The Biggest Problem in the Universe: Uncucked - Episode 14

Episode Date: April 26, 2018

Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. I'm Maddox with me is Dick Masterson. Hello! So today we have a very special guest with us. I have the Alphabet of Manliness Illustrator Leah Tishone with us. Hi. Leah, thank you for being with us today. Leah is a very talented illustrator.

Yeah, let's get her some applause here. And hot. Oh, God. Have you ever been told that before? No. Well, I have. It's true. I've been told all the time.

Just for the people. listening, I just want them to know that. Thank you. Well, I have been told by various grandparents that I'm, you know, cute. But that's it. Are your grandparents cute? They're dead. So yes.

You look like a hot version of Sarah Silverman. Is that accurate? Do you think that, Maddox, do you think that's accurate? I think Sarah Silverman's a hot version of Sarah Silverman. Yeah, she's, I would agree. Right? She's got a little something. She's got something going on. She's pretty hot. He's just funny.

Plus, you know she sat on Jimmy Kimmel's face, so that's kind of odd. I mean, she had to have at some point. So I just want to mention, so Leah has this incredible body of work. She's been working on, we've worked together for a long time. That's what I was talking about. Just quick, yeah. Cut off the work part. Dick, very respectful, our very first ever guest.

You work out a lot, right? Do I work out a lot? Really? Let's focus on the important body of work here. Okay, what? Yeah. So she, so she's actually working with, How do you pronounce the name? Dino Stamopoulos?

Oh, my God. Dino Stamatopoulos. Dino Stamatopoulos, and they are working on a graphic novel together called Trent. It's a musical graphic novel, so it's a graphic novel that has an accompanying musical element, and they're probably going to work on a TV show afterwards. But this is something you've been working on. Or, yeah, or just probably extend the series of novels, or he wants to do a stop animation movie about it. So, Dino, if you guys... That's cool. Yeah, for those who aren't familiar, Dino created the show Moral Oral.

and what else? He's worked on a number of things for Cartoon Network and Adultsman. Yeah, Frankenhole. Yeah, Frankenhole. That's a good show. Trunkey Crow.

Do you watch that show? I've seen it, but I don't watch it. Oh, it's pretty funny. Yeah. Yeah, he's written for a lot. Yeah, so they're working together right now, and as I mentioned earlier, Leah illustrated the Boners chapter

for Alphabet of Manliness, as well as the Knockers. Best assignment I've ever had. Yeah. Yeah, and Boners, of course. Can I ask how you guys met? That's a long time ago. I mean, that's like...

Yeah, 10 years ago, I was a deranged fan that flew to Utah to meet this guy. Whoa! And he, yeah, he didn't... He wasn't scared. He wasn't scared of a hot girl flying into his hometown. I had no idea... Who already loved him? Yeah, I had no idea... Wow, what a weirdo.

No, I had no idea what she looked like. She sent me an email a long time ago and said, hey, I'm a big fan. We should do a comic book together. And can I send you some samples? And I thought, okay, sure. And I expected to never hear from her again. And then two weeks later, she sent me this beautifully illustrated article of mine that she interpreted the extreme marketing one. Yeah.

And it was awesome. We actually included it in the comic that we made together, the best comic in the universe, which is available online. And that was, it just was mind-blowing. So we decided to work together. So we've had a working relationship and a friendship for over 10 years now. Does the friendship mostly you talking and her sitting there listening? Because that's, I mean, it seems like a great friendship. Okay, dick.

God, you're such a dick. Yeah, right? No, I'm sorry for interrupting. Can I interrupt you for one second? What then? What then? What then? What then? So you flew in? What did you think of him when you flew in? And did he line up to what you were expecting after reading on the internet for so long? He was disappointingly nicer.

I thought. I was a little disappointed. I thought he'd be a total dick. Yeah, I'm told that a lot. By a lot of fans. They meet me. They're like, hey, Maddoch, you're very so nice to me. I'm like, well, you haven't given me a reason to be a dick to you. I mean, I can be, but I'm a dick to dick. So why would I be an asshole to somebody who's Hey, someone comes up to me like, hey man, I'm a big fan. What am I supposed to punch him in the face? Like, okay. Then I'm just an asshole I rail about.

I've given you a lot of reasons since to be mad at me. Well, that's true. It's come out. It's come out since. How did the stay go? Do you guys remember your first night together? Yes, actually. This is a funny story.

So I had a girlfriend at the time. Why are you blushing so much? Look at you. Because first podcast and you're so cute with your little bun. There we go. I'm not saying, well, kind of cute. Like, my mom cute, because you have, like, your hair's up done in a bun.

Thanks. I'll take it. That's me, guys. Look, just... One thing, if... Just in case you're nervous, don't think about it. Just don't think about the number of downloads we get. You said it last week.

What did you say? It was, like, 30,000? 30,000 per episode. And this is some important statistics. I looked into it just out of curiosity to see what the average podcast got for a download. What would you guess, Leah? How many downloads does the average podcast? podcast get in 30 days?

90? That's actually pretty close. Yeah, it's about 140. So if you get a thousand to three thousand downloads per month, you're in the top 10% of all podcasts. We are getting 30,000 per month. We're almost in the top 1%. The top 1% get 50,000 or more downloads.

We're getting 30,000 per episode right out of the gate. This is a little self-congratulatory. Oh, of course. Yeah. Yeah, you're talking to the guy who owns the best page in the universe. Yeah. Yeah, what am I talking about? You're right. I only brought it up because I wanted to say, like, don't be nervous.

You're just having a conversation with two guys in front of all of Dodger Stadium. Okay. So don't, you know. All right, all right. Oh, so let me finish that story real quick. So I had a girlfriend at the time, and she was super jealous and intimidated of Leah. Who wouldn't be? Yeah, because she's...

What girlfriend wouldn't be? She's attractive and talented. And so when I asked her to take a picture of us, you know, just like as fans, whatever, she took a picture of us and she cropped our heads out of the photo and I looked at the preview I looked at the preview and I'm like oh honey you accidentally cropped our heads out of the photo and she goes oh okay let me do another one so she took a she took a she took a correct photo of us then when we were setting up her bedding because she was going to crash with us the pillow the pillow yeah I asked her to hand me the pillow and she took it and she just tossed it right against my

chest as hard as she could he goes she goes here you go yeah that was yeah you could you could taste the anger in the room. Yeah. But they've since become friends and everything, so it's fine. Really? Friends for real? Yeah, no. I love her. She's great. Yeah. Even though we're not dating anymore, so there's that. Anyway, I just want to mention real quick, too. Leah also illustrates for The New York Post and Sky and Telescope magazine.

So incredible body work. Thank you for being with us. Let's move on the comments. Really a great illustrator. No, no, no. Let's hear. Who won? Who won last week? Oh, yeah, very important. Okay, so the number one problem, and thankfully, so, is female genital mutilation. Okay. That deserves to be a problem.

Yeah, it just wasn't that funny. Dick, that's not the point. We cover real topics sometimes. Well, I try to, anyway. And then Beats by Dre, speaking of real topics. And followed by Monkey Copyrights, that was a good problem. And finally, the death of phone calls.

And by the way, this is the first time ever, I think, that we've had all four problems in the positive territory for votes. Oh, cool. So, yeah, we did a great job. I got to apologize to you about those beats thing. Because I thought, I was saying that they looked cool. And I actually saw this, like, I was at the doctor's office and saw this punk-ass kid walking off Beverly Hills, like in the

Beverly Hills area, uh, area. He walked in with his mom. He was being a little shit. And the beats just looked way cheaper than I thought they looked. Yeah. Like this kid was wearing beats. He was a little asshole. And the beats looked like garbage. I don't know if it was him ruining it. Like, I saw somebody who was a loser wearing them. But I thought they looked cool. I take it back. They look like shit. Dick, how much does an iPad cost? Like, 800 bucks? 800 bucks. Okay, and most netbooks cost around $400, right?

Yeah. So a netbook that has a CPU, RAM, a hard drive, a monitor, a keyboard, that costs as much as one set of headphones. Yeah. That's stupid. You're just paying for the brand. It's ridiculous. Yeah, it's $400 for a pair of beats. Yeah, but Lee, if it looked good, it's worth it, right? I don't know anything about that.

