The Best of Car Talk - #2584: Jalopy Season

Episode Date: October 21, 2025

Diane’s a farm girl just trying to plant this season’s crop but the various men on the farm have littered their old junk cars all over the fields. Can Click and Clack help Diane work with these fragile male egos in her midst or should she just plow ‘em under? Find out on this episode of the Best of Car Talk.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

A lot of short daily news podcasts focus on just one story. But right now, you probably need more. On Up First from NPR, we bring you three of the world's top headlines every day in under 15 minutes. Because no one story can capture all that's happening in this big, crazy world of ours on any given morning. Listen now to the Up First podcast from NPR. Hello and welcome to Car Talk from National Public Radio with us, Click and Clack the Tappit Brothers, and we're broadcasting this week from the washing and waxing poetic division here at Carthog Plaza.

Well, I mean, I read this poem once already, but my brother evidently has an epilogue. Well, just for it. I didn't think it ended correctly, so I thought I'd add a few verses. But, I mean, the thing is 25 pages long. I want me to read the whole thing again? Evidently. Why not? I mean, it was good.

Try to do it with a little feeling. Do you want me to read a page? Sure, let's take turns. Here, you read the first page. I'll read the next five. Okay. Okay, I'm done. Charlie Boyd wrote this.

I don't know who Charlie Boyd is, but he's certainly going to get something from us. He's going to get an award. He'll get an award. It wasn't, I'm sorry. The title is Objay. D'Art. O's J. DART. It was an early day in spring, felt good to be alive.

Tommy's son and friends went out for a short spring drive. They chose the DART, the old Dodge DART, to take them on their way, and that old car was happy so to be their choice that day. That old car just purred with joy, and nearly honked with glee, for old cars have their memories, just like you and me. These days, the DART was past its prime, torn vinyl, rusted steel, but old cars have a soul inside they think and they can feel

the dart remember days gone by with its top roll down when it gave jaw rides in the spring the envy of the town all those days were glorious hot wax and polished chrome the dart turned heads at every stop then took its loved ones home page two they came upon a traffic light and stopped to rest a spell the sun shone bright the air was clear and all the world seemed well In front, a local ambulance sat waiting for the light. Behind a snowplow came up fast, and something wasn't right.

The snowplow honked, careened, and veered. Watch out for goodness sake. Something had gone terribly wrong. The snowplow had no break. South Tom Lira does it. And then the sky turns sickly still as those springs, bubble popped. The bird's sweet singing stuck in air, it seemed like time had stopped. It's hard to say how cars know things. Somehow that old car knew, that Tom's son's life was on the

line, and its choices were so few. And oh, that sound, that awful sound of crushing steel and glass, the dart took all that snow plow's force, thankful to the last. Who knows where that old car found such strength within its rust, unless a car would have thrown the time. and crumbled into dust. Perhaps the thought its days were few helped to quell its fears that brave old car was 36. That's 90 in human years.

The universe holds mysteries we can scratch and we can comb. The only thing we really know is Tommy's son came home. Somewhere in the Great Beyond, the sun is shining bright, the gasoline is plentiful, there is no rust to fight.

The pavement's always clean and dry in that land above and cherished autos gleam and shine polished by clouds of love. This is really touching, you know? Oh, it's really sickening, isn't it? Tommy's heart is broken now, and emptiness remains. For in the spot where Dot one sat, there's not but oil stains.

We're coming into the home stretch. Oh, yeah. But Tommy knows there is a place where old dogs and autos go, a place where cars are pampered, and once dim light headlights glow. And if ever a car earned winter's lap after its earthly race, that old Dodge Dart deserved to go to that eternal parking space

to which my brother adds I mean with all due respect to Charlie Boy he did glorify the dart quite a bit and it is poetic license but I thought I just wrote a couple actually I can't take credit for this entirely

Shakespeare I collaborated with Ralph Waldo Emerson and Robert Frost Oh he'll lead you in with that with the repeat of that last stanza? No, no, it won't be necessary because it doesn't really set away fit. Fine.

Whatever you'd say. Okay, go ahead. At a junkyard out near Concord, where our nation got its start, lay the crumpled, shattered body of what was a proud Dodge Dart. Oh. First hours, then days, and weeks passed by, the dart not knowing yet its fate. But then it knew the end was near when that flatbed passed the gate. like soldiers all its rusted mates bid the dart a fond farewell

for it was making that final journey into the jaws of hell then into the auto shredder with its massive jaws of steel the dart was slowly lowered nothing more than that hour's meal its fist-sized pieces loaded on a scow bound for steel town South Korea where like a phoenix it will rise again as a Hyundai or a Kia. South Korea, huh? I think so.

