The Best of Car Talk - #2594: Having Fun with a US Census Agent

Episode Date: November 25, 2025

Paula from Virginia mostly wanted help with her Toyota Camry but, as a US Census agent she couldn’t resist wagging her finger to remind all of us to cooperate with the upcoming census collection. Fun ensues on this episode of the Best of Car Talk.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

This week on Ye Gods with Scott Carter. We've been living in an age of cruelty for a while. We are now in an age of corruption. New York Times columnist David French urges us to create unity through resistance. In an age of cruelty, kindness is rebellious. In an age of corruption, virtue is rebellious. I'm Scott Carter. Listen to David French on Yee Gods wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to Car Talk from National Public Radio with us,

Click and Clack the Tappert Brothers, and we're broadcasting this week from the La Toyota Jackson Center here at Car Talk Plaza. This is one of the most exciting days at Car Talk Plaza. Oh, it is. Because we've got the flags flying, the bands playing. Oh, man, the outcome of... Ten years of effort is finally coming to fruition. I don't think I devalced it.

I don't think I divulse it when this took you ten years. Here's the deal. We are introducing today on the car talk section of Cars.com. Caroscope. The caroscope. It's like a horoscope. A horror. Horoscope is what it is.

You go to caroscope and you tell it what caroscope and you tell it what car you drive. And then you answer just a couple of innocuous little questions. A name might even be called. And it will tell you two things. A, are you compatible with the car that you're driving? That's pretty heavy-duty information. And whether you are or not, it will recommend other cars that you might be compatible with. Now, I did this as a test, just to see if it works.

First, I did it, of course, for myself. Of course. I'm going to give you the results of my keroscope. And then yesterday I called my brother, and I asked him these nine or ten innocuous little questions. And I have right here the result of your keroscope as well. I can't wait. I'll just read you. You're going to read the questions?

No, of course not. Because the questions are like, what size underwear do you wear, et cetera, you know? Yeah. Well, here it is. I'll just give you, I'll tell you the intro here, and then I'll give you a couple of excerpts from both of our caroscow. caroscopes. Here is your official caroscope the patented car talk assessment of the compatibility

between you and your in my case, Dodge Diet, it says right there. As you well know, the degree of compatibility between you and your car is crucial to your happiness and well-being. Driving the right vehicle, that is having the right car, ma, will give you an incredible lightness of being, a constant sensation of

euphoria and possibly a Rocky Mountain High. On the other hand, the wrong relationship can be devastating. Of course. A continuous frown, a deep and inexplicable depression, a sense of foreboding. And hemorrhoidal flare-ups. That's what it says. In short, a life of quiet desperation, not to mention an incredible headache, lower back pain,

and continuous hemorrhoidal flare-ups. So here it is your personal caroscope. Here it is. This is you. Me and the Dodge. I did it for the dart. I did it for the MG also. It says, boy, oh boy.

You picked a vehicle which is just about perfect for you. Comes as no surprise. I mean, I always knew that. Well, of course. Congratulations. For example, when compared to other people who own a Dodge Dot, you are just about the same in terms of your gender, your age, and your income. Despite the fact that your personality profile pretty much matches that of other Dodge Dot owners,

caroscope would like to suggest some alternative vehicles should you be thinking of making a change. and you will never guess what the first selection is out of the thousands of possible vehicles. This is new and used. New and used. You know what it tells me? I should also consider a triumph TR4. How do it know?

Wow. How do it know? Now, I did it for you. I suspect a little mucking around. No, I didn't muck around at all. I didn't muck around at all. Of course not. It says the same thing.

And I should mention that the way that thing is scaled, it's possible for you to get a score anywhere from zero to like 20. And anything below six means that you are matched with your car. I was a three with my Dodge Dog. You, with your Dodge Colt Vista, were also a three. Really? Boy, oh boy, you picked a vehicle, which is just about perfect for you. I knew that.

I mean, that's why I chose it. you're just about the same and the other Dodge Colt Vista owners in terms of your gender, your age, and how much you care about your car. Then, it recommends, it says, it recommends. Let's look at your compatibility

with other cars and it recommends the top choice. Boy, this is interesting. An Infinity I-30. Really? Yeah. You're almost perfectly compatible with the I-30

in terms of all your demographic things, gender, age, educational level, how much you care about your car, your income, your tolerance for taking risks, the extent to which you're a cheap skate, status consciousness, and your grasp of reality. I-30, huh? Yeah.

