The Biggest Problem in the Universe: Uncucked - Bonus Episode 14

Episode Date: June 14, 2018

The biggest solution in the universe, the show where we discuss every solution in the universe from free thinkers to day drinkers. With over 5 million downloads, this is the only show where you decide what should or shouldn't be on the big list of solutions. I'm Maddox with me as Dick. Hey, what's that funny? And Sean, our audio engineer. Hey, you know, I unironically have three, speaking of day drinking, I unironically have

three beers on my list of potential solutions to bring in. Like, I just have a running list of, like a brainstorm list of solutions that I'll write down throughout the month. Right. And some of them I write down when I'm drunk, obviously. Of course. Yeah.

Sleeping or not thinking. So I'll wake up sometimes like, oh, three beers. I thought that would be a good solution, huh? Huh. I guess it kind of is. Like, at any point in your life, three beers makes it better.

Make it better than it was. Except surgery and when you're going to pilot an airline. I don't know, man. Sometimes you've got to play a little fast and loose in there when you're chopping up organs. Yeah. It changes your thinking, man. Yeah, it does.

Makes it worse. You don't want to get too uptight in there where you're putting the colon into the whatever. Do you really need all these intestines? No. Doctor, I noticed you're a little stuffy today. Why don't you have three beers and come back? Loosen up, man.

Come back to the Operation Chamber. Operation Arena. What is it, what are they called? Theater. The operation's theater. I thought it was an operating room. Oh, man. Not for us.

We get a whole audience. Operating auditorium. An auditorium. That's what it, for students. Students can watch that shit. Yeah, that's Seinfeld where he dropped the junior mint and the guy's open cavity. Oh, yeah, that's right.

And it saved his life. Well, guys, speaking of Seinfeld, yeah. How did... The biggest solution. From last month, the biggest solution was fire, followed by computer programming. Hmm. And cup holders.

Ah. And then, to my shock and dismay, dead last, not even a solution was iTunes. Voted completely down to oblivion. Not a solution at all. Because you're being a sarcastic asshole about it. It's not, you know it's not a solution. It's horrible.

iTunes is great. It's taught me patience, man. Yeah, that's what you said last month. Stimulates the economy. I bought more RAM for my computer so I can run iTunes. Nothing? None of that? No.

No one bought it. No one bought your stupid explanation of why iTunes is a solution. Oh, man. Oh, although someone did call you out on Winamp, And this is, I gotta say, I was in your corner on this one. Because you said Winamp took 32K of RAM and someone was hammering you on Twitter for saying that. And then what was the outcome? It was 32 megs.

It was 32 megs. You're off by a thousand. Down, well, because I use this process explorer task manager that kind of, that abridges the column. So it just looked like 32K, but it was 32,000 K. No, it's 32. But anyway, that's still. Gotta be careful. Yeah, but it's still 84% less, which is the point.

It's way less. Okay, but before it was like 99% less. Yeah, well, now it's 84, which is still significant. You had me all excited about this 32K win-am. You get out of here. I was, I was really excited about it, and then I saw that, and I was like, oh, man, that's like finding out your hero uses steroids. That was like finding out Jose Kinseko and Mark McGuire juiced. It was like Maddox being wrong about computers.

No. And Rams. Like, oh, man. Man, Maddox, no, I trust you for this stuff. I trust you. I'm usually not wrong about computers. You were very wrong, though. Yeah, people liked, although I was trying to defend your point about fire,

because I was going to bring in fire too that week, actually. But I said that sun, the sun is also a big ball of fire. Yeah, you want to be technical. You know supersets. Yeah. Well, I mean, it's true. Well, the sun is also a giant nuclear reactor. Yeah, essentially.

Also my problem. Solution. Dick, you argued that so poorly. I was thinking today, literally today, about how, what a shit job you did of defending nuclear power, because you could have come in with the nuclear fusion argument, the solar argument, the sun, exactly. Just this morning you were pontificating the merits of Dick's argue I was last year. No, I was like, that could have been a really good solution.

I woke up and I thought about what a shitty job he did. Yeah. That's what I do. That's what I do. Yeah, but wasn't the stuff I brought in about like how many nuclear reactors the world would need to run interesting, that there'd be like one meltdown a month. We need 15,000 of them and we'd use like all uranium on Earth in like two months. That was interesting. Sure.

I'll give you that, Dick. That was interesting. There you go. Bravo. Dick, I got a comment. So a couple months ago for a bonus episode, I brought in 3D printing as a solution. Sure. And I made all these cases for it, and you shat all over it with the, you said essentially,

there's 3D printers can't do anything of a C&C machine can't do, which is like, first of all, super dorky. And second, C&C machines do jack shit compared to 3D printers, okay? C&C machines are like the old Model T, 3D printers are like the Tesla's baby, all electric. Okay. Invincible, highest consumer report rating, that's a 3D printer. Yeah. I got a package, actually, in the mail. I got a package from Chris, Chris Mata. He says, Hello, Maddox. My name is Chris from El Paso. After listening to your episode on 3D printing,

I noticed some things were left out, which are very important in 3D printing. While Maddox was correct about most of the things he mentioned on 3D printing, he left out a few things that make 3D printing a big deal. I sent you some simple things that were 3D printed just to give you guys an idea of some of the advantages of 3D printing. They sent me this package here. Okay. It's full of really cool gadgets and contraptions and things. And I'm going to pull some of these out. I'll pull them out as I'm talking about them because he works at one of the most advanced 3D printing facilities in the world in the U.S.

He says some of the advantages to additive manufacturing, where you start with nothing and add material as needed, as opposed to subtractive manufacturing, where you start with a block of material and take away material, is the increased complexity. So he says if you look at the halfway printed ivory colored parts, you can see what Maddox is talking about. So I kind of mentioned last time that you can create these little microsructures within 3D printed objects that make them incredibly, incredibly structurally rigid. I pulled out this little... It's like a nail file.

Yeah, it looks like kind of like a dongle. And then I have another one here that's a gear. So you 3D printed, this is like a honeycomb with some kind of weird gear prong. Right. At the end, like a reverse sphincter on one end. It's like serrated in a circle, like a butthole, except it's the opposite. Yeah, it's called a gear. Those are gears.

Dick's trying to describe a gear. All right, you got a bunch of fucking gears and whatever here. Oh, not impressive at all. This isn't, not really. Yeah, well, that's way lighter and way more structurally sound than anything that you can make comparably that doesn't have that internal structure to it. And he said, if you look at the halfway printed ivory-colored parts, you'll see what Maddox is talking about.

When he mentions tresses or honeycomb shapes within an object, this allows for major weight reduction with little sacrifice to strength as well as lower costs due to less material being used. That's why 3D printing is going to revolutionize the world. CNC machines can't do that, Dick. I think a CNC machine could make this. No, I don't think so. It can't, actually.

CNC machines cannot create those little micro structures within the object. Another major advantage of being able to print fully assembled parts out of one piece. If you look at the white bearing, a small chain, and the black platform jack, these objects are fully printed and assembled all at once. So look at this, look at this dude. This right here, I'm pulling out this object is a black flat panel, and if you turn, it has kind of like a little screw thing. Oh, it's like a jack. It's a jack. Whoa.

You can print. This is, this was printed and assembled in the printer? Yes, fully assembled. Oh, wow. 3D printed fully assembled jack It's like a jack for your balls Yeah It's like about like you could put your nuts on that and jack them up

If you're having a rough day Load your balls onto this ball jacker Give them a couple twists I need something made out of titanium for my buddy This thing right now Look at the sea machine for that Can't get out of here This thing has one two three four five six seven

Eight nine ten eleven Eleven moving pieces in this thing Fully assembled Yeah all right one solid motion fully assembled, one solid print. And then I also have, he also sent this gear. Look at this internal, look at this gear structure that they have. Oh my God.

Look at this. It's like a white gear with five different internal gears that you can create. That you can create drill bits and all sorts of crazy stuff with this thing. So you can make some pretty cool rims with this thing. Yeah, man. The CNC machine? Yeah. You make a lot, no, not CNC machine.

Get out. Or this 3D printer. Yeah, the 3D printer. A chain link. Oh, that's pretty cool. Yeah. nephew would really like this. Yeah, we got a plastic chain link.

He's able to print fully assembled plastic chain links with no seams, which are structurally sound. And he even sent us this thing. It looks like a rubber band, but it's made completely... Looks like a cock ring for an ogre. It's me. Oh, thank you. You want to sniff it?

See where it's been? It looks like an elastic band, but it's made out of plastic. So it shows you that even with the... Everyone knows what an ogre's cock ring looks like, Madag's. We'll post pictures of these on the website But yeah Chris had that in he says We work with printers which can print in plastics That are close to the strength of aluminum

As well as metals such as titanium And he listed his qualifications He says in case Dick starts being a contrarian Well I'll give you that it's cool This stuff is cool I just don't know what it's I don't know if it's like that big of a solution I guess I got to see more of this balljacker thing

I'm jazzed about Yeah This little gear thing, that's pretty cool. NASA just announced that they have printed the world's first 3D printed rocket engine. A rocket? You can print a rocket with this thing. Oh, this is going to be illegal very soon, buddy. Yeah, you can print anything you want.

