The Best of Car Talk - #2480: Hello, You're on Love Talk

Episode Date: October 5, 2024

After roughly 20 years of trying(and mostly failing) to help folks with their car problems, Click and Clack decided it was time to diversify and give equally questionable relationship advice, too. How hard could it be? Find out on this special Valentine's Day 'Love Talk' edition of the Best of Car Talk.Get access to hundreds of episodes in the Car Talk archive when you sign up for Car Talk+ at plus.npr.org/cartalkLearn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

Now, Our Change will honour 100 years of the Royal Canadian Air Force and their dedicated service to communities at home and abroad. From the skies to Our Change, this $2 Commemorative Circulation Coin marks their storied past and promising future. Find the limited edition Royal Canadian Air Force $2 coin today. Hello and welcome to Car Talk from National Public Radio with us, Click and Clack the Tabard Brothers and we're broadcasting this week from the Department of Amore here at Car Talk Plaza. As promised, we are celebrating Valentine's Day this year by devoting our entire program to matters of the heart.

Actually, it's after Valentine's Day. We are, as usual, what? Late. But it is February, isn't it? Oh, hey, remind me to pick up a box of the designer steel wolf my wife no well yeah she'll love that don't you think what about the shop back that was last year anyway we are gathered here today to solve not only your car problems as we always do as we always try try try

try to do yeah but to solve your relationship problems as well and we invite you to call us at 1-800-332-9287 and lay on us your most difficult, your most intractable relational vexations. And we, with our vast expertise… Is that half a vast expertise? Yeah. We'll provide clarity and put everything in its proper perspective, as we always do. Yeah.

Right? Of course. Now you may ask, what makes you two clowns qualified to answer questions about intimate interpersonal relationships? How would you respond? Well, to which I would respond with an equally simple question. What makes us qualified to answer questions about cars? Got you there, don't I?

Yeah. Are you ready? Yeah, I'm ready. The doctors are in. I am ready! Okay, if you want to call us, our number is 1-800-332-9287. Hello, you're on Love Talk. This is Lisa calling from Windsor, Ontario in Canada. Really? Yeah.

Hi, Lisa. Hi. Windsor, Ontario. Yep, right across the river from Detroit. Yeah, yeah. So what's up, Lisa? Well, I have a unique situation I thought you guys might be able to give me some advice on.

I hope so. My husband and I are going to be doing a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little river from detroit yeah so what's up lisa well i have a unique situation but you get make able to give me some advice on hope so my husband and i

are going to be separated from most of the here going to be off in paris france i'm going to be here in winter ontario well yeah yeah he was the answer that it was something well uh... well i wish you know he's that he the postdoctoral fellow student though there's no tenure track position yet but

uh... that didn't postdoc project and it just happened to be in france art history uh... you know the matter of fact that you're physics geophysics that's right in paris yet paris a yeah uh... and he had been in paris yep Geophysics? What do I know? I don't know much. Paris is the center of geophysics.

The geophysical center of the universe, I guess. Well, they think so, yeah. At least they think so. Oh boy. Not only that, his field work is going to take him to the south of France as well. Is he practicing saying, work, work, work? No, he's practicing saying, encore une goutte de vin, s'il-vous-plaît. He knows that one really well. Why are you going to get stuck in Windsor, Ontario? Why have not you been invited to go along?

Maybe she has, maybe she's got a real job. Hang the job, hang it! So is there a question involved in all this? Yeah, how am I supposed to get through this whole year when he's in all this? Yeah, how am I supposed to get through this whole year when he's having all this great time and wine in France and I'm... Get a boyfriend. Get a boyfriend. That'll teach him. No? I don't think they go over too well. That might not go over too well. Well, I mean, what is your

career? What are you doing here in Ontario? Well really like that i just got into quality control for the automotive industry uh... well on this bill such thing it's not seem more on uh... i'm on that uh... you know i mean you have to you can't allow circumstances like this to just go by i mean don't forget they say that life is what happens while you're planning

something else. And here you are planning to be a quality control consultant on cars. Right, and don't forget, within a few months, they're going to abandon this whole quality control concept anyway. Sure. They're going to realize that it doesn't work and you're going to be out of a job. You're out of a job anyway. Here's my recommendation. I recommend you try to tough it out as long as you can yeah up to three or four weeks I'm having trouble even making a day go by here I mean this is an opportunity when would you ever again have the opportunity to spend a year in the south of France or Paris or what

whatever well you will never have this opportunity to pass it by. Geez, you might as well just slit her wrists right now! But you won't! I mean, it's ridiculous. If you pass this by, you will be kicking yourself in the butt for the rest of your life. You think so? Okay. Absolutely! Come on! Let me tell you the one thing that I am concerned about though. I'm afraid of pulling myself out of the job market and then having a tough time getting back in

