The Best of Car Talk - #2533: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Jalopy

Episode Date: April 26, 2025

The jig is up! Morley Safer from CBS' 60 minutes has tracked us down! But, wait: It turns out that ol' Morley just wanted to defend the most indefensible of automobile makers: the French! Morley's folly on this episode of the Best of Car Talk.Get access to hundreds of episodes in the Car Talk archive when you sign up for Car Talk+ at plus.npr.org/cartalkLearn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

Keeping up with the news can feel like a 24 hour job. Luckily, it is our job. Every hour on the NPR News Now podcast, we take the latest most important stories happening and we package them into five minute episodes. So you can easily squeeze them in between meetings and on your way to that thing. Listen to the NPR News Now podcast now. Hello and welcome to Car Talk from National Public Radio with us, Flick and Clack the Tappet Brothers. And we're broadcasting this week from the Department of Oral Numerology here at Car Talk. We have started something here.

I guess my new style of giving the phone number has generated a little bit of mail. Yeah. Almost all of it favorable, I might add. Yeah, well, I think people realize that we're not doing things correctly in this here country. It's time now for a real change in the way we oralize numerologists. BOTH LAUGH I want to read a couple of letters. Here's the first one. We listen to your show every week, my wife and I,

on our local public radio station. You guys do go on and on about your new phone number. If you were my age, you would remember back to the 50s and early 60s when Mob Bell really started cramming digital phone numbers down our throats. No more Butterfield 8s, for example. Right? Yeah.

Oh, those are great. Those were the good old days. Mission Hill 9. Sure, I mean, I still remember my phone number from when I was a little kid in high school, Kirkland 7, Kirkland. Yes, sounds mysterious. University 4. Yes. sounds mysterious. University four.

Yes. I was state prison too. Anyway, he says, I was a charter member of a counter group known as the anti-digit dialing league. We would have referred to your telephone number in the only correct way to speak numbers. 18,882,278,255. I like it. A letter from a fellow named Tim Denny He says in England from whence I hail a phone number like Belgravia

2555 would be would be announced as Belgravia 25 double five. Ah, yeah, see that no no notes. I can't do triple eight anymore doesn't Triple eight is no And then of course my favorite. Your recent presentation of your phone number, the way the Brits do it, i.e. triple eight double two, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, brought to mind another peculiar habit they have with numbers.

I've noticed that BBC announcers say thousand to million instead of billion, as in the Earth is believed to be 4,000 million years old, or something in the defense, D-E-F-E-N-C-E. And he says, what's the deal with their spelling? Costing a thousand million pounds. I've never heard them use billion. Why is that?

Is billion not a recognized quantitative descriptor by the British, but viewed by them as some vulgar American creation? I think a billion in England is what our trillion is. I think a billion is a thousand million. They don't have the word billion in English, in their English. Anyway. Yeah. With that, with all that said, if you would like to call us, the number is 1-888-CARTALK

or 18,882,258,255 or 888-227-7825, all for your traditional list, 888227825. Hello, you're on Car Talk. We'll never get another call. I'm guaranteeing you, we'll never ever get another call. What was wrong with the old number we had? It was so simple. Hello, you're on Car Talk if there's anyone there. Hi my name's Abe, I'm calling from Somerville, Massachusetts. Yeah. Hometown guy. So what's on your mind today Abe? Well uh true Bostonian that I am, I like to

try and cut down my commuting time. Yeah. Go between work and school a lot of times and trip uh you know rush hour traffic and all that. Yeah. And uh I had an idea about um putting a second horn into my truck. I like to sort of keep things moving and traffic light. Oh, you like to be able to blast people. You're gonna be the kind of guy that everybody loves, huh?

