The Besties - The Besties: Game of the Year, all year long

Episode Date: February 24, 2012

It's Game of the Year meets King of the Hill as four of Earth's best friends discuss the week's new releases and decide if any will topple whatever game currently holds the honor. Will Killstroke 4: The Bloodening dethrone your favorite and claim the coveted Bestie award? How long can Professor Wigglebottom's Puzzle Bordello keep hold of the top spot? The choice is in the capable hands of Vox Games' Chris Plante, Justin McElroy, Russ Frushtick and Griffin McElroy. The Besties: Because shouldn't the best of games be chosen by the best of friends? Get the full list of games (and other stuff) discussed at www.besties.fan. Want more episodes? Join us at patreon.com/thebesties for three bonus episodes each month!

Why is Russ always delayed? I forgot, but the timing was perfect. So dumb. So when we're editing, we just gotta remember that Russ is a dullard. That can't count. We can do it again. I'll be really good this time. No, f*** you. Never again. My name is Justin McElroy, and I know the best game of the year. My name is Griffin McElroy, and my game of the year is better than Justin's.

My name is Christopher Plant, and my game of the year is the best game of the year. My name is Russ Frustick, and my game's pretty good, I guess. This is Besties, where the best friends decide the best games. Let's f*** some games. Well... How is that for a tagline? You set the tone. The tone is lewd.

I set the explicit tag, more importantly. Is it too late to rename the show Leudology? And the lewd is L-E-W-D. And it's all about four lewd, rude dudes with Tude talking about the best games. We want to talk serious about dumb games. We're all

of course employees of the Vox Games media empire. Not for long if we keep talking about f***ing games. That is true. I'm the managing editor of Vox Games. My cohorts are a selection of senior

editors and deputy news editors. And every week we will gather here to talk about the the new games that were released that week and if they can be our new game of the year so here's how it works we're going to choose a current game of the year during this episode we will each bring a new contender each week um if at all possible it must be as as recent a release as possible uh so we make sure everybody gets a fair shake each week we will each choose a contender and at the end of the episode we will

decide if they dethrone our current champ ween so let's get right to it first chris could you uh explain the rules sure sure of course i will so here's how it works there are four of us uh and each of us has our own game of the week. How many games is that, Christopher? So that's four people, four games. Okay. I thought I had the math on that right, and it turns out that I did. I got it.

You got it. Check your work. Each person gets a couple minutes to introduce their game of the week and justify their choice. And after that, we will get a couple minutes to dismantle their choice and show why it's the worst. And our game is the best. Okay. The other day, I was hanging out with my roommate,

and we were throwing Skittles into each other's mouths. Does that qualify as a game? What's our definition? That does qualify as a game? What's our definition? That does qualify as a game. So Skittle Toss could ostensibly be the best. That's also more of a life choice, I would say. I mean, the question is, did Skittle Toss release on Tuesday? Well, let's do pros and cons.

Pro, it did release on Tuesday. Con, when the Skittle hits your teeth, it feels bad. So that might not be your pick. You're just using that. That probably isn't my pick for that reason alone. Okay. Russ Frushtick, what's the game of the year? Oh, we're starting with me?

Yes. I think that's a good one. I know it. So apparently your game of the year isn't Mavis Beacon teaches outline reading. No, clearly not. Because that would be a stupid pick-up. You're right. You know what?

I'll start just to help you guys out. How's this? Okay, so my game of the year, an edgy pick, a powerful pick to start the entire season of Besties, is Fairway Solitaire. A solitaire game. Now, I know what you're thinking.

Solitaire. Yeah, that skittle tossing sounds a lot better. You're right. You're right. But Fairway Solitaire does not hurt're thinking. Solitaire. Yeah, that skittle tossing sounds a lot better. You're right. You're right. But fairway solitaire does not hurt your teeth benefit. So I'm going to break it down for you. Fairway solitaire uses the golf format of solitaire, which means you can. Oh, yes.

Does everyone know how solitaire is put? Yeah, you get seven clubs and then you hit the cards. You hit cards as hard as you can with clubs. You can put lower or higher numbers on any card. So if you have a five laying down, you can put a six or four. Wait a minute. Can you review the numbers that are next to five again?

