The Best of Car Talk - #2571: Click and Clack's Conspiracy Corner

Episode Date: September 6, 2025

Click and Clack join the crowd and tell of conspiracies everywhere, including antilock brakes and whole milk, on this episode of the Best of Car Talk.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

Support for NPR comes from NPR member stations and Eric and Wendy Schmidt through the Schmidt Family Foundation, working toward a healthy, resilient, secure world for all. On the web at theshmit.org. Hello and welcome to Car Talk from National Public Radio with us Click and Clack the Tappertruthers, and we're broadcasting this week from the unconstitutionally vague department here at Carthog Plaza. Well, figure. Here's the story. I mean, I'm sure everybody wants to know about this. But as you know, we have been somewhat critical over the past several years of the state of Montana.

And the fact that their speed limit says, be reasonable. do whatever you want, drive it whatever speed you want to drive at as long as it's reasonable and prudent. And evidently somebody, probably some Montana lawyer sued, he must have got a ticket. He sues the state and he says, look, you told

me to be reasonable and prudent and I was. And they said, no, you weren't. So he takes it all the way to the Montana Supreme Court. And the Supreme Court says that you can't have a law that asks people to be reasonable and prudent when they're driving because it is too vague.

Well, duh, no kidding. I mean, this is exactly what we said two years ago or whatever it was that they instituted the stupid law. So now, I mean, I guess they're working on it right now, but during the Christmas season, they had no speed limits. Right. Because this thing was unconstitutionally vague. Right.

And they had no time to print the signs. So I guess theoretically during the Christmas season and through New Year's, you could drive at 300 miles an hour and they couldn't give you a ticket. So I guess they're frantically printing up signs that they can put on the highways. And I think they're going to say, do whatever you want. Actually, they've adopted out. That's what we adopted recently. When people call us and they say, what should I do? We say, do whatever you want.

We don't care. We don't care. And that's exactly what Montana has said. And if you want to hear what we don't care about your car, you can call us at 1-888-8-8-8-2-2-8-2-8-2-8-2-2-5. Hello, you're on Car Talk. Guys, this is Red Barker from Trenton, New Jersey. Hey, Red. How you doing?

New Jersey. Well, listen to this. Last May, I'm driving around the corner from my house. I've got my daughter in the car, and we see a beautiful, big, big. baby blue convertible on this lawn. And it's got a sign in it and it says, Are you ready for summer? I immediately slam on my break.

Hang of you turned. Jump out of the car. Say, no, I'm not. A baby blue what convertible? 1975 Pontiac Granville. Oh, what a car. A beautiful car with a white leather interior, a brand new white top,

brand new paint job. No. So I buy the car and I pick up my buddy and his kids and my daughter and we go on our maiden voyage and smoking a couple of big cigars in front of this car.

You're saying it doesn't get any better than this. That's right. And the kids are loving it. And then all of a sudden there's smoke coming up from the floor. So we pull over. The floor of the car burst into flames. The carpet that is.

The carpet. So we stop at the 7-Eleven. We get a gallon of water. Who says that American cars aren't exciting? This would never happen in a Toyota. This is the point I've been trying to make all these years. You could drive a Toyota for 100 years. You would never have this kind of excitement.

So you're right into the convenience store. You get a gallon of water. They charge you a buck for it. And we proceed to drive home while pouring water on the floor. This is great. I love it. Well, what was on fire anyway? Well, it turns out that being so old, I guess the floor was rusted through.

Of course. And there was a tiny little hole. And the catalytic converter, somebody must have ran over something, was pushed up close to the floor. And the heat from that caused the rug to catch on fire. Of course. Yeah, I mean, that car had to have no floor. So I take it back to the two brothers who had been fixing the car for 25 years, and I said, well, you know, maybe we need a new catalytic converter. Nah, you know, I said it looks like it's got holes in it.

