The Big Flop - Willy’s Chocolate Experience Melts Down with Matt Bellassai and Sydney Battle | 27

Episode Date: March 15, 2024

Board the glass elevator down to Willy’s Chocolate Experience! This viral flop-in-progress has absolutely not infringed on the Willy Wonka IP. Why would you say that?! Advertised as a “pasadise of sweet treats”, in Glasgow, families traveled far and wide to experience a candy-filled, immersive wonderland. The misspelled marketing campaign promised a Twilight Tunnel and an Enchanted Garden! But what greeted them was both alarming and depressing: actors in bargain bin costumes performing a barely comprehensible A.I. written plot starring Willy McDuff, his Wonkidoodles and The Unknown. We rate this event one jelly bean!Matt Bellassai and Sydney Battle from Wondery's Diss and Tell join Misha to dive head first into the (nonexistent) chocolate river and see what sweet treats Willy has in store (or not).Follow The Big Flop on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to The Big Flop early and ad-free on Wondery+. Join Wondery+ in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondery Plus subscribers can listen to The Big Flop early and ad-free. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. It's February of 2024. Scottish stand-up comic Paul Connell is looking for some acting work. He sees a casting call for a, quote, chocolate factory experience and submits himself for the job. On February 22nd, he gets the job.

But it starts in just two days. That doesn't seem strange to Paul. But it is strange that he's been cast as a character named Willie. Hmm, a chocolate factory experience with a character named Willie? Has he been cast as the Willie Wonka? Paul is honored to portray a character that Gene Wilder absolutely crushed. On February 23rd, the night before, Paul arrives at a barely decorated warehouse for a dress rehearsal. But there isn't anything to dress him.

The costumes aren't ready, and it's the first time he's seen the script. The script is 15 pages long, mostly monologue, and Paul suspects it's AI-generated, since parts of it are completely incomprehensible. But as they say, the show must go on. Paul shrugs it off. Maybe the special effects will be good enough

to tie the whole thing together. Plus, he'd get to work with kids and make them laugh, handing out chocolate and seeing their smiling faces. The next day, he shows up and notices right away that there is no chocolate, there are no special effects, and definitely no smiling faces. special effects, and definitely no smiling faces. Paul's costume looks like a cheap circus ringleader outfit from Amazon, and the warehouse looks like a horror film set. He realizes what's going to happen. These kids aren't going to be entertained.

They're going to be scared to tears. Chocolate fountains, sweet e-trails, just sounded really, really good and a nice day out for the children and the family. But when we got there, it was practically an abandoned, empty warehouse with hardly anything in it. It ended, I'm afraid, with children crying, parents angry, and the police called to the site. We are on a sinking ship. From Wondery and At Will Media,

this is The Big Flop, where we chronicle the greatest flubs, fails, and blunders of all time. I'm your host, Misha Brown, social media superstar and a bundle of pure imagination at Don't Cross a Gay Man. And today, we're bringing you a very special episode, a flop in progress, if you will, all about Willie's chocolate experience, the AI hallucination

that came to life and made a bunch of children cry. Hello, I'm Emily, and I'm one of the hosts of Terribly Famous, the show that takes you inside the lives of our biggest celebrities. And they don't get much bigger than the man who made badminton sexy. OK, maybe that's a stretch, but if I say pop star and shuttlecocks, you know who I'm talking about. No? Short shorts? Free cocktails? Careless whispers? OK, last one. It's not Andrew Ridgely.

Yep, that's right, it's stone-cold icon George Michael. From teen pop sensation to one of the biggest solo artists on the planet, join us for our new series, George Michael's Fight for Freedom. From the outside, it looks like he has it all. But behind the trademark dark sunglasses is a man in turmoil. George is trapped in a lie of his own making, with a secret he feels would ruin him if the truth ever came out. Follow Terribly Famous wherever you listen to your podcasts, or listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus on Apple Podcasts or the Wondery app.

