The Biggest Problem in the Universe: Uncucked - Bonus Episode 10

Episode Date: June 1, 2018

Welcome to the biggest solution in the universe, the show where we discuss every solution in the universe from beer to lesbians. Oh yeah. With over 3.5 million downloads, this is the only show where you decide what should or shouldn't be on the big list of solutions. I'm Maddox with me as dick. Hey, what's up funny? And Sean, our audio engineer, welcome back. That's a great intro. That is, those are the solutions. Those should be on top. I would sacrifice even my own nuclear fucking power solution to see beer and lesbians to be on the top of the list. I'd sacrifice a child to see those on the list. I'd sacrifice a child to see those on the list. list. You already got that on the list. Any child. Abortion. Abortion. That's right. Abortion. That's an abortion of an intro. How about that? Dick.

Who won? Nobody won, as usual, but... There's not even winners on this show? No. Satellites. Oh, yeah. Big surprise. So the last bonus episode, the problem, excuse me, the solutions we brought in were satellites, the superhero pose. Yeah. Temperance, which was also moderation, but some people were confused. And then Ronald Reagan, your late stream, your midstream switch. Yeah, because you

pulled shenanigans during that episode. You told me to bring in GPS, even though I said I'm not if you're bringing in satellites, because I don't want to talk about the same shit for a half hour. I wouldn't have brought in satellites if you didn't bring in GPS. What do you mean? Well, I heard, you said, you told me you were to bring in GPS and I thought, well, I'll bring in satellites. Yeah, why would you do that? Because you're a shady fuck. To be a dick, I guess. I don't know. You know what, Dick, we're talking about solutions, and I think GPS is a fine solution. It really is. Got totally trounced.

Ronald Reagan got totally trounced. I even got some hate mail on Ronald Reagan. Oh, yeah? Let's hear it. Butts Sanchez, sent me some hate mail for Ronald Reagan. But, Sanchez, he's your... I know! He's my number one fan!

Yeah, he's your guy. You give him life advice, bad life advice. He sent me some hate mail. He got real pissed off about Ronald Reagan. You believe all drugs should be legal. You have a positive view on drugs, which is awesome, and I agree with you. and I can build a very strong case for why drugs have made me a better person.

Yeah. Oh, sure. I'm sure he can build a real solid, bulletproof case on how drugs have improved his life. If you ask me, Maddox could sure use an eighth of some Silen mushrooms. I've never, that must be the psychedelic. Does he have fucking scientists all of a sudden? You know, drug people are usually,

they have a lot of scientific knowledge about like that one part of science. But then you go and suck Ronald Reagan's dick Literally the guy who spearheaded the war on drugs Dick, you're full of shit Oh my goodness Yeah You Ronald Reagan

Which I think in another episode Dick You acknowledge that Ronald Reagan Caused irreparable harm to this country With his war on drugs Oh I don't Sure people's lives are ruined because of the war on drugs Absolutely Yeah Ronald Reagan

I am glad that I'm glad that Well I will say on this show, I hope no politician is ever in the positives as a solution. You know what I mean? Like, I love Ronald Reagan, but just because it's like a conservative, like, fantasy.

Yeah. Like, he, like, represents a conservative, um, uh, politician that you can, like, that doesn't embarrass you with everything he says. Ooh. Right? Well, okay, he was a good speaker. Right, exactly.

And that's all it comes down to, really, in politics. It's not like, you don't, you're not waiting for him to fuck up. And that's the, that's the, that's, like the imaginary, you know, abstraction that Ronald Reagan is to conservatives, I think. Dick, I hope that a politician does make the list and that politician is Teddy Roosevelt.

I thought you were going to say Donald Trump. Donald Trump. Got another voice mail about Reagan. Yeah. I mean, before I play, it was obvious that I brought in Ronald Reagan after the GPS fiasco, right? That was obvious to you, at least. That I brought in Ronald Reagan

because of the GPS satellite shenanigans. You changed your solution to Ronald Reagan. Right. That was obvious to you, right? Well, of course. And I think the listeners, anyone listening. Okay, good. Gentlemen, this is former president, Ronald Reagan.

Oh, great. Well, I wanted to thank you sincerely for salating my genitals like a hungry calf, desperate to receive sweet nourishment from its mother's teeth. Your jealous Servic and the nation's problem of bad blowjog is appreciated not just by me but all of your fellow Americans

That's what heaven sounds like I was overwhelmed with a feeling of great patriotism When you suck my American blow Down your proud American throat Yeah, all right But Thank you Ronald Reagan

It is with much hesitation That I submit The tradition established in this show But I left join the ranks A president who have told Dick's to go fucking stuff. Oh, okay. Terrific.

Terrific. Go fuck yourself. Good. Wow. I'm Ronald Reagan. And this is how I talk. Good. Man, I didn't know that was Ronald Reagan.

Until the end. Yeah. Until the end. You know, Dick, so I've been doing a Twitch stream and some people have joined the chat and they say they're presidents in the, in the Twitch stream. And one of them was Martin Van Buren. Oh, number eight. Yeah, number eight.

He said, hey, this is Martin Van Buren. This is how I type. Doubted. I don't even think they had typewriters back then, did they? I don't know. That's why everyone's handwriting was cool as shit back then, because they had to learn calligraphy

and all that fancy, what is it, cursive? I don't know. Is it cursive? They don't teach cursive anymore in schools. Well, I think it also has to do with, like, the pen, like a fountain pin. You can't write quickly with a fountain pen

or else it's like nails on a chalkboard. Like it just fucks up when you write with it. Oh yeah, it just scraps, it rips right through the paper. Yeah. Yeah. It's like trying to write with a tattoo gun. I have a lot of experience with that. I got a comment from Sarah Hoffman.

She says, in those comic strips. So I posted comic strips last time. You're a dick in a box comic strips. Where the punchline was basically really. Like, I don't know if you know that. But it was me saying something. It was the setup and then me saying something in the punchline. The third frame was a guy giving me a wish.

weird look. The guy, the look on the judge's face was like, you're an idiot. Really? It was like, really? It was basically really. That's your mind writing the punchline to that, and that's where your mind went buddy. Don't make me write the punchline. Isn't that what you said? Yeah. You know what? The punchline

is obvious to everyone else, Dick. You're just projecting. You're really joke there. Anyway, so I wrote these, I made these Dick in the Box Comics. Uh-huh. And Sarah Hoffman says, in those comic strips, in those comic strips, it looks like Dick's left hand got cut off with a lightsaber, and then Andrew

John Nguyen Opelowski says, actually it was a box cutter. Oh, that was pretty funny. Very appropriate. Yeah. It's box cutter. Really? You got more? Yeah, I got a comment from Matt Tamasi.

He says, Reagan, the president, who started trickle-down economics, the drug war, lowered taxes but inevitably had to raise them. Nice solution, dick, retard. He says, you're just like every other dipshit who supports Reagan.

Impressionist idiots wooed by conservatives who prop him up as a god. Oh my goodness, we should be so lucky. Reagan. And not to even mention the Contra affair. Who cares? Oh, my gosh. Who cares?

You know what? I care because Contra is one of my favorite games, and for a brief time in the 80s, it was overshadowed by the Contra scandal. Yeah, if Contra was out today, like, you know how they're kicking the Confederate flag? All Confederate flag games are now, like, banned from iTunes and video games.

Yeah. Contra would be gone. have to rename it to like machine gun guys, machine gun brothers. Still, it's still probably just as fun. I got one more email. This one's pretty cool from Upton Rang. Accolades are in order, he says. I'm keeping this short, as I hope Dick will read this less to be disregarded by Maddox. Tip number one, when trying to make your email short, don't tell me you're making it short. Just make it short. The following attachment will be published in the prestigious J-O-V volume double X in the third quarter of 2015. I'm happy

to announce it is direct proof of Maddox's logical infidelities as a direct result from bonus episode nine. Okay. This is a real, you want to see it? What is this? This is a real paper. This is a scientific paper. It's formatted and typed like a real scientific paper.

I don't know if that means that it is. I assume that it is. Okay, it says set theoretic constructions, supersets, and degenerate metrics for solutions in, is that mu-sub-script S? Yeah. Okay. Is he trying to say U.S.? I don't know what...

All spaces. Okay. So here's his... It's a full-on three-page academic paper. And in it he covers, here's his main points. Dick claims GPS is a solution. Maddox claims satellite is a better solution since it's a superset. Bigger.

