The Best of Car Talk - #2609: Rum Runner Jim

Episode Date: January 31, 2026

Jim is a rum distributor in Florida who’s having trouble with his boat engine. Probably needs to squeeze a few more horsepower out of it in order to evade the Coast Guard! Click and Clack the bootleggers try to help on this episode of the Best of Car Talk.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

Hello and welcome to Car Talk from National Public Radio with us Click and Clack to Tappert Brothers, and we're broadcasting this week from the new Millennium Division here at Carat Park. Well, here we are. We made it into the next millennium without getting canceled. Well, see, I don't think the next millennium is star. I think it's next year. Well, everyone knows that. But 210.01 is such a...

Doesn't have a ring to it. It doesn't have a... And doesn't have anything to it. Right. 2.000. Whether it's the millennium... or not is a nice round number. No one can deny that.

Oh, it was like that movie. And if we're going to celebrate all those zeros. 2000, Space Odyssey, right? Yeah. Well, today on this occasion, we're going to be looking both forward, obviously, and backward. Careful. Well, don't hurt his neck when you do that.

You know who that is? The Roman god? Yes, Janus. Johnus. Yonis. Yeah. Yeah. No, Janus. Oh, Yano is the... Yeah, this is the Swedish skier. Anyway, we're going to start off looking at a little prediction that my brother made about a decade ago.

In early 1990, my brother made what I consider a rather bold statement. He was fresh off his successful prediction that Ford Motor Company would be the car company of the 80s. I said that too. Yes. And flush with success, he said, and I quote, General Motors will be the car company of the 90s. So here we are. The 90s are pretty much over, it seems to me. And was GM the car company of the 90s?

Oh, man. Well, this is your chance to make another prediction. I mean, they're right down at the bottom of the pile now. Oh, man. I mean, wouldn't you think that they might be the car company of the next decade? I mean, wouldn't you think? No, I'm not going for that. Come on.

You've got to make another prediction. It doesn't have to be about them. The car company of the next millennium. Of the aughts, yeah. How about the next decade? Ten years. Okay. It's like from two oh-o-oh-oh-0-0-0-0-09.

Yeah, 10. That year. Hold on a minute. Let me think about it. Who we got? Ford, no, they've let me down. General Motors, they've let me down. AMC, they folded their tent.

AMC might come back. AMC, don't forget. We've always said AMC was way ahead of their time. Right. DeLorean. How about this? I'm ready. But I'm going to make.

a prediction here. I got it. The car company that will make the greatest improvement in U.S. sales in the next 10 years will be Fiat. Yeah, they're going to go from zero. They're going to go

from zero. Any car they sell. If they sell one car, it's going to put them in infinity. That's it. Brilliant. That's it. Well, anyway, a little later on, with perfect hindsight, we will be releasing our nominations

for the worst cars of the millennium, in our opinion. And we'll tell you how to add your nomination to the list. But in the meantime, we'll take calls at 888 Car Talk. That's 888-227-8255. Hello, you're on Car talk. Hi, this is Carol Maggio in Redlands, California. Carol! Hi, Carol.

In Redlands? Yes. Okay, we got it. Well, I just moved here to Redlands from Albuquerque, New Mexico. Albuquerque. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I drive a 92 Subaru.

legacy. Yeah. And it was brought out here in the back of a moving van, and I've never had a problem with the car. And as soon as I got here, it started making this noise, only it's an intermittent noise. I have to be going between 30 and 50 miles an hour. Yeah. And I have to be kind of going uphill, and it'll make this noise, like there's a bolt going around in a dryer or something. Yeah, sure. But it only does it sometimes. It doesn't do it all the time. I've taken it to two different mechanics who have both told me that there's nothing wrong with the car. They can't find what it is. Were you calling from, like, the racetrack?

There's a lot of background noise there. Actually, I work at a radio station. No kidding. No kidding. We don't want to know which station it is because it's obviously going to compete with ours. I would like to see the inside of a radio station someday. You know, we have to do the show from a truck. I hate that.

