The Biggest Problem in the Universe: Uncucked - Bonus Episode 3

Episode Date: May 11, 2018

Welcome to the biggest solution in the universe. I'm Maddox with me is Dick Masterson. Hey, what's up, buddy? And Sean, our audio engineer. Gentlemen. Hey, Sean. All right, this is our third ever bonus episode. Thanks again for supporting the show, guys.

We're really kicking some ass here. And thanks for the people who are listening to us on Stitcher and iTunes. If you guys are subscribing, that really helps the show, helps get the word out, which is how we get heard, word of mouth. It's all a competition. This show is a competition. Listeners to the show is a competition. and we want to beat everybody, so thank you for...

Okay, Dick. Agenda, always wedging it in. Right at the top of the show. I'm in a good mood, good attitude, off to a great start, ruined. I'm already in a bad mood. Yeah, why is that, Dick? Because you have shenanigans planned for later.

I'm already pissed off about them. Okay. You want to tell everybody what you're planning to do today? Yeah, so what Dick is referring to is we decided... Look, Dick is a believer in pay more, get more, right? Simple concept, but it's false. Yeah, it's false. Yes, I think that, you know, you pay 90% of the way to something and you get an okay product and every little bit more that you chisel out for something, the product gets a little better in general.

Yeah. In the grand scheme of things, when you're paying more, in general, you get a better product. Yeah, you think that. You think that. Generally, you think that. But it's a fallacy because they've tested consumers with water, bottled water that comes out of a tap and has spiders in it and they think that it tastes better than, actual clean water. They don't know. People don't know.

They are susceptible. That's a cognitive bias. And we're going to test one of Dick's cognitive biases this episode by tasting wine. We brought in some expensive wine

and cheap wine and at the end of this episode, we're going to have Dick try them and see if he can find which wine is the most expensive one. Yeah, I wish we would have recorded the fight over this test. Yeah.

Because your first version of this test was total bullshit. This one is probably half bullshit. But the first version where you wanted to serve me wine straight out of the bottle into solo cups and shot glasses. Yeah, so what? You got, you don't drink wine out of plastic cups. I do. I think we're getting to the root of the problem.

Dick, you think your senses are so sensitive that you're going to be able to taste a few molecules of plastic that might be floating around from a solo cup. That's insane. You're not a dog. I've been smelling solo cups for a long time. I know what solo cups smell like. Yeah. Okay? Yeah. Of course, you need all the senses, I need all the senses I have to do this test.

If I'm actually gonna tell you, like, I assume I'm guessing the prices of the wine. Is that what you want me to do? Or just rank them? Just rank them. I don't think you, you, that's an impossible test for you to do, Dick. If you just rank them, I'd be happy. Okay. If you're able to rank them from most expensive to least. I need a smell then. I'm not going to shoot it like a, like a shooter. Yeah, no, Dick. No, Dick. I know how important your, like tequila.

Yeah. I know how important your sense of smell is because, apparently it's not powerful enough to detect all the bullshit you've been spewing. Okay. All right. Dick, the last episode, the last bonus episode, we brought in some solutions, and here's what people thought was the biggest solution from last time. All right. Income-based fines, baby. Yeah.

Income-based fines, followed by Malala Yousafzai. I still don't understand what that was. Oh, I know, Dick. I know. I could spend hours explaining that to you. You still wouldn't understand. And then beer, and then ask for a raise. You're stupid phrasing for that problem.

Drives me nuts. Wait, it drives somebody else nuts here, too. Here, I got a voicemail for you. This is a message for Dick Sucker Masterson. You know I explain to you why you're a fucking idiot because Maddox dropped the ball on this one. The word solution is a noun. Solutions are nouns.

Ask is a verb. If you add I-N-G to the end of a verb, that makes it into a jaren, a noun. The other solution you brought in last episode, beer is a noun. The two solutions you brought in the first episode are also both nouns. In fact, every solution except for a phrase is a fucking noun, you anus. Get your shit together.

I feel like I'm listening to like a really shitty version of Sesame Street. Yeah. One of these things is not like the other, you dumb motherfucker. Dick, take a hint. They're talking to you like Sesame Street for a reason. Is it a big deal? Yes, it's a big deal. It bugs the shit out of me because you've done this on another problem too.

Which one? What did I do? I forget. It was something like, it was something, oh, everybody needs to lose 20 pounds. Yeah, that's a problem. Okay, Dick, but you can phrase it in a way everybody is 20 pounds overweight. That's a way you can phrase it because you're trying to fill in the blank. When we find the biggest problem

or the biggest solution in the universe, we should be able to say to somebody at a party say, hey, so whatever happened with that podcast years? Did you guys ever solve the biggest problem in the universe? Yeah, we figured it out. The biggest problem in the universe is Everybody needs to lose 20 pounds. Is that the problem? No, that's phrased in a way of a solution, Dickhead.

It needs to fill in that blank. Everybody needs to ask for a raise or asking for a raise is the biggest solution in the universe. That's the way you phrase it. Okay, sorry. I'll keep an eye on that next time. Here, some more voicemails have thoughts on your income-based fines.

Okay, great. Hey, my name is Michael. I'm in Canada. Dick, you're going to like this one. Mattix. Your solution is fucking stupid. Oh. You can't change the price of fines for rich people in an effort to make it fair. No.

It'll just work in reverse. You'll have poor people who can't afford a $75 parking ticket using their system to prove they can't afford it and not paying the bill. What? And then fucking parking wherever the hell they want in front of their coffee job. Like an asshole. Those asshole poor people run around. Fuck you. And P.S.

You're an idiot. Oh, I thought you said I would like this one. Dick, I have a segment based on, actually, so speaking of income-based fines... If it's another Dick versus Dick segment, I'm going to fucking kill you. It is a Dick versus Dick segment, Dick. We haven't had one these in a while. This is everyone... You have one every episode!

What the fuck are you talking about? No, I did have one last episode. So, listen, Dick, this comes to us all the way back from episode number 26. I don't know if you remember saying this, but... Yes, I remember. I know what this is going to be. The fine for not picking up dog shit is $250. That's it.

This is like New York. All big cities is $250. Yeah. How is it that small? Doesn't hurt the rich. That's important. That's another poor people. There you go.

So what should we make it? 1% of what you make in a year. If you make 50 grand a year, congratulations, that dog shit just cost you $500. Wow. And Dick, then in the last bonus episode, but here's what you said about income-based fines. Yeah, I hate them.

I hate them. I'm very uncomfortable with the idea of the government fining you based on how much money you make. Oops! So, which is a dick? Well, one of those was set in anger. Because I just stepped in a bunch of dog shit. Yeah.

Yeah, I still feel uncomfortable with it. Okay. But I think you were trying to make a point that got lost in the discussion. Oh. The riveting discussion we had over income-based fines. because you do want to lessen the impact the financial burden of paying parking tickets for people who aren't making that much money. Right. That's true.

And you want to deter people from rich people from just... Yeah, see, that's where you lose me. You lose me with the rich. And you're going to do it again, you're going to do it again right here by saying that. Okay. But if we're just talking about people who aren't making that much money, yeah, I think it's grossly unfair that they have to pay that much. I think they, I think like a $20 ticket would do. You know what I mean?

And I think it's just a revenue-making, like, FU for the city, parking tickets. I don't think they're that important. And that's my problem with it. I don't want it to turn into this cash cow where they're just hitting everyone as hard as they can from the poor to the very rich, just because they parked on the street. Yeah, no, I agree with that point. If they use the funds for something good, if they were able to manage that in a way that was not incompetent and susceptible to pork barrel spending, then, yeah, I'd be on board.

with that too, Dick, but as it stands, I think it's a better solution than one-size-fits-all because you're really hurting people at the lowest levels of income. It's just a poor tax. They're just, a society is geared, is stacked against poor people. It's just every chance, every time you turn around, there's another fee, and it hits the poor people the hardest. And there's so many of them. If only there was a way for all these people to band together and make decisions that would benefit them. Isn't that weird? Someone should invent that. What are you getting that, Dick? I don't know. I'm just asking questions. Okay. All right, Dick. Interesting. I have a... This isn't a voicemail. It's a video that someone made, and he sent this into us.

Okay. It's by Ryan Pollard, and it's called the biggest annoyed grunt in the universe. Listeners, I think you like it. I want to see a big dick in my mouth. I go to sleep listening. Maddox jerking off. I'm going to suck Maddox's dick. Suck it all the way down your throat. Oh yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. When did you say that? Uh, uh, uh, uh, coming, coming, coming. All right, my turn? Yep. Well, I think herpes is a bigger problem if we're going to chew out your asshole.

No. You get off shitting on me? Yeah, all the time. All right, take your pants off. Are you kidding me? It's not like dog poop. God damn what I really love you. Maddox.

I love dick. Are you proposing to me? Yes. Who did that? That was Ryan Pollard made that. Oh, fuck you, Ryan. Yeah. I guess he interpreted our show a little bit differently than everyone else.

I guess so. Let's see. I got some more comments here. Mike Gainsborough, this is about my ask for a raise problem. Dick, in what world do you live in where asking for a raise is a good idea for a good chunk of people? It sure as hell isn't Earth. Most places do yearly performance reviews that determine a raise, and if you're good, how much. If your company doesn't do that or you do something outside, then it's pretty justified. Yeah, I was flummoxed that that problem got something. so trounced in the comments. Ask for a raise. Or that solution, sorry. Flomaxed. Why is that,

Dick? Well, it's, it seemed harmless at worst. Ask for a raise. But it's, it seemed to really piss people off. Did you get that at all? You seem pissed off that I brought it in. Were you? Yeah. Yeah. Well, because you, you touted it as some big solution, yet there was a guy on Twitter who commented at you, Dick, and he said that he asked for a raise and he got fired. Yeah, it was, it was, it was Twitter username, called de cops, I don't give a fuck. Is that his real Twitter? Yeah, I brought in his quote. Yeah, call the cops, I D, G-A-F.

