The Best of Car Talk - #2531: Practical Jokes Will Save Us

Episode Date: April 19, 2025

When all hope seems to be lost for humanity we can still rely on practical jokes to keep us going. Feel the Schadenfreude on this episode of the Best of Car Talk.Get access to hundreds of episodes in the Car Talk archive when you sign up for Car Talk+ at plus.npr.org/cartalkLearn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

If buying a home feels out of reach, you might have more options than you think. You might be able to, especially if you have a little bit of money saved up and if you qualify for a low down payment mortgage, maybe even with some down payment assistance. It definitely could be a possibility for you. Listen to the LifeKit podcast from NPR for first time home buyer tips. Hello and welcome to Car Talk from National Public Radio with us, Click and Clack the Tap It Brothers, and we're broadcasting this week from the Crash Test Support Division here at Carock Plaza. Now the folks at NHTSA, everyone knows NHTSA. You mean the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration? Yes, those are the

guys that crash the cars in order to determine which ones are safe and which ones have to be sold with the funeral wreath mounted right on the grill. Anyway, they're rethinking the crash test dummy phenomenon or whatever you want to call it. I read that there was an article in every paper in automotive news yes everywhere in the world there was an article yeah and anyway that Nissan has been using one kind of crash test dummy for years and it apparently just dawned on them that using only one body type is ridiculous because drivers come in a different variety of body types, right?

You ain't kidding. So now they're building- I've been married to most of them personally. Oh, sh- Not all of them. Dig yourself right in, man. Half of them. Half?

Which half would that be? I don't think I want to go there. Well, anyway, they are now building, or maybe breeding is the right word, a whole family of dummies for crash testing. Now, right now, they're using like a 5'10", 170 pound male dummy, muddled after my brother. And some other members of Nitz's new dummy family

will be, for example, a 5'3", 107 pound female and a child dummy. I know a few kids that could... Yeah. I mean, I think this is important. I mean, the child dummy, you know, the trouble is that they don't do it right. Here's the problem, because NHTSA is a bunch of engineers. And so when they do these tests, like they have the driver sitting there behind the steering wheel with like both hands on the steering wheel right and then they boom they crashed the car no you need a what about the guy leaning over he's getting coffee out of the cup holder he's changing the radio stay always trying to fish out a cigarette that fell down that's when the

accidents happen with his butt lifted off the seat, his head leaning forward. His head is leaning forward. Exactly. The accidents happen. You don't have an accident when you're sitting there behind the wheel with both hands on the steering wheel. Not usually. No.

No, when you're groping for that cassette tape, it fell into the seat. Exactly. When you're leaning behind you, you get stuff out of the back seat. It gives a dope slap. Exactly right. So we're going to try to straighten them out. I mean, like the thing with the kids. They've got a 60 pound baby or something

they're going to put in the back seat. But what they really should have is a couple of kids trying to strangle each other. And one of them trying to push the other one out the window. That's what realism is. Come on, guys. Get it straight. And there's got to be a mother-in-law.

411, 350. Sitting in the back seat but leaning forward. Yeah. Leaning forward. Between the seats. Between the seats trying to tell the son-in-law. The son-in-law where to go. Or how to use the global positioning system. Pressing all the buttons. What's this one for? What's this one for David? Anyway if you want to talk to a couple of real dummies the number is 1-888-CAR-TALK. That's 888-227-8255. Hello, you're on Car Talk. My name is Amy, and I have a 76 orange Chevy love.

And I've been experiencing some problems with the lights just going off. You've got a love that's 22 years old. Yeah, you have it up on blocks No, I got it at an auction though for six hundred dollars when in 78 This year last year actually my dad bought it for me and that's another issue that I want to get into But it's related to this whole light thing going out because I want to try to fix this Before my dad gets too upset with me Because he's supporting me through grad school right now. So that's a whole nother issue

All right, what are you pursuing in grad school? I'm getting my master's in technical communications What where do you go to school? I go to Oregon State University. Oh good cool Okay, you got this old beat-up truck and what's the problem with it? Well, okay So I was driving on this curb at night and the lights just blinked out on me So I pulled over and I was thinking to myself what am I gonna do? My gosh? I'm in the middle of nowhere So I turn the hazards on and I could drive like that with the light of the hazards, but it was very very minimal

That's good. Yeah, I was concerned that someone would hit me most I was just visualizing you since the hazards flash on and off I was running if you stepped on the gas when they were on and then they take a foot off the gas when they go off Your headlights conked out on you correct, correct Okay And so I'm gonna stop at this guy's house and who incidentally I went to high school with I found out but anyway So I he changed the fuse and it worked. I thought it was just a fuse I had blown and then so i i i think he changed the few that it worked i thought it was just a few that had blown and then um... then it went out again that came night and so i thought well i'm quitting this

like all my brother and he took me home and um... so they just don't work at night i haven't been driving the car at night but so the car runs fine otherwise yeah i'm jiggle the wires that go into the fused box and they blinked on so then i drove drove like really sweaty and nervous back home from Portland. But I know sometimes if I'll hit a bump that

the lights will kind of dim a little bit and you know but they won't though that was kind of blink off but they'll come back on sometimes and then sometimes we'll just blink off completely. And he replaced one fuse and all the headlights then worked? Right and it was I have the fuse box cover right here, it says the 10A headlamp lower L, so 10 amp. Well that's low beam left. Yeah, but he did that one and it worked. Here's what happens often times.

You think that quote, all your headlights blew out. Right. And in fact, you only had one headlight working. And you didn't notice it. And what blew out is the last of the headlights. And the other one was gone already. So when you say they've come back on, have you actually witnessed both headlights being

lit at the same time? Yes. From outside the truck? Yeah. Oh. When they stopped working that first night, did the high the same time? Yes. From outside the truck? Yeah. Oh. When they stopped working that first night, did the high beams also fail? Yes. So you had no beams whatsoever, highs or lows.

But parking lights, I have. No, I know, but he puts this one fuse in. Right. And all of a sudden... Everything works. Everything works. You have all four beams. Right. Yeah.

It means you got a bad connection somewhere. Yeah. Yeah, you have a short someplace. The fuse didn't really fix it. What I suspect happened is when he replaced that one fuse, he must have touched one of the adjacent fuses. Are these the old style glass fuses? Yeah. Yeah, there's probably all corrosion in there.

It may not be a short, it may just be lousy connections. So maybe it's just a new car? Maybe that's all I'll tell Dad. No, no, this is a simple thing, relatively. So now the big, we know what it is. It's either it's the fuse box and it's either the wires going to the fuse box or it's the fuse box itself or it's the fuse. It's one of those things. I'm going to suggest that that fuse didn't even blow. What happened was it just broke from old age. Yeah, and it just jiggled itself loose.

So then if I, so I have to tell my dad that and so that he'll replace the fuse box, or what do I do for that? He ain't gonna replace anything and you ain't gonna find the fuse box for this thing. So then I think I should get a new truck. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, you can take the fuse box.

You can have the fuse box removed if it's all corroded. Uh-huh. And you can have individual fuses put in, but you'll have to do some wiring. For like a million dollars? No, no, no, no. This is not rocket science. But you're going to have to take it someplace and tell them what's going on. And they're going to jiggle the wires that connect to the fuse box, and they're going to get the lights to go on and off.

And they'll say, uh-huh, this is what's wrong. And maybe they can fix it, and maybe they can't, but I suspect they will be able to. And they may have to eliminate the fuse box and put all in-line fuses in. But that's not hard to do. And then they can label them for you. Lights, heater, etc. And you'll figure out as they blow. 8-track.

Right. Good luck, Amy. Thank you. See ya. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. One triple eight car talk. That's one triple eight double two seven eighty two double five.

Hello, you're on Car Talk. This is Bill from Dover, Delaware. Hey Bill. Bill, why do I have the feeling we've spoken before? Everybody says that. Really? They say I have a voice that sounds like everybody else. Oh, you sound like the guy from the IRS that keeps calling.

Oh man, he's calling you too? Anyway, what's up? Well about ten days ago I'm driving to the airport with my my wife and the airport's about an hour and a half away We went to Baltimore. Well six o'clock in the morning. We're halfway there man. The temperature gauge goes up skyrockets Oh Always the way. Oh man. I had a flight at 710 and at 6 o'clock Yeah, so we decided to go to the Western Auto it opened at 8 o'clock. So we decided to go to the Western Auto. It opened at 8 o'clock and sure enough the water hose is broken on the top. You know? Well anyway, since then the temperature gauge

has been fluctuating up and down. And all you did that day was replace a hose? Yes. Now you haven't told us yet what kind of a car it is. Oh, I'm sorry. I wanted to guess. Okay. Really? You're going to guess what kind of a car it is? Well, I'm going to start big. You're going to start big. I'm going to start with, you know, I'm going to scale it down. Does it have four wheels?

Yes. All right. Is it made in America? No. Yes. It is. I won't buy anything else except America. Okay, well, I have no idea what it is.

I don't either. I was going to guess it was a Volvo until he said that now. I was gonna guess it was a Honda I was heading for Honda, but yeah 93 sable station wagon mercury sable station wagon. Okay What which hose was it? It was the top hose Short one. Yeah, no coming off the water pump. Yeah, I think yeah, it's a right angled hose Oh, there's little little skinny holes. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, it's a right angled hose. Oh, oh, the little skinny hose. Yeah. Yeah, it does blow all the time. Okay.

And now the temperature gauge has been erratic. Right. When you did this... Yes. You saw that the hose was broken, you pulled off the old hose, how much stuff did you lose? He didn't do it himself, they did it. Yeah, they did it. Yeah, everything was lost. But you were watching them.

How much fluid did they lose? lose no he was in the waiting room pacing yeah I was in the waiting room they wouldn't let me in there isn't how much he lost oh you don't know any of these now what they did was they put the hose on there but knowing you were in a hurry or maybe not doing a complete job they left some air in the system they didn't bleed it so I think it's air bound that's what it is this is that day that hose blew did it overheat that day that hose blew? Did it overheat? Yes it did.

Well then I would change the thermostat because you probably croaked it. Ah, okay. I would replace the thermostat and get all the air out of there, fill it up to the tippity top with antifreeze, and everything will happen like it's supposed to. Ah, great. See you, Bill. Okay, I appreciate it.

Thanks, Bill. Take care. Bye bye. Bye. Hey, we've got more calls and the puzzler answer coming up right after this. This message comes from WISE, the app for doing things and other currencies. With WISE, you can send, spend, or receive money across

borders all at a fair exchange rate. No markups or hidden fees. Join millions of customers and visit wise.com. T's and C's apply. Keeping up with the news can feel like a 24 hour job. Luckily, it is our job. Every hour on the NPR News Now podcast, we take the latest, most important stories happening, and we package them into five minute episodes. So you can easily squeeze them in between meetings and

on your way to that thing. Listen to the NPR News Now podcast now. You have your job, but you also have a life. And you're not just one thing. Neither is the Here and Now Anytime podcast. Every weekday, we break down the biggest story of the day and something else, like a new trend everyone's talking about. It's Here and Now Anytime, a daily podcast from NPR and WBUR. At Planet Money, we'll take you from a race to make rum in the Caribbean. Our rum from a quality standpoint is the best in the world. To the labs dreaming up the most advanced microchips.

It's very rare for people to go inside. To the back rooms of New York's Diamond District. What, you're looking for the stupid guy here? They're all smart, don't worry about it. Planet Money from NPR. We go to the story and take you along with us, wherever you get your podcasts. Rent money from NPR. We go to the story and take you along with us wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, we're back. You're listening to Car Talk with us. Click and clack the Tabard Brothers here with the answer to last week's puzzler.

Do you remember last week's puzzler? No. No idea whatsoever. Crusty? No. Automotive? I was hoping you'd remember. I don't have any idea.

No, it was an automotive riddle of sorts. And what I liked about this, it was historic, folkloric, challenging, what do you call that? Interesting. Interesting and vague. New category. New category, vague. Vague is good. I do remember that I didn't understand the question.

You didn't? I did not. I didn't know what you were talking about, but I knew that when you gave the answer, I would say, oh, that's what the question was. There you go. So the question itself was a puzzle. There was really only one, and I'll repeat the question.

Go ahead. What is it that we, we few, we happy few, for a long time could really do with our cars? Yeah. Okay, get that part. Yeah. And that could be a lot of things. Anything.

Like drive 600 miles an hour. Then for a while we could do it quite easily. Uh-huh. And no hints so far. I mean, this could be, again, I mean, anything. Yeah. And now we can still do it, but here's the hint. It would take us 10 times longer to do it if at all.

And that's really the only hint, the 10 times longer to do it if at all. And that's really the only hint, the 10 times longer. If we take the 10 literally. Well it is literal, I didn't say about 10. You said 10. I said 10, it would take you 10 times longer to do it. Yeah. Well if you go back to the early days of cars,

the thing that you could never get your car to do was to make it to 100,000 miles and flip the odometer over from all nines to all zeros. And then as cars improved, you were able to do that. But now you can't do it on most cars because they've added another digit. They've added a sixth digit. So you're going to go to one million miles. You're going to go to one million miles. And it's 10 times harder to do it, then it used to be do we have a winner?

No, I like it yeah, that's good the best part is it's big Yeah, we do have a winner. It's Ray Reynolds from Renton rushing Already he ain't buying, he's renting. Ray Reynolds from Renton, Washington. And Ray is going to get one of our wonderful, beautiful, lovely t-shirts inscribed with this very strange boast. Car Talk, celebrating 10 years of bad car advice. I think that's pretty nice.

Of course, no one would wear a shirt like that, but since they're 100% cotton, Ray, you can use it to mop up anything that happens to be on the floor that you don't want to be on the floor. You spill a glass of orange juice, bingo! The Car Talk t-shirt is right there. The t-shirt's at the ready. At the ready, mopping up everything. The most absorbent t-shirt on the market. Good enough. Anyway, we'll have a brand new puzzle coming up in the third half of today's show, so don't touch that dial. In the meantime, we'll take your calls at 1-888-CAR-TALK. That's 1-888-227-825.

Hello, you're on Car Talk. Hi, this is Paul from Bel Air, Maryland. Bel Air? You know where Bel Air is? No. Oh, it's the boyhood home of John Wilkes Booth. Oh, no kidding. Yeah, man. And his two brothers. What were the brothers' names? That's right. You had to ask me, didn't you? His father was Junius and his brother was Edwin. One brother was also named Junius. Oh, okay. Junius, Edwin, and John. There was a song. What's his name? Did that? Who? It sounds like a Gordon Lightfoot song. No, no, Dion. Judy is? No, never mind. So, Paul, what's up? Well, I have an 85 Nissan Sentra wagon, and it makes a variety of interesting and sometimes

shocking noises. The first one, kind of like a... Okay. Kind of a creaking noise, which it tends to make most of the time or most easily heard when you apply the brakes as you come to a stop. Ah, okay. Good. First I got that. Oh, a butt. That's a butt. Yeah, you also can hear it if you're very careful. Like if I'm just idling and coasting down to a stop, I can still hear the noise

very softly even before I apply the brief got it that's okay that's easy we can live with that okay next for that one i took it back to the fireplace could i recently had uh... front tires replaced about maybe it was a new you know or from the tire or rates they

couldn't find a lot with the tires they said they did find a high spot on the right front rotor. Yes. I said, okay. And apparently they tried to sand off the rust or whatever they did to the rust, cleaned it up. And, but the noise was still there. So this noise appeared after you had the tires put on.

Yeah. And we understand all those facts. That's okay. Next noise. Okay. The next noise is one that i've been having for i don't know at least a year probably more than that and it happens primarily

when i'm running a corner like say i've been at a light and the light turns green and i want to turn left i think it happens also when i turn right but anyway most of the way through the the turn i get this clunk noise under in the back a single

loud clunk yet about clunk noise under in the back a single loud clunk yet after that okay so you know i've started hearing this noise i took a nice that they had like to make sure that the tail end of my car isn't gonna fall off you know on my are my breaks alive is my car okay they look at the trip noise what noise i don't know if you're going to the clunk is coming from the front isn't no no no the clunk seems to come from the back.

Ah, good. And that only happens, oh, I don't know. I drive the car, I carpool, and so I drive the car to work maybe two, three times a week. I might hear it, you know, once, twice a week. Is it worse when you have people in the back seat? I always have people in the back seat. Otherwise, you're not driving?

Yeah, essentially. Okay. Yeah, excellent. Good, good, good, okay. You are a great caller, by the way, Paul. You've got all the answers. You've got all the information. You've done everything, everything. Right, and there's virtually no excuse for our not having a definitive answer for you.

Exactly. A succinct and concise and accurate and we have a little and we can't in this case ever say well go back and try out such-and-such and call us back well we use that as the final out when we are completely baffled well i'll give you an hour how's this one i felt to tell you previously that my wife has a degree in art history that may come in the back of the come in handy. We'll use that somehow.

The noise is not, the first noise is not your tires. It's not. But it may have been caused by the tire people. You do have a warped disc. Okay. What you're hearing, especially when you step on the brake, is you're hearing that high spot on that warped disc come around and hit the pads. And if you were really sensitive to it, you'd actually feel the brake pedal pulsing a little bit underneath your foot. Yeah, yeah the guy at the tire store reported feeling that. Sure. I didn't feel it. They may have snugged up the lug nuts a little too tight and that could have caused it to happen after you put the tires on. Okay. They may have. Sometimes if you tighten the lug nuts excessively or in the wrong order, you know, you

don't crisscross and you just plant one and then plant the one next to it, it's possible to warp a disc. But you'll never blame it. You'll never blame that on them. They've probably already changed the name of their business anyway. Yeah, they're not there anymore. And I'm not that concerned about that, but I am more concerned about the clunking noise in the rear. You are.

I am. But I think you have a bad shock in the back. I assume that somebody has put the thing up in the air and verified. That nothing's falling off. That nothing's going to fall off back there. Yes. Yeah.

And if an 85 Central wagon, this must have struts in the rear. Does it have coil springs? Yeah, it has coil springs and struts and all that. And I think you have a bad strut. Okay. And it's probably sticking, and when you put all those fat co-workers in the back seat, and you squish the springs down, and then you make a turn, the shock that's stuck in the down position gets freed up, and you'll get that one loud snap from it.

Huh. I think that's what it is. Okay, that makes sense. So you're saying that when it clunks, it's it's stuck and if it doesn't clunk it's because most of the time it isn't sticking. Right. Okay. I think. I mean. That's the theory here. That's the current theory and it may be wrong. Okay, well it probably is. Yeah. I mean you can pretty much be guaranteed that the second answer's wrong. It's almost a certainty. Yeah, your wheels are probably going to fall off. But thank God you're driving and you're not in the back seat.

With the fat guys. With the fat guys. Thanks Paul. Thank you. See you later. Bye bye. 1-888-CAR-TALK, that's 1-888-228-2-8275-45-Hike. Hello, you're on Car Talk.

How are you guys? Hey, who's this? Hi, this is John from New York. Hey John. New York City? Yeah, New York City. Manhattan, New York City? You got it. Really? Yeah, my car question is germane to my situation here in New York actually. Yeah. I have an 87 Tercel and it's got only about 87,000 miles on it. But since moving here to New York about three or or four years ago we put it in the garage uh... and you know we never get out of the city we take it out so it gets out maybe once a month sometimes maybe not

for a couple months three months and i'm concerned when we do take it out we should going for a fairly long trip and i'm concerned that that appear to time we're sitting in the garage like the oil turning to gum or something like that. Is there anything I should be doing to make sure that it's that that period of time is okay? How long a ride would you go on every two or

three months? Well typically um... Come to Boston for example? Yeah exactly. And the garage in which it's parked uh... is where? Like in your building? Uh no it's down, it's in the city, but it's out close to the highway. Does anyone who's in charge of the garage have the keys to your car so they could move it?

Yeah, right, exactly. Rest assured, it's being used on a regular basis. You have nothing to worry about. I wouldn't be the least bit concerned. Have you noticed little holes in the roof? That's where the least bit concerned. Yeah, have you noticed little holes in the roof? That's where the taxi sign was. So I shouldn't be at all concerned?

Well, I wouldn't really be concerned. I mean, you might want to make sure that you change the oil every six months. Okay, so should I change it more frequently than I would by mileage? Oh yeah, certainly. You should do it more than you would by mileage. Yeah, I would say if you're planning a trip, if you travel every six months, it would be more often than that. Right, a long trip about every six months.

Before you take that trip, change the oil and filter. Okay. Other than that, the other fluids are fine. I mean, the antifreeze doesn't care how long it sits there. It'll be perfectly all right. I mean, you may have a seal that dries up here or there. You may develop a little leak,

but the nice thing about an 87 tercel is that's an 87 Tercel. Right, exactly. Yeah. Alright. Thanks a lot, guys. See you, John. See ya. Good luck, John. Bye. Alright, it's time for the new puzzler, but first we have to take a short break. Why? So I came up with a new puzzler, okay? These days there is a lot of news. It can be hard to keep up with what it means for you, your family, and your community. Consider This from NPR is a podcast that helps you make sense of the news. Six days a week, we bring you a deep dive on a story and provide

the context, backstory, and analysis you need to understand our rapidly changing world. Listen to the Consider This Podcast from NPR. Ha! We're back. You're listening to – just when you thought it was safe. You're listening to Car Talk with us, Click and Clack the Tablet Brothers, and we're here to discuss cars, car repair, and the new puzzler. Okay. I can hardly wait. Well, I wouldn't get too excited. I have a long list of potential puzzlers I could use here, but I decided to use this

one that my son handed to me, my teenage son, handed to me recently that he got from some game that he has and I can't suppose the game because if I gave you the name you'd never look it up there, It's just too many. And I I'll have to I can't read it verbatim because that would be what? stealing I could be accused of stealing. So I'll change the wording. Okay. Yeah, and throw a crusty here and in there once in a while. There you go. Here it is. Long before planes were invented Okay, yeah, and throw a crusty here and in there once in a while. There you go.

Here it is. Long before planes were invented, some engineers were contemplating building a suspension bridge across the Gorge Niagara Falls. There's a big gorge. You know what a gorge is? Big gorge? Well, a gorge is like a canyon with a river below. So you can imagine this.

You've got this river and you've got these two walls that are virtually vertical, the river raging below, and you wanna go from one side to the other. Yeah. You got the picture? I got it, yeah. You don't really?

I do, I got it. I've been there. You've been there. If I hadn't been there, I wouldn't be able to visualize what you just said. But there was, you wouldn't, I didn't think so. But there was no way to get the cables from one side to the other because there

was no boat that could fight that current. I mean, they hadn't invented power boats at that time. This is in the days of steam, you know, wind, when men were made of steel and ships are made of wood. And anyway, they figured out they had to get the cables across somehow. And the engineers decided, or the builders, staged a contest open to the public to solve their problem. The contest was won by a young kid, a boy.

Really? And shortly after the contest was completed, they were able to run the cables from one side of the gorge to the other. The question very simply is, what was the kid's name? How old was he? And what color shoes was he wearing? What was the contest? What was the contest? Yeah. That's it. I mean it's pretty simple. It may be, this may be completely bogus. I have no idea. It doesn't matter. It it doesn't matter as long as it's plausible and that we won't get lots and lots of hate mail because

Someone has to answer all that hate mail. You know I get it. I just throw it out Anyway if you think you know the answer to this puzzler or you have access to free postage at work mail your answer to Puzzler tower car talk Plaza Plaza, Box 3500, Harvard Square, Cambridge, Matt 02238, or you can email us your answer from our website, cartalk.msn.com, just click on the Talk to Car Talk section. And of course, if we happen to choose your answer at random, for among all the correct answers, you'll get one of our Car Talk t-shirts, etc., etc., etc. Now if you want to call us, the number is 1-888-CAR-TALK, that's 1-888-227-8255. Hello, you're on Car Talk.

Hi, guys. Hi, who's this? This is Teresa Bush. Hi, Teresa. Is there an H in that? No, no H. Where are you from? I'm from Juneau, Alaska.

Now, when was the last time, I guess you're not the right person to necessarily ask this. Why, because she's a wacko living in Juneau? Is that the implication here? I didn't say anything like that. I just thought she wasn't representative of the average American woman. I could read your mind, couldn't I? She's a wacko from Juneau. When was the last time you played a practical joke? American woman I could read your mind couldn't I you know wacko from Juneau

when was the last time you played a practical joke on one of your girl on some body buddy girlfriend or boyfriend or anybody tying their shoelaces together us black shoe polish on the phone I millions for you Setting the hair on fire and it's something real fun been a while Women I think women to tend to you know what it must be that mothering instinct what it is. They're mature oh See someone's got to grow up on the planet We would have five billion people would have five and a half billion people playing practical jokes. You people on feet! I mean, you can't know what it's like to stick a lit cigar between somebody's toes at the

beach and watch that burn down. But if everyone was doing it, it would get old. It certainly would get out of hand. It might get out of hand, but on the other hand, maybe we wouldn't be going to war and whatever. We'd be doing practical joke things. That's right. It would give Saddam something else to do.

Right. Yeah. Anyway, geez. So it's been a while. I can see him now. It's been a long while. I just gave two of my generals anthrax. Boy, are they going to feel sick tomorrow.

So Theresa, thanks for calling. No problem. I just gave two of my generals anthrax. They're gonna feel sick tomorrow. So, Theresa, thanks for calling. No problem. What's up? Well, I have a 1976 Toyota Land Cruiser. Wow. Nothing to joke about there. No. And it's running, huh?

It runs like a charm. No kidding. Other than, I think I have a carburetor problem. Aha. What does it do that makes you think it has a carburetor problem? I go to start it up and it turns over but it acts like it's not getting gas into the carburetor. It just goes on until the battery... I can keep trying it until the battery goes dead. Really? Right. Do you pump the gas pedal a few times? Yes.

You don't? Yeah, it has an automatic choke, or not an automatic choke, manual choke. Okay. Even with that out, I tried that. It still acts like it's not getting gas. And so I've got out, hooked it up to my husband's old Ford that's sitting in the driveway.

As far as jumper cables go and then I put about a tablespoon of gasoline into the carburetor and it will backfire and start. Why do you wait till the battery goes dead before you do this? Right, do the gasoline thing first. That's more fun, I suppose. Yeah, I'm playing with fire. That's why I'm a little worried about it. This is more likely to be a problem if the thing has been sitting for a long period of time? Yeah. Sometimes it will sit for maybe three days and then that's when it happens. If it does sit for three days, that's when it happens. Exactly. So if it sits for two days, it starts most of the time.

Gotcha. Because what's happening is the gasoline is either evaporating from the carburetor or somehow more likely leaking out. Juneau, Alaska. No, not that. It's probably frozen in there. And the fuel pump doesn't have enough oomph to, especially when it's 29 degrees below zero

and the engine is, this has a mechanical pump. And now you're asking the fuel pump to suck gasoline out of the tank and fill up the carburetor enough to start the thing. And the reason the teaspoon of gas works is that when you crank that engine and it starts and backfires that seven seconds that it runs or whatever, that's enough to get that fuel pump instead of going pump, pump, pump, pump to go, and fill up the carburetor and then it starts.

I see. So you have a variety of options. Yes, you do. You could try just starting the thing up every day for even a second, and that would probably solve the problem. Or you could install an auxiliary electric fuel pump. Ooh.

Ooh. And in the summer, when you would get vapor lock, this will assist in diminishing the effect. You don't have a summer. They don't have summer. No. Well we kind of do. What are you doing in Juneau, Teresa?

Now that we've spoken to you, you don't sound like a wacko. I'm a massage therapist. And I am. She is a wacko. I had a lesson. Wouldn't you want to, pardon, you know, I hate to ask an impertinent question, but wouldn't you want to be where there are people? Evidently not.

No. No, actually I'd rather be where there's fish. I like the fish. You like to massage fish? Yes. Yes. Hey. Talk about kinky.

They're more responsive. Well, I mean, she likes to be with her husband and that's it and that's very nice and so did you follow him there to he follow you or do you lose them you do need their their well it's a little bit here you met there we met here ice fishing uh... and i think you know what what the hell do you know what you're not

i think that that already that no no there's lots of things we're in a middle of I have a glacier like name to and snow can't be one of them you have a glacier that doesn't count yeah doesn't change much from day to day really right are there any trees a lot

yeah oh yeah trees lots of trees in my backyard all right well we've given you enough of a hard time and you've been Yeah, and there any trees a lot. Yeah. Oh, yeah All right, well we've given you enough of a hard time and you've been very charming and we'd like to have you leave with a cash prize, but we don't have And you really don't qualify Joy talking to you, Teresa. Thanks a lot. You guys have been great. Hey, thanks for the advice. See you later. I'll try that. What was the advice? I forgot what she asked us.

Bye-bye. I don't remember, but it was great anyway. Well, it's happened again. You vaporized yet another hour listening to car talk. Our esteemed producer was Doug the Subway Fugitive, not a slave to Fashion Berman. And what was his phone number again? Our social producer and Dean of the College of Automy, you know especially, he don't call him next week, he's gonna be on vacation. Oh that's right. Yeah, wait a week.

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