The Best of Car Talk - #2485: Men Really Are from Mars After All

Episode Date: October 22, 2024

Deb, Donna, Phil and Russell are waiting on hold for car advice, but Click and Clack just have to share a piece of further proof that Men and Women are truly creatures of different planets. All that and a new Puzzler on this episode of the Best of Car Talk.Get access to hundreds of episodes in the Car Talk archive when you sign up for Car Talk+ at plus.npr.org/cartalkLearn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

When voters talk during an election season, we listen. We ask questions, we follow up, and we bring you along to hear what we learned. Get closer to the issues, the people, and your vote at the NPR Elections Hub. Visit npr.org slash elections. Hello and welcome to Car Talk from National Public Radio with us, Cliff and Clack the Tappert Brothers, and we're broadcasting this week from the Center for the Miracles of Modern Science here at Car Talk Plaza. This just in from our buddies at The Onion. The title is, Scientists Discovered Third Cindy Crawford Facial Expression.

Cambridge, Mass. The international scientific and high fashion communities were rocked Monday by the discovery of a third facial expression on high-profile supermodel Cindy Crawford. The new expression, a slight variation on one of the two previously known Crawford faces, had existed only as a computer-generated theoretical construct until Monday, when a team of MIT scientists definitively proved its existence. MIT research heads Dr. Roland Eisenhoutz and Dr. Deng Mo Pan discovered the expression after meticulously sifting through over 75,000 photographs of Crawford.

The finding confirmed a 1991 theory developed by Stanford researcher Milton Standish, who after exhaustive computer analysis of Crawford's facial musculature postulated the existence of a third latent expression hidden behind... Whoa! Wait, I got... I did it on page 15. Croft's two previously known facial expressions, the sexy winning smile, a dazzling white toothed grin conveying confidence and sass, and the equally alluring sultry glance, a smoky heavy-lidded variation on the across-the-room stare, are well known within scientific circles for their ability to stop men dead in their tracks.

The existence of a third expression, however, has until now been limited to mere conjecture. MIT scientists described the new expression as similar to Crawford's regular smile but with subtle differences caused by subatomic traces of sincerity, modesty, humility and depth that may go unnoticed by the layman. Wow, isn't that good? If you want to talk to us about your car. Or about Cindy Crawford. Or facial expressions, you can call us at 1-800-332-9287. Hello, you're on Car Talk. This is Deb Baker Hall, and I live in Hudson, Ohio. Hudson?

Deb Baker Hall. Right. What's up? Well, I have a weather-related problem with my car. When the temperature is 35 or or below uh... in my car white uh... if i have not traveled uh... far enough or long enough for the car to work a little bit won't go out

and he here that's a big problem the lights won't go out now they won't go out but all you know we live in a small town so a trip to the grocery store takes three minutes, or a trip to get the kids to a sporting event or to school takes three minutes, but my car, it's not warm enough. When I get there, then my car lights won't turn out.

So these three minute trips turn into 15 minute tours so that my car, or 20 minute tours, so that my car will then be warm enough that when I arrive I can turn the lights off and they'll actually go off But what if you what if you just leave the car and walk away? How long will the lights stay on forever? Or until the battery or until the battery dies exactly yeah, what kind of a car is it? It's an 89 Ford Taurus, and that's the problem to my this happened started last winter and my husband kept saying well i'm not

gonna pay to get it fact because we're gonna replace it well then i just continued to drive it off the i have a dream goal for this car that it will reach a hundred thirty three thousand miles before i get it one thirty three yes there's some magic to that no well i think it came to me at the end of a meditation period much like the name of acidophilus Oh, oh me honest be ava dose. Yeah. Yes. Yes I have that in my yogurt Just woke up out of a trance and say you saw

133,000 is the magic number for this car Or just below 116 so we're within striking zone. You are. Yeah. Does this car have the headlight sentinel thing? Yes, it does. Oh, it does? Yeah.

Oh, break it. Break it? Yeah. Hit it with a hammer. Will that do it? I think so. Yeah. Well, gee, I hadn't thought about that.

