The Best of Car Talk - #2621: Worst Car of the Millenium

Episode Date: March 14, 2026

At the end of the last millenium there were plenty of motorheads proclaiming this Ferrari or that Maserati as the ‘Best Car Ever’, but only two guys were willing to figure out which were the worst cars ever made. That’s right, our masters of mediocrity pull no punches on this episode of the Best of Car Talk.To manage podcast ad preferences, review the links below:See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for sponsorship and to manage your podcast sponsorship preferences.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

Hello and welcome to Car Talk from National Public Radio with us Click and Clack the Tappert Brothers, and we're broadcasting this week from Kaiser's Palace. That's the way they taught us to say it in Latin. That is the way you say it. Kaiser, that's the only way to say it. Yeah, I like Caesar's Palace better. Anyway, isn't that the place where they give out all the big awards? Yes, it is.

That's the place. Well, today, on this very show, we will be announcing the car our listeners have voted the single worst car of the millennium. Yeah, in fact, we'll give you the single worst car top ten. Our listeners have spoken, and we'll reveal the winner, and of course all the runners-up in this very show. I mean, there's been voting going on as a frenzy. This is exciting. I hope we have the appropriate drum roll sound effects prepared here in the control roll. Dennis will have them.

Don't worry. But first, look, this is a complete coincidence. We have a news flash that may very well lead to the worst car of the next millennium. Flash, read the news. Here's the news. Rome, B. B. B. B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, D. I thought it was A T T. Now, there is a marriage made in hell. I mean, what?

could it lead to? Well, I mean, well, I don't know what it could lead to, but it could lead to some interesting new cars, don't you think? Yeah, the Pontiac Ajeda. Oh, the Buick, Burka Miseria. Borka Miserie. I like the Cadillac Calamari myself. If you know what this means, and you can see forward into the implications of all of this,

email us from the Car Talk section of Cars.com, and let us know. I mean, I think this is a fascinating development. If you have any ideas on what this merger could mean to the world, please help us out. It's going to be big. It's got to be big. And I think this is the first step. I think this is the first step in a takeover. Who's going to take over whom?

It really doesn't matter. If you'd like to talk to us about anything at all, but especially your car, the number is 1-888-car talk. That's 888-227-8-25. A lawyer on car talk. This is Doug from Lawrenceville, Georgia. How you doing, Doug? I do it. And yourselves?

Not bad. Great. I have a problem with my CV joints. I have a 1990 on the CRX. It's got 117,000 miles on it. Mm-hmm. And between about 105 and 110,000, I started hearing a small noise. It was almost like bike cards, you know, or cards in your bike.

Like a baseball card stuck in your spokes. Yeah. Exactly. Perfect. It only happened when I turned left. Oh, man. Stop position. Ah.

You know, and I was thinking about selling the car, but I couldn't tell the guy, you know, let's only drive right. Yeah. You can tell them to meet you someplace where they're only right turns. Absolutely. So why don't you just fix it? Well, I looked under the car, and I noticed the crack, there was a cracked boot on the driver's side. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I replaced that, you know, refilled it with the grease.

Oh, no, you'd be. Yeah. But, yeah, I mean, I don't know if the dirt got in there, and it was just that bad. Well, it wasn't so much that the dirt got in. It's that the metal got out. Oh, is that what it is? Yeah, the metal that comprises the joint got worn away. That's why I started making the noise.

And all the grease in the world ain't going to fix that. Uh-huh. Yeah, it's sort of like dropping the chainsaw on your leg and putting Vaseline on it. That'll close it right up. Yeah. So, you know, now I'm here at 117,000 miles, and it's not just when I turn left from a stop position. It's when I turn left, right.

When I'm going fast, going slow, it doesn't matter. And pretty soon you won't be going fast off slow. You won't be going anywhere. That's what I'm trying to figure out here. Because it's going to break. That's what I'm wondering. Is my axle going to fall off, or is the wheel going to fall off? All of the above.

Well, the wheel will fall off. Yeah. The wheel will not fall off. It's very likely that the axle will just shear itself off. Right. And then the wheel won't turn. Huh. So you need to.