It's a pain because we have to keep moving around, otherwise they will triangulate on us. and there will be repercussions. I understand. You understand. I'm sure you're doing. It sounds to me, Carol, like your car is pinging. Oh, no, it's much louder than a ping. I changed from a super premium gas to just a regular.

Did that make it worse? Yes. That made it worse. Yes, when it does actually make the noise. Well, then it's pinging. It's pinging. So what do I do? Well, you go back to these guys and you tell them it's pinging.

They probably didn't drive it on the same road that you drove it on. And I'm going to ask a crucial question, and if your answer is wrong. We'll cut you off. Exactly. We'll have to lose you. Okay. Is it worse when the engine is warmed up or if the hill is steeper? Yes.

Tadda! Yeah, no, it's pinging. There's no question in my mind. Pinging sounds like a bunch of bolts rattling around inside a coffee can. Yes. While it's doing this, if you were to back off the gas while you're climbing the hill, it goes away. It goes away.

It's absolutely pinging. because your timing is way to advance, or more likely, your EGR solenoid is not working. Isn't the check engine light on? No. No check engine light. No. Well, when these guys said that nothing was wrong with the car,

did they actually test anything, or did they simply drive it around? I think they just drove it around. Well, that was dumb. Take it back and tell them it's pinging and tell them to find out why. Either the EGR isn't working, or the timing is to advance,

or your timing belt has jumped a notch. any of those things could do it. How many miles on the legacy? 90,000. Okay, well, you have to get rid of this car anyway. The legacy was okay for Albuquerque, New Mexico, but it's not right for Redlands. I mean, it's time you've got to get something a little bit

with a little more pizzazz. What would you recommend? A Miata. An Audi TT. An Audi TT, yeah. Do you work in like a top 40 radio station? No. Is it a blue hair station, songs from the 60s and 70s?

Not that either. Not that either. Classical. Very hard rock. Hard. Then you are. You can be driving around those stinking legacy. Yeah, let's get rid of that. I mean, you'll get it fixed.

The problem is simple. It's going to be the timing. It'll take them 10 minutes to change it, and it'll be perfect. And you can go back to using regular gas, which is all you ought to have to use in this car anyway. And start looking at Miottas and Audi TTs, Carol. I will do that. Thanks for calling. Thank you.

See you. Bye. Bye. Bye. 1-8-88-car talk. That's 888-227-8-25-5. Hello, you're on Car Talk. Hi, this is Marta in Washington, D.C. Marta! Mar-Tra! Rambling Rose of the Wildwood. Oh, jeez.

Yeah, from Washington, D.C., are you a lawyer or a politician? Neither. I work for a nonprofit. Ah, bless you. So what's up, Marta? Well, I have a dilemma. My husband and I have two cars. One of them is in 1993 Toyota pickup, one of those totally standard two-wheel drive pickups, where the only additional thing we got on it was cloth seats.

Yeah. I have about 105,000 miles. As opposed to the milk boxes that came standard with it. Yeah. Okay. And then the other car we have is in 1984, Saab 900, with 1203,000 miles on it. And we are driving from the Washington area to my parents' house in Ohio. and then we will bring my sister home from my parents' house.

And help you push on the way home. Well, that's just it. That's the question. Exactly. How many miles on the pickup truck? The pickup has 105,000. The pickup runs great. Never been too much of a problem.

It seems to be a relatively reliable car. The problem is the sob has this weird sound. You know, when we put the clutch in, it kind of goes roo-mm. And we took it to a mechanic, and the mechanic, and the mechanic said, well, the clutch needs to be replaced, and there's this sort of rotor thing that I'm not very good with these terms. I don't make up the terms. We'll figure it out. The clutch release barrier. That is apparently leaking or it needs to be replaced as well, and the radiator's going to go.