In a dream, I start going to South Korea. I wonder how long it takes. I mean, it could happen in much. Right now, it's a fender or a hood of a Kia Sportage. It could be coming here. It could be on its way back, like, in the middle of June. You'll recognize it. You'll buy one of those cars, and the fender will rust right off,

and you'll know what was made from your dodge dart. If you'd like to call us, the numbers 1-888-Cart talk. That's 8-8-2-2-7-8-2-5. Hello, you're on Car Talk. This is Rich from Hershey, Pennsylvania, Chocolate Town, USA. Hi, Rich. Yeah, right. And Old Car Town, USA.

Yes, right, right. All them junk dealers bring all their stuff here. Not junk, Rich, it's not junk. One man's trash is another man's treasure. Our brief made the mistake of one of them in the junk dealers. The one time they came, they didn't give anything. Anyhow. So what's up?

Well, a bug. Bug. How old? It's a 72 bug. Yeah. Automatic. And it belongs to my granddaughter. Ninety-three thousand miles on it.

And the thing is, it gets better gas mileage than it does oil mileage. But it doesn't burn it. Now, if you open. the trunk, you know, where the motor is, and you start it, you can see oil gushing out, you know, all that sheet metal in there. What do I need to do to fix it? You see the oil coming up the top of the motor? It's on like the flat part down, you know, where the flywheel is, and then there's a well there to catch all of that oil. I don't think that's why the well was designed. As you're looking at it, is it in the...

middle of the engine to the right, to the left, or toward the front of the car? It's in the middle of the engine on the left side. One place that you could leak is the pedestal that holds the generator, or the alternator, in this case. Yeah, okay, it's down below that. So it's leaking onto the sheet metal where the pulley is. You got it, you got it. Okay, the oil pump is leaking then.

Uh-huh. You've got to take the engine out. Oh, no. Well, yeah, I mean, it only takes half an hour to take it out. That's what everyone says. They're so easy to work on, but everything you do, you have to take the engine. engine out and everyone says it only takes half an hour and if ever there was a crock.

No, it takes a half an hour you can have. It's probably ready to fallout. If you do it every day, it takes half an hour. If you never did it before, it takes half a week. Well, Rich isn't going to do it. Yeah, I want to do it. I don't want to pay the labor to have it done. All right, here's what you're going to do. You're going to go to the library. Okay.

And get John Muir's book. John Muir. You don't have that yet? No. Oh, Rich. Rich. No, I never needed it before. Oh, you're going to need it. They're going to memorize this chapter and verse, as they say. Okay. And it's the guide to...

Auto repair for dummies. No, it's not called that. It's a complete... The Volkswagen Guide for the Complete Idiot. Okay. Well, I sit in both categories. Yeah. Doesn't matter.

Is that M-U-I-R or what? Yes. Yes. M-U-I-R. Okay. John is his first name. Yeah. And what he did was he wrote a book on how to repair and maintain Volkswagen's of this era.

Okay. And he'll tell you how to take the engine out in half an hour. Yeah. And then how to take the engine. engine apart, you may have to rebuild the, if you're going to take it out, you may want to just rebuild the entire engine. See, this is how easy it is. Ooh, does that book tell you ever, tells you when to take lunch, breaks, and everything?

Tells you what to have for lunch if you're on a locale diet. Okay, but we need it here in Hershey, you know, locale, chocolate. So, I mean, you'll have to read the sections on oil leaks. Okay. There are 11, 11 of them, actually. And you may find out that you need to do one or two things, and then you can put. the engine back in. I mean, you probably don't need to take the engine apart and split the case and all that because that gets costly and time consuming. So you may be able to pull

the engine out, replace the oil pump, and who knows what else, and put the thing back together and you may be all right. And then pray that it runs, right? And if it doesn't, a half hour later, you have the engine out again. Yeah, see, I like that half hour bit. I was figuring maybe I'd have to start on a Friday if I wanted to have a dumb by Monday. But just a half hour. Wait, minute. Friday of what month? Half hour means just taking the engine out. Doesn't mean you're going to have it fixed in half an hour. No, no, I understand that.

