The Biggest Problem in the Universe: Uncucked - Bonus Episode 17

Episode Date: June 20, 2018

Welcome to the biggest solution in the universe, the show where we discuss every solution in the universe, from Mammeries to ham and cheese with over 5 million downloads. This is the only show where you decide what should or shouldn't be on the big list of solutions. I'm Maddox with me as Dick. Hey. And Sean, our audio engineer. Hello. The breast is a phenomenal solution. The chicken breast?

What are we talking about? What are we talking about? Mamaries. We're just talking about chicken. We've got to bring in a for the 100th solution episode. Yeah. We just got to bring in some huge titted strippers and get really into the mammary as a solution.

By the 100th solution episode, one or more of us will be dead. And even more mammaries for the rest of us, Sean. Not if I bring in resurrection as a solution shithead. You didn't think of that, did you? Hey, by the way, that intro. Those intro solutions were Sean's. Thank you, Sean, for those suggestions.

Mamaries to ham and cheese. And Dick goes, yeah, well, that's a sandwich. It is. You brought in sandwiches, right? Right? Somebody brought in sandwiches. I did. I did bring in sandwiches. The Jewish invention of the sandwich. The classic Jewish feast, the sandwich.

The classic Hillel sandwich. Delicious. On matzah? What is it? Like dried figs on matzah? Come on, diggy. Do you tell me you go to subway you never had a Hillel? They don't know.

No, the Jews, they don't know what their food is. If you listen to them carefully, you go to one of their events, you're like, what's in this? They just make up gross stuff. You know, like a fish head, a tire, some hot wheels. We ground them up. Five thousand years we've been doing this. Cream cheese locks. Yeah.

Sable and capers. Yeah, right. I only know what one of those are because I always pick them out of my food. What? Sable's a type of coat. What? Oh, no, there is like a mammal called a sable, I think, or a type of coat. But no, I'm talking about the fish.

It's a fish? It's like a white fish. Come on, guys. Give us something we can, you know, sink our teeth into. Not just literally, but metaphorically as well. Linguistically. Give us a ham and cheese. Give us a bacon cheeseburger, huh?

Are you talking to the Jews right now? Come on, Jews. Get your food game up. What's a really good Jewish dish? I guess Motsabal soup's okay. Like on a cold day. The sandwich is a great Jewish dish. The sandwich, great Jewish invention.

It is, dickhead. Anyway, that how do we do? From last month, the biggest solution in the universe was batteries. Oh, great. Yes. Great. solution actually. I like that a lot. Right solution. Mine.

Followed by steam engines. Yeah. Mistake. You guys fucked up. I thought about that, you know, right before the show started, Dick, I thought batteries came up above the steam engine. But the steam engine has, like, nothing has impacted more lives in as a profound way as the steam engine, I think. Batteries made in the long run, but it hasn't been long enough. What are you going to carry a steam engine around in your pocket? We're going, no. You got to put a butt, plug a battery into that bitch.

Those batteries are made in factories powered by steam. No one knows. No one wants to know how the sausage is made. They just want to carry it around, right? Speaking of sausages, followed by deworming pills. You could carry around the sausage? What? You said nobody wants to know how the sausage is made.

They just want to carry it around. Yeah. Like in a sandwich, Sean. You never heard the saying you can't have your sausage and eat it to? Because people want to carry them around anyway. Famous saying. So it was followed by deworming. pills and then tapping your back pocket to make sure your wallet is still there.

I forgot I brought that in. Yeah, I think everyone forgot. But I've done it hundreds of times since we recorded. Was it a solution at all? What, forgotten the solution? Taped, no, tapped my pocket. So this might almost be a tie, actually, because the, as at the time, at the time of this recording, deworming pills had 205 up votes and tapping your back pocket to make sure your

wallet is still there, 204. Hold on, let me change the votes. Too late. Sorry. Closing it, closing the voting. Wow. That's important as deworming pills is weird Matthew McGone's solution. Stupid.

Of tapping your butt to see if you have your wallet. You guys are such dumb shits. Look, that's why every vote matters, guys. Go to the website, vote on these solutions. Every vote matters. You saw what happened. One of these solutions missed out, although it would, I'm going to say that's a tie. It's almost a tie.

No, mine's or whatever. Mine outranked the other one. D-Wirming pills. I love how 409 people give a shit. Well, more than that, because there's some, presumably there's some down votes. Some down votes, too, Sean. Oh, okay. Yeah, Sean.

Yeah, Sean. It could be hundreds of thousands for all we know. There's no way to tell. Yep. That's why every vote matters. True. Okay. Do you have any comments from that?

I got a correction voicemail. Oh, let's hear this. Well, you remember that we were talking about the Voyager spacecraft. Yeah. There was a discussion over whether it was nuclear-powered. I said it was nuclear-powered because it's the best solution in the universe as what we've shown. And you said it was solar-powered. Kind of a wussy way to power anything, in my opinion.

We are all solar-powered, dick. Here's the correction voicemail. Hey, Matt Ox, this is your good buddy, Conrad, crap. Doesn't sound like a buddy. I just wanted to point out that for somebody who claims to like science so much, sure, fucking retard. Fucking Voyager probe is like 20 billion miles

from the sun. When you get that far away from the sun, it looks smaller than Dick's face. Of course it's going to need a shudmonuclear generator. Jesus Christ, man. Okay. Well, we both feel bad after that voicemail. First of all,

first of all, I think I do know Comrade Crats. He's a Twitch. He hangs around my Twitch room. Which, by the way, I've got this, like, loyal group of Twitch people who hang out in the chat room every single time. Do you call them the Maddox Militia? The Maddox Militia, yeah. You should. Oh, do you really?

Yeah, Maddox Malich is the thing I used to a long time ago. But no, so these guys who hang out in the Twitch chat room, Comrade Crats is one of them. First of all, Comrade Crats. What, are you shitting on that guy's explanation? Idiot. Wrong. The Voyager's not 20 billion miles away from the sun. That sounds like an exaggeration. Oh, you better be right

After the last month It's not, I'm gonna put I will put money on it That it's not 20 billion months How much money? 12 bucks Wait a minute, wait a minute 12, okay, 12 bucks

With what, Comrade crats? You know what? I'll look, I'll pay up I'll pay up on his behalf You'll pay on his behalf? Yeah, I'll be a proxy to this guy If you want to make this wager I'll bet anything.

All right, I'll bet anything, anytime, anywhere. 12 bucks what? Okay, that is not 20 billion miles away? 20 billion miles away. Okay, what's the threshold? What's about 20 billion? Like, what counts? I would say between 15 and 25 billion qualifies.

That's high. That's a huge percentage. 10 billion miles. That's 50%. Order of magnitude. Come on. Yeah. Okay, I will say that the Voyager...

Let's see, the Voyager... It can't be more than a few million. Like, maybe 100 million at most. Okay, 100 million at most. Yeah. Okay, that's your over-under. Yeah. Okay, so if it's more than 100 million, that guy's right.

No, we're not playing Price's Right rules. That's anti, that's opposite Price's Right Rules, what I'm talking about. No. So let's go between 100 million and 20 billion miles. That's the halfway point. No. If that's Maddox, that should be, that's 12 bucks. If it's over the middle of that, that guy's right.

Okay, if anyone's estimate is off by more than a billion. Okay, who is that? Okay, how about whoever's just closest to the real answer? Yes, that's what I'm saying. Okay, done. Whoever's closest to the real answer. All right. I'm saying about $114 million.

That's my answer. Oh man, what am I going to do with that $12? No, what's Comrade Kratz going to do with his $12? He's never going to see it. That's what he's going to... He's going to draw a picture, $12. You know what, though? Actually, Comrade Kratz has donated on Twitch through PayPal, so I guess I can

PayPal him, $12. Give him his money back? This is the first time I think that an unwitting listener has become the recipient or the part of a bet that he had no choice in. He's good for it. Yeah. All right, you got anything else? I got a special voicemail video for you.

Oh, you got a voicemail video? Yeah. Okay, let's hear it. Friend of the show, definitely not a friend of mine. Angelo's mom called in again. Angelo sent a video of it. This time, it's a video of Angelo's mom interrogating Angelo's dad. This poor man.

This poor, sweet man. I've seen this video. You've seen it. I haven't watched it yet. Oh, you haven't seen this? No, no, no, no, no. Here, I'll play it for you guys right now. It's eight minutes long, so we're gonna... You asked me who Dick Masterson is, okay? You don't know him. Well, I heard it. Well, I'm glad you don't. Because he's nobody. He's, this jackass, he's online, and he was on Dr. Phil, pulling down women. He said he's better than women. Because women draining their husbands, what the hell, accounts and everything is bullshit. He's getting his life right out of him as we watch. You're so dejected. You're so dejected.

You're so, and it's true, right? Right. Right. Yes. Oh. I'm glad you need. Unprompted. Yeah.

No. Totally unprompted. Totally unprompted. I mean, you don't deny that. Now, he says he's better than women because women this and women that and you know what? He's such a job. He has no girlfriend.

Nobody dates him. Nobody who wants to date? Nobody was a dude. He said women like to be treated like jerks. And he went to an ATM and took money out and he said this is how women view men. They just run up their credit cards and stuff. And he said all women are horrors. Did I say that?

Is that a chili stain on her shirt? Anyway. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. So he was in Dr. Phil and talking like that. in other words, putting down women saying all the nasty things about them? What do you think he's thinking about right there?

You tell me who's dating him, nobody. He's probably thinking of like a swimsuit mom. Drowning himself in the toilet. Because... She probably killed herself. That was his dynamite drop in. Yeah. Does it get better than...

Does he ever talk? No, that's it. She pretty much... So she asks him a bunch of questions, and he seems kind of reluctant. So Angelo's mom's a good sport. Yeah. Angela's mom's a good sport when it comes to these videos.

She takes part, she plays along with Angelo. I think it's really cute that the two of them make all these videos together. Like he's Angelo's PayPal. Yeah, that's cute, right? Playpal, rather. Anyway, so I got a comment here from, yeah, and thank you, Angelo for sending that in. I got a comment here from Alex Monolo. He says, batteries is the same solution as boxes.