Forget about quality control in the automotive industry. Come on. That's boring right think of the wine the cheese It was a quality control really took off you guys might be out of a job. That's right. Sure I mean what if they introduced quality control and radio broadcasting? Where would we be? Exactly exactly enjoy the year, Lisa. Make plans right now and forget about this job. Lisa, I often disagree with my brother. You know that I'm the more level-headed, commonsensical of the two of us. Yeah. But I do have to agree with him that this may be the opportunity of a lifetime. Take the time off and live it up okay tell

you what I'll call you from France that's a deal okay we'll be waiting for your call have a great time say Elise bye bye bye 1-800-332-9287 hello you're on car talk how you doing yeah not bad not bad all right who's this Bill Carey hey Bill where you from no last name Jersey where not Lee New Jersey not Lee beautiful uptown not like yeah correct so what's up i got a problem i thought maybe you guys could help out on uh... sort of a mix of your specialties for today but uh... i got a nineteen forty

three model that just won't turn over on a saturday morning uh... uh... a lot of times was remodel well yes my wife uh... i think that Uh-huh. You know, and I've tried the... The 43 model. Oh. Yes, my wife. Yeah. Yeah.

I figured that. You know, I've tried getting her oil on Friday night, and that doesn't seem to help. You know, she's not in bad shape. A few dents here and there. But what do you guys suggest I can do? This is a real problem. It's going on for years. I don't exactly understand the question.

Well, you know, you wake up on a Saturday morning, it's a time when you can be together. And I just can't get it to turn over. I see. I got it. I got it. So this is a question of a very intimate nature. Well, you know, you guys have the specialties and... Well, we don't usually go this far into it. If you know what I mean. We try to give superficial responses to just about everything. Yeah.

No, you know who we need for this? What's that? We need Dr. Ruth. Do we have her number, Berman? Don't go away, Bill, because we're going to try to call Dr. Ruth Westheimer. You know Dr. Ruth, don't you? Certainly, but not personally. Not personally?

Well, you're about to. We're thinking of getting her on the phone. No, do we really? Do we have her number? He says we have it. He's probably good. Hang on though. He's gonna call Murray Horowitz and he's gonna do Dr. Ruth's voice. But it might be good you might get some good advice. Hold on a second. How are you Dr. Ruth? I'm good. It's really her! Hello? Yes? Bill? Yes?

Meet Dr. Ruth Westheimer. Hi, Bill. Hi, Bill. Can I ask you a few fast questions? You certainly may, doctor. Okay, the first thing I want to ask you, the evening before, like Friday night? Yeah. can i ask you a few fast questions? you certainly may doctor okay the first thing i want to ask you the evening before

like friday night? were you very sweet and nice to her? more friday nights did you make her dinner? uh no did you bring her some flowers? uh not that friday no alright but any friday

that you think that the saturday morning might be night and could you and i think that you have much of a home uh... would not would have a big child at all okay they've been picked out in and Saturday morning uh... usually coming in from friday night uh... that's the problem

he's having better luck than you in from friday night well i would do yes to be that most men would like to do exactly what you're talking about of turning her over in the morning because the picked up the one that it is highly and uh And most women are not so eager in the morning,

except what you could do is, if you are very sweet with her, if you do anything around the house that she could just wish for, maybe the day before the evening before you take her in your car for a little spin around, just the evening before you take a look at for a little spin around just

the two of you well and when i first got her you know and those years ago you weren't allowed to do a test drive and i don't want to do any all the time don't get ahead of yourself want to know to a nightly talk to her by uh... without going around in the car.

But I tell you something, and that most women really have to be told that it is very enjoyable in the morning for them too. Because after a night of good sleep, but you have to make sure that the telephone is off the hook, that the bedroom door is closed, especially in your case, Bill, where there is an older child. And I have a better idea for you, Bill.

Yes. Take that cow of yours, and this coming weekend, you take that wife of yours and you check into a motel. Well, if this doesn't work out, what are you doing doctor bubble bath champagne in the evening on friday if you are tired you go out for a nice meal and you go right to sleep is the whole secret giving her something she wishes?

and to be very nice well if it was something she wishes i wouldn wouldn't even be home on Saturday morning myself. Let us know how it works, Billy boy. Well, if it doesn't work out, I'd like to know where I can trade her in. Oh, no. No trade-ins allowed. No trade-ins. No trade-ins. Good luck to you people. Dr. Root, are you still there?

Yeah. Well, we want to obviously thank you very much for participating in our valentine's. I'll do that again. Thank you. Bye. Thank you. Bye. Bye-bye.