Anything you want with these things. It's democratizing manufacturing with these things. All right, yeah. Far out. Thank you, Chris. Thank you for the package. Fascinating stuff. I'll post pictures of all the stuff on the website. Where does it rank right now, 3D printing? on the big list of solutions. Number 20, 20th biggest solution.

Between what and what? It's between flight. Flight is higher. Okay. And then fire, fire is lower. Fire is lower than 3D printing? Yeah. You gotta admit that that is bullshit.

You can print a 3D fire. You can print a lighter. Will it make fire? Yeah. Okay. Well, super set then. Super set. All right.

You got any more? comments? No, that's it. I just brought that in. It's a big, big comment, big package. A lot of people were shitting on me in the, in the episode, because I brought in programming and iTunes in the same episode. Yeah, it's a little repeating. Hey, Maddox. No, it's not that it's repeaties. They were saying that programming leads to iTunes. I'm like, well, that's true. Poor programming. Yeah. All right. I guess. They were also shitting on you for your horrible taste in apples. Oh, weren't they? Okay. Aren't they? We've had a We've had a month to think about it.

We've all had a month to digest. The apple test tastes off. Did we learn anything? Yeah. Did any of us reconsider our retarded opinions on apples in that month? I have a new favorite apple. It's the pink lady. The pink lady was a delicious apple.

Okay. You know what? The Red Delicious was never my favorite. I just said that the criticism it received was unfair and unearned. Okay. Unjust. And that was the bet that if you were wrong in that, you would have to read, right? You would have to read an apology.

Yeah. On the air. Yeah. A 250-word apology written by me. Oh, written by you. That was the bet. Okay. That was the bet.

Whoever lost had to read an apology written by the other person. All right. Do you remember that? Yes. And you elected to write your own apology. Yeah, I did write my own apology. So I would like to read my apology You know what? I'll read yours first

I would love to hear your apology But I was driving over here with Sean And I'm like, I bet that motherfucker wrote his own apology Thinking that he would fake us out By writing like a sarcastic apology And not realizing that the whole point Is someone else's words in your mouth Great

Here comes iTunes part two Yeah, exactly Exactly Fuck you So I have in my hand Hot off the press Hot off the keys probably the only apology that you might ever say.

Okay, all right. I don't know. I'll read this. I don't know. Do you want to read it? I think you should read it now. You could read it at the end of the show. Fine, no, fuck it.

I'll read it now. I just want to get the shit over with. You can read yours at the end. Okay, mine's coming at the end. All right, can we have some apology music? I actually have some. Do you have some? I do.

Oh, if you want to play yours, go for it. I do, I do. Okay, then I'll play mine during mine. Okay. Here's my apology music. You fucking tell you. piece of shit. Ah, what an asshole.

All right, go ahead. This is Maddox's apology for being wrong. And the paper just says apology at the top. It says, okay. I, Maddox. Me no shit about apples. I needed to save words.

I only had 250 words. I had to save the words. Me no shit about, fucking Grant Mooney. Me no shit about apples. Me sorry for shitting outmouthed about apples. Okay, excepted so far. Red delicious apples taste worse than a dog's dick.

And believe me, I know what a dog's dick tastes like. Oh, geez, Maddox. In fact, a better contest, one that I could probably win would be a dog dick taste off. You'd think it would be a golden retrievers, but that's not true. It's a pug. A pug's dicks are spicier. Nice grammar. Shithead.

And I like a spicy weener. All right, get back to the point. Anyway, Dick. Dick knows more about apples being mealy as fuck than me. That's true. Nice phrasing, you shitcock. His taste buds are smarter than mine and better. And better.

And better. And Sean's are, too. I was going to say Sean, but I ran out of words. The truth is, I wouldn't know a good apple if I ate it out of a sand monster's asshole, which is what a red delicious apple tastes like. Speaking of eating assholes, that's something dick definitely doesn't do better than me. The trick is to get your tongue way in there. I mean, real deep in there, like an ant eater.

You have to try to really tongue out the poo berries. Ha, ha, ha. I don't know why you think that's funny. And he wrote ha ha ha in there. Good apology. In conclusion. Yeah. I apologize to any fans who went out there and ate red delicious apples because of my stupidity.

That's big of you. Or engaged in any apple-related arguments using my buffoonery as their only source. I'm basically Hitler. For apples. It doesn't say for apples, Dick, just says, okay, it was not my intent to deceive. I just have gross taste in apples because I've blown out my taste buds on hot sauce and buttholes. Yours in Christ. Maddox, the guy who doesn't.

know shit about which apples are merely is fuck you dick fuck your shitty apology that's a shit apology that's a great apology i didn't write that i didn't write a single word of that just i want it to be clear let the record state that i didn't write that you weren't supposed to write any of it good good that's a shit apology apology accepted i got i got i got my apology at the end of the show all right all right i can't wait well now that that uh Not that those shenanigans are out of the way. We can move on... To some solutions.

To some solutions. I got the real biggest solution in the universe, Dick. Okay. Real big one. Okay. Next to critical thinking, because that's number one. This should be number one. All right.

Math. Oh. Yeah. Math. Math is the biggest solution in the universe. I got a quote here. It says, math is the backbone of the universe. That's a quote from my dad.

My dad always told me, my dad always told me growing up to really focus on math. Really? Yeah. Wow. Always. Is your dad a math guy? He's not. I mean, no, not really. My dad... What's his math background? Like, what's his highest level of math? His highest level of education is some high school. Okay. So my dad, my dad doesn't have a very rich, educated background, but he's always been interested in numbers and calculating and measuring things. He's a very competent builder and a welder and an architect. That's a shitload of measuring math and... a certain type of math, I guess.

Like, what, would that be geometry, algebra kind of stuff? Angles? Not quite, not quite, it's geometry for sure, but not quite algebra, I don't think. But my dad designed an Archimedean staircase and built it entirely himself. He had no blueprints or anything. He created this himself, this Archimedean staircase. He needed for, he has some property, and he needed to build a staircase, but he didn't have enough distance for it. So he created this, like, corkscrew for people.

I don't know. It's like basically a corkscrew. I was going to ask for someone like Sean or Randy. What is an art comedian's take case? Yeah, so he's always really push. And any time we would go to a store, my dad would sit around on a chair and look at the girders and rafters and just count them and measure.

In his mind, he does the calculation to figure out the minimum and maximum distance. You can put different support beams to support the weight of the roof because he had to know that kind of stuff because of the builder, right? Would he bring that to anyone's attention? Like, hey, I just got done counting your girders here.

I just want to let you know that you can have a couple more support beams up there. Oh, no, but he did one time. We were in like a ski lodge or something like that, and the roof of the ski lodge was kind of twisted in a weird way, and the support beams weren't quite parallel. They were kind of like at a weird angle, and my dad kind of called it out. He said, that doesn't look like it's going to support.

I might go up there and fall off. Yeah, so he knows math as like a survival mechanism. Yeah. Like he's got to make sure those roofs are up to code. Well, so he called it. He said that that's not structurally sound right there. That's that you have a weak spot right there in your roof. And sure enough, the ski lodge, that part of the roof collapsed like years later.

It was in the news. Oh, you should. Anyway, yeah, it's my dad. My dad always really pushing me to study math, even though he himself only had some high school education. math is fundamentally about counting and measuring if you think about it and every important quality in our universe with every single one

there's almost always some way to count it if you think about it count it or measure it if you're going to gamble you want to know what the odds of winning are right if you're going to apply for school it's good to know what your odds are so you don't waste your time or theirs with an unqualified application want to do something about terrorism

well you have to figure out how much there is first right terrorism is one of your big problems dick That's math? You have to measure things in order to respond to them. Okay. Evidence-based medicine is called evidence-based because the results can be measured. The opposite of evidence-based is alternative medicine, which involves voodoo, psycho-bullshit, and remote healing. Those are things that can be measured.

And that's why, like, I, when I talk to people who are into remote healing and psychic healing and crystals and energy... Acupuncture. Well, at least acupuncture. Yeah, I don't know. It's hard to measure any of that stuff. Yeah. Guys, a quick rule of thumb is, if you can't measure it, it's probably bullshit. Probably, right? There's no evidence for it.

Well, you know what sucks is that it works. What works? Right? That some, like, some medical treatments, or I put medical in quotes just because they're used in a medical way to, like, fix illnesses and headaches or whatever pains that you have that don't go away. when they work, what are you supposed to say? Like, they work because people believe in them. Like the placebo effect. Yeah.

You know, all that stuff. So at some point, you just kind of throw your hands and go like, well, whatever. I guess it doesn't work at all, but it works for you guys. I guess keep doing it. Yeah, you can measure... Like, what are you supposed to do? You can, but here's the problem. When it works, you can measure the amount that it works, right?

You can measure the response to the placebo effect, but you cannot have, you cannot say, you cannot measure how much of that bullshit works and how much doesn't. Like, if you were going to give someone a placebo, generally, a little pill that has sugar in it is fine. You give that to them and then say, here you go, and they feel better, they feel better,

and you can measure the results. But there is no correlation between the amount of, quote, medicine that you're giving to them and how well they feel. Like, does it take 10 pills? Does it take 100 pills? Does it take a whole year of your life, going to a retreat and do an ayahuasca in the jungles for you to feel better? Yeah, that's the

That's the cure for being a douchebag. It's going to Peru and getting a witch doctor to give you ayahuasca. Oh, really? I think that's prescribed. Yeah. If you go into the doctor and you say, hey, I'm a huge douchebag. How do I cure that? They'll say, go to Peru, get a witch doctor to give you ayahuasca.

