The Best of Car Talk - #2585: Reversal of Fortune

Episode Date: October 25, 2025

Anne’s husband was under heavy sedation following a very delicate medical procedure and lying on a mattress placed in the back of their minivan for a seven hour drive home. In order to spare him the pain, Anne floored it the entire way and now hubby and the van don’t sound so good. Did she wreck the car? Did hubby survive? Find out on this episode of the Best of Car Talk.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

Support for NPR and the following message comes from the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation. RWJF is a national philanthropy working toward a future where health is no longer a privilege but a right. Learn more at RWJF.org. Hello and welcome to Car Talk from National Public Radio with us Click and Collect the Tappert Brothers, and we're broadcasting this week from the Center for Auto-Related Entertainment here at Car Talk Plaza. Now, this is a new one. Some of you may know that car companies are trying to build relationships with their customers. You know, it's not just selling a car and fixing a car and fixing it again and again.

Car companies now want to engage people in other ways. Yeah. So Toyota Motor Company of Japan is opening. Get this. A theme park. In addition to roller coasters and ferris wheels and Cotton Canyon and all that jazz, people can ride around in Toyota electric cars. They can visit the history garage and learn about Route 66, things like that.

And they can see Future World, which features, of course, lots of futuristic cars from whom. Toyota. Toyota. Of course. Why not? Well, we wondered, of course, what would happen if General Motors opened the theme park right in downtown Detroit. And we tried to imagine what attractions a GM theme park would feature. Yeah, I mean, we have a couple of ideas.

Yeah. Go ahead. I mean, you can have like the GM House of Smoke and Mirrors. Wander around in a fun house filled with General Motors cars from the 1980s. Try to find your way out of the maze as you bounce off indistinguishable Pontiac Phoenix's, Oldsville Omega, Buick, Centuries, and Chevy Citations, all of which look exactly alike and have different names on them. Or, this is like the log flume ride at Disney World. Yeah, yeah.

share plunge. Yeah. Travel in time on this GM water ride. You started in 1950 at more than 50 feet above the ground. Hmm.

As you approach the end of the century, suddenly you take a deftifying market share plunge before leveling out at about 28 or 29 feet. And there's a warning at the bottom.

They're not recommended for those with heart conditions or on blood pressure medication. How about this one? Reliability Fantasy Land. Enter a fantasy world where your GM car starts every day and you can even turn to the right when it's cold out. And this will ensure that we

will never drive a GM car again. Well, we're just having fun. I mean, we are just having fun and they're ever than having fun too. People may notice that we, we have not talked about GM cars except to answer questions, but we have not talked about a new GM car for years now, nor have we done any test drive notes on a website for years now because GM won't let us drive. any of their cars. What did we ever do to them? Duh. Well, we did it now. Keep your cars. Who needs them? We're having fun anyway. If you want to talk to us about your car, the number is 888-car talk. That's 888-227-8255. Hello, you're on car talk. This is David. David. Where are you from, David? I'm from Wyoming. Whereabouts in Wyoming? And Laramie.

Laramie. Boy, how many Westons have we seen that took place? Laramie. And it's all, I mean, I guess the cowboys were really there, huh? Oh, yeah. Sure, they must be. Still are. Oh, they still are, yeah.

Yeah. If you've ever been on the roads day, you know that they are all cowboys. So what's up, Dave? Well, I have a 1989 Toyota four-runner. It's got four-wheel drive. And I experience a problem when it's cold out, especially in the winter. In fact, it only happens in the winter. I'll stop the car, let her run for a little bit.

take out on the road, and the first time I need to come to a stop at a stop sign, as I start approaching and slowing down, I hear a loud whirring sound, and it sort of gets louder and louder, and finally, as I come to a complete stop, I hear this loud clunk, clunk, clunk, almost like the gearbox is dropping out of the car or something. Hmm. And it runs fine. That's the scary part. What if you coast to a stop?

