The Best One Yet - 🍹 “Bachelorette by Uber” — Uber’s fun strategy. (in)Direct-to-Consumer. Google’s no clue office.

Episode Date: May 18, 2022

Casper. Allbirds. Warby Parker. The Millennial-infused Direct-to-Consumer unicorns you love are injured, so they’re going indirect. Uber just unveiled its newest updates — they all seem focused on optimizing your bachelorette party. And Google just built a new campus that includes their own hotel, but even they have no clue what the future of work looks like. $UBER $WRBY $BIRD $GOOGFollow us on Instagram, Twitter, and Tiktok: @tboypodAnd now watch us on YoutubeWant a Shoutout on the pod? Fill out this formGot the Best Fact Yet? We got a form for that tooLearn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is Nick. This is Jack. It's Wednesday, May 18th, and today's pod is the best one yet. TBOI. Nick, for our first story, direct-to-consumer unicorns are dying. So they've found a fix. Here it is. Indirect.

Indirect to consumers. For our second story, a big product on valid Uber. What is it, Jack? A party bus for your Bachelorette. And a chili dog for your Yankee Stadium. For our third and final story, Google, spent a ton of money on a 42-acre brand-new campus in California. Even though they honestly have no idea what working is going to look like in the future.

And they said it multiple times. But before we hit that wonderful mix. Perfect mix for the middle of the week. Nick, what's the worst injury you ever got? You know what I'm thinking? I think you drove me to like the clinician. Teeth knocked out in a lacrosse game twice. Wasn't it practice not a game actually?

Honestly, it was both times. I don't even remember, which isn't a good sign. Best thing, though, fake teeth, better than my real teeth. You never have to clean them. No, you don't. You do a little work. Wait, your worst injury, what do we got? What's going on?

Broken rest. How did that happen? A contest to see who could jump the highest over a rope. Ipsom factor, it sounds like you broke your wrist jumping rope. Is that what they say? That's what my brothers said. Yeah, that's what my brothers say. Besties and yeties.

Fortunately, Jack and I, we haven't had many awful injuries. We've had none. But in Utah this year, they got some good snow and a lot of skiers went. They did have a lot of skiers in Utah this year. And one skier went off-piece on a hundred foot cliff. But here's the thing. He slipped, fell 100 feet, ended up on his back. This skier had to be transported to the local Intermountain Hospital in Utah.

Jack, this wasn't an injury. This was a life-altering event. It resulted in pelvic reconstruction surgery. That's awful. Three of the worst words you could hear. Oh, and that? That was just the surgery. After that came three months in a wheelchair, recovering,

not moving. And only after those three months, could he even think about rehab. Plus, Colin was so injured, he couldn't fly back home for all three months. Oh, and his girlfriend, Michelle, and all their friends were all the way back in San Francisco. So Michelle had to fly back and forth countless times to visit Colin. And Colin was stuck in Utah just in a hospital bed. But every day, Colin reads, plays a video game or two, and does some physical therapy. And amazingly, we learned that this podcast is part of his routine. Colin might be listening right now, actually.

And today, after three months, Colin is getting out of that wheelchair for the first time. It's time for Colin to take that crucial first step. Today, Colin is going for it. He's taking his biggest step yet back to normal. So, Jack, what's the takeaway for our buddy, Colin Kramer, over in Utah? Left foot, right foot. Left foot, right foot. Take your time, Colin.

You got this. We'll hit our three stories. while you hit those first steps. Let's see. Fifteen years before this song. Two boys from the Northeast met in the dorm. They had an idea to cause a cultural storm. It's the best one yet, but the best is a norm.

They need to practice. 50% that's a fat tip. Tea Boy City on your at list. If you know, you know, because we're ready to go. We can't wait no more. So just start the show. Start the show. For our first story, call up Lisa Frank.

We've got a warning. The direct-to-consumer unicorns. No, and you love, are injured. They're not direct anymore. They're putting the middleman back in. The middleman is going back, baby. Okay, Jack, you are not on the subway, on that four train commuting, unless you see a millennial ad for a direct-to-consumer hand soap company.

The mattress looks delicious. Jack, do you sleep on a Casper or do you eat a Casper? We're talking about the direct-to-consumer startups, the pastel color palette, that gorgeous font, which is basically just the brand name and a sans-serifon. No, Sarah. They just raised, you know, $400 million to just revolutionize and reinvent the footstool for people. You know who we're talking about. Larby Parker, Alberts, Casper. They all had the same business model, cut out the middleman and sell directly to you, mostly online. Well, here is the situation Jack and I are noticing. That herd of direct consumer unicorns, they're all public now.