Was that really Dr. Ruth? That was her. That was in fact the real Dr. Ruth, and I think she gave you good advice. And I think the idea of getting your wife in the mood by Friday night making dinner, bringing home flowers and everything. Yeah, let us know what happens. I'm sure you're interested. We'll do a stomp the chumps on you.

Oh yeah, you may be back, you never know. See you later, Bill. Good luck, Bill. Say goodbye to your wife. Bye bye. Hey, we've got more calls in the puzzler answer coming up right after this. J.D. Vance and Tim Walz had their first and only debate on Tuesday. What happened? The MPR Politics Podcast has you covered with all the news and analysis from the vice presidential debate. Listen to the MPR politics podcast wherever you get your podcasts. Wisconsin's presidential vote has often come down to less than 1% of the state's population. On NPR's Consider This podcast, we'll hear what's keeping Wisconsin voters up at night.

We need someone who's going to be dedicated to what's happening for us. Wisconsin, where just 20,000 votes could swing a state of nearly 6 million. This week on NPR's Consider This Podcast. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Fresh Air, up first. NPR News Now, Planet Money, TED Radio Hour, Thru Line, the NPR Politics Podcast, Code Switch, Embedded, Books We Love, Wildcard are just some of the podcasts you can enjoy sponsor free with NPR+. Get all sorts of perks across

more than 20 podcasts with the bundle option. Learn more at plus.npr.org. Every weekday, NPR's best political reporters come to you on the NPR Politics Podcast to explain the big news coming out of Washington, the campaign trail and beyond. We don't just want to tell you what happened, we tell you why it matters. Join the NPR Politics Podcast every single afternoon to understand the world through political eyes. Okay, Tommy. Oh no, not again.

Well, I'm surprised you don't remember this one because it had numbers Numbers. Yeah numbers. I remember the one about Sweden that was all wrong I don't know Really, huh? Catherine haven't hasn't given me any she doesn't remember either I was all prepared. Yeah to sacrifice myself for your domestic tranquility. I was ready to tell your wife that it's my fault you didn't get a gift on Valentine's Day. I'll say you were on your way out to pick it up and you ran into me.

I distracted you and da da da da da da da. By the time you got there to pick up her gift, that 78 MC Concord was already sold. But you're on your own, man. I saw one of those this morning. At Nissan bombs? No, driving down the street. Oh, yeah, there were a few around. Yeah, it's beautiful. Oh, yeah. She'd have liked it. Well, here it is. Yeah, actually this was a puzzle design for the kids in our audience. Oh, I remember it now. Here it is in its simplicity. There was a yacht tied to the dock in the harbor at Dead Low Tide. The tide because it is dead low is obviously doing what? Coming in great and it's coming in at the rate of two-thirds of a foot per hour

Yeah, a steady rate of two-thirds of a foot per hour. So there's Feet anyway right now is down. Oh, yeah So if you're in the harbor and you were measuring the rate after a half hour, it would have come in a third of a foot Right. Yeah half of two thirds. There go and one half times two now yeah the porthole on the side of the yard is nine feet above the surface of water feet right now this down the water yeah how long will it be until that distance is reduced from nine feet to seven and a half feet see three halves twenty seven 23 halves, 27 divided by 2, 13.5 equals infinity. Well, I made it seven and a half feet.

I made it hard. It was good, it was very good. I just say you can't use algebra to solve this problem. Yeah, that's right. Right? You can't. You can't use algebra because the porthole distance from the water doesn't change at all.

I mean, if you started writing down the stuff right away... Unless there's a hole in the boat. Unless there's a hole in the boat. But if the boat is floating, it will continue to float, and the porthole will be raised up as the boat gets raised up, and the water level and the distance from the porthole to the water surface will be exactly the same. I wonder if anybody got that wrong. Alright.

Who's our winner? The winner is Russ Warzine. Warzine? That sounds right. From Omaha, Nebraska and for having his correct answer chosen at random as our winner this week, our buddy Russ gets our newest Car Talk t-shirt which we call the Sistine Wrench. wrench features the car talk creation scene with two hands reaching across the canvas one handing off an adjustable wrench to the other that is art yes Michelangelo eat your heart out anyway we have a new romantically inspired puzzler coming up during the second half of Card Talk, so don't nod off just yet.

If you'd like to call us, our number is 1-800-332-9287. Hello, you're on Card Talk. Hi, this is Jawed, and I'm calling from Stanford, Connecticut. I missed your name. I'm sorry, Jawed. A lot of people do that. Jawed. Yeah, that's it, Jawed, Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja- Ja And if they do, it'll be our fault. OK, listen, guys. What happened is a few weeks ago, my car, I have an Acura Legend 87.