So, I mean, the mechanic actually also broke the key off into the lock. Great. Just to tick you off. So the question is, do we drive this sob up there since it is the one that only accepts, you know, a passenger in it? I was going to ask, is your sister going to ride in the back of the pickup truck all the way from Ohio? Yeah. With the Labrador Retrievers? Well, that's just it.

My husband seems to think that maybe we could take the truck and he would get in the back. No, if he sat in the back, you'd have to shoot him at the end of the trip because he'd be foaming at the mouth. Or you could take the rented car. Yeah, that's what we were wondering. It doesn't sound to me like you have a vehicle that can do this. Yeah. in your possession at this time. And you have to go to Ohio?

Well, unless my parents were to go and live somewhere else, but yeah, I think we have to go to Ohio. Yeah, no, I mean, you obviously can't take the sob because it's a old car. Yeah. Well, if you're interested in making the trip, you know, without breaking down, then you really have to rent a car. But in the spirit of adventure, I would take the sob.

Will you come bail me out in Pennsylvania when it breaks down? No, I mean, the truth is, the chances of, making it to Ohio and back are better than not, in my humble opinion, no matter what's wrong with it. How long is the clutch been making the noise? Probably for the last two months. We actually only had the car for three months. Ah. I'm going to change my mind.

You haven't owned the sob long enough for this car to have any true feelings for you. Oh, okay. Yeah, absolutely. Three months is nowhere near. It takes a long time to understand the car and for the car to understand you. And you can't take a car on a long trip unless you. unless you've had some experience with what is its reliability. I mean, living in D.C., how much do you drive the thing?

Mostly on the weekend. Yeah, so you don't, yeah. Gridlock every other time. Yeah. You can do the right thing and relegate this car to driving only around town, in which case you don't fix anything until it absolutely breaks. Right. And you're rent the car.

Right. And that's the best advice we can give you. We know you're not going to heat it. And remember to bring the rifle so you can shoot your husband at the end of the trip with the pickup. And before you leave, it wouldn't be a bad idea to take the Toyota someplace and have someone check everything out. Make sure you don't have any belts or hoses that are ready to fall off or ball joints that are ready to break. Okay. Right.

You can guarantee that won't happen if you rent a car. Right. Right. Okay. Okay. See ya. Thanks. Good luck.

Bye. All right, Tommy. Do you remember the last millennium? Give me a hand. Well, let me see. It included like the Dark Ages, the Renaissance. Huh? It's coming back to me. Yeah, a few world wars.

That millennium. Aha! Hi, we're back. You're listening to Car Talk with us. Click and Collect the Tappert Brothers. And we're here to talk about cars, car repair, and our nominations for the worst cars of the millennium. All right.

We decided we're sick of all these lists of best sports figures of the millennium. Best soft cheese of the millennium. Best millennial lists of the millennium. So we, with your help, are going to create a worst-of list, the worst of the millennium. And we have some nominations here to get the ball rolling. It's by no means a complete list. And we should mention that we're only nominating cars we've actually driven and maybe even worked on.

We've never driven Ben Hur's chariot, so it's not on the list. Yeah. So after we share our list, we're going to ask you to go to our website and nominate or second the nomination of your worst car of the millennium. And then we'll ask everybody to vote on the top 10 worst cars or the top bottom, best cars. The top bottom. The bottom 10 best cars. And at the moment, we don't have them prioritized here, but we're going to give you a few of our nominations. For example, the Chevy Vega.

I remember it well. Ah, yes. What was it lacking? Let's see. Body integrity, reliability, fit and finish, handling, all those things. All those things. Safety. Here's one of my personal favorites, the Dodge Aspen slash Plymouth Volari.

Oh, man. I don't know where this car really fit into Chrysley, giant plan. Well, it was an afterthought. I mean, I think they were attempting to do something about... Get this? They were trying to improve the dart. How could you improve the perfect car? You couldn't improve the perfect car.