Hey, I don't blame it, man. Maybe he gave up because he got fired from his job for asking for a raise, and that's how he feels about society. Well, he said he did that. He was managing a quick lube joint, and they said hit the robe, and he was like W-T-F. But he said he got over it with a beer. His solution was beer. That was my solution, too.

All right. And he said, once he finished his education, he didn't need to worry. about quick-loop jobs anymore. Yeah. So. Well, I'll say this about asking for a raise as a solution, not ask for a, asking for a raise as a solution. Okay.

Some discrepancy, some of the wage discrepancy in versus male versus female. Yeah. Can be eliminated if more women ask for raises. That's, that's not disputable. So that's a potential solution to something, but it's that wage discrepancy is less than seven percent when you account for hours worked. and type of job that you work and experience. You hit my number quota like two numbers ago.

You hit the stats quota for me. Yeah. I hear what you're saying, though. Because we both have a problem with that stat that women make more money than men is not true when you account for all these other factors. And one of them very well might be they don't ask for a raise as often. Yeah, it is.

That was the stats I brought in. Right, yeah. That's actually in several women's wage studies that I read. They mentioned that if they ask for a raise, that would help eliminate some of that wage gap. So, do it. Yeah, I guess, but apparently people thought it was less of a solution than just beer. Well, I agree.

Which your poor, who listened to your advice, got fired from his lube job. Mike Hurley, Dick, you're a fucking idiot. Income-based fines is a fucking fantastic idea, and you seriously always just have to be contrarian all the fucking time. Shut the fuck up, although beer is great. Thanks. John White, Dick, problems must be in the form of a noun or present artisan. I guess I'll work on that, guys.

Last one, Alfred Hunt says, technically speaking, alcohol came before meat, Maddox. You remember saying that meat came before here? That's demonstrably not true. No, no, no, considering that it can be found in gas clouds and nebula in space. Ethanol, there's like enough ethanol for the whole human race, like four light years from here.

What do you think of that? That's it? Four light years? We've got to travel for... Imagine all the fuel we got to spend to get to these nebulas, moron. And what do we get into when you get there? Just pull out a big straw from your spaceship and just suck up all the nebulas

and just drink and get drunk, you'd jack at it. Probably. I guess we'll see. Dick, you're going to make the worst kind of astronaut. You can be drunk in space, crashing into planets and asteroids. Hey, you've got to take risks. What does it have to do with anything? Oh, geez.

All right, Dick. Should we... I got one more voicemail. This one was my favorite. Yeah, guess what? So, uh, Conair is a pretty good movie. So, uh, fuck you, Maddo. Oh shit.

Oh, yeah. That's the entire voicemail? That's his whole argument? Okay. Thanks for registering that complaint guy. Yep. Good job. All right.

You ready to move on to our solutions this week? Yeah, what are the solutions, Dick? What's your... You're going to go first? Yeah, go ahead. I brought in a good one. Genetic engineering. Oh, genetic engineering.

Okay. Why is that a solution? Well, imagine anything you want that's wrong, right? With your body or with... With organisms or whatever? Done. You can fix it with genetic engineering. Now, I was watching this documentary.

You know how documentaries, like any series of documentaries, always has one interesting thing in it? They'll have like six or ten episodes or whatever. They'll have one interesting thing to talk about. And the entire rest of the series is like regurgitated garbage that you've seen before. Usually, yeah. Yeah. So I was watching one called like The Fish in Us or The Fish in Humans or something like that.

Ew. Well, yeah. We were talking about like prehistoric leftovers in human beings. Like things from our prehistoric days that are still left in our genome. Okay, good. That's not at all like the Japanese eel fetish or anything like that. No, I don't watch stuff like that. I only watch highbrow educational stuff.

Educational porn. Yeah. Yeah. And the Discovery Channel. So they went over this thing called the Sonic Hedgehog protein. Oh, yeah. This was named just a couple of years ago, right? What's the protein? Refresh my memory.

It's a thing where in the embryonic stage, okay, you got your embryo. I don't know if you know how babies work. No. When a man loves a woman. No, you got in your embryo, there's a protein that if they move it around, as the fetus develops, or if they clone it, if they make another one and put it anywhere like on the hand, it will turn into more fingers. Oh, really?

Yeah. So you can make like a six-fingered chick. Is that specifically this, what was it, a gene or a protein that they discovered? Yeah, I think so. Okay. Yeah, you got to look it up, obviously. Someone in the comments will find it, but that was the point that the documentary was making. Okay, that's interesting.

So what's your first thought? More penises. Two dicks. Exactly. Immediately. I want as many penises as possible. What is a bigger solution than that? What are we trying to do here with our spaceships and our nuclear powers and our, what was your solution last time?

Malala Yousafzai? Malala, Yusufzai, all this education. We're just trying to look like we have two dicks. Yeah, that's true. True or false? I guess we all are, dick. That's true. Yeah.

And I was just talking to someone recently about this, too. You know, there was that guy who has been documented. I think Vice did an article about him. But he has two working, normal-looking, functioning penises. Yeah. That can both ejaculate. Have you read his Reddit? I read a little bit of it.

He's not a good writer. And it gets weird. His lifestyle gets really weird. Yeah, really weird. He's like dating a couple. Yeah, he's dating a couple, and he's in some weird poly-pansexual. I don't know what all the fucking prefixes are anymore, guys. It used to be just gay and straight.

Can you just like fucking stick with one, huh? Please, just make it simple on us. Fucking Facebook gender's types are out of control. Now we got two dicks. Oh, maybe this is a bigger problem. I thought having all these extra dicks. Maybe he has one gay dick. one straight dick, who knows.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why I, uh, he alluded to something like that, with the couple that he was dating. That's weird. Like, because one doesn't work is, what's up, Sean? No, I have to note, two sets of nuts or one? I think it's one set. I thought you were going to say you have two dicks.

No. Not counting the ones in this room. One set of testicles. One set of testicles. Which seems like kind of waste, because then you're going to blow your load half as, like twice as fast, I guess, right? If it's coming out of the same reservoir, right? Well, twice as fast because there's twice as much stimulation,

or you have half a tank, so this week. Yeah, because it's like two straws in one milkshake. You're right. Yeah. You're getting that cream out. Yeah, someone's drinking your milkshake. Yeah, I think you're right. That's two times.

I know that one of them didn't function as well as the other one, though. Oh, really? Yeah. I'm tired of talking about this guy's penis, man. Me too. I brought in a good problem and it turned into gross stuff really quickly. Yeah, real quick. So it has medical uses, genetic engineering, large-scale production of insulin for the treatment of diabetes.

It's great. Everyone's getting fat as shit. They are. We need that insulin, man. Everybody needs to lose 20 pounds is the biggest problem in the universe. Yeah. Immune system deficiencies, you can fix it in the embryonic stage with genetic engineering. Interferon, growth hormones.

What are those? Growth hormones to heal bone fractures and dwarfism. Yeah. Actually, that might be a negative. Fixing dwarfism? You don't want to heal dwarfism. You don't want to cure dwarfism? Well, so I believe that a lot of dwarfs

would probably not consider what they have as an ailment or a deficiency. Because there's also this movement. This is really weird. Because I think genetic engineering can also solve this problem, which is deafness. And there's a movement in the deaf community where a lot of deaf people reject treatments that help them hear, like cochlear implants and things like that, because they don't view deafness.

as a defect. So that's potentially something that they could cure, I think even today, that a lot of people are rejecting. I saw a house episode about that. Yeah. House ended up bullying them into it. Into getting the implant. Yeah.

There was an article that went around a while back. You know those videos that get posted every couple months of somebody who gets this cochlear implant and they're hearing for the first time and they cry and it's a tearful thing? There was an article written by this angry I think it was a deaf activist Like one of these people who said

Don't spread that video around Don't pass it around because I mean you should be reading this in his voice probably Deaf activist Don't spend the video Oh dude No What? Why? That's how he talked probably

Okay yeah probably dick What's wrong with that? People make fun of how I talk every fucking day That's true That's true guys You can't come down on us We're Dick He's the victim

Yeah, I'm the victim of cyberbullying over here. That means I can say whatever I want. There's no amount of genetic engineering that can fix the way you talk, Dick. This is it. This is as good as it gets, man. They're tried. Science is putting their best minds at the task. So you were saying.

Yeah, so this guy wrote this article saying, don't spread this video around. But his reasoning was really flimsy. It just sounded like he was one of these guys who hate people who get conchlear implants. Oh, that's unfortunate. Yeah. I think that, like, that's the impression that I get looking at this genetic engineering stuff when I was, when I was looking it up for the show. Right. It seems like, it seems like every interesting article about it also has an apology at the end.

Genetic engineering. Yeah. So, the reason I mentioned that, Dick, the deaf activists, is because it seems like the biggest obstacle towards this solution coming to fruition is people and society not accepting it. Like, for example, I don't know, conservative people who are opposed to stem cell research. Yeah. So how do you solve that problem? I don't know. I honestly don't.

