The Best of Car Talk - #2560: Death and the Dodge Caravan

Episode Date: July 29, 2025

We've all seen old jalopies wobbling down the road and we've heard their familiar 'death rattles', but Ellen has a mechanic who claims to be able to smell the imminent demise of her old Dodge. Who is this sommelier of soon-to-be clunkers? Find out on this episode of the Best of Car Talk. Get access to hundreds of episodes in the Car Talk archive when you sign up for Car Talk+ at plus.npr.org/cartalkLearn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

The Fantastic Four are back again in a new movie, and it's an eye-popping good time. We've seen the story before, but this time the vibe is different. It's brighter, set in a retro future with flying cars. Plus it stars Pedro Pascal and works for casual viewers and nerds alike. We'll tell you why on Pop Culture Happy Hour, listen on the NPR app, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to Car Talk from National Public Radio with us, Click and Clack the Tapper Brothers and we're broadcasting this week from the historic preservation pavilion here at Cartog Plaza. Historic preservation pavilion? Well we received in the mail recently two very interesting products of historic proportion, at least one of them is. We've heard this one many

times on the show. I mean it's an urban legend this stuff. It is. I mean, it's one of those things that you don't even know if it really ever existed. It's sort of like Atlantis. I mean, people keep talking about it, but no one's ever actually seen it. Or a Red Sox World Series victory. Yeah, one of those. And here it is, a spray can of Cosmoline. Oh my god. Cosmoline exists. Cosmoline does exist. I'll hold it up to the microphone. This is the stuff of

legend. It was reported that there were thousands of US Army surplus jeeps that were for sale. I remember when I was a kid there were 50 bucks a piece. Always 50 bucks. Yeah and they were packed in cosmoline. Packed in 300 dollars worth of cosmoline to preserve them. So no matter what happened to them. Yeah, I mean you couldn't even pack them in 50 dollars worth of cosmoline. Well, where did that story ever come from? Well, it may have come from Houghton International,

which is the maker of cosmoline. And they still make the stuff and they even got it in a spray can. These cans are from World War II. Oh, they have. No, they still make it and it contains, I suppose I can devolve. There's a reference here to Dwight D. Eisenhower.

Anyway, this stuff contains three very interesting ingredients, which I will share with you. Started solvent. Don't you love it? You don't have to go any farther than this. Hexylene glycol. See, we could figure that out. Which is what gives it that greasy feel. And 1, 2, 4-trimethylbenzene, which is what makes it toxic.

I could even draw the Fisher diagram for that. You could. I'm sure you could. I mean, when you've taken organic chemistry as many times as I have, trying to pass it. Wow. Well, obviously the stuff is a preservative, and I thought that I would try a small little test. So I decided to see if I could. I didn't want to try to preserve the entire dart. Because I thought it would be too much of an undertaking for this one little can. So I thought I'd try, like, the driver's seat.

So before the show started, I just, well, I didn't do the whole seat. I just did the back of it. So before the show started, I just, well I didn't do the whole seat. I just did the back of it. So you won't get your pants wet. But, yeah. Don't worry, it looks beautiful. Well, you'd be happy to know that I also did a test. You know that orange soda you're drinking?

Yeah. How's it taste? I'm just trying to find out if the stuff is- Tastes a little like tri-methylbenzene actually. Trying to find out if the stuff is poisonous. I put a little in just before the show. Look, if you want to talk to us about preserving your car, the number is 1-888-CARTALK. Or preserving this show. You might want to preserve this show by buying a tape.

The number's to call. 1-888-227-8255. Hello, you're on Car Talk. Hi, this is Fain from Nogatuck, Connecticut. Fain? Yes. Fain. Fane? Yes. Fane. F-A-I-N? F-A-Y-N-E, but it's pronounced like Jane with an F.

Fane. Okay, from Nogatuck. Yes. That's where Nogahide was made, you know. The rubber was invented. Nogah. That's right. That's right.

Fane. Forget about Nogah and rubber. Where did Fane come from? Jane. It's an old Gaelic name. My mother's maiden name was O'Brien. And our last name is Erickson, so she wanted to make sure that we all remembered we were part Irish. Your heritage, of course. And I've continued it with my kids, who I've named Ryan and Rory.

Very good. Not Fian and Forry? Cool. So fame. Yes. Fill us in on the details. What's going on? What do you need to know?

