The Biggest Problem in the Universe: Uncucked - Bonus Episode 16

Episode Date: June 21, 2018

Welcome to the biggest solution in the universe, the show where we discuss every solution in the universe for manpower to enriched flower. With over 5 million downloads, this is the only show where you decide what shooter shouldn't be on the big list of solutions. I'm Maddox with me as Dick. Hey.

And Sean, our audio engineer. Hello. Welcome back. Biggest solution number 16. Sounds like it was just yesterday that we did this. Yeah. What, the Solutions episode? Yeah. Yeah.

Time flies. What were our solutions last time? Something with computers, wasn't it? No. The solutions last time Well, the biggest solution in the universe from last month was Right on Red, turning right on red. That's right, I remember that one.

Then television and then floss. Television and floss were neck and neck. And then Dead Last was Springs, but still in the positive territory. Are you serious? Television and floss were neck and neck? Who the fuck is voting television and floss as equal solutions? Television. Floss. Who? No one even uses floss. Everyone, you use floss. That's it.

People who don't have cavities use floss, Dick. Television, on the other hand, a bunch of horse shit. You stopped watching. Nobody watches TV anymore. Everyone watches YouTube. I think Netflix would disagree with you. Yeah, I don't count Netflix as television. That's old new media. So it's called new media?

So you're like, hey, come over and watch some new media with me. I saw a pretty good episode of BoJack Horseman on New Media. Yeah, that's what I would say, Dick. That's what you say? No, but Netflix is new media. It's not considered television. Television is considered on-air, on-air broadcast, over-the-air broadcast, and cable. You understand that a television is an appliance.

Well, right. Not things going through the air necessarily. A television is like the thing that sits in your living room. Dick, you understand what you do on the television determines what you say to people, right? You can play video games on a television. That's not, hey, come over and watch television, and then we play video games. That's playing video games versus watching. But when you go to the store, what do you buy?

I buy milk, shithead. You buy a new media, Sean. Right. I think it's obvious. Have you ever played video games not on a television? Yeah, I play on my computer. Or on a portable system. What do you look at it on?

On the portable system, the screen. The screen's not a television. What kind of screen is it would be called? On a Game Boy? Not, I wouldn't call that a television. Oh, okay. I mean, a monitor, if you want to be, if you, like if you're playing the semantic game shit head,

you want to be really pedantic, then it's a monitor. Because that's more general term, and what the monitor is doesn't dictate the content that you watch on it. He doesn't like it when it's used on him. Yeah, no. No, it's just annoying. What are we doing? What are we doing? Come on, guys.

Tom Lund said, a solution should be something that exists, right? Did you say that? I said that. Then he said, meanwhile, Maddox returns time and time again to his precious Oculus Rift. They exist. Except Maddox's version ties in with your nerves. So reality is indistinguishable from reality. Yeah. Newsflash, that's not the Oculus Rift.

It's a headset with tiny televisions in it. That's true. It's a good point. Again, they're not televisions. He said it. I didn't say it. I know, but he's an idiot. Not everything, not everything that displays anything. You don't have a television on your watch. It's not a television screen.

Oh, I wish I did. You could, but it's not. Chai. Oh, go ahead. Mark Procia says, The case Maddox made for Springs, I thought, was pretty good. Thank you. Thank you, Mark. Good comment.

You remember when we talked about printed condoms? Did I bring in printed condoms as a solution? Yeah. So you were saying that would ruin the structural integrity of the condoms. Right. You remember that? Chai says, let Maddox know that they're already printing on condoms, so he doesn't need to worry about structural integrity.

The base of every condom, there's a serial number. That's what he says. And when he responds with, I didn't know that or something similar. He's telling me what to say to you. But they're already printing on condoms. How about that? I've never seen print on condoms.

I see it print on the packages of condoms, but not the condoms themselves. Right? This guy has apparently seen a condom. Is he saying that there's a serial number on the base of them? I don't think it on the latex. I don't think they're printing on the condoms, right? Have you ever seen a print on condom?

First of all, my face isn't that close to one. I'm sure there could just be some water-soluble ink or something that wouldn't, you know, that wouldn't dissolve the latex, I would think. I think that'd be a pretty easy ink to do. I don't know. Well, I mean, it sounds easy in theory, but they have chemical engineers who work around the clock instead of solving cancer to try to make edible inks and ink so they can use on food products and things like that. But again, I don't, I've never seen any serial numbers on condoms. Well, you know, not everyone can work on cancer. That's true.

Some people have to be solving shitty problems. Like printing condoms. Speaking of, Fart Piss Green has a comment. I love that guy. It's an asshole. He says, Holy crap, man. Why not bring in elasticity instead of springs? God, you're so bad at this, Mad Ox.

Also, to paraphrase, Sean, the universe is the biggest solution in the universe. Hell, you might as well just say physics. Retard. Thanks, thanks, fart piss, dip shit. First of all, elasticity is a property of springs. The principle is still

springs. It's Hook's Law. It's all Hooks Law. And someone else commented in the comment section, the Hooks Law principle directly applies to capacitors. It's almost the exact same formula. So, yeah. So capacitors are springs? Springs are the biggest solution. Okay. Let's see. I got a bunch I got some leftover voicemails. I feel like you should play leftover, or songs maybe. Let's hear it from the regular episode. Here's one, here's one that water boy sent in. Oh, I smell all an ass. Let me get that Pretty good ass. I have you. I have you.

I have you. Pretty good song. My fuck My Pooke A hell a ass I have you.

What fuck this is this? That my pooper was a little kind of That actually that actually did happen. Well, how much sleep did you get? Mother F-er? Yeah. I got two and a half hours.

Yeah. And I'm feeling dowered. Well, I got 1.45 and I'm feeling a lot. Pretend that I'm a stupid idiot. Oh, good song, Waterboy. Thank you for that. He said that the guy calling in last week claiming to be him was not him.

What? Was it really not him? I have no idea. The guy who fucked up the voicemail, he said, wasn't it? That's funny. I got a comment from Vidal Sanchez. Did Maddox get high in play with a doorstopper before this episode? Did you?

No. No, I just, I know, I'm not an idiot, so I know springs are a big solution. And I got from... I agree with you. Yeah, I think they are. I just don't think everything is a spring. Everything has spring like properties. Almost, almost everything.

Then I got a comment from no, Duneas, Dunez, whatever. He says, that video reminds me of Simpsons video on Zink. And I brought a little clip in. Simpsons did a parody. So last episode, last bonus episode, I played that Springs video. It's an old documentary from 1940 where they talked about this nightmare world

without springs in it. And Simpsons did a parody of it with zinc. Here it is. Hey, what gives? You said you wanted to live in a world without zinc, Jimmy. Well, now your car has no battery. But I promised Betty, I'd pick her up by six. I better give her a call.

Sorry, Jimmy. Without zinc for the rotary mechanism. There are no telephones. Dear God, what have I done? He tries to shoot himself in the head with a gun. Think again, Jimmy. You see, the firing pin in your gun was made of... Yep.

Zinc. Yeah. Zinc might be a future solution, guys. Pay attention. Is everything zinc? Does it exhibit zinc-like properties? No. I brought in...

I brought in a long time. A video from Angelo's mom. Yeah. I'm not. even going to set it up on his play. Dick Masterson asked me today if you liked his comments you gave him last time, which we already responded to that. I won't get into that.

And he said you should call in the show again to the biggest problems in the universe podcast. Why I call him? Why? I don't like him anyway. Why I call him? Well, you should hear about one of the problems he's talked about. Now, he's gone through a lot of them.

He's a very selfish person. He said one of the biggest problems in the last few weeks. He said is helping your friends move, helping people move. He's probably never helped anyone in his life. He doesn't know what it's like, you know, to ever need help or want help. He needs help. But one of the other problems I wanted to ask you about,

he said, and this is something he asked people to vote on, and I can't even play you the episode. He said, bad blow jobs. What's that? Bad? Blow jobs. Blow jobs? What's that mean?

Oh, no. Sounds like my mom. It's her mouth, it's a dick, and suck. Oh, shit. That's, he went on about it for like 20 minutes. It was filthy. Oh, this is, I don't, I cannot deal with this. He doesn't believe he said it's one of the biggest problems in the universe.

I cannot deal with this. Bigger than monkeys, bigger than ants, bigger than death. I can't deal with this. What is the phone? Here, you call him and tell him, I don't make the toast. Is that real? Do you think she really doesn't know what a blowjob is? Oh, what I think.

I don't think she gives more jobs. How can somebody like this? How, Maddox? Maddox, why you have him in your shows? Yeah, it's on you. Tell Ask Maddox yourself. Hold on. Maybe he thinks men give better blow jobs.

Maybe that's what you do. Probably do. Don't, listen. I won't allow you to talk to me like that. Yeah. She's not going to allow it, Dick. Oh, my God. Damn it.