The people who just don't want to play God? Yeah. I'm blaming priests again, I guess. I don't know. I don't know how to do it. No amount of marketing seems like it could fix it. You know what, though, Dick, it's not the people who are saying don't play God. I mean, some of them, for sure.

But the majority of it comes from the anti-abortion crowd, the anti-abortion activists who think that somehow doing genetic research on stem cells and using stem cells to cure people is tantamount to abortion. They think that it's a slippery slope that leads us to abortion.

Yeah, you know, the only thing I know about this, so I read George W. Bush's memoir. Okay. Of course he did, Dick. Decision points. You know, you remember the memoir I'm talking about. Yeah, what were some of his decision points I picked it up in an airport in Vegas.

I was coming home. I was reading it on the plane, and this stewardess came up to me and was like, hey, we're trying to, the stewardesses and I are trying to figure out, like, where you're from that you would be so brazenly reading George W. Bush's book in an airplane. Yeah, I'm like, this was a president. Like, these were his thoughts while he was running this country for eight years. This is, I'm the bad guy. I'm a pariah because I'm interested in what this guy thought about.

it, like, and how he wants his... Whatever. I mean, unequivocally, yes, is the answer. Yeah. Yeah, it was, like, it was a scandal on the plane that I was just reading this book. Anyway, he's got this chapter

on stem cell research, and damn it, if he didn't make a cohesive case on why it was immoral for him. You understand what I'm saying? Like, not in general, but, like, why he didn't promote stem cell research.

And I hate it, because I want there to be stem cell research all day every day. But his point was simply that the embryos they were going to research on were viable to bring to life.

Like, we're viable as fetuses if they were to, you know, I don't remember, it was like snowflake babies. It was called something like that. Where they were in some kind of like suspended state but they could be turned into fetuses. And like that was even too much like abortion. Right.

But they were never intended to be turned into actual living beings. Correct. And also, Dick, it's a difference between, there's a difference between being a person who is morally object, who morally objects to stem cell research based on your personal beliefs, and also then using your personal beliefs to influence national policy. And that's what George W. Bush did. And that's what makes him a shitty president.

He used his own personal biases, his own personal beliefs, to legislate that could affect, I mean, there's so much shitty diseases and ailments that we could cure with stem cell research and genetic engineering that we're not because of zealots like this guy. I absolutely agree with you. The only issue I take with it is that it's not this guy. It's most people. I think most people are against it. That's why I found the apologies on all these articles that I was looking at so alarming.

Like what? Do you have any examples? No, I didn't print them out because they were offensive. Like, I just printed out the data. but it was, everything always ended with, and by the way, there's a, there's a controversy about these risks and the cloning and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Some have even said there's going to be like a cloning gap, like an engineering gap between us and China. There is, that's about, that's exactly what I was about to say. In China, where you don't have these moral qualms that come from, I believe it's puritanical beliefs. Yeah, it's got to be. You can be anti-abortion and then still for stem cell research. I mean, you shouldn't be.

Well, I am against abortion, but I am for killing babies. That's a stance I've had for a long time. Yeah. I want there to be dead babies, but I don't want anyone to choose but me. But that's neither here nor now. But anyway, man. In what situation is that appropriate? I can't even imagine right now.

So, yeah, there will be this genetic gap between us and China. China is already experimenting on chimeras. They're experimenting... on human cloning. Three tits? No. How many dicks do they have in China? There's going to be a dick gap.

Yeah. There's a dick gap. Ew. What if they accidentally engineered just a really gapy dick? Oh, all right. Yeah. Just like big old mud flaps on that.

I think that's called a vagina. Yeah. What do they make a... They already did that. Yeah. That's pretty gross. Gene therapy can treat conditions ranging from AIDS, cystic fibrosis,

and high cholesterol. How about they threw that one in there? I don't know why. and a variety of cancers. I bet a fat guy wrote that article. Right? Crops. They can make crops that are resistant to pesticides, pathogens.

They grow faster. They delay ripening, so we get some ripe fruits in the store. You know, Dick, there's this anti-GMO movement now. GMO stands for genetically modified organisms. Orgasms. They're not orgasms, Dick. Genetically modified organisms, right? Yeah.

So there's a movement that's against that. Actually, I was going to bring GMOs in as a solution potentially on another episode. But it's a slightly different solution. GMOs, yeah, so people are opposed to these things without quite understanding what the ramifications are. Because essentially, genetic modification occurs all the time in nature. Genes mutate on their own through natural selection and just natural processes, and sometimes through mutations, through radiation, and who knows?

There's a lot of processes that cause genetic mutations. Wear and tear, just like regular genes. Sure, sure, actually, yeah. The older you grow, sometimes your DNA gets... The more comfortable they are. Dick. They don't get into a nice, warm set of pajamas in your body. Says you.

See some stats to back that up. Okay, all right. I have to find evidence that genes don't get into pajamas. Anyway, Dick. Yeah, so genes mutate all the time on their own. And the problem that people have with it is that they don't trust humanity to do those mutations ourselves.

We're doing controlled mutations. You know what gene modification is tantamount to? Is controlled fires in nature. Because we sometimes go through nature and we look at forests and see that, okay, this forest is ripe for a fire. And if we don't control it ourselves, it's going to go out of control when it does.

does burn when a lightning does strike. Yeah. You know, lightning striking is similar to gene mutation. It just happens and you can't control it. These people are opposed to human-controlled gene mutation. Yeah, it's a good point. Wow, all right. It's my solution.

You're arguing for me. I know, Dick. That's because I can see a good solution when I hear it. How about genetically engineering E. coli to enhance biofuel production, so we're not dependent on retarded windmills? and solar panels. I added that. You added the word retarded in front of the whole conclusion I added.

Sure. Of course. Yeah. How about pets? They can make glow-in-the-dark fish now with genetic engineering. That's pretty cool. Yeah. They should make glow-in-the-dark everything.

Yeah. I can't think of a single animal that wouldn't look or function better and glow-in-the-dark. No, you got to go to the... Okay. There's a site called Oz gene.com. It's like for custom genetically engineered mice. They genetically engineer mice for laboratory tests. What do they do that for?

I don't know. I started reading it, but it was just all gobbled to cook. Well, okay, so you could genetically engineer mice to have a certain gene that you're trying to cure. Say, for example, I don't know, albino. I think albino is kind of a defect, right? I mean, you don't want to be albino. You'll just burn up all the time. I think they're more specific than that.

They don't just make, like, funny mice. Nope, albino. But the site, the website looks like something out of like 1996. Like, this is like a big genetic. Hey, let's not knock websites. They look like they came out of 1996. And then here's one from genetically engineered salmon.

They got a fish that grows to full size in 18 months rather than 36 months. I clicked on their site too. And they have a myths debunking page. Right, on their website? Because they don't want people worried about genetic engineering. Sure. I'm sure the anti-vaxxer crowd is going to be reading that page.

Well, if they do read it, I don't think this is going to assuage their concerns. Is that how you say that? Assuage their concerns? Myth. This is from the Aqua Advantage Salmon page. If released accidentally, Aqua Advantage salmon could severely endanger national fish populations, right? That's the myth they're addressing. Answer. Aquadvantage salmon are all-female.

Yeah, does this sound familiar already? All-female, sterile Atlantic salmon, which will be reared in a physically contained land-based system. Our facility in Panama has additional thermal and physical barriers which render the possibility of survival outside the facility virtually impossible. That's the plot to Jurassic Park.

That's what they've, someone unironically put the plot to Jurassic Park on why you shouldn't be worried about these salmon taking over. So is that just plagiarism then on the website? Now that's pretty cool, man. They're making like super salmon. I'm all for it, man. We're making, look, it's survival of the fittest, right? Guess what, nature? Man created a better version of you, and we're conquering.

We're winning this war. I got one last point. Life extension. Yeah. Genetic engineering. You want to get off the planet, right? Can't wait. That's your thing, I think. Fucking can't wait.

Would you say that's your biggest goal, like, as for the species? It is our biggest goal. Yeah, we have to get off this planet. Eventually, that is going to be the biggest solution in the universe, I think, is to get off this planet. For you, that is. Yeah. My biggest solution, like my biggest desire, and I'm being dead serious, living forever. Yeah, okay. Right? Life extension. Sure. Because there's no reason these shitty corpses have to rot away and start, like, you're losing muscle mass, and your memory turns to shit. Yeah, yeah. There's a lot of theories, actually, a lot of contemporary theories.

There are a lot of them that talk about how it's actually within a shot of our lifetime. Yeah. And these guys, uh, the Google guys and Larry Ellison, there's all these rich guys, all these rich billionaires, surprise, surprise, are starting these genetic engineering life extension projects to do exactly what I'm talking about. Pretty cool. But I think that'd be pretty cool. You know what, Dick, though, it doesn't matter how long you live, doesn't matter how much cancer they cure, doesn't matter how much heart disease they solve, you're still stuck

on Earth, and Earth is doomed. You've got to get off this planet, baby. That's the biggest solution. Hey, man, if I have two dicks and I have to sit on Earth, I'll be fun with that. Great, Dick. All right. Is that enough? Yeah, let's move on to my next problem.

And don't forget, we have the wine test coming up. All the wine's ready to go. Get your palate ready. Cleanse it of all the bullshit. With this real solution, rude people. Okay. Rude people is the biggest solution in the universe. Okay.

And in parentheses, I put in me. Because I'm a rude person. No, shit. I'm going to write, you keep talking, I'm going to write down all the rude things you've ever done. Okay. Dick, we only have an hour. Here are some social norms that are considered rude and why each one is a rule that I break.