And they went downhill. And they made a car that they began to rust in the showroom. And it would only run at 74 degrees dry weather sea level. Any deviation from those conditions And the thing spotted installed It was horrendous Yeah And we hated it

Here's another one Chevy Citation And all of its brethren The Olds Omega The Pontiac Phoenix I hated those cars A Buick Century Yeah I mean that was a front wheel drive

Front wheel drive Rear brake lockup You step in the brakes The rear wheels locked up And everyone remembers these cars Because you couldn't steer them When you first started In the morning

You turned the wheel And they were going other than that it was perfect what do you want everything but it was their first foray into front wheel drive so we got to cut them a little slack there was the Chevy Chavette that was a slap together kind of car I didn't think about too much this was the era when they were trying to compete against the Japanese who had sort of told America here's how you make a car and it only costs $3,000 bucks and by 1975 the Japanese were making some pretty good cars and we were still

making the Chavette. Well, because they were used to making Chevy Impala's. And someone said, how are we going to compete with our 5,000 pound Impala with this 2,000 pound Toyota? Just cut everything down. And make it as cheap as possible. Make the metal half as thick. And make sure that you can't get the starter motor out at all costs.

So the Chevy Chavette is one other great ones. And then we have certain cars like the one I'm going to mention that are in a class by themselves, The Ugo. Well, it was an interesting little experiment to see if the second world could enter the car industry. Well, it was interesting because the Ugo was the offspring of the Fiat 128.

Oh, yeah, which was a great car. That was another piece of junk. Those rusted on the boats on the way over. What else do we have in the list? The Chevy Corvair. And the Corvier provided, unique opportunity to breathe. You're ready for this, gasoline vapors from the leaking gas tank in the front and oil vapors from the leaking engine in the rear. All at the same time,

it was that co-mingling of the vapors. That was maybe the first time that anyone had been able to do that. And it rendered most of the Corvair owners brain dead within six months. And that's why they're all going to be writing to us tomorrow saying, how can you possibly put the Corvair on the world, one of the best cars ever made? Because they're crazy. One of my favorites, favorite worst, because I owned one was Renault. I mean, I remember when I was looking for a car, it was way, way long ago, and I had a choice of buying. The only things I could afford were a VW and a Renault Doffin. Should have bought the VW. And the Renault Dofine was about half the price of a VW, which was half the price and everything else. Had half the pieces. And half as many pieces.

And when I got through it, it had even less than that. But that was a real, real piece of junk. I might vote for that for number one. couldn't get the starter motor out of that one either, if I remember. We got the Maverick, the Subaru Justy. That's enough. We don't have to say anymore. I don't have to say. And the Volkswagen bus, I mean, is romanticized as it has been.

Yeah. It was a vehicle that had no heat, no handling, no power. Blue over in the wind, no power, and used the driver's front legs as its first line of defense in a head-on collision. Right. But at least it had something. It had pizzazz. It had pizzazz.

It had pizzazz. Some cars have nothing. Yeah. It had pizzazz, and that was it. We're going to get a lot of flack about that one. But pizzazz couldn't get you across the Rockies, as many people found out. Anyway, if you want to second any of these nominations or make a nomination of your own, just head over to our website, which is the Car Talk section of Cars.com,

and tell us the car and the reason for your nomination. Or Rezuns. I'm sure, reasons. And in a few weeks, we'll sort out the finalists and invite everyone to vote. So that, like, February will have the list of the worst cars of the millennium. Huh? Anyway, to add insult to injury in the third half of Car Talk today, we'll be handing out some lifetime achievement awards to car manufacturers.

So make sure you stay tuned for that. In the meantime, you can call us and ask any question you want about your car or anything else. The number is 18888-Cart. That's 1-88-227-8-255. A lawyer on Car Talk. Hi, this is Jim from Boca Raton. Jim. How are you doing, guys?

Go Boca Vista. That's where Jerry Seinfeld's parents moved to. Oh, yeah, I hear you. I'm from a pure part of the country. I was born in Lynn. Oh, Lynn? Oh, yeah. Cool.

