The Biggest Problem in the Universe: Uncucked - Bonus Episode 7

Episode Date: May 26, 2018

Welcome to the biggest solution in the universe. I'm Maddox with me is Dick Masterson. Hey, what's that funny? And Sean, our audio engineer. Hello. Welcome back, bonus episode number seven. Yeah. Thanks for the continued strong support of these guys.

By the way, Dick, we haven't really mentioned this on the air. I don't think, maybe once. But every single episode is now transcribed all the way back to episode number one. So if you're ever at the office or someplace where you can't download the MP3, but you do happen to have internet access and you can download the transcript, there's that. Or if you're deaf, that's really the purpose. Or if you want to reenact them. If you want to get the friends over and everybody,

if someone is Maddox, someone is me, someone can be Sean. We can do like larping of but of this show. We can license the rights for a very low, very competitive rate. Yeah. For the playwright, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so you get those for the bonus episode by using the same download link that you use when you buy the show.

The same season passing. And by the way, if you're having trouble with the downloads, email me, right? Yeah, I don't check shit. Manus gets enough emails. He's working on big things, big projects. I'll respond. I'm on my phone all day.

I'll respond right away and fix your stupid download problem. Hey, speaking of big projects, I'm working on, Dick. I have a big, big announcement to make. I'm going to tease it this episode and the one following. But you'll see it on my website within the next one or two weeks. I'm going to have a countdown. Yeah, there's a big announcement, big surprise. Can I guess what it is?

No. Is it like a Bruce Jenner style announcement? Dick, you're going to spoil it. Spoiler cry babies. Speaking of spoiling good times, what was the voting from last show? Yeah, euthanasia, Dick, came in number one, the biggest solution from last time, euthanasia. Uh-huh. All right.

Yeah, big solution. And followed by your horseshit monkeys, your little shenanigans you try to pull. Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute, there is a point of contention on that. What? Because someone in the comments, let me see if I brought it in, if I remember the guy's name. I don't think I did, but chimpanzees are not monkeys, right? So the chimps that got us into space that I was talking about and the chimps that are

participating that were doing animal testing on to fix us, they're not technically monkeys. They come from the monkey universe. That's real nitpicky. But however, there is a torpedo in your shit Titanic that I'm about to sink. Okay, why? That torpedo is that the first animal in space was a dog. It wasn't even a fucking monkey. Yeah, the Russians.

Yeah, so your entire horseshit premise was exactly that horseshit. Monkeys did more for us than dogs do. Monkeys have done shit for us. They throw their shit at us. And monkeys beat guns. Is that right? Monkeys beat guns and retirement homes, which I'm okay with. I think monkeys are a bigger solution than retirement homes,

because push comes to shove, you can eat a monkey. You can't eat a retirement home. So I agree with that, guys. Good job on that voting for the solutions. I got a comment from Charles Jackson Fairchild. You remember last episode, Dick, the last bonus episode, I brought in that voicemail for my crazy-ass neighbor. Oh, yeah.

He says, Maddox, it's funny how your neighbor calls you impolite and you say, I'm not being impol, and then she interrupts with, n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n. Man, what a crazy-ass bitch. I got it a comment from Richard Watkins. You know, we had guns in the last bonus episode. Yeah.

He says, this is the first time I've heard a reasonable discussion on gun control. Yeah. Referring to us. Absolutely true. Gun control, we can talk about in a civilized way with rational arguments, founded on logic. However, gourmet dog food, we will tear each other's throats out over. Yeah. Yeah, we went on for like two episodes about that, odd nauseam, to the point where our fans were pissed off.

Gun control, though, no problem. Civilized discussion all day long about gun control. You know what? I think the reason is, Dick, is that both you and I have researched it at such length. You came into with some stats that I knew exactly line for line what you were reading it from, because I read the exact same sources and I read the same stats, and we were both really well-versed in that. And it's something that you really have to think about in order to have an informed opinion. That's why we have the uninformed opinion section on our website. I got a comment from Chale Greer, whatever. Why don't you guys get simpler names?

Chale? How the fuck? Anyway, you remember last episode, Dick? I said we should raise euthanasia awareness by everybody changing their profile pictures on Facebook to skeletons. Oh, yeah. For the rest of their lives. Yeah. Yeah.

He says, I have legalized euthanasia of all types in every jurisdiction due to my spooky skeleton profile. Thank you for the non-slactivism movement, Maddox. We have made the world pure. And his profile picture does look like a spooky, spooky skeleton. Great. Help raise awareness for euthanasia, guys. It's really important. Let's see.

Even weeb said... I think it's weepy. Weeby. Even weepy. Has anybody ever pronounced a name on this show without a hitch? No. No. No. Hey, Dick, there's no boobs in Demolition Man, asshole.

you mean Stallone's. This guy, you remember I was talking about boobs and demolition man, and they were great boobs. What? I don't remember that. Okay. You said there were boobs and demolition man? Because remember you had the theory about action movies, how there's boobs up front, and then there's violence and there's no more boobs? Right. And I said like demolition man, like, because movies were great back in the day, 80s and 90s, because you get free tits with every movie. That had boobs in it? Okay, so I looked up the, I brought in the script. Yeah. Would you like me to read from the Demolition Man script? I mean, no, I would like to see the boobs, but I guess this is, the second best thing, what a treat.

I probably should have printed out the boobs. Yeah, we're the boobs, man. I didn't bring him in. Demolition Man, int. Spartan's apartment. Knight. John Spartan. That's Stallone's name. Demolition Man. Cool. Yeah, pretty cool.

In the darkness, Spartan loudly bangs into something. Spartan. Ah. Lights. Lights come up. The place is, well, Spartan. This is in the actual script. Uh-huh. Jokes. Exact same size and shape is huckily. Huxley's, but stunningly sterile and unwarm.

Spartan tragically takes in the place, pokes his head into a clinical bathroom, a bathroom with no toilet paper, and a strange shelf with three seashells, shakes his head. Now, if you remember the movie, at this point, Stallone, I think, adlib, oh, he doesn't know how to use the three seashells.

Yeah. Remember that? Yeah, one of the great improvised lines from the silver screen. It's not in the script, though, so I assume he must have improvised it. Yeah. Spartan's hands start to quiver towards a knitting needle and a ball of red yarn. Curiously furrowing his brow,

Spartan plops into a strenuously uncomfortable futuristic chair and begins almost unconsciously knitting the red yarn. He stops himself in a perplexed surprise. Suddenly a loud bopping noise fills the air. A beautiful, and in all caps, nude woman, casually brushing her teeth appears in a vid screen before Spartan. Nude woman.

Hi, Martin. I was think, oh my God, I'm sorry. wrong number. Remember that? I don't remember that at all, Dick. Thank you for the refresher. Thank you for the greatest kids. That was so in movies. Big payoff. By the way, if I was

going to feel in the sentence casually brushing her blank, and I was trying to think of something, the least erotic word, teeth would be on my, probably my top ten list. Casually brushing her teeth. I thought it was going to say her nipples or her ass or, I don't know.

Even her elbows. I would take elbows. I was Brandy Ledford. Turns out she's got a sex tape, a threesome sex tape with Vince Neal that I also watched today and didn't bring in. Is this all the fucking research you did? This is the most research I've ever seen Dick do. He's got like scripts and stats and all this shit. He's got the script for demolition man and he watched a porno. Good job, Dick. Awesome. I got a comment from Lori Foster. So last episode, I think we mentioned that China has a really low crime rate. I was specifically talking about Hong Kong, which is a different province. Like it's a different, um, Hong Kong has a different

culture than mainland China, but Lori said, I'm going to wager that the lower crime rate in China is because of an imposition of the death penalty for just about anything. To quote a few, here's some crazy Chinese laws where you can get the death penalty for. Intruding into a residence for the purpose of robbery is punishable by death. Robbery is punishable by death if it involves intrusion into public transportation or bank or banking institution. Graft and bribery are punishable by death if particularly large sums of money or property value are involved. A city official of Chengdu was ex-executive. in May 2008 for seeking and receiving

bribes, selling tainted food, death, endangering public safety, death. So is she saying euthanasia is the reason that there's not a lot of crime and shooting over there? No, we were talking about gun control and we talked about how China, in spite of not having guns, has a really low crime rate. However, Hong Kong is kind of

governed differently than mainland China. Hong Kong is still kind of its own thing because they were under British rule for a long time. There you go, Dick Heads, you learned something. You learned something by listening to the podcast. I don't know what I learned. What did I just learn? That Hong Kong was under British rule for 100 years and therefore it has a different culture than mainland China.

Oh, I knew that. I learned that in Rush Hour, too. Oh, great. I bet you did. Anyway, Dick, should we get to the solutions? Yeah, not a problem. Sure. I got some stuff for Mysterios Coconos that I'm going to play a little later in the episode too. Oh, great. All right. I love that guy. And this is the first episode we're recording since our sneaky Greek came to visit us last time. But Dick, let's get to the solutions. Let's get to the real solutions. I do have one more good comment. Oh, let's hear it. Okay. So you brought in euthanasia, right? Yeah. And I said that I think doctors somehow give you the

unlock codes to the morphine machine. Yeah. Like, because, you know, they're in your room there, the morphine box. Yeah. And you have cancer. It's plugged into your body, and it will release a dose of morphine on a timer. Right. Right. And the way, the easiest way to kill yourself is to just crank up the morphine. Right. Right. So in an episode of House, where I learned this, Dr. Wilson, house his buddy, tells the nurse the code to the machine, but he says it very loudly. So the dying guy overhears. Okay. So I assume that's what doctors did.