And they're all losing their horns. For example, Jack, let's sprinkle on a little context here. Warby Parker, the eyeglasses direct-to-consumer phenom. They just announced that revenue rose just 10% last quarter. I need bifocals to see that tiny little growth. Jack, let's head over to another part of your clothing. All birds just announced last week that their shoe revenues only rose 26% last quarter. That's not unicorn speed, Nick.

That's a hobbled pony. And then our buddies over at Casper, the master of the mattress. They're not even public anymore. Casper's stock fell so far. They got scooped up by a private equity firm. But what Jack and I find fascinating here is that all these direct-to-consumer unicorns are finding that the rainbows they relied on for growth are fading. Yes.

The first rainbow they relied on for growth is ads. Yes. The problem is Zuck has jacked up the prices for Instagram ads, big time. So Casper can't spend all their VC money to fill your feed with mattress promos. The second issue is targeting. because those Instagram ads don't target as well anymore because of iPhone's privacy updates. Now it's harder to pummel all those 18 to 24 year olds living in the West Village with a mattress ad. And the third issue is a phenomenon known as blending. Not branding. We're talking about blending.

The distinctive brands soaked in that millennial gloss that doesn't stand out in your Instagram feed anymore. In fact, it just blends in. Yeah, because there's so many cute copycat logos out there, the brands, are starting to look a little bit more bland. When a Casper knockoff has been knocked off, you know there's a problem. So if you add all that up, everything we just sprinkled on there, the icons of direct-to-consumer still aren't close to profitability. And their growth has run out.

So, Jack, what's the takeaway for our direct-to-consumer legends? D-2-C is now I-2-C. The direct-to-consumer unicorns are now indirect-to-consumer. Yeah, a new thing. we're noticing these D to C brands are desperately turning to old school brick and mortar retailers. Right, like Allbirds. They announced in February a deal to sell their shoes at Nordstruck. Harry's Razors are sold in Walmart, CVS, Walgreens. Jack, there's a bodega down the street from me selling Harry's razors.

Casper has been sold in Target for years. Even Peloton CEO confirmed they're looking for a retailer to sell their bikes. So the way Jack and I see it, these DTC originals are becoming ITC. indirect to consumer. They're adding the middleman back in. For our second story, Uber just held its big annual product day. And like this is the vibe that just sums it all on. Uber wants to be the concierge for your next bachelorette party.

No, full disclosure, this is not just our observation, even though it is pretty much our observation. Uber literally showed a case study for a bachelorette party to show how you could use Uber's new features. It's also a T-Boy original, we should point out. Yeah, here's the T-Boy original. Let's say this weekend you're celebrating last call for mall. Yeah, it's last call for Mall. Jack, what's going on for this celebration of Molly? Well, you're headed up to Napa for a 36-hour and you need a vehicle to get you from Pino to Pino. Naturally, Julie made the res at Domaine Carneros, but an Uber car, Jack, taking an Uber car with a whole of Bachelorette, that's going to be too

small. No, and two vehicles for the group, that would be a total bus kill. You don't want to break out the group. Ruins the vibe. On the other hand, getting a charter, that is so much research to get a giant van. How do you get a charter? It's like 108 emails long. You're navigating between Annabelle and Lucy to figure out where Abby's going to be. So Uber announced this week, they're going to do to charter vehicles, like a charter bus, what they did to cabs like a decade ago. Uber is going to now let you book a party bus on Uber. That's right. You can, open up the Uber app and see like six options for a stretch escalade with like 46 cup holders for the whole group.

But here's the best part. It's not just Bachelorette parties. Uber's got a plan for bachelor parties too. Jack, let's say we're both invited to, I don't know, Greg's grand finale. How about that? What's going on there? You got a dozen tickets in the nosebleed section at Yankee Stadium. Yeah, well, here's the problem.

When you're at Yankee Stadium with like 18 other guys, you got to wave down a cotton candy guy from like all the way over here. Or you got to miss the Grand Slam because you're awaiting in line for Nathan's famous hot dog. Well, there's a new feature in the Uber app called Uber Stadium. And it works just like Uber eats, but it works in the stadium. Okay, Jack, we jumped in T-Boy style. Actually, we didn't totally jump in T-boy style.

