Yeah. Mon dieu. Hey.

Watch that. So here's a distributed cap with pieces of wire stuck to it and you know, it's still there, but the vestiges of it are there. Yeah. And, uh, uh, but it's broken almost beyond recognition. I said, well, maybe there was a crack in the thing and, and in fact, that's why it broke, and who knows?

Maybe the rotor struck it. So we put a new distributor cap on, and the car starts right up. We drive it around, runs great, we park it, the guy comes at the end of the day to pay the bill. Pay the 400. Oh, did he complain? Oh, we finally untied him. He forked over the 400 order, he complained. We finally untied him.

He forked over the money and he goes out and comes back two minutes later and says, what is this? Some kind of a joke? I remember this part of the story. And we go out and throw open the hood. And alas. Lo and behold. The new distributor cap is broken just like the old one.

Wow. What in the heck happened here? Wow. just like the old one. Wow. What in the heck happened here? Wow. That was the puzzler. Yeah. And I think the hint was that it would happen to cars of yesteryear, because it wouldn't happen to the very newest cars, because they don't even have distributor caps. And even some of the newer cars that still have them probably wouldn't have this happen,

because they're missing one piece that older cars almost all had, and that is a vacuum advance. The vacuum advance was simply a vacuum operated device which contained a diaphragm and a rod, and when the engine vacuum was high, it would pull the plate and advance the timing. An elegant little device, I might say. Rather crude. It's all done electronically now. Well, compared to electronics, but it was elegant in that you could see something happen. Well, it's analogous to like beating on drums is elegant, but crude compared to a telephone call. Or email.

Or email. And the vacuum advance diaphragm in this case had a little hole in it, so that it really didn't work, but it didn't affect the performance of the car all that much. Because don't forget where it's getting the diaphragm from. I mean the vacuum from. The manifold. The manifold. And when the thing was shut off... What's in the manifold? A mixture of gasoline and air would waft into the vacuum advance, penetrate the diaphragm, get on the other side of the diaphragm, we're going to be into the area of the cap and the rotor where

there are sparks of high voltage and when that mixture of gasoline and air was in there and the thing better bang you turn the key that first spark that was made exploded the cap yeah and that's what he really needed was a vent so it was another 800 bucks But he paid do we have a winner Tommy? Yes, we do the winner is Ken Lerner from a strange place Where else? Downers Grove, Illinois. I like it Downers Grove must be a bunch of sad people. Yes, I think so. Oh man. It's a downer down

That's a real down and for having his correct answer chosen at random as I wanted this week Our pal Ken is gonna get a copy of the brand new second best of car talk CD or tape this Magnificent collection of talk of car talks Greatest moments will be whisked out of car talk Plaza right to Ken's door Just in time for the holiday which holiday flag day problem with that anyway we have a new puzzle coming up during the second half of car talk in historical puzzler i might i might add all so stay tuned in the meantime you can call us at one eight hundred

three three two nine two eight seven hello you're in car talk who's this is diana i'm in minneapolis diana not yet car talk hi who's this my name is Diana I'm in Minneapolis Diana yes how are you Minneapolis we're not bad you know my buddy Les Block I'm my next-door neighbor no I don't know him well when you bump into him Dr. Les Block Dr. Les I said hello cuz he never listens to what is he a doctor of he's a doctor of dentistry dentistry yeah okay I could use him. I don't think you'd want to. I would. He never washes his hands.

Is that important? He tells me it's not. Well, when he works on you it's not, but for other patients it is. Anyway, Diana, what's on your mind? Well, I just wanted to say thank you for taking my call. And why is it every time I listen to you guys I feel like I can get advice for my car advice from a lot of life and maybe even the access to a hitman if they needed one uh... the and i come on it's like that

so what's on your mind today this beautiful day okay i have a ninety one me from stanza pat for almost five years and had no trouble with the break nothing unusual in the last year it's needed three brake jobs and somebody my car repair guy said somebody has a really heavy foot yes he's referring to you a no the only new thing in the last year since this has been happening is my significant other that's come into the

scene but can one person tromp on the brakes hard enough to lose three brake year since this has been happening is my significant other that's coming to the scene. But can one person tromp on the brakes hard enough to do three brake jobs in one year? Oh yeah. Yeah. I mean if you stomp on the gas pedal and stomp on the brake pedal, then you can wear out brakes in no time. Really? Does your S.O. drive like this?