And believe it or not, the car starts smelling like something died in a car, like a dead animal or something. And it really stings real bad. And initially, what I did is i just let my son moved down so that it will go away and i've toward a few days and until i'd realize my friends at my lunch break would decided not to go in

sit in my car that they were rather a walk because the car really stinkin i think that that is really annoying anyway a friend of mine suggested finally that after a few days that it won't go away that why don't you keep some baking soda or something open in a box or something in the car. So I did that for several days like over 10, 14, 15 days. The smell, if anythinged instead of decreasing it went up I mean that was really amazing and it's really very sharp sometimes and sometimes will just go away Did you I'm wondering what the hell is going on?

But anyway, so this kept going for like four or five six weeks then I went to see my girlfriend She was in Cleveland on sabbaticalbatical you know she she's a professor she'll fall out she teaches photography issue at the cleveland she was about a click on sabbatical and taking a cold there and another committee colleges there anyway so i went to visit her so i took a train from from the canada get to baltimore and i took a plane from baltimore to cleveland and all of the weekend there I drove her Honda Civic 1990

EX and tell you what I came back to Connecticut after I spent a weekend the first thing I got a call from her telling me Jowit what did you do to my car because she was aware of the problem I was having with this thing in my car and now her car stinks. I said what do you mean what happened? She said what did you do to my car? My car stinks. It smells. I said, what the hell are you talking about? She said, what's wrong with you guys from Middle East? I said, excuse me. This is just because we take shower once a week.

What could it be? I mean, I just cannot understand. Well, there are various possibilities. One is that it's you well obviously she thought so right that seems to be the most logical conclusion because she's why would somebody think that you think it's possible that somebody's car smell and then you drive somebody else's car that you can transfer the sting of the smell

well unless you brought the smell to Connecticut and Cleveland all the way to Ohio you might have brought the smell to your car. Right, might have been on your shoe. Here's what you do. Here's what you do. I would roll around in a big box of baking soda. No, really.

Baking soda is not working. This is really weird. No, when the smell is real bad... No, the baking soda won't work....'t work. You may have to resort to a flame thrower. If you have a dead mouse somewhere in the ventilation system and dead mice smell bad. But see if that's the case then if you turn the heater on it should become worse. Yeah. It doesn't. Well, then it's probably mold. Then it's in the carpeting. And then, on top of that, what I don't understand is how come her car starts smelling?

I got it. That's the question I hear. I got it. And then she thinks that I am responsible. Do you think you are? Ah! You are. Why?

You transported the mold spores on the bottom of your shoe. All the way to Cleveland. Well, not only that, but you've also infected the plane, the train, the train. I wonder how the train and the plane is, you know, when I was traveling. But see, you know, I...

Correct me if I'm wrong. I think she was being a snob and being racist, like, just because somebody from being from Middle East, she said, you know, what's wrong with you guys from Middle East? You know, what did you do to my car? I said, wait a second now you're a walking stink bomb how do you know that yeah no jeez no i think my brother put his foot right on i mean put his finger

right on it you may have put your foot right on it so what what do you think is the solution right now before beside the fact that i should try to get rid of the car? Well if it really is in the carpet, and you're going to have to do some investigating, you're going to have to get down on your hands and knees and smell the carpet. I did, I swear to God I did. I opened the trunk and I took everything, the mat out of the trunk.

Not the trunk. In case the water has leaked. So you had water in the trunk? A little bit, yeah. That'll do it. I'll tell you, it got into the seats. Those mold spores are invasive. Like fungus, you mean?

It's a fungus, yeah. Are you serious? Yeah, I'm dead serious. The best killer of mold spores is chlorine bleach. Yeah. How would you like a nice white carpet? Because it's going to be white and you get finished. That's what happens.

And the remedy is to take out the carpeting that's affected. Really? Light in the sun, because the sun will kill bright sunlight and dry air will kill the mold spores. You're going to keep flipping it over. You spray it with Lysol disinfectant and you put baking soda on it. And then the other parts of the car you have to wash with a mild solution of bleach and that will kill the rest of it.

No, you're talking about the carpet. You're taking it out in the front, right? Take the carpet to taking it all in the car right out in the front right everything take it right out yeah yeah i was like totally amazed like you know how did it happened and and and on top of that how did i even i felt responsible in a way like driving a car and also markup i mean from a record power to repeat and what did i do well how often do you

shower uh... so now i have changed if i have're going to mark a fourteen years knowledge or a question week uh... uh... have you got any phone calls from amtrak on the airline uh... not yet but i'm not about it

uh... number is not published. As soon as I realized, my girlfriend's car started sinking. I changed my number to not publish. Now, thanks a million for your call. You're a great sport. I just hope they're not listening to this video. You'll be all over you, man. Thanks a lot. Hey, listen, I really love your show.

