The Best of Car Talk - #2625: The Click and Clack Creed

Episode Date: March 28, 2026

What to do about the ‘mechanically-challenged’? Click and Clack used to run a do-it-yourself garage back in the day. And after rescuing a few hundred-or-so ill-fated repair attempts by their customers, the brothers developed a few simple truths to guide their flock. ‘Words to repair by’, on this episode of the Best of Car Talk.To manage podcast ad preferences, review the links below:See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for sponsorship and to manage your podcast sponsorship preferences.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

Hello and welcome to Car Talk from National Public Radio with us Click and Clack the Tappard Brothers, and we're broadcasting this week from the Eureka Division here at Car Talk Plaza. You know, I was reading this article recently, and all of a sudden I said, Eureka! I had an insight into my brother. Really? Okay. This article came to us from MedTech, which is an online news area. Yeah.

And I'll just read it. I'll read a few excerpts from it. Researchers found that a small tumor-like mass called a hypothalmic hamatoma can, for some people, lead to an irrepressible desire to laugh and other behavioral problems. The study looked at three patients who have small collection of neurons located on the brain's hypothalmers, which cause mild epileptic seizures and a must- laugh feeling for much of their lives. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. where there is a lesion like this, the patients will laugh. They have laughing attacks sometimes from birth, said Dr. Frederick Anderman, a professor of neurology at McGill University in Canada.

Eventually, it becomes clear that this is not normal. Oh. As years go by, they may fall and hurt themselves or lose ground intellectually or behaviorally. So I have hypoltebrate. Dalmic Hamartoma. You do. Wow, it's always good to know what you got. And you've had it forever.

I have had it forever. Because for as long as I can remember, you laugh about everything. Well, I'm glad to know that there's an explanation for it because I was worried about you. Now I'm not worried at all. If you want to talk about some unusual masses in your car or any other place,

our number is 1-888-car talk. That's 888-227-825. Hello, your own car talk. Hi, this is Drew Ziano Solari, calling you from Denver by way of Los Angeles. Drew. Right. Drew. You guys are Italian, right?

Yeah. Well, I thought I'd give you the full version then. Drusiano? There you go. You made it up. But it is good. You like that? I do.

Drusiano. It's the God on his truth. It's on my birth certificate. Is it really? Spelled out like that? Drewiano. No kidding. DRU S-I-A-N-O?

D-R-U-S-I-A-N-O. Yeah. Yeah, it's an old Italian name comes from the Comedia de Artae period of the Italian Renaissance Theater. Wow. Yeah. Because there's no translation for it.

No, as a matter of fact, if you got time, I'll tell you the history of it. No, not really. Go ahead, what's your question? All right, I have a 91-to-art truck, four-by-four. I brought it from California. I never had this problem in California.

Once I came to Denver, as the weather would get cold, either close to freezing or below freezing, both in first and second gear, the truck makes this horrible sound up in the front axle area. Yeah, I know what it is. Okay, so it goes, whoa, whoa, whoa. Excellent. You like that? Excellent.

It does that both in first and second gear. Brinian gear, I throw it in a four-wheel drive. It usually takes away the problem instantly, and then it will come back just a short while later. And it's gotten progressively worse over the years during cold weather spells. So finally I called Toyota on it, and a technician said something to the effect of the rickrack of the hook and gurney is kaput because the thermal gossil can oscillate. But he did explain it in terms of a grease that was in. It's the right word. Is that the right word?

Well, yeah, what's wrong is the... Grease is the way. The grease gets too viscous. The grease in the locking hubs for your four-wheel drive. Okay. So when you try to take the thing out of four-wheel drive, it doesn't really come out. Okay. Well, it comes out as far as the transfer case is concerned, but the hubs don't know it.

All right. Because the grease is actually conveying the power, and it's making the thing make that awful noise. Once you drive the car long enough, the grease will heat up and become... From the friction. Become less viscous, and the noise will go away, or if the temperature warms up. And I don't know that there's any fix for it, except to maybe take the grease out and put a lighter weight grease in. Okay, that's, yeah, that's actually what he had suggested. Yeah.

Then he suggested, well, you could have damage in there, but that's the kind of thing we don't know until we go in. Oh, you know if they go in. Oh, they'll be damage. Yes. Why bother to go in? They're going to create some damage. Yeah. Let's say there has been damage.