Okay. I have a 1994 Subaru Impreza that I think is possessed because sometimes when you put the key in and you turn it, it will not turn. Otherwise... Oh, the key won and you turn it, it will not turn. Otherwise... Oh, the key won't actually turn. The key doesn't actually turn, but then sometimes you put it in and it turns extremely easily and I can't figure out the difference. I've had it that I couldn't start the car, my husband couldn't start the car, and then my daughter is playing in the driver's seat, she turns

it and it starts. And of course you let her drive, right? She's only four years old. Yeah. She's eight. We don you let her drive, right? She's only four years old. She's eight. We don't let her drive yet. Next year. At first I thought it was maybe something with the key because I sometimes kind of use

the keys for other things like opening mail. Opening cans and stuff, right? Exactly. So I got a new key. That didn't help. I used the alternate key the dealer gave me. That didn't help. And if you needed to get it started, what would you do?

You just keep trying and then sometimes it'll eventually just turn, but it's not even hard to turn. Do you do anything with the steering wheel? There you go. I tried that a couple of times. I thought maybe it was locked or something, so I tried to adjust the steering wheel, but that seemed to have had no impact on it. Really?

Well adjusting it wouldn't do it. What might do it is moving the wheel as much as you can, which isn't very much, left to right, while trying to turn the key. I have to think that it's the steering wheel lock that's doing it. Right. So, next time you try it, turn the key,

try to turn the key, if it doesn't turn, just take the steering wheel and jiggle it back and forth a little bit, left to right. While you're trying to turn the key. While you're trying to turn the key. And if if that doesn't work then you need a new ignition so you have to get two planes of motion you need the jiggling left to right in the wheel and the turning of the key yeah you might not be able to do this it's like chewing gum it's like it's like rubbing your stomach and patting your head so you might have trouble doing this but

what you could do if if this worked is the way most cars do it, I don't know exactly how Subaru does it, but I think they do it with a little peg that pops out when the key is in the lock position, and it locks out and it locks the column. And it may be a simple matter of having somebody grease that thing. Okay, and it doesn't have, my husband thinks it might have something to do with the fact we have 117,000 miles on it. Yeah. Well, I mean, the truth is the lock could be worn out too.

Yeah, if jiggling the steering wheel doesn't help, then the lock is what needs to be replaced. You know there are two pieces to, when you stick the key and there's a switch, but the part that the key goes into is the lock, and the lock is what keeps the switch from being turned by unauthorized users. That's why we have keys. That's why we have keys and the key goes into the lock, so the lock is what keeps the switch from being turned by unauthorized users. That's why we have keys. That's why we have keys and the key goes into the lock so the lock may be bad. You could try spraying some lubricant into the place where the key goes.

Yeah, go to the hardware store and they sell lock lubricant. Lock lubricant, okay. That stuff works amazingly well. Okay. I guarantee you that that's going to fix it. If it doesn't fix it, I will come to Noggetuck and I will lubricate the steering wheel lock for you myself. I'm going to do this and call you back.

I'll take my wheel pullover with me. Good call them, please. Get them away from me. See you, Fane. Okay, thanks. Thanks for calling. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

1-888-CAR-TALK, that's 888-227-8255. Hello, you're on Car Talk. Hi, this is Jim from Winters, California. Jim. Jim. Jim're on car talk. Hi, this is Jim from Winters, California. Jim? Winters. Yes, Winters.

Well that must be a cruel joke. Where were you? In Southern California? Well, it gets down to the 50s in the winter, so it's pretty tough. Oh, it's Northern California. Northern California, yeah. How north? North of San Francisco and... Oh really? Way up there....West of Sacramento up there Sacramento oh I know you are yeah yeah you're right where all the earthquakes so the epicenter earthquake epicenters are there right

there I think well I guess so we were destroyed by earthquake I guess about a hundred years ago yeah well you got plenty of time oh yeah yeah yeah there was only come like every hundred years so what's up big earthquake, so I don't think there's too much to sweat. So what's up, what's up? Well, I have an 86 Toyota 4Runner. It's had this problem for about two or three years where occasionally it just won't start. You can't jump start it, that doesn't make a difference.

It still won't start. However, yesterday I discovered that you could go around the ignition system. You know, you go straight from the battery to the starter and it starts up. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Good. That's excellent.