Nah, no, no, no, we'll put a couple of pieces of sheet metal up there and protect the rugs. Well, first they said we're going to crank it down so it's further away from the floor, and then we're going to weld a piece of sheet metal right under the floor got it got it okay so makes sense to me no more fire but my girlfriend cannot ride

in the car seated next to me she says this car is putting out too much heat it's you that's putting out the heat red so when I drive the car in the summer she has to sit in the back seat

oh that's no fun No. No, if I wanted to be a chauffeur, I would have got a different job. Well, the catalytic converter is right under, on that car, if I'm not mistaken, right under where the passenger's feet would be. Yes, it is. And while there may be nothing technically wrong with the converter in terms of, you know, holes and such, and it may be far enough away from the floor, I'd be willing to bet the converter is probably plugged up.

Well, it's the original converter. I know that. I think there are two things going on. I think the converter's no good. and I think the timing is retarded. Wow. That could be. How's it running? The car runs great.

I've had nine kids in it, taking them to the shore. I had the car in the Elks parade. Did the Elks like it? They loved it. They loved it. What, Brad, what do you do for a living? I'm a criminal defense attorney. Really?

Yeah. Really. And you have a seemingly. a pretty good outlook on life. He seemed like a happy-go-lucky guy. Or are you just a nut? He's a criminal lawyer, or is that redundant? Well, you are living the dream, Red.

But I would put a new converter in, but have the ignition timing checked. I bet you, over the years, they've retarded the timing to make the thing pass some kind of emissions test or whatever. Have them check the timing, put it to spec, new converter on there, a new style

honeycomb style converter, and that's going to fix the problem. And have to install a heat shield, too. They can rivet a piece of sheet metal in addition to the floor that they fix. They can put another piece of sheet metal between the converter and the floor to

act as a heat shield, so it will reflect the heat off the converter back down instead of up. All right, but that's not going to interfere with my relationship with my girlfriend. No, not at all. Oh, okay. See you, Red. Thanks, guys. Good luck.

Bye. Are you ready for summer? That's the sign. See, the right marketing. So when you want to get rid of the dart, that's how you're ready for the junkyard. Are you ready for the junkyard? No, I'm not.

All right, look, to help you remember last week's puzzle, we're going to play the game we played in the last few weeks. I remember. Word association. Ready? I'm ready. Okay.

Prodigal. Son. Head of. the child's household is what i was actually household household hair piece to pay no appliance is what i was looking for appliance so now we got sun household and appliance oh oh and i'll have that answer i remember it oh i remember it my god my god i remember it well save can it will you This message comes from Wise, the app for using money around the globe. When you manage your money with Wise, you'll always get the mid-market exchange rate with no hidden fees.

Join millions of customers and visit Wise.com. T's and C's Apply. Hi, we're back. You're listening to Car Talk with us. Click and Clack to Tapwood Brothers, and we're here to talk about cars, car repair. And of course, the answer to last week's puzzlers. My brother just remembered. Yeah. Those were great clues, son. Household. Appliance. What was the other one? That was it. Well, anyway, we had a debate among the staff about this puzzler last week because I presented it to the staff. And nobody...

To see how it would fly, so to speak. Yeah. And I think the consensus was... I remember this consensus. There were a lot of these... Vogous. Oh, that stinks. But I think it was sour grapes because not a one of us figured it out. That's right. That's right.

That doesn't mean that's a bad puzzler. No. It just means it's stupid. It just means it's stupid. It might have no winners and we'll save $25. Well, here it is. My son was performing a common household task, something that each and every one of us has probably done many times. He asked me, is 50 enough pa?

Baugh. Paw. I said, no, I don't think so. He said, how about 125? I said, no, I don't think that's enough either. I try 90. And the question was, what household task was he performing? Where this would be true.

I would be willing to bet that most people, because our staff didn't have any clue, most people don't know that this. Staff has no clue about anything. Oh, yeah, they can't find their butts in the shower. what he was doing was he was using the microwave oven. Oh, yes! Where 90, when you punch in 9-0 start, is 90 seconds, which is a minute and 30 seconds.