Am I going to be driving an L.A. freeway one day, zipping along at 75, 80 miles an hour? And the wheels are going to fall. And the wheel is going to fall off or the axle is going to fall off. Is there any kind of danger? Define fall off. I mean, no, I don't think anything like that is likely to happen. Okay.

What will happen is the noise could get worse and worse and worse and be there almost all the time. And you may eventually damage the wheelbearing, but you'll get a different kind of noise. I would ignore this. All right. I would leave it alone, especially if you're relocating to California. Okay. And don't worry about it. And if the noise changes, not just gets louder, but changes to a growling kind of.

noise. It's there all the time. Yeah. You may have damaged the bearing. Okay. Yeah, but I, but don't, don't let them go in. Keep them out. Keep them out. Say it, Drew. Okay. Hey, thanks very much. Good luck, buddy. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. 1-88-8-8-8-8-8-2-7-8-25. A lawyer on car talk. My name is Joan, and I'm from Sharon, Massachusetts. Hi, Joan. Sharon. Yes. I used to have occasion to drive through Sharon once in a while, because I was on my way to my wonderful job at the Foxborough Company. Oh, well, I know where that is. Yeah, of course.

So what's up? I definitely have madness in my car. Really? Yes. I have a 98 Subaru legacy wagon, and I absolutely love it. Mm-hmm. But. But.

But when I turn the car off, if the steering wheel and the steering column are not aligned up perfectly, when you go to start it, it does. So you can't turn the key. Cannot turn the key. Yeah, right. Now, this was not a problem because my husband said it didn't happen. Of course. Therefore, it's not a problem.

No. Yeah, it doesn't happen. If your husband wants confirmation of that, you can take it to any Subaru dealer, and they will also tell you that it doesn't happen. That is correct. We have done that. They said, they were aware of the problem, but there was nothing that could be done for it. Really?

So, I went out and I bought wonderful green neon tape. So when these two pieces of tape are perfectly aligned on my steering wheel and my steering column, I know that I'm not going to have a problem the next morning. Oh, so what you do is before you shut off the engine. Yeah. You make sure that the two pieces of tape are aligned. Yeah. Then you turn off the key and take it out.

Exactly. Really? I hadn't heard of this Subaru problem. Well, I'll tell you, my wife's Volvo. My wife has a Volvo wagon. and once in a while, she can't get the key in. In? Me too. Really?

But I found that if I jiggle the wheel. Now, this isn't the question of wheel jiggling. What it is, it's the wheel lock that's preventing this, preventing you from starting it. Steering wheel lock. And what it's doing is it's preventing the cylinder from turning because the lock won't release. I know what I would do. What would you do? I would saw the steering wheel lock off.

Oh. And if my insurance company wanted to make sure that my car didn't get stolen, I would suggest that they hire a security person to sit in my driveway every night. And watch the car. And watch the car. Because I wouldn't put up with this. I mean, it's ruining your driving experience. It's diminishing your quality of life.

I mean, it's purely an anti-theft device because if someone does manage somehow to get your car started, he will be forced to drive around either straight ahead or in circles or wherever the steering wheel happens to be pointing. And there's no other good reason for having it at all. And the green tape is not bright enough because in the dark I forget to do it. Oh. Oh, you need iridescent. Iridescent tape.

Yeah, you need day glow orange tape. Yeah. Well, and Subaru simply throws up their hands and says there's nothing to be done. Well, the dealership we went to a New Hampshire set. That was what they said. I would ask them first if they would be willing to do this under warranty to change the lock. Change the lock. That's the thing you put the cylinder into which you put the key.

And, of course, they'll give you a new key when they do that, and that may solve it. Okay. If it doesn't, then now you're going to have to take drastic measures, and they won't saw that thing off for you. You'll have to get someone to do it, but that's what I would do. You have to fake some kind of an emergency. Could you give me an emergency?

Yeah, like your husband had a heart attack. You jumped in the car to drive him to the hospital, and the car wouldn't start, and he died. in the front seat. Oh my. And he's still there. And he's still in the front seat, and they can come and get them

anytime they want, and you're going to sue them for $100 million. And then they'll say, well, let me look at this, Joan. We think we can... I know we can figure this out. Say it, Joan.

Bye-bye. Good luck, kiddo. Thank you. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. All right, Tommy, here's your hint about last week's puzzle.