I think you guys are great. Well, we enjoyed very much talking to you. See you later. Take care of yourselves. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Twice a week. Twice a week. That's a lot, you know?

Oh. We'll be right back with more calls and the new puzzler after these messages. What do you think are the greatest things to come out of your city? Well get ready to defend your argument because It's Been A Minute is bringing the Smackdown, a debate series to cities all across the country. Serena Williams versus Muhammad Ali, the Peanuts versus Prince. Listen to Smackdowns you never saw coming on the It's Been A Minute podcast. Once again, we find ourselves in an unprecedented election.

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Heavily armed Palestinian militants in Gaza flew across the border. The October 7th Hamas attacks on Israel. Israeli ground troops have entered northern Gaza. How the war unfolded and where it could be headed. Pagers carried by Hezbollah members began exploding in cars. Listen to a special episode of the podcast State of the World from NPR. People in Nevada are more racially diverse than a lot of swing states. About 40% of voters in Nevada are more racially diverse than a lot of swing states. About 40% of voters in Nevada are not white.

Does that shape their views of issues like inflation and immigration? Donald Trump and Kamala Harris are both gambling on Las Vegas. Hear from Nevada voters all this week on NPR's Consider This Podcast. I We're back you're listening to car talk on national public radio with us clicking clack the tappin brothers And we had to discuss cars maybe Car repair maybe but the new seafood diet I mean well of course we realize that if you want to be attractive to the opposite sex you've got to be slim and Trim maybe and here's the new diet. This is sent to us by David Leventhal from somewhere from the email. Breakfast, half a grapefruit, one slice of whole wheat toast.

Wait, should I be writing these down? No. Dry and eight ounces of skim milk. Lunch, four ounces of lean broiled chicken breast, one cup of steamed spinach, one cup herb tea and one Oreo cookie. Mid-afternoon snack, the rest of the Oreos in the package, two pints of rocky road ice cream, one jar of hot fudge sauce, nuts,, mushroom and cheese pizza, and three Milky Way candy bars. See how things deteriorate? Well that's what happens when you starve yourself, you starve to half a grater. Wait, wait, there's more. I can't see my eyes all the time. Late evening news., entire frozen cheesecake

Hahahaha EAT Hahahaha Hahahaha Hahahaha Entire frozen cheesecake eaten through Hahahaha Obviously you've lost control of yourself

Eaten through directly from the freezer Hahahaha Oh while directly from the freezer oh while standing at the freezer hahahaha hahahaha you can see that hahahaha I mean you might as well get right to it cause this is what happens when you sign up for wait watches you go with the first two things for about a week and then pretty soon

You're at the two pints of rock hero ice cream And the entire frozen cheesecake while standing at the freezer Oh brother Oh jeez that's good, that's good Well David Lemontroll whoever you are Thank you Whoo David Leavitt, whoever you are. Thank you.

Now what? Now it's time for the puzzler. Valentine's Day was recently upon us and I had to give my wife a present and I thought I would do something unique. For years now she's been asking for a string of black pearls. No kidding. I didn, I know they existed Well, I didn't know either they're very rare and the only place that they're found is And the Black Sea no, no, they're found in the waters off the seychelles You know the seychelles are I thought it was the seychelles seychelles That little bunch of islands there. South Pacific.

Where they off the Indian Ocean, actually, where they did the latest swimsuit edition of Sports Illustrated. That's how I found out about it. Learning geography, huh? Yes, I am. And these are brought up from the depth by divers who go down to a depth of 200 feet with a knife clenched in their teeth. And they open up the oysters

Yeah down there and if there's one of these pearls is there of course they bring it to the surface And if there's no pearl they eat the oyster they get the bends and they keep asking for divers So anyway, she wants these pearls and I see that these are a lot of money. So I propose a little game instead of a boat payment Many boat payments. I get 50 of these pearls and put them in a cigar box. And I get 50 of the, what do they call them? Faux pearls.

Faux, yeah. Okay. But they're white. So I have 50 black pearls, black mumble pearls from the Seychelles. Yeah. The seashells of the Seychelles. And then I have 50 faux pearls in another box, another cigar box.