On our show today, I am so excited, we have the co-hosts of the amazing podcast, Dis and Tell. Welcome, Sydney Battle, and welcome back, Matt Bellassai. Hello. Hi. Matt, you are on our very first episode, and you are also our very first return guest. I'm honored. I'm a little scared because this happened on like the two days that I decided I'm going to be more offline. And then I came back and I was like, what happened?

That's how it always happens though. And it's like, this is why I can never quit the internet is because I get sucked back in by some of the most absurd stuff that's ever happened. Yeah. Yeah. For everyone at home who might not know what we're talking about, the past few weeks, it seems

like everyone's been dunking on Willie's Chocolate Experience, the Glasgow-based immersive show that took the world by storm for all the wrong reasons. So come, children, walk with me past these unadorned tables and through this hanging black fabric, and I'll tell you all about it. The star of our show is a Scottish man named Billy Cool. That's spelled C-O-U-L-L because he's

definitely not cool. In November of 2023, Billy formed a company suspiciously called House of Illuminati. Okay, immediate red flag. Yeah. Well, Billy is a self-styled business guru with a YouTube channel. I wonder if he knows The Liver King. So Billy truly gets around

because he's also listed as the author of 17 books you can buy on Amazon. Do we have titles? Yes, we do. Some notable titles include Threads of Enigma, Eclipse of Power,

and The Prophecy Matrix. These are like fiction books. Can you imagine if they weren't? What if they were nonfiction? Well, I couldn't tell if they were going to be like, here's how to be successful in business. Because they kind of sound like they could also be that. This is fully

written by ChatGPT. They definitely have that smell, don't they? Although, Billy has yet to comment on their true origins. On December 12th, 2023, House of Illuminati's website posts an article titled Immersive Delights,

What to Expect at the Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory Experience, which is going to be held on February 24th and 25th in Glasgow. My birthday. Oh my gosh. He did this for me. I know he did. He sure did. The post promises that the upcoming event will have, quote,

delectable chocolate fountains, whimsical performances, and surprises at every turn. At some point, even though the original post stays up, the name of the event changes to Willie's Chocolate Experience. No more Wonka. And a disclaimer is added to assure Warner Bros. that this event does not impinge on any IP rights. I do love that that legal disclaimer carries the same weight as like a teenager posting a stolen music video on YouTube

and the caption is always like, I do not own this copyright, as if that gets them out of any type of retribution. So here's what folks who visit willyschocolateexperience.com see before they buy tickets, which are, by the way, 35 pounds or about 44 US dollars. No refunds. There are about three promised areas, the Twilight Tunnel, the Enchanted Garden, and the Imagination Lab. So first up is the Imagination Lab. So Sydney, can you please explain what we're looking at here and maybe find the typo?

Oh my goodness. Well, first of all, it's called a magnation lab in big letters across the top. So imagination is misspelled. Next up, the enchanted garden, which thankfully doesn't feature any text to be butchered. But Matt, could you please explain this nightmare fuel before us? Yeah, it just looks like Candyland if Candyland did, like, cocaine before. Whoever invented Candyland, they just railed a line in the bathroom and then went to town. The animal's bat.

There's a lot of jellybean-looking creatures that are also like bunny rabbits with faces. Demented. Demented. It's so uncanny. That's the thing. My favorite one is another image that promises enchintering entertainment. So could you please try to read the rest of it? Cat gating live performances. Good.

Carchy tons. A passadice of sweet teats. Just beautiful. And a children's event. That's a lot of mistakes. Now, about 800 people buy tickets. What? Do they deserve what's about to happen to them?

That's the thing. I know we all struggle sometimes to tell whether something is like an AI monstrosity or not. These were so obviously not real. There were no real photos of what they were getting. Good point. So I know we shouldn't victim blame, but they did deserve it. Matt.