And it's more than 125, which is a minute and 25 seconds, not 125 seconds. No. So, there. And, of course, they were doubting Thomas as among us, including whom, my brother Thomas. No, I'm the one who ran over to the microwave to prove that you were right. Because Dougie kept saying, no, no, no, no, no. If you put in 125, it's going to be 125 seconds to which we said, Doug, I think you might be wrong about this. And indeed, when you put in 125, it reads it as a minute and 25 seconds.

When it gets to the, when it's counted off the last of the 25 seconds, it jumps to 59. Yeah. Do we have a winner? Of course we have a winner. The winner this week is Martha McGuinness from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I guess Martha said in her answer and in her letter said she's a professional linguist and she's saving up food stamps to buy a car. That's what you're going to have to do.

I'm sorry, Martha, but that's how it goes. Well, we can't help you with the car. but we can give you a $25 gift certificate to the Car Talk's shameless commerce division with which you can get yourself our license plate frame. That's $1.29. And it says, I'm not laughing at you. I'm listening to Car Talk. You put it on the back of your car and who knows what will happen.

And you can spend another $23 beyond that. Good work. Anyway, we'll have a new puzzler. I think a new puzzler, but I'm not sure. Coming up later in today's show, in the meantime, we'll take your calls at 1-88-car talk that's 888-227-8255. Hello, you're on Car Talk. Hi, this is Sarah from Miami.

Hi, Sarah, from Miami. Sarah, without an H, right? Yeah, how did you know? Oh, they gave you my name. No, I can tell. No, he knows everything. Who would give us anything? We got nothing.

In fact, we got a couple of emails this past couple of weeks from people saying, tell me the truth. You guys are all computerized, not you? Because when people call in, you just punch up the year and make of the car, and you can get all kinds of diagnoses. Punch up what? We don't even have a phone in here. We're in a little hot out in the middle of nowhere.

Right. We did the show from a palapa in the jungle. So they told us, they don't tell us nothing. How are you, Sarah? I'm great. What's up? Well, I have a 1992 Lexus ES 300 that's leaking like a sieve. From?

Well, see, here's the problem. And I have to give you the background, which is that I distrust my Lexus dealer. Oh, really? Yes. And do you have some basis for that? Well, yeah, well, yes. We'll find out, won't we if we hear the story. I'm not going to go as far as to slander them on the air, but...

No, you give us the name and we'll do the slander. Because we have lawyers backing us up. Okay. Well, here's the story. I went in November, October, and I brought my... car in for like 70,000 mile service. Mm-hmm. A week later, the air conditioning stops working, and I bring it in.

And that was $1,000, by the way. I can't go into this dealership without spending $1,000. That's the general idea. So the $1,000 was not for the $70K service. It was for the air conditioner. No, it was for the $70K service plus whatever they found was wrong. So you gave them $1,000 for the $70K service, and a week later the AC stopped working? Correct.

For which you paid them in addition? 600? 7.56. 756. Now, I thought, okay, I'm getting out easy because the car is paid for, but then I smell something strange, and I go back, and they

put it on the lift, and they tell me I have not one, not two, not three, but four oil leaks. I love it. And they will fix it for the price of $990. Mm-hmm. And they didn't find these

during the 70,000 miles service. Well, no. But But the mechanic did say, I saw them while I was fixing your air conditioning, but I didn't tell you about it. Because we didn't think you could take it. Yeah, right. So here's my question. They wrote down where the oil leaks are. And I did, you know, I don't know.

Let's hear it. How can you have four oil leaks? Oh, trust me. You've never had an Italian car, have you? How can you have four? Only four. Right. In fact, my brother's Viet came with factory equipment.

You can get them right from the factory if you want it, just to spare the agony of having them crop up later on in the car's life. All right. Tell us where they are. Okay, valve-covered gaskets. Okay. Distributor O-ring. Okay. Cam, shaft, seals. Oh.

