The Biggest Problem in the Universe: Uncucked - Episode 101

Episode Date: June 29, 2018

Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe, the show where we discuss every problem in the universe, from smallpox to hard knocks, with over 6 million downloads. This is the only show where you decide what should or shouldn't be on the big list of problems. I'm Maddox with me as Dick. Hey, what's up, buddy. And Sean, our audio engineer. Hello. We did it, guys. We did what no one thought we couldn't do.

I'm glad I didn't bet on us making it to 100 episodes. Yeah. I would have lost that bet. You lose quite a few bets. Betts are only fun if they're long shots. That's why. I only look for the longest, dumbest bet you can make. That's the bet I make, because that's the fun one.

Well, speaking of, Dick, for the bonus episode last month, we did make a bet. One of our fans became an unwitting participant in a bet. Oh, yeah. And we have the conclusion. I think we have the conclusive proof of what... I have a voicemail from him if you want to hear it. I think there's definitely going to be a fight over this conclusion. Yeah, because if Maddox brought it up, he thinks he's right.

He's definitely wrong. All right, let's hear it. Here is the voicemail that, what was his name? Commander. Comrade Crats. Comrade Crats. Okay, here's the voicemail for men. Holy shit, Maddox, you fucking dunce. You usually believe that the Voyager, a craft that's been hurtling through space

at like 36,000 miles per hour to the last like 39 years is really only 114 million miles away. Like 12.5 billion, you fucking simple. Okay. I'm sorry, I have to go skydiving. Yeah. Here was the bet. He called in and said, you're an idiot.

Yeah. Because you said the Voyager spacecraft was solar-powered, and I said Voyager was nuclear-powered. Ah. Plutonium. Yeah, something like that. We don't know. We don't have a record of it.

We don't know. It's solar-powered. Don't be an idiot. And I said, well, I don't know. Someone else will check on that. This guy calls in and says, Maddox, obviously, it's nuclear-powered, because there's not enough photons out there to power a solar panel.

Well, that's not true. There are. Okay. It's possible. It's possible for what? Look, he might be right, but that's not the reason he's right, shithead. Say that. You can say that slower.

You can have a correct... You arrived at that the wrong way. That's why we like common core so much, right? Because you can get the right answer and still get a zero credit. Yes, but that's not the point of it. The point is to think correctly and to arrive at the conclusion in the proper way. Otherwise, you just guessed. You know what?

If you want a test, if you on a multiple choice test, you just guess the answer and you get a correct. You're like, well, I guess I knew the answer. It's like, no, you didn't shit. How did you guess? You didn't know the answer. Speaking of guessing. And during his voicemail, he said that Voyager's 20 billion miles from Earth. And you said, that's preposterous.

It is. So I said, Maddox, hazard a guess. What do you, how far away do you think Voyager is? Well, look, a lot of numbers were thrown out that episode, okay? A lot of numbers, a lot of things. We'll talk about the conclusion of that bet. on the bonus episode. We don't have to talk about it today.

Well, what did you say? I said, you know what? My mind's a little foggy right now. Said 100 million miles. No, I don't. You know what? Let's not quote. Let's not quote.

Everyone can go by the bonus episode and hear for themselves what you said after thinking about it for a little bit. There is a hook. And then what was the bet? The bet was for $12. Whoever was closest to the actual amount wins the $12. Right. And if you were right, I would pay you on behalf of Commander Crumbs or whatever his name is. Comrade Crads.

And if he's right, you got to pay him $12. Allegedly. That was the bet you made. I'll go back and I'll listen to that episode. As I often do, I relisten to old episodes and I'll see exactly what the bet was. But, you know, I don't want to get into the details, especially like who won, who lost that bet. It's not important. It's not important right now.

I don't even know if you guys came up with what constitutes close. No, whoever's closest. Whoever's closest. Just because someone might be off by a couple orders of magnitude. That's okay. Or whoever's close. Or both people. Or both people, okay?

No, moving on. Not off by orders of magnitude. You know what? Go look up orders of magnitude. Yeah, I got orders of magnitude for you, Dick. The biggest problem in the universe from last week, our big episode 100 was addiction. Hey, Sean, your problem. people thought was the biggest problem we brought in last week.

What a vote grab. Yeah, you fuck. And then followed by asteroids, which a lot of people thought I brought in hysterios is the problem. And that's why they voted it up. That's funny. And then followed by women, dead last, but it was still in the positive territory.

All you cucks out there not voting up women? Yeah, that's what they are. Good job, Sean. So addiction, even though, like, I don't think it's a vote grab. Because there's no point. we're going to cover all the problems. And sometimes we discuss the problems ahead of time, what problems we're going to bring in,

and sometimes you'll want to bring in a problem that you feel very passionately about, and I yield to you, and vice versa. What are you talking about? Problems that we bring into the show. I know. What is this in reference to? That whatever problem that we have, like if Sean hadn't brought in addiction,

eventually you or I would have. One of us would have brought it in. We have to. It's a problem. Yeah. Yeah. All the problems in the end. That's the name of the show. All right.

Anyway, and Sean, in deference to you, a lot of people in the comments said that I talked over you last time. Wait, can I let them speak for themselves? I got some voice comments on there. Oh, great. Here we go. Because it sounded like it was kind of your problem anyway. We finally get to hear a problem from Sean, and you spend half the episode interrupting and talking over him. Shut the fuck up and let the man speak.

Nevertheless, comments like that? There were some comments like that. So in deference to you, Sean, if there was. is anything else you wanted to add to the problem? Because it's a huge problem. We didn't even have enough time to cover the... I feel like we could have spent the entire scope of the episode. Oh, we could have.

And conversations go how they go. And that's, you can't, especially on this show, you can't plan out a conversation. Because it's going to take a million lefts, you know, when you think it's going to go right. So everybody talked the right amount. People got the idea of it. So it's... I got some amazing emails, actually. But also, and the shows are edited, too, guys.

Sometimes we have content that we cut from the show because of length, because of length, because of pacing, because it's not on point in context. Yeah. Although, really not that often, though. Like, people ask me that all the time. Very little is edited out of these shows. The show is pretty much the show. Correct. On average?

It should be that. On average, on average, because Dick, not everyone has to hear every single brain fart you make. When I was sitting with a podcast, I did a podcast for a friend of mine one time. And I sat down in front of the camera, and I noticed that on camera, I was off frame. And I decided, you know what?

I'm not going to tell him, because he's looking at the same screen I'm looking at. I'm going to see if he fixes it. He didn't. And then throughout the entire episode, I kept hinting, I said, look, you got to edit. Editing is key. You have to put out your best version of yourself.

Of course. To your listeners. I hate listening to a podcast and feeling like I'm the first person who's ever heard it. I hate that feeling. I hate feeling like no one's ever heard it. No one's ever checked it for quality. No one's ever checked it for audio levels, for sound effects, for mixing, all that shit.

It's a professional product we're putting out, and I'm proud of. And on average, I cut about two minutes out of a 90-minute episode. So you're not missing much. And if you want to hear what I cut, I can make a super cut of that and post it online. Or you could just throw up an episode without cutting it and see what people say. Take a real risk. I have posted a few episodes. I mean, here's the thing.

You're not going to notice a huge difference in most of these episodes. It's a bunch of us and weird pauses and, like, fucking up reading. Exactly. It's a bunch of ums and us, uh, stutters, things like that. And then sometimes if a voicemail goes on too long, I'll edit that, you know, just little things here and there. It's not, uh, it's not huge. Here's one that's going to go on too long. Hey guys, this is Maddox, and this is how I talk. You see, I wanted to sum up what I said in the previous episode 100 about addiction. Because, you know, I'm a writer. And when I want to know something, I go to YouTube and I find that five-minute YouTube clip and God, he's fucking idiots. I'll tell the whole world.

You know what, Sean? I know you've done with addiction a lot and that's great, but I'm a writer. And I watched a YouTube video once. And I'm going to interrupt you with my own oversimplification.

He doesn't sound like a writer. You're right. Everything up for people. You're welcome. This guy sounds like I wouldn't have it any other way. Yeah. That guy sounds like a paper pusher.

This guy actually is serious. It's not you. Hi guys, this is Daniel from Seattle. In response to the latest episode that Sean Brown in problem of addiction, did anybody else notice that the one cock sucker in the room that admitted that he did not have a problem talked over the guy who had a problem? I mean, we get the points.

You have to be the biggest fuckstick asshole in the universe. You make me wish that an asteroid would hit this point and knock out these people of the people. So assholes like you wouldn't be around to interrupt people who actually know what the fuck they're talking about. In all seriousness, though, that guys, I have an appointment at the Veterans Administration Hospital this Friday to undergo alcohol treatment, and I was going to cancel it until I hurt Sean's problem. And it didn't inspire me to do it. So I do appreciate bringing that problem, and it means a lot.

Maddox, go to hell. Dick, go to rehab. Fucking asshole. Thanks, guys. Thanks, man. Good for you. Oh, that's not true. They all make that shit up so they can get on the show.

Fooled me. You know what? That's a challenge to you, shithead. I don't think you're going to get sober. That's a challenge. Jesus Christ. Is that a bad thing to say to an addict? No.

You know what? Maybe that'll get the fire under his ass. I want to see that guy sober. Because then maybe he'll realize what a brilliant mind he was shitting on. Maybe he'll realize, and he'll apologize. He'll write me a handwritten note someday, and he'll say, Maddox, I was wrong. I was a fucking idiot. As one of his steps.

Yeah. He needs to apologize as someone he's wronged. That's me. That's me. Yeah. Winner. I got one more. Then you expect a letter from like everyone in the universe.

Pretty much, yeah. All right, I got, oh boy, I got two more if you can stomach them. Is it more shooting on me? Let me get this straight. Meteors and terrorism. You took a problem that is generally fearmongered that doesn't kill a lot of people, and you took another problem that has killed almost no people, and you fearmongered it even more.

That's true. No. What is wrong with? not true. That's kind of true. You did spend the whole episode saying that we should pool all of our money to protect against asteroids. And they haven't killed anybody. Absolutely.