Okay, so I believe six is higher than five, and then the four is lower. But what if I have like an eight? No, that wouldn't be allowed unless you have a seven. What do I do with a card then But an 8 is like wicked higher than a 5 Yeah I think I'll take an 8 or a 5

Yeah So if you have an 8 you tear it in half And that's what makes this mobile game so useful Because you save money On cards 8s are garbage So you buy new cards and you rip them up? Is that how the game works?

No, there's no buying cards. It's DLC. I think we're getting a little hung up on the numbers, gentlemen. The counting. Don't get overwhelmed by counting. So there are 52 cards, and then you rip up half of them. And then you buy this game. Russ, tell us about it.

Okay, so the basic idea is that it's sort of like a puzzle game where you're trying to get through all the cards using this simple format of Solitaire, but you can earn money, in-game money, not in-app purchasing money, to buy wild cards. Like, if you have a five laying down and you don't have a six on your card pile,

you can buy a six so it sort of implements this rpg puzzle solving mechanic where you're trying to get through this layer of cards without you know running out of your card pile so where's the goal super lame when i describe it i'm really yeah yeah it does it should be easy to beat but is there how much money do i need can i just buy my way to the top no no because oh well there's other elements where like you can't buy wild cards if you've just used a wild card man yeah this game sounds awful when i describe it i'm gonna list a lot of golf things, and I'm going to need you to tell me if they're in the game. One, Tiger Woods. Maybe. Two, Caddyshack Goofs.

Yes. Wait. Yes, because there is a gopher who causes mayhem. So, yes. Who's the gopher? What celebrity actor is the gopher? The gopher's just not talking, Caddyshack. So, the gopher causes mayhem.

This is obviously rated M for mature, right? Wait, wait. Doesn't the gopher talk? He sort of mumbles. He's like, fast as fast can be. You'll never catch me. No, shut up. You're thinking of Jack Ching, Bada Bing.

That is right. From Out of Control. Third golf goof. I'm not done making golf goofs, everybody. Go for it, Griffin. When you boot it up, does it start with that song? It's like, I'm alright. From Caddyshack.

Is that sang by the bell? I'm not sure I know the song. Griffin was going for another Caddyshack goof, apparently. I'm trying to stack them. I'm going to break it down for you. I'm going to make it simple. Please, at least make it sound fun. Okay, fireworks and candy. Okay. That's all I got for you. Is that in the game? That make it sound fun. Okay fireworks and candy

Okay, that's all I got for you Is that in the game? Hey guys, hey guys, you know what my favorite part about that game is? What? That we're done talking about it because it's my turn Yeah! My game clearly doesn't win, but it's really good. Just check it out. It's only a dollar. Hey, you never know we could have a lot of we could have a lot of goofs Plank could describe like a toe surgery or something.

And then you might pull it out. The beginning of my game is they put a knife underneath my toenail and then they pull it back. My game is called Ziggurat and it is on the iPhone, I believe for 99 cents. And it's the game of the year because you play as

a lady with a laser gun and there are freaks who are trying to get you and you shoot the freaks with your laser gun that's a good start that is how you pitch a game I don't have ladies or freaks in my game

you know what happens once you've shot enough freaks you get a lot of points at yeah bigger freaks come out and you know what happens when you shoot the bigger freaks you have to put numbers on top of numbers until no no numbers no golf no tiger woods ufos show up and do you know what the ufos do you shoot them? Lightning. They splash the entire screen with lightning. But if you get a four, what do you do then? No, there's no numbers because it's a fun game. Wait a minute. Is it virtual control pad?

No, it's its own type of controls. You drag your finger. Okay, so you're standing on top of a pyramid, right? A ziggurat. Sure. And I'd rather call it a pyramid, which I think is a better title for the game. So when you're playing Pyramid, you're on top of the pyramid, and the freaks are coming up at you from the bottom of the pyramid.

Sorry, is this Pyramid Solitaire? No, no. It's just normal Pyramid. It's Golf Pyramid. So you hold your finger on the screen, that builds up your your laser ball uh and if you let go at the right time you can fire a big laser ball and you drag your finger from the left to the right to kind of aim in a like a 300 degree direction you can't aim all 360 degrees but i think you've got about 300 degrees which bill murray comedy does it remind you of

if i had to name one, Ghostbusters. Can you move? Can you just leave the pyramid? No, you are trapped in place. I would have to say for that reason alone, it can't qualify. Because I would want a game that just allows me to just leave. I don't want to be here. But you can't leave because the freaks are out there.