And transmission pan gasket. Well, I would imagine when you did this 70K service, did they replace the timing belt? Not that I know of. Oh, they're saving that for the 90. Oh, my God. Well, I mean, how bad are these leaks? I mean, you see huge puddles on the ground? Are you adding fluids?

No. Well, what made you go back with the leaks? It's, I smelled it. Oh, you smell. What you're most likely smelling is the valve cover gasket's leaking. Uh-huh. You're smelling the oil leaking from the valve-cover gasket onto the hot exhaust manifold. Uh-huh.

You have a V6 engine in this car. And because you have two manifolds, you have two places where you can get oil leaking onto the manifolds. and it may be that they could tighten them up and that would stop the leak. Here's what I would do. I know what I would do, too. The cam seals, I wouldn't do anything to them until such times you need the timing belt replaced, which may be at 90,000 miles. And you'll be there any day now.

And that probably is not leaking a lot anyway. Okay. The valve-covered gaskets, I would have them tighten them. Yeah, and that's probably where most of the oil is coming from. That's where the smell's coming from, for sure, I think. And the transmission pan gasket, if that really is leaking, I would have them drop the pan and change the gasket and the fluid and the filter and all that. And that shouldn't be a ton of money, but it is a Lexus dealer. And well, there was the valve cover.

What was the second? Oh, the distributor O ring. Distributor O ring. How much oil could it be? How much oil could it be? But that's cheap to do. I would have them do the O ring, tighten the valve covers, and change the transmission oil pan gasket and the filter and all that. And it should be less than 200 bucks.

Okay, let me ask a question. I'm just trying to figure out how does this, how did these four leaks add up to 990? Well, that's what I was going to ask you. They estimated labor for me. Yeah. Which seems totally high. Proposterous. Definitely.

You tell me, distributor O-ring, one and a half hours. Well, that involves making the O-Ring, too. Well, actually, they send somebody down to Brazil to tap the rubber out of the tree. The latex. And then they bring it back and they formulate the right mixture and they shape an O-ring. That could take an hour and a half. It could. How about transmission pan gasket two hours?

Boy, these guys are slow. Must be the Florida heat. Slow and the breakdown will crawl. Yeah, well, I mean, that's what the book allows. I mean, there's a book called the Flat Rate Book, which says that doing these jobs should take this amount of time. And they go by that book, and they charge according to that. None of these jobs that they're charged. you all this time for would actually take anyone with any competence this amount of time yeah but

go ahead how let's see how many more hours we got okay about the vc gasket oh five hours four they put four four four hours and then the uh camp shaft seals three that's ten and a half hours oh there you go it's sixty five dollars an hour that's seven that's seventy seventy five dollars at seven hundred plus the tax gratuity old age pension plan the uh the user fee the additional dealer The profit. Cheese and wine. Cheese and wine. And it comes up to $9.90.

I got it. Actually, I got $9.9.150. So it's $700 labor. Right. Seems a little steep. By the way, you could have this done at a non-authorized place. I mean, all of these things are things you could take somewhere where they charge $25 an hour. Great.

And they could even do them what? Almost three times before they got it right. And you'd break even. Here's what you do, Sarah. You got a computer? Yeah. You get on our website. site.

Okay. Cartalk.cars.com. And you go to the Mechanics files and you say, I'm looking for a mechanic in Miami, Florida, who works on Lexi. And what we have there is a database of mechanics that people have recommended because they've been there and they said, this guy didn't rip me off too bad. And you'll find somebody who's not a dealer who will do this for, I think, a third, of the money.

That's great. Yeah, third to a half. Yeah. Because they're going to do it in faster time at lower per hour rates. And you put those two together and for 400 bucks

you'll have it done. That's a third. There you go. Yeah, of course. My math has been too bad. Just the new math. See you, Sarah. Good luck.