Okay. Dick claims things that fly in space is a better solution since it is a super set. Maddox claims that physical things is a better solution than the super... It's very mathy. I don't know. I don't understand it. What, is this for real? Is this a real paper?

This guy not fucking around? Like, has this been published? That's what he says? Hold on. The J-O-V? The J-O-V? That sounds like one of those pay for prints, pay for publication services, which a lot of really shady fly-by-night scientists published their papers in it. It's not peer-reviewed.

This paper's not peer-reviewed. This paper wouldn't stand up to muster. It's the Journal of Versamilitude. Versa-Militude? That sounds true. Yeah, that sounds made up. Garbage. Garbage journal, garbage fans.

Well, I'm going to put it on the site so you can read Dr. Upton Rangs. Ph.D. He's a PhD. Dr. Upton Rang? You know what that spells? You rang. Yeah. Dumb. Well, I don't know. True is still out on that one. Yeah. You got a solution? You gonna go first? I do have a solution, Dick.

I have possibly the biggest solution in the universe. Editing. Free birth control, baby. Yeah. Yeah. Free birth control. That's a real solution. All right, yeah. This is from the New York Times, Dick. They posited the following question. If teenagers and poor women were offered free, intrauterine devices and implants that prevent pregnancy for years, state officials asked, would those women choose them?

So this was a question that the state officials in Colorado asked, right? Yeah. They did in a big way, according to the New York Times. And the results were startling. The birth rate among teenagers across the state plunged by 40% from 2009 to 2013, while the rate of abortions filled by 42%. According to the Colorado Department of Public Health and environment. There was a similar decline in births for another group, particularly vulnerable

to unplanned pregnancies, unmarried women under the age 25 who have not finished high school. So less teen pregnancies? Fewer teen pregnancies, less teen pregnancies, and less abortion. So people who are anti-abortion, right? Yeah. They should start supporting free birth control. Yeah, I don't know why it's not free. Yeah, birth control? It seems like crazy that that's not free. Like, that's the last thing we want is more people. Well, no, we want more good people. We want more responsible parents

who are able to do a good job raising their kids. You know what, Dick? Yeah, but you can't look at all that. Like, you can't analyze it and decide it. You don't have that ability. Nobody has that ability. So let's just say less people. Like, if you don't want a baby,

here. We'll let you not have one. Yeah. Well, the dumb ones always want the babies. Apparently not though. It'll bring us closer together. But look at this study. It's saying that these chicks are lining up to get free birth control.

Well, it's not that they're necessarily dumb. They've not finished high school, maybe uneducated, uneducated and dumb are two different things. And also, poor people. They're usually the same. Come on. No, they're saying, they're saying, so the article goes on, it says, the changes were particularly pronounced in the poorest areas of the state

like Wallensburg, a small city in southern Colorado, where jobs are scarce and many young women have unplanned pregnancies. Taking advantage of the free program, Hope Martinez, a 20-year-old nursing home receptionist here, recently had a small rod implanted under her skin of her upper arm to prevent pregnancy for three years. So, Dick, you had a problem with condoms a long time ago.

You brought it in. Yeah. Everyone has a problem with condoms. No, that's not true. I would rather use a condom than risk pregnancy. If I really thought, you know, if I really thought there was a chance. that the girl might ride me Buck Wild and not let me pull out, which can happen.

What are you? Thunder thighs? You're banging Thunder Thighs? Yeah. You banging Lutzy Lawless? Haven't you seen that James Bond villain? Fanky Jansen? Yeah, that's the one, yeah.

She could rip your dick off if you're not careful. That's right, Sean. She could rip your dick off. You watch it, buddy. Get your dick ripped off in some woman snatch. And she could crush you with her power legs, with her thunder thighs. Yeah, man.

How do you keep it up with all these thoughts going around? of your mind. I'm getting her dick ripped off in James Bond. Man, I'd get the biggest boner permanently. Having my dick ripped up in some thuddered thigh woman. I'm like, oh, man, that's so hot. All right. Yeah, man.

But, no, but condoms aren't necessarily the free birth control they're offering here. It's intrauterine devices. Yeah. So that's a... So you can't fuck it up. No. And it's also good for three years. The, you know, if I had to play devil's advocate here, I would say that the only

downside I see to this is potentially more people having unprotected sex, which could spurn a rise of STDs. However, that's a much lower health care cost than a child raised without both parents or a child raised in a poor environment because the mother would have to go, like if a single mom had to raise her child, it's fucked. She may have to work, some single moms have to work two part-time jobs or a full-time job and a part-time job just to make ends meet and they're not able to stay home and supervise their children, their children get into all sorts of stuff.

In fact, here are the problems that this solves, that free birth control solves. It reduces abortions, as we mentioned, right? That should be a huge plus. The Christian right should be pounding down the doors. They should be petitioning D.C. Congress to make this federal mandate, I think. Yeah, priests, if they would just say,

hey everybody calm down with birth control it's good go do it god invented it use it yeah you know the catholic church gets a lot of flack because the official stance of the catholic church is that uh they're opposed to condoms because it's some form of birth control right so weird yeah but you know the catholic church is also opposed to murder and stealing and adultery and all these other things that people still do and and they're saying that africa is really suffering because of the catholic church because of their stance on birth control. But here's the thing. People fuck all the time anyway, regardless of what the church says.

People still kill. People still drink. People still steal. They do all these things despite what the church says. I mean, their guidelines are only going to influence people so far. I agree they should definitely change their guidelines. But come on, you can only impugn them so much for that because people are going to still fuck anyway.

Look at Africa. You know, mostly, I think they're mostly Christian and they're still fucking like crazy. I have no idea. It reduces STD rates, right? The free birth control? Mm-hmm. Well, if it's condoms, I guess. It reduces prison population.

It's not, though. It's intrauterine, yeah. Yeah. But I mean, I'm just saying in general, if they made condoms also more readily available, that could reduce STD rates. It reduces prison populations, right? Because kids from single mother families are 20% more likely to end up in prison. This is from villagevoice.com. Is it? 20%. Yeah. You have a one in five chance of going to prison

if you come from a single parent household. Wait a minute. 20% of prisoners come from a single parent or you're 20% more likely to go to prison? That's a big difference. This study says 20% more likely. Okay.

Yeah, to end up in prison. Coming from a single mother family. That's from villagevoice.com. It also reduces runaway populations as kids. You're 32% more likely to run away from home if you come from a single mother household. You're 14% less likely to commit rape,

according to these statistics. I don't know how they figure that one out. You're 10% less like... I guess they look at rape. People have been convicted of rape and then find out whether or not they grew up in single household or double parent households.

You're 14... Excuse me, you're 10% less likely to abuse chemical substances. That's pretty big. You're 10% less likely to commit suicide and you're 9% less likely to drop out of high school. So the suicide one specific... Specifically, you know, a lot of people who are gun control advocates say, well, there's 33,000 deaths by guns every year.

Half of them are suicides. More than that. Two thirds. Two thirds? Yes. Jesus Christ. So you could reduce that rate by 10% with free birth control potentially. Because these kids who were growing up in single household families, if they weren't, if they weren't born, that would reduce the suicide. Seems like it'd be pretty cheap, too.

Yeah. Just pay for these dumb IUDs or whatever it is? Yeah. The net effect here is, I think, wholly positive for society. Colorado. They got all the good initiatives. Trailblazers. They're trailblazing.

They're blazing like crazy in Colorado. So can we do, instead of free birth control, can we do pay birth control? Like, you know what? I'll give you $1,000 if you put one of these IUDs in. It's like the premium package. Yeah, the premium IUD. Oh, Dick, you're saying. Hey, you?

Yeah, we pay you to put the IUD. Correct. That's a good solution. More birth control, way more. And we call it eugenics. Right? Are you guys still on board with this? Okay, Charles Lindberg. I like it. I'm still on board with it. Charles Lindberg was a huge eugenics proponent.

Yeah. Was he a German guy? Lindberg was the first person to fly American flying hero. Yeah. Spirit of St. Louis? I don't know. What did he do? He was a hero of aviation.

He flew across the Atlantic and then his baby was murdered. It was a big story in like the 30s. I don't know. What was his baby wearing? What was his, what happened? You know, like a little, he was asking for it. Yeah, that's what I get. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

A little sailor outfit. Yeah. Well, look, man, if his baby got murdered, maybe he shouldn't have been in a bar starting trouble. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty good solution. Oh, thanks, man.