And it only happens once in a while. Who taught you how to do the jump to the starter, to hyperspace? The guys at our local auto parts store. Excellent. Oh yeah. Yeah. I'm learning how to hot wear cars and everything oh and they didn't try they didn't try all these

guys but why didn't they sell you the piece that you need remote switch yeah what's wrong with the switch you need a starter relay a starter relay well you may all annoying you you may but I I think it's more likely you need the starter motor. You'd think so. Yeah. Well, now I can start it if I go past the ignition switch and all the other electrical stuff that's on there to the starter, then the starter turns over fine. Yeah, I know, but it turns over fine a lot of other times too.

In other words, it doesn't always misbehave when you turn the key. And it may be that just jumping right from the starter hot wire to the solenoid wire is enough to get the thing kicked over. Whereas when you make the electrons go the whole route through the key and the relay and all that jazz, they get tired. And they don't make it. And it doesn't energize the solenoid and if the solenoid doesn't get energized, the thing won't fire up. Okay. This has a gear reduction starter and these starters are famous for having exactly the problem you described. The way to solve the problem is the next time it won't start, have an assistant get in the thing and turn the key. Uh huh.

While you tap the starter motor with a rock. I'd break your shoe. Ah. You know, a rock would be good. I don't want to destroy this starter, I tap the starter motor with a rock. I broke your shoe. Ah. You know, a rock would be good. I don't want to destroy the starter. I just want to give it a little... Yeah. You just want to give it a little nudge.

So while the person is holding the key all the way to crank, you give it a shot with the rock or with a small hammer or whatever, and it'll fire right up, and that'll tell you that the starter's NG. Okay. That's a technical lingo for no good. All right. You write that down. See you, Jim. All right. Well, thank you right. You write that down. See you, Jim.

All right. Well, thank you very much. All righty. Good luck, Jim. Bye. See you later. Okay, Tommy, quick. You remember last week's puzzler?

Certainly. It's about the airplanes with the bullet holes in them. No, that was in 1992. But you were close. This message comes from WISE, the app for doing things and other currencies. With WISE, you can send, spend, or receive money across borders, all at a fair exchange rate. No markups or hidden fees.

Join millions of customers and visit WISE.com. T's and C's apply. This message comes from Scholastic, presenting the new novel Snoop, written by the number one New York Times best-selling author of Restart, Gordon Corman. Snoop is the gripping story of one boy's curiosity that threatens to reveal a town's deepest secrets. This book is available now wherever books are sold. Snoop, written by Gordon Corman. Hi, we're back. You're listening to Car Talk with us, click and clack the Tappert Brothers. Here to talk about cars, car repair, and the answer to last week's puzzle. Well, it seems like it was just yesterday that I...

It doesn't... I don't know how this happens. Time is very strange. I mean, sometimes, as Leon Redbaugh said... You know what time is? Nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once there you go Here's the puzzler it was a dark and stormy night You remember it yet. No not at all. You're on East La Nubla off Costa Rica Jurassic Park stuff, you know

Oh, I remember you're in your Nissan Pathfinder and you're being pursued by Tyrannosaurus Rex your only hope is to get off the island because otherwise you're being pursued by Tyrannosaurus Rex. Your only hope is to get off the island because otherwise you're going to be passing through the digestive system of said Tyrannosaurus Rex. And you have to make it to the dock because that's where your little boat is. If you don't make it to the dock, you're done for. Yeah, you're going to hop on the boat and away you go because you know that the big Rex can't swim.

Right. At least we don't know that. We don't know. You're hoping. You're hoping. It doesn't have to swim, it walks on the bottom. The Harpies are circling, or wrong year, the Pterodactyls are circling overhead. You're driving along and you come to a fork in the road,

and one road takes you to certain death, because you don't know where that goes. Back into the jungle. And the other one takes you to the dock where your little boat awaits. Sitting at the fork are two guys. Now I fail to mention on this island. There are either liars or truth-tellers You know one road leads to death the other to the dock and you can ask one question of either one of the two guys One of these guys is a liar and one of them is a truth-teller

And they don't have any like insignia on their heads or anything No, you have no way of identifying them the question very simply is is there one question you can ask of either of these guys that'll absolutely unquestionably get you on the right road to the dock I got it. Okay you got it? You got the answer? I got my answer. Well here's the question I would ask I would look at one of the guys and say, if I would ask the other guy, which road takes

me to the dock, what would he say? Oh, that's good. Now if you ask the truth teller, it's pretty simple, right? The truth teller says the liar is going to tell you to take this road. Road A. He's going to tell you to take road A. Road A, which is obviously the wrong road because he's a liar. He's a liar. Right. Now you ask the liar the same question and he has to point to the same road. Exactly. Because otherwise he'd be telling the truth. Exactly. Yeah. See I like my version of the story. Oh don't start!