Sometimes, but not... I don't think it's that excessive. Well, I mean, how often does he drive the car when you're not in it? Every day. Aha. And when you are in it, occasionally he drives like this. More often than not, he drives like you drive. Right.

He's a closet wacko. Uh-oh. Yeah. And when you're in the car with him, he's trying to show that he's trying to cover up his real driving behavior. You need to hire Paul Drake Detective Agency. I think if you follow him around for one day, if they can follow him around, because I suspect they're going to have a hard time keeping up with him, they'll discover that he zooms

away from every stoplight and slams on the brake at every... Have you also noticed that you run out of gas a lot more frequently than you used to? Yeah, actually. Ha ha ha ha ha! We got him pegged. Actually, yes. Yeah, because he's stomping on that gas pedal,

using up gas unnecessarily, and then because he's going too fast, he's gonna stomp on the brake pedal, using up brakes unnecessarily. I suspect he hates this car. Well I made him get rid of his van last month. You made him. Made him. Made huh? Made him. It needed about $4,000 worth of work. How did you make him do this? I have the checkbook. There may be a little resentment toward this car. There might be a little resentment

toward Diana. There may be. I'd put a tail on him. Yeah, but he's clearly, he's doing it. There's no doubt in my mind that. Okay. Well, alternatively, if he isn't doing it, if Paul Drake does follow him around and tells you that he's not the wacko that we think he is, I would recommend that you have the mechanic look at the possibility of a faulty vacuum booster. Vacuum booster? Yeah, because it could be that the booster is faulty and actually keeping the brakes on to some extent all the time.

In which case extend our apologies and Andrei Kodresky's apologies and Doug Berman's apologies, the apologies of the entire staff and NPR and all its affiliates. Right, and if it turns out that the booster is okay and it is your boyfriend, then call us and we'll get a hitman for you. I knew you could do that. See you later. Thanks for calling, Diana.

Bye. Thank you. Good luck. Bye. We'll be right back with more calls and the new puzzler after these messages. Nicole Sills Wilderness is changing. More wildfires, more people, more cell service. The How Wild podcast hits the trail to explore the history of wilderness, how it's changing, and what that says about us as humans.

Listen now to the How Wild podcast from KALW, part of the NPR network. It's easy to get caught up in life on earth. It's being human, but we're just one species on one planet in a whole universe. Come get out of your head and explore that universe with us with fun, fascinating stories of science and discovery. Listen now to the shortwave podcast from NPR.

On this week's episode of Wild Card, actor Jeff Goldblum sings his way through our conversation. One, two, three. One is the loneliest number. Two, oh just the two of us. We can make it three. Oh, we three, we're not alone. I'm Rachel Martin. Join us for NPR's Wild Card podcast, the game where cards control the conversation. On how to do everything from the team at Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, we try to find the answers to all your burning questions.

I'd like to know how do I get someone to tell me if I smell? That's the perfect question for us. So we went over to her house and we sniffed her. Because we care. Email us your question at howto at npr.org and listen to the How to Do Everything podcast from NPR. We'll sniff you too. Ha! We're back!

Ha! We're back! You're listening to Car Talk on National Public Radio with us, Click and Clack the Tappert Brothers, and we're here to discuss cars, car repair, and questionable tax advice. Well, I don't know how questionable it is. Dear Click and Clack, I must ask your input on a matter of some considerable financial importance. As the end of the year comes upon us, I've begun to collect my fiscal records for use by my accountant in preparing my tax return for 1996.