Yeah. You done? No, yeah. Yeah, that's about all I have. But I agree, that's a good idea to start paying people. You know what? Oh, yeah. It's an, it's an extra incentive.

not. We pay people for eggs. Egg donors. Yeah, a lot. Yeah. It's like $20,000 for your eggs. That's what I hear. I got some eggs for you. I should go in, put a wig on. I'll sell your eggs. Hi, check out my pussy. It's too early for you to get this goofy. All right, that's my solution. What do you got? Pretty good. Uh, refrigeration. Refrigeration? Yeah. You know, it's coming up upon Burning Man time. Oh, yeah. Yep. As it does every year. Burning Man's coming up in what? Two weeks now, right?

It's three or four weeks. Three or four weeks. So I'm trying to cram in all the things I thought I'd be doing all year since last year. All the solutions? I get home and I'm like, you know, it would be really great as if I built like an Einstein refrigerator and I could take out there to make ice like Doc Brown and back to the future three. Yeah. I'm going to totally do this. I'm going to start drawing up the plans.

This is in September. Yeah, September of last year. Yeah, 2014, then July, mid-July rolls around. I'm like, oh, shit. Totally forgot about this. Yep. Because you miss refrigeration when you're out there. You have nothing.

So explain to people who aren't familiar with the Burning Man, which is no one, because everyone who's listened to the show, you go out in the desert and you hang out in the desert and you have to bring all your own shit with you. There's nothing. There's no civilization out there. It's an alkali flats or whatever. It's an ancient bed.

Agent Lakebed. So what are the kinds of foods or drinks that you'd be bringing with you that refrigeration, as opposed to... It's a fucking nightmare, man. All of them. Like, you've got to make all your stuff in advance and put it in a cooler and basically cross your fingers. Put a bunch of dry ice in there. And as the week goes on, you go from, you know, modern times, the 20th century, you go slowly backwards in time with what you're eating until by the very end you're just shoveling handfuls of beef jerky and tuna fish out of a can into your mouth.

Oh, man. Sucks. And that's what refrigeration has fixed for all of us. Yeah. It's a big deal. Yeah. I'll tell you how big of a solution is way better than free birth control. Oh, really? Right.

Who cares about free birth control? A lot of people care about free birth control. So we all know that refrigeration used to be cutting blocks out of the ice, right? Like in Frozen. Is that what it used to be? The movie Frozen. Yeah, I've never seen Frozen. You should see it.

So you can join the conversation that we're having about it. Oh, boy. Cut ice, they cut ice out of a lake bed. They fill up, you know, big shovels of snow and then take it back home. They bury it in clay pots or in ceramic pots or whatever. And that would be your fridge. Okay. That would be your fridge.

And you would spend, just imagine, imagine what a pain in the ass it is to go shopping. All right? I'm done. I'm thinking of it right now. Huge pain in the ass. How much does it take? How much time does it take? Come on.

20 minutes. 20 minutes to go shopping for a week's worth of, imagine you're cooking for a whole family. 40 minutes. 40 minutes? All right. I'm in and out, man. And I make no list. And I'm tired.

I think people who make lists are weak. I think they're weaker, they're lesser minds. You can't remember a few things. What do you? You can't remember a list of ten things that you need? These are things that you need, idiot. These are, what are you going shopping, recreationally? Why do you need to write down, make a grocery list of things that you need?

Just fucking remember it. Anyway, 40 minutes, done. All right. But you know, okay, so you're saying for. Imagine a world where you can't save any of that. You got no fridge. Yeah. What are you going to do with it?

Set it out in the open? Pickle it. brine it, jar it, you're eating the same pickled shit every day. That's what people used to do. Yeah, it was awful. Yeah. Until refrigeration came along.

Mid-1750s, it's when refrigeration started. Really? That long ago? Well, that's when it, like, started as a thing. It's like a science. Okay, we can, look at this. We can take a system of compressed air and heat this side, and it sucks coal, it sucks heat out of the other side.

Yeah, there's an engine based on that, right? There's an engine that uses that same principle. Oh, is it a Sterling engine? Sterling engine. Yeah, probably that. Yeah. I don't know. 1834, the first vapor compression fridge.

Ice machine in 1854. Sorry, that was 1834. 1854, we got ice machines. They had ice in 1854? Yeah, when was Back to the Future 3? 1885, wasn't it? I think so, yeah. So they would have had, that was the ice machine that they had then.

That giant contraption. that shoots out like a little bit of ice. I don't remember that. Because it's very, well, that's why I'm bringing in refrigeration, because it's so fucking hard to build a machine that works reliably to make things cold. Like, it's a tremendous effort. Like, I believe, I think I could get a satellite up in space

more easily than I could make an ice-making machine for Burning Man. It's canvassing, there it is. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. What's canvassing? What do you mean? Well, you're, because you're making a case. Oh, no, no, I don't care about the contest or what.

I'm just saying it's an incredible amount of work. Like, in your mind, you can imagine how a satellite works. Like, you take, I don't know, solid oxygen, throw it in a rocket, do some, uh... Light in a fire. Do some rocket science. I could get there eventually. Way easier. Refrigeration science, though.

How does that work? What? You've got ammonia and poisonous gases leaking all over the place and it's got to work all the time. Hey, that's why it's an expression. I'm not a refrigeration scientist. It should be. It should be that as the expression. Rocket science, piece of kit.

You just go up. Go away from where you are. You'll eventually get to space. Yeah, it's not that hard. It's no refrigeration science. It's not like trying to make something cool. Yeah. Oh, you know what, though, Dick?

I will give it to you. Refrigerators do make things cool. Great. Thank you. So before 1830, people's diets were bread and salted meat. Like, that's what they used. It sounds kind of good. Once or twice.

All day? All week? Every week? Bread and salted meat. That's like a beef jerky sandwich. Yeah, every day. Yeah. This is your dream world then.

Sounds like heaven. Before refrigerators. Yeah, man. Take me back to that time, baby. And what kind of bread? I bet it was like that real bread, too. The yeast leaven shit? It says it was all French bread.

It was not French bread. The first couple of industries, I did like this. The first couple of industries, that started using refrigeration was beer brewing. So they could brew consistent beer. Germans came in with their great beer, but they needed to use refrigeration

so they could beer a consistent product all year round. It's pretty good, right? Ah. Meatpacking, too. Meatpackers used the refrigeration. Yeah, that makes sense, okay? Because without refrigerating your beef, here's the thing.

Vegetarians and environmentalists should be kissing the dick of the family members who descended from the refrigerator inventors. Okay, follow that line of reasoning there. Okay. Oh, because you kill less meat? You kill less animals because it rots less.

It rots less. It lasts longer. You can freeze it. That shit lasts for what? A year? Well, that's it. Frozen meat? Frozen meat? Well, then it starts to get shitty.

Then you throw it away. You just shave it off. Yeah, you can just shave it off. You're right. It's still good. It's not going to kill you. So with, I wonder the impact on livestock and agriculture that

refrigeration has had. That's a good question. I didn't find that. I did find, here's some stats for you. I got stats for you. In 1921, there was 5,000 refrigerators manufactured. 1931, 10 years later, there's a million. And in 1950s, in 90% of homes. Wait, how many years is that in between?

10 years in between the million jump and about 20 before they. 90% 20 years 90% That's a big solution 90% of homes have it That's a big ass solution How many homes have satellites? A lot of homes have

I don't know, probably a lot No, they have a lot of dishes buddy They probably have a lot You know what? And dish network sucks That's satellite, there you go Yeah, that's satellite TV Yeah, no

You know what though I think that a lot of Modern refrigerators rely on satellites. I don't have the stat... Really? No. I'm just bullshading. Look, man, refrigeration is a big solution, and that is a big market penetration, and it is something that we can't do without. But you know what a refrigerator is? It's basically a box.

Do we have to debate what a box is again on this show? No, because we... No, it's a box. I'll give them that one. It's an ice box. It's definitely a box. You can't have a refrigerator without a box. No. It's a box. Go vote up boxes, people. That's what Dick's trying to say this episode is that it's a box. And you know what's another kind of box?

A vagina. Pussies are also boxes. That's true. That's a fact. Look it up. What does that have to do with this? I was just thinking about how great boxes are. I can talk about boxes all day.

And then people in the comments, you know, I'm going back to boxes. People in the comments are saying, well, boxes have to be square. No, they don't. There's round boxes. There's hexagonal boxes. Triangle boxes. You can put posters in. And refrigerator.