What are you trying to do? It's not as crazy as it sounds. I think it is. But go ahead, lay it on us. Well basically, the idea is to have two independent sounding horns so that it sounds like more than one cars harking Oh, I got you. So you don't necessarily want to get one of those blasters that the semis have

Oh, you want to make the guy in front who's asleep at the wheel think that 12 cars behind them exactly. Oh Exactly. It's not it's not an obnoxious thing. I just want to keep things moving in one car honks. Everybody thinks Absolutely, that's very good good idea you are more importantly you need to make it sound one of the horns has to be a little beep beep to make it sound like the 12th guy back yeah blowing his horn well so the horns have to have to decrease in intensity and you deploy them yeah and I think you're gonna have to do this electronically I think so too oh yeah I mean you could do it in the old-fashioned way by

installing 12 different horns and having 12 different little buttons but that would be crude. But you might be a giveaway by not being able to close the hood. Well actually what I think it was getting like a real I drive a little Toyota truck yeah and I was thinking to get in like a real deep American car sounding horn Yeah, yeah, and then you know the wiring and all that Well, I think you could you could very simply do this with a little speaker and a little electronic device You may have to go to I don't know Jaime's horn center or something and you may be able to get something radio shak Oh, I know who's gonna have it, J.C. Whitney.

J.C. Whitney is a purveyor of fine automotive products for the last hundred and seventy years. But I have to ask you this Abe, you don't think it's rude to blow your horn at people? I don't lean on the horn, I just you know make people aware of what's going on. Sure well I mean if someone is asleep at the light and the light changes and a half a minute goes by and he's still there reading his newspaper then you're justified but be these people who the light turns green and I mean we're talking about a nanosecond here the light is green and the guy behind you beep he's on his horn every time happens, I purposely stall my car and get out and ask the guy behind me, I'm sorry, was there a problem? To be fair, I have driven behind you.

And suffice it to say that you have never gotten away from a stoplight. What's the big deal? Well, in less than 20 or 30 seconds. So I can understand the guy behind you that I don't condone it, but I can understand it. But that's why I say it's rude. If I were walking down the street in front of you and I were walking too slowly, would you push me? Would you yell in my ear, hey jerk, move a little faster?

You would never do that if I were walking down the street. No, but he could... Would you yell in my ear, Hey jerk, move a little faster? No. You would never do that if I were walking down the street. All I'm asking is, treat me when I'm in my car, the way you would treat me if I was walking down the street. Well, he might trip you. Well, I'll try to trip you. No, but you know what you do when you're walking down the street and someone's going too slowly?

You go around them. You go around them. Yeah, you can. And you can't always do that when you're stuck in traffic. And if you can't, what do you have to do? You blow them away. You have to wait. No, you blow the horn. The world has forgotten how to wait.

Don't forget, we're not talking about waiting for hours. We're talking about seconds, if even that. Well, you add all those up. Like Abe is just about to say, it could add up to years. It doesn't add up. It's the last year's turn. It doesn't add up. I mean, if you could get every single one of these people to move his butt a second or two sooner

You'd get to work. You could retire five years earlier. You would get to work a half a minute sooner big deal You know how life is Yeah, I know how life is and it's pretty sad blast them a blast of men don't blast behind me because you'll never get to work I'll try to reverse and smash your headlights. He doesn't have any headlights. Not anymore, he doesn't. See you later, man. Thanks for calling, Abe.

Good luck. I'll see you on 93. JC Whitney. All right. Bye-bye. We'll toot when we go bye. Bye-bye. Bye.

1-888-CAR-TALK, that's 888-227-8255. Hello, you're on Car Talk. Hi, my name is Liz and I'm from Portland, Oregon. Hi Liz. Hey, how are you? Good, how are you? Not bad. Not much to say about Portland. I really don't know anything about it. It's a nice place. Let's leave it at that. Okay. What's going on? I'm going to be driving an 85 Chevy Blazer to Alaska in a couple weeks. Oh, well I'm the one of those.