Okay, the first one is being the first to eat something at dinner. Right? Yeah. That's a social norm if you sit down at a restaurant. Every time I go out to eat, it becomes a Mexican standoff, where everyone is sitting there staring at their delicious food, but everyone's too afraid to make the first move by eating. Look, man, sometimes people order stuff that takes longer to arrive.

Why should everyone suffer because you decided to order some, bullshit-ass lasagna that takes 20 minutes to bake? Huh? Why are you being such a pain in the ass about it? And where does it end? If we're sitting down at these restaurants, there are people all around you in the restaurant eating. Do you expect them to all stop eating

when you come in and wait for your food to arrive? No, of course not. So why is it fair for you to expect the people at your table to just do that because you don't have food yet? Yeah, it sucks, but tough shit. People are eating food all around you all the time. If you don't like it, stay home and eat by yourself

where the only person who has to wait on you is you, you miserable fuck. Don't make me wait just because you don't know how to order properly. Is this directed at someone specifically? Do you feel like I was directing it at YouTube? No, me? No. Oh, no.

It definitely was directed at someone. At me? No, not you. Oh, thank God. Because I was... Well, my first thought was, I don't think people who don't get their food on time. I think they feel worse making you wait.

So you're doing them of service by just eating. You know what I'm saying? Like if you don't have your food, I'm like, oh, I feel horrible. These people have this hot food. Just go, and you always got to say it three times. Like you have a magical genie. No, please, go ahead and eat.

It's not a big deal. Just fucking eat. It doesn't bother me. However, it seems like this is directed at someone specifically. Yeah. Okay, so I went to an Italian restaurant a while back. Okay. And there was this big group of chicks sitting in a table.

and one of them wanted to order fucking lasagna, and it says on the menu, give us 20 minutes preparation time for the lasagna. And meanwhile, these girls are so obnoxious. They're sitting there taking selfies, but they have a selfie stick. Have you seen these things? Yeah. It's a new fucking thing that people carry around with them.

It's a little telescope that they screw into their phones and they take photos of themselves with it. Yeah, they're awful. You know what? It's an invention that was invented, that was created specifically so people don't have to go through the inconvenience of asking a waiter to take a photo of them?

Well, that's a good solution, then. No, come on. They're not conveniencing other people? Oh, Jesus, dude, ask anyone, who gives a shit? They're just too shy. Shy people, that's the biggest problem in the universe. Go vote it up. No, no, I hate it. I hate that it exists, that selfies are that important, that people need

to carry around a stick for it. A selfie stick. But asking waiters, man, that's costing, that's costing waiters time. They could be getting me a drink in that time. Waiters are always standing around, man. You look at it, look, unless it's like, super-duper-busy restaurant. And even then,

you can ask someone sitting at a table next to you. Who gives a shit? You don't need to bring a selfie stick. That's true. Fuck off with your stick. Shove it up your ass. Yeah, anyway, dude. I'm the guy. It's directed at these ladies? These ladies. And yeah, I've had friends, too, who just, we go to restaurants and they order some fucking bullshit-ass

steak or pork or some fucking thing on the menu that says, give two days preparation, and then they'll talk to the waiter. Is there anything you can do? I really want this. Can you cook it faster? Yeah, cook a fast. Take it under the ocean, so it cooks extremely fast. Yeah, if you want your special fucking boutique item, don't go to a fucking restaurant with your friends.

Stay home. You don't deserve friends. You deserve social isolation. I think this is the same person that doesn't eat spicy food. Yeah. Yeah, these are the same people. Okay, here's another rude thing that I do all the time. I open trays of food at a party.

Right? Oh, yeah. Yeah, if I show up at a party and I see a big table full of trays, no one's touched, aluminum foil on top, guess what? I'm opening them. I'm going to eat, and I'm going to be the first to eat. Yeah? Because you know what I'm doing when I do that?

I'm doing everyone at that party a favor, because everyone's a pussy. They're all standing around, think of the same thing with their hands in their pockets. Well, I want to eat, but I don't want to be the first. And they're just waiting for somebody. They don't want to look like a pig. Right? No.

It's not that, dick. It's not that. Look, if I was like a real, real fat fatty, and I was doing that, then I would look like a pig. But I'm not. So I walk over to the thing and I just open it up. They're waiting for authority. These are people who are conditioned by society and school to follow rules and to fall in line

and to wait until someone tells them to do something. And guess what? I'm the authority. I show up at your party. I'm eating your snacks, buddy. That's what I do. That's a solution. Yeah.

All right? Here's another rude thing. Cutting in line. I love it. That's pretty rude. Get out. out of here. I love it. It's my favorite thing. I love cutting in line. Here's why. Look, if I show up to the airport, and this happens all the fucking time, I'll show up to the

airport, and I'm ready to check in at the self-checking kiosks, and I'll stand in line, and I'll notice that there's a whole bunch of bozos in front of me. And all these bozos have skis and kids and dogs, and God knows what else, and they're texting and taking selfies with their selfie sticks, not paying fucking attention. And nobody is telling the next person to go ahead. No one's saying, hey, dip shit, put down your selfie stick. It's your turn to check in. You know what? I'm not going to do that if you're not doing it. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to walk around the line and just go check in. Fuck you. I don't give a shit. The only time I won't cut in line is if everybody's standing in line, paying attention,

not texting, and everyone's taking their turn and it's an efficient line. If it's not efficient, it's your fault, and I'm not going to wait in that line for you. Yeah. Yeah. Is that a solution for everyone, you think? It is. That's a big solution? You want this to just be like a A feeding frenzy, like China, where everybody's trying to cram into turnstiles. No, it's more like, I would say it's more like Southwest, where you stand in line and you get there on time and you seat because you got there on time and you're paying attention. If you're fucking around texting, guess what, someone behind you is going to go around you. Yeah, I think the shame that you're supposed to feel when you do these things, when you're a rude person, is like a natural limiter for not having too many of you running around. Like, it's okay to have a couple rude people fixing things.

Like, you know, a couple jerks that fix things by being jerks. Yeah. But I don't know about a big solution. I think we got enough. I think we're at a nice, what is it? Not a critical, nice balance. Nice balance, huh? Yeah.

You know, Dick, it reminds me of an argument I had with a friend one time who said, if you're driving down a two-lane road, and usually the right-hand lane road gets filled up with cars parking, right? except near the front of an intersection. So the front of an intersection is a little gap where you can get in the right-hand lane, you can turn right, or you can continue going straight, but you have to merge back into the left-hand lane

because the right-hand lane is covered with cars, right? I always take the opportunity to get in the right-hand lane, speed up and cut off the person who was going straight in the left-hand lane. And my friend said that I was a dick. I said, no, because if they're just sitting there putting around, not paying attention for the light to turn green? I mean, I'm like a race car driver, man. White knuckle every time.

Well, you're very reckless. Yeah, that's true. Dick, aggressive is not reckless. I think it is. By definition, I think aggressive driving is bad. Okay, I don't need, I don't need criticism from rain slick dick over here. All right? One of us hasn't wrecked his car, dickhead.

That's me. And what I'm doing, when I get out of that lane and I cut you off because you're puttsing around talking to your girlfriend or texting with your selfie stick. Yeah. What I'm doing is getting one car fewer on the road. I'm getting to where I'm going faster, there's going to be less cars behind you. And by the way, if everyone just lines up in one solid row, guess what? Down at the next intersection, some poor bozo, some poor schmunks going to be stuck in the intersection.

And they're not because I'm making one more space by getting rid of, by getting the fuck off the road. That's what your goal should be. When you get on the road is to get off as quickly as possible. Yeah? Yeah. That's the goal driving. So we should be thanking you. Yes, that's what I'm saying.

For cleaning traffic up. Why aren't people thanking me? Okay, here's another rude thing that I do all the time. Telling picky eaters and vegans, no. So, okay. Just no. You're a picky eater, stay home. We're not going to invite you.

I don't want to spend one second, one molecule of energy thinking about your dietary needs. Fuck you. I got my own issues, all right? I don't want to think about, oh, do they have vegan? Do they have chicken? Do they have rice? I don't give them a shit. We're going someplace. You go, you show up, you order, or you fuck off and die.

It's just that simple. You know, I went to a dinner party last night, Dick. My friend invited me. She said, hey, you want to come over for dinner? My answer was, yes. Not yes, comma, what are you having? Not yes, comma, should I bring any side, blah, blah, blah, blah. I know to just say yes, show up and eat what's served.

Bring a wine. That's not rude. That's very polite. Yeah. Everything you've just described. Exactly. And I'm saying if you say no to picky eaters and veg who are just being a pain in the fucking ass,

then you start solving this problem. I don't know. I think you're kind of contradicting yourself now. How so? Well, specifying what they want, like if you're being asked to dinner, saying, making it contingent on what's being served, that I would say is very rude, Maddox.

Yeah, it is rude. So the vegans themselves are being rude, not you. That's what I'm saying. So they're not a solution. No, no. I'm saying, No to vegans is a solution. Yeah, but they're worse rude than you.

Now it's like you're saying evil is a solution, but it's like they're more evil than you. They're more rude than you. So I am picking the lesser of two evils here. However, it is still considered rude to tell vegans and vegetarians and picky eaters no. And I'm doing that. I'm taking a hit for the team

and no one's thanking me. Yeah, you're standing up to all those vegans. All those tough vegans. They're bullies. That's what they did. They brow beat you with their fucking diets. Oh, every fucking time. I'm special. I have a special diet.