Yeah. Because they're learned men. They don't take advice on how to care for the human body from hillbilly car salesman politicians, right? Sure. Whose only job is to screw people over. Right. They're like professional hucksters. These are learned men.

Yeah. Right? Yeah. So this guy comments. Adrian Cade. Dick, doctors do not just leave the lock off the morphine. Okay. That shit gets examined every single shift for how many times the patient hit the button

and how many times they got medication. It sounds legit, right? Sure. If they got way more medication than was prescribed for them, there's going to be massive investigation, ending with licenses being revoked, people being fired, and likely jail time. Instead, people just become a do not resuscitate, get hospice care,

and have someone give them morphine per hospice's orders. Usually every hour is needed, right? Yeah. Maybe they don't. I don't know. I learned this watching House. Maybe this guy's right. Maybe House is wrong. I mean, who am I to doubt a TV show? Very next comment. Yeah. John Adam Tersich. My grandfather had terminal cancer and the doctor loudly told the nurse what the code for the morphine machine was. So yes, what Dick is saying is true.

Ha ha ha ha. Yeah, eat that whatever the first guy's name was. Yeah, well, do you know? Do you work? Are you a doctor? Do you work at a hospital? Are you just putting this theory together in your mind that there's going to be a mass investigation and that they're going to go through the morphine codes like they're a black book? What are you doing?

Are you contributing to the discussion here or are you just making things up? You know what he is? He's just a big no, no, no. Hey, speaking of no, dick. Go ahead. Before we get on with the solutions, I just need to mention here

the horseshit shenanigans we had to go through the start of this episode to get this fucking tombstone over here to run and start recording us. Yeah, your computer. Right. You remember you brought in encryption as a solution dick? Yeah.

And we spent about 45 minutes to an hour getting this horse shit to get up and running because everything was encrypted on it and the drive wouldn't work and programs were incompatible and it was freezing up. I mean, I don't want to get into the minutia of why the computer doesn't work,

but I upgraded and this is the solution show. We're not talking about problems. I upgraded my computer and Apple has this stupid little box that says encrypt your hard drive and not thinking I assumed that was already on like I was just kind of whizzing through the update wizard

I hit yeah sure click next and it's like okay congratulations your computer will be encrypted in like two weeks like oh I need my computer between now and Armageddon yeah that's the general Apple experience Everyone I know who has an apple, their shit is always blocked.

You know what? You called me out unraveling on how much joy I got from you guys having computer problems, even at my own expense. Yeah. And it's because... Yeah, because you value pride above anything else. That's why. You value pride above time, friendships, relationships, people's health, your own health. Look out, you're pulling his covers.

Yeah. That's why. What a winner. What a hero. I feel so good about myself. Right. And you know what? It's because smug Apple users. Is that me? Am I a smug?

You know what? I got a great present for you this episode because you're going to be able to rant about Apple a lot. Oh, really? Yeah. Great. Good. All right. Well, then let's get to the solutions. Go ahead.

Do your solution. Great. My first solution, Dick, is riots. Yeah. That's a real fucking... Thank you, Maddox. Riots. Wow, what a cool fucking solution.

It's so timely with the Baltimore riots going on right now. You know, Dick, our country. So I know everyone right now is going to think, here comes Maddox with some liberal screed about riots and he's going to shit on cops and, you know, whatever your stupid line of reasoning is to tune out and dismiss points of views that you don't necessarily agree with. However, our country does have a long history of riots.

Way back, I mean, this isn't even the first riot, but this is just one I picked. In 1933, have you heard of the Wisconsin? Wisconsin milk strike? No. It was kind of interesting. I was looking into this. Sean's nodding, yes.

Of course, Sean would know. I don't know why Sean knows such weirdo information, but this is the Wisconsin milk strike. So the price of evaporated milk dropped from $4.79 for every 100 pounds to $3.48. So farmers saw a 16% drop in profit, while manufacturers saw 10% gain, and merchants saw 5% gain. So literally, the farmers lost 15%. A bit less money? Yeah, and everyone else made that exact 15%. Yeah.

So, and these are like dumb farmers in the 30s. They don't know anything. So they're being, you know, they're being, what's an expression for being suckered? Conned? Conned, but, you know, a fun idiom, whatever. They're being, um. What's like a bunch of roams? Flim flam.

They're being sidewined. What are they? Let's get a stereos back in here and have them to tell them. Bamboozled? Bambuzel. That's a good one. Okay. They're being bamboozled.

So basically, merchants and manufacturers were strong arming these farmers. These farmers who produced milk for bottling weren't hit as hard by the recession, but the farmers who produced milk for cheese and butter and cream were in poverty. So it kind of made this split in the milking community.

So farmers who were making cheese were basically going out of business, and farmers who were bottling milk for some reason were making stacks of money. Milk privilege. Yeah, I guess. That's what they had. Yeah, they had milk privilege. Okay.

White privilege, you might want to say, you might call. Were those the two percenters? Good job, Sean. That's pretty good. So what? They had a riot? Because they didn't make money? Well, so first they decided these poor, dumb farmers decided to do it the nice way.

They decided to be gentlemen. They said, well, we're going to strike by not selling milk. But that didn't work because all these other farmers who were so fucking poor, they were eating dirt. They said, well, we're going to scab and we're going to sell milk. We don't care. We're just going to sell it at a low price, even though we're not making a profit. Okay. So then they tried to put up roadblocks to stop the milk deliveries. And so if milk farmers refuse to turn around, the ones who are delivering the bottles, they would dump their milk or taint it with kerosene or oil.

Yeah, and the milk farmers retaliated by bombing some creameries and blowing up a cheese factory with dynamite. Isn't that insane? Yeah. These milk farmers are having this war amongst themselves. This is like a cartoon. Yeah, it's insane. So this was also one of the first documented cases of a drive-by shooting in America. Did you know this?

Over milk? Yeah, over this milk strike. Yeah, there was a 60-year-old farmer who was killed at a picket line. He wasn't even there as picketing. He wasn't even one of the strikers. He was there delivering food for people who were hungry because this was during the Great Recession and the Great Depression, rather. And the 60-year-old farmer was killed. Someone fired a shot into the crowd because his headlight got broken by someone striking.

So this poor old guy got killed. Anyway, so how's right a solution? People are getting killed mindlessly. A poor old man delivering food just got murdered. This is a horrible problem. It's not a solution. Sounds horrible. However, one of the people who witnessed this milk pouring was this guy named Norman Borlaug.

Have you heard of him, Dick? Yeah, I know who he is. Norman Borlaug, because I almost brought him in his solution. I will at some point. But Norman Borlaug is this guy, he's a plant scientist. Plant, what is it? He's like an agricultural engineer. He's an agriculture engineer and he had a degree in plant pathology.

That's what I was looking for. Plant pathology. So this plant pathologist, he was so distraught by seeing these people fight over food and milk because these people were starving and they were clamoring for the milk that these farmers were pouring out because they were so just hungry. And he was so distraught by seeing that that he decided to go into agriculture, this field to solve the problem of world hunger. and he basically prevented, they're estimating up to a billion people from starvation.

Sure. Norman Borlaug saw this event, this riot, and was inspired to solve this problem because he was so distraught by what he saw. We might not have the strain of wheat that we have today because if it weren't for that riot. If it weren't for riots. So you're saying rioting inspires people to do good. Yeah, sometimes. Huh. Yeah.

Or one time. Yeah, one time. So this one time it inspired a guy. You got any other pieces of evidence why riots are not mindless mob violence and should be stopped?

Sure do, dick. The 19... Because that was a shitty one. Yeah, well, I got more examples, buddy. Good thing you asked. I hope so. I have the 1919 race riots of Chicago. Do you remember this?

This was... I believe I got this part of this from Wikipedia. It says July 27, 1919, on that hot summer day on a segregated Chicago beach, this is true. A white man was throwing rocks at blacks in the water at a beach on the south side, which resulted in a guy named Eugene Williams dying. So tensions escalated when the white police officer showed up and did not arrest the white man responsible for Williams' death, but instead arrest the black man. Well, yeah. Yeah, that'll happen.

What year was that? That was 1919. It could have sounded like 2015, couldn't it? Really? Because objections by blacks were met with violence by whites. Listen to this. Listen to this. This sounds like this happened last week. More than 36 fires were started by whites, whites this time, in the black belt. Whites also blocked fire trucks from putting out the fires in the black belt. Thousands of blacks were left homeless.

Horrible. All horrible things that happened because of a riot. Horrible things. Yeah. Explosion of racism, race-related crimes, riots, arson, riots, deaths, destruction. And this was actually one of the first, another early instance of a drive-by shooting, which was whites driving by black neighborhoods and just spraying them with bullets. Okay. So this is from patch.com. It said no white raiders were arrested and blacks began sniping in retaliation.

Chicago's police chief admitted to the commission that there is no doubt that a great many police officers were grossly unfair in making arrests. They shut their eyes to offenses committed by white men while they were very vigorous in getting all the colored men they could get. Twice as many blacks were arrested than whites. Maddox, this is the wrong show.

This is the solutions show. All of these are problems. Well, here's a solution that came from those riots. Have you ever heard of the Haynes report? No. Nobody has, because it's a fucking... What is it? 40 years ago.

It's a report by Dr. George Edmund Haynes, and it called for a national action against lynchings. So the undercurrent here, one of the things that caused all this racial tension was that more than 3,000 people had been lynched in the year before the riots. 3,000 in 1918. 2,472 were black men and 50 were black women. Haynes said that the states had shown themselves unable or unwilling to put a stop to lynchings and seldom prosecuted the murders. And then the governor Loden, governor of Chicago at the time, he said, he appointed a state committee to study the psychological, social, and economic causes underlying the conditions resulting in the present race riots. Well, good thing we solved that.