Dick, you don't, the scope of But Ebola has killed people. The scope of damage that asteroid can cause, right? Yeah. Is 100%. So you have to react to it. Because when it happens, you don't react afterwards and be like, well, yeah, I guess it wiped out

like 10 million people. We should probably have a defense system, that's too late. You need to be prepared for it so it doesn't get to that point. And by the way, it's... Isn't that fear-mongering? No, not with asteroids, because we know it's an inevitability. It's 92 people per year, on average, because based on these huge cataclysmic events, like if the Tunguska event happened over New York, they averaged, they amortize that over the course of a century, and they said that's on average, about 92 people per year get killed by asteroids. Now, we know that's not

the case, thankfully. But... that's what you're looking at if an asteroid actually hit. And by the way, that's only a city-sized asteroid. But 9-11 did happen. No Tunguska events happened on New York. Yeah, what percentage of the population did 9-11 wipe out? More than asteroids? Zero percent.

All right. Well, what I found amazing was that Tunguska, that event, how big was that? It was like, what, like nine or ten feet wide? Yeah, it was not that big. It's tiny that. It's amazing I could do that. Yeah, it was a couple of parked cars next to each other, or maybe one. It doesn't take much for one of these aspects.

And by the way, they're black bodies. Size doesn't matter. What's that? Size doesn't matter. Oh. I got a comment here from Melvis Preston. Sounds like a real name. He says, fuck asteroids, build a wall, and have the Martians pay for it.

Oh. Good solution. And then I got a comment from Silius. I was bringing up Trump. Well, this guy, the comment did. I don't know. This guy's Silius. This guy in the comment did.

I'm just passing on this information that happened to be on the website. That I selected from... 600 comments. I mean, I didn't mention Trump on the show. I never mentioned Trump to begin with. No, no, to begin with. You just did. On this show.

I mean, the show, the biggest problem in the universe. Not this episode. The show. I didn't mention Trump. You brought in fuckface Donald Trump as a problem. After you kept saying, Make America Great again, I went to a Trump rally. Trump, Trump, Trump. Okay.

He had no choice. I had no choice. Yeah, I put you, sorry for putting you in that position. I mean, you don't want to talk about, that's the position that Mexico has put us in. Go ahead. Yeah. I mean, you don't want to talk about Trump. Don't mention Trump.

I won't mention Trump. You just did. No, no, but I'm saying if you, going forward, I can have a, this can be a Trump free zone. We need a $12 bag. I got a comment from Celia Soros. He says, go ahead, sillysaurus. What did he say? Celia Soros says, I like Sean's problem.

Addiction is like an asteroid hitting you before the real asteroid. Yeah. Combining two problems. I don't think so. And then... Hey, no asteroid has ever got in a fight with me at a bar, right? No asteroid has ever thrown me out of an Uber because I said the wrong thing

about some asteroid sister. Statistically speaking, dick, it's going to... It's bound to happen. It's bound to happen. I got a voicemail. I got a voicemail. Actually, Sean, I don't know when you had time to do this, but... Oh, God.

I got a voicemail from Sean. This will be rich. This is Sean. You're out of going to go into. This is how I talk. I was going to record a message, a voicemail for you guys. Congratulations you on 100 episodes. Sorry about that.

Congratulations on 100 episodes, guys. Yeah, I'll see you at the show this week. Sean, nice to you call in. In between Bongribs. That was after like episode 50, I think. I forgot what number we were on. Uh-huh. Yeah.

Forgot. All right, Dick. Got anything else? No. Should we get to a problem? Sure. All right. My problem is, well, you know, it's 420 tomorrow.

Did you know that? Yeah. You don't have to take your time. You can just trust my mouth on this one. I figured it out. Yeah, it's 420. I looked ahead. I know when 420 is. You're not going to wish happy birthday to a certain person, are you?

It's Hitler's birthday. It's, it is. Well, to some people, it's Hitler's birthday. Yeah. To some people, it's a day to call in sick and get high all day. Why are you looking at me? Sean, everyone's looking at you But

Sean, I know you don't have a work to call in to There's two things that will never die On this podcast Yeah It's the deletion and the sativa shan Oh, there's a lot There's more than that Guys, you're derailing my problem

By interrupting But to libertarians 420 is a great day To talk about government waste And overreach And the militarization of the philippes My problem is a war on drugs Okay.

Big problem. So where did this come from? He doesn't get applause? No, I never get applause. No, that's true. What do you mean? Where did it come from? I can give applause a couple episodes ago.

That's true. Yeah, no, the war on drugs, where did the war on drugs come from? Where did that phrase go from? Where did the concept come from? Oh, I don't know. Nancy Reagan? Under the Reagan administration? I mean, Nixon kind of started it, but did you know?

Are you asking, because you know, or are you asking the question? Both, yeah. I'm asking because, so the listener knows, so we have some background and also I think everybody knows what the war on drugs is. It's a criminalization of drugs. It's gone way back, though. Like, we've been slowly criminalizing drugs since there have been drugs in America.

Well, you're right, yeah, but you're right, Nixon also, he wanted to keep an eye on the counterculture. So he was having... Well, it's always been racist in nature. Criminalizing any drugs of any kind of... I'll get to that, but what it is now is a system of crazy laws to me, and outrageous spending waste that have turned,

that have created entire departments of paramilitary groups to crack down on something that everyone does and it hurts pretty much nobody. We spend, we've spent a trillion dollars on the war on drugs since Nixon, we've spent one trillion dollars. That's like $50 billion a year. You know what NASA's budget is? What's that?

Like 900, I don't know, I don't know. It's like $20 billion a year. The NASA's budget? 18 billion dollars a year. Yeah. We're spending two and a half times that every year to stop people from getting high. Yeah. Doesn't that seem a little?

You should hate that. Oh, I do. Because I know you love space. If we spent that money on building more NASA's, we'd get people real high. High here you go. Yeah. Yeah. Space elevator, projected costs.

I don't know where they get this. Space elevator projected costs $6 billion, $6 to $20 billion. Two space elevators. Why don't you cancel the war on drugs, give me two space elevators. Sure. A year. Every year. You could get 1.6 billion Oculus Rifts, MSRP, 600 bucks.

That's one for one-seventh of the world's population. But three or four years, four or five years, you could put the whole world in VR. I can't wait. With no war on drugs, that's what I'm saying. No war on drugs. So, but again, the war on drugs, this concept, this phrase, came from the 80s specifically, right? Yeah.

During the Reagan administration. That's when I, because you and I, we grew up, you I and Sean, grew up in a specific generation, because all I remember growing up when I was a kid is... Dare. Yeah. Dare to say no to drugs. And the ribbons.

And the ribbons, there was ribbons. Nancy Reagan had a huge campaign. And I thought, when I was a kid, I thought it was a good campaign. You thought the dare campaign was a good campaign? I mean, I grew up in Utah. There were no drugs around me. There were no drugs, but we got us.

stop being on these drugs, right? Yeah. I mean, that's what, like, I remember DARE when it came to my little school in Arizona, and they're like, well, you guys, you got to stay off drugs. Like, man, this is the first time I've ever heard of drugs. Because when you guys came in here with these fucking DARE shirts, what's all this drugs about? What are you talking about? At my school, they brought in like a display case.

Yeah, with like all kinds, it's like, this is this, this is this, and I guess they educated you, but yeah, I'd never seen any of that shit before. No. Well, sorry, going Well, the dare, they rolled out this program nationwide without, and you should like this, without any evidence that it works at all, right?

You would think you brought in the homeless problem, and according to you, it works, like, let's see if this works and then roll it. Well, we can get to that. We know it works in Utah. We know it works in Utah. We don't, though. And it works in Canada.

They changed the way they counted homeless people. No, Dick, that's the fire. No, no, no, no, no. Sorry and it brought it up. No, no, no, no. that's a fucking bullshit-ass AEI Institute. This right-wing think tank came out with us...

Ad-hominum attack. Hold on, I'm not done. I'm not done. Let's not interrupt. The AEI Right-wing think tank Institute, right? The same people who miraculously came out with a study that said fast food is healthy for you, right when

McDonald's needed a PR bump when Super Size Me came out. These are the people who came out with a study saying, oh, it's an accounting thing. You know, really, if you look at the numbers and you compound them this way, the specific way, there's actually, no, it's a net neutral. But they didn't use the same accounting system

in other cities where the same project has worked. Same project, same exact method, and it's worked in multiple cities. But the AEI Institute is coming out to poo on this and saying it doesn't work. Tell that to the guy who moved back to Chicago and is living with his family and is now a contributing

taxpayer. Tell that to that guy who's no longer living on the streets. Tell him it doesn't work. Go ahead. We get it. You like the homeless. We got it. We get it. You want to fix homelessness. Speaking of taxes, If illegal drugs were taxed, we'd get $50 billion in taxes. And we'd save another 50. It's a 50 billion fighting it every year.

That's $100 billion. Holy shit, that's a lot of money. The war on drugs costs an incredible amount and also gets people killed. Right. Dude, even worse, it gets 2 million people put in prison every year. Yeah. Like, if you just look at it from an ideological perspective, like, Don't do drugs because they'll ruin your life, right?

Which I'm not arguing. Like, yeah, don't do drugs because they will fuck up your life a little bit. Well, and that's where the responsibility part is in. Going to prison will fuck up your life way worse. That's on your record forever. There are programs that exist to get ex-cons jobs because it's so hard for them to get hired. Absolutely. Yeah, no, I mean, talk about a stigma.

Going to prison, you always, even if you went for something minor. You can hide the drug use. You can't hide. I was in prison. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's on your record. That's rough. But I'm talking about the people who get killed who have to enforce some of these laws. You know what I mean? The DEA agents? Yeah. Well, they're not just in America, but in South America as well.

It's a huge problem because we are causing a lot of crime to happen in South America. We've ruined Mexico. Well, it's definitely hurt Mexico. Oh, my God. It's changed the entire country. It's run by cartels. Those are, there's a very few cities. It's not the entire country. The entire country is not run by cartels. But there are certain cities that are very cartel-heavy. They're very dangerous.

I agree, totally. And the other thing is the cost to policing, Sean, you kind of mention this. The cost of policing this, Dick, is that figured into your figures? The $100 billion, you said, we'd say per year? 50 billion, yeah, that's the cost of policing. The other 50 is the missing tax revenue that we would get on drugs. Colorado's doing really well with the- Oh, yeah. Yeah, Colorado's do, it's a big boom to the economy.