What is it with Lynn? I don't know. It's been taking a beaten over the years. So you escaped and you're not living in Boca Raton. What do you do down there? I import and export rum. No kidding. At night?

No, no. Not anymore. I used to do that, but we're up on the up and up now, yeah, really. Now you are. But I got a problem. Yeah? I got a problem with my Ford Lehman diesel engine. In a boat, right?

Yeah, well, it's a truck engine modified to be in a boat. And it's the boat that you used to make those runs to Cuba. Well, I want to know if I should be making any more runs. Okay. What does it do? I got what they call piston slap. Oh. Yeah.

How big is this engine? It's a big black six. 6.2 liter. 120. It's a big engine. But as they say, they just modified the thing to go into a boat. Yeah. It's a truck engine.

but I got piston slap in number six. How do you know? Oh, you can hear it. So it makes a loud clicking noise in the engine when it's running. Clicking noise? It might not be piston slap. It might not be a bad wrist pin. But in any case, go ahead.

My mechanic came down, and he's a diesel guy, and he says you got piston slap. Okay. Then he says it could last three weeks. It could last three years. Wow. I was wondering, what is the piston slap exactly if that's what it is? And number two, how long will it last or maybe? And when is the engine going to go and what?

Why does it go? You know what I mean? All very good questions. Because I'm going to go to Bahamas next weekend, and I want to know whether I should go on. Not with that boat, you're not. What piston slap is is when the piston skirt is slapping against the cylinder wall because the cylinder has gotten enlarged or the piston has worn out. I mean, the piston, as you know, is a very, very tight fit.

It's supposed to be in the cylinder. So it goes straight up and down, straight up and down, snap and down. And the only way it can slap is if the hole that it's in has gotten bigger or the piston has gotten smaller, either of which happens with wear. And that often occurs if a chunk of the piston, for example, gets worn away at the top so that the thing is now unbalanced and it begins to lean to one side as the combustion gases are pushing it down. So then it'll wear away one side of the cylinder wall. And then as the thing goes up and down, it'll slap against us. You'll get t-c-a-d-d-c-c-d-cad-d-gag. Yeah, exactly.

That's the second. And do you hear it the most when you first started up? Yes. Yeah, definitely. And it expands and fills the space a little bit better. It gets a little quieter. So you could try filling that space. Well, there are various...

Anything that says miraculous on it. Yeah, off fast setting. I mean, it's bad enough to get broken down on the interstate. Yeah, right, right. But in international waters, with 5,000 bottles of contraband rum. Yeah, really. But so it looks bad. Well, what will happen eventually is the piston will probably break.

Oh, really? Yeah, a piece of the skirt will break off, and then the thing will be going to vibrate like crazy. And then you'll be up to shut it down because you'll be afraid that the boat will shake itself to smithereens. See, the thing is, it's already given you the warning. It's not going to give you any more warning until it's time to shut it down and float. with the little flag up saying it. Is any engine shot, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I wouldn't go out on the water with this at all. Oh, really? Here's what you should do. I mean, if the rum business is good enough, you should get yourself another engine, even a used one. Yeah, right. And slap it in there, no pun intended. Yeah, I hear you.

And rebuild this one. You can't just do the cylinder, the one piston. You have to do them all, right? Oh, I would do them all. You're going to have to yank the engine out anyway, you know? You have to take the whole thing apart to do this. So this is a rebuilt. But you're saying that this thing could go at any time, eh?

It could, but it's unlikely to go tomorrow. Right, right. But I don't underestimate the possibility that your mechanic is wrong in his diagnosis. And if it is a bearing that's bad and not a piston slap, then it could go within hours. And then when it goes, the piston's going to probably come right through the block. Oh, yeah. So I would stay near the front of the boat, Jim. I'm going to stay in the upper helm station.