So what is the good thing that came out of that? They made lynching illegal? Yeah, that helped put lynching on the radar for everybody and realized that it's still a huge, huge thing. Nobody was really paying attention to it back then. Nobody gave a shit. Are you saying riots are good because they raise awareness? No, no, no, no. See, first of all, Dick, yes, sometimes.

Sometimes raising awareness is helpful. Sometimes it is. Like, for example, you know how I hate slactivism, right? Well, because I was going to say, it sounds like you're giving the same reason for riots being a solution as people posting pink ribbons on their Facebook profile. Yeah, posting pink ribbons, if you do something that doesn't take any action, that's slacktivism, that's a huge problem. However, this is when raising awareness matters, right? You remember a while back when everybody, and I said this during the Slacktivism episode, everybody changed their Facebook profile to the red equal sign or the pink equal sign just to show solidarity with people who are in support of gay marriage. Right.

That's one of the few times when it actually matters to raise awareness because you are actually trying to change social perceptions in society. So you support slackivism when it comes to gay rights? When it comes to gay rights, it's not slacktivism. You, because there is no other, no better way to do that short of, say, buying a billboard and putting up your message up there. How is that any different than any, like raising awareness for anything? It's exactly the same. Well, Dick, first of all, this is not slacktivism because, as you recall, these blacks rioted. It's throwing Molotov cocktails and bricks through the windows of small businesses.

Yeah, which is the opposite of slacktivism. Right. Right. But you're saying that slacktivism is good for gay marriage, but it's bad in general? Where is it bad then? Yeah, yeah, correct. It's bad when you do something that you think will help when it has done absolutely nothing. Like UNICEF had that advertisement a while back that said, it showed a starving child and said,

this starving child has received zero grains of rice because of your likes on Facebook. That's slacktivism. Because when people think that liking something on Facebook is accomplishing something, instead of doing something that they actually need to do in real life, that's when it's bad. But when it's changing social perceptions, that's good. I think you're way off here. There's no gay married, no people got gay married

because you posted a pink equal sign on your Facebook. Dick, it helped, every little bit helps change the tide in favor of equal rights. Then that's exactly the same thing as saying every little bit helps feeding kids in other countries. But it doesn't. But by that logic, it totally does. No, it doesn't.

Overwhelming support for full, foreign aid going to feed the hungry or raise like the ALS ice bucket challenge. Yeah. They made shit loads of money because of that, just because of the marketing. That's not slacktivism. That's why I didn't shit on it. Everybody came to me and they said, hey, Maddox

why aren't you shitting on this ice bucket challenge? And I sat there and I thought about it. I thought, you know what? It's kind of slack. It has that every element of a slacktivism. However, the difference is that it actually did raise a lot of money, so it's not slacktivism. I don't think the ALS ice bucket challenge. I think that I would say 40 to 60% of the people who took part of it were slackivists, but they still accomplished their goals.

It's not slacktivism. By definition, if you accomplish your goals, it's not slactivism. Oh, but that's, you're making the proof, you're putting the burden of proof, you're making it very amorphous because someone cannot say, you can't say one way or the other, that raising awareness of hunger has not lessened the negative effects of hunger. Like, you cannot say,

that it's done absolutely nothing. Well, no, raising awareness of hunger does next to nothing if you don't actually donate. So the difference between the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge and raising awareness for hunger, for example, is that if you just post something on Facebook and say, hey, guys, don't forget some people are hungry somewhere, great, that does fucking nothing. But if you challenge somebody and say, look, do the silly thing and then donate to this cause, yeah, it's stupid and it's infuriating and I'm fucking tired of seeing that shit. However, they accomplish their goals. I can't impugn them too much.

I mean, yeah, it's annoying and stupid, but they accomplished their goals. They did something. And this isn't slackism either, Dick, because when they sent in the National Guard, they had whites go down there and guard black hospitals. There were whites who were trying to attack black hospitals, and they sent white national guardsmen down there to protect them. And that kind of also sent a signal to the whites down there that, hey, we're no longer living in a segregated South.

I mean, they very much were, but legally they were trying to change that precedent. and this Haynes report really put lynching on the spotlight. Like, there was a huge drop after that, after 1990 of lynchings. So commit as many crimes as you can to stop other crimes? Is that why it's a solution? Not always. Well, Dick, this brings us to... $1 billion spent on the L.A. riots fixing it.

One billion dollars of property destroyed. Yeah, that's a huge problem. But Dick, this brings us to the Baltimore riots, right? Because you said that's an important thing that you just brought up. And this is from an MSNBC report. This guy's interviewing a woman who's down there during the riots. And here's the first part of that interview. Listen to this.

When you say that you want justice, what type of message do you think it sends to the world when we're waiting on that justice and due process from the police investigation that we see residents last night looting and rioting in the city? Does that represent the population of the city? Okay, fair question, right? Sure. He said, okay, well, you guys want this thing to change. You want this bad thing to stop.

How does looting and rioting help that? And here's what the woman answered. And I think this is really important. No, it doesn't. But my question to you is, when we were out here protesting all last week for six days straight peacefully, there were no news cameras, there were no helicopters, there was no riot gear, and nobody heard us. So now that we burn down buildings and set businesses on fire and looted buildings,

now all of a sudden everybody wants to hear us. Why does it take a catastrophe like this in order for America to hear our cry? I mean, enough is enough. We've had too many lives lost at the hands of police officers. Enough is enough. Yeah, because you're a fucking terrorist, that's why. You're terrorizing people into listening to you. So, congratulations.

That's why they're listening. First of all, Dick, who's the terrorist? The rioters? Or the people who instigated it by breaking a man's spine when he was put in their trust and care for doing nothing more than carrying a switchblade. Meanwhile, you and your merry band of idiots are running around California with guns,

open carry laws, yet when a black person gets pulled over with a switchblade, they throw him in the back of a van, give him a rough ride, they don't strap him down, and they severed his spinal cord in three different places, injured his larynx, went into a coma,

and then died, and then ran fucking Paul, that dipshit came out with this news release and he said, well, it's the breakdown of the family, that's the reason we have these problems. Well, you know what would help not break down the family? When your son isn't dead because his fucking spinal cord was broken.

And people were peacefully protesting for six days. Nobody gave a shit about it. Nobody paid attention. There weren't helicopters flying around. So guess what? People got frustrated and fed up and they burnt a few things. They burnt down a few buildings. Just burn a couple buildings down.

No big deal. No lives were ruined by that, were they? Sorry you lost your son, but going around and destroying other people's lives is not the way to deal with it. I agree. I agree. That is a huge problem, Dick. That's what they're doing?

However, what's a better solution? We're talking about solutions here. So how would you get your, this problem, which is a huge problem? You don't think this police brutality is a huge problem? I brought in militarized police in like the 12th episode. I think it's a huge fucking problem. Great, then we agree.

So what's a better solution, Dick? How to fix the police? No, no, no, no, no. I'm asking specifically about this. They're trying to get people, they're saying enough is enough. What this woman said is important, and I think she's very astute. She said, when we were protesting peacefully, nobody paid attention to us.

Nobody gave a shit. And by the way, this woman isn't violent, and the majority of the people who are protesting are not violent. This is a very small contingent of people who were looting and robbing some stores. And the CVS, really, their lives are ruined. That entire fucking store and that franchise is insured to high end. You don't think any small business? First of all, so it's okay to be violent as long as someone has insurance? No, no.

Because that applies to a lot of things. Is it okay to be violent just because it's a big corporation and you personally can't imagine people getting hurt by that? No. Is it okay because it's spread out amongst? Like, why is it okay to burn a CVS down, but it's not okay to burn down Joe's liquor? I'm not defending the violence here, Dick. What they did is... Sounds like you were a little bit when it comes to CVS.

No, what I'm doing is I'm making the case that sometimes violence can be a solution in that it does bring the national spotlight on something that people were ignoring. You know, Dick, I've been working on a video about police deaths, and I just found this out today. There's a website. I think it's called police deaths.net. It's a really good website. So the police departments around the nation are not keeping track of the number of people they kill. Did you know this? They're not keeping track at all? No, they're not keeping track at all.

Don't they have to, like, file a report every time they shoot a bullet? The other guys that made Will Ferrell fill out of the report when he fired a bullet at his desk. Sure. However, that's that's a... That's not public knowledge. They don't release that information. They supposedly have this internally, but some departments say we don't even keep track of that. So this website took initiative to start logging since I think 2013. Every time a headline, a police officer kills a civilian.

And just since this January alone, you know how many people have died? No. Over 320. Over 320. Some of them, I was looking at this thing, and I'm thinking... The cops have killed?

32 people in America since January. 320 since January. And I was thinking, well... Seems like a lot. Yeah, I'm going to start checking some of these headlines he's linking to. Surely these are, a lot of them are, you know, quote, thugs. Other N-words, by the way. Go vote up other N-words, because everyone's saying thug is the new N-word.

Anyway, I was thinking that a lot of these people were just, you know, robbing liquor stores and robbing convenience stores and something happened and the police shot them. But that's not at all what I found. found that people were getting killed left and right. Like, I saw a 17-year-old girl get killed. Yeah. There was something like a 12, there was that 12-year-old child who got killed. I had a cop pull a gun on me.

Yeah? How did you? Oh, that's right. You told that story a couple episodes ago. Did I? I had a toy gun in my car, like the full-on red cap and everything. Oh, no, I didn't hear the story. Oh, yes.

