The Best One Yet - 🤓 “Spreadsheet MVP” — Excel World Championships. Google’s App Store guilt. Hallmark’s movie monopoly.

Episode Date: December 13, 2023

The Hallmark Channel produced *40* new movies for this holiday season — And Hallmark’s movie biz has the greatest ROI in all of Hollywood.Google was just told by a jury that its App Store fees are illegal — And we calculated that Google’s App Taxes bring in more profits than all but 15 companies in America.And the Excel Spreadsheet Championships just ended in Las Vegas — So we’re looking at how Excel became the wheel of finance.$AAPL $GOOG $MSFT $LVMUYSubscribe to our newsletter: tboypod.com/newsletterWant merch, a shoutout, or got TheBestFactYet? Go to: www.tboypod.comFollow The Best One Yet on Instagram, Twitter, and Tiktok: @tboypodAnd now watch us on Youtube Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is Nick. This is Jack. It's Wednesday, Sepiche Wednesday, December 13th. And today's pod is the best one yet, Jack. Oh, this is feeling like a T-boy man. The top three pop business news stories you need to know today. But first, Jack, can we share a little appreciation for the Yetis out there, my friends? Thanks to everyone who shared their favorite stories of the year with us.

We're still taking requests at T-boy Pod on Instagram and Twitter. Send us your favorite stories of the year. We might include them in next week's bonus pods. This up at T-Boy Pod, Jack. First story for today's show, what do we got? For our first story, it's the Hallmark Channel. Get this. They made 40 new Christmas movies just for this year.

So we're looking at Hallmark's holiday movie biz, which has the greatest ROI in all of Hollywood. For our second story, it's Google. Google was just told by a jury that their app store is illegal. And Google's App Store is the 15th most profitable business in America. And our third and final story, we're strolling down to the World Excel Championships, which just wrapped up in Las Vegas. Jack and I are checking out the spreadsheet industry that the entire world depends on.

But Yeties, before we hit that wonderful mix of stories. Just a fantastic mix of stories, Jack, great mix of stories. Right before the holidays, though, we're about to get the worst kind of inflation. Oh, the worst kind of inflation. What is it again, man? Flavorflation. Flavorflation. It's the worst inflation. When a company saves money by keeping the price the same, but watering down the recipe. The price is the same.

The taste is not. Get this, Yeties. A study last year found that 37% of food brands changed their recipe. 37% of food brands swapped out ingredients like a Las Vegas card dealer. Yeah, was that a Twix bar or a tricks bar? It's laffy-taffy, like tasty, so offy, Jack. Because when the cost of a company's ingredients go up, they can raise the price. That is inflation.

Or they can shrink the size. That is shrinkflation. Or they can change the ingredients. That is flavorflation. Did they just swap out hazelnuts for bottom shelf peanuts? I mean, Jack, I'm pretty sure they changed the extra virgin olive oil for just like regular virgin olive oil. Is this milk chocolate with cow milk or mule milk neck? It's actually a condensed concentrated dairy substitute milk products, Jack.

Product, that's key. They don't call milk. They called it milk product. You can smell the mule milk a mile away, Jack. Because, Yiddies, you're more likely to get mad if the ice cream company raises the price of a pint by a dollar. You're less mad if the ice cream company switches out the regular milk for some meal milk. So, Yadies, if those dipping dots taste a little different this year. That kickads taste on a little questionable.

You know who to blame? Flaviflation. The only inflation that upsets your wallet and your stomach. It's a double dip. It's a double whammy. Hey, Flavaf! Let's hit our three stories. Fifteen years before this song, two boys from the Northeast met in the...

Dawn. They had an idea to cause a cultural storm. It's the best. 50%. That's a fat tip. Tea Boy City on your at list. If you know, you know because we're ready to go. We can't wait no more. So just start the show. For our first story, Hallmark, the Hallmark Channel,

just unleashed 40 new movies for the holidays this year. Guess what? Hallmark movies may have the best ROI in all of Hollywood. Are we just going to say the best or maybe the best? What do you think we should go? I think it's the best ROI. Go with the best, Jack. Let's go with the best. Yeti's the Hallmark movie. It is the comfort food of media. Hallmark movies are easy to make and they're easier to digest. They're very wholesome. They're like the yams of the movie industry, you know?

And they're psychologically effective in this moment. It's a predictable story structure in an unpredictable world. After all, you can't control the war in Ukraine. But you are 100% sure that that Hallmark heroin is going to end up with the hero. And if you don't have a Hallmark movie playing in the background, did you? even by a Christmas tree. A girl moves back to small town, runs into Boy at Lumberjack Farm, they end up at the pie making contest, and then they save the family farm and the pie and the company. You've seen this movie.