Boy, that would have been about 90th on my list if I had to pick. Caroscope has probably discovered some deep repressed characteristics in your personality. Really? That even you, Well, it's interesting.

I've become aware recently that I did not choose the Dodge Colt Vista. It chose you. It chose me. It happens. Yeah. Did I choose the Dodge Dyer? I was happily ignorant of the styling and the unique features of the Dodge Cold Vista until one of the shop. See that?

And I realized. This is me. I had to have it. You said, this is me. Then I realized they stopped making them 10 years ago. But I had to have one nevertheless. So you had to sabotage a customer. Oh, never mind.

We won't go. We won't go there. No, no. What, does draining the oil out? So if you... Is that qualifies? That qualifies, yeah. If you would like to get your own personal caroscope, go to the car talk section of

Cars.com, answer a couple of little questions, and it will come back and tell you about your compatibility with your car, and boy, this is an exciting moment. Well, this is a red-letter day for me. I'll tell you. I am thrilled to know that... So when's my I-30 coming? I don't know. I think you order it on Cars.com.

I think it automatically flips you over to that page and you buy it. It's a scam. It's a scam. I knew it. Look, if you want to talk to us about your car or the car you think you should be driving, the number is 1-888-88-28-8-288-2-7-8-255. Hello, you're on car talk. Hello. You almost woke us up.

Who is this? This is Jackie from Alaska. Jackie. Oh, no wonder you are yelling. You're so far away. Oh, I know it. Are you from the bottom end or the top end? I'm kind of from the middle in the bush.

The middle end. Where? Glenn Allen. I don't know where it is. Glenn Allen. I drink their wine all the time. So does everyone else. So what's up, Jackie?

Well, I have a problem that your answer will save my relationship and my health. Cool. We have a 1987 Toyota pickup. Yeah. And my boyfriend has this habit that he won't start the car. He has to roll it down a hill and pop the clutch every time. For what reason? I don't know.

I know why. My chiropractic bills are skyrocketing. I've pleaded with him for my help purposes, and that doesn't seem to help. So if there's maybe something mechanical, I can... Do you live on a hill? Yes, we do, and our work's on a hill, and everything's on a hill. Everything's on a hill, so he always makes it, parks it so it's pointing down the hill. Yes.

And he pops the clutch to start it. That's great. He backs into the parking spot so he can roll down the hill. Well, he is saving the starter. That's why he's doing it. And on the other hand, I mean, there may be a day you call upon the starter, and because of such lengthy periods of an activity, it may forget its roll. It may not be able to start the truck There's not any real damage

It's made out of my clutch No he's not doing any He's not doing any damage Because I mean you're going to have to engage the clutch anyway When you drive And he's in fact doing just exactly what he would do After he started the truck So he's not damaging anything

In fact he is saving The valuable pieces of the starter because he is the biggest cheapskate in the entire world. No, he's doing it because it's cool. No, you know what? He gets this glazed look that comes over his eyes, you know? And he just kind of looks at me sideways.

And I think part of it's because he knows it bugs me so much when he doesn't. What if you were to start doing it? Yeah, you do it. I don't know. Do you drive? You want to learn? Right now I have a broken hand, so I have a hard time driving. Okay, so now you give me an answer

And then I could cut off like the first part of your answer Oh, I see Well, it's terrible to do this He's burning up the clutch, he's wrecking the transmission He's going to ruin the end Is that what you want to hear? I knew it, it's a safety issue And it's a safety issue as well

Yeah And he deserves a dope slap Yeah, so you can... And I'm just the person to give it So you can just buy this much Give it to him with the hand that's broken So that's got the cast on it And boom

That's right You'll knock them all the way to What, name a city. Anchorage. Nome. Nome. Nome. Gnome.

Gnome. Tell me one thing, Jackie. Yes. We've had a number of calls from Alaska. Mm-hmm. And it's always a call about my boyfriend, my girlfriend, my boyfriend, my boyfriend. Is anybody married in Alaska? I think there's a couple of people that are married.

She's, we never hear from them. We always hear from people who are talking about boyfriends and girls. Well, you've got to figure that people that would go to Alaska have to be free spirits to begin with. That's right. You wouldn't go to Alaska. Living on the edge. Living on, yeah.

