The Best of Car Talk - #25101: Diana's Dodge Biohazard

Episode Date: December 20, 2025

Diana’s dyin’ to ditch her Dodge unless our dummies can decode her dilemma: a smell so bad that it almost defies description. Hold your nose and open your ears for this episode of the Best of Car ...Talk.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

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Starting point is 00:00:00 On the season finale of books we've loved, we're hanging out with four friends, looking for love in all the wrong places. We are revisiting Terry McMillan's Weeding to Exhale with Brittany Luce from It's Been a Minute. Find all episodes of books we've loved on NPR's Book of the Day podcast feed on the NPR app or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, it's Ray Maliazzi here. You know, somehow we are almost to the end of 2025. and there were times when it felt like this year would never end, right? And I'm not going to lie, it has been a tough year for NPR and for local stations. But despite the loss of federal funding for public media, despite attacks on the free press,
Starting point is 00:00:42 we are still here for you, and we will not shy away from exercising the critical right to editorial independence guaranteed by the First Amendment. And with your support, we will not be silent. NPR will keep reporting the news without fear or favor. and here at the best of Car Talk, we will keep bringing you the same questionable car advice that you've come to expect all these years. Now, if you are already a Car Talk Plus supporter, thank you so much. We see you, and we're so grateful for your support.
Starting point is 00:01:11 If not, please join the community of public radio supporters right now before the end of the year at plus.npr.org. Signing up unlocks a bunch of perks like bonus episodes and more from across NPR's podcasts. Plus, you get to feel good about supporting public media while you listen. End the year on a high note and invest in a public service that matters to you. Visit plus.npr.org today. Thanks. National Public Radio with us click and clack to Tapit Brothers, and we're broadcasting this week from the center for deep thinking here at Karatok Plaza.
Starting point is 00:02:01 My brother has some deep thoughts to share. Well, I wish I knew who sent us this, but here it is. It says life's challenges can seem almost insurmountable at times. Indeed. And things appear to be getting not only harder but weirer as well. One might normally seek inspiration and turn to the Bible, the Koran, the Bhagavad Gita, the Daudu Jing. But sometimes even they are not enough. That's when you need the wisdom of supermodels.
Starting point is 00:02:30 Okay. It has here three pages of wisdom. For example. Are you going to tell us... I'm going to give you a couple of samples. From whom these quotes come? Yeah, I mean, these are evidently, I presume, I hope we won't be insulting anybody. But, I mean, it's given to us, and we think it's correct.
Starting point is 00:02:49 Here's some wisdom from Kathy Ireland. Because modeling is lucrative. I'm able to save up and be more particular about the acting roles I take. And Kathy has starred in such things as The Alien from L.A. and Danger Island. Hey, the alien from L.A. was pretty good, man. Beverly Johnson, whom I...
Starting point is 00:03:11 Well, it wasn't good the first time I saw it. But by the third time... Well, then you start to get the deeper meanings. Exactly, exactly. You watch it two or three times. Yeah. Beverly Johnson, whom I don't know, but evidently another supermodel,
Starting point is 00:03:23 she has some words on poverty. Everyone should have enough money to get plastic surgery. Whether you need it or not. Carol Mallory, whom I also don't know, on self-knowledge. You know, it's important to know yourself.
Starting point is 00:03:39 Everywhere I went, my cleavage followed. But I learned I am not my cleavage. Well, she may be wrong about that. There's some serious stuff here. There's one from Linda Evangelista I don't know her either and she discusses
Starting point is 00:03:56 economics I don't even wake up for less than $10,000 a day yeah me too that's why I never wake us but the wisdom of this maybe we can have some other little
Starting point is 00:04:08 wisdom of automobile mechanics for example wisdom of there are lots of possibilities well we have when the Bhagavai Gita doesn't do it for you dispense that from time to time things like it's going to cost you
Starting point is 00:04:18 if that's what it is it's going to cost you 100 bucks if that's what it is I mean things like that actually put that on a brass plate and mailed it to me. Just so I would never forget that I said it. It's going to cost you $200 no matter what it is, if that's what it is. If you want to talk to us about what it is, the number is 1-888-Cart Talk. That's 888-227-8255.