Thanks, guys. See you later. Bye-bye. Hey, stick around for more calls and the new puzzler coming right up. Ha, we're back. You're listening to Car Talk with us, Click and Collect the Tapper Brothers. And we're here to discuss cars, car repair, and the new puzzler.

Yeah. You got on? I have a vague recollection that many years ago, I used this puzzler, but first of all, I can't really remember. So it doesn't matter. Well, so I thought, what the heck? Yeah. An off-duty policeman. I remember it. No, I don't. An off-duty policeman is working as a night watchman in an office building. I remember it. You do?

Yeah. Tell me about it. And he's doing his rounds, and he comes to a closed door, and behind the door, he hears voices. He hears people talking, and an argument seems to be taking place, raised voices, and he hears one of them say, No, Frank, no, don't do it. You'll regret it. Bang, bang, bang! he burst through the door

what does he see a dead man on the floor and the proverbial what smoking gun and in the room are three living people a minister they're all named Frank a doctor and a plumber

he walks over to the minister and says you're under arrest you have the right to remain silent and I don't remember anything else how does he know that it was the minister that pulled the trigger.

I like the name. It was a convention. Convention years. Hi, my name is Frank. And I'm armed. And I'm the guy who just shot. Now, if you think you know the answer, write it on the back of a $20 bill

or a piece of ripe fruit and mail your correspondence to Puzzler Tower, Car Talk Plaza, box 3,500, Harvard Square, Cambridge, Oh, oh, I'm sorry.

Our face. Matt, 02238, or you can email your ripe fruit to us from the Car Talk session of Cars.com. If you'd like to call us about anything. The number is 1-888-8-8-8-8-2-7-8-255. Hello, you're on Car Talk. I am, aren't you? You are. And you know what?

So are we. Isn't that interesting? Who are you? One of the chances of that. Really? I just can't believe it. It's such a treat to hear your voices and let's be able to say hello to you. My name is Wynne or Winnie.

I'm Winnie or Winn, either one. All right. And I live in Maine. I'm a little old lady. And I live in a village called Cumberland. And it's been snowing and it's just absolutely gorgeous out. Sure, because you're not going to shovel it, are you? No, I'm not.

Because you're a little old lady, and you're going to call someone with a plow? And you're going to sit there, and it'll be gorgeous to watch the plow get stuck in the snow, too. Whereas, is Cumberland like way, way, way, way up there? No, it isn't. I'll tell you, Cumberland is just past Portland before you get to Freeport. Got it. So what's up, Wynn? Well, I have a funny problem, and people don't take it very seriously, but I do.

Well, we'll take it seriously because, as you know, we take everything seriously. I know you do. Yeah. All right. Thank you, Wendy. Well, here's the deal. I've got a terrific car. It's a Ford, Ford Escort, and it's a 93.

Got it. And it's a station wagon, and it's a stick shift. Okay. Because that's the only way to deal with winters up in Maine. Yes, indeed. You've got it. Okay. So I had this neat little car.

And about two years ago, I came to a red light rather unexpectedly. It had turned very fast. Turned very red. Oh, yeah. You mean I had just installed it that minute? Okay. And I've never been there before. Where'd that light come from?

Yeah, I've seen them. Okay, so I stopped for the light by putting my foot on the clutch and on the break, but I do not have time to downshift. In fact, I don't even touch the stick. I'm so busy making sure that I'm settling in and not hitting anybody. Yeah, right. Okay. Now I'm stopped.

I'm dead stopped. the engine's running, and I reach for the stick. I don't know, there's somebody inside that engine holding on to it. It is stuck. It is locked. I cannot get out a fifth, and I can't take off when the light changes. And five minutes later, I ease and push, pull, and shove, and finally get the stick shift down into neutral, and I start again.

Yeah. This has happened about five or six times. I think it's scary. and I've asked people, I've gone to the Ford dealer who have been always marvelous about fixing things. They're really terrific here. But it's something they've never heard of, and they don't know what to do about it.