And if you leave, they'll get you. Plant, is it one of those games where you... One of those best games ever? No, short sessions, and the only thing that really matters in the end is your score. Yeah, at the end of the game, it says, like, you killed 120 of those crazy freaks. It's like a super crate box. Kind of, yeah. That's the experiences I like most on iOS are when, you know, quickly repeatable,

you know, your score really means something. I mean, that number is tangible. It's something that, you know, if someone else plays the game, a lot of these games, they make so many fractions between different modes and stuff like that that like-scorers don't really count for anything. I'm kind of in the single mode, single – is that the kind of thing that Ziggurat –

I think you'd like this, and you know why I think you'd like it more is it kind of has other modes nested within the main mode because there are kind of side leaderboards that you can pursue. So you can like just try to get the most hits on the UFO when it eventually comes but that's really, really difficult and you'll usually die right away if you start shooting at it. So you can make it a more difficult game if you want to play to that leaderboard but you could just focus

on like keeping the freaks down. Have you beaten it? Have you beaten Ziggurat? Yeah, I killed all the freaks. So you got to the end of the game and you saw the credits? No, there's no end to the game. It's unlimited freaks. So you're judging a game you didn't even finish.

No, of course I didn't beat it. I'm saying you brought a game to the discussion that you didn't finish, and I know this is the first episode, but I feel like we should outlaw that right from the jump. And maybe even ban Chris from ever appearing on the show again. Permanent disqualification. We'll think about that over halftime.

Let's take a break from all these video games. You know, we talk a lot about them, we think about them, write about them every day. Yeah. What else is going on with you guys? What are you guys into? I got a really cool Viking painting for my living room.

How do you guys feel about that? Does it do your taxes for you? Because I'm trying to think of something that's more boring than your game. I actually love your Viking painting. I saw it hanging above your... Would you say that's above your... It's in my living room.

In your living room. I saw it as above a table. Paint a visual. It's a painting of two Vikings In your living room. I saw it as above a table. Paint a visual. Okay, I'll do that. So it's a painting of two Vikings skiing down a hill. And each of the Vikings... Recreationally? Like recreational winter sports? It would appear that it is during war.

So it doesn't look recreational. They're not smiling? No, they're very, very serious. And both of them are equipped. So one of them has a spear and the other one has an axe. Now, I'm about to throw in something surprising. Brace yourself. The second one is carrying a baby in a small satchel.

Now, people from, I believe it's Norway, would know this painting. It's like a very famous painting in Norway. I'm not from Norway, so I just recently discovered it. Question. Yeah. Is this painting the inspiration for the James Bond movie Moonraker? Probably not. I don't think there's any comparison.

I believe the beginning of that movie is James Bond is on skis shooting bad guys, and he's carrying a baby. Yeah. I don't remember the baby. Is there a baby? Yeah,, and he's carrying a baby. Yeah. I don't remember the baby. Is there a baby? Yeah, no, he's shredding some fresh powder, and he's carrying a newborn. And then at the end of the hill, there's a submarine waiting for him, and he goes in the submarine, and there's, like, a 50-year-old woman in the submarine,

and he, like, totally makes out with her. Mm-hmm. I want a photo of that to hang on my wall i'll put that poster up yep uh why did you buy this why did you buy this because did you buy this yeah i bought it i bought it i was in utah a couple years ago and i saw it hanging on a wall i'm like damn that's awesome i want that for my apartment what a wall this is important this was in a ski resort okay so that was appropriate so appropriate there not appropriate in a new york city apartment i would say maybe not appropriate there but it brings also you have no norwegian heritage do you think that yeah like it's insensitive

no i'm supporting their heritage they get a percentage of uh the dollars yeah you're a liar i think that's true that's true you think that you think that though you think vikings are getting a cut of your it's more than that he thinks that the subjects of paintings subjects of paintings get royalties for when you buy paintings with them in it. Like, if you buy a painting of a basket of fruit from a hotel, then fruit farmers get a little cut. Like that weird guy with the apple in his face, that guy's children are, like, mad rich. Yeah. I didn't know this.