Starting point is 00:04:46 Hello, you're on Car Talk. Hi, this is Elizabeth in Arcata, California. Hi, Elizabeth. How are you? I'm doing well, thank you. How are you? Where's Arcada? Arcada is on the Pacific Ocean, way up north, about as north as you can, well, almost as you can go.
Starting point is 00:05:01 Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. I've never been there. Yes. Oh. You're Eureka? Yes. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:07 A little bit north of Eureka, actually. Yeah. Okay. Well, I have a problem. If you were lost, if you were lost and you were trying to get to Arcata, when you found it, would you say Eureka? No, you say Arcada. I know that was coming. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:05:25 What's up, Elizabeth? Well, my problem is both social and automotive. Arcata is a college town with 15,000 residents, 7,300 of whom attend Humboldt State. Okay? I'm one of these 7,300. Yeah. Okay, I have a 7 o'clock math class.
Starting point is 00:05:46 A.M? Yeah. It's pretty bad. Pre-calculate. at 7 o'clock. So when I go out to get in my car, it's usually dark. It's very foggy. And being a college town, everyone's still asleep until I drive by. Because you need a muffler. No, it's not my muffler. Well, I don't think so. But like when I, okay, I go a block and then I turn. And then after about another block, it starts, and it sounds like crickets at first. And then it gets a
Starting point is 00:06:16 little louder and when I roll down my windows it sounds like but it stops at a stop sign and then it'll start again oh really so it only happens when you're in motion um yes only in motion so then when i turn to go north on g street it stops but then it starts again when i go wet street the letter g yes how many just out of curiosity is this a big big big town no it's very small. I mean, they couldn't be more imaginative than to name a street with a letter? Well, I mean, I'm just curious. I don't know. I mean, you know, they might as well just number them. Maybe they just didn't want to think about it. Maybe. It's California, you know. They're laid back. They're laid back. Yeah. What do we name the streets? Anything you want, man.
Starting point is 00:07:04 I don't care. I mean, you just name them, man. I don't care. Right. That sounds okay to me. All right. So you're on G Street. I'm on G Street. Yeah. And it stops and it's quiet. And then I turn right on 14th Street going north. 14th Street. And it starts again. Is this a big town? Yeah. I don't know what to do.
Starting point is 00:07:25 I'm at a total loss. Well, is there any chance that you might flunk out of this class? No, this is pre-calculus. She's going to flunk out of the calculus class. No, I don't think I will. You don't think so, huh? I mean, the time is a big problem. The time is, does anyone show up?
Starting point is 00:07:40 Yeah. If you show up, you get an A. That might be it, because I got a 92, and my test. Don't take any of those courses that have a pre in them because they're probably all at 7 a.m. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:51 There you go. But don't I get any credit for waking up at 7 o'clock? You should. You'd get that too. You should. All right. So to the noise now.
Starting point is 00:07:59 Does it sound like it's front or rear? It's front. Front. Yeah, it's front. What kind of a car is it? It is. I love my car. It's a 1982 Volvo
Starting point is 00:08:09 with a manual transmission and a sunroof. Oh, 82 Volvo. Yes. And you're pretty sure the noise is coming from the front. I think so, because I rolled on my windows to listen to the sound. And is it? No, it's not.
Starting point is 00:08:25 It is like three times as loud. It's really bad. But is that the sort of the right pitch? No. Or is it higher? It's higher. Much higher. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:35 Where do I pull up my shorts a little bit? He-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he. Louder. How's that? That was it. That was it. No. Well, like, this is a small town, and if it weren't a small town, I'd be pretty anonymous driving around.
Starting point is 00:08:54 Right, exactly. What? I mean, I barely know anyone in this town, and if I drive around in that car, people are going to recognize. They all know you. Oh, it's that girl in the 82 Volvo. Yeah, no, you have, Elizabeth, I believe, a sticking brake caliber. Oh, my goodness. What, you say that in a happy mood?
Starting point is 00:09:14 No. Are you upset about this? I have to write this down. Sticking, break caliber. Yes. Yeah. Breaks. Breaks, yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:23 It has nothing to do with stopping or starting. Well, it does. Because if you're not moving, then the brakes aren't like in motion. Because you're not moving. The stuff that's turning. The disc that the disc brake pads touch against is turning when you're in motion. Oh, really? Okay.