But they did deserve it. Matt. Willie's Chocolate Experience is set to be held at an event space in Glasgow called Box Hub on a Saturday. The actors are all hired days prior and are promised 500 pounds to work the weekend. Friday, the night before the event, they finally see their 15-page script. So I've procured the script thanks to Gizmodo and would like to stage my own version of Willie's chocolate experience. I'd love to have you read for me.

I'll be the narrator. Matt, you'll be auditioning for Willie, our hero. Okay. And Sydney, you'll be auditioning for the Oompa Loompas, which in this script are called, wait for it, wonky doodles. Oh.

The stage transforms into a vibrant, mystical garden of enchantment, filled with oversized colorful flowers, twinkling lights, and mysterious pathways. Willie, with his distinct attire and a sparkle in his eyes, is joined by the playful wonky doodles, each holding baskets brimming with an assortment of whimsical sweets.

Ah, welcome, welcome to the heart of the Garden of Enchantment, a place where wonders never cease and the sweets, he gestures towards the Wonka Doodles, are as enchanting as the surroundings. The Wonka Doodles dance around, offering sweets to the audience members who have followed them onto the stage. Transformed into the garden for this immersive experience,

Wonka Doodle One trips over a pretend stone, sweets flying everywhere. Oops, It seems even the stones want a taste of our treats. Audience and Matt laugh as Wonka Doodle Two helps gather the sweets, turning the mishap into a playful

act. Careful there! Our garden stones are known to be quite the sweet-tooths. Now, dear guests, feel free to explore, but beware of the giggle grass. It's been known to induce spontaneous laughter. Audience members are encouraged to move around and interact with the set pieces, including the giggle grass, which, when stepped on,

triggers hidden speakers to play laughter sounds. Wonka Doodle 2 hands out a peculiarly shaped candy. Try this. It's our latest creation, the Whiz Bang Wh peculiarly shaped candy. Try this. It's our latest creation, the Whiz Bang Whirly Geek. Just be sure you're not standing upside down when you eat it or you might find yourself floating. And if anyone encounters our talking tulips, do pay them a compliment.

Excellent. You're brilliant. I'll have my people call your people. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Well, another problem is costuming. All of the wearables are cheap. And some of the costumes are the sexy versions you see at Halloween.

No. And the actors receive them the day of the event. Oh. Question. So far, does this sound like any project you've been a part of? I don't want to say yes, but I lived in Brooklyn for too long to say no. Yeah, I've done something this shoestring. I don't know.

I've performed on some janky stand-up stages, and I don't think any of them stooped this low. The absolute worst feature of Willie's chocolate experience is what ticket holders see when they arrive on February 24th. The space is lazily decorated. There are no effects. There are no projections. When one of the actors sees the layout of the experience, he thinks to himself, this is where dreams go to die. To really transport us into this mess, let's watch this video captured by a performer on their phone. Imagine yourself in a massive warehouse space. You're hearing these sounds, and I want you both to describe what you see for the listener. My God, there's just a bunch of equipment.

Yeah, behind a fake wall. It's a curtain as a wall. Oh God, there are cords everywhere. Yeah, it looks like growing up in the suburbs, the real gung-ho people on Halloween would do like haunted houses in their garages and hang up, like you'd create a maze out of like hanging tarps and like bed sheets. And I went to those haunted houses and they had better production value.

Yeah. Well, Willie's chocolate experience features a half inflated bouncy house, a bridge that crosses over nothing. And guess what? No chocolate. Egregious. None. The only treats guests receive are a half cup of lemonade and a single jelly bean or two

as they enter. I did hear they had to start rationing the jelly beans to the children. Yeah. That's sad. Like, that is the most insane part of this, is that, like, I could see them saying, like, we had too big of a vision and we just weren't able to execute on it. You still could have gone to, like, Scottish Costco

and paid 50 bucks for, like, a truckload of chocolate and maybe gotten yourself out of it. That's, like, the lowest hanging fruit part of this. Maybe Scotland just doesn't have good supply lines. Maybe. I'm sure you've both seen articles and posts about Willie's chocolate experience. So let's test your knowledge of the lore