In the thermocircuit's analogy, temperature sources in rooms are represented as voltage sources, batteries, because voltages and temperatures are mathematically similar, and rooms are people boxes. Hey, good point. Vote up boxes. I guess, you know what, Dick? I didn't understand it. Yeah, it made sense to me. You know what, let's go ahead and transfer all the votes for batteries to boxes. Oh, my God.

Why don't you just bring in Super Zeds? Did you bring that in this month? No, I don't think Super Setsler is a solution. They're just a thing that exists. Okay, do you want to go? Do you want to do a solution? Yeah, I got a big solution this week, Dick. Let's hear it. A real solution. Let's hear it. In fact. Let's hear it. Homeless housing.

Yeah. Homeless housing. Uh-huh. Homeless housing. Does that exist? Yeah. I'm sure be fucking surprised if that existed in L.A. Because there's a lot of them all over the street, all the time. Yeah, there are a lot of homeless people in L.A. How many would you estimate, Dick? Do you have any idea? Oh, like 20 billion. 20 billion? Probably homeless.

So about as many homeless people as there are miles between us and the Voyager in space? No, wait, wait, really? An estimate of how many homeless people there are in L.A.? Oh, gosh, 100,000? No, that's high. It's about 29,000 right now. Not that far off. No.

Four times. Three times. That's not that bad. Okay. Anyway, 29,000 about in Skid Row alone. So for those who've never been to Los Angeles and don't, know about our homeless problem. There's this area of downtown Los Angeles called Skid Row.

And it's just this, what is it, like four block area where it's just a bunch of really concentrated homeless people who live there. And there is literally a sign that says Skid Row. Yeah. Which is kind of really? Yeah, which is kind of fucked up if you think about it. Yeah, that is. Well, was that what it was called before the homeless people were there?

It may have been. No, I don't think Skid Row. Who names a part of the city Skid Row? I don't know. Have you ever looked at the cities in Alabama? every single one seems like someone fucked up in the keyboard. New Mexico. Right? Like truth and consequences? That one

What's in Alabama? Alabama? You have like Goats Neck Alabama. You have like Pig Knob. You have like big baldy flesh. Like it's just the dumbest names in Alabama. Seriously, you guys, if you have some time, go to a directory of cities in Alabama. Just the dumbest, the dumbest silliest names. Skid Row wouldn't even make the cut in Alabama,

I don't think. Anyway, homelessness is a big problem. But we're not talking about problems. talking about solutions here. So you want to build like a big roof over Skid Row? There you go. That's the solution. You got a home.

We got a big home. Now we can build some walls around the roof. We got a big house for all these guys. Yeah, basically. A good friend of mine back from Utah, back home in Utah a long time ago, he used to complain about homeless people and he'd say, sarcastically, he'd say, why don't homeless people just get homes? I mean, that's basically it.

Being homeless is one of the only titles you can earn by not having something. It is literally people who lack a home. home or a place to sleep. If you think about it. There's no other property or item that you can lack access to that defines who you are as much as having a place to sleep. Simply by not having a place to sleep, think about you. Think about it.

It defines your identity. If you are sleeping on the street, you don't have like a shelter? Yeah, you're homeless. People, at no other point in society, do people just point to people and say, okay, well, they are blank because you know based on whether or not where they sleep or what they don't have, it defines you. What if you didn't have an email account? You're just a grandparent.

A computer. There you go. How would you know? No, grandparents don't have a caps lock key. Oh, their keyboards are broken, so it's on all the time. Oh, it's on all the time. Yeah. Maybe those are the people I'm arguing with in Twitch.

Just grandparents with caps lock keys. I think it's important to know that a lot of people come down on the homeless because they think that it's a moral failing. And I strongly disagree. It's not a choice, guys. You know, like people just wake up one day and say, you know what, I hate working, and I think I'm going to go blow through my savings so I can only afford to drink Listerine, and then I'm going to vomit from alcohol poisoning, piss myself, and take a nap in a sidewalk

while cockroaches nest in my beard. I think that's a life for me. This isn't, you guys, this is not a choice people make. Most people are not homeless by choice. Most people are not homeless because they're lazy. Isn't it drug addiction? Well, that's a big part of it, yeah. That's a huge choice.

Mental illness. Well, we're actually getting to that. One of the main causes of homelessness is lack of affordable health care, believe it or not. We're all basically one or two medical emergencies away from homelessness. And you guys kind of take it for granted, but talk to some homeless people and ask them how they got into that condition. And you'll find out pretty quick that a lot of them just are down on their luck. They had one or two medical expenses that they couldn't afford. their bills piled up, they got evicted,

and next thing you know, you're homeless. I find that hard to swallow. That's, I mean, that's the reason. Medical emergency causes most homelessness? Yeah, one or two serious medical emergencies cause homelessness. Well, I think that can be true if you have no family around to help.

A lot of these people have nobody but themselves, so yeah, you get fucked. Wow, I'm really... I don't know about most, but... Yeah, I got to... Well, I'm gonna get to... Maybe a couple, but addiction sounds way more likely. Okay, well, I have...

those statistics here actually because like that's not how credit works right like if you get if you get in debt with the hospital they don't send the goon squad out to boot you out of your apartment you can free load forever no that's true but it's just surprising to me no it's not the main reason

the main reason actually according to national homeless dot org is domestic violence they say is a big cause of homelessness for both men and women and it's not just spousal abuse it's adolescent abuse it's adolescent abuse Like, if you think about it, a lot of kids, like right when they're turning around the time of 16, 17, 18 years old, they're very vulnerable. They're going through a lot of emotions.

There's a lot of stuff going on. Sometimes you have a falling out with your parents. I mean, I sure did. When you're 16, 17 years old, if you run away from home, you don't have credit. You don't have an employment history. You don't have a college education. So basically, the only types of jobs you're able to get are menial jobs. And if you find yourself desperate enough, you may fall into, you may fall into, you.

drugs and addiction as, you know, the other big, big problem of homelessness. Approximately 16% of homeless people suffer from some persistent debilitating mental illness. That sounds about right. That's 16%. But addiction... Do you know what mental illness it is? It's varied. There's schizophrenia.

There is, you know, chronic depression, things like that that become debilitating. But addiction is another reason that people often cite for homelessness. And there's a great video from YouTube. from a YouTube channel called In a Nutshell, and I have been promoting this like crazy. This is such a good video. I really want everyone to listen to it. I brought in a clip from this video,

but basically it gets to the root cause of addiction, and it's not what you think. Now, I really want people to watch this video. I'm going to link to it on the website, the full video. It's really worth watching. It's like a four or five minute video. And it talks about the root cause of addiction,

and it may be related to why, people become homeless too because addiction is something that doesn't it's not like what do you think the reason uh people get addicted dick isolation loneliness isolation loneliness yeah oh pretty you're pretty close the opposite of drugs well here here's the clip from this video listen to this if you for example break your hip you'll be taken to a hospital and you'll be given loads of diomorphine for weeks or even months diamorphine is heroin it's in fact much stronger heroin than any addict can get on the street because it's not contaminated by all the stuff drug dealers dilute it with. There are people near you being given loads of deluxe heroin in hospitals right now.

So at least some of them should become addicts. But this has been closely studied. It doesn't happen. Your grandmother wasn't turned into a junkie by her hip replacement. Why is that? Yeah, why is that? Well, I think they're predisposed to it in their brain, too, some people. But I'm going to blame, I mean, I'll blame the...

I'll take a hard line and say you can resist it no matter what. But I bet I think certain people are more predisposed to addiction of whatever their favorite poison is than others. Well, there is a psychological factor. Well, there is a genetic link, and it also, it does alter your brain when you start using certain things. Yeah, but that's not all of it. That may be the case, but this video talks about where our understanding of addiction came from. It basically came from an experiment, I think, in the 1950s or something, where scientists took a rat, and put it in a cage and gave it two sources of water.

One was normal and one was laced with, I believe, cocaine. And given, left to his own devices, the rat overwhelmingly drank from the cocaine, became a junkie, and died. And so everyone concluded, like... But he had a home, didn't he? Yeah, but the point of this video, yeah. So the rat died. And they concluded that, well, drugs are addictive. the rat couldn't stop drinking from the cocaine water,

therefore drugs cause addiction. That's the obvious solution. Well, it wasn't until more recently that another scientist took a look at that experiment and thought, well, I mean, look at the environment the rat was living in. They thought that when? In the 50s?

That was the rat experiment? Yeah, maybe the 50s or even the 30s. It was probably earlier. I think it was the 30s. It was a long time ago that they did this experiment. So this is where modern understanding, standing of addiction comes from is this experiment. And then another scientist

more recently didn't experiment. He said, well, look at the environment the rat was living in. The rat was just put in an isolated cage and had no other choice. Maybe the rat didn't choose cocaine, but he chose cocaine over the alternative of his miserable existence. And so he did another experiment.

He took, he made a rat enclosure that was basically like rat Caesar's Palace. You know, like it has everything you would ever want, lots of other rats to play with and have sex with. Family, but rats from different, you know,

the same family members. A lot of toys, a little fountain. A little rat blackjack. A little rat blackjack. Uh-huh. And the house always, and the house always loses.

Back a rat. And the house always loses in this. Then it's not fun though. Uh-huh. Well, these rats were having a great time. Blow jobs, orgies,

the whole, the whole, half of them were having a good time then. There was a bunch of gangbanks. Nine out of ten people enjoy them. Anyway, so... The other one's lying. So anyway, they put these rats in this different enclosure that was basically like rat heaven, right?

Right. They gave them also cocaine-laced water and regular water, and they found very few rats touched the cocaine water. They didn't care. Sounds about right. And in this experiment, it was obvious that the big variable that changed was their environment. and they found that your environment has much more to do with addiction than anything else than your predisposition, your genetic predisposition, whether or not. Because a lot of people were afraid during the Vietnam War, a lot of our soldiers went abroad and became addicted to heroin. So people were really scared shitless that these Vietnam vets were going to come back home and be junkies.