Starting point is 00:09:41 So I, like, we're just learning how to drive a clutch and, like, had the brake and the gas at the same time. Well, yeah, if it were sticking, then the brakes are kind of always on. See, the brakes are kind of always on until you've driven long enough to wear away enough of the brake material, and then the noise stopped. How would it tighten up every single morning? Because every time you step on the brakes, they get... The last thing you did before you went in the house last night was to take your foot off. the break. And the next to last thing you did was to step with the brake. Unless you drove through the garage door. So you stepped on the brake. The pads moved against the disc and they
Starting point is 00:10:20 stuck there. They didn't retreat from that position. And when you drive away in the morning, you're hearing that noise of the pad just barely touching the disc. And after you've driven some number of blocks, you've worn away enough of it or caused enough movement so that the noise stops. You may have to have that caliper replaced. Considering the age of your car, I would say you need a new left front caliper? Left? Is that a guess? Yeah, that's an absolute guess.
Starting point is 00:10:43 And if that doesn't work, try the right? If that doesn't work, try the right. Well, what about my original hypothesis of it being something having to do with the belts? The belt is more likely to make noise when the engine is revved. So that would be coincident with, but it usually wouldn't be, it wouldn't be so predictable that it would stop completely when the vehicle stopped. But if you're sure it stops absolutely every time the vehicle stops and stop, and stop, starts up again, then I would say that the chances are very small that it's the belt.
Starting point is 00:11:13 On the other hand, if there's ever a time when it seems to make a little bit of noise even when the engine is idling, then it could be a loose belt. Okay. So it's a sticking brake caliper, or it's a bad belt. Take it to the local gas station and have them look at the same. Because, I mean, this is kind of bad, but I've been letting it sound like that for a month. Well, we know that because you've been absorbed with pre-calculus. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:39 But now it's time to, you know. Give up on that nonsense. Give up. And start doing something useful. And fix your car. See, Elizabeth. Okay, thank you. Bye-bye.
Starting point is 00:11:48 Goodbye. All right. Here's a question you haven't heard in some time. Do you remember last week's puzzler? Just define puzzler. We'll be back in a minute. This message comes from Wise, the app for using money around the globe. When you manage your money with Wise, you'll always get the mid-market exchange rate with no hidden fees.
Starting point is 00:12:15 Join millions of customers and visit Wise.com. T's and C's apply. NPR has been an American tradition for more than 50 years. Now it's up to you to help pass it on. Ensure its future with a donation today. Visit donate.npr.org. AI data centers use a lot of electricity. and you may be paying for it. I think it's almost inevitable that ordinary people are going to end up subsidizing
Starting point is 00:12:46 the wealthiest industry in the world. On the latest Planet Money podcast, how data centers might be hijacking your electric bill. Listen on the NPR app or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, for you, T-shirt wearers out there, all relatives of T-shirt wears, we just got a veritable shipload, that's shipload with a P. of new Car Talk T-shirts at the Shameless Commerce Division. The folks there made a great series of T-shirts out of their favorite car talk quotes. So in addition to the classics, you know, don't drive like my brother, Dewey Cheyman,
Starting point is 00:13:20 how you can now get Car Talk T-shirts, let's say, for instance, if money can fix it, it's not a problem. Life is too short to drive boring cars. Do it while you're young. You may never have a chance to do anything this stupid again. Reality often astonishes theory or happiness equals reality. Minus expectation. How about this one?
Starting point is 00:13:41 Lousy car advice since 1977 and many, many more. If you'd like one or want one to ship to a friend or relative, you don't really like. Just head over to shameless commerce.com. That's shameless commerce.com. Ha! We're back. You're listening to Car Talk with us. Click and clack the Tapper Brothers.
Starting point is 00:14:03 And we're here to talk about cars, car repair, and the answer to last week's public. We had a puzzle last week, really? It was another, this was not in for my famous matchstick series. This one came from our friend Murray Prysler. Aya. He says, take your matchsticks out or your pen with which you will draw matchsticks or whatever and make the following in Arabic numerals.