I think the timer in that sentinel thing is wacko and so it's Can you turn it off? Have you tried turning it off turned it off and I flipped that whole thing and and you know messed around with it We thought that was it for a while and then I had a theory that it had to do with how hard you how hard you Slammed the car door That would actually happen It's a's a loose fuse or something. Whatever. Well I think you should take it into your dealership or your local garage

and have them pull that switch apart. This is not going to be terribly expensive. Okay, and so that will just... If anything, tell them to bypass the headlight sentinel deal. It's a stupid thing anyway. You just tell tell them to bypass the headlight sentinel deal Stupid thing. Yeah, alternatively you could just have them extract the switch from the dashboard And leave it hanging down on the floor My personality to have a car that looks like that it's nice to have wires hanging down

We had a guy that worked for us that had put an engine into a pickup truck and he purposely removed all of the switches from the vehicle. Uh-huh. I like that. And it had basically about a hundred wires just hanging under the dash and when he wanted to start it, he and he alone knew which wires to connect to get it to start, to get the radio to work, to get the blower to work. Right? I like it. Yeah, to get the radio to work, to get the blower to work. Right? I like it.

Yeah, well it's nice. I have to tell you that having wires hanging down from the dashboard changes your entire life. It's that you have a whole new perspective on what's important in life. That's why I keep hearkening back to my 87 Cold Vista and how liberating and life altering it has been. There's no question about it. I mean, people who are worried about their cars, someone's gonna scratch it. Scrape a fender? No problem. They won't let you smoke a cigar in it. I mean what the heck?

Well, now the cigar might be an issue. Oh no, there's nothing like a good cigar. But when you got wires hanging down. But there's way too much food in my car. Food is good too. Pizza boxes in the back are good. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Come on. Everyone was looking for perfection. Lighten up.

I've given that up. Good for you, Deb. Let the switch just dangle. And then unplug it and plug it in, and you won't have any problem with your headlights. All right. That sounds like a good plan. See you, Deb.

And good luck on your trek toward 133. I will think 133. Thank you. Let us know when you get there. Okay. Magic number. See ya, bye bye. 1-800-332-9287.

Hello, you're on Car Talk. Hey. Hey. How you doing, guys? Good, who's this? This is Russell calling you from A-RAB, Alabama. A-RAB? A-RAB, that's right. It's spelled arabic

but pronounced a rabbit it has nothing to do with nomadic people of the desert it was uh... it was a mistake of what it was really a rap yeah that you want to hear how the mistake absolutely i'm going to hear from us probably at late eighteen hundred the area was being uh... uh... was

being settled uh... chief honcho whose name was puddle thompson how do you like that uh... to uh... washington to do the next and doing the necessary paperwork to get a post office

and he was instructed to submit three names and they would choose one for the name of the town. Washington's always in charge you know. He submitted and don't ask me now why he would have submitted ink INK but that was one of them. Bird, B-I-R-D and A-rad with a D on the end which was the name of his youngest son. Washington either thought that somebody had made a mistake so they corrected it and it all the paperwork came back ARAB and Tuttle said oh to heck with it is close enough. So it's been ARAB ever since. Thank you so much for this little glimpse into our history of Alabama. Wasn't that exciting? Yeah I think it's... No, it wasn't that exciting.

It was great. What's up Russell? Well I have a 1986 Escort diesel powered. Do you really? Yes, I really do. One of two sold in the United States. But I'll bet you one thing, I'll bet you they're both still running i can vouch for one it uh... it has all the bells and whistles for an escort uh... although it's a standard uh... transmission has air conditioning as many five thousand miles on it

everything goes fine now however every once in a while and i cannot figure any relationship to weather or speed or anything, but as I'm driving along it makes a clicking sound like this. Click, click, click, click, and so forth. I can't make it click any faster or any slower, it just does it and then later another time it won't do it at all like yesterday it won't get that was i drove it a good bit it is not going click click any idea where the sound is coming from well i think that it's coming from either under the dashboard or right against the

firewall in the engine compartment will do it with the key on but the engine off? No. No. OK, so you have to have the engine running. The engine has to be running. Now, I wonder if there could be a connection between this phenomenon and the fact that my air conditioning doesn't work.

Ah. Ah-ha. Maybe. Maybe, huh? I like it. Do you? When this is making the noise, is the air conditioning on or off? Oh, no, it's off. Makes no difference. I don't bother to turn it on.