Shut up. How about constantly being late? Is that on your list? No, Dick. Something that you do? I don't need shit from you, Dick Masterson, who's canceled episodes. These are all true excuses for reasons he didn't have,

he couldn't come in. Disneyland, the aquarium, six flags. I said, with my nephew. Yeah, with your nephew, of course, Dick. And then it's showing up 40 minutes late. Fuck you, man. Fucking bullshit. I'm so mad.

I want to eat this paper. All right. Here's my last one. ignoring people's pets or children. That's what I do as a rude person. And I'm solving problems, baby. Because you know what? When you give attention to pets and kids,

what you're doing is dehumanizing everyone else in the room. Yeah. What? You're bringing down the level of humanity. What the fuck does that mean? Think about it, Dick. If I start talking to you and then mid-conversation,

turn to your dog and continue talking, I'm treating you like a dog, aren't I? Or I'm treating a dog like a human, Either way, I'm bringing down your level and raising the dog's level. Do people talk to dogs in your circles? Oh, yeah, all the time. Like if we had a dog here that would just continue the conversation to the dog? Yeah.

That seems a little ridiculous. Yeah. No, here's a perfect example. I was at a friend's house at a dinner party, another dinner party. You go to a lot of fancy dinner parties. That's what I do, buddy. I get invited. I'm popular guy, right?

So I show this. Do you wear like spats and a dicky and have a walking stick as you go to these fancy dinner parties? No, man, I'd show up in a t-shirt. And no pants. So I'm sitting down, we're watching TV. We're watching it to like a movie night, dinner party, that sort of thing. Yeah. We're watching Mad Man or something.

I don't know. Something's on TV. And this thing happens, and mid-sentence, this girl's talking about, oh, man, can you believe that happened? And then her dog comes up on her lap. She goes, can you believe that, Porky? Oh, can you believe, look at Porky. Can you believe what I'm like, it's a fucking, why are you talking to the dog? I'm a human.

Talk to me. I think perhaps she wasn't getting the response she wanted out of you. So she just was talking aloud to herself, but directing it at the dog. Dick, this was midstream. She just changed her attention from me to her dog. And then, you know what I decided? I'm not going to Dane to talk to you. Okay?

You continue talking to your dog all night. I'll just sit here sipping booze and eating your snacks first, by the way. Yeah. I'll eat your trays of food. And then you talk to your dog. Enjoy your conversation with your dog. You draw like a lot of lines in the sand When you're at these dinner parties

Like stuff I don't even notice people doing Oh yeah all the time man I'm very observant So rude like getting too drunk And throwing up On someone's couch It's inconsiderate So that's not rude

No it is Is that part of the solution then? No it's not Oh okay You're just being an asshole if you do that Oh all right Yeah I'm just trying to figure out Oh so is that what vegans are doing

Are they assholes and not rude They're assholes? They're asses and rude. All right. I'm just trying to figure out what the line is. Commenting on someone's

ex-girlfriend's Facebook when their new boyfriend makes them a steak, is that something that would be rude that you have done to me?

I don't think I've done that, Dick. You've done that to me. I have not done that dick. X says, oh, new boyfriend made me a great steak. Oh, my gosh.

Here comes Maddox. Oh, awesome. Tell us more. What the F is this? No, I know what you're referring to. Okay, she wasn't an ex. You guys didn't date? I'm not even sure you.

Okay, see, very secretive, Dick. This is where you're... You knew what you were doing. You knew you shouldn't have been doing that. You know, Dick, I honestly, swear to God, didn't give it a moment of thought because I didn't think that there was a thing. I didn't think that was ever a thing.

But, you know what, Dick? That was rude. I admit it. I unintentionally did that, and I apologize. Okay. There you go. Apology accepted. But it was unintentional.

I did think after the fact, because you messaged me, you're like, hey, what the fuck? Yeah. What the fuck are you doing? I'm like, what are you talking about? And then I realize, I'm like, oh, okay, you guys had a thing. So, yeah. Haven't done it since. Oh, good.

Yeah. Good guy Maddox. Yeah. Anyway, man, yeah, those are some of the rude things that I do. And I think if more people did these things, like ignore pets and children at parties, then the discourse would be more civil. Because you don't have to... Ignoring you makes the discourse more civil. Fuck you, how?

Well, civility? Yeah. You're ranting about, like, vegans and hating kids and dogs. Civil is not saying these things. Well, I'm not saying I hate kids at these parties. I'm just ignoring them. The discourse would be more honest and, like, more real, I think. Yeah, but then it's...

I don't think it would be more civil. It'd be this... How is it not more civil to ignore dogs and kids? Well, I don't know. Maybe you're right. Yeah, of course I'm right. Of course I'm right. And I would just wish, you know, I just wish more people would thank me, Dick.

I just, I really feel like I put my neck out. I really feel like I'm doing a good thing for people. And not just like my immediate friends, but for society. If more people drove like me, there'd be no traffic. Yeah, because everyone would be dead. You drive like a maniac, dude. Oh, buddy, I get where I'm going fast. If you're going to keep testing me on wine and Diet Coke, we'll test your driving.

Oh, bring it. Yeah, because your driving is fucked. Yeah. I'm on my bike most of the time anyway. Good. Yeah, and I drive even faster on my bike. Think about it. Are you done with your solution?

Yeah, Dick, that's my solution. Rude people. That's the biggest solution in the universe. It's me. You're welcome, buddy. Yeah. I think we got enough rude people. There's too many rude people.

Then you're not special anymore. No, but these are things that I mention. All of these things are things that are considered rude by society, if enough people stopped worrying about these things that are supposedly rude, then they wouldn't be rude anymore, and these wouldn't be called rude people, they'd just be called people. That's what we

need more of. Fight fire with fire, you're saying, I think. These people are being rude, so you're being rude right back to them. Yeah, I'm solving... They bring a knife, you bring a gun. Right? That's what you're saying? No, Dick. I'm saying, like, the people who are too afraid, they're cowards.

At parties to open up trays of food, cowards? Why are you holding company with cowards? Is that who your friends are? Yeah. Huh? Do you think rich people standing around being cowards? What if they're just not hungry? Okay, well, you know, I do that sometimes. That's what I'm doing. I'm taking a hit for the party. I'm not hungry

sometimes. I just walk up and start eating because no one else is doing it. I want to get the party started. Let's go. The first person to dance is the best person of the party. I mean, if you like to dance, which I don't, which is stupid a shit, but at least at least someone's doing it. Is that how you is that what you do? Yeah. At least

someone's doing it, I'm out here dancing by myself. Trying to get things starting. I've done it before. I fucking hate dancing, but I get up on the dance floor because, like, this fucking dipshit wedding I'm at, no one's dancing because they fucking planned it shitty. They ordered, they invited a bunch of shitty coward guests who aren't dancing. I'll fucking get up there. I'll dance.

Great. Here's your stupid fucking song. Here's my stupid dance. Here's Maddox. Out there by himself before the bride and the groom have their first dance because he doesn't understand wedding protocol. dancing some weird Middle Eastern dance screaming at the band to play

and that they're all cowards fuck you dick I'm not Middle Eastern fuck you I'm doing everyone in favor nobody thinks me nobody appreciates me this is my fucking life I'm done I'm done what's your fucking next solution My next solution is hashtag free the nipple.

What? Yeah, hashtag free the nipple. It's a movement. A Twitter campaign. Is your solution? It's like a whole life campaign, dude. And I'm really, I'm torn about this one because I hate, like, celebrity nudity. I hate celebrity nudity that's, like, empowering.

Yeah. Because it's just, it's annoying, you know? Like, it's all so staged and they, like, present themselves, like, oh, look, I'm taking such a risk by taking my top off and look at my tits, aren't they beautiful? Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're great. This is just another of you being beautiful. Thank you for rubbing this in our faces. You know what I mean?

Dick, it's so interesting you're mentioning this because it's going to be really on point with my next problem, too. Oh, okay. Well, great. So the reason I found out about this, and as I said, I'm torn. I hate celebrity nudity that's empowering to them. I only like it when it's funny. Okay.

And humiliating. Right? Because that's what they're there for. However, they got a good point on this hashtag free the nipple because I am in favor of tits. And seeing more of them. Yeah, me too. So this is what this is.

Yeah. I found out about it because Chelsea Handler recently was posting topless pictures of herself. Oh, yeah, I remember that, yeah. Like over Christmas. Trying to be empowering. Because, because Instagram and Facebook have a policy that prohibits women from having their naked chest displayed on pictures,

however, guys can do it, right? Yeah. So if a woman posts a picture of herself topless on Instagram or Facebook, it gets deleted. Right. They don't ban the account. No. With these celebrities,

I'm banned from Facebook, but these chicks can break the rules and post their boobs. They don't get banned, they just get the picture deleted. Yeah. And these girls' whole point is, why?

Why can't women post topless pictures themselves and men can. Right? You know, Dick, it's a good point. It is a good point. This is actually, I was arguing with a bunch of self-proclaimed feminists on Facebook the other day. And this is one thing that I just don't hear enough from feminist circles. This is one of the last forms of actual discrimination that we still have against women in society.

It's, is that they can't display themselves topless if they want to. They're boo-bies. Yeah. Who cares? Yeah, we should concentrate more on that. Yeah, I think. You know, Dick. I agree with you.

That whole Chelsea Handler thing, so the way that that started, I believe, is she posted a to topless photo of herself riding a horse to lampoon Russian president Vladimir Putin, right? Because he has a photo like that with his big old saggy tits. And so she posted a picture of herself saying, hey, I look better topless than Vladimir Putin on a horse. Something along those lines. I mean debatable. Well. So Instagram deleted the photo a bunch of times. She kept re-uploading it.