By the book first, Rich. Okay. And you say that the oil pump might be the problem. Well, I think so. Okay. But put the car in a spot. There it won't be in the way. Because it may be there for a long, long, long, long time.

Yeah. Well, put it in a place where, It would look nice with flowers growing out of it. You know what? I've been given that advice already. Hey, Rich, the best of luck to you. Hey, thanks, guys. I really enjoy talking to you again.

I'm sure your granddaughter is going to love this. She will and will owe it all to click and clack. Great. All right. Okay. Bye, bye, bye. Bye, bye, bye now. Hey, do you remember last week's puzzler?

Do I remember last week's puzzler? No idea. That's what I figured. Well, It's a horticultural story of time, space, and lawn care. And I'll have the entire saga in just a minute. This message comes from Wise, the app for using money around the globe. When you manage your money with Wise, you'll always get the mid-market exchange rate with no hidden fees.

Join millions of customers and visit Wise.com. Tees and Cs apply. In the U.S., national security news can feel far away from data. life. Distant wars, murky conflicts, diplomacy behind closed doors. On our new show, Sources and Methods. NPR reporters on the ground bring you stories of real people helping you understand why distant events matter here at home. Listen to sources and methods on the NPR app or wherever you get your podcasts. After over two years of Israel's bombardment of Gaza, the way Jews in the U.S. talk about and disagree about Zionism and anti-Zionism has only gotten more intense.

But the truth of it is that as early as Jewish nationalism was on the scene in American Jewish life, so were questions about the role that that might play in American Jewish life. Listen to Code Switch in the NPR app or wherever you get your podcast. These days, with all the information coming at you, it can be hard to know what's accurate, what's not, and what's worth your time. Here to help you navigate it all is 1A. Five days a week, the 1A podcast provides a forum for Curia's minds to explore different angles on the biggest headlines, and give you a more balanced take on what's happening. Listen to the 1A podcast from NPR and WAMU.

Hi, we're back. You're listening to Car Talk with us. Click and Collect the Tappert Brothers, and we're here to talk about cars, car repair, and of course the answer to the last week's puzzler. And here I remember. Here it is. This guy has a new house built, and his luck would have it. His entire backyard is just dirt, and he's planning on having a big Fourth of July celebration. So he goes to the local nursery and tells the fellow there, I need to buy some grass seed because it's almost June, and I want to have a yard full of grass for my party.

Anyway, the nursery fellow recommends stored, but that's too expensive. He recommends seed, but that's too slow and, you know, unpredictable. Finally, the fellow at the nursery says, hey, we've got this new product. It's a plug of grass about the size of your fist, and you're planted in a central location in your yard, and every day it doubles in size. Right? Yeah. So he asks the owner of the house to draw a picture of his backyard

with the dimensions, and he says, well, I've done the math, and all you need is one of these. Wow. So the homeowner says, you mean if I plant one of these on June 1st?

By June 30th, I'll have a full lawn. The guy says, right-o. But once the lawn gets to be the right size, you have to spray it with this arrestor spray so it doesn't grow up the side

of your house across the street and eat your kids. So the homeowner says, you show you did the math right? He says, oh, yeah, plant one of these, and in 30 days you'll have a full lawn in your backyard. The homeowner says, great, but just to be safe, I'll take two. Good thinking. So the question is, if one plug planted on June 1st, will give him a full lawn on June 30th,

when he buys two plugs on what day, and I did add plus or minus a day or two, would he need to apply the arrestor spray to make the lawn the right size? Yeah. Boy, boy, oh boy. Now, logic would tell you, well, if you bought two, we'd be done June 15th, right? Maybe earlier. Maybe. But the answer is, instead of his lawn being finished on June 30th, it's done on June 29th.

Because all it does is gain him one day. It does. Because don't forget, if you plant one, the next day, how many do you have? Two, right? Well, you don't really have two. Well, you have double the size. You have double the size. Which is what you'd get if you bought two of them.

And what happens the next day? Yeah. You've got four. So all it does is lop off the first day. So that's the answer. He sprays it on June 29th, and if he doesn't, then it eats his house. Wow. Do we have a winner?