Me too. Oh, I start that about April 12th. I, as I'm sure many of your other fanatic NPR listeners did, contributed to my local station during the most recent fall beg-a-thon, sorry, fundraising drive. I gave $90 and in return got a high-quality multicolored Chad's House of Croissants t-shirt. I know the question. You bet. In order to claim a tax deduction for my contribution to NPR, I and your other dozen or soul listeners

with these shirts need to report to the IRS the actual value of these apparel masterpieces. My fear is that because of their stunning beauty and rarity, they are actually worth far more than $90 and I might have to declare a capital gain. Maybe you might send me two or three hundred click and clack and 96 bumper stickers which probably now have large negative asset values to balance my gains made on the t-shirt. Please let me and other t-shirt wearing listeners know sincerely Bill Regley pronounced with a short E and a hard G. Regley. That's exactly what I said, Bill. Yes.

So what is the deal here? I mean, he's right. I mean, these things, 90 bucks, they're going to be going for like thousands. You think so? You'll be going to jail probably by yourself I think. Hey, come on, it's public radio. We're gonna make a few bucks somewhere and besides the IRS shouldn't be around. Oh, I should never have said that.

No you shouldn't. Those kind words were spoken by my older brother Thomas Maliazzi. Alright, look, it's time for the new puzzler. Oh, I can hardly wait. This is the most rollicking good time I have all week when you come up with this bogus, I mean with this exciting new puzzler. Well, you know, I do have a bunch of really good puzzlers, but I figured if I use- What are you saving them for?

Because you're going to sprinkle them around. You do. Just like we did a good show once. When was that? I don't remember that. We're sprinkling them around in very sparse. This past summer I was on a vacation. How did you know?

Oh, I knew. And I had occasion to go to a, what do you call those things, a yard sale. Oh yeah. There was some old house where they had a barn with a bunch of old junk in there, uh, wagons and all baby carriages and all stuff that they were going to throw out. And someone said, Hey, maybe we can sell. Ray would like this. So I received a personal engraved invitation and I showed up at the dually appointed hour and boy there

was some real junk but I found one interesting item it was a headlight half of which had been painted with black paint. No kidding. And I looked at it. Half of the front of it. The front of it. Yeah, the part that the light comes out of. Yeah. Half of the, what do you call it? The lens. The lens. Okay. Painted black. Black. I could not find the mate. It was the only one that was there. Yeah. And I looked at it and I looked around at all the other junk and I looked at the light and I, the only thing I noticed is that number one, it was old. And number two, it was a six volt headlight, which means it was at least. Can I have it? 45 years old.

Yeah. And the reason, the question is why was this headlight painted half black? And they hit all the answers to that. Ran out of paint. The hint is, uh, well, where I was, I should, I should mention, hint is, well where I was, I should mention, I should have mentioned where I was, I was on vacation on Cape Cod, that's one hint. Oh. Okay. And the other hint is, you wouldn't be likely to find one of these at a similar sale in say, Chicago. Well how about Cleveland, one of

those other Ohio cities? Cleveland. Dayton. Dayton. You wouldn't be likely to... Tampa. Tampa. I bet you there's a Tampa in Ohio too. There may be, but you wouldn't have been likely, you wouldn't be likely to find one of these at a similar sale in Dayton, Ohio. Wow. So why was it painted half black? Right. And the answer is not that they ran out of paint. That is not the answer. Now if you think you know the answer, send it to us at Puzzler Tower, Car Talk Plaza,

Box 3500, Harvard Square, Cambridge, Our Fair City, Map 02238, or you can email us your answer from CarTalk.com by clicking on the talk to car talk section and if we choose your correct answer etc etc etc deal when a prize if you'd like to go through the question about your car the numbers one eight hundred three three two nine two eight seven whole your car talk higher this is vince

fits and i'm going to miami miami how are you vince i'm doing all right i think you actually solved one of my problems with your last caller. Impossible! You guys are amazing. It's unbelievable. But I do have another problem. You know the little warning bell, the little chime I believe they refer to it as? Yeah, the chime.