And also, I think, I don't know if over time. it would stay that high because I think people when they're deprived. What would stay what high? The income they're getting from the tax revenue on marijuana. You don't think it would stay as high as 50 billion? Well, I think that we're seeing a bump because people were so deprived for so long and a lot of people

are curious and a lot of people would try it for the novelty, but I think over time you would see it normalized. It's just like in Denmark. In Denmark it's pretty much legal. A lot of people, you can pretty much smoke any time you want and what they find is it kind it just becomes a stable, just a staple of the economy, just like any other commodity.

So it's not a big deal. It's not this like novelty. So we may be seeing a boom right now and it may trickle off over time, but yeah, you're going to get tax revenue from drugs. Yeah, I don't think whether it's legal or whether it's not legal has anything but a very minuscule effect on actual drug use. That's what I was going to ask. Yeah. Are there stats like in... Well, there's here. If the illegal drug trade was a country, it would be one of the top 20 economies in the world. $320 billion is spent in the illegal drug trade. That's not, and that's as illegal as it gets.

It's already, it's already in the top 20 economies in the world. So if we're talking like little ebbs and flows, I don't think anything's going to take a big bite out of that number. But I'm talking about people because the argument is, well, if you legalize drugs, then you're going to have more drug addicts. That's the simplistic argument against it, right? It's like, oh, it's going to encourage people. It's the whole stupid thing about, you know, hey, if you give out condoms in school, it's going to encourage kids to have sex.

Well, that's the thing. It's like, drugs are treated unlike any other thing that we have a problem with. Like, uh, teenage pregnancy. You don't say, well, that's illegal then for kids to have sex. We don't, we don't collectively think that's a good idea, nor do we do it, right? To educate them. To illegalize teen sex. Yeah, yeah.

Because that would be, because that would be insane. And that, banging a teenage, two teenagers banging is way more difficult. than a teenager getting high by himself. And we at least treat the banging situation like it should be educated to. Like, hey, we would love to make this teenage sex thing illegal because it would just fix it. But instead, we've got to break our backs educating you stupid kids on how to use condoms or how to get an IUD. We'll even pay you for it. We'll make it free because that's like a sensible way to go about it.

But when it comes to drugs, like teenager getting high, you're going straight to fucking jail. Yeah. No way. We're not educating you at all. jail. Yeah. It's pretty ridiculous. And it disproportionately affects lower income neighborhoods. Blacks, especially. Ten times more likely, you're ten times more likely to go to prison if you're black for a drug offense than you are if you're white and you're less likely to use it. You're less likely to use drugs if you're black than why? I don't know. I don't know why that is.

That's a fascinating study. I just recently read about this. Slightly less likely, but still less likely. Well, yeah, but that's like. Even if it was way more likely. So, yeah, doesn't correspond with the rate of incarceration at all. Yeah, that's the stereotype is that black people do more drugs, especially in lower income. But that study came out, Dick, that you mentioned, is they found that black people are less likely to do drugs, but more likely to get arrested for doing drugs. Yeah, for sure. It's, if you're likely to be an abuser, it's like, here it is, it's 15% Native American, 9.2% for whites, 5% for African Americans, and 3.5% for Asians. Randy. You guys are the big

winners on the addiction front. That's how likely you are to be addicted to drugs. But you're way more likely to be arrested. Randy's addicted to math homework. Sean with the Zinger. Where's cool Sean Zinger? Sean with the Zinger. Oh, yeah.

Nailed it. All right, so here's this is telling. In the 80s, like before the war on drugs really kicked it into fourth gear. 40,000 people were in U.S. jails and prisons for drug crimes. Now it's more than 500,000. So it's like that's a lot of new meat to feed into the for-profit prison system.

Right, right. This is a huge problem, Dick. This is a problem with many different heads and it leads into other problems. The prison system you mentioned specifically, it leads to higher unemployment because once you get incarcerated, you come out and that's always going to be on your record. Oh, you can't escape it. And then we're coming full circle because you talked about the problem of blacks being arrested disproportionately compared to how much they do the crime or drugs, right? Now you have all these black people who come out of prison, who have this prison record on their employment record, their history, essentially. Then they apply for a job, and you know when you're applying for a job, you see on your application, have you ever been convicted as a felon?

You have to check that box. Man, put yourself in the position of a hiring manager, and you see that on you. your resume. Trash. Right. Instantly. You're not supposed to, but most people probably do because they don't want to even get into it. They don't want to take the risk.

They don't want to know about it. You've been to prison. Why should I hire you over these 10 other applicants who are qualified and haven't been to prison? It's going to be a stigma on the rest of your life, the record of the rest of your life, and then it leads to higher crime rates because of unemployment, and it just becomes a vicious cycle. And there's no quality control for drugs. Oh, that's true.

That's a good point. I've never eaten a pizza and turned to my friend and said, does this pizza taste like there's a little bit of heroin in it? Like, do you think this pizza has any meth in it? I feel really weird. No, because there's a gigantic agency making sure that that doesn't happen. Otherwise, we're like, well, I got to eat this pizza because it took me like three hours to get for some reason,

and I had to schmooze up a guy I haven't spoken to in two years. The bad part of town. Speaking of pizza and drugs. And regulation. Yeah. Yeah. Right before. We're getting to the delicious regulation.

Right before Colorado legalized pot. Yeah. Like a month before, Peyton Manning bought something like 15 Papa John's franchises. And I'm going, what a fucking genius. What a fucking genius. Yeah, that's a good call. That's a good call for the munchies effect.

Oh, my God. Which I guess is true, right? I mean, I don't smoke, but you get munchies when you smoke? No, I can't. I go out of my way not to smoke weed because all I want to do is lay on the couch and eat. And I'm, thank God, it makes me too lazy to eat or I weigh like 600 pounds. Like, I can't even move my finger to order properly, to order eat 24 properly. So, but that's a, that's, that speaks to the therapeutic effect of marijuana sometimes, which, uh, for the longest time, I didn't believe any of this stuff.

I didn't believe. I felt like most people who want to smoke just should say they want to smoke and that's the reason they want to do it. I think that's true, but there is medical evidence. It's more and more of it. There is, especially for hospital patients who have lost their appetite due to chemotherapy and things like that. It can help activate your appetite again. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Let's see. How about respect for the law? This is a weird, this is kind of an obtuse point about it. But I do think, I'm not a big fan of, I'm not a fan of the police, you could say. A large part of that is because they're always cracking down. on something that I don't think is wrong. How can you respect that? How can any, if everyone in America is doing this is getting high,

and they're telling you all the time for no reason, for reasons that you don't understand, that make no sense that you're not allowed to do it and they're throwing you in prison for it or finding you for it, how can you have any respect for that institution? It's driven a gigantic wedge between what used to be, like the Andy Griffith show, the friendly town sheriff, who is there to protect you.

And I assume wants to protect you. Now he's policing what you put in your body. There's a big difference to that. And I think it's evolved into this atmosphere of hating police. Well, the problem is the laws on the books that they have to enforce. Well, but yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, you and I, like, I've got a longtime friend who had a long career with the sheriff's department.

And Dick knows him well, too. Yeah. And he used to go on the, he used to lead the raids as a sergeant. Right. Out in the high desert out here, north of L.A., a lot of meth and stuff out there. And I've never heard him say anything different than our drug laws are archaic, and we shouldn't be doing this. Right. Well, Dick, so of all the things you said, I agree with most of it.

But something I take issue with was something you said at the top of this problem, which is that it hurts no one. Now, we know for a fact that drugs definitely do hurt people. Not only do they hurt people who get addicted, but they hurt people sometimes even recreationally. if you use it recreationally. Like certain drugs like acid, certain drugs like... Wait, why do you think acid hurts people? It can cause permanent changes in your brain psychology, in your brain chemistry. You can have acid flashbacks for the rest of your life just by even trying it once.

It's not that bad. Well, for most people, right. But for some people, if they even try it once, you can have that acid flashback. You know what's way fucking worse? Sugar, fast food, McDonald's. Okay, hold on. $600,000. deaths from heart attacks and from obesity in the U.S. alone worldwide, drugs cause 200,000 deaths.

Okay. That's it. Okay. But it's not just deaths. We're not talking about just deaths. What I was going to say is that it can cause holes inside your brain. It actually destroys brain matter. Some of these drugs you take, and if you get to a certain point, you stop being self-sufficient,

you have cognitive disorders, you're not a functional member of society, and then what? Great. You're a drain on the health care system. Don't do drugs. Already, we've got millions of people in jail. So let me put it to you this way then. I'm going to skip past the point where I say, you have no right to moralize what I do with my brain or my body.

You have no right to do that. And number two, totally inconsistent with all of our other values to society. Drugs, horrible, because they chew up your brain. Public is wildly misinformed about that. You even said yourself acid could cause holes in your brain the last for the rest of your life. Right. That's just as crazy as an asteroid killing you. Like, the odds of that are phenomenally low.

However, I will say this. If we're looking at supporting these whatever ruined drug addicts you're talking about, would you rather put them up and pay for their prison stay for 20 years? For getting caught? Or would you rather deal with maybe every once in a while someone's, drug themselves out into a seven style laying in bed, no more tongue, like totally destitute, and have to put them in some kind of hostile.

If you're really weighing the economics of it, which one do you think saves money? The prison or the hospital? I don't know which one... Because you have to do the hospital anyway. Okay. So why are we paying for the prison part? I don't know which one would eventually save the most money.

I don't know. I'd have to look into that. I think that's a larger discussion that requires some... studying. I know which one I'd prefer just from an ethical standpoint, which is the hospital, because at least it doesn't leave the stigma on your record for the rest of your life. Yeah, that's tough.

And you can't prevent the hospital one anyway. Prison sure as hell isn't doing it. Yeah, but it does. I mean, let's not pretend like drugs are totally harmless, and they are totally innocent, and it's just a recreational. They're way less harmless than every single thing everybody does every day. They're less harmless than the shit we put in our bodies to eat. drugs are less harmful than what people eat every day.

Well, here's the thing, though. Like, in my family, there's been social services called multiple times because they're neglecting their kids. The kids don't have a choice in the matter. So if you just want to make a blanket statement that drugs aren't harmful, I mean, they are, and I don't think you're saying that, but it's they don't have a choice. Like if the parents do drugs, but on the flip side...

That's why we have social services. Great. Take the kids. But on the flip, well, yeah, but you... You don't know what happens to kids in social services. It's worse than... If you're talking about, like, serious neglect, like, the kids are starving, then, you know, that's the best we can do. There's no good fix for that.