And be junkies roaming the streets. But that didn't happen. As soon as they came back home, they kicked the habit because they were back with their families and their loved ones and they were happy again. Yeah. Wait, Vietnam vets? Yeah. Well, there's tons of homeless Vietnam vets. Probably more than any other war

because they were treated so shitty when they got home. Yeah. Well, sure, but we're talking specifically about the drug addiction. They didn't see the spike that they were expecting. Really?

Yeah. I mean, of course, there are a lot of people from Vietnam who... But it's got to be more than any other war. I mean, maybe. I don't know. Because World War II, they were fucking heroes.

They couldn't buy a drink at a bar. Yeah, that's true. Vietnam and they're child killers. Well, that was a very unpopular war. That's why they... For sure. People, I mean, It should show you the psychological link to drug addiction because now let's go back to homelessness.

How's the home going to help these guys? Sounds like they need more homeless people out there. They need some cards against humanity. Let's go to Skid Row and throw a bunch of twister and games at them, right? Yeah, maybe they'll take them to Vegas. Yeah? Uh, no. Dic, terrible, terrible solution. Um, anyway, so they looked at... Homeless Blackjack. Yeah, Sears Palace. That's what I'm talking about. Caesar Palace. Um, so back to homelessness. Like, let's go back. to that picture of the adolescent who has a fight at home. Already the environment is not happy.

It's not a good environment. It's toxic. It's abusive. The kid runs away from home. Are you talking about you? No, I didn't run away from home. That's a valid question. A lot of people do.

No. This bottle of cocaine water? I did move out pretty abruptly. In a soup thermos. Fuck you, Sean. I did move out pretty abruptly. Actually, would that count as running away from home? No.

Did you tell them? Did you tell your family you were moving out abruptly? or did you just leave? I think my last words were fuck you, fuck you, and then I got running away. I did move out pretty abruptly,

but... You ran away. You ran away from home. I ran away from home. I never got back. You're Peter Pan. You're a lost boy. So yeah,

anyway, I ran away from home and... In Utah, how stereotypical can you get? Yeah. My circumstances were a little bit different,

but I've never, I've never been addicted to anything. So kids run away. They're in a bad environment. They got nothing. Yeah. And so next thing you know, because of the environment they're in, they don't have anyone to fall back on. Thankfully, I had a pretty good network of friends in Utah, and a lot of them helped me out at the time.

I didn't really need it. I had a good job at the time. So I was one of the lucky ones. I was already in college. I had a good job. It wasn't a big deal. Yeah. What job?

Fuck you. Hold on. I can find it. You can keep going. I don't want to you play this. Tell marketing. Tell marketing. Who's that job?

I worked for one for nine and a half years. Nine and a half years. You ran away from home for. What an asshole. Okay, so this kid's really sad. Yeah. So anyway, so that's what causes. Addiction is a problem of connection.

Is the, I guess, the conclusion of this video. You feel not connected to people. Isolation, like you mentioned, Dick. And that's what causes addiction, and that's what causes. I think a lot of homelessness. A little annoyed that you brought in my problem of addiction here. What? You brought that in?

Go ahead. No, no, no, no. I'm making a joke that if anyone's going to bring in addiction, should probably be me. Right? Probably, yeah. Watch this video, Dick. It may change your life. It's a really good video.

No five-minute video is going to tell me something about addiction, I don't know. Not to be, not to demean the video. I'm sure it's great for people who are not addicts of things. Well, people who are addicts... Yeah, but people who are addicts aren't necessarily experts on their own condition. They are just experts of suffering. You know, they know what it is to have it. Well, you have to learn about it.

Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? Well, yeah, no, you're absolutely right. I don't read about it. My parents are huge gambling addicts. Yeah. And it may go back to, you know, yeah, it'll come full circle. It may go back to the environment that I was raised in,

the environment that we live in. If you were a depressed person, if you're living in an environment that isn't making you happy, that's a huge variable. That's a huge component. Oh, yeah. There's a lot more, we're finding it's a lot more nurture than nature. It used to be the whole argument. It's like, well, obviously, it's some of both, but, man, you cannot underestimate the conditions that you were raised in and what you were exposed to. Makes a big, big difference on who you are.

It basically defines you. It does. To an extent. And if you guys, if you guys think that your scowl or angry rebuke of homelessness, you know, when you tell people to get a job is going to be the punishment that inspires them, you're an idiot. Really? Yeah.

You think homeless people haven't been told to get a job before? You think that's, you think they're sitting around waiting for you to drive by with your window down and throwing a half full diet Pepsi cup at them to tell them to get a job? And that's going to be the one thing that pushes them over the edge and they're going to be inspired to go out there and fix up their resume and walk into Bill Gates's office and say, here you go, Sir, hire me. You think that's all takes? I don't think it's one way or the other,

but I think they've fucked up a couple times to get where they're at. I think that they're also encouraged to not get a job in some instances by government programs. Oh, interesting. I think government welfare programs are not necessarily to their advantage. Well, we're going to come back to them. Okay, you remember that. We're going to come back to that. But I disagree because I don't think the default,

the default human disposition doesn't want to be homeless and impoverished. People don't want to be reduced to begging for scrap. and sleeping on the sidewalk. There's nothing glamorous about being homeless. It's one of the worst conditions you can have in society, short of being in jail. I think most people would choose homelessness over jail, but that's like a...

Sometimes they probably don't. Don't they commit crimes to get a nice meal sometimes? Sometimes. Well, people who have been in before, too. Yeah. Because they're used to it. The term institutionalized gets thrown around, but at least they know what they're doing

where they're supposed to be, that they're going to get three meals a day. Yeah. I've actually known two homeless people in my life, like friends of mine. who were homeless. And both of them were friends, and I didn't think of them as homeless until one day I asked them casually, like, where their apartment is. And one of them said, I don't have an apartment.

I said, so where are you sleep? He said, in my car. And that's when I realized that one of my close friends who I never thought of as homeless is a homeless person. And of both of these friends, they both had similar conditions. They were both sleeping in their cars. They're both homeless. vastly different attitudes. One of them was really angry and frustrated and depressed and had a lot of anxiety about his condition.

He didn't like it. And the other one was kind of optimistic. He lived in his van and had a gym membership. They both did. To shower? Yeah, to shower. That's how homeless people can get by a lot of times. Like you see the chronically homeless people who are sleeping on the streets, they're pretty much destitute.

But some people who are homeless, people who are not chronically homeless, they get by by getting a gym membership, going there to shower. They get a PO box so they can get their paychecks delivered and so on and so forth. And people think that homeless people don't work. That's the biggest fucking fallacy there is. Homeless people work. Most of them have jobs. The ones you see laying around on the street and stuff, those are chronically homeless people who have a multitude of problems to get over before they get a job. But most homeless people, the ones you see at soup kitchens who show up, they're just going through a rough patch right now.

They may have fallen, you know, their social network fell apart. They don't have anywhere else to turn. They need a little bit of assistance to get back up on their feet. And this guy, the one who had the positive attitude, eventually, both of them actually no longer homeless, thankfully. Both of them have moved on. And the guy with a positive disposition said that he was saving up money. He was working at a bunch of different jobs. He actually had two or three jobs, and he was just saving every single paycheck, every single penny he got, until he said, I'm just going to try to get an apartment and a girlfriend.

And eventually he did, and he's doing all right now. But it's, you know, it doesn't fit the predisposed notion that you have of homelessness. Wait, who's you? How's he going to hang on to the money with a girlfriend? Yeah. How do you think he got there? What, homeless? Some devil woman bewitched his money out of him.

Happens every time. Every time. 100% of homelessness. Low-hanging fruit there. Yeah, so... It is weird to see a homeless woman, right? Yeah, they're out there. You see far...

I see a lot in Hollywood. I see far fewer homeless women than men. Yeah. Because women, I think... I think some of them can rely on prostitution. We all know why. We don't need to get into it. We don't need to talk about that.

I will say this, though. I've never seen a hot homeless person. I think that people who are born with good looks have kind of hit the jackpot in society You're pretty much covered You never see a hot homeless person Yeah well, meth'll fix that Yeah, well, that's true

Mm-hmm Anyway, so how do we get them houses? Yeah, so what's the solution, right? Kickstart it. Well, my own home state of Utah figured it out Homeless housing, huh? Right, yeah Now I shit on my home state of Utah a lot

There are a lot of idiotic things about the state But this is one of the things that I'm pretty proud of Here's a stat for you, Dick. Utah reduced chronic homelessness by 91%. Ooh, 91%. And that's not to say that all homelessness in Utah has ended. There's still about 14,000 people who are homeless in my home state, but we're talking about people who are homeless the longest.

According to NPR, chronic homelessness is defined by people living on the streets for more than a year, or four times in the past three years, or who have a disabling condition such as serious mental illness, addiction or physical disabilities or illness. Utah had around 2,000 chronically homeless people in 2005. Now they have fewer than 200. And they solve the problem by simply giving homeless people housing. It's not totally rent-free, but they have to pay a little bit. They pay about $50 per month or 30% of their income, whichever is greater.

That means on average, each homeless person is making around $166 per month. So 30% of their income would be about $50. Man, if you get evicted from homeless housing, you have really fallen off the cliff. Yeah, because you're addicted to drugs. Sure. Or mentally ill. Sure. Well, they don't evict these people, and you'll see why.

A conservative in Utah named Lloyd Pendleton, Dick. Now, remember I said we're going to come back to your point about, you know, government subsistence creating the problem? Well, a conservative. Well, enabling, encouraging. What would you say? Look, if you want to find a study that says cutting back on welfare programs for able-bodied people will cause them to get jobs. you can find those studies. So, like, there's no clean cut,

there's no clear cut answer for this. Well, there is, you have success here. I mean, we have, we have really conservative. Look for both sides of it. You can find examples of that success. No, but you look at really conservative states, and they don't have this success that they did in Utah.