What an asshole, Dick, Masterson. Listen, you pig. Pig, pig, and pig. Listen, you, the nastiest, you are a hideous, you are a hick, chic, shink, shick. She likes that one. My God. You're not even human. Both of them listen to it.

Say you're talking to Dick, not Maddox. Oh, wait a minute. I'm talking to Dick. Masterson. I am Angelo's mom and all about you hear is for Dick

Masterson. Wait from a lockup. You said blowjobs. Bad blow jobs are the biggest prominent. Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You are a hick. That's it?

That's the only way I can describe you. You're not a human. You're not a human. You are a pig. Shame on you. You suck a dick, a bull. Whatever.

you are, you nobody and you nothing. Maddox, I love you. But I don't understand why you have some jackass like this law, the lowest of the law, and you call him a friend. And not only that, he said one of the biggest problems in the universe is helping people move. He's selfish. All right. We heard about the blow job thing.

Yeah, Dick. I mean, I know she knows what a blow job is. That's her favorite insult. He's just suck a cock. and what are you gay? Shut the hell up. You're a sucker-cocker-sucker or something like that?

Yeah, something like that. You dumb shit. Yeah. We're going to have the specter of Asteroos' mom all throughout this episode. All right. That's not Asteroos' mom. Oops.

You're getting your Greeks mixed up. I'm getting my Greek moms mixed up. Sorry, Asterios' mom. Sorry Angel's mom. I don't know who the insult is directed to. But either one. Sorry to mix you guys up. They all look alike, Greek moms, right?

No. I wonder if they do all sound like that. It sounds like my mom when she's talking about blow jobs. It doesn't have a clue. Mm-hmm. Anyway. Can we get to a solution? Yeah.

All right. I got a big one. I got a real big solution this week, gentlemen. Steam engines. Yeah. Oh, man, what a great solution. Steam engines. Welcome to 1872.

Yeah. Hey, you know what? You want to know how nuclear generates? make power? Yeah. Steam. Right. So nuclear reactors are steam engines.

That's right. So I totally agree with you. Mm-hmm. They also launch aircraft from aircraft carriers. Yes, they're changing that over, but slow them down. Steam-powered pistons. No shit. Well, fucking A.

Why did I even bother bringing in this problem? You guys are doing a great job. That's a huge solution. You guys are killing it. First car. It's true. Steam engine. It's true.

Guys, where would we be without steam engines? Huh? Sheveling dirt on a farm. That's where. You'd be picking up cow shit, churning milk to make butter, by hand and fucking your ugly cousin. That's what you do. Yeah.

That's what you do. You'd be having sex with your cousin right now, Sean, without a steam engine. Should be hot, though. No. Cousins are hot. Ugly. Because your cousins banged other family members and now they have genetic defects. The steam engine freed people to live in areas that weren't near farms for the first time in human history.

It made it possible for us to bang people who weren't in our hometown for the first time ever. And almost everything we use today is either powered by steam or was it 7. Point manufactured using steam power. Everything. From your car to your antibiotics, to your bed, to your headphones. Springs. Springs. Springs? Yeah, Sean. The clothes on your back, your shoes on your feet, everything is due to steam engines. Wait, why? It's because steam engines power almost everything. And even if we don't use steam engines to power them, like wind plants, those turbines were created using steam engines, the power of steam engines in a factory somewhere. They were? Factors run on steam?

I thought they were in like coal and electricity. What do you think they use the coal for? I don't know. Do you honestly not know? Sean, do you know what they use coal for? I think I can infer that it's the mechanism to make the steam engine work. Yeah, they heat. They produce heat.

Yeah, it's the exact same principle as nuclear power. Steam comes from a boiler that is heated. We use wood, coal, oil, and natural gas to heat that boiler. Even nuclear power plants, Dick, like you mentioned, are basically just glorified steam engines. If you think nuclear power is a solution, vote up steam engines because they all are. They're all steam engines.

That's all they are. So we use coal. And people think today like, oh, I have an electric vehicle. It's a really clean car. But you've heard of that expression, the long tailpipe. That's because, essentially, you think you're not polluting by driving electric,

but you're using electricity that comes from the electric company, the electric power plant. And the power plant entirely runs off of either coal, natural gas or well they're not using wood anymore but coal, oil or natural gas to run electric power plants. And then you're dumping power into making that car

and you're dumping the batteries out because they don't last as long as they say they're going to. You think electric cars are less efficient than fossil fuels? I have no idea. I don't trust them. Like somebody suddenly invented an electric car and it's better than fossil fuels. I kind of doubt it. Why not?

Because if If that was true, they wouldn't need a bunch of money to do it. Like, if somebody invented an electric car that was better than a, that was more efficient than a gas car, it would be cheaper, but it's not. So what's it better for? Why does it need all the money? Well, the reason it's not cheaper is because the technology is still new. But as time goes on, the technology becomes cheaper.

I think now you can buy a Prius at a comparable price for a similarly equipped gas-powered car. Is that that's correct, right? You can buy Prius for about the same cost. I don't believe it. I think retrofitting old cars, like a 95 terselle or something like that, would be better for the environment than making a brand new Prius. Oh, well, that may be the case. It's hard to tell.

I don't know. I don't know if anyone's ever done that math. But over time, it's going to become cheaper to produce electric vehicles. And they'll probably become more efficient. But anyway, back to Steam Engine's the biggest solution in the universe. Everything from trains, ships, tractors, automobiles and factories are powered by steam. Even if you think that your car runs on gas or electricity,

like I said, the gas is extracted from the ground using steam-powered pumps, and the electricity has created a power plant using steam. Even aircraft carriers and submarines run on steam-powered nuclear turbines. Steam is everywhere, man. Steam is the biggest solution in the universe. I think that we brought in next to critical thinking. What about satellites?

Steam. It's actually a solution. super set of steam as it turns out. Satellites are steam. Yes. Also, because they're like mechanical things evaporating out of the atmosphere. Yes. No, satellites were manufactured all on Earth. Spring and steam.

They were, they were, satellites are manufactured in factories that use steam power. Oh. Yeah, you guys, you know. Yeah, what about, kicking ass? What about meat? That wasn't made with steam. You bet your ass, you gotta cook that meat and guess what? It's steaming meat.

Steaming meat. Yeah, put it right on the stove. Put it right on the kettle. That's how I make my steaks. Guys, really, since... Steamed hams, speaking of the Simpsons. Hey, I mean, basically, corned beef, you know, brisket, shit like that. Steam the hams, do a little cave painting afterwards.

Pressure cooker. Pressure cooker. And kicking ass, you get steamed up, huh? That's true. Piping mad and you're steaming hot. You've got to let it go. Otherwise, you're going to burst the gasket, aka get an aneurism. But guys, really,

since the 1800s basically actually the steam engine was first developed the first steam engine was developed in the year 2000 about 2,000 years ago not the year zero not the year 2000 yeah about 2,000 years ago in Greece the guy's name was hero

of Alexandria about 2,000 years ago the guy who invented the steam engine is literally called a hero because that was his name hero and that may be even be the origin of the word hero what a badass I think the Earl of Sandwich invented the same engine The Earl of Steam Witch? I heard that.

Exactly. I did hear that. They may have named the hero sandwich after the hero who invented the steam engine. You sure it wasn't the Jews that invented the steam engine? What did he use it for? Well, so the first steam engine ever designed was the same exact principle that we use almost today, which is he had this big cauldron with water in it, and then two poles that went up to, that fed the steam to this big, metal ball and the ball had kind of like an S-shaped exhaust one pointing in a different direction

from the other so the ball would just spin as the water boiled underneath so he just created a ball that rotated and people kind of used it as this amusing thing and a phenomenon but they didn't really use it to power anything oh but that was the first steam engine a spinning ball yeah that was one of a waste of time well it's grease so they don't have television you know the biggest solution so they don't have anything to do if they'd have had television they wouldn't have invented the steam engine. No, we haven't had anything as important to our lives as the steam engine since the steam engine. I think maybe the internet, but the steam engine guys, I mean, there would be no internet without the steam engine.

Because so the steam engine, before steam engines, like we still use a lot of coal today to power things. We don't think about it. We don't see it, but we're still using coal a lot. And coal mining was extremely hazardous and inefficient because mines constantly got flooded with water in the 1800s. Think about this. In the 1800s, the early 1800s, before steam engines started coming into the scene, people would mine, would make mines. They'd go down inside these mines, they'd mine for coal, and then the mines got flooded

because you're deep down inside the earth and it gets damp in there. And there's nothing we can do about it except find a new mine. Steam engines allowed us to create the first water pumps, which allowed us to extract more coal, which allowed us to make more steam engines, which is what created the Industrial Revolution. Yeah, but it also created steampunks Pretty annoying True, steampunks are annoying I hate those fuckers

How come just because your civilization Runs on Steam you dress like an asshole Yeah Like why is that? Why do you have so many monocles And like weird brass binoculars Just because you're using steam Because we use steam today and we're not all assholes Yeah, well we are

Yeah But we don't dress like asshole, yeah. Victorian assholes. It's like they like the Victorian aesthetic or the Western aesthetic, but they still want to have technology. They want to have the best of both worlds. Have you played that game, Dick? Oh, shit, what's it called? Bioshock, Beyond Infinite, Infinite Dome.