So for someone like Randy, what is ayahuasca? Ayahuasca is a cactus that gets you high as fuck, bro. Oh. Yeah. Yeah, people use it as a religious. I have a friend who did that. It wasn't the ayahuasca thing. It's something where they get some frog venom and put it in your butt.

That sounds about right? Yeah, and it makes you violently ill for like three days. It comes out both ends. You're throwing up. You have diarrhea. You have hot flashes. You're sweating like crazy. And then like all things that are terrible for you, they say, oh, you feel a lot better afterwards.

I'm like, well, no shit. Have you ever had a Thai massage dick? Like a... No, no. It's like a rub and tug? What are you talking about? No, a tie massage. Sean, have you ever had a tie massage?

The old rub and tug? No, it's not the old rub and tug. Damn it, that's a happy ending. Wink, wink, wink, right? Yeah, I've had one of those. No, a time massage is one of the worst things I've ever had in terms of massages. It's all elbows and knees. They're just putting their fucking elbows, wrink your fucking back, the whole time.

And I had the time massage one time, and I told my friend, this feels terrible. And she says, well, you're supposed to feel better afterwards. And I did because they stopped doing it. that's the same thing with all this bullshit, I think. Anyway, back to math. Yeah, back to math. Guys, I'm so fucking tired of hearing these lazy dipshits say, When will I ever use this in math?

Like, in spite of all the importance of math, you wouldn't be listening to this podcast if it weren't for the mathematic principles that built the foundation for everything you use in life, everything. Yeah. Yet, it's the only discipline that constantly has to be put up with these idiots who say things like, when will I use this? Right? Yet people gladly learn art, music, literature, geography.

Everyone bristles when they're being taught about haikus. But nobody writes haikus for a living, except for douchebags, the aforementioned douchebags, dick. Okay, I don't know if I'm on board with that, but okay. Yeah, if you write haikus for a living, you're probably a douche, a huge douche. Well, people, yeah, go ahead. What? No, I want to let you finish your thought before I jump in on this one. The reason math is important, Dick, is because it trains.

your mind to solve problems. It reinforces the same neural pathways that require us to reason with logic and thinking. Yeah. That's the important... Look, even if you don't use math directly, you use math indirectly all the time. And there's evidence to suggest that you... Like how?

Do math subconsciously. Well, like I said, it reinforces the neural pathways. I have here a quote from a book, it's called the math gene, how mathematical thinking evolved. It says, repeated exposure to the same kinds of stimuli causes various neural connections to adjust. so that the brain can better recognize those kinds of stimuli,

which means that the resulting activation pattern is stronger and more easily distinguished from other activation patterns. This has applications in social psychology. When people who think negatively, they reinforce those neural pathways, and they start to see things more negatively. Same thing with positive thinkers and so on. But people who have trained their minds mathematically

will see things in a more structured and logical way. It says in terms of electrical brain activity, then, types are certain well-developed activation patterns. You don't think that's like a chicken and the egg thing a little bit? Like, some people just can't get math. Because I'm with you on math being big, but anyone who struggles with it in high school, I just want to tell them, you know, quit. Like, why are you trying to cram math down this poor girl's throat, like, or whomever's throw? They just don't get it. It's okay.

As long as they realize that there is a class of three. people that are better at math than them and that if anything logical or mathematical comes up to just don't just back away and keep your mouth shut like that's that's all you got to teach them about math this exists you don't get it so don't think about it don't get involved in it but otherwise like why you you know why you're trying to cram a stupid peg into a math hole you know yeah yeah right you know dick i think that the problem with mathematical teaching is that is the is the entire approach I'm so glad that they have kind of started to change that with Common Core. But the way that they teach math in school is asinine.

They're teaching people all of the application, right? They're teaching you formulas. They're teaching you ways to solve problems, but not why those problems exist. Look, guys, math doesn't exist because people were fucking bored and they wanted to create problems for us. Okay? Math exists because people had to solve real problems. problems, real practical problems. One of the most interesting lectures I ever had in college was in a class called The History of Math.

And my professor talked to us about the square root of two. And that seems like such a dry and boring subject. But it was one of the most fascinating lectures. He talked about how the square root of two was, like almost every ancient civilization came up with their own way of solving the square root of two because it's a way they had to figure out how much to charge customers for carpet. Yeah. Right. And I think that the word square root came from carpenters who had to measure using a square.

They had to, so if someone wanted some carpet and it didn't quite come up to the exact amount that was in square feet, they had to cut it in half or whatever. Carpet? Are you sure? Like fabric, like textiles. Fabric. All right. So you can even, there's this ancient, I think it's a, which, which, which. Which culture uses Cuneiform?

What ancient civilization uses Cuneiform? Arabs. No, it's older than that. Babylonians. Yeah, Babylonian. I think it's a Babylonian tablet that they have in Cuneiform that shows the, basically, a Cartesian grid. And they were solving the square root of two without using any calculators. They figured it out up to six digits of precision.

Super fascinating stuff, how they solved this. And now the Pythagoreans, then the Pythagorean's. Then the Pythagoreans came along. The Pythagoreans get all the credit for the square of two. Anyway, man. Those damn Pythagrians. So let me say this to you in a way that you can relate to, Dick. Okay.

If I have two beers. If I have one beer that's five gallons and one beer that's three gallons, how do I get eight gallons? Right? No, no. Go ahead. No. When I have a girl come up to me saying she's trying to lose weight.

and she's she's just stuffing her gob with yogurt. She's like, I'm going to lose weight. How fast can you run away? Yeah. That's the word problem. So this girl's stuffing her gullet with yogurt

thinking she's going to lose weight. And then she's like running every day. Oh, I'm going on runs. I'm like, okay, all right. Two miles probably. Yeah, good. Yeah. Good job, good job.

And I tell her that she should do some resistance training and lift some weights to grow her muscle. Because when you grow that, muscle and you do it long enough, you have the muscle constantly burning calories. Muscles are furnaces for calories and you can eat more and you don't have to worry about your diet as much. If you are lean, you have a lot of lean muscle, right? Yeah, yeah. Sure. So every, every girl are not going to make her work out though. No. Yeah, no. Nothing will make her work out. Put her in a concentration camp. She still won't work out. Yeah.

I mean to put her in like under an extreme setting. There's nothing. will make somebody who doesn't work out, work out. An extreme concentration camp. Not like one of those regular ones. No. Yeah, so when you work out your mind in the exact same way, you create, you reinforce those neural pathways, you're able to

more easily and readily solve problems in your life. And there's some evidence for this. This is from Scientific American. It says the unconscious brain can do math. In a series of experiments at Hebrew University of Jerusalem, more than 300 students participated in an unconsciously exposed words and equation experiment

and the research technique is known as continuous flash suppression so they show they flash you know different words and equations at you and they see if you are able to subconsciously solve these problems the researchers subliminally exposed the participants to three digit equations such as nine minus three minus four

two yeah for two seconds or less then the participants were shown a number without CFS asking it and told to say it out loud the students were quicker to read aloud a number that was the right answer to the equation they had just subconsciously seen. For example, after being exposed to 9 minus 3 minus 4, they were quicker to pronounce 2 than

3. That suggests that they subconsciously worked out the problem and had the answers on their lips. Sure. We are wired to do math. And then I looked into this even more, and it's so fascinating. There's this book called The Math Book, from Pythagoras to the 57th dimension. He found that even animals can do some simple math and count. Wait, I have one of these.

I read that shoppers. can do like 25% off sales. If you phrase a math question in terms of like a sale, like it's 40% off, they can easily do it. But if you say what's 60% of this or what's 40% of like this number, they'll go like, I don't know. Yeah. Like they'll just throw their hands up and walk away.

But if you show it to them in terms of a sale, be like, oh, boom, that's 1699. Yeah. I know that. Yeah. Huh. Well, you read that in the study. I read that somewhere.

Yeah. Okay. Dick, obviously. I'm sure that. I read it somewhere. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, it sounds like you read it somewhere.

It's like what you're saying. Yeah, no, I agree. I agree. It is. It's good. Nailed it. Good job, Dick. Even animals can do some simple math and counting.

According to this book, the math book, says rats have been shown to count by performing an activity the correct number of times in exchange for a reward. Chimpanzees can press numbers on a computer that match numbers of bananas in a box. There's this researcher, Tetsuro Matsuzawa from the Primate Research Institute of Kyoto University in Japan, taught a chimpanzee

to identify numbers from 1 to 6 by pressing the appropriate computer key when she was shown a certain number of objects on the screen. So monkeys who I think are still a problem but still, they are able to... Even they know that math is good. Even they know. Even the dumbass,

stupid, dipshit monkeys know how important math is. And this is super fascinating. I found there's even evidence that suggests that ants can do some basic form of counting ants. So check out this research. This is crazy. This blew my mind when I read this.