Well, I've never heard of it either. When? You haven't. No. It won't stop from coming up with an answer. I've got three theories already. Hey, you think if Isaac Newton had never heard of gravity I mean, if he said, well, I never heard of it, therefore I can't think anything about it.

Right. I just don't believe you can't help me. Scratch your brains. Well, Doug Berman was going, ooh, ooh, in the studio into my headphones. Really? Because he thinks, he's got a theory too. He knows the answer, and I have to agree with him. No kidding.

Well, what is it? Yeah. Well, I'll let my brother give you his three ideas first because I got one. It will give me time to refine. idea. Okay. And it might even have been ducks. It doesn't do with fraud or embezzlement?

Nothing to do with fraud or embezzlement. It has to do with motor mounts. There you go. Is that Dougie's idea? Dougie! Out of way, man! He must be right, because if we both thought of it, what else? Motor, mouth?

Mounts. No, no, that's us. We're the motor mounds. No, motor mount. M-O-U-N-T-S, like a horse is a mou. Mount. Oh, okay. I thought I had mice in my car. And the motor mounts are those rubber and metal things which hold the engine in its cradle and prevent it from moving around too much and most importantly falling out on the street. Okay. And they also sort of absorb the shock of the

vibrations of the engine as it's doing what it has to do. And these motor mounts hold not only the motor, but in your car, of course, the transmission. Yes. And if one of them is broken, it's possible that when you come to a sudden stop like this and the motor shifts because the mount is broken, it is shifting the thing in such a peculiar manner that it locks it in gear because it's actually moving the shift linkage in a way that it wasn't designed to move.

And is it expensive? No. No. Now, I think it would be educational to hear my brother's other ideas because I think one of them involved rodents. Okay. I refuse to divulge my other theories.

Okay. Because they were only backup theories. Way back. I was going with the motor mounts all the way. But have your dealer checked the motor mounts? I'd be willing to bet that one of those motor mounts is worn out or broken. Now, does that mean taking the transmission out? No, no, no.

It's a very simple job. This is simple. Really? You're going to love this. That's what's causing the whole engine transmission. combination to shift in its cradle and that's causing the shifter to shift this thing into fifth gear

but it's doing it in such a manner that's like half in fifth and half in second and that's why it gets locked. And if you sit there and play with it and jiggle and curse enough eventually. Eventually you'll get it out as the engine kind of settled back into where it should be. Do you curse when this happens? Do little old ladies curse when these things happen? Oh, they really do

yes. You do? They do that? I'm shocked. I mean I know that men would curse. But I thought little old ladies would say Well, I'm in such a panic. Yes. Consarnet or something. Is that what you call a curse?

Concarnet? Maybe I can go do a little bit. That's a vicious oath, as we say. Okay. Hey, good luck, Wynne. Hey, thanks a bunch and merry. Happy New Year. Same to you.

Thank you. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. 1-888-Kart talk. That's 888-227-8-255. Hello, you're on car talk. Hey, guys. Hey.

Who's this? Neil Naples from Atlanta, Georgia. Neil, N-I-E-L? N-E-I-L, yeah. N-E-I-L. From Atlanta? From Atlanta, yes, sir. Yeah.

What's up? Well, I was going to start up by saying, and I was up in Maine, there was this little old lady stuck in the Volkswagen and cursing up a storm. Yeah. They can swear like drunken sailors. Oh, they can be feisty. That must have been right. But I've got a 93 Chevy Suburban 2,500.

Yes. The extended warranty is about to expire, and I have a recurring problem with my brakes. I took the suburban back to the dealership about 18 months ago for the ABS anti-lock brake recall I had on the model year. And since then, the brakes have been real spongy, and the ABS seems to activate if you panic stop. Now, the dealership replaced two master cylinders in that time

in the last 18 months, but the brakes are still real soft. Three weeks ago, my wife remodeled the rear end of a 98 camry. Yeah. When she tried to panic stop and didn't, and her story, and she's my wife, so like, I have to believe her, was that the ABS kicked in and the pedal went to the floor. So last week, again, I took it to the dealership, and they said they couldn't find anything wrong. Any clues to my problem? So, wow.