Do you have to be stepping on the brake? No, I don't, actually. I try that. And the noise is coming from the front. Yeah, it's coming on. Well, you didn't receive service bulletin, S.J.128, 97 in the mail. The noise is coming from your locking hubs on the four-wheel drive. I think considering how cold it gets in Laramie, Wyoming, and I don't even want to know how cold it gets there in the winter.

20 below? Sometimes, yeah. But it's not that bad. No, but is it at its worst in the coldest weather? It's at its worse, and it's cold weather And what I tried to do is actually warm the car up for a long period of time Won't help And that helps a little bit

It still happens in the water No, in fact, the best way to warm it up is to drive it Because you have to, you have to heat up the grease In the wheel bearings and the locking hubs Okay And sitting in your driveway warming up Warming it up only warms up the engine But the only way the grease is going to get warmed up

Is by friction of rotation Should I be worried? I mean No, I wouldn't be worried I would You want to worry, worry, worry. I worry about everything. But you should take it to your Toyota dealer. They may have a remedy.

They may have a lighter weight grease they can put in there. But you have to be careful because that same grease is lubricating the bearings, and you don't want to put anything too light in there because the bearings won't get adequate lubrication. I think this is what they call a design flaw. Okay. Well, ask the dealer to look up and see if there's a technical service bulletin on this. Okay, okay. He'll figure out what grease to put in there.

And otherwise, you really don't have it. But I don't think there's going to be a remedy. They may not. Okay, well, that's good advice. See you, Dave. Thank you. Thanks for calling. Did you hear what he said?

That's good advice. Who put him up to that? 1-888-8-8-8-8-8-car talk. That's 888-227-8-25. Hello, you're on car talk. Hi, my name's Ann. I'm calling from Columbus, Georgia. Hi, Ann.

Hi, I'm driving a 96 Dodge Caravan. Okay. Okay. What the deal is is about six weeks ago. my husband has vasectomy reversed down in Tampa, Florida. Okay? And we had to drive back home. You're sure you called the right show?

This is car. Are you with us on this? Okay, well, go ahead. You're nickel. Okay. Was there a lot of pain associated with this? Yes, there was. Was he taking pain killers like percissette or something?

Well, actually, he did pretty good. Oh, good. Yeah. Well, tell him to take two aspirin and call us back in the morning. Well, he's doing much better. He's doing much better now. It's been six weeks, and he's all healed up. Oh, good.

He's all better. So you're driving back from Florida to Columbus. Right. Well, the situation is that you have to lay down completely for three days after the reversal. So we took all the seats out of the van, and we put a twin-sized mattress in the back, and he laid down on the way home. Yeah. Well, I was the only one that was driving, and I was speeding like a banshee. Sure, because you couldn't stand the moment.

groaning and groaning. Get me home. Well, actually, it wasn't that bad. He was pretty knocked out at that time. But anyway, we got home, and after we got home. How long a ride was it, by the way, Ann? About seven and a half hours. Okay.

Yes, I drove it pretty hard. Did you stop to pee along the way? I did, yes. Did he? No. Okay. Let's just check it. Do we really?

Did we need to know that? No, did we need to know about a vasectomy? No. Evidently, if you let it finish, you might find out more. Okay. So you're driving at 85 miles an hour for seven and a half hours. Right. Got it.

Okay. And so since we've been home, every time I start the engine, when it's cold, it basically makes that round, but only when the engine is cold. You mean as you're turning the key to the start position, it goes, Yeah. And then... And then you let go. of the key or you don't what do you do i do and it starts right up it doesn't sound like the you

know the thing is hitting the flywheel strange it sounds like a more like an air compression that's what my husband said i recorded it for you oh oh and we love you because she knew we were going to tell her that she needed a starter or a fly wheel and she knows that's not the answer right or at least her husband thinks it's okay play it okay i don't know you might not be able to hear it very well but here it goes Did you hear it? Do it again. Okay, hold on.