Mine tends to go on whenever it feels necessary. That's what you think. Or whenever it feels. I mean it could well be that it's the things are happening of which you are unaware. That's frequently the case. But usually isn't that just for like the lights are on, keys are in the ignition. That's right. Well that's what it usually is for. The door is open and that's why the chime is going because... Yeah, but the doors aren't open. Well that's what you think.

That's what you think you buddy and i think that i think that i think that i'm and i can be driving going don't fast going on the highway and doing whatever sixty-five right and i'll kick on and really knowing that the radio on clashes with the pitch musicians or and right on triumphant by slowdown it starts to slow down

and then if i come to a quick stop Obviously I get off the highway. I come to a quick stop. It'll stop No kidding. I'm telling you What kind of a vehicle is this this is a Chevy Cavalier station wagon Cavalier wagon 91 fuel injection Totally a wagon. 91 fuel injection. Oh, fuel injected. Is it red?

No, it's blue. Blue? Let me write that down. Candy apple blue as a friend of mine referred to it as. Geez, you know, I had a great answer all worked out for like an 84 Mazda 626. If you had told me that your car was an 84 Mazda 626, I would have jumped for joy and given you this answer, which you would have said, Wow! Is that brilliant! Well, I think your answer is still pretty good.

What's the answer? He said the door is open. That's it? What's happening is the door isn't really open, but the switch, there's a switch on the door pillar that tells the Car that the door is either open or closed and two things happen when it's open Okay, or when the switch is in the closed position All right, the dome light goes on and the little thing goes ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding So you know that tells you the doors open All right, and it may be that the dome light isn't coming on but that part of or there may be even a separate switch on

This thing right but one of the doors isn't closing all the way and the way To find this out to drive with my doors open No, I mean it may well be that the door is closing all the way, but the sensor is messed up Yeah, I hear did you do go to the hardware store, okay? ten feet of rope Hi type one end of it. Don't tell me, the steering wheel. No, no, no. The passenger side door handle.

Okay. Okay, not the thing that opens the door, the thing you would use to close the door. Right. Okay, the grip. Yeah. And tie the other end of it to something on the back door that allows you to pull that door more closed. Okay.

So with one rope you can get both of them. You can pull one and then the other. What about the other door? I've got four. I've got four. You've got four doors. You've got five doors? Four.

It's a wagon. Oh, it's a wagon. It's a wagon. All right. By two 10-foot lengths of rope. Wagon lids are notorious for this problem. Well, okay, that might make sense. I had some problems with it.

You ever been in an accident? A long time ago. Yeah. Ever been in a near accident? Pardon me? Ever thought about accidents? Ah. Ever had dreams about accidents?

Ever seen in the UFOs? I had an accident while I was dreaming. No, wait. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure that my brother's right on this one. dreams about accident in the u f i've been i'm i'm sure that my brothers right on this one and if you guys are agreeing that if he's not uh... and it's making a crazy just removed at the time and keep it if there's a few for that right

no there's actually a little device on the rise so how do i find that body fighting in the making noise all the time. Just follow the sound. Yeah. It's like we're hiding which way to the ballpark. You listen to the noise of the crowd, and you're there. You look underneath the dashboard. How do you find it for this car?

You sniff for the smell. You lie on your back, and while the thing is chiming away, and you'll find it up there under the dashboard. It's a little can. I wouldn't take it out, because that also tells you if you've left the headlights on and other such things. Oh, okay. Come on. What are we, a bunch of babies? Someone's got to tell us we left our headlights on, we forgot to close the door.