No, there's not. There's not. But at the same time, whether they're legal or not, if you have kids, you need to decide that those kids are more important or you need to not do drugs. But we have, we have case studies where people have made that decision over and over and over again and they choose the drugs because and here's where I just agree with you dick. The laws don't help. That's right. Yeah, the laws

aren't making it harder to getting any drugs. It doesn't seem like they do. Hold on. Let me make it and let me play devil's advocate here for a second. Yeah, sure. Because let's say that drugs were more readily available and easier for people to get. That's a huge potential risk. Like this is politically, hold on, let me finish

this point. It's political, it's political suicide. It's a landfill. It's a minefield to walk through to try to propose some legislation that may make more addicts. If any politician came through and said, okay, the war on drugs isn't working, let's make them legal. And then suddenly you see a big bump in heroin addicts or people who are addicted to meth. And then that's political suicide, not just for that person, but for the potential party or people who voted that legislation in. So it's not as simple as simply saying, okay, well, let's just get rid of the war on drugs.

How do you effectively do that? And is it actually worse than the food that people are eating? because no one can agree on whether or not eggs are good for you or butter is good for you or milk is good for you. Like every fucking week there's a study. No one can agree on if acid chews holes in your brain either. No, it does. The amount of misinformation about drugs is so out of control that I think if it was about something you cared about, like if it was about video games or meat or something that you enjoyed every once in a while,

your tune would be totally different. Like if it was just X, if we replaced the word drugs with something else, Not only your opinion, but everybody's opinion would be wildly different about it. Well, I had an uncle who had a brain scan, like a CT scan, I guess. And the doctor came in and he said, Mr. So-and-so, you don't have to answer this, but have you abused cocaine? You know, you can see it right on his brain. Yeah, you can see it. It's not like you're saying, Dick.

It's not like the research is at this. The jury's out still. We're trying to decide whether or not it does. There are x-rays. You can Google this right now. There are x-rays of holes in people's brains that they've seen on MRI scans because they did too much. drugs. But you said once. That's the issue. You said once.

That's crazy fear-mongering. That's like saying ecstasy kills tons of people. It doesn't. No, no, no. I said recreational use. If you do occasional recreational use, even that can have that kind of effect. But one time for... No, I specifically was talking about acid. If you use acid one time, you can still have flashbacks for the rest of your life.

Now, I know it may be unlikely. I know it may be rare, but it is a possibility and it's something that you have to really consider if you're at a party and someone slips you a pill, which, by the way, you don't know what it's cut with, you don't know how the, you know, that goes back to the regulation of drugs. Yeah, the idea that we're discussing these crazy statistical anomalies as a function of, like, massive government bureaucracies is kind of retarded to me. Now, here's what I want to know. Are there countries where, because Maddox, you were talking

about, you know, potentially more addicts, and that's always been the, the argument against ending the war on drugs. Do we have any stats or anything like that that shows that, maybe a country where drugs were illegal and are now legal and the numbers that correspond to that? I don't have those stats, but I would be wary of any stats that came out of the U.S. on that because people aren't self-reporting. Like, how can you have an accurate status? True. No, but you get it from their government. Yeah.

Well, and also there are ethical concerns with studying something like this. Like, scientists and doctors and researchers have to do no harm to their patients. So if you have someone coming into your office, you can't give them meth. can't have a control group that has meth and one has placebo and one has so on and so forth. There's ethical concerns with stuff like this. So the amount of research that we have out there, I'll agree, you know, it may be

spotty, but we know that drugs can be a problem. I think that before we start to talk about legalizing old drugs as a blanket statement, we need to find out the root causes of addiction and make sure that that doesn't happen and try to solve that problem. And I think that part of the reason that this

big war on drugs has been conflated into such a huge issue, and so many people have been put into the prison pipeline is specifically because marijuana has been illegal, which is, if you're lumping into with the other hard drugs, that's kind of like, I don't know, lumping in cigarettes

with firearms, which they do in our government. Yeah. Well, here's why you're, here's why all of that's extremely disingenuous, because you're putting the onus on the wrong side of the equation here. You're saying, make something illegal until you've proven to me that it should be legal.

And it should be legal already. The only reason it's illegal is because of racism. Every single drug has been outlawed. Let's see here. 1870s, it was Chinese immigrants with opium. Then the first anti-cocaine laws in the South came in the early 1900s against black people. Then anti-marijuana in the Midwest and the Midwest and the 1910s and 20s. at every single stage, even during Nixon, it was about race.

So to take any kind of ethical or moral high ground against addiction or whatever is an argument you're making after the fact on a law that was enacted because of racism. Like now it's like, oh, well, it was racist when we did it, but maybe it's causing some good. So let's really look at it before we roll it back. It should be instantly rolled back because there's you have no right to do it. It's totally unjust law. Well, I think that the majority of the reason may be racist. I don't think it's all, I don't think it's entirely. I do think that people do look at the data.

They look at the junkies. They look at the addicts. They look at people who have trouble with addiction. And because drugs are specifically so addictive, that's why they're a problem. And Dick, you said earlier... They're not as addictive of fast food. Okay, that's not true. You said earlier that if this was anything that I liked, that we were talking about addiction,

I brought in internet addiction as a problem. And I love the internet. I have dealt with that personally. I found myself spending hours in front of some shit to the point where I have to sabotage my own ability to surf the internet. I hide Facebook and Twitter and that sort of thing and make it difficult for myself to get to it because of internet addiction. Now, I know it's a problem,

but I don't think it's a problem to the scope of drug addiction. Here's why in your brain you don't understand what the issue is here. Imagine if the government said you using your computer to get, get on the internet for more than two hours a day was illegal. That's exactly what they're doing with drugs. Well, yeah, but me getting on the internet for, say, six, seven hours a day, unless I'm neglecting a child who's not being fed, unless I'm, you know, I'm gaming addicted. Did you hear this scenario I just said?

Yes, I heard. If they came to you and said, if you're on there for more than two hours, you're going to jail. I'm addressing what you just said. If I'm sitting there and I'm using my internet for more than that, and then I'm neglecting a child, I get it, because that's usually the case. with drugs. Drugs are illegal.

That's not the law, though. Well, okay, but that's the reason. That's the, that's the, well, okay, racism aside, racism aside, you can make the case that that's the reason. With internet addiction, it's not going to cause me permanent harm. Yeah, so imagine if you were trying to make this argument, except the internet was illegal, because that's what we're doing. Our stuff is, your stuff, all legal.

Meat, bicycles, all the stuff that you like, all legal. Drugs, illegal for no reason. Like, well, what's wrong with using the internet for a couple hours a day? Well, it's illegal. Well, now I got to argue against that? How the fuck can I argue against that when you never proved it? Yeah, I don't know, man. Not only did you never prove making it illegal helps at all.

You never proved it was a big problem in the first place. Right. Well, I'm with you, man. But where do you start to even solve this problem? Because you have this entrenched in society. Again, it's political suicide. It's states rights. Okay.

That's what do you mean how to raise your hand? That's Colorado and Washington are leading the way. Well, it's true, but that's still federally illegal. Yeah, but, you know, and that's the thing. And the civil war, you know, it was, it ended up being a war about slavery more than it was at the beginning. But it was about states' rights and the states lost. Yeah. Well, we'll have another one.

Well, you know, the race issue is a big component of this. I'll give you that. Of course. However, there's certain drugs. I don't think that most things... I don't think that most regulation comes from people sitting around being bored and trying to fuck with your life.

That's not how regulation happens. Regulation is reactive, not proactive. So you sit around... Hold on. They're not sitting around trying to come up with ways to fuck with you. For example, ayahuasca. I think is still legal in America, or maybe. There's a lot of different types of opiates

that Native Americans use in their rituals and part of their beliefs and so on and so forth, they're not illegal until I think that they find a reason to make it illegal. Or maybe, you know, Dick to be totally cynical, maybe to make it illegal to get additional revenue by finding people and putting people in jail. No, I mean, I don't think you're being nearly cynical enough. They make drugs illegal when they find that kids are using them,

and they do it to gin up alarmism. They do it to gin up a sort of religious first. that it's anti-drug-related. Like, the reason so many politicians can be as anti-drug as they are is because you don't, the only argument for it is, I don't know, personal freedom and it feels good. Like, that's a really hard,

unless you believe in personal freedom, that's a really hard argument to make because they just throw stats at you until you kind of walk away and you say, I'll just do it illegally then. Fuck you. And I bet all of you do drugs too. So fuck you too.

Like, it's all political grandstanding. Yeah. Well, it's a big problem, Dick. The war on drugs is a big problem. I'm not even sure there's a clear-cut solution. I don't even know how to get out of it. Yeah, but again, it's political suicide. No one's going to do it.

You're not running for office. What do you mean, it's political suicide? Colorado's done it. Washington's done it. No, with marijuana that has been, there's copious amount of material and fucking stoners who won't shut the fuck up about it, who will just badger your ear off about how marijuana is safe and good for you, and it cures cancer and all this other bullshit for years and then people do it and they see the effects.

And no one becomes a marijuana. junkie. No one becomes a marijuana addict. No one really... Marijuana is not a huge problem. So that's why with marijuana specifically, the states have been, a few states have been passing legislation saying, look, let's chill out on marijuana. But with other hard drugs, Dick, I don't think that that's going to be the case. It's political suicide. You think marijuana is less dangerous than cocaine? You think liquor's less dangerous than cocaine? Man. No, but we think you're, I think your drug education is very minimal. No, I didn't say that. That's a straw man argument. I didn't say that. I said specifically

marijuana. Now, if you're going to legalize meth and heroin and these other shit, and then all of a sudden you see a big spike in junkies the next year, guess what? That's fucking political suicide. That's why it's a politically untenable situation for politicians come in and say, well, you know what? Our state's going to be the first to

blanket sweep, all drugs legal. I don't think it's going to happen. I mean, I said that about gay marriage. You'd be on the side of, if I, like, if 20 years ago, I would have brought in gay marriage rights, you would have said the exact same thing then. Political suicide. It's political suicide. Because it wasn't. Because it was back then.