I don't care if he doesn't know my middle name. I love him. Yet is Nick and I jumped in T-Boy's style further to the business of the Hallmark movie. Julie, what brings you back from the big city? And we discovered that Hallmark created the most scalable content in all of media. The most scalable content in all of media. Because Yetis, for the sixth straight year, Hallmark produced 40 movies for the month of December. The Hallmark Channel has 40 new movies you're going to see all month long.

I mean, this is more than Vin Diesel and Fast and the Furious, man. How are they keeping this up? Nick, the Hallmark Channel produced nearly twice as many movies this year as Disney did. Yeti's Hallmark is whipping out full-length feature films faster than Tom Cruise these days. Like the Christmas proposal, enchanted Christmas, and the secret gift of Christmas. You notice like a theme here? They basically throw a dart at a Christmas word dartboard. That's how they're coming up with the movies right now.

All of those movie titles are actually movies. They debuted this month. Plot twist. We're doing a Hanukkah movie, Jack. Catch me a few claws, because there's bonus points if there's a pun in the title. Ding, ding, ding, let's make a sequel. And the key for the Hallmark Channel is low costs. Right. It's all about the cost. Because each Hallmark movie costs only $2 million to produce.

Can I sprinkle on some context? Actually, sprinkle on some snow and then some context, Jack. spent $2 million on a single scene from a single episode from a single season of the Crown. Two million bucks. That's like Netflix's snack budget for crumpets. And Hallmark spending $2 million per movie. Oh, the other key that helps Hallmark keep the cost down for every single movie? They do their movie production in Canada, where it's snowing in August. And it's not just snowy. It's pretty cheap up there to hire a few hockey players as extras.

So yet, these Hallmark keeps the cost super low for all these holiday movies. But also, they're getting huge viewership for these holidays. holiday movies. According to Nielsen, 80 million households view a Hallmark movie at some point over the holidays. 80 million households are watching Hallmark and odds are you're multitasking watching Hallmark right now. Now we should point out, December, it's really the time of the year for Hallmark. Like the rest of the year, viewership is way lower. And Jack, we also should point out, point out that overall Hallmark viewership is down 20% from five years ago. Yeah, Hallmark Channel Plus didn't have a great launch. But there's just some.

Something in that magical pie-making competition pie that helped Jack and I come up with the takeaway. So Jack, what's the takeaway for our buddies over at the Hallmark Channel? The Hallmark movie may have the highest ROI in all of Hollywood. A record scratch, Hallmark does have the highest ROI in all of media. Because the Hallmark Channel makes a third of all their revenues during the holiday season. Jack and I did the math on it. That is $350 million on revenues from Santa Loving, stories over the holidays. So, let's figure out the return on investment of all that holiday

Christmas cheer. Here are the numbers. Homeark is bringing in 350 million bucks on 40 movies, which equates to $9 million in revenue per a movie. And if each movie costs $2 million to produce, that's a return of 4.5x per movie. Sit down, stand up and love the one you're with. Yeties, that is 4.5x return on a $2 million investment. That is fantastic. And that's double the return that Netflix makes on their original content. So the way Jack and I see at Hallmark may have found the most magical formula in all of media. Big City Girl comes back to the hometown and sparks that flame with that high school sweetheart.

Hallmark movies. They're getting the kind of financial ROI that would make mistletoe jealous. For our second Christmas tree. I'm sorry, for our second story. A jury just ruled that Google's app store is, get this, um, illegal. It's bad news for Google and Apple, but what does that mean for you? Yeah, it is. In order to tell this story, we got to go back three years ago.

What was happening then, Jack? That's when Epic games went to court with one demand. Free Fortnite. Yes, Epic, the video game company had one of the most popular games in the world, Fortnite. But they had a problem with you playing Fortnite. Every dollar Fortnite made was subject to the app tax. Ah, the app tax.

Every time you download an app, Apple or Google, 15 to 30% of all the revenue made by that app. That's called the app tax. And Epic argued it's unfair and it's unjust. It's a secret tax on all the internet. Well, here's the news, yeties. A jury agrees with that statement. Yeah, they agree with what Epic said.

Yeah, they don't like this whole app tax thing that Google and Apple been pulling off. Google was found guilty this week of violating antitrust laws with their app store practices. So next year, a judge is going to decide how to find. fix this app tax injustice. How to bring justice to Fortnite. But yeties, here's what Jack and I found fascinating about this story. This case has revealed the size and the profitability of the two app stores in our world. They're like app countries.