You ready? Yeah. The band at the Waldorf ain't in it. And in Tuckett will not help you win it. The Puzzler is next. mathematically vexed.

So stay tuned. We'll be back in a minute. Hi, we're back. You're listening to Car Talk with us, Click and Clack the Tappert Brothers, and we're here to talk about cars, car repair, and, uh, the answer to last week's mathematically,

uh, poetic puzzle. Yeah, that was an interesting juxtaposition of things, huh? Mathematics and poetry. If you want to call it poetry. Well, yeah, the manner of speaking. Yeah. Okay, I'm going to give you the mathematical equation.

And the puzzler is to turn this equation into a limerick. So it must have the proper meter, you know. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Da-da-da-da. And the band that the walled off Astoria. It's got to end like that. If only we could have meant it, it would have been the perfect puzzler. Anyway, here's the equation.

You get your pencil. I'm going to get one. Okay. Here's the numerator of a fraction. 12 plus 144 plus 20 plus 3 times the square root of 4. That's the numerator. Draw the line. That's divided by 7.

Add to that whole thing, 5 times 11. And that expression equals 9 squared plus 0. Plus 0, isn't that? The plus 0. And as a hint, I gave you the last line of the limerick, which goes, is, nine squared and not a bit more, which is the nine squared plus zero part. And not a bit more plus zero. You're ready for the answer? Yeah, I love this. A dozen, a gross, and a score plus three times the square root of four. You with me so far?

I'm with you. Divided by seven plus five times 11 is nine squared and not a bit more. A dozen, a gross, and a score. And, of course, if you do it, it works, right? A dozen is 12. A gross is 144, score is 20. Plus three times a square root of four, which is three times two, which is six. Divided by seven. Plus five times 11.

He's 81. It's nine squared and not a bit more. Who's our winner, man? And the band at the walled office. The winner is Lynn Klein from Oxford, England. or Pennsylvania, Oxford, Pennsylvania, and for having her answer selected at random, from among both the correct answers that we got,

Lynn will get a $25 gift certificate to the Car Talk store on our website. And with that $25 gift certificate, she can buy our father's CD, why you should never listen to your father when it comes to cars. And Lynn can use that as a gift, for instance, for her Budinski father-in-law. Oh, yeah, that other go-law. Every time he's trying to give her advice and say,

hey, listen to this. Jerk. We will have a new automotive puzzler coming up in the third half of today's show. So stay tuned for that. In the meantime, you can call us and ask us questions. But anything. The number is 888-8-8-8-8-8-2-7-8-25-5. Hello, you're on Car Talk.

Hi, this is Katie. I'm calling from Amherst. Amherst Mass? Amherst Mass. Hi, Katie. How are you? Oh, we couldn't be better. Oh, good.

Thank you so much for taking my call. Oh, it's a pleasure, Katie. I got a little bit of a stumper, I guess. Yeah. So we have an 89 turf sale that I bought off my mother when she got sick of it. Yeah. And... What was that about 12 years ago?

That was 89. So, yeah, pretty much. She had a stalling problem, but she only had 48,000 miles. You know, the little lady only drives it to church on Sunday, kind of thing. It was in 95, and she kept stalling on her. and I said, oh, well, we could figure that out. Don't trade it in. They were going to give her, you know, $500 to trade it in on something.

And I said, well, that's kind of a waste. I'll give you the $500 and have an almost brand new Toyota Tersell, right? Good thinking, Katie. Exactly. What are thinking? Well, no, not really. You've been kicking yourself ever since. Well, the other part of the backstory, the embarrassing part is that we didn't actually even need a car then.

I just hate it. did let's see it go to waste. Yeah. So we drove it into the backyard and left it there for the last, what is it? Four years, yeah. Anyway, so we just needed it. So the other day, we had to buy milk, and you said, I think I'll take the car. Right. I finally have a use for a car.

So we had to get a towed into the mechanic, and he, you know, basically did everything that you need to do after you leave a car sitting for four years. The exhaust and front brakes and tires and whiper blades and all that good stuff. He drove it around. They even checked for carbon deposits. You know, I told about my mother's stalling problem. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And said, it looks fine. They set the idle up.

They jacked the idle up. Oh, yeah, that'll do it. That's the time-ordered method. Right. Turn that idle way up, baby. That's about all they did. And then he drove it around, and it still stalls. Yeah.