And the speedometer cable makes an awful squeak some of the time. Uh-huh. And I'm wondering if I should pay to get it fixed, if I could fix it myself. They told me it was going to be an hour and a half of labor at the shop to do it. Yeah, because the instrument cluster has to come out

to replace the cable. However, you can have the thing lubricated Okay, that's what they said they might do. Yeah, I think there's a little gizmo They attach and they can shoot some some Silicone lubricant in there and that might work. It's it you get into like Alaska Calcan Highway there So you could you could try lubing or you is that the only problem you're worried about

well no i mean i'm gonna be driving twenty five hundred miles and uh... it in quick all right let's get out of the important stuff okay why you want to ask about uh... for a job and for a boy off well i know there was a fellow involved well you know For a job and for a boy a fella. I knew there was a fella involved. Well, you know, yeah

Really? Yeah, how won't you is put to stay there forever? No We'll be back here in the fall. I'll be starting graduate school in Corvallis in the fall Have you had someone check it out? I mean seriously for a minute here if you're really gonna get in this thing and drive 2,500 miles by yourself And when my mother is coming with me your mother is coming with you all the more reason And I have an appointment in a couple days to do what to just get it checked out Is there anything in particular you think I should have them look at everything they have to look at everything unfortunately? It's too late for you to buy our three dollar little pamphlet which would have told you everything But we have a list of all the stuff that ought to get checked out and you ought to tell whoever is checking

You know make believe that this was a used car that I'm planning to buy and check out Everything and let me know how close it is well falling apart I would recommend that you change all the belts and hoses okay and save the old ones, okay? That's what I was thinking about doing yeah Make sure you got good tires make sure that the front end is good and tight and no loose ball Joints of tie rod, stuff like that. I don't think it'll be too bad. This time of year it's not as bad as...

No, it's... the roads are heavily traveled too this time of year. Not like this summer. It won't be RVL or anything. All the people trying to escape! Why, they'll all be going the other way. You'll see a lot of traffic heading south because they just got unburied from 25 feet of snow. Probably. You'll see people on their hands and knees. Right, crying out, mild winter, my butt!

Well, good luck, please. Thank you very much. Thanks for calling. It's been a pleasure talking to you. Drive carefully. Thank you. Bye-bye. Bye.

We'll be right back with the answer to the puzzler right after these very important messages. This message comes from WISE, the app for doing things and other currencies. With WISE, you can send, spend, or receive money across borders, all at a fair exchange rate, no markups or hidden fees. Join millions of customers and visit Wyse.com. T's and C's apply.

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Air Canada, nice travels. On the Indicator from Planet Money podcast, we're here to help you make sense of the economic news from Trump's tariffs. It's called in game theory a trigger strategy, or sometimes called grim trigger, which sort of has a cowboy-esque ring to it. To what exactly a sovereign wealth fund is. For insight every weekday, listen to NPR's The Indicator from Planet Money. Listen to NPR's puzzler. Okay, you ready for this? Here's the prize for a 65 black AMC ambassador convertible. What was last week's puzzler?

I've got it! I've got it! I'm gonna win a car! Time's up, sorry. There was no puzzle last week. Yeah, there was a puzzle last week. You just don't remember it. I certainly don't. The events in this puzzle took place long, long ago before the advent of cars and planes. Let's say sometime roughly between the Stone Age and my brother's bar mitzvah. Okay, some engineers were contemplating...

Probably a year and a half. ...building a suspension bridge across a gorge. Oh. The gorge at Niagara falls. You know what a gorge is, right? I do. I do. That's what I do at Thanksgiving.

So you've got the, the river raging below and you've got to get cables for the suspension bridge from one side to the other, but there's, there's no way to get the cables across because There was no boat that could fight that current. I mean a boat trying to go from I mean No, and then they couldn't scale the vertical wall and the made of the mist hadn't been invented yet I had invented the made of the mist No, so they had to get the cables across somehow and after the engineers and builders figured out how to do it they staged a contest on a beautiful Sunday

afternoon open to the public and the purpose of the contest was to help get these massive cables across the gorge the contest was won by a young boy and shortly after the contest was completed they were able to run the cables from one side of the gorge to the other the question very simply was what's kids name? What was the contest?