Starting point is 00:14:26 Oh, I didn't work on this one. Well, I know that. I remember this now. Because if you had, you would have complained. One plus one plus 11. You got that? No equal sign. just one plus one plus 11.
Starting point is 00:14:40 So including the plus signs, you're using eight matches. Yeah, okay. Now, here's the puzzler. Move one match and make that sum equal to 130. 130. Like this? Okay, so take that one plus one plus 11. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:56 Okay? And move one match and make that sum equal to 130. And we stipulated that you have to stick with Arabic rather than you can't go. You can't go mixing and matching. That was Murray's complaint. He said, you can't go pie as in a Roman num numeral. roll and you can't turn things upside down. And even though Tommy's not going to like this one, Murray contends, it's more legitimate
Starting point is 00:15:15 than those bogus ones that I've been giving. And very simply, you take the vertical piece from the second plus sign, the vertical piece. And by removing that, you turn it into what? A minus sign. We'll agree to that? I agree at that. Yeah. Then you take that piece and placing it so it touches the top of the other plus sign and
Starting point is 00:15:37 the leftmost part, you convert that plus sign into a four. So you'll make 141 minus 11. Oh, I don't like it, Marie. Well, here's the obvious problem. I mean, this is a simple geometry problem. When you put that match there, what is the length of the hypotenuse that you just made? It's only half the length of a match thing. I didn't tell you.
Starting point is 00:16:02 So you got the... When you're moving it, you break it in half? You break it in half? And Murray thinks that's better than pie? Oh, Murray, we have to talk. We have to talk. Oh, man. We should, I think by default, just like when Ford screws up
Starting point is 00:16:22 and all the paint starts peeling off their cars, what's the right thing to do? What do we always say is the right thing to do? They should take back every single car and repaint it. We should give everyone who sent it an answer right or wrong. A prize. Everyone's a thing. Everyone's a winner.
Starting point is 00:16:37 I'm sticking with Murray. We owe 500,000 people, 25 bucks. I'm sticking with Murray. Murray's bogus. That's bogus. I'm sorry. I don't mean to. You're all right?
Starting point is 00:16:49 Oh, man. Anyway, who's our winner? Everyone's a winner. Everyone's a winner. Everyone should be a winner. We're going to give, oh, this is bogus. We're going to give reluctantly here, and under pressure here, I am going to say that the winner this week is Terry Horlick. from Grass Valley, California,
Starting point is 00:17:10 Grass Valley, California. And he or she is going to get a copy of our Puzzler book, A Haircut in Hors Town, and Other Great Car Talk, but this won't be in the next edition. Other. Yeah, this will not be in it. It's a very big, thick book, Terry, so you hope we have a table with one leg.
Starting point is 00:17:26 It's a lot shorter than the other, so you can use it to its full advantage. We will have a new puzzler. I don't know if I'm going to go for historical or medicinal. I haven't decided yet, and that puzzle will be coming up in the third half of today's show, so stay tuned for that. And in the meantime... You know, we actually got mail.
Starting point is 00:17:44 We got mail from several people saying, I noticed that you have said that the puzzler will be in the third half of the show. This is serious. I would just like to let you guys know that there can't be three halves to anything, and you should say the third part of the show or some such thing. Really? I like to think of it as people getting... 50% more show every week.
Starting point is 00:18:07 Well, I do, too. I love it. You tune in for an hour, you get an hour and a half a show. But we compress it. It's compressed. It's like files. You'd like to call us. 1-8-8-8-8.
Starting point is 00:18:21 What the heck is the number? 1-8-8-car talk that's 8-8-278-2-5. 278? You mean 2-27? No, double-two-s, no. Oh, 278, yeah. Yeah. 278.
Starting point is 00:18:36 I couldn't give you that number back at a minute of years. Hello, you're right. Car stock. Hello. Hey, guys. Yeah, hey, who's this? My name is NERV, and I'm from Washington, D.C. Your name is what? NIRV. Yeah, that's a tough name.
Starting point is 00:18:54 It's N-I-R-A-V. N-R-A-V. Got it. You got it, okay, fantastic. And you're from where? Washington, D.C. Well, actually, I just moved here. I grew up in Indiana, and I'm out here for the first.