No. Biashok Infinite. It's this fucking game on PlayStation 4. I couldn't get past the first hour of gameplay because there was no gameplay. It's so fucking boring. And then I watched it. Is it steampunk related? Yeah, it's all steampunk shit.

It's all steampunk shit. They have laser beams and shit. But with steam. Like, why is it important where it comes from? That it's the laser beams are steam related or that their blimps run on steam. Yeah, it's all blimps. Everything is blimps.

We have big, big floating cities. And by the way, this future city with floating islands and laser beams and shit, still very regressive and racist. Oh. In fact, more racist, like 1800s racism. So it's almost like this alternate universe where we are still.

in the 1800s, like people and style and technology hasn't really progressed. Well, technology's progressed, but style hasn't. Right. And so we're still stuck. Style hasn't changed in 150 years. No. Okay. And that's where these weirdos want to live.

Yeah, they want to live in this fucking alternate universe. I read this article a long time ago on Vice. It was like the do's and don'ts. Have you seen the Vice article dues and don'ts? It's basically fashion dues and fashion don'ts. And one of them, the guy hates steampunk. It's like, what the fuck is wrong with you that you don't want to live in our world? Why do you constantly want to regress back to this fucking Victorian age, Western bullshit?

Says the guy who wants to live in the Oculus Rift. Fuck you, Sean. Asshole. The Oculus Rift is amazing. You're going to eat those words, bitch. What time period would you live in in the Oculus Rift? Just curious. Future, always future.

But that's, well, wait a minute. That could be whatever you want it to be, though. What would define this future? It's just tomorrow. Just always wants to live in tomorrow. About a week and a half from now I'd live. Anywhere from a minute to a couple hundred centuries in the future. Well, would it look like the jet?

That answers nothing. Would it look like the Jetsons? Would you have like flying cars? What would it look like? What would it look like Fantasy Star Online. Have you ever played that game? No. That's like pretty futuristic and cool.

And there's all these like futuristic looking shit. I don't know, man. I don't know how to define it. Well, you, it's your fantasy. Yeah. You presumably picture living in the Oculus Rift a lot. Yeah. What do you picture?

Where do you live? Do like... Antennas have circles around them? Yeah. Like Futurama? Like Jetsons. Like the Jetsons? Yeah.

Okay. Big, big, uh, every house, all the apartments look like the Seattle, the Seattle needle, you know? Yeah, that's great needle. The CN Tower from, from Toronto. Okay. Everything looks like that. Everything's cool.

Everything's, everything makes sounds like, woo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo. Yeah. There we go. That's my future, buddy. Yeah. Now you're, now you're getting with me. Huh? That seems like such a tremendous waste of that technology.

Yeah. This is from Crash Course in World History Number 32 on YouTube. It's a YouTube series. Very popular. I had no idea this series was so popular. They have like 4 million subscribers, tons of views. Crash Course History? Yeah, it's Crash Course World History Number 32.

It's about the Industrial Revolution. He says in this video, before the Industrial Revolution, 80% of the world's population was engaged in farming to keep itself and the rest of the world from starving. Today in the U.S., less than 1% of the world, of people list their occupation as farming. That frees up 99% of people to do something other with their time. To do something else with their time.

Yeah. That's an amazing, amazing feat. What was the first one? 80% of people were just farming in what year? Before the Industrial Revolution. Oh, okay. In the early 1800s.

That's all people did, because that's all people had time for. They were just going out into the field, working old day to make food just to live, just to feed themselves and the people around them. Whereas today, 99% of people don't. Only 1% of our population in the U.S. are farmers.

So what's the point? What's the point, Dick? Nothing to do. That's it. That's where society should stop. Right there. Industrial Revolution, done. Before the Industrial Revolution, most humans never owned anything made outside their own communities. Think about all the things you wouldn't have if you had only the things that were made locally. I would just have shitty movies. Yeah. Just shitty movies. You wouldn't have anything.

You wouldn't have anything that was made. This video even talked about, you wouldn't have blueberries in February without the Industrial Revolution. I don't care about having blueberries in February. You don't care about blueberries are delicious. Yeah, they are, but I don't care about having those. What else you got?

Your bed? My bed? Or was that made? I guarantee it wasn't made in your backyard. Yeah, it wasn't made in L.A.? No. And even if it was, the, guess what, the springs in your mattress?

Because you don't have a cassero right now. No, I have springs. You have springs. I hate them, though. They've caused me a lot of problems. I'd rather have foam. Don't say it. What?

Don't wish a world without springs. Coily will come and be annoying for an hour. Yeah. Annoying rhymes with bullying. You wouldn't have your PlayStation. You wouldn't have your TV. You wouldn't have your computer. You wouldn't have the cables in the ground.

You wouldn't have your car. You wouldn't have the house that you live in. All these things are imported with steel. And steel is very heavy to send to ship across the country. We don't have any steel. in LA, or if we do, we don't have the many in LA proper. They have to ship that steel from someplace else that makes them, and they ship them using the railways.

And the railways were made with steel that they extracted from the ground, from ore mines, where they used these steam engines to help produce the factories that created a steel. Yeah, steam's a big solution. Steam engines. Steam engines are a big solution, sure. Steam engines. Biggest solution in the universe. I don't know about bigger than ass kicking, you think?

Hmm. Now, because kicking ass is what you do when you've developed the steam engine, right? You come home. What? Okay, look. Let's say you are, what's it? Watt. John Watt, I think, is the guy's name. John Watt created one of the first innovations of the steam engine, one of the most popular versions of the steam engine, the Piston Steam Engine, which made it much more efficient. So you're John Watt's wife, right? You're home toiling away. You're working at your wheel or whatever it is. You do back. in the 1800s, you know, maybe taking care of your sick kid. What kind of wheel are you working at? Like a spinning wheel? A spinning wheel?

Yeah. Which, again, industrial revolution. So I guess maybe not a spinning wheel. So maybe you're just baking a loaf of bread, right? And your husband, John Watt comes home. It's like, ooh, boy, I am beat. My dogs are sore. She's like, oh.

Barking is what you would say. What? My dogs are barking. Is that my dogs are sore? Really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he sounds like Biff Tannen.

Yeah. Is that the expression? My dogs are sore. Make like a tree and get out of here. Shut the fuck up, Sean. Shut your fucking form out. It's leave. Oh, baby I'm ho.

I missed you like the desert misses you. These aren't funny. This is zero. Come on, this ain't rocket surgery. Shut the fuck. There's any rocket appliances. Yeah, okay, so you're sore. Your feet are sore.

Yeah, so your feet are sore, right? And she's like, honey, what did you do? What have you been working on all day? and he just takes his hat and coat off and he says, you know what, babe, I just kicked ass. She goes, what do you mean? He goes, I just invented the steam engine. Oh, so they're the same.

Kicking ass is the steam engine. Uh-huh. So vote up kicking ass and then vote up steam engine and then vote up steam engine and then vote down nuclear power and then vote up springs. Well, you don't have to vote down nuclear power. Well, it needs to, just so steam engines are above it because nuclear power is a subset of steam engine.

They are! I know, but it's the subsection. subset shit, right? It's a subset, super set shit. Why is that a thing? Why is that bug you guys? Oh, it doesn't bug me. Oh, you just notice it?

Yeah. Okay. It's just, you know. Steam engines, guys, biggest invention ever. The Industrial Revolution relied on it. Everything you have relies on it. Your life is infinitely better because of the steam engine. And by the way, we haven't really developed anything much better than the steam engine since.

The last piston steam engine was still used in 1978 in a factory, I think, in California. Then they replaced them all with the turbine steam engines, and turbine steam engines are much more efficient, and basically since then, we've stopped progressing on the steam engine game. They're about as efficient as they can get. We still use them for everything. Turbine steam engines. What's the competitor? There is no competitor. There's got to be something. Nothing. That's a big solution. What do you have that works better than a steam engine at making energy? Two steam engines. Good one, Sean.

What does Star Trek use? Steam engines. Do they use steam on the Enterprise? You know, like, so essentially... I wouldn't be surprised. I remember a long time ago, I was talking to a friend of mine, one of my longest time friends from first grade, and he told me one day, very disappointed.

He calls me, I was like, Hey, Maddox, you know, I just found out how nuclear power plants work. I'm like, yeah, how? He goes, they're just steam engines. I'm like, oh, okay. He goes, yeah, isn't that stupid? I'm like, yeah, it's stupid. Yeah, he's like, yeah, I'm just really disappointed.