Another type of box. Go vote up boxes. people. If you think refrigeration is a solution, you better, you bet your ass that boxes are solutions. Yeah, all right. Except drop boxes. Fuck those. Yeah, but you can get boxed in also.

You don't want to get boxed in. No, you don't. Some boxes are problems. Like drop boxes are problems. Being boxed in is a problem. You don't want to be in a militarized zone either. A militarized box, right? If you're boxed in by tanks, like say, what are those, Hausers? No. What are the German...

Howitzers? The giant guns. Panzers. You don't want to be boxed in by panzers, then you're fucked. That's a real specific reference. Well, it's a real specific box. Transporting food? That was made possible by refrigeration. So imagine all these wonder.

You like a variety of foods. I do. Right? That's thanks to refrigeration. All your weird fruits that you eat. I do eat a lot of weird fruit. Here's the thing, though, Dick. You just brought up something that I just realized.

I brought in in a couple of episodes. episodes ago on the problems show, I brought in partially hydrogenated oils. And those were invented specifically to avoid the cost of transportation with refrigeration. Oh, yeah? Yeah, because they didn't have to refrigerate that stuff, that oil that they were transporting into butters and the griscoes and margarins and all these like weird butters and things. And it has contributed to a 20% increase in coronary heart disease. Therefore, refrigeration is a killer.

No, no, no. Voted down. Refrigeration was a good solution, and they tried to make it better, and they fucked up, because the refrigeration is as perfect as it gets. You can't make it any better by getting hydrogenated oils in there or whatever. Well, Dick, here's what I don't understand. Do they use refrigerators on space shuttles?

Yeah, sure. No, they don't. They got to freeze all that oxygen, don't they? How do you think they get oxygen to be a liquid? It's compressed. No, they freeze it. No, they do that through compression. They put it in a box.

Yeah, they put it in a big box. It's in another box. That's what space shuttles are, essentially. They're big boxes. All right. So what's your point? Vote up boxes. Hey, here's the thing. It's cheaper.

What? You know what? You don't need refrigeration in space, which is where we're headed. This Earth is doomed. It's fucked. The sun's going to blow up and envelop the entire Earth. In like 6 billion years. Why do you care about that?

4 billion years, and it's going to be uninhabital long before that, about 1 billion years, and in fact, NASA estimates 50,000 years. So here's the thing, we're going up to space. Then they hold their hands out. No. Uh-huh. Yeah, 50,000 years. Let's have some more funding.

Yeah, I'm readily, I'm ready to give it to NASA because they kick ass. They got us a fucking probe on Pluto. That's amazing. Yeah. Another satellite, by the way. And here's the thing, Dick. Once we get into space, which is where we're headed, we no longer need refrigerators, don't we? We can just cart our food around

trailing behind the space shuttle because it's cold in space. You just leave your food outside. At absolute zero? You're going to get a hell of a freezer burn on your steak at absolute zero Kelvin. I doubt it. I think that at absolute zero steak is just fine buddy. You just warm that thing up on the grill, you're good. No bacteria

on your food in space? We're not in space. This is not the show is not predicated on being on firefly. It's a real, refrigeration is a real solution that happened. and changed society as we know it. Yeah.

Well, space is the biggest refrigerator of all. All right. Made food cheaper? How about that? It made pre-cut meat possible. You should walk in, grab a pack of meat. Before you had to stand in line at a butcher. Oh.

Oh, man, that is a good point. I hate lines. Yes, there we go. Less food waste. You're not wasting food. You can refrigerate it. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good point.

It has brought down the cost of food. It is a big solution, Dick. I'll give you that. How about this? Vaccines. What about them? You need refrigeration to keep your vaccines good. So you can take them into the middle of Africa or wherever, or to Beverly Hills, wherever you're taking your vaccines.

I was hoping you wouldn't bring that up because that's a really good point. I thought about it and I was like, ah, I'm not going to bring this up. Fuck, fuck dick. And then. Not a contest. No. Classic, not a contest. Because I was waiting for it because I wanted to swoop in and save your problem from the clutches of defeat.

Yeah, because everyone right now listening right now is, they have their hand hovering over boxes or refrigeration. They're trying to decide what to vote for. I think it's boxes. Boxes is not your solution this episode. It's always my solution. Boxes are my monkeys of problems, of solutions, yeah. Anyway, man. Yeah, that's a good, that's a good solution. Anything else on refrigeration? So I didn't get my refrigerator ready for burning, man. I'm going to do it next year.

No, you're not. You're not going to. Here's the thing, unless you're one of those rich dickhead billionaires who, who fly in from Facebook. What are the Wachowski brothers? No, the Vanderbilt. What are those guys? You know who I'm talking about? The Facebook twins? The Winklevoss?

Winklevoss. Those guys. The Winklevoss twins flew in last year. Oh, they did? Yeah, they flew in on a private jet, and then they flew their chef from Nobu into make sushi for them every day. So what? That's cool.

Fly in? That's only like 600 bucks. That's completely contrary to the ethos of Burning Man. What do you know? You haven't been there? Yeah, but I read. I'm not needed it You read people bitching about it

What do you know about the 18th century What do you read about refrigerators You weren't there You didn't know about these refrigerators In this case I was in the 18th century Yeah Well that's true Yeah

Burning Man is essentially that It's just poor people bitching about Somebody having a Having opportunities they don't No Like it's just You're just comparing yourself To these rich people

Like so what So what they can fly in on a jet And you have to wait in line for 20 hours. So what? Like, who cares? That's their deal. Yeah, I told you, so what? The so what is that it's completely contrary to the experience. It's like going camping and saying, hey, um, so I went camping last weekend. I brought in my contractor to build me a log cabin. Yeah, it's a really good camping experience. That's not camping, shithead. I guess. Yeah. It's, it's your kind of camping. If you want to do that, if you're next to this campground and you want to bitch about Maddox's

awesome casino slash log cabin that he built off the river off the current river then you oh what it's always about this comparison like it the only

reason it's a problem is because people are comparing themselves to the ultra rich like that's there's this ubiquitous sentiment that like you have any right to compare your life to theirs your life is fine just deal with your own shit you want to jet

I don't know, be born as somebody who has a jet. Otherwise, you don't have a fucking jet. It's not a big deal. Like, why is everyone so wrapped up in the advantages of the super rich? So they have jets and yachts. Who fucking cares? You can have fun without a jet or a yacht. No, no, no, dick.

I think the point was lost on you. I don't think that people have a problem with them being rich. I mean, some people definitely do. I personally do not because, for example, a better example, another example of this that has nothing to do with money is, say, for example, in video game speed run. In video games, speed runs, I have video games on the mind because I've been watching. A real world example.

It is a real world example. Sean. Maddox, you don't know the principles of video games. Yeah. Because in a video game speed run, it's predicated upon your skill. Your skill level is what matters. So if somebody comes in and says, hey guys, I have a tool assisted speed run. I wrote a script that blah, blah, blah, blah. It's not the same thing.

It's not the whole points. Are you competing against them? In a video game speed run, you are actually as a competition. Is their score allowed into the whatever play? Is it allowed into sanctioned play? No. No. But it's also counter to the experience.

Like, you could say, for example, train really hard and become a really strong bodybuilder. Or you could get bionic exoskeleton. You could do steroids. Let's keep it in the realm of reality, please. You could do steroids. So I'm not pissed at some guys juice up. Like, that's their deal. They want to look like that.

The only reason I would be bitter and pissed about them looking like juiced up monsters is because I'm envious of that. You know what I mean? And that's, and envy is a bad thing. It's the same as like Burning Man when these billionaires come in and all the plebs and the normies like me bitch about it. Like, oh, where's my yacht? I don't have, I don't have a jet. I'm pissed off. They shouldn't be able to bring their jet into my party.

It's like, why do you care? Why do you have to compare yourself to it? It's not a comparison. No, because it's ruining the culture of burning it. What do you know? You've never been there. I read. You read what? I read pissed off people who bitch about it.

Most people don't give a fuck. Really? Yeah. And then how come everyone's such a crybaby online about it? Because it's, that's what generates clicks. It's asshole. These people have enough free time to sit on Facebook and bitch about it. I don't, because I don't fucking care about their guts.