Great. Okay. Great. Okay, let's go, you have some comments I got comments This one is from Kurt Radico Dick, I will pay you $20 to punch Maddox Right in the dick Great, so

I vote yes What don't guys There's no voting There's 20 bucks This guy says I will put my PayPal info Up online And you better watch yourself, buddy All right

You got a dick punch It's a fist bite done And you got to return dick punch Kurt's got to pay both of us This guy You know fuck Kurt I'm gonna pay you Well, zero dollars.

We're going to fly out to Kurt's house and punch him in the face. How about that, Kurt? Okay. That sounds fair. Idiot. Cyril Tiggie says Maddox definitely listens to Wagner. Is that true? Not a huge fan.

Not a huge fan of Wagner. Why not? Just not my jam. I don't, it's neither dark enough, nor is it quiet enough that I can concentrate while I'm working. Maybe I just haven't heard the right piece. I think you would find Wagner specifically presumptuous. Yeah, probably. Yeah.

You mean pretentious. Pretentious. Yeah. Well, I have a comment from George Lightchild, stupid last name, cool first name. Oh, he's Greek. I think so. Anyway, he says, he posted a link to an ABC News article that says the clear winner in the tally was the telephone. So he posted a link that talked about how people who use phone conversations lie.

This is interesting. He said that people, the tally was the telephone, which was involved in 37% of the deception. Face-to-face conversations included lies 27% of the time, and instant messages came in at 21%. Hence, if someone calls you, they probably want something and are willing to lie, since you won't be able to see their face, and unless you record everything, there is nothing you can do to prevent them from lying afterwards. Yeah, yeah, okay. Phone calls lead to lies. I saw this comment, but this is, this is, this is, this is my point for the death of phone calls. You can tell if somebody is either boring or totally crazy in two seconds on the phone call.

phone with them, that you could never tell in text. No, that's bullshit. That was my, that was totally my point. Dick, and... Go ahead. Your point has been superseded by this article with actual research that just proved you wrong. It said that people lie on the phone and they don't lie through texts. Not as much. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

That's not what... They attempt to lie. They attempt to lie. I don't care about lying. I just want to know if somebody's absolutely bonkers. Okay. Which I can tell, like, I can tell right away if a girl... is insane on the phone, because she sounds like a 13-year-old. Oh, wow.

Agreed. Yes, thank you, Leah. Listen to the way Leah sounds, like a normal woman. Like an adult woman. Immediately, I can tell. I haven't spoken much. Like a hot woman, actually. Oh, shuck.

Let's take this outside. I just burped up vomit. Pure vomit. You know what I'm saying? Leah, if you're talking, like, if a guy's texting you, you know absolutely nothing about him, right? Versus, like, a two-second phone call with him. Like, if you're talking to a new guy,

Guy, are you talking the phone with him, or are you afraid of the phone, too? Well, I prefer text just because you get exactly what you want to say out. Thank you, Leah. That's the problem. If a guy calls you, he's a creep, right? Do you want to talk to some guy on the phone? Well, if I reject him first by not texting him back, I don't want to hear from him on the phone. This sounds familiar.

Yeah, it sounds very familiar, Dick. This sounds familiar. I got a comment from Garrett Miller. He says, Dick, you are chode. Oh, I saw that cat. somebody well said and somebody afterwards commented on this guy

he goes hey you got a nice face and he said something like thanks I worked on it for 21 years this is a guy that looks like a total weirdo thank you Garrett Miller and one last comment I got I want to mention

it's from Anthony Molison Mollison he posted this on the biggest problem in the universe Facebook page he posted a picture of T.I. the rapper and he says why does Dick look like a white version of T.I.

And this is so spot on I'm going to post this on the website. It's hilarious. And here, Leah, if you want to take a look at that. Does he look cool? You don't have the pencil petal stash that he does. But other than that, yeah. I could grow one.

Do you like that? Oh, Jesus. No, I'm actually not going to say. I have, like, I don't know if I should have a boner right now. Like, this is so gross and weird. No, I don't. Hey, if you don't have one, Leah will draw you one. Thank you.

Yes. Oh, yeah. All right. You want to get two? What do we get next? You have any more comments? I just want to mention, no, no more comments, but I just did want to mention something,

just a little bit of business we need to get out of the way. So a couple things. First of all, I've had a lot of commenters mention that they are deaf and they want to listen to the podcast, but obviously they can't because of hearing impairment. So we have been toying with the idea of getting somebody to transcribe these episodes for us. I had a fan reach out to us.

Her name's Lori. She's been very gracious to transcribe one of the episodes. We did it as a test run. Episode number seven, we'll probably have that up this week. the transcription for it. However, this takes her about five to six hours to transcribe each episode, and she does a really good job. But I don't believe in having people do free work, and I want to pay them. So at some point, we're probably going to have to talk about generating some revenue from the podcast, which may include some kind of limited sponsorship or possibly creating a

bonus episode for purchase by the fan. So we're going to put that out to you guys and see which idea you guys prefer, because we want to, and also we want to cover the hosting costs. This is actually become wildly successful. Dick, do you have any idea how many terabytes of data we're transferring? No, I do because when we first did this, I had it up on Amazon for like three days. And I think my hosting bill was like 80 bucks

by the time I transferred it over to Libson. Yeah, and that's just for the podcast hosting, not counting the web server that I'm hosting, which is $70. And then it just keeps increasing every month because we use more resources, more memory, more bandwidth. So we have to eventually pay these. And, you know, it's been a struggle because I haven't, You know, I've always been against ads, but I don't put ads on my website because I still want that to be a censorship-free environment.

But if we did consider any kind of limited advertising, it would be from sponsors where we made sure that it was not going to be a conflict of interest with what we want to say on the show. Yeah, man, honestly, I would just like to see you have the ability to use money for, like, creative things. Yeah. You know, like I thought your book was cool when you got to pay all those people to illustrate it and bind it. It was like a whole thing. And here we are in the room with one of them. Yeah. Yeah.

So anyway, just want to mention that. Leave a comment on the website, The Biggest Problem in the Universe.com, and we'll think about it. So anyway... Speaking of people not getting paid for their contributions to society, this is my first problem.

The biggest problem in the universe, Maddox gets no credit. So this was it last week. Robin Williams died. Right? Yes. So ABC News throws... up on their homepage. Robin Williams

is dead. His family asks for like peace and quiet and their privacy during this very difficult time. Same exact page on the top in a huge banner. It says watch aerial helicopter footage live of Robin Williams's house.

Like the exact opposite of what they just printed that they asked for, right? Right. So guess who? The internet Zorro over here, Maddox, takes a screenshot. Yeah. takes a screenshot of this homepage. Highlights.

Watch aerial footage. Highlights. The only thing we want during this huge loss is for people to leave us the fuck alone. Draws an arrow to it and post it on the front of his website. Right? Within, I don't know, within 24 hours, they issued this huge apology. Is that accurate? That's accurate.

Okay. So, here are the list of websites that covered this story. Let me see. I got it here somewhere. The Blaze, Hollywood Reporter, the Huffington Post, the rap deadline, they all have news of this apology and then like clips from a guy on Twitter

who posted your image that thank God you had a watermark on Maddox.xmission.com or you would have got zero fucking credit for taking one of the biggest news organizations on the planet and making them apologize. for doing something horrific.

Yes. Thank you. Thank you, Dick. And you got no credit for it. No credit. It's frustrating. And Variety.com posted that when they wrote this article, they said, according to a number of different news sources mentioned this discrepancy with ABC News.

Apparently, I'm no longer a person. I'm a number of news sources. Yeah. It's one person, dickhead. It's me. I created it. And I also, there was somebody on Twitter who, who when this whole thing was happening. They started tweeting and they said, well, how come this Maddox guy posted this thing and

now everybody cares? But I posted it six hours ago and nobody cared. I said, hey, Dickhead, you retweeted the image that I created. The reason nobody cares is because I created it, dipshit. It was me. It wasn't, you didn't add anything to this conversation. You were just retweeting me. And so while this was going super viral on the internet on Twitter and Facebook and everything, I decided to start focusing that rage towards the president of ABC News. And that's Oh, really? Yeah, everybody was sending messages to the president of ABC News. I said, hey, guys, congratulate the president, Moulston, I forget his last name,

for doing a bang-up job of covering this Robin Williams story. And due to the pressure from all my fans coming down on him, they finally issued an apology. And, of course, Maddox gets no credit. It was a bullshit apology. The apology was basically we found this link to not have, like, news. News value. News value, yeah. So they essentially apologized for not making money from this aerial coverage of Robin Williams' home.