Does it stall when you've come to a stop or when you're cruising along at 45? Usually only when you're slowing down or coming to a stop. Yeah. I think these guys may have been on the right track when they were thinking carbon. Yes. Because these engines did have problems with carbon. In fact, I think this was one of the first cars that Toyota came up with the walnut shell remedy for. Was it this one?

Yeah. It was this, and I think some of the early Camrys. Camrys, I thought I'd never heard of it. With a recommended procedure, what was happening was the exhaust valves were sticking because of excessive carbon buildup on them. And the remedy was to take the manifold off and blast that area with walnut shells. He's not kidding here. I'm not kidding. This is serious stuff.

The walnut shards were so sharp that they would cut through the carbon, and most of it could be then removed from the system with compressed air. and the little bit that stayed behind would just get combusted and go out the tailpipe. Okay. Isn't that great? Yeah. That's a beautiful thing. It's an elegant solution. Yeah. It's wonderful.

So you may have that problem. You may also have what's called a sticky EGR valve, which is also very common in these cars. And that would cause it to stall and it would also cause it to run rough because there's a vacuum leak as a result of the EGR valve and it's sucking in exhaust gas. So you could have that going on. So you should ask these guys to the Walnut Shelt thing, they don't do anymore because walnuts are now endangered. But check the EGR first, because that's a little easier to do than the walnut. And they should check the EGR valve to see if it's sticking.

Number two, they should just generally check to see if it has a vacuum leak. Yeah. But you should ask them if they have or if they know anyone in the boonies out there where you live that has a machine called the Motor VAC. Uh-oh. This sounds expensive. doesn't it? Is this like the wallet vac? This is the, like the wallet.

Yes, it is a distant cousin of the wallet vac. Okay. But the motor vac is the thing that they actually hook up to the, in this case, the carburetor, and it'll run a solvent through the carburetor and clean out any crud that's in there, but it'll also make the engine burn a mixture of this cleaner and gasoline, which will dissolve carbon and usually makes these things run great. And sometimes adds like, you know, a half or two-thirds of a horsepower to them, too. Ooh.

You know something. Ooh. Yeah, this is exciting. All right, I'll try to go find a motor vac. Thanks, you guys. See you, Katie. Take care. Good luck.

Good luck. Thanks. Hi. If you'd like to talk to us, the number is 8888-8-8-8-2-255. Huh? Hello, you're on car talk. This is Suzanne. I'm from Syracuse.

With a Z? With a Z in two ends. Yeah, Syracuse. How lousy a place is Syracuse? You know, it's not a bad place to live. The weather... Really? The weather...

is abysmal for about five months of the year. Five? Yeah, December to April. December to July. What about like October November? Oh, it's beautiful. October November nights. Yeah, yeah.

December to April, it's ugly. But other than that, it's not a bad place to live? There's lots to do. The economy's good. Oh, good. All right, you ready? Yeah, go ahead. I have a problem that's going to make your brain cramp.

Yeah. I got a 93-Mazter protege standard. I had the radiator replaced a couple of things. a month ago, and I noticed that it started to overheat, so I decided I would be brave and replaced the thermostat. This was after you had the radiator replaced. It's still overheated. Still overheated.

And you had the radiator replaced the correct? Because it was overheating? No, I had the radiator replaced because it was leaking. Okay, got it. And then it started overheating afterwards? Yes. Okay, just want to get this chronology correct. So, in the process of change in the thermostat, I broke some $35 sensor.

in the process of putting everything back together, I decided I was going to change the distributor cap because I had a new one, so I might as well put it on. And I broke a spark plug wire. And then my friend and I got laughing while we were doing that, so we put it on in the wrong order. And my poor little car was bucking and spitting, and it bucked so hard that it blew the air filter off.