Do we have a winner? Yeah, we do, we do. Let's see if I can find it here. The winner is Tammy Reeves from Sonoya, Georgia. And for being chosen at random from among the thousands of correct answerers of this week's puzzler, Tammy will win the brand new Car Talk Travel Mug. Travel Mug? Last week we were giving away $100 jackets. Now we're giving away a $5 travel mug?

Aw, Tammy, you got the sham! Hahaha! Aw, what kind of a deal is this? Aw, Tammy, I'd complain. Aw, Tammy, when you get this... Refuse it! ...lousy Car Talk travel mug, send it back! Attention! Oh, wait a minute. No, this is not the cheap plastic mug which we usually give out. This is the stainless steel commuter mug. You know why it's a commuter mug? I turned it back! Attention! Oh wait a minute, no this is not the cheap plastic mug which we usually give out.

This is the stainless steel commuter mug. You know why it's a commuter mug? You can hit somebody with it. If you're getting what? Mugged. Oh Tammy, I don't know what to do. Are you gonna get this lousy travel mug from the shameless commerce division? It's a stainless steel commuter mug. Big deal, it's not a jacket. Well, it isn't a jacket and boy

if a week late huh Tammy? Well congratulations Tammy you won practically nothing. Yeah but you did get your name mentioned on the radio. Exactly and that's worth something. Anyway we'll have another new puzzler coming up later in today's show. In the meantime we'll take your calls at 1-888-CARTALK. That's 888-2782-55. Hello, you're on Car Talk. This is Ed Trumbull from Ellicott City, Maryland. No last names, please. Hi, Ed.

From where? Ellicott City? Yeah, it's a little town between Baltimore and Washington. No kidding. Is it right on the Amtrak line? It's a couple of minutes off the Amtrak line. Sure. I love Amtrak. Great. Well, after we get through with you, you'll off the Amtrak line. Sure. Great. Well after we get through

with you, you'll be taking Amtrak every day. I've got more confidence in you. Okay. Shoot. Okay. I got a 1997 Dodge Caravan and last weekend I brought it in for an oil change and I ended up getting a new belt and then my mechanic said that my driving habits He said something about Mario and ready like style driving high-speed turning That I needed brand new tires on the front end of my caravan Oh, so I'm calling basically to find out if I should get the tires that are already on there Which are I think Goodyear or he sells firestone? And then I'm calling to find out what I should do once I get the tires on there which are I think Goodyear or HeSells Firestone and then

I'm calling to find out what I should do once I get the tires on there. Well what or not do? Or not do. How many miles on on these tires? 50,000. 50,000? On a 97? Correct. You do some driving. I do some serious driving. Well we know you drive like Mario and Dreddy because there aren't enough hours in the day if you were to have driven 50,000 miles. Well, I mean, it may or may not be your driving. It depends. First of all, 50,000 miles is not an unrespectable number of miles to get out of original tires.

No, in fact, it's a great number of miles to get out of OEM tires. Sure. I mean, most many people get 30,000 miles. So you're already way up there. And assuming that the tires wore out evenly and you didn't see scuff marks all over the sides where they're ready to blow up, it means you haven't been hitting curb stones.

So you do need new tires, but I don't think the Mario Andretti analogy was quite warranted. No, Richard Petty maybe. I think you could be a perfectly sane driver, although you admitted to it awfully quickly when he accused you. Maybe there was some kind of pride involved. Mario Andretti, I always wanted to be Italian.

There you go. So yeah, you do need tires need tires probably and it doesn't matter whether you buy good years of fire stones or anything else for that matter. Okay. So what does matter is what you buy for tires. Okay. And how you take care of them whether or not you keep them properly inflated that's more important I think than anything. Most tires conk out prematurely because people don't do anything to them except drive on them. They don't check the tire pressure and they don't rotate them.

Right. I do both of that. Yeah. That's good. Does it sound reasonable that my back tires I should... He said they were fine. Oh, I'd put all four on. Okay. I mean, if you've been rotating them, then they should all be pretty much worn out the same. He hasn't been rotating.