Did you hear it? I love it. He's right. I know. He's right, what? He's not the starter. Oh, yes, it is. I don't think so.

Absolutely. I don't think so. I think so. Play it again. Wait a minute. Don't do it yet. If my brother listens carefully, he will notice that before the engine begins to turn is when the noise occurs. Exactly.

And it's as the starter is beginning to... Well, that's what I want to hear. It's the solenoidal part of the starter that as the solenoidal part of the starter is engaging is making that noise. And then as soon as it does that, the starter begins to turn and crank the engine over. Listen, listen carefully. All right. Go ahead. Ah.

See? Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Did you record this from inside the vehicle or under the hood? No, under the hood. Bless you. Yeah, boy, if only all our callers were as good as her. Well, here's the good news, Ann.

Okay. You had nothing to do with this. Oh, good. And the fact that you were driving like a wacko all the way back to Columbus did not in any way cause this problem. Wonderful. Isn't that good news? Yes, it is.

So, by the way, I can't ask. No, you can't ask. No, instead of your damn business. What, you can ask? I mean, we didn't have to know about all the details. See, all she could have said was, right, you were running from the law. I was driving, and I drove for seven and a half hours at 85 miles an hour. If she wanted to bring her personal life into this, she didn't deserve anything.

That's right. I can answer. Did it work? Oh, we don't know yet. Oh. It takes time. He had the, thank God. He had it for 12 and a half years.

Really? Yeah, because he has three children from a previous man. Well, I was going to ask that, right. Yeah. He probably figured that was enough. And you convinced him to reverse it. Exactly. Jeez, that's great.

He's a great husband. I hope it works. I'm actually a nanny. Really? Yeah, so I love children. Love them. Excellent. Well, they're all right when they're not your own.

When they're your own, it's tough. Yeah, I can go home. Well, good luck and get your starter motor replaced before it falls out on the street. It is a starter motor. Yeah, I believe so. I agree with my brother. There is no doubt about it. Okay.

Thank you very much. See you. All right, bye-bye. Bye-bye. We get them all. Hey, do you remember last week's puzzler? Yeah, it was about two strings and a zippo lighter. Oh, you're hopeless.

You really are. It was about a very strange dream that I had, a dream that involved your car. I woke up in a cold sweat. Hold that button. We're going to be back in a minute. This message comes from Wise, the app for using money around the globe.

When you manage your money with Wise, you'll always get the message. mid-market exchange rate with no hidden fees. Join millions of customers and visit wise.com. T's and C's apply. Support for NPR and the following message comes from the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation. RWJF is a national philanthropy working toward a future where health is no longer a privilege but a right. Learn more at RWJF.org. Hi, we're back. You're listening to Car Talk with us, click and collect the Tappert Brothers, and we're here to talk about cars, car repair,

and the answer to last week's puzzle, and here it is. You don't remember this at all, huh? I don't remember it. A dream you had. Well, I'll fill you in. It'll come back to you, I'm sure. Okay. The other day, due to circumstances,

certainly beyond my control, I was forced to drive home from work in my brother's Fiat. As I drove at home, I began to have an appreciation for the reverence that Tommy has had for his late Dodge Dart. Because compared to the Dart,

the Fiat is such a hopeless, piece of junk. I couldn't. You did more complaining when you got to my house. I mean, the thing was all over. I almost side swiped 15 or 20 cars. I don't know how many mirrors I knocked off the parked cars. It's all over the road. And then the fumes, the leaking oil, the smell

of gasoline. Jeez. Yeah, the noise. Oh, it was brutal. You can't steer it. The radio doesn't work. The lights always flash on the dash. You know what they mean? Oh, I didn't even notice that. I was too scared to notice anything. Anyway, I finally get home. I go to

sleep, and perhaps due to the gasoline fumes or just the experience itself, I had a very strange dream. Yeah. And in this dream, I saw my brother driving a spiffy little convertible. Prophetic, man. And the license plate on that convertible said, wait. W-E-I-G-H-T. And I wonder what kind of a car would have a license plate that said, wait.