By manipulating the legs of ants, so some researchers took some ants, and they gave them longer and shorter legs by adding many... Okay. They added mini stilts to these ants. They added stilts. How'd they give them shorter legs, I wonder.

Oh, yeah, I don't know. Oh, no, no. I read that wrong. They're not giving them shorter legs. They're giving them shorter strides. Okay. So longer and shorter strides. Okay.

German and Swiss researchers discovered that ants count steps to judge distance. For example, after ants had reached their destination, the legs were lengthened by adding stilts or shortened by partial amputation. Oh, I guess they did. They did cut off their legs.

Cool. And some were burned with a magnifying glass for science. Researchers. The researchers that return the ants so that the ants could start on their journey back to the nest. Ants with stilts traveled too far and passed the nest's entrance. While those with the amputated legs

did not reach it. Because they counted and then they weren't there. And they're like, yeah, fuck it. Yeah, I guess they tracked the ants somehow. However, if the ants started their journey from their nest with the modified legs, they were able to compute the appropriate distance. This suggests that the stride length is the crucial factor. Moreover, the highly sophisticated computer in the ant's brain enables the ant to compute a quantity

related to the horizontal projection of its path. So it does not become lost even if the sandy landscape develops hills and valleys during its journey. That's really important. So think about that. You have ants. They added stilts to the ant's legs. If the ants started out from its nest with the stilts, and the ant knew its stride was lengthened,

and the ant remembered that, and then used the same exact stride length to get back to its nest. Yeah. That's pretty cool. It's fascinating. Should try that on people. I'm like super long legs and see if you can remember where the bathroom is in the middle of the night.

I want to do that to a cat. Oh, God. Okay. Because cats are really good at coming back home. Dogs are fucking stupid. You let a dog outside. It's gone forever. Yeah. Oh, okay. I'm gonna go run under a tire now. Yeah.

Every fucking friend of mine, like, terrified to death of their dogs running into traffic. Recall that putting itself to sleep. Yeah. Thank you, Sean. That's a solution in and of itself. Dogs are the solution to themselves. So with math, you think what? That it just helps everybody. I don't want to be a contrarian, but I really don't think that everybody needs to do as much math as they do in school. Like, it's just painful to everybody.

Then they hate it. And then they hate you because you're good at math. Man, you don't... Just let them drop out. Like, let them just listen to music like they want to. You know what, dude? I took a class in college. Right?

Like, you know, they don't really need it. Music... Most people don't really need math. Dick. Most people. Dick. Everyone needs math because it creates those neural pathways that make you not a moron.

Oh, I don't know about that. Yeah. Even, you said music. Music is math. Yeah, but you're not a musician, and I am. What are you going to tell me about math being music? Well, it doesn't matter whether I am or not. I'm not a surgeon either.

I know that's important. But music is all math. Music is the measured... The measured distance between notes makes music. If it's all notes, all the time. No silence in between. Yeah, but you don't need to know math to make music. You don't need to know math to listen to music.

Subconscious. Like, it's subconscious mathematics, just like that study showed that we do math subconsciously. But here's the problem. I took a class in college called number theory. It's a huge branch of mathematics

that is teaching you about math in a way that they don't teach you in school. And it is so fucking fascinating, Dick. I swear, I wish they started teaching you math with number theory and then worked into calculus. You can take a number theory class. You don't need any calculus. You don't really need.

any algebra. You don't need most of the things they teach you in math to learn number theory. Number theory is so interesting. Like, for example, they teach you topology. Like, you know, do you guys know what topology is? Yeah. The mathematics of topology. Sean, topology is basically looking at the geometry of 3D objects and shapes to see how they are alike and how they are dissimilar. Like, for example, the letter E and the letter I are topologically equivalent. because if you stretched and pushed the different pieces of the letter E, you could create the letter I. Or you could pull and stretch the letter I to make the letter E

if they were made out of some malleable object. However, the letter O and the letter E are completely different. Doesn't E have an extra, you know, horizontal line? Yeah, but you can push that. You can push that in? You mean just make it vertical? Make it a C. Oh, okay. Sure.

So I got you. Yeah. If it was made out of rubber. They're both based on right angles, basically. No, it's based on holes. It's based on holes. Oh, okay. Yeah, so the letter A and the letter O are topologically equivalent.

Because even though the A has those little stretchy little dangle things, you can squish those into, you know, if it was made out of clay, you could push those in. You can't, the rules are you can't put a hole in any of these objects, right? Very simple. I'm talking about some really high-level mathematical concepts, but in a very simple way, very simple and accessible way. Now, why this is important is when it comes to 3D modeling, And when you are creating objects, right, you want to sometimes be able to morph one object into another. So there's a really dorky topological joke where they say...

Oh, God. This is good. What is it? So would you credit your sonic successes? Would you credit math to your sonic renders? Oh, 100%. Oh, that's good to know. That's why you should learn math.

Vote it up. So they say that topologists can't distinguish it between a to... Taurus and a mug. Oh my God. I'm so glad I don't get that. That's the joke. If you Google Topology, go to the Wikipedia page, and there's this animated gift that shows how you can morph a Taurus into a mug.

And it's basically all this like stretching and twisting. And there are so many fascinating things that come from topology. So this kind of like curious, this mathematical curiosity that we're talking about here has real applications in so many things that we use today and take for granted. but it's something that you can talk to a preschooler about, and they'll understand, because you just show them the letters and you show them how some letters are similar, some are dissimilar. That's how they should be teaching math,

not with formulas and calculations and things that you don't really need to know until you are taught the application. Until you decide you want to pursue math as a career. No. Like a normal person doesn't need to know that. Let me float this one by you. Yeah. If it weren't for Common Core, a couple of cities or states,

could try what you're suggesting. Try teaching number theory early. If there was not a federal testing standard to get that 7% of their funding, if not for Common Core, they could try that to see if it worked. Buddy, you don't know... Absolutely true.

That's absolutely true. You don't know what is a Common Core. Common Core is closer to teaching number theory than anything we've ever had in our curriculum. They are not teaching you how to do wrote memorization of equations. They're teaching you how to think about numbers. Like when you add the number 10 to the number 50, everyone's like, oh, that's easy.

Why do I need Common Core? Because, dipshit, you're not thinking consciously about how to solve that problem. Because adding 10 to 50 is a real simple, simple problem, right? Anyone can do it in their minds. But then adding, you know, 3,412 to, I don't know, 5,796, right? You have to think about it for a second. It takes a few seconds to think about it. You don't know how you're solving that problem other than being a,

progressing to a monkey where you count those on your fingers or you think about, you know, you do a little bit of math in your head. You don't know how you solve these problems. That's why Common Core is important. This, uh, all this math is making me want to add a bullet to my brain. Good. Can Common Core help me with that? Hey, make it two. Probably missed without all this math, I could calculate the trajectory of the bullet. I need to shoot into my cerebellum. Yeah. Great dig. You got any more? No, that's my math. That's my math solution, guys. I know it's going to get voted down to shit, because everyone's a moron. No, it's not.

All of your critical thinking, I'm a nerd, problems always get voted up. Yeah. This will get voted up. I mean, it's no cup holders, but math is important. You have to measure. You have to measure cup holders. You have to measure to make cup holders. No, it should be one size fits all. You shouldn't have to measure

with your cup holders. One size fits all. Size is measurement. I'm mad because it's just one size. You don't have a choice. One size. Whatever size it is, it goes in the cup holder. That's the beauty. of cup holders. Yeah. I don't know what kind of experience

you have with cup holders, but man, when you sink that cup in that cup holder and it just snugly fits in there, you feel like you can take turns at like 80 miles an hour, like Paul Walker, jamming around, nothing's spilling.

You know, that's a solution. Cup holders are the reason that you have those 7-Eleven slurpees that have like the weird little smaller smaller cup part at the bottom, so it's not the same size and measurements all off,

it's all fucked. cup holder's garbage. All right. And if they're not deep enough and you hit the brakes too much that fucker goes flying. It's terrible. Well, man, it's an evolving solution.

Use math to find a more optimal cup holder. Maybe. Why don't you do that? Why don't you use math to figure out the best possible cup holder? That would get everyone on your size. I'm too busy.

Side? You're too busy modeling sonic. Gotta go fast. All right. Here's my solution. Analgesisics. Do you know what is an analgesic? Go on.

Tell me about your analgesic. It's a pain killer. Oh, yeah? It's a pain killer. Oh. What's the biggest problem in life? Death. What is life?

Death, for sure. It's pain. Yeah. The analgesics are the solution to the biggest problem in life. Okay. Of course, I'm talking about, you know, anti-inflammatories, ensades, uh, opioids, like morphine. Morphine, okay.

Oxycodone. Vicodin, I don't know what that is, but I know it's an analgesic. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Are you, Dick, are you talking about anesthetics or analgesics? No, anesthetics. Anesthetics is different. Yeah.

Yeah, it's a different category of thing. This is just analgesics. This is just, or analgesics used in pain management. You know how many analgesics are taken every year? How many? Let's see. This is just in Britain. Twelve.

The average person. Guess how many analgesics the average person takes in Britain? Like paracetamol, this is their version of ibuprofen. Yeah, yeah. Oh, ibuprofen counts as an analgesic? Oh, it's the biggest. I was just going to bring in ibuprofen, especially after New Year's. Yeah.