Maybe I'll get, you know what, maybe I'll get some scraps. Maybe hot chicks will go hang out at the billionaire camp, how many chicks could DeWinkle Voss's bone practically? You know, a couple dozen? A lot of them. I'll get some run off. Right over here, girls, you like billionaires? I'm a big liar. You're going to love me. Yeah, I, you know what, Dick? I have, I have pride. I will not take the table scraps of billionaire. I will not pick up their leftover

pussy. Yeah, right. Their second hand pounded pussy. No thanks. No thanks, sir. Only fresh for me. Oh, I'll take it all day. Fresh off the boat. that's what I want. Nothing wrong with it. Nothing wrong with it. All right, Dick. Speaking of not demonizing pussy.

Tell me more what Bering Man is. No, I don't need to. Because there's already a consensus. These aren't my opinions. These are the opinions of people who go there. It's just people bitching, though. There's no number to back that up. Like, what is the number of people

who have a problem with billionaires there? I mean, if I had to be real here, I would guess that that number doesn't matter. Why does it not matter? Well, for any practical reason, it's not a, it's not a scene that I'm part of. I don't really care. I'm just saying if I personally had a certain type of feel for an event and somebody came in and totally stuck their finger in the ointment, right? If they were the fly in the ointment of my event, that would piss me off. It's kind of like going to, um, uh, I don't know, man, it's kind of like going to a weed convention and then just doing

acid the entire time. Why don't you do something you know about? Like, do something, do something with video games. I did. I said the video games, but that has to do with competition. That's an unfair advantage in a competition. What about just, what about somebody just enjoying a video game differently than you? You know? I can't, I can't think of an analogy that works like that. I don't know that. Yeah. I guess it would be kind of like, I guess it would be kind of like somebody going to a movie theater and enjoying the movie by talking really loud. Okay, that's totally disrupting you. that disrupts the...

They're not disrupts the ambience of the theater, doesn't it? Oh, the ambiance, please. You guys know a lot about Comic-Con, right? Everything. We know everything about everything. Exactly. I've been going for nine years. Madge knows a lot more than me. Aren't people like the old-school geeks pissed off?

No, this become kind of like celebrity-filled and... Correct. It's kind of hip to be there now. That is a good example. Comic-Con. That's a perfect example of how the culture is completely shifted at Comic-Con. And I hate to use the word culture here. But the culture of Comic-Con has shifted.

It has become way more corporate and movie-driven and profit-driven. It is no longer about the exhibitors. It's no longer about comics. It's all about people going there to gawk about celebrities. It changes the focus of the event into something else. Look, man, I'm not... Do what you want, believe what you want about Burning Man, but you run a risk of having the scene that you like,

shifting into something that it's not. Yeah, but you also got to remember that there's people there who are eco-activists, like, environmental activists, like hardcore vegetarians. Like people that I hate way more than billionaires. And I'm fine with them being there

even though that like that annoys me. That's the whole point is letting go of what annoys you. Like just calm the fuck down. Whatever goes, man. Yipi ethos. I don't, you know what? It boggles my mind that you of old people

would appreciate and enjoy Burning Man. But I have a theory on as to why. Why? Wow. Don't tease. What is it? No, I don't want to get into it. Why, why, why?

Because it's a huge tangent. Let's talk about it on another show. Because right now... No, I'm sick of teasing things for another show. Give me a hint. You can't do that. Yeah, you can't do that. Well, because at Burning Man, it's kind of like free for all,

and the stigmas about having sex is kind of dropped, and you can get laid more easily. That's why you think I go? I think. I think I get laid more often, then. I think it has to do with that and also drugs. No. I don't do any... Well, what do you like about it?

I mean, that's why I didn't bring it up, because now we have to get into that. It's a huge tangent. We don't have to get... I don't think we have to go on that tangent. Well, if you had to say in a sentence, what you like about it, what would it be? You're more connected to people.

Like, people have... People aren't rushing around in this dog-eat-dog, rat race. Oh, they're out there. They're just out there to build big shit. Can you say the same of, like, a cruise ship? no because that's like a manufactured event like a cruise ship is all and I

and I used to want to go on a cruise ship but then I saw pictures of an actual cruise ship and it's like people being crammed onto a sardine can and it's all manufactured and it's all it's like a guided tour like I don't do guided tours of places because I don't like to sit there and be lectured

by some dude who's reading off a Wikipedia page about like what I'm looking at in Florence right like I'll just walk around my own and have a different experience. Well, all right, man. You're entitled to enjoy Burning Man however you want, man. I'll fly my jet there one day.

Right. Really rub it. No, but it'll be all billionaires by then. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Because all the billionaires will have forced everybody out. Because there's nothing manufactured about a private jet and flying in your own chefs from Nobu. What's wrong with a fucking jet?

It's just, it's not, it's, well, what are you explained? What's your solution? Dick, the biggest solution in the universe, I think, is legalized prostitution. I 100% agree with you. In fact, before the show started, we talked about our solutions, and Dick and I actually brought in the exact same solution. You originally wanted to talk about...

Yeah, the birth control one. Oh, the birth control one. Yeah, excuse me. No, because it was in the news. Yeah. So it was in the news a couple weeks ago, yeah. But legalized prostitution is actually in the news now today because Amnesty International wants to legalize it.

They want to change their official stance into legalizing prostitution. Yes. This is from the New York Times. In France, England, and Ireland, lawmakers are considering new measures, and in the case of Northern Ireland and Canada, are enforcing new laws that decriminalize prostitution but impose penalties on clients using a model adopted in Sweden in 1999. Hold on, walk me through that.

So in 1999 in Sweden, they decided to stop penalizing women for prostitution and start penalizing just the men. Oh, what? Yeah. Or the clients, because not all prostitutes are female. because they thought that it's unfair because they kind of view... Sweden is a very pro-feminist, progressive culture, and they feel that if a woman is in prostitution,

it must be because she has no other choices in life and not because she might want to pursue that avenue as an additional source of income or as her primary source of income because there's nothing wrong with sex. That's not Sweden's view. Sweden's view is that women who are doing prostitution or forced into any kind of...

excuse me, are doing any kind of sex trade or sex work, must be forced into it. And therefore, we shouldn't penalize them because they're already being penalized. Oh, they're already being forced. They're already being forced. That is Sweden's view. And so to write that perceived wrong,

they have started to penalize the clients, the customers. They think that that's the solution. Which are mostly men, right? Well, of course, yeah. Of course. Amnesty, this again from the New York Times, this is amnesty International is advocating a new course, decriminalizing all sex works.

work, decriminalizing all sex work, both for buyers and sellers. At an international conference next week in Dublin, they'll vote on whether or not to advocate the elimination of all penalties for sex work on the grounds that it is a matter of privacy between consenting adults. Yeah, no shit. Amen. Because that's exactly what it fucking is. It's nobody's business.

If you want to pay for sex or if you want to prostitute yourself, what's the problem? Yeah. You're allowed to prostitute yourself in a corporation. You can go and trade your hours sitting in a cubicle answering phone calls like a slave. You can go to a grocery store and ring up people's baloney all fucking day long. You can work in a post office like a slave,

just picking up parcels and turning around and putting them in boxes. But the second you do anything sexual for money, oh, that's a huge fucking sin, isn't it? You can also stay married to a huge lunatic and have to tolerate that to live. You know? It's a different type of mental anguish

to be in a... You're saying if somebody was say you were financially dependent upon someone in marriage. Let's say you're a housewife, right? Yeah. I mean, you get money. Or there's sugar mamas too. Sure, whatever...

I have some friends who are in abusive, destructive relationships just because it's financially convenient for them. Yeah. They put up with a lot of shit. They have women or men in their lives who completely control them, manipulate them, make them feel little and small and broken, and they put up with abuse for years.

And that's legal. Yeah, of course it's legal. We should make this as politically correct as possible and just only say that men are prostitutes. So we can just talk about it without having to preface everything with, uh, uh, it could also be men. It could also be men. So Ireland and Canada recently started enforcing new regulations.

In Ireland, it's a $1,500 fine, or that's a thousand pounds, and a prison term for clients. God damn. Yeah. Sweden's penalized the customer law has caused a 50% decline in prostitutions as 1919. No. I don't even buy that. Wow. Who's reporting that? Well, in Sweden. I've been to Sweden and it's a pretty clean culture.

Like, I feel completely safe in Sweden. Anywhere I go, it's so safe. In fact, at one point... Would you feel less safe if there was hookers? No. Walk in the streets? No, no, no. But just in general, Sweden's a very low-crime nation. In fact, if anyone gets murdered, it's the front page of their headlines, their national newspaper. Outage porn. At one point in Sweden, I was walking by...

and I noticed that my shoelaces were untied, so I bent over to tie it next to this coffee shop, and I noticed this lady inside, babe, total babe by the way. Everyone in Sweden's a babe. Even the guys are all babes. So I noticed this lady inside the coffee shop kept peering over her shoulder at me.