That seems like it would be really hard to maintain. It's tough. Well, I mean, it's not, like, a big deal, because they all have fruit for faces, so they can't eat, so they die really young. Oh, sure. I don't even know how his family's... Yeah. Russ, how do you... How do you

digest this painting? Do you just sit and watch it? How does one consume a painting? If one could high-five themselves, that's what I do every time I look at it. I'm like, yeah. The amazing thing is one does have two hands. Yeah. It is within the realm does have two hands. Yeah.

It is within the realm of believability. That's really more of a clap. I wouldn't call that a high five. So you kind of do it. You clap. I nod at myself and I'm like, good purchase. Yay! I did it. Like the berries and cream guy.

Just dancing. I was really happy with my purchase. You know what purchase I was happy with? What's that? My, not my, our, soon to be our game of the year, Mutant Blobs Attack. Actually, full title, Tales from Space Mutant Blobs Attack. This is the sequel to Tales from Space About a Blob which was released on psn uh last year uh tales from space mutant blobs attack is on the vita how many letters are in that in that title

i don't know i mean because we had a 10 and 10 letter limit right yeah there was no 10 letter limit no you didn't you didn't get that memo no absolutely not we came up with that scientific proof that the longer a game's title is, the dumber it is always. I will concur with you that this is not a good title, but it is a good game. It's $8, so that's good. You can get off at PSN on your Vita. And it's a side-scrolling sort of puzzle platformer, I would guess. Basically, there are sort of a Katamari vibe.

You have to absorb junk lying around levels, and then you're trying to get big enough to eat the cork that is keeping you from the drain that will lead you to the next area. And that's just sort of the basis. From there, you get the ability to fly. You get the ability to stick to magnetic, use magnetic power to stick to a metal object. It's constantly introducing new, really neat mechanics that it only explores long enough to mine all the fun from them, and then it moves on. It never feels repetitive. it only explores long enough to find mine, all the fun from them. And then it moves on and net.

It never feels repetitive. Uh, it never feels, uh, like something you've, you've done before. Everything feels new and fresh with, with every, every time you do it.

Okay. Um, which Bill Murray comedy? Uh, the blob is almost like Slimer. So I'm going to say it's like ghostbusters too. When Slimer kind of blew up and, and everybody was tuning in to see his epic. Everyone was drinking his juice.

Everybody was drinking his ecto-coolers and just love it. I got some major problems with the game so far. First off, Ziggurat was a buck, right? Yeah. And your bullshit golf game was a buck. Yeah, it's $1. Your bullshit golf game was a buck. Yeah, it's $1.

I would say that it's probably 800,000 times funner than Fairway Solitaire, just from what you've described. But I don't know that it is eight times the fun value of Ziggurat. Is it 800% funner, would you say, than Ziggurat? It sounds like its Laser Babe content is really low. I don't want to like sell you short Justin it sounds like it's like maybe 600% like high blobs are great aliens I love it

ziggurat's got aliens and it's got laser babes and it's 800% cheaper if math is right guys but I have a 3 in mine and a jack oh wait are we talking about ripping up cards again we're talking about cards justin defend your game okay uh you can't play mine with ingredients that you find in your uh silverware drawer so that is a benefit over yours

oh do you know what you can play yours with that system that nobody owns yet that's true that is a benefit over yours oh do you know what you can play yours with that system that nobody owns yet that's true you know what you can play mine with the thing that everybody keeps in their pocket because it's like what connects you to life mine has lots of charm it has

references to other indie games which I like there's like a there is one that I thought was kind of funny. There's a billboard for Super Brothers, and it's S-O-U-P Brothers. That's not how you spell Super Brothers. It's sweet and sour soup, and it's SWET SW o you are Before and after see Meant blobs attack if you have a Vita, don't pay

$50 to play a console game Pay $8 Nobody has a Vita, you're basically endorsing A $258 video game Griffin, why don't we talk about yours What's your pick? Mine is Welcome Park Now what is that?

First off, Justin, before you bring your bullshit It is at least $8 up On the shit that you're bringing because it's free for everyone. You just made the argument that you have to buy hardware to experience it. What's the console, Griffin? Tell me about Welcome Park. The Welcome Park is an app. I would say it's more of an app experience,

like a life experience that you experience on your Vita that you're going to buy eventually because all your friends have it and they want to near with you. Wait, wait. How does one near with another? You sync your near and then you trade presents. I haven't figured it out yet.