Which, by the way, they didn't ban her account. They would ban a guy if he kept uploading pictures of tits. But anyway, they didn't ban her account, but they kept deleting the photo. And she tweeted at them. She said something really poignant. She said, look, you're allowing a photo of topless Vladimir Putin on Instagram and not a photo of topless me on Instagram. What you're saying is Vladimir Putin has more rights than I do in America.

Think about that. Yeah. That's a really fucked... I mean, if you think about it, that's true. It's really fucked up. Well, there's no way to phrase it that isn't that fucked up. Yeah. It's like, why is this obscene?

Yeah. Why is, I was, I was reading some articles about this. Let me see. Let me get what kids see. Here we go. An American child sees over 200,000 acts of violence and 16,000 murders on TV before they turn 18, but they can't see nipples on TV. Yeah. That's a thing.

I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, don't get me wrong. We need more violence. We need more violence, if anything. but also throw some tits up there. Violent tits. I mean, it's your channel. I don't know about violent tits, but... War tits.

You can separate them. Holes in the nipples for machine gun bullets. Now I see what the problem is. What are you talking about, Dick? That's disgusting. What? Did you know that it used to be illegal for men to have their nipples out in public?

Really? Yeah. We got a whole nipple fixation in this society. Yeah, it used to be illegal for men to do it. However, I got this off the Huffington Post. I know you don't like them, but I got it there. Preachers and clergy in the 1900s vilified not just women's, but men's nipples as well, branding them immoral and evil

to the unsuspecting eyes of children and impressionable women. Legislation was passed and all human ariola were banned in public places. Can you imagine that? Wow. Can you imagine that we're like in the world talking and it's illegal for us to go outside and take our shirts off? Yeah. I mean, that's the world that women live in today.

Yeah. But it's mostly the U.S., dude. U.S. in Mexico and maybe Canada. But in Europe, it's not a big fucking deal. You can go topless if you want. And it's starting to change, too. In New York, they passed a law that allows women to go topless. Oh, they did?

They finally did, yeah. So this is working, the free the nipple? It is starting to work. Enough people are saying, hey, this is a double standard. If women want to go topless, they should be able to. And I totally agree. And the more women who do, listen, I'm in place. all the female listeners of us

of ours to go topless as much as possible all the time. And this isn't just a horny thing, I mean a little bit, but if you... And Snapchat, send the pictures to the show. Snapchat us the pictures so we can get the word out about this cause. For research, yes.

For research. But the more tits that we see in public, the less mysterious and alluring they become, the less people care. I really disagree with that. No, no. The more I see, the more I want to see them. I don't care whose they are.

Yeah, okay. Well, here's the thing, Dick. I'm going to ask you a question. Do you think that porn has the same appeal to you today as it did when you were, say, 16 years old? Ooh, boy. Let me walk back in time here. At 16, it was much harder to get than this now. You had dial up, you had to wait an hour to log in and find a porn site.

I think it has the same. appeal now that it ever did. Oh, no way, do. I think it's more specific now. Sure. I know what porn I want to see more. Yeah. I mean, I can look up machine gun tits like any time I want today, whereas it was really hard back in the day.

Are you asking if it has desensitized me if porn? Or what's your point? Sorry, what's the premise? It's not as novel as it used to be because I think that you have more access to it today and it's easier to get. That's what I'm saying about breasts. If you see them all the time, people stop freaking the fuck out when they see tits.

Well, I don't know in what context you mean by freaking the fuck out. The more I see, it doesn't change me not wanting to see them. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I still always want to see them always all the time forever. What do you mean freaking out? Well, so for example, if a woman wants to breastfeed on a bus, she should be able to. It's just fucking breastfeeding. It is the least erotic.

I mean, for some, for me, it's always erotic. But it is like the least erotic thing that you could possibly do is to feed a child on a bus, and women should be allowed to do that. That reminds me, I have to bring in that erotic lactation story next week. Oh, yeah, what happened with that? No, I got to bring it in, and I said I would bring it in, and we had another audible ad.

We got another audible plug. Bring it in when we have that audible plug. It's sometime later this month. Along with our live show, there's a quick little plug, but our live show is coming out in January as well. Yeah. So anyway, yeah, Dick, women should be allowed to breastfeed. They should be allowed to go topless,

And the more I think that people see it, the less fascinating it becomes. So let me give you an example. You remember... Fascinating. Again, I don't know what context you mean fascinating by. Because, Dick, it becomes ordinary. And once something becomes ordinary, it's no longer the source of obsession that we have. Tits become ordinary. Yeah, that article that you mentioned...

Boy, I don't know about that. Well, that article that you mentioned from Huffington Post where they said that in the early 19th and 18th century, whatever, that clergy... and men were not allowed to display nipples because they were immoral, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Over time, we became desensitized to male nipples because men just worked with their shirts off and everybody just saw it all the time, so it became not a big deal.

I don't know, I think that's making a leap. By the way, so this was as recent as 1935. There was a mass arrest of 42 topless men in Atlantic City who were protesting, and suddenly New York lifted the male topless band in 1935. and a man's nipples were no longer obscene. Male suffrage.

There you go. Can you believe that? Well, how nice... I mean, were these guys have nice racks? What was it going on? I don't know. Clark Gable was one of the guys who stripped his shirt off in a movie, paving the way for male toplessness.

Yeah. You know what, Dick? It's not just that males can or can't be topless. It's specifically whether or not you have female-looking breasts. Because there was a guy a while back who was on the man show. I know you know this guy. Oh, yeah. Yeah, this, well, you don't know him, but you know of him.

It's the guy who couldn't say no to a bet, and he took a challenge from his friend for $100,000 if he could get breast implants and keep them in for a year. Yeah, I remember that. So he accepted the challenge, got $100,000, and then he and his wife decided that they're kind of cool and they wanted to keep it in, and he just, like, lives with these breasts in his chest.

However, he can't go on TV and show them. Yeah, that's weird. Even though they are literally male breasts. Because they look female. Well, I hope these girls get their way just because I want to see more tits all the time. I don't want to have to work so hard to see them. And I think I speak for all men when I say that. All straight men.

All straight men. Or bisexual. Or bisexual. Or bisexual. I think they like tits as well. Yeah, why not. Why not? Why not?

You shaking your head? Are you shaking your head? You don't think gay men like seeing tits? I think they do. Yeah. Who doesn't like seeing tits? Tits, uh, my art teacher. in college.

My art history teacher said that the two most beautiful forms in nature were the naked women and horses. And so, yeah, and I think I agree with that, except I don't like horses. I think horses is stupid. I hate horses, actually.

That's going to be a big, big problem, spoiler. But, yeah, women are just, I believe they're beautiful forms. Whereas men are more utilitarian. I guess you could have, like, the sculpture of David or whatever, but then even when he gets in the balls, it just looks like clouds of meat. Hmm, good point.

That's an interesting, interesting observation. Puffy clouds of meat. It's bulgy. Too much. It's too much. I thought it was the opposite, though. I think the male of the species is supposed to be the more, I don't know, aesthetically pleasing. Oh, boy. That's what the science says.

That's why the male peacocks have the feathers. Yeah, male animals maybe, like bucks. Oh, not humans. Not humans. No, only other animals. yourself up there, buddy. Yeah. All right, Dick.

Well, my solution could almost piggyback off of yours. It's tangentially related and touches on some of the subjects you talked about. But I think more nudity is the solution, which I kind of hinted at during your Free the Nipple campaign. Yeah. Have you ever noticed how you never hear about nude leaks from porn stars? That's because you see them all the time. Nobody cares. Yeah, I guess.

I guess not. Remember when that whole, like, Jennifer Lawrence nude leak went around? Yeah. People interviewed some porn stars and they asked them their opinions about it and they said, oh, I hope no one gets my nude leaks and it was kind of a joke

because no one cares. Right. Of course, that's the point I was trying to make about free the nipple. Nudity. Did her mystique shots count as nude photographs, by the way?

Who? Jennifer Lawrence. I don't know. What are you talking about? She just had paint on her body. Oh, from X-Men? Yeah. No, I don't think so

because you didn't see the nipple. Ah, okay. The nipple is everything, man. You can show a tidge. is no nipple. All right. It's that nipple, man. That's the thin line

between morality and immorality. What's that, a quarter inch diameter of skin. That's it. Well, it's pretty interesting. It's a difference between a boner and not, I guess. Nudity and sex are commodities, and the only way to deflate the value

and demand for pictures of people's genitals is to make them mundane. That was the point I was trying to make, which they already are, I think. I mean, I can't think of many things more mundane than genitals, which are something most people are born with. Really? More mundane than genitals?

Genitals are pretty fucking mundane, dude. They're everywhere. I can't even spit and not hit a genital. One way to make genitals more mundane is to create what I call, this is my solution, the International Genital Index. Oh, God. I heard this solution from you before. Go ahead. I kind of mentioned this in an earlier episode.

I mean, I've heard you talk about it in real life several times. Of course. At dinner parties. Iggy, IGI, International Genital Index. I already created the acronym and everything, dude. Did you register the website? Working on it. It'll probably be registered by the time this episode airs.

I'm proposing a website where everyone age 18 or older, up to the age of 65, should be required to submit full nude photos of your front and back. That way, anytime you want to look up anyone to verify whether or not they have genitals, you can just type in their name and see what they're right. genitals look like? No big deal.

