The Best One Yet - 🐮 “The Yogurt Laureate” — Chobani’s $300K writer. Adidas’ Samba surge. Carvana’s 1,000% stock pop.

Episode Date: September 11, 2023

Chobani, the yogurt co, just hired a writer… with a $300K salary — The internet thought that pay was outrageous, we’ll tell you why it’s not.Adidas earnings had a hole blown out by Kanye’s Yeezy debacle — Adidas' solution is the Samba (it’s not jus a shoe, it’s a lifestyle).And a top-performing stock this year? It’s Carvana, up 1,000% since May — Because Wall Street believes in forgiveness.$CVNA $ADDYYSubscribe to our newsletter: tboypod.com/newsletterWant merch, a shoutout, or got TheBestFactYet? Go to: www.tboypod.comFollow The Best One Yet on Instagram, Twitter, and Tiktok: @tboypodAnd now watch us on Youtube Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is Nick. This is Jack. Welcome back. It is Monday, September 11th, and today's pod is the best one yet. It's a T-Boy, but Yetis, it's hard to say September 11th without thinking of September 11th. It was weird for me to just say that, Jack. Like, it was hard for me to say that. You were in eighth grade when it happened, and we both remember it was.

Okay, so I was in New York. Jack was in Vermont, but here's the thing. No matter where you were, it touched all of us in some way and you're never going to forget it. No, we won't. So in the meantime, Yeties, Jack and I made this pot of T-Boy. Jack, what's our first story for today? show. Our first story is Chobani. The yogurt company just hired an in-house writer, and they're paying them $285 grand a year. Yetis, the internet thinks $300K for a writer is outrageous, but Jack and I

think it's a steal. For our second story, the top performing stock of 2023, you would never guess it. You're never going to guess this. Carvana. Carvana. Carvana has surged by a thousand percent since May because Wall Street believes in forgiveness. Forgiveness. And our third and final story is Kanye. Kanye destroyed Adidas's sales last year, but Adidas has found a savior. And who is that, Jack? The Samba. The Samba Shoe. Yeti's, the classic Samba Shoe, has graduated from Adidas. But Yetis, before we hit that wonderful mix of stories. An absolutely wonderful mix after a weekend, Jack. We're flipping the pages open to Horder's Almanac, week 182. Things were running out in this economy, Jack and I been keeping track. This week, we are running out of polyethylene glycol 335.

I'm sorry, can we get a translation? What is that exactly? That's the active ingredient in laxatives. What we're saying, Yetis, is that we are running out of laxatives. Call your pharmacy, call that doctor, pin your gastrointologists. Please, America is low on laxatives. Miralax. It's MIA. Glycolaxis. It's at a style.

Laxolax. It's not even a real thing. We just made it up. But yet, that is a laxative. We are out of two. And the reason we're out of laxatives is the same reason as everything else. It stems from the pandemic. Hybrid work.

revenge travel, have us all a little bit irregular. Irregular. And hashtag gut health are trending on TikTok right now, too. Fairly, Genzi loves laxatives these days. So, according to the Wall Street Journal, Americans of all ages are grabbing a capsule to fix our constipation.

What we're saying to your besties is supply chain issues are messing with your body's supply chain. Yeah, the worst supply chain. Yes, if you know, you know. So Amazon searches for laxatives have tripled from last year. And laxative makers are enjoying double digit sales growth right now.

So, Yeties, it's us. It's Nick and me here. Don't clench up this Monday morning. Besties, don't get stuck to start the week. As Jack just read to his lovely son Wilder, everyone poops. So just relax, let it go, let it flow. Take your time, nasties.

To quote Tarogomi, let's release our three stories. I'm gonna need another rule. Jack, let's hit him. I can't spare a square. 15 years before this song, two boys from the northeast met in the dawn. They had an idea to cause a cultural storm It's the best one yet

But the best is a norm That's it I don't even think they need to practice 50% That's a fat tip Tea Boy City on your at list If you know you know Because we're ready to go

We can't wait no more So just start the show Start the show For our first story Chobani, the yogurt company Just created the job offer Of the year Here it is $300,000 a year

To write about yogurt Sit down, stand up and eat that again Sounds crazy, but we actually think this job offer makes perfect sense. Yetis, you may be familiar with Chabani. They sell more yogurt than all birds sell shoes. Chobani sells $2 billion a year. They're the pioneer of American Greek yogurt. And this Greek yogurt company is actually led by a Turkish CEO.