Yeah, I didn't get this one. You didn't get it. I didn't know the contest. I didn't know even got I didn't understand the question actually you didn't know you gonna understand me I understand it now that you gave me the answer yesterday. You don't like it. No, I like it. That it was great. The contest was a kite flying contest. The first kid to be able to get a kite to his kite to land on the other side of the gorge one. And what they did was they took that kite string and attached to it.

A rope, slightly heavier than the thing. And they pulled that across and they attach Successively stronger ropes until they finally had one strong enough to pull what a cable across exactly And then once they had one they had another and there you go. Yeah, I think that's good. That's good I mean, like I said, it may be completely bogus as far as historically accurate It and it probably is judging from most of the puzzles that you've used, it would be an amazing feat if it were not. Yeah, it would be. And who's gonna win our fabulous prize this week? Well, our prize is won by a young boy.

It's not a young boy, it's someone named Jane Oakes from Longboat Key, Florida. Longboat Key. Cool name. There's someone who's not working for a living, you know that. No. boat key Florida long boat key cool name There's someone who's not working for a living you know that no. I know jane someone in the surfboard business Absolutely, Jane. We know that but anyway. We're gonna send you Because we chose your answer from among the thousands of correct answers that we had we're gonna send you a lovely blue and gray t-shirt That says car talk celebrating 10 years of bad car advice. That's boring, isn't it?

How can we even send it to her? Why would she want it? What would she do with it? What are we gonna do with them? Better her than us. You're absolutely right. Anyway, we'll have a brand new puzzler coming up in the third half of today's show,

and your chance to win one of these spectacular t-shirts, so don't touch that dial. In the meantime, we'll take your calls at 1-888-CAR-TALK. That's 888-227-8255. Hello, you're on Car Talk. Hi, this is Jeremy from Dallas. How you doing, Jeremy? Hey, I'm doing fine.

Great. Yeah, I was tempted to call in and say I was driving a sport utility vehicle at the speed of 110 in the great state of Montana and I was 92 years old. But I thought, man, if Tommy blows a vessel, I might have to pay for it. Yeah, you would have. Well, you know, you just reminded me of something, and I have to do that. I have to mention this.

My brother is going to rant about this. I know he is. I'm not. I'm not. You're not? No, I'm not. Okay. You're not in agreement? I don't think I am I am really that's about that I don't know what are you gonna say well here's my

rented rave I think auto manufacturers should be required by law to install in each car a V chip whoo and they could a velocity chip a velocity chip and they can do it for about a dime I think all modern vehicles are are fuel injected, they have on board computers, they have vehicle speed sensors and there's no reason why anyone in these here United States should be allowed to drive faster than say 85 miles an hour. Think of what that would do for example to high speed chases. Oh, it would take all the fun out of it. It would take all the fun.

See, I do disagree, now that I hear what you said. How can you possibly disagree? Here's what I disagree with. I think it's the A chip that we need more than the V chip. The acceleration chip. That's the real... The problem is acceleration. No, the problem is top speed. More people are killed by some bozo

That's doing 120 miles an hour and weaving in and out of traffic. I'm not sure that's true Well, we've conquered one thing at a time. They'll never go for both of them Anyway, I had to get that off my chest Jeremy, and I hope you don't mind I hope it doesn't taint in any way what you were gonna say no no in my four-cylinder van I will not be doing nothing miles an hour. No you you won't violate any of these rules. No, in my four-cylinder van, I will not be doing anything miles an hour. No, you won't violate any of these rules. No. Okay, here's my problem. I have a 96 Honda Odyssey, all right? Yeah.