I thought that there was like some other thing going on because it's nuclear power. I'm like, I mean, what did you expect, man? You have heat, right? And heat, you got to convert into some form of, it's like heat is essentially kinetic energy. It's thermal energy, you know, but it's kinetic energy of the molecules bouncing around. You convert that into water, which produces steam, and then you push a turbine, and the turbine produces electricity. I mean, what do you?

How else can you do? it? What's a more efficient way of doing that? I feel like knowledge is not always a good thing for everybody. I would rather them think it's just magic so that they're afraid of it rather than know how it works so they can be condescending toward it. Yeah. Nuclear power? Just a steam engine, that's stupid. Like, wow, let's rewind it a little bit. Let's have the, oh my God, it's amazing. Respect for the people who can build it and who... Yeah, just because something is simpler than you thought doesn't mean that it isn't needed or any good. And it's not as simple as they thought. Now it has a process.

Like before they're just like, well, I don't know. Something. Something happens. Oh, now I know. Now that I know what makes it work, instant condescension for it. Yeah. I'm instantly better than this. Well, the only thing I thought of, I thought of trying to improve the steam engine as I brought in this solution as I was doing research.

And I thought, how would I make a better steam engine? Essentially, there's a much richer source of thermal energy that we're not tapping into right now. And that's the Earth's. It's a lava. Yeah. Wait, what were you could say? Springs. Spring. No, Sean.

Yeah, you're right. If we could somehow harness all the spring energy on Earth. Yeah, actually, Dickhead. You know what? There's a lot of potential energy locked up in the Earth. If we somehow just got this mass to start falling and then we harness that energy, sure. The mass of the Earth? Yeah.

Yeah. Well, there's title power sources. That's doing what you're saying. We use, yeah, that's true. We use, if we could harness the power of hurricanes, we would be set. If we could harness the power of, like, one hurricane, I read some really, How would you harness it? Well, you build these giant turbines, essentially, wind turbines out in the ocean.

No, kind of like a vertical fan, right? With just two blades out in the middle of the Atlantic or Pacific. Well, Atlantic, because we get more hurricanes down there. You just need to have one powerful hurricane hit that fucker, and you're pretty much set for a long-ass time. As long as you were able to store that energy somehow. And a giant spring. Yeah, just load up a giant spring and then tap into it.

Every time you just put your plug into the wall, they release the spring a little bit. Boop, there you go. You got some energy. So that would work, except for the storing of the energy. Yeah. Yeah, if only we had a way. Storing energy, that would be a big solution. It would be if there was a way to do that.

I don't know of any. Well, here's my solution. Yeah? Tapping the back of your pocket to see if you still have your wallet in it or not. Okay, Dick. I'll be honest This one This was a weird

Matthew McConaughey problem Oh he suggested that one Yeah he sent it Because he sends in like Eight or ten voicemails every Week and I listen to them all And I get in like a weird Matthew McConaughey trance Yeah

It's just everything he says is funny I've done that too I listened to a bunch of them back to back And then you just realize like It's 9 p.m. I've been in front of my computer for hours Yeah and everything he says is funny And this was one of them

And I usually like I wouldn't bring it in except I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since I heard it. And now every time I do it, every time I tap my back pocket to make sure my wallet is still there, I think about weird Matthew McConaughey. And I hear like him laughing in my head going like, yeah, there you go, Dick, there you check, you did it again. I was right.

Look, how often do you do this? How often do you tap your... I do it. I do it. I'm sitting here during the podcast. Always. Always. I'm not doing it while I'm sitting down for the podcast.

because I have sat in a way that is very clever, right? The way I sit down is I put my butt up against a corner of the seat. The living life hack. Every single fucking thing you do has some kind of bizarre life hack element to it. I put thought into everything I do. So here's the thing. I'm sitting down right now and my butt is a little off center. I'm sitting crooked in my chair because the part where my wallet is is supposed to be

is pressed up against the nook of the chair and I can feel my cards back there. That's how I know it's there. Oh, that's how you saved that one. I was going to jump on the fact that you don't have a wallet. I don't, yeah. But I feel my cards in my back pocket. So, wait, you sit that way on purpose so you can feel your cards jabbing into your butt? They're not really jabbing.

It's not uncomfortable, but I do feel them. But pressing. Yes. I got to see an illustration of that. Yeah, just get up and look at my butt, buddy. I don't really want to bend over to look at your butt. I'm just trying to imagine it. Because the way I'm sitting, my wallet's like sticking out to the side.

I don't sit on my wallet, though. It just kind of pops out to the side. Yeah, my wallet, so I have different elements in every pocket, and I always tap and make sure everything's there. You know what's great about this solution? This is how good this solution is. Everybody came up with it on their own. That's how important this solution is.

It's like fire. All these human tribes all over the world invented this thing on their own, right? What else happened? Like, nuclear power. Some dude invented nuclear power. Some dude invented the television. Some dude invented transistors in the internet And what was your solution? Big solution? iTunes?

Steve Jobs invented iTunes But this solution, every single guy on earth invented this solution on their own. That's pretty remarkable. Huh. And what's it a solution to? Seeing if your wallet's still there. That's the entire solution.

Tapping your pocket to make sure your wallet's still there. Didn't I mention this in one of the regular episodes? I said that, hey, if you're constantly losing your keys, if you're constantly losing your wallet or your remote or whatever the fuck it is that you can't keep your hands on, get a system, that's it, right? It's essentially a system. Yes.

Yeah. It is a system to make sure your wallet's there by tapping your pocket. Yeah. I don't think, you didn't, you didn't tell people about this. I invented it. Me, you just said that a second ago. He said, every guy's invented it, and I was the first.

Yeah, you got the word out there pretty fast. Yeah. This big podcast. Yeah. Millions of listeners. I looked up some like wallet losing statistics to back this one up. You know how much the average... And I found one that was an ad.

I didn't bring that one. Good. And I found a real one. All right. So the average person will spend a hundred hours replacing the personal shit in their wallet. Does that sound right? Yeah. A hundred hours?

Wallets are a big problem. Voted up. It seems like a lot. But over the course of time, if you're like pulling out old cards and putting in other stuff, It still seems like a hell of a lot, doesn't it? If you replace your wallet or if you go through another one, if you lose one, if one gets stolen, it's a constant battle, man, with these wallets.

Get rid of them. Yeah. I also found, oh, this one's interesting. So a bunch of people, they took like a thousand wallets and just lost them on purpose, threw them out to see who would bring them back. It was about 50-50. Huh, it was pretty good, right?

I don't know. Here's the number one way to get your wallet return to you. How's that? Guess. Guess, guess, guess, guess, guess. This is pretty smart.

You wouldn't think of it right off the top of your head. Like you think, oh, maybe, like a reward? A reward. A reward? Nope. Put your contact information in there. Nope.

It's going to seem obvious when I say it, too. No money. No. No, then it goes straight in the trash. No, Egyptian curse. Oh, they didn't try a curse. Yeah.

Pictures are your family. Yeah. Close. Baby pictures. Oh. So any baby pictures, it was like, the jump was like from 50% to like 80% or something like that. If you had baby pictures, really? Yeah.

Huh. I'm gonna carry pictures of babies with me all the time. Good luck at the airport. Wait, right. The rest of your bearded brethren. No. Pictures of other people's babies in your wallet. No, come on.

Pictures of white babies in your wallet. They think he's recruiting. Yeah. You know, fuck you. I can have, I look like someone. Who could procreate? What? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So if someone saw a picture of a baby in my wall, they'd be like, yeah, that's probably, I would have to find a really hot-looking baby. Okay. What would be, what's a hot-looking baby? Yeah, like a 10, you know, for a baby. For a 10 for a baby. Yeah.

Like really, just a banging baby. Smiling? Yeah, good set of teeth, I think. You know, that little curly swoop of hair on top? Wearing an eye patch. Like a cartoon? Yeah. Like the Gerber baby.

That's a good-looking baby. Oh, that's a, yeah. That's a good-looking baby. I just have a cut out of the Gerber baby in my wallet. With you? Like holding the Gerber baby? Yeah, you know, I don't want to, like, be too close to it. I don't want to tarnish my image.

But, like, you know, the Gerber baby would be in one side of the room, and I'd be in the other side of playing video games, and there'd be a picture of me and the Gerber baby. That's weird. Return my wallet. It's a problem I'll never have because, A, I don't have a wallet. And B, even if I did, I'd never lose. lose it. But do you tap like the

sack of gold that you carry around in your back, like what do you, do you tap it? It's just three cards. It's not a wallet. But do you tap it? Of course. How often do you, would you say you tap it? Every time I stand up. Every time I stand up, I do four, it's actually four taps, right? And it's in the same order every single time.

Right hand, back right pocket, left hand, back left pocket, right hand, right front pocket, left hand, left front pocket. In that order every single time. Poki, every time you stand up. Oh yeah, that's true. I go wallet, phone, keys. If I have those three things, I'm good.