I don't know about the recall. Do you know what it was for? It was for the anti-lock brakes that the antilocks would allow the pedal to go to the floor, and the suburbans would not stop, and they were involved in some rearing collisions. But you had not been experiencing any problem, but because you got a notice that said free stuff, you went in. There you go. Okay. But since that time, the brakes have felt spongy. And soft.

Now, you also said that the ABS kicks in when you make a panic stop, but it's supposed to do that. So what's wrong? Why did you say that? Well, a panic stop, but also sometimes when I'm like slowing down in a hurry or not really panic stopping, it'll kick in. even if the pavement isn't wet or... Yeah. Boy, I mean, I don't want to have to repeat my conspiracy theory about ABS. But go ahead.

But I'm going to. Go ahead. You may recall that I have on several occasions of the past two years announced to the world that in my humble opinion, there is a conspiracy about ABS, that ABS has some very strange failure modes. A cover-up is more like it. A cover-up is more like it. I like cover-up. Cover-up.

Conspiracy. Well, it's a conspiracy because all of the auto manufacturers have somehow conspired to not tell us the truth, in my humble opinion. The truth about ABS. The truth about the ABS cover-up. The ABS files. ABS files. And I mean, I personally have experienced some strange things with ABS. And I think personally that ABS is.

evil. Well, I think it has some serious shortcomings. In their rush to have every car have ABS. In your opinion? Well, yeah, in my opinion, because I have also experienced some instances where I know the vehicle would have stopped faster without ABS. And that's why I say there's a conspiracy. And one of these days, long after I'm gone, they will look back. You will all look back and you'll say, Tom, he's dead now. He's dead now. And he's a little bit stupider than he was when he was alive.

But not much, because you couldn't get much stupider. Anyway, Neil, to make a long story short, I don't... What was the question? We have no idea what's going on, but I think you ought to beat a hasty path to your suburban, to your Chevrolet dealer. And don't say that your wife thinks the pedal went to the floor. Your wife is sure the pedal went to the floor. Don't give them any opportunity to weasel out of it. Not an inch.

Yeah. Okay. And there will be lawsuits, of course, because she wasn't responsible for redesigning the back end of that Camry. That's right. Absolutely not. General Motors is responsible in my humble opinion. And it is humble. Humble. Humility is his greatest attribute. Humility is one of the things that makes me great.

Good luck, Neil. Thanks a lot. You made my day. Don't mention us in the affidavit or anything like that. Good luck, man. Thank you, I appreciate it. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

It is true. I hate to beat a dead horse, but it is true. It is true. No, I think most... Well, you laughed at me when I first proposed this. I laugh at everything that you proposed. 1-888-8-8-2-7-8-25-5. Hello, you're on car talk.

Hi. You keep forgetting the name of this show. Hi. Hi, hi there. Hi, this is Diana from Mount Clemens, Michigan. Hi, this is Freddie Boom Boom, Boom, Washington. Diana from Mount Clemens? Mount Clemens, Michigan.

There's no mountain here. We're on the banks of the Mighty Clinton River. Really? No kidding. Mount Clemens, Michigan. So what do we do for you, Diana? Well, my mom and I both drive 98 Ford vehicles. She's got a wind star.

I drive the cheapest thing I can afford, which is the escort. Right. And we've recently been talking about gasoline. And she insists upon using gasoline that is whole gasoline is supposed to a methanol or ethanol-blended gasoline because she says you get better mileage if you use a plain, pure gasoline. How unfortunate that you should have called because my brother was going to do a rant and rave. We were doing a rant and rave about ethanol-based gasoline. No, since what?

No, I was going to do oxygenated fuels. I was going to discuss whole milk. Oh, whole milk. That's what it was. What is it with milk anyway? I mean, what was wrong with whole milk? My brother opened my refrigerator the other day. And he said, quick, get a camera.