And you're on the verge of it if you've been driving all this time. Yeah. And it's getting worse and worse. But you don't drive this car far from home anymore, right? No, not at all. Let's see how long it can last. Keep copious notes. Well, I'll tell you, very often, customers will come in with a similar noise,

and I will tell them, look, you've got to replace the axle because it's going to break. And the question everyone asks, because it's fairly expensive, is how long can it go? How long do I have, Doctor? And I don't know. So I'm relying on you, Doug. You could be, Doug, the Chuck Yeager of CV joints. I guess I'm just trying to push my luck, though. You could go to Mach 2.

You know, on this car, I haven't replaced the time belt either. Oh, I love it. And that should be done, what, between 60 and 80 somewhere. Yeah. Yeah, I love it. You're pushing the limits, and that's wonderful. We need people. Just hope and pray.

That's what America is all about, Doug. At some point, you're going to step on the gas and the car simply isn't going to move. Uh-huh. And just pray that a semi is not barreling down on you when you're taking a left turn across a highway. And that's the end of Doug. Yeah. That's the only real problem. Unless you, maybe you could install some kind of an ejection seat.

Yeah, I would get my affairs in order if I were you. Good luck, Doug. But if you want to sell the car, I mean, you're going to spend a few hundred bucks and get it fixed. By now, you might need all of them. You might need both sides. Okay. See you. See you.

Thanks for calling. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. It is true. I mean, Doug could be the one.

Well, I mean, someone has to, you know, push the envelope, as they say. Well, we don't know. To put him in a category of Chuck Yeager, it didn't occur to me, I must admit. But you're absolutely right. Well, he may be closer to who's the guy that took the weather balloon flight? Larry Walton. Larry Walton. Here to be closing to Larry.

That chuck, I think. Same idea, though, you know. Those who don't remember, Larry Walters is the fellow who bought at an Army surplus store, a bunch of weather balloons, and filled them up with helium and attached them to a metal, an aluminum lawn chair. Yeah. And sat in the lawn chair armed with a BB gun. A BB gun. And that's about it, I think. And that's it.

He had everything tied to the bumper of his car, and he cut himself loose and managed to climb to 20,000 feet up above Los Angeles. And his idea was that he would, in order to descend, he would shoot out the balloons one at a time. And after having shot out a few, he dropped the gun. What a man. But I can see Doug doing that. 1-8-88-card talk that's 888-227-8-8-255. Hello, you're on Car Talk. My name is Darian.

Say it again? Darian. D-R-I-E-N? I-A-N. Sort of like the city in Connecticut? Which is with an E? Yeah, okay. Close enough.

Are you from Connecticut? No, I'm not. I'm currently living in Long Island. All right. We're with you, Darren. Okay. I just bought a brand-new 2000 Kia Sefew. about a month ago.

And this is kind of embarrassing, but I wanted a specific color. And I also wanted air conditioning in my car. The guy at the dealership said, no problem, we can order an air conditioner, and we can put it. We'll install it in the car that you want right here at the dealership. Except they put it in the window, right?

That's exactly what happened. A wall-mouthed. They wanted you in Emerson. That's one of those wall-mounted guys. But they put it in the back window, so they don't really notice it. So this car did not come with an air conditioner? It didn't. It was after factory.

They installed the air conditioner right there. Oh, okay. Well, I bought the car. I get home, and all of a sudden all these people who knew nothing about cars the week before suddenly telling me all these horror stories. Oh, Darian, you made a huge mistake. You should never let them install an air conditioner after the factory. So this is my first question.

I make a big mistake. Well, let's talk about the Kia first. Okay. Yeah. You want to get into it that deeply? Come on now. Oh, no. Well, you already told us that you bought the car based on color.

Yeah, that's bad. And probably looks. And price. And price. Yeah. And can I ask what you paid for this car? I paid $8,500. That's pretty cheap.

Man. With air. Yeah. Oh. What the heck do you want? Doesn't matter what you did. I mean, where are you... Even if it lasts six months you've made out.

If you bought any other car, anything else, or you go. For $8,500, you have to buy one that was 10 years old. You got a brand new car for $8,500. And you didn't make a mistake getting the air conditioning after the fact, because most cars, although I can't say I'm intimately familiar with Kia Sefias, they're air conditioner ready. That's what they told me. And they're right.