But I decided to bring analgesics instead because it's a superset, and I knew you would fuck me like that. Well, if you count those type of things, I would say pretty close to everyone takes it. 373 times a year, the average Britain is taking an analgesic. That's more than there are days in the days. year. Yeah, this isn't an article saying there might be a little problem. Wait a second. Are we talking about every dose of it that you take counts as an

instance? Yes. Every dose. Aspirin. You, Maddox, we couldn't get through life without these pills. You know what I'm saying? Would you rather have math or ibuprofen liquid gels? I don't know.

Ibuprofen liquid gels, 100%. Math is the best drug. Are you going to out math, a hangover? Yeah. Are you going to get out your protractor and your numerology theory textbook and your common core and cure your headache? No. Dick, when I feel headache coming on, I do some temperature calculations, I feel great. I bet you do.

You're sick. These pills make life possible. They didn't have them. They didn't have them before like the 1800s, and everyone was a total asshole to each other all the time. That's true. Probably because they all had headaches and were in pain. and didn't have Vicodin. Getting your bones hacked off in the Civil War,

you ever heard of a bone saw, bite down on this bullet so I can chop off your leg? How about some morphine? Yeah. How about some morphine? Your solution, euthanasia. Yeah. How do they do that?

Morphine. Do they? There's a number of different ways they do then. I'm only talking about the one in this instance. Yeah, okay. About 60% of people improve with any given NSAID. NSAID, right? NSAD, yeah.

What does that stand for? I don't know. Non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Anti-inflammatory drug, because a lot of pain is caused by inflammation. Mm-hmm. Right? Whatever, whatever.

So if you have arthritis, you need to start taking, some people take anti-inflammatories. So, but there's... The first step is always anti-inflammatory drug. Right. But that article you brought in, Dick, about the number of people who take analgesics in the UK. It sounds like they were talking about it in terms of it being a problem. Now, I know that this has a very distinct solution because when people are suffering, they need this stuff. But what about the flip side where people get addicted to it?

That's also a solution. Like, what's addiction, but just enough of a good thing? Like, who's to really say that life is better without addiction? Who can really say that? Addicts with crippled lives? I mean, I don't know. Have they said afterwards, like, my life was better after I kicked this addiction? There's no control for that experiment.

Of course there is. Maybe a year of heroin would have been better than 50 years of heroin free. We don't know that. Yeah, well, we do, because their lives are ruined. Have you ever met anyone who's been addicted to painkillers? Yeah. It's not pretty, right? Well, as a guy, so I don't want to comment on his looks.

I mean, I don't... I'm not gay. The state of his life is not... You know, people who are addicted to painkillers, it's pretty tragic. I saw a buddy mine. His brother was addicted to painkillers and wrecked his life, man. He couldn't stay in school. He couldn't get a job.

He couldn't keep a job. He kept getting good, like, mechanic jobs. and things like that, but he couldn't stick with it. And then eventually, I think he ended up in jail or something because you can't get enough money for your fix. I mean, come out, that's not the analgesics' fault. Is it? That's the guy's fault. Analgesics don't wreck lives. People wreck their own lives.

People regularly consuming ibuprofen were reported to have 38% lower risk of Parkinson's. Oh, that. That's interesting. That's pretty good. Oh, yeah. I will say this. They did that study a while back that they found that, bear,

bear is the original aspirin, right? Yeah. Bear, people who took bear regularly did have a lower instance, it did lower your odds of getting

some kind of heart disease. Well, in heart attacks, it thins your blood a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. You know that 99% of the world supply of Vicodin is consumed

by the United States? Wow, really? Yeah. Holy cow. I wonder, I, I don't know if you have this statistic, but I wonder how much of that is prescribed and needed

versus recreationally. Well, it's a lot harder to get recreationally now. Because they scheduled it as a class one drug, so there's no more refills on it, and you can't get an excess. It used to be if you got Vicod and you could just get 40 pills. You could take it for two weeks.

You shit a football, and you're like, all right, I don't need to take the last couple pills. And if a pharmacy, I believe they do it now by yearly supplies. Like if a pharmacy, if they order their maximum quantity because they're giving out a lot of prescriptions, or they're filling a lot of prescriptions, I should say, they don't get anymore.

So you don't get Schedule I drugs at that pharmacy. Oh, so it sucks. They even try to get them at the pharmacy level so they can't go around like the doctor prescriptions if there's any kind of, oh, that's interesting. Yeah. And there's a national database or a state database that like if you only have like a 30-day supply and you have another prescription, you try to go get that filled at another pharmacy, they won't do it because they'll recognize you in the base.

And it's like, nope, I can't fill this until your 30 days is up. Wow. That's fascinating. They're really cracking down on that. Even more so than what is it? Sudafed. What was the stuff that had meth in it? Sudafedrine? Is that what's saying? Yeah. They only let you buy a certain quantity of that too. Yeah, which I did research about that. It's so fascinating how people get around that. How do I do it? Oh man, they have these rings where they have, now they're using tour networks to create these private rings where people will go to certain stores, and that's their jobs.

They just go from store to store in different states buying this stuff. and selling it on the black market so they can create meth. It's really fascinating. You involved in that? Do you make a little side cash? No. Buying some...

Got to go fast. Morphine. And these are all naturally occurring things that the government's trying to take away from us, by the way. Vicodin, perfectly natural chemical that God put here for us to use.

Probably invented with math. I want a government so small you can barely see it. Morphine was first isolated between 1803 and 1805 by Frederick Serturner. The primary source is poppy straw, the opium poppy. In 2013, an estimated 523,000 kilograms. So, 523 million grams of morphine was produced. About 45,000 kilograms were used directly for pain.

It's not pain, bro. A lot of pain in this world. Wait, wait, wait, read that last sentence again? 45,000? 45,000 kilograms. Out of how many kilograms? We used directly for pain. Out of, about 10%.

Out of 523,000. 523,000, only 10%. Well, it's also used in manufacture of like oxycontin, too. I don't know what the rest of it used. You think they were just like having morphine fights with the rest of it, like throwing it out of each other? Yeah, I just have big, big Vicodin parties. You know, my doctor prescribed Vicodin for me several times

and all sorts of different, like, painkiller drugs and stuff. And I never took them. I never took them. What? Nope. Why? I have once, when I was younger, and it knocked me on my ass. Yeah.

You know, makes you loopy. Fine. I feel like I'm taken out of whatever I'm doing. I can't focus. I can't concentrate. I can't get work done. So I, unless I absolutely need it, will not take any kind of painkillers. Any kind of painkillers.

No. Even like Advil. No, I try not to. Ibupin I started taking recently because I get, ocular migraines, which hit me like a fucking brick, and they will knock me on my ass. Also, I go temporarily blind, which is terrifying. So for that reason, and that reason alone, I do take ibuprofen sometimes, but I can usually remedy that with more sleep.

I don't like to take painkillers, and I don't like to take things that incapacitate me, because I lose control, and I want to be in control of myself and my faculties at all times. Oh, I am the opposite. Yeah, I know. If they made a Vicodin that lasted for 50 years, I would be first in line. Yeah. Yeah, give me two. just in case.

No, I always had prescriptions for Vicodin laying around. I've had pills I never used. I just toss them. That hurts me. They're really in a weird way. What do you do when you go blind? Oh, when I get the ocular migraines? Well, yeah, when you lose your sight.

Yeah, when I lose my sight, it's scary as shit, dude. So here's how I can tell. It happens so subtly that I'll be reading a sentence and I'll be looking at the same word for way too long, like 10 seconds. I'm like, am I forgetting words? Like, what's going? I can't see the word.

And then I'll look at another spot on the page that I'm reading, and I can't see the other words. I can only see what's my peripheral vision. So then I realize, oh, I'm starting to go blind. And it's scary as shit. The first few times it happened, I had no fucking idea what was going on. I start freaking out. Yeah. What do you do?

Like, lock the doors and, like, shut down all your computers and go to bed? Yeah, pretty much. I just have to lay down, and that helps. I was doing in an improv scene one time and I started going blind and I couldn't tell I couldn't tell I couldn't read the facial emotions of my scene partner

and it was terrifying you can't do things you take for granted yeah you just have to lay for me it helps to just lay down for a while about 30, 45 minutes will help but I don't feel the pain at that time when I start to go blind I know to take an ibuprofen because the pain's gonna come

hmm yeah do you take anything with caffeine Uh, yes, and I heard caffeine makes it worse. No, caffeine's supposed to make it better. Really? Yeah. Yeah, I'm, I'm always caffeined up. Women are more than twice as likely to take painkillers as men. How about that?

I wonder why that is. I don't know. Just throwing it out there. Why do you think it is? Uh, I think men are stubborn. I think they like to be in pain a little bit and refute, like, exactly why you're saying. Yeah. Like, I'll go through a whole, I buy, box.

I buy bottles in bulk. I'll go through them like nothing, man. If I'm in a little bit of pain, I'll pop three Advil. Of course. I'm going to ask you a serious question, Dick. Do you think that there is any benefit or anything good to pain? Like, is there any virtue to pain?