Uh-huh. Right? This is how this is how technology can help us. Are you going to start it? Like Tom was the first friend on MySpace? Is it going to be Maddox's genitals or user number one? You know, I think my genitals are floating around there somewhere. I mean, you've got to lead by example, right? That's what rude people do.

They'll whip it out. Let's see it. Yeah, you know, I might as well. I mean, you know, if this is a thing that's going to happen, I might as well. Might as well put it up there. Who cares? Like, who cares? Someone's got a dick. Or a pussy. Like, who? Big deal. No one gives a shit. Yeah?

Put your money where your mouth is. I don't think I want to put my mouth there. So you remember, Dick, back in November, I think you were going to touch on this too. Back in November, Kieran Knightley posed topless for interview magazine. Yeah, it was annoying. It was annoying. I didn't even click on it.

I did. And I like her. Yeah. Yeah, she's hot. And so her reasoning was stupid, but the indirect result was awesome. She effectively deflated the value of her nudes. She was trying to make a statement about how she's been,

retouched and digitally manipulated by Photoshop and movies and photo shoots, so she wanted to show people what she really looked like. And of course, she's not returning to $146 million she made as part of her protest. Of course not, right? She just wants to protest how bad... Well, she's complaining that her body has been digitally manipulated and she wants to show people what she really looks like. But part of her complaint isn't to return the money that she got for it. No, and I love it too because she's like, look, all this photo manipulation, stuff is getting out there,

making actresses hot like me, but I want to show you guys that I'm hot just as me. Like, I don't even need that. It's like, Jesus fucking Christ, will you stop bragging? Like, fuck you. You get it. You're hot with the digital effects. You're hot just regularly naked. What's next? What more?

How much more attention do you fucking want? Yeah, it's so annoying. Can we just stop calling her brave for showing us her tits? She's a gorgeous supermodel celebrity and actress with about as much money as a small drug cartel. She's not a martyr for showing us her fucking nipples. Yeah.

If people really want to stop celebrity nudes from getting leaked, we have to create the International Genitals Index, baby. Biggest solution in the universe. That's where you get crazy. I agree with you as long as you start it. Otherwise, I think it's hypocritical for you to just say all these people should post their genitals, but you're not on there. Well, it would be hypocritical, but so I will.

Okay. I got a lead by example, buddy. You're going to get... Oh, wow. You can get an eye full one of these days. I'll send it to you first. So you remember, Dick, when Jennifer Lawrence's private nudes were hacked, right? Yeah.

Everyone raged. Gawker, Jezebel, Salon, Huffington Post, and a slew of other outlets feigned fury about that shit. But we placed so much importance on sex and nudity and genitals in our country, but when other equally more valuable data gets stolen, like that Sony hack, like the social security numbers, financial and health records, intellectual property worth hundreds of millions of dollars,

it's open season for journalists to mock and profit from. Yeah. But they act outraged when you get someone's tit. That's why I think that you need to have the International Genitals Index. It's really important. I don't know if it was just her tits, though. It was also like the humiliating positions, like the intimacy of,

I mean, didn't she have, like, come all over? over a face? Yeah, man. I don't know if that's like the proper way to describe that. Money shot, Dick, please. Money shot, yeah. They had a couple facials.

Yeah, a couple facials. There is nothing humiliating about sex. If you stop stigmatizing it by saying it's humiliating, then it won't be. Like, you can do anything you want sexually and there's nothing humiliating about it. No, but it's embarrassing

if it's an intimate moment that you shared with someone to have it out there. Like, it's not just bits. It's not just bits and bites and a camera. This is like something that happens. that I don't want other people to see, or she doesn't want other people to see. That's why I'm about to introduce International Genitals Index Pro.

That's where you upload... You upload pictures of facials and cum shots and all your nasty shit that you don't want people to see. Look, man, we... You live in a disgusting world in your mind where porn of every permutation of everyone on the planet is on the internet. Everyone drives like an asshole and cuts each other off all the time. babies are ignored until they're 21 and they get out of college. Yeah. Pets eat each other, I guess.

That's your ideal world. Dick, that sounds like a utopia to me, buddy. You can look up anyone nude anytime, any sex act, any position. Look, it should be that way. It should be that way, just so people stop caring so much. It's not a big deal. Everybody has sex. Everybody masturbates.

Everyone's got tits and asses and nipples and dicks. Who cares? Just make it mundane. Make it ordinary. so we can just move on with important shit and just fucking hope that Gawker and Jezabel and these shitty rags just disappear once and for all. Can we just do that, please?

International Gen. You think it would lessen our fascination with it? Absolutely, dude. I don't know, man. Ever since, like, the TMZ news style came about, it seems like it's just made everyone more interested in that style of news. Like that kind of scandalous, sensational celebrity shit. Dick, what I'm saying is,

it wouldn't be scandalous if it was common and ordinary. That's why I started the whole solution for this segment with the porn star saying that, oh, I hope my nudes don't get leaked, because nobody cares. If your nudes are readily available, no one cares. No one's going to hack you. Interesting theories.

Yeah. No one's stealing sand from the beach. No one's bringing sand to the beach. Well, both. No one's... That's a different point. I'm not saying. Well, it's a saying.

It's a saying. No one's bringing sand to the beach. Sand from the Beach is not a saying. Well, no one's, no, it is a saying, it makes sense what I'm saying. Taking sand from the beach. Yeah, because it's plentiful. People are taking sand from the beach right now. No. They go there, they get

a glimpse of the tits, and they try to steal it and take it back home with them. You want everybody to be living at the beach, so no one brings sand to the beach. Because they're awash in pornography. You have ruined my analogy. What I'm saying is, if it's common and just there for free

and then no one will want it. That's bringing sand to the beach. No, you're not bringing anything anywhere. You're just making more sand. Ah! So, what's the saying? No one makes sand at the beach? No, Dick.

You just ruined everything. Well, it's a pretty good problem. Fucking more nudity. Sean, go ahead and delete this one too. You want to do the wine test? Yeah, let's do the wine test, Dick. All right, we have here six glasses of wine. We have some help here.

Randy's back in the studio. Randy's back in the studio. Randy, thanks for helping us set this up. We have six glasses of wine, Dick, labeled A through F. Put that away, Sean. Dick's trying to look. We have a legend of which is which, which is labeled. So we have six glasses, and I want you, Dick, to try them all,

and to see if you can rank them, you have a pen with you. I want you to rank them from most expensive to least. I just want to say real quick before we start doing this, I am now officially getting paid to drink. I have achieved everything. ever wanted in life as of this bonus episode. That's hilarious. Somebody help me.

Somebody hand me one of these glasses. Like set the glasses up in front of him so we can... I have a question for Maddox question. How would it be if he got the cheapest and the most expensive? What would you think of that? If he got them correctly? Yeah, yeah. Not in order.

But if he... Why did I have to get six? If he definitely picked the least expensive and definitely picked the most expensive. Well, I... Well, if it was only two samples, that would make a difference. But we have six samples here. Well, I know, but there may not be that much of a difference. Sean, you're bringing sand to the beach right now.

All right. Yeah, okay, so Dick is smelling sample A. It's a tart. It's a very tart aroma to it. It's not clinging to the size of the glass very well. I don't know if that's good or bad for wine, but I know it's something that they do. It's something that they do.

Dick is mimicking every wine taster he's ever seen. Every wine tasting movie. It's a little sour. You haven't even tasted it. I've been smelling it. Okay. Taste is mostly smell. We've had this argument today.

Oh my gosh, Dick. It tastes is mostly smell. All right. He's sipping it very delicately. Mm-hmm. What do you think of that one? Um, I don't care for that one much. Yeah, okay.

So Dick didn't like sample A. Yeah. Randy's about to hand him sample B. I'm not a five. Hold on. I got to rinse my mouth up. Yeah, okay, so we're doing this real legit. So Dick is trying...

Well, we're doing it as legit as we can for throwing it together in 30 minutes before the podcast. No, there's a lot of planning that went into this, buddy. Okay, now I'm drinking this one out of a... It's a Tom Collins glass, correct? Yeah, I don't have that many wine glasses. Surprise, surprise. Great. Wait, hold on here real quick.

You want to put on some music? Yep. There we go. So Dick is trying... What is that? Sample B, you're tasting? here? Yeah, this one has it has almost no smell and it has very little flavor. It's almost watery, like a corona.

Oh, man, that is such a bad example of Corona light. Sorry? Yeah, Corona tastes awful. It definitely has. It's a very strong flavor. But it's very watery. Okay. Corona's very watery. All right. You're saying that one's watery. I'm going to give that one to three. One's a three. A, I gave a five, too, because

it's the first one, so. All right. So we're trying sample C. This one's in a wine glass again. Because, again, I don't have that many wine glasses because I'm a man. Randy, did you put any thought into which wines you put in the wine glasses? No. He's shaking his head, no.

Randy. Oh, and by the way, guys, this is a legit test. We are doing this double blind. I don't know which is which. Dick doesn't know which is which. That's why we had a third party pour these wines and create a master list. Did you put any fuckery into this test like you did with the Diet Coke? where there's two duplicates or something like that,

or you mixed up a bunch of the wines? I don't know, why don't you tell me, Dick? You're the expert. I'm not a wine expert, but there's already a very different taste between the three. Great, okay. Well, I hope you can solve which one's which. Find the most expensive to least.

This one's a little fruitier. This one is, it's less thick than A, but it's much fruitier than B. But it's also a little watery, a little more watery. I'm going to bump it slightly above A, even though I wouldn't drink it. Yeah. Because of the fruitiness.