Wallet phone keys. Well, the only reason I do for, Sean, is because I segregate my keys in different pockets. My house keys are separate from my car keys, which is super useful. That's another huge tip I'd give you guys. Separate your house keys from your car keys. It's so smart.

Because also, if you pop into your house or apartment and you need to just run in real quick and grab something, you don't have to turn the car off. You can just run in, grab it, come right back out, or give your keys to someone else who needs to run in, grab it? Yeah. I thought you were going to say something like gummy bears was in the back left pocket. Obviously, I got my wallet, I got my gummy bears, I got my gum.

Have you ever heard this? Have you ever heard, because this was all over the place when I was looking at lost wallet shit, that it's bad to tap your wallet because then pickpockets will know that that's where you... Have you heard that? Then pickpockets will know that you have a wallet. And I heard that. And I don't keep cash there. You don't keep cash in your wallet?

No. No, I don't either. I keep my cash in my front pocket. Front pocket. Mm-hmm. Oh, man. Okay. Well, I thought that was kind of stupid, though.

No, that's stupid. No, that's stupid. Looking for people tapping in the wallet. Oh, yeah. Because pickpockets need to figure out, like, they haven't figured out that most humans keep their wallets in their back pocket. Oh, the pickpocket needs to sit there and observe and see where you tap. If you tap it, they're going to pick pocket you there.

Stupid. That's stupid. Surprising. On my research, too, the most honest cities likely to return a wallet were Helsinki and Mumbai. Mumbai, India, and Helsinki. Yeah, I could see that. Mumbai, really? Yeah. I don't know, I figured because it was poor. They'd scond with that money right away. Poor people are more honest. They found, in that test, when I brought in affluenza, they found that poor people are less likely to steal and cheat at games and intestines in life. They've tested

them, they found poor people are way more likely to be honest and return people's valuables. Hmm. Even though they need it more than rich people. Yeah, they got to eat. Keep that money. Yeah. No, they don't. They're honest.

Well, that's my solution. Look, how many times a day do you use steam engines? Every day. No. Constantly. We're literally using it right now. I use a gas engine in my car. Where's that gas come from?

From war. The more soldiers we send to the Middle East, the more gas we get. No, no steam involved there. No, where does the gas come from? The ground, and how do we extract it? Pressure. Steam engines. Do we really?

Yeah, steam engines. It doesn't, like, it's not like a pump? Like a derrick? Yeah, but what operates the pump? God. What about your car? How is that manufactured? My car has a sex drive.

And it's got like a, like a fleshlight that I just pump into to power. Like the Flintstones, except with my dick. Yeah. Yeah. Do you want to go next? Yeah. Pretty big solution though To every day

Tap tap taparoo All right I got the real Biggest solution here Dworming pills Yeah For people Dworming pills

Yeah for people For animals what have you But mostly for people No no no Mostly for people I actually had a deworming pill On my problems list That I never brought in

What? Go ahead I'll tell you about it But go ahead Okay Well this is a big This is actually really interesting topic deworming pills. So first of all, when we're talking about worms,

we're talking about the type of worms that infest you, right? Like, worms are garbage insects in that you usually find them in the garbage, but that they're not nearly as obnoxious as crickets or silverfish, but you still don't want them crawling around on your walls or floors. Worms? Yeah.

If you did, that'd be a shitty apartment, right? That'd be weird. Hey, buddy, you got some worms crawling on the wall over there. And you certainly don't want them in you, as is the case when you get into. intestinal worms. Stomach worms make you feel weak, infected, and gives you a stomach pain. In other words, it's like getting nagged by your mom, am I right?

No? No. Anyway, according to New York Times, worms affect 600 million school-aged children worldwide and cause diarrhea, anemia, internal bleeding, malnutrition, stunted physical growth, cognitive impairment, and they sap your energy leaving you two-week to attend school or do work. That's a huge problem. Worms? Worms?

How often there's fucking worms infesting people's bowels? 600 million times, buddy. 600 million people. These are mostly poor areas in the world. Yeah, poor sanitation. Poor sanitation, right? The most common worms people get infected by are hookworms, whipworms, and round worms. They're mostly transmitted through soil, and people who live in low-income environments who don't wear shoes are particularly susceptible to worm infections.

So the problem I brought in of hippies may soon take care of itself, huh? Hippies walking around with no shoes, get some worms. Shoes is a good solution. Shit, I should put that in. I think shoes are a problem to hippies. Well, what about to you? To me, I like shoes. I like shoes. Yeah, I like to wear them.

What else? What do you not like to do with them? I don't like them when they're thrown at me. Happens more often than you think. Children who are regularly dewormed earn over 20, percent more as adults work 12% more hours and are 13% more likely

to be literate. I mean, think about that. You're 13% less likely to be literate if you have worms. You eat a bad meal or you step on the wrong patch of ground or bam you might not be able to read. Yeah, but that's also... Wait a minute. I find that stat hard to believe that it's

only 13% more likely to read. Why? Yeah, because you're talking about rich countries and poor countries Yeah, it should be like 100% more likely to read. Because most of the world can't fucking read. No, that's not true. Same with the earning more. Yeah.

No, the 13% it's, look, it just happened to wear shoes. It does affect your ability to read at some point because, well, you'll see in a second. I'll get to those stats. But it's not, if people who are illiterate are not illiterate entirely due to worms. It's one factor. Well, it says you. Maybe it is all worms. Okay. Tushay, Dick.

What do I know? I don't know. There's an article published in the New Republic titled, Stop Trying to Save the World. Last thing you want is a bookworm. That's such a fucking dad joke, isn't it? Yeah. Good dad. A lot of dad and mom jokes on this show. Yeah, so anyway, guys, there's this article I read. This is why I brought the solution in.

It's because I read this article a long time ago called, in the New Republic called Stop Trying to Save the World. and it's really fascinating. Great hook. Yeah, right? I looked at it because there was a picture of Bono up top and like, ha-ha, an article shitting on Bono. I got to read this.

So the article, in the article they enumerated all of the ways in which well-intentioned Westerners have tried to help impoverished African countries. For example, getting a source of clean water to rural communities has been a difficult challenge, right? Many of these communities have an abundance of kids, but no steam engines, unfortunately. Yeah, no steam engines. So an NGO called Play Pump International

came up with the idea of harnessing the power of kids playing on a playground to pump water into an elevated water tank. Okay, so harnessing... Play Pump is a bad term. And harnessing the power of children's labor? Yeah. That's the basis of this? Basically.

Great. Yeah. Yeah, leave it to Dick to immediately see the problem. Well, they couldn't see that? Like, this is from an article criticizing these people, right? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah, that's essentially...

All day long. Yeah. That's essentially it. Because they said that there was an abundance of kids in these villages. They're just running around playing on playgrounds all the time. So why not put them... Look, kids like taking their shirts off. These guys want to see kids without their shirts.

Let's just put them together. What could go wrong? Yeah, so they came up with the idea of paying for the technology and maintenance by selling advertising on the elevated water tanks to encourage companies to invest in rural markets. I thought that was kind of a brilliant aspect of this plan. Right? You have these water towers in rural...

rural areas that need water. They need to be pumped. The water needs to be pumped from the ground using these toys. Using water springs. Using water springs, yes. Into these water towers. And then they pay for the maintenance through advertising. Of the play equipment?

Oh my God, this is like, this sounds like something I would come up within a fevered dream. Yeah. Well, didn't work. Didn't work. No, didn't work. Is this in America? This is, no, this is in Kenya, I believe. but they did this.

Somebody tracked them all the way down to Kenya to find this Machiavellian libertarian fantasy playground. Yeah, well, so this company, it's Play Pump International. So they pumped all this money into their program. And it was kind of well thought out

because any ad inventory that they didn't sell was converted into a PSA that would help prevent the spread of HIV and AIDS. Each package cost around $7,000 and would provide water for up to 2,500 people. Really good plan, right? Except even with $16.4 million in funding, a quarter of the pumps were broken or unmaintained

less than two years after the program launched. Even Jay-Z came out as a huge celebrity push. He donated $400,000 to produce something like 40 pumps or something like that in Africa. And Frontline did an episode about these play pumps and found that many of them were in disrepair with adults taking turns to operate the pumps and that many of the villages weren't even asked

if they wanted these pumps, they just got one. You know, I feel like Africa has become this bizarre entrepreneurial, like, playground and the landfill for stupid, complicated entrepreneurial ideas. Like, if you had, first of all, who the fuck are you at? What are you advertising in a child's playground in Kenya? Can we start there? But people like, they get this hairbrained idea to turn children's labor into pumping water. You're like, okay, well, we pump water in America.

Why don't you pitch it here? Like, oh, because it's retarded and it would never work. I'm just going to go there where no one's paying attention and set up this bizarre mouse-trappian system to get like to do something that a simple engine could do. You know what? Like, how many water pumps could $400,000 buy? A lot.