Yeah, because most people get the air conditioning, especially when you consider it was only an extra nine bucks. You know, so the wiring harness is there, the ductwork is there, and all they've got to do is just hang the compressor on the block, and they've got to put the condenser and the evaporator in it. And they sell to the deal as an entire kit. Right. It is not rocket science, and you did not make a mistake, but the people who gave you this, who instilled in you this, fear. I'm sure they were all over 45 years old. Yeah, actually, uncles, yeah, you're right. Mostly. Because in the old days, you would never have done this because cars were not air conditioning ready. Okay. But nowadays, everything is there and it works just exactly as though

it was installed at the factory. Hey, do I have time for one more question? Sure. My dad called me yesterday and asked if an undercoat had been on the car. Ah, yes, another old person's... Old husband's tale. It is. Yeah. And he scares me sometimes because... Don't listen to him. He's nuts. Tell him, look, the last vehicle that was undercoded was Ben Hur's chariot.

Okay. They don't do that. That's passe. Because he said, he told me, said, I'm going to come out to Long Island. I'm going to buy five cans of undercoat. I'm going to put it in my chair. Right. I'll paint it on myself. Exactly.

We'll jack up the car, put it on cement blocks. No, no. Tell him, yeah, come over, Dad. All right. No, no, I wouldn't bother. Okay. Yeah, there'll be many other reasons to have gotten rid of the car long before it was away. And you do have to be kind to your dear old father.

Of course. Because, I mean, my teenage daughter refers to me as a crazy old man. And it hurt me when she said that. You're just a crazy old man. And we all went right on. Hey, don't worry about anything you are in good shape. Okay. And enjoy your sepia.

Thank you so much. And above all, wear your seatbelt. Okay. And a football helmet, if you have one. Try to drive in the breakdown. Okay, see it, Darren. Thanks for calling. Bye.

Bye-bye. Hey, hey, the puzzler answer and more calls are coming up right after this. Hi, we're back. You're listening to Car Talk with us. Click and Clack the Tappet Brothers. And we're here to talk about cars, car repair, and does. the answer to last week's puzzler. A few weeks ago, Tommy

calls me up one day at work and says that our sister Lucille is sick and that she needs some care. The chicken soup puzzle. I remember this. Duh. He says, I'll make her some chicken soup if you deliver it to her. So after work, I show up at his house, just in time to see him pouring the soup into this plastic

container, and he's mumbling something about not having the right cover for the thing. Anyway, he tries the cover on and it pops off. I try another one and it pops off. and I try putting tape on it, and the tape won't stick to the plastic. And anyway, he says, good luck, do your best. So I carefully carried out to my car, the Dodge Colt Vista,

because this is the automotive part. And I put it on the floor on the passenger side. Anyway, I carefully pull away from the curb, worried that the slightest little stop or sharp turn will spill this stuff all over the place. Now, I realize that my house is on the way, so I decide to stop off at home and see the wife and kids, you know, the hounds, and have dinner.

So I stop. Give my wife a hug, hug my son. I pet the dogs. We exchange pleasantries. And you eat your chicken. And I sit in front of... What kind of chicken did she eat that night? I don't remember, but it must have been chicken broccoli ziti, I think.

Anyway, I sit in front of the TV and I fall asleep watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Hours later, I wake up remembering that my sister is probably clawing at the front door for her soup. Yeah. So at about midnight, I say, oh, the soup. I go back to sleep. I wake up again around 1.30 and hurriedly grab a few old National Geographic magazines and some fruit that we were going to throw away anyway. And I jump in the car and drive to her house, which is several miles away,

never concerned that I would spill a drop of soup. And in fact, I don't spill any of it. I drive like a maniac. As you usually do. How did I manage not to spill a drop of soup? And I'd fail to give a hint. I mean, the hints should have been that I don't think anyone, any of our listeners living in Florida would have gotten this one right.

Right. Right. Did the National Geographic have anything to do with it? The National Geographic's on the rotten fruit had nothing to do with it. Yeah. When I went into the house, I left the soup in the car. Of course. And in the hours that I, it took to eat supper, fall asleep watching Buffer the Vampire Slayer,

gather up the magazines and the like. the soup, which was in the cold vista, froze. Of course. It was frozen. It was about four degrees. And the soup froze solid. And of course, it didn't spill because it couldn't. And who's our winner this week?