No, somebody saw it. They called it in. I was dicking around, minding my own business. I was dropping off some helium tanks for high school. I was in high school. I was dropping off some helium tanks from a function that we'd just done. Yeah.

And it was in like the industrial area of town. So I don't know, maybe there is more gun crimes there than there would otherwise be. Probably. Maybe the cops are probably keyed up when they're in that area. Yeah, right? Somebody saw this gun in my car,

called it in. I'm leaving the helium tank place. I turn, I look left and right. I turn right to see, you know, for traffic. I turn right. There's a fucking cop with a pistol pointed at my face from 10 feet away. And I'm like, all right, well, what do you do?

You're not prepared to react to that. I'm just kind of sitting there and I just put my hands up because that's what you see in the movies. I'm like, well, here you go. I've got to put the car in park so I can get out. Like, I understand that you're pissed off and that you would like to kill me. I understand that some part of you as a human being

hopes I'm a bad guy so that you can kill me now and be a hero. I get that that's in you somewhere. I'm not saying that that's your primary motivation, but I understand the possibility of getting executed right now is very real. So I really need to put this car in park. Like, I'm trying to communicate that to you through a sheet of glass. Were you saying this to him?

I just mouthed park over and over until I got a nod, because he's thinking, I have a gun, right? And this is now a suicide by cop. By the way, I don't know why that was necessary. So now I'm seeing other cars. Now it's the swarm moment, right? Other cars pull in, dudes pop out with shotguns. They pull me out of the car, and they're like, where is it?

And I'm like, you know, man, you're going to have to be more specific. Like, I'm sorry, I get the whole cop talk thing, but you're going to have to give me complete sentences. She's like, where's the gun? Where's the gun? Where's the gun? Where's the ground? And I'm like, I have a fake prop gun in the back seat. That might be what you're talking about. No real guns. I don't have any real guns. Even if you did, though, what's the issue? You're allowed to carry guns? I don't know, dude.

To this day, I don't know. That's what I tell them. They go find the gun immediately. The fake gun, immediately. I spend the next two hours in handcuffs on the side of the road as they tear apart the rest of my car and mock my English textbooks. We were required reading in like 11th grade was of sons and lovers. Yeah.

It's like a James Joyce book or something like that. It's like classic American literature, right? This fucking meathead cop pulls us out. He's like, huh, sons and lovers, what's this all about? And I'm like, oh, it's like, you know, and they're like laughing at each other, like dumb, like retarded jocks. And I'm like, first of all, dude, it's, you pulled that out of my school backpack. Yeah. Do you think that I'm, like, I bought that for fun?

Did you remember high school? Did you enjoy reading everything? Like, none of that's fun for me. I don't, I'm, that's not a fun book for me. I'm like, uh, I don't know, dude. It's like an exploration of the edible complex. Uh, yeah, the, etapal. Eipus.

Oh, Edipole. Okay, okay, I see what I was in, yeah, yeah. Yeah, around, in like the 1800s, in the late 1800s. I don't know what you want. Like, what do you want that to be? Do you want me to, like, say, oh, yeah, you got me. I'm, I'm, you know, you know why I have that book? Because I'm gay.

Like, make fun of me. Make fun of me, you fucking assholes That's the subtext here They were making a gay joke essentially Making a gay joke At a kid And at the time I was like well I'm glad I got out of that

But now Not that specifically But now I hate the cops For the rest of my life You know what I'm saying? That's what that experience showed me So let's recaptic You got pulled over

As a white male Who got Half white Well yeah But you look pretty white So if you got pulled over, the cops didn't shoot you. And this experience where the cops didn't shoot you, and they kind of made a gay joke, made you hate them for the rest of your life.

I'm not a fan of cops. I know, but just imagine the amount of hatred you might have, you might have if, say, every few days you read a headline where another man was shot, unarmed, a black man, and you were black. Can you understand the frustration that these people are feeling? Of course. Because based on a gay joke, you hated cops. Can you imagine the frustration?

It's much more than that. It's not a gay joke. It's much more than that. It's their whole system, their whole deal. But here's the problem. Here's why riots are not a solution. First of all, it's just violence against other citizens who also are in the same situation as you.

First of all, you're destroying your own fucking neighborhood. Great job. It's fun. It's cool. I like breaking shit, but you're just hurting other people who are just like you. Number two, if that woman wants things to be fixed, She's going to have to start hearing possible solutions, and that's where it breaks down. Because if I give you a solution on how to fix this, you're going to immediately disagree with it.

Immediately. I don't think what these people need are lectures. They don't need people sitting there coming down with solutions from up high, from people who don't understand what they're going through day to day. I'm talking about fixing the system that's racist against them. I'm not talking about lecturing them. I'm saying, okay, I have an idea of how to fix this. Let's do it. Immediately you're going to get 99 people out of 100.

saying, no, that's not the problem. What's the, well, I want to hear your solution, but before I do, Dick, I just want to point out one other thing. You said that, you know, this is a horrible thing that's happening. The riots are hurting innocent people, right? It's true. Yeah. But where is the righteous indignation when the Aggiville riots happened? That was in Kansas.

And 6,000 to 8,000 people rioted after a game between Kansas State University and University of Kansas. people threw bottles and rocks at police there was a riot and nobody was killed by the way people threw bottles and rocks at police no righteous indignation no fucking blowhards no not from you I'm saying like right now the people who are impugning the Baltimore

rioters they're saying well these their dogs and their animals and so on and so forth but there was no righteous indignation for a fucking riot after a football game there was a riot just a few years ago in downtown LA where the Lakers won and then that same weekend of the Kansas City riot there was a

riot, when the Detroit Tigers won the World Series in 1986, I believe, they won and people rioted, and almost every single window, every single window in Aggieville was smash and cars were set on fire. That's what happened after a football game. So let's back off the righteous indignation for a minute, because at least these people have a cause. At least these people are pushed and frustrated to the point. Now, I want to hear, Dick, what is your solution? That's what you just said frustrates me even more than that. It's not just a It's not justifiable to me. If something is bad happened to you, to just go ahead and pay it forward. Yeah. And that's what a riot is to me. I'm not sure it is justifiable, Dick. Again, I'm not saying that it's justified. And I'm not saying the violence is good. However, it is one way that they are getting attention to this. They're trying to, wait, no, I said it more eloquently before. I'm not going to say, I'm not going to read it. What's a solution, Dick? I want to hear something interesting first.

What? First riot, first recorded riot. happened because of sports. Yeah. Is it really? I think that, yeah, it happened in like Rome or something. One of the emperors pushed back a chariot race. Yeah. People rioted. Yeah.

Yeah, people riot for sporting events way more often than people riot for racial events where there is some severe social problem going on with police. Yet everybody gets high and mighty when this happens. Well, you know, okay, here's a solution. What's a solution? Stop. Stop having laws that are not illegal. Stop. Stop. Don't make laws that engender ill will between the people and the police.

Dick, I'll tell you why that's not, I mean, I agree with that, but that is such a simplistic view of what's going on in Baltimore. It's not just about drugs. It's such a simplistic view. Someone posted a picture on Twitter recently of some boarded up housing in Baltimore, in West Baltimore. and they said, this is why they're riding. And I thought, well, that's cherry-picked. I should probably go look on Google Earth. And I found some nice neighborhoods over there, but I was blown away. I encourage everybody to do this.

Go to Google Maps right now. Type in West Baltimore. Then go to Google Street View and just start looking at the neighborhoods. Look at what these people are living in. There is house after house after house of just boarded-up windows. If you're a homeless person or if you're somebody living in poverty, and you walk around, you see all these boarded-up homes that some rich landowner is just sitting on because the property value hasn't increased enough for him to make a profit.

And you think, well, why the fuck am I living on the street every day when there's this perfectly good home that's been sitting there boarded up for years and I can't get a fucking job? And meanwhile, the police are targeting us. And I'll tell you why that useless law solution isn't really a solution, Dick, because still, blacks are still pulled over five to ten times more often than why it's in these neighborhoods. Because of drug laws. It's not just drug laws.

Okay, first of all, what did I say? I'm going to propose a solution immediately shot down. Didn't I say that? That's why it's not as simple as just fix it. Because anybody who has an idea on how to fix it gets shot down. There's just, like, legalized drugs because that's what you get busted for in the ghetto. You have your life thrown away because you've got some drugs on you. You're an affluent white person.

You're never going to get busted for drugs. Yeah. And everybody's doing drugs. Yeah. That's a huge problem to me that's obviously. obvious and easy to fix. That's not even getting into, like, education and shit that will, like, will proactively help them. This is just a solution that seems fucking obvious immediately shot down.

Why are you thinking about this, Dick? What do you mean? Why are you thinking about the solution right now? Why am I thinking about the solution you just... My solution for drugs? Yeah. Why are you thinking about the solution to this problem? Because you are talking about the riots. Why am I talking about the riots?

Because you think it's a solution and they're happening. Just say what you want me to say? Because they're happening. You know what's ironic, Dick? We wouldn't be having this conversation if they if they demonstrated peacefully and continue to because it's obvious that I care about this a lot, right? And even me, somebody who cares about this,

I really do care about these social issues. I didn't know about the demonstrations that were happening peacefully. But as soon as somebody threw a rock through a window, as soon as a cop car got pelted, as soon as there was some smoke in the air, everybody's cameras were fixed on Baltimore. and yes, it's a small minority.

Small, small percentage of the people down there are violent, but it's causing us to talk about it. And you wouldn't be thinking of that solution. You would be drinking up. Don't tell me what I would not be thinking of. I'll talk about legalizing drugs all day. The amount of times I get called a libertarian in the fucking comments, you should at least give me that.