Right. Well, you know, hopefully there's men who were more brave in America than that. Who can say, this is wrong, this is bad, there's no proof for it. It was obviously racially motivated, as said by the head of the DEA under Nixon. Yeah. So let's just end it. It's up to you to prove that it needs to go on the books again. If there was a way to do that without attaching any politician or political party to it, I think that that would...

If there was a way to pass a law without... Yeah. Involving politicians? Yeah, because the politicians we have today in Washington, D.C. are so cowardly that they will create super, like these weird groups of bipartisan, they're bipartisan groups that pass legislation so neither party can really get the blame for it if something goes wrong. It's just so cowardly right now. Well, if the states do it, they have to do it. They have a choice. Most of the funding for the DA comes from the states anyway, I believe.

I don't have the status. All right. All right, that's my problem. You know who does support states' rights is Harry's. Today show is brought to you by Harries. Please visit Harries.com and use the promo code Biggest Problem to save $5 off your first purchase. Harry's makes, it's a German-engineered

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Thanks for supporting us, guys. All right, I got a real big problem, Dick. This may be related to your problem. I think it is in a lot of ways. Is it a super set? Good question. I don't know. I don't know, Sean.

I don't know. I'll have to think about that. But it is the Gallum effect. Have you ever heard of this? The guy in Lord of the Rings. You know, that's the first. That's the first thing I thought of, but a golem predates Lord of the Rings. A golem is originally a big stone or clay creature that comes to life magically.

Oh. Yeah. Are there too many of those roaming around? Huge problem. Yeah. Like asteroids? It actually comes from an old Jewish fable. I thought so, but I wasn't going to say that.

Yeah. No, it is. The gallom effect... Because I didn't know if it was anti-Semitic somehow. I was like, why do I know that? In this climate, dick, anything you can say can be perceived as racist or sexist or homophil. Or transphobic, everything you say is fucking wrong these days. Yeah, but I also don't know how much of my information I got off of like a thread on 4chan.

Like, I got to try to remember if I read that in a book or if I read that in a thread. Yeah. The Gallum effect is basically a type of self-fulfilling prophecy. Except instead of turning into a giant clay creature brought to life by magic, you turn into a failure. Yeah. You start out as a promising young geo dude and then bam. Next thing you know you're a gallum. God.

Who easily succumbs to water, ice, and even grass. Can you believe that? Even grass. What kind of dipshit Pokemon succumbs to grass type? Grass is the weak. Not because grass gets in the cracks. Grass gets in the cracks. That rhymes.

If you're... So it's got to be true. If you're a rock monster, like if you're an onyx or whatever, your cracks are the weakest part. That's a good point. So those vines wriggle in there. I know. I was also thinking about how much thought they put into the Pokemon evolution of these characters and why they're weak to certain types.

And I was looking at the Gio dude and the GOLM that he evolves to. And water and ice also corrode rocks. Over time, water and ice corrods rocks. And ice specifically because water gets in the cracks and then when it freezes, it expands

and then breaks apart rocks. They put a lot of thought into that, I think. And also fighting. Fighting also destroys rocks. Sure. Yeah, where's it down? Have you ever seen a kung fu movie? Come on, idiots. Look it up. Where they fight the rock clan? No, I've never seen that movie.

Where they break through the concrete. Ah. Yeah. That'd be a good movie, though. Big problem. Yeah. A bunch of Shaolin monks fighting gongs. Rock monsters.

Yeah, rock monsters. That'd be cool. Shit. All right, guys. The Gallum Effect, this is from Wikipedia. The Gallum Effect is a psychological phenomenon in which lower expectations placed upon an individual, either by supervisors or the individual themselves, lead to poorer performance by the individual. The effect is mostly seen.

and studied in education and organizational environments. It is a form of self-fulfilling prophecy. Now, the opposite of the Gallum effect is something called the Pygmalion effect, which is exactly what it sounds like when I said the opposite. So this is low expectations? That's your problem, pretty much? Well, low expectations that then become a self-fulfilling prophecy. There's a bunch of steps to how it works.

First, you form or learn the expectation, because it can be a learned expectation. Give me an example. I don't learn well without an example. For example, you hear this statistic that black people do the most drugs. Can we make it a fun example, though? Not about black people doing drugs. Yeah, I was just trying to relate it back to your problem. No, I don't want to relate it to my problem.

Okay. You want a fun, okay. I can't think of fun examples because all I can think of are depressing ones. Not a surprise. Let's say you're expecting that if you talk to a girl, it won't go well. There you go. Okay. That's still not fun, but it's better than the other depressing shit.

You know, it's good reason to live. Oh, that's a good example. Well, then it goes back to self-defeating thoughts, too. When you think that you don't have a chance of succeeding with talking to a girl or talking to a guy or a job application or whatever. Talking to a guy. Yeah, for girls. No problem. Or guys.

Oh, okay. Yeah. If you're interested in someone, you know what? I got to give some kudos to girls who hit on guys because there's a lot of stigma. a lot of times, and girls who do it, got some balls. Literal testicles. A little forward. Anyway, you form or learn an expectation, right?

That's the first step. The second is you communicate that expectation. And the third is, the behavior is adapted to meet that expectation in the person you're observing. And then the fourth is the expectation occurs. So it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. The expectation that you have of someone eventually becomes that. And it has to be bad for it to be called the Golan?

Yes. The positive of that is if you have high expectations for someone, they fulfill that expectation. Okay. So like everyone thought Frodo would get the ring to Mordor. This is so... But he wouldn't have been able to do it without Gowlem, even though Goli was an asshole, right? Is that the Golm effect? He was motivated by the Goli Fault. Yeah, he was. No, that is not the Golm effect. Thanks. I saw that movie. Maddox. I know what Golem did.

All right. Calm down. That's not the Golem effect. In 1968, there's a couple of researchers. Rosenthal and Jacobson. They asked students in an elementary school to take an intelligence pre-test, and they randomly selected 20% of the students

and told the teachers that these students, that they randomly selected, were going to have potential for intellectual growth and that they'd be sure to bloom academically within one year. Eight months later, sure enough, the students who were picked scored significantly higher on their tests.

Oh. Is that the pygmalion effect? That's a pygmalion effect. Okay. And then they did the same, a similar study with students where they picked some students. They said, well, these ones we expect to do well, these ones we expect to do poorly. And they're ugly. Right.

I mean, why not? Like if you're going to shit on kids, why not just go all the way? Well, here's the thing. The likelihood of the teacher's susceptibility to biases plays into this. So they found that it, it affects. students when the teacher is more susceptible to being biased. And a lot of people are. A lot of people, it's a cognitive bias.

I mean, it's a bias. No, I wrote my buddy's, his son was in junior high. And I wrote his paper for him one day. He was having some kind of barbecue and the kid couldn't come out and screw around because he was upstairs writing a paper. And I was like, ah, let me take a crack at that. So I just wrote his paper. Like, no big deal.

It took like 20 minutes. You got a fucking C. I got a see And I was like What? I was like, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, I know for a fact that that paper was not read And that it was just graded based on

What this kid traditionally gets Which is like in the sea range Like it pissed me off so immediately And so like I'm still mad about it It was like 10 years ago Yeah, you got a C buddy You failed a kid's test Oh yeah, that's what I usually get

I'm like, what do you mean that? That's not you didn't write the paper You motherfucker, I wrote it. How old is he? Oh, man. He was in junior high. How old is that? Maybe.

12, 13. Yeah. Maybe he... That was a great paper. I was like, what is this fucking bitch? Does she not understand what I'm saying? She probably doesn't understand what I'm saying here. I'm going to go to that school.

To be fair, Dick. Some of your pros can be very confusing as we heard in the last episode. I got a voicemail on that. Oh, good. We'll hear it at the end of the show. Yeah, some of it can be very confusing. I didn't want to ring in Trump again, though, so I didn't play it. You mentioned it.

There you go. lost the bed. Hey, but, but maybe you got the C dick because your nephew or whoever had low expectations of you. Maybe that was the gallum effect. What do you mean? My, my friend's kid had low expectations of me? Yeah, maybe that's a gallum effect. No, he didn't care. He just didn't want to write the paper. Yeah. Well, uh, so anyway, guys, this, uh, now here's, here's where I want to tie it into something that's, uh, that's more, I guess, pression. Um, this could be related to the reason why more women aren't comedians. And, you know, people, people, no, it's true.

We've got plenty of female comedians out there. Of course. People believe women aren't funny, so it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Now, I didn't really... You think women are hilarious, right? Well, of course. Okay. I don't know.

That's such a fucking load. I hate the way you ask. So loaded. Why? Why? What's wrong with that question? Okay, good. I just wanted that on the record.

I got to be honest. I got to be honest, though. when I was doing research for this problem, I wasn't thinking about this, this specific application of the Gallum effect, until this literal sentence that I wrote down about women being, you know, people thinking women aren't funny.

Who thinks that? A lot of people. A lot of people think women aren't funny. You, yeah? Yeah, that's what, yeah. He's also 100 years old and probably pisses himself when he gets up in the morning, but.

That's pretty funny. He's a comedian. He was always a physical comment. too. Go ahead. Yeah, no. If you search Google right now for the phrase, women aren't funny, you'll find thousands, hundreds of thousands of results. It's because people have that perception, and then maybe that perception becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. And this is what it says, this is according of Wikipedia, when arbitrarily informed that a particular student is bright or dull, not only

will a supervisor's behavior change to favor the bright students, as indicated by more praise or attention, the students themselves will exhibit behaviors in line with their labels, such as the bright students leaning more forward in their chairs relative to the dull students. So this may be kind of like learned behavior that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy because you keep telling women they're not funny, they're not funny, they're not funny. But then I look at the number of stand-up comics I see in an open mic and I take the percentage of funny male comedians and the percentage of funny female comedians and they're pretty... It's both about zero.

Yeah, they're both hovering right around zero. Yeah, I went to an open mic a long time ago. And... Did you perform? No, hell no. There were 50 comedians. 50 comedians came up all night long. And, you know, I think only about 10 of them were women.

And of those, I think two of them were funny. But then, of the guys, only about 10 were funny. It's about the same percentage. And I thought, well, there you go. It's not that there aren't funny women. It's that there are fewer female comedians. And that's why we have the perception that women aren't funny. Because most of the...

I know so many funny women. Numbers-wise, isn't that true then? You got 10 funny guys there and two funny women. Out of like 10. Yeah, exactly. 10 out of a... Yeah, exactly. I mean, it's not always percentages, though.