You don't turn it on anymore. No. Because it doesn't work, so why turn it on? That's right. That's too bad. Because that's the sound that the clutch would make. Ah, the clutch. If it were trying to engage but couldn't. Yeah, but you don't mean the clutch would make. Ah, the clutch. If it were trying to engage but couldn't. Yeah, but you don't mean the clutch. No, no, I mean the compressor clutch. The compressor has a clutch built into it that's operated electrically

so that when you turn the air conditioner on, the belt, which had just been turning the pulley, can now turn the compressor when this clutch engages. Otherwise, the thing would be, the compressor would be running all the time. And when this clutch engages. Otherwise the thing would be, the compressor would be running all the time. And when that clutch engages, there's a characteristic click sound. Goop. Goop. Yeah.

So if it were trying to get in and couldn't, it would go, goop. Goop. Goop. Goop. Which would explain also why it doesn't happen when the key is off. Yeah. Have you, you said you haven't noticed any correlation between this sound and anything else. Nothing else. But, is it possible there's a correlation between this sound and when you have the defroster on? I doubt it very seriously,

cause I noticed it. You're no fun Russell. No, I tell ya. I'm not gonna let you off. That would be really, really really good because that would really definitely it that would be so good because even if you've got the air conditioner turned off yeah when the when you put the defroster on the air conditioner automatically kicks in at least tries to kick in. At least tries to kick in.

Wheeee! The next time it does it. Yes sir. Pull over. Yeah. Throw open the hood. Yeah. Get out your flashlight and see and look down and you'll find where the belt goes around the compressor. Yeah. And see if you can hear anything clicking from that area and you actually may see the clutch moving. Moving. It moves a fraction of an inch. Okay and this would be at the front of the compressor. Of course the engine may be in there sideways I don't know. The engine is in there sideways. Okay. Well you haven't opened the hood in all these years. You never looked. 11 years the guy hasn't opened the hood. It's a diesel.

This is a running machine. That's good. That's great. I mean, if you don't notice the sound coming from the compressor, then you might want to just feel along the firewall. There may be some relays attached to the firewall. You can just put your hand on them and figure out which one is making the click, and then you can go and get your wiring diagram out, which I'm sure you have for this thing, and find out what that relay is. And wouldn't that be a red-letter day?

I tell you, that would make a headline in the ARAB Tribune. Well, let us know how you make out, Russell. And thanks a million for sharing the history of ARAB with us. Thank you so much. See you. Bye-bye. Hey, hey, the puzzler answer and more calls are coming up right after this.

Today, the puzzler answer and more calls are coming up right after this. This message comes from WISE, the app for doing things in other currencies. Send, spend, or receive money internationally and always get the real-time mid-market exchange rate with no hidden fees. Download the WISE app today or visit wise.com, T's and C's apply. It's a high stakes election year, so it's not enough to just follow along. You need to understand what's happening so you are fully informed come November. Every weekday on the NPR Politics Podcast, our political reporters break down important stories and backstories from the campaign trail so you understand why it matters to you? Listen to the NPR Politics Podcast

wherever you get your podcasts. This election season, you can expect to hear a lot of news, some of it meaningful, much of it not. Give the Up First podcast 15 minutes, sometimes a little less, and we'll help you sort it out, what's going on around the world and at home. Three stories, 15 minutes, up first every day. Listen every morning wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey, if you enjoy the best of CarTalk podcasts, you should try out NPR+. With NPR+, you'll get access to the CarTalk archives and other perks across more than 20 of NPR's most popular podcasts. Give a little and get a lot in return. Good deal, huh? Visit plus.npr.org. Oh look, I know it's time for the Puzzler and I know you know it. I do know it because who's right there? Katherine and she has telepathically told me that it has something to do with numbers.

Yes. An addition of numbers in Sam's. There you go. Here it is. I'll paint the scene. There I was sitting at the counter at Sam's Luncheonette in our fair city, having almost recovered from my last meal there. The sky had been angry that day.

How often can you actually go there and still live? Oh, I go all the time. Every day? If you don't go every day, you're in trouble. Yeah, if your body like forgets, it's like arsenic. Exactly. You miss a couple of days, you die. You can't go back.