And you know what's the best possible scenario? What's the best case scenario that they could possibly hope for with aerial coverage? That like Robin Williams sneaks out the back of the house. They're like, oh, he's alive, actually. Fake this dead! That'd be incredible, but you know what they really... You asked. You asked. I'm not insensitive for saying that. You asked. I know, of course. They're trying to find weeping, sad people. Is that what they're trying to find?

Possibly, but I'm going to get really dark here. I think it's safe to assume that they were. Well, that's what they were hoping for, but I'm going to get really cynical here. I think they were waiting for a body bag to come out of the house. Oh, you're absolutely right. That's what they wanted. They wanted that shot of the body bag. They wanted that dramatic image.

And of course, Robin Williams' family, they're just inside the home fucking crying because their father passed away. Their husband passed away. Their friend passed away from depression. And these fucking vultures. And Parkinson's, dude. Yeah. Well, they hadn't even announced it at that time. Oh, man, that's brutal.

But they were just waiting for their, their, father to his body's still warm assholes and they're sitting in the sky like with metal vultures just sitting there watching the house look with their telescopic lenses looking for that body back that just you just want that shot of that body back these vultures yeah i mean that is what it is the part that bothers me is that it would have taken anybody about 10 seconds to see that twitter guy's screen uh image with with your website on it to go to your website and say oh yeah this guy obviously is the one who figured it out and broke the news. Yeah, and

comedian Bill Burr retweeted it. Jim Norton from the opening Anthony show retweeted it. What's his name? Joe Rogan retweeted it. It went around everybody. It was even on the Huffington Post, my nemesis, these idiots. Yeah, but if you bring it up at the time while it's a sensitive subject, do you seem self-centered?

Like, I'm trying to promote myself by making a stink of nobody's giving me credit. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's why I brought it up. Yeah. Okay. Dick brought it up for that reason. Of course, yeah, I can't. I can't. And honestly, my number one goal was just to get this out there,

because I've actually met Robin Williams a couple of times. I had the honor of sharing the stage with him at UCB Theater in Los Angeles. We didn't actually do a scene together, but he was on the same stage at the same time, which to me was a huge honor. I never thought in a million years I'd be standing on the same stage with Robin Williams. But this guy was just such a gracious dude, a nice guy. And people always say, well, why do you care about a celebrity death? And I generally don't.

Yeah, I say that. most people do, but I've actually met this guy and he is everything that people say about him, a nice guy, a gracious guy, and he had no ego about him. He would go drinking with the performers afterwards. He would go next door and sit down and listen to you. Doesn't matter what walk of life you came from. He asked me what I did for a living and he asked me how long I'd been doing improv and that sort of thing. And he helps people feel comfortable about themselves, even though he's won an Oscar and he's been in so many TV shows and he has this huge body of work. He had absolutely no ego about him. Absolutely great guy.

Yeah, the same story. Did you learn anything from that? From Robin Williams? Yeah, from not having an ego? Nope. Sorry, Leah, go ahead. No, no, the same story has been said by many people. It's all, it all checks out. Kind of sick of hearing it, right? Everybody keeps saying how great he was. Like, oh, my God, come on. Yeah, I'm totally sick of him. He sucks. No, of course not. Yeah, he's a beautiful person. Well, if you work at all in the world of comedy, if you do anything of the sort, you have all these people who've had these run-ins with Robin Williams. They've met him backstage maybe or just passing on the street.

I've heard story after story after story from my friends who've had personal accounts with Robin Williams. And this isn't just a brushing. Like they just saw him someplace and they said hi to him. Like he would stop and have a conversation with you and spend time with you. And after his passing, it even came out that he secretly flew out. there was a make-a-wish foundation this little girl was dying from cancer her wish was to spend a day with robin williams well when he agreed to do it they found out that she was too sick to travel so he secretly chartered a jet to her hometown flew out there played cards with her old day watch tv he even wore a disguise to sneak into the hospital so he wouldn't get mauled and uh kind of surprised the girl and it just made her it just made her day and she since passed away but this this is what he this is the type of effort that he would put in and he paid for the stuff i think out of his pocket. So, yeah, just a great dude. A huge loss. Well, okay, but the problem is you not getting enough credit. Robert Williams has got it enough credit for all this, but who's going to be

talking about the great and powerful Maddox when you finally kill yourself? You know what? It would actually make me so happy, and I would promise not to haunt you guys if he did this for me. Bring in my corpse for an episode. Of this show? Yeah, of the show. Like weekend at Bernies? Like with a puppet?

Exactly. With your mouth? Yeah, just sitting here rotting in the corner. Okay. Yeah. I'd still probably be sweating as much. It just anger sweats. Yeah.

There probably be... Go ahead. Oh, no. There's probably be an aerial view of your funeral. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'll give him something to see. We'll freeze you and then sit you in the corner

because it's so sweltering in here to, to recreate the sweating. So you'll, like, be conspiring condensation. Yeah. I'm already ahead of you. Yeah, your scientist. Yeah. Okay, well...

I mean, it's like, well, it's the whole, like, the reason I brought it in is because it seems like that's what everything on the internet does. Like, your whole BuzzFeed article, didn't you do an article with BuzzFeed? Sure did. It's just a bunch of ripped off stuff. Yeah. Nobody checks.

Nobody checks anything. Nobody cares this. Yeah, and I read one of the comments on Reddit. Of course, made it to the front page of Reddit, and some dick fuck just posted it on imager. No, idiot. This doesn't, and he posted the source of the image back to Reddit. And it's obviously not the source because the URL is on the actual fucking image.

And then 9 gag, somebody uploaded it to 9 gag, which I think was just 9 gag. They just cropped my URL off of it. I saw that. Oh my God. These cheese dicks. Yeah. Look, but ultimately, like, as pissed off as I get about that stuff, and that's how originally my I Am Better Than Your Kids article went viral.

Somebody posted it and then they took credit off of it and they just stole my material, stole my content. But as pissed off as I get about that shit. Honestly, sincerely, I am just glad that ABC pulled the fucking helicopters from... Oh, stop with this, right? Oh, God, shut up, we get it. He's great. You're great.

Everyone's fucking great. What, Sean? You got some kind of a drop-in? Everyone loves the Sean drop-ins. What do you got to say? No, nothing. All right. So, anyway, that's my...

But it's like, well, okay, so this is my thinking on it. Howard Stern is famous. I think one of his first big, like, watershed breaks was when he interviewed... when he interviewed Joey Buttafuco. Did you know that? No. I think that's true. During like the 90s.

I don't know if it's true or not. But I think it's true. And everybody who ran it had to credit him on the news. Yeah, not me, apparently. Not you. Huffington Posts hates me. Those motherfuckers hate me. They're always trying to bury me, and I hate them too.

You know why? Because I call them on their bullshit. They're fucking shenanigans. They're so biased. They're so slanted. I fucking hate Huffington Post. And all they do is steal from other news sources. That's all they fucking do.

Oh, okay. That's your opinion. Pieces of shit. All right, let's move on to Leah, our very first guest problem. Okay, well, I thought about this for a minute and something that really bothers me when I'm out in public or at a bar, probably mostly at a bar. You're meeting new people or just talking to people, especially in L.A. Since I moved here about eight or nine months ago. From where?

From New York. Oh. Yeah, so we can have a cup of coffee later if you want. But, yeah, so social cues really annoy the shit out of me. People do not pick up on them. So people who don't pick up on social cues is your problem. Yeah, sorry. So, yes, people who do not pick up on them.

If you, for example, you are looking away or looking at other people when they're talking to you. Like, you're trying to get away from them. You're not interested in what they're saying or they're talking too much and they steamroll over you. And you have no, you have no, no, no, they're just talking at you rather than with you. And when you give some kind of social cues, like, you look away, or you cross your arms, or you're trying to talk, and you're like, but, but it can't, and they don't pick up on that. And they just, hold on, I'm making a list. Looking away. Yeah.