Well, that's fine, Dick, but I think that's a simplistic view because you're not addressing the poverty, you're not addressing the crime, you're not addressing the fact that blacks are pulled over way more often than whites. It's a simplistic view that I have because I offer one thing that I think can possibly help this massive fucking catastrophe. I'm not saying it will, you realize I'm not saying it will fix everything. There's like hundreds of things we could be doing. Sure. But I can't do them.

Yeah, I agree, Dick. And you know what? I'm not disagreeing with that. I think it's an important step in the right direction to maybe not make so many drug violations. Because over 92% I think I read the statistics. in Baltimore, 92% of the black people who were arrested

for marijuana offenses. Yeah, it's a totally racist law. Yeah, that's, I mean, that's pretty huge. Well, it's not necessarily that law is racist, but police are pulling over black people more often than whites. Sometimes for doing nothing,

for being DWB, you know what, driving while black. Driving while balin. Yeah, I know that one. Driving while ballin. Anyway, Dick, we are talking about this now because they rioted. Had they not, we wouldn't be talking about it.

And everybody who has so much righteousness indignation, why do you just step the fuck back for a minute and start bitching this strong and loudly next time there's a riot for a sporting event, which should be, oh, I don't know, any fucking minute now, because every time a sporting team wins or loses, people have a reason to write. You know, they were talking about this Kansas City, right? And I'll just end on this point. They were saying that there was one time where it was a really hot game.

It was the same two teams. And it ended in a 17 to 17 tie. And everybody was just like, eh, let's just go home. Nobody gave a shit. Nobody rioted. Nobody rioted. Because they didn't have a reason to celebrate, either, celebrate, or they weren't angry either way. Yeah.

It's fucking stupid. Hey, if nobody's paying attention to you, just knock down a couple of their buildings. Then everybody will be talking about you all the time. Dick, until I hear a better nonviolent solution, and I think I have one, I think I know of one possible nonviolent solution to this. And it's potentially similar to how Gandhi demonstrated, which is huge hunger strikes. If that was happening on a large enough scale, maybe people would notice. But it's kind of hard when people are that frustrated and that up in arms. And I do believe the media may be race baiting a little bit because I was looking at the people who were killed by cops.

It's not all blacks. But the majority of the ones who were killed for not being armed were definitely black. And it's really shitty. This is a problem that needs to stop. I mean, this is a problem that needs to be stopped. and I think that rioting isn't necessarily always bad. We've seen some good things come from rioting. The Haynes Report.

I think it's terrorism. It's completely terrorism. It's bad if you do it, you're a scumbag. Yeah. The reasons don't matter. Right. But the Arabs view are bombings, our predator drones is terrorism. And so they respond in kind.

So this is, I think, the response in kind to the police supposedly terrorizing the civilians by throwing them in the back of a van and breaking your spine. That's a fucking awful way to go. I think I can't think of many things I would rather not have done to me than having a broken spine. That sounds pretty awful. I mean, it's, yeah, if you want to whip people up into a frenzy to commit violence, focusing on one heinous act is a great way to do it. It's not one heinous act. You know why?

Yeah, but that's what you're talking about it again and again to make it seem what they're doing justifiable, to make it seem justifiable. It's not, I'm not saying that the violence is justified. That's not the goal here. I'm saying that some good can come of writing. I'm not saying that violence is justified. No, just because something good comes from it doesn't mean the initial act was justified. Like, for example, if a criminal was robbing a bank and on his way, you know, knocked someone over who was about to commit a bigger crime, yeah, he did some good, but that doesn't justify his initial crime.

I'm saying that some good can come of writing. It justifies Robin Hood's crimes. What? Robin Hood, the guy who stole from the rich and gave us the poor? It's justified because he gave it to the poor. Right. That's the story. Still committing crimes. Yeah, but the scale of that crime is pretty low. The scale of a riot, the crimes they're doing in riots are pretty high. There's a lot of monetary damage done. Like you said earlier, there's a billion dollars worth of damage. Yeah. In LA. That's huge. Anyway, Dick, that's my solution. We know our riots in. What's up, Sean?

No, I was just going to say, didn't Martin Luther King usher in, like, huge social change through nonviolent means? Like, that's a more recent example than Gandhi. No shit. But you know what? It's not as fun. It's not as fun for people to do a sit-ins. as it is to throw a brick through a window. People were definitely made aware of, you know, problems through that. It's still talked about to this day all the time. I want to lighten the mood a little bit. Yeah.

By playing a bit, this is a deep cut from an Astaireos Coconos bit. Oh, let's hear it. Yeah, let's hear it. Welcome to the biggest problem in history. Taking the history out of history, examining the biggest problems in history to occur this week. So these are old.

Yeah. April 14th, 1865, President Abraham Lincoln is shot in Ford's Theater by attention-seeking actor John Wilkes Booth. Booth, a total diva who couldn't relinquish the spotlight for a single second, assassinated Lincoln and successfully cemented actors over presidents as our national heroes. Never again when we think of the president as cooler than some really handsome idiot who's good at pretending to punch people or cry. Great job, John Wilkes Boot. Actors won President's Zero

I got one more April 20th 2010 The Deepwater Horizon Oil ring Explodes in the Gulf of Mexico Killing 11 workers But more importantly Spilling our precious

precious oil That stuff ain't cheap Don't act like you don't need it every day It takes millions of years To create the magic black election That drives our economy Whereas new people Can be banged out at a weekend

If you're not too drunk And you swear to God You put on a condom, all at all, 4.9 million barrels of oil were tragically lost at sea, as well as the environment or whatever. All right. You want to get to my solution? Yeah, let's hear it. I think there's going to be a theme this episode where each other thinks that each other's solution is actually a huge fucking problem. Okay. The Apple Watch. Oh, Apple Watch. Well, well, well, the rip-off of rip-offs. Let's hear about this fucking bullshit as tech. The rip-off of rip-offs. Okay. I, when I see...

saw the Apple Watch announced. That's the same thing that I thought. What a fucking joke. This is stupid. Who is gonna wear this dumb thing? Why do I need to wear this thing? Why do I need to rely on another gadget? You're gonna look like Inspector Gadget walking around this?

Like it's gonna be stupid. Why weren't you thinking that, oh, I don't know, fucking six months a year ago when the Pebble came out before the Apple Watch? I was. Okay. Yeah, I thought the same thing of the Pebble. What a stupid thing on Kickstarter. Everyone is just like buying it for the idea.

Like a lot of things on Kickstarter. I think it's a joke, right? Okay. But my dad said something very smart to me. When I was gearing up for, I was home for dinner and I said Apple Watch, what a stupid piece of crap. Dad's a very smart guy, very savvy guy. He says, yeah, but think about all the time you're going to save when you don't have to pull your phone out to look to see if you got messages or email. Oh.

And what do you mean? Oh, are you owing like, oh, what a smart thing to say? No. Oh. Uh-oh. Maddox, the average person checks their phone 150 times a day. Great. That's every six minutes.

Yeah. Can you imagine that movement? And you check your phone all the fucking time. Yeah, but only because I block Facebook and Twitter on my phone and I just check it. I just check it when I take shits now. That's all I do. I don't believe you. Yeah.

Because you check it when you're out as well. Like, you check it in bars and restaurants. way better at that. I have a, I have imposed. Yeah, I have imposed the no cell phone rule on myself on dates and when I'm out with friends, I don't touch it. I receive phone calls. I let it go to voicemail unless I know I'm getting, I'm expecting something important because it's rude. And you're an exceptional guy. A guy. And you're an exceptional guy. And you're an exceptional guy. So surely you would say the average person does not do that. No. In fact, they spend a hundred and forty four minutes a day on their phone. You remember you said you had Facebook blocked, right? Yeah. I think

part of that is, people check their phone to see if they have a message and they get sucked, and they see the phone and they're like, oh, I could do other shit while I'm here too. Yeah. So if it's on a watch, not only do you not have to pull it out of your pocket 150 times a day, you also aren't going to get sucked into all the other bullshit. You see what I'm saying? So I did some research on the reviews for this product. That's what these engineers are saying, that they don't look at their phones anymore, they don't take them out of their pocket. Yeah. And another thought occurred to me that I thought is weird, Because Apple usually does a great job of marketing.

Surely you'll admit that. Yeah, Apple is... I will definitely say that Apple cannot... is unimpeachable when it comes to marketing. They're one of the best. Right. So when they started doing this Apple Watch thing, I thought, why do I think this is a stupid thing?

Right? Yeah. Like, I should not have that impression looking at it. And I think a lot of people do. Like, I don't think this ad campaign has been successful. No, it's stupid. But, along with my theory that the watch is a huge... solution is because the ad that they should be showing is the watch kills the phone. The ad should

be the phone is rude. The phone is crass. The phone is bulky and outdated. The watch is the future. You're not going to, you're all this walking around like an iPhone zombie staring at your phone while you're walking around sitting on the bus staring at your phone, being out on a date staring at your phone. I think the watch is going to kill all that. Yeah, great, Dick. Now instead of people looking at their phone, they're going to be looking at their wrist. Awesome. They're just going to glance at it. Glance at it. Get out of here. They're going to sit there

fucking fiddling around with it installing bullshit-ass apps and you can't type on those watches. Those watches are worthless. Have you seen the keyboards on those things? They're awful. The keyboards it's one of the, it's just an exercise in frustration. I think they're going back. They're reverting our technology back to the

what was the dial pad lettering system, something nine QWERty 9 or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I know what you're saying. It's like 909, I think. No, it's something like 409 or something.