Starting point is 00:19:06 What kind of a name is Nirov? Well, it has an Indian name from India. You get good? Good, good. It's a Grodratti name, Western India. No kidding. Yeah. And you're from Indiana.
Starting point is 00:19:18 It's a typical name. It's like Joe or, you know, Bob or whatever in India. Nive. Yeah. And it's Browns Nurev. You got it. I love it. You're not a politician or a lawyer, are you?
Starting point is 00:19:26 No, not at all. I'm just a lowly student that hangs out in my dungeon basement. Oh, yeah? Good. Where do you go? Georgetown. Georgetown. How is it there?
Starting point is 00:19:34 Oh, it's great. And the girls are beautiful. chitiful, the classes are easy, and the beer flows like water. It's a good place to be. What other kind of... What more would you want? What more could you want is right?
Starting point is 00:19:45 Exactly. And see, I'm here as a graduate student, so I really have to do very little work. Very little, yeah. What an endorsement. I wonder if the Barron's book of college rating systems there has that in, it must have. No, but the Budweiser book best.
Starting point is 00:20:03 Budweiser must know where all the beer goes they sure do oh man this i wonder if they publish or perish oh no they don't they don't publish but they know yeah they anyway near what what's going on besides the booze and the and never mind never mind yeah right so i you know first time my life i got a new car and i know myself a 1999 jeep wrangler this year with a soft top uh-huh on you know not realizing that those tops have to go up when it rains and so i left it down it rained one night and uh when i came out the next morning i look at my car in the hoods up I don't think, what the hell's wrong with the hood?
Starting point is 00:20:37 Someone left the hood up. So I go over there, and my neighbor's sort of looking at me with this scowls, about eight in the morning, he says, you know, your horn was going off about five in the morning? Oh, sorry. Oh, yeah. And then he says, oh, then I look at him. I said, did you do this? No, no, it wasn't me.
Starting point is 00:20:53 Right. Yeah, right. So, ever since then, my horn hasn't worked, and I clearly think this is a case of car sabotage. No, I don't think it's sabotage. No. I mean, luckily, you had left it. Oh, well, you can't really lock. this vehicle anyway.
Starting point is 00:21:07 No. But you were nice enough to leave the top down, so someone just popped the hood and disconnected your horn. Well, I tried it. I don't know how to get it back in there. What do I do?
Starting point is 00:21:17 I checked the fuses. I checked the little wires that go to the horn. I checked everything. I thought maybe there was like a secret circuit behind the... The wire is connected to the horn? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:26 Two of them. There's two horns, and both wires go in. Well, then someone cut it. Someone cut the wire. Well, no, they would have cut it right at the horn because the horn is easy to access
Starting point is 00:21:34 on this vehicle. Absolutely. Yeah. More likely, they may have disconnected the horn relay. Oh. Yeah. Where's this relay? It's probably under the hood someplace, or maybe.
Starting point is 00:21:46 I imagine they open the hood. Yeah. Open the hood. There is. You're fast asleep. Put yourself in the other end the perps position. There he is. He's fast asleep, and all of a sudden he hears this horrible noise.
Starting point is 00:21:59 What the heck is that? He goes outside. He traces it down to your vehicle. Luckily, everything's available. He opens the hood. He probably didn't bring any tools with him. No. No.
Starting point is 00:22:10 I mean, you wouldn't bring a set of wire cutters, would you? At 5 o'clock in the morning? He might have brought a half a pound of sugar, though. No, but the vehicle runs. You're driving it every day, right? Yeah. Well, the problem is, though, it's D.C. You've got to have a horn.
Starting point is 00:22:23 You've got to have a... Well, I mean, you might have to do a little work here. Uh-oh. Yeah, I don't know offhand where the relay is, but it's probably on the firewall or close to it. But it may be... And he may have opened the horse. hood, but I'm thinking if he did open the hood and saw the wires as readily accessible as they are. I can't believe they would. He would have just yanked them. Yeah. So, it's dark at five o'clock,
Starting point is 00:22:46 don't forget. So he doesn't know what he's doing, maybe. He might have just started yanking at everything. You may have pulled out a bunch of wires. I would go first look for the relay. If the relay is plugged in, then I would look under the dashboard and see that he didn't, in fact, rip some wires out from under the dash. Ah, the dashboard. Yeah. Because that's where the horn stuff That's where the horn button is on the steering wheel. Yeah. And the wire goes down, you know, underneath the dash.