At exactly 29,807 miles, in other words, right below that 30,000 miles cutoff, okay? I had driven just a block from my house. It was an unusually warm day. It's the afternoon. I'm driving downhill Gotcha and it's hideous Metallic screeching sound erupts from under the car you ran over one of the neighbors bicycles Well, God if it only been that simple under the car like we're under the car. Well, that's the thing immediately I thought I dropped my muffler, but it was from the front of the car gotcha go ahead make the noise okay yeah excellent love it for best sound in a supporting role

Jeremy from Dallas now I was actually going to pick up my daughter from daycare and I stopped the car, I jumped out, I crawled under the front thinking, yeah, there's a kid on a bicycle or a tricycle, now he's all wedged up under the car. Nothing. There's nothing there. I put the car in neutral, glided down the incline and it still made the sound. Okay, good.

The next day, it's warm again. Go down an incline, same thing, even in neutral. I bring the car back home. The next day it's colder, colder. Go to the dealership, nothing, absolutely nothing. Oh, I love it. It's been a thousand miles. And it never came back. Now, it's never repeated. Now, the only thing. It's been a thousand miles and it never came back. Never repeated. Now the

only thing the dealer told me, he said look it's your 15,000 mile and we had to add fluid to your ABS system. Now in these past thousand miles when you haven't heard the sound, have you experienced days which were as warm as the days when this first happened? Yes I'll bet you did yesterday for example. Yeah, I knew that was a bogus little herring running around there that temperature thing But I have found nothing under the car. I mean I looked behind the car. I didn't drop anything You know, I can't explain the the timing of this but I but your noise I can't explain the timing of this, but your noise sounded so much like something was stuck between the disc rotor and the little splash guard.

There's a little piece of tin, for lack of a better word, that goes behind the disc so that when you drive muddy roads and whatever cow dung and whatever doesn't get flung up on the discs. And it could be that something, a twig, a pebble, something was stuck in there, and that will make the most god-awful noise because it will cause that thin metal sheet to vibrate like mad. And then it could find a spot where it wasn't touching anything and go away for a half a day and then come back. Why it be temperature related or seem to be temperature related I have no idea

now this would mean though that when you drove back from the daycare center that day right it made the noise continued no because coming back is uphill that's what I thought and that's that's why my brothers were all wrong. Oh, no, things shift when you go downhill. Ah! I mean, they, the guys looked at it, did they not? They did look at it. Did they find nothing? They found nothing.

I do, I mean, I have to say I like it. I'm wanting to like it, I'm trying to accept it with all of my body and soul. Well, it's called faith, my brother. One must have faith. If you have no faith, you will never see the light. Yeah. But your hypothesis would continue

that whatever this thing was has probably now fallen out. Exactly. It fell out, and that's why you no longer hear it. If you had worn brakes or a problem with the ABS pump or some such thing, if one of the ABS sensors was wrapped around your axle, the noise would probably still be there. Well, thank thank you I'll breathe deeply and drive safely. Okay good luck Jeremy. Get it checked just in case. See you later. Okay bye.

Hey do you know what it's time for? Time to stop dangling our participles? No! It's time to play Stump the Chumps! A few years ago, my brother and I and the plaintiffs in a large class action lawsuit decided that we should revisit some of our previous callers to find out if our advice to them was actually good advice. And that was the origin of this segment, Stump the Chumps, which is one of the dumbest ideas we ever came up with. No, it's so embarrassing. Oh, it's brutal. All right, let's just get it over with.

Who's this week's Stump Chumper? Well, it's Wendy from Iowa City, Iowa. She called us recently because whenever she and her husband were riding together in her 88 Honda, the windshield would completely fog up within minutes. Remember her? Yeah, were they newlyweds are just real frisky. No, I don't know about that.

Wendy said that this never happens when she's in the car alone, or with anyone other than her husband. Well, I should hope not. During the year we could actually open a window. Well, we've tried cracking the windows. Yeah. So we tried opening the skylight a little bit.

You gotta tell us more about him then. Here's the test. Oh gosh. He needs a snorkel. You know the snorkels that you buy at the sporting goods store? Excellent. You need to have it breathed out the window.