Anyway, it's T9. T9 prediction. That's what it is. T9 prediction. So they're reverting us back to T9 prediction. However, now we're one step below that because we don't even have fucking buttons. So now we have no choice but to stare at the screen. Whereas with T9 prediction, you knew if you press the six button like four times, you'd get the letter O. Now you have to fucking stare at your screen like another fucking monkey.

Go vote up monkeys, guys. As a solution. No, you motherfucker, it has a problem. piece of shit. Okay, so why specifically the Apple Watch Dick over say the innovators of Pebble? Because the Pebble looks like a toy. You look like a toy. That's why

I hated it in the first place. I said, I don't care what this thing does because it looks like a fucking joke. I'm not going to wear this around. Dick, every Apple iPhone user I know is an idiot and they have nothing but time on their hands.

They have nothing but time on it. I do not want to free up their time to check to be more productive? Are you fucking kidding me? What are these people going to do with all that free time? It's not going to fuck off. It's like 60% of the world of the U.S. as an iPhone user. These are like CEOs. No, Android users blow Apple users out of the water.

There's way more Android users. Like it's like two-thirds of the market is Android. What are you talking about? So 30%? I mean, you're saying that they all, all their time is worthless. But this is like CEOs of major. This is very important people use iPhones. Yeah, you know, it's not little girls.

These are a bunch of hipsters standing around in coffee shops, twirling their mustache. You're going to free up their other hand to twirl their mustache while they check their stupid Twitter feed. And more Instagram photos, photos, photos, photos. We're fucking tired of your photos. Anyway, that's what you're going to free up their time to do to post more photos on Instagram. That's not what most iPhone users are. That's all they do. That's all they do.

You're describing a cartoon. A guy twirling, a mustache, like a evil villain in a fancy coffee shop, that's L.A. Specifically L.A. That's not the rest of the... the world. Every major or medium-sized city, go to Portland, go to any coffee shop. There's another fucking handlebar mustache dip shit

in his jorts, is pulled up jorts and his loafers with no fucking socks on. Portland is a bigger hipster city than L.A. I mean, it's Silver Lake over a huge area. Denver is also another fucking hipster city. That's my point. Go to Salt Lake City. Go to fucking Austin.

No, go to Salt Lake City. Go to Dallas. Go to Indiana. Go to Indianapolis. not going to see this. I've been to Indianapolis. Fucking hipsters everywhere. Maddox. So in your, in your imagination, when the iPhone sells in China, does like a little Chinese kid buy it and instantly

like transform into a white hipster with a shitty beard, like a lumber sexual? Yeah, that Chinese kid suddenly like sees the world a little bit grayer. He goes home, buys flannel, he's smugger. He sits there parked at stop signs instead of turning right on red or turning right when he's supposed to, he's a fucking hipster.

That's what you're going to free it more time for these douchebags. That's what you are. You're a douchebag enabler. I'm enabling people to return to life. Return to life. By making it easier for them to glance at their phone. That takes you more out of the moment. Do you realize, Dick, if you're glancing at your phone every few seconds,

you're making it more easy for people to do that and not pay attention to their conversations. In fact, even during this very intro to your solution, I noticed I caught myself looking at my computer because I was trying to look up a Martin Luther King quote that, shit over what Sean just said, but I thought, you know what, it's disrespectful to my good buddy did. Really? He didn't preach nonviolence? Of course he did.

No, no, he did, Sean, but there's a quote, and I want to quote it directly. There's a quote that just fucking throw a bottle through a window, who cares? Essentially, no, he says that whatever they can't accomplish through nonviolence sometimes has to be accomplished through violence. See, there is a Martin Luther King quote like that. Yeah, but he got it done through nonviolence. Yeah, well, good on him, and so did Gandhi. But until we have another great leader, who is that leader, Reverend L. Sharpe,

Anyway, man, we're talking about your solution. Yeah, exactly. It's not that guy. Jesse Jackson? Fuck, fuck that. We don't have a Martin Luther King. If we did, I'd say, yeah, let's get that guy to do a non-violent demonstration to solve that solution. Do you think we could have a Martin Luther King with Twitter? What? The rent is too damn high guy.

You're absolutely right. What's that? That guy that wore the white gloves and had the big white beard and hair for the last, was it the last presidential election? Was it the New York governor run? I think it was the presidential election. The rent is too damn high. That's all he said. It's how I didn't see that. It was like a viral video.

And they said like, oh, fuck. He's famous. Let's let him run for president or whatever it was, whatever primary show that he was. You're thinking of Herman Kane, though. Herman King. It was definitely in New York. I think it was either the mayor of the same time. This guy has like a white. He's a black dude with like a white beard.

Really cool. He's like the black Orville Redenbacher. Yeah. You know what, Dick? Colonel Sanders. I'm about to. I'm about to shit all over your solution. Because just imagine if those rioters had Apple iPhone watches, right?

If they had those eye watches, just imagine the free time, the amount of more damage they could have done with all that free time they could have spent not checking their iPhones. Throwing more bricks through windows today? It would have made those riots way more violent. So you don't think anything that I'm saying might be a cause of it. Like that the immediacy, the need to fulfill if anyone's trying to contact, you, that's satisfied by the watch

and yet it doesn't have the same it doesn't pull you into other shit the watch because it's also hard to use for anything else. That's awful. That's what I'm saying is a feature. That's a good thing. You can't get sucked into Facebook if you're just glancing to see if anybody emailed you.

But why do you need to know? Did the entire world just become a super fucking important doctor and everyone needs to be contacted all the time in movie theaters? You know they're starting to sell cell phone jamming devices dick and they're starting to trying to pass laws to make it illegal. Yeah. Well, I'm going to fucking buy one, man.

I'm going to jam the shit out of everything all the time. I'm going to jam my own fucking cell phone. You should have brought that in as a solution. Yeah, well, sometime, dick. All right. Oh, and I also, the other thing that tip me off that the Apple Watch specifically is good is because of that $17,000 price tag.

It's $17,000. Fuck off. A bunch of rich Yahoo's sitting there checking their Facebook feed on their wrist. $17,000? And meanwhile, these poor people are rioting and bald. Get out of here. the point. Apple understands that it's jewelry.

It's not something that a 13... They're not selling something that a 13-year-old boy puts on his Christmas list and then uses for two weeks. They're selling jewelry, which is what a watch is. I'm not going to trade my Omega for a $400 piece of crap that I'm going to have to replace in two years. You understand? But they get it. They get it. And that's all the other smart watches, the pebble,

and Samsung's, they all look like a fucking toy. They all look like a joke. And they're being treated like a joke because of that. So you brought in a status symbol as your solution, Dick. Good job. Real dichotomy of solutions this episode, Dick. A status symbol and people who are suffering because of police brutality.

Real, real important solution there. And by the way, Dick, people are robbing people who wear beats, beats by Dre because of their $300 headphones. You don't think crime's going to get an uptick when a $17,000 iPhone watches are walking around on people's wrists? No, because that's already the case. There's already $17,000, $100,000 watches. Yeah, but they're not common. Apple, they're not being marketed.

I've never seen a commercial for some broad. You understand that not all of the Apple watches are $17,000. There's just one that's also made out of gold like a watch. Oh, no, no, mostly they're $200, $400 somewhere. They're mostly normal, like, smartphone prices. Okay. Point, counterpoint. Did you think that they were selling a $17,000 only?

Watch? I read somewhere that there was like a $10,000. Like the main version is like $4 to $10,000. I read somewhere about that. You read it in a dream. That's not the case. Oh, some dream, buddy. I woke up looking my lips.

Like, I can't wait for this. All right. Do you want to go through the next one? That's my solution. Okay. Good problem, Dick. good horse. And you know that shit's not going to work either. Just like every fucking Apple product.

Like the fucking 45 minutes to an hour it took to start this episode because your horseshit laptop is still freezing. That was user error. I started an upgrade and I tried to stop it in the middle. Oh, it's not Apple's fault, huh? It's definitely my fault. Yeah. I take full responsibility. See, this is, you're in such a cult

that you're, this is, that sounds like a classic abusive relationship where you get, yeah, it does. Not the one you're talking about. I thought he was going to blame me. Oh, you thought I was going to blame here? I thought so. Look what you made me do.

Now, Sean, I'm about personal responsibility. Oh, yeah. Very good. Yeah, great. Great. You haven't heard the end of this Apple problem. I can't wait to get a nice new Apple Watch. Bring it in here.

Great. Shuff it up your ass. Okay, Dick, speaking of Apple Watches, my next solution, real big solution, is dumb people. Again, wrong episode. Wrong show. Yeah, what a good solution. Good job, Maddox.

Dumb people. So I need to define them. Everybody is dumb compared to me. So I'm not talking about me compared to other people because everyone's dumb next to the tower of intellect that is me. Oh, okay. Right? But I'm talking about like the average dumb person, the average dummy, the dumb dumb.

Well, I still don't know who you're talking about. Who's the average dumb person? I'll tell you. Okay, go ahead. They're the masses, right? Dumb people will... So condescending. I know.

Talk about a 180. Yeah. But stick up for the little guy, the one who's shit on by the system. And, oh, by the way, you're fucking idiots. Oh, yeah, they're idiots, Sean. And I'll tell you why. Because dumb people... Here's why I like them.

Dumb people will do the jobs that smart people won't. And that's a really important thing. I really sincerely... I'm saying this. That's not to say that old people who do shitty jobs are dumb, but sometimes there are born. jobs out there that dumb people are good at and will happily do as a cog in the machine that smart people won't, right?

This is more elitist than it. You're talking about it's people are assholes for having a $17,000 watch. At least they respect manual laborers. Oh, I do too, Dick. They're just dumb. Wait do they get, wait to get. But as Judge Smale says, the world needs ditch diggers too. Yeah, it does.