They've got, you ready for this? 1%, 2%, skim, whole, buttermilk, eggnog. I mean, light eggnog. And then... Heavy-duty. And then non-dairy. Oh, yeah, light eggnog, regular. duty and then they've got soy milk and god knows what else i had to buy a second refrigerator

just for the different kinds of milk what the heck is going on well now the same thing's happening in the gasoline and the same thing i was happening with gasoline yes it is an effort by everyone to blind us with footwork so that the average person can't figure out anything and buys what's available and your mother's right by the way but that's beside the point my mother's right well why are you so incredulous diana um because i'm going to have to apologize well then don't tell her my mother is right there are two primary reasons i believe why the the gasoline guys who are those guys oil companies have monkeyed with the basic formula one is they slowly want to introduce us the idea of burning alcohol in our cars for the for that day when there is nothing

to burn but alcohol. Uh-huh. The other reason they add, they mess around with the basic formula is to reduce emissions and to make the gasoline burn cleaner.

Yeah, I mean, gasoline's not all the same. If you use the ethanol stuff, you might not get as many miles to the gallon. Hmm. I mean, we're talking about a couple of percentage points here. I mean, this is not a lot.

No, I would think so. Because, you know, alcohol has a little bit less, I think they call it, energy density than gasoline. Wow. My mother is right. Like, as she claims to always be. Well, you know.

Well, they've got to be right once in a while. Otherwise, we wouldn't believe they were ever right. See you, Diana. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Hey, thanks for calling. Thank you both. Bye, bye, bye, bye.

Well, it's happened again. You've squanded another perfectly good hour listening to Car Talk. Our esteemed producer is Doug the subway fugitive, not a slave to fashion Berman. Our social producer is Ken Minnie Van Fever Rogers. Really? Our assistant producer is Catherine Melda Ray. Our engineer is Dennis DeMendezer. Folly, and our technical, spiritual, and menu advisor is John Buzzy Sweet Cheeks, Mr. Haid, Hula, lips,

Hips, Hula, lips, free lunch, make that two triple cheeseburgers loller. Our customer care representative is Hayward Jabuzzoff. Collision repair is handled by Jesse the Body Shop Ventura, whose shop is All Things Considered. And our mortgage loan consultant is Nora Lender B. Nora Lender B. I love that. And our staff chiropractor is Winston Payne. Peekaboo Street directs our intensive care unit, which is known as the Peekaboo ICU, and our Leo Tolstoy biographer is Warren Peace, author of Leo Tolstoy by Warren Peace.

Our chief counsel from the law firm of Dewey Cheyman How is Hugh Lewis Dewey, known around the bar as Huey, Louis Dewey. Thanks so much for listening. We're clicking clack to Tapet Brothers. Don't drive like my brother. Don't drive like my brother. Don't drive like my brother. Don't drive like my sister. We'll be back.

Oh, yeah. We'll be back next week. Bye-bye. And now, from a big show in Cleveland, here is Cart Talk Plaza's very own staff futurist, Mr. Vinny Goombats, Vinnie. Okay, now, I see a tape of this week's show in your future. I see you call him 1-88-car junk and ask him for show number two. Got that? Vinny, this is bogus. You can't pretend to be a futurist and try to sell your lousy tapes that way? Oh, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, there's more.

I see you's calling 888 car junk and ordering a puzzler book. Vinnie, come on! Oh, wait, I see a beautiful woman answering the phone to take your order. Do you do? Tell me about it. Sorry, you're going to have to call yourselves. That's 1-88-car junk or visit the Shammuz Commerce Division at the Car Talk session of Cars.com.

Car Talk is a production of Dewee Cheever and Howe and WBUR in Boston. And even though Daniel Shaw thinks back fondly to his days on Nixon's enemy, list when he hears us say it. This is NPR National Public Radio.