Yeah, of course we do. The winner is Drew Henderson from Moorhead, Kentucky. Drew Henderson from Moorhead, Kentucky. And for having his correct answer. chosen from among all the correct answers that we got this week, Drew is going to get a $25 gift certificate to the Car Talk's shameless commerce division with which he can get our best-selling self-help tape. Notice how he worded that, our best-selling self-help tape, not a best-selling self-help tape. We've never had a best-anything. This is titled, men are from GM,

women are from Ford. It's calls about couples and cars. And he could use that $25 to get one of them. To pay for the shipping and handling at least. Anyway, we'll have a new puzzler coming up. And this puzzle was the result of a dream that I had. A new puzzle coming up with the third half of today's show. In the meantime, we'd love to have you call us at 1888 Car Talk. That's 888-227-8255. Hello, you're on the air. You're on Car Talk. You're here, baby. Well, this is Jim in Fort Wayne, Indiana. Hey, Jim. Jim. How are you doing? I am doing pretty well. Oh, good. So what's up? The deal is we got a 1992 Nissan Center. And it's been a great car. It's a great car. It's got about 42,000 miles on a way low miles for a 92.

Yeah, really, very long. But it started making an odd noise in the rear end, and we've asked a couple of different mechanics. Nobody can figure this out so far. It's impossible for it to make noise from the rear end, because there's nothing in the rear end. There's nothing in the rear. Well, there isn't anything there.

There's got to be something back there because the sound is clearly emanating from the back of the car, and here's the deal. It happens when you slow down. You come up to speed, and you really notice it if you're coming up to, let's say, highway speeds, 50 or more, when you slow the car down, it starts to make this ticking noises. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick,

ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-chon-chon, until you come to a stop. Beautifully done, James. Well, I've only heard it about, it's my one bar, but I've heard it a lot of nine. I'm in the audio business, and so I'm good at sound effects. Yeah, I could tell. But anyway, we've had the brakes checked. We thought, you know, maybe a brake hanging out or something. It wasn't, huh?

One thing I might tell you about the car is that before it started making this noise, I have a son who drives now, and when he was learning to drive his first night on an icy road, he spun his car all the way around and smacked the left rear wheel against a curb hard enough that it dended the wheel. Good, good. Yeah, really a nice shot. Well, we replaced the wheel, and since then, we had that wheel bearing replaced. Uh-huh. You did.

We've done the front brakes. We've checked the rear brakes. The only thing that one mechanic has been able to suggest is that one of the bushings for the rear struts, it seems to be wiped out. That ain't it. That ain't it. It isn't a bushing because, as you stated, so eloquent. in your reproduction of the sound, there's a regularity to it

that's in sync with the speed of the car. Absolutely. No bushing is going to make that noise. We thought maybe the vibration or something. No, it would... Not if your reproduction was accurate. It's got to do with... It is in sync with the rotation of the wheels.

The reason you don't hear it on the way up to 50 is it's being drowned out by the motor. Right. And your reason you hear it on the way down is because the motor's in the coast mode. Right. It's idling. Okay.

Now, now, now that we've got that, do you have drum brakes or disc brakes in the back of this car? Drums. You have drums. Yep. Well, I think that it's very likely. You said the right rear wheel hit the curb? Left rear, the driver's side. The driver's side.

It's very possible that you have bent the axle flange. Oh, boy. Well, no, it's not so bad. If you take off the tire, you are looking at the four studs to which the wheel nuts are attached. Mm-hmm. If you were then to take off the drum, which is the part of the brake that the shoes push against, you'll be looking at the axle flange. Okay. And I bet you that is bent.

And what's happening is that turns, it's causing the drum to hit either the backing plate or one of the shoes or doing something to make that tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. And it should be a simple, simple process to figure this out. I think if this guy takes the wheel off and puts the wheel nuts on and spins that wheel. He ought to be able to reproduce this noise right in the shop. And then if he takes the drum off, he can find the very spot where that drum is hitting. It's got to be there. I love it. It's got to be there.

Okay. I know I'm always getting us into trouble. Go ahead. But I just wanted to confirm with Jim that this noise started the day after your son... No, no, no. Okay. And not before and not three weeks after. Well, you know, I can't really say what day, but I can't tell you.

Oh, good man, Jim. Right, that's the right answer. So long Jim, bike. And it didn't happen the day after because the car was being fixed. Exactly. Well, the car was getting driven around looking for a new wheel. Okay, bye, Jim. Okay, let's not press it.