And so free spirits have trouble with personal relationships? Exactly. Commitment. I don't have a problem with commitment. Now, see, that's a whole other subject. You're just, I can't even get into that subject about marriage. So if you asked you to marry him, you would consider it. I would, yes, I would.

You'd lunge at it. I might, yeah. Yeah, see? Ah. But you know what? My life is good. I'm not going to... I'm happy.

I'm happy. We don't want to bring up any sore subjects, and I'm sorry I brought it up, but I'm not really. I know. You guys... I'm always seeking the truth. I'm a seeker of truth, you know? That's my job in life. That and Cuban cigars.

And a good scotch. Yeah. Well, Jackie... We hate to disappoint you, but he really isn't doing anything too detrimental or even at all detrimental. the truck. No. So, but if you want to take that previous statements, those previous statements that we made and excerpt those and just play them the tape, you can

probably get them to stop doing it. All right, guys. Well, thanks. See you later. Good luck, Jackie. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Okay, Tommy. Do you remember last week's puzzler? Do I remember last week's puzzler? Okay, let's try it easy one. Do you remember how to find both cheeks in the shower? Um,

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That's right. I'm talking about stories that make you miss appointments. This American Life, wherever you get your podcast. Wicked was a smash hit that earned Oscar nominations for Ariana Grande and Cynthia Arrivo, but that was only the first half of the story. Wicked for Good is every bit as splashy as the first installment, but can it match the impact of its predecessor and live up to the hype? Listen to Pop Culture Happy Hour in the NPR app or where,

wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, we're back. You're listening to Car Talk with us. Click and Clack the Tappert Brothers, and we're here to talk about cars, car repair, and not the answer to last week's puzzler. Oh, what are we talking alone instead? Well, I mean, this was such an interesting puzzle that people have been pleading with us to give them more time. They have? Really? No, but I thought that would sound better than we need another week to figure out the answer ourselves. Plus, if we drag it out another week, we save ourselves $14.95.

That's right. No one wins a copy of our new puzzle of book, a haircut in Horsetown. They have to go buy it in a bookstore instead, and it's a good idea, huh, Frank? This was a very good idea. Hey, do you know what it's time for? Time to rip out the air conditioner in the customer waiting room and set up an overpriced fruit smoothie stand instead? Good idea, but no. It's time to play chumps to stops!

I meant to say stump to chump to chump's. No, I like... I like chump to stumps. It'll be a new feature. But it is time, once again, to throw caution to the winds and evaluate some of our past advice. And to do that, we'll need a previous advisee. So who's this week's contestant? Well, I'm the little piece of scrap paper I have here.

It says it's Roy from Mandeville, Louisiana. Roy called us, it says, here, a month ago, because the break. brakes on his 77 Mercedes were feeling soft after long drives, and that's all I'd say. Oh, you know, and you were quite certain of your answer, if I remember correctly. I was, uh-oh. I guess he replaced that. Yeah, right. Either you've got a stuck caliper, or you've got a faulty power booster.

Okay. Because the brakes are on. It's one of those two things, and I'm going to go out on the limb again, despite the lug nut theory, and say, if it's not one of those two things, I'll eat my hat. Oh well I'd like to see you Good luck Are you right Thanks for ya

Are you hungry Frank Not really I mean I just had a whole blueberry pie How can I eat a hat now Well here's a story We concluded that Roy's break fluid Had to be boiling And his mechanic had already ruled out a warp disk

So it had to be what A stuck caliper or a bad booster It had to be If it's not I'm going to eat my hat And I got a hat right here Roy are you there Yes I'm here

I'm so busy He's laughing. Oh, yeah. Oh, oh. Look, before we debrief you, we have to confirm that you have not been paid off by our staff, the staff of National Public Radio, or any of my brother's ex-wives, in order to make sure that he has to actually chew on that disgusting baseball hat that he wears. All right.

Have you, Roy? No, I've not perceived anything. So what happened, man? The Calipers was stuck. You were right. And I got good breaks now. Excellent. The mechanic replaced both of the calipers, the rear calipers, and all of the pads.

That's four pads. So this got you like $8,000, right? No, it wasn't that much. 77 Mercedes. I think they're down a $5,500 on a special. No, it was a lot less than that, and I'm very happy. Now, I just wanted to point out that this idea of the stuck caliper or a bad booster was actually my idea. And I was standing, and just shows you.