by playing a game. of the lore by playing a game. This game is called Willie's Chocolate Quizperience. Here are the rules. This is a multiple choice quiz about the show attached to Willie's chocolate experience. Whoever answers the most questions correctly

gets two tickets to Billy Cool's next immersive experience. Here is the first question. What is the full name of the Willie in Willie's Chocolate Experience? Is it A, Willie Wonkle, B, Willie Wanker, C, Willie McDuff, or D, Willie Chocolate Experience? C. Willie McDuff. D. Willie Chocolate Experience? C. Willie McDuff. He's Scottish after all. Ding, ding, ding. It is Willie McDuff. I didn't even think of that.

Second question. Willie's nemesis in the script is a character called The Unknown, an evil chocolate maker who hides in the walls. In videos, The Unknown is seen wearing a black cloak, a scraggly wig, and a shiny mask, and it reduces most kids to tears. According to the script, The Unknown is after what invention of Willie McDuff's?

Is it A, Fun Sticks? B, Flappy Taffy? C, the Anti-Graffiti Gobstopper, or D, Fizzy Grifting Drinks? I think it was C. The anti-gravity stuff? What was A? A was Fun Sticks. I'm going to guess that one. Well, Matt, you were correct, but it wasn't anti-gravity, anti-graffiti gobstopping because AI doesn't know how to do its damn job. Of course, of course. All right, one last one. According to the script, how is the unknown defeated by Willie McDuff. A. Willie and the unknown battle with beams of light on a laser grid battlefield. B. Willie distracts the unknown with a dazzling array of holographic images. C. Willie puts the anti-graffiti gobstopper into a device that amplifies its cleanup capabilities

and a robotic vacuum cleaner sucks up the unknown? Or D, all of the above? C. I have a sneaking fear that it's D. I do recall that a vacuum cleaner was involved. Right. The actor who played Willie said, how am I supposed to do this without a vacuum cleaner?

And the organizer said, just improvise. Well, Matt, let me tell you, if anyone ever offers me all of the above, I will take it. And you did, and you are absolutely correct. Your fears have come true. All of those things happened in the script. AI is so powerful, y'all.

We should be scared, even more scared than we already are. One of the biggest victims in this was the woman who played what ended up being called like Meth Lab Oompa Loompa. Because like one of the most iconic pictures is of this woman. Her wig is askew. She looks like she's got no sleep and she's standing above like smoking beakers. And turns out she's like a lovely woman who was doing everything she could to help those kids have a good time. And it turns out she doesn't look anything like that, which I think is the best case scenario for her, is that the photo was so bad

that it's unrecognizable as the real woman. Yeah, that's the ideal meme situation. Although if she were to chop her hair into a little green bob, she would have a social media following. Oh, she's already doing cameos. Great. $35. We love that. That's the price of a already doing cameos. Great. $35.

We love that. That's the price of a Willie Chocolate World ticket. Wow. Well, whether because of meth lab oompa loompa or the unknown lurking around with its creepy mask or just the lack of candy, kids are in tears all over the warehouse. Understandably, parents are irate. From the depressing decorations to the incomprehensible script,

Willie's chocolate experience is a top-to-bottom disaster. Some people travel over 100 miles for this passadice of sweet teas. And they're pissed. People feel so scammed, they actually call the police. No.

By lunchtime, Glasgow police are on the scene talking to people who are angrily demanding their refunds and the rest of the weekend is abruptly cancelled. I can't get over the person traveling a hundred miles. Isn't that like the entire width of Scotland? So after the blow up, Willie's chocolate experience went viral immediately with memes upon memes,

Halloween costume ideas, reaction videos, news reports, and parodies aplenty. The experience has been recreated in game worlds already, like Animal Crossing, Far Cry 5, and The Sims. As of this recording, the actors say they have not been paid and worry they probably never will. We should note that Billy has neither confirmed nor denied he never paid the actors. The unknown that made children cry in real life online, the character has gained a fan base similar to the

Babadook. I just learned that the unknown is a 16-year-old girl. Poor thing. And she said that was her first acting job. It's good to get that type of education in early, though. That's true. And know that that is, if you want to be an actor, you're going to be humiliated. I've already seen at least one video of a drag queen doing Into the Unknown from Frozen, but as the unknown.