Let's all press it. Okay. I had to ask, though, just so he could tell us he didn't know. Well, we never heard. the sound, nobody heard the sound before the wheel got the... Of course not. Of course not. And as always, I had a backup position, but I'll save that for another

day. See it, Jim. Jim, thanks a lot for calling. Hey, thank you guys. Bye, bye. Hey, you know what it's time for? Time to go shopping at Nissenbaum's pre-wrecked cars? Nope. It's time to play. Stump the chumps! As some of you may know, Stump to Chumps is where we find out

whether our previous advice resulted in a satisfactory automotive outcome, as we call it. Or just another personal injury claim. So let's go to the phones. Johnny, who's this week's Chumpter? The Chumpter this week is Lisa from Tallahassee, Florida. And you probably don't remember, but Lisa called us a few months ago because she had a shimmy in her front wheels,

but she couldn't find a mechanic with experience on her particular cover. What does she have, a Lamborghini Diablo, a Ferrari testosterone? No, she has a 74 VW beetle. No kidding. First of all, any of these guys that have looked at it, is any of them over 40? Borderline or a plus, yes. And some younger, so I don't know that age is any factor.

Oh, the age is a factor. The young guys cross them right off the list. Even the 40-year-old guys are just on the edge. Yeah, you've got to go for a geese. Any old-age homes where you live? Listen, I wish that I could get some good, reputable guy who loves VWs. Well, they've all moved to Del Bocca Vista. So Lisa needs an old-timer, a guy who actually used to work on VW bugs.

Back in the 60s and 70s, some guy who's drooling and tottering around out on a walker. Someone like, someone like my brother. Well, as a matter of fact, I believe I totally. said that her car's steering problem, the car was shimmying at around 40 miles an hour, was either worn ball joints or more likely a loose steering box. All right, let's find out if you are every bit the geyser you purport to be. Lisa, are you there? Yes, hi.

Before we find out if you have ever located Mr. Old Ranch or whatever, we have to be sure that this is all on the level. Do you solemnly swear, Lisa, that the answer you're about to give on stumped chumps today has not been influenced by any promises. of cash, tote bags, or heavy-duty fire extinguishers for your bug from NPR, or any of the staff of car talking? Oh, absolutely not. You mean Ken Rogers didn't call you and tell you, no?

No, on the up and up here. All right, so were we right about the steering problem, or were we wrong? Absolutely. Tell us, we can take it, tell us the truth. No, you gave excellent advice. I found an old mechanic, and he worked on VWs years ago. Yeah? Yeah, and he's not even a VW mechanic.

He just has a sign that says mechanic, but he came to me recommended, and he was honest, and your advice was right on target. It needed that collar or something in the steering wheel that you had mentioned, needed steering box needed to be tightened. And he shimmed it because it had a little wear. It was a little loose. Yes, yes. Something else in it that also needed to be replaced.

There was like a kind of a shock absorber. Yes, there is a steering damper. And it's as good as ever now. Really? Yeah. And so when he was done with the repairs, did you take him back to Del Boca Vista? To the home? Did you have to drive him back to the home?

No, no, he's a lovely man. He's still in town. He's doing great work. And his sign just says mechanic. Mechanic. It's like the sweatshirt that I wore this. He's just a straight, simple, chain-link fence around his business, honest guy, I think. And you were right.

Well, we might be batting over 200 now. And so thanks a lot for playing Stump to Chumps, Lisa. Thank you for your help. Bye-bye. We'll be right back with the answer to the puzzler right after these very important messages. Ha! We're back. You're listening to Car Talk? Wait a minute. You're back. I'm not. What are you? Front?

You're listening to Car Talk with us, Click and Clack the Tappert Brothers, and we're here to discuss cars, car repair, and the new puzzler. And I'm going to say that this puzzle was inspired. He's stolen from. No, no, no, no, no. No, it was probably stolen from somebody, but, I mean, they all were. But there's not an original puzzle on the planet anymore. Yeah.

Between us and Marilyn Vaux Savant, we've stolen all of them from Martin Gardner. The other day... Is he still alive? Still, yes. The other day, due to someone you... shuffling of cars. My brother-in-law's car wound up in Tommy's possession, and Alex showed up at the garage to pick up his car and left me a car to drive home. And I was in the middle of something, and I said to Alex, just throw the keys in my pocket. My hands were too

greasy to even touch the keys. He leaves. Hours later, I wash up, lock up the shop, and I and I discover waiting for me at the curb is the Fiat and at that when I began to drive at home

I began to have an appreciation for the reverence that you had for the dart because compared to the dart the fiat is such a hopeless piece of trash quiet

I'm trying to sell it to mayor right I mean that thing coughed and weezed and swerved. I mean, it did everything imaginable. I mean, my heart was at my throat the entire time. I say nothing of the fact that my few remaining brain cells were eradicated by the smell of gasoline. Yeah, the hair quality is bad.