Yeah, exactly, Sean. I totally agree. Dumb people are easy to exploit by smart people and corporations. and without them, the economy would come to a grinding halt. And if you think that it's below someone with a PhD to serve fries, you're right. That's why, generally speaking, people with PhDs do other things. Now, I respect greatly the jobs that people will do that I won't. It's dumb people who are the most content.

They go to work, they come home, they eat dinner, they watch TV, they watch some stupid shit on TV, and they spend all of their disposable income on disposable goods and crap. They're the ones going to see Guardians of the Galaxy like 10 times in theaters. Dumb people stimulate the economy, and smart people save and invest. This sounds condescending towards dumb people. I know, I know it does,

but I really appreciate their existence. I sincerely do. That's my speech about dumb people. Even though they caused Guardians of the Galaxy, which you hate. Yeah, you know what, Dick, don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. Just like the PS4 argument from a few episodes back, people could not wrap their heads around

why I would choose the lesser of two evils. Nothing, everything is a choice, Dick. Everything's a choice. Maddox, first of all, I don't want to get into it on this bonus episode. Great. We can get into it on the regular episode.

Yeah, regular episode. Because everyone's got to hear this. Great. Anyway, Dick, yeah, dumb people. I have a few quotes. I just wanted to say a few quotes about dumb people. There's this really famous quote

by Bukowski. He says, the problem with the world is that intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence. But you know, like, two other people said that before him. Charles Darwin was the first.

He said, ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge. You know what annoys me about quotes? When they say shit like that that probably everyone in their life has said. And it's like, well, you know, Bukowski said it. What a smart thing to say. It's like, it's not that smart. Everyone

says that. Everyone since the beginning of fucking time has said that. No, I disagree, Dick. And that's... You think he, like, came up with that on his own? Someone did, Dickhead. Someone uttered it the first time. It's how eloquently it's stated. Oh, stop. Thank you. What's more eloquent to say? No, that's what people remember. They say,

He said that because it was stated really eloquently. Yeah, the content's the same though. It's like, I'll fuck off with your quote. Everyone thinks that. Yeah, everybody thinks it's important to have efficiency and efficiency with your words, right? But it's way more eloquent to say that brevity is the soul of wit than it is say, everyone should have efficiency with their words with those two stutters in there. It just annoys me.

That's all. Yeah, I know. And then Bert Tran Russell also said this. He said, one of the painful things about our times is that those who feel certain, are stupid, and those with any imagination and understanding are filled with doubt and indecision. So Bertrand Russell and Charles Darwin came up with that quote before Bukowski, and everyone's sucking Bukowski's dead dick. Courtney Love, I like this quote from Courtney Love.

She says, only dumb people are happy, which I agree, man. I don't. It's condescending, but... Well, Hemingway said, intelligence with happiness is the rarest thing I know. Intelligence and happiness is the rarest thing I know. Maybe that's why I'm so miserable because I'm so smart. You know what? That's why.

It's because people who want credit for being smart just get so mopey and emo and angsty. You know why I'm such a pain in the ass to be around? Because I'm so fucking smart. That's why. And even Hemingway said that smart people are never happy. Look at this cross that I have to bear all the time because I'm so smart. He was talking about himself. Of course.

And everybody loves it because they're fucking narcissists. And smart people are the worst ones. Yeah. standing in line at a coffee shop with their iPhones, their iPhone watches. I have one last quote. This one's from Andy Rooney. Dick, you would appreciate this because he's actually making a case for too much swearing.

Fucking crotchy old Andy Rooney. He says, obscenities. I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say, and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart. Want to be just one of the boys. That's what he thinks people swear.

See, he thinks smart people swear to fit in with dumb people. I think that's kind of true. I think that's fucking bull. I think it's fun. Yeah, swearing is fun. Yeah, it is fun. Sometimes I just come home and I just say, fuck. I love to say fuck at work.

I'm going to say it 300 times a day. Sean, you are at work and you better watch it, buddy. Fuck you. He's a porno director, Sean. That's what his day job is. Sativa. What's another nickname we can come up with him? Oh, come on. Leave it in the comments.

All right, is that your solution? Dumb people? That's my solution. Dumb people. Sincerely, Dick, without dumb people who are content so easily with their boring lives. we would not have the economy. They stimulate the economy by seeing Guardians of the Galaxy a billion times.

And you know, I hate Guardians of the Galaxy, but if I have to swallow that bitter pill of Guardians of the Galaxy being a successful movie in order for the economy to flourish, okay, you know what, I'll swallow that pill.

Oh, you just don't care. No, it's not that I don't care. It's just, you know, it's a bitter pill. You have to swallow sometimes to get something better. I can't tell if this is satire or not. Don't vote it up because it's a huge, dumb people are a huge problem.

Well, dumb people are a huge problem. too, Dick, but in certain contexts. Sometimes dumb people are... I intend to bring in dumb people as a problem too at some point and I'm curious to see whether or not people... You have anti-vaxers. Well, that's one brand of dumb people, but dumb people as a general. I'm curious to see

if people think that the benefit of dumb people outweighs the dumbness of dumb people. All right. Yeah. Celebrity worship, dumb, also. Female genital mutilation? Dumb. Dumb. I don't know that's dumb. Or is it ignorant?

It is ignorant. Well, that is ignorant. That is ignorant, and it's also culture. They're different things, aren't they? Yeah, but it's also culture. I don't think that everybody who commits female genital mutilation necessarily is dumb. They are also, it's part tradition. Like, sometimes you do things out of tradition, not because you're a dumbass, but because it's how you've been brought up and it's the culture you live in.

All right. Sorry, I blew your fucking minds. I'm sorry, I'm so smart. Everyone's dumb compared to me. How's that? You're all my last solution? Yeah, what's your last solution? I can find it. Um...

Where the hell did I put this? that I put this. Where is that solution, Dick? I don't have it. Oh, here it is. Here it is, here it is. Organization, biggest solution. Yeah.

My last solution, polio. Your solution is polio? Yeah. Fuck you, dick. Polio, America was declared polio free in 1994. The disease only exists in Nigeria, Pakistan, and Afghanistan. We beat polio, right? Yeah.

You know what? They're using polio for now? What? Curing brain cancer. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, so they combined polio with, like, they shot in a couple, a couple of DNA from the common cold. Yeah. They weakened it so it can't multiply and kill you and cripple you. Right, right, right.

They injected into cancerous tumors in your brain, glioblastomas, which is like a death sentence cancer, and it takes people out in the prime of their lives. Yeah, I think I read about this. Yeah, they inject polio into the tumor. And not only does it blow up the cell, kills the cancer cells, it makes, it calls your body's immune system into fight the cancer. That's cool.

Cancer will turn off the immune response with the body. Like your immune system won't fight it. Like it fights anything, any other disease. You're right, you're right. This is something they've done for a long time. They've been trying to do cancer research that gets your body's immune system to attack it. This does that. Yeah.

Well, specifically just brain cancer, though, huh? Well, glioblastomas. Yeah. Which, yeah, brain. Well, that's good. Is that a particularly... 14,000 cases of glialastoma every year. Well, that answers my question.

Yeah. That's pretty significant. It's pretty good, right? I mean, it's a drop in the bucket and a number of cancers that it cures dick. However, I'm not going to... So, fuck it. Yeah, so, no. No, I'm going to finish the sentence, asshole.

You're so hard. This is such a contest. You're said to yourself. It is not a contest. Let me just, I was about to say it's not. Nobody wins. It's not. Nobody.

Fucking, Sean. Shifty shi shi shan over here. You know what, Dick, it is not the biggest cancer, but it is a solution to a cancer, so it deserves to be on the list. Bravo, Dick, you actually, you pulled the rug out from underneath me. I was about to shit all over your polio-horse shit shenanigans, but you snookered me into an actual good solution.

I'm on board with this. It's interesting. I saw a 60 Minutes thing, whatever. Yeah. Television show about it. Really fascinating. Yeah, so what did they say on 16? Well, I pretty much summed it all up.

That's it. What did I say? 14,000 cases a year. They've been working on this thing for 25 years. And they didn't call it a miracle cure, but that's what it seems like. The median survival for glioblastoma is 14 months. Two-year survival is 30%. That's it.

It kills everybody. Wow. So it's a cure for cancer. Yeah. That's 30% survival rate. So 30% of 14,000. So you're saving what, like 4,000 or 5,000? people. That's pretty significant. I mean, you know what?

It's a step in the right direction. Also, because it could inspire doctors to try looking at other diseases that we've had in the past, because I think the reason they started looking at viruses specifically, like polio, or is polio bacteria? No, it's viral, right? So the reason they looked at those is because viruses are really

good at propagating in your body. So if they can get a, they basically put a virus in the virus. So they trick the virus into carrying this thing that attacks the cancer cells. And I forget the genes specifically, the SR1 gene or something like that.

They found that the cancer cells, a lot of cancer cells in your body have this gene, and they're starting to breed viruses. They're trying to make viruses that attack this cells that have this gene, thereby eliminating cancer in your body, not only big tumors, but benign tumors that you might not even be able to detect. So did you say that you think scientists could be inspired by this? I'm not saying it's activism, dick. Don't put words, yes, you said that, right?

So you don't need a riot to inspire people. Like, Norman Borlaug might just have been a nice guy. Yeah. Like, the riot, the milk riot, the milk wars, might not have been what inspired him to save a billion people. Dick, it's, that's a nice theory. However, what happened as a fact is that Norman Bullock... As a fact, he inspired factually? He was as a fact inspired by those milk riots.