What do you mean? Like, I was actually going to bring this in. I'm going to bring it in as a solution at some point, but essentially it's a sadicism, self-denial. Do you think that there's any virtue to that? Not really. I don't know, whatever gets your boat going, whatever gets your motor going, man.

You want to deny yourself things? That's cool. Yeah. If that's what inspires you, if that's what gets you hard, that's cool, you want to live in a wood cabin in the middle of a forest and be a monk, that's cool.

Be a famous author, Henry David Thoreau. Yeah, you could be a famous author and living in the top of a big tower named after you. Trump is not, don't know. That's right. Trump what? Trump does live in a big tower and has a best-selling book. That's true.

That's a good point. Oh, great author. One of our greatest writers. It's big, it's good. It's number one. It's the best. Ivy proven, 1.4 billion pills annually. That's a lot of pain getting solved, man.

Yeah, yeah. So ibuprofen isn't, doesn't cause addiction, though, right? Well, I don't know. I don't think so. You may be mentally addicted to it. I mean, I think mental addiction is probably possible with anything, but I don't think you get any withdrawals or anything from acetametaphon or ibuprofen. I think that's right.

Yeah, Dick, one time I was at a dentist's office and I was getting work done on me, I think a root canal. And my dentist just sucked Dick this day. This particular dentist just sucked dick at administrating anesthetics. And at some point, she gave me like three shots and I still felt everything. And at some point she was operating on me and I felt like, I knew she was like, deep in sight because I think I was getting a root canal or something. And I started feeling this excruciating pain

like I've never felt before. Like I felt everything, this full surgery being done on me. And I was in such agonizing pain that I started getting a little bit delirious and then I started thinking about what pain is. And I was sitting in that dentist

chair and I thought well pain is just I guess kind of an emotion and I can ignore it if I want. Oh God, okay. And so I talked myself into ignoring that pain. And I just sat there getting operated on. And it was a really weird experience. It was very, I don't know, euphoric afterwards.

I felt euphoric. Well, a lot of people get piercings for that euphoria. It's the endorphins. Yeah. Like, they'll go subject themselves to pain. Last year, we, last year at Burning Man, we camped next to a BDSM dungeon. And there was chicks in there getting whipped and flogged and screaming out in pain all day for that same... You might want to check it out.

Maybe you need to get a gimp suit on and get your penis slapped around a little bit to get what you're looking for. That's the start. A dentist is a gateway drug. Man, I'll tell you, I fucking hate dentists who don't believe you. Like when you're in a chair and they're drilling in your teeth and you're like, hey, hey, hey, give me a little bit more Novakaine there because I feel it. I had this dentist, this fat bitch, who was drilling into my tooth, like, simple cavity, and I'm like, no, you missed the nerve.

Give it another squirt. Try again, try again. After, like, three, she's like, you know, I just think it's in your head. Yeah. Like, well, my dick's going to be in your head unless I get another shot of novocaine. I'll sit here all day until you get it right.

I'm not paying to be in pain. So do it again. Do it again. Didn't go back to her. An illustration of contrast, Dick. You should look into... You know what? I've got enough pain.

You need... I got metal plates in my face. I don't need any more pain. Like Robocop. Yeah. Oh, Schedule 2, by the way. Viken is Schedule 2 unless... Not Schedule 1.

No, man. I think you should embrace your pain sometimes. I think it can teach you something. Yeah? Yeah, think about it. I think you got too much time on your hands to be thinking about stuff like that. That's what I think.

Well, if I'm sitting in a dentist chair and I'm feeling excruciating pain, I got nothing but time on my hands. And I'm going to be thinking about that pain and analyze. Like, man, if you're able to get over your pain with your mind alone, it's a really fucking powerful mind, I think. Try it. Try it. Put yourself in some pain, or if you're already in pain, try to think.

And you know what? I know I'm kind of saying this with a, you know, big sweeping statements here. There are certain types of pain. I think that people absolutely do need painkillers for it. a splinter or stubbing your toe. Oh, the terrible pain of stubbing your toe. Dick, I got another type of pain that you've brought in before, which is hunger.

You know what can cure hunger? What? Sandwiches! Sandwich is the biggest solution in the universe. I agree with you. You what? You think sandwiches are the biggest solution in the universe? Yeah.

I'd trade everything in that list for a sandwich. Free the nipple, I would trade. Trade. Nuclear power I would trade in two seconds. iTunes, I would trade for a sandwich. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Well, sandwiches are great. If you think about it, they have every basic food group in them. They're dairy. Yeah. You got dairy. Vegetables. Right? Dessert? Meat. Meat. Uh-huh. You got fats, sugars. That's sugars. All right? You can add fruit to your sandwiches if you want. Oh, wow. Really? Have you ever had a green apple slaw on a pulled pork sandwich buddy? Uh-huh.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. That's a good sandwich. That's a good sandwich. You have every element of the food pyramid in them. They're perfect food. They're portable. They're delicious.

They're filling. And there's infinite variety of sandwiches. That's true. And I say that as a positive thing. However, if you've been to London, it can be a negative. What do you mean? Oh, man. I've had some crap sandwiches in the UK.

Oh, sure. Oh, everything is a chutney this and a mayonnaise, that. I'm like, just calm the fuck down with these fucking relishes. Okay? I know this, like, three or four of them are delicious. You put, like, ten of them on a sandwich. You guys are ruining sandwiches. I've never seen more voracious sandwich eaters than in London.

They fucking love sandwiches, man. You should do... Well, they invented them, didn't they? No. Yeah, the Duke of Sandwich invented sandwiches. Jews. No. Jews invented sandwiches.

That's what they want you to think. Yeah, when, like, manna from heaven came down in the desert, they just crushed a bunch of squirrels and stuck them in the bread. Well, that sounds like it might be true. Jews invented sandwiches according to What's Cooking America.net slash history slash sandwich history. Dot Htm.

First century BC, the first recorded sandwich was by the famous rabbi Hillel, the elder who lived during the first century. He started the Passover custom of sandwiching a mixture of chop nuts, apples, spices, and wine between two matzahs to eat with bitter herbs. Oh, that's not a sandwich. Fuck that.

No, a sandwich has got to have meat and lettuce and two pieces of bread, bread, not matzah bread, and whatever, bitter herbs. Yeah. No way. Look, man, it was the evolution of the sandwich. The first car didn't look like any of the cars we have today. Yeah, well, I'm not counting like a steam engine as a car. No.

No, it's not, no, a steam engine is a type of train. Let's say it's a type of train. Yeah, that's a, what you're reading is a sandwich train. It says the feeling between the matzah served as a reminder of the suffering of the Jews before their deliverance from Egypt and represented as a mortar by used by the Jews. This sounds like a Passover. Everything they invent is always a reminder of the suffering. Yeah, because he was known as the first person to do so,

and because of his influence and stature in Palestine, Palestinian Judaism, this practice was added to the Seder, and the Hillel Sandwich was named after him. The famous Hillel Sandwich. The famous Hillel Sandwich, right up there with Freedom Fries. No, wrong. The Duke of Sandwich invented it because he was playing poker. and didn't want to get up to eat.

To doke of sandwich. That's true. The Earl of Sandwich, excuse me. That's why it's called the fucking sandwich, Maddox. The Earl of Sandwich invented the fucking sandwich. I didn't see anything about that. Oh my God. I'm a fucking aneurism.

That's like the only piece of history I actually know. He was playing poker with his buddies and he didn't want to get up. So he had some wench take the food for that evening and put it between two pieces of bread. And that's what he ate at the poker table And his friends were like, what the fuck is this? What do you call this Earl of Sandwich? And he goes, I got it a sandwich, how about that? Fuck you guys, I'm all in.

And he won the poker game. Sounds like you watched an episode of Mansors. This is true. This is true. I'm not letting you steal it from the Earl of Sandwich. Jews. No, first of all, that sounds like such bullshit. According to Wikipedia,

Where did the name Sandwich come from then? The modern sandwich. The modern sandwich. I don't want to know the real Wikipedia, Randy. Yeah, well, I got right. I'm right. I know I'm right. I don't need a computer to tell me I'm right about sandwiches.

That's my passion in life as sandwiches. I eat two every day to help keep me strong. Okay, Dick. He's right? No. No. Other than that anecdote, the actual, like, they've traced the lineage of sandwiches because there have been sandwiches in many different cultures and customs.

I know this silly little anecdote you have here. This is from Wikipedia, the Wikipedia, the history of sandwiches. It says the immediate culinary precursor with a direct connection to the English sandwich was to be found in the Netherlands of the 17th century in taverns, beef hung from the rafters which they cut into thin slices and they ate it with bread and butter, laying the slices upon the butter. That sounds like a sandwich. Laying the slices on the butter?

Yeah. On the butter bread, yeah. It's too much work. Sandwich has to be convenient. You got to be able to hold it. It's like three things. It was like an open-faced sandwich. That's an open-faced sandwich.

It was not. They cut into thin, slice, and ate it with bread and butter. They put, no, that was the first sandwich. That sounds like it's just stacked. It doesn't sound like there's bread on top. It doesn't have another fucking box argument. A sandwich, you don't know. A sandwich has to have two pieces of bread.