That's why the top doesn't go up. You'd die if you had the top up. I had the top up. You did. Yeah, and the fact that you can hear the ignition system through the radio. Isn't that nice? It is. You can tell if you've got a misfire.

Well, you did. And you can tell if you're... Number four cylinder has a distinct misfire. You can tell if your alternate is working. You turn on the radio. Well, as luck would have it, last night, I go to sleep. He gets to my house, by the way, and he stumbles in the door, and he says, finally I'm almost there.

I throw the keys of the kitchen table and I said, let me out. Let me out. Well, I get home, and I guess because I was overwhelmed by the gasoline fumes, I had a dream. And in this dream, I saw you driving a spiffy... A Diablo? A little convertible. Oh.

And the license plate of this convertible said, Wait, not W-A-I-T, but W-E-I-G-H-T. Really? And I said, hmm, wait, what kind of a car would have this license plate? That's the question. And did you get the answer in your dream, too, or did you have to figure it out when you woke up? I asked Andrew when I woke up. Now, if you think you know the answer, write it on the back of a $20 bill or some food item of your choice.

Yeah. And anything. Fish is good. Frozen fish. Fish is the best. Yeah. Fish is good. Fruit works great.

Food's good. Bananas. Bread, loaf of bread. Loaf of bread works. Send your answer to... Well, it's a little known fact. People don't realize you don't have to take something and put it into an envelope to mail it.

You can mail the thing itself. Yes. And it's up to your own level of creativity. Exactly. To see what, you can just write the address on, stick the stamps on it. Right. Stick the stamps right on it.

Yeah, stamps don't stick well to frozen fish. Well, they do in the beginning. The last thing they're going to do is we turn it to you. Send your answer to Puzzler Tower, Par Talk Plaza, Box 3,500, Harvard Square, Cambridge. Our Fair City. Matt 2,2238, or you can email your answer to us from the Car Talk section of Cars.com.

If you'd like to call us, the numbers 18888-Cart Talk. That's 1888-227-825. Hello, you're on Car Talk. My name is Diane. Hi. Hi. How are you, Diane? I'm doing okay. I'm doing well.

Where are you from? I am from Riverhead Long Island. Where is that? Riverhead, Long Island? Yeah. It is the gateway to the Hamptons. No, no, Riverhead, Long Island. No, is it East Long Island or West Long Island?

It's east. Oh, it's way out. It is the gateway to the Hamptons. Oh, you don't say. They don't say. The cricket clubs and the polo matches and all that. We've been to the Hamptons. They asked us never to come back, but we will.

All right, here's my question, gentlemen. Yes. To keep or not, to keep. Ready? Yeah. The 83-528E BMW with a blown engine. Do I mention the engine was blown? You just did.

Yeah. And let me set the stage here. Yeah. My in-laws are farmers. They're the real McCoy. Potato, cauliflower, broccoli, right here in Riverhead. Oh, the broccoli smell. Yes.

Oh, yeah. I remember that, too. It's not as bad as cabbage. I kept accusing my brother the whole time. We were riding from the ferry to the Hamptons. What did you eat, man? When you have 500 acres of broccoli. Oh, yeah.

It gets pretty bad. Cabbage is worse. Oh, cabbage is worse. Maybe it was cabbage we had. Maybe. Cabbage is definitely worse. Yeah. All right.

So they're farmers. Yeah. My husband has this fantasy of putting a 283 small block V8 engine from his 1966 Chavelle in the BMW with the blown engine. I like it. Do you like that? Of course. What does the fact that your husband's parents are farmers have to do with this?

Because they're resourceful inventive people. Because this stuff is all on their farm. This was the discussion at Easter. Yeah. See, that car has friends up there. Yeah. There are, let's see, there's a 1970 Impala up there. Oh, man, I love it already.

Yep, there's an 84 Honda. There's a sailboat, you know, a couple of things up on the phone. Yeah. So it is time to plant. Gotcha. My Polish father-in-law, Jaji, says, what are we going to do with these cars? Jaja, yeah. I had a Polish father-in-law named Jaja also.