Explain that. How is that a fact? Because it's documented history. Why didn't you just look at it? Did he say that? Yes. He said those riots and only those riots inspired me specifically.

No. He didn't say only those riots. However, that's what got him, that was one of the big stepping stones. That was one of the big triggers in his life when he saw these riots. He wrote a letter to his wife, Dick, and said that it's so depressing to see these hungry people everywhere.

I need to find a solution for this. There has to be a better way. There has to be some solution to this global hunger epidemic. So he went to Mexico and started, you know, I'm not going to get into Norman Borlaug. I'm going to bring that into the solution some other time. However, Dick, however, he was inspired by those riots. Those riots, because he saw so many people suffering, you thought there has to be a solution to this. And you know what, Dick?

So there should be more suffering. Well, sometimes suffering brings about grand solutions that are way better. It's like the H-bomb. You know, you know who says that? What? Bad guys. Villains, super villains specifically say that. They justify the bad stuff they do

because of some amorphous, nebulous, positive outcome somewhere off in the future. That's what villains say. All right, well, we have it on record here. Dick thinks the H-bomb was a bad thing. I absolutely do. Oh, okay, great. So we should have continued this long, drawn-out World War II

for years and years. The atomic bomb did not stop World War II. That is a myth. It's a shit. That's, no, that is a propaganda myth told by the government to justify the military industrial complex, which supported, which was built around the atomic bomb. But the war was already over. So Japan didn't surrender shortly after the bomb was dropped.

They did. It doesn't mean that was the cause. They were already losing and they were going to surrender. Then we dropped bombs on them for fun. Oh, we did that for fun. And we didn't have to lie to them and tell them that we had 11 more bombs, right? That was also just part of the joke It was a big joke

It was a big hoax We're like, hey, Japan Because that was one of the big Sticks that we had We dropped the bombs and we said Hey, we got 11 more You got 11 more cities You'd like what you see

No, then cool the fuck down And Japan surrendered No, that's a propaganda myth And you bought it hookline and sinker It wasn't the bomb that won the war First of all Germany was already out You know what that sounds like You know what that sounds like Dick

That sounds like one of those crack dot com articles Where it's like Everything you thought you knew about World War II is wrong Do you think Japan could have fought World War II on their own? No, Japan had allies. Hitler, Germany was already done when we dropped the bomb. It was just them. And we did it because we spent the money on it.

Sure. They wanted to show off. Yeah. But you know what, Dick? Those bombs were so powerful. The symbol of those bombs are so powerful. No country since has used them in war. Because they know the repercussions.

It was such an awful thing that since then no one has had. to use them and I'm glad that it was used back when it was because... Because you're not Japanese. That's why. Well, that's true. Yeah, because it wasn't done to you. Yeah, but no shit, Dick. Although I do think I could probably survive an atomic bomb.

The thing is, that bomb happened at a time when those bombs were way less destructive than we have now. Had we had the capability to create the type of bombs that we have today, who knows what would have happened to the world. Especially if it came at a point where everybody was armed to the with nuclear weapons. It was such a horrible weapon that it ended the use of that weapon. Great.

But it still had to be used twice, you're saying. Never, shouldn't be used again. Definitely used twice. That was a good idea. Using it again? No, bad. Killing all those people? Bad. Using it once?

Yeah. Great. Absolutely. Because the bomb was the stove that America put its hand in. The world put its hand in that stove. We said, uh-oh, let's not do that again. I find it very convenient when morality justifies things we are. already did. It's like, well, uh, we did it one time. That was okay. We don't have,

there, no problems with that, but, uh, every other time is different. No, it's not that every other time. Dick, I, I, I think that you're a smart guy smarter than you let lead on sometimes. Uh-huh. Because, and this is not one of those moments. You might be part of my solution today as a dumb person, but, uh, but, uh, I think that, I think that you probably agree with me and you're hamming it up for this show. I absolutely don't. You don't think that any good, you don't think that Robin Hood is morally righteous? I think he is morally righteous. That's the nature of justification.

That's why it's called a justification. That's what I was trying to say. You're trying to justify bad actions. And that's called a justification. You mean he's self-righteous? Who? No, I think he's morally righteous. Oh, you do? Well,

by the definition of morality, yes. He was doing acts of good. He was perpetrating acts of of like not necessarily evil, but still malicious, but not as bad as the good he was doing. Morally, that's defensible. Yeah, it's a net game.

Yeah, I don't like it, but I'm saying it's morally justifiable. You know, Dick, again, you are having such a tough time, and I really empathize with you, but you have a real tough time wrapping your head around. The difference between a justified action and an action that has a good outcome but wasn't justified. Like, for example, when we went over after Osama bin Laden, by the way, everyone happy Osama bin Laden death day,

that was this weekend. I hope you bake some cookies. When Obama went after Osama bin Laden, he had the information and he had good intelligence, and the intelligence said, we have an 80% shot of getting him. Based on that, he was justified in going after him. However, and something good came about it.

Morally justified. Well, no, no. I'm not saying morally justified. Legally? Logically. He was logically justified. That doesn't make any sense. Well, he had the legal authority. No one doubting that. But say, for example, you know what a better example is?

When George Bush invaded Iraq, he was hoping that they would find those weapons, right? Had he found those weapons, people would argue well, then that was justified. However, because we didn't have enough evidence to go in, regardless of whether or not he found those weapons, regardless of whether or not something good came of it, he wasn't justified in going in to begin with, logically. You understand the difference? When you say logic, all you mean is you're satisfied with it internally. But logically, there is, there needs to be, you need to define an outcome for there to be logic.

Is it morally justifiable? Is it legally justifiable? Logically, it doesn't make any sense. Logically, it was logical. Logically, Saddam Hussein lied about having weapons of mass destruction. For him, that was logical, because it was self-preservation. Right. I don't understand how you're rebutting my point here.

I'm saying the way you're setting that up, the way you're saying it just doesn't make any sense. Logically justifiable. It doesn't make any sense. Well, if you're, look, if it's a 50-50 toss-up, then it's logically ambiguous whether or not you should. If your goal is to have a certain outcome and you have good reason to believe that that outcome will happen, that reason is justification.

However, if that reason is bad, if you don't have that justification, then you can still do the action that has a positive outcome that wasn't justified. That's the difference. All right. These are just nebulous words that you're using that aren't real. It's a real. Yeah, if something is good doesn't mean anything. If something is just logically justifiable,

if there's no context for them, they don't make any sense. But sure. I don't care. Dick, again, there might be some good that came out of the riots in Baltimore, but I don't think that the violence is justified. And I don't think that that's a contradictory statement. Then they're a huge problem. They're not a huge problem. They could be a huge problem.

We don't know yet, Dick. If nothing good comes of this riot, then I will come back a year from now, and I will cede the point. I'll say, hey, Dick Masterson, you were right. Those riots were awful. However, I suspect, I hope and I suspect that something good will come of this. I'm sure you'll find it. You're looking for it. Well, I mean, it's possible.

It's possible that I'm susceptible to confirmation bias. I'm smart enough to know that. Yeah. You want to wrap up? Yeah, vote up dumb people, people, people. Vote up dumb people, guys. My problems this week, Dick, were riots and dumb people. Mine was the Apple Watch and polio.

Great. Vote up monkeys as a problem, guys. Don't forget to vote up monkeys. Happy Osama bin Laden Death Day. Thanks for listening to the bonus episode. See you next month. Not quite as catchy as see you next Tuesday. No, it's not.

I got some voicemails. I don't know if any of them are good, though. I get that you don't think that monkeys are a biggest problem in the universe. I get that you like looking at them at the zoo. That's fine. I respect those feelings you have. You and I are free to like what be like. For bringing them in as one of the biggest solutions in the universe?

That's where I draw the line. Yeah. I thought we had something special in our relationship. But hearing you tell monkeys as a solution to our problems made me be considered. You would be a real solution, Dick. You're not jerking off the monkeys at the zoo anymore. going back to being the man I fell in love with. Come back to me, Dick.

Maybe I'll treat you to do a couple of $70 steaks at the Pacific 90 car. I do have a good $7 million steak. Your girlfriend, Dick Masterson. Yeah, you know what else I missed? Your old Max Law song. These third-second clips of Titanic just aren't the same. Yeah.

Yeah, well, well, Dick. Oh, I'm sorry to disappoint you, Dickhead, but I'm actually, the solutions I bring in are make more sense. There are bigger solutions than the solutions that Dick brings in. You're gonna get your ass kick this month.

Those solutions are horrible. They're both enormous problems. Yeah. Well, says you. Hello, friends. This is Sexbad. I'm calling in regard to Biggest Solution

Numbers, episode six. Yeah. Maddox, I'm going to delve into a bit of armchair psychology for a bit. He sounds like the Twilight Zone guy. Yeah, he does. You say that your shitty neighbor can't hide behind

a shield of insanity or anything like that. but I think that you've let your hatred of the elderly overshadow your hatred of children. It seems very likely and very obviously to me that she's had to regressed back to the mental age of five or never progressed beyond that in first place. She is doing exactly why many children do there. I can't listen to that one. Yeah, man, that sounded like an episode of Twilight Zone where it was the voicemail that never fucking ended. I'll try one more.

I do hate kids, though. This is what Maddox's future wife will sound like in his Oculus. Rift world. Right. Have fun fucking a robot, Madex, because it'll be the only pussy you will ever get.

Fine with me. Fuck yourself. Go fuck yourself. I'll fuck myself all day in the Oculus Rift. Fun fucking a robot. You'll see. I'm gonna fuck myself.

Day and night. It's gonna be incredible. I can't wait. You know what? My wife in the Oculus Rift is gonna look like? You. Bingo.

All right.