Yeah, okay. Heaven forbid you have a good tasting wine. What, it tastes like fruit? Yeah, that's a great taste. Why not? I don't know. I don't want to identify that I'm drinking a fruit salad. It's not sangria.

Well, it should be. Sangria is great. All right, Dick, he's trying sample D. We have two more after this. And we're going to be posting pictures of all these samples on the website, too. You guys can see what... I like this one. It has that bite to it.

Oh, okay. like in a good liquor, you know what I mean? Or it just grabs you by your brain. It bypasses all the senses and pulls you into it like a 30s cartoon with the pie vapors. That's what this one reminds me. Dick, do you think that that's... I haven't even drank it yet.

I'm saying that's the smell. Dick fucking drink it. Oh, Jesus. All right, here he is. Drinking it. Ever so gingerly. The taste was a little more sour than I would have wanted it to be. Yeah, that's where that bite comes from, isn't it? Do you think that's a quality of a more expensive wine or a cheaper wine, dick?

Well, I don't know. Yeah, you don't know. I know I don't like that. I, huh? Exactly. That's all wine tasting comes down to. No one knows. No one fucking knows. You just taste something and be like, oh, I like it, I guess.

Would you say there's notes of anything in there, Dick? Notes of bullshit, maybe? No. There's a bit of a kiss my ass in this one, though. Yeah, a little hint of kiss your ass, huh? It's growing on me, because it's very dry. Yeah. That one's much drier than the other one.

I'm going to bump that up to a seven. Oh, wow. That's my favorite so far. All right. All right. Is this the last one? Last one? No, we have one more after this.

Jesus. So sample. Sample eat. This is a very thorough double-blind test. Dick, this is scientific. Oh, yeah, it's very thorough. It's got to be done in 10 minutes. Well, what?

We don't have a whole fucking day, man. You got to taste it. This one's a little thicker. Yeah. Clings to the sides of the glass more. Yeah. I've been doing that. Yeah.

I see the color doesn't thin out when I tip it on the side. I don't know if that's what you're supposed to do when you're tipping a wine glass, but it looks like the color is staying pretty dark. But the glass is also tinted, so you're telling nothing. So go ahead, here we go. It's tasting this one. Sample E. This is the thicker one, right? Oh, he's smelling it.

I'm smelling it because I think it tastes like cigarettes. There's a chance someone was smoking in this glass. A note of cigarette. So cigarette notes in this one, kind of cigarette-y. Would you say this one has a little hint of kiss? I really hate that one. Oh. Yeah.

Okay. Well, Dick, we definitely have a loser. Yeah, I'm going to put that. I'm going to put that at the bottom. Okay. So here is the final sample, and Dick is making sure to swish with water and clean out his mouth between each one of these.

So it's only minimally invasive. Oh, I like this one. It's playful. It's got that same grab to it, but it's also playful. Great. I like it. It reminds me of myself.

Oh, Jesus. See, isn't it fun to pretend to be a wine expert? That's the whole point. It's fun. I feel like I'm listening to you masturbate. I wish. Ew. Okay.

He's also a little sour. However, it's good. I like the fruit is disguised. It's not just blatantly fruit. It just kind of tastes like a medley. Yeah. You understand? No.

No. It's all, you can just say things. I'm going to give that one. I'm going to give that one a stick. So you want me to give you my, final ranking? What's the final ranking? Most expensive to least. D was my favorite. C and F were second. Then A, then B, then E, then E. So A, B, C, D. E. F. Yeah. All right. So D is my top. What is the actual, what is the actual ranking? D is your top. Interesting, Dick. Okay,

let me see, let me see your list again. Why, I just read it to you. I want to see it, just so I can compare it to the master's. Just read them out loud. Okay, well, I can't see, You don't need to see mine. Let me see. No, this will be interesting. Okay. So it's D, C-F-A-B-E. Is that correct?

Yeah. Okay. D. So here are the prices of the wines. We had, we actually, we actually had only four wines. You tasted four wines, Dick. Oh.

You didn't. Another fucked up, another fucking bullshit, Mythbusters. What did you call us, Randy? The Mythbusters that nobody asked for? Okay, Dick. Here are the prices of the wine.

Okay. We had a $36 one, an $18 wine, an $8 wine, and a $10 wine. Okay. Those are all the prices. Was it necessary to get an $8 and a $10? Well, you should be able to tell the difference between an $8 and $10 wine. You said in the early episode. Two fucking dollars?

I should be able to tell the difference of someone that drinks whiskey like it's water. Yeah. Okay. Go ahead. What's the prices? So, D is the one you picked. That is an $18 wine, buddy. You thought an $18 wine was way better than one that was twice the price.

So? 18 dollar bottle of wine would be 50 at a restaurant. Yeah. That's good. Okay. Well, then what's interesting is you rated C and F the same. Yeah. C is an $8 wine and F is a $36 wine.

So I would get the eight. Oh, okay. No, you wouldn't because you'd be in a restaurant and be there with a date and be like, well, I better spend more. Get more. No. I wouldn't do that. Why?

Because I'm not a fucking idiot. I would get what tasted good to me. Both of those tasted good. I would drink either one. Dick, but you're not tasting them before you get them at the restaurant. You're looking at the menu price and you're saying, well, this one's $35, I'm probably going to get a $35 wine. No, what I would do is get the one that's cheap but doesn't make me look cheap to my date. That's actually the con that they do in restaurants.

They know this very well. They know that people don't want to appear cheap. So what they'll do is they'll have the lowest quality wine be the second lowest priced on the menu. Why would it be the lowest quality? Because they make the highest margins on lowest quality wine. All right, read the results. Then you chose A, A was the $36 wine. You said that was the third best, right?

Yeah. Then B, which was the $18 wine, and then E was the $10 wine. So you chose... Not bad. No, you chose the $8 wine and the $36 wine is your second favorite. Maddox, there's nothing wrong with an $8 bottle of wine being as good as a $36 bottle of wine. And I put the $36 bottle of wine in the top. No, you didn't, dickhead. You fucking lose, dude.

You put it as D. D is the top $18 wine. So, that's my point. You couldn't, you couldn't rank them. So I picked the most expensive bottle of wine second? No, you picked, no, you didn't. You picked, you picked the least expensive bottle of wine second. No, no, no, look. Yes, you did.

No, no, look, I have D as number one. How much was D? D was $18. Okay, $18. So I picked an $18 bottle of wine as first. that's great. No, it's not. That is a...

I did a really good job. For someone who doesn't drink wine professionally, that's pretty fucking good, dude. Dick, it's arbitrary. You picked one that was double the price, 100% markup as lower than the best. And what was your second choice? The $8 bottle wine.

I said C and F were equally good. You said C and F were equally good? Yeah, and what were those prices? C was $8. $8, okay. And F was $36. Hey man, I'm looking at that, and I'm sorry.

seeing two wins. 18 at the first place, $18 bottle of wine, it's not like I picked a two buck chuck and put it on top. I picked a pretty good bottle of wine, 18 bucks, that's expensive. You bring that to one of your fancy dinner parties and not feel like a dip shit. Thirty-six bucks, hey,

that's a lot for a bottle of wine, man, but I put that in second place. That's pretty good, too. You put that in third. No, no, no, no. I said they were equal. I said they were rated equally. Dick, if you're if you... C and F, I both gave sixes to. Dick, I don't trust your palate because you were not able to determine that B and were the exact same wine.

In all fairness, the dick, they were all Pino Noirs, except for the one he ranked leased, which was just some red wine you had lying around your kitchen. Yeah, that was another control. That was actually... And I said that was disgusting. I said it had cigarettes in it. No, was that the one?

I did. I said that had cigarettes in it, you motherfucker. I gave it a two. Which one was that, Randy? I gave it a fucking two. It was E. Oh, that's true. Yeah, you did correctly... So there you go.

So I've identified that the wine you buy is shit and it's soaked in ash and horse shit. Yeah. And that other wines that, as long as they cost more than $8, I'm good with. No, Dick, you said you'd be just as fine with an $8 wine as you would a $36 wine. As long as it tastes good. You failed to rank them correctly. You failed to determine the same wine twice that you tasted.

You fucking failed, buddy, just like every fucking wine taster. You can't feel good about this. The Diet Coke test, you wants to felt good about that, but this you can't feel good about it. Then why do I have an erection? All right, that's it. Let's see what the fans think about this, victory. Yeah, it is a victory. You failed to rank them properly, Dick,

and you failed to determine the same wines twice. So what are your solutions this week? My solutions are genetic engineering and hashtag free the nipple. And my solutions are rude people and more nudity, or the International General Index. I think I'm going to just call it more nudity. Yeah. Anyway, guys, thanks for listening to our bonus episode.

our third ever bonus episode. We have a lot more coming. Thanks for subscribing. Tell your friends. That's how people hear about the show. And check out the live show coming soon. Thanks for listening. Thanks, guys.

Hey guys, Alex for Toronto. Just listening to the first Solutions Web podcast and digging it. Dick, you said Maddox would be the guy who would be pooping the idea of a Jurassic Park saying, oh, no, the dinosaurs will get out of control and eat the tourists. Did you watch the rest of the fucking movie? Because the dinosaurs get out. out of control and eat the fucking tourists. Well, yeah.

So in your fictional reality, Maddox would have been right to shit on the idea of the Jurassic Clark. Yeah, dude. Because they ate the fucking tourists. Huh. Have fun with your no dinosaurs, man. Sounds like a pretty slam dunk argument, buddy.