Crossing arms. Crossing arms. I thought women did that to show off their boobs. So you're saying that they're bored of what you're saying when they do that? No, even when I do that, that doesn't help me with what I got. But so, no, that means don't talk to me. Okay. Or heavy breathing, like, all right, when is this over?

Oh, I take healthy. Heavy breathing is a cue that they're in. Yeah, see? We got our signs all mixed up, dude. Shut up. No, like, you know what I mean. Sying, like, oh, gosh, shut up, you know, like that. Yeah, okay.

But you say L.A. specifically, you think this happens out here more than, more than your precious New York? It's so great over there. Everybody's living in harmony with their fucking signs and signals. No. And the J. Walk and, no, there's a whole different... Like a bunch of precogs out there, just commuting. communicating telepathically. All right, shut up and let me explain.

No, there's a whole, there's a whole, no, New York has its own slew of problems. I'm not even going there. But no, this exists everywhere, obviously. It's all over the place. But in L.A., it seems concentrated because there's so many people that are self-absorbed out here and they're so into what they're doing with their life and they don't want to hear what you have to say about yourself. So, or even interested in what you have to say or what or who you are. They just, oh, so I'm working with this guy and I know this guy.

I'm going to name drop this person. And they don't listen or try to pick up on what you're throwing out there. Social cues? Social cues. Well, so let me play devil's advocate. Is it possible that this is a symptom of the type of people you hang out with? No, no, because I'm meeting a spectrum of people. At the bar?

No, not just at the bar, but all over the place. Anybody. When's the last time this happened to you? At a bar? No, no. What far and when do you go there? No, no, no, no. We're not doing that.

We're not doing that. We're not doing that creepy. But no, but to be fair, you do spend a lot of time in the industry because you've been working with Dino and you go to a lot of industry type thing. So maybe it's the type of people you meet at those parties. They're people who are talking about their jobs and that sort of thing. I don't know. No, this happened in New York also. It happens everywhere.

It's not just in this industry or anything like that. I just think it's concentrated out here. And so why do you think that is? Like, what do you, what is the actual problem there? Like, why is that a problem? Yeah, why is it a problem? Because you're trying to communicate to somebody. They have, they just have a shield up.

They're not taking in anything you're giving them. It's just all about them projecting onto you and throwing out to you. And you're just a soundboard for them. You know what I mean? Yeah. So you're just, yeah, they don't give a turkey. Yeah. Why don't you guys get on your text machines and text each other about this instead of calling up like a human?

Yeah, a constant interruption. Drop what you're doing. I'm more important right now. You can't be working right now because I'm making a phone call to tell you some bullshit that I can send you in a text that you could read at your convenience. Well, so is the solution to this not just get better stories? You've got to interrupt them more, I think.

Oh, yeah. This is the king of interruption here. Yeah, because that's how you win them over. But no, they're not even, they'll steamer all over you. That's the point. Tell us about the last time this happened to you. Because it sounds fresh. Well, yeah, the last time it happened,

it just regurgitated a whole bunch of crap that I just, I'm so tired of dealing with. Just some guy at a bar. You know, you just talk to them, and they have no, they just don't. I was throwing at all the social clues that I threw out there for you. Crossing your arms, sighing, heavy breathing. Yeah, looking away, just kind of backing up.

Not. Which is. body language, like if you crawl, close across your arms, that you're sending the signal to somebody that you're closed off and you don't want to talk to them. So that's, that's probably his fault for not being able to pick that up. Why do you think that is? Why do you think he couldn't pick that up? Because he was just, he didn't, he didn't, he wasn't aware of my presence. He was just wanting to get his stories out about himself and to impress. And that's what people, I don't know, a lot of people do do that as kind of a crutch, you know, like I'm, I did, I accomplished

this. Look at me. Aren't I cool? And it could be even just, not confident. He's not... He was hitting on you though, right? He wanted to... He had to do it. I'll tell you why. It's because of the internet,

everyone now has Asperger's. So, yeah, that's what I was going to say. I looked this up in what it could possibly be. And people, you know, since Asperger's or autism are kind of a spectrum disorder, that, yes, people have slight touches of it where they have to...

There are actually tutorials online for people with these disorders. disorders to give them, teach them social clues, like to ask certain questions, like, how are you? What is the weather? You know, just... Like, very basic things that humans normally do in social situations. These are people who lack those skills, right? Right.

Are you talking specifically about people with Asperger's or autism? Or are you saying it's a spectrum? It's out there. I'm wondering if that's part of what's going on, because I feel like if you're a well-adjusted person and you're aware of your surroundings and the people around you, you kind of, it's easy to pick up on these things. Like you're, you won't, you know, you'll have a back and forth. You won't have a.

Yeah, I think there is a lot of pressure on like basic social interactions now. Like even the thought of like asking someone, how's it going? Like, how's the weather? Like, because of the amount of ridicule that exists, just around like being a boring conversationalist or hitting on people in a new way, like even talking to someone new, is seen as like a very daunting task now. I don't know if it always was that way,

but I think that's part of it. I think it always was and everyone's just a pussy these days. And it is because of the internet. What, what, Leah? I just think also, some people just lack curiosity of other people. They just want to talk. Yes, absolutely. That is absolutely the case. People sometimes, I've been

on dates with people where I will listen to them, talk about themselves for a little while, and then I will sit there silently. I know how to carry a conversation, and I know how to make a conversation flow, but I'm curious if they wonder about me. Sometimes I've been on dates where they haven't asked what I do. They don't know where I live.

They don't know where I'm from. They don't know who my friends are. So one day, I was on a shitty date, and I sat down and after, you know, maybe 30 seconds of silence, I finally asked the girl, hey, how do you know I'm not a serial killer? Point blank, and she's like, well, uh, but she said, um, well, I guess, I don't know. I never really thought about that. I'm like, well, do you know anything about me?

And she said, no, I'm like, why not? She goes, oh, I guess I haven't asked. I'm like, exactly. Yeah. That's my fucking point. You don't know anything about me. Aren't you curious? Yeah.

Especially when you're asking a million questions about them, like, oh, where you're from? You have a brother. Anything about them. You want to know, right? You're constantly asking them, yeah, about them, but they never return it. And it's just, you would think that that's something that's inherent that everyone should, if you're meeting someone new, aren't you curious? Why not?

Am I unreasonable to expect that when you meet somebody for the first time, you ask them a question or say a comment, you make a statement about yourself. What would you expect them to do to follow up with either a comment about what you just said or a follow-up question or something related, right? Is this one of those autism tests? I mean, it's a very basic human 101. Just be a fucking human. This isn't science here. Just a normal person would have those questions or something to say. It's called a conversation.

Yeah. And people don't know how to have a conversation. They don't know how to talk to people anymore. And maybe, Dick, you're right, I think it probably does have to do with the Internet. I don't know. I got to think it must have a lot to do with the Internet. Because the Internet has to have rewired people's brains. Oh, yeah, definitely.

I press on websites on a fucking newspaper to try to get the page too low. That's not me deciding to be a... stupid idiot. That's me just reaching out and pressing a website when I see it. Like, you can't decide to be a stupid idiot. You can't? No, you just are. Right? Yeah. So I really think it has

rewired everyone's brain to be a total asshole. It's actually scary, especially Facebook. This is kind of scary what happened to me the other day. One of my friends sent me a link in a text message that I clicked on, and it was an interesting news article, and not interesting enough for me to comment. He just

sent it because it was related to something I had written about a long time ago. And I thought the appropriate response to this was to like the message. But I couldn't because it was a text message, not on Facebook. But just because I thought that, it's already, I'm fucked. Yeah, it's deeply ingrained. Yeah, Facebook has already changed the way I think about how I interact with people. It's dangerous.

I mean, we just got to get over the, I don't know what the solution is, though. People aren't listening to your stories, Leah. This guy's not asking about you. You got to have made him nervous, though. I didn't do shit. I stood there and I was talked at and that's all it was. Talked at, yeah. Maybe that's a good way of phrasing the problem.

Maybe people talking at you. Yeah, that and, you know, but when they talk at you and you do have a second, you want to follow up with a question. And so then you ask another question. And it's a whole other 20 minutes of railing out about themselves where... You know what we need? Referees at bars. Yes. To start giving people red cards or yellow cards, blowing the whistle like you're talking about yourself for too much.