It was really ugly. It smelled terrible. It was drinking gas like it was out of a gallon jug. Oh, sure, yeah. So. You know, we used to have a do-it-yourself, auto repair shot. And people would commend people much like you to do things much like you did. And we had to give them a little lecture all the time. And we said, you probably think that you came

in here and your goal is to fix something. That is your third goal. Your first goal is don't get hurt. And your second goal is try not to break anything that I already broke. Oh, it just got so much. And then your next goal might be to fix whatever you came in to fix. Okay. But so you fair, at least you didn't hurt yourself. Not too bad. And I will say, I ducked when the air filter flew. In the few years that we ran the

Do It Yourself shop, we managed to amass a lifetime of laughs. So we may have to, we may have to add this to the scrapbook. To this day, we only have to mention a name or a car, and we both break into laughter because we

remember that day. Well, to add insult to injury in trying to find the right order. I ended up running out the battery. Couldn't get it. So we finally decided to take it to the dealer. My friend towed me to the dealer and the toe rope broke and I was like the guy at the end of crack the whip when you ice skate. This is a male or a female. This is a male or a female friend. This is a female friend. Okay. Yeah. I got my new thermostat on. Life is good and my car is still overheating. It's not there funny. When is it overheat on the highway or around town?

Around town, and it seems to overheat worse when the clutch is out and I'm driving in gear. If I put the clutch all the way in or partially in, I can gun the engine in the temp sensor little thing drops down. Really? Yeah. How fast does it move from overheating to normal? Relatively quickly. I mean, I know that I can change it at a stoplight generally. So within a matter of seconds?

15 seconds, 20 seconds. It'll go from overheating or very near hot. Right down to the middle. Right down to the middle. And if while you're sitting there, you take your foot off the clutch, the thing will climb back up? Yes. I don't believe it. Okay.

You want me to drive it up there? Can you try another story on us? No, it really does. You put your foot on the clutch, but you said you rev up the engine. Yeah. How about if you didn't put the clutch in and rev the engine? It would still drop back down. I think so.

You think it would? Sure, the clutch has nothing to do with it. What has something to do with it is the fact that you're revving up the engine. But it does not overheat when you... you're driving at high speed. No, if I'm on the highway, it seems to be fine. It runs warm, you know, higher than I would like it to see. Well, that has all the makins of trouble with the fan.

Matt, there you go. Your electric fan is not coming on at the right time. You know, there's a fan behind the radiator. Yeah. Unless they forgot to put it back on when they put the radiator in. But there's an electric fan there that is thermostatically controlled. And when the engine reaches a certain temperature, like 200-odd degrees, that fan is supposed to come on automatically.

and cool the engine off. And you'd hear that come on if you were sitting at a stoplight, for example. Yeah, sometimes I do. Like if I come home and turn the car off, sometimes it kicks on. But there are other times you should hear it. In fact, when that needle is up near H, that fan should be on all the time. Okay. And if it isn't, that's what's wrong.

Oh. Okay, either the fan motor is gone or there's something wrong with the wiring or the sensor that reads the temperature and makes the fan come on. Is something wrong with that? Okay. So you need to have that checked out. But I don't think I'd recommend that you'd do this. No. Is that because it's a difficult job or because of my history?

It's your history. That's like that's working against you. Mostly your history. You just don't want me to break any more finger nails. You guys are really sweet. We don't want you to get hurt, Suzanne. I can't thank you enough. Thanks for your calls, Suzanne. Thank you very much. Bye, guys. Bye, bye. All right, Tommy, it is time to take a short break. Oh, work. We're back. You're listening to Car Talk with us, Click and Clack the Tappert Brothers,

and we're here to discuss cars, car repair, and of course the new puzzler. Automotive. You said it was automotive in nature. I did. Yeah. And who did this come from? Bob Gossom. Yeah.

I'll read it as he wrote it with a few editorial comments because... And obfuscations and whatever else is necessary to make it impossible to understand. There you go. That's it. He says, some time ago I married a woman with a Dotson B-2-10. Remember these? Yes. Indeed. The honeybee, it was called. Small, noisy, and reliable and fun, both car and woman alike.

One day, a problem. I push on the brake pedal, and it goes almost to the floor. He writes, I owned a VW where this happened all the time, so I didn't panic. I just pumped a little, and the pedal came right back. I had the brakes checked out, stem to stern, but there were no leaks, no problems with the master cylinder, the calipers in the front were fine, the wheel cylinders in the back were okay, but still the problem persisted, but only occasionally. After much observation, I determined that it only happened after the car had been driven above 40 miles an hour for like 10 minutes or more.

Around town, no problem. Quick trip on the freeway? No problem. Ten minutes on the freeway, and the first time you touch the break... To the floor. To the floor. Wow. After that, if I hit it again, the pedal would be over.

