The Best of Car Talk - #2519: Click and Clack's Wild Kingdom

Episode Date: March 8, 2025

Patricia lives 3 hours from civilization in Montana and a local Buffalo has taken to hanging around her Subaru. If she can make it past Bill the Buffalo, the car also has a lousy habit of not starting. Should she throw a saddle on Bill the Buffalo instead? Find out on this episode of the Best of Car Talk.Get access to hundreds of episodes in the Car Talk archive when you sign up for Car Talk+ at plus.npr.org/cartalkLearn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

Hello and welcome to Car Talk from National Public Radio with us, Click and Clack the Tappet Brothers and we're broadcasting this week from the Employee Review Center here at Car Talkag Plaza. One of my favorite times of year, man. Oh, mine too. Well, this being the end of the calendar year, we of course are charged with giving feedback to our employees. And as we were working on our evaluations this week, we got some help from, well, I

shouldn't mention his, it'd be embarrassing. Who, Neil Jackson's name? Yeah. Hey, he sent it to us. He deserves to get credit. He's the general counsel at NPR and a lawyer. Yeah, well, he was between lawsuits. His lawsuit was at the cleaners.

Anyway, he sent us some suggested phrasing for some of these evaluations, which we were able to put to use and I guess we'll... Yeah, no, I actually used some of them. I was doing Ken Rogers' evaluation just this morning and I used one of Neil's phrases, Ken works well, went under constant supervision, and cornered like a rat. About our beloved production engineer, Jonathan Marston, we wrote, this employee should go far and the sooner he starts, the better. I wrote one for Catherine, our assistant producer, Catherine Ray. I wrote Catherine has what I would call delusions of adequacy.

Thanks, Neil. And here's one for Mr. Mayor, our senior web lackey. I would not allow this employee to breed. And don't forget Bugsy, our technical advisor. As a technical advisor, Mr. Bugsy sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to meet them. I think that's fair. It is my favorite.

I saved this for Berman, our esteemed producer. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. That's him all right. If you have any evaluations to add to these, please feel free to call us. If you have a question about your car, you can also call us at 1-800-332-9287 hello you're on Car Talk. This is Don. Don, how are you?

I'm doing alright. Where are you from? I'm from Lennox, Mass. No kidding. No kidding. The other end of the state. Oh yeah, I remember that. Lennox, Mass in the midst of the Berkshires.

That's it. Nice place. Oh thanks. So what's up? Here's my story, okay? Yes. I'm a proud owner of a 1989 Suzuki sidekick Hmm. Hmm. I can tell I can I can see the pride coming over the airwaves. Oh, it's a beauty my black beauty

Okay, I'll bet now. I got it for a very nice price. Okay. How long have you had it? Couple months Oh, you bought it just recently yeah okay gotcha fifty two thousand miles smoke that's the big brothel smoke but weird smoke okay yeah you started up and the smoke doesn't come out immediately mm-hmm give it maybe oh 20 seconds and then bails of smoke. And then after a minute, no smoke. Ah. But after driving it and everything, it seems it gets around 400 miles to the court. Aha.

What's the color of the smoke? Oh, we know. It's blue. Oh, it's oil. Oh, yeah, it's oil. We know. He's burning a quarter of each 400. Yeah. Yeah. I've been looking for a minute. I mean, I've known since the first minute. What the problem is.

He's trying to break it to him. I'm looking for a delicate way to tell you, Don. And I don't know any delicate way to tell you. And I think you may even know what's going on. Of course he does. Of course he does. I knew about this. And, You know, hey, look. You said so what? It's only 800 bucks. How can I go wrong? 400 bucks. How many? 400 bucks. Oh! You got a deal. Well, here's the deal. There's one or two things that it could be. Either it's the valve guide seals, and if you're a church-going man, and you're really lucky,

Yeah. It'll be that. Yeah. I'm voting for that, by the way. I am, too. Yeah. I think it is valve guide seals. So you have two votes for and about 800,000 against. It's likely to be the rings, but the only real way to tell is to replace the valve guide

seals or at least get a look at them. And you might be able to look at them by taking the valve cover off and seeing if they're all busted. And the valve guides may be worn out. You might be able to tell that too by moving the valve stems and seeing how much they move. If that's the case, you take the head off and you have the head rebuilt. Maybe you need new guides and new seals and that may stop it. When that doesn't work, then you've got to throw a set of rings in it. You've got to throw a set of rings in it.

But that's not so bad either. It isn't bad. So I have to just say my prayers tonight and think how God feels. There you go. That's it. Oh, super. See you, Don. Thanks, guys. Bye-bye. Actually, saying his prayers is not enough because you can't just wait until you got a problem like this to say your prayers

I said if you haven't led a good clean honest life all the time then Job and there's no it's all there is to it. No hope for redemption. No Nine two eight seven. Hello. You're on car talk. Hi, this is Patty clock Lee from College Park, Maryland Patty yeah with an eye. No God love you Patty my question is kind of like a holiday relationship car question. Oh, yeah interesting Yeah, this is the deal. Um... my boyfriend once the by me tires for christmas how nice all what are

crummy christmas and i disagree now we wait wait wait before you go off to the graveyards are don't go off half cocky a letter finish her story uh... tires and sound really romantic i apologize but these guys like from Victoria's Secret? No. Alright, go ahead.

I have a Celica, it's a GT, it has really, they're kind of expensive tires, but money is not the point. I see tires as like, you know, you might as well buy me a mop. I mean, we're dating, we're not married. There you go. It's not romantic. A mop. Yeah, I mean, it's like, it's practical, yeah, but, and I know it's like, people are like, well he's being, you know, he's concerned about

your safety and everything, but I can go buy the tires. Yeah. Right, well you can't buy, and tires are an easy way out for him. That's the other thing, yeah. Yeah. He's missing the whole mall experience. I mean, nothing is more agonizing for me

than having to buy my wife, for example, a piece of jewelry or a garment. I could go buy her tires in New York Minute. Yeah, give me four of those peas, two 15s, 75R50s, and have them mounted. Just mail them to this address. Well, I also think it's a testosterone thing too. I mean, have you discussed this with him? Obviously you have. How did the subject come up? Well, um, I love you dear. How about a nice set of

Snow tires. Are they black and skimpy? So, I mean, how did you react when he brought it up? I mean, did you did you let him know that you weren't really thrilled about the idea or did you react when he brought it up? I mean, did you let him know that you weren't really thrilled about the idea, or did you lie? No, no. I told him that I didn't want him to get me tired. I feel a little uneasy about responding to this because I just bought my wife a set of snow tires.

For her birthday. For her birthday. I meant to ask you, how is it sleeping in the car? Now that winter's here. Nippy? It's nippy man. The plug-in heater I gave you, is that any good? No good. No good, huh? No, the battery keeps going dead about 2 a.m. Oh, you're gonna run the, you're gonna hook up the battery charger and plug it into the house. She won't let me use the house electricity. Well I think it's terribly unromantic and unimaginative of him to think of buying you tires and I think you ought to send them off on a mission. You didn't

give him a list of any kind? No, I mean I think that's part of Christmas is him using his own inventiveness to find the perfect gift. Well, see, my idea of gifts is give something that the person would not buy for himself or herself. And if he somehow thinks that your tires need replacement, and if he's been on your case to buy new tires because he is concerned about your safety because they're all bald, and then he says, I'm going to give them to you for Christmas, I think that's a good thing to do, a good thing to do, a good, conscientious, loving act. Oh, I think it stinks.

So what would you rather have as a gift, Patty? You got any ideas? Well, I mean, he knows me. He should be able to find something that- Well, what would thrill you? I mean, of all the things that you could get within the price range of a set of tires. Oh my goodness. Give us an idea what would thrill you? Of all the things that you could get within the price range of a set of tires. Oh my goodness.

Give us an idea what would thrill you. And honestly, I have a selfish interest here. I'm trying to figure out what to get for my wife. So what thrills you? What might thrill her? Four tires or two? Oh, four. Oh, four. We're talking five, six hundred dollars here. Yeah. We figured like, we have done some looking. It's going to be like $400 or something. It could like get you a trip out of Maryland.

There you go, that's a good idea. A vacation together. A little vacation, a little ski weekend. Well I don't ski anymore but yeah. All right a little you could go the other direction. Funny, yeah. Yeah there you go. For 400 bucks I mean you could go to Miami for a couple of days. I think that sounds like a great idea.

Doesn't it? Let's do that. Okay. See I'm also into Experiences rather than things I don't like to give people things anyone can buy things But they can't buy an experience and that's what that's what I do a trip a trip Do you go go for it something you can always remember as the other that guy used to go out with in 1997 I wonder where he is now But if he gives you the tires you'll remember him for about 50,000 miles.

Good luck, Patty. Let us know how you make out. Let us know what you get. See ya. Did you buy anything for your wife yet? Well, not yet, no. But I have it on good authority that CVS is open late Christmas Eve. Hey, we've got more calls. Ed, you ready for this? The puzzler ads are coming up right after this, so don't go anywhere. This message comes from eBay.

Picture this. You're halfway through a DIY car fix, tools scattered everywhere, and boom! You realize you're missing a part. It's okay, because you know whatever it is, it's on eBay. They've got everything. Brakes, headlights, cold air intakes, whatever you need and it's guaranteed to fit, which means no more crossing your fingers and hoping you ordered the right thing. All the parts you need at prices you'll love, guaranteed to fit every time. eBay, things people love.

Okay, it's time to find out if my brother remembers last week's concert. I certainly do. Oh, you do? I even know the answer, by the way. It has to do with the guy who goes into the library. That's right, wow. Here it is.

Very few people know this, but we have a barbershop quartet at the garage. We also have a barbershop tour. Even though we've got six guys, and the reason it's a quartethop quartet at the garage, we also have a barbershop tour. Even though we've got six guys and the reason it's a quartet is a couple of the guys really can't sing. So one of the guys decides he's going to go to the library and get a book on how to sing. He's going to use his tax dollars.

Why not? But he's so bad, he figures he's going to start from square one so he figures if he can learn how to hum first, then in fact he's got a shot at learning how to sing, right? Because if you hum, Gary Tune. So anyway, he goes to the library. He hasn't been to the library and he doesn't know anything about the Dewey Decimal System or card catalogs or anything. He walks around.

He's embarrassed to ask anybody. They don't use card catalogs anymore. No. But that's all right. That's all right. But he doesn't know that. He doesn't know. He walks around until he finds a book He's embarrassed to ask that says how to hum Perfect. He says what a deal takes the book sits down at a table begins to read

But there's nothing in it about singing music or how to hum And what was this book that he pulled off the shelf we just kind of wand wandered around, you know, and he saw this book and he said, Oh, this is what I want. Yeah, and? And it happened to be one of the H's in the set of Encyclopedia. Exactly. H-O-W to H-U-M. And in fact, if he had gone far enough, he would have gotten to hum because it was the last thing in the book. Yeah, well, maybe. But probably didn't tell him how You know, maybe but probably didn't tell him how to know it certainly told him how to what it was Who's our winner this week? Oh

Well, you always spring that on me and I owe you should be ready. Ah, here it is Our winner is Diane Konkle from Fort Myers, Florida You got your answer chosen from among the thousands of answers that we got this week that were correct, and you're going to win our latest dog frisbee, which you can also use as an audio CD. No kidding. It features our favorite calls about couples in cars, and it's called Men Are From GM, Women Are From Ford, and this thing actually exists because we saw a copy of it just today. We'll have a brand new puzzle coming up in the second half of today's show from none other than our esteemed producer, Really?

Dougie Berman. He submitted a puzzler? He did, he did. Well he thought mine was so lame that he figured he might take a shot at it. His couldn't possibly be any worse than mine have been. By the way, who is the guy who said we should have called this? Men are from GM, women are from Ford, and lawyers are from Chrysler. I don't know. Don't talk about lawyers in Chrysler. Anyway, don't touch that dial. In the meantime, we'll take your calls at 1-800-332-9287.

Hello, you're on Car Talk. Hi, this is Suzy. I made it from California to Dallas, driving on my way to Mexico. Do you remember me? Yeah, Suzy! Oh, boy. Okay, so this is the latest. Wait a minute. Driving on my way to Mexico. Do you remember me? Yes Boy, okay We're gonna tell remind people who you are

Z where'd you start from from? Carlsbad, California right Carlsbad, California. You were picking up your father at some point Yeah, I just got here last night. She's picking up her father in Dallas, then she's gonna drive to Mexico and then drive across from the west coast to the east coast of Mexico. Yeah from Tulum back to La Paz and then up the southern part of the country. La Paz? Is that Bolivia? Yeah, don't tell her. You guys, I pretty much need your help right now. Right? Oh sure, you only did the first

anyway we'll let the trip and you're already in trouble when suzy called a couple weeks ago we told her to keep us posted on her progress and she was going to spring a cell phone and call us from the desert in the middle of mexico but we're still in dallas and she's in trouble are you really in trouble?

well yeah on the way here it was a nice trip except there was was still in dallas and she's in trouble and really in trouble well yeah and on the way here it was a nice trip except there was a good the high-pitched noise you know on on the acceleration and it was a new noise you know that i hadn't heard before always happens as soon as you get out on the highways all what is that and now we can pick it to someone and we drained the oil in the transmission and on the plug are some metal chips

You know like quite a few metal chips. That's okay Uh-huh. You got a lot of metal in that. Is this a stick shift? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Don't worry about it Is the high-pitched noise prevalent when you're stepping on the gas, but it goes away when you take your foot off? Well, actually it's bad and it's good. Yeah. It's bad because you ain't going to fix it. Certainly not here or Mexico. So is that meaning new transmission or? No.

I wouldn't worry about it. Well not until you get to the middle of Mexico anyway. Yeah. Not until you get to the middle of Mexico anyway. Yeah, find on the map the most godforsaken place in the province of Chihuahua. And that's where the transmission's going to blow. What's making the noise is actually the differential part. Right. Somebody mentioned that. Yeah.

You have a bad mesh between the ring gear and the pinion gear because you either had no oil in there or you had low oil. Yeah. I don't think I'd worry about it. Yeah, that's what I say. Yeah, you need a can of transmission medic. This is a common problem, it happens all the time and the fix is to rebuild or replace or forget and the fix is to rebuild or replace or forget. And forgetting is the best and cheapest solution. And the truth is it could go on for many, many, many, tens of thousands of miles before anything happens.

So I guess I would do something to maybe knock down the noise a little bit, just so you don't get nervous, because it takes a while to convince yourself that you can really drive forever listening to this noise, because it sounds dire. Yeah, I would get a Sony Walkman if I were you. Yeah, that's the way I made it across the desert. Ah, see, you got the right attitude. You got the right attitude. And you were right in this this case The Sony Walkman is the solution to tell to fill it up again with tranny fluid and don't worry about this. You'll make it. Okay Okay, so now you're headed from here with daddy. Oh, right She's from Dallas to Mexico is a long haul right there

Yeah, it's about well a couple days to the border including the paperwork that we have to do there and then it's but comfortably five days to the yukatan yeah well good luck don't worry about this you'll have other things to worry about but this eight one of them i think you guys just want to interesting to you want me to get down there and call you for a lot of call the cell phone from chihuahua yeah we want to know what one of your son there's no no seriously susie we would not give you bum advice on this score. Uh-huh.

Okay. Stay in touch, Suzy. Okay, thank you guys. Bye. I hope we're right. The saga of Suzy. The saga of Suzy. Oh, this, yeah, this will be the ultimate stump to chumps if we blow this one.

Oh, yeah. We'll have to resign. No, but we're both... This will be a scandal of the first magnitude. No, both... Look, both of us have driven tens of thousands of miles. Each of us have driven... Yeah, but not over a period of weeks.

Doesn't matter. Oh, it does matter. She's never gonna make it. Quick, get her back! No, no, no, no, no. I bet your reputation on this one. Creststar69! Get her back!

Nah, she's gonna make it. It's this is... this is not quite right. No, no, I bet your reputation on this one. ChrisStar69! Get her back! No, she's gonna make it. This is not what's gonna make or not make it. That's all I can say. No, it's that melted cylinder head. That cylinder head. We didn't discuss that one. Not yet.

Not yet. Next week, the Suzy Saga. I like it. The Suzy Saga. That's it, baby. We'll be right back with more calls and a new puzzler after these messages. Hi, we're back. You're listening to Car Talk from National Public Radio with us, Click and Clack the Tappet Brothers, and we're here to discuss, as always, cars, car repair, and pickups.

Of course it fits. This is from Ray Dankle. Dear brothers, I've been wanting to write to you guys for years. In 1990, I was transferred to Tampa. Alone and miserable, I sought companionship at the hot spots with no luck. Different kind of pickups, huh? You know, that's how I took you that way. One Sunday afternoon, I was in a famous local wings and beer place.

Oh yeah, that's where all the babes hang out. One Sunday afternoon, I was in a famous local wings and beer place. I was talking- Oh yeah, that's where all the babes hang out. I was talking to a beautiful young woman who was sitting next to me at the bar. I mentioned the place where I was living, Treasure Island. She says, why don't we both drive there and spend some time at the beach? I'm dying and going to heaven. He says, pinch me, he says. I get in her car, she gets in her car, and she's following me.

For six miles she's following me. We stop at a light. I'm checking radio stations and I found your show. Since you're one of favorite shows I got out ran back to her car and said you got a tune into 94.5 or whatever those numbers were were these guys are the best I Get back in my car And I didn't get 200 yards after the light turned green when I looked at my rear-view mirror and saw her hang on a U-turn. I knew it! Sincerely, Ray Denkel. You know, it's a classic example of going that one step too far. Everything was perfect. Yeah, and if it's perfect, could you possibly improve on it?

No, but what do we do? We all do this. We do it every week. We got an answer, someone asks us a question, we got an answer, and then one of us, more on whoever you may be, and it changes from day to day. Yeah, it says- To ask that one last little question, makes that one last little comment, or doesn't hang up at the right moment, and bingo!

Yeah, we should start hanging right up after they give us the name and the location. Geez. Looks through his rear view mirror and she's hanging a U-turn. A U-turn, huh? Oh well. Yeah, the mistake he made was they should have gone in her car. He should have just junked his car. No, but then he would have been playing with the radio and the same thing would have happened.

I don't think so. Yeah, because she wouldn't have just pushed... She might have thrown him right out of the gate. He could have gotten hurt. He could have gotten hurt. At least he was able to get home this way. He was almost home. Okay, here it is.

This puzzler was actually devised by Dougie Berman, our producer. Uh, it was inspired by a guy named Robert Arge, who sent us an email about an interesting little tidbit that we were unaware of, and Dougie took that tidbit and wove... A puzzler out of it? ...wove a puzzler. Really? Dougie did that? Well, I'll be a-

Dougie Berman? I'll be a crummy, it's a puzzler nonetheless and I think you'll enjoy it. Really? Well I did. Berman actually went to the trouble to do that? He did. Well here it is. Yeah go ahead. You'll judge for yourselves. Fine. I'm gonna just read it. Go ahead. Because I can't possibly improve it. The president of the California Free Range Beet Growers Association has taken hostage. He's taken hostage? He's taken hostage. Due to his position of great prestige, a full blown manhunt is set in motion.

Eventually police surround an underground parking garage in San Bernardino where they believe The his eminence is being held There are four cars inside the garage one of which belongs to the kidnapper and Contains the hostage the other three a Nissan a Ford and a Buick all belong to innocent shoppers returning from a long afternoon At bed andbath. Yeah. Got it. The kidnapper, knowing that he's surrounded, decides to let the hostage go. But he wants to do so without giving up his identity.

So he decides to release his hostage in the stairway of the garage and then run back to his car and blend in with the other innocent motorists that are getting in and out of their cars and he's going to drive away, obviously. I think you left out the part where the hostage is blindfolded. The president blindfolded.

I had up until that point left it out. Yeah, you had, okay. The president, that is his eminence blindfolded. Is that the free range beat growers? Beat growers. Yeah. Well, it's a little that the free range beat growers? Beat growers, yeah. Well, it's a little known fact that constricted beats. Oh, yeah. I understand.

No, not as nutritious. Free range, you can't beat free, you can't beat free range beats. The president, blindfold, has no idea where he is or what kind of a car he's in. He can tell nothing from the sound of the engine since he's used to being chauffeured around. He has no idea from the sound of the engine since he's used to being chauffeured around, you know, he has no idea what the engine is sounding. Yeah. The kidnapper turns the key off, opens the door, leaves the key in the ignition, okay?

He forces the holy man out of his car and leads him to the stairwell, okay? Where he leads him up to the top of the landing and he leaves him there. Yeah. He runs back down, hops in his car and pretends that he's just another shopper leaving the garage. The Buick leaves the garage first, the Ford goes out second, and the kidnapper in his Honda Accord leaves the garage next. As he emerges from the ramp, he is arrested on the spot, charged, and eventually... Convicted?

No, he's free because Johnny Cochran was his lawyer. Oh. How did his eminence know that he was being held in a Honda? And I have to give that. Oh, so his eminence had time to run to the checkout booth to see the cars exiting. Is that it? I mean, I'm trying to get the whole picture here. No, no, no, he runs to the police.

To the police? He hobbles, he jumps, he's in a gunny sack, he's blindfolded, he's here to type, he hops to the police. Oh, and he somehow says to the police, He says, look for the Honda. There's a Honda gonna kinda pull out of the garage. I gotcha now.

That's the car the kidnapper was driving. Okay, and Dan-O, using walkie-talkie, books him, calls McGarrett at the at the checkout booth and says look for a Honda Accord. There you go. McGarrett says book him. Now he was blindfolded, doesn't know anything about what engines sound like, his hands were tied, couldn't feel the fabric, yeah, couldn't see anything. Wow excellent. He could smell. He could smell.

He could taste. He could. And he could hear. And yeah, that's not very helpful in this. And... He used to be a boy scout. Huh? I thought he was supposed to be the eminence for supposed to be a boy scout leader.

No. No. Hahaha. That's all. I thought I'd give that hint. Alright, that's a hint. That a good hint? He used to be a Boy Scout leader. No. No. That's all. I thought I'd give that hint. All right, that's a hint. That a good hint? He used to be a Boy Scout.

Yeah. That's an excellent hint. Now, if you think you know the answer, or you just have nothing to do at work and feel like ripping off the company you work for by using their time. Even more so than you're doing now. Mail your answer to Puzzler Tower,

Car Talk Plaza, Box 3500, Harvard Square, Cambridge, Our Fair City, MAA, 02238, or you can email us your answer from our website, which is cartalk.msn.com. Just click on the Talk to Car Talk section. And if we choose your correct answer at random, from among the three or four that we're certain to receive, you'll get your very own copy of our brand new tape in OCD called Men Are From GM, Women Are From Ford. And Lawyers Are From Chrysler.

Or some other useless gift from the Car Talk Shameless Commerce Collection. Collection? 1-800-332-9287 is our number. Hello, you're on Car Talk. Hello, this is Patricia from Cook City, Montana. Hi, Patricia. Hi. Cook City.

For a second there, I thought you had a hint of a British accent. Well, she has an accent, but it's not British. Well, I'm from New England, but I now live in the Rocky Mountains just outside of Yellowstone National Park, and the population here is 60. Now, it's a three-hour drive to the nearest town

that has a service station, and between here and there, there were three packs of wolves. Cook City. My brother's house has a larger population than your home town. Cook City, Montana. Yes. At the present moment, there is an enormous buffalo in the backyard, and in order to get

to the car, I have to first get past the buffalo. You know, buffalo are pretty fast, aren't they? Yes. I remember years ago we were at Yellowstone and we were, my wife and children and I had taken a trip and I remember driving on some lonely road and coming across a buffalo grazing in a field. And realizing that it was much bigger

than I thought buffalos were, I encouraged my wife to get out and take some video tape of this buffalo. Yeah. Not you. Oh, I was driving. I couldn't possibly man the video camera. No. So after the three of us, the remaining three of us,

pushed her out of the car, she reluctantly agreed to take some footage of this buffalo grazing. And at some point, I remember hearing something like, oh, she was running and just made it back to the car with the buffalo in hot pursuit. No kidding. Yeah, buffalo aren't so docile. Well, he's standing about 10 feet from the car.

But in the event that I do make it to the car, here's the problem. I have a 1980 Subaru. It's a four-wheel drive, four-speeded, has only 80, here's the problem. I ignition switch. So I purchased a new one and installed it and the same thing happened. Then I went and purchased a whole new ignition. I installed that and the same thing happened. Got it. Okay. We're with you. But this is a clue I think is important. Something is draining the battery. Every four or five days the battery is completely dead. Mmm. Must be that buffalo. Oh.

So how do you start it now? I put the key in, I turn it, vroom, it starts right up. As soon as the key goes back to the on position and it doesn't go to off, it stays in the on position, it just stops dead. Boy, it's going to be a long winter. Oh no. It's going to be a long winter. Oh no.. You're gonna be cuddling up to that buffalo pretty soon. You're gonna be your roommate. Buffalo Bill. This is a classic example of a bad

ballast resistor. Say that again, what resistor? Ballast. Ballast? See what the ballast resistor does is the current that the battery is putting out 12 volts and so when you're starting the car you want all those 12 volts to go to the ignition so it will have a lot of juice but once the car is running when it goes to the on position not the start position this ballast resistor is in the becomes part of the circuit so that the voltage going to the coil instead of being 12 volts is only 9. Oh, okay.

And if that ballast resistor is broken, then you will have exactly the symptom that you have. You start it and when you turn it to the start position, the ballast resistor ain't there, so it starts. You let go of the key, it goes to the startingo ballast resistor and it's broken and the electricity can't get through it and bingo it doesn't run. Would that also drain the battery? No. No you have another problem. Those are two separate problems. Okay okay. No I mean the battery may be going dead because the regulator is not working and charging up the battery. I

think the first step is to get it away from the buffalo Yeah, how are we gonna do that? Well, I think you somehow you need this a male or a female How do you where do I look how do you tell oh well I know you tell but I don't think Call up the Subaru dealer. Call up Subaru of Montana. And ask them if this car has a ballast resistor and if they could kindly mail you one. Mail? There's no post office in Cook City. No, no, there is a post office.

That's all there is. And a one room school. Oh cool, so you could actually get mail. Oh yes, we do get it five days a week now. We used to only get it three. Ah, then ask them to mail you a ballast resistor and the one page instruction on where it is. Okay, yeah.

Now once you get it, you'll find it. It's under the hood. Okay. It's under the hood, usually mounted on the firewall, right behind the steering wheel there. If it isn't that, it's probably the igniter, but you'll have to call back about that because we're out of time. Patricia, boy oh boy oh boy. Patricia it's been a pleasure. Well it's

been very helpful to me I really appreciate it. I hope we have helped you but we're not gonna get you out of Cook City but that was your choice and not ours and I know that you must love it there or why else would you? Subject yourself to this kind of torture so what so the obvious question is why why do you live there? Where was this guy? Yeah? It's always the same Isn't it stupid and of course now he and he and the dog ran off together yeah He and ship and now in Tampa Bay.

And Patricia... Living it up like Don King! And they stuck you out there in the snow! Patricia's stuck in Cook City with a... Get your Subaru fixed and you can find another fella. Okay. Good luck, Patricia. It's a pleasure talking to you. You are one unique person.

So are you two! Bye. Thank you very, very much. Bye-bye. Okay, bye. How can we be a unique person? Half a unique bridge. Half a unique bridge. We share a brain.

Yeah. Well, it's happened again. You have frittered, frittered. Yeah. Frittered away another hour listening to car talk. Our esteemed producer is Doug the Subway Fugitive, not a slave to Fashion Berman. Our associate producer and Dean of the College of Automusicology is Ken Babyface Rogers. Our assistant producer is Catherine Crystal Ray. And our engineer is Jonathan Marston. Our technical, spiritual, and menu advisor is

Mr. John S. Lawler. Our public opinion pollster is Paul Murky of Murky Research, assisted by statistician Margin of Error. Our director of New Product Prepare is Warranty My Foot. Our Staff Butler from the Car Talk Mumbai Division is Mahatma Kot. From the New Delhi Office, our Blues Coordinator is Mohammedan Tolmi. Our Document Security Expert from the Island of Jamaica is Euripides Uppman. And our East Asian Used Car Expert is Alexandra Sojanison. Our Avasive Driving Instructor is Vera Bruppley. Our Town Car Rear Seat Passen passenger is Ralph Oliver. Ralph all over. Our director of moral support

is Hugh DeMann. Our chief justice is Harry Menthol known on the bench as Judge Menthol. And our Leo Tolstoy biographer is Warren Pease, author of Leo Tolstoy by Warren Pease. Our chief counselor from the law firm of Dewey, Cheetah, and Howell is Ewan Lewis Dewey, known among the tinsel in Harvard Square as Ewan Louis Dewey. Thanks so much for listening. We're Click and Clack, the Tappan Brothers, and Don't Drive Like My Brother. Don't Drive Like My Brother, All My Sisters. Oh yeah, I forgot.

We'll be back next week. Bye bye. And now, with an important announcement, here is Car Talk Plaza's chief mechanic, Mr. Vinnie Gumbatz. Alright, now, if you just want a copy of this week's The Car Talk Show, which is number, get this, 51. And you're going to give everyone the phone number to call, Vinnie? Is that the idea? No, I'm going to have myself some septet you moron.

The number to call is 303-823-8000. And if people wanted the new cassette in the CD called Men Are From GM Women Are From Ford calls about the couples in cars, would they use the same number Vinnie? No, you'd call the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta. Geez, moron. Of course you'd calling us same number, 303-823-8000, or you can get stuff through our shameless commerce division at cartalk.msn.com.

You know, under that gruff exterior, you are actually a very sweet man. Oh, drop dead. Car Talk is a production of Do We Cheat Him and Howe and WBUR in Boston. And even though Nina and Koki embrace each other and sob every time they hear us say it, this is NPR National Public Radio.