The sky had been angry that day, but it was clearing with faint wisps, white wisps, clinging desperately to what promised to be a blazing blue sky. Yeah. And there I was spilling egg on my shirt and I noticed a woman and his son sitting next to me at the counter apparently doing his arithmetic homework and they're adding up a bunch of numbers with decimals. I'll give you the numbers, get the pencil. I got a pencil. 6.2, yeah 1.1. Wait, my pen doesn't work pencil 6.2 yeah 1.1 my pen doesn't work 6.2 1.1 2.2 2.2 and 3.2 3.2 2267 56 I get 12.7 haha you do and she didn't write she got like 14.7 14.1 I was about to butt in and point out that they had made a mistake in adding up the numbers

But just then they got up to leave and put on their hats and coats hats hats and coats And I realized that they had not made a mistake why was 14.1 a perfectly legitimate answer well I mean my first thought what it was it was not base 10. Right. Well... Except... Except what base is it? It would have to be base...

If there's a 1 here where I think there should be a 7, that means it should be base 6. But one of the numbers was a 6, and we know there's no 6 in base 6. No. So, it ain't base 6. Well, it's base 3 on the right side of the decimal point. And it's base 10 on the other side. Ha ha ha ha ha! Well, what kind of stupid addition is that?

Baseball addition. Baseball? They're adding up innings pitched, OK? Where 3.1 is 3 and a third innings. 3.3 is four innings. Oh my god. Oh my god. God, so this is innings.

So I got four, five, six, seven. Seven thirds is one and one left over. Seven thirds? Two and one left over, rather. Two innings and one left over. Seven thirds? Two and one left over, rather. Two innings and one left over. Comes out to 14.1. And the hint was, of course, the hats. Ah!

When I saw them put on their baseball hats, I knew that they were having breakfast in anticipation of going to, they were having their breakfast and they were about to go to a baseball game that he was playing in perhaps. Wow. Pretty good, huh? Okay, okay.

I can tell you're not thrilled with this. Okay, well. Yeah, well. I did my best. No, I mean it is good. No, it isn't. No, you don't like it? I happen to think it was cute and Dougie thought it was good.

Catherine, Karen. Ask me if we have a winner. Do we have a winner, Tommy? Who cares? Yes, we have a winner and the winner is Tom Horn from Portland, Oregon. Yes. And for having his correct answer chosen at random, as you know we do this at random, we take all the correct answers, we put him in a big hat, we throw Dougie in there, he

comes out with one between his teeth and that's the winner. And Tom, because he was the one who's winning entry was chosen We'll get a CD copy of the second best Second best of car talk which has once again made the Consumer Reports annual list of audio products to avoid be dangerous Anyway, we have a new puzzler not automotive good well this. Well, this one wasn't automotive either, not baseball related. Good. Coming up during the second half of Car Talk. In the meantime, if you'd like to call us, the number is 1-800-332-9287.

Hello you're on Car Talk. Hi, this is Donna from Grand Forks, North Dakota. Where are you from? Grand Forks, North Dakota. Have you ever been up here? No thanks. No thanks. Don't come in January.

Don't come in March. Yeah, I know. I mean, I don't have anything. Don't come in January. Don't come in March. Yeah, I don't have anything against North Dakota, but I don't want to be there. Well, well, you know me neither, but here we are. Here we are. Grand Forks, is this like the culinary capital of North Dakota? Oh, absolutely. Right down the street from, let's see, Super Spoons and Marvelous Knives.

That's where we are, Grand Forks. So, what's up,na? well the problem is it's kind of a weird problem it's kind of a uh... it's a twenty year problem uh... my husband drives this car it's a nineteen seventy seven dodge aspen this year is its twentieth year does he still own any bell bottom pants uh... well we'll say none that fit.

None that fit, but he still has them. But he hasn't thrown them away. You've got him pegged. I mean, this guy cannot get rid of anything, and this car is top of the list. What does he do for a living? Well, he's an administrator at the University of North Dakota. Oh. Yeah, so it's kind of a status symbol, I guess.

Yeah, yeah, it's's kind of a status symbol I guess. Yeah, it's equivalent to being an accountant. Anyway, the problem is the car is wonderful. It starts every day. I mean it's really, really cold here. We've had seven blizzards this year. This car starts every morning without fail. It's almost like he gloats about it. My car sometimes has to be jump-started his car goes like a breeze it starts up easily because it no longer has any compression it's easy to turn over the thing is the thing is an eyesore it's

embarrassing i mean it's he came home i mean this is sad he came home last uh probably last fall gleefully showing me that now they make duct tape in white now his car is white so he can duct tape the holes up on this car okay last summer the neighborhood kids wanted to wash the car he said oh no you can't do that it won't know they may wash away some vital components. It's very sad. As you know I'm the proud owner of a 63 Dodge Dart. And I too, I mean, the coldest days of the year, Bill, I turn that key and that baby starts up every single time.