And that's the puzzler. Yes. And how prophetic it is, because I now am. the owner. Well, not yet. Not yet. I will be within minutes, I hope, the owner of one of these very cars. Yes. It's going to replace the dart and the fiat. Yes, and the car that Tommy is getting is the formula for weight. Yes. Because in our system of measurement on this planet of ours, weight is mass times the acceleration of gravity, or M-G. Oh! So if you had a mass of one slug

And you know your units, don't you? Times the acceleration of gravity which is 32 feet per second squared would weigh 32 pounds. Exactly. How many slugs is your M.G? About that.

Wow. Do we have a winner? That's a great puzzler. Well, I don't know about great. And a great car. We'll see about that. We don't know. We do have a winner. The winner is Carol Strumpic.

Stripic. Hey, Carol. That's a great name, Strimpec, from Shantilly, Virginia. And for having her correct answer chosen from among all of the correct answers this week, Carol is going to receive in the mail one of these fine days, a $25 gift certificate to the Car Talk, Shameless Commerce Division, with which she can get our best-selling self-help tape. Men are from GM, women are from Ford, calls about couples and cars.

By the way, our next CD is about fathers and cars, and we're looking for photographs of people with their fathers in and around cars, cars of all ages. So if you have a photo you want us to consider, send it to us at Car Talk Plaza, Box 3,500, Harvard Squaya, Cambridge. Our Fair City? Mass, 02238.

But remember, don't send us any precious originals because if you've ever seen our office, you know that you'll never see it again. And please write all the information about the photo on the back, like who's in it, what kind of car and all that. And don't pick a note to the pitch, we'll lose those two. Remember, we're hopeless. Hey!

Do you know what it's time for? Time to lock in our Sleepy LaBeef New Year's tickets? No. It's time to play Stump for the Chump's. All right, Stump to Chumps is that portion of the show, in which we get back in touch with someone who was actually gracious enough and gullible enough, not only to listen to our advice, but also to try to apply the advice. And who's this week's contestant?

Well, it's Tom from Boca Raton, Florida. We spoke to Tom just last week about a very weird wobbling, clacking problem on his 92 Honda Accord. Oh, yeah, yeah, and if I remember correctly, you homed right in on it, didn't you? I'm sure I did. Later, I can't do 70 because the steering wheel starts to shake in my hand.

Uh-huh. And this is a pretty severe vibration. If I do it, I'll actually get a headache. Because I have a theory that fits everything. I'm going to write down in small print. I am too. And I'm going to show you mine. Okay.

I've got my two ideas written down. Let me see yours. Oh, you got your head of them. Hold them, please. Okay, so after we perform the anal encephalectual. to me. What advice did we give to Tom? Well, we were both afraid that the noise he was hearing on turns and the wobbling

he experienced on the highway were the result of loose lug nuts and that would be very bad. We told him to go right out and check all the lug nuts and call us right back. Which he did, and he came back and told us that I had my head right, in his usual position. So our second guess was that he had a severely defective

tire, a tire with serious tread separation. We told him that he shouldn't drive in it and should have a checked out right away. But then, of course, we told him never to call us back, but here he is. Tom, are you there? Yes, I am. All right, before you tell us once again that our bodies are contorted in a very unusual

way, we have to Carmen Mirandize you. Is it true, Tom, Tom, that the answer you are about to give here on Stump to Chumps is in no way influenced by promises of cash or prizes by us, our staff, all the staff, at NPR? Nor are the Caribbean vacation. Would you consider accepting cash prizes from any of the above? Actually, I would. He would.

All right. So what was wrong with it? Have you figured it out yet? Well, so I get in the car. Yeah. And I take your advice. I don't know what got over me that I decided I would take your advice. That was silly, wasn't it?

And I took off down the road, and instead of going the other way and going to the highway, I headed east toward the beach. Ah, good. Pulled into the Bocas shell. Yeah. Out comes Tony. Yeah. One look at my tire in the back, left side, and says, you've lost the tread.