And I thought, what's this, hey, baby, what's going on here? You're checking me out? She thought you were a terrorist. No, fuckhead. It's not funny. Stop laughing. Like in the IRA, you mean, right? That kind of terrorist?

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, of course, that's what you mean, Sean. Like the IRA. Assholes. So anyway, this lady kept peering at me. You would be like an exotic man there, right? I am.

Yeah. Yeah. And she was like, hey. Look at this spicy Armenian meat. Yeah. I want some extra garlic sauce with this guy. I want my sheep tended to. So she wanted me to look at her flock.

So anyway, man, this lady turned around checking me out, right? And I thought, oh, hey, what's up, baby? And then I noticed she wasn't looking at. at me. She was watching her baby carriage, which was right next to me outside while I was bending over to tie my shoes. She left her baby outside in a carriage outside of the coffee shop because the crime rate is so low. It's just a thing in Sweden. Were you in the south of Sweden? I was in an area called Sofo, I believe. It's a very hipster dance area. But no, it was in Stockholm. That sounds like a stupid thing to do even if it is safe. Leaving your

baby stroller outside? No, but people, people, it's, the crime is so low. Nothing. ever happened to Sweden. That's why you can leave your fucking baby anywhere you want. Sweden's a baby safe country. Big problem. Babies. Yeah. Anyway man. So when did you have stuff on why prostitution started to be illegal? Do you have that anywhere in there? No. I don't want to rush you,

but... I mean, it's... It has to do with puritanical beliefs, but here's what I wanted to read from New York Times. They said, Amnesty International argues that sexual desire is a fundamental need and that punishing buyers may amount to a violation of their right to and undermine the rights to free expression and health.

So there's a lot of people in the world who have sexual dysfunction and sexual dysmorphia and all sorts of sexual phobias and things because they, for a number of reasons. It could be psychological. It could be environmental. It could be institutional. For a number of reasons, people have sexual problems. And sometimes they go to sex workers to experiment with sex and try to overcome their fears. movie about that with what's her name Sandra?

No, what's her name from Countdown? You know who I'm talking about? Jack the Ripper. No, not. Sean, shitting all over my problem. No, it was called SpongeBob 3D. I remember that. No, asshole.

Anyway, they said that the group also cites the benefits for buyers with physical and psychological disabilities who feel safe to express their sexuality and to develop a stronger sense of self with their relationships with sex workers, improving their lives to enjoyment and dignity. I love when you can find

like a real obscure reason where like sex work should be allowed and then you can like a real ultra PC version of why it should be allowed and then cram it in their face even though you know like most prostitution is not that. It doesn't have to be but you know what? Right that's what I love when it's like one little tiny bit

you're like oh you see this you can't deny that so we're going to let everybody through because it's exactly like legalizing marijuana. The majority of the fuckheads just want to smoke and get high, but there are a few people. Oh, they're fuckheads now. There are a few. Oh, they're fuckheads. You think they're fuckheads, too, that you know you. What do you think about guys who go

to prostitutes then? Let me ask you that. I don't have a problem with it. I've never gone to a prostitute. Me either. And I wouldn't. Every girlfriend I've ever had has asked me that, and then none of them believe that answer. I'm always, I'm always shocked a little bit when I find out one of my friends has been with a prostitute.

Yeah, because every now and then I'll be, it'll come up in a conversation. Oh, here's Here's a funny story. So when I was on book tour for the alphabet of manliness, I believe the first time, I was in Austin, and I got in a taxi cab, and I was going on my way to the airport. And, you know, sometimes the cab drivers are bored and they want to make a little small talk. This was in the springtime, I believe. And the cab driver turned around, he goes, oh, man, a lot of pretty ladies out there. I'm like, yeah, because we just pass this flock of beautiful women.

And he goes, yeah, I love what they wear in the summertime. I'm like, yeah, man. And so then he goes, ain't no shame. and pain for it. And I just kind of looked down and looked out the window, you know, rolling my eye, like looking up the ceiling, whatever, and just hoping that was the end of the conversation. He goes, oh, no, you just begun. Oh, man, the whole ride to the airport, yep, ain't no pain, no, ate no shame and pain

for it. And he just kept going on and on. He said, you know what, it's better than the alternative. And I thought, well, what's the alternative? I don't know. I didn't ask. Not paying for it and not getting it? I don't know what he was implying.

Being ashamed of paying for it? I don't know what he was implying. No, think bigger and more aggressive. It could be. I think you're right. Right? It could be that, but it also could be the alternative is dating. Well, that's also awful.

I mean, yeah, that's awful. Dating's the worst. Here's the thing, man. Dating is the long game of prostitution. If all you're going into a relationship is for sex and you don't ever intend to date that person, then it's this kind of like long dance that we do as a society where I know people, I know women in my life who will not put out until the third date

regardless of whether or not they end up continuing to date the person. They have that rule, but they do. Yeah, well, of course, yeah, of course they do. I mean, when they're with me, panties drop, baby. They don't have a choice. All right. I mean they can't control themselves. I didn't mean to turn this into a sandbox, but go.

They get caught in the bicycle handlebars. Shut the fuck up, Sean, every single... These bicycle angle bars are ribbed for your pleasure. Sean, edit yourself out of the episode. Every single thing you've said this episode is piss me off. All right. So anyway, man, yeah, but a lot of times these women are disappointed because after they put out, the guy stops calling them and they blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Because you have built up so much of this pretension about sex and so much expectation. And when it doesn't pan out the way you want, then suddenly the guys, the bad guy and women are less likely to put out blah blah blah if everybody Yeah a lot of times they're just like really selfish and shitty in bed And you're like what am I doing busting my hump Trying to talk trying to bang this girl when she's not any good at it Here's the thing dick

Everybody likes and enjoys sex And it's something that everybody wants We all fucking want it right Why don't we just get over this whole pretension This huge hang up that we have about sex And just admit that we all want it and just do it more often It's very weird that there's not outrage, that there isn't a moral outrage about prostitution being illegal. Because it's definitely just a way to control what women do with their bodies, right?

Yeah. It's 100% that. Yeah. The biggest, most ubiquitous way we control women and what they do with their bodies. And I think most people see it as good that it's illegal. Yeah. It's a huge shame. It's kind of like male circumcision.

We talked about female genital mutilation, but merit. Male circumcision is something that we see as kind of a positive, and there's really not many benefits to it. But anyway, that's another discussion. This New York Times article goes on and says, Amnesty also sides with the argument made recently by sex workers in France that penalizing customers would drive prostitutions further underground, making the workers more vulnerable to dangers. That's absolutely true. And Dick, you and I have friends who are porn stars, right? One of my good friends is Ella Darling.

She was a guest on the live show, and she'll probably be a guest on a show. one of our future episodes. She is a porn star, and she is a sex worker. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. And I have seen, I've been out there in public with her when she gets recognized or when she tells people what she does. And it's the entire gamut of reactions to it, from shame to encouragement to fascination. And weird fascination. Well, yeah.

I'm like, all right, come down. Yeah. But yeah, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. demonization of it is appalling. But you know what, Dick? You know who is opposed to this? This is from New York Times, too. Excuse me, this is from Christianpost.com.

But it's not who you think. A letter written by Anne Hathaway, Kate Winslet, Merrill Streep, Gloria Steinem, the Salvation Army, the Sisters of the Good Shepherd, and a ton of reverence, denounced the push by Amnesty International to legalize prostitution.

Of course they do. Yeah. Are you surprised by all those? those actresses are saying prostitution should be illegal. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Those actresses think prostitution, they want to further control women's bodies.

It says here in New York Times, it really undermines the whole concept of human rights to call it the right of a man to buy another human being for sex, said Jessica Newark, Newark, Newark, Newark. Yeah. So these women, these celebrities have come out denouncing Amnesty International. and they are completely opposed to legalizing prostitution, which is a huge problem. Well, most of them trade on sex anyway. Oh, yeah, of course. Kate Winslet?

Yeah. Wasn't she in Titanic? You'll see. I will not. I will fucking not see. But she showed her tits in Titanic. That was a sexual scene, by the way. She got banged in the back of a car.