Okay, unless I continue to drive on the freeway, in which case it would reoccur at maybe 10-minute intervals or something like that. He takes it to garages. They find no problem with the brakes whatsoever. No one has a clue. Travels the world over, seeking the truth. Stuck calipers, thinking the brake fluid is overheating and causing the pedal to sink because of insufficient pressure in the system. Yeah, yeah, yeah, good. In every case, not a.

Zip, Zilcho. One day, I'm having a beer with an engineer friend of mine. And I tell him about this problem. And, of course, all the gory details. He asked me one question and then told me what was wrong.

I got it. I got it. I'm going to give you the question. I'm going to give you the question. Better than that. How about the answer? Here's the question. the engineer asked him, is the seat bolted to the floor? See, that would be a question.

One might ask about one of your cars. Because that would make it appear as though the pedal is... Oh, so you step on the brake and you push yourself back into the back seat. Oh, I got it. So as you drive for those 10 minutes, the bolts loosen up, the seat moves back, and then when you're park and everything cools off, the seat. That wasn't it? No, I didn't. Okay.

Yeah, so you're going to tell us the question that the engineer... You're asked? Well, I'm going to tell us that? Yeah, the question he asks is, did you buy something recently for this car? Oh, a specific. Yes, a specific thing. Did you buy blank for this car? He may have, but I can't tell you what that is.

Of course. Did you make a purchase recently for this car? Yeah. And his answer was. Well, yes, I did. Yes, I did. And he said, that allowed him to figure out the answer. Now, if you think you know the answer.

Excellent. Well, that's, wait till you hear the answer. If you think you know the answer, write it on a postcard or a fully assembled 14 by 20 foot sunroar. Dougie, we're cashing in any of these things? Did the widescreen TV come? I think that all this stuff is coming. And Catherine and Berman are making off with it because I know that widescreen TV came. And I know Catherine's got it in her house.

Catherine's got it in her house and Doug is living in the box it came in. So anyway. I saw him just the other day in the square with Zuzo. If you have that 14 by 20 foot sunroom, send it to Puzzler Tower with your answer, I might add. Yeah. Car Talk Plaza, Box 3500. And don't forget, you will definitely get some kind of preference when we're picking out the winner. Well, because you mentioned that last time.

Yeah, because yours will be the biggest thing in the box. I mean, it's hard to miss a 14-by-20-foot sunroom. When you're reaching in there. Fully assembled. None of this some assembly required. If you got the one in the box, keep it. Right. You're not going to be groping around finding someone else's postcard.

You're going to just home right in on this baby. Box 3,500, Harvard Square, Cambridge, Our Fair City. Matt 02238. Or you can email your answer. You know, there's probably a federal law that we're violating by threatening to rig the contest. I'm fed up with the first. feds, you know? Oh, he's going to jail. Okay. Oh, you can even get your answer from the

car talk section of cars. By the way, you didn't fill out the census thing, did you? You throw it away? Or did you send it back and say, census this? I'm a good citizen. You are? I put down my name ranking. I had one of the short forms. You're going to get audited. Huh? You're going to get audited by the IRS. I don't care. You're the one that's going to worry about that. I'm clean as a whistle. One 8888-car talk. That's 888-227-8-25. a lawyer on Car Talk. Hi, this is Denise from Evanston, Illinois.

Hi, Denise. Is your brother named DeNefi? Oh, God. Very good. Where are you from? Evanston, Illinois. Evanston. Northwestern University.

Are you a college professor? That was my next question. I am not actually. I used to be, but at the Art Institute, actually, I am a fashion designer. So, nothing like it. No kidding. Really? We've been looking for someone to help with our wardrobes.

Ever since Mr. Gigi left the fold, so to speak, we've been in a fashion drought. We certainly have. I've seen you guys. You look pretty good. Oh, we could commission you to create the car talk. Look. You know, like the regular guy look? Yeah.

Yeah. I could do that. Well, we may need you. We'll see how we do with our first interview here. So what's going on, Denise? Oh, I'm really hoping you'll help me make a decision. Last summer, I was having one of those kind of important midlife birthdays, and I decided I needed to recapture my college days.

So I decided I needed to have the 1961 Volvo P544. Really? Yeah. So you found one? Well, yeah, but I found it on the web. Mm-hmm. And I bought it on the web. Oh, you?