And you were just backing me up. I was backing you up. And you were so confident that you said you'd eat your hat. And I just wondered. And Roy, if I had been able to get to you sooner, I would have paid you anything. Wait a minute. But wait a minute. Since I was backing you up, if it had happened by some quirk that the answer was wrong,

did you want to help me eat the hat? Of course. Of course I would have. I was backing you up. He wouldn't have. No, I would. I would. I don't fight over the hat, guys.

You got it right. Well, I'm glad to hear that. Your car is running well, and for once, you know, for once we were right about something. Oh, you were very right. Thanks for playing stump the chumps, Roy. And I do appreciate it. All right, good. See you later.

Bye, bye, bye. By the way, if you want us to bring a particular caller back to play chump to stumps, you can email us at the Car Talk session of cars.com. This particular suggestion came from the staff because they were eager to see my brother eat wool. But we'll take your suggestions, too. In the meantime, you can call us at 1-3-8-8-8-8-8-8-2-8-25-5. Hello, you're on Car Talk. Hi, I'm Paula from Alexandria, Virginia.

Paula, how are you? Hey, I'm doing just great. How are you? That's very good. I'm doing great, too. Good. I have a 1991 Camry, DX. I bought it new.

I'm getting ready to sell it to my best friend for her 19-year-old daughter. Ex-best friend, probably, now that you're going to sell it. No, no, no, let's not, let's not be negative here. Well, you know, the car doesn't have a huge amount of pickup, which is probably good for this kid because she flunked her first driver's license test because she went too fast. Yeah, so she's like 17? She's 19. 19 now.

Yeah. And she needs a car, so I want to buy a new car and I want to sell this car to my friend. But I have this strange noise, and I haven't driven, really driven the car in the last year because I've been away and commuting and not commuting and taking public transportation. So it's been sitting somewhere for that year? Well, it's been sitting in my driveway, and it basically goes on errands. Yeah, got it. But then, you know, about five miles of my house.

So I just started commuting back to the Census Bureau after five years of not working there. You need to answer the census, guys. Anyway, it's starting. Well, we particularly are everybody. Everybody. And what happens if we don't? You'll go to census jail. All right, no, we'll do it.

Some people just don't want to tell the government anything. Well, you know, we're not going to tell anybody. Do they factor that in? When they do this census stuff, I mean, they have to figure there are a bunch of wackos. I figure that Montana has got to have at least four times as many people as the census has determined. Right. I mean, I know they called me up once and they said, are you still dead? And I said, yes.

Are you still dead? Well, we try to do the best job we can, but, you know, we're counting on you guys. Well, see, we don't trust you. Why? I don't know. I'm not telling anybody anything. Oh, bull. We never see anything.

Bull feathers. All we see is numbers. We don't trust the government. They say, come to us, and they say, hey, answer these seven pages of questions, and we say, what for? And they say so that somehow, in one of those answers, we can screw you. And we don't know how they're going to do it, but we know that they're going to do it. So you and the rest of the guys that you work with can go to hell as far as I'm concerned. I'm not going to answer your damn question.

Well, he does answer the damn correctly. We're just going to have to redo all of our paid advertising to target people like you. Well, you know what you have to do? Here's what you do. You're going to get everyone to identify one wacko in his neighborhood. And do the census for that person. I mean, you're going to rely on the sane people to answer for the wackos. Because you know when you send it to my brother, he's going to throw it away.

Yeah, or I'm going to give you all the wrong answers. I don't want you to know anything. I don't trust you. So you've got to send it to the guy across the street and say, answer this for Tom. And you're going to find out about that booking of numbers that I've been doing. I know you're going to find that out. Yeah. Well, that's what the poops.

That's what the problem is. All the guys that are into something that they shouldn't be into can't answer the thing. Yeah, so you don't have any problem for me, Paul. Are you send me the thing? It's back in the mail the same day. Oh, you are good. You are good. You could be a poster boy.

His name is Tom. Yeah. So anyway, you have this noisy Camry. Well, it's not necessarily that noise, but it has this very strange noise. And I started hearing it about a month ago when I started commuting again. Give us the very first moment that you heard it. Where were you going? What were you doing?

What time of day was it? When Maryland from Alexandria, Virginia. Virginia. Had you used the car earlier that day? No, this was in the morning. This was the very first trip of the day. It was in the morning, and I was going up the beltway, and I heard this really strange, like it sounded a little bit like, you know, crystal glasses, tinkling. Okay.