People who are not enabling these programs. Like, what other solution is there? Because this is a solution that works. Utah is a very conservative state. That's what I was going to say. And that's what's so surprising. That's why it came from Utah. Utah is very,

conservative, but it's weird because Salt Lake City is very liberal. I'd say Salt Lake City is more liberal than parts of Los Angeles, I would say. And Los Angeles is mostly blue, I think. It's great also that it worked for them. It might not necessarily work in New York, L.A., other cities. They're looking at that. They're looking at what works and what doesn't with these programs, because you're right. There is a scale of magnitude larger in L.A. Although not that much. It's about two times as much in L.A. than... Well, it's the demographic of the homeless people. people too. Anyway, this guy named Lloyd Pendleton, who ran a humanitarian service in Utah, is very conservative. He says, he didn't think the government should simply give people a place

to live. Because, and there's a quote from him, he says, because I was raised as a cowboy in the West Desert, Pendleton says, and I have said over the years, you lazy bums get a job, pull yourselves up by the bootstraps, right? That's the old American mentality. Then everything changed in 2003 when he went to a conference on homelessness in Chicago, where he met a guy named Sam Sembris, who created a program called Housing First. Now, the idea is pretty simple. Homeless people cost the government a lot of money when they're living on the street

because of emergency room visits, sickness, violence, drug addiction, and crime. Now, this is a clip from The Daily Show. Listen to this. Sure. Giving homeless people homes sounds like a good idea, just like feeding people and providing health care sounds like a good idea. But everyone knows we just can't afford it. 22% of Americans are currently receiving some kind of government entitlement. That's 67 million people.

And the truth is, we can't afford it. What do all of these handouts cost the good, hardworking people of Utah? These handouts cost probably $12,000, $10,000 to $12,000 per person housed. There you go. Compared with $20,000 here on the street. Wait, what? What we give them is more effective and efficient than the emergency system, emergency room visits, EMT runs, and jail time.

And actually, those estimates have been revised. That was kind of an older episode, but it's now about 30 to 50,000 per person per year that they're saving just by putting these people in houses. Well, that's good? Yeah, of course it's good. So that's how you're paying for this. First of all, homelessness is costing you more by not addressing it,

by not dealing with it. By simply putting these people in low-cost housing, you're saving money. Yeah, but there's a good. It costs me more? No, it costs you less. You're saving money, Dick. It costs... I mean, but how do we pay for that low-income housing?

Am I going to be taxed more? It's coming from federal taxes, yeah. So am I going to be taxed more? No. Oh, so I don't have to pay anything? Dick, if you're saving money on costs... Yeah, but this is how you get sold something that's bullshit. The sales pitch you're giving me right now.

Will I have to pay more for this to happen? You're saving money. Do whatever you want, then. You're giving me money back for doing this? Great. You're saving money. Somehow I don't think it's going to shake out like that. It is.

Like all these imaginary numbers are like, oh, these emergency visits and this, that. Like, okay, but did taxes go up for this? No. Like, how do you start it then? If anything, taxes go down, Dick, you're saving money. You're saving taxpayers money. If it's costing us $30,000 to $50,000 per year. I mean, there's all these studies also that say that kids who don't get a good education

who drop out of high school are way more likely to end up incarcerated. I mean, that's just a... So we should dump more money into keeping them in school? right? Well, not necessarily. Just maybe improve the system that we already have. But this is a solution here because this is saying, we're going to save you guys. You invest $12,000 per person per year, which is not

that much, really. If it's more than zero is too much for me. Well, okay, Dick, then go ahead and pay $50,000 per person. Is that what you want? I'm already paying that. There you go, then keep paying it. Is that what you want? There's, but there will never be a refund for this. Like, if I pay more to build these houses, I'm not going to start getting back that 50,000. Like the cops are not going to start shrinking.

No, of course. No, that's absolutely not true. That's how budgets work. During the George W. Bush administration, every single American taxpayer got a $300 tax refund, didn't they? Because of the surplus from the previous administration. Was it 600? Wasn't it 600?

I thought it was 300. Doesn't it depend on what your income was? Wasn't it like between this? The bottom. The bottom line is. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. Yeah. It was either $300 or $20 billion.

20 billion. Okay. So anyway, yeah, Dick, you do get, sometimes it depends on the government, depends on the administration, what they want to do with that surplus. But that government surplus does end up someplace else, sometimes in our own pockets. So, yeah, you will see that money back in your pockets. If it's saving, if it's just costing the government less, if it's costing taxpayers less, of course it's a good thing. I know you think that. And I hear what you're saying, but that's just not the way these things work.

That's the way saving money is always pitched for these programs. Like, oh, it's, it costs us more money to put somebody, it costs us more money to keep them in prison. So let's just let them go. Like every one of these liberal programs is built on this idea of saving phony money. But they all cost. This isn't a liberal program. This is in the reddest state in the union. And this guy who enabled this program in Utah is.

is a conservative. He's one of the most staunch conservatives. In fact, the only reason the Utah legislation went along with it is because this guy, Lloyd Pendleton, is such a staunch conservative. He went to them and said, guys, look, I'm no liberal. This sounds like a liberal idea, and it does. It does sound like one of those things that should come out of San Francisco or Oakland, you know, one of these far-left countries that's tending towards socialism. But you have to be pragmatic at some point. You have to be practical. You have to step back and say, look, we have this problem. How are we going to solve it? How are we actually going to solve it? We have to put politics aside and see what's actually solving this problem. You have a leaky faucet.

What do you do? Just keep putting duct tape on it. Eventually, you have to get to the source of it because that duct tape is going to keep running water. It's going to keep costing you money. So free houses for the homeless? That's it. Some of the homeless people. And now here's the thing. Here's what's beautiful about this. Some of the homeless people in these projects are so used to sleeping on the streets that they get their new apartments and they set up a tent in their living rooms for a while until they, adjust because they don't believe it's real. And some of them even get up on their feet and go back to work and then start contributing tax money back into the system because they're now gainfully employed. And then they go back to their home states to live with their families and reconnect with their loved ones. Here's another clip.

I thought this was pretty fascinating. Listen to this. This is one of the success stories. Okay, okay. So it makes financial sense. But the fact is it's going to make them lazy. They disincentivize you to get off welfare and actually go and work. I'll get my rent paid.

I'll get food. Why would I work? Why would I work when the government pays me not to work? Why indeed? What you guys are doing is incentivizing mooching. So I went to visit one of these moochers in their moochatorium. This apartment has given me a job. With that job, I can move back to Chicago and be with my...

son, my daughter, my family. There you go. Now this guy who was homeless his whole life, now someone came along, gave him an apartment, gave him a second chance, started putting him in counseling, started to address his mental illness

and his drug addiction, and suddenly he got an actual job and started making income. And he was able to get it back up on his feet and move back home to Chicago to live with his family. He's not only, they've not only solved that guy's problem and reduced homelessness. They've actually made him a contributing, functional member of society. Isn't that the gold dick?

I mean, all this stuff costs money. Like, it's great that it worked for that one guy, but it all costs money. I don't, like, okay, yeah, it's cool that everybody got enough free shit and this one guy got back on his feet. It's not just one guy. Look at the success stories, Dick. Like, seriously, if you're interested in this, I highly encourage everyone. And put politics aside. I don't care what your political beliefs are because I'm politically agnostic.

I couldn't give less of a shit if this is a liberal or conservative program. I'm just looking at the numbers. This works. This is working. We have results. I would like to know what percentage of people get back on their feet, like based on these programs, though. It would just be interesting. Well, this is a really good success case, right?

This guy here. Let's just say that none of these people get back on their feet. Just as a base, it's just going to cost us $12,000 per year per person. It costs less than putting them in jail. I have friends in... How much is that? $12,000 per person? $12,000 per person.

And Utah or in L.A.? In Utah. Well, what's the housing price going to be like in L.A.? I don't know. It just depends. A shitload more. Look, man. I don't know.

I don't know if this is... But you got to know these things. That's what makes it a plan. Well, they haven't done it in L.A. It's hard to tell. It's hard to tell. I know that other people have tried projects like this in bigger cities, and they failed for various reasons. But this one may have worked because it's called Housing First.

There was another program, I think, called Housing and Services. 300 million is what that would cost in L.A. For 30,000 homeless people. And why don't you go ahead and multiply that? by 30,000, right? 30,000 times 30,000. Yeah, but we're already paying that. That's the point, Dick.

We're paying that now. So if we pay a little bit less, we'll save money. I think that's very optimistic of you. That part. Like, it doesn't work like a menu where you just go into McDonald's and you're like, I'll take all the homeless people in prison for whatever, $500 million. And then the next menu item is free houses for the homeless, $300 million. you say, oh, just take that one.

I don't want that other one anymore. Like, that's not how these big systems work. Well, what's the alternative, Dick? I guess what's a better solution? I guess, you know what? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you should drive by and throw your diet Pepsi at these people. See, it's the way you phrase it like it's one or the other.

Like I'm just saying, it's extreme. It's very, it's nice that it's worked in Utah, but it's very optimistic. I mean, Dick, homeless is such a big problem that everyone's been trying to solve. Get all these homeless on a bus and send them to Utah. There you go, problem solved. They'll all get back on their feet and they'll be out here in no time to be with their families. So that's actually what they do. They'll knock on your door like two years later with name tags on.

Offering you a book. Yeah, why aren't churches open to the homeless, by the way? A lot of are. Why aren't giant cathedrals full of empty space? Why aren't they just full of bunk beds? No, a lot of them are. No, the entire thing. Like what?

They're sitting with them. Never mind. Because Dick, first of all, Dick, a lot of the homeless shelters, and a lot of the homeless soup kitchens and things are run by churches of many denominations. Those are the majority of them are run by multi-denominational churches. But anyway, back to this. Look, until I see a better solution on the books,

I'm not seeing any other solutions brought to the table. All I'm hearing is no and obstructionism, but the solution... Because you're forgetting that everybody wants to stop homelessness. Like, nobody wants there to be homelessness. I think you've got to keep that in mind and you're bringing in these pie in the sky. Like, yeah, free houses.