You did. Well, whatever you pay for it, I hope you've got about a hundred times that amount left over to fix it. I feared you would say that. For those of you that don't remember the P544, it was a... How could you forget it? It looked like a smaller version of American cars of the 40s. Yeah. With the rounded back, it looked like the kind of a car that Jimmy Cagney, or maybe the Humphrey Bogart wrote in in high Sierra,

with Ida Lupino at his side. But it was the Volvo version of that thing. It was pretty distinctive looking. Yeah. How much did they saw, did you pay for this? Did you pay more than like double digits for it? Wait, I'm not sure what double digits means. Like you mean it's under $99.

Come on, the shipping alone doesn't cost of a couple of Gs. Oh, I can't even. even tell you. We don't want to know, Denise. It will do nothing but damage your reputation. It doesn't matter because it's some cost. What's the question? Well, okay, so the question is, should I bother with this car? Let me tell you that it came what she called in driving condition, and they couldn't take it off the truck because it had no brakes. Well, she didn't say stopping condition. She said driving condition. That's right. And I cannot get, I called every Volvo mechanic in the city, and they won't even

look at it. Really. And so Lenny. Lenny, right away, I like Lenny. Well, Lenny is sort of my handyman around the house. Oh. And Lenny is claims to also be a mechanic. Well, for this car, he might be. This is my question. If I decide to restore it, which Lenny says, it's everything.

New engine, new carburetor, new... All right. What did you pay? I paid $3,000 for it. Oh, geez, Denise. Is there anyone close enough to give you a dope slap? Oh, please. My husband is taking everything in his power to not say, I told you so.

What a saint he must be. He is a saint. My God. I wouldn't condemn Denise right away, because first of all, if the body is in good shape and structurally the thing is good, then $3,000 may not have been so much to pay. And even though it may look like a complete loss right now, it may well be that when you find the right guy and it might not be Lenny. No. For example, if you lived here in the Boston area, we would send you to Fred and he would take it as his child and he would nurture it.

And he would embrace it and caress it and drain your bank account. But in the process. Even you would come to love Fred despite the cost. I need a Fred. And at some point, and he would even allow visitation rights. You could come once a month, once every two months, and you could visit with the 544. First of all, there's got to be an equivalent of Fred Swanson in Evanston. You know, I looked on your website even with the good mechanic.

Yeah, I know that you don't want a good mechanic. You want an old mechanic. Good. At this point, good is not the primary criterion. No, you need to find, you need to log on to the Volvo Car Club of America site. Okay. And they, and believe me, there are jillions of these 544s around. That's the problem. Now I see ones, I mean, I was so impulsive. Now they're all over the place.

Right, and I could have, oh, God. Well, the alternative then is to buy another one. This will really test your husband. And maybe with the two of them, it'll be easier to make the two into one car. See, making one into one car might prove difficult. Yeah. But if you bought a second one, and it doesn't even have to be the same year because the parts didn't change dramatically from one year to the next. You may be able to cobble together a car that actually could get you around by maybe next summer.

Yeah. So you might want to investigate that, or you might want to just ditch this car and get another one entirely. And if you got one the same color, your husband wouldn't even know. You can do the swap like one afternoon while he's at work. No, I think she's going to make this one go. Well, Denise, you have your work cut out for you, but I can tell that you are equal to the task and then some. I love that car. You're going to use the web.

You've got to use the web, and you will find someone. Yeah. But you can go to our site and post something in the car questions area. Yeah, does anybody know a mechanic for a P544? Okay. And you might find someone. And I wouldn't limit yourself to Illinois. No.

You may have to go to Indiana. You may have to go out of state. See you, Denise. Thank you so much. Good luck. You're going to need it. I know. Thanks.

Bye. Bye, bye, bye. What we do is we get older. You try to recapture those healthy on days. You can't go home again. No, and especially if you're driving a 61 P-F. Right, you can't even get halfway home. You can't even get home again in the soap truck.

You can't even get out of the drive. While you've wasted another perfectly good hour listening to Car Talk, our esteemed producer is Doug the subway fugitive, not a slave to fashion Berman. Our associate producers are frail Catherine Fenalosa. And Louis Cronin, the Barbarian. Our engineer is George Hicks. Our senior web lackey is Doug the old gray mayor, and our technical, spiritual and menu advisor is the bugster John Bugsy,

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