Bell-like sound. Yes, I know it. I know it well. With crystal. Mm-hmm. And then I, so, you know, of course, I rolled down my windows and totally mess up my hair and try to hear it better. And then it went away.

Like, every time I took my foot off the gas, it would go away. Then when I would accelerate, it would come back. But then it wouldn't, then when I got off the beltway and I started going at slower speed, it didn't happen. Didn't do it, right. Of course, we know exactly what it is, Paul. We certainly do. Do you? Oh, yes, exactly.

Wait now. Wait now. So then it has alternated between a crystal tinkling to tambourines. Yes. Like gypsy tambourines. And you know when it does that? On the hotter days. Yeah.

Yep. Paula, I mean, is this like crystal ball stuff or what? And it's especially bad when you're climbing hills. You know, it sort of is. And you know what, Paula? What? We're not going to tell you what it is. Oh, you.

Oh, you. Because you may use it. You're going to use it against us. Someday you'll come back and say, ah. And I'll say it was that Paula that day. Remember Paula that day? Yeah, but worked for the Census Bureau. They're going to send the census taker right to your house.

They don't do that anymore, huh? We're not sending us. We're sending you all the ATF. We have a regional office in Boston, and we know where you live. Yeah, I know. They sure do. Don't send the INS. I can deal with the ATF. Well, it's been great talking to your car.

Wait a minute now. Thanks for calling Paul. Tell me what's wrong with my car. Is my poor best friend's daughter going to crash and burn? Nothing's wrong with you. car how's that well not much not much is wrong with it uh no it's pinging the noise you're hearing is pinging which is a condition often caused by using the wrong octane fuel or having timing that's setting correctly or having a device called the eGR valve not function correctly right and i suspect

you have a lazy eGR valve especially when you said that the car has been sitting for a while yeah but you should take it to the dealer or to whomever you take it to and ask them tell them it's pinging and tell them to check the timing and check the operation of the EGR valve. Okay. I'm going out on a limb and saying it is definitely the EGR valve. How much is this going to cost a fix? Oh, it's nothing. I mean, you wouldn't even notice it.

Oh, really? Chump chains, we call it. Yeah. Well, you know, I've got to get as much as I can for this car. I mean, it's not, I mean... It is your best friend after all, so you've got to chisel her right to the bone. You know, I have to buy a new car after all. See, now, it's none of my business, of course, and you probably would.

won't divulge it, but when you were overseas, what were you counting over there? Oh, I wasn't working for the Census Bureau then. No, CIA. You weren't working directly for the Census Bureau, but some portion of the government there whose name we won't, whose letters we won't divulge, fine, Paula.

You go fix the EGR valve. That's not going to make no difference, whatever, to your car. And that's all I'm telling you. You're a harsh guy. Really a harsh guy. Listen, when you send the census us taking his house, making sure he's armed. It's a pleasure talking to you, Paula.

It was great talking to you, and I hope that we hear from you sometime in April of 2000. Oh, you will. Both of you, both of you. See you, Paula. Thanks, guys. Bye, bye-bye. Never trust the government. Never.

All right, look, we're going to take a short break, and when we come back, we'll discuss the puzzle, which requires knowledge of the English language. That rules me out. I know it. We'll be back in a minute. This Thanksgiving week up first from NPR News is your companion with news of traveling and shopping and Black Friday and the health of the economy and all the other news you need to start your day each morning. Listen on the NPR app or wherever you get your podcasts. This is a safe space.

How often do you scroll on Zer. looking at homes. There are a lot of people who right now don't feel like it's in their future, at least not in their near-term future. If homeownership is a wash at this point, what's next for those of us who want a piece of the pie? Listen to It's Been a Minute on the NPR app or wherever you get your podcasts. So I just want to check in really quick. Are you okay? Or are you suffering from sleep deprivation, a stack of bills, or political propaganda? If so, you may be stuck in the parent trap. On the It's Been a Minute podcast, we're diving headfirst into the anxieties of modern parenting

and how that trickles out to all of us, even if you don't have children. Come find some relief. Listen to the It's Been a Minute podcast on the NPR app or wherever you get your podcasts. On NPR's Wild Card podcast, Sulleika Jawad reflects on losing friends she met while getting treated for cancer in her 20s. And the truth is, I would experience any amount of grief to experience those loves. Watch or listen to that Wildcard conversation on the NPR app or on YouTube at NPR Wildcard. Hey, for you, T-shirt wearers out there, all relatives of T-shirtwearers. We just got a veritable shipload, that's shipload with a P of new Car Talk T-shirts at the Shameless Commerce Division.