When you go out there at noontime and start the car, that doesn't really qualify as the coldest day of the year. It's warmed up from like nine degrees to 19 degrees. No, no, there have been situations when my car has been behind my wife's car and I had to back out so she could go to work. Exactly. And the thing started right up. It's pathetic. It can be sitting under a pile of snow for a week and then it starts up. They start great. They're good at starting. You know, the thing, last winter I thought maybe I was going to get somewhere because he came home

one day told me i think this is the end of the aft and i'm trying not to jump up and down for joy but i have like what cylinder that isn't working anymore and he told me it was on the thousand dollars to rebuild the cylinder well you know we know it wasn't worth it with this this fall this summer i guess last summer we had some a big hailstorm he had been i mean i couldn't do that he had the nerve

to take the car the insurance company and get some money for hail damage to this car i'm thinking how do you get hail damage on a car when the hail falls through the halls you know what they told him well we can't we can't give you more than half the value of the car so all we can give you is $200. Which is 50 bucks. They did, eh?

They gave me. Yeah, they gave you money. Well, your curse, Donna, is that you are married to an inveterate chiseler. Yeah. And I don't think there's anything you can do about it. However, I would recommend that you see if you can get some people from the art department of the university to take this as an art project. I remember some years ago I was in Provincetown on Cape Cod and I saw a car that had it was an old jalopy

Yes, that they had taken and and covered with Epoxy cement. Uh-huh and to that epoxy they had a fixed seashells Beach sand. Yeah, so they covered the whole car with beach sand and sea shells and seaweed. Wow. It was kinda neat lookin'. Boy, it would certainly be a boost for his image, you know? And mine.

I mean, I had to drive the car a couple weeks ago when mine was in the shop. This is what predicated my phone call. I actually had to drive the car. And you were embarrassed. Oh, I was taking all the back roads, I was trying to drive at night. I mean, i was i was i was taking all the back roads i was trying to drive at night and you know it was a little bit humiliating

uh... come on don't know you know you don't dark glasses glasses and i have yet had i didn't know where your husband don't worry it'll run on five cylinders just like for how long forever longer than well you know it's a bit don't just keep driving. I think it's wonderful that he's still driving.

You think so? Yes. Because I think the world has become too enamored of perfection. Oh, really? And I think it's nice that once in a while someone is willing to cast aside the chains of perfection and just live the way it is, you know? So I should celebrate this, huh? Well, you don't have to embrace perfection to want to get rid of it.

My point, exactly. This car is downright ugly. I really think your only hope is to get some art students to come and fix this car up and make it, if nothing else, the talk of the town. I like it. Go for it, Donna. Thank, the talk of the town. I like it. Go for it, Donna. Thank you. See you later. Thanks for calling and give my best to your husband. Thank you. Loosen the plug on the oil pan and drain the oil out. When it throws a rod, he won't fix it. See ya. Don't go anywhere. Stick around for more calls and the new puzzler

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On the Code Switch Podcast, we're taking a look at why. Why are so many books suddenly considered so dangerous to kids? Listen to our new series on the Code Switch Podcast from MBO. We're back. You're listening to Car Talk on National Public Radio with us, Click and Clack the Tampered Brothers and we're here to discuss cars, car repair, and creative writing 101. I mean, this is a perfect example of why the whole world is hopeless. It's hopeless.