What is going on here? Come on! Let's have a little responsibility. You leave the lights on, you'll leave them on once. The battery will go dead and you'll say oh, I was a jerk I left the lights on. I'll never do that again. I'll never do that again. See, but my battery doesn't go dead if I leave them on. I seldom agree with my brother on matters of philosophy. This is twice in the last five minutes. But I have to agree with him in this regard because we have we have our Government's whoever it may be or whoever makes products for us, who's responsible for

this, has begun to treat us like we're all little children. Right. And we will never, as a people, grow up, woof, whilst we have people telling us, don't do this, don't do that, and that little chime that goes ding ding, my brother's right, you leave the key on, you leave the lights on rather than the battery goes dead, you won't do that again. Is that your life? Stupid unless you're stupid in which case you deserve everything you should be late for work every day And you should get fired because you left your lights on I mean what's gonna happen is someday

One of those little chimes is gonna fail and a door which was open is not gonna be signaled to right to the driver He's gonna fall out of the car and he's going to sue what kind of a car? Chevy. He's going to sue Chevrolet for $10 million because he fell out of the car because the little chime thing didn't work. And Chevrolet is going to say, fine, we're not going to put the chime thing in anymore because it's a liability. If that thing fails... They're going to put a backup chime. Backup chimes. And that one's gonna go in at a different time. And it's gonna add $2,000 to the cost of every car.

Come on, enough of this. Enough of this. Stop already! Stop. That's right. So does this thing look like anything? That's all I'm wondering. Yeah, it looks like a very small can. A can of tomatoes for Lilliputians. Yeah square can Can yeah, okay, I think so, but don't take it out. Yeah, but see I don't I ignore it now anyway All right, take it out. Take it out. Take it and if you can't pull it out hit it with a hammer And if it's the wrong thing the car won't start

Thanks for calling thanks a lot a lot, take care. But I mean it's true isn't it? I mean we're telling everybody, they're treating us like little children. Exactly right. Come on. And just so you can't always tell your children to avoid disastrous things. If you do, they never grow up. They never mature. They never grow up. That's right. And we will never mature. Government bonds and men. Right. Well, you've wasted another perfectly good hour listening to Card Talk.

Our esteemed producer is Doug the Subway Fugitive, not a slave to fashion, Berman. Our associate producer and dean of the College of Automusicology is Ken Babyface Rogers. Our assistant producer is Catherine Cathode-Ray. What happened to Petuti? Oh, I like Cathode. I like Cathode. I like Petuti too. Our engineer is Karen Given and our technical advisor is John Bugsy Milk Carton Man Lawler. Can't devote a whole segment to him anymore because what?

We don't know. We never see him. And he may be gone forever. Our public opinion pollster is Paul Murky of Murky research assisted by statistician Marginal Vera our Director of new product repair is warranty my foot our director of emergency management is Eva destruction Our director of staff pay increases is save your breath our staff Butler from the car talk Bombay division is my hot McCote the leader of the former Pujo dealers of America support group is Eustace L. Emmons Our marriage counselors Marion Haste our Eustace Eustace sell Oh Eustace L

Explain this to him last week Slow the drug I noticed our marriage counselors Marion Haste and our sexual harassment intervention counselors Pat McCann our libel defense director in Tokyo is Sosumi already. Got it? I got it, I got that one. Our director of country music is Stan Byerman, our head of personal security is See How We Run, our director of cold weather starting is Martina Never Turnover, and our manager of automotive accessories is Francis Ford Cup Holder. Our chief counsel from the law firm of Dewey Cheatham and Howe is Hugh Lewis Dewey, known around Harvard Square as Huey Louie Dewey. Thanks so much for listening and we're clicking clack to Tabard Brothers and don't drive like my brother.

Don't drive like my brother. We'll be back next week. Bye bye. If you want a copy of this show on cassette, it's show number 51 and you can get it on the worldwide web by clicking on the shameless commerce Commerce Division of Cartalk.com, or you can call and order a copy at 303-823-8000. You can also order other Cartalk junk, like the brand new second best of Cartalk. It's not junk! That's why nobody buys it! You call it junk, they won't buy it! Alright, you can also order other Cartalk stuff.

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