It's a great idea. Okay. I'm glad Utah tried it. Let's see how it pans out. I don't think that's going to work in L.A. I don't know what would. It would be nice if all the homeless people were off the streets, but it seems a little simplistic to just buy them houses.

Fuck, the real estate market out here is bad enough as it is. We don't need a bunch of homeless people buying them up. Dick Masterson. I don't think it'll work. Don't have any better ideas. is. All right. Well,

build a, maybe we should build a wall around them. Hey, if the homeless didn't have to compete, if those kids running out on their parents

didn't have to compete with illegal labor who had no right to unionize, they would get much higher, they would get much higher wages. Also, you can find examples of that also.

Whatever you want to prove, you can find examples of. We're going right back to they don't want to work. That's, that's the takeaway from this. No, they don't want to work for nothing. They don't want to work for slave wages.

They want to work for real American. You can't support a, you can't live on those wages. Dick, if that were the case, then why aren't more illegals homeless, right? They can't live on those wages. Have you ever been to a soup kitchen? And I have served soup at those kitchens. There's a shitload of illegals they're eating because they can't afford it. Like guys going in who've just worked 10 hours at some shitty job that no one would do,

except they have no legal recourse to work less because they'll immediately get deported if they report their boss. They go there to eat so they can send money back to their family. Homeless kitchens are full of illegals here. Okay, that's in L.A. So maybe... Again, L.A., very different place than Utah.

How many homeless people in Utah have? About 14,000. Different place, different demographic. The people getting homeless in Utah are very different than the ones out here. You know, look, every place has its own unique problems. I agree. And what worked in Utah may not work everywhere. It's not a cookie cutter solution.

Yeah. But it's a step in the right direction. It's a start. And we have success. We have success stories. My God, this is the first success stories I've heard about homelessness in years. And this is not only successful. It's phenomenally successful.

So look, maybe it's not perfect. And maybe it'll cost a little bit to start. but in the long run it may be the solution it may be a better solution because at the end of the day why not who gives a shit like what are we all clinging on to oh it's my house it's my money like who cares but you put people in houses

then pay for my share if you don't mind paying the money you don't need it well neither do you then why aren't you just paying for everybody i don't need it either i'm saying i don't pay for me pay my half i don't want to pay i don't want to pay for it but you don't need it you're able to be working i need it because i need everything that's mine okay And you need a bunch of armed people to take what's mine from me so you can live out your fantasy of curing homelessness.

Well, the solution... That's the reality. But what's the alternative, Dick? That you do nothing and the homelessness just continues to be a problem. I'm fine with that. We're all fine with that. That's why it sucks. Yeah.

That's why homelessness sucks. Because you're fine with it. Yeah. As a society, we are. Yeah. I don't think as a society we're fine with it. Well, we say we're not, but we are. No.

That's why we have those prejudices of get a job, get off drugs. Because we want to convince ourselves that we're right because we're fine with it. We, I mean, I think you're talking about you. Oh, I'm talking about a lot more than me. I know. I've seen a Trump rally, but I do. It's bigger than that, too. Yeah, well, anyway, Dick, what do you got?

I got a big solution. I don't know. Actually, I do think it's bigger than Home the Homeless Pizza Trackers. Pizza trackers? Online pizza trackers. What? Do you remember what the world was like before online pizza tracking?

Terrible. It was terrible. I love the pizza tracker. Oh, the fucking pizza tracker. Are you talking about like Domino's pizza trackers? Maddox, please. You know exactly what I'm talking about. Don't think that I'm talking about something else.

I want to know that Maricio has started my order. I want to know that Juan has started my order. I want to know his name. I want to be able to send him little pings that's me sitting at home, rooting. Before the pizza tracker, you just sat in your apartment after you, you didn't even know if the pizza was coming. Did they forget your pizza?

You might have to call and ask them in a half an hour. Say, where the fuck is my pizza? I got all these hungry guys over here. We all want pizza. Sometimes I would forget I ordered a pizza at all, and I would call again and order another pizza. Total insanity. That must be weird for the two drivers.

It was weird. It was very weird. They would fight to deliver me my pizza. This isn't just the pizza tracker that I brought in. It's online tracking. But I'm saying it's never been more fully realized than the pizza tracker. Huh. They're rolling out pizza trackers where you can track.

You can track the guy from the pizza oven in his car and watch him driving it to your house. Yeah. Wait, are they really? Yes, in Australia. Domino's is rolling this out as we speak. Well, that's pretty cool, but here's the thing. I'm a cynic. When it comes to this kind of technology.

This plan won't work, but giving free houses away hundreds of millions of dollars. It's trying in Utah. See what happens. They're trying in Australia. I think that what they could be doing with this is they just, like, Domino's corporate looks at the average amount of time it takes for them to make a pizza and then put it in the oven, take it out to the delivery car, right? And they just say, okay, on average, it's going to be about 17 minutes.

And then they just calibrate the pizza tracker so that, every, you know, three minutes it just updates it. Oh, now it's in the oven. Now Maricio's putting the toppings on. And now Maricio's putting it in the box. Do you really think that that's what they do? It could. You motherfucker, you really think that.

You're not admitting it, but you think that. I do think that. That's what's going on in your brain. Well, what do you think they have their ovens synced up with some, like, fucking Wi-Fi thing that's updating a server all the time? They just click a button on the, yeah, they patch a button on the Pia on the point of sale system. The same thing that prints out what's on the pizza. Like all the instructions and the ingredients and the toppings, they just press next, done.

And then it updates the system. I'm skeptical. Oh, you're such a fucking cynic. You're such a cynic. Oculus Rift you'll believe that plugs right into your brain, but a pizza tracker. We have to press a button. Man on the moon, yes. Pizza tracker?

No way. Absolutely not. It just doesn't seem efficient. They're going to pay a bunch of workers standing around, pressing buttons all day. They have to press the button anyway. It's the same people making you. your pizza. Maricio presses the button. I don't think so.

You're so fucked. You're so fucked. This applies to UPS too. Do you think they're just fudging it too? Like FedEx, UPS, those things. Remember when you would just wait six to eight weeks for a package to show up? What an idiot. What an idiot. Those kids. I trust

UPS and FedEx because they're a large-scale company. But not Dominoes. No, not Dominoes. There's nothing at stake. Why would Dominoes invoke this kind of says, but how excited I am about the pizza tracker, that's why. But Dick, put yourself in the shoes of a manager at a pizza joint, right? Oh, I'm going, I'm having T-shirts. Hold on.

I mean, take my watch off. Put on your pork cap, all right? Imagine you're homeless and you're just, you're making ends meet by working at dominoes. And you're standing in the kitchen, right? You have like 10 orders coming in, and all of them need to be baked and delivered and sent out immediately. You're going to pay your employee to stand around. there with a terminal, a POS on his belt. He's constantly pressing months.

He says when he's done, he presses the button. I don't know about standing around. What, did they walk back to the terminal for 10 orders? 120 times an hour? That's what they got to do is go press that button. How many pizzas do you think they're cranking out at dominoes? Depends on the day. Let's see if we can overload it.

Let's order 200 pizzas right now from our local dominoes and see how long the pizza tracker takes. I guarantee you, it will be the correct amount of times. Look, they're fun. technology. I'm on board with the solution. Fun though, I'm talking about UPS, FedEx. We're revolutionizing the way we're destroying stores.

We're no longer going to stores anymore. We're watching. I, okay. I had a girl over a couple weeks ago. She wants fish. She wants fish tacos. I'm like, you know what? Yeah, but I don't have a deep fryer.

And she's like, oh, that kind of sucks. I'm like, wait a minute, wait a minute. I heard about this new app, right? this Amazon Now app. I'm going to try it out. I load up this Amazon Go Prime app. I punch in Deep Friar. Motherfucking, two hours later,

this dude is driving to my apartment from Glendale with a Deep Friar in his car. This is tracking. Everything is tracked now. I want more tracking. I want everyone track. I put in directions when I go anywhere. I punch it into ways.

I track myself getting there. Even though I know where I'm going. I know how long it takes. I need the satisfaction of seeing the tracker advance on my phone. Do you know the Find Your Friends app? Yes. See, the stupid motherfuckers don't turn off their location services on their iPhones, and you can tell if they're lying or not.

Oh, based on where they are. Yeah. Sean, why do I get the feeling that you're doing creepy shit with that? What else is there to do? Nailed it. Look, we need more. Everything needs to be tracked. Online.

I want a tracker for everything. I want everyone RFID'd. I want air, I want, I want to track them. I want their little icons going around. I want to track the pizza through my body. I don't ever want the tracking to stop. I want all of the pizza molecules from the oven through my body coming out in the poop. I want to watch the poop be tracked through the system.

You see it in your esophagus and going through your intestine. No, I just want the icon. I don't need to see it. Yeah, I just want to know where it is. Yeah, a little bit of, like a chewed up turd icon, right? Yeah. And then I want to see it pulverized. I want to see all the tracking all over the world of where my poop's going.

It should change the animated icon to the state of digestion that it's in. By the time it comes out, huh? Look, this is a huge solution. Everyone would be way more interested in the environment if they could track where all their trash is going all the time. Maybe. That's what I'm saying. I want to be able to tag homeless people. See you this motherfucker?

I'll pay him. That's a good system. I'll give him a hundred bucks if I could tag him and just see what he's up to during the day. migratory habits. Yeah. Does that exist? Like a fucking right whale or something. I thought about doing a video when I first came out here a long time ago about like a nature documentary with homeless people.

It was a satire on nature documentaries. Sure. Yeah, basically, you know, you tag him, you see them. Track them. You track them. Before prank bros, like they would call social experiments, they're shitty pranks. We called the satire, right? Oh, okay.

You just say what you mean, and then you tell everybody is saddire. Yeah, yeah. That's ridiculous. Get out of here. Why would I say something like that? That's my solution is pizza tracker. Online tracking is what it is. Look, it's fun.