Uh-huh. You got to ask this girl a question. Amen. Yeah, ask this girl a question, idiot. Ask her about her hair, shoes, or whatever. Oh, God. What if you don't have hair or shoes? What are you going to do?

Yeah, I date a lot of girls with no hair and shoes. No hair or shoes? Yeah. Those are called guys. Ooh. But, yeah, it has nothing to do with wanting to talk about yourself. It has to do with wanting to have a conversation. Being curious about another fucking human being in the room with you.

Yeah. Aren't you curious? Aren't you a friend? Usually why I ask questions sometimes is to suss out whether or not the person I'm talking to has lights on in their home. Right. I'm not in their home. Like is someone, are the lights on? Is someone home?

Right. What's going on, right? Yeah. Just aware. Are you aware? In the moment. In the moment. How aware are you of your surroundings?

How where are you of me as a person? Because that's right, Leah. If they can't pick up on social cues, that might mean, okay, here comes the armchair psychology, dick. Yeah. He's the worst. I'm sure psychology all day. Yeah, last episode. Sigmund Futan over here.

Did you make that up? Right on the spot, dude. Sigmund Futon, that's hilarious. That's really good. Sigmundroid? Yeah. Sigmundroid? What does that mean?

Oh, oh, oh, oh. Yeah. I don't get a hemorrhoids. Not anymore since I stopped eating hummus. Oh, God. Anyway, yeah, that's the whole story. But yeah, you want to know that the lights are on at home. What kind of social cues would you give a guy telling you about his hemorrhoids?

What's the social cue to get that to stop? Interest. hand on chin. Hand on chin. Yeah, thank you, Leah. That's exactly the right response. You want a guy... Because if a guy's telling you about his hemorrhoids,

guess what he is. Fucking confident. Huh? I mean, like, totally crazy. Well, okay. There's a fine line. You have to see their eyes. If they're making good eye contact with you,

but if their eyes are going in, you know, they're a little bit dardy... Or if they're, like, looking at you from the top of a pit that you're in, then they're probably crazy. Okay. Well, yeah, that's... Well, that's a good problem. I don't know if it's the biggest problem in the universe,

but it's definitely worthy being on the list. Yeah, when you're trying to meet new people, it's a problem. Yeah. Have you found meeting new people in L.A. in New York? Very easy. Really? Yeah, it's pretty easy. New York, there's, I don't, I'm not going to get into the whole New York, L.A., you know,

battle royale, but it's, but the, I feel like everything's harder in New York. It's more difficult. People are closed off, you know. Really? I never really have a problem meeting people in New York. I've heard this. I've heard in New York there are a disproportionate amount of single women. New York's a chick town.

Chicks love New York. It's three to one, three women to one man. What? Guys, yeah, flock to New York. Yeah, but it's pretty high. Like, it's one of the only places I've been to in the world where servers actually hit on me, which is usually the opposite. Guys hit on the servers.

But in New York, I've had multiple servers give me their phone numbers while I'm just sitting there trying to enjoy my coffee. This guy. What a stud. Girls flying in to Utah, you're conning women, beautiful women into flying into Utah to talk to you, waitresses or giving you their phone numbers. Yeah, just trying to have a beverage with tities in my face. Yeah, what's your social cues? How are you luring these broads in?

All the hemorrhoids talk. It's out. It's out. It's out. It's out. Yeah, because they look at me and I talk to them about my hemorrhoids. They're like, that guy's confident. I want some of what he's cooking.

Which is just like a big puffy asshole Like a baboon Is that what happens? Did you think anything would go on When you went and saw him for the first time? No, I knew he had a girlfriend Well, I mean Does that really mean anything?

Now it's just a brotherly type of Come here, give me some nuggies Or I'll give you some nuggies Yeah, that's your move Yeah, that's my move All right Yeah A nuggie is code for scratching her head

With my knuckles Yeah So anyway Pretty good problem Good problem. Good problem. So let's move. Is that really have Leah? Is there anything else you want to add to that? No. I want to hear more about this poor bastard that hit on you. No, we don't want to give a turkey about it. We don't want to hear that. That guy's an idiot. Let's move on to my problem. The third problem. And by the way, since we have a guest, this time we're doing three problems, you know, just to change it up.

Okay. One each. One each. There we go. So my problem is wine snobs. All right? These are people who. who are pretentious about wine, just like Dick is pretentious about steak. Now, I have been arguing about this for a long time, and I've always thought that wine snobs are full of shit, right? Everything has notes of something in it. It's a note of cherry.

It's a woody aftertone or a woody taste, or some acidic citrusy, berry, curranty, yeah. Yeah, some bullshit adjectivey thing. And no one's ever consistent with these wines, ever. Yeah, when I worked at a restaurant in New York where there was a Somaliere, a smolier. It's a Somalia, yeah. And I had to, in order to be, in order to serve wine in this place, we had to taste all the wines, but I had to buy a book of adjectives for each wine and learn like, oh, this has got an oaky, full-bodied aroma with drops of, full-bodied aroma.

Quail diarrhea, I don't know, whatever. Yeah, and here's the thing. Probably not that. By the way, unless it has, they always say this has notes of cherry or it has notes of apricot. But if there's no cherry in the fucking wine, then there aren't notes of shit in that wine. You're full of shit. There's no apricot in the wine. There's no cherry.

And if there is, guess what? That's a shitty fucking wine field. That's a shitty vineyard. If they're accidentally getting cherries in the fucking wine, are you fucking kidding me? You're getting cherry pits in there? You get apricots in there? What the fuck kind of diamond nickel operation is this? You fucking idiots?

What are you getting? Oh, Earthy? Earthies code for dirt. You fucking morons. You're putting dirt in the wine and people are congratulating them. Wine experts are giving them 90s and they're putting them in Bevmo. Are you fucking kidding me? Throw that shit away.

Your fucking sour ass wine. Bullshit. So I have this article. I wish there was a wine snob who was as passionate about loving wine as you are about hating it. Oh, well, there is. And I actually have his name, which I'll get to you in just a second. However, the Guardian published this article, which I just want to kiss their feet for publishing it. this. It's called Wine Tasting Junk Science Analysis. And there's a guy named Robert Hodgson,

who had a vineyard in, I believe in California. And every year he would submit his wines to a bunch of different wine festivals, and sometimes he'd win the gold medal, and then sometimes the exact same wines that would win gold medals at some festivals would do very poorly at other ones. So he thought, well, this is kind of curious. Why do my wines do so inconsistently at different festivals? And this guy has a background in statistics. So he decided to do a scientific analysis to see if he could get his wines to be consistently tested by the same people. So he actually did this. He said, some wines would be presented to the panel three times poured from the same bottle each time. The results would be compiled and analyzed to see whether the wine testing really is scientific. And the results are only

about 10% of the judges are consistent and those judges who were consistent one year were ordinary the next year. Chance has a great deal to do with the awards that wines win. What do you think of that? That wine competitions are arbitrary

or at least somewhat arbitrary? I believe that. 10% of the judges were consistent. Yeah. Because they're wasted. Well, no, they spit it out, don't they? They swish and, you know, they sniff and swish. Don't you think it has like a lot to do with your mood, though, when you're drinking a wine and you're following it up with another wine? Like your notes thing, that the notes is bullshit, I think is dead wrong.

Really? You taste something and it kind of makes you think of cherry. Like, I'm sure there's no actual grapes in Diamond Tap, but it tastes like grape. God damn it. If they say it's earthy, it's like it tastes like dirt. I don't fucking know. What do you want? You want like a formula for what exactly this tastes like?

It just makes me think of dirt. If it makes you think of dirt, then you're a fucking moron. Why are you even, spit it out? Why is that in your mouth if it tastes like dirt, you moron? It's like whiskey tastes like smoke. It just does. No, some whiskey, shitty whiskey that you like. Oh, yeah, your fireball doesn't taste like smoke.

I like fireball. It's so good. It tastes like cinnamon. No, but by the way, use a different adjective. Why is everything a note? Everything's a note of something. Why don't use something else? Don't use note.

Use note for music. Like what? I haven't even seen... A hint. A hint. Yeah. How about a hint? Oh, yeah.