Hamdi Ulukaya. Thanks to his leadership, Chobani owns over 20% of the U.S. yogurt market. But yeties, here's the situation. Here's the news. Shibani just made headlines for non-dairy reasons. They just made headlines because of the U.S. of a job listing. The job title for this job listing was

executive writer. Chobani's looking for an executive writer. Jack and I jumped in T-boy style, and the job description for this role, it seems pretty straightforward, doesn't it, Jack? This is what it said on LinkedIn. This position will be responsible for capturing our CEO's voice and assisting in strategic communications. I'm so facto, this

job is to write speeches and letters that the CEO would present and publish to the public. My big, fat Greek ghostwriter. There we go. There we go. But yet he's here's with Jack and I found fascinating about this story. The job description wasn't a surprise, but the salary was a shocker. Chobani's going to pay this person a quarter million dollars to write. It's up to $278,000 in annual pay for the Chobani writing role.

Plus a bonus. It's like the poet laureate of dairy, Jack. 300 grand to write about yogurt. Even the lactose intolerant are applying to this job. Jack, at that price, Charles Dickens would come back from the debt. to write for Chabani. Now, Yeti's endless puns were being posted on Twitter about Chobani's unique yogurt culture. I'm sorry, Jack. You know who just applied? Dostoevsky. And this job listing said that English majors had an advantage, a major advantage.

Yeah, they did. Polly's side need not apply. But let me stop you there, Yeti's. The position has been filled. Chobani confirmed. On the other hand, the drama has not stopped. Most of the chatter online about this Chobani job listing is that they're paying too much. But Jack and I, we don't think this $300,000 salary is ridiculous at all. No, we respect it because of our takeaway.

So, Jack, what's the takeaway for our buddies over at Chibani? Every CEO these days is really the CCO. Yeties, what executives say publicly has never been more scrutinized and more important than today. And what executives say privately has been never more at risk of becoming public. And that's why Jack and I think a CEO's top responsibility today is actually chief communication. officer. Chief communications officer, the CCO. Because the CEO has to communicate with investors and with customers and with employees, every interaction gets attention. Because today, investors, customers, employees, they don't just want to know about your products. They want to know what you stand for. And for years,

Chibani's been communicating that Chabani does good for the world. And now their CEO has a full-time, top-paid right-around staff to help with that crucial task. Top-paid, top quality. Because an executive's number one job is to communicate. If you're a CEO, you're really a C-C-O. For our second story, the top performing stock this year, get this, it's Carvona. Carvana stock is up a thousand percent since May thanks to forgiveness. Forgiveness. But any Wall Street forgiveness comes with an asterisk. Yes. Oh, oh yeah, it does. It does. It does. It does. Yet he's Carvana, the online used car buying company, $9 billion valuation famous for their car vending machines. Yeah, you can buy a car online, site unseen, and then go to a 10-story

see-through garage that has a mechanical arm that's going to grab that Honda you ordered and deliver it on the ground floor to your family. Bring the kids, this is full family fun entertainment to see yourself get a car. Naturally, Carvana was a pandemic winner. Because instead of visiting Danny's dealership down the street, you bought that Buick online. But then Carvana pelotoned itself. Yeah, Carvada. They started spending uncontrollably. and they wasted a once-in-a-century business opportunity. After the pandemic started to end, Carvana found itself with nearly $7 billion of debt.

We repeat, this thriving company had $7 billion in IOUs. And that's when life started returning to normal. People started buying cars at the dealership again, and Carvana's revenues started to fall. And that's why, Eddie's heading into this year, Carvana was on the road to bankruptcy. The stock was down by 99% from its all-time high. But then what the hell just happened, Jack?

I was thinking the same thing. Someone actually tagged us on Twitter and said, what is going on with Carvana stock? Can you cover it in the pot? Carvana stock has surged a thousand percent this year. The reason, Wall Street did something very strange. Wall Street forgave Carvana. Wall Street said you're forgiven.