Well, the water pumps need fuel and they need electricity to run those pumps. Again, $400,000 could buy a lot of that, but instead, it's like, remember the $100 laptop? Yeah. When that guy wanted to invent a laptop that you could hand crank and, like, with a weird mesh network and then ship it all, like, you buy one as some spoiled kid in America will ship one to Africa. And we're going to fix Africa because we've got all these goofy hand crank laptops.

Like, well, how about just building classrooms and roads? Like, let's stick with the basics. We don't, everything doesn't need to be this super complicated. weirdo project. Well yeah, and unless they can eat the laptops, it doesn't do fuck for them. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know guys. So this debate

that we're having here is the debate that NGOs have every single day. It's not as simple as just build roads. It's not as simple as just give them laptops or build them schools, give them books. This is actually a real problem that NGOs face every day. They have, I read in other articles like, how do you

best spend $75 billion to help people in the impoverished world. Malaria cures. Well, pretty close. Yeah, that's what we're getting at. So it's a problem that charities and NGOs face every day. If you have the money to help people, how do you best utilize your dollar to help the most people? In the

90s, two economists named Michael Kremmer from Harvard and Edward Miguel from Berkeley tried to solve this problem. They were trying to raise the literacy rate in Kenya, where the ratio of kids to textbooks was 17 to one. So one textbook for every 17 kids. What textbook was it?

It was the alphabet of manliness. Big problem Yeah but that's what That's a reasonable solution I'd expect to hear From charity going to Africa Like well we've bought 10,000 copies of Maddox's book

And we're shipping them over there Isn't that pretty great? I was like no The kids are putting hot sauce in their eyes What the fuck? Yeah They're learning about boners And copying a feel

And yelling Yeah Good memory So they linked up rich donors To poor villages To get them books Over the course of four years they studied the kids and found that the villages that received books didn't fare better academically than their control group.

So they just took two villages. They gave one a whole bunch of books and another one. They made sure that all the kids had books in one village. Another one they used as a control group and they did their test scores. Excuse me, they checked their test scores later on and they found that the ones with the books didn't fare better. Let me ask, did they check either group for gangs of cannibals that come into the village and decap it? people at random. No, what the fuck are you talking about?

That's a real thing. Oh, I do. Oh, yeah. Like, this kind of barbarism is, like, part of their lives. Is it common? It doesn't sound common. It's a thing. Oh, okay.

It's a thing that I've never had to think about in my wildest fantasies. Yeah. And if you're an albino kid over there, you're fucked because they come and hack your arms off because they think that, uh, they think they can cure you or they think they use it for like some kind of witchcraft medicine. Yeah. There's a big, it's a big problem. Hey, guys, vote up being white.

No, vote down being... No, but, Sean, I mean the reaction people have to being white. Yes. Well, I don't know, man. If you're not a vital kid over in Africa, they're going to hack your own stuff. He's saying being black is a solution in Africa. Oh, right, right, right.

Yeah, not white. I see what you're saying. Okay. Anyway, so these guys, that's when they came... They found that the books weren't helping in these communities. Then they really looked into the problem. And that's when they came up with the theory that maybe the reason they were failing in school

wasn't because of what was going on inside the classroom. but what was going on outside. Yeah. They found that many of the kids were suffering from cannibalism. Just kidding, dude. In your dreams, dickhead. They're suffering from stomach worms.

And that when treated, their absenteeism fell by 25%. The kids got taller, and even their family and friends became healthier just by getting deworming pills. And not only did the deworming work, it was a very cost-effective solution because the treatment cost around 49 cents,

whereas a textbook cost $2 to $3 each. These kids also saw a 60, to one increase in their lifetime earning wages. 60, you were with 60 times more likely to earn more money, excuse me, you earn 60 times more money in your lifetime just by getting dewormed. Wait, 60? 60 to 1, yeah. Is it because you live past 13?

It has a lot to do with you get a better education, you live healthier, you live longer, you're stronger. You can just show up. Yeah, you can even just show up. Is it 60 times zero? Is it like one of those scenarios where the people who don't have it are like they have absolutely nothing? No, I'm not sure, but I mean, it's not a stretch.

It's not a stretch to imagine if you get worms at a young age and it stunts your growth and it makes you anemic and it stunts you cognitively and on top of that you're not even getting a good education because you're just home suffering all the time with stomach issues. It's not a stretch to believe that, yeah, over the course of a lifetime, you're less educated, you're less able to work, then yeah, you're going to suffer financially. It's not as stretch to imagine if you get worms as an adult. I'm not going to work if I'm chock full of worms. True. However, as an adult, you've presumably already made it past some education in your life. So you at least have that to fall back on. Though I did some research and found that new studies are questioning the effectiveness of deworming.

According to The Week, it's a really good magazine, actually, The Week. I don't know if you guys read it. No, I don't read. It's beneath me. Yeah. Well, a paper published in the International Journal of Epidemiology says that the treatment may have overestimated the academic impact of deworming. So it's kind of controversial now. These new studies are coming out kind of shitting on the results of this deworming project. But deworming... Why? Why would they do that? Well, so I read this article in the week and they were talking about how basically in order for a study to be good, it has to be checked out, right? It has to be tested and it has to be replicable. people are less likely to try to replicate a study because there's no money in that. There's no news.

Yeah, you already answered it. Yeah, well, if you reaffirm what someone else's findings are, then you're not going to get the headlines. You're not going to get the prestige of being announced in national newspapers and things like that. Essentially, you're just another guy who said, yeah, so by the way, this good work that these other professors and economists did, yeah, it checks out.

So there's less prestige in that. But they finally started doing some tests on this, the original study. They found that it may have been overestimated. But deworming may still be worthwhile, though, even if it have, excuse me, even if there may have been some overestimations in the original study. Do we need a study to prove that deworming is good? Like, having no worms in you has a positive effect on your life? Well, I don't think anyone is debating that having no worms in you is a positive thing.

I think what they're trying to do is, again, as an NGO that has $75 billion to invest to try to have the biggest positive impact in people's lives, where should we best put that money to have the most impact in people's lives? So if the de- They should give it all to Bernie Sanders, probably. Did they float that one by? I don't know. I think you think I'm a Bernie Sanders supporter.

I'm not taking the bait. No, I don't. I was just joking. Oh, I absolutely don't think you're a Bernie Sanders supporter. Oh, yeah. Interesting. So where do you best spend that money to have the most positive impact in people's lives? And they're trying to figure it out.

And that's why they're kind of looking at these studies again to see if it truly does have the impact that they say it does so that they can change people's lives and make them better. I think that's the only reason. They're not really looking to poo-poo deworming. But you said you had deworming as a problem on your list. Why? Oh, yeah, because it killed my sister's dogs. Deworming didn't kill your sister's dogs.

Yeah, they did. they took this heartworm medication that when you give it to older dogs they moved to Indiana a couple years ago and ticks and heartworms are much bigger problem out there than they are in L.A. When they got there, they're both older dogs, like eight or nine or something

like that. They both got on this heartworm medication and they both died not too long ago and right around each other. But one was older, so they thought it was just an old dog passing on, but the second one was a lot younger, no problems.

One night it just walked outside and didn't come back in. And they started doing research on what had changed their lifestyles. It was the heartworm medication that they got put on when they went to Indiana that caused heart attack and stroke. When dogs started taking it when they were older. So you give it to a puppy and they build up a tolerance of their whole lives. But you give it to dogs when they're older, out, lights out. You know, it sounds like the problem is a bad veterinarian.

Well, many bad veterinarians, yeah. I don't really know how the veterinarian industry works. I always give a free pass to veterinarians because, look, man, doctors work really hard going to school to earn their degree and to get a profession, and they are trying their best to cure you and give you medication that helps you, and sometimes they get it wrong.

And they only are studying one species, humans, whereas a veterinarian has to be a master of dogs, cats, birds, lizards, mice, aquatic animals sometimes. There's a lot more to study there, and you have to go to school for much longer.

The likelihood of you getting something wrong for an animal, I think, is much higher just because there are more variables. Yeah, but the stakes aren't as high. True, true. I mean, that's why I'd be a good veterinarian, Sean. For me, it's a coin toss. Oh, what's your dog got?

Worms? Here, let me. Let me put on my blindfold and get my pointing stick and see which one in these pills I'm going to feed this stuff. Oh, it didn't work? All right, well, next animal. When you say good veterinarian, what do you mean? About as good as anyone else.

Do you mean you'd show up to work? Yeah, I'd show up. Was this just stuff you could buy, you know, at a grocery store? Because a lot of those are, you know, you don't need a prescription from a vet. I have no fucking idea how dog law works. I'm not going to pretend to know. Anyway, guys, that's my solution.

Deworming pills. I think it's a fascinating solution, fascinating story. Really interesting to look into And I'm kind of curious You know, I don't know if the impact is as big As they say originally it was But it's not a stretch to think That it does have a huge positive impact

In people's lives Well, I don't like kids having a bunch of worms in them Huh So I support that Thanks To them, deworming pills Is probably more important than steam engines I bet, right?