No, I think he lied. They know, I can tell he was a liar How about like front-end alignments and things like that What should I I mean he asked if I drove the car if it coasted to either side and it seems to be pretty straight Yeah, well, if you haven't had the alignment checked since 1997 then you probably ought to do it yeah and you don't need any fancy high-speed tires i mean this is a dodge caravan right uh... and as you probably know tires are rated for temperature and top

speed and miles you just want to tire that's really nice middle of the road tire right on the road you might say and i would go for a higher mileage tire since you drive a lot of miles. Okay. Don't fall for the cheap stuff. You shouldn't skimp on tires. Okay. Buy the best tires that they have in your size. Excellent.

See ya, Ed. Alright, gentlemen, thanks. Thanks, Ed. Hey, do you know what it happens to be time for? Yeah, it's time to break up the Yankees, I think. No, no, no. It's time to play Stump the Chumps! A few years ago, the FCC notified us that our caller mortality rate was way above average. So as part of a plea bargain arrangement, once every couple of weeks we invite a past caller back onto

the show to follow up with him or her as it were. Yes, either on mechanical or estate planning issues, depending on the circumstances of course. And today's contestant is Lisa from Washington. She called us a few weeks ago because one of the belts on her 87 Honda was screeching like the proverbial banshee. Yes, a noisy belt. I mean, how could we, what, screw that up? Well, let's find out. She should probably just live with us this week.

No, nay, nay, nay. I know. Nay, nay. Meanwhile, I have the cutest neighbor ever and I can't be embarrassed to get in my car and start it in the morning with him out there. Oh, Lisa! Oh, Lisa! Lisa, Lisa, Lisa! You jump out of the car, you say, oh my God, what's that?

And you start crying! I can't take it anymore! Oh my God, it, my favorite cat! So in addition to the belt problem, we're on the hook for her love life too, I guess. It seems that way. Anyhow, it says here that we told her her belt was either worn loose or not the right belt for her car. Sounds good. Lisa, are you there? I'm here.

Alright, Lisa, before you tell us about the wedding plans with Fabio next door, we have to come and Mirandize you. Is that okay? That's fine. All right, listen up. Lisa, is it true that you have not been offered any inducements or grants of immunity by the House Judiciary Committee for a favorable response here today? Yes, it's true. All right, what happened?

Okay, so upon your advice, I decided that it had nothing to do with the pulley, which the first two guys told me yeah and um... i took it to uh... today's the competitive mechanic and uh... sort of gave a spiel about the belt met uh... kind of give me history he did sort of nodded and took my car

and call me the next day and said that fine i and I picked it up and no more squeak he said it was the belt and he tightened it and life is good Holy cow! And uh can we talk to Fabio? I know he's there with you. Oh you know I know his name now. You do know his name? His name is Kevin but it's just been a comedy of errors. It's things have gone completely downhill since we talked about it. Well maybe we can help you with this.

We did so wonderfully in the belt department what happened when it really well i think i'm beyond help though if the neighbor because anything what happened you know every time i would be in the past you know i would be better if any morning i've just gotten up i'm going for a run i have bedhead yet he would take a morning and i would sort of grumble good morning and go on my way so finally in the morning i'm going to work i have a skirt on i look cute

right i'd go out and i think that the city of a skirt on uh... not that good about it that would definitely put the stuff that you know he did not get out i did yeah and uh... but that that i think that that i think that and it was that's the only side of the audible and immediately i hear this, good morning. And I look up because I live on a hill and his house is above mine and he's out watering

his lawn and I can't recover. So I just say good morning and get in my car. And to make matters worse, my housemate takes it upon himself to like bring this up in a conversation at another time. He of course never heard me burp, but now he knows I did. And so I just can't even look him in the face anymore. Well maybe, youp, but now he knows I did, and so I just can't even look him in the face anymore. Well, maybe, you know, I-

Oh, I don't think so. You don't think so? I don't think so. I don't think you have to worry about that. I mean, there are certain bodily functions which there's not much we can do about. Especially at my brother's age. You wouldn't believe the kind of stuff he does.

So if you don't act now, I mean, think of what it's gonna be like in a few years. No, I mean, has he changed his attitude toward you visibly? Well, you know, the next morning I was going for a run and I went past him and I did get a funny look, but at this point I didn't know that he had talked to my housemate, so. Well, the fact that you have a male housemate might be a little deterrent to the guy. Right, that might be an encumbrance. Yeah, but my male housemate has a wife who also lives there.