It's separated. Wow! You guys scored 100%. Well, we was... It was our second guest, though. It shouldn't have been. What you forgot is that you offered me a third option. Oh.

You said it could also be bad CV joint. There was a possibility still. But you need those two? Indeed. Whoa! Hey, two out of three. Not bad. Well, you've spent a few bucks this week, then?

Yes, it's been quite a week. Well, you're down there in the high-rent district, so you must have it. I want you to know, Tom, that when you told us last week that your lug nuts were tight, that was a low point in our lives. Oh, man. We both left the studio with long faces. Oh, we've been, you couldn't speak to us all week. We've been so glum.

Yeah, my brother's face is long and ugly. We've been glum, I said. If I had let, if I had gone the other. way and been on the highway. We would never have heard from you again. That would have been the last that anybody would have ever heard. Exactly. Could well be. So from the bottom of my heart, guys, thanks. Tom, we saved your life. Thanks for playing Stump the Chumps, Tom. And you saved our show. Because we had the cancellation notice from NPR on our desks. Thanks again for playing Stump the chumps, man. Thank you. Bye-bye. If you want to call us with a question about your car, our number is

1-888-8-8-8-2-8-25. A lawyer on car talk. Hello, this is Anne from Albany, New York. Hi, Ann, from Albany. Ann, is it snowing in Albany? No, it's not. It's actually up in the high 50s. Well, yeah. Okay.

But he can spoil anything. Here is a beautiful day in Albany, and now he's thinking on only the 50s. Oh, geez, I should really be depressed about this. What's up, Ann? Well, I have an 89 Ford Escort. It has 175,000 miles on it. Wow. Good for you.

It's a really good car. I have to say that we have, on occasion, bad-mouthed the escort. But I have come to appreciate the escort. I think the escort is a magnificent little vehicle. It's treated me real good. Sure. Magnificent, maybe a little strong. Maybe a little strong.

It's an adequate little vehicle. It's an adequate little vehicle. Quite adequate. And it certainly does not warrant all the bad-mouting that we do. It is undeserving. So what's wrong with it now? That piece of junk. Now, well, it started making a really loud hum.

The hum is coming from underneath the car in the back. Yes. Is it make a difference if you're moving or not? Yes, it's only when I move. Only when you move. And as you go faster, it goes higher pitch? Just louder Yes, it gets louder

But as soon as you stop The noise goes away Well, it gets lower When I stop Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa If you are at a stop Okay You get out of the house in the morning

You have your coffee You walk out of the house You get in the car You turn the key It starts up You're sitting there There's a hum There's a hum

Before you even move Yes Yeah We know what it is That changes things Changes everything This changes Changes everything

But it reduces the price Well, maybe not by much No, no, I think it Increases the price You do Oh, yeah You do I had previously thought

That you had a bad Rear wheel bearing Uh-huh But now he doesn't think that anymore Now he thinks you have a bad Fuel pump A bad fuel pump Yeah, you have an electric pump

Which is located inside the tank And it's probably been there For about 175,000 miles Yeah, I'd say that one. And it has given up the ghost or is soon to do that. And that's nice. It's a warning that you should do something about it because when it fails, then you won't get any fuel pumped.

Did you buy this car new? No. I bought it used in 1994. Oh, it's probably on its third pump. If a fuel pump doesn't pump fuel, what does a fuel pump pump? And it won't pump anything. But this is the early warning sign. Okay.

And the reason that it makes so much noise and it's so obvious. is that it's inside the tank, and it's using the tank as a reverberation chamber. Oh, yeah. So when that pump, when the bearings and that motor start to go, they really make an awful noise. If you had the thing in your hand, it wouldn't sound anywhere near as bad as it does inside the tank. Yeah, sort of like being in the bathroom. Exactly. It's like singing in the shower. So my car has good acoustic.