You're like a trained wine bullshitter. Yeah. Right? So what else you got? I just remember Oki. Oki. Oki, full-bodied. A hint, a note.

What other word can you use? Sounds like a pirate prostitute. Yeah, right. So anyway, so... And these judges, by the way, these aren't amateurs. These are judges, they read like a who's who... Crisp. Chris.

Great. This is one. That sounds good, man. Fuck you. So this guy. When he tested these judges, this is from the article. It reads like a who's who of the American wine industry from winemakers to Somaliers, critics, and buyers

to wine consultants and even academics. So these are the top of their field. These aren't just like fly-by-night wine critics who write for whatever your city weekly magazine is and whatever shithole city you live in. So this guy did this test for a number of different years. He said, result from the first four years of the experiment published in the Journal of Wine Economic.

showed that a typical judge's score varied by plus or minus four points over the three blind tastings. A wine deemed to be good with a 90 rating would be rated as an acceptable 86 by the same judge minutes later and then excellent 94. So they tasted the same wine and minutes later rated it from an 80 to like a 94 or a 90 to 94, the exact same wine. Minutes apart. Yeah, look, you know what? your steak thing your like expensive steak argument was fucking stupid

but I think I agree with you on the wine I think like that expensive wines or like this idea of this idea that like some wines are an order of magnitude better than cheaper ones or what have you I think you might have some merit to that I was agreeing with you you brick

what is you wronging me for the steak argument because it's interesting you should mention that expensive wines aren't susceptible to this bias. Because guess what, Dick? In 2008, a study of 6,000 blind tastings by Robin Goldstein in the Journal of Wine Economics found a positive link between the price of wine and the amount people enjoyed it.

Well, well, well, that means the more you pay for wine, the more you fool yourself into thinking that it's a good wine because you have that cognitive bias. Oh, I paid a lot for it. It must be good. That doesn't apply to everything. Just because it's true in the case of wine does not mean it's true in the case of everything. Listen to me, do you drink any wine?

Do you ever order wine in your life? Yeah. What do you say? Bring me the cheapest will you got in the back. Do you even have a varietal preference? What is ordering wine like for Maddox? $8.00. I love naked grape wine. It costs $8. I don't give a fuck. It tastes great. I drink it and I'm drunk.

It's awesome. $8. You like naked grape. Do you got any other labels that you like? Wait, wait. Have you tried Carlo Rossi? Yeah, I've had Carlo Rossi. No, because he probably hasn't because the name isn't manufactured to make idiots buy it. Naked grape, I guarantee you, is a marketing ploy to get you to buy their shitty wine. It's an $8 wine.

They don't have that brand recognition. People aren't tripping over themselves to buy $8 wine. They don't give a shit. They don't serve that in high-end restaurants. They serve that at fucking Walmart. It's a great wine, by the way. I think you have some kind of agenda against rich people. You dick.

So foolish. Let me ask you this. Rayban sunglasses versus gas station sunglasses. Can you tell that there's a different? and that the gas station ones are horrible? I've never won't. $5 gas station wayfarers versus legit Raybans.

Do Raybans have the rainbow reflective? Polarization? Oh, no, the mirrored rainbow one? Yeah, and then neon frames? Some of them do. Oh, they do. You know, I don't think so. I think that potentially... So Rayban, they're offering you not much

for the value except for the brand, and that's my problem with beats. No, their sunglasses are way better than the gas station ones. The gas station ones will fall apart that weekend. Ray bans will last year your whole life. No. So I'm saying just because...

Yes, they will. Just because it's more expensive doesn't always mean it's a scam. Right, but there is an upper limit to how much value you're going to get for your money for that Rayban sunglasses. If it's costing $100, guess what? If it falls apart, if your gas station glasses

fall apart in a month, buy another one, every month of the year. They just feel like shit all the time. There's plastic seams all over them. They are always fucking crooked. Oh, sorry. Vanity Fair dick over. here. What are you? wearing your sunglasses going to Vogue?

I only put expensive things on my face. Oh, great. Great. Okay? No, you know what? I saw this movie, S-O-M-M. It was about Somalia's. And I was really anticipating. I thought it'd be cool because it would be like an insight into how they actually grade the wines and like what makes them qualified to speak on whether one wine is better than another. Right. And they were all over the fucking map. Like they worked their ass off for years to try to even take this test. and just watching it, I don't know if it was me as a viewer

or maybe it wasn't put together to draw attention to the exactness of the test, but it seems like it was just all over the map. Isn't that the type of job that's subjective, though, like a movie critic? I mean, you can't have the same opinion across the board of everything. Right, but with a movie critic at least, if a critic likes a certain genre or a certain type of movie or puts them in a certain mood, they can be consistent in that aspect.

So, for example, Roger Ebert doesn't like dark cynical comedies like Army of Darkness. So when I read that he pans a movie like Army of Darkness, I know that it's coming from a reliable source. He reliably doesn't like those type of movies, and I know not to give his opinion that much weight when it comes to that genre. Whereas he does like certain other genres of movies pretty consistently. Okay. But with wine, it's such a complex chemical that there's so many nutrients, there's so many different flavors and things that are going on on your taste buds, that it's almost impossible to be consistent from one wine to the next. next.

Objectively for like a reviewer to do it, but don't you think people could have a favorite wine? Like don't you, it could be like, like, an art to them instead of like a computer. Well, okay, it's interesting. You mentioned that because there's a guy named Robert Parker. He is considered by most the world's leading wine critic. So he, and so this guy, this guy's been tasting wines all around. Like he gets paid professionally.

He flies out everywhere to taste wines. He's considered the best of the best. And this is according to the article. He said, is the world's leading wine. critic and has his score is, excuse me, and his score is key to determining the price of new vintages. But Orly Ashenfelter, a Princeton economist, invented a simple mathematical formula based on weather data to predict the price of vintages, which mimicked the predictions of Parker's system.

So a simple mathematical formula was able to consistently replicate the world's most leading expert on wine on how to price wine based on vintages. Wait, doesn't that prove that he's operating law? If a computer could mimic his tasting, doesn't that prove that he's tasting what the computer was programmed to do? No, other way around. They emulated his guesses, essentially. Because he is self-consistent, but that doesn't mean he's consistent across the board. Yeah, but what if he's tasting for all that stuff?

Like the weather and whatever. Maybe, I mean, he might just be getting lucky every time. That's not scientific. You can't just say, okay, you only have one Robert Parker. There aren't multiple Robert Parker's you can test this theory with. This isn't scientific. This is the one guy who happened to be getting it right sometimes. So they created a formula to duplicate his success.

And guess what? The formula is pretty accurate and it's a simple formula. Leah, when you worked at your wine conning job, would you have people like this come in and like raising hell about wine snobbery? Yeah. Once in a while. Yeah, it was, I just try not to, I tried not to serve them. Give them to somebody else because they're just going to complain about everything.

Right. They do complain about everything. They do complain about everything. Oh, excuse me, send this wine back at swill. And by the way, these same morons, there's a French academic. His name is Frederique Brosey, I think. And he tested the effectiveness of changing the labels of wines. So he took normal table wine, which is considered swill,

and then he took superior wine, and he served it to the same people week after week, and used very positive words to describe the table swill, and very negative words to describe the superior wine, and people generally agreed with the description. So they couldn't even tell the difference between normal table wine that was cheap, just the house wine versus the really expensive superior wine based on the adjectives that were used. When they were being actively conned into liking it.

Dick, if you're told that something is good and you taste it and you agree and then find out later that it's bad, then that means you're a moron, you're suggestible. Everyone is suggestible. That would work for water. That has worked for water. I know they've done that where they've taken hose water and like Fiji water. and said this one is the Fiji, and we were like, oh, well, okay, I guess so. And yet, the great Dick Masterson doesn't believe it applies to stakes.

It's because people don't have all this energy to sit there analyzing every fucking thing that comes down the pipe. It's like, do you want wine that costs eight bucks or 20? And you're like, I don't know, probably 20 because over the course of my life, I would hope that the $20 wine is eventually better. Yeah. Like, more than not, I hope it's better. You know what you guys are listening to right now? you're listening to the desperate last gasps of a man who has wasted so many dollars on steak.