The folks there made a great series of T-shirts out of their favorite car talk quotes. So in addition to the classics, you know, don't drive like my brother, Dewey Cheathman, how. You can now get Car Talk T-shirts, let's say, for instance, if money can fix it, it's not a problem. Life is too short to drive boring cars. Do it while you're young. You may never have a chance to do anything this stupid again. Reality often astonishes theory or happiness equals reality minus expectation. How about this one?

Lousy car advice since 1977, and many, many more. If you'd like one or want one to ship to a friend or relative, you don't really like. Just head over to shameless commerce.com. That's shameless commerce.com. Hi, we're back. We're listening to Car Talk with us. Click and clack the Tapper Brothers,

and we're here to discuss cars, car repair, and da. Yeah? The puzzler. The new puzzler, because it isn't. new. This is last week's puzzler. Remember we gave people two... Oh, two weeks? Somewhere between two weeks and two months to work on this. Okay, so you've got to repeat it? Re-repeat? I'm going to re-repeat it, yes. This puzzler is about antonyms. Up and down, right and wrong, cart-talk, and correct

answer. You know, the whole deal. But we'll start off by telling you that there are two words that are their own antonyms. Their own anthonyms, Jerry, that we know of. The first one is cleave, which means both to attach to and to separate from you cleave things apart with a cleaver or your lug nuts will cleave to your studs making them impossible to remove yeah right i mean how can how can anyone learn this language if the same word means opposites that's what the other word that we know about is sanction which means both to permit and to penalize or to uh uh sanction or disallow yeah nascar sanctions stark car races, but a driver that runs another into a wall may be sanctioned by NASCAR.

Silly. So the puzzler is, are there other words like this? And if so, what are they? So we came up with at least one. If you think you know the answer, there may be dozens. And of course, the decision of the judges will be final. And the OED. And we'll have no complaining about it.

So when you don't win, tough. That's right. But if you do know the answer, write it on a piece of warm fish. and send it to Puzzler Tower, Car Talk Plaza, Box 3,500, Harvard Square, Cambridge. Our Fair City. Ma, 02238. And by the way, that's the same address to which you can send potential puzzlers. Now that the puzzler is officially on vacation, if you have something worthwhile that you think other listeners might enjoy.

Yeah. So when the puzzler comes back, like in November. Instead of the stuff that I usually come up with. Yeah. Or, of course, you can email us your answer or puzzlers from the Car Talk. ofcars.com. If you want to talk to us, the number is 1-8888-car Talk. That's 8-8-2-7-8-2-5. Hello, you're on Car Talk. Oh, hi. My name is Sally. I'm from Delray Beach. Hi, Sally. Delray Beach. That's in Massachusetts?

Yes. Exactly. Central. Central. Central. Yeah. So what's up? I'm taking Sears to court, and I just need your opinion on my case. Sure. We'd love to do this. I always wanted to be a lawyer or a judge. Judge more like it. Yeah. I hope this, I hope our discussion here will not in any way hurt you in your case. No, no, I know. No, and we don't care. Because, I mean, what if you ask us our opinion? I mean, we have to just say this. What if you ask us our opinion? And we tell you that Sears is in no way responsible as far as we can tell. And then you go to court and Sears introduces as evidence, Exhibit A, a tape.

of this show and you lose. Sally, this is just a chance you're going to have to take. If you, we just want to know that if you then lose the case... Did we call you or did you call us? No, no, then she's going to sue us. No. I think I'll have to hang up on her. No, basically.

All right. I really just want to know if no. All right, good. You sound like an honest person. No, I am and I want to, you know, make sure I'm doing the right thing here. Are you a lawyer? No. Okay.

All right, we'll hear your case then. Go ahead. I was looking to buy a car. I found the Volvo, and I took it into Sears and said that I'm thinking about buying it if they would check it out for me. And then I would come in and do any repairs that they thought were necessary. So they said it was a good car. I did all the work that they suggested, and even a little more, which they found.

Then a week later, I took it into Goodyear to have the radiator flushed. Okay. And they had it up on the rack. And, okay, I really know much about cars. That's all right. We don't either. The mechanic said that the differential cap was missing. And so he took and showed me and said that I'd been driving around with that and lost all my fluid. And he didn't know if there was permanent damage from that.