Your car has good acoustics. Excellent. And the lower the fuel level in the tank, the noisier the pump sounds, I bet. Yes. You may have noticed that as well, because it's got more room around it to reverberate. Hang up the phone right now while you still have time and run out and have a new fuel pump put in. Okay. Because it's going to break on you.

Don't wait until it breaks. Okay. Because you know it's going to break in the middle of the night during a heavy rainstorm when you're far away from home. Do it immediately. Okay. I will do that. See you, Ann. When my wife's car had this problem.

Yes. She had a Volvo and then it had this problem, and I told her not to fix it because it was, an indication that you were low on fuel. No, you're just, she was gay. Because the fuel gauge didn't work. And since the fuel gauge didn't work, you could use the noise of the fuel pump to tell you that you were low on fuel.

How was that? She would fall for that. Save money both ways. You don't have to replace the gauge and you don't have to replace the pump. Some guys will go to any extreme to save a buck. Well, to show you how there's poetic justice in the world, the car broke down when I was driving it.

Good. And it was raining. Right. You called everyone you knew to get a ride home Everyone hung up on you. Everyone hung up on me. You deserve it, you cheap. Hey.

Yeah. It's time to take a short break and fabricate the new puzzler. Hey, hey, this is a family. I said fabricate. Oh, okay. We'll be back at a minute. Ha! We're back.

You're listening to Car Talk with us, Click and Clack the Tappert Brothers, and we're here to discuss cars, car repair, and the new puzzler. I can hardly wait. I don't know who sent this in, but here it is. And it went like this. When I was in school, our teacher had the habit of putting little cryptic messages on the blackboard. And one day was near the end of the school year. She wrote the following thing on the board.

Do I need a pencil for this? You need a pencil. Okay, go ahead. E-I-L-N-P-U. Huh? And the only, the hint I'll give is that it was near the end of the school year. E-I-L-N-P-U. There you go.

Our teacher had the habit of putting little cryptic little messages on the blackboard, and one day she puts up the following little message for us. Don't forget, there are hints all over the place. You're going to pay attention. Yeah. And here's the message. E-I-L-N-P-U. in that order

and the hint is it was near the end of the school year the end of the school year end of the school year end of the school year how many times you wanted to say it was the end of the school year

now if you think you know the answer right on the back of a $20 bill the hint is designed so that when the answer is given to you you will say oh I should have gotten the hint Mm-hmm, yeah, but...

Okay, I get it now. Okay, so you can write your answer on the back of a $20 bill or any piece of fish or fowl and send it to Puzzler Tower, Car Talk Plaza, box 3,500, Harvard Square, Cambridge... Our Fair City, Ma, 2-2-338, or you can email your answer to us from the Car Talk section of Cars.com.

If you'd like to call us, our number is 1-888-Cart Talk, that's 888-227-8-25- Hello. You're on Car Talk. Hi, this is Susan from the Inland Empire in Southern California. The Inland Empire? Right. Road rage capital of the USA. Oh, really?

Yeah, yeah. This is the Riverside San Bernardino area. Oh. Yeah. And that's known as the Road Rage Capital of the World. I read that recently. Yeah, we've got that. We've got that.

Have you seen incidents of road rage? I've caused incidents of road rage. Oh, really? That's good. Probably one of the causes. Really? Yes. But you haven't actually engaged in the reciprocation.

No, no, I'm passive road rage. Yeah, yeah. Well, you might be interested. I personally am going to sue the state police of Massachusetts. Is that right? Yeah, because they are responsible for road rage. And I'm going to have to sue the entire state police force. And you might want to do that in Riverside.

Sure, sure, relax. Well, because people are out there violating the law every day, and the police hide. They hide. They could give out 10,000 tickets a day if they wanted to. Well, do you realize how dangerous it is being a policeman? I didn't give these guys a break. Well, I mean, why don't they shape up and do their work? They're busy watching empty holes here in Massachusetts.