Yeah. So he's got a... And his wife is Bopcha. Bopchi. Oh, you say Bob She. We used to say Bob Shat. Bobcha and Jaja Maybe I had it wrong

Well, it's an issue because You know Jodgy He's in his 80s And you know It's time to plant So we have to move Something

All these cars Out of the way To plant potatoes And I told my husband Please Can we just junk that car Can we please just junk it See I mean

Women always have the same attitude Let's junk it Get rid of it My wife is on me Every Get rid of it Can you blame her? Well, do you know what it is, gentlemen?

What I think it is, I think old cars to men, are like old jeans to women. I mean, I confess, I do have a pair of size six Calvin's in my closet that I just can't bear to throw out. Because I know someday I'm going to get back into him. Well, guys need hobbies. A hobby. You couldn't ask for a better hobby than this. Where would he do this? On the farm?

Of course. Yeah. How far is the farm from your house? It's a mile. Oh, okay. And my oldest son is, he's not even 12. And my husband saying, oh, this will be the first car for Robert. Yeah, it might be done by then.

It might be. And Robert will learn a tremendous amount about patients, about he'll learn a lot of new words. He'll be intimate with the emergency room at the local hospital. Gentlemen, this is a man who doesn't have time to, like, pick up his underwear. But he will. He'll have time for this. And this will calm his soul.

Guys need this. This is a great idea. He's probably in some very stressful occupation. What does he do? He's an attorney. Oh! This is perfect. This is perfect thing.

He needs this. Don't deny him this. Don't deny him this. I wouldn't. No, you have to support him. He needs this. And this will be an experience. This will bond three generations together.

Your son, your husband, and his father. bother. Nothing could. And they'll all be out of your hair for weeks at a time. Oh, I'll buy it. Right. I could just see them sitting around now eating parolgis and... Exactly.

And you can be going off to the health club. And by the time this engine is in that BMW, you will fit into those jeans. Okay. See you, Diane. I'm not that far away from it. I'm just saying I have good memories in those. It takes a long time. See you later, Diane.

All right, thank you. Be supportive, remember. All right. All right. All right. Ciao. Ciao. Well, it's happened again.

You squanded another perfectly good hour. Let's link the car talk. Our esteemed producer is Doug the subway fugitive, not a slave to fashion, Berman. Our associate producer is Ken the Diaper Slayer Rogers. Our assistant producer is Catherine. I'm having a bad leather day, Ray. Our engineer is Dennis DeMennis Foley. and our technical, spiritual, and menu advisor

is Mr. John Bugsy Lawler, who is actually gracious with his presence today. I can't believe it. Our customer care representative is Haywood Jabuzzoff. Our mortgage loan consultant is Nora Lender B. Our staff chiropractor is Winston Payne. Our chief negotiator is Bernadette Bridge. And the manager of our donkey-based video equipment is Cameron Diaz.

My brother's personal physician is Carmen Dating. Our director of Japanese cooling system technology is Emperor over-Haworthy. Our staff dietitian is Norma Lee Chowin, and our chief counsel from the law firm of Dewey Chiterman Howe is Uluis Dewee, known to the IRS auditors, and indeed they know him as you and Louis Dewey. Thanks so much for listening. We're clicking clack for Tappert Brothers. Don't drive like my brother. Don't drive like my brother. Don't drive like my brother.

We'll be back next week. Bye-bye. And now here is Car Talk Plaza's chief mechanic, Mr. Vinnie Gumbats. Thank you very much. Now, if users looking for a Mother's Day gift that keeps on giving, you want to give Mom a copy of our best-selling album, men are from GM, women off and cool. Calls about couples and cars,

and you can get one by calling 8-8-8-car junk. You've got that 8-8-8-car junk. I mean, what if you like your mother Vinnie? What do you get it in? Well, in your case, I would say that moving out of the house would be a lovely gift. Now, if you want to copy it this week's show, which is number 18, you called that same number 888 card junk. Or you can get any of this stuff online

at the Card Talk section of CardTalk.com. Say, now, shall we discuss your mother some more, Mr. Funny Man? No, let's... No, let's... Car Talk is a production of Dewee Cheever and Howe and WBUR in Boston. And even though Ricardo Montalban spills something on his crushed Corinthian leather,

every time he hears us say it, this is NPR, National Public Radio.