Do you contract anything when you trade presents? When you trade gifts on near and you interface with an eBud What you do is you buy cards, and you swipe them. You swipe the cards, and you get trophies. Wait, wait, cards?

You guys say cards? You get playing cards? Now he piqued his interest. He stopped looking at the painting on his wall for half a minute. It's all right, Nam Nam. Lauderal will be on soon. Just relax. I'll put it on tbs like you like

wait so okay so you've got your i've got my earbuds now what do i do okay you have earbuds and you're on turn them on you switch earbuds switch on the left side of the vita griffin uh tell us about tell us about welcome park Welcome Park is a suite of app experiences. You got Digitap. They're all designed to teach you how you use your Vita. It's edugaming at its finest. Wait, what do you tap in Digitap? What are you tapping?

Tell me what you're tapping. Listen, you're tapping. I'm not going to sugarcoat this for you, Plant. You're tapping numbers. Oh, my God. No, but let me finish, please. Please let me finish. Show me your best friend.

I might have to change my vote. Show me your best friend. Respect. Show me some best friend respect. Griffin, you're basically endorsing for Game of the Year. You're endorsing something that teaches you how to use a Vita. You're endorsing the video game version of the Mr. Paperclip from Word. Like, that's Griffin's Game of the Year.

Imagine if Mr. Paperclip were vibrant and beautiful and an experience. Not just a person, but an experience. A suite of experiences. No, we're not being fair. What do you do after you tap all the numbers in order? So digit tap, you tap the numbers in sequence. Sometimes you got to tap two numbers at the same time. And then there's sticker peel,

where you peel stickers in sequence. Those numbers go up to nine. And I'm sorry. I didn't think about that. Do the numbers ever go down? No, they always go. So it's only half as complicated. It's half as complicated.

And mine goes up to Tan and Jack and Kate. Real quick question. What number comes after four? Four is five. Oh, great. Man, this game is going to be fun. So you can see the sticker peels off a little bit to tell you what the next sticker and sequence is if you're not so great with numbers. You're going to get lost.

Well, if you need a game to teach you how to touch a screen, it's not that far off from possibility. But then there's a game that teaches you how to touch the back of the console unit. It's wildly valuable because this is a whole new lane. They took it up another level their game. That game is just

a big piece of duct tape and then it says never do this again and you cover the back and you're done. You get it and you get the knowledge and then you know how to be better at all the other games. So it's the Latin of video games. There's an app where you take a picture an app experience where you

take a picture and it turns that picture into a slide puzzle and there's all different kinds of settings. How do you want this slide puzzle to be? Wow. Let's talk about this. Isn't there one with your face? Your face? Do I have to take from 1863 your face there's one thank you chris plant you're making my argument for me there is indeed another app for free a free app value and you take a picture of three dots that are laid out like a triangle with two dots at the top and one dot at the bottom and it turns it into a face so if you have three coins against a plain

backdrop then it turns two of them into eyeballs one into a mouth and it's fun into a face. So if you have three coins against a plain backdrop, then it turns two of them into eyeballs, one into a mouth, and it's fun. No, wait, wait, wait. I want to say what happened when I did this. I took a picture of myself and said, that's not a face. I took a picture of my wife and said, that's not a face. It warns you, Chris Plant. It says this doesn't work good with human faces.

You can only be so ugly. I'll tell you what it does work with, though. If you take your shirt off and take a picture of your nipples and belly button it will animate it into a face griffin can i ask you a serious question yeah when i told you the idea for this show did you think we were ironically bringing the worst thing we could think of did you think that was the gag or is this the only game you've played this week? Have I not made the argument? First off, it's like 12 things. Second off, totally free. So it is infinity percent cheaper and better than all the other shit that you've brought to the table.

It doesn't have laser baits inherently. You can take a picture of a naked woman or a naked man and turn it into a slide puzzle. Guys, so I just clipped my toenails. That's like 10 things, and they're free. So if anybody wants to put them up as their game of the year, I've got 10 toenail clippings. Do your toenails have touchscreens that are transitive?