No, it doesn't. It gets all over your hands. What about a club sandwich? Three pieces of bread, dickhead. Club sandwich, Big Macs? Minimum of two pieces of bread. That's the sandwich. It's to keep your hands clean.

Yes. No, it's not. It's so you can play poker while you're eating it. Out. Wrong. There are pulled pork sandwiches, Cubans, paninis, subways. All invented by the Jews. I'll give you some pork to pull. Oh, geez, Sean.

Steak sandwiches, and even sandwiches for breakfast called breakfast sandwiches. Oh. Have you heard of... Tell me more about those. Yeah, breakfast sandwiches. You could have one in a croissant as well. Sure. You could have that.

There are French dip sandwiches. A bagel sandwich. A bagel sandwich. There's hamburgers, which are a type of sandwich. That's true. Don't you dare take burgers. burgers away from me. There's even the Greek sandwich called gyros. I don't know if that's a sandwich. That's more like a burrito.

A gyro line? A gyro line? I don't know. Do you have gyros? What's a gyro? A line to get gyros. Yeah. There's gyros. We got gyros. Uh-huh. There's lots of different kinds of sandwiches. Two guys banging one girl? That's a sandwich. Yeah. Uh-huh. That's a sandwich, man. There's ice cream sandwiches.

Or one guy. I don't want to be, uh, you know. exclusionary over here? Two guys banging one guy. Another guy? Another sandwich. And then if you add more guys, you have to add them in in twos after that. Doesn't matter. Minimum of two guys makes a sandwich. You need at least three people to make a sandwich. I guess that's true. Otherwise, you're just eating bread. That's stupid.

Yeah? Bread is stupid. That's not a sandwich. That's what pisses me off so much about people eat plain cheese pizza because you're basically eating two ingredients. No, three, sorry. You got sauce. Sometimes it hits the spot. Sometimes you need a little refresher for your palate. Refresher? With cheese pizza.

Get out of here. I support your solution, but I find all of this research species at best. It was invented by the Earl of Sandwich. That's why it's called a sandwich. Jews made them. No. Mots, the famous Hellel Sand. You've never had a famous Hellel sandwich?

No, neither of you. That does sound like bullshit. You know, I've been to some Passover's and they, you know, I don't know if you guys have ever been to a Passover, like the listeners or anything. First of all, super boring. You have to read, no joke, like 14 to 20 pages. 14 to 20 pages of suffering and this,

and you have to dab your finger in salt and stuff. You know, you get, at the end of it, you get some brisket. That's cool. But even during the Passover's and satyrs and things that I've been to, I've never had one of these hellel sandwiches. It can't be that popular. No, that's all... It's a precursor.

It didn't catch on. Nice try. Better look next time. Jews eat them? They eat that sandwich? During Passover. I know some Jews who eat that during Passover. A Hillel sandwich?

Mm-hmm. I don't know. Did they call it a sandwich? Uh, I don't know. Well, then it's based on the Earl of Sandwich. Maybe they call... If they call it a sandwich, they got it from the Earl of Sandwich. Maybe they call it a Hillel.

Hey, I'll have a halel with salami on mine. I want you to go to a kosher diner. and ask for a halal. I'll see what they give you. One halal, please. Oh, come on, my friend. You get it out of here. What's that?

Is that a sandwich? All right, I have a solution with good research. Okay. Underpants. Underpants. Great. Underpants.

Look, if you don't have underpants, you get a big problem. Is that true or false? We have nightmares about not having underpants. I love girls with no underpants. Are you kidding me? Those are my favorite girls.

Those are my favorite girls. Ones who don't wear underpants. Really? Stumped. Get a... snail trail all over your couch, that's what you want? Oh, no, man. No, no, underpants, a good pair of underpants is like icing on the cake, man.

You don't want to give that up? Yeah. Why do they got no underpants? Are you got to let it air out? Come on. Yeah, man. Especially in Greece. Have you ever been to Greece?

No. Dude, chicks in Athens don't like to wear panties. I saw... I saw... Jesus Christ. I saw more beaver in Athens than I've seen in Colorado, man. I don't want to see that shit? Why not?

It's cool. No. I'll go to a bikini bar, the topless bar, specifically because they wear bottoms. I don't want to see a bunch of roast beef flapping around. Oh, get out of here. I'm at a kosher deli. See that flappy little pussy? That's awesome.

Oh, boy. A little? Oh, my God. Dude, what kind of chicks are you seen with that wearing panties with giant-ass beef curtains? Look, you've got to use this solution every day. Okay. You wear underwear every day, sometimes twice a day. Do I?

Do I? I hope you do. Do you not wear underwear? I went through a no... Okay. I'm sure every... You don't need to be coy. Everyone's not biting their lip waiting to see if Maddox actually wears underwear.

He hinted that he might not wear underwear. I went through a no underwear phase and I got tired of clipping the tip of my penis with my zipper. Oh. Yeah. Wear underwear. Big salute. What are you... That's what happens.

Randy, have you ever gone without underwear? No. For good reason. Like, I thought it would be cool. to not wear underwear, to act like a swinger, I guess, like some gross mustache 70s porn star. I'm not going to wear underwear. Let's see how this.

Let's take this society. It's just a layer of denim and buttons and zippers between L. Pinoor and you. Big mistake. There's a reason you got the underwear on. It's basically just a piss catcher. That's a great reason. Piss driblets are a big problem.

As we've seen in the regular show, underwear is the first and only defense you have against piss driblets. Uh, also just like walking and not worrying about it. What do you mean walking? That's not a solution for piss driblins. What are you talking about? I would have accepted a hairdry.

Look, man, I just don't piss all over myself. I'm not a moron. I don't know what to tell you. It's the after. It doesn't drip over all over me. I don't have a problem with piss driblets. I get every last drop out. You just squeeze it.

Look, you can tell a lot about a chick by the kind of underpants she's got on. That's true. That is fucking true, man. I know everything I need to know about a chick in terms of, well, in terms of the bedroom. Based on her underwear. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Like, if she's got underwear with, like, juicy couture is number one.

Yeah. Written on the back. She's fun. She's got a gigantic ass. You know what I'm saying? That's, like, two feet across that I'm describing. You can tell a lot about a guy based on his underwear. Hmm.

Right? I don't think so. I had to borrow this guy's underwear one time. What? No, not my dad, Randy, another guy. Another guy's underwear. I was on vacation. I was on vacation in Costa Rica. And something had happened to all of my underwear.

I forget what happened. I think I dropped them. Shat in him? No, I didn't shit in them in this instance. Something else happened to them. So I'm like, guys, I don't want to go around with no underwear. Can someone help me out here? So my buddy, this French-Canadian guy by the name of Gagnon,

he comes, he's like, yeah, yeah, I got some real good overall. underwear for you. Check this out. It was New Year's a couple years ago, so, you know, we thought we were going to get laid that night. He goes, check this underwear out. He pulls out his special underwear. It's like boxer briefs, but it has like a pouch in the front.

Hmm. Like a cup pouch. A cup. He's like, yeah. He's like, check this out. It makes your dick look huge. Oh. Okay. I'll try that. I've never tried that kind of underwear before. Let's see what a day in your life is like. So I put

this underwear on and sure enough man it like it's like a it was like a fabric frame yeah you're talking about yeah it was great it was it I felt like I first of all I felt like him but it was like walking a mile in his shoes it's like this is what it feels like for Gagnon every day oh dude your balls

are in another man's sack holder come on it's washed come on yeah but you don't want that you don't want to think about that I don't I wasn't thinking about his dick all day. Why would you be? You're wearing his junk holder, man?

I don't know. If I put on... Oh, you're being such a naysayer about underpants. Why? What do you have against underpants? I think at best... It's a huge solution. They're neutral at best. You don't need them. They're not necessary. Homeless people don't have underpants. Look at them run around. Not necessary, he says. Here, let's get to the research.

How about 7,000 years ago, there's remains of leather loincloths found by archaeologists. This is like one of the first things we invented because they're so important. Yeah, and they're dead. None of them around. They wore underpants. How useful are they if they all died?

Maddox, this is fire and underpants was the most important thing. Because it's the great equalizer. Underpants? Yeah, if you see, if everyone's got their dick out and you see, oh, look, that guy's got a small dick. I don't need to listen to him anymore. Right? But if everyone's got their dicks hidden, you're like, okay, I don't know how big this guy's dick is. Maybe I should listen to the words he's saying and his ideas instead of just

riding him off or believing him in the case of maybe he's got a huge dick. Yeah. You know? If, without underwear, you'd be going around looking at everyone's dick all day. Yeah, not a deal. Then you're gay. You're not gay.

You're not gay. Just looking at dicks doesn't make you gay. You've got to taste it. King Tut was buried... King Tut was buried with dozens of fine linen loincloths cut in a net and an alternative style around his groin. How about that?

Dead. Also dead. Once the Romans came along, the choices began to diversify. They took the form of short shorts or wrapped loincloths. Look, this is an invention as old as time, that's what I'm saying. You know what, man, I think that underpants

are a form of insecurity. If I, you know what, Dick, you know me. Yeah, sometimes. You know me. Sometimes, do you have them on right now? Let me see. Do you want to see? Yes.

I'm fucking... Well, you can pull them up over your waistband like what I'm doing right now, see? Underpants. Yeah, yeah. Check. Done. Great.