Like steam engines is kind of a white people solution You might say You know? So when you vote, keep that in mind. Keep in mind your privilege when you're voting for these things. You know what, Dick? If I did have a wallet and I had that picture of my Gerber baby and me playing video games, right, with the eye patch,

and I had a little packet of deworming pills, I bet they'd be way more likely to return. I bet that's 100% return rate. Because they see that baby, and they see the deworming pills. I'm like, oh, this fucking poor kid's going to die without all these worms in his gut. 88% were returned with a baby picture. Next came the puppy and a family.

They just put a picture of, puppy in it to see. That's an interesting study. 53% got returned with a picture of a puppy. Yeah. 53%, 48% got a return of the family. 28% got returned with an elderly couple. So you're hurting your chances if you put a picture of old people. No one likes old people.

Oh, and 15% got returned when you had a charity card in your wallet. So if you put a card, this is like, I support charities, people are less likely to return your wallet than if you had nothing in there. Look at this holier than thou. asshole. Yeah, right? Anyway, maybe because they assume

you're more likely to give, so they're just going to be more likely to take. Speaking of being full of parasites that suck all your energy from you. Yes, go on. Here's my biggest solution.

Batteries. Batteries? Batteries. What are batteries good for? You can't have ass kicking without battery. Why? Oh, okay.

There you go. I get it. Do you? Good one. Do you? Yeah. No, I get it. Got it.

Three billion batteries are sold every year in the U.S. Are we talking about portable energy or just like punches to like domestic abuse? I don't know. It doesn't say. It was domestic violence.com. Yeah. Let's see. What were the stats we figured with domestic violence?

Are there more people getting punched by significant others than are selling actual batteries in the U.S. every year? I don't think so. not with Wii U controllers out there. Those things suck batteries, like left and right. Like, there's no tomorrow. They do, and they're just getting worse. Yeah.

That's 32, 32 batteries. 10 batteries a person. Oh my God. What do you use 10 per day of? 10 per day per person? That's absurd. No, probably 10 per person per year, maybe? 3 billion batteries are sold annually in the U.S.

300 million people? Yeah, but those are individual batteries, right? They're counting, like, if you buy, like, for you're It's not a stat on how many half batteries have been sold in the years. Or packs. Yeah, packs. Because if you replace the batteries in your remote control, it's probably four. Oh, four.

Yeah, two or four, you know, whatever. If you got your drone, your RC cars, like, whatever, yeah. Still, 10 a day sounds incredibly high. No, that sounds way too high. Okay, 300 million people, all right? Times 365 days a year. Okay, what is that? That's a couple of, yeah, you're right.

Three, that's way less. Oh, of course. It's 300 million. That's 10 batteries a year. Yeah, 10 batteries a year. That sounds about right. A lot less good. Yeah.

So what do you use 10 times a year? Batteries. Batteries, that's it. Look, look, look. Good for you in your steam engine, all right? But without batteries, you are one of those steampunk assholes. That's the difference between steampunk guys who look like idiots and where course. and monocles and top hats all day.

Yeah. And regular guys like us. Batteries. Uh, I think Steampunk has batteries, too. How could they possibly have batteries made out of steam? No, steampunk has everything we have. It's just that stupid aesthetic. They, because, again, in that stupid-ass game, uh, what's it?

The immortal, uh, Oblivion, uh, Bioshock beyond immortal immortality. It's just some bullshit game. I'm so fucking, I hate it. It's so boring. Anyway, that's bullshit-ass game. They have portable. laser beams and portable jet packs and all sorts of stupid goofy shit and magic and all sorts of garbage. They need batteries.

They have. I think they have them. So even in this fantasy world, they can't escape batteries. Even in a world that doesn't have transistors and where everyone looks like a prick, they have batteries. Telegraphs, you need battery, remote controls, computers. Your favorite thing in the world? You think the Oculus Rift needs batteries? Absolutely. No.

It's plugged in. To a battery. No. To the wall. Well, the wall is just a big battery No, it's not No You yourself are a battery

I've seen the Matrix, trust me It's right Okay Pacemakers, how about that? Yeah, you need batteries Yeah, that's true You need all those, I know how much you love Keeping old people around

Without batteries, they'd be dropping off like flies Oh, we should get rid of batteries Satellites Yeah, batteries is a super set Have satellites. Aren't they, though? Don't they just use...

I guess they do store... Use nuclear batteries. They got a little thing in plutonium in there, shooting off of radiation. No, they use solar power. They use solar power and regenerate their onboard batteries, I think. No. You're talking about the Mars rover. The Mars rover?

No, but also satellites. They have solar-powered satellites, too. I don't think so. I think they're nuclear-powered. Right, the Voyager satellite, the one that was launched in, like, 1970, that just reached the Oort Cloud. I believe that is solar-powered because there's no battery. Especially in the 1970s that they were going to develop. How's it going to be solar power? There's no sun out there.

It's way past Pluto. There's no sun. There's no photons getting out there. It's got to be nuclear powered. Vote up illiteracy. Oh my gosh. Electric cars? Yeah.

Batteries. You were talking about how great those are. I think they're stupid, but you love them. You can't have an electric car without a battery. Yeah? Yeah. How about that? You got me?

Do you guys remember what? Go ahead. I just want to say about your. problem. Excuse me, about your solution. Dick, this, I think, is a really good solution. No joking. I think that

batteries are going to be the next future. Like, the increase that we got through the Industrial Revolution, we're going to see that if we get a really efficient source of battery power. Oh, my God, yeah. Because essentially, right now, today, we have

the technology to create nanomachines. We can create flying nanomachines that can carry their weight in materials, and they would cost next to nothing to create with 3D printers. So if you got these nanomachines, right, with instructions to build a building and they just carried little bits of... Or build a wall. No, no, no, no. No Donald Masterson. If you got these, if you gave them instructions to build a structure, it could be a bridge, it could be, yeah, build a bridge, dickhead, not a wall.

Anyway, you could build a bridge, you could build buildings, you could, you could instruct these things to go to Mars, right, and build structures on Mars so that by the time we got there we'd have fully habitable structures built for us. All of these things are contingent upon one technology existing, and that is more efficient

batteries. Batteries. I totally agree. It's the solution of the future. All of these other solutions are solutions for the past and weirdos who like to live in cosplay and need to hit the gym more. They all fucking do in the steampunk era.

But again, Dick, I like to quote myself here. I like to say that a good solution is one that exists. Yeah. This doesn't yet exist. I think it will. It exists in your mind. Yeah. Which is real.

I think it will at some point. I think that if we get more powerful, portable energy, that is really going to take us to the next level. I mean, essentially, this is, I don't know why this isn't bigger news, but did you know they're already working on tiny fusion reactors? Yeah. Oh, yeah. They have fusion reactors. Go search YouTube for Boeing fusion reactor, and they're creating a fusion reactor that can fit inside your living room.

Dude, it's because everyone's afraid of nuclear power. Like, sadly, and I do think this, everybody equates nuclear power with, like, the immediate potential of a meltdown. It's just not fucking true. Yeah, and it's kind of voodoo to them, like we were talking about earlier. It totally is. They need to know, it's just steam. It's no big deal. It just has those weird towers. Don't worry about it.

No, but fusion reactors are not steam. Fusion reactors are taking that shit to the next level. Fusion reactors, well actually it may be steam because they do release a lot of energy. But yeah, they're making fusion reactors the size of living rooms today, essentially. And I don't think any of these are being really used in large-scale manufacturing or anything like that. But it's coming. We're on the horizon of in our lifetimes we're going to see fusion reactors that possibly can power our cars, our jets, our planes. I don't think it's really a stretch to see floating cities.

within our lifetimes with fusion reactors. I mean, we're going to get so much energy out of these things. And we'll float our cities over Africa and throw down Lincoln logs on them to build a house out of. Here's a 3D printer to build yourself a garage out of. Actually? A weird contraption where you're like an elliptical machine with wheels, you fucking assholes. Take that. Why do you have so much contempt for these poor people?

I have contempt for it because to make charity appealing, you have to like sex it up and make. it weird instead of just sticking to the basics. No, that's why Bill Gates is such a pragmatist, and that's why it brought him as a solution. He doesn't get attention for the malaria shit. No, of course he does. Look, he's not as charismatic as, what's his name, Steve Blowjobs or whatever, but he does, he is getting headlines, just not as much as Blow Jobs. I don't think Steve Jobs does any charity.

No, he didn't. But Steve Jobs, I'm saying Steve Jobs was much more charismatic. He always got headlines wherever he spoke. He's bringing jobs to China, though. Who? Are you talking about Gates? Steve Jobs? Jobs? No. He's brought a shitload of jobs to China. Are you talking about that shit?