I know that because I watched it, and you don't have to play it anymore. Yeah. Yeah. Kate Winslet. So let me ask you something. This woman, this woman has the balls. She has the audacity to criticize people

for sex work when she appeared in a nude scene in Titanic, a movie where she pretended to fornicate in the back of a car, or maybe she did, who knows, but she's having sex for money on camera. Yet she has the balls, she has audacity to criticize sex workers. Fuck you, Kate Winslet. Fuck you and your gorgeous perfect tits. Fuck you. What would happen if it was legal? Because there's a lot of human trafficking that goes on just getting these hookers into the country. A lot of human trafficking is that. refrigeration helps Is that true?

What are you talking about, Sean? You know, to transport them. Yeah, that's what I thought. That's why I was afraid you were talking about. Dead or alive? No, alive. Oh, of course. How much you're paying?

Not enough you get a dead one. Dad, that's perverse. Well, actually, John, so what they're saying, these women who are opposed to and the reverence, well, the reverence and the Christian groups are opposed to prostitution on religious and moral grounds. Sure. Because they think that there's something inherently evil,

or bad about sex. And I think that if I had to wager a guess, and I will because I'm a smart guy, I think that society, way, way, way back in the day, somebody got an STD or something from having sex, and it was a big problem. And they noticed that this problem that they had with warts on their dick or vaginas and herpes and chlamydia and all these things that went around throughout civilization happened when they had sex. And so there was a stigma attached to it. And they thought, Well, we better not have sex because this bad thing can happen to you and it can kill you. And that has probably... Oh, that's why you think...

...pous groups are anti-sex? I think that it comes... All these puritanical apprehensions to sex probably come from a long time ago people not understanding how disease was transferred and they just associated Act A with consequence B. Just like people who danced for rain, they had a big dance one day and it rained the next day, so they think that rain dances work. That's my guess. Do you think that those women think it just cheapens women to have legalized prostitution?

I kind of think that most women who think it should be illegal just kind of think that it does. Well, it... They just kind of feel like that and they're just like, they wrap up all the social consequences and the crime and this... They wrap all that around this little core feeling. But it's really their problem. It's really their problem. Like, well, it makes me feel cheap. So I don't want it.

It's not. I think it's, it... Do you think there's no credence to that? You give no credence to them. Well, maybe some women do feel that way, but I think that it commodifies sex, which is a good thing. Because if women...

Well, here's the thing, man. No, here's the thing. Here's the thing. If as a man, all you are interested in doing is having sex, which there's nothing wrong with that, you're able to go on to Tinder and find a girl who's also willing to have sex, and vice versa.

Not in your league. You can find him three or four leagues under you that are willing to bang right away, but fucking Tinder. It's like shooting fish in a barrel. It's like shooting pigs in a barrel. Oh, wow. Ouch. I know. I've had some luck on Tinder,

but here's the thing, man. If you, as a woman or man, if you go on Tinder and you just want to have sex, you can find that partner to do so. No strings attached. No apprehensions, no problem. There's no crime attached to it. But if you do that exact same thing, and then say, plus I'll give you 20 bucks, or plus I'll give you 50 bucks, whatever.

So you got an Uber over here. Here's a little something for... That then becomes illegal. That's the crime. It's just the exchange of money. And I think it's probably because it's, if I had to also wager another guess, it may be because governments can't really find out how much money is being changed hands. Is changing hands here, and they can't really tax that. No, because the subcontractors have to report how much they make.

Like, every tradesman works under that. Well, yeah, but prostitutes don't do that because it's illegal. It's another one of these marijuana arguments. That if prostitution were legal, it could be taxed. You know what should be illegal? Posting deceptive pictures of yourself on Tinder. That's true. Like, if you block out a couple of those chins, that should be illegal.

That should be a crime. You know what? That could be addressed through better education of men. to realize when you're dealing with a faker. And usually you can tell because it's a top-down photo and they're looking up, which makes everyone look really good. Are you saying I'm asking for it?

Because I don't have that education? Yeah. Hey, so if you put up a camera, you can get away with it, right? You flip your camera over, you record your prostitution session. Then it's shooting porno. Then it's shooting porno. See, that's where the law gets fuzzy. Why is prostitution illegal?

But pornography is not. Yeah. Pornography is just fine, apparently. We all are okay with that. Sure. But as soon as you pay a woman to have sex with you, and it's not being recorded, huge crime. Maybe it's a way that judges get off.

Maybe they just want to see everyone bang. And so they keep it illegal because they want to watch you. Hey, hey, hey, hey, you can't exchange hands. Money can't change hands unless I'm watching you. There we go. Maybe. So judges can jack off. That's why prostitution's illegal.

Voted up. Legalized prostitution, huge solution. All right. I got a sex-related solution. A lot of sex problems in this episode. Illustrated condoms. What? Illustrated. This is my own solution.

All right. This is one that I brought in that I invented. Oh, yeah? Okay? All right. Check this out. This end up or something? Exactly right, Sean.

No way. Yes, exactly right. Because you pull the condom out and it's just a fucking circle, right? How the hell do you know which end goes on? You know what I'm saying? I do. Everybody knows this, right? This is a problem for men and women alike.

You pull that fucking thing out. You try to put it on. It's not working. So you try to turn it over and put it on only to find that the other way was the correct way. I don't know if I've had that amount of trouble, but...

I've had so much trouble that I've thrown the condom away and tried to not use one and then had to go open another one. That's how big of a problem this is. You're talking to the guy who has a problem putting on his bed sheets correctly. Yeah. And that's not even on his dick

That's just onto the bed 40% of men Say they've lost erections Trying to use condoms 40% of boners Boners that are about to be used man That's the most valuable kind of boner there is Right

40% So this is what I'm saying Right You got the condom right You pull it out of the wrapper Impossible to tell which way it goes on Well How do you tell?

Which way the reservoir is pointing? The reservoir, yeah. That's soggy little stupid thing. Like, this is... Now I've got to look at this sad, sogging, wilting little thing. That's already a problem. Yeah. Already having to jump over this mental hurdle.

And it could bounce a different way, too. You mean the... The reservoir, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Exactly. So now you're solving a Rubik's cube of a condom, trying to put it on.

What if? What if it had like a little message written on it that could only be read one way? Because it's kind of see-through, right? Why don't they just print something on it? Like the number eight. Like the number eight. No, no, no, no, no. Something that can't, is only one way. Yeah.

Yeah, that's a great solution, man. Forty percent of erections. Well, here's the thing, Dick. I think I know why they don't do that. And it's because it compromises the structural stability of the condom. Who cares? So if they break more often, even better. Dick, no, man, that's even worse. If you have a condom break in use. Oh man, you're in Babyville. What do you like a condom purveyor over here? You know about structural integrity of condom?

They're making them ribbed and glow in the dark. They're putting vibrating shit in them now. They can't print. Yeah. Which part of that do you not know about it? They got vibrating condom now? Yes, they have a whole vibrating condom system now. It's got like a...

I've never used one. I just saw it in the store. You know what, Dick? Just a real quick aside about condoms. My book was not carried in... I believe in Target when it first came out, the alphabet of manliness. Even though it was a New York Times bestseller,

you know, they didn't carry that book. Walmart specifically ignored it, but you know what Target does carry? They have 50 Shades of Gray branded cock rings. Yeah. What? Oh, yeah. It was in the Tupperware aisle at the local Target.

I have a picture of it. They just have a huge array. Did it say cockering? Oh, yeah, there were cock rings. Did it say cock ring on it? I think it said penis rings. But yeah, they were cockering. They were selling vibrating cock rings.

50 shades of gray. Are you serious? At Target? I got pictures of it. That wasn't a joke somebody put up there? No. It was right next, and it was there for weeks while the movie was in theater. Wow. Yeah, you want to buy a crock pot?

How about a cock ring? Yeah, I didn't know about that. No, but yeah, I didn't know about the vibrating. So, Dick, I really do worry about the structural integrity. Maybe that's a solution that the engineers can solve. Yes, of course. If they're making virtual reality for you where you can be a pretend superhero with six arms and fuck yourself, I think they could print on a condom.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, maybe. It should be like some water-based ink or something that's like... Yeah, it doesn't even have to soak into the latex. It could just sit there. It can come off. That would be even funnier if it did. That would make me even harder.

Hmm. This is a great... I should patent this. Yeah. I think I've just come up with a condom revolutionary idea on this show. A condomolution. You seem very suspicious of this. You're not on board at all.