But what is this going to look? Yeah, we didn't go to Yankee Stadium. No, we didn't. We didn't. But what is this going to look like? Well, it's not going to deliver the hot dog to your seat yet, but it will text you when your chicken fingers and french fries that you ordered in the app are ready so that you can skip the line and not miss the game. So here's the challenge, Jack. You got to grab that

mighty Quinn's pulled pork and return to your seat all at the same at bat. The challenge challenges don't miss a single pitch, Nick. Now you're playing chess while the rest of us are playing check race. Now Uber Stadium starts at Yankee Stadium, Dodger Stadium, Angel Stadium, and the Washington, D.C. home indoor arena of the Wizards and the Capitals. So, Jack, what's the takeaway for all our buddies, Bachelor and Bacheloretting over at Uber? You got to put the fun in function. Okay, besties and yetis. Here's the problem for Uber right now.

It's a utility. It is a commodity. It is purely a function app. There's no loyalty. You just landed in the airplane. You're waiting on the tarmac. And you're flipping between Uber and Lyft to see who you can drive your home for the cheapest. Now, we should point out there are plenty of ways to build customer loyalty.

Like, you could do a monthly subscription, which builds financial. But you know what's stronger than financial loyalty? Talk to me, Jack. When you're loyal to a brand because it's simply more fun. Yeah. If Uber conveniently gets you a party bus to that winery and 14 hot dogs at the game, that's a lot of fun. And if you put the fun in function, that's brand loyalty. And now a word from our sponsor, Robin Hood.

Nick, you got introduced to the Robin Hood app the old-fashioned way, right? Yeah, I did. My girlfriend now wife's older brother, who was that guy who worked in tech. and like knew about the next iPhone before Apple did. He told you about the Robin Hood app. You told me about the Robin Hood app. All right. So you signed up because you wanted to buy a stock.

Because like it was hard to figure out how to buy a stock when you're 25 and it's 2014. Yeah, back then you had to find a broker. Call a broker on the phone. Call them pay a commission to that broker. Instead of calling suddenly there's his app, you just swipe and you could buy the stock. Robin Hood's interface felt as easy as ordering an Uber or snagging a sandwich on Seamus. And it still is. So if you're not a Robin Hood user yet and you want to get started, you can go to Robin Hood.

dot com slash T-boy, and you can choose, get this, a free stock. That's robinode.com slash T-B-O-Y. Certain limitations apply and all investments involve risk. Robin Hood Financial LLC, member SIPC. Robin Hood, by the way, no longer affiliated with us or the podcast. For our third and final story, Google just opened their first ever top-down designed campus. They call it the epitome of flexibility because they have no idea what's coming. Jack, pulling the real estate card on this.

First surprise about this story, what's with the 42 acres of land? Yeah, the first surprise is that 42 acres of undeveloped land exists in Silicon Valley. In the state of California? Yeties, until today, all of Google's buildings, like everywhere you work at Google, was a building that was already built. Yeah, Google would just come into an existing building and they'd be like, you know what, we're just going to Googleize it. Yes, Google didn't build any of their buildings.

They just painted them very colorfully. They're walking around, Jack. Like, all right, nap pot here. Jeff Coons mural here. Late cafes everywhere. But what Jack and I found so fascinating about this Google story is that this building, this building is different. Before the building was built, it was just land.

Land. This is a green field real estate development. Okay. Blackstone asset management over there. You want to whip up the definition for us of that thing? If you have to ask, you can't afford it. Basically, what we're trying to say is this was a Google building built from scratch. Yes, from top to bottom, from nuts to butts.

And Google, they didn't just build a building in this case. No, no, no, no, no. Google, they built an entire ecosystem. For example, this campus has its own hotel. It's a hotel. We're talking waffle irons and all. It includes a 240 room hotel at the Google office. It's the hotel motel holiday inn for remote and visiting workers.

who are visiting Google's headquarters for, you know, a few days. Now, on the engineering side, the physical engineering side, this includes a solar roof, but not just any solar roof, Jack. A solar roof with panels that are formed in the shape of a funnel to catch rainwater because of the drought that often hits Silicon Valley. Oh, and then, of course, inside, they've done some creative things with the interior. Yes, they included a bunch of TP-shaped workspaces to make your meetings feel less corporate and more inspired?

Je ne se co-a. So, Jack, what is the takeaway for our buddies over at Google? Not even Google knows what the future of work looks like. Jack and I noticed a very telling quote from Google's VP of workplace and real estate. He said that we started with a blank campus, a Greenfield, if you will. And so we had to ask ourselves, what will work look like in the future? And then Google went on to say, you know what? But we'll be honest, the conclusion we came to is we have no idea.