Oh, oh, no. Are you kidding me? That even adds more to it. He thinks the little menage is going on there. No, no, no. What do you mean no, no, no? How would he know? How would he know? Does he have binoculars? I think you have to like just start

batting your eyelashes. I mean, it's an age-old trick. It works every time because men are very, very stupid. If you show any interest in him whatsoever and I think maybe explain the living circumstances, the living arrangements. But see, she doesn't have an opportunity to break the ice. All you can say is good morning, good morning, good morning. How many times can you say good morning? He's out there watering the flowers. Have you ever been curious about what kind of flowers

he has? Oh, that's a good thing. Or why he's out there watering the flowers? And why he's not going to work? Right, maybe he's loaded. He might be. His house is very nice. Oh, Lisa, make your move. That's the opening.

Well, and he probably is an avid listener of Car Talk, and I'm doomed for sure because I've been talking about him for, you know. Sure. There you go. Well, that's the thing you have to ask for 10 years. 10 years. 10 years. 10 years. 10 years. 10 years. 10 years. 10 years. 10 years. Well, he probably is an avid listener of Car Talk and I'm doomed for sure because I've been talking about him.

Sure. Well, that's the thing you have to ascertain for us. If he's been listening, then we'll just move on. Because he'll know how desperate you really are. No, he's just not desperate. Well, now that you've gotten the belt quieted down, you no longer are attracting his attention. That's true. So I should maybe, I don't know. Have him loosen the belt. Good luck, Lise.

Thank you. Call us, let us know what happens. All right, I will. Good luck. Thank you. Bye bye. Thanks for calling. Bye bye.

All right, it's time to take another short break. Time to gear up for the new puzzler, eh? No, it's time to allow our stations to dump out of car talk and put on something more interesting like the audio of a chess tournament. Support for NPR and the following message come from the Lemelson Foundation, dedicated to improving lives through invention, innovation, and climate action. This message comes from the Kresge Foundation. Established 100 years ago, the Kresge Foundation works

to expand equity and opportunity in cities across America. A century of impact, a future of opportunity. More at kresge.org. Ha! We're back. You're listening to Car Talk with us, Click and clack the Tappert Brothers, and we're here to discuss cars, car repair, and the new puzzler. Now I'm going to let my brother do the puzzle this week because he doesn't like my puzzlers. Well, I like this one.

I mean I had a great puzzle, but that's alright. Okay, here it is. This is good. I like it. You didn't like it. Thanks a bit. Hey, far be it from me. We'll give it a try. It's 1982. Should I be writing this down?

It would help. Okay. John is 12 years old. 1987. John is seven years old. Any hints? John Goldfish? The question is, how can that be? And the hint is...

Oh, I don't think the hint is necessary. Oh, I think so. No, because I hadn't the clue until he gave the hint. Oh, really? Well, don't we want to let someone get the right answer? We get rid of the coffee mugs. Plastic mugs. In fact if you win we'll give you two. In fact if you don't win we'll give you one. Here's the hint his name probably wasn't John. Okay got it? 1982 John is 12 years old 1987 John is 7 years old

How can that be and the hint is his name probably wasn't John? now if you think you know the answer write it on the back of a $20 bill and send it to Puzzler Tower Cartok Plaza box 3500 Harvard Square Cambridge our fair city Matt 0 2 2 3 8 or you can do an electronic funds transfer and Email us your answer on a $20 bill From the car talk section of cars.com Hmm, if you'd like to call us and complain about the puzzler the numbers 1 8 8 8 car talk. That's 8 8 8 2 2 7 8 2 5 5. Hello, you're on car talk. My name is Ellen, and I live in Amagansett, New York. Amagansett?

Amagansett is that. A-M-A-G-A-N-S-E-T-T. Very good. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, it's out in the Hamptons. Oh, in the Hamptons. Oh, excuse me then. And what kind of a Mercedes do you drive, Ellen?

I'm sorry to say I drive a 1991 Dodge Caravan. excuse me then what kind of a Mercedes do you drive them i'm very happy i drive in nineteen ninety one dot caravan all allen what happened to you know i don't want to say these and cast for i have a big house but i don't think they are still i watch all the latest and greatest drive our brode you live in the hamptons year-round yes i'm a year rounder here what live in the Hamptons year-round? Yes, I'm a year-rounder here. What happens in the winter there? Not much, huh? Nothing. I love the way you said

that. I got the real sense of how little that is. Yeah. So what's up? Well, my car is, I'm the original owner and it has 17 hundred seventy nine thousand miles on it we've taken very good care of this car my husband excellent at making sure that oil is changed we've had three transmission we play we've had a fuel pump replayed we've had the a b f break replayed and in that this are special car

cat yeah and i want to write to the ground you've already done that i don't have uh... working very hard at that well at the left oil change are very devoted mechanic told us that can't do the now of the oil

it's in its death throes and it's going to die between now and the next year. Now the question we have is... The smell of fear. What? The smell of death. What has the smell of oil have to do with the death of a car? Wow, he said he could smell death.