No. You're saying numbers-wise, well, there's more funny guys. 10 and 2. Well, exactly. But there were more guys auditioning. You don't think of the guys who audition and fail. You don't think of those guys. You only see the funny ones.

And then you think, oh, guys are funny. And then there aren't that many funny female comedians because there aren't that many female comedians. I know lots of funny female comedians. I know so many, some of the funniest people I know in my life are women. Yeah. We've had them on the show. I think Robin Higgins is hilarious.

You check out her Wheel of Fortune excise. Yeah, she's great. I don't think that, do you think that women are constantly being told that they're, like, it seems to me, all I ever hear is women are hilarious, they could do science and math, they could be whatever size and shape they want. Like, I have never heard maybe some off the wall, Jerry, who, who did you? Jerry Lewis clip Way long ago

But all I hear is women could do anything And they're funny All the time Do you really think they get the message That they're not That they shouldn't be funny? Yes

Oh Where? Even Adam Carolla Not too long ago And this quote was taken out of context To be fair to Adam But even Adam Carolla a while ago Said that

If there is a woman in a comedy room She's there because she's a woman Not necessarily because she's funny And he was making a statement not about women, but a statement about how there's kind of like this affirmative action going on in our culture. Which is certainly true. Sure.

Yeah. Absolutely. That's what he was making a statement about. But I mean, how many times have you seen like releases go out saying we're only looking for female comedians to staff this writing job? Yeah. Yeah, it's disgusting. It's sexist.

And it's trying to write some perceived wrong in our society or our culture. And sometimes we all lose, like in the case of writing. It's like you want the best writers, right? Yeah, like in the new Ghostbusters. We're all going to lose it. that one. Oh, boy. No, but this is what I was,

back to my point, you're saying two funny females and two funny, two funny, or ten funny guys, right? Yeah. That's more. Saying that the percentages, I don't think is, people aren't really, like, the percentages takes a whole another element. If you're like, well, this is

who came out to be funny. I don't know why they did it. I don't know why it was so less, so many less women. Yeah, I know. I'm not going to guess. That's what we ended up with. I'm with you, Dick, but here's where my perception of that kind of changed. I dated a bunch of girls, and I was surprised that they all had a similar background. They all said that they were really interested in computer science and mathematics in college in high school. I said, well, so what happened? And this one

girl specifically told me that in college, she joined her class, and she felt the professor really, really didn't like her. She felt right from the get-go. The professor looked at her differently. he was this this older Indian dude who thought that women should don't belong in that profession and he made it clear Do we know that?

Yes, we know that he made it clear to her he said that he questioned why she was taking the class in the first place and if it was an accident he constantly quizzed her he constantly quizzed her

on her knowledge and made her work harder to prove herself and then she finally had evidence of bias from this professor when she did a group project and she did a group project and

she wrote all the code and it was the exact same code that like the entire group had turned in. Everyone in her group got an A except she got a B for that exact same project. And that's when she knew she went to the professor. She went to the dean

and they eventually reversed her grade but the guy still worked there. Another example, I dated another girl who in computer science she was in a computer science class. She had a great interest in mathematics and programming. The professor kept hitting on her and kept hitting on her and kept hitting on her.

And eventually it got so out of control that the professor asked her to stay after class and to, you know, for some extra credit or something. And it was really creepy shit you see like in movies and things like that. And she said that she was too skeved out because that was the only teacher in high school who was teaching computer science. So she dropped out of the major. She lost interest. So I changed my opinion on this institutionalized sexism.

Yeah, it does happen. She'd bring in men. It's a problem. I don't think men are a problem. Somebody should. I think sexism is a problem, but it goes both ways. But, you know, there is something to that. There is something to that.

Some women do get that message that they are not welcome in comedy. They are not welcome in science and mathematics. And I'm not saying that that's the majority of the cause. Because if you're too weak to overcome people who aren't welcoming to you in a community, try fucking gaming. Okay? Everyone fucking hates you all the time, always. Or try doing physical labor.

Like, it's not welcoming because it's physical and labor. Or, you know, go get a microphone and stand on stage and speak your mind. There's got to be gender equality there. Holy shit. But lifting, but, you know, running a leaf blower, we don't care. Yeah. Keep doing that one. Well, it's even more of a problem.

The Gallum effect is even more of a problem because it's understudied due to ethical concerns. Back to the drug thing. You know, a lot of studies, a lot of things we can't study in society because we have ethical concerns. specifically, and I think this is from Wikipedia again, specifically the concern arises in trying to operationalize negative expectations in individuals, which will theoretically result in the lower performance of the individuals. The worry then is that it's possibly harmful lingering effects on research participants beyond the study due to this manipulation. So essentially, if you're trying to test someone to see if the Gallum effect actually works, that test itself may have. long-lasting impacts and psychological results that you don't intend far reaching beyond the study. So it's kind of hard to study even from the get-go.

I mean, these researchers did these studies in spite of those ethical concerns, and maybe they weren't aware of them at the time. Trailblazers. Getting results. Yeah. That's what it takes in science. And, I mean, your hope is that you don't permanently damage people when you're testing them. But anyway, it's a big problem because it's even difficult to study.

The Gullum effect. Lowered expectations that turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Okay, but isn't that the danger of lower expectations? Like there's no, that's the only thing that's wrong with them, right? Lowered expectations that turns into are self-fulfilling prophecy. Yeah, lowered expectations that become a self-fulfilling prophecy, absolutely. Okay. I mean, this has affected you personally too, right?

what do you mean? I mean, what are you doing on this podcast? Yeah, what the hell are you talking about? You did that last week too. Don't you want to talk about addiction? Oh, yeah. What do you want to know? By the way, I shouldn't have put that out there without asking you first before the show.

I still don't know what you want to know. Oh, I was just curious. If you had any stories to share, that's all I wanted to know. About addiction? Yeah, if you wanted to. I don't even know where to start with that, man. I didn't mean to put you on the spot. I'm sorry about that.

Okay, I don't know how to respond to the, do I have any. experience with lowered expectations. No, but if someone has lower expectations of you, don't you then fulfill them? Shit, I have no fucking idea of the top of my head. I'm basically just goate. Because the answer is yes. I'm basically just goading you into so I can play this clip.

Here's the clip. Oh, there's no. It's not, because you didn't contradict yourself. But here's just something you've said in the past. I'm 100% sure. If I'm going to get treated like a criminal, I will behave like a criminal. Oh, sure. Yeah.

Yeah. There it is. That's exactly the Gallum effect. When you expect... You brought in that clip of me to play to me? Well, as an example of how it can affect all of us. Well, I think that, I think that effect has been studied in that capacity. Yeah. Where a lot of people in the inner cities, uh, you know, are treated and looked at like criminals and they behave that way and they think there's, you know,

a solid connection between that. Right. Right. Absolutely. You expect people, and this goes back to the war on drugs. You again, the black thing, you expect people to do drugs or be caught for it because they're incarcerated at much higher rate, then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, maybe you get people who do it. It doesn't, according to the sad so, because they do even less. Yeah, but they get arrested for it more. Yeah. And then maybe that leads them down a life of crime.

Who knows? Yeah. Who knows? But the Gallum effect is a really, it can be devastating to people. It's something that you have to be aware of. But it's really difficult because the way that we think about people. Because a lot of times we're right. No.

A lot of the times prejudice is right. No. Yeah, it is. Of course it is. Stereotypes, for sure. A lot of the times your guts right. Like, yeah, these kids aren't going to do well. Well, he probably won't.

No, because that's literally the Gallum effect that I'm describing. You can't have, like, it's really dangerous to have those expectations of people because they become self-fulfilling. Well, maybe. Maybe they're just fulfilling. And everyone's aware of it. Well, that's also a possibility. Sure. But we know, we know, I mean, based on that study, well, look, it's much easier to study the Pygmalion effect.

They're very similar. And the Pygmalion effect doesn't have long-lasting, damaging effects on the participants. You can have higher expectations of students and then see that they fulfill those expectations. Now, that's not a perfect study because some of those students may happen to be of higher aptitude just by chance you included in your study. So you may have accidentally selected a few that we're going to do well anyway. However, it's unlikely that the 20% that you randomly selected, all of them do better. Now, what if you have a really bright kid, but they still can't achieve their parents' expectations? Well, I got a problem for you coming up, buddy.

Oh, yeah? Yeah. But anyway, that's my problem, guys, the Gallum effect. It's a problem, too, because it's about students who are really, like, what are their accomplishments? They did okay on a test? Who fucking cares? Well, but that's all you can do at that age. I mean, you can only do what are you going to do?

You're not going to win the Nobel Prize at that age, so. And that's also the way they're able to study kids as an elementary school. But they have found this to be the case in organizational structures as well. Like it worked. Yeah, absolutely. That'd be interesting. Absolutely. It worked.

They found these same things. When bosses randomly select certain employees with certain expectations, they challenge them. They step up to that challenge. That's actually what one of my bosses did a long time ago. Well, I've only had two jobs. So you know which one. Yeah, I know. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Keep going. I'll find it. Yeah. So anyway. I'm not going to say this story Why? It sounded so interesting and important Fuck you, I'm not going to talk about it.

I'm done talking about it. Okay. I was going to relate it to a real personal story that could have really drove the point home. Now you're going to play some shitty sound drop. I don't know why I would play a sound drop. You're not talking about anything. Specifically, there's nothing to play a sound drop.

All right. Was that your problem? Yeah. Okay. My last problem is ducking auto correct. What? It changes fucking to ducking. Oh, I get it.

Okay. Who's ever need to say ducking? Who in their life has ever needed to say ducking? Well, what are you hunting? What are you doing this afternoon? I'm going ducking. That's what I'm doing. What are you doing when a ball's coming at your head?

I duck. Yeah. But what's the act of ducking? Yeah, right. I mean, who has ever said that? Yeah. How fucked is autocorrect that it ever replaces is anything with ducking. I hate it. No one's ever said it. No one in the history of the world.

Yeah. Any, you could throw any word in there. Probably used it more than ducking. Mm-hmm. My phone, my fucking phone. I never typed shifting. I'm never shifting. My ducking phone. Yeah. I'm never having a shifty day I'm having. It's not fucking shifty. Shottie. I'm gonna go take a shot. Yeah. Well, actually, that's 50-50. What are you doing? I'm taking a shot right now. right now. Yeah, for you, Dick. Your phone is so confused with that one.