They actually said that. Google's VP of real estate and workplace who just spent probably a billion dollars said they have no idea what work in this building will look like in the future. Yeah. Now, that is crazy because Google has more information and data than anybody. Google knows your calendar, your Gmail, your extremely private searches, and everyone's extremely private searches. Honestly, if Google doesn't know it, then nobody knows it.

But here's their best answer at Google. They built flexibility. Yeah, they built with modular desks, open spaces, and closed spaces, see-through spaces. TP spaces. Yeah, and they call this new office the epitome of flexibility. The future isn't open concept floor plans or closed concept floor plans. It's anything concept floor plans. We don't know.

Because honestly, Google doesn't even know. Jack, can you whip up the takeaways for us over there? The iconic millennial direct-to-consumer brands have run out of growth. So they're going ITC, indirect to consumer. For our second story, Uber just announced two new features that seem designed for Bachelor and Bachelorette parties. Yeah, you got to put the fun into function. And Google's new 42-acre campus is the epitome of flexibility. Because even they don't know what the future of work looks like.

Now, time for the best fact yet. This one submitted by Chris Louis from lovely South San Francisco. Hello, T-Boers and T-girls. As you may know, May is Asian-Pacific American Heritage Month. The month of May was chosen primarily because two important events happened in May. May 7, 1843, marks the arrival of the first Japanese immigrants to the United States. And May 10, 1869, also known as Golden Spike Day, recognizes the completion of the first transcontinental railroad in the United States,

which had significant contributions from Chinese laborers. H-Y-H-Y-T-B-O-Y. Speaking of right down the road in San Francisco, weren't you just an Angel Island, which was the immigration center for Asia coming to America? Ellis Island of the West, first time we'd been. It's actually everyone who's in the Bay Area should totally go. It's a great weekend. In the meantime, besties, Yettys, you look fantastic.

And if you haven't yet, turn to a buddy you see today and say, hey, H-Y-H-T-B-O-W. Have you had the best one yet? That's how we grow the pot. Nick and I'll see you tomorrow. If you know, yes. And before we go, congratulations to Jackie Glover, who got a new puppy named Leo in Boston.

And congrats to Elliot Schwab, who got a dream job in Dallas. Anna Gunderson, enjoy that graduation from NYU with the theater's master. And congrats to David and Kathleen Brick, celebrating their anniversary in Louisville, Kentucky. Now, David's not in Chicago anymore, but David does logistics.

And happy belated Constitution Day to the country of Norway. And Gerwinder Singh, happy second birthday over in Santa Clara. Happy birthday to Megan Boeeming in Salon, Ohio. And Alonzo F. turn in 26th in Fairfax, Virginia. And happy 22nd birthday to Lila McGu in San Luis Episcop. And a belated birthday to Jen Longbine in Austin, Texas. And of course, Colin, you got this. Left foot, right foot, you got it.

And to anyone else celebrating something today, make it a TV. Celebrate the wins. This is Jack. We both own stock of Peloton and Robin Hood. And now a word from our sponsor, Robin Hood. The first time I tried to buy a stock, I got burned badly. Is this when you wanted to buy a share of Ford? Because you like the chassis over in Detroit?

Yes, I had $200. So I bought $200 of Ford stock. I didn't get $200 of Ford stock, though. I got $192. Oh, the commission fees. By the time the stock climbed back to $200, I sold it, but again, I didn't get $200. I got $192 again. Another commission fee.

The stock grows 8%, but I was down on my investment. Because commission fees made small money investing impossible. So Robin Hood came in and killed commission fees. And commissions are still dead in stock and crypto trading thanks to our sponsor. If you're not investing on Robin Hood yet, to get started, go to robin hood.com slash t-boy and choose a free stock. That's robin hood.com slash t-b-o-y. certain limitations apply for a list of other fees. View their fee schedule at RBNHD.co slash fees. All investments involve risk. Robinette Financial LLC, member SIPC.

Oh, and by the way, Robinette is no longer affiliated with us or the podcast. And the stocks Jack just said are for illustrative purposes only and are not recommendations. For our first door, call up Lisa Frank. We've got a warning. The direct to consumer uniforms. We all know and love. You just said uniforms. Oh, my God. What the hell? Hey, Lisa, Craig, take it easy.