Incredible. Leave it to a drag queen to be quick. Yeah, they went on Amazon and they got that mask and that wig and that robe that is the funny part they clearly got all their stuff off of Amazon and so it's so easy

to replicate that I feel like Halloween is gonna go crazy well although Billy Cool disappeared from social media immediately after the controversy, Willie's Chocolate Experience did announce that it would refund everyone's ticket in a typo-ridden Facebook post in which he takes responsibility for what happened and clarifies that the people working the event are just innocent contractors. For some reason, he also mentions that, quote,

there will be no wedding, and no wedding was funded by the ticket sales. This is a difficult time for me, and I ask for your understanding and privacy. It's because, allegedly, he had planned a Turkish destination wedding, and I guess he is now canceling the wedding, but he absolutely was going to use the ticket sales for that.

As of this recording, he hasn't confirmed that rumor or whether the wedding was ever connected to this event. As for The Unknown, that evil chocolatier who lives in the walls, it will be starring in its own movie. The movie will follow, quote, a renowned illustrator and his wife who are haunted by the tragic death of their son, Charlie. Desperate to escape their grief,

the couple leave the world behind for the remote Scottish Highlands where an unknowable evil awaits them. The release is tentatively scheduled for the end of 2024. No! How? About nine months. Is that long enough to make a good movie or just a... No. And to have it out in the world? No. That's going right to two beats. Perhaps the most ironic footnote is that convicted con artist Billy McFarland offered Billy Kool a chance to, quote, make things right at Fyre Festival 2. I guess those Billy's got to stick together.

Well, now that you both know about Willie's chocolate experience, would you consider this a baby flop, a big flop, or a mega flop? I'm going to say big. I think it could have been so much worse. It was 800 people, so it's not little. It would only be mega if it had gone on for two days, and then the next day, it's even worse. The only way this could have been worse is if a kid actually died which i suppose ironically would have made it truer to the source material although technically nobody died in willy wonka's chocolate factory they were only seriously maimed or exploded but like they all lived but like i can't imagine how it could be much worse i think if it hadn't become an international sensation,

maybe it would have stopped at Big Flop, but the fact that it became a spectacle that we're now all dumping on, I think that's mega. Well, maybe we should all just come together on an agreed-upon date 20 years from now and see how many of those 800 children have PTSD from this.

The ramifications long-term. Well, thank you so much to our super sweet guests, Sydney Battle and Matt Bellassai for joining us here on The Big Flop. And thanks to all of you for listening. Remember, if you are enjoying the show, please leave us a rating and review. We'll be back Monday with another flop.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. If you like The Big Flop, you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery+. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.

Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com slash survey. The Big Flop is a production of Wondery and At Will Media, hosted by me, Misha Brown. Produced by Sequoia Thomas, Harry Huggins, and Tina Turner. Written by Anna Rubinova. Engineered by Andrew Holtzberger.

Our story editor is Drew Beebe. Our managing producer is Molly Getman. Our executive producers are Kate Walsh and Will Malnati for At Will Media. Legal support by Carolyn Levin of Miller, Korzenik, Summers, and Raymond. Producers for Wondery are Matt Beagle and Grant Rudder.

Senior story editor is Phyllis Fletcher. Managing producer is Joe Florentino. Music supervisor is Scott Velasquez for Freesound Sink. Our theme song is Sinking Ship by Cake. And executive producers are Lizzie Bassett, Morgan Jones, and Marshall Louis

for Wondery. We are on a sinking ship. We are on a sinking ship