Yet he's Wall Street's money managers just excused 1.2 billion dollars of Carvana's debt. And another two billion dollars of loans that were due this year. Wall Street said, it's all good. Pay us when you can. The bond investors were like, hey, relax. We'll give you an extra couple of years to pay these things back. A billion bucks, you owe us? Forget about it. Don't worry. Unprecedented. And on the day that this debt forgiveness deal was announced, Carvana stock jumped in jubilation. Jack and I are looking at the situation. We're like, uh, when did Wall Street become Mr. Rogers? When did finance get feelings?

I'm picturing that scene in Goodwill hunting where Robin Williams is like, it's not your fault. You know what I'm talking about earlier? But Carvana kind of was your fault. Just saying. But Carvana, you get to be the Matt Damon in this situation. So, Jack, what's the takeaway for our buddies over at Carvana? Guac is always extra. Guac is always extra.

Eddie, some people like to say there's no such thing as a free lunch. Jack and I, we like to say that guac is always extra. If you're given something great and it seems to be for free, it's not. You're paying one way or another. Guac, it's always extra. For Carvana, the billions in loan forgiveness is top-notch financial guac it was given. So there's an asterisk. Here it is.

The debt that Wall Street didn't forgive, the interest rate's going to double, up to as high as 14%. Oh, and by the way, Wall Street lenders, they're also insisting on having collateral. So if Carvana does end up going bankrupt, Wall Street gets the used Hondas. So, yeah, yeah, it is Carvana. it got some debt forgiven by Wall Street not too shabby. And it can probably live another two years, maybe more. But that came with the catch because guac is always extra. For our third and final story to kick off the week,

Adidas is going all in on one shoe. And that shoe is the samba. The Adidas samba sneaker isn't just a shoe. It's a lesson in self-confidence. Yeties, Adidas, they got 99 problems. And Kanye West is all 95. None of them. Yeah.

Ever since Kanye went all anti-Semitic on the world, Adidas had to discontinue their Yeezy line. Yeah, that left them with four million unsold pairs of shoes over at Adidas. They're actually selling the old Yeezy shoes now with shockingly high demand, but at least they're giving the proceeds to charity. Well, Adidas has finally found a solution to their $2 billion Yeezy problem. The Samba Sneaker. The Samba Sneaker.

They're going back to their classic Adidas roots. The Samba isn't new. You've seen the Samba before. This is legendary. It's got the flat soul, the low rise, the three iconic Adidas stripes. The Samba Shoe starred in every 1980s television show. It was a little before a time, but like if you used a payphone, then you probably use that payphone while wearing a Samba shoe.

You like went to Blockbuster in a Samba shoe check. Adidas invented the Samba in 1950, so soccer players could play on hard surfaces, not just grass. And Besties, this Samba shoe, it was the first true casual sneaker on the markets. So, the Adidas Samba is 73 years old, but guess what? It's just hitting its prime right now. Samba's shoe is living its best life. It's gone from sweaty soccer to high fashion.

Both Vogue and GQ are calling the Samba the It Shoe of the moment. Get this, he got Aesop Rocky, Bella Hadid, Rih Rih Rihanna, Olivia Wild, Emily Radikowsky. I've never seen as many paparazzi photos as I have of stars wearing samba. Jonah Hill is even doing a collab with the Samba. shoe right now. So since the celebs are doing it, all of us are Google searching samba at all time high levels. In the samba hashtag

on TikTok, it just hit 4 billion views. The samba's 100 bucks. I bought my father-in-law because he's a big soccer guy. And they're always available. It's a staple on Adidas.com since the internet. So what is Adidas doing with all of this new information,

Jack? They're going all in on the samba. The CEO calls samba, their new franchise. Okay, Yetis. They gone so all in on this one shoe. They just opened a samba only store in Shanghai, China. Not an Adidas store, a samba store. And they just opened a samba cafe in Paris Fashion Week serving food. Not an Adidas cafe, a samba cafe. He's Jack and I are looking at the situation here. The samba isn't just a shoe anymore. No, it is a lifestyle. It's kicking on all cylinders. And it's almost independent of Adidas. You could almost say that. Well, we just did, Jack.

So Jack, what's the takeaway for our buddies over at Adidas? I mean, Samba. Great companies let their brands outshine them. Yet, it's a funny thing in the sneaker industry. We noticed that the top-selling products can become their own brands. The Air Force One brand is just as powerful as Nike is. The Chuck Taylor brand is better known than the Converse brand. Adidas has Stan Smith, Yeezy, and Samba.