That's not why they do it. The reason steaks are expensive is because of the whole experience. It's the waiter who remembers you from last opening day, who knows what you like. It's because the place will let you drink six martinis at the bar, fall off the fucking stool, and then not kick you out. That's what you're paying for. It's not necessarily the steak. Great.

Because they will let your friend pass out in the corner because he's too high to eat. Great. You know what, Dick? I'm going to accept that as a concession. Thank you. Thank you for finally conceding that steak pricing is bullshit. Yeah, but this is what it is to you. It's a whole art form. Like a meal to you is, you won't be happy until everyone is eating their food and their wine out of packs like gogurt. And we're all paying $1.50 for it. That's your ideal world. But the rest of us enjoy eating and enjoy drinking. Oh, great. I enjoy plenty, my friend. But here's the thing. The guy 7-Eleven remembers my name down the the street. I just walk in every time, hey, Maddox, what's up? Here's your corn nuts or whatever the fuck you're eating today. What a gentleman. Here's your corn nuts. Okay. Class. Is a, is a one million dollar Picasso painting a rip-off to you when compared with something that you could buy at a

thrift store? Let's, let's blow this logic completely up. Well, yeah, because the Picasso has all this built-in, that it's hype. All this built in what? Hype. So it is a rip-off. You're saying like a beautiful Picasso masterpiece is a rip-off when you're you're going to, you're compared to something you did a thrift store. Or is that what you appreciate, so it's okay? No, it's so subjective, because you could buy a print that looks exactly the same. But it's not the same. Why?

Because he didn't touch it with his hands. There's a whole backstory. Really? So you should listen to the Radio Lab. I don't want to plug another podcast, but I have to because it's so good. Radio Lab did a topic about this where they specifically talked about the history of things and whether or not the fact that the artist originally touched it matters. And apparently to you, it does.

Why? Of course. Yeah. Why does matter? Because it's a real piece of history. It's a thing that's a thing. It's unique. Who cares?

Everything's a piece of history. So is the fucking print. Oh, some guy at the print shop touches. Because it's not famous doesn't mean anything? Huh? It's still a print. It looks exactly the same.

It's the same reason people want you to autograph their book. So they can look at it and say, you know what? This guy who does this awesome stuff actually interacted with this book. Yeah, I mean, I don't get it. No, yes, you do. Yes, you do. Yes, he does.

Wow. Leah. Well, I'm just saying, you don't want to depreciate your brand. Oh, I can't. It's impossible to depreciate my brand. You're an artist. So you must appreciate the difference between, like, a drawn thing that the artist touched versus a reprint. Yeah, well, I've done some stuff.

We, actually, when we had our comic book, we were selling it at Comic Con, people would pay, they paid a lot for the original artwork. Do you remember we sold? Yeah, that's true, actually, the original artwork. Yeah, you know, I mean, I get it. Some people really place value on that. And honestly, I'm kind of a hypocrite because I did wait in line for a signing a long time ago for Bruce Campbell. And it actually meant... Ah! What if Bruce Campbell had a vineyard?

What? What? What the fuck are you talking about? What the fuck are you talking about? The grass. Bruce Campbell opened up a vineyard. Yeah. And it was Army of Darkness Cabernet.

What's an Army of Dark Grapes? Army of Dark Grapes. That's what it would be. And there would be notes of hints of... Hints of... Hints of... Hints of gore. And ash?

Did you say ash? No. Oh, and ashy undertone. Ashy undertone. Ashy. Uh-huh. Dark flavors, some very dark brooding necronomicon-y, very chainsaw-y, shotgun-y. You would be S-mart to get to drink it.

Oh, you fucked. I love that, actually. Would you buy that wine? Because it had a story that you could relate to. Because that's what I think these wines are all about for people sometimes. If it costs, if it costs less than $10, I don't give a fuck what the wine label says, I'd buy it. Sure. What about $2. Buck, would you eat that swill?

It's three now. It's not swell. Oh, three. So what? Yeah, of course. And for those who don't know, there's a little grocery store. out in California that sells this really cheap wine that a lot of people trash because they say,

oh, it's a machine harvested. It's fucking disgusting. Trader Joe's? Yeah, Trader Joe's wine. Oh, yeah. Two bucks wine. Who cares? Whatever.

You can't even tell the difference. Why don't you just spike the difference? That's the point. It's been engineered so you can't tell the difference. It's like having Gatorade and vodka. It's not fucking wine. What are you talking about? It's like they, because of the mass production,

You get gross shit thrown in with the wine And they mask it with chemicals Great, you know what? That's what I read anyway No, they don't mask it with chemical You know, it's actually giving these undertones These tastes, these notes of earth and twigs And all this other bullshit that gets in there Oh, who cares? It's all getting in there

Whatever, shut up Okay, here's one last point I want to make I think I got you on that one. No, here's one last point I want to make And this is the smoking gun This makes me so happy I get a fucking boner Okay, listen to this. Color, this is according to the same article,

He says color affects our perceptions too. In 2001, Frederick Brochet from the University of Verdot asked 54 wine experts to test two glasses of wine, one red and one white. Using the typical language of tasters, the panel described the red as jammie and commented on its crushed red fruit. Now, the critics failed to spot

that both wines were from the same bottle. The only difference is that one wine had been colored red with flavorless dye. You love these cons. So much. People getting conned. When you give people two distinct things and ask them to describe them in different ways, they will do it no matter what.

Because they're idiots. It doesn't prove anything. Of course they're suggestible idiots. No, you're testing whether or not it's a scientific way of them being able to tell the difference. If they can't tell the difference between a red and a white because of dye, are you kidding me? Red and white wine is supposed to be the most different tasting wines

The biggest chasm of taste is between red and white, right? They can't even tell the difference between red and white. Even if they tasted exactly the same, nobody would ever say it. Why? That's the point. Because you look like a fucking idiot. No one is expecting to get con to that degree. If you get a red wine and a white wine and you're like, they taste exactly the same,

but why that's insane? That's insane. That's insane. That's insane because you would never expect that to happen. That's the point. These aren't tests. They're practical jokes. These aren't scientific experiments.

Oh boy. You motherfucker. I feel like you didn't get to weigh in on this problem. What do you think? I think you're sweating from the pecks. Oh, yeah. Gross. You guys get a room and it's not mine.

This is disgusting. It's not my fault. He's sweating from the peck. Gross. Oh, shut off. I didn't say it was a good thing. Shut up. Barf.

I need a nice cold bottle of wine. Oh, man. Oh, barf. What do you think besides my pecks? What are you thinking about right now? I don't think that, I don't think that it is. It's people don't want to seem like idiots. I think they just genuinely, I don't know, lots of wine tastes similar.

So maybe they're just not thinking that they're crazy and that they taste the same. Because they're being, do you think it's a scam? Do you think expensive wines, more expensive wines are like a rip-off? I hate wine. I really don't have an opinion. I'm sorry. So Leah, as a former Somalié hates wine. I was not a Somali.

I just had to know adjectives and bullshit my way through my feelings. She was a salesman. A lady salesman. What's the term for a woman who's a saleswoman? A ladyman. A ladyman. A ladyman. I thought it was that.

She was a ladyman. Let's call her a ladyman from now on. You know what, Dick? I just like to point out that this guy, the Robert Hodgson dude who had the background in statistics, the way he tested these experts was to pour the same wine three different times, the same wine. And that's exactly what I did to you and Sean with the Diet Coke test. Another practical joke. Yeah, Diet Dick.

Failed that test. With you. and we said they both tasted like shit. Yeah, we... No, not at the same time. First, Dick said A, tasted the worst, which was Diet Coke from McDonald's. And then you were like, well, I think D tasted the worst.

But you didn't say they both tasted the exact same. Yeah, we did. We both agreed that they were both the shittiest tasting wines. The shittiest tasting wines, but you didn't say there were the same ones. Cokes. But you didn't say they were the same. No, they just both tasted like shit. We were under this insane idea

that you were hosting a fair, unbiased experiment when you were actually just fucking with us. to make us look stupid. Every test has to have a control, and that was my control. It has to be scientific. And not to say that that was a purely scientific. There was nothing scientific about that test.

Yeah, except that you guys lost hard. Except for the grade A asshole running it. That's me. I love it. So good. Yeah, all right. I got to hear that. I haven't heard it.