Starting point is 00:23:11 It is surprising, though, because if he went to the trouble of opening the hood, yes. The horn is so easy to see, and the wires are so easy to see. It would have been the simple thing for him to do that. Well, he didn't want to do the simple thing. Yeah, you wanted to do something that would teach you a lesson. Oh, so he was, even though he was half asleep, he wasn't that half asleep. No, believe me, but the time you go down there, he wasn't half asleep at all.
Starting point is 00:23:36 He was wide awake. He was wide awake. So if you can't find a ticket to the dealer and ask the parts guy at the dealership, you may even call on the phone, where the horn relay is located, and I bet you'll find it unplugged. Uh-huh, the relay. Yeah. Otherwise, just ask you neighbor because he did it.
Starting point is 00:23:53 Well, no, he's a big guy. I don't know. Oh, so you know who did it. Oh, he's looking at me with his skull. Yeah, no, it wasn't an accident to hear him. He knows. Just say, all right, I give up. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:04 Sometimes you have to just confront. Play stupid. So you're not going to believe this. I don't understand it. Somebody must have opened my hood and they did something to my horn. Oh, that's good. That's good. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:15 Yeah. You know anything about cars? Would you take a look? Right. And stand back in case he slams the door in your face. You don't want to get a broken nose out of this. Good luck, man. Hey, thanks a luck, guys.
Starting point is 00:24:26 Bye. Bye. So long you're up. All right. Look, it's time to take a short break. And when we come back, my brother will present this week's exciting new puzzle. You do have a new puzzle, right? How long is this break? A minute.
Starting point is 00:24:44 Hey, for you, T-shirt wearers out there, all relatives of T-shirt wearers. We just got a veritable shipload, that's shipload with a P, of new Car Talk T-shirts at the Shameless Commerce Division. The folks there made a great series of T-shirts out of their favorite Car Talk quotes. So in addition to the classics, you know, don't drive like my brother, Dewey Cheatham, how. You can now get Car Talk T-shirts at say. for instance. If money can fix it, it's not a problem. Life is too short to drive boring cars. Do it while you're young. You may never have a chance to do anything this stupid again.
Starting point is 00:25:17 Reality often astonishes theory or happiness equals reality minus expectation. How about this one? Lousy car advice since 1977 and many, many more. If you'd like one or want one to ship to a friend or relative, you don't really like. Just head over to shameless commerce.com. That's shameless commerce.com.com. Ha! Will you stop waking me up like that? We're back. You're listening to Car Talk with us.
Starting point is 00:25:48 Click and clack to Tapper Brothers. And we're here to discuss cars, car repair, and duh, the new Puzzler. It's good to be back into the swing. Isn't it? For so many months, you said the Puzzler is on vacation. It was so depressing now. The Puzzler was so happy, though, being on vacation. It was.
Starting point is 00:26:04 So were you. I'm torn this week because I have a lot of potentially lousy puzzles I could use it. And you may have noticed that I'm working up to the good ones. I didn't actually notice that trend yet. It's hard to have a trend when you only have what? One puzzler under your belt. Yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 00:26:26 Here it is. The other night I had a gastrointestinal attack in the middle of the night. Really? Really? Well, it may have had something to do with that double anchovy pepperoni pizza I had at 11 o'clock. It does happen. Or the cheesecake I ate out of the freezer an hour later. But in the middle of the night, I wake up, moaning and groaning, clutching my stomach, and I find myself at the medicine chest looking for some medicinal relief. And I pull out the bottle of the stuff, which I can recognize by its shape and color.
Starting point is 00:26:58 And lo and behold, I can't read the infinitesimally small print on the bottle. So I go clutching my stomach. I make my way to the bedroom and find my glasses on the dresser. And I come back and I put them on. And even with my glasses, you can't read it. I still can't read it. The print is just too small. And I'm in agony now.
Starting point is 00:27:22 You're ready to just swizzle it down. You're going to swizzle it down. I'm moaning and groaning. And I don't want to take the wrong dose because too little is as bad as too much. Yeah. No, it isn't. No. And to make matters even worse, as I'm bent over in pain, my glasses fall off my head and they break in half.