Because sometimes you're doing both. Yeah, you types them equally. Yeah. It doesn't know which one to choose. Well, yeah, if I've been taking shots, I don't care. That's the other thing with auto-correct. Every time it fucks it up, I know what I meant. I know the person on the other end knows what I meant,

but I feel compelled to correct it so I don't look like an idiot. Right. Or somehow I'm not, so I'm not disliked. disrespecting them, right? Right. Like, I'm like a mafia, Don, all of a sudden. Like, no disrespect, Don Maddox. I meant to say, fucking, I'm going to correct that. I would never let a computer talk to you in lieu of me.

Like, right? It's this weird thought process. I've turned off, thankfully, you're able to do this in the Google Dictionary, but you can turn off filters for safe words. So thankfully, my phone mostly gets fucking correctly, especially even during voice to text, it gets fucking done correctly. Yeah, I'll do it right now.

I'll talk. I'm going to talk and record and we'll see how much of this it gets correctly. But go on, Dick. What's your other problem with voice to text? I'm sorry, auto-correct. No, it's auto-correct. Ducking auto-correct.

Yeah, that there's, well, there's no cursing in it. And, okay, here's the other bad part about autocorrect. Yeah. I don't know if, there's no way for me to know if life would be better without it. Like, I use it and I hate it. but I'm afraid to turn it off because what if the alternative is so...

Like, what if I'm so bad at typing and just turns into like, blah, like a bunch of Cuberts speak when I'm trying to talk, right? Well, that's... I don't know. I don't know. What do I have to conduct my own experiments on the UI of my phone

to see which one's worse? I don't want to do that. Well, there it is. I just deal with it. It's right on... You remember that Louis C.K. thing when he said, Watch me jerk off?

Yeah, to those girls that he allegedly. imprisoned in his hotel room. Yeah, do you remember that? It was, okay, he was, his part of his routine was like, how everyone's spoiled. And this thing's beaming in

from space, right? You should have more respect for the technology in front of you. That was his thing. Right. Fuck that. No, this shoddy, shitty technology, this ducking auto correct,

it rides that thin line between totally making me insane and being useful. Like, I don't know what size of the fence I'm on. Online tracking? Pizza tracking? Useful. 100% useful. So useful. I can't even see it down on the usefulness graph, right? Auto-correct? Right on the line. Right on the line of zero. I don't know which side it's on. Is this fucking with me

or is this helping me? I'm on the slightly positive side of it. Well, we all are. That's why we have it on. But I'm too afraid. What if we're not? Well, let's experiment. Right now, I'm going to record, going forward, the rest of this episode in Autocrrect and see how much of it translates. In voice to text? Yeah, right now I'm doing voice to text and I'm going to see how much of this translates correctly for Autocrrect. And we're going to post this

on the website, but the rest of this conversation we're going to see how much of it translates. It also takes all the personality out of your texting. Yeah. If I want to text like, whoa, right? It just turns into whoa. Yeah. Well, I already fucking sent it. Now I'm not, what am I going to say to this person? Whoa, again? Now I look

desperate. Right? So I guess we're all stuck with these muted reactions. And it never gets the right number of haze in there. Because I never want to, like, if I send H-A-H-A-H, that's usually like something I actually chuckled at. But it adds extra H-A's, H-A's, like it makes me look like an idiot. What am I flirting with this guy now? I've sent so many haas? What the hell?

That's not the funniest thing I've ever read, idiot. My fucking phone, dipshit. This guy's going to think less of me now because the number of H's he added. He's going to feed me all of his shit now. He's going to say, oh, here's, you really like that joke? Here's all my one and two material. You're going to love this, you fucking pig. Eat this slop.

I got, I got to block. I got to get out of here. Now, you're never getting another ha. You know what else it does with the haze? Separates them. Ha, space. Like, what the fuck? Am I a computer?

Am I a comic book? Like, what? A robot pretending to be human. Like, trying to act like a human. We know you robot. No human adds spaces in their haze. They're not distinct. I know they sound like distinct.

syllables to your shitty fucking computer brain, but they're not asshole. And somebody programmed that. They're like, well, how do I go ha ha ha ha, space, ha, space, like that programmer sat there and did that. This is by far the most Seinfeldy episode we've ever done. Can you imagine those, how many episodes

there would be if texting existed in their world? There's a modern Seinfeld Twitter account that does that. It's pretty funny. Oh, that's right, I've heard of that. How about auto-correcting things into sex? How does it miss fucking and shit, but it will throw a sex in there when I didn't want it to be...

Look, when I type... If I want sex to be in a text, I typed it. I don't want you throwing it in there. Like, up, you sure you didn't mean come here for some sex at the office? No, I didn't... Well, now I got to explain something that we both know. We both know why it happened, but I got to compulsively explain it. Like, I have this...

Like, I'm the only one on earth in the office with a magical device that fucks up my text. Everybody has it. Yeah, sorry, Mom. I'll call you in a sex. What I... Oh, man. My mom sent me a text one time for an In-N-Out hamburger's order.

Yeah. What's the best... What's the style you get at In-N-Out? Ducking style. No, they got a bunch of different... Animal style. Animal style. What did I get from Mom?

Mom, text me your order. I don't want to remember it, write it down. I don't want you thinking of... Just text it to me. Yeah. Dick, I'd like a cheeseburger. anal style. That's it. I'm just driving home.

I'm driving home. I'm not even getting the hamburgers. I'm never eating it in and out again. Thanks a lot, auto-correct. I'm pretty sure if somebody wanted something replaced with anal, they would have written anal in the text. That's not a replaceable word. You know, Dick, so we're having a lot of fun with this. We're doing, but a lot of this is voice to text too. So what a voice to text, but auto-correct specifically. All mine's auto-correct. You typed anal instead of animal?

No, she did. Oh, she did. She must have gotten close to animal. Oh. But like your bet with the Voyager, which one's closer? The thing said, well, gee, I'm pretty close to animal, but I'm also pretty close to anal. I'll just go with anal. Fuck it.

Well, you know, equally likely that someone would have used this word. Yeah. Pretty close to fucking. Also pretty close to ducking. Probably meant ducking. Probably a lot of, listen, this phone is perfectly suited for a nuclear holocaust when everybody's ducking and covering all the time. What are you doing? Ducking and covering and shooting the shit?

You know what the problem is, Dick? It's lawyers. Because they don't want Google. Yeah. The lawyers are the problem. Because they don't want, Google doesn't want to accidentally put in the word fucking when someone actually meant ducking or anything else. They're playing on the side. They'd be like, oh, really?

Our program's not good enough, you know, to figure out fucking. Oh, sorry. Yeah, I think they're covering their ass so that someone doesn't accidentally send a text to someone to their boss and get fired for it. Just in the off chance that they meant ducking. You're probably right. Yeah. Ducking lawyers, man. You got to duck lawyers.

Jacking lawyers. Anyway, good problem, Dick. I read a bunch of articles. I tried to research this, of course, a bunch of apologists, saying that I'm wrong. Oh, the reason that you hate this is because there's something wrong with you. Like, I doubt it. When anyone gives me that answer, I doubt it instantly. Like, what are you getting paid by auto correct?

Are you, like, does it call you every night? Did it leave your pet's head in your bed? Why the duck are you defending auto correct? Big, big auto correct. Just paying them off. What is your, what is wrong with you? Yeah, what's your angle shithead. You know what it is?

It's fucking iPhone users. It's always touch screens with these assholes. Because without touch screens before that shit, if you guys can remember back in the day when we had fucking keyboards that you could feel and you could type quickly and it was correct all the time. You didn't need this fucking shitty autocrect all the time for every fucking word. And that's why your batteries are dead, shitheads. Yeah, do I have an iPhone 5 charger? No, fuck you.

Turn off autocorrect. Get a fucking keyboard. Yeah, whoever invented autocorrect should be shit. How long are you saving that? Just now. Yeah, right. I swear to God. It wasn't even had anything to do with what he just said.

You just thought of that right now? Yeah, I was just thinking we've shit and ducking. I'm not defending my joke to you. Fuck you. Oh, man. This transcript's going to be hilarious, I think. You're blowing it, Sean. Oh, fantastic.

I read some shit about autocorrect making people stupider. Yeah? Well, yeah, but I don't really. I don't buy that. It was like a third of people can't spell two thirds. A third of people couldn't spell definitely and separate.

What do they spell defiantly? Well, I don't know. But I bet they knew when I meant fucking and when I meant ducking. Yeah. Right. You know what? I think it's just a really bad Markov chain. They have these Markov chain models that try to predict what you're saying in context.

And they're able to, it's basically how, if you guys have ever used the app Swiftkey, Swiftkey does it by creating these models that look at your text and then try to predict based on context and other. things you've written in the past what you meant to say. And mine is actually surprisingly good. This isn't auto-correct, but it is auto-phrasing. So it suggests the next phrase that I'm, that I'm, there came a point a long time ago when I was on Tinder. Does it suggest I'm a writer? Oh, like if you put I'm, does it say a writer? You want to see what it suggests? Yeah, I'll show you. I'll show you. I'll show you. You'll love this. You'll love this. Hold on. Yeah, if you type in I'm and the next word isn't the, I'll be very upset. Dick,

I typed in, I typed in, I'm an, and then I want you to read what the three suggestions are. Great, probably. Let me see it. Underappreciated genius. Hold on. Oh, author, asshole, and idiot. Yep. Excellent.

I'm an author. He says, I'm an author as much as he says, I'm an idiot. Phenomenal. It says, I'm an asshole, author, idiot. Those are the three suggestions when I type in, I'm an. Late? Probably late. No, or running late.

Dickhead. Oh, it's not an exaggeration. The suggestions are I'm and then not and then at and then sorry. Let's see what says right after not. I'm not. I'm sorry. You know he never says that. Fuck you, Sean.

I say it all the fucking time. I'm a great apologizer, shithead. I brought in people who are bad at apologies because I'm good at them. I figured it out. I know how to apologize. You figured out how to manipulate your apologies so they're perfect? No, I'm good apologizer. It says, oh, I'm not sure if you're waiting for this file from me or if you're getting me the 3D

renders so I can composite them in the video. That's your most used sentence, huh? I guess that's my most used sentence. I'm not sure if you're waiting for this file for me, or if you're getting me the 3D renders so you can composite them in this video. That's my problem.