It's sometimes useful. And I would say sometimes, but maybe like 20% of the time for me. I'm talking just personal experience. Here's the times that tracking has been useful for me. If I ordered a package, because usually I order things on Amazon, the South Park satirized this perfectly a long time ago in an episode where people ordered things on Amazon and then two, three days later, you get a package at the door and you forget what you ordered. Of course.

And you open it up and you're like, oh, yeah, I guess I wanted this. Because Amazon has that compulsive purchase behavior built into their platform. But anyway, I'll order something. And then I'll remember a couple weeks later, oh, yeah, I ordered this thing. Where is it? And I'll check for tracking. I'll see that it's en route or whatever. That's the only time I find that it's actually useful.

But other than that, other than the novelty, what else is it good for? What are you talking about other than the novelty? You didn't hear the pizza part? Other than the novelty. Why do you think the tracking is so good and important? Well, it's inventory control, too. Like, controlling where inventory is, I think, is, you know, the next step in convenience consumers. Like, the bridge between having to go to the store and you're printing at home 3D printers is definitely this.

Like, controlling where everything is, you can get it immediately. That ordering a deep friar from my fucking home was the most convenient thing I've ever done in my life. in my life. And that is the definition of a solution is making something the most convenient it's ever been in your life. Well, Dick, it's amazing that you're an iPhone owner

because iPhones are the least convenient phone, man. Every time you have a problem with that shit, you've got to go right to the fucking store. Every time, you got to go to the store and have a genius wipe your ass. I don't know. That's my solution. What's yours?

Good solution to it. His homelessness really took a long time. Yeah, it did. Do you feel good, though? You feel like you really deserve to go to heaven after trying to fix homelessness? I mean, I haven't done anything. I just can't. You talked about it.

I came in your writing my mouth. Yeah. Yeah, well, there you go. I mean, I don't know, man. Sometimes people, believe it or not, do find inspiration and they do find, they do get some reprieve from this podcast. I've talked to a lot of people. Yeah, sure. I've talked to a lot of people who do get, you know, it really impacts their lives.

Art inspires people. Sometimes. Yeah. Who was that, what was the name of the guy that shot Lennon? Hitler. His name was Mark Chapman. Mark Chapman Andrew. Is it Mark Chapman? Mark David Chapman. Oh man, I'm so tired of Lennon being, what is it, lionized. Why? No, he's a great musician. I don't like him. I don't like him. I don't like Lenin. You don't like him or you don't like his music? Him and his music. There was a lot, there was a lot not to like about John Lennon.

He was a fucking chronic wife abuser. He's a huge... He was a huge asshole. In the early days, I know. He admitted that. Yeah, he was a huge wife abuser. And then what pisses me off about him is that fucking song, imagine? That's him, right?

Great song. Yeah. It's not garbage. Garbage song. You're so stupid than that. Was that also the song where it had Give Piece of Chance? Was that a Lennon song? That was a thing when... Beatles?

No, he and Yoko were sitting in bed for like a week. Give a piece of chance. For peace, yeah. That pisses me off, man. That pisses me off so much. Why? Give peace a... Oh, okay, give being rich a chance.

Give success a chance. You know, why don't we just... What do you mean? What do you mean? Give peace a chance, you fuck. What the fuck does that even mean? Not fighting the war. Yeah, and pull out of Vietnam.

Don't send all these kids off to get addicted to heroin and then come back and treat them like shit so they end up homeless. You know, he was just doing his part for homelessness. Not as much as you, obviously. Made it. Made up. Yeah, made a fuckstick song and then went home and beat the shit out of his wives.

Yeah, give peace a chance. Okay. You know what? The state of society, when we're not in war, by default, is peace, all right? Uh-huh. But people gave peace a chance. No one's getting into war because they want to, shithead. Like, war isn't something that just happens because people are sitting around bored and they decide to.

It happens for a lot of complex reasons. But giving peace of chance is a simplistic, stupid solution. It solves nothing. It says nothing. It's a fucking bumper sticker. Fuck you, Dick. Vote up bumper stickers. So's war.

Like it's as simplistic as peace. How do we get on this? He just is pissed at Lenin for some reason. Man, I could go, I'm going to bring in John Lennon as a fucking problem. You heard it. He's dead, so you're going to be voted down. I don't give a shit. Fuck John Lennon.

I got a real solution, Dick. I got a real solution. Pragmatism. Oh, yeah, sure. Nothing pragmatic about peace. You are so good to. that. Yeah, Sean, I am.

I'm the king of pragmatism. Okay. Pragmatism is the idea of being practical. And I'm the most practical person in the universe. By far. Like two wallets? Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, man, I got a comment. I'll mention it here too, but I got a comment on the last episode we talked about, I forget what it was, but someone commented and says, because I talked about my car getting broken into. He says, oh, does Maddox carry around two fake cars with him all the time? He should. Practical. I would if I could

You know those blow-up car Like the blow-up tanks they had in Germany? Oh, yeah Yeah Smart Good idea Throwed the enemy off They do it in Utah

They get fake Fake cop cars With a dummy cop in it Is it a fake speed trap To get people to slow down Yeah There you go There's a real

Low-cost solution To get people to slow down a little bit Fake cop car Fake cop car Why not? And they also have those little speed signs too that tells you what your speed is People think a lot of times

go way faster. Because if you go fast enough, it says, slow down. And I like thinking that the robots are freaking out. It's like, like it's programmed to freak out. You know, one night, late at night, like two, three in the morning,

my buddy and I were riding down by the beach, and they had one of those signs, and we thought, we're going to see if it works on a bike, and it does. And I clocked my top speed, 72 miles per hour. On a bike? Wow.

Yeah. Pretty fast. Everything I do is. You know, that he's dyslexic. What? Fuck you, he's 27 still fast. All right.

Everything I do is practical as shit. I don't do anything that isn't reasonable. That's how I would define me. That's how you define me. That's how I define myself as a reasonable, reasonable motherfucker, practical to a fault, which is impossible. Nah, you got too many selections of clothes, though. Oh, yeah. You know what, though?

I decided this week dick, big announcement on the show, you heard it here first, I'm going to get rid of two boxes of stuff every day or every month. Every month, yeah. I'm going to get rid of two boxes of stuff. Okay. I just have too much stuff. Hold on that. Two boxes of stuff.

Two boxes of stuff. I'm going to give it to homeless people. So they'll be walking around in Maddox gear? Actually, a long time ago, I got... Well, you could write it off. A bunch of video games. No, Sean, I'm not an idiot. I'm never going to get rid of those.

I, a long time ago, I'm very pragmatic of you. Thanks. Thank you. A long time ago I made a batch of shirts that turned out bad. By the way, guys, this is just totally blown sunshine out my own ass on the quality of my merchandise. You've been doing it all episode. Why would you preface one specific segment with that? Yeah, whatever, dick.

All right? Because I'm a humble guy, all right? Humility, big solution. Anyway, so I made this batch of shirts a long time ago. when I was still doing all the shipping and fulfillment myself. It was kind of funny because a lot of people would buy things way back in the day when I was, when I had my old online store and they would say, they would leave a comment in the notes section saying, hey, tell Maddox this or give Maddox this or tell, tell them to, and then some of them would try to

fuck with me. They'd say, if you send my invoice to me as an origami dinosaur, I'll PayPal you an extra 25 bucks. And then, of course, I'm going to do it. I would, very pragmatic. Yeah. I made $25 bucks for like 10 minutes of work. I just had to look at a YouTube video on how to make an origami dinosaur. That's very pragmatic, I think.

Yeah, it is. Isn't it? Yeah, it is. That's what, 25 times 60 per hour. That's a really good- 150 bucks an hour you're getting. There you go. There you go.

And what's more than that? Anyway, Dick. Oh, yeah, so I made this batch of shirts a long time ago that were kind of bad. And I told the manufacturer, I said, I cannot use any of these shirts. I'm not satisfied with this quality where I'm just going to have to kick it back and I ended up hanging on to those shirts and I gave a bunch of them to like a local

in Utah there's like a used clothing outlet where they take donations and they sell them or they give them to homeless people sometimes To battered women Well it's funny because every now and then one of these pictures of my shirts will show up on Reddit in the weirdest area. Like I saw one on a clothing rack.

It looked brand new in like Nashville, Tennessee. And it was hanging on a clothing rack. And someone's like, can you guys believe this shirt? It said, what was it? Oh, yeah, if your child doesn't look like this when you come home, you failed as a parent. And it's a picture of a crouching child. And they thought it was really funny.

It made it to the front page of Reddit. And someone sent it to me, and they said, hey, check this out. And I'm like, oh, my gosh, one of my old shirts that I donated must have ended up in some, yeah, some outlets. store somewhere. So yeah, there may be homeless people walking around with my Mad Oxigate right now. But anyway, that's pragmatic. Huh? Yeah, giving your shirts away? Yeah. I don't know if that's pragmatism. Why not? It's reasonable. It's practical. You have bad shirts. What do you do with it?

Throw them, give them away? Give them away. Okay. I wouldn't use that as an example of something that's pragmatic, though. That's magnanimous. That's the other thing I am. Yeah, it's more like just dumping something and not in the trash. Instead, you just dump it. at like a goodwill. It's like not being aggressively wasteful. Uh, yeah, yeah, true. True. Yeah.

It's a, it's a very moderate, temperate view on life, I think. What else do you do? That's pragmatic. Oh, man, everything. Uh, so I talked about, I've talked about the garbage in the freezer on the show, right? Yeah. It's very pragmatic. Why isn't that pragmatic?

Putting, like, what did you say you did? You put old fruit? In your freezer so it wouldn't get fruit flies? Correct. Anything that rots, even like one time I came home with a couple of friends. And I walked into my apartment and it smelled like shit. It smelled like just like someone took a big dump. And I walked to the source of the smell and it was my garbage can.