Starting point is 00:27:43 Oh, I say, geez, that's it. I'm going to just die right here on the bathroom floor. Unless I'm fortunate enough that my moaning wakes up another member of the household. I hope. I hope. And all you could hear was three people yelling, shut up about this. That's about it. That's about it, yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:00 And yet, a minute later, I was. tucked in bed, tucked under the covers, having taken the correct dosage. Yeah. How did I do it? Nobody woke up to help you. Nobody. All you have is what you have. You have all the facts.
Starting point is 00:28:19 Now, if you think you know the answer, write that answer on the back of a $20 bill and send it to Puzzler Tower, Car Talk Plaza, Box 3,500, Harvard Square, Cambridge. Our Fair City. Matt 02238, or of course, you can email your answer from the Car Talk section ofcars.com. If you'd like to call us the numbers, 1-888-8-8-8-2-278-2-5. Hello, you're on Car Talk. Hi, hi. Yeah, who's this? This is Diana from Mishawak, Indiana.
Starting point is 00:28:51 Hi, Diana. How are you? Mishawaka. Mishawaka. Indiana? Uh-huh. Got it. Got it.
Starting point is 00:28:59 Okay, what's up? We have a 1985 Dodge Van, and it is producing a smell that, if bottled, could probably be a new germ warfare. Really? You said a van. It's like a B-150 van or something. This is a full-size van. Right. Three-quarter ton.
Starting point is 00:29:22 It has 170,000 miles on it. Okay. Okay, I'm with you. And it's got the carburetor standard Chrysler Electronic Ignition. computer. Good. V8 engine. Oh, yeah. Now, this occurs about 20 to 30 minutes after a prolonged idle period or 15 minutes tops on the open road. And this smell is like nothing you have ever smelled. It's not, it comes on slowly, but it could eliminate the mosquito population as we know it. So if it is nothing like a smell we've ever experienced, how are you going to describe it to us?
Starting point is 00:30:05 What's the closest thing in our experience to it? Is it like rotten eggs? On a scale of 1 to 10, rotten eggs would be a 1. Would be Chanel number 5. Okay. And it's like a nauseating sewer gas smell. Okay. Have you ever been in an enclosed area with my brother?
Starting point is 00:30:26 No. Is it like that? No. No, it's not like that. That would be a seven on your scale. Now, I'm in trouble, guys. I definitely need your help here. Jeez, what could this be?
Starting point is 00:30:36 It was the onset of this abrupt? That's exactly right. Hmm. It has it abated at all? Well, here is the mystery. This is why I'm depending on you guys. Because it's truly a mystery. First of all, we just checked everything.
Starting point is 00:30:53 We've gone through tune-up. Everything's been changed in spark, plugs, wires, distributor, rotor, it had a compression test, everything. How about smog test? Do you have a smog test or an emissions test in Indiana, or don't you care? About the planet? No, they just pull, you're pulling into the farm yard and see how many hogs keel over. Right, right.
Starting point is 00:31:16 And at the present time, I could wipe out an entire farm. So this might be like a 10 hogger. Oh, absolutely. Oh, that's how they measure it? No, the scale of 1 to 10? The number of hogs that keel over. Oh, right. And they put those, they put the little symbols on your windshield.
Starting point is 00:31:33 That's exactly right. That's exactly right. Oh, God. Well, there goes a steak. But now, guys, I've got a clue for you. Yeah. At 49,000 miles, they put in a fish oil additive into my transmission oil. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:51 Do you think maybe it's? Oh. Well, yeah. Oh, I got it. Oh, good. Do you really? I got it. You're going to ask her the one question that's going to pull it right out.
Starting point is 00:32:01 Is that it? Yeah. You're going to say to her something. Yeah. I got it. Sometimes you say, when was the accident? Right. Are you going to say?
Starting point is 00:32:08 When would you like the accident to me? Yeah. When did you have the radiator replaced? Here's the question. How often do you add automatic transmission fluid to it? Never. That was the only one. Would you like to reconsider?
Starting point is 00:32:22 No, that wasn't a good question. Well, that is a good question because what's how? This fish oil additive. But now, the. Additive was put in at 49,000 miles, and I have over 170 on it. That ain't yet. No, it isn't. Nah.