Those brands all rose above Adidas at one point. Now, in many industries, a company might be worried about their product rising above the company's brand. Yeah, that insecure company might think the sub-brand, like Samba in this case, is taking away thunder from the parent brand, Adidas. And if they're insecure like that, that parent company might force the parent name to appear larger than the sub-brand on its logo. That's what an insecure company might do. But a great company knows it's okay if their products build their own brands of success. They actually hope that their best products move out of the house and go and flourish independently on their own.

Like good parents, good companies want their brands to outshine them. And that is what Adidas is doing with the Samba. Jack, can you whip up the takeaways for us to kick off the week? Chobani is paying a writer $300,000 to Gohtrite for the CEO. It's a steel because Yeti's a CEO's top job these days is CCO, chief communication officer. For our second story, it's Carvana. It's the stock of 2023 so far thanks to Wall Street forgiveness.

That forgiveness comes with an hour. Because guac is always extra. And our third and final story is Adidas. It's filling the Yeezy void with Samba, the Itchew among the It girls in Hollywood right now. And great companies let their best brands outshine them. But yeties, this pod's not over yet. Here's what else you need to know today. We're actually getting two major tech events both going down tomorrow.

First, the highly acclaimed new biography about Elon Musk hits shelves. And second, the new iPhone from... Apple gets announced. Elon Musk by Walter Isaacson and iPhone 15 by Apple. Both debut tomorrow. And before we go, time for the best fact yet. This one sent in by Savannah Westwood from lovely Orlando, Florida. Everyone knows where they were and what they were doing on the morning of September 11th, 2001.

Everyone has a story. But one story that you may not know is the great boat lift of 9-11. It's known as the great boat lift. And I did not know about this until I read this. Get this, Yetis. As the Twin Towers fell, boats swarmed New York Harbor to rescue people as soon as possible. During that terrifying moment, some brave boaters came up to the tip of Manhattan and offered to give people a ride. And get this, that rescue became the largest sea evacuation in history.

Because, Nick, as you remember, they shut down the bridges, they shut down the subways. There was no way in and out of Manhattan that day. No, totally. I was stuck in the Bronx. And that day, Yeties, over 500,000 civilians were. rescued from Lower Manhattan by boat. Half a million people were brought to safety and brought to their homes by New York City captains on a boat.

That was bigger than Dunkirk or any boat rescue even in World War II. That's a story about 9-11. I did not know. And another example of bravery and courage on that day. Yeties, you look fantastic to kick off the week. Jack and I can't wait to see you tomorrow. And before we go, congratulations to a couple of Yetis who T-Boyed together. Brendan Armani and Juliana.

just said yes in Philadelphia. And congratulations to Sunny and Jack, who just got married just outside of Chicago, doing some marital logistics. And a happy bon voyage to Jorge Mice who's traveling from Mexico to Europe for some vacation. And a big congratulations to Claire, who just got a new job in Los Angeles. And Zach Robertson is down in Texas training for a brand spanking new job, congrats. Congratulations to Shruti Kana on her last day of her internship in San Francisco. And Corey Luster, congrats on completing that master's in Washington. Not too shabby. Congratulations to Zach and Sarah,

who both got new jobs and are moving to Hawaii with their puppy Samson. And Mary Clifford and Miles Clifford both have their first day of preschool in Syracuse. Mary and Miles, gookie. Ah, Chris. And Dean is turning 32 in Burbank, California. Happy birthday, Dean.

Happy birthday to Robert Dockstader in Centennial Park, Arizona. And Max, a million ATN's a happy third straight birthday with a Pete the Cat theme. And to anyone else, Celebrate something today. Make it a T-boy. Celebrate the wins.

This is Jack. Nick and I both own stock of Apple and Peloton. I think you made the right decision to transfer. Dude. No, because look at how your life's ended up. Well, if you look at life and it's like a series of... It may have been necessary to get Molly. Clearly my heart grew up in this big distance.

There's like a scenario where we're like room together and like some old married couple senior year. Like, it's on the fridge. You're like, I need to see it there, Miss Casillo.