I think that guys wear underpants in a very utilitarian way. Like, I need them. Like socks. Guys generally don't put a lot of thought into the socks or underpants. Whereas women, most of the women I know, put a lot of thought into it, even if it's ugly underpants, even if it's ugly panties. Check this out. Chicks spend 20,000 pounds.

This is a British study. Women will spend 20,000 pounds on underwear in their lives, while men will spend only 1,200 pounds. There you go. So, what is that? 20 to like 18 times the amount. Yeah. It's pretty interesting.

Also, Alan Greenspan, your favorite economist, use underwear sales as a marker of how the economy is doing. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Because it's like the one, it's always a straight line for men's underwear. Unless there's a recession and then it will dip. Oh, interesting. Because that's the one thing men will skimp on.

Yeah, because they'll let it get holes in it. Yeah, men don't really give a shit that much about underwear. No one's looking at guys junk, except for, I don't know, maybe gay guys. I've never talked to my gay friends about the underwear that they wear and whether or not they put a lot of thought into it. I assume that they do. They probably wear stuff like your French friends underwear, you know,

the big... Ganyon. The Gagnon. Yeah. The big ball holster thing, you know, to kind of accentuate it. Women generally don't like to look at cocks. Unless they're into the guy, then they can't get enough of the cock. That's... Well, I mean... Is that...

That's some of your experience may very. I don't know. Yeah, but, I mean, they want it in their mouths. they don't necessarily want to look at it. No, man, they want you to be Brett Favre if they're into you. They want Dick Picks all day. Let me see it from all the... They want a matrix of your...

A matrix shot of your cock, like 180 degrees, 360 degrees all the way around. No, I don't think so, man. No. Was that the end of your gay thought? You were saying the gay men's underwear? Yeah, I think that gay guys probably want to see weeners and good-looking underwear. I don't think guys really put that much thought into it. You know, Dick, everything you just cited is kind of...

supporting my argument that men, it's not really super important because guys don't spend much money on it. They don't put much thought into it. And it's a good indicator of the economy. It's always a straight line. Guys get it when they need it. They don't buy designer boxers. Except me, I did buy, I will give you this though. Recently, I was looking on Amazon for funny boxers, you know. I call those funder pants. Funder pants, right? So I was looking for, and I found these boxers. I don't know if they were intended for this purpose. If it was by design, but it was a SpongeBob Square Pants boxer. And his giant face was right in the crotch area.

So you know... Right where the nose is supposed to be was my penis hole. That's great. I bought those things and I started wearing him around. I got a big up boner running into things. Like, ah, look at SpongeBob's nose. There you go. Big solution.

That's my favorite pair of boxers ever. Let's see. Ankle length, skin tight underpants, issued to soldiers in the Civil War Long Johns were named after the 19th century boxer John Sullivan, who wore them while he was boxing. That's pretty cool. Oh, that's interesting. Do you know that? That actually sounds way more believable than the Earl of Sandwich.

Why the fuck what else would they call it a sandwich, you asshole? I don't know, man. Maybe that guy popularized it, he coined the name of it, whatever? He invented it. It's called inventing it. Jews. Okay, I'll end with this one. Professional wrestlers. What if we didn't have underpants? We're just staring at a bunch of steroid, leathery penises?

No. Dude. Underpants make professional wrestling what it is. True or false? True or false? Would you watch wrestling way more if they were naked? No. I sure shit would.

Oh, fuck no. Be hilarious. Especially they put them in that weird headlock where their heads, like, down by their crotch. It's like, oh, is it going to touch his mouth? Oh man, wrestling would be so much more fun if they were painless. Getting out of diapers? Getting into underwear, that's a big accomplishment in your life. That's true.

That's true. That's a milestone. That's a milestone. Because the underwear is very important. Yeah, I'll give you that. Although diapers are basically the underpants you can shit in. Oh, such a contrary in. All right, that's it.

Well, technically you can shit in any underpants. Yeah, thank you, Sean. Thank you. Good point. Yeah, man, I think underpants, no joke, I don't think they're a problem, and I don't think they're a solution. I think in my mind,

if I was going to vote on this, it should be zero. You have any dreams where you don't have underpants? You're going to walk around naked? That's actually, yeah. You have any dreams where you don't have math? No. Yeah, I do.

I dream that I'm a llama, just eating a bunch of grass in a field somewhere like an idiot. Lamas are doomed to, to extinction without math. Without underpants, you're kind of hot if you see a vagina. In Greece, man, I'm telling you, I saw a vagina every day, all day.

Why do you want to see vaginas? Viginas are cool. Why do you want to see boobs? I don't know, because that's normal. Hey, you know what? I forgot to bring up in math. What? Without math, you cannot make

a realistic-looking boobs in the Oculus Rift. I'm always on the forefront of boob bouncing physics. Sure. You know? Like an article will pop up about video games, boob bouncing, and so far it's poor. Poor at best. Like, I give it a D.

Not quite a fail. There is actually a lot of research that goes into creating realistic boobs in video games and simulations. And there's this video on YouTube. It's called The Evolution. I think it's like the evolution of 3D boobs. And they show how they created all these different models. and they went through something like 80 or 90 iterations of the same model

with like different physics applied to the boob so they can get it just right. Because it can't be too jiggly, it can't be too firm, it has to be just right, and you have to put in like spring physics into it and fluid dynamics and friction and tension and torque and all these things. There's a lot of thought that goes into making those look just right. Well, there needs to be more thought put into it. Yeah.

If that's the future. It is the future. I don't care about anything in the Oculus Rift other than... Boobes. Oh, that's a mistake, buddy. Everything else I can get with Vicodin. All right, is that all you got on underpants? Yeah.

All right, buddy. Well, are you ready for my apology? Okay, do you want some music? No, I got some music. Oh, okay. I got my own music. Thanks. I brought my own music for my own apology.

Let me put on my shit waiting boots. Yeah, so this is what we were going to hear as a quote, apology. Okay, this is much better written, I think. It's called My Apple. Wait, here's the music. This is my Apple concession speech. Okay. Here we go.

I, Maddox, am an idiot. I'm an idiot for trusting that Dick and Sean would conduct an experiment with measurable controls and valid testing procedures. Randy did it. I trusted that Dick wouldn't cheat and lift his blindfold to see which apple he was going to be eating because he fears the crunch. The crunch is simultaneously the sound of a cold. crisp apple and the sound of a bankrupt ideology coming to an end. A crunchy apple is by definition not meal, you shithead, or mushy. But like all people who hate the red delicious apple, my uninspired cohorts lack the breadth and depth

of vocabulary to criticize the red delicious for being red and delicious with any other applicable words. While it was not my favorite apple I tried that day, and though you may not like the flavor because your tongue is callous from giving too many rim jobs and your palate is too under fine from a lifetime of corraling sheep and various farm animals into your bedroom say what you will about the red delicious apple but don't call it mealy

so in conclusion this is my concession speech that dick and Sean are assholes yeah that's what I thought you would do great yeah that's bullshit that's not an apology that's not an apology that's not an apology at all and you fucked up that Randy did the test and not me and Sean you guys you guys said it

Sean picked the apples he picked the shittiest and you picked your own red delicious apple. And it was crunchy. Do you know what mealy is? That's bullshit. Mealy tastes like sand. I went to a legitimately reminded you of eating a chick out. Not some fucking third rate liquor store where all the candy and snacks are in Spanish. Sean, not every store has every best type of apple. You know that I go to certain. Some are in season, some are not. No, but I'll tell you one thing though. Your former favorite was the Rome apple, correct? Yes. I did a little research into the Rome apple. The Rome apple is universally considered a cooking apple.

apple only. It is considered a terrible eating apple and it needs heat to bring it out. So basically you're like a guy... That's my favorite kind of wine is cooking wine. He critiques. He's a guy who critiques like all the great works of art throughout history except then you find out that he's legally blind. Yeah, that's what you're like. No idiot. You know what it's like? It's like eating, it's like somebody who appreciates the raw ingredients that go into cooking. You like pizza? Here, have a little sprig of basil. Have some flour in your mouth. It's better. It's not flour. It's more like basils, like fresh basil that hasn't been cooked.

You know what? Fine, dickhead. And I already copped to that. I said that Rome apples are good for cooking. Look, the best chefs in the world, the best cooks in the world are using Rome apples for cooking. Oh, wow, what a shitty apple. It's so shitty that we're only going to use it as ingredients. They also say they probably need to be combined with other varietals while you're cooking

because it has unremarkable flavor. Yeah. They have remarkable flavor. You don't know your fucking, you don't know shit. We've already the established. You guys don't know what the fuck mealy is. A crunchy apple is not mealy by definition. You guys are idiots.

Oh my God. Mealy is crumbly. It means meal-like. Yeah, that's not like, that's not red delicious shit hen. The red delicious apple was crunchy as fuck. I got another red delicious right here. Go get it.

Okay. I'm going to shove it up your ass. All right. This is over. All right. Terrible apology. Well, that, that apology letter that Dick wrote was bullshit.

It was great. Nothing. would say on my own. Nothing. Anyway, guys, my solutions this month were math and sandwiches. My solutions are anal G-Zicks and underpants. Great. Happy New Year.