But it runs okay in your estimation. Well, yes, it's been running really well. Well, see, I got it. I've got it. I have got it. What? Have you gone to this guy for a long time? Day one.

Since we moved out. Since you moved in. Yeah. He is getting a little low on customers. And he wants you to be his personal emissary. He wants you to become the person who single-handedly brings in 50, 100 new people. And here's how he's doing it. Please, tell me.

He says, I can smell the end of this engine. Now a caravan with 179,000 miles on it is analogous. Doesn't take any rocket scientists. hundred and seventy nine thousand miles on it is doesn't rocket science is analogous to a person who's a hundred and fifty years old a hundred and twenty years old and ten years old and you say the person i don't think you've got long to live lo and behold a year later the person dies and he said how did he know how did he know he says

ice melted They say, how did he know? How did he know? And he says, I smelled it. There you go. So now you're 179,000 miles, is unheard of on a caravan. This is the stuff that urban legends are made of. Sure, and now six months from now or tomorrow, the engine's gonna die. And you're gonna say, Demetri predicted this. He could smell that this was going to happen. What is his name? Is it Demetri? We'll call him Demetri. We'll call him, I like demetri predicted this he could smell that this was going to

happen with what is his name and is it the meet three will call me to call him that i would like to call me let's call it here yeah well no we don't want to uh... insult him in any way drop anymore but i think he has given us a marvelous little trick here it is a question i was thinking maybe there was something decaying in the car. And there's nothing I can do about it. It sounds so prophetic. Now, my husband wants to buy a new car. He wants to buy a Volvo. So maybe your husband paid him off. I asked him, what is the motive of this guy?

I can see it now. Your husband went to see Dimitri and he says to Dimitri I'm sick and tired of this caravan I got a biovolval tell my wife that the caravan is ready to die and he's gonna say well How how can I tell her it's gonna die that things running great? He says she'll believe anything make up something wild man The more ridiculous the better because she'll fall for anything and we'll sell this piece of junk and we'll buy a Volvo. She falls for everything ridiculous, she fell for me.

That is true, I could fall for him. So that's the whole story. There's absolutely no basis for this oil story. Well no, I guess what's going on is he's saying it smells like the end, but I think he's using that term not literally, but figuratively. It smells fishy to me. He told me that he actually smelled the oil. He smelled the oil.

He said, you know, I've smelled this before. Yeah, all his clothes smell like that. His entire wardrobe. No. He smells it in his sleep. Uncle. His underwear smells like that. Well, he's not smelling, you know, the oil does acquire an odor at some point, I suppose,

but there's no way to tell an engine that's in danger of conking out if it smelled of gasoline it would be something that is fixable you'd have a perhaps a bad fuel pressure regulator or a bad injector but that's fixable that doesn't mean the engines gonna croak and it may be that the engine oil is running very hot and breaking down but there would be some reason for that he's probably hearing something too he's probably hearing the bearings make a little noise maybe we have noticed that when you press on the accelerator yeah yeah that's yeah that's what he smells that noise smells rebuild so the real question is do you rebuild

this engine and drive it for another 100,000 or do you get rid of the car? Oh, God. And for three grand you can rebuild the engine. I mean, you've rebuilt everything else, why should the engine not be rebuilt? Good question. Assuming that the thing isn't rusted away, which it might be getting ready to do, it's about the right age for the rust to come through. Yeah, the roof has got that acid problem.

Yeah. It's seeing it's days. The paint's peeling off the roof. Yeah, well that's nothing as long as it's not rusty underneath. I mean it depends on what you want to do. I mean you could rebuild the engine and keep the thing for another five years. Or you could spend $35,000 on a new Volvo. Okay, well I appreciate all this information. I'm sure you do. I wish you the very best Ellen. Thank you. Good luck and have a nice winter in the Hamptons. Thank you very much. Bye bye. Thanks for

calling. Bye. The smell of death. The smell of death. Yeah. How do you, talking about advertising, every time there's some bad piece of news comes out about a product they have to try to put a positive spin on it. I was watching, what was it, 2020 where they were doing the thing about the side impact crashes? Dateline it was. Dateline was doing this thing where they. I didn't see it.