These are app continents, Jack. Because the app store on iPhone and the Google Play store on Android, they control $200 billion of spending each year. And like a mob boss patrolling the name. Apple and Google take a 15% cut of everything coming in and out of that app store. And how much is 15% of $200 billion a year? Well, Jack, let's whip out the whiteboard here. That equates to $30 billion in app taxes for Apple and Google.

That's $15 billion each for Google and for Apple. All right, now Jack, now we've got to share the wild statistic we discovered about this number. That $15 billion the app stores make, that would make the app store the 15th most profitable company in America. Now, Yetis, you may have known that Apple was already the number one most profitable company in the entire world. But did you know that one of their apps, the App Store, if it were a company, would be the 15th most profitable company in America?

We repeat, the App Store app would be the 15 most profitable company in America. Double-click to confirm that payment. Face ID accepted. So, Jack, what's the test? Takeaway for our buddies over at Apple and Google. What does app justice look like? Just let people pay with a credit card. Let's say you're using your phone or your TV right now.

Let's say you download the Hulu app to watch a holiday movie and you try to subscribe. You'll notice that you can't enter your credit card. No, if you click subscribe, an app store window is going to pop up. And that's the toll booth. That's Apple taking a 15% fee on whatever app you're about to buy or download. Apple and Google have very strict payment requirements. They don't let you pay any other way than through their toll booth. Well, all that Fortnite wanted to do three years ago was have the ability for gamers to enter payment information directly and not go through the app store.

And in a post-app tax future, the judge is probably going to force Apple and Google to let Fortnite do exactly that. So, Basties, when you hear free Fortnite or when you're just any app out there that's trying to sell in the app store, what they really want. What they really mean is let people enter their credit card. Let people enter the three-digit number on the back of their cards. For our third and final story, we just got the winner of the annual Excel spreadsheet world championships. That's right. Excel spreadsheets are now a sport because Excel is the wheel of finance. So, Ed, as we are down on the floor, welcome back. This is Nick and Jack here. We got the play-by-play. What's going on, Jack?

Are you ready? for conditional formatting. Yet is this is the Super Bowl of spreadsheets, and it's going down over in Las Vegas. Two-time world champion Andrew the Annihilator Knee takes the stage to defend his crown. I think Jack, I think it's more of a like, it's a little more throaty.

It's The Annihilator. But Brandon B. Money Moyer and 16 challengers want to steal the Annihilator's title. Yeties, here was the competition. Those 16 contestants had to solve complex, quantitative challenges using Excel on stage. And the whole audience in the stands, yes, there were stands, by the way.

Yeah, there were. Got to watch their screen live as they executed formulas and made a mistake or two. If you're using a mouse, then you're not correctly using Excel, right, Jack? Nick, did he just hard code that cell instead of link to the other sheet? I can't tell Jack, because Clippy was in the way. He jumped on the screen. I couldn't see anything. Well, yeah, he's the winner was Andrew Ney.

He gets $3,000, a trophy, and a belt for good measure. But yet is, Jack and I were looking at the situation here. And Microsoft Excel is the only software program with an international competition. It's the only software program that's become a competitive sport. Because this is the software program that's holding up the world's financial system. Excel was launched in 1985. It was almost launched under the name Mr. Spreadsheet, but we're glad it wasn't launched with that name. 20 years later, Google sucked Excel hard. They came out with their own

version of a spreadsheet called Google Sheets. But today, 80% of business people still use the OJ. They still use Microsoft Excel. And Microsoft Excel is the only software program to truly cross social boundaries. Because if you think about it, people use Excel to process a corporate quarterly TPS report. But then you're going home and you're using Excel to track your wedding invite list. Yeah, and track who you sent thank you cards to for the wedding gifts you got. Sorry, Jack, Excel just updated me that Aunt Nana, she still owes us that gift. But you also got pinged by your CFO that your formula was missing a digit. Yeah, he's added all up.

And today, Excel is the backbone of Microsoft's Office Suite of Services. And that's Microsoft's flagship business software and their most reliable profit puppy. But yet is Jack and I noticed that Excel is actually the backbone of something much bigger. It's the backbone of our takeaway. So, Jack, what's the takeaway for our buddies over at Microsoft Excel? Microsoft Excel is the wheel of finance. But unlike the caveman, Microsoft patented that wheel. Yeah, they did.

Funny thing in our research eddies, there's very little history about the Excel spreadsheet business. It was invented in 1985, and it's been around for 40 years, but, like, that's it. There's really not much press about Excel spreadsheets, really. And when you step back, that actually makes sense because Microsoft Excel has barely changed. And yet, it remains the most important part of the world's most fundamental software package, Microsoft Office. Microsoft Excel is the wheel of finance because a majority of businesses track their numbers in Excel.