I am really, really, like, I will agree to this solution with a little bit of trepidation because I really worried about the structural integrity of that condom. Because obviously we'll test it. Most of the time, most of the time when they, when any kind of latex or balloons or anything, if you write on them, the place that they give, the weakened place is where you wrote on it or wherever it's imprinted, or wherever there is that band or any kind of divot or whatever. I don't think the ribs are as much of a problem because some condoms are really. ribbed because they're on the side, not the part where that's getting pounded.

Yeah, but it's, they're colored. They have colored condoms. Yeah, but that color is the, uh, the dye of the latex. It's not like imprinted on top of the condom. Then do that. I guess if they thickened, I don't know, man, this might be a manufacturing problem. You are real, you, man, you are a real naysayer. Yeah. I, yeah, this is a real, this is a real innovation that I'm trying to get off the ground here. How are we ever going to live in space. Yeah. With guys like you, I don't know if you can write on a condom or not. It seems

unsafe. So if they solved that, are you cool with it? Yes. If they solved that problem, I'm totally on board. Because you know, when you were talking about going to open the condom and trying to figure out what it's like, Dick, it's pointless. It's irrelevant because by the time I've done all that, my boners gone.

Right. It kills voters. That's what happens to these 40% of guys. Yeah. Every single time, a trick's like oh, maybe you should get a condom. All right. No. Hang on. Let me go get my condom.

Let me get my condom real quick. Let me get the instruction manual out. Do you say no and hit her with a newspaper? No. No, I got a spray bottle. Digital age. I'm not going to hit her with an iPad. Get out of here.

Yeah, man. Condoms are boner killers. Countless boners of mine are gone. Look, I invented this. I invented this. Right now. Okay? Have you ever seen it before? No? No. It should be on every condom. Yeah. Every condom should say something like sexy on the front.

Like get ready for one next stop tuna town or something like that. So I open it up and I'm like, oh, I can read it. All right. That means it that goes on facing her. Done. Dick, here's a better solution that takes no engineering. Why would they have to roll up the condom? Can they just like scrunch it up into a condom wrapper and you take it out and it just flops the direction it's supposed to go? You mean it unrolled? Already on it on. Like put a slinky in it. No.

No, shot. Oh, no, that's not what you're saying. What do you mean? Have it like a sock? Like a tube sock? Then you can't get it on your dick. Why? Because it's too tight.

Yeah, that's a good point. Oh, your condom solutions are way worse than mine, buddy. Okay, what about, oh, here's the fucking solution. You know what, no, here's the solution. What? One side of the pack is like a brick wall, like when the Kool-Aid man breaks through, so you just shove your dick through it. And then a Kool-Aid man is on the tip of the condom printed,

and it says, oh, yeah, right? Oh, man, never another lost direction. I was going to say something similar, actually. What if they just printed it right on the package and then just, like, you know, drew a little illustration, like a UFO that's, like, landing on your dick, and you put that on the bottom side, so you rip up the package, just take it right out, same dimension.

You just put it right on your dong. Yeah. Also good. Not as good as the Kool-Aid Man. Maybe I should just call it Kool-Klaid Man Condom. The Kool-Aid man condom. Yeah, that could work. All right, anyway, those are my solutions.

Okay, good solutions. This is the least enthused I've ever heard you about anything. Anything? This is a revolutionary step in condom design. Well, Dick, I think you're... I am so freaking worried of somebody doing this. Why are you so worried about this? Because it will weaken the structure of the condom,

and the next thing you know, you got a baby. But who are you worried about it? doing this. Engineer's fucking up. Well, they have to test this shit all the time. They can't have like condoms breaking left and right that'll ruin their name. Yeah, but how do you test this thing? Because condoms do break all the time. How do they test it? Yeah.

You got a fake squirting dildo and you put a condom on it. Oh yeah, okay. Yeah, that's a good point. Get a couple whose like tubes are tied and have them test it and then whatever. They got strips for residual jizz. I don't know.

All right, Dick, you thought of everything. My solutions this week were free birth control and legalized prostitution. Minor refrigeration in the Kool-Aid man condom. Thanks for listening. Vote on these solutions. Boxes. Emplence?

You fucking asshole. Maddox, this is Ben Franklin calling in. Pretty pissed off because you gave a movie 100 stars out of five, and you're going to talk to people about temperance. You want more examples of times that you have fucking been hyperbolic, that you have been in temperance?

You fuck. Dick, go fuck yourself. Hey, Dickhead. You know how many movies I've given 100 stars out of five? Literally one. That's temperance. That's moderation, Dickhead. I don't give every movie 100 out of five stars, do I? That's not temperance. You should have called it...

Oh, go ahead. Sorry. No, you know what, Dick? Some people, someone mentioned this, too. Your problem with temperance last episode was you were like, if people are temperate too much, then no one will ever experiment to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's how I sound. You said, you said that people are always temperate. That's not temperance.

Moderation in moderation. Everything in moderation, including moderation. And someone sent that to me in a quote, and I couldn't agree more. Yeah, I hate that quote. Fuck that. No, because without moderation and moderation, that eliminates the possibility that sometimes you take risk, sometimes you take a gamble, and sometimes a good thing can come of that. So, everything in moderation, including moderation. Fuck you, Ben Franklin. Fuck you in the grave.

That's such a smug saying. Everything of moderation, including moderation. I think Dr. Phil might have said that to me. What does that have to do with anything? I'm no Dr. Phil, buddy. I'm Dr. Maddox. You might call it temperance, though. Like, that has a very religious connotation to it. I should have called it moderation. I wish I would have called it moderation. You know, I may go back, maybe I'll just update the problem. And then you were talking about, like, forgiving and shit. Yeah, because it has, temperance does have religious content. Because every major religion and many philosophies in the world have that element of it.

I explained it in the last episode, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But, yeah, it's moderation, essentially. Someone had a problem in the comments. They said that temperance is specifically a word used with connotation in the prohibition. Yes, definitely. It was called the temperance movement. Was it really? Yes.

Garbage. Listening to the most recent solution. episode and it's, Max, you're making me fucking crazy with this business of the corporation stuff. Oh, no. I like this idea that if a corporation doesn't buy a baseball team uniforms, and it would is obviously a PR move trying to sell cars, for example, of Honda, that somehow right behind them in line to do the job would be just not a business, just an individual, like Mark Jones. Hey, everybody, it's Mark Jones. For no reason I'm buying the local baseball team all their jersey. The only fucking people who benefit, who have something in the game,

between marketing, advertising, PR, exposure. Corporations are just an entity so that people can have some security and a level of risk in the world. So if God for fucking bid, somebody wants to create a job, stick their neck ass the world, if I fail, that I don't lose my house by car and everything else my life. Just because I have the audacity to try to make the world a slightly better place by creating some Middine community. I don't think that's a lot of fucking ads.

Remember, all of the need for corporate infrastructure doesn't come from other corporations. It comes from the individual. This shitty piece of shit individual. Go ahead. That's one of the biggest fucking problems in the universe.

Perfect. I mean, he wraps it up and then immediately hangs up. Well, great. First of all, the thing I didn't like about that phone call was the quality. Right? And second, he didn't tell you

go fuck yourself at the end because he was too mad at me about the corporation thing. Yeah. You know, some of those points aren't lost on me. I get it. But it's dishonest. You don't have to sell your product

with an air of dishonesty, with a veneer of altruism. You're not altruistic, fuckhead. And all these people in the comments are like, Hey, Madhawks. Everybody knows it's an ad and nobody takes it seriously. Yeah, everybody does know it's a bad. No, that's not fucking true.

Ads have an effect on people. They have a cumulative effect on people because people aren't watching ads critically, are they? Fuckheads. Because nobody's listening to me. Nobody thinks critical thinking is the biggest solution in the universe.

Go vote it up. people, it'd solve that problem. Ads work for a reason, and it's because people don't watch them critically. They're just watching them tuned out and zoned out. A lot of people, I bet after doing that Honda ad, if they did market research, they would probably see that people

have a better view of Honda. That's the point. After. That's the entire point of the ad. Well, then it supports my argument, doesn't dickhead. When people have a better view of Honda after their altruistic adjacent advertisement placement, right?

then it's done its work hasn't it? Yeah, well they're being altruistic. They're not being altruistic. What a shame if companies got into a race with each other of who could do the most good, right? That would be. How awful would that be? Do you want to plug your Twitch stream again? Fuck you, dick.

I don't give a shit. That is altruism. Again, that is philanthropy. I'm doing you guys a favor. I am teaching these suckers every night watching my stream how to play video games. They're the ones who are benefiting, my friend. I'm doing this as a favor.

I get no respect. Garbage.