Yeah. Good problem, Dick. I'll post that transcript. It's ridiculous on the website. But anyway, guys, we ran out time. I'm not going to get to my problem this week. I'll bring it in next week. It's a good one, though. So, happy 420 to all the libertarians out there. Happy states rights day.

Oh, my gosh. Like, yeah, the important takeaway is legalize drugs so that we can regulate them, make sure they're clean, you're getting the product that you're supposed to have. My problem this week is the Gallum effect. Wait, why are you laughing? Because it's not a lot on drugs and ducking auto-correct. I got it. Thanks for listening. Why is that funny?

Explain it to me. He's talking about regulatory. and libertarianism. Yeah. How they're conflicting ideas. Oh, is that what... Yeah, everyone just thinks libertarians just hate all regulation?

Well, no libertarian will go on the record saying which regulations they're in favor of. Well, drugs is a big thing to regulate. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. No, libertarian will go on the record. No, you can't.

What do you mean? They're all slippery. What do you mean? I think they're slippery because you fundamentally don't understand the ideology. No, I understand it. I get it. Because a lot of people confuse

me as a libertarian. In fact... Oh, God, no. You're as authoritarian as against. You're as authoritarian. You support Trump who is actually an authoritarian. He's neither conservative nor liberal. He's an authoritarian. You said Trump earlier. You lost the debate. You brought in Trump. But you said the only because you mentioned Trump. You mentioned Trump so much on the show. I'm taking 12 dollars from both of you.

All right. Oh, here's the Dick versus Dick. Oh, my God. That one got blasted. Do you admit that you're wrong yet? On your horrible Dick versus Dick last episode. Here's the thing. So no. No, hold on. Hold on. I'm, if you say that that's what you meant and it was a joke, I'm not going to question you as the author of your book.

I mean, your editor edited it. Hold on. I know, I understand. But hold on. The reason I brought that in is, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Go ahead. The reason I brought that in is because dozens of people emailed me the same thing and they were all confused in the same way. Now, if that's not what you meant, that's not what you meant.

But it's a confusing passage. You could have very easily worded it in a way that's not confusing. Jeremy Rubie Strauss fucked up. You're saying that your editor, Jeremy Rubie Strauss, who edits the content of my book and who I signed off unilaterally on because he's way better at writing than me. Jeremy's job is to edit for clarity, not for voice. So if that's your voice and that's the style that you write in, that's your voice.

So right, he edited for clarity, meaning that he clarified it perfectly for any reasonable person who's reading it. People weren't paying attention to the voice. commas that offset that phrase within the sentence. It was dashes, but people wanted it to be true, so bad, they wanted to make gabby, but you didn't curate it properly. And you said, you just passed along what people gave you, and you ended up sounding like a dick. Well, here's the thing, here's the thing, Dick, speaking of sound like dicks. If so many people are confused, it's not a very clearly written passage.

Now, if you say that that was a joke, I'm not going to question you, you're the author, that's what you meant. However, I will say this. What your defense of it was ridiculous, because you said you were making. a statement about fathers. It was a general statement about fathers. That's the joke. No, no.

Comparing Trump to your father. You had not made any statement about fathers. No, I didn't say it's a general statement about fathers. It's a comedy book. The joke is that I'm saying Trump is my father. That's the joke. The joke is that the first thing I would say, Dick Masterson, while writing this book,

Men or Better Than Women, is that Donald Trump is my father. Okay. That's the joke. No one that anyone respects, like, your father or Donald Trump, who implying that he's my father. No, you said, or Donald Trump. implying that he's my father, dickhead, that's what I just said. Nobody who anyone's respects.

Like, your father or Donald Trump, implying that Donald Trump is my father. Oh, your father, comma, or Donald Trump? I don't know, ask Jeremy Rubie Strauss. He edited it. Don't blame it on him. You're the fucking writer's shit head. It's not his job to edit for the content. For understanding.

No, your voice. He edits for understanding. Your voice and your content. And he made it as concise as possible, easily understood by anyone who's not actively trying to make me look stupid and pleasing you. Hey look, Maddox will love this. I didn't understand it. I'm like five people who didn't understand this joke,

and I want to make him so happy. I'm going to give him this retarded interpretation of this passage. Maddox, I'm not going to check. I'm just going to shove it through, because I also want it to be true so bad. Here you go, everybody. Here's a bunch of shit in your face. It's confusing as hell.

I read the phrase. I read it, and it's not just me who was confused. Lots of people are confused. And your fans are feeding you a line of horseshit right into. Excuse me. I'm not, I'm no fans feeding me anything. They're feeding a line of horseshit right into your ego. What fans are feeding me this?

Right into your ego. What fans are feeding me? The people were defending you. I didn't say anybody was defending me. I didn't say anyone who are defending you. I said you're wrong. Ruby edited it and he thought it was great. He got the joke.

I got the joke. Everyone else got the joke in the comments who said you look like a fucking dick when you did it. Those are your fans feeding your ego. Because that's not what everyone said she had, especially the people who emailed me, obviously. And private. And back to Ruby editing. Look, it's the editor's job, but they're not going to catch everything. They're not going to catch everything that falls through the cracks.

You said last episode, you said last episode, you said last episode that you were comparing Trump, you change your tune twice. Trump's your father. Stop interrupting. You were saying that Trump is someone who's respected, like fathers, someone that everyone in society respects. You didn't make that case in your book. Not a single time. What are you talking about?

In my book, the joke is someone who everyone's respect. I would think in a book called Men or Better Than Women is de facto understood that a father figure is respected. Why? You didn't mention anything about fathers in your entire book. Because it's a joke. The book is full of jokes. The understanding is that the father is a linchpin of the family.

Do I need to make that case? I'm not walking. Like, this is a man. A man has a penis. Let me prove it. But everyone knows. No one who anyone respects, like your father. No one who anyone respects like your father or Donald Trump.

That's it. No one who anyone respects, like your father or Donald Trump. Believes in this horseshit. Easy to understand. So easy to understand. Unless you so badly want it to be true that you embarrass yourself in front of that many people. That's what happened. That pros was not clear.

You were not making it clear that Trump was your dad. If you say that that's your intention and that's what you meant, I'm not going to dispute you on it. You're trying to bisect it until you can get some weird way that you're right. But the overall... No, but you didn't make it. You changed your tune twice last episode. No. You said that Trump,

Trump was like your dad. You said Trump is your dad. And then you also said that it was a statement. You were saying it was a statement about Trump, which is someone he respects like fathers. You had not made a single statement about fathers up until that point in the book. Because you know why? That was page two of your introduction.

And then the rest of your book, the word father appears seven times in a 272 page book. You made no statements about fathers. The word dad doesn't appear. What the fuck are you talking about fathers? I'm talking. The word father isn't here. What are you talking about fathers?

Because you said last episode that Trump is someone you respect like fathers. You said that fathers are a lynchpin and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You didn't make that clear on your book. What the fuck are you talking about about making it clear about respecting fathers? I say right in the beginning, no one that anyone respects like your father. What am I saying? You respect your father. Are you?

What do you mean, are I? That's what the sentence says. No one that anyone respects, like your father. Of course you respect your father. Do you? You're asking a real question. No, not you. You've been so destroyed on this argument that you're turning it into this weird bisection of language.

And you searched a PDF of my book for mentions of father. That's your argument? I've ceded your point that you meant that as a joke. That you were wrong thinking I was anti-Trump in that book. That's what embarrasses you about it. It's a confusing passage. Only to you. and the dozen of people email me.

Yeah, the dozens of people who emailed me. Only you and the 50 people emailed you about who were so excited that it could make you happy with this retarded clip. Yeah. How about this for clarity? Instead of just saying no one who anyone, no one is the scope is universal. And then anyone is also the scope is universal. So you're saying no one who anyone. Okay, so hold on.

Let me think of all the people in the universe. And then of those, let me do the the... Must take you a long time to read a book. The intersection of no one. versus anyone, okay? We got two universal scopes. Okay. Now I'm thinking of all the people

of no one, right? No one who anyone respects like your father. Okay, now I'm thinking of another person, okay, and or Donald Trump, okay, or Donald Trump, which is Dick's father. I'm supposed to surmise

from this passage of no one who anyone respects like your father, comma, or Donald Trump. No comma. You forgot the dashes. If you're going line by line, you forgot the dashes. No one that anyone respects.

Dash, dash, like your father. That's what they're there for. Offset. So, yeah, here you go. Like your father or Donald Trump believes in that horrid shit. Okay, very clear. Crystal clear.

How about this? How about this? Anyone you respect like Donald Trump doesn't believe in this horseshit. That's not funny. Well, the joke wasn't funny to begin with. Well, hey, I don't know. In sell as many of your books, I thought it was pretty funny.

What can I say? Take it up with Ruby. Take it up with Ruby. Not every joke is going to be funny. Not every joke is going to land. but it was a confusing passage. And I think that people who were confused by it were understandably confused because it's a very wordy way of saying what you're trying to say. I get it now.

Look, if you... I mean, I should have written it at a fifth grade level if that's what you wanted to read. I wrote it perhaps a little more sophisticated. Because you got to see when he did. This is the problem. Now you understand why he talks like this because he's got to communicate with people like you. Yeah. Who can't understand a sentence with any kind of sophistication.

Period. Mary ran up the hill. John ran up the hill. They both ran up the hill. Mary and John ran up the hill's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I don't know what's going on here. Did Mary run up a hill? Did John run up a hill? I have no idea. Okay. The important thing, Dick, is that you tried. Yeah, that is the important thing. C grade. I give you a C.

Did I fucking die of an aneurysm and wind up in retard heaven? Fucking Maddox, dude. He's saying no one that anyone respects, saying that the people that are respected no one would believe that. Of the people who are respected. Very clear. Of the people who are respected. Okay. You are totally right.

I love your book. Okay. Oh, well, there you go. Well, and fucking Maddox, the writer here doesn't know the difference. Oh my God. It's very frustrating.

It's always easy. And by the way, but. I got to go. Good. Maddox, go fuck yourself. Yo, you go fuck yourself. You know, I'll say this. I'll end it on this.

The best jokes always need pages and minutes of explanation. Very good joke, Dick. Good job. Thank you.