You've got a lot of them. They guard empty holes. Why do we have the same last name? Can we do something about this? We don't have to have the same last name. I mean, people who are married don't have the same last name. Why should we? You can change your name to anything you want.

I don't care. I am. From now on, I'm going to come up with a new last name for myself, because I can't have the same last name. I'm going to spell it so that in case they stop, they'll know. And by the way, if you stop my brother, he's not responsible. My brother's name is Tom. All right, Susan.

Now that we got that taken care of. I'm sorry, I got carried away there. Yes, and I have a very complex problem. My problem has ethical, social, aesthetic, and old-factual. Delfactory dimensions. Olfactory. Even ethical, moral, social, social, aesthetic. Yes.

And olfactory. And olfactory. Yes. Okay. Excellent. Here's my problem. What car should I buy, given that I lead a double life? Ooh.

We're interested. Does it involve clothing? It does, actually. It's only in a minor way. Okay. Here's my problem. I rescue farm animals. I rescue pot-bellied pigs.

in particular. Yeah. And that's half of what I do. The other half is I'm the year of... You're a go-go dancer, that's up. Having risen to my level of incompetence, I am the chair of the philosophy department at a nearby not to be named college. I got it, man.

This is great. Now, you've got a picture this. I got it. I currently drive a 1987 Honda Civic Pigmobile. Yeah. It's the pigmobile, because when I rescue these animals, I just toss them right in the back of the station wagon. You know, goats, pigs, whatever. Right.

And then you go to class. Well, this leads to the old factory dimension of the problem. So at the same time, because I'm the chair of the department, I sometimes have to drive around people, you know, visiting philosophers, people who might want jobs, you know, the dean, whatever. Just tell me, are the other people in the philosophy department aware of your second life? Oh, yes. And they won't ride with me. If I say, let's go out to lunch, they always say, we'll take our car. So my problem is, I need a vehicle.

But the ethical dimension is I don't want to get some big gas-guzzling thing. Sure. You know, I would rather have zero-emissions little car, you know, from an ethical point of view. Right, right. What I'd really need is something big enough that maybe I could haul a trailer, so I don't have to throw these animals right in the car with these. Just what I was going to suggest. Yeah.

Because, I mean, there would be ways to insulate you from the back of the car. Right. But a trailer would be really the best way. Well, but then there's the aesthetic dimension of the problem. I don't want a truck. I don't think that's my image. How about a little pickup truck? Yeah, you don't want a pickup truck?

Oh, they're so cute with a little cap on the back. See, I had a pickup once. Sure. And I just didn't feel it didn't satisfy the, you know, the midlife crisis and aesthetic dimensions of the problem. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You invented a more practical point in your life. Yeah, and now you're the chair of the department, so you're in better shape now to express your real desires.

You can't go have faculty meetings smelling like pigs. That's right. It's been done. It's been done. Yeah. Well, I mean, if you don't want a trailer, the trailer would be the cheapest way, because you've got the car already. Maybe you don't.

You think this thing, this thing is so underpowered anyway. It won't pull. Well, I mean, how big are the pigs? Well, they vary. Are they 600-pound pigs? No, no. I'm usually rescuing the little pot-belly kind. Sure.

You know, people get them when they're little, and then when they get to be about 150 pounds, and they're, you know, rooting up the carpet, people want to get rid of them, and then, you know, I take them. Yeah. So, I mean, it's no different than having your mother-in-law in the back seat. Well, I'm not even going to go there. And I shouldn't have gone there. No, you shouldn't have.

My mother-in-law is very nice, and she's very patient. Actually, I brought home a wild pig once in the back of the car, and she didn't even comment on that. You need a pickup truck. First of all, for health reasons, too. So you need to separate. You need to have a vehicle whose bed you can wash out. Well, right.