Yeah, I like it because we have to determine is the source of the moisture in his lungs or is it some other part of his body? After this phone call, my problem might be solved. He might refuse to ride with me. Snorkel, I mean, not very elegant, but at least it would tell us whether it's vapor from his breath or whether he's somehow sublimating. Let's see what happens. Hey Wendy, are you there? I am. Good. Okay, before we get the results of the

snorkel test, we have to calm and mirandize you. Okay. Is it true, Wendy, get the results of the snorkel test, we have to comment Mirandaz you. Okay. Is it true, Wendy, that the responses that you're about to give here today on Stump the Chumps have in no way been influenced by money sent to you by our staff, by the staff at National Public Radio, or by promises of future discounts at Barnacle Bob's Scuba Hut in Iowa City?

No, but I'd be open to bribes. Well, did it help? It kinda depends on how you define success. Well let's hear it. It did reduce the fogging. Yeah? But my husband can't breathe. But it is his breath then that's causing the fogging up.

It's the fogging by about half. Yeah the problem then is you. Me? Yeah, well he's obviously so aroused in your presence that he's panting! He can't contain himself! That has to be it. Yeah, I think that is it. Good for you!

You're just driving him crazy, Wendy! Good for you, Wendy, that's great! I think that's wonderful. And the reason he couldn't breathe through the snorkel is the tube wasn't big enough because he's panting so hard. Yeah. He can't get enough air through that tube. On the other hand, he could be in full anxiety because you're such a lousy driver.

Oh, good heavens, yes. You know what he needs? He needs yoga. Yoga? To control his breathing. Okay. He needs to breathe from the stomach, not from the lungs. Okay.

I think that'll probably go over bigger than the snorkel test. All right. I'm wagering I won't get him out again with the snorkel. Twice was enough. Well, Wendy, thanks for playing Stump the Chumps. You're a good sport, and so is your husband. Yeah, he sure was.

Thanks. Bye-bye. Be sure to stick around for more calls and the new puzzler coming right up. You have your job, but you also have a life. And you're not just one thing. Neither is the Here and Now Anytime podcast. Every weekday, we break down the biggest story of the day and

something else like a new trend everyone's talking about. It's here and now anytime, a daily podcast from NPR and WBUR. You want to follow what's happening in Washington, DC, but you don't want to be scrolling your phone all day. I'm Scott Detro and NPR has a podcast that can help. It's called Trump's Terms. Stories about big changes the 47th president is pursuing on his own terms. They're short, they're focused episodes

that tell you calmly, factually, what is happening and what isn't. Listen to Trump's Terms from NPR. ["Car Talks"] We're back, you're listening to Car Talk with us, click and clack the Tappet Brothers, and we're here to discuss cars, car repair, and the... And the... And the new puzzler.

My brother took a trip recently. Yes. He took a trip on the rails. I certainly did. He told me he was spending a week in Florida. Ha! He really spent five days on the train. And a day in Florida. And a day.

But it reminded me of a puzzler of yesteryear. Yes! Imagine, if you will, a long freight train, like the kind you see out west now, a couple hundred cars. It's pulled into the yard, the train yard, and it's stopped and I don't know what they do, all the people who get out to go to the bathroom, all the train workers. They get back in and the engineer opens the throttle and the train starts to pull away from the yard.

When they realize that the caboose has a problem, the brake is frozen on the one of the wheels of the caboose. How would they know? Because the wheel is being dragged and there are sparks and smoke and someone standing there says stop the train so they manage to signal to the engineer to stop the train. Well they can't fix it so they just cut the caboose loose. They remove it and they give them the go ahead. They wave them, you know, go ahead. He gives it the throttle.

The train doesn't move. He gives it more throttle. It doesn't move. He gives it more. And what's happening is the train isn't moving, but his wheels are spinning. Yeah. The cars aren't moving.

There's nothing wrong with any of the remaining cars and there's nothing wrong with the engine, but there is something wrong with the engineer. Yeah. The question is, what's wrong with this picture? Now, if you think you know the answer. This is good. All things are slow.