The way we see it, for 40,000 years, humans haven't had to make a change to the wheel. And for 40 years, Microsoft hasn't had to make a change to Excel. Because Excel is the wheel of finance. The patented wheel of finance. That's why they've even got their own world championship competition. Jack, can you sum product the takeaways for us for Civeche Wednesday? Allmerx's 40 new movies for this holiday season will bring in a 4.5x return. That is the best ROI in all of Hollywood.

For our second story, Google's App Store was found guilty of violating antitrust rules. So what do app developers want? They want the option for you to enter a credit card. And our third and final story, the Microsoft Excel spreadsheet world championships just wrapped up in Las Vegas. Because Excel is the wheel of finance. But yeties, this pod's not over yet. Here's what else you need to know today. First, the New York Times hired a director to manage the paper's embrace of artificial intelligence.

If a bot eventually writes an article for the New York Times, this guy will decide how. And second, Netflix is going deeper into live sports. They're going to have a live sports event on Netflix. That'll be tennis. The Netflix slam. It's happening in Las Vegas between Rafael Nadell and Carlos Alcaraz. And finally, Google just shared its annual year in search. Your top searches of 2023.

Most searched food was bimibop. The most search athletic team was Inter Milan. And the most searched definition was Riz. If you have to Google Riz, you got no Riz. Jack, can you give us the definition of Riz again? No. Third time's a charm. Now, time for the best fact yet.

This one whipped up by Jack and me because we had a wild update to yesterday's story, didn't we, Jack? Remember Shohay Otani is being paid $700 million over 10 years to play for the LA Dodgers? He got the biggest contract in sports history to play baseball for the Dodgers. Well, he's reportedly deferring almost all of that income until after he's done playing for the Dodgers. Yeties, get this. The Dodgers are paying him just $2 million. a year today so that they have money to build the team around him. It's a classic buy now pay later situation in baseball.

He's basically giving up money right now so that the team can be better. It's like the nicest thing we've ever heard of. And he's not charging the Dodgers interest for the 10-year delay of his payment. Yet he's show hey, Otani's probably going to be living in like a one-bedroom studio in South Santa Monica. Yeah, $2 million a year in L.A.? That's like basically middle class. Show Hey Watanee, he's not buying drinks tonight, Jack.

But he is hitting dingers. Yeah, it is, you look fantastic today. And remember, if you try some, I don't know, some mule milk, let us know how it tastes. Did you say mule milk? I did say mule milk. I thought you said yule milk. I must have been watching a Harmark movie. Oh, I think you saw the one where the couple meets while milking the same mule.

It's a classic. It's a classic kid. Even Hallmark has flavorflation. Yeties, enjoy the holiday movies. Enjoy the mule milk. And Jack and I, we'll see you tomorrow. Before we go, a happy birthday to Yeti, Mark Lentaville, who's celebrating that birthday on a four-mile walk in Missouri, just like every day.

Happy birthday to Miles Gregory, who's celebrating in a natural hot spring. And Franz Plum, happy 29th birthday down in San Jose Sharks. Happy birthday to Allison Campbell, who's celebrating a big 30 in Hoboken, New Jersey. Hoboken, the fastest? Hoboken, New Jersey. Sorry, Allison. And congratulations to Evan Roberts and the Indian Palos, who just won the Midwest Rugby Championship.

Happy three-year anniversary to Rayune and Joanne Wang in London, England. And Sarah Orman and Andres Garvado are celebrating a one-year anniversary over in Portland, Oregon. Congratulations to Katie Hennessy, who's celebrating a new job as director of commercialization at PepsiCo. And Matthew Kruitzer just got promoted at work Indianapolis long overdue. And well deserved.

And Fen Chen just started the newsletter in Taipei, Taiwan, and it's called Phentastic. Congratulations to Christian Barraza, who's graduating from Northern Arizona University. And Carlos Moran and Betty Moran both just graduated from Cal Baptist University. And to anyone else celebrating something today, make it a tea boy. Celebrate the wins, especially in Hoboken. This is Jack. I own stock of Netflix and Disney, and Nick and I both on stock. Apple. Are our mules all male too? That makes it even better. That makes it even better.

I don't think so. Aren't they like half horse? Half donkey? I thought they were like bread to be. I'm thinking it's something else then. A mule is the offspring of a male donkey and a female horse. Okay. Yes, they can have female ones. Oh, you know what it is? I don't think they can pre-reproduce. I don't think two mules can like have a baby. Oh, there's no pure bread mules. Which then that does make sense. You wouldn't produce milk. This is amazing. Just a amazing job on mule. You really found an agriculturally hilarious double entendre.