I didn't see it. I saw a minute of it. I saw enough of it to know that two of the worst cars were the neon and the cavalier that if you could hit from the side, you might as well just put a gun to your head because you're going to be dead. Yeah. So, so you might, you might make it, but your chances of surviving are pretty small compared to other cars

which had a much better test. So if you were the ad guy for Cavalier, how would you spin that? I mean, how would you lie to people? Let's see. No long-term disability. Don't sit around on any wheelchair for 30 or 40 years. Go quick.

Stuff will be stuffed right out. I just didn't know. I thought that there should be some truth in advertising here. I mean, I thought they should say, well, what the hell do you want for 13 grand? I mean, shouldn't they? Yeah, they wouldn't mention it though. I mean, yeah, exactly. See, you don't mention bad things.

You never mention anything bad. You only mention the best. You mention things which aren't bad and you make them sound good, even if they're not. Right, but no lingering. I like no lingering. No lingering. Don't linger! Right, racket pinion steering, air conditioning.

At least you die in comfort. You'll have the AC on. opinion steering, air conditioning. Oh boy. At least you die in comfort. You'll have the AC on. I don't know, it's just amusing that I had. I don't know. I do understand, yeah. There is definitely the positive side. I mean, I told you, that's my father-in-law's theory. People have been telling him for years that he's overweight.

And his theory was us big guys, we don't linger. his theory was, us big guys, we don't linger. We big guys. We big guys, we don't linger. He said, we have that heart attack and we're gone in a minute. He said, all you thin folks, you'll get every, he says, you're gonna die of something. Isn't it good to just go, bingo, you're here today, gone tomorrow? Or do you wanna hang around for seven or eight years with tubes up your nose? He's right, and he's absolutely right. Yeah. Well the worst that happens is you do have the big one, but it doesn't kid you

Yeah, that's just bad luck. That's it and that happens right it does Yeah, then someone has to step on one of those holes Well, it's happened again you filleted another perfectly good hour listening to Car Talk. Our esteemed producer is Doug the Subway Fugitive, not a slave to Fashion Berman. Our associate producer and dean of the College of Automusicology is Ken Tukar-Garages. Our assistant producer is Catherine Imelda Ray Marcos, and our engineer is Dennis Domenis Foley. Our technical, spiritual and menu advisor now on the fall Grand National Free Lunch Tour. He is. He won't be back for weeks. It's Mr. John Bugsy Lawler. Our public opinion pollster is Paul Murky of Murky Research, assisted by statistician Marge Inovera. Our customer care representative is Haywood Jabuzoff.

Our jumper cable expert is Stan Back. Our director of moral support is You Demand, assisted by Hugo Girl. Our sexual harassment counselor is Pat McCann, and our real Tolstoy biographer is Warren Peace, author of Real Tolstoy by Warren Peace, our chief counsel from the law firm of Dewey, Sheetham & Howe, as you Louis Dewey, known to the other bums in Harvard Square, as youie Louie Dewey, thanks so much for listening. Rick Lick and Clack the Tappet Brothers. And don't drive like my brother. Don't drive like my brother.

And don't drive like my brother. Don't drive like my brother. We't drive like my brother. Don't drive like my brother. Don't drive like my brother. Don't drive like my brother. We'll be back next week. Bye-bye. And now a special treat. Here is Car Talk Plaza's very own motivational speaker, Mr. Vinnie Gumbatz. Vinnie? Hey, now, if any of you losers want to be successful and popular like me, you need to

copy a Dissia program, which is number 42. To order just call our shameless commerce division at 1-888-CARD-JUNK. Gee Vinny, I mean that was a little harsh don't you think? Bunch of losers? Hey I call it tough love, you know anyway if you as losers want to consider this show or any other Card Talk stuff just call our shameless commerce division at 1-888-CARD-JUNK or you can order stuff online at the Car Talk section at cars.com. Thank you Vinnie, that was very, very motivational. Hey, motivate this radio man!

Car Talk is a production of Dewey, Cheetah, and Howe in the WBUR in Boston. And even though the FCC Obnoxious Content Squad goes on high alert every time they hear us say it, this really is NPR, National Public Radio.