I don't want that thing to get there. Whatever you do, don't stand on the deck above the engine. See you later, man. Okay, thank you, guys. Appreciate it. Bye-bye. All right, it's time to take a short break. Yes, and when we come back, my brother and I will give out lifetime achievement awards.

For achievements such as degenerative ugliness, smoke and mirrors, inappropriate product strategy, and much, much more. So if you work in the legal department of a major car company, we invite you to turn the radio off right now. But for the rest of you, we'll be back at a minute. We're back. You're listening to Car Talk with us, Click and Clack the Tappert Brothers, and we're here to discuss cars. car repair and our lifetime achievement awards. It was appropriate at the end of the millennium here to give some awards to companies and people who have achieved certain kinds of things.

Yes. We have here, number one, the Lifetime Achievement Award for Degenerative Ugliness. And the winner is, the envelope please. The winner is Ford Motor Company for the Thunderbird. Now, in 1956, they had probably the most perfect, beautiful. car you could ever make. I mean, it was fabuloso. It was. And over the course of the 50s, and especially the 60s, and worse than the 70s, and the 80s, I mean, they turned that car into the ugliest piece of nothing. I mean, it had everything,

character, beauty, charm, pizzazz. Pazazazaz. And they killed it. Well, they had to kill it. They had to kill it. Yeah, it was the only merciful thing to be. do, but they're starting all over again, and the new Thunderbird. The 2000 Thunderbird is beautiful. And what does it look like? The 56 Thunderbird. Come on. Someone must have said, duh.

So for screwing up for 40 years, Ford gets the Lifetime Achievement Award for Degenerative ugliness. Now, next on the list, the Lifetime Achievement Award for Product Strategy, and this goes to the American Motors Corporation, the Pacer. Yes. This was aerodynamically ugly. 15 years before its time. The Concord, four-wheel drive, ugly hybrid car-slash wagon 20 years too early.

Yep. The Metropolitan, ugly, but 30 miles of the gallon in 1959 when gas was four cents a gallon. What were they thinking? And then when the Arab oil embargo came 20 years later, they made the Matador, a huge Hulk with a V8 and ugly to boot. Then, just as the French were taking their last gasp on American soil, AMC introduced the Alliance made by Renault. And what? Ugly. The Lifetime Achievement Award for Smoke and Mirrors goes to who else but Lee Ayacocca.

Indeed. For the entire decade of the 80s, Ayacocca's Chrysler Corporation made one car, the K-Car. They called it the Ares. Or they relied. They put a bunch of different bodies on it. Like they put a huge cardboard box. on it and they called it a minivan, which was good. Ayacocca had people thinking that Chrysler made seven or eight different cars.

It was one car. He did the same thing when he worked for Ford. His first foray into the Smoking Mirrors Arena was the Mustang, a great car. What was it? A Ford Falcon. He saw the way that sold and he said, hey, I can make a career out of this. And he did. He did indeed.

Good for you, Lee. Good for you. And he gets the award. Now, the Lifetime Achievement Award for Smoke without Mirrors. goes to General Motors in the 80s. They also made one car. I mean, they made a bunch of cars, but they made one car, but they did give it four or five different names.

But they weren't as clever as Iacocca. So everyone knew that a Chevy was the same as a Buick, was the same as an Oldsmobile, was the same as a Pontiac. Yeah, because they didn't go far enough. They didn't disguise it enough. That's what was the brilliance of Lee Ayacocca. If you looked at a Ford Falcon and a Ford Mustang, they were two different cars.

And what GM did was they tried to really cheap out and put like the same car with a different tail light. That's not a Chevy. It's a Pontiac. Don't you see the tail light? Continue. The Lifetime Achievement Award for Most Persistent Unacknowledged Malfunction. Otherwise not as the Austrich Award.

GMPSS. General Motors Power Steering Syndrome. For about a dozen years, and it was a dozen years or so, the steering racks on General Motors cars would refuse to turn to the right in cold weather. Or left. And GM in a demonstration of incredible persistence and stick-to-itiveness for a dozen years said steering problem? What steering problem? They denied it over and over again.