I look in it and I guess I filleted a salmon. World's greatest detective. Straight to the garbage can. I filet a salmon and I threw the skin in there and it was just sitting in there rotting. And I told, I turned my friends. I'm like, do you guys smell that? And they're like, yeah. Like, why aren't you saying anything?

And they're like, well, we didn't want to be rude. I'm like, it's fucking pungent. I can barely breathe in here. I got tears in my eyes. Are you kidding me? And it weren't tears. It was vinegar. Yeah.

But anyway. They probably figured they didn't have to say anything. Or that like people who have that in their apartments usually live like that and probably be insulting. They probably fight you on it. Sometimes not the case dick. Sometimes it just happens by accident. Anyway, from that day on, I came up with a practical solution by putting all everything

that rots in the freezer until I'm ready. to take the garbage out. Done. Problem salt. So, where, where's the line between pragmatic and weird? Like putting garbage in your freezer? I don't think those are mutually exclusive dick. Oh, okay. I mean, I know what I am. I know it's weird.

I know it's unusual. I know it's something that not everyone does. Yeah, more pragmatic solution. I don't know. Do you do anything practical? I hope not. Yeah, I don't think so. Do you, Sean? No, I'm against pragmatism. Yeah. No, you're not I would say two things about you, Sean. If I had to use two words to describe you,

okay, because you've got a home so I can't call you homeless. You're creepy and then pragmatic. Jesus Christ. I don't think you're creepy. No, no, just for the tracking thing. Well, you've got all that garbage in your car. That's pragmatic, right? I told you, I explained that the last episode.

Well, it's still true. No, it's not garbage. What is it? Audio equipment? No, it's like broken CDs. It can. It's garbage, John. I take them.

out like once a week. I'm telling you're all mixed tests. What? Well, you've got to see if your mixes translate on different systems. Yeah, you've got to be practical about it. You do. There you go. You're pragmatic. I'll take it. Anyway, I got a definition here. According to Wikimedia, pragmatism

rejects the idea that the function of thought is to describe, represent, or mirror reality. Now, here's what pisses me off about philosophers. They ruin everything. Because you can't just say something like, it begs the question, because then you'll get all these, like, shithead philosophers who will send you email Audnasium. Look that one up,

shitheads. Oh, I guess you don't need to. I'm sure you'll correct me on that too. But anyway, they'll send you emails forever saying, you maddox, actually, to beg the question is a philosophical term. Shut up. I know the philosophical context, you morons. Most people aren't philosophers, and they're not talking about that context.

Like if someone, you know, Dick, when you brought in bits as a problem, nobody, I didn't say, well, what's wrong with what's wrong with bits? Why not bytes? What do you have against a megabyte? Wait, what? Oh, because you thought you assumed I was saying bits like a computer?

No, I knew what you were talking about because I'm a fucking human and I'm not an asshole when it comes to shit like that. I know what you mean. So when people say pragmatism, we're not talking about the philosophical definition of pragmatism, you shitheads. We're talking about the concept that people are practical, you know, like to beg a question. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway.

Being practical is, I think, a solution. because a lot of, especially politicians, because a lot of them don't propose pragmatic solutions to things. Yeah. I agree with that. I don't think that homeless solution was very pragmatic. Well, clearly it was, Dick, because it solved a problem. Yeah.

I think it worked in Utah. I already went over that. Yeah. No, yeah, no. Pragmatism, I think, is something a lot more people should practice. And here's how. A little preachy, though. Like, isn't that kind of figuring out...

I don't think people are intentionally un-pragmatic. They just don't understand what the correct move is. You and I, Dick, know... And, Sean, we all know a lot of people who are not pragmatic because in Hollywood, it kind of attracts people who are not pragmatic. You have a lot of dreamers who come out here, and they want to be comedians, and they want to be artists, or they want to be writers,

and they come out here and they just sit down, and they're stubborn, and they're proud. too proud to get a job, too proud to do anything to make a living, and they sit down and they become homeless. They run out of money. How's that pragmatic? People just sit there and they stubbornly refuse to admit they're not making money. Who are you talking about?

Are you talking about anyone specific? Well, sure, there are lots of people. Okay. In fact, yeah, there are lots of people. I don't want to name names. Well, all of L.A.? Anyone who comes out here to be an actor, an actress? Yeah, actors and actress is a prime example.

A lot of them want... I do hate that follow your dream shit. I guess that's not pragmatic, so I hate that for that reason. Well, here's an example of pragmatism, okay? I, when I was working at my job at the telemarketing company for nine and a half years in Utah. Go ahead. I've already played it once. Yeah.

When I was working at my telemarketing job, I hated it. And I hated it with a passion. I hated the entire industry to the point, again, where I would even forego my job just to, you know, I would lose my job just to forego the entire industry if it went under, right? But I knew that that job was the key to my success on my website. Because that job was able to fund my website. It was able to fund it without advertisements. I don't have ads on my website.

Okay. So that's pretty pragmatic. Yeah. And I knew... And magnanimous. It is magnanimous, Sean. Actually, yeah, it's pragmatic and magnanimous. And I knew that if I didn't have that job, I wouldn't be able to...

to pay for it and I wouldn't be able to bring it to people without advertisements in the way that I wanted to. So that was a very pragmatic thing that I did. And a lot of people don't do that today. A lot of people think that they're just artists and that's all they should ever do or be. Yeah, how about people buying new cars? That's not pragmatic. No reason to do that when you strapped for cash. If you can't afford it. Yeah, the average person, what do they, turn over a new car like every 18 months or every two years or something like? It's crazy the amount of new cars people buy. Yeah. I've had the same car for 12 years. When the alphabet of manliness came out, New York Time Best Seller,

that's when I made a little chunk of change. And rather than going out and going on a big shopping spree, buying a fancy new car, buying a bunch of expensive gadgets and things, I decided to save the money and just live off of it, you know, live practically. The only thing I splurged a little bit more on than usual was food because I decided to eat higher quality food. I ate, that's when I changed a lot of my diet to blueberries. Well, see, we cross the line eventually.

with you. Starts out very pragmatic. And then he goes to blueberries. Blueberries are delicious. I eat. I replace 90% of my diet with blueberries. Yeah, Sean.

It's most efficient. It is. It's very efficient. I just walk down the street with a trail of shit behind me. I ate three food types for a long time and it was blueberries, almonds, and eggs.

That's it. People would come over to my apartment. They'd look inside the fridge. Like, I'd bring girls over and they say, I'm hungry. Do you have any snacks? I'm like, yeah, go ahead. Help yourself in the fridge.

They don't, like, what are. What the fuck is wrong with you? There's two trays of eggs and then a bunch of packets of blueberries. And then I say, yeah, but I got some almonds too. They say, I don't want any of this. They said, I want crackers or chips or something. I'm like, well, I don't got it, hottie. Yeah, not if you're dating me, sucker.

Yeah. Okay, you got any other pragmatism examples? No, that's it. All right. For a guy who's so pragmatic, that's not very many examples. I could go on and on. Wouldn't be pragmatic to spend any more time on this. That's very true.

People are either going to vote it up or they won't. Okay, what do you got, Dick? What's your final solution? Advertising. Talk about being pragmatic. Get out of your advertising. You don't like advertising? Oh, no, I'm not a fan.

It's the greatest invention and solution to everything. Really? What do you not like about advertising? They pay you to do what you do because people like it. What could be a more perfect symbiotic relationship than that? Dick, I think. that advertising is dangerous because one of the rights of life that I hold dearest to my heart is the freedom of speech and expression.

Right. And when you have an advertiser who wants you to craft your speech and image in a certain way that sells their product, well, that gives you a big incentive, a big financial incentive to change the way you talk or deliver your content or even the very content that you produce. Just say no Get another ad You think You think it's really simple

It is very simple It's not It's not Well Because you want the money Exactly And a lot of people Say it

You know what Dick Just say no It's very simple But when push comes to shove When it comes down to this Let's say you have The opportunity

To make $15,000 a month But I had to drown two kids Every day Do it Okay I'm talking to the wrong guy Sean

Let's say you have an opportunity To make $15,000 a month and all you have to do is stop saying shit and fuck every now and then on your content. Easy, right? Yeah. Okay. And also, you know, don't talk down about products that have to do with food, fast food. You okay with that?

Yeah, sure. Oh, there you go. That's the problem I'm talking about. It causes you to change your content. Wait, that was for you, Sean. Are you okay with those things? Oh, right. Well, there's going to be a point in which it's not going to be okay anymore.

Your own set of personal ethics is going to probably override it, but you may change for a while, especially depending on the amount of cash that's dangle in front of you. It's real hard to say no if it's right there in front of you on a plate. 200 billion spent in the U.S. a year on advertising. That's a lot of dough. It's a lot of dough to say yes to.

200 billion, yeah. Yeah, it is. Look, how do we know how delicious McDonald's is? How do we know about their new shamrock shakes without advertising? Did they pay you, Dick? Did you... How would you know about New Coke? How would you know about Crystal Pepsi coming back?

How would you know about any of these things without advertising, Maddox? Because we go to stores, Dick, and you see them fucking everywhere, and you can't drive outside, you can't step outside without... No, there's no reason to go outside anymore. You've got pizzas being tracked to your house. You can order deep friars from Glendale. No reason to go outside. I need those ads to tell me what's... You would never see a hot woman, ever, if not for advertising.

Think of... Ever. All the hot, you'd never get to look at one. They would all be imprisoned in some hedge fund manager's tower. You wouldn't get to look at them. It would be like Mad Max. That fat weirdo, Darth Vader, that white Darth Vader, had all those chicks up in his tower. None of those guys got to see them ever.

No advertising. Okay. That's why. All right, Dick. Well, I'm glad you brought Mad Max up because you would see them in movies. They're always cast in movies and TV shows In fact, I'm a little tired of seeing hot chicks All right?

Oh boy, you should bring them in as a problem I will. Hot chicks are a big problem. Kids wouldn't know about delicious cereals, if not for... Can you imagine the shit your parents would try to sell to you as what counts as cereal without ads? They just give you a bag of oats And you're like, you wouldn't know any difference. You just, well, I guess this is what I eat.