So you can take the pickup truck and take your garden hose out and wash out or whatever they leave behind in there. The real question is, how intertwined are these double lives, these two lives that you lead? Because, I mean, are you like Batman? Yes. So when the thing appears on the clouds, you have to just, just,

Jump in your... I will jump out of a chair's meeting and drive... And drive to save a pig. You know what you need? Pick up a pig, you bet. A jumpsuit. Right. And I, yeah, I have to have clothes.

You're going to get into your jump. You jump into your jumpsuit. That's right. You tackle the pig. That's it. Throw them in the back of the pickup truck. Yeah. Slam the tailgate.

Right. Take your jumpsuit off. Throw in there with the pig. Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't have to be a jumpsuit. I mean, it could have like a cape. Right.

A mask. A mask? But that means that you do need to pick up Because you don't want to be dragging the trailer around All the time when you don't need it I thought if it was If the two lives were really separate You know like on Thursday afternoons

You go rescue a pig And on Wednesday morning You're a chair of the philosophy department No no when those pigs come a calling man You can't put them off Wooee I got a cell phone in a pager You know

It's also the pigs call you Yeah that's right Right? No, see, there's half of the world around here that knows me as pig woman. Pig woman. And then the other, you know, the other part. I would try to quash that one. Well, it's a good thing you don't teach in the language department.

You'd be accused of teaching pig Latin. Yeah, okay, I think it's a pickup truck. Okay, okay, I got it. See you, Susan. Okay, thanks. Bye, bye, bye, bye. Well, it's happened again. You've squanded another perfectly good owl listening to Car Talk.

Our esteemed producer has dug the subway fugitive, not a slave to fashion Berman. Our associate producer is Ken the diaper slayer Rogers. Hasn't Ken lost that title yet? Come on. Actually not. Another four years, right? Our assistant producer is... I saw a little Huey.

I smelled a little Huey just the other day. And no, he's not. No, I guess, no, I guess not. Our assistant producer is Catherine. I'm having a bad leather day ray. Our engineer is Dennis de Menace Foley, and our technical, spiritual, and menu advisor is Mr. John S. Lawler.

Our public opinion pollster is Paul Murky of Merkey Research, assisted by statistician Marge in Overa. Our customer, care representative is Hey, with your buzzoff. Our director of long-range strategic planning is Kay Sarah. She's back. She might have been the second hire we did. It was Mr. Gigi and Kayeara. And, of course, she's married to Frank Sarai, and now goes by the married name of Kay Sarat. Sirach. Our director of Upwood Mobility in Eastern Europe is Zbignu Kreisler. Our director of Japanese cooling system technology is Emperor Overhito, and our chief counsel

from the law firm of Dewey Cheatheman Howells U.S. Dewey, known on his honorary doctorates as Uie Louie Dewee. Thanks so much for listening. We're clicking clack for Tappertr Brothers, and don't drive like my brother. Don't drive like my brother. We'll be back next week. Bye, bye. And we have here in the studio today, Car Talk Plaza's chief mechanic, Mr. Vincent Gumbats.

Vinnie. Thank you very much. Now, if you're looking for a nice way to spend a beautiful spring afternoon, why not go in the house, pull down the shades, and listen to your very own cassette copy of this week's show, which is number 19, just called 8. 8-8 car junk to order yours. Vinny, what kind of person would spend a beautiful afternoon inside with the shades drawn?

Oh, gee, I don't know. Someone who didn't want his ex-wife to see him polishing his new M-G-T-T-T. Now, if you've worn out of car talk junk, like tape, CDs, T-shirts, you can call that same number 888 car junk, but just visit the cart-talk section of cars.com, you know? That's great, Vinny. Just announce it on the air. Now she's going to know about it. So I shouldn't mention the Boka Village Timeshare either.

I wouldn't. Car Talk is a production of Dewey Cheatham and Howe and WBUR in Boston. And even though Common Electra concludes that Dennis Rodman wasn't so bad when she hears us say it, this is NPR National Public Radio. Support for NPR, and the following message comes from the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation. RWJF is a national philanthropy, working toward a future where health is no longer a privilege, but a right. Learn more at our wjjf.org.