This is presumably real from SMU, in class assignment for Wednesday. Today we'll experiment with a new form called the tandem story. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and add another paragraph to the story. Then the first person will add a third paragraph and so on back and forth, okay? Yeah. Come on, come on, do our show. Yeah, exactly. Here we go. First, the first person writes,

at first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said in happier times that he liked chamomile, but she felt she must now at all costs keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again So chamomile was out of the question Okay, so she'll fire so good

She hands us over to the guy next door to butch the guy sitting next door meanwhile advanced sergeant Carl Harris leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4 Harris, leader of the attack squadron, now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neurosis of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie, with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. A.S. Harris to Geostation 17, he said into his transgalactic communicator, polar orbit established, no sign of resistance so far. But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere

and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit. Hands it back to Earth. He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon IV. "'Congress passes law, permanently abolishing war and space travel,' Laurie read in her

newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window dreaming of her youth when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her. Back to him. Little did she know she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city the Anu-Udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. This goes on and on but it's hopeless isn't it? Well that pairing is certainly hopeless. I wonder how unlike most communication, even between husband and wife, I mean, your wife is talking, I think I'll have chamomile tea, meanwhile, master such. Well, it just proves that most people are in their own world.

Isn't it the truth? And they don't want to be in yours. Wow. Lithium, what was that? Lithium fusion missiles. I like them. Little did she know she had less than 10 seconds to live. Those lithium fusion missiles will be raining down upon her.

Okay, so while talking about lithium fusion missiles, it's time for the new puzzler.ler Yeah, go man. This is short because your thing was really long. I'm sorry. I I've had to pare this down so to speak Sure, I'm sure you have what do the following men? Oh, yeah have in common Yeah, who are they you get your pencil and write? I got it last week's puzzle required a pencil So does this one? Yeah, Ulysses S. Grant. U.S. Grant. Got him? Rudyard Kipling. Woodrow Wilson. Grover Cleveland.

And Calvin Coolidge. Now I know they're all dead. I got it. They were all presidents of the United States. Close. Except for that Wilson guy. I'll give you the list again. Ulysses S. Grant, Rudyard Kipling, Woodrow Wilson, Grover Cleveland, and Calvin Coolidge. So if you think you know the answer. What do they have in common? Other

than the fact that they're all dead. That they're all dead and of course they were all famous. We know that too her all famous gonna be something a little more Yeah, you know important. Well not much more important actually a little less obvious. Yeah Yeah Anyway, if you think you know the answer send it to us at puzzler tower Cartok Plaza box 3500 Harvard Square Cambridge our fair city ma zero two two three eight Or you can email us your answer from cartalk.com by clicking on the Talk to Car Talk section.

Yeah. And we choose your puzzler, we choose your answer, da da da da da da da da da. And if we choose your answer, da da da da da da da da. Yeah, you'll win something. You might win something, it'll be useless, so what do you care anyway? Yeah, and we abide by all the FCC regulations and all that.

Of course, because he's our buddy isn't he what's his name? Reed hunt yeah chairperson of the FCC yes called us up and told us to shape up our ship out And we had to promise to be good boys, and we've been good Reed We're doing good job, huh? We'd like to call us with a question about your car, the number is 1-800-332-9287. Hello, you're on Car Talk. Hey, gentlemen, this is Phil from Ambler, Pennsylvania. How you doing?

Hi, Phil. How are you? I'm fine. Where? Ambler? What? Where, Pennsylvania? Ambler, Pennsylvania.

I thought you said Amway? Nah. Ambler. Ambler. Ambler. I didn't know Ambler had bought an entire city. I wish they would say that it better so what's up what's going on filled up

gentleman you are expert in all matters of the heart and you're expert in all things automotive and i think that make you uniquely qualified and take care of a problem for me i hope so now to to or do you be disappointed if we don't yet my wife is extremely sensitive to every noise that a car can make in every vibration she feels in the car

who is very paranoid about car breaking down probably at night probably out of state probably with our two daughters aboard and all the evil society sending a punter yes and here behind the wheel of that seventy eight volari okay that if you read it he was married to an auto mechanic her car would be in top-notch condition And she would never have to worry about these things And before she runs off with a guy from the corner station. Yeah, I want you to prove her wrong or

You need only talk to my wife, okay? I believe that all wives of auto mechanics are driving around in bombs with duct tape in the back Well, I mean the old theory about the cobbler's son and all that stuff. Jeez. Here's the problem that I have. Yeah? At least according to my wife. And I think she's wrong about this.

But my wife, too, is very sensitive to noises, vibrations, and other things. Is this the problem of the week, or this an ongoing? This is ongoing. This is one of the ten thousand problems. Yeah I know. Yeah but she claims that I don't... how do you say it? I don't take her opinion seriously enough. She says to me something is wrong with the car and I say what she says doesn't seem to be going good and I say what does that mean and she says well I don't know and I say okay and then I leave I say next time I drive it I'll see if I notice and then he drives it and he notices nothing, and then Joanne calls me and asks me to take it for a ride.