Wow. The winner is Amy Moore from Pownell, Vermont. Hmm. And for having her answers selected at random from among all the correct answers, Amy's going to get a $25 gift certificate to contact's shameless car. Commerce Division, with which she can get a car talk t-shirt or a special kids' car talk t-shirt, which says, help! My parents make me listen to car talk. We'll have a new, gee, I don't know how to describe this puzzler.

How can you describe it? You haven't figured out which one it is yet. We'll have a new puzzler coming up in the third half of today's show, so stay tuned for that. In the meantime, you can call us and ask us questions about your car at 1-888-8-8-8-8-2-27-8-25- Hello, you're on Car Talk. Hey, this is Chooch. Chooch. Chooch. Now look, don't start.

Wait a minute. How do you spell it? C-H-O-C-H. It means mule. Yeah, well, it does. Well, it's okay. It works. I had some guy from Sicily when he heard my name.

He kissed me on both cheeks and he said, it's better to be like a mule and nobody walk on you. How do you actually spell chuch? I don't know. C-I-U-C-C-I-O. Yeah, you're probably right. Is that right? That's it, huh?

No, it's not. It's actually Chuko, but Chucho, that's good enough. Oh, okay. Chuch? Yeah, where are you from, Chuch? Tau's New Mexico. No kidding. Oh, I love Tows, New Mexico.

Do you really? I do it. Don't move here. Don't move there? No. It's too crowded. Nobody goes there anymore. No, we don't want, we don't want nobody.

You don't want me? No. Well, you could move here if you'll fix my car because I'm like, I'm somebody's, you got some music like, do, do, do, do. Oh, this is a melodrama? I'm somebody's poor grandma, you know. Oh, geez. So what's the car?

What's the problem? It's an 82 Honda Accord Hatchback. Okay? Yeah. So when it's under 50 degrees outside, I put the car in gear and I drive down the street and I'm okay. Until I get to about second gear and then it starts going to dook-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-tok. And then each successive gear is kind of easier until I get to fourth. And then the whole car starts vibrating, which can be fun.

But I don't know If it's the carburetor or what It's like No, I'm not sure I understand the problem yet Okay You start up the engine It's under 50 degrees outside Right

It starts right up Right You start to drive You put it in first gear You let out the clutch And it moves Yes Nothing unusual has happened yet

No what it starts doing As soon as you start driving it As soon as you get above Let's say 10 miles an hour It starts to Feel like it's gonna hesitate It starts hesitating Uh-huh.

Okay, and so then, but it seems like each successive gear that you put it in, the hesitation is less. So you mean it seems to run better? Yes, yes. As you shift up the gears. Yes, yes, until I get to fourth gear and then it starts trembling all over. It's like, ooh-hoo-oh. Yeah. Does it think?

Does it? That was my question, too. Does it, I, no. Okay, oh, that's a good point. Because after I drive the car a while, if it's still below 50 degrees, then it's, starts idling really fast, like, because, and if I don't keep my foot on the brake, I'm going to, like, end up in the back seat with the people in front of me. Well, here's what's wrong.

Here's what's wrong with your car. Okay. The automatic choke stopped working. Oh. Exactly. This is a simple solution. Well, it may not be simple to fix, but the choke is no longer opening, as it should. It's supposed to be a thermostatically controlled device that opens the choke.

Uh-huh. And that stopped working, and it's fouling the spark plugs. Uh-huh. And that's causing the juku-d-j-j-j-k-j-ch-k-ch-oh. Oh, okay. So you need to take it someplace where they can find out and fix, find out what's wrong with the choke and then fix that, and at the same time, maybe they can put some new spark plugs in it.

Do they need anything special to figure out what it is? I mean, do I have to bring it to one of those places with those big machines? No, no. You want just the opposite. You want a place that has no computers, no machinery, just a guy who's older than, say, 45 or 50. Oh. That's what you want.

Hey, maybe he'll take me with it. the package. Oh, man. Are you having fun out there in Tows? I'm 50 years old. I'm somebody's grandmother, and I'm slicing onions in the kitchen because I'm Italian and that's all I know how to do with it. Well, good for you.