I'm a kid. I got no autonomy of my own. I got to eat whatever's here. this is the whole world to me, this bag of cereal oats that came out of a trash bag, whatever it's called, thanks to ads,

you know there's a whole world of marshmallows and frosted cookies you could eat for breakfast. Okay, so it contributes to obesity. What else? Oh, obesity. Who doesn't like good?

What kind of cereal do you like? I know that you do. I stopped, I stopped eating. Fuck you. I stopped eating. That's the thing, Dick. When I was eating cereal all the time, that was my big vice.

I talked about this long. time ago. When I started losing weight, I bought my last box of cereal ever, and I haven't bought one since. That was like almost 10 years ago now. Google exists because of ads? How about that one? That's not true? Yeah, they did. They're built on AdSense. Well, now, but they weren't monetized with ads. They didn't come into existence because of ads. Yeah, they exist now because of ads. Now in their current state, absolutely. No, they exist, period, because of ads. They would be nothing without ads. Google invented online

advertising. They became the behemate they are. They became like a part of our lives because of ads. Okay. They, a couple fact checks, things. They did not invent online advertising. Okay. There was double click before them or what was it? Nobody gave a shit about those. They were the ones that made it what it is. Context based. Context based, absolutely. I agree. They changed the game. That's what it is. They changed the game. And Google exists today largely because of advertising revenue.

Same with YouTube. Yeah. Why make YouTube videos without ads? Look at all that content ads are making online. Well, my end goal is going to cut, is to hopefully cut the ads out of the equation. Sure. We all have end goals, right?

I want a mean Nicholas Cage. I want a big harem. I'd like two cars that I could skate around on. But, you know, in the meantime, let's get by. You got ads to make it happen. You want? Ads are the definition of pragmatism. That might have been the weirdest sentence ever said on this show.

Two cars skating. Nicholas Cage, cars to skate around on. That's what I want. That's what I want. Never going to happen. We need more ads. No, we don't. NASA's got a $20 billion budget. Maybe slap some golden arches on a satellite.

Have them pay. Have some ads pay for some spaceships. I am so sick of ads. Here's the problem with ads. Every fucking website I go to these days, badger you with, fucking ads. How dare you? How dare you? If I

go to your fucking bullshit ass website guess what, buddy, my visit is important. My visit and my time is valuable. Don't you dare fucking load up some auto play video that has audio? Because if I'm surfing like 3 o'clock in the morning, I don't want that fucking shit blaring through my

apartment, through my house, waking people up. I don't want to deal with this garbage. And by the way, it's just distraction. You think that if you trick me into clicking on your fucking bullshit-ass banner because you hid the X or you made it a little hard to click on or the little click area is a little bit off center? You think that I'm going to be more likely or less likely to purchase that product

shithead? That's what the problem with advertising is. It's all come down to distraction and obfuscation. They're just trying to get you to click through no matter the means because it's just a money grab because their incentives are not aligned with the content creator's incentives. There's a great video about this on YouTube called The Problem with Facebook. And it talks about how Facebook's incentives are completely out of line with the creator's incentive. You're not selling the same product. You have no interest in selling the product that the

advertiser is advertising on. Wait a minute. You have no, say that again? The last part. So let's say McDonald's comes to, let's say McDonald's comes to me Maddox and says, hey Maddox, we want to advertise on your shit right now. I'm like, okay, great, I'm doing a video about how cool bicycles are and fuck you. Why would I, why would I promote, why would anyone coming to my video about cycling, give a shit about McDonald's chicken nuggets? My incentives are not. I see it. I'm seeing it. I guess. Awareness of chicken nuggets. Like, oh, yeah, I haven't thought about chicken nuggets in a while.

Maybe I'll pick some of those up. So we're talking about context-based average. Right on down. Yeah, right on down on my bicycle. I looked up about how good I am for being on a bike. I looked up a Pantera video a long time ago, and right before the video played, an ad played for Cotton Yarn. Cotton Yarn was the ad that played for a Pantera video.

Well, it's just... It's not perfect. It could be better. What if it was a better ad? I guess. That's what you want. What if it was an ad for another Pantera video? Perfect.

Then you'd watch that. Yeah. So it's just bad targeting. Sometimes you need more tracking on these ads. You can get an ad just for you. You can get an ad of you. That's the future. And the Facebook Oculus Riv's system.

It's a VRU coming up and going, hey, Maddox, it's me, Maddox. What do you think about Pantera? What do you think about this new Tabasco sauce? I have for sale. That's a great ad. You're sold. Yeah. That's funding entertainment, bro. Yeah, I'd rather pay for it. Yeah. A lot of people would. That's why HBO exists. You want to know the history of ads? Yeah, let's hear. Benjamin Franklin invented ads. Who? Benjamin... Yeah. The Pennsylvania Gazette in Philadelphia, which included pages of new advertisements. The first ever ad was about buying some estate in Oyster Bank.

Long Island. I don't care about that. Thomas Barat was the first the father of modern advertising who came up with the first ever slogan. Are you ready for this slogan? Yeah. Good morning. Have you used Pierce soap?

That'll stick in your head. Ah, good morning. Have he used Pierce soap? Because you stink. That's what he's not saying. That's why it's such a good ad. Because everyone's like, oh, fuck, I do stink in the morning. I need to use some of that pierce soap. There are some good ads. There are some good ads out there.

And they're all providing us entertainment. They're all providing something. You see an ad on a bus? It's paying for that bus. Oh, great. Wonderful. You know what? You don't have to pay for that.

Maybe it's not paying for the bus stick. Maybe it's just extra money that they're just trying to scrounge up because they're making your lives worse. Wait, who? The bus? Or the ad companies? I don't think... Look, if you're a core business is to make money

through selling advertising like New York Times or many of these journalists websites, magazines, that sort of thing, core business. But then you go to a theater, right? The theater is funded by movie tickets and purchases of snacks. 20. Yeah. You're right. You sit there and there's a fucking Doritos commercial and a fucking tacos and local real estate's bozo and it's just, it's garbage. It's garbage. And it's cheap. It makes me feel like I'm in a bizarre, you know? You walk into, you walk into a bizarre and, yeah, that's what it feels like. I do. It sucks that kids won't see the old movie

ads that were just silent and they would play for like on an endless loop. Yeah. Now they've got that 20 minute presentation led by some awful clone of daytime television host. It's, that is horrible. Welcome to AMC Theater TV.

The AMC TV network or whatever the, what's the other one? Lowe's Cinema's Entertainment Network. Riegel's got one. They all have one. They all went together. It was like they all decided, hey, you know what? Fuck everybody together. We're all just going to record these 20-minute ads and shove them down everyone's throat. It's awful, man. You know, there's a city in South America, South Paulo, who they decided,

I think back in 2004, 2005, no ads. The entire city, they decided to take down every single ad. Every single billboard? Every single billboard. You go to South Paulo right now, there's no ads anywhere. Just like North Korea. You know what, Sean? Yeah, so what? How do you know what to eat then? You go to a restaurant. Try drive around, annoying people, asking them. Use Yelp. Use Yelp. Yelp.

Yelp's powered by ads! All right, that's my problem. We're running along. That's okay, because they're getting their money's worth for this episode. Solution. That's your solution. Yeah, that's my solution, right, Sean, sorry. Yeah, no, I think ads, I totally disagree.

I think ads are mostly a problem. I think that ads do fund some things, but the only time that I care about ads, and I think ads make sense is when the advertisement is aligned with the product that you're selling. So in a video game magazine, I used to love the ads.

I reveled in them. I loved the advertisements for the products. It made me excited for what was coming up next because I was interested in that topic. Sure, it's targeted. You don't better targeted. Do you want better targeted ads? That's great.

So does the advertising industry. Yeah. I think ads cost self-censorship. I think ads are ultimately... You should just take one and not censor yourself. If I breach the contract, who cares? Because you know what, Dick, it's too tempting. You cannot be...

Look, even the best tool is bad at measuring itself. Are you talking about you? I'm talking about anyone. If you say, for years, people said, hey, Maddox, why don't you put ads on your website? Yeah. There's a better way, guys. I think a better way to make money

is to create a product and sell it for a reasonable price, a good quality product for a reasonable price. That's how you sell your... That sounds a good ad. But people come to my website, right? I sell merchandise, and they... You also advertise it.

I don't. Yeah, you do. On, like, Cyber Monday, you get a big old fucking banner on your side. I've seen your ads. But that's not advertised anywhere. That's my own website. People are coming to me to read my content, and it's part of my content. So when they're coming to me and they're ingesting my content, it's all me.

They like me already, and they're seeing more content that has to do with me. It's very targeted. Okay. Yeah, it's very targeted. It's great ad. It's not an ad. I'm not paying for it to be placed anywhere. It's a mention.

Sure. Built, made to sell products. Yeah, I don't think so. I think if you walk into Nordstrom's and you see a sale sign, you're like, well, Nordstrom's advertising themselves. Like, not really. You're already at Nordstrom's. Like, they're not advertising.

They're not paying for it. What if I opened a book by John Grisham? And the first cover said, Hey, asshole, buy these other John Grisham books. Well, it depends who put that in there. Did the author, if the author put it in there, it's not an ad. John Grisham wrote it on the book. I would say that it's not an ad.

Okay. I would say that it's an ad if someone else paid for it or if the publisher paid for it to promote a product against the creator's will. All right. Yeah. That's my solution. That's an ad. We'll see.

Oh, man, I could go on. I wish we would have started it. I could do a whole episode on ads. Oh, we had to fix the homeless problem. It's fixed. No problem, Dick. Great. Did that pick up?

Sean, sometimes these farts I do are picked up. Sometimes not. Was that what that was? was. Yeah, they're never picked up. Yeah. Well, your nose is going to pick up. Oh, God.

All right, guys, my solutions this week are homeless housing and pragmatism. Mine are pizza trackers and advertising. Big solutions. See you next month.