Ah. I didn't think anything of it at the time because this car was still running fine. but then four weeks later it starts grinding or there's this weird noise yeah howling kind of noise yeah exactly howling is exactly it and then I took it into the local Volvo dealer and they said I needed a new rear end for 2,000 bucks oh more more actually they said more so um I always think you geez but the thing is if if Sears checked it out they had it up on the rack twice Well, but...

I mean, isn't it gross negligence? I mean, it was, it looked like it was freshly removed. Yeah, if you asked them, first of all, if you asked them to check out the car. Yeah, I did. And they should, one of the things they should have checked was the condition of the differential oil. Okay, all right. Okay, in my opinion. Uh-huh.

So they certainly should have noticed that the plug was missing. Right. Or more likely, they did check it, and they took out the plug and forgot to put it back. Right. And how far are you driven it between the time you had Sears look at it and the time that Goodyear had it on the lift? Well, it was about a week. So I don't know how many miles that translates to. A lot, though? Hundreds?

Oh, over a hundred. Over a hundred. No, that's enough to cook the differential. But do you have a list of the things that Sears did? Yes. Either when they checked it out or when you brought it back to have things done? Yes. And is there anything mentioned in any of those bills about the differential?

No. Or hypoid gear oil? Gear oil. No. No, but I see your point. If you ask them to check out the car, even if they didn't check the differential, they should have. So it was negligent on their part to not have noticed. But it's also pretty obvious.

I mean, even I would have spotted it. Yeah, well, it's staring you're right in the face. You can't miss it. So you think that I have a case? Of course. have a case. Yeah, and they'll just pay up. Well, let's hope. Yeah. Sure. How old is the car? It's in 1985. Well, I mean... Yeah, they're going to contend, obviously, that the thing is, was 12 years old or 15 years old, and it was ready to go anyway, but the truth is that differentials

last forever and ever is... Unless you let them run out of oil. Right. Right. Did you already do the work? No, haven't. Because you can put a used differential in. Oh, yeah, I think that's what I'm going to have to do. Yeah. A new one is like $3,700. Yeah, that would be a terrible waste of money. Yeah. I mean, why would you want a brand new thing on a 15-year-old car? Right, right.

I mean, I buy used gas. Oh! Good luck, Sally. Thank you. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Can you buy used gas?

If anyone could, you could. 1-8-88-car talk. That's 1-8-88-2-2-2. 27825. Hi, well, a lawyer on Car Talk. Hi, guys. This is Ed in Montauk Point, New York. Hey, Ed.

Montauk Point. How's the fishing? Are the striped bass still there? Everything's running. Everything's running. How? Even the kitchen sink. Everything's running, especially the fishermen to the boats.

That's good. What's up? I got a 95 Pathfinder, about 70,000 miles on it. Had the timing belt changed about 5,000 miles ago. Uh-huh. And now it's starting to do this thing where it's, towards the end of the torque bends in each of the gears, it's just hanging up a little bit too long where I feel like I've got to come off the gas and give it a chance to switch into

the next gear. And for the first 60,000 miles or so, that was not a problem. So let me get this right. You're driving along, and you can feel it shifting from first to second. Sure. And then from second to third, it seems like it's taking longer to get the third than it used to? In every gear. In every gear. Yeah, it just hangs up at the end. If I take it slow and it wants to, it's a shift at like 2,500 RPMs. It'll hang up there a little bit if I'm trying to give it the goose to get on the drive

on the park where something it hangs at 3,500. It doesn't really matter where it is in the RPM cycle. And this happened right after they did the timing belt. Not right after. No, no, no, it didn't. I wish it were that simple, but it seemed I had an oil change, so I did about 3,000 miles, and after that, it just seemed to creep up, and now it's just kind of there.

Have you checked the fluid and the transmission? I've checked it, that's fine. The only other thing is that when I got it back from the whole overhaul that they did to it, that little orange engine light came on, and the Spenometer dropped to zero and hasn't been working since. Now, I don't know if it's associated. I figure maybe just the Speedo cable is loose. Oh, no, you know what's wrong? Your vehicle speed sensor may have conked out.

Good, Ed. You have a vehicle speed sensor on this. There is no speedometer cable, per se, like in the old days. You must be over 40. Yeah, I am. I knew it. Yeah. I don't know if this has a speedo cable or not, but most cars nowadays, most newer cars, do not have a speedo cable, per se.