Hi-e, what the hell. Good luck with your automatic choke, kid. Thank you very much. See you, Chooch. Take care. Bye, bye. All right, I think we've built up the suspense long enough. It's time to announce the worst car of the millennium.

I can hardly wait. Now, we should mention that we invited our listeners and readers of our newspaper column, anyone else in the world, to nominate cars. Then we chose the finalist and asked the driving car-owning public to vote. And more than 25,000 people voted. Wait, wait, 150,000, I think Tomlicks told me. Oh, okay. I think so.

Most of them just once, as far as we could determine, and here are their decisions. and we'll start with the number 10 car and work our way up. So this is the 10th worst car of the millennium. Okay. Number 10, and there was a lot of controversy about this, but it got a lot of votes, was the VW bus. I mean, lots of people, Jimmy Buffett included, said we were crazy to think that the VW,

but we didn't vote. I mean, the people have spoken. Yeah, and just to give you some idea, there were some comments that people sent in when they voted, things like it was the flower stickers that held the thing together. And the bus had no heat, blew over the wind, and used the driver's legs as the first line of defense in an accident. All right, number nine is the Renault Dofine.

Ah, you'll vote for that one wholeheartedly, man. That had to be the biggest piece of crap ever made in America. I can't say that I ever drove one, but I did work on one once. Once? Yeah. Here's a comment, a side impact by a bicycle totaled my dophine after one year. I believe it. Number eight, the Cadillac Cimarron.

Ah, yes, this is one of my favorites. When we traded it in, my wife was upset because we didn't keep it long enough for her to buy a gun and shoot it. Number seven, the Dodge Aspen or the Plymouth Volari, the same car. owning a Valore was total ego death the theme song, the vinyl Landau roof, the inability to pass into the car on the highway. Another Renault, double mention here. Number six, the Renault Le Car.

Like any French restaurant in America, it was overpriced, noisy, moody, and would put you in mortal danger if you had an accident with anything larger than a croissant. Number five, the worst car of the millennium, number five, the Chevrolet Chevrolet, The Chevy Chevette. That was junk. Yeah.

That's up there. Here's an apt comment. An engine surrounded by four pieces of sheetrock. Number four. The AMC Gremlin. Do you sense the suspense building? Oh, man. I mean, do you feel it?

I mean, we go from the VW bus, the Dauphine, the Cimarron, the Plymouth Valori, the Renaulte car, the Chevy Chevette. The AMC Gremlin. You can see that it's getting better. and better. And here's a voters comment about the gremlin. The car had all the quality and safety of a cheap garden tractor. Number three, the Ford Pinto.

This person wrote, Dad had a baby poop orange Pinto the year that car thieves hit our street. Although a dozen cars were stolen in one night, ours was there the next morning on a strangely empty block. Oh, remember the great Pinto bumper sticker hit me and we blow up together. Number two.

Number two. The second worst car of the millennium, the Chevy Vega. As near as I could tell, the car was built from compressed rust. All right, and here it is, folks. Are we ready? According to the voters at the Cars.com, car talk section of the website and people who wrote to us, with snail mail, the worst car of the millennium.

Drum roll, please! Hugo! I'll read a few comments from some of our voters. I once test drove a Hugo, during which the radio fell out. The gear shift knob came off in my hand, and I saw daylight through the strip around the windsheet. At least it had heated re-shirt. rear window so your hands would stay warm while you're pushed.

I mean, well, this is... We should mention that the Ugo got a third of the total vote of those 25,000 or 250,000 people. Well, that tends to cast a pretty good light on the other cars. I mean, they just barely made it. They just barely made it, right. The Ugo could have gotten 100% of the votes. Could have been ranked in all 10 spots. Right.

Well, anyway, congratulations to Ugo and the runners-up. How many of these cars did you all? Well, you know, I don't think I ever owned any of them. Really? I only owned the Renault Dauphine. More calls and a new puzzler coming right up after these messages. Ha, we're back. You're listening to Car Talk with us, Click and Clack the Tapper Brothers,

and we're here to discuss cars, car repair, and the new puzzler. Okay, go ahead. Two Bedouins are crossing the desert on their camels. It's good already. In the early morning hours. I love it. When they come across a suitcase in the sand that's partially open, stuff with clothes. You talk about obfuscating.