Or capacitive? What's one to write? Trans-op, I think. I'm like stunned. I was not expecting it to be that bad thank god russ you were worried you were in the last place yeah i'm not prepared to say which game is not game of the year right i got 11 trophies including a gold trophy for beating everything in welcome park okay here's what's not game of the year. Okay. Welcome Park.

Okay, we can all agree on that. We can't all agree on that. I feel like that's the final flaw of the show. Okay. Welcome Park is out. God damn it. I would like to say Mutant Space Blob is a really well-made game. Never heard of it.

Never heard of it. $8. That's objectively untrue because I have told you about it. I want Ziggurat to go up against a worthy contender so I am happy to say that happy time rip up your cards is like not. You don't rip up cards. I don't know how you guys

got hung up on that. You rip up cards and you say new things about Caddyshack. You buy more cards and I'm not ready to do that. Griffin, I know you like my pick, even though I described it horribly. I know you're a fan of Fairway Solitaire. You know what? Maybe I do like Fairway Solitaire. Maybe I play it all the time at the movies with my girlfriend.

I know. But guess what? You didn't back me up with Welcome Park, so I'm going to burn your game to the ground. No! What? I've never heard of Fairway Solitaire, but it sounds really shitty. Okay, but how? Oh, God. We your game to the ground. No! What? I've never heard of Fairway Solitary, but it sounds really shitty. Okay, but how? Oh, God.

We've got to unify. Wait, wait, wait, Griffin. Because we've been sort of outvoted here. We have to unify our forces against their games. How do we do that? First off, let me just say, if anybody from Big Fish Games is listening, I'm just joking. Yeah. No, seriously.

Great game, guys. This is for goofs. I just can't describe it for shit. The things I'm doing now, they're for goofs. So try not to take any of it to heart. The things Tim Rogers writes are so long. Yeah. And he made Ziggurat, and that's a lot of reading that he's forced people to do.

So I feel like Mutant Space Blobs Attack. That's not it. Mutant Blobs Attack. Tales from Space Mutant Blobs Attack. There's a couple of things I have to do just to find your game. I tried to Google it, and I got tired halfway through. I was like. Tales from Space and blobs attack. I have to do just to find your game. I tried to Google it and I got tired halfway through.

I was like, Tales from... Let me just... There's going to be an easy test. I like how political the show's gotten all of a sudden

because, Justin, if you had to pick which was better, Welcome Park or Card Time, which would you go with? I think I would probably

pick... You know it. Just say it. You know it. I would probably pick Fairway Solitaire. It's an actual ass game. My vote is for Chris Plant's game, whatever it was. I forgot. And I would also pick Fairway Solitaire, so now that I have Griffin's vote, Russ us You want to join my side?

Yeah you know what I think Plant might have a point I like it So I think I think that's a three to one Do you feel comfortable With that Justin? Ziggurat is

Ziggurat is The first ever Besties Best game of the Year. It is the current holder of the Bestie Award. And we might be pronouncing it wrong. I don't know. No, that's right.

And it's pronounced Pyramid. It's pronounced Pyramid, the game. So congratulations to Tim Rogers and co. I don't know if there is an and co. Or if it's just Tim Rogers making a game in his basement. But congratulations to them for being the current bestie. Next week we will talk about four new titles. And those titles will have to not only go up against each other.

But go up against Ziggurat. Pyramid. Pyramid. Also Welcome Park. It's a dark horse. I think it's going to make a nice end of the year rally. I'm pretty sure Welcome Park died a horrible death moments ago.

Really? Because I'm pretty sure of all the bullshit games you guys came up with, no one's going to play it as much as they play Welcome Park because it's free. It's compulsory. You have to play it. It's also over, Griffin. It's over. Let it's compulsory you have to play also over griffin it's over let it go uh thank you guys for for listening i'm not even going to do plugs because i don't know how how integrated we'll be with with itunes and the like but do follow vox games uh at vox games on twitter you're going to find a lot of our stories there and you can also visit uh the

verge.com for gaming to see all of the the stories and neat stuff we're working on it's all very much smarter than what you're listening to right now the forums would be a good place to argue about everybody's relative wrongness and rightness yeah so just uh maybe we'll make a besties thread there in the forums that you can go and and talk about this week's episode um and be sure to join us again next Friday on Besties. Because shouldn't the world's best friends decide the world's best games? besties