But they have a vehicle speed sensor, which in addition to telling you how fast you're going, also tells the... The transmission went to shift of all things. Look at you guys doing it again. Poof! So that's... It may be just a coincidence that it came on, or they may have, who knows, they may have unplugged it or broken it or something. Time to take it back to Nissan. I would go back and tell you that.

Tell them what it's doing. They're going to say you need a VSS. Okay. Or a VCR or something like that. I don't know. Anything with a VM good. But it's good that you didn't withhold any information from a set. If you had thrown that in at the very end of the conversation,

we'd have come out and later beating on you. Yeah. Well, thanks for the help. And by the way, Ed. Yeah. If the census department comes to your house counting people's noses, yes. Throw them the hell out.

Thanks for the test. See you later. See you later. Good luck. Bye bye. Well, if you weren't for the census department, we wouldn't know how many lawyers we had. No, no. Do they ask you if you're a lawyer? They ask you what you do. Well, you don't have to know how many lawyers. How many ambulances are there?

How many trips do they make a day? Oh, that's how many lawyers there are. Boy. While it's happened again, you've squanded at another perfectly good hour. Why don't you say you've spent another scintillating hour? You have spent another scintillating wonderful hour listening to car talk. There you go. That's good.

Our esteemed producer is Doug the Subway Fugitive Berman. Our associate producer is Ken the Diper Slayer Rogers. We need a new name for him now. That's getting steady. Yeah, it is getting. That's getting stuck. I know, I know. Well, we'll work on one. We have the whole summer. How about the Volvo sucker? Our assistant producer is Catherine Cathode Ray. Our engineer is Dennis DeMinis Foley, and our senior web lackey is Doug Sheep Boy Mayor. And, of course, our technical, spiritual and menu advisor, as always is the bugster, Mr. John Bugsy Lawler. Hey, there's free lunch today, and he ain't here.

And he's not here. Our public opinion pollster is Paul Murky of Mercky Research, assisted by statistician Marge and Overa. I said Marge in Overa. Wasn't funny. Our customer care representative is Hayward Jabuzoff. Our daylight savings time manager is Conrad Addenauer. Our staff mortician is Barry L. Plotz.

And the Car Talk Plaza receptionist is Diane Tamicha. Our swing dancing consultant is Antonio Bandera. The chairman of our underemployment study group is Art Mavis. Our chief counsel from the law firm of Dewey Chewley, how is U. Louis Dewey, known to the ex-convict tow truck drivers? Oh, Mr. Berman had a little confrontation. A little incident with a few burly tow truck drivers. They were not ex-convicts, Dougie.

No, they are current convicts. They're a scapee-beast. As Ui-Louis-Dooey, thanks so much for listening. We're clicking clack the Tapper brothers. Don't drive like my brother. Don't drive like my brother. We'll be back next week. Bye-bye.

And now here is Cot Talk Plaza's chief mechanic, Mr. Vinnie Gulbach. Vinnie. Thank you very much now. If you want to copy it this here show, which happens to be number 28, just pick up your phone and call this number 1-888 car junk. And yes, that really is the number. And what if I wanted to get one of those cute little kiddie car talk t-shirts, Vinny? I wanted one of the CDs. Would I call that same number?

No, you called the American Dry Cleaning Association. You dope. Of course you called the Shameless Commerce Division at 888 car junk or visit it online at the Card Talk section of Cars.com, you know? Thank you very much, Vinny. It was a pleasure for me to be here with you. Hey, be here with this, pal. Car Talk is production of Dewey Cheatham and Huff.

Howe and WBUR in Boston. And even though Stephen Hawking is at a loss to explain our existence when he hears us saying it, this is NPR National Public Radio. Do you have a question you just don't feel like Googling? We're Ian and Mike, hosts of How to Do Everything. We can help answer all of your most pressing questions, like, can I cook lasagna in my dishwasher? Where do you park your blimp? Or the timeless classic, what's that smell?

I, ooh. Listen to the How to Do Everything podcast on the NPR app or wherever you get your podcasts. Wildcard is where big name interviews feel like conversations with a friend. I mean, I can't believe how lucky I've been. You didn't say goodbye the right way, McConaughey. She told me, I don't think you're Princeton material. I'm nothing if not open, I guess. I'm Rachel Martin.

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