And I tell her, look, I'm going to put these cigar boxes in front of you. You will be blindfolded. You will instruct me to open one or the other, either A or two, okay? And then you will pick a pearl out, and if it's the black one, you get the black mumbo pearls, and if it's the white one you get the cheap pearls Which I had intended to buy in the first place the faux pearls Yeah, six bucks. Okay, so we so it's obvious because there are 50 of each sure her chances of 50-50 now But she can mix them up. She can put all the pearls in one box

Yeah, okay She can mix the pearls and put half the white ones in one box and half the black ones in that same box And so I have 25 of each, right? Sure. Sure. Is there a way that she can mix up these pearls to improve her chances beyond 50 50? That's the question. Yeah, that's complicated. If you think, you know, the answer, send it to us at puzzler tower, car talk

Plaza. Well, it's all woven in with the story, you know, the Seychelles, the black mumbo pearls, mumbo mumbo mumbo, the divers, getting the bends, the knife mumbo pearls. Mumbo. Mumbo, mumbo. The divers. Yeah, yeah. Getting the bends. I got it. The knife clenched in their teeth. Yeah, I liked it all. It was very good.

It was geographic and everything. It was instructive. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, the swimsuit edition. The swimsuit edition. Okay, send your answer to Sports Illustrator. Send your answer to Puzzler Tower, Car Talk Plaza, Box 3500, Harvard Square, Cambridge, MA 02238, or you can email us your answer from CarTalk.com by clicking

on the Talk to Car Talk section. And if we choose your correct answer at random as the winner next week, and you catch us, we'll send you that brand new Car Talk Sistine Wrench T-shirt. Woohoo! You can either wear or if you're too embarrassed to be associated with it, just use the polish your seat belt buckle. Now if you'd like to call us with a question about your car or your love life or anything. When you're swimming in the creek and an eel bites your cheek, that's a moray.

That's a man. 1-800-332-9287. Hello, you're on Car Talk. This is Chris in Colorado Springs. Chris, yeah. What's up, man? My question is about how to go about meeting women in traffic. This can be a depressing time of year for us bachelors. I was wondering if you had any good strategies, short of having a head-on or playing bumper cars. Oh, that was how to

get that female that you've spied from your driver's seat. Yes. To first of all notice you. Yes. And then to actually roll down her window. Why would anyone do that? Boy, Chris, this is a challenge. Wait a minute. Don't give up though No, I'm not giving up because I mean I tried this for years I mean is it appropriate at a stoplight to just get out of your car and leave it there and walk around at the passenger Side and knock on the on the on the glass to get in. No, you'll go to jail. No, that's not good I mean you this is gonna be voluntary on her part So either she's got you have to have a car that she's interested in for example

And I don't know how you get her that's obviously why some guys go out and buy Ferrari testarossa's Testeroni's Right and that's obviously why because it's a it's a kind of a car that you think women will say, wow, what's that? Now I have noticed, in fact, this past summer I was driving a BMW Z3 on the highway with the top down and the wind blowing through my bald spot. But as I was, you know, I got enough hair

to almost fake it, I mean, the stuff was blowing around and a car full of young girls had been following me, I noticed, at a distance. They were in the left-hand lane. He's still my heart. I was in the right-hand lane. And this car full of young babes is following me, obviously wanting to check out not just the car,

but who was behind the wheel. Boy, I'll tell you, you never saw a 65 Dart move faster than when they pulled up next to me and found out who was driving. So there is a... They were disappointed, you might say. They were. They were. But they wanted to see the car, and when they saw the car and who was behind the wheel, boy, they zoomed off on that Dart, and they were gone. So the car, obviously you can buy an interesting and expensive sports car. Well I'll liquidate my entire stock portfolio first thing tomorrow. No the thing that got me thinking about this was the fact that cars are so damn reliable these days that there aren't

any damsels in distress you know to be saved with their car broken down by the side of the road. Yeah and nobody wants to be saved anyway because all they'd want you to do is call the police. Nobody, don't get out of your car if you want to do me a favor call the police on your cell phone or they have cell phones. And you can't trust anybody and that's part of the problem too. Right, well Chris I think the solution that I know that guys like Berman used for years because he could never get any girls to talk to him was a dog. Oh the puppy a puppy dog, especially Yeah, it's gonna be something. I mean nothing Nothing is cuter. Yeah, I don't care if you're allergic Yeah, I don't like dogs. I don't care. My cat doesn't like the car very much. Oh for your cats are no good

But nothing is cuter Than a little golden retriever furry golden retriever puppy. Six weeks old. I mean if you didn't have women all over you. Well now wait a second, I'm cuter than a golden retriever puppy. I don't think so. Come on, will ya? No.