Millions. Millions. Those shitty sweat shops that he's built? Yeah, all of them. Yeah. Every single thing, every single iPhone's made in China. Yeah. What's that corporation called? Foxcon. Foxcon, yeah.

Sounds like a Metal Gear solid compound. No, that's my contempt for it, is that like a hand-crank laptop being given to a kid who has no food or medicine is like seen as a charity guys when it's obviously not. Like, can you guys just, can you stop treating the world like a cartoon for a second?

Yeah, here's what they really need. Sewers and malaria pills. And they need anti-worm pills, not hand-crank laptops. They don't need to be playing Tetris with each other. You know? No. No, I see what you're saying.

That's why I think that deworming pills is such a big solution because it's not a sexy one, but It's one that's very effective, very cost effective, and does have a very positive impact in people's lives. That in iodine, I believe, iodine is huge, huge. It can prevent so much blindness in the world. Just a little vile of iodine that people are lacking in their diets. Because our salt, I believe our salt is all fortified with iodine.

Yeah, it's iodized salt. It's iodized salt. And that's why we don't have this weird affliction that a lot of third world countries get where people just start going blind because they're deficient. They're malnourished. They don't have this iodized salt in their diet. They need some lenses, some glasses.

No, they need dietized salt dick. You know, they also, also, you can't iodize everybody at once. Well, you're not going to put on glasses and be able to see if you're blind. Oh, that's probably. Like actual, just blindness. Yeah. Remember when rechargeable batteries were a thing?

Yeah. When you put, I remember we would put these batteries in our freezers and they would recharge somehow. That was kind of a cool... Wait a minute, what? Yeah, did you remember those batteries were big in the late 80s? There were these rechargeable batteries

where after you used them, you put them in your freezer overnight and you took them out and they were like recharged. I don't remember that shit. That's real? Yeah. Well, I remember hearing that,

I don't know if I ever tested it, but it was on non-rechargeable batteries when I heard it where it's like, oh, you get a little more light, not that they would recharge, that you would get a little more life out of them if you kept them in the freezer. That was what I heard.

I have no idea if it's true. Oh, you know what, Sean? That's a good point, because I was a kid when I heard this. I don't think magically cold batteries was ever a thing. It's always another kid who tells you that. Yeah. It's like shaking a Polaroid. It doesn't do shit.

Although, although there is something to temperature and energy and current, because that's essentially how we made superconductors, is really super-cooled conductive element. surfaces, right? Super-cooled magnets. Yeah, no resistance. Yeah, no resistance. Well, conduct yourself over to the voting thing

and vote up batteries. Huge. How is the graffiti of the future going to look like with all those nanobots? Building like a huge dong on the federal building or something like that? Like, what are you going to do? Track my nanobots?

I sent them all into the ocean. Fuck you. International waters, bitch. You know what, Dick? I'll talk about this because I'm no longer going to do it. But a long time ago. Is it like the crown jewel heist?

Could be. Okay. It may be even more practical than that I don't know if it's possible But even more practical You guys laugh You guys laugh is totally feasible I'll fucking steal the crown jewels

Just to shut your pie hole I hope you do Throw it your fucking face Scratch you with some jewels Some rubies What happened to your face Sean Oh I was I was mouthing off to Maddox I learned my lesson

That's what He stole the crown jewels It slapped me with them Yeah bent out here And I'll return to the queen too I'll fly over her fucking bucking and pals Here you go Ooh

Okay Anyway. So you were going to steal the Declaration of Independence or something? No. No. I already got a copy. So here's something I was going to do a long time ago. Back when drones were first becoming a thing, I was going to buy a bunch of drones and program them as graffiti machines.

Essentially, you could just put in some coordinates into your drones to go to this X, Y, and Z location, right? And basically, program it to draw whatever you wanted to, with a spray paint load onto the side of a building. You could program this thing to do that whenever you wanted to and then go to a specific landing location

to pick it up. And if the landing location wasn't safe, you wouldn't even have to pick it up so you wouldn't incriminate yourself. But these things could easily be made today, especially with the drone technology we have now, they're so precise. I talked to a dude who has this new drone library

that he programs. He says that these things are precise with the GPS sensors on them up to a millimeter. They're super, super precise drones, and you need that precision for... For graffitying. For graffiti, yeah.

I love it. An invention you could make millions of dollars with for all kinds of applications, but you limited it to graffiti and didn't do it. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, that's my solution. Yeah, me too.

Graffiti drones. Although, Dick, so here's the thing. With better, more efficient batteries, you could have these drones stay in the sky longer and longer and longer. Forever. Yeah. So essentially, to create a floating city,

all you need is enough drones with lift to exceed the weight that you're carrying. That's a lot. Well, sure. I mean, look at a helicopter. But here's the future. I don't understand how we got to floating cities. Is it just so you can have more people?

Like, cities on top of, like there's a city on the ground. That's a good question. Why are we making cities float? Who cares? We just kind of jump to it. I mean, why wouldn't you? you want to live in a floating city. It would be a possibility of crashing.

No. I would think that would be, you know, down the road maybe a little bit. Yeah. Well, anyway, so here's the thing. You have these drones, right? If you had the energy pack for them more efficient, like let's say you had a battery that would last a week or a month or a year, right? You could put, you could manufacture thousands and tens of thousands or hundreds of thousands

of these drones. Millions. No, that's not get ridiculous. So you manufacture hundreds of thousands of drones, right? With 3D printers, around the clock, you can just make them. These drones would carry you up into the sky or carry whatever you wanted to. So here's the thing. Here's why you'd actually make this.

Not floating cities, but if the payload was high enough, right? If you could carry, like, all these train, these containers that were shipping across country with train or ships. Yeah. And you had them fly across the country with drones that are battery powered. And these batteries lasted a year, right? then you could essentially then program these drones to go pick up or take them to factories that have 3D printers, have the 3D printers create more drones, have the drones, pick up more materials. And basically we'd have the second wave of the Industrial Revolution. Yeah.

Bam. Fucking nailed it. What genius I am. Anyway, guys. Could the drones like follow you around and like record you? Well, yeah. Post to Instagram? Yeah, that's what I want.

That's the alternate future. that I'm afraid of, which is why I say always shoot drones. Anyway, guys, my solutions this week were steam engines and deworming pills. Mine are tapping your back pocket to make sure you still have your wallet and batteries.

Thanks for listening. Yeah, good. I've got more voicemails from this week's show if you want to hear any. Yeah, let's hear. All right. Hey, Maddox. I was wondering why you didn't start.

Dark Souls is so great. I'm a pretty big fan myself, and I was wondering if you could say a few good things about the series. Love the podcast. I'll talk to you later. I should have brought this into the beginning. He's going to take like a half hour. Oh, man. Yeah, Dark Souls.

That's a whole episode. Dark Souls is such a cool game, guys. Like, here, okay. You should have quit while you were in. Here's the thing. Here's the thing about Dark Souls. I'll just say this. Can I go to the bathroom?

Will you still be talking when I come back? Oh, yeah, for sure. Okay. Hold on. Let's see. Let's see. Talking about how great dark souls in. Dick's literally going to the bathroom right now.

Okay, so here's the thing about Dark Souls. All right. So, Dark Souls is a great series because when the game first came out, everybody thought it was too fucking hard. In fact, that was the big complaint. People were turned off to this game because it was so difficult. And people were saying, well, you know, it's very off-putting. It's not welcoming to beginners.

However, you pick up the game. And I actually doubted them, too, when I first started playing the game. I picked it up and I ran right through the first level. First thing I did in the game is I killed the NPCs. For anyone who doesn't play video games or doesn't know what that is, and NPC is a non-playable character. In this case, it was my inventory guy, right? Right off the top of the game, I killed the guy who keeps all my inventory.

So already I'm fucked. What, Sean? Do you know what's funny about this? Huh. Since Dick has gone, you're sitting explaining this to me. You're explaining this to a guy who literally has not played a video game in like 25 years. Oh, jeez. Sean, what an idiot. That's a mistake.

What, that's a mistake. You're getting, I can't wait to smash your face with the crown jewels. That's going to make me so happy. I'm going to have a boner when I do it, too. Now, if you want to talk Super Mario Brothers? I do, but not now, because I'm talking about Dark Souls. Go ahead. Which actually has more in common, Sean, with Super Mario Brothers than you might think.

So when people were playing this game, right? First thing, I fucked myself. I killed the inventory guy. So I could no longer store any weapons or items or equipment in the game. I fucked myself. And then because I'm so stubborn. I'm also not going to start a new game, right? So I just, just playing through this level,

as my game is already fucked right from the beginning and I never started a new game. I just said, you know what, fuck it, I'm going to carry every single sword item and piece of equipment I carry in the game and it weighs you down. Dick came back. Hi. I thought you were talking about good things about Dark Souls.

No, no, no, I am. I'm getting to that. You haven't started yet. He's saying how fucked he was. That's it. I just wanted to finish my rant about Dark Soul.