Oh, the Diet Coke test. That's great. Five? I believe it's episode five, yeah. Okay, so let me ask you this. What is the chance that these people's pallets are just not refined enough to appreciate the wine.

Zero. No, because I could tell, like, I think I could, like, tell the difference in whiskeys just by smell. Well, well, well, well. Yeah, bring them in. That'll be a fun show. Yeah.

Well, I think, actually, if it's aged, I think the only thing that should determine a price is if it's aged, you know, if it's old, and it should be more expensive. Well, you can make the case that rarity should change the price. Sure, but the more people pay, the better they think it is.

Yeah, it is, yeah. Because more people pay it. people pay, it's a cognitive bias. If you pay more, you think you're getting more. Yeah, thank you, Leah. Wait, are you agreeing with me or disagreeing with you? No, I didn't say that that's the case. I was saying that the age...

Yeah, look at her social cues. Yeah, but the age, the reason the age matters is because it's more rare. You're not going to get a vintage... No, it's because of the rent it costs to hold it. What rent? They just put it in a fucking cellar in the ground. There's ground everywhere. We fucking go.

Yeah, you want me to age something for you? I'll dig it to Utah. I'll take it to the desert in Utah. Yeah, great. Put it in the... anywhere. I'll dig a hole. Give me a whole. Give me whatever you want. I'll age the shit out of it. Aged meat. You want aged steak, dick, I'll charge you a thousand dollars for it. Here you go. Here's a full experience. Why don't you get drunk in my restaurant? No, I want the whole experience.

I don't want to be looking at in a condescending way either by you at any point in the evening, which you couldn't do for $10,000. So why don't you think about that? We're opening your shitty steakhouse. Yeah. It's going to be the best. It's going to be called Maddox Steakhouse. By the way, exists. If you Google Maddox, one of the first of the... that comes up is the steakhouse, which has nothing do with me, unfortunately, but I guarantee How much are their steaks? If I ran the place, it'd be like $12. Here you go, here's your

$12 steak and your $8 wine, dip shit. Here you go. Oh, if you want, I'll give you the deluxe package of my superior wine and my fancy aged steak. Is he the condescension? I don't even think he knows he's doing it. Just immediately. Immediately he was running a respectable steakhouse and immediately got condescending.

I can't help it. I love it so much. I do think, I'll probably bring this in, as we don't have time to talk about it now, but you have some kind of agenda against rich people. That's the problem here. You don't like rich people enjoying their wine, feeling good about paying a little bit of money for whatever. Because they're idiots.

They're just paying more money and thinking they're getting the quality. You know what? I'd love to fleece these morons. I'm going to open up a steakhouse and charge $1,000 for just fucking Walmart steaks right off the fucking shelf at Walmart. I'll charge you $1,000, you morons. Come on to my steakhouse. I'll charge you whatever you want to pay.

And you'll think you had the best steak because he's paid $1,000 for it. Honestly, I went to a place. called, I don't know if we're allowed to defame businesses at all. Peter Lugers in Brooklyn, New York. It's amazing. I had one experience there. The steak was gross.

I mean, not gross, but it was just, it was average at best. Very average, yeah. I had a steak that cost $120, it was very average. You went to Peter Lugers too? No, this is a place in New York, then we're talking about Peter Lulgers. My sister hated the steak there too. I went there with her, I loved it. Oh, did you pay a lot for it, Dick?

Oh, yeah. I don't even remember how much I paid. I think you're the most suggestible person here. That's why you think your steaks are so great because you pay a lot. Leah, did they deliver it? It's like a hubcap-sized steak. Like they don't even pre-cut it. We had like five people.

So they just, the guy just nods and walks away and comes back with a steak that looked like a Bronosaurus burger. Well, that's a sign of quality. When you get a lot of something. Here you go. It's an all you can eat before. It was awesome. Never would be possible. Is that what happened to you?

Did they do it like that? No. Well, I just got one for a normal person, but it was not, it was just subpar. It was nothing great about it. It was actually fatty and wasn't, it wasn't good. No, that's a good thing. No, but like marbled, it wasn't, it was tough, it wasn't good. Yeah.

Well, did you order it medium rare? How did you, how do you like your steak? Medium rare. Okay, that's the way to order it. And how about you, Dick? No, dude, we just, like, I was so drunk, that guy took one look at us and he's like, I'm just like, five, five, five, like barfing it at him. And he's like, okay, okay, I got it. And he just brought back, like, stay.

He just brought things back to the table. So in your drunken stupor, you thought that you had a great steak. Oh, it wasn't a stupor. It was like the tas, that was a bad. That was like a Tasmanian devil night. I wasn't at a stupor yet. Okay. So, it was amazing, though.

So, being drunk, you thought you had a great steak. That says everything. I had a great time. That's all I need to know. I had a great time. The steak was delicious. You know what, Dick, I just want to, like, get you a liquored up, spinning you around a couple times, take you to a buffet,

have you sit down. You'll have the time of your life, eating whatever shit they so. they serve you? If we bring in clowns and ponies and all kinds of balloon animal guy You know, you're eating a shitty steak? Do you think I'm like five years old? Why would I want clowns and ponies? Of course I do so yeah, I mean If you're, or titty dancers, whatever you love, you know, surrounding you

And you have a $5. Ralf's steak, you know, and you're eating it but you're having a great time That influences your experience. Yeah, it does. Absolutely. So it's not the steak. You know, one other thing. That's what you're paying for. No, but that's what you think That's what the money's for. No, you're not. It costs money to put on that show. Oh, Jesus. Okay, you've backed down from the money buys you a good steak because of experience.

And now you're just saying, well, I just had a good time because I was drunk. No, they're inseparable. No, that's not true. You can have good food at a shitty restaurant and vice versa. Like, you can have a shitty time at a great restaurant. It doesn't matter. And also, this article mentioned one last thing. They said that the type of music you listen to before you taste wine influences how much you like the wine.

Oh, my God, really? Yeah. If you listen to Hendricks, you'll happen to like Bordeaux's a little bit better or Merlows or whatever versus like different types of moves. It puts you in a different mood. So your frame of mind, if you, let's say you just had a fucking bad day. You might hate the wine you just tasted. You might want a specific, go I'm sorry, go ahead. I'm just going to say people are spending money on these studies.

This is a study? Oh. Fucking stupid. Oh, yeah. Now I know my problem for next week. Maddox is horseshit studies. Horshit practical. jokes being perpetrated in the name of science.

Sure. Except here's the thing, Leah. They could either spend these money on these studies once or spend thousands of dollars on bullshit made-up wine experts who are telling you how much you should pay for these bullshit-ass wines that are based on nothing, just a coin toss. According to the article, they found that you're just as likely to get the correct wine just by a coin toss. So you can pay thousands of dollars for a study once or thousands of dollars on bullshit. Which one, and apparently Dick prefers bullshit.

Why would you believe a study that was done one time? Sean. Sean, I cited at least five studies. Fuck you, Dick. It's pissing me off. You guys, all piss me off. I'm going to erase this episode. There's going to be no episode this week.

All right. So the problems are my Maddox doesn't get enough credit. Thank you. Or gets no respect. What do you like? Maddox gets no respect. Credit. Maddox gets...

Yeah, I don't know. We'll figure it out. Maddox doesn't get enough credit or respect. Yes, both. Thank you. And especially this show. All right. And Leah, your problem?

One of them, though. Okay, what was your problem, Leah? Social cues. Social cues, and mine was... People who don't pick up on social cues. Yes. Right, people who don't pick up on social cues. And mine was wine snobs should be the biggest problem in the universe.

And by the way, I just want to mention, check out Leah's Twitter account. It's at Leah Tishone. T-I-S-C-I-O-N-E. We'll link to it on the website because I know you, you idiots aren't typing this down, or some of you probably drive into truck or whatever. I want to click on my ear, just when I hear that website. That's how deep the internet is in my brain.

Yeah. Are there pictures of you up on that website? Oh, God. Jesus, Dick. Put it in your pants, man. All right, so, again, go to... People would want to know that. Okay, yeah, they might, and maybe we'll do it,

but not if you're going to be such a creep about it. Jesus. All right. So go to the website, the biggest problem in the universe. and check out these problems. Vote on all these problems. Check out Leah's website and her Twitter page. Thanks for listening. Thanks guys. Bye.