I know that this has nothing. No, it does. This has nothing to do with the question. It has everything to do with it. I mean, when you heard this, it was probably two guys were walking down the street in New York City and they see a suitcase. And you chased it to do bad with grossing this. No, no. See, you're reading too much into it.

I love it already. Go ahead. Okay. Okay, I'm ready. You're right? Two better ones. Yeah. And they come across a suitcase in the sand, but interestingly, they see no tracks of any kind surrounding it.

They continue on their journey, heading for the oasis. What, they leave the suitcase there? Well, they look at it, and it was Western clothing, oddly enough. Oh, okay. So you just opened it up, looked at it. They looked at it, and they said, There was no interest of them. Right.

Okay. And they go on and they find another suitcase in the sand. And the same thing, it's open and clothes are strewn about it. And they continue their journey, thinking of nothing but this suitcase. A little while later, they find in the sand a... They're in the hurry to get to the oasis because they got dates there. Dates and figs. Dates and figs at the oasis.

I'm sorry. Come on, you. I lost my trainer. So they come across a second suitcase. Again, the same thing. No tracks in the suitcase. They come across a camera in the sand. Same thing.

A video camera. A little while later, they find shoes, hats, pants, shirts. They continue on their journey. A little distance later, they see a man lying face down. obviously dead in the sand, grasping a piece of straw. What happened? Can you reconstruct the crime? This man is obviously dead.

Oh, it's a crime? Not an accident. Maybe it isn't the crime. Can you tell what happened? What's the most likely scenario? A straw? He's holding a straw in his hand. Wow.

Well, if you think you know the answer, write it on a postcard or a thousand-watt surround sound system. With subwifference. Yeah, okay. And send it to Puzzler Tower, Car Talk Plaza, Box 3,500, Harvard Square, Cambridge. Oh, a very fair city. 02238. Or, of course, you can email your answer from the Car Talk section of Cars.com. If you'd like to call us, the numbers, 1-888-Cart talk, that's 888-227-8-25.

A lawyer on Car Talk. Hi, my name's Carl. I'm in Beaufort, North Carolina. Hi, Carl. Bulford. That's definitely a Carl. B-E-A-U-F-O-R-T, huh? Yeah.

Okay, fine. And I'm a master's student currently getting a degree in coastal environmental management. Coastal environmental, so you guys decide where to put up sea walls and stuff? Where not to put them up more. More, right. Yeah, North Carolina is a good place to be if you're going to work in that area. Yeah. A lot of OJT going on there.

Okay. On the job training. If you haven't been in the military. So what's up, Carl? Well, because of my environmental degree, I've got some problems with the cars I own, and I have questions about those. I have a 96-suburban and a 97 Toyota Four-runner, which are both big SUVs that are gas guzzlers.

And I'm wondering... You own both of these vehicles? Yes, I do. And ideally, I would only have one large vehicle, but the suburban I just bought from my father when he got a new one, so the price was right, so I did it. Yeah. And what I've been wondering about is the California emission standards that I've heard about,

can I get the emissions on these vehicles improved to reach the level of a car? And would it be ridiculously expensive? Well, the forerunner probably passes the California test anyway. If you look under the hood, there's a decal, and it may tell you that this passes, this vehicle was designed to pass the California emissions test. Okay. The suburban, on the other hand, may say this is designed to pass the EPA test. EPA test for the rest of the states.

Yeah, for Bosnia. No, no, I mean, it's going to pass for the rest of the states. But if it doesn't really pass, it might not be easy to get it to pass. But you're thinking of moving... No, I have this guilt over having, you know... He's an environmentalist. He feels guilty about driving these ridiculously monstrous gas-guzzling vehicles, and he wants us to give him the imprimatur, and we're not going to do it.

do it. I mean, it's as simple as that. No, I want to know if I can get a change. Go to church. What are you calling us for? Come on. You have sinned, my son. And nothing you can do making a simple little phone call is going to get you off the hook. I mean, what are you nuts? Yeah, the only thing you can do, the only thing you can do is you can take the suburban to the crusher.