Quasimodo could have a golden retriever puppy on the end of a leash. Right. And Christie Brinkley would be beaten down the door to beat him. Trust us. I mean, you do have an interesting idea here though that, I mean, the positive side, the silver lining to a traffic jam is you could meet the love of your life if you only knew how to do it. So think about it, people would-

What do you use for, if you were to roll down the window, what would you say to an attractive female that's in the car next to you? Yeah, what if, I mean, what if you were lucky enough to get her to roll down her window? Oh, better than that, she turned to you and smiled. Oh! Oh. What would be your next step?

I know, his next line would be, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba- All of American men are dying to know this. What would you say next? I would say my car would like to get together again with your car. Bad. And we're both invited. Bad. The females in the group. Okay.

Karen is giving two thumbs down. Two thumbs down. Six. Six thumbs down. Yeah. Try again. Try another one. Okay.

There you are. You're in traffic. You've been you are, you're in traffic. You've been in traffic, you're going along. Bumper to bumper. The car next to her, she catches up to you. Exactly, back and forth, back and forth. And she just turns to you. She turns to you and...

And with only spoken words, she smiles. Oh! And you roll down your window. And she rolls down hers. She rolls down her window and you say what Chris? Well, I think Karen and Katherine agree that that's better than the first one Boy, I mean this this is a contest I can see it. This is a contest Yeah, we're gonna have to run a worldwide nationwide search nationwide search Boy, I mean, this is a contest. I can see it. This is a contest. Yeah.

We're not going to have to run a worldwide... Nationwide search. Nationwide search. What the heck would you do? And the other way around too. I mean, what if you're a female? And the same thing happens. The guy turns around and he smiles.

What would the female do? Floor it. Well, Chris, I don't know what the answer is and obviously you don't either. No right. But maybe we'll get some suggestions from people. Well the bad bad bad bad works good but trust us the puppy, the puppy, the puppy works. Yeah well you I mean you have raised a brilliant I realize a brilliant situation here of how do you do this? I mean, how can you turn a traffic jam into something positive? And that's it. If we could find the answer

to what do you say when she smiles? We certainly need people to write us with suggestions. So we need all the help we can get and most importantly, I think we need help from women in this regard. We certainly do. We will get help. This is a very important issue You've raised will ask people to send some mail to us by all the usual channels Yeah, all the usual channels website cafe, Datra Telephone snail mail snail mail anything we need this is this is a this is an issue that needs attention Chris We want you to know we're here to help

We're with you Chris Chris. Thanks a lot for your call 1-800-332-9287 that's the question all America wants to know the answer to interesting. What do you say? What do you say? You've got one line and it's gonna be good It's gonna be having your puppy Having your puppy jump up off the seat, put its paws on the windowsill and wag its tail. We all admit, we all agree that that is without doubt a foolproof strategy. We know that. Her next line would be, oh what a beautiful doggy. Andfft. And then, even then what do you say?

I just got him. And, do you know anything about dogs? He's peeing in my lap right now. On my crushed Corinthian leather. 1-800-332-9287 Hello, Your Honor. Hey, do you know what time it is? Time to ditch the love calls and try investment advice instead?

No! It's time to play Stump the Love Jumps! Every few weeks on Card Talk, we play a little game called Stump the Chumps, where our associate producer Ken Babyface Rogers cons, I mean calls, a past Car Talk contestant so to speak and gets him or her to come back on the show and tell us how wrong or right our car advice was. But this week, since we're taking calls on matters of the heart, can it define the contestant whose car and personal life were both put in serious jeopardy by being on Car Talk?

Well, that must have narrowed the list by at least what? One or two people, right? At least. So who's this week's Love Chumps Stumper, Tommy? Well, it's Fred from Hartford, Connecticut. He is this week's contestant, except that Fred isn't his real name, and he's not even from Hartford, Connecticut. Well, are week's contestant, except that Fred isn't his real name and he's not even from Hartford, Connecticut.

Well, are we at least sure he was on Car Talk? Yes, he was! We must have done a number on this guy if he's resorted to using a phony name. Actually, Fred used this same alias when he first called us to get help with his predicament. Oh yeah! I remember Fred. And Paul Gallagher. uh... couple years ago my friend bought a a new car any brought over

and i looked at it and i thought it was one of the ugly thing but everything you never tell anybody that so i think you have a great looking car you got there and i went on and on that the car with my wife was standing there watching you say that uh... cut about a few months ago uh...

my wife is a common down to the garage you know i need some help moving something and the car is there with a big bow on it she said i know you liked it so much i bought it that's what you get all of the angle the web this week on this and so i now have this quandary you have to fess up. All right.

I just come clean on the whole thing, right? I think you just got to... Oh, absolutely. Okay. I think you have to come clean. That's the only way. And you will feel an incredible lightness of being when this happens. Or an incredible hit to the head.

Yeah. A dope slap may be in order. Well, that was a doozy. Ashley it says here it was a used Saab 900. That means Fred's wife must have spent like 15k to buy him that car for his birthday right? Geez. Alright well do you suppose Fred actually fessed up and admitted to his wife that he hated the car?

Well we're gonna ask him. Fred are you there? Yeah I am. Now Fred before we hear your answer do you attest that no one here at Car Talk or National Public Radio or the Chrysler Corporation have offered you any gifts or help with alimony payments in exchange for your response here today on Stump the Love Chumps? I agree, I agree. You attest.

I have. We're not going to even ask you what your real name is, Fred. You wouldn't get it out of me. We wouldn't get it out of you. So there's the car, there's your wife, there's the ribbon. I even ask you what your real name is, Fred. You wouldn't get it out of me. We wouldn't get it out of you. So there's the car, there's your wife, there's the ribbon. What happened? What'd you do?

I have the worst of both worlds at this point because I made the first mistake of ignoring your advice and saying to myself, you know, if I just suck it up and act like a nice guy and just continue to be very excited about this car or act that way, maybe I can get with with this and just sort of put the problem behind me and just... Fred! Fred! Now that was my plan until I actually started hearing from many of my friends many more than I ever thought listened to car talk... Oh they heard the call and recognized your voice! Hello Fred from Hartford. Ah! Hahahaha! Oh Fred. And the real problem is my next door neighbor is the first one who called me.

So the problem is not just a business associate or somebody else, it's a joint friend of ours who now knows the secret and so they're closing in on me and now I've really got a quandary on my hands. Well first of all what's happened I guess is that your wife is obviously now knows what's going on, right? She does not. No, she doesn't know yet. I'll tell you, but it's any day now.

It's any day now. But everyone else that you do business with and you associate with, except for your wife, knows you're a sleazeball. Exactly. Oh, you might as well join a monastery. But wait a minute now, I don't think that should be a wah-wah-wah-wah. I mean, he didn't follow our advice. I did not follow your advice.

He did not follow our advice. And now I'm twice as terrified because I could have probably gone to her after we talked the first time and told her about it, but now that there's so many people just waiting for me to tell her or waiting to talk to her. Somebody's gonna spill it. Aw, Fred, Fred, Fred, whatever your name is. This is a, what are we gonna do now? We're not gonna do anything!

We're alright! Right, you don't care, you don't want our advice, obviously you didn't care about it the first time! No, but I'd like to come stay with you guys after I tell her about it. You can stay at my house, I'll understand. Yeah, you can use the garage, he won't be using it for a few weeks, he's been allowed back in the house. I better wait till spring then.

Good luck to you Fred. Alright. Thanks for letting us call you back. Alright guys, bye bye. He's in trouble. Oh boy. Wouldn't you love to be a fly on the wall when that all comes out, huh? Well, you've squandered another perfectly good hour listening to Car Talk.

I have? Our esteemed producer is Doug the Subway Fugitive, not a slave to fashion, we know that. Berman, our associate producer and dean of the College of Automusicology is Ken Babyface Rogers. Our assistant producer is Katherine Cathode Ray. Our engineer is Karen Given. And our technical advisor is Mr. John Bugsy Milk Carton Man Lawler, who happens to be with us today. Yes, he is.

Yes, lending his support, or supporting that wall, or something. I don't know. The Stump the Chumps theme is by BJ Lederman. Our public opinion pollster is Paul Murky of Murky Research, assisted by statistician Marge Inovera. Our director of new product repair is Warranty My Foot. Our staff partner from the Car Talk Bombay Division is Mahatma Kote. Our head of used car purchasing is You Will Be Hoofin' It.

Our marriage counselor is Marion Haste and the manager of our weekly shrimp buffet is Sheldon Devanes. The curator of Tom's Car Collection is Rex Galore. Our director of listener support is Oh Noah Fun Drive. Our director of country music is Stan Byerman. Our director of cold weather starting is Martina Never Turnover. Of course our chief counselor from the law firm of Dewey Cheathman Howe is Hugh Louis Dewewey, known around the square as you Louie Dewey. Thanks so much for listening. Rip, Lick and Clack the Tappert Brothers and Don't Drive Like My Brother. And Don't Drive Like My Brother.

We'll be back next week. Bye bye. If you want a copy of this show and cassette, it's show number 7, The Valentine's Day Show, and you can get it on the World Wide Web by clicking on the Shameless Commerce Division of CarTalk.com, or you can call and order a copy at 303-823-8000. You can also order other stuff like the best of CarTalk CDs, cassettes, and junk like that the same way. Either click on the Shameless Commerce Division of CarTalk.com or call directly at 303-823-8000.

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