That was unconscionable. So they get the ostrich award. The Lifetime Achievement Award for Increased Manageability goes to Roger Smith. My man. For reducing GM's market share from an unwieldy. Unwieldy, you'll admit, 50% down to a manageable. 29%. Good work, Roger. And the Lifetime Achievement Award for Denial. And this is a mystery to me. Volvo. Swedish cars that you can't drive on the snow? I mean, how did they get away with that for so many years?

But they have won our Lifetime Achievement Award in the Denial Department. So anyway, those are our Lifetime Achievement Awards for the Second Millennium. And remember, if you'd like to nominate a vehicle for our list of worst cars of the millennium, just head over to our website, the Car Talk section of Cars.com, and we'd love to hear your nominations. In the meantime, we'd love to have your call us. The number is 1-888-Cart Talk. That's 8882-278-255. Hello, you're on Car Talk.

Hi, this is Molly from just north of Cincinnati. Molly. Now, that's a name you don't hear much anymore. Really? Yeah. There are a couple of us out here. I don't think I've ever met anyone named Molly. How many T's in Cincinnati?

and Addie. Oh, come on. One. Just one. A lot of ends, though. Not the way I spelled it. It's got three ends, though, right? Yes. Okay. You're so smart. No, I'm not. I had two T's. And they weren't at the end either. They're in the middle somewhere. So what's up, Molly? I drive a 98 Toyota Sienna, and I have two young children. I am trying to get my dissertation. done. And whenever the children are asleep in the car, if my husband is with me and we're out running errands, I send him in, he goes in, does whatever the errand is with one of the kids, and I stay in the car and leave it running and get some work done. Yeah. We're just wondering what kind of wear and tear we're causing on our car. Well, why do you keep the engine running

so that the heat and all the air conditioning will stay running? Heck yeah. If I'm in there they're doing work, I would hate to be uncomfortable. Yeah. But so there would be times, for example, in the spring or fall where you could actually turn the car off. Yeah. You could, but you wouldn't. We could.

And the question is, how much wear and tear are you putting on the engine? Yeah. Am I making this car old before it's time? Well, yes. But every time you use the car, you're doing that. Right. How many years do you think it's going to be before you finish your dissertation? Oh, my gosh.

It may be forever. What's your dissertation topic? Oh, God. Come on, spill the beans. Come on, we can help you on this. Well, what's your field? Give us the field. The field is higher education administration.

Oh, my God. Higher education administration. Well, this is going to be a... And so when you sit there in the car, you've got a little yellow pad and you're writing chapters like crazy. I'm always doing. I've got my data with me. I carry everything with me wherever we go. Well, the dissertation is far more important than the stupid car.

Don't you think? And the truth is that you're really not, you know, 45 minutes here and there. I mean, just think of all the police cars that are parked in front of the donut shops all over America. That is so true. And they never turn the engines off. And they run forever and ever, so I don't think you're doing any harm. Okay, good. That makes me feel better because my husband and I debate this all the time.

Nah, don't worry about it. Okay. It's nothing. That frees up my worry space and my brain. Now I can worry about something else. And you need to do that because you have important work to do here. That's right. Chapter 6. Out of how many?

Six. How many pages are you up to now? Oh, gosh, you know, I think I'm nearing 200. Oh, you're almost done. You're there. You'll be done in a week. Oh, man. Good luck to you.

And if you do a real good job on the first five chapters, they may not even read chapter six. Good luck, Molly. Thanks, guys. See you later. Bye-bye. All righty. Bye-bye. 1-8-8-8-8-car talk.

That's 8-8-8-8. 227-825-5. Hello, you're on car talk. Hi, guys. Hi. Hi, this is. My name's Eddie. I'm from Tilton, New Hampshire. T-I-L-T-I-N, like the Tilton Hilton? No, like T-I-L-T-O-N. Oh, okay. And what I have is a 1985 Ford F-150 pickup.