Starting point is 00:32:35 All right, well, let's not. This is a horrible, disgusting, like, garbagey smell. But you cannot pinpoint the smell? I mean, it's not coming out of the tailpipe. No, no, and they did an entire check on our exhaust system. There's no leaks. So this seems to just envelop the whole vehicle. Oh, totally.
Starting point is 00:32:55 And where it's coming from is the outside. side of the exhaust system. For example, if you had driven over a skunk whose guts got on the exhaust system, like the catalytic converter and the exhaust pipes, then every time the thing heated up and reached that critical temperature, you would put more of this aroma into the air surrounding your vehicle. But now, we put a new exhaust system on it. Oops.
Starting point is 00:33:23 Everything new. There goes that thing. Well, you didn't replace everything. You didn't go all the way from the engine. You put the muffler and tailpipe on. He's struggling. I bet you didn't replace the converter. No, they didn't replace the converter.
Starting point is 00:33:35 No. But if there was something wrapped around it, you don't... No, here's what my original... Dead ard bark lying there on the... And the guy doesn't notice it? Well, an hard bark you might notice. But here's my... Here was my original theory.
Starting point is 00:33:50 Okay. That one of the transmission cooler lines is actually leaking a small amount of transmission fluid onto the hot exhaust pipes. That's why I thought you were going to ask you, when did you replace the radiator? No, it's leaking right where the cooler lines run... To the radiator.
Starting point is 00:34:05 They run to the radiator, but they cross over the Y pipe, which is the pipe that connects to the engine. I'm beginning to like this. That ultimately leads to the cattle to convert. I bet you, that's where the smell is coming from. And this fish guts that you put it, it may be that it is leaking out one little drop at a time.
Starting point is 00:34:22 It just takes a drop from one of those transmission cooler lines and it's getting onto the hot exhaust pipe, and that's making the spell. I'd almost stake my brother's life on it. Okay. Here's the way to do it, very simply. Stick your nose on the day, you'll know. Pull out your dipstick, okay?
Starting point is 00:34:39 And with the engine, with the tailpipe, with the engine hot, in other words, the car's been running, put a drop of this on the hot tailpipe. Okay. And you should immediately get the smell, which you are so familiar with. Okay.
Starting point is 00:34:53 And you will know then to go look for a leak from one of your transmission cooler lines. Okay. So I think that's it, Diana. I like it. I like it. It was a struggle. You were difficult.
Starting point is 00:35:03 Well, I have to force you to come up with the most creative and most credible. Be they BS or not. Answers. You guys, you guys, this is terrific. I have no problem coming up with answers. It's the... It's getting them past the censor. It's the explanations that have always been my downfall.
Starting point is 00:35:25 I think I may have hit it here. Great. Good luck, Diana. Thanks so much, guys. Why? She's going to be on stuff that chuffing. Oh, no. Because that's bogus.
Starting point is 00:35:33 They're going to call into her already. Well, it's happened again. You've squandered another perfectly good hour listening to Car Talk. Our esteemed producer is Doug, the subway fugitive, not a slave to fashion Berman. Our associate producer is Ken the diaper slayer Rogers. Our assistant producer is Frow Catherine Fenolosa. Our engineer is Dennis DeMennis Foley. They're so cruel, Catherine.
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Starting point is 00:36:55 mechanic, Mr. Vinnie Gumbats, Vinnie? Thank you very much. Now, if you want a copy of this year's show, which is number 40, just pick up your phone 40. How did that happen? You call this number, 1-888 car junk. And what if I wanted a car talk CD or the puzzle book,
Starting point is 00:37:11 Vinny? I mean, would I call that same number? No, you call like Harmon Killer Blue. Of course, you call the same number, you're dope. You're called the Shemless Commerce Division at 888 Carjunk, or visit it online at the Cart Talk section of cars.com. Thank you, Vinny. That was quite mind opening. Hey, would you mind opening this?
Starting point is 00:37:31 Car Talk is a production of Dewey Cheatham and Howe and WBOR in Boston. And even though Daniel Shaw thinks wistfully about that offer to host when animals attack, whenever we say it, this is NPR National Public Radio.

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