Yeah, no, I mean, you've done what you had to do, and you can't get absolution from us. No. No, I need a big car. I've got a boo. and a daughter and a big dog, and I'm going to be having more children, so I sometimes need the big car. Now, the boat's the problem. Yep.

And where do you drag it to? To the ocean. Yeah. Why don't you just leave it there? Cost money. Yep. Costs money. That's the whole deal.

Yeah, but if you look at the costs involved, you're going to be, first of all, you have to have this ridiculously sized vehicle to get it there. You're going to buy a trailer. You've got to buy the trailer. You've got to buy the fishing gear. Yeah, you've got to get three miles to the gallon when you're dragging the boat. Right.

I mean, for the few times that you drag the boat, I mean, it'd be worth it to hire someone to house the boat for you near where you use it. And get an echo. And get an echo. See, everything in your personal lifestyle is anathema to the profession that you've chosen. And I guess that's a big conflict in your life and you're probably having, you're probably a psychiatrist. You're at crisis proportions. Yeah, this has reached crisis proportions. Everything that you're doing is against everything that you profess to believe it.

And you call it so you can try to squeeze an extra half a mile per gallon or fewer parts of hydrocarbons, unburn hydrocarbons out of the picture? You've answered the question, really, which was whether the emissions could be lowered in. Yeah, and you don't want to talk to us anymore, right? And I don't blame you. All right. Well, we've given you a hard enough time. We'll let you go. But I would ditch the boat, ditch the suburban.

I would look at an echo or maybe a Kia Sefia. Hey, Carl, thanks a video for calling. You were a good guy. Sorry to give you a hard time, but you deserved every bit of it. Bye, bye. See you later. Poor guy. I'm driving around to this Hummer.

I work for the EPA. He calls with a genuinely altruistic motive. I mean, he wants to. Well, it's on the stuff. He was trying to make it side. On the surface, it seemed that way. On the surface. We saw right through his. He must drive this enormous vehicle, and he's looking for help.

He's looking for us to provide him with a little information how he can reduce the emission so he won't feel guilty. He needs a preacher, not us. And, boy, we jumped all over this poor guy. Poor Carl. We're sorry, Carl. Well, it's happened again. You've underutilized another perfectly good hour listening to Car Talk. Our esteemed producer is Doug the Subway Fugitive, not a slave to fashion, Berman. Our associate producers, our frau, Catherine Fenner,

Alosa and Louis Cronin the Barbarian. Our engineer is Dennis the Menace Foley. Our senior webb lackey is Doug the old gray mayor, and our technical, spiritual, and menu advisor is the bugster, John Bugsy Donut, Breath Waller. Our public opinion pollster is Paul Murky of Merkey Research, assisted by statistician Marginovera. Our customer care representative is Haywood Jabuzov.

Our audience estimator is Adam Illion. Add, no mind. And our short formant is Luke Bucson. Our Russian chauffeur is peak off and drop off. Our staff snow power driver is Frasier Tushioff. Our proofreader is Erin Spelling, and our seat pushing tester is Mike Easter. Mike Easter.

Our chief counsel from the law firm of Dewey Cheeverman Howe is U. Lewis Dewey, known to all the Oscar losers in Harvard Square as you and Louis Dewey. Thanks so much for listening. We're clicking clack to Tappert Brothers, and don't drive like my brother. Don't drive like my brother. We'll be back next week. Bye-bye. And now here in the studio,

we have Car Talk Plaza's chief mechanic, Mr. Vinny Gumbats. Vinnie? Thank you very much. Now, if you want to copy of this year's show, which is number 14, you can get one on the web. Just head on over to the little store on our website, the Car Talk section of www.com. And what if I wanted something else, Vinny, you mean like the Best of Car Talk CD? When I go to that same site... No, you go to WWWR you a complete moron or what.com. Of course you go to the same site, the Card Talk section of Cars.com, or you'll order the old-fashioned way by calling 888 card junk.

Thank you, Vincent. That was extremely informative. Hey, I got your informative right here. Car Talk is a production of Dewey Cheatham and Howe and WBUR in Boston. And even though NPR employees glanced furtively at the help-wanted ads whenever they hear us say it, this is NPR National Public Radio.