You didn't have to tell us you had a pickup. You said you were from New Hampshire. All you have to say is Ford, and we didn't know. Oh, okay. Well, it will start and run fine. And then the next day I get in it, and I get in it. and I turn the key and I get nothing. I mean, I'm lucky to get a battery light sign come on,

or it's like the battery's gone. Yeah. I checked the battery, and it wasn't in the greatest of shape, and I put a new battery in the same thing. It would start and run fine, and a couple days later, nothing. So I cleaned all the terminals, the hookups, as far as I could find, you know, to the starter, to the ground, to the salinoid.

I even took the celloids out and had that tested, and a mechanic told me that it was good, and I put it back in, and cleaned those terminals and the ground to the firewall and on and put that back in, and again, it wouldn't start. You turn the key and nothing happens. That's right. But sometimes the lights on the dash light up. Just one light, the brake light.

Does anything else work? Have you tried the wipers, the lights, the radio? They all work. And then how do you get it started when that happens? I jump it from the positive terminal of the battery to the positive side of the selenoid with a jumper cable, and it turns right over and starts up. Okay, so we know that the battery is good. Oh, so the battery's fine.

The starter is good. Yep. We know the alternator's good. And that's why you replace the solenoid. Good thinking fast, Eddie. This is an automatic transmission truck? Yes, it is. How did I know that?

I know how you knew that. How did you know that? Let me just make sure that it doesn't click. It doesn't do anything. Well, when I had the older battery in there and I would start it, the selenoid starter would click away. And then it would start. Okay, yeah.

But now when it doesn't start, you hear nothing. Is that true? True. Then my brother's right. You have an automatic transmission. You have an automatic transmission. Well, what all automatic transmissions have is something called a neutral safety switch. Neutral lockout on the column.

Which prevents you from starting the car in any gear other than park or neutral. Yes. Except yours has a unique feature. It's preventing you from starting it. Period. Have you ever put it into neutral to try to start it? And jiggled the shifter. It gets locked.

No, but when you turn the key to the on position, it's unlocked. And then you should be able to move the shifter to neutral. Into neutral. Into neutral. And then try it, and I've done that, and I still get nothing. Did you bang the dashboard? Did you kick the seats? No, I've been very nice to this truck.

I have not kicked it. It sounds like a classic case of a neutral safety switch, because you're simply not getting juice from the car. this battery to the starter. The solenoid was a possibility. A good possibility. But if you replace that and it's still doing the same thing. But you jump it and you tested it.

Right. Yes. What you've got to determine now is when you turn the key to the crank position, if juice is getting to the skinny wire on the solenoid, if the solenoid is getting energized. Because it's either, in this case, the neutral safety switch or the ignition switch itself. Okay. But it's the neutral safety switch, I believe.

But if I get power to the salenoid, to that thin wire, When you're in the crank mode, then... Yeah, when I have the key turned over. That means it's not the ignition switch. And it's not the neutral safety switch. And in that case, it's the solenoid. It's the solenoid.

Yeah, the solid only costs seven bucks. You might as well try one of those first. All right, maybe I'll go. Or if you really trust yourself, you can bypass the neutral safety switch. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Very dangerous thing to do. But in New Hampshire, you'll find anyone to do that for it. I shouldn't have said that.

That was cruel. That was unwarrented. It wasn't unwarranted, but it was cruel. See you, and see you. Okay, guys. Hey, good luck, Eddie. Bye, bye, thank. Well, it's happened again.

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pick up your phone and call this number 1888 card junk. And what if I wanted a car talk book, a CD, a T-shirt? Would I call that very same number, Vinny? No, I think you'd strip down to your U-Trow and played a tuba until one fell out of the sky, you're dope. Of course you called the same number. You'd call the shameless commerce division at 888 card junk or visit it online at the cart talk section of cars.com. Well, thank you, Vin. That was quite evocative.

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