And if I notice nothing wrong, she says, okay, I guess I was just imagining something and that's the end of it. Yeah, right. More often than not, I agree with her though, there's something wrong with the car. No, not, more often than not, she's right. Even when you say you don't find anything wrong with it because I think the problem is this as as sensitive as we are being men of the 90s we will never be as sensitive as women we can't do it we don't know how to do it and so they probably have some inner force that is helping them to

diagnose things or at least to know that something is wrong, then we will ever be able to do. Right, but if she dumped me and married an auto mechanic, she wouldn't get anybody listening to her any better, would she? Well, no, no, she might not. Oh, that was the question, wasn't it? Yeah, that was the question. Oh yeah, I forgot.

Yeah. Well, I mean, does this guy have a boat? Maybe that's the overriding reason she's dumping you I mean I remember when my wife drove her 76 Volvo wagon, which I helped her pick out and No, it was a couple years ago and she drove this car for many years and she kept complaining about various things And I of course kept saying hon just keep driving it. these are Volvo. Volvo's don't break down. Until finally I by some mistake drove the car and it died in the middle of Mass Ave and Harvard Square and smoke poured out of it. People came and pulled me out of the car. This was after we had just worked on it. And

she finally, you know, she was very diplomatic I should say about it. She said, nut condescending. I guess I was right, huh? Bozo. So back to the question though, will your wife be driving a safer car if she's married to a mechanic? Ask, what does your wife say? Well, she, my wife used to call the shop and disguise her voice to make appointments to get her car fixed. She'd try like a Romanian accent. Who was the lady that always played in those,

Maria Ospenskiya, this is Maria, I need to have my car fixed. Dracula will come visit you. But no, my wife never had an unsafe car. I always made sure that when she drove her car with the children in it, it was always safe. Okay. Good luck, man.

Thank you, gentlemen. See ya. Bye. Bye. Well, you've wasted an otherwise perfectly good hour listening to Car Talk. Our esteemed producer is Doug the Subway Fugitive, not a slave to Fashion Berman, our associate producer and Dean of the College of Automusicology is Ken Babyface Rogers, our assistant producer is Katherine Cathode-Ray, our engineer is Karen Given,

and our technical advisor, wrapping up the leftovers at Spring Free Lunch Training in Florida, is John Bugsy Milk Carton Man Lawler. Our public opinion pollster is Paul Murky of Murky Research, assisted by statistician Marginal Vera. Our director of new product repair is Warranty Myfoot. Our director of staff pay increases is Xavier Breath. Our staff butler from the Car Talk Bombay Division is Mahatma Coat.

Our marriage counselor is Marion Haste. Our head of used car purchasing is Yule B. Hoofnett. Our behavior consultant is Wyatt B. Hoofzier our secretary of state is Madeline air brake the manager of our weekly shrimp buffet is Sheldon Devane the curator of Tom's car collection is Rex Galore our director of speed bumps is Salome Dalmolosevich and the manager of automotive accessories is Francis Ford cup holder our chief counsel from the law firm of Dewey Chidham and Howe is you Louis Dewey known around the square is you Louis Dewey thanks so much for and Howe, Izzy Lewis Dewey, known around the square as You and Louie Dewey.

Thanks so much for listening. We're Click and Clack the Tampa Brothers. And remember, don't drive like my brother. Don't drive like my brother. We'll be back next week. Bye bye. And now, with an important announcement, here is Car Talk Plaza's chief mechanic, Vinnie Gubbaz. Hey, if you're just wanting a Car Talk junk, you know, like cassette CDs and t-shirts and stuff, and you just want to copy this show on cassette show number 12, here's what you do, all right?

You go to cartalk.com or the World Wide Web and click on the Shameless Commerce Division, or you pick up your telephone, you know, and you call 303. That's 303-823-8000. That's 303-823-8000. That's 303-823-8000 and nobody gets hurt. Thanks a lot. Car Talk is a production of Dewey, Cheetah & Howe and WBUR in Boston. And even though clone sheep give each other perplexed looks when they hear us say it, this is NPR National Public Radio.

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