I'm looking in the control room and I see complete consternation. You feel like taking a guess. All you have access to the stamp machine at work I mean everyone must have access to the no oh no you'd be surprised that no garden you never worked for a big company did you know I know I used to work for a company in which if you wanted a new pencil you had to bring back the stub of the pencil that you currently were using and it had to be less than an inch and a half long. Oh yeah that's the way dealerships keep you from stealing cans of solvent. You need a can of carbonate?

Bring back the empty. Bring back the empty. If you don't bring back the empty you can't get a second one. Exactly. Yeah so that's pretty clever actually but you know what they spend their whole time trying to keep people from stealing. Yeah. Just let them steal the stuff. I mean they're gonna steal. And time trying to keep people from stealing. Yeah, it's pretty sad. Just let them steal the stuff. I mean, they're gonna steal, and they're gonna find more creative ways. Yeah, instead of the pencils, we had to steal. Disks!

No, electronics! Right? Right? And if they let them steal the pencils, people have to- They'd be happy! They'd be happy. They'd be happy with the pencils. Stole a hundred pencils this month.

That's right. Instead, we had to get those... I stole a radar station. We had to get those big trucks and steal all those antennas. And the desks. The desks. Anyway, if you're not busy stealing something

from your employer, mail us your answer. Head to Puzzler Tower, Car Talk Plaza, Box 3500, Harvard Square, Cambridge, Math, 02238, or you can email us your answer from our website, cartalk.msn.com, just click on the Talk to Car Talk section. And if we choose your correct answer at random, from among the three correct answers we get,

or none, you'll get one of our new splendid Car Talk t-shirts featuring the ever popular slogan celebrating 10 years of bad car advice. Now if you'd like to call us the number is 1-888-CAR-TALK. Or, no, no, no, go ahead, I want to hear it again. 888-227-825. I didn't get it. Hello, you're on Car Talk. Hello, who am I talking to?

Who do you want to talk to? I don't care. I'm just going toot Talk Hello, who am I talking to? Who do you want to talk to? I don't care which one of you guys I talk to Well talk to my brother because he hasn't done anything all day Yeah, talk to me My name is Morley Safer and I am very angry with both of you

Uh oh Get in line, get in line You have spent your careers Knocking one of the great cars in this country so badly that they don't even bring them in anymore alpha pujo There you go. Oh, yeah This is really morally safe. This is really morally safe. I think better to do I recognize your voice I have been steaming for months

I recognize your voice. I have been steaming for months listening to you two carry on you two who we gave Such generous airtime to yeah years ago. You did yeah, I remember that you and Barbara Walters with great regret You take one of the one of the great motor cars Do nothing but dog. i've been driving a night nineteen eighty push-up five oh five all his life and his little ball you can't get parts and more you think we're responsible for it it it goes like a dream and i'm trying to buy

a new one possibly next year because they're not bringing the men anymore because it uh... idiots listen to you too. Are you among those idiots? That's the only thing I plead guilty to. Morley, the truth of the matter is that we never bad-mouthed the car itself. What we bad-mouthed was the fact, as my brother so eloquently put it, nobody copies the French and the French copy nobody. Therefore, everything about the car is completely different

and no one can work on it unless his name ends with four vowels in a row. You sound like a certain mechanic I know. You know, I had to have three extra toilets installed in the bathroom at the garage so all the guys could get in there when the Pujo customers came in. You guys carry on you know breathlessly about all these boring Japanese cars. All look the same, sound the same, smell the same. That's right. And run the same. And run period. And they give them these absurd names. My car has an honest name. Yeah, 505. 505. Yeah. What could be more decent

and honest and undeluding than that as opposed to what on earth is a Corolla? Yeah. Well, that's true. You're absolutely right about that. They have made some cutesy sounding names. And I will accept the criticism that you make here because we have complained about the fact that the Japanese cars, reliable as they are, are so boring. You always know you're going to get there. Whereas with a Peugeot, not only do you not know if

you're gonna get there but you are grateful when you do you won't even know if you care when you get there you don't know what you're talking about you're talking about this crouching tiger in my garage how long how long has it been in your office it's not just a imagery is beautiful that i can if i can uh... they're going to stop at least a couple of you know given that that you have

uh... to your your subversion made impossible for me to buy a new Peugeot. What should I get that will give me that kind of capacity, that kind of reliability, economy, all the rest of it? Well, I'm going to recommend the car. You still want a wagon? Yes. Yes, I need a wagon.

And I have the car for you, Morley. Volvo cross-country station wagon. I gotta tell you something I tried I test drove it pretty small Very small and and for the price which is pushing 40 more or less, right? Yes, it is high 30s. It's kind of tinny inside. Yeah cheap plastic trims that I agree with you It is not isn't a patch to a 505. I will admit I wasn't wowed by the full Carpathian Elmboro On the other hand on the other hand, it's a it's a pretty substantial car that you can get serviced and tedious to drive

I'm afraid you think it's tedious. Yeah. Hmm. All right. So come on. Give me your second choice Mercedes makes an e320 wagon. All-wheel drive. Mercedes. That might be close. That might be close. It might not fit your proletarian image. Listen fellas, I do drive a Ferrari on the weekends. Aha! But you may have to look at the Mercedes, that is nice and it is very roomy.

And it's available in four wheel drive if you want it. I think that's it for you. And if you have trouble making the payments, my brother will help you. See ya Marley! Okay, on one condition, I might take your best one condition. I knew we'd never get rid of him. On one condition. I don't want to see you in 60 minutes again.

You got a deal. Okay, okay. Say hello to Peter Jenks and Barbara Walters for us. Yeah, sure will. Bye bye. Well, it's happened again. You've evaporated another hour listening to Car Talk.

Our esteemed producer is Doug the Subway Fugitive, not a slave to Fashion Berman. Our associate producer and Dean of the College of Automusicology is Ken Babyface Rogers. We need some new names for him. Yeah. Well, if he did anything, maybe we could figure out what he's doing wrong. Yeah, that's true. Our assistant producer is Catherine Crystal Ray, who's on vacation this week. Our engineer is Jonathan Superhighway Sideburns Marston.

Our technical, spiritual and menu advisor is Mr. John S. Lawler. Our public opinion pollster is Paul Murky of Murky Research, assisted by statistician Marge Inovera. Our director of new product repair is Warren Key Mifoot, assisted by our customer care representative Haywood Jabuzoff. Our staff butler from the Kartok Mumbai Division is Mahat Makote. Our document security expert from the island of Jamaica is Euripides Uppman. Peekaboo Street directs our intensive care unit which is known as the Peekaboo ICU. Our junkyard manager is Ricardo Dismantle-Bahn, our director of moral

support is You Demand. Our sexual harassment counselor back from a lengthy We're Click and Clack the Tapper Brothers. Don't drive like my brother or my sister. Don't drive like my sister or my brother. We'll be back next week. Bye-bye. And now, with a very important announcement. Here is Card Talk Plaza's chief mechanic, Mr. Vinnie Gumbatz. Vinnie? Hey, all right now, if you just want a copy of this week's Card Talk Show, which is number

14, the number is 1-8888-CARD-JUNK. And what if someone wanted other Card Talk paraphernalia? You know, CDs, T-shirts, what'd they call that person? No, you'd call the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, you dope! Of course you'd call the same number. 1-888-CARD-JUNK, or you can get stuff through the online shameless commerce division at cardtalk.msn.com. Vinnie, remember your restful visualizations. Hey, visualize this chump.

Ha ha ha ha. Car Talk is a production of Dewey, Cheetah, and Howe and the WBUR in Boston. And even though Sylvia Pujol says, Mamma